D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #3 Family Run Bridge

Episode Date: November 27, 2021

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously, on the stories from the Greyhill Free Company To finish the ritual, Grey Dove gets a wooden bowl Puts it down by where the sap is pooling out of the tree And collects some of the sap into the bowl I slurp it up with my hybrid spider-human mouth

You see that his form has changed Globble, you are human I'm so dry hybrid spider human mouth. You see that his form has changed. Globble, you are human. I'm so dry. All of you reach level four. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel stronger too. But do talk about, like, yes, there's that fake spider that we sent running. And by the way, there is a elder god of frog or something running some incredible place. He takes you to the forest's edge. Gestures. You can see outside of the forest.

You can see the path that you came from. Well, I can protect you within the forest, but outside of it, you are on your own. So good luck to you. On the final day, right before getting back to camp, one more from each of you. 11. 11. Matchy. Oh, no.

We could have had a gambling ogre, and you've taken that away. I just want you to know that. Tree Stump, who would you like to act with? Yayola. And Glopple, who would you like to act with? I'll go with Chantel, why not? All right, Tree Stump. You dart forwards. You get to act with i'll go with chantelle why not all right tree stump you dart forwards you get to act

first the giant club you i'd say maybe you got within 30 feet so you're close enough to go up and try to grab it this turn yes as you uh as you run up onto the bridge you can see the creature hefts its other like the axe hand obviously meaning to to strike at you you grab well i guess there's no role required you grab the club you have to hold it in two hands it's big but you've got it i'd like to run away with the club uh all right that would be an attack of opportunity though are you Are you okay with that? Yes. What's your goal here? Get the club away. Are you trying to run away with their club,

or are you trying to hit them? No, take their club away. Tree stump, you dart backwards and away. The axe comes in, swings at you, but you duck underneath it. For the first time in your life, it occurs to you. Well, for good reason. For the first time in your life it occurs to you well not for that well for good reason for the first time in your life you're like i wonder if i can get under this attack typically that's not an option for you it's such a novelty that you could go underneath an attack but this instance you can and you do the axe swings clean over your head missing you i

give you a thumbs up well done uh oh well uh What would you like Yayola to do? Well, I suppose Yayola assumes this is much more combat-y than Tree Stump was attempting because why wouldn't you assume it was combat? So Yayola just heads in with the crossbow. Yayola fires the crossbow. The creature puts up one of its giant arms to protect its face and the crossbow bolt embeds itself in its hand air yayola deals what's that 10 points of damage does that have any resistances no yep 10 points of damage oh good job the creature issues that painful bellow and then the the face painted red says my club she got my club

the creature staggers after you uh tree stump it gets to you yeah it gets to you um it begins pummeling oh boy the axe comes down but you dart out of the way Then the other hand reaches out And tries to grab its Grab its club back I hope it misses See what I was trying to do Was disarm them and forget the back It's all for nothing

Yes Wow It grabs And tries to yank back But you dig your feet in, you dig your nails and fingers into part of the club, and then you drag back. You're fighting over it, but you still have control of it. No!

Then it is Lover's Blind's turn. Lover's Blind looks at you, Globble, gives you a shrug, and then casts a spell. Did you? I don't. What is? Hmm. An excellent question, may I say, he says. He's going to cast his new Scorching Ray.

Ooh. Three fiery bolts of lightning leap from his hand, and he tries to target the creature's faces. First attack, hit. Second attack, hit. Third attack, critical miss. Oh, no. If he mind swaps. Oh, my God.

He deals 11 points of damage, and then the final one explodes in his hand. He takes four points of damage, and then the final one explodes in his hand. He takes four points of damage. Hey, that's all right. Look, it could be worse. He could be currently an ogre. Yeah, he could always be an ogre. Then he'd be stronger, though.

That was Love is Blind. Glopple, it's your turn. Well, do they have any metal on their persons? No, not really. Like their clasps or anything? No, not that they're wearing, no. Okay, okay, okay. Well, I will cast Malf's Acid Arrow.

Okay. Okay. Again, I look at love and I just shrug and fire an arrow that's his life you hit a shimmering green arrow strikes it and i believe that's going to burn through it next round yeah and yeah it's gonna the acid continues to burn through the the creatures maybe its chest maybe you hit it in its chest because it's like wide open struggling with tree stump you strike it dead center of its chest and you see acid burning into it it cries out oh well that's unpleasant. Oh, yeah. Brother!

