D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #8 Shark Ace

Episode Date: January 1, 2022

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company. So you control the locusts, yes? Do not. So why are you causing them to eat everything? You are underground somewhere in some strange dungeon complex.

The walls are very well carved made stone. Pipes and gears and pulley systems incorporated into the walls, they are made out of brass. And you can see that it is attempting to assemble golems, iron golems. You can see that every time it puts an iron golem together though, and then it continues on the conveyor belt,

the iron golem kind of just falls apart as soon as it leaves the machine. I understand the basic principle of what it is. It's trying to make an army, but it's not got the materials to do it. Dwarves seem so irresponsible, you know, at this point in time. Yeah, what you want to do is just flood that chamber

and that should break the machine pretty permanently too. That seems simple enough. He gets up and goes up to the alchemy station. He picks up a bottle and brings it back to you. You want to be careful with this. It's a pretty potent acid. As a druid, you kind of recognize that mountainous terrain where there are no mountains is evidence of some long-forgotten,

some ancient scar upon the earth itself. All right, well, we'll find somewhere that's a little bit safe. And, yeah, I guess we'll take watch. Can I get both of you to roll? Actually, who's taking first watch out of the two of you? You will? Yeah. Can I get you to roll the encounter die?

D12, yes? Yeah, D12. 11? Who would you have taken watch with? Yayola. Yayola? Okay. Oh, actually, can I go Saren?

Saren? Okay. I want her to feel included. Sure. As soon as you begin your watch with Saren, she asks you, please, tree stump, a big T, is that correct? Oh, yes. What's your name?

Your other name. Oh, I do not know. A nickname is typically given to you. I do not think you can make your own. I once knew a person who tried to make their own nickname. They tried to call themselves Shark, and we always

kept calling them Shit. Yes, yes. I knew a person who tried to make the nickname Ace Stick. They kept wearing, like wearing cufflinks with cards, like the ace of them, and tried to introduce themselves as ace once.

It didn't go down well, really, at all. I go back to sleep. No worries. You can be Shark Ace. Shark Ace, I like it. You get the gift of everyone who tried to take their own. That sounds lovely. Thank you, Big T.

Tell me, Big T, where are you from? I'm from near Greyhill. Have I spoken about this before? Have I already revealed where I'm from i don't think so no okay goliaths are kind of like mountainous people so your people come from the mountainous train that's not necessarily to say that you have oh like a where are you from where are you from uh no no that is not what i mean i mean uh um, like, obviously you were not born in the camp. Where did you come from before the camp?

I came from a little town outside of Greyhill, nearer to the mountains. Oh, that sounds... Sorry? I lived with my mum and my dad. That sounds lovely. Do you have any siblings? I might now. I haven't been back for 10 years.

Wow, that is a long time. Do you miss them? I do, but I feel like because my heart is above everybody else's heart and their hearts are above everybody else's hearts, we can still love each other from afar. We've got better reception. we got better reception. That sounds lovely. If I may ask, what is there... She laughs at her own joke. Is there a...

And I don't mean to say this in any way. Do not read too much into this. I say it kind of as a joke. That's okay, I can read. The joke kind of makes me laugh. But it's a serious question, if you feel like answering it. Anyway, I say too much.

Is there a Mr. Big T? So much preamble. Oh, no. I'm just a lonely stump. I mean, someone might make a tea party on me one day but for now i'm just a cut tree alone in the forest but still in the forest which is very nice is there a mr mr shark case she reaches into her robes and pulls out a uh like a little map case. She opens it up, and inside there's a furled piece of paper. She unfurls it and shows it to you.

It's a drawing, a charcoal... Charcoal? Charcoal. How do you... Charcoal, yeah. God, how could I... Anyway, there's a charcoal drawing of a young man on it. He looks to be also maybe half elven although it's hard to tell from

the from the drawing he's got like sharp features it's a kind of a profile half profile i guess maybe picture of him he's got uh like a from the drawing you imagine that this is a man who is more than a little mischievous. He's got kind of like that look, and he's been drawn with that kind of a look in his eyes, and he's certainly got a bit of a mischievous smile. You imagine it's the sort of drawing that maybe you might do of like a summer fling almost. There's definitely like a nature like that that has been worked into the drawing.

Well, he looks cheeky. Where I'm from, we have met several times in short circumstances. There is no real likeness to that in this place, but there is a kind of a culture of wandering. And when you wander, you are typically, if you encounter someone else on their own pilgrimage, you make a small talk, you get to know them and whatnot. We met during a combat.

