D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #17 Experimenting with Head

Episode Date: March 5, 2022

We finally got an events page on our website now - you can check it out to see all the upcoming garbage we're doing!Also you can check out The Dungeoncast on YouTube here or Spotify here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's episode is proudly sponsored by the Dungeon Cast. The podcast where hosts Will and Brian talk about everything Dungeons and Dragons and teach you how to play the game, learn the lore behind every monster or deity throughout the D&D multiverse, or how to build incredible characters to explore the worlds of D&D. Passively gather knowledge to become a Dungeon Master and receive countless tips and tricks on how to create your own world and weave a story the likes of which will have your players clamoring for more.

So what are you waiting for? Check out the Dungeon Cast and learn about dragons, demons, magic and other super cool D&D stuff now. Find the Dungeon Cast anywhere you get your podcasts or on YouTube or check the show notes for the links. This ad is brought to you by the Demogorgon,

lord and ruler of the Dungeon Cast and greatest and most undisputed powerful demon lord in the known cosmos. Shout out to Demogorgon and all praise Demogorgon. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company. I say, I can't see! You open your mouth, it fills with water Look, trying to talk underwater, classic Big T move

You see the massive dent and damage that the hammer dealt to the golem? It pops back into place and looks as good as new. What? This isn't allowed. You're not allowed to do this. Do you still, as a reef shark, quotation marks, hold your breath? What? I'm in the water, aren't I?

Yeah. So are you going to be... Do sharks breathe air or water? Water. Water. They've got gills. All right. So you're letting your gills work?

I don't like this. I don't like this. You're just using your gills? First you cough up a lot of water, then you say... I can't see. Maybe it's for if you sit down and have a fight. Maybe. I don't know much about dwarves, to be honest.

Sit down fights! A novel concept! Well, I guess if anyone else wants to make a note of these, otherwise we just head back through those doors. As you're walking back, Yayola and Chantel have a very intense discussion about the pros and cons of a sit-down fight. Yeola is coming down hard pro. Chantel is coming down hard negative. I'll just also do a sneaky Cure Wounds level one on myself.

You recover four hit points. Okay. You just want to sit down when you fight, don't you? I think it's a good idea. I mean, it depends. Is it more of a competition, like a wrestling thing? Or is it more of a serious thing, like

a genuine strategy? I think if your competitor is polite, they'll let you have a sit-down fight. It rhymes, so it must be true. I mean, if it's more like a sport, I think it definitely has some merits. I think you'd have to use very long weapons because otherwise your knees would get in the way.

And I feel like if it's a sit-down fight, it's very rude to hit someone in the knees. I think you'd have a big set of different skills. The only unfair fight is a fight that you lose, Chantal says. That's a very good point, actually. Perhaps you could tell

them that they're sitting down and then just while they're sitting down... You need to wade your way a little bit to get back past the doors because the water level has risen up. But on the other side of the doors you can collect the control cube there if you want as well cool if we collect it does anything happen with the water swooshing do we get sucked off into the oh uh well you might want to stand a bit clear because it looks like the doors are kind of working as paddles forcing the water one one direction. Yes, yes, yes. But so long as you don't stand too close, you should be fine.

Who collects that control sphere? Does any of the other party want to grab it? If not, I will. I've got two and one in each pocket, so I'm full up. Or Big T can grab it, to be honest. Oh, yeah, I've got room in my pockets. Yeah, so you've got two, I've got one. No, I believe they have three now.

Oh, right. It was the original one that you got. Ah, yes. Which I guess is the one that you just picked up now. Do you have five? How do you have five so quickly? I think we only have one, two, three. We have four.

Four, okay. Okay. Onward and outward yeah uh you keep walking in the direction that you are there are uh you come to it doesn't take you very long you go up a flight of stairs by the way so you're no longer underwater or don't you were never underwater you're no longer in water you go up a a flight of stairs, and there is a long bridge, underground bridge, with unworked stone. It looks like there's some sort of crack or a seam in the earth. This bridge spans it. This area does not look worked.