It calls out. Okay. Well, what's the situation looking like? Because they're just grappling with tree stump, yes? Yeah, they're just grappling with tree stump right now. Okay. Would Chantel try and disarm them as well, or also just go in with a warhammer? Up to you, or also just go in with a warhammer?

Up to you. I suppose just go in with a warhammer. Why not? Chantel, hefting the warhammer above her head, screams and charges forwards. She just barely hits. It was a poorly placed blow, but she manages to strike the creature on its foot. And I'll give it an action surge and have another. Give her another. She swings again.

A much better hit this time, dealing seven points of damage, hitting it on its other foot. The creature's like hopping from one foot to the other. Wah! I'm going to eat your bones! That doesn't sound very nice. Oh, no.

I need them. Tree Stump, it's your turn. Well, having learned that this man intends on eating my bones, I would like to use the weight of them trying to pull the club off of me and just smash it into the most damaged head now the redhead the redhead all right you try to swing the giant club oh no um you can rage remember i didn't i would like to rage all right well you turn disadvantage into just a regular attack. You hit with the club. I'm going to hurt them.

And as Castle's rules lawyer, can her newfound savage attack, can that also be utilized on anything? What do you mean? As in like on any particular attack? The re-rolling of damage? Yeah, I believe it's just a melee attack. Oh, that's great to hear. I'll re-roll both.

I'll roll twice and take the higher one. Seven or seven. All right. Good to know. It's just good to test these things out. Thank you so much for the representation. No worries, no worries. I would ask also the curse ring you're wearing. I don't know if that helps out in this situation.

Oh, yeah, I do have Sword Sage. Oh, the amulet? Yep. Well, nothing's happening with that right now. Okay, okay. It's just good to know, good to check, just go through everything, you know? Alright, so yeah, you get advantage, but now it's gonna

get advantage on you. You deal 14 points of damage, though. I'm glad. The creature is beyond bloody. We're about to get over this bridge for free. Tree Stump, Tree Stump, forget trying to hit the is beyond bloody we're about to get over this bridge for free tree stump tree stump forget wait forget trying to uh trying to hit the red the the head painted red you three stooges style

slap both heads they both go spittle and blood flies out of both mouths and drenches you tree stump oh i feel like all right and what would you like yayola to do um i reckon crossbow once more okay she has good spells if you want to yayola hits with the crossbow again yayola seems to be doing all right with the crossbow to be honest yeah another 10 points of damage that's kind of on par with most people casting spells yeah it doesn't look like yale has spells yeah if you go to yale's character sheet and do you see do you see action spells inventory features and traits description notes extras on the right hand side yeah and spells is uh grayed out what do you mean grayed out it's grayed out

i can't click on it are you okay i was on my character sheet thank god you also have i guess a crossbow because well you don't have a crossbow how are you getting a crossbow oh you probably just no i understand how it happened never mind all right well hey it's fine so look hey you hit this time but next time you now have you now know your spell options that was your turn it is the creature's turn again both of the heads they were calling out independently, brother, brother, brother, brother, brother. Both of the heads turn in different directions to look behind them where the bridge is. Brother, they say in unison.

The bridge shifts a little bit. The only place that you couldn't have seen another one the only place you couldn't have seen another one is underneath the bridge it is the only piece of terrain that is concealed from you half dragging itself from out from under the bridge you see a giant bedroll is like coming undone and then a second one with a loincloth made out of the rest of animals another one emerges it has obviously the clubs the club and axe that they use are homemade you can see that this one has similarly, but not identical, obviously, club and axe. It comes out. One of its faces is painted green, and the other one is painted yellow.

The yellow painted face looks at you and, in a booming voice, calls out, We will help you, brother! The other creature charges into the melee. One of them is going to keep fighting tree stump to try and get their club back. First off, they swing the battle axe at you. That will... What's your armor class?

I think it's decent. Oh, advantage. Yeah, hit. Yeah, fucking gotcha. And now a quick word from our sponsors. The one thing that you're really missing when you listen to D&D is for Nerds is that you can't see how hot we are. And let me tell you, we are smoking.

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subscribe because you love us and watch dandies for nerds presents icewind day and remember our cast as once more as your rules lawyer you do have a stone's endurance to reduce your damage, if you would like, as a reaction. Well. You don't have to do it. Just putting that out there. Thank you very much. And I think that is, yes, I see. I've written in capital letters, reduce damage as a reaction.

