D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #19 Horsefall

Episode Date: March 19, 2022

One of the only D&D actual play podcasts to not only feature but encourage horse death. Check out all our upcoming events at sanspantsradio.com/events and grab your Good Boy/Bad Boy Cards from our merch store.Remember to check out The Dungeoncast on YouTube or Spotify.And if you want to sign up to NordVPN just head to https://nordvpn.com/isfornerds or use code isfornerds on checkout to get a huge discount off your NordVPN Plan + 1 additional month for free and a bonus gift! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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lord and ruler of the Dungeon Cast and greatest and most undisputed powerful demon lord in the known cosmos. Shout out to Demogorgon and all praise Demogorgon. You're listening to the Sandspan's Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company Herdek calls out,

There must be mind-controlled. Try not to kill them. You were checking if they were being mind-controlled. See? It's just a big bit of silly. This is a sitcom. Except two people died. Oh, but they were barely named.

You're allowed to die in a sitcom if you don't have a name. Okay. One thing at a time. What do you want me to answer first? Did you turn on any golems? Yes. Quite a few. How many?

I don't know, like a hundred, maybe more. I wasn't counting. You cast Frostbite. You feel the weave of energy ripple into the machine. Then immediately the machine shudders. You can see the weave of magic flip and the spell reverberates back at you. You see that it goes into the feeding tube and it tries to feed the acid in. Then you're like, well, this looks like it's working. You feed the entire thing in and that fucks the machine. Here's the bad news, ladies and gentlemen when you do that the machine doesn't

like it and it doesn't like it in a very explosive way you are worried for the structural integrity of this entire complex i'm going to turn to a very horse get on and lead the fucking way so whoever can get on my back and this can be a very quick thing to be like all right people are very slow if have a stack is um i can't remember his name if they're if they're basically going to be like very slow then then i need them on my back but if they're actually going to start running then great have a stack her deck her deck is moving yes like because are they actually moving with speed or they like loping slowly? Basically, do they seem like they're in danger and that they are running is my only question.

Well, they're moving about as fast as the rest of the group, which is moving at half speed. Yeah. Okay. Her deck is not trying to race ahead at full speed. They're not going at full speed, but neither is the rest of the party. And if I'm taking two people, that's still a few people. Yeah, there's four people who are moving at half speed. Okay.

I think we just need to start toddling. You're moving. Can I get a highs or lows global? Let's go with highs. All right. Big T? Highs. Big T, you need to make another dexterity saving throw.

Wow, it just really likes you. You take another five points of damage as another rock strikes you. Can I get one for Chantel? Lows. Can I get one for Saren? Hies. We haven't fully healed in this dungeon, have we? No.

Yeola, highs or lows? Hies. Yeola also gets hit by a rock damn yayola takes four points of damage and then zeomir loads and they're off so you are sprinting through yeah you move obviously as quickly as possible you come to a partially flooded section you came this way previously there is a cross intersection where going straight through is how you got here going right there is a a strange trap the trap is under just underneath the water very difficult to see there is a section of the pathway there that is black material instead of stone.

Herdek doesn't really know this section very well, but Zia Mia indicated that that section is no good, but didn't explain why. On the other side of that section, you know is a massive shortcut. To your left is unknown. well which way did her deck come from well you went going straight but you know if you turn right it's a there's a trap of some sort but there is also a massive shortcut wasn't her deck leading the way yeah her deck

is leading the way but this section is common to Zia Mia and Herdek. Okay. Sorry, I don't follow what we're meant to be doing. Well, Herdek comes to that intersection and is like, there's a shortcut, but a trap. Oh, so if we go to the shortcut, we go through the trap. Yeah. Well, then we'll just go the normal way. We've been the normal way, haven't we?