And as soon as you step out into it, you feel waves of heat crashing upon you. You look to your right, and you can see there is a waterfall of lava crashing down maybe 200 feet below you. And by the light of the lava, you can see there is a stream of lava that goes underneath you. And then looking to your left,

you see a giant water wheel made out of stone and metal that is slowly turning around around being pushed by the lava in that direction you see many pistons going up and down as well and you can hear heavy machinery zia mia goes huh huh she pulls at a brain worm hands are tall five of of us You see her walking across this bridge The wheel is not moving The lava level is much higher The wheel is not moving

And you cannot hear sounds of heavy machinery Huh I guess when we moved some things Something's happened I am thinking Perhaps that plinth that we When we were coming down That was underwater That we didn't do anything with,

perhaps it might be worth, just while we're backtracking here, if that might have opened, say, another door that we might have missed? Sorry, what are you saying? I'm thinking, you know, of those two guards, the liar and the... Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. Guards. Well, the lyre and the... Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. Saren and Yeola, you saw a plinth down underneath that water? They're not, yeah.

Yeah. I'm just thinking while we're here, because, again, we opened up that plinth and we managed to get a control orb. I was just wondering if that might have opened something down there that we might be missing. We are collecting these orbs. We seem to have four now. It just seems while we're here, just see what it does.

We'll be swimming for a lot longer if we go back that way, unless we want to spend some orbs, spend a control sphere, lowering the water level again back in that work room. Foundry, the first one. Yes, I was thinking we'd do that and then we'd see what that does. That's all, just to see. We might be missing something. We can give it a go.

Before we just soldier on a bit further into the, um, whatever this is. I think that's a good idea. We should make sure we leave with all the orbs, though. Good, good, good. Okay. Okay. You turn around,

and when you turn around to leave, you see on where you came out, on either side of where you came out, there are two more little sockets

for control spheres. Okay, well, we'll make a note of that when we're back here. I guess we put the control spheres there. Hmm. Okay.

Who's giving up a control sphere to go back the way you came oh i will all right so you're back down to three control spheres one you use quickly obviously just to turn off the doors so you go into the work room you lower the water there and then you come back you well actually you there are more um there was uh there were two places there to lower water. You, through testing, found that out. So you could lower the water.

If you wanted to spend two, you could lower the water even further. And then where that podium is might be even more accessible. Okay. Whatever is the easiest way to do it, basically. Okay. Well, if you gave up another control sphere, who would be giving it up? It doesn't really matter at this point, does it? I've got the rest.

Oh, if you get separated. I just want a mental note now. I've got the rest. Because getting separated is absolutely a possibility in this dungeon, and I want to know who has the control spheres when that happens. I do.

We'll split it up between like you know one so one of us has like one each kind of okay so you leave two control spheres in the workroom you lower the water about as much as you can you walk back the way you came it's a lot easier a walk because there's a lot more a lot less water you get back to where you were originally uh right but right after those two guardians. There is one more place to lower the water here. That would mean that the podium that you want to get to would be completely out of the water. Okay, and then we have one more we can utilize on that.

Yeah, we'll do that again. And I'm just a bit curious to see what we need, if it does anything at all. You completely expose that area area you go down the stairs you can see the stairs going up to the two statues and you can see sure enough down here with the lights that you carry there is a plinth sitting just kind of in the middle of nothing it seems in the middle of a corridor okay well let's put out last one on you hear machinery working around you and then the floor that you were on begins to lower slowly with the plinth as well it's like an elevator you obviously don't know what an elevator is but you yeah you just don't know the name for what this is

but you are on an elevator moving down oh yeah yeah interesting okay you get down to another corridor beneath you you must be maybe 50 feet below where you were previously what's the opposite of your ears popping the bends oh no you you cast the light down either end looking each way you see one pathway ends at a stone door and you can see you don't see this very well by the way this is like just at the edge of the light that you have one pathway ends at a stone door. The other pathway just goes into darkness. So it's a door and then a pathway, yeah? Yeah. Shall we look at the door, maybe?

Everyone kind of shrugs. Lead the way! Let's investigate. Alright. Do you take the control sphere? I'm assuming if we take it, the elevator will go up, so no. It tested that. Yeah, we take it, the elevator will go up, so no. Okay.

