D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #4 Goodbye Love

Episode Date: December 4, 2021

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company. The creature issues that painful bellow, and then the face painted red says, My club! She got my club! Critical miss. Oh no.

If he mind swaps. I'm going to eat your bones. That doesn't sound too nice. Oh, no. I need them. Both of the heads turn in different directions to look behind them where the bridge is. Brother, they say in unison.

Two arms. Tree Stump, you feel invigorated. You feel like Chantel's got your back. Two arms, but they also have two heads. Hey! That is very good. I mean, that is the maximum I could have gotten on the halberd. Yeah, and that was, you did not roll maximum. I am making

excellent decisions. You cut the creature's hand off. It looks at its bloody stump up in horror at you and then falls forwards. You find... We just robbed a small business. They're not a small business.

Sorry, they're a very large business. It is family owned, which is upsetting. Yes, yes, carry on. What is... I guess, what is protocol of after killing, say, two very large ogres?

Do you just leave them by the side of the bridge? Kick them into the river? Under the bridge. I suppose it's up to you. Under the bridge. Yeah. What is the grey hill, I guess? You leave them where they lay.

No, you put them where you found them, under the bridge. I would suggest that at the very least we don't let them lie in the water while they decompose. We would feed that at the very least we don't let them lie in the water while they decompose. We wouldn't feed the fish though. I'd put them back in the right spot. They came from under the bridge. My mum always told me to put things away.

That's exactly what I'm saying. We shouldn't put them. Yeah, it'll rot and ham downstream or whatever. Let's just put them in a pile and look. I'll use my flaming sphere that's still, I guess, kicking.

You create a bit of a funeral. A funeral. It's like a funeral pyre, but it's larger and its fingers have webs. Yeah, you create a funeral pyre for the two creatures, which i don't know if anyone really cares yeah does anyone yeah let's see um yayola identifies them yayola who has you don't know where they found this they must have gotten it somewhere when you were in the dwarven stronghold

but yayola has like a like a basically a bible in common it would translate to the anvil and it's the like the religious text for dwarves she has a copy of that and she shows you it's got pictures in it she said like beautiful gold uh illustrations in it like pressed into the page she shows you a picture of what you were looking at, a giant with two heads. And beneath it, it has a text in dwarven, uh, which Yola,

who has like started to be able to read some dwarven says, uh, it, it's an Etan, a type of giant. They're, um, hated rivals of dwarves.

They compete sometimes for the same territories and locations. It probably came from mountains nearby. That makes sense. Right. Well, job well done. I think we did a good job. It was only really a nuisance for a small amount of people, but nonetheless, perhaps we should take some evidence of having killed it. It might be a quest that we didn't even know about.

Which head do we take? Good point. All of them? Again? Because that fit in my bag. I'll get the whole set. I don't like the idea of taking a head. That seems kind of gross.

They look heads. Look at their pants. It's a little morbid. What is the again the proper protocol here yeah do we get a rule book on how to desiccate a core yeah uh but like for good yeah like desiccate like coconut it depends on who has asked for it they typically get to ask themselves uh for what sort of proof they want some people will ask for something as complicated yes some people will ask for something as complicated as a head and a head is obviously guaranteed like there's very little other places one of those heads could have come from uh so a head would be pretty much proof for anyone i suppose but some people might just take you at your word and then if an

issue happens they might the benefits of having like a established free company like grayhill is that if an issue arises there's someone they can complain to and get their money back from so useful useful yeah so you can just you might just be able to be like, we did it and just say it and that might be enough. I don't mind carrying them. I can put them in the bin at home. Something like a hand as well could also be proof. You could also take their weapon.

A weapon could be proof. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think you like that. Got their axe, that's proof enough I'm just wondering if they'll ever need proof That we killed both It would be very heavy to carry two of them I'll just take one

And if anyone complains, I'll be like, go check Oh, can we bury them? Let's give them little graves I thought you were doing a funeral pyre I thought we'd pyre them Yes, yes, yes We can do a little gravestone if you want it If anyone's like, I thought we pyred them. Yes, yes, yes. Well, I was just thinking if we bury them, we can dig them back up. If anyone's like, can you prove it?