And I've written it under organization so it was at the top and I couldn't miss it. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, here are all my notes. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, here are all my notes. Cass, literally, Cass, literally, literally never change. You help keep my mind sharp. You will take, what is that?

Seven plus five is 12 points of damage. Would you like to reduce that? Yes, please. You don't have to. There might be worse attacks coming. I mean, it doesn't matter that much. I mean, if I'm going to reduce an attack anyway, please. You don't have to. There might be worse attacks coming. I mean, it doesn't matter that much. If I'm going to reduce an attack anyway, won't it always reduce...

I was just thinking that. That was 12 points to be reduced. Where is that? You reduce that by 5, so you only take 7 points of damage. And then it tries to wrench once again it's club back

no don't take it no still can't you you're like it's uh and if it was using both hands maybe like it is a lot bigger and a lot stronger than you but well actually no it's a lot bigger than you but it's actually not that much stronger than you and goliath's four purposes of carrying and lifting things count as large so uh you are it is bigger than you but the height difference actually isn't that big like there is a height difference and it is clearly wider than you but it is not that much stronger than you really if at all and then the other one wades into the fight and the other one's gonna fight chantelle so with the axe it hits but with the club it's gonna miss shant whoa chantelle's gonna take 21 points of damage oh and chantelle gets nearly bowled over backwards from the sheer force of the blow

um yeah that fucked chantelle up she's bloodied in one hit all right and then it is lover's blinds turn lover's blind once again standing next to you global you hear him say okay, this is our concern, he says. Things have taken a turn. Don't they always, he says. He fires another Scorching Ray. He's bringing out, he's busting out all the stops. Hit. Actually, let's resolve this first one,

because that first Etten is actually getting close to being gilled. Eight points of damage from the first blast. Then the second one, which was also a hit, does a further three. And then the third attack... Oh wait, did they take acid damage on their turn? Oh fuck, I forgot.

Yeah, he should have taken some acid damage. Alright, I've got good news, bad news. Okay. Which would you like first? Bad news! I want to leave on a high. All right. Lover's Blinds, third attack, once again, is a natty one. Yeah, of course.

And highs or lows? Let's go with lows. Lows? All right. It just explodes again in his hand. No biggie. I got to stop doing that. It's a new spell.

I'm so sorry i understand i understand i understand i understand i put a hand on his shoulder i get it i get it i get it the good news fuck ups go i glance at chantelle it could have been worse the good news is the second shot from love is blind is enough to bring down with that acid damage is enough to bring down the that giant whatever it is when it when it one of its heads gets nearly like clean blasted away and the creature stumbles over and then falls backwards the the brother that had appeared from beneath the bridge bellows out both heads screaming and then you see they have like bloody murder for love is blind love you better run

yes love you better run I will cast flaming sphere onto that particular new brother of Aeos that has appeared it fails its dexterity

saving throw and takes five points of fire damage. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Yes, I'll keep maintaining that. And I'll get Chantel to do a second wind. She recovers eight hit points. Cool. And I believe she can also help others recover some hit points. Oh, yes.

Let me see. It's a rallying cry, I believe. Three people regain four hit points. Yes, three people regain four. I'm guessing Love is Blind is one of them? Whoever is injured. But I, yes. I think it's just Love is Blind and Tree Stump.

Tree Stump, you recover four hit points. Chantel slams her war hammer into her shield and calls out a rallying cry. Two arms! She says it with such fervor that it kind of like rings out. The hammer on shield rings out, and tree stump, you feel invigorated. You feel like Chantel's got your back two arms but

they also have two heads all right a number between 1 and 31 cast that was pretty good 19 yes 19 think in music recall one piece of specific lore relevant to the current situation yeah it's like a good boy card you just tuck tuck that one away, play it whenever you want. And, yeah, so that was. Well, then she'll go in with a war hammer. All right. She charges forward screaming and strikes, dealing five, ten points of damage.

Good work, Chantel. Ha-ha, she calls out. And Tree Stump, it's your turn. Okay. I would like to keep it's your turn. Okay. I would like to keep attacking with my new furbit. So you change targets. This Etan is... Sorry.