Global highs or lows? Highs. Highs? You take seven points of damage ow ow tree stump highs oh i forgot to roll for a her deck her deck needs to make it highs or lows for her deck lows all right i'm gonna make this a mega rock because her deck's not been hurt so far her deck takes 18 points of damage all right the building begins to properly collapse you keep moving and you can see now it took you an extra couple of minutes but you can see now back where you were previously down that strange corridor you keep sprinting the way that you're going herdek gestures you come to a t intersection herdek gestures down a path that you've not been and says this is the way that we came from you turn

you turn that way head that way you see a disabled trap some sort of axe swinging thing that zia mia didn't uh the reason why zia Mia has not been down this path. This is presumably a trap that Herdek, Tavertine, and the other two disabled. Yep. Somehow. As you're crossing through, can I get another highs or lows global? Let's go with highs again. Okay.

You need to make a dexterity saving throw. You fail. Come on. You take 10 points of damage. Okay. You need to make a dexterity saving throw. You fail. Come on. You take 10 points of damage. Okay. That's great. I'm going to then just heal myself while we're running. What level?

I'll just heal myself. I'll do that. Probably, yeah, the third level. There we go. That's good. Sorry, second level. You don't have third level spells. That's good. let's heal myself there and then tree slump highs or lows highs you sure no

lows lows yes as you're running you see a pinprick of light and you can see the outside. Herdek's like, that's where it is. Tree Stump, you, in your excitement, sprint ahead. The entire ceiling collapses.

You need to make a dexterity saving throw. You should have picked highs. All right. You pass. Oh, I rolled really high cast that was so foolish of you every single other time you told me to swap you want to know why for this moment so you can trick me now yeah this is why it's like playing jack-in-a-box with you i never know which one's gonna be the one that fucks me Alright, you take Tree Stump, you take 11 points of damage

And are not crushed Just partially crushed When the ceiling completely collapses Tree Stump, you are Because you made your saving throw Would you like to be on the Outside side or the inside side? The outside side Please Tree St side? The outside side, please.

Tree Stump, you scramble through, are nearly crushed, but then you emerge outside. You're in that strange, awful, desolate place. I'm also unconscious. Hey, Cass, as your rules lawyer again, you know how you have that ability where you can just not take some damage for a bit? Oh, Adam, something just occurred to me. Yeah.

I've just conferred with my rules lawyer. You took no damage from that. Thank you. You emerge out into that desolate wasteland. Tavrotine is standing there. He looks back and gives you a very sad and worried expression. It fell in. Can you dig?

He shrugs. I'm guessing it's too much for two people to dig. Very probably. Okay. The rest of the party inside slams to a fucking halt. A yeller cries, back, back the way we came. I'll rear up. All right.

You turn and head the other way. Globble. Heyselos. Heys. All right. Very good at this. Heyselos for Chantel. Los.

Heyselos for Herdek. Heys. All right. Herdek needs to make a dexterity saving throw. They fail. Herdek takes 12 points of damage. Great news. Have they been able to heal

themselves somewhat as we're running? Well, they don't want to slow down to do that. If they slow down, they're already the slowest member of the party. They would start falling behind. Oh, are they? Okay. Even with everyone else being so slow. Actually, you're a horse. You couldn't cast that healing

spell. Oh yeah, I couldn't. Heiser loads for Saren. Oh wait! Her deck's sitting on you. Her deck could cast that for themselves. Her deck recovers 17 hit points, and you know what? They're gonna cast it on you.

Unfortunately, you will only recover 7 hit points. That's it here. Then can I get highs or lows for Saren? Highs. Highs or lows for Yola? Lows for Yola. Lows? Yes.

I'd go highs. Okay, highs. Highs? All right. And then finally for Zia Mia. What have you done? I don't know. Heise.

Just reset the Jack in the Box. Heise? Yeah. No, I'd go Lowe's. Go Lowe's. Lowe's? Yeah. You'd pick Lowe's?

Yeah. All right. Yeah. No one else has hit. Okay. How fucking dare you? I'm just trying to work out how he's going to punish us the most, you know? You start heading downstairs,

and the water begins to get higher and higher upon you. You start having to, like, kind of, like, wade through. I guess as a horse, you're largely fine, but some of the shorter members of your party and the less strong members of your party are having a harder time. So basically it's just, who is on my back?

