D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #9 Run!

Episode Date: January 8, 2022

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company Oh no, I'm just a lonely stump. I mean, someone might make a tea party on me one day, but for now I'm just a cut tree, alone in the forest. In my mind, I call him Summer and he calls me Spring.

That's very beautiful. Oh, so you do have a nickname. Tree Stump, you recognize this spider? Hang on, never mind. Maybe there's a friend. It gets a surprise round. Oh, no, it's not. I was wrong twice.

Chantel. So her weapon is now useless, yes? It's broken. She's going to need a fix. She's just going to take a penalty to using it. All right, you keep the roll that you got. What did you roll? It's broken. She's going to need a she's just going to take a penalty to using it. Alright, you keep the roll that you got. What did you roll? I got 12. Why would I even think

to save any of my spell slots? Here you go. Have another heal. I start maybe casting Speak with Animals as a ritual? I believe so. Puss, puss, puss. From the height of a cat they begin to slowly rise upwards.

Let's go to initiative. Zia Mia goes first. She turns. She's maybe slightly in front of you, Globble. She turns to look at you. She's got panic in her face. She mouths run and then stretches out both of her hands and then vines uh not vines actually it's more like twisty thin tree trunks

like she's growing roots plant themselves into the ground immediately you feel the earth begin to shake slightly she She casts a spell. The iron golem must make a dexterity saving throw, which it passes. Oh, no. The iron golem, the earth splits open beneath it and rocks shoot out at it, but they just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

bounce off its armor doing no damage. bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bounce off its armor doing no damage. Zia Mia looks very obviously frightened and shocked by that. She turns tail and mouths run again and then runs. It is, Globble, your turn. Question. Yeah. The spell Heat Metal.

Can that cook the golem and cause it pain? What do you know about iron golems? Very, you know, fuck all about iron golems. You have no idea. You have no idea what that would do to the iron golem. Okay. I do remember that that lovely yim did say something about magical stuff, and, like, they might have magical protections.

So I'm going to then call cast. Only one third-level spell. If only. If only. If only. I'll cast Spike Growth around, centered on the golem, so not anyone else. Centered on the golem. So not to try to get, not anyone else, centered on the golem. And

start, yes, backing away. The area around the golem becomes twisted and tangled with sharp thorns that grow out and underneath the golem. It won't affect it until it begins to move, but you successfully cast

the spell and then you also run would you like chantelle to do anything other than run um again probably crossbow and like i guess also start running but also like probably be be like the first line of defense so that you know if we need to then then hit her, basically, before it hits anyone else. Chantel's crossbow bolt bounces uselessly off the iron golem. Perfect. And then it is Yayola's turn. Yayola's voice kind of like... Yayola's, yeah, she trembles a little bit while speaking. She's going to cast...

She casts Guiding Bolt. She tries to blast it with holy light yeah the the bolt of energy splashes against the iron golem fades and does nothing tree stump it's your interesting is yayola also backing up with us oh Oh, yeah. Yayola also turns and runs. Oh, I don't think I should stay very close. I think maybe I will turn around, run away, and throw a javelin. Your javelin, like the crossbow bolt, slams into the iron golem and breaks. And would you like Saren to do anything? to the iron golem and breaks and would you like saren to do anything uh saren will cast dissonant whispers and hopefully hurt this iron golem's feelings i don't even need to roll for that one

it's actually immune to that well that okay that checks out i i feel like that's on me after the barrage i'm going to i'm going to give you like a kind of like a metagaming thing that now your characters would know so this is kind of like an out of game thing that zamit and cassandra stood and now i'm going to say that your characters have worked out after one round of combat watching all of your attacks some of them well placed some of them well formed spells clatter kind of harmlessly against this iron golem all of you now have the same kind of awareness of the level of threat as cas and zamit do when i was talking about this encounter before you kind of have the understanding that this is while it makes sense for the story this is not a fair encounter yes okay thank you um

the iron golem begins moving towards you it doesn't run but its strides are so big that it moves at the same speed oh did um oh no no sorry i am aware that it should be uh let me see how much damage you would be doing to it. Do the difficult terrain do anything? The difficult terrain slows it down, but the spikes themselves, which should be tearing through, these spikes, you've seen them tear through metal before, but this iron golem is something different.