We're like, oh, yeah. But no, this is better. Right, yes. Well, after that, we'll head back to Greyhill. You get back to camp. It's kind of a buzz with activity. There are adventurers walking around some people you recognize some people you don't it looks like a lot of people coming in and going out on on journeys of

different sorts you wave to some of the people that you know in the center of camp sitting around the campfire are a bunch of the people that you know but haven't really interacted with much. Obviously, Herdek, if you remember Herdek, the dwarf, the very grave dwarf. Tavritine, the Arakokra. And Morimash, the leader of the Greyhill Free Company. Hello, how are your days? Hello, Morimash. It's global, it's global. It was a thing. Everyone's kind of staring at you.

Moromash gestures to, they're sitting around a campfire. It's also the sun is setting, so the fire is probably warm and nice. Moromash gestures to the fire and says, please have a seat. Yes, I heard about that. News traveled quite fast through the camp when you first arrived. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. So. And then I just tell Morimash all the bullshit that has happened.

Morimash's expression becomes kind of like graver and darker the more you continue. At the end of it, he nods solemnly and and says yes this is worrying a worrying development to be sure and that's how we killed the cobbles uh that is a concerning thing indeed i i shall be going to the i shall be heading into gray hill tomorrow i suppose on the way I'll, or not on the way, sorry. I suppose when I get there, I'll inform, well, Greyhill is not that big a city,

so I don't even know who I would really inform, but I will inform someone, some authority, perhaps a local lord or something, of what has happened, and they will presumably dispatch a messenger to the capital. At the capital, they will come up with what they're going to do.

That's good. We've basically done these things. Also, yeah, there was some Ettins. I don't know if they sorted them out. Oh, Ettins. He steps up, walks away, comes back with sheets of paper, starts going through them. Yes, actually, no, I found this one here.

I didn't realize they were that close. Well, I think someone else, I think another adventuring party had gone out to collect that bounty, but I suppose you're the ones who got it in the end. Yes, they've been sorted. Well, if you see that bounty out anywhere,

you can let them know that they don't need to do that one, he says. Well, we'll do. I'll get the information of that in a sec. So, yeah, so we've finished these particular... I guess we're handing them in. Yaiola is currently wearing the armour there,

and Big T has that sword sage amulet. And we also got this little ring, maybe a boat. I don't know what this does. Well, the ring isn't part of any bounty, so that's yours, isn't it? But do you know much about it? Oh, yes, but we don't know anything about it. Oh, yes, sorry.

Of course, I can have that taken into the capital. Not the capital, sorry. I can take that into Greyhill when I go tomorrow. You'll have to linger for a few days if you want to find out, but I can hold on to it for you, for when you next arrive if you want even. Thank you. Yes, I think

do we want to hold on to the armor for the time being? I simply can't abide that, I'm sorry, but company policy, you have the armor we must hand it in, I'm afraid. Sorry, I didn't realize that was the... Chantel. I'm sorry, but company policy, you have the armour, we must hand it in, I'm afraid. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Sorry, I didn't realise that was the... Chantel, I'm very glad,

Chantel, that you are safe. One of the worst parts of this job is sending pay onto a next of kin. I'm glad I don't have to do it. Chantel nods. I'm glad you don't have to either. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an interesting time. We, um, yeah, a lot of praying around in circles from memory.

Morimash has a, well, you hand all of the equipment in, hand all of the quests in. Morimash, with the Aten quest as well, Morimash, Greyhill Free Company, takes like basically a part of every cut just to maintain itself and whatnot. And then he divides it up equally for each of you. You will each get 1,283 gold coins. Hell yeah.

Everyone quickly north i know a place that we can at least double this you spend perhaps for the first time no actually before you left gray doves uh druid circle you actually would have had a very restful night but you have a very restful night, the first one since I suppose you left Grey Dove. And these are becoming very, it feels like, very few and far between. And that is, I guess, a pretty big stress. But in the camp of the Greyhill Free Company, you know you are safe. There are just too many adventurers here for anything to sneak up on you. Yeah, that's nice. The next day, when both of you are getting up, what would you like to do?

What time would you get up? I guess I would have been, hmm, because I guess with being a fish boy, I'd be accustomed to waking up every four hours to wet oneself so I guess I would be they'd probably just have a bath for you here that you would normally have slept in

so I guess I would be falling into bad habits of like four hours dipping into like a cold bath waking myself up and going fuck that sounds awful socially this skin doesn't absorb anything it's like a shock to the system um so i guess i'd be pacing and trying to warm myself up by the fire okay well i would wake up a little after the sun rises and then stay there so i can become warm like a dog in a sunbeam okay well both of you

begin to wake up the camp is going through its early morning routines people other adventurers are either coming in from actually very few adventurers would be coming in but some of the more industrious members of the grey hill free company might be getting ready to leave some of the older members are sitting around there's like a big bonfire in roughly the center of the Greyhill Free Company might be getting ready to leave. Some of the older members are sitting around. There's like a big bonfire in roughly the center of the camp. And a lot of the old timers are sitting around that bonfire exchanging war stories. Ah, beautiful.