I guess it's just Chantel and Herdek on my back. And so, okay, the other three are kind of lagging. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, they are lagging behind. Like you're moving, you can move at the speed of a horse, but they are moving at 15 feet around. That's fair.

Well, 30 feet because they're obviously double moving all right so as the water gets deeper you come to a part that was a fucking pain to traverse when you were coming the other way so there is a series of platforms that you need to jump from one to the next and going through the water current is like pushing you into the holes. So you need to be very careful. On the way here, you would have hammered pittance into the walls and used rope to slowly work your way across. You can still do that, but that will take like 10 to 15 minutes. Okay. Right.

Also, well, no, as a horse, you could probably leap the entire thing. As a horse, I can jump, yeah? Sure. Okay. Well, well, no, as a horse, you could probably leap the entire thing. As a horse, I can jump, yeah? Sure. Okay. Well, yeah, yeah. With fairly ease? Probably with ease, yeah. No, it would be a roll.

It just wouldn't be a hard roll. Okay, well, I'll try and... There's a chance for failure. Okay, okay. I'll try and do that and try and, yeah. If I can help everybody. You leap across, you're fine. Cool. Well, I'll try and go back and forth and help everybody across.

How many times? You have to go back. Oh, and then the wolf and the fucking hen. Oh, my God. And why are you transporting a fucking wolf? You're a farmer. You don't need a wolf. Cabbages keep getting ate by my wolves

what the hell anyway you leap back and on the leap back you like stumble a little bit there's a brief moment but you're fine then you pick up who are you gonna pick up um i i guess uh uh yayola and and um yayola sar, and Zia Mia. One of them is getting left behind. Well, whoever just scrambles on, I'll take them and I'll jump on. Yayola and Zia Mia it is. Yep. I can't really communicate as a horse. As you're leaping back,

can I get highs or lows? No. Don't wanna. Highs. Highs? Highs, yeah. You wanna keep that? Yeah. You wanna keep it? Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. That's clever. So you are not hit by a rock. He tried to trick you. Okay. And then can I get for Yayola on your back? Highs or lows?

Lows. Lows? Highs. You want highs. Highs. Highs? All right. Yayola is in here.

Okay. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. cool. Cool. cool.. cool. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. good. goods or lows? Highs. Highs?

All right, you're fine. Okay. And on the other side, Chantel. Oh, my God. I was hoping they would keep moving. They keep moving, but rocks are still falling. Let's go with... Oh, my God.

Highs. Highs? Lows. Switch to lows, I reckon. Okay. All right. And then, finally... That avoided a cave-in. I rolled a I rolled a 2 and then finally Herdek

oh my god knowing I either got 1 or 100 it's either a cave in or not Lowe's Cass your opinions I'd stick with it. Let's go with those.

Locking it in? Locking in? Yep. Yeah, the entire roof collapses upon her deck. Yes, of course. Good. Good. Yep.

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or use code is for nerds to claim your deal if you don't like it nord offer a 30-day money-back guarantee so if you don't want to end up with your head on a pike outside of the tower of london like my mama go on down to nordvpn.com forward slash is for nerds. Oh no. Everything is buried alive here. Shit. 23. Alright. Herdek is crushed

underneath the roof. You cannot see Herdek. The bright side is that you can still traverse because the roof is so high up that you could go over this and onto the other side. It would be a mad scramble, an athletics check, if you will. But nonetheless, you can make it to the other side. And Herdek is...

You can't see Herdek. That's a shame. You can't see her deck. That's a shame. Well, I apologize as a horse to her deck for a lot of things. Chantel starts scrambling. She doesn't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But to their defense, they're probably happy.

