D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #16 An Impressive Leap

Episode Date: February 26, 2022

Grab your tickets to our Daddy Show, Plumbing the Death Star, Live in London here and pre-order your good/bad boy cards from our website right bloody well here mate! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Before we start, our sister show, father show, daddy show, our daddy show, Plumbing the Death Star is coming to London for one night only at the Leicester Square Theatre on Sunday the 27th of March at 8pm. So if you want to see myself, series regular and human fighter enthusiast Jackson Bailey and our best friend Joel Dusha talk about an Iron Man or whatever, then I suggest heading to the show notes and grabbing some tickets. We announced the show last week, about 70% of tickets are already sold, so get in quick. Oh, but Zammit, I'll just wait until you announce the inevitable Leeds or Manchester or Clunz show. Well, I'm sorry to say, it's not happening. We just don't have the time.

We're going over to see my family, and I'm getting married the week before. Well, not married exactly. We're already legally married. This is just a part two of a three-part adventure that has been spread over multiple years because, you know, COVID. Anyways, we're doing London so this can be a tax write-off and so we can cover flights for my boys because tickets are spending right now and I'd like my best man over there for that. Anyway, it's a whole thing. So come on down. It's Mother's Day. You can bring her. She'll love it. Say hello to your mum for us. There you go. A cheeky little Rope Live reference. Look, it's going to be a blast. Anyways, check the show notes. Probably do another show during the week. Just organising a venue. Turns out trying to organise an international live show one month before, not our brightest idea.

Didn't really think that one through. Anyway, we'll see you there. Show notes, check them. Just go to... You're listening to the Sandspan's Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company I just think that breaking as much as we can can't be bad.

And if there was that plinth underwater, which is the same as that one, then perhaps these are used sort of interchangeably, or like opening a door with a key. It's back. Put it back back put it back all right the machine begins spinning up again the water level stops rising and goes back down you take the sphere do you let the water rise and see what it does yeah we have to run as well all right well you pretty quickly establish that the water is only comes up to about your waist and then it stops. Oh, more. We've got to collect more.

Can I consult with the gang to see what they think about my plan? Eola and Chantel seem to be of the opinion that it is quite dangerous, and they seem genuinely concerned for your safety. Saren looks at you, gives you a big smile, and says, I think this is a great idea. She seems excited. Oh, Saren. Utensils on those tables.

It looks like some sort of workshop, specifically for iron golems. Several iron golems lay on these workshop tables. That golem lashes out. Tree stump, you are the nearest to it. Let's go to initiative. I was doing it slowly. The golem moves so much faster underwater.

You are not sure if that is something to do with the repairs or whatever was being done here, or if it had something, or if maybe just it's something to do with them being underwater. Maybe they move faster underwater. Maybe they like it. This does not make any sense. But this golem lashes out with incredible speed its hand grabs yours big t twists turns and crushes or at least it attempts to i don't like that this can swim you know i just

i i try to do it slowly i I tried to lift it slowly. I just, I just, I can't fathom an iron. I mean, it is magic. I just cannot fathom one swimming, you know? Big T, you were positioned in just such a way that you could have already kicked off the podium. And so you do that with the orb in your hands and the golem's arm reaches out, bumps into the plinth, but does not engage

you. You are very lucky. Good. Then. Why can't it kill itself? Then. From the golem's eyes, two beams of light reach out to strike you. You need to make a

constitution saving throw. Adam, what need to make a constitution saving throw. Adam, what? You fail a constitution saving throw. Big T, you are blind. What? What? You look into the golem's eyes. It's, imagine,

you know how you're never, you know how they tell you not to look directly into a laser? Yes. I'm aware of this advice, yes. You look directly into a laser. Classic big T. You close your eyes. It is so painful. But when you open them up, you still can't see anything but a blinding white light.