We tested that. Yeah, we take it. When you take it, nothing happens. Yeah, okay. Interesting. How do we get back up? Everyone kind of shrugs. Maybe put it back in.

Maybe every time it goes in, it sends us up or down. Yeah, okay. We test that out. Yeah. Every time it gets put in, that sends the elevator going in a direction. All right, cool. We'll take it out and make sure that we're down below

and we'll head towards the door. You see in the side, there is one of those sockets for the control sphere. The door does not appear to have any opening mechanism that you can see. Yeah, well, we'll open the door. The door swings open, and you step into an alchemical laboratory.

There's, imagine like a science lab, but probably more like magical and arcane. The entire place is destroyed. You can see there used to be water in this part of the facility. This place is just destroyed. Any liquid that would have been here was probably drained away with the rest of the water. That's probably why the water's so yuck.

Oh, perhaps we can find some nice goodies. I don't know. There is, on one of the tables, a golem head. Just the head. Anything else in this room?, a golem head. Just the head. Anything else in this room? Just the golem head? Well, if you turn it over... Yeah, I want to look at it to see if there's any hints as to how to break them.

If you turn it over, you find a lump of silver. Ew, a lump of silver in the golem's head? No, no, no. I'm sorry, I don't mean turn the head over. I mean the room. If you search the room, you find a lump of silver it looks like this was once a silver bar and then it got melted somehow oh keep it oh silver silver silver silver silver so silver has like magical properties in that they tend to only with silver it's like if a silvered weapon will do some damage to things with a magical resistance.

Some monsters, yes. You don't know if a golem could be affected by silver. Okay. Do I? Okay. So I'm like, all right, well, that's interesting that there's silver here. Okay. Interesting.

We'll pocket a clump of silver. Does it look like something happened to the bar or that someone was melting it for use? Big T, if you look at it really closely, it looks like a pile of silver coins that got melted. You can still make out the distinguishing individual coins in the lump. Oh, I don't know if this is on purpose. This looks like, yeah, this does not look intentional.

It looks merely like a bundle of coins that got melted over the years in whatever was in this room. Don't put your coins near lava, I guess. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Did you know that our sister show, Plumbing the Death Star, is going to be in London for one week only this month? Check out sanspanseradio.com slash events for the dates and to grab your tickets. The lump of coins is probably worth to grab your tickets to our sold-out shows. Tickets may be still available, but hopefully not. Put them in my pocket.

The lump of coins is probably worth 50 gold. Yoink. We've got a lump of silver. That's interesting. Nothing else in this room? Any other doorways anywhere leading out? No. There's the head itself, which I'm assuming you've looked at,

but no one is going, I'm assuming no one's, like, touching it just yet until someone specifically says that they touch it. Does anyone want to look at the golem head? Are there any tools with which I could flip the head over and not touch it? Well, if a certain crocodile acquired them, you have a set of bone tools. Yes. I would have mentioned, like, again, the bone tools. I didn't pick it up the first time, bone tools yes um i would have mentioned like again if the bone tools i didn't pick it up the first time but again i would make oh there's some bone tools as well and some coins if anyone wanted the bone tools or coins i would pick them up

otherwise probably not big t would you have wanted to pick up any of that yes i think it's good to have things all right well i guess you spent some time collecting the 180 gold and the set of bone tools. Why would you need money? Money can... Yeah, look, fair enough. There's nothing wrong. Money fixes it.

The tools look strange and maybe even a little alien to you. You can... They have like a... I don't know how to... Well, yeah, alien, I suppose. Like, as we would conjure the idea, alien design. So they've got all weird curves and edges to them. Well, they're made out of bone, so of course they look organic.

But the tools look like strange organic entities in their own right. But that's just how they're designed to look. You don't think that necessarily affects... That's not necessarily something of function. If you want, we can pick up the head with the tools. I mean, we do know now that even

a bit of a golem is functional. We can big G? Or we can just leave it alone. Can I use the tools to pick it up with alien tongues and give it squares?