So, yeah. We'll start scrambling up. All right. Chantel clears it pretty easily. Despite the fact that you are a horse and it is unsteady ground you managed to clear it and then i like oh wait you need to go back for oh yeah yeah i'll get you get back for sarin oh yes i'll go back for sarin yes of course okay you fuck it up you rolled a one my front you fucked it up i'm very sorry you fall you go soaring through the air and straight into a hole do i have any anything which was to succeed on a check

well i guess i fall i eat shit okay you you sail beautifully perfectly perfectly. Your horse body perfectly slides like a round peg through a round hole, fits neatly into and slips down into the inky darkness of that hole. You are a horse trapped and drowning. You can end your transformation. And drowning. You can end your transformation. Oh, yes, if I'm drowning as a horse and the horse can't swim that well, yeah? I'm going to say not right now.

So, yeah, no, I would definitely end that at some point and try to swim myself. You struggle and thrash trying to get upwards. You have a lot of trouble you um are struggling valiantly as hard as you can but unfortunately it's just not enough as you're sinking down into the inky blackness your arms stretched up ahead of you an arm grabs around your wrist a hand grabs around your wrist and starts yanking you upwards you surface and you are being half held by sarin she drags you up onto her side the not the side that you want to be on you look and you see the pile of rocks that has crushed her deck and on that side you see chantelle and yayola they're looking back in, like, clear distress. Oh, sorry, Chantel, Yayola, and Zia Mia. You can see that...

No, Chantel and Yayola. You can see that they seem a bit, like, divided on what they want to do. Saren... Right. I was just, like, gesturing for them to go run. Saren calls out, Go out go go we will be fine she says you do not believe her when she says that but she's saying it nonetheless does she

believe her you it's clear she doesn't believe herself either chantelle and yayola give you one like anguished look but they run on right. Right. We'll, I guess, try to do the slow way because you can't run it. You try to shimmy across the side. That's a athletics check from each of you. Globble, you are doing fine.

So is Saren. Can I get highs or lows for you? Highs. Okay. And for Saren? Also I get highs or lows for you? Highs. Okay. And for Saren? Also highs. Also highs? Yeah.

Okay. You're fine. You need to make another check. You're one third of the way across. You're fine. Saren? Saren doesn't fall, but there's a moment moment where she's and you see that she's like holding on for dear life she doesn't fall but she makes no progress either uh can i grab help she doesn't

she's not falling off she just okay like loses her balance a little bit she's still holding on she probably won't it's she'd need to fuck up pretty catastrophically to fall. But yeah, she makes no progress. Okay. Okay. Okay. Highs or lows? Let's go with highs. Okay.

And for Sarin? Lows. Okay. Sarin gets struck by a rock. Sarin takes five points of damage. I've got assist for a saving throw. What is it? Is it reroll a saving throw?

It is assist a saving throw using my bonus. Somehow, from fucking not miles away, but from quite a ways away, you feel like something within you is like, Saren's in trouble. Saren, remember what I told you. Saren closes her eyes and remembers a encounter that her and Tree Stump had,

where Tree Stump was like, no, when you hold on to a rock, you want to make sure that the rope is nice and taut, like this. Saren, closing her eyes, thinks to herself, like this. And then the rock smacks her in the face and she takes five points of damage. Sorry, ten points of damage. Yeah, well, a lot of damage. Aww. Yeah, well, a lot of my bonuses are actually negatives.

Oh, really? Yeah. That's useful. All right. One more roll to get across for Globble. Globble, you're on the other side. Saren doesn't fall in, but still makes no progress. She's still only one third of the way. Highs or lows, but still makes no progress. She's still only one third of the way. Highs or lows, Global?

Highs. Highs? Yeah. Ooh, I'd go lows. Okay, I'll go lows. No, I'll go lows. Lows? Alright, you're fine. And for Saren, highs or lows?

Let's go with lows. Lows? Okay. You're both fine. Okay. Do you wait or do you go? I'm going to wait for her. Okay.

Saren attempts again. Saren passes the halfway point. Gobble, highs or lows? Lows. Yeah? Highs. Highs? Yeah? Hives. Hives? All right, you're fine.