And does this feel permanent? Then it is. Globble and Yael's turn. You can't do this to me. It's illegal. Right. Okay. So if I were to shape water and, like, try to push the golem away,

either by moving, say, that five-foot cube of water, say, that's underneath the golem to shift it to the side so that for a brief moment there's nothing and it falls, is that possible to kind of push it away a little bit with i would make that a athletics check from you based instead of based on your strength i would make it based on your wisdom okay versus a athletics check bait on the creature yeah well i'll try and um yes well shape water to to push it away How athletic can this golem be? Really?

I mean, it is nimble and swimming. The golem, when you shift the water, it creates a semi-powerful current within a five-foot space. The golem begins sliding a little bit, but then grabs the plinth to stop itself from moving, and you see the eyes track up to look at you, Globble, what would you like Yayola to do? That's not good.

Can I also then move? Or is that... You can move, yeah. I'll try and swim up away from this. You swim upwards? I don't like that it's locked on. Hey! Ha!

Yayola. This is... Well, you're not talking. No one's one's talking like no one knows that um i mean like big t is kind of thrashing a little bit in pain after that you saw the beam attack but you don't know what's happened yeah yeah we don't um okay okay okay You still get to control Yeola, but Yeola is acting basically of their own accord. We can imagine this as Yeola taking their own initiative. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. I would, um, so yeah, we have, uh, create or destroy water in a 30 foot space. Could she destroy it directly under the golem so it falls 30 feet? The golem is not 30 feet off the ground, unfortunately. It was the table. It's not actually traveled very far.

You are, all of you, kind of at the bottom of this pool. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. It's actually, and you don't destroy 30 feet of water. You destroy 10 gallons of water. don't destroy 30 feet of water, you destroy 10 gallons of water. You can destroy 30 feet of fog. That's maybe where you're getting confused. Maybe, maybe, maybe. 10 gallons seems enough.

Okay. What would help Big T? Hmm. Like, maybe like a shield of faith? Yeah yeah would you like to cast that uh or can that be cast at a higher level can you upcast no no just just a just just just a just a low level just just to create yeah just a shield of faith around big t and uh yayola is also going to start trying to get out the hell out of here yayola also begins swimming swimming upwards. I'm guessing, we're assuming that the golems can't swim. That's my assumption.

Didn't we just see them swim? The golems certainly moved, but it didn't have to go very far. Big T, you do not know what's happening. You must act, because you can't hear your friends, you certainly can't see them either. You must act as if you do you just cas you need to try to just do what big t would do in a situation where they are blind and do not know what's happening how close was the golem to me when it missed it's right next to you basically okay i say i can't see

you open your mouth it fills with water It's right next to you, basically. Okay. I say, I can't see. You open your mouth. It fills with water. Look, trying to talk underwater, classic big T move. Yeah, it does feel like a big T move. I mean, like, Cass's face right now is genuinely shocked. Yeah. Cass is genuinely shocked. Yeah. Kassa's so shocked that you're still underwater.

Which just seems very apt. Yeah. I swing my halberd. Okay. You attack with disadvantage because you're moving through water, and that is not easy. They don't let you do that. You feel the halberd connect solidly with the golem and you feel yourself push a little bit like it's it's sturdy the golem is sturdy but you hit it you

hit it very solidly and you feel it crumple a little beneath your blow global you see big t connect solidly with the control plinth cr crumple it and break it. Perfect. Clever, because that's what the golem grabbed onto, so she's helping me out. Good work, Big T. Yes. That's not going to be any problem. Nothing is wrong right now.