You didn't hear that. Not that that name means anything to you. This creature is down, but the other one is still standing. Obviously, you want to change targets. I mean, like, I suppose you could... It's dying, but it's not dead. You could step on his throat if you wanted throats, if you want to change targets i mean like i suppose you could it's not it's dying but it's not dead you could step on his throat if you wanted throats if you wanted to but it would probably be more helpful to the party if you attack to the other one could that i can't i couldn't wield both the axe and the club could i i would say no i would say that's actually

impossible you need two hands for one of them. Does the axe look deadlier? Can I swap and go attack the other one? The axe certainly has more of a blade to it. Oh, it's those edges that I was talking about. Sorry, cast rules lawyer again here, just to kind of pop up next to you. Here's a question you can ask, Adam. Is your current halberd that is a magical weapon that is plus one,

that you have in your inventory, that is probably one of the better weapons that the current party has, can you just ask Adam, is that better than the club or terrible axe that Adam did describe as an axe as if humans had first discovered it? So I just want to ask, is your magical weapon... Now, I understand what you're saying. I do want to just add that I thought that gave flavour

and it did make that item more interesting to me and I want it. I get it, I get it, I get it. No, it's good to just hear every side. So, Adam, I have had some counsel on this. This magical halberd... Hal on this. This magical calvert Calvert? Yeah. This magical calvert. It's like a halbert, but it's bigger and it's got webbed fingers.

This magical calvert I came into. Yeah. Now, that is my best weapon. Would it be better than this weapon that it takes me two hands to yield? So, the club or the axe whichever one

you wanted to pick because they are not sized for you they are cumbersome for you to use a bigger creature than you with bigger and meatier hands was uh is designed to use this so you would be at disadvantage every time you wanted to attack with this weapon. As I have been before. Yeah, which means that you need to be using your reckless rage just to break even. So that would mean that it's a regular roll. However, that does mean that enemies get advantage on you. So that can be a negative. Alternative.

Oh, and the damage is 2d6 plus your strength of 7. So it's a minimum of 9 and a maximum, what's that, of 12 plus 7 is 19. So 9 to 19, basically, is your damage range there. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. The halberd, you would get advantage. With this reckless rage, you would get advantage. So you have a much better chance of hitting. The halberd's damage

range, however... That's much less. 7 to 16. Oh, sorry, no, I misspoke with the damage range, actually. Sorry, it's plus 5, not plus 7. So the damage range is 7 to 17, I think. It's the same!

This one's almost the same. I'll attack with my halberd. My halberd range is 6 to 16. 7 to 16. Yes. Well, with two dice though, you've got a bigger minimum. So you're, on the whole, you'll

probably do more damage with the club. The axe is another matter entirely. The axe might work differently. You'd have to actually swing it to find out. Swing it to find out, you say? You would have to swing it to find out. I would say you, from eyeing it, you already know that you're going to get disadvantage,

but you don't know the damage on the weapon. All right, all right. I would like to swing it to find out. I'm still mad! There's no better time. All right. It's so great seeing Adam set up a trap that you just go down. It's just incredible.

He takes my hand and I say, thank you, sir. I know. I would like assistance into this hole. And I'd like the shovel to help. You're very lucky its AC is terrible. You drop the club, pick up the axe, swing. You strike it in its leg. It bellows in pain.

And you deal... Savage attack. I remember. Don't worry. I remember. Oh, it was seven because you've got the rage. God, I'm so sorry. I'm all hodgepodge today.

You deal 14, 16 points of damage hey that is very good i mean that is the maximum i could have gotten on the halberd yeah and that was you did not roll maximum i am making excellent decisions you are making great decisions my intelligence might be negative one but the results speak for themselves. Then... Oh, what would you like Yayola to do? Back me up. Yayola's always ever backed you up. Yeah.

No, no, she has not. She doesn't want you to lead the party anymore. Fair enough. I mean, like, I don't think that's fair enough, but it is. Like crossbow or a spell? I would like Yayola to cast Guiding Bolt then in that case, please. She can cast it at second level. It gets a little bit more powerful.

Yes, yes, please. We are going for power and fun. That's what our team's about. A bolt of holy dwarven energy strikes this creature. My eyes! No, the green head calls out my eyes does the other one comment on their eyes no they don't presumably they don't care 10 20 26 points of damage that's good good honor and i believe now uh is it just the next attack?

On a hit, the target takes damage. Next attack. Yeah, next attack has advantage. Just the next one. The light from the guiding bolt begins to fade slowly, but it highlights them perfectly. And you can see when they move, when the creature moves, the light moves before they do.