It just breaks through them. It literally looks like you have constructed the thorns out of, like, balsa wood. It is for the amount of difficulty that this iron golem has had breaking through them good uh it was slowed down initially by that difficult terrain but it is moving about as fast as you while still just walking ah that hurts it catches up to you but it spends its turn doing that so back to the top zia is just running she is not even going to bother casting spells she knows she can't slow it down

anymore she just starts running at full speed global it's your turn um okay okay okay all right care. Alright, well, I'm going to get away, 30 feet, I guess, and cast Frostbite. It needs to make a constitution saving throw. It passes. No damage. You throw a ball of ice that strikes it, and

you see the metal chill, and then a layer of ice form, but when it shifts, the ice shatters. Would you like Chantal to do anything? Yeah, why can't you just slow it down, if anything? I guess do it the same again, like backing up and crossbowing and that kind of thing. Okay. She fires her crossbow again.

Again, it hits. It looks like this time... It does quotation mark damage? No, it does no damage. You made a scratch. You scratched the metal. That's it. From that attack, you're beginning to understand

that if it is immune to non-magical attacks, the crossbow bolt is never going to hurt it. Okay. So, okay. So tree stump has the only magical weapon in the party, yes? Yeah. Magic itself may hurt it. May.

May. And all our magic is bouncing off it. Yeah, your magic thus far has been bouncing off it. Okay, good. Certainly none of your magic has been powerful enough yet so it's beyond beyond just being immune to non-magical attacks some types of magic are not powerful enough yep it's yayola's turn uh yayola since you all are still attacking it yayola is gonna try hitting it again with another guiding bolt the guiding bolt strikes the iron golem and the iron golem hesitates.

It takes, what type of damage is that? Radiant. All right. It takes 18 points of radiant damage. That's something. That damage somehow miraculously gets past all of its defenses. Hey, good. Yayola does like a little, like an excited little, yep.

Tree Stump, it's your turn. I, Tree Stump, am going to continue to run away. I don't- All right, you just turn and run? There's nothing I personally can do. Yeah. Zia Mia is, you see Zia Mia is encouraging this. She turns to look over her shoulder and she's like, come.

Well, she obviously doesn't say anything, but she's mouthing, come, come, come, and gesturing with her hand. Have any of the spells tried so far implied that shatter won't work? No. Shatter may work okay um could sarin have a go at casting her bardic powers on herself so that she can give herself five temporary hit points and able to run fast and then also use shatter so she can run away and cast a spell uh i'd allow it yeah actually yeah actually she should be doing that to everyone actually she could do that once around she should be yeah you actually with that ability you might be able to easily outclass this thing on speed at least at least at first until the body inspiration wears out

she's something yeah she casts shatter the iron golem fails its constitution saving throw. Yeah. And it will take 3d8 thunder damage, which is one of the few types of damage that hurts it. Hey! It takes 13 points of thunder damage. Hmm. I'm letting you know, 31 damage total now, and you do not look like you've made much of a dent. Yeah, we figured.

We'll still continue to run just yes yes yes yes yes yes why not cause pain while we go yes and then all right so who would you like saren to haste she gets to pick four people herself and three others is there anyone who is notably slower than anyone else well you and zia have like livened your pace. So the people who have lagged behind are Global, Chantel, and Yayola. So you could pick all three of them. That's my three then, if us two are all right. Okay.

The iron golem moves up, but instead of moving its full speed, it kind of comes to a stop for a moment then it begins air begins sucking in from all directions it's like little porous holes have opened up and it is sucking in air all of you feel like wind coming past you like a sudden gust of wind for a moment you're scared it's trying to drag you towards it but then it stops and then a little shoot opens where a mouth would be and then a noxious gas billows out of its mouth no well on that 15 all right The noxious gas rolls towards you, but with, uh, and it would have hit Chantal, Globble, and Yayola. It would have hit the three of you had you not gotten that burst of speed.