You see Love is Blind is part of that group. Chantel and Yayola are both probably still asleep. They have like a joint tent on the other side of camp. I reckon I would have joined in on Love is Blind's group and their war stories. I would have listened. Sorry, Tristan?

I would have just sat around and listened to them. When you both wake up, you wander over, you sit down, each of you in turn sit down to join in or just listen to war stories. some of the old timers have some like you know some laughs and stuff like that you know joking about maybe a funny story about mora marsh comes up one time on an adventure when he was still kind of like a bit green around the gills he fell into like a massive pile of uh owlbear dung or something like that and they're just having a

good laugh about that um love is blind nods along and grins and he contributes every now and then you quickly get the impression that he was actually there at uh at that story and he's like listening to this story this story that he was there for being told for like the one millionth time or something like that and he's giving it like a good laugh and a smile along he's every now and then he does like one of those classic you know the dad knee slap oh yeah after a good joke yeah he gives it a dad knee slap every now and then um someone comes around some just one of the members of the camp, maybe Tavritine, it comes round and he's giving out tea to everyone. He's made like a big brew of it,

some sort of strange herbal brew from his homeland. Have a sip of it. Yes, please. Thank you. It tastes like a gust of wind from a mountaintop. What an interesting taste. How did you do that? I must say.

Tavritine, as always, says nothing. Enigmatic and mysterious. The only reason you knew he was offering you tea is he had a platter of it. In addition to that, Herdeck maybe at a certain point comes over. Herdeck

is probably one of the oldest members here but maybe also one not green around the gills but probably joined about the same time you did global so while they are an advanced adventurer they are still new to the gray hill free company and her deck entertains you all well quotation marks entertains her deck tells some stories but they are not happy they're not even like really horrific they're kind of just sad depressing tales like you're expecting a punch line and then it just just doesn't come and you're like oh and other than and they all died and they just Yeah. They just did. Oh. Okay. So they just... Okay, all right.

Why did you say it like you were telling a joke? I suppose that's just life then, isn't it? Alive one day, dead the next, she says. Yeah, and sometimes alive again. But you're not dead. No. No, I'm not, she says kind of cryptically. We're all dead.

We just don't know it yet. It's very, very, very cheerful to wake up to. I don't think that's a nice way to live. No, no, no. I hope she's okay. She doesn't seem okay. The various old-timers begin dispersing themselves, going to their various groups to leave and whatnot.

And then finally it's just you three. Yeah, you three, you two, plus Love is Blind, Herdak, and another person who you know is quite new. Actually, maybe this is their first month to the Greyhill Free Company. Yeah. A half-elf by the name of Saren. Yeah. She wears, like, a long billowy dress that has, like,

leather armor elements stitched into it, so it hangs at odd and strange angles. Every time she moves as well, you hear like, you don't see her wearing any jewelry, but every time she moves, she jangles with like many different bracelets and whatnot. They must be hidden somewhere within her clothes. She sounds like a wind chime.

Yeah. That's beautiful. You know that she is a half elf. She comes from a part of the world very far away from here and much hotter than here as well. She quite clearly is adapted to a much different clime, and she often, in the short time that you've known her, she never complains about it, but you often see her shivering.

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She's quite clearly come to the fire for the massive bonfire for Womp. Why doesn't she wear more leather? Sorry? She's just wearing a dress of course she's cold yeah do i have any spare shawls i can lend this woman do you offer yeah uh i'm sorry it look a bit cold do you want this big shawl it's for someone taller than you but um that way it's more of it she gratefully reaches out to grab the shawl. Thank you. It is a great pleasure

to have a friend as close as you that can do this for me. Oh, it's no worries at all. You're allowed to laugh. It's not rude? It's not making fun of your heritage? No. Now it's rude. Well, mama mia, Adam. I just don't know what to do now.

How are you enjoying your first month here? Saren, yes? Saren, yes, it's a pleasure. It has been a little bit of a struggle here and there. I have trouble with adjusting to the area, obviously. She says, like, clutching the shore close. Yeah, yeah. You are a global, yes? Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's me.