Is the purpose here to maybe study it to see what we can inflict damage? Yeah, I want to see. Turn the head over and you can see in the socket there is, like, a pouch inside the head. It's some sort of sealed, maybe like leather and waxwork pouch. Huh. Oh, I want to look at it. Big T, you're the one doing this, right?

Yeah. Big T, you could see it like kind of undulating and moving like it was alive. The head. No, no, not the head. The pouch. There's a yucky thing in here. Head. Scalpel. I hold out my hand thing in here. Hand. Scalpel.

I hold out my hand for scalpel. Yeola says scalpel and hands it to you. I try and slice the thing out and sort of dump it onto the table. You want to cut out the pouch or you want to cut the pouch? I want to cut the pouch out. All right. So you want, all right. You attempt to remove the pouch. That would be, I guess. All right. So you want, all right. You attempt to remove the pouch.

That would be, I guess. All right, Tree Stump. You could make this a medicine check if you wanted to. Or I would allow straight up dexterity. Dexterity, I reckon. Why is that? Aren't you good at medicine? You mangle the pouch trying to get it out.

You're not very dexterous. Well, you are quite dexterous, but you're not dexterous enough, I guess. You, yeah, you mangle the pouch, cut it open. A red, like a red goopy substance pours out of the helmet. Oh, I found the organic matter. Yeah, this looks like mulched, mixed up, and almost juiced just biological matter. I've heard that in fancy places like Kandor,

they have a smoothie. The eyes of the golem go dark. You thought it was just a slightly different metal, but you realize now that they were lit up, they go dark. Okay, you all saw that, yeah? We now know. So there's a pouch in a golem that if we were to destroy

it destroys the golem. We've got to open up the pouch and spill all the juice. Huh. That's interesting. I would say good luck with that though, Chantal says, and then taps on their helmet to show you that it's quite sturdy. Well, exactly.

You'd have to get really, really small. I mean, to puncture this pouch, you've basically destroyed the golem anyway. Well, that's true. Yes, it just has to be a... Well, see, if one of us could become something small, they could get into a certain crack of a golem, like a rat. Oh, with its little mouth, it can try and destroy the leather? Maybe destroy the leather.

Look, it's something. Can I start taking out my weapons and seeing if anything I have would actually pierce the metal? You try. Well, what are you trying first? Halberd. How long are you willing to work at that? I reckon I say to everyone, hey, let's see what we can use to break it.

And I reckon we spend about a minute. Everyone tries their, like, weapons to see if they can stab through because you're going to know pretty certain pretty quickly. I would say in a minute you could probably breach the helmet, sure. But it takes a while of several of you hammering away at it. You don't think this is necessarily some discovery you've made. You kind of assume that if you beat on the golem for long enough, it would break.

you've made you kind of assume that if you beat on the golem for long enough it would break but there's but there's nothing in our sort of inventory that is that seems to be easier than the others so like in in the fights i'm always using my halberd because it's got magic in it so if i have a crack at something else actually no sorry that i know sorry i completely forgot your halberd is maybe the only thing that does damage i completely forgot about that uh chantal's warhammer does not even leave a scratch uh siren using her rapier no scratch yayola uh using uh yayola doesn't have a weapon well yayola's magic probably damages it yeah i guess i do the same thing with like all my cantrips so the frostbite it looks like if it's not magic it's not going to do damage okay does there any particular like

like does worse like again frost damage infestation which is poison damage flame or piercing which is it is a thorn thorn whip um it could work, Big T. Clever, clever work. I just don't have time when we're fighting it to check. So, magic. If it's not magic, it won't hurt it. In addition to that, fire, poison and psychic don't seem to do anything. Okay. Well, the thorn whip is good and the frostbite.

But yeah, fire does not damage it. Interesting. If anything, actually, when you hit it with fire, you see it repair. Oh. Okay. Never use fire. Never use fire. That's good.