So it kind of gives you an idea of where they're going to be nice it is their turn though they're going to swing they charge through your formation the club swings for yayola because yayola fucking hurt them but misses and then the axe swings at love is blind which also misses love is blind darts backwards obviously in a panic it's love is blind's turn um he takes a step back and says watch out and then he kind of like comes into a ball all of his hair stands rigidly on end like static shock and then lightning explodes out of him the creature is thrown back 15 feet away from away from love is blind and it's gonna take seven nine points of damage it is very bloodied and then it is glopple and chantelle's turn you still haven't gotten the bonus of the advantage yet the light is still fading because uh i love his blinds attack didn't

actually it wasn't a targeted attack uh well i'll i'll i guess i'll move my um flaming sphere on top of it again oh yeah that's right oh it. Oh, it should have made a... Oh, no, it did move on its turn, actually. I'll move that on him again. It makes... No, fails the dexterity saving throw, taking another five points of damage. Excellent, excellent. And I will... Hmm, let's see here.

Four. Look, acid worked pretty well the last time, so I'll throw some acid. Well, that is the roll that will get advantage. Wow. You rolled a two and you rolled a three, but you didn't roll a one. So you miss, but you don't kill yourself.

Hey, that's... If I had turned into an ogre... Oh, fuck. Going back to Gradoff being like... It happened again. You did it again, did you? If I had turned into an ogre Oh fuck Going back to Gradoff being like It happened again Gradoff Imagine being only one of the heads So Gradoff

Well I fucked up That's great Chantal then will go in there And swing away With her warhammer. She attacks. Wow, she fucks up as well. She nearly loses her grip on her warhammer. Well.

Wait, I know how to do this. Give me one moment. She starts fumbling. She has the end of her warhammer on the grip. There's a little leather strap That wraps around her hand She quite obviously has gotten that Tangled in her fingers somehow

She's quickly fumbling with that And That was your turn I guess Yes I nearly Melted off my newly formed fingers I'm all hands I would like to go in again With the accent since it was such

a wonderful decision the first time. Critical hit! God, I make perfect choices. Fingertipped. Normal damage and one dex damage. Target cannot use one hand until healed. Oh, that's funny. Would you like to pick the axe or the club? Axe.

Axe. Alright. Horse. Not that it might matter. You may just kill them yes um no 17 17 damage um no yeah yeah you killed them you cut them you cut the creature's uh hand off it looks at its bloody stump up in horror at you and then falls forwards neither of these creatures are dead but they are both bleeding out if left unattended they'll they will die and if nature is allowed to take its course they will die uh yayola will be taking nature's course yes i i assume we all just reach in there with a knife or a dagger of some sort. Sure. Yeah.

That is interesting. How's everybody doing? You're all looking quite well. His blind still has his eyes are kind of like popping out a little bit. He's still a little freaked out, but he seems fine. Yeah, right. I'll cure some wounds, whoever needs it. All right.

But, yes. Can we loot those? Did they have any good stuff? Whatever they were. I probably can't carry the weapon. I'll leave it. You check underneath the bridge and you find tolls that they have collected. Yeah.

Yeah. And we take it? Yeah, I'm assuming. You find. We just robbed a small business. They're not a small business. This is... Sorry, they were a very large business.

It is family-owned, which is upsetting. They are privatising public property. So, do we feel bad? And again, they were a very small family-owned business. And again, once more, for corporations. That is true. You'd find 23 gold pieces in a sack. It's probably made up mostly of silver and copper.

But you find 23 gold pieces. Did we destroy a small business? Because that's, like, really small. They've got to really zhuzh up the bridge if they're just not getting anyone in. You find a separate bag that has some gems in it, just assorted. It looks like wildly different costs, like wildly different rarities of gem. It just looks like they just stuffed it in the bag, not really knowing what any of them were worth. The bag has 11 gems in total.

Two of them are sapphires worth 100 gold each six of them are uh lapis lazulis the lapis lazulis would be worth maybe only 10 gold each and the rest the rest you pretty quickly determine are worthless stones. Like just maybe not geodes, because geodes would probably be worth something, but just like rocks that look nice. Yeah, they could have been really easily tricked. Oh, that's very funny.

Yeah, they're like, oh my God, thank you for rock. Please use the bridge. Tell your friends. there we are will our adventuring heroes continue on to camp or take over this wildly profitable bridge business find out next time on stories of the grey hill free company Hill Free Company. Hey, thanks for listening. If you want to support the show and also look fucking great, why not head to sanspantsradio.com slash shop and grab yourself a Sans Pants tea.

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