I heard what happened to you. Yes, I'm also having some time adjusting. Yes. I'm also having some time adjusting, is it? Yes. I suppose it is almost a farce of me to say how difficult it is to adjust to this space, considering what has happened to you. Yes, it is very strange.

It's also very cold, I'm finding it, because before I would have, I guess, an insulate, like a layer of, I guess, fat that would kind of keep me warm, especially in water. Now if I dip my toe in, it's just like a cold shock. It's not very... Also, there's these things keep growing. I don't know how to stop them. I never really realized it before on others around us. Elves, we do not intend to grow this here, she says, and she gestures to her face.

Yeah, yeah, it looks nice. Clean, smooth. Yes. It is, I can only assume, a very annoying prospect. It is. I must make some preparations. very annoying prospect. Nitty-titches. I must make some preparations.

I need to figure out what I'm going to do next. Thank you very much. She stands up. I will give you your shoulder back. Oh, no, it's alright. I think you'll be cold if you go away from the fire. It may be even more so. So, it's yours.

I appreciate that. Thank you very much i appreciate you she puts a hand on her heart thank you god bless sorry if she doesn't say god bless god jesus christ bless you jesus christ all of his saints and pope Benedict, may they bless you. Now she puts her hand on her, over her heart, and she says, may the guardians of the skies uplift you and always hold you close. Oh, I put my hand on my chest. May you be warm.

Yes. If you have a, I must make preparations now, but if a spacer becomes available on your team, I would be very grateful to join you, she says. She turns and leaves. Thank you very much. I think she likes us.

I think she does. He gives like a big stretch and he stretches his, he doesn't wear shoes or anything like that because they don't make shoes for cat feet. And he gives like a big stretch and he stretches his, he doesn't wear shoes or anything like that because they don't make shoes for cat feet. And he like stretches out. You know like how a cat stretches? Yeah.

He does a cat stretch and he's quite clearly trying to get his open paws as close to the fire without burning them as possible. Long. Yeah, he becomes a long cat. Aww. Yes, I guess big TV, you have to probably, I mean, work out what's our next move. I'm happy to take on more missions because I'm having a lot of fun. Love is blind.

After his big stretch and after your little chat, he says, I wish to speak to you about something. Okay. What do you want to talk about? I wish to say that it has been... In that Sarin thinks it would be an honor to know us, I would like to say that it has been an honor to know you. Oh!

What are you going to do? Right. Are you okay? I think this was my last venture out. I did not want to say anything until it was over. Oh, right, right. Sorry, I thought you were dying or something. I have the big C.

No, I want to retire while I still have time left to retire. Right, right, right. That's much nicer. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Aw. Yes, that's right. Well, look, as adventures go, that mission was something to remember, you know?

I fear it is not over. I fear you still have much work to do. But you will have to carry on without me. Of course. It's been an absolute pleasure

to adventure and fight alongside you. Big love. I have known you for much time, and there is a phrase in my people that goes something like, a good friend is someone you invite over for dinner. A great friend is someone you invite over for the week.

And people like you are always welcome within my home. A great friend is someone you invite over for the week. And people like you are always welcome within my home. For food. Oh! Thank you. As all Tabaxi's sayings and stories must end with a good meal. Well, I hope that when we are ready to retire we'll come find you and we can share a meal

for a week he maybe tells you where he lives he's got family he's got family so you are currently in the nation of Kandor you're in like a kind of the southern section of Kandor up north there's a major city called Appleville.

Guess where it got its name from? And just outside of Appleville, there's a series of small like farming settlements, and he lives along there. He tells you how to find him. Well, if we ever find ourselves near Appleville, we'll make sure we drop in. For an apple?

Yes. It is in in for an apple. Yes. It is, in my culture as well, it is impolite to part ways with friends and not leave them with something. As the nature of things, they transition from one person to another. It is selfish to hold on to something for too long. to another it is selfish to hold on to something for too long and so i wish to spread to you some things that are either important to me or i feel like perhaps you deserve to hold on to so that you may pass to someone in the future yeah yeah i will give to chantantal and Yeola something as well, but to each of you, I wish to give your thing now. He, in his little side satchel, he pulls out a wrapped leather object. He unfurls the leather object.