Everything is happening. Everything is working as intended. Do we think that if the control panel breaks, that could potentially kill us forever uh the the plinth probably doesn't do anything uh well you don't know you don't well yeah big t doesn't even know to ask the question you just don't know yeah yeah yeah yeah no no this is look um you clearly saw the golem grab the plinth while i tried to push it away. Good thinking, Big T. Every day I do my best. The golem lashes out to try and attack you, Big T. It misses, and then it critically missed,

but no one is really aware of how it critically missed. So, unfortunately, no one's really there to capitalize on a certain situation. Anyway, the golem then plants both of its hands firmly on the ground. Still, this entire time, it has not stopped looking at you, Globble. Then with its two hands firmly on the ground,

it shoves downwards and rockets upwards at a tremendous speed. The golem slams into you, Bubble. Both of you, good news. Good news. Both of you surface. Bad news. As it slams into you, it deals six points of damage.

And then I need to roll. Oh, you're very lucky. Okay. I'm rolling to see when it can use that blinding thing again. Ah, right. Okay. And Globble, it's your turn. You have surfaced. Chantal, Zia, Mia, and Sarin are there,

and they look shocked to see the two of you surface. Okay. Right. shocked to see the three the two of you surface um okay right oh that took a lot out of my uh okay um if i were to jump using the magic initiative magic initiate um spell that i have can i jump out of the water or is that just more of a... That's physically impossible. I suppose you could try to kick off the golem. I would... First off, the golem would get an attack of opportunity on you.

I don't like that. That's kind of unavoidable. Then I would say you would need to make an acrobatics check just to be able to make the jump. But if to make a acrobatics check just to be able to make the jump but if you pass that acrobatics check i'll let you push off the golem okay and and okay uh how close am i to literally uh scrabbling out of the um water well you didn't have uh you didn't have yayola destroy 10 gallons of water so that was ultimately a smart move because you would have had trouble getting out otherwise ah clever us okay okay right here

you aren't particularly far it would be maybe a 10 foot distance that you'd need to span okay just trying to think what did we learn at all if you wanted to you could swim to the edge of the pool and there's like the the stairs to get up and down and that would be a much easier way out obviously you could just walk out from there yes within the golem i mean well go will find me anyway it's kind of probably following anyway yeah both options would oh well if you swam to the edge, you could disengage. That would be your turn, but no attacks involved. Okay.

Well, look, let's try and... You know what? I'm going to try and jump. I will do that. I will try and jump off the golem. The golem swipes at you first. Critical hit. Oh, fuck off.

Yeah, that sucks, my dude. Double damage, and you gain a level of exhaustion. The golem punches you in the stomach so hard that you are winded. You take 12 points of damage. Could I instead just shrug it off and cash in a good boy card for a d10 plus my level? Oh, okay. Yeah, you use the walk it off. Sure.

You regain five, nine points of damage. So you still took, what was that? It was 12. So you still took three points of damage and you still do gain a level of exhaustion, but it's not as bad as it could have been. Okay. So I get punched. Do I still use the jump? Yeah, I'd allow you to still be able to do it.

So whether or not you pass the acrobatics check is the important part. Yeah, I'm a bit tired. Okay, so you fucked that up. Figured as much. Yeah, because partially from being winded, when you try to balance yourself on the golem, you're like, you fall back into the water.

It's, what would you like Yael to do? She still hasn't noticed Big T, who's blinded because she can fix that um that's so good okay i guess she'll cast a spiritual weapon sure a warhammer made out of, like, a spectral light, appears out of the water just above the golem. It swings downwards, striking the golem, dealing six points of damage to it. That's something. And, yeah, I guess she'll start swimming towards the water, away from the golem, so she can start scrambling out.

And, Big T, you are aware of none of this. I never am. The last thing for you that happened is that you hit the golem. I would like to hit the golem again. Can I kick out of the water, or is it just too deep at this point? Oh, you could kick upwards, but you wouldn't be able to swim out in one turn. Can I kick upwards and attack? Yeah, you could do both. I'd like to kick upwards and attack or yeah you could do both i'd like to kick