Never use fire on these. Good to know, actually. Letting you know as well, sometimes when you cast spells against it, it seems to have a resistance to magic as well. Magic doesn't seem to do as much damage as it should. Hmm. Interesting. So it definitely is getting... If I was to cast this magic spell

on another bit of iron, it would do a lot more damage, but I guess the magical properties of a golem is requiring it to take less. So, okay. Again, they're very, I guess, well-protected. Keep that halberd of yours close by, big T. Find something else like that.

All right, well, once we've finished it here, we'll head out the door and take the control sphere and head down the other corridor. If Gobble's able to sort of clock this nog, does it look like there are any spots where a rat or mouse could get in? Well, this isn't connected to the body, so you can really only look at the head itself. Oh, yeah.

Even like the joint, the bottom part, you can't really tell, obviously, because the body could affect that joint. The head looks like one solid piece of iron with several plates attached upon it. It'd be very hard to get in here. A rat could get

past the plates on the head, but then the head itself is one solid piece of iron, and the rat is not getting past that. And also climbing up. It would be a bit hard, to be honest. Looking around the room, can we see anything?

So has this head been cut off of a body or has it yet to have been put on a body? There's no damage to the neck, so that's all that you understand. Okay, and is there anything in this room that looks like it could have been used to open the head up? Are there any equipment? No, there's no. Any equipment here would have been for an alchemical purpose, not a machinery purpose.

Okay. So it's just the head. There's no actual body. No, there's no body. Okay. Well, head off if this is a pretty empty room and grab the sphere. Head down the...

There's only one path here. Yeah, there's only one other path. It just disappears into darkness. You start walking down that pathway and eventually you come... The worked stone gives way eventually to unworked stone and you are now in kind of just like a it looks half no it doesn't look natural actually it still does look like it was made with

purpose but this path quite clearly isn't like well worked it doesn't look like it doesn't yeah it doesn't look as fancy as the rest of the place even the brass like siding and and pipes and stuff like that begin to stop and then eventually you come to a like a a a winch another elevator of sorts but this one is not well it is mechanical but it's not it's just like a winch not not a um uh not uh like a l of not a fancy elevator you know what i mean yeah it, it's mechanical in the sense that we have to operate it as opposed to putting a magical sphere. This one does not look nearly as sturdy as the previous one. There was a lot of wooden elements to this one that have decayed with time. I can't cast Mending on that to make it a bit sturdier?

Mending probably can't fix this. You'd need a stronger spell. It's quite deformed and damaged. Well, look, we could head down there and see what we see. Might see something interesting. It looks like this is more either where they were beginning to do more, I guess, expansions. Yayola casts light upon a rock that she picks up and drops it down the hole. You see as it fades into the darkness.

Yeah. We could try that, but I feel perhaps it might be suicide, shall we say. I know I can, I don't want to go alone. Oh, sorry. One other thing I forgot to mention. As it turned from worked stone into unworked stone, you notice that there is a cart system. Sorry, I forgot to add that.

There's a cart system and lots of, like, ore. It looks like your head... Sorry, I forgot to mention this. You are... This is a mine. Okay. That makes more sense as to why there's a big hole. Yeah, yes, yes, yes.

So I guess this is where they were either expanding or they had found a particular... There's a lot of iron ore here. It looks like this is where they were collecting iron. So this is where the iron came from. That makes sense. Okay. Well, it looks like further, further down there,

I guess all we'd probably find is iron ore, which is not terrible if we're making golems. And that's about it. I can turn into, say, I hate to say this again, but I could probably turn into a spider and crawl down if need be to investigate. But that's about it. If you wanted to kind of use that time to do that. If you went down there and something happened to you,

we would not be able to get to you. Exactly. Maybe... I think we should head back. I think it makes sense that there's a mine here. They need iron ore to make the guys. Exactly. It's very interesting that

it's a one-stop facility. No imports. I think it's nice Exactly Think local, act global Yeah, supporting local business Think local, global domination Yes

That's it That's what these dwarves were about I just tentatively put my foot on the elevator to see just how sturdy it is. How much weight are you putting on that foot? Enough that if it does give way, I'm not going to fall on my ass. So we would say not more than 50% roughly of your weight. Yeah.

All right. It creaks ominously. Yes. Look, I'm bigger than you, so I do less than my 50% of weight. You probably nearly put your foot through it. Oh, yeah. I'm glad we're not doing this.