There was a fight. There was a terrible, terrible dragon attack. And we met in a combat there was a fight there was a terrible terrible dragon attack and we met in such circumstances and we were obviously too busy to introduce ourselves at first and we had like a harrowing scary terrifying but ultimately thrilling experience together

and it was so exciting that in the end of it we didn't we forgot that we had not exchanged names. And the next time we met, it just kind of became a joke, I suppose, you know, like a thing. We thought maybe we should. And then he said, what if? And I said back, what if?

And then we didn't exchange names for the second time. And then the third time he came around and we spoke a little about the families and where we are from. But on the third time, it comes towards its end. And he says, what if again? And I say, what if again? And it has been like this for much much time now i have not seen him you don't know his name no i don't know in his name i know where he lives i know he's a family i know his grandmother's name his grandmother when i was in town i stop by and i say it's me

you're uh your grandson's uh friend i suppose. And she laughs. She thinks it's very funny. This is, you know, it's a light, I suppose. I've not seen him for a year, though. Huh. Yeah. There was a brief period for about maybe five, six years where we would not go a month without seeing each other.

But it's only short every time. Maybe no more than a few days uh when we see each other it is uh i don't know i i it's nothing serious obviously but i just uh i don't know it's cute i think it'll keep you on the road how long have you known him uh not that long. For a Goliath or a human, maybe not that long. But for a half-elf or an elf, time means different things. For us, we have only known each other for a brief time. But for you, it's, I suppose, about a decade. Quite a while, I suppose, for you. Wow.

Yeah. What do you call him in your mind? When we need to refer to... Sorry? What do you call him in your mind? When we need to refer to Sorry? What do you call him in your mind? In my mind I call him Summer And he calls me Spring

That's very beautiful So you do have a nickname Yeah I hadn't really thought of that But you're right I do have a nickname I think Shark Ace is't really thought of that. But you're right, I do have a nickname. I think Shark Ace is a bit cooler, but this one's a good one as well. She laughs. You both have a very pleasant conversation after that.

She asks you maybe a little bit more about your family. You elaborate. And then, if you'd forgotten, you did roll for an encounter. I did. I did. Was this the encounter? Was it a nice encounter? Was it a nice time?

No, unfortunately, you were both distracted. And then, right in front of you, like with a strange whooshing sound and with a whip crack, there is suddenly a spider. I don't think this one's a friend. Siren does not, but Tree Stump, you recognize this spider. Hang on, never mind, maybe it is a friend. It gets a surprise round. Oh, no, it's not. I was wrong twice. It gets a surprise round. Oh, no, it's not! I was wrong twice!

It attacks you. Ew, fuck. Oh, it gets advantage as well, because it caught you by surprise. It's got so many legs. Very nearly a critical hit. It stabs its fangs down into you. You take nine points of piercing damage, and then you need to make a constitution saving

throw as you feel it shove poison into you no stop i think wow i think i was about to be like i don't think you could fail this saving throw but but nonetheless, you do. I love to do the impossible. Very good. Very sneaky. Very sneaky. Very cheeky. Kee hee. Tree Stump, you take 23 points of poison damage.

I would like to reduce my damage, please. poison damage. I would like to reduce my damage, please. You take... 14 points of poison damage. That's a great expression. Oh no. That would have killed me.

Alright, then let's go to initiative. Opening move really ruined you, huh? I spent too long talking about my family. It happens to the best of us. Oh, no, it gets to go again. Oh, no. No.

My dad was very short for a Goliath, and my mom was very tall for a Goliath, and I came out perfect. Never change. I don't know how. A big T, you will be acting with Saren and Globble. Who would you like to act with? I'll go with Chantel. I like the simplicity of a warrior. All right, the spider goes again.

In here. Tree stump. like the simplicity of um a warrior all right the spider goes again in here tree stump it brings its fangs out and then you're scrambling away but you nearly back into the fire so you have to stop and then it drives those fangs right into your chest again oh fire would have been better you take a further five points of piercing damage and you need to make another constitution saving throw this time you pass so no damage or no half okay half the poison damage you take nine points of poison damage oh boy i'm very sick global Globble and Chantel, you are sleeping. Zia Mia is sleeping. Big T and Saren, if you, Saren starts screaming, everyone is going to wake up,

but they need to take their turn to do anything. Did I forget to scream? Well, you, like, you just didn't get a chance to after the first. You're making a ruckus now, but everyone is only just waking up other than you. So I need to stop getting hurt. Yes. Is it my turn?