upwards and say oh god see water fills your mouth again you maybe should stop doing that big t because you're gonna start drowning you swing out of the water yeah you just don't want to start drowning before you leave i guess you're not gonna surface this turn oh okay okay you strike the golem a second time and you feel like you must have broken its arm because something definitely metal and stone but thin just broke underneath your your halberd strike you think you might have taken off one of the arms of the golem you kick off and upwards perfect it is the golem's turn you see the massive dent and damage that the the hammer dealt to the golem it pops back into place and looks as good as new what this isn't allowed you're not allowed to do this this golem despite the fact that it is only half a golem quite clearly not even at half strength right now

it definitely has several modifications this is a much more terrifying goal all right thanks good good to know good to know the golem launches itself yeah launches it can't push off lucky luckily it can't get onto the the walkway right now but it's going to launch itself towards global i guess why would it not global it grabs you and you both begin sinking as it grabs you it drags you in and then punches you in the face. You take six points of damage. Okay. And then, Goblet, it is your turn.

Oh, actually, no, sorry. Sorry. I should have also rolled for now that everyone else is aware of what's happening. Everyone else can act as well. That's good. Including me. No, no unfortunately not right now at least all right they're in the initiative order but you are still next global so what were you gonna do uh fuck it i'm gonna turn into a shark uh a reef shark and um attack okay you turn into

a reef shark um do you still as a reef reef shark, quotation marks, hold your breath? What? I'm in the water, aren't I? Yeah. So are you going to be, do sharks breathe air or water? Water. They've got gills. All right.

So you're letting your gills work? I don't like this, Adam. You're just using your gills? Look, I'm letting you know. I'm going to remind you. This might, look, whether or not Globble thinks of this in the heated moment of combat, whether or not Globble is thinking of this is another matter. But when I was first describing this water to you,

I described it as brackish, looking limestone-y and not safe to drink. Okay, so if it were to breathe this in, okay. It could be very bad for you. Whether or not Globble is thinking that in this hectic moment is up to Globble. I will let you make that determination, but let me know if you do. I figured probably in the moment I would not realise this. But it has been blackened to white. We did see brackish.

I'm just thinking, would I turn into a shark? Or would I go, say, more like a crocodile or something like that, where I wouldn't have to drink the water, but with the advantages is there. You can become a crocodile. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. So, yes.

I will try. Look, I'll go with a crocodile and hold my breath. All right. You become a crocodile. Oh, you can hold your breath for 15 minutes. That's cool. You bite the iron golem. You can see that you know that your bite is misplaced.

With the iron golem you were fighting before, you could tell that this bite would not have done anything. But the iron golem you are currently fighting is only half built. So there are a lot of missing plates and shields that should be incorporated into it that are not. And so when you bite down, you find your teeth find extra purchase and you find that you can puncture armor a lot.

Well, you can puncture armor. You do cause damage. Great news. You deal five points of damage perfect you oh you can grapple it as well would you like to grapple it yeah all right that seems smart with an iron golem because it can't drown i think that seems stupid to grab whether or not it actually gets well it does get grappled you You bite down and you death roll it. You're death rolling it. The iron golem is basically restrained by you.

Excellent. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Which means that its speed is zero. Attack rolls against it have advantage, and its attack rolls have disadvantage, and it has disadvantage on dexterity saving throws. What would you like Yayola to do? She gets out of the water.

She's on the stairs leading up to the catwalk. I guess, can she target a grappled person easily? Or is that just hard to do? She gets advantage. Oh, does she? That's fucking great news. What is her most powerful spell right now? Oh, well, the spiritual weapon.

That can go and hit it, right? It attacks again. It hits, dealing a further seven points of damage. Okay, something. Look, guiding bolt worked last time for her. Sure. So let's cast it.

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global, striking the golem in your mouth. The golem takes 5d6 damage. That one blast was powerful enough to rupture several containers, compartments, and elements of the iron golem. Golems obviously can't lose blood, but the iron golem is bloodied. That's great news, and I'm so glad I'm helping. Big T, what would you like to do? I'd like to continue trying to rise to the surface.