And Saren? Hives or Lows? Hives. Hives? All right. Saren needs to make another dexterity, so I'll be sorry. Why?

Saren passes, and so will only take half damage. Is she... How's she looking health-wise? She takes one point of damage. Is she... How's she looking health-wise? She takes one point of damage. She is... Nearly bloodied. All right.

I'll... I'll... All right. I'll... I'll... As she's... It's all touch. It's all touch!

Oh, healing ward. I'll healing ward her for four points. Four points of healing. And she makes her... She tries to finish that... Yeah, alright, she's on the other side. Alright, let's go. Heys.

Heys? Yes. And one more time. Heys. Alright, you're both fine. Can I get her to a car maybe at this point with that Bardic Inspiration to try and catch up with the others? It still wouldn't really help you. You're talking like seconds of bonus

here where you'll be running for like minutes. I mean, sure, she can cast it if you want. Whatever gives us a little bit of extra zip at this moment in time. She can buff you both for like two rounds but yeah it's not a lot it's not it's not like a long long time yeah we just try and mad scramble there if it's going to take too long to cast it then don't worry but we'll just keep

running it says a bonus action so you're large so she can do it while running it won't slow her down to do that okay cool cool cool cool. You come to an intersection and in your panic, you're going to need to make an intelligence saving throw to remember the way. Oh, that's cool. I'm dumb as shit. That's not fair for us. You're not allowed to do that.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, you both are fairly confident of the direction. Okay. If we're both confident, I'm pretty good with that. You come to another intersection. You both need to remember the way. Okay, we're fairly confident. You're both confident on this direction.

Then we, look, it's only a problem if we both. One final time. If we have a different opinion. Yeah. One final time. You're both confident on the direction. Okay. Great news.

We're both so very confident. You come to a dead end. Highs or lows? Highs. Highs? Yeah. All right. You need to make a dexterity saving throw.

Of course I do. You pass. You'll take half damage. You take three make a dexterity saving throw. Of course I do. You pass. You'll take half damage. You take three points of damage. And highs or lows? Go lows. Lows? All right.

Saren also needs to make a dexterity saving throw, which they also pass. Saren takes six points of damage. All right. Here's the trick, which was the wrong turn. You go back to the previous intersection. Do you want to stop and think here? I mean, was there any of them that were like a little bit unsure of or was there any of them where-

No, you've only been confident thus far, actually, which is really funny. Yep, yep, yep. And so there's nothing that um like literally there is no difference between one two or three yeah probably so you might as well stop and reassess here yep does any of these look familiar at all you are uncertain but you both think that this is the one that you fucked up on and you think you know the way again i love being a good idiot yep all right cool all right hell yeah you go down the

pathway immediately you're like oh thank god oh my god oh thank jesus christ ah all right lord and savior yes you you passed the you passed the space that had the like shuttering doors. You know, you're so close to the end now. Right. But the last mad dash is a swim. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're both going to need to make an athletics check. Yep. And if you fail this athletics check, you will need to make a luck check because this place is coming down in the next couple of rounds.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I still think I'm a little bit of a fish when. Okay. Okay. Let's, um, I still think I'm a little bit of a fish when I panic. So sure. You need to make an athletics check. Oh,

just barely. Darren. All right. I tell only truths. I tell only lies. I tell only truths. I tell only lies. You sprint. lies. I tell only truths. I tell only lies. You sprint. You could see the light at the light.

You could see the entire party. I presume big T and tavertine. You head to the other. Oh yeah. We would be going to the, yeah. You get there. You reach down and grab both of them just in time,

holding them up as the rubble shoves its way down the pipe, filling it up and destroying the two statues, plus the camp that you'd made, filling that tunnel, that pathway almost completely. You pull them out with just moments to spare. Had you hesitated for even a second, both of them would have gotten caught up in like a rock landslide forcing its way down the tunnel so so some good news we finally got rid of knock well that's exciting bad news lux is also dead i guess oh yes oh no weeboo weeboo weeboo what-boo. Wee-boo. Wee-boo.