It's your turn. Yeah, you may act. And you are controlling Saren. Okay. If Saren would please be able to give me five temporary hit points. And then I would like to really go in with my halbert that is only a bonus action so saren could still cast a spell or attack herself as well yeah um she has a rapier but uh you might want to keep her at a distance and use spells i'm thinking saren might

want to use dissonant whispers and give this spider the worst self-think about itself it has had. All right. Give it some bad vibes. She can give it at first level or second level? Second level. We would like horrid, putrid vibes in this spider's brain. It's got eight eyes and all of them see themselves poorly. Saren brings her hand up to her mouth and begins whispering into it staring intently

at the phase spider's many eyes the face spider's face turns to look at her and you can tell somehow even though she's whispering into her hand there's like energy spectral energy coming in whiffs off her hand and you can tell that the spider can hear what she's whispering the spider makes a wisdom saving throw which it fails and is going to take 46 damage nice yes yes that yeah that heard it and now a quick word from our sponsors on each step with peloton from their pop runs to walk and talks you define what it means to be a runner whatever your level embrace it journey starts when you say so if you've got five minutes or 50 peloton tread has workouts you can work in or bring your classes with you

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Yes! All right. Caught unaware. I was having a nice conversation! I hate when I'm being surprises. You hit. Of course I do. I'm furious.

You deal a further nine points of damage go back to my nightmares the phase spider is bloodied good has anyone else woken up now yeah everyone else is waking up but they won't be able to act until they're until next round so you swing your howl but slam it into the side you see one of the phase spider's legs breaks and crumples underneath your blow, and you nearly throw the phase spider onto its side. Yela, like, bursts out of her bedroll, but that's her turn. The phase spider darts backwards and then launches in again at you, Big T. It gets you again. Oh, it gets advantage

on this roll. Oh, but what if you didn't? You take 10 points of piercing damage and you need to make a constitution saving throw. You will pass that constitution saving throw.

Oh, okay. That's fine. I was about to be like, oh, wait, did this fuck you even more? No. Only if it reduces you to zero. 10 22 you take 11 points of poison damage that is already halved what what if i were to use yeah my good boy card that is re-roll anything. You can use that. Absolutely. Thank you.

Instead of 11, this might not be that much better. You take 10. That is a lot better because I was on 11. Oh, wow. Yeah, that literally was the difference. That was a big deal. And if this damage reduced you to zero, it actually would have fucked you for a lot longer than this fight.

So that is actually a pretty good change. What do you mean, fucked her for a long period of... If the poison damage reduces the target to zero hit points, the target is stable but poisoned for one hour. So you wouldn't have been bleeding out, but you would stable but poisoned for one hour. So you wouldn't have been bleeding out, but you would have been poisoned for an hour afterwards, even after regaining hit points, and is paralyzed

and poisoned in this way. So you would have actually been, even if they healed you for an hour, you would have been poisoned and paralyzed. Well, that seems illegal, just saying. Yeah, they should make a rule in the letter poison people.

Yeah. Globble, you are standing up. You are not wearing any armour. Not that I think you normally, but you certainly can grab at weapons. You again. Fuck. Right. Well, shit.

My good friend Big T is looking pretty fucked, yeah? Yes. Oh, shit. Okay. A bonus action. Am I near them or am I a bit away? You're pretty close. You were camping together.

I'd say you're pretty close. Okay, cool. I'll reach out and I'll just cast Cure Wounds on my good friend. Probably at a second level, to be honest. Jesus. Not Jesus. Elf Jesus. You recover 14 hit points. Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you. Okay. I was very sick. What would you like Chantel to do? Chantel similarly is not wearing her armor, but she can grab at a shield or a weapon. I think she'll just grab, could she do grab Warhammer and the shield?

No, only one thing, only one interaction. But she can use her Warhammer in two hands, which gives her a damage boost. Yeah, well, Chantel will be grabbing her Warhammer and charging in um and and and hitting it she charges in screaming at the top of her lungs chantal chantal come on now for fuck's sake you keep doing this uh she hits the spot she hits the spider but awkwardly she hits it with the um the not the hammer itself but like the stick that connects the hammer to the handle and that splinters

slightly and the hammer begins wobbling back and forth chantelle steps backwards looks at her partially broken weapon and mutters fuck chantelle um so her weapon is now useless yes it's broken she's gonna need a fit oh she's just gonna take a penalty to using it okay well um i'll get her to action surge and then to go in again she hits yay she wow max damage she deals what is max damage for her she deals 15 points of damage perfect good work 30 oh wow she brings it down she crushes the good thing you did that she crushes the spider's head into a fine, mushy paste, and the spider's body collapses. What? That was the face spider?