You shoot upwards. You surface. You shoot upwards. You surface. You can hear combat. You hear something massive thrashing nearby. It must be the golem. Oh, no. They woke up another one. Maybe.

Do you say that? You can speak now. I can't see. First you cough up a lot of water. Then you say. I can't see! First you cough up a lot of water, then you say... I can't see! Is that one... Oh, is he over there?

Unfortunately, that is your turn, though. I suppose when I don't get attacked, I realise that the golem has moved. Then it is the NPC's turn. Chantelle fires a light crossbow. It misses, unfortunately. then it is the npc's turn chantelle fires a light crossbow it misses unfortunately she is trying very hard not to hit the massive crocodile and so needs to carefully judge her shot saren is going to well she knows her psychic attacks aren't going to work against it so there's not a lot that she can actually do. She throws a dagger. She's doing her best.

The dagger hits, embeds itself, and deals five points of damage. Or not. That's something. And then Zia Mia casts Chill Touch, which is neither a touch spell nor does it do cold damage. Why would it?

The anger. The fury. The comedy. spell nor does it do cold damage why would why would it i the the anger the fury the comedy it's a really a melting pot of everything you can feel as a person the emir does another five points of damage the necromantic energy channeled through the golem it shifts it it uh it like judders it slowly comes to a complete halt gives one final thrash then stops it becomes inert in your mouth global we are out of initiative it sinks to the bottom Hello? Yayola calls out, over here, swim to me. I do my best. You swim to Yayola.

You do like a doggy paddle over to Yayola. Yayola helps you out of the water. Thank you. While that's happening, I might dive down as a crocodile and see if anything else was around there. Search for loot, Adam. Something we have yet to do in a long long time let me nuzzle stuff with my big crocodile mouth yayola inspects you while that's happening yayola inspects you big t and says it it's a magical blindness it should pass

hopefully she says eventually you can start you begin to see like pinpricks in the light that is actual vision slowly those pinpricks get bigger and bigger and bigger until you're staring at the rest of the party with the exception of global who is still fishing for loot you find the rest of the party staring kind of half concerned at you half concerned, looking at you with worried looks. No, it's fixed. I'm back. They're all like, phew. They're relieved that another member of this party hasn't lost something. So at the moment, all of the iron golems are underwater in a stasis state. No, they've been taken out of the stasis state.

So there were four in total three of them uh they were all being either modified or repaired or something was they were being taken apart and put back together for some purpose possibly like one of them the one that you thought was clearly an upgraded version of a regular iron golem three of them would have been maybe deactivated or turned off and that that last one, for whatever reason, while it was being worked on was active and presumably has been stuck in that stasis field for God only knows how long. So they're all just deactive at the moment.

Yeah. All of the ones at the bottom of the pool right now are inert. Then none of them are doing or, or yeah, none of them are doing or will do anything unless tampered with i suppose all right searching around the the bottom here a lot of the stuff a lot of the equipment here has been destroyed like i said uh through being exposed to water for god only knows how long you do however find it would be not easy to collect these things as a crocodile yeah coins

would be almost impossible for you to pick up so you might need to to change to to collect them but you find 180 gold coins in total just scattered around the place you find a set of smithy tools made out of bone which somehow survived the maybe they're in like a sealed container okay and you find a sealed like a map scroll basically a case that you would put a scrolled piece of paper in that you can see the wax work on it still has held its seal. So whatever is inside is potentially still viable. Okay. Is that it? Yeah, that's it.

Cool. If I can, I'll just try and scoop up the sealed map scroll. And that's about... I don't know if I can hold anything else. And then I'll surface. Because I can't talk in my animal shape, can I? No, you cannot. All right, well, I'll surface as a crocodile.

Sure. And whoever is near me, I guess he'll learn. Big T, that might be a bit shocking for you. Oh, hang on. No, I can see that you're not here. I'll just open my mouth with the sealed map scroll. Oh, thank you. Nothing else was there.