Could we have discovered Wee-boo? No, Wee-boo isn't real. Well. He only lies. Does he? Because sometimes it seemed a bit truthy from him. No, you're just easily tricked. But if he only lies, then why did he say I can only lie?

How many red flags does he need to have? Some of them were pink. You can't he says I only lie. He said multiple times that he only Then you asked and they were like for clarity's sake. Yeah but

why would he be telling the truth about that if he only lies? No, the truthful one said that it was for clarity. The lying one, and if I recall, told you a lie. Well, no, the lying one said it's to make things more complicated. I was like, well, it does make things more complicated. That is a lie. But it did make things more complicated. Only for you

everyone else figured it out everyone else was like only tells truths only tells lies got it but you can't have that like yes you can it's just more of a paradox i mean if, if you stopped and overthought it, it would be like a... I thought about it the right amount. I middle-thought it. I didn't under- or overthink it. It's not a machine. It's magic. Yeah, so...

I guess wizards can be stupid. Yeah, they're stupid. Anyway. Sure. Yeah. I, um... Well, I just have a seat, to be perfectly

honest. I just have a seat. Alright. So, sorry, Tavotine, so sorry, Tavotine, we seem to have reduced your party by three quarters. Tavotine is kind of like staring

into the middle distance past you, away from your group. He is trying to affect what he obviously seems to think is like a stoic sort of expression. Whether or not that works on you is entirely up to you. I'll maybe put a hand on his shoulder as a comfort, I guess. I mean, it's not slimy anymore, so that, I guess, is comforting. He turns around

so that he's not really facing you, but is, again, facing the party. His face is similar to that of a bird's face. I mean, like, more than just physically. Obviously he looks a bit like a bird. He looks like a bird, because he's a bird. But imagine you had done that to a bird, the expression the bird would give

you, almost like not understanding. Aww. Aww. Aww. You going to be okay? He nods slowly, without speaking. I was going to say, do we know how, like, maybe close

they were, in terms of, like, how many, like, you know, sort of how we've sort of developed our little group, shall we say. Do we know much about, I guess, Tabertine and Happy Sack? Well, they were probably the closest to each other of anyone in Greyhill. You know of no one who hung out with Tabertine more than Herdek and who hung out with Herdek more than Tabertine.

So you would imagine that they would call each other good friends yes he didn't seem to like mind or they didn't seem to kind of matter when the two nameless uh greyhillians got turned into ice and shattered we shared a meal with them you absolutely would have don't know who they are had a meal with them. You absolutely would have. Yep. Don't know who they are. Anyway, I just have a seat. Zia Mia leaves and comes back with some

driftwood. She sets it down and makes a fire and begins while her camping equipment was down in the hole and a lot of no one has their camping equipment so you have a fire but you all sleep just on the ground. Her camping equipment was down in the hall, and a lot of, no one has their camping equipment, so you have a fire, but you all sleep just on the ground. Everyone may gain the benefit of a long rest.

Oh, my God. I'll actually imagine we just didn't even bother keeping a watch. No, I went to sleep. No, I don't think that happens, on account of there's still a lot of iron golems around. Golems around. Yeah, good point. Good point. We keep playing.

A watch is kept. A watch is kept. I think, if anything, this is maybe the most sleepless night you've ever had. Yeah, point taken. There's like 400 of them out and about. Ah, don't suppose they'll just sort itself out, huh? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. We'll see beans on toast. We're like the British pound. We're doing three shows. On the 22nd and the 25th of March,

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We'll probably spend the whole first 10 minutes being like, holy shit-a-rolly, that's a bunch of guys. So if you want to see that shit, and fair enough, head to sanspantsradio.com slash events and grab your tickets. Leicester Square also is nearly sold out, so for the love of God, hurry up. Once again, that's sanspantsradioio.com Slash events to grab your tickets Come, see some very handsome boys

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