Yeah, you reckon that. It's the face spider that escaped. Huh. Was that quest complete? I kind of point to everybody. Just like a little thing appears on all of your screens, and then crest completed. Chantel, hand me your weapon.

I think I can easily fix this. Yes, I would appreciate that. Thank you. She hands you the hammer. I sit down and begin to cast Mending on it. All right. You fix the Warhammer. There you go.

All right. You fix the Warhammer. Yeah, there you go. All right. All right. And, Gleppel, can I get you to roll the Encounter dice on your watch? I could, Adam. Now, I could do that. Okay, so would you like me to re-roll? Knowing that I've already, when you said to re-roll, I rolled. Uh-huh.

I could be an honest boy and be like, this is what we got. Or you could get me to re-roll. What would you like? What did you roll? Well, that's not how this works, Adam. All right. All right. You keep the roll that you got.

What did you roll? I got 12. You want to hear the funniest fucking thing? Yeah. If you hadn't, if you'd been like, oh, I got a two, I would have been like, roll again. 12's a big encounter as well.

Tonight is going to be busy. Yeah. Yeah. That sucks, dude. That really sucks. Cause I know exactly what I'm going to throw at you. Fuck.

Oh no, I can't. No, that's way too bad. No, that's beyond mean. Oh, but. But funny? But funny. Actually, you know what?

This is an unfair encounter, but it makes sense in the story. Oh, okay. Well, I like to imagine how this came about is, oh, don't you worry. story. I like to imagine how this came about is, look, Sarah and Tree Stump, look, you've earned your rest. How well is Tree Stump?

Are they healed to full now? I don't think so. I'm on 15. Okay, well, I'll definitely cast another spell on here. Probably the, yes, Cure Wounds, I'll definitely cast another spell on here. Probably the, yes, Cure Wounds, I guess, again. That's probably the highest I have.

At what level? Again, second level. Just to really get them going. We recover another 11 hit points. And are they still pretty wounded? I'm on 26. Thank you. I'm feeling, oh, if I were to put it into numbers, I'm on 26. Thank you. I'm feeling, oh,

if I were to put it into numbers, I'd definitely understand. I'm very, oh, I feel... Could you go with another heal, is what I'm asking? Oh, I feel halfway good. Again, we're having another rest.

Why would I even think to save any of my spell slots Here you go Have another heal You're looking very Second level? Of course Of course

Why would you save spells? Why would you conserve them? I mean like actually Role playing wise The night isn't over So Like you can save your spells I'll cast make a

You're right A first level spell Why You're right. A first level spell. Why not? Chuck them a first level. You recover nine hit points. Thank you. I feel like three quarters good. Anyway, you go to sleep. Here you are.

I'll just get to mending your weapon. We'll take a watch. While you're mending her weapon, Chantel begins putting, strapping her armor on for if something happens in the night. That's fair. While she's going through the long process, looking at you, she

engages you in light conversation, at risk of being overheard by them. Saren's good. I think she works well in the group. Yes, yes. They seem very friendly. I think I was half hearing a conversation when I was a bit asleep. They seem very nice.

Yes. Look, hey, to reveal something to you, this is not the first mercenary company, adventuring company. That's right. That I've been a part of. Really? And I would say, however,

that this is the one that has felt most like a family to me. Yes, yes. I think it's nice we've really, really gelled together. I mean, we've experienced, to be quite frank, quite a lot of trauma between the two of us these last, what, week, two weeks? Yeah, yes. Quite a lot of trauma.

I mean, like, I died. Yes. I was dead for a while as well. Where did you go? Great question. Do you remember? Once again, let me look up gods. Which god would I believe in?

I just Googled gods rather than went to Google Docs. Gods, please Google. Google. Give me gods. I follow the Knights of Lore. Oh, yes. Specifically Lady Willow. Oh, right.

I don't know if I've heard of her. I probably have actually heard of her, surely, by this point. You'd be shocked. Spotty. I think I've heard of them, yeah i'm not not quite familiar but um no yeah you you know you don't know them um they're uh worshipped it's a pantheon worshipped by knights paladins fighters soldiers sometimes mercenaries um it is uh two two knights locked in combat for all eternity, Lady Willow and then Lord Oakflesh.