There was a sealed entrance, basically. There was nowhere else to explore. No, there's nowhere else to explore down there. The control pillar, the little plinth thing, has been thoroughly broken by someone. Was there any other thing underwater? No, I guess I'll turn back into a man again. Oh yeah, a man again.

Right. Yes, it was a crack open the scroll case. There's not much down there, but I managed to find some scattered coins, but I couldn't really grab them. But we did find this. un you unseal it and within is a still usable spell scroll it would be written in draconic so do either either of you know draconic oh um yes yeah okay

well you read the i don't know why I looked. I can't read. That's fair. I also forgot that. I was like, there's a third language that I keep forgetting I have. Giant. You'd speak giant. You speak giant.

Oh. It is a spell scroll. You see up the top is the word knock. You know this spell. Yeah, right. This spell. Yeah, right. This is, yeah, okay, we can go through. Yeah, anything that's locked, we can unlock. Oh, I thought you meant knock as in the guy we met.

No, no, no, no, no. Knock as in a K-N-O. You know what? It's a different, it sounds similar, but it means something different. It sounds the same. Yes. It sounds the same, but means something completely different.

One's a name and one's like knock, like a door, knock on a door. I know language. I just don't know how to spell. Yeah, I know. I started saying it was a K and I realised that's a conversation we don't need. I assume the guy was spelled with an N, okay. Anyway, we've got this spell. Shall we go upstairs and

get the other control sphere? Yes. Now that we've got two in our pockets? I think that sounds smart. Yes. Can I use that spell scroll or is that only certain people can? Anyone who can read this, there are two different types.

It's frustrating. There are two different types. One type requires you to basically already know the spell. And the other type, not basically. One type requires you to be already able to cast the spell. The other type is just like, basically, it's a piece of paper. The piece of paper is charged with magical energy. And you only need to be able to read it. And once you have read it, then the spell is cast.

And it is that type of spell. So all you need to do is read this scroll and the spell is cast. So like one's a recipe book and one's a HelloFresh. Kind of, yeah. Do you have a fridge? Sometimes important. Very important. I'll pocket that squirrel and go upstairs,

do the plinthy things. You lock both of them. When two control spheres are placed in either of the little sockets, you hear a click, click, click, click, click, click, ding! And then, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch, the doors open.

I believe it was over here. You collect another control sphere i assume zamit uh sorry i should say i assume global you're grabbing that one yep i'll just grab it yeah useful right um anything else in that room there's a quick once over or is it all just very much not decayed decrepit? Yeah. I suppose you could find maybe like, actually, you know what? You could find some equipment here. It looks like there's a little station right as you come in. So this would be the sort of thing that you, like the first thing that you encounter as you come or leave this bunkhouse area.

There is like a wardrobe of sorts made out of stone. like the first thing that you encounter as you come or leave this bunkhouse area, there is like a wardrobe of sorts made out of stone, and in it there are several sets of metal armor. Do you want to inspect the sets of metal armor? They're hung up like you would hang a suit in a wardrobe. I think it's disgusting, but I have a look. These do not seem like very functional suits of armor. They're not like, well, they are made of metal plates,

but you don't think it would afford you actually much armor. Like this would probably, regular armor of this level would give you like an AC of 18, but this one you think would only give you an ac of like 12 the armor is you can see it's in specific places it looks like the armor favors the upper body more so than the lower body like the helmet part looks like it's really sturdy and then maybe the shoulder parts also look quite sturdy but the rest of it is is maybe either leather or just chain mail oh i guess this is like a formal

suit of armour. You're not sure? Or perhaps what they would wear when they were crafting or making the golems. They are all sized for a dwarf. Very interesting. Maybe it's for if you sit down

and have a fight maybe I don't know much about dwarves sit down fights a novel concept perhaps we will debate the merits of a sit down fighting next time on stories of

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