It is the biggest rubber band ball you have ever seen in your entire life. Oh my God. He hands it to you tristan oh this uh this is my in my culture we call this a ball of soft oh my goodness it's very soft um like like many balls of soft, it is, you might say, soft and a ball. But unlike other people's bowls of soft, this one bounces. I try it out immediately. It bounces. It bounces as a tennis ball might. Or a ball of rubber bands might.

This is so special. I think that of all the adventures we've had together, my favorite has been the adventure of our friendship. Love is blind, Nods. This bowl of soft, it reminds me of you in a way. You are both full of energy and you both get very high. I try and bounce it up to my face height. You do easily.

Oh. Same. Thank you. Can I give him a hug? Yeah, he hugs you. I stand up. He comes off the ground a little bit. I put him back down.

Then he reaches into his pouch again. And gloppily he says, For you, I had to give it much thought. It is a very powerful thing to give someone something of yours like this in my culture. It is not only symbolizes a friendship, but it also connects you over distance. not only symbolizes a friendship, but it also connects you over distance. There may not be any real magic to this, but I suppose the true magic behind this is the magic that you feel in here, he says, and he gestures to his heart.

And then he pulls out a little blue gem. The blue gem in its very center has like a little light, and you see that the gem actually glows a little blue gem. The blue gem in its very center has like a little light, and you see that the gem actually glows a little bit. It's a very faint light, but it glows nonetheless. Oh, wow. He hands it to you. Put it up to your ear. All right, I grab it and put it up to my ear, hold it.

When you put it up to your ear, you can hear, like if you put a shell to your ear, you can hear, like if you put a shell to your ear, you can hear waves. But it's unlike a shell, which is kind of like faint. When you put it to your ear, it's like you've literally got your, that one ear is listening to waves. Beyond just waves, you hear seagulls, corn. Right, well, it's like I'm standing on a shore again. This gem was told to me as the heart of the sea

it comes from a much larger stone somewhere, I do not know where it is but it is part of a larger hole and obviously the connection between you and the sea is clear but also I feel like over this time um over the time that we have known each other uh this bonding that we have done it makes me feel like we are part of each other and so like this is part of something else, something far away.

You will be part of me and I will be part of you far away. That's a very lovely sentiment. Big love. Come here, come here. He hugs you too. Big hug. I'm shocked because it's fur and I'm not moistening it. Yeah, it's shockingly dry fur.

Yeah, that's what that's like. Oh, thank you very much. It's very, very touching. Very touching. Oh, my God, you just got to hug a cat for the first time. I know. Did it rule? It did.

I feel so lucky and blessed. Oh, my God, you never know what soft felt like. Not at all. I just know what, like, matted, like, wet fur was. Very sweet of you. Thank you very much. When do you leave? My bags are packed.

Well, then. Don't let us hold you back. You have a very safe journey. Goodbye. Goodbye, love. you take care of yourself so we can come over for that meal may your path always lead you to a good meal speaking of let's go some breakfast all right you bid your final goodbyes to slightly tearful goodbyes to love is blind and then you go get some breakfast.

I have a breakfast. I want to be, like, talking to Big T. I just didn't have the heart to tell him that I'm actually, like, from the swamps. But it was a very lovely gesture nevertheless. I think. I don't know if the salt's good for you, but it's still wet. It's very sweet of him.

I think the thought counts. Exactly. And that's got to turn, like, 100. Exactly. It's very sweet. So there's, I guess, a mouthful of porridge. We'll look through those, I guess, new missions that have popped up over the time. Pile of quests.

Yeah, pile of quests. What new quests await our adventuring party? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. This is a terrible idea. Why have I done this? We're scaredy boys. The premise is ridiculous. Hi, I'm Damien Robb.

Welcome to Scaredy Boys, a weekly podcast where three cowardly friends discuss horror movies. My mum was weird about what movies we watched. I was a coward as well, so I was like, enforce the law, mum. I think I've watched three horror movies in my time, one of them by choice. For a big old coward,

I have seen a weird number of horror films. Each week, we'll watch a spooky movie. I want to take this up to both of you because both of you are like,

oh, thrillers aren't horrors. Fuck they are. They are for us. Try not to piss our pants where we scared. Oh, easily, yes. Yeah, big time. Is he going to die?

I'm scared, man. My hands were pretty much covering my face the entire time. Yeah, at what point did you just give up? Early. And then figure out how the hell we'd survive. I'll punch, man. My hands were pretty much covering my face the entire time. Yeah, at what point did you just give up? Early. And then figure out how the hell we'd survive. I'll punch a nun. No questions asked.

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