They are locked in combat for the hearts and minds of all warriors the worldwide. It's a battle physically, a physical battle, but it is also like, I suppose, ideologies competing against one another. Lady Willow, obviously, is like a fair play, a person of like, yeah, fair play of sportsmanship, chivalric codes and whatnot, whereas Lord Oakflesh believes more in an all-out warfare, whatever needs to be done to win, sort of.

Yes, I guess I could kind of gather that from just the name to learn, I guess. Yeah, and then there is in between them Sir Blakewood, a knight in good esteem, a neutral arbiter, if you will, making sure that the fight never tips too far in one or the other's favour. Although that obviously means that for all eternity, neither one can really win, because Sir Blakewood always comes in to stop one of them from winning.

Yeah, so it's like almost a never-ending gladiatorial game, shall we say. Right, well, but yes, I'm very happy. And I appreciate Lady Willow, I think, but I think I guess actually, ultimately I would say, look, in polite company, I would say that I am truly a follower of Lady Willow, but I think in my action, I would be more of a Sir Blake Wood, where you understand that chivalry has its place, but also chivalry has its place. Exactly. And sometimes, well,

the only unfair fight is the fight you lose. Exactly. Look, I could not agree with you more, but I'm super glad you're back. Oh, anyway, sorry, I began speaking about that. Followers of them are sent to the battlefield to fight on one side or adjudicate even.

Where did you find yourself? Well, if in truth, I must be honest, I would say that I found myself adjudicating. Was that a bit of a surprise for you, or was that just kind of as you expected? Ultimately, I've had a lot to think about in recent days. But yeah, I guess I always, once again, there's self that you want to project out into the world,

and then there's the self that one is. Yes, of course. Again, I'm so happy you're back. Yeah, I was distraught when it all happened. Yes, it's been a tremendous... She been a tremendous past you it's been like an hour or so a little time has passed she leans past you and she says is that a cat a cat what i turn around and you see you know how in like darkness you can see the reflection of cat's eyes you see a cat just the eyes like prowling around the camp um it's not like a tiger it's like a cat, just the eyes, like, prowling around the camp.

It's not like a tiger. It's like a cat, like a house cat. Yes. I start maybe casting Speak With Animals as a ritual, like a, I believe so. Puss, puss, puss. Chantelle begins kind of, of like trying to attract the cat the cat does like maybe a 180 going from one end doing going from if you will 12 o'clock to uh to six o'clock around your little campsite and you watch the cat eyes they slowly track around it feels a little bit to you maybe

maybe the cat gets halfway around in its little venture before Chantel kind of gets the same feeling that you probably got at the beginning of this, where you're like, it feels a little bit like a predator. And it's uncomfortable. It feels like a house cat, but you've also got this feeling

in the back of your neck that's like, pray, I am in danger. Something's's coming at me i don't know why but like it seems a lot bigger the eyes stop when they get to the other other part of the camp and then you watch the two reflective eyes as from the height of a cat they begin to slowly rise upwards. I guess I'll be muttering the speak with animals kind of like cantation and be like, I want to like to, to, then, then what? Chantel kicks Yael. What, what, what?

Wake up, everyone wake up. When Chantel's voice, when she starts yelling at everyone to wake up, the eyes dart up to their full, what must be their full height. It's taller than Globble, maybe as tall as those giants that you encountered the other day. Possibly taller than that even though. Yeah, it is. You realize that the small beady eyes are part of a much larger creature. As all of you begin to rouse, Zia Mia holds out her hand and a bunch of little insects begin floating in it, like little fireflies.

The fireflies light up brighter and brighter until she's holding in her hand is basically the strength of a torch. She lets them float gently into the darkness towards the eyes and slowly it illuminates a man made out of metal. It's imagined like a suit of armor has come to life, but there are no gaps within the suit of armor. There's no chainmail beneath, no leather armor for cushioned comfort.

It is a solid block of metal shaped into a suit of armor. Both of you recognize it from the brain worm, but you recognize it as falling apart almost immediately. The two beady eyes, now you realize you see them for what they are. They are the only gaps in the armor, and they shine down on you with a malevolent intent. Oh. Let's go to initiative. Yeah.

Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. company. Adam here, resident dungeon master to the stars. Did you know that myself and Jackson host a show here on Sandspan's Radio where we create and show off homebrew content that we ourselves have created? It's called House Rules, and if you've ever struggled for making your own content, then it may just be perfect for you. Some episodes will come in with stories, classes, and abilities that we've already made and tell you about them so you can see where we've succeeded and failed. And sometimes we'll even make the content on air so you can

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