Let's go back. Yeah. Imagine if we all tried to get on them. We'd all be dead. That'd be so embarrassing No one would know where the cubes were To be honest, Big T I think if you just got on it

You might just fall through Yeah, don't want to Let's go back You go back the way you came As you go back up that elevator You can see You see them above you They're standing where the elevator is going

to finish you you look into the faces of her deck and tavertine along with a couple of other people there's four of them total so her deck tavertine and two other people uh you the other two people you don't you don't remember their names but you recognize them from gray hill they're they're uh fellow gray hill adventurers like yourselves oh um are there what are their stances like tavertine has yeah he wields a short sword typically in combat he has the short sword drawn and her deck has her light hammer and shield at the ready. They're standing in a kind of a combative stance. Hello!

How far until we hit, basically, them? Maybe mere moments. You have basically a round to act. Right, and they look like they're going to attack you?, and they look like they're going to attack you. Yeah, they look like they're about to attack you. Okay, are any of them wearing like armor, like a metal armor? Herdek wears metal armor.

And wears 60 foot, at least? Much less, yeah. Cool, I cast heat metal on her armor. No, I was saying hello. Well, it probably happens at the same time which is very funny hello no her deck takes 2d8 damage her deck takes 10 points of fire damage she screams in her armor what's happening tavertine uh all, let's go to initiative. We could try to talk the way out of this,

but I don't... Do they look cognizant as well? I mean, we can't really see from here. Do they look cognizant? Well, Tavrotine has the same expression he always has. Herdek looks in pain. Yes.

I guess just before that. Did they look like they were here under their own volition? Well, that would have been your first action then, instead of casting a spell. I'm offensive right now. I'm too scared. Yeah, no worries.

Who would each of you like to act with? You've got Im, you've got Herdek, you've got Tavertine, you've got Treestomp, I'm sorry, you've got Chantel, you've got Sorin, you've got Yaola and Xeomiel. I'll probably just, I'll keep going with Yaola. I'll go with Saren. Well, Globble, you cast Heat Metal, dealing 10 points of damage to Herdek.

And then what would you like Yayola to do? Oh, yeah, she'll cast Bless on, say, can that be herself as well? Yeah. Cool. I guess herself, me, and probably Saren, I guess? Then it is Tavertine's turn. then it is tavertine's turn tavertine with his sword drawn leaps down to get in amongst you before the elevator has completely arrived he lands next to you global and then he attacks that's a critical hit why does this keep happening? Double damage, hack and slash. Just your basic old double boy.

Aye. He deals 14 points of damage. And then he uses his bonus action to attack again. He hits a second time. And deals another 9 points of damage. Perfect. and deals another nine points of damage perfect here's a whirling here's a whirling like a whirling sort of a a ball of blood oh fuck no he uses a key point to attack again again here's a whirling ball of blades and strikes oh uh sorry instead of attacking a second time that so the first time he hits you is with his sword. The second time he hits you is with his claws.

And as his claws rake through you, you feel sick. You feel sickened and weakened. You take an extra six points of necrotic damage. Great, I'm on one hit point. That fucking rules. Oh, hey, it could have been worse, I guess. Just how worse? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company.

Hello, everyone. I'm Ben Elwood and I love David Attenborough. I was absolutely inspired by David as a kid. I'm definitely not alone in this. The world of science is full of Attenborough groupies. I've got a confession about David Attenborough documentaries. Every week I'll be sitting with a science expert while we watch an episode of Life on Earth. Scientists want to talk about stuff.

We are damaged. You do sound like comedians. We'll be talking about what we're seeing on the screen. I had some basically talked other organisms into being flying genitals for them. Their experience in the field. I've seen a male cane toad on a rotten mango. Now just go for it.

And whatever other topics spin out of our conversations. Do you know I got attacked by an octopus one time? You want to start going away from comedy and into depressing. No, no, that's my wheelhouse. Thank God for David Attenborough with Ben Elwood. Now available on SensePunch Radio.

Hey there fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members,

the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.