Saren brings out like a strange looking horn, maybe kind of designed in a way to look like a French horn, but without the, um, but without the um the the the keys on it the buttons i don't know what you call them like a french horn shape but not yeah without the without the buttons she issues like a sound from it and all of you the three of you feel vitalized through it you dart with extra speed and the gas nips at your heels but does not touch you you see that gas the the tiny amount of foliage in the area anytime the gas touches it it withers and dies instantly because of that you now have a little bit of distance on the iron golem but, instead of walking, boom, boom, boom, boom, it begins to jog. That is so scary.

It's Zia Mia's turn. She is just flat out running. She is no longer in initiative. She is just in a foot chase now. And now a quick word from our sponsor. And now a quick word from our sponsor. thing about, inevitably making you frustrated, but also entertained. Look for Plumbing the Death Star wherever podcasts are found. Globble, what would you like to do? Would you like to stay in initiative or would you like to leave it and enter a foot chase?

I think a foot chase, but I'm just like, how the hell do we outrun a golem that doesn't need to sleep? Great question. Yes, I guess we're running. We're running. All right. You break out into a run. Yayola is doing the same.

Yayola leaves initiative and is just sprinting. Tree Stump, would you like to try to do something to slow it down? Or would you like to leave initiative and enter into the foot chase as well? I would also like to sprint as would Saren. Can Saren speed up the people who aren't sped up yeah she can't speed up everyone in the party well everyone's kind of like even again yeah yeah okay okay she has how many uses does she have a bardic four four is that left or total that's total yeah she's used one of them so she she has three left. So she can give you, maybe like everyone, another little burst of speed.

But that's it. And I'll say that that, basically, I'm going to say she's used all of that, and I'm just going to begin this foot chase with you having a sizable lead. All right. So your group only moves as fast as its slowest member. Yes. Unless you choose to leave them behind okay so how many of there are you there's one two three four five six god there's a lot of you now uh everyone has

the same movement speed yeah so it's just based on the roll okay so i'll do your first round oh god so fuck you all rolled so well except except chantelle chantelle trips and stumbles needed come on the golem boom boom boom boom boom you uh all right so have you ever seen um uh i actually i maybe i'm wrong. Have you seen Terminator 2? Yes. No. You know that scene when they're leaving the hospital, is it? Where the T-1000 is sprinting at them? Imagine that scene.

Oh, fun fact. Did you know that, I forget the actor's name. Did you know that he trained to sprint without breathing? So that he looked more like a robot when he was running? That's cool. Yeah, he specifically did this training regimen where you don't do heavy breathing while you're running so that he could look like he wasn't breathing when he was running. And apparently he got so good at it that he routinely caught up to the car. He had to slow down so that the car could get away.

Anyway, that's a fun movie. No, thank you. God, that's scary. That's incredible. That's terrifying. Yeah, I know. Anyway, the iron golem is catching up. Yeah, okay.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. All right. The iron golem begins catching up. Highs or lows? Highs. Would jump at all help in this situation? Jump just increases your jump distance funny you should say that though okay coming up uh so you're you're running kind of along the river

and you see on the other side of the river there's a little bit of like a like a cliff to cliff situation like a crack has split the earth the jump is sizable enough that it would be difficult to jump across but it is also an obstacle that you could potentially put in your way between you and the iron golem you don't know the iron golem's jumping abilities but being quite heavy you can also see that the edges of this cliff are a bit unstable so maybe it just wouldn't even try to jump it maybe it'd fall if it tried maybe okay maybe maybe maybe cool um would you like to try jumping uh i believe we would yes and i know i would but i'd probably cast say um or jump on myself and probably aolaing jump will slow you down, but you can do it. Okay. I will.

All right. So that's going to slow you down. How many people can I cast jump on to, like, I guess I'll be last. Like, boop, boop, boop. Because I've got three castings. Oh, so, all right. Well.

Like I'm saying, I can cast. I have three castings to cast. Well, if you cast it three times, that would completely eliminate your lead on the iron golem. So it would be the iron golem wouldn't have caught you yet, but one bad roll and the iron golem's on you. But like everyone will be over. It would give jump distance tripled. You could only do it on three people. Yes.

So three people, but those people would be guaranteed to get across. Okay. Well, I guess it would be a situation where two people, I guess, would be jumping across anyway. There's five. How many are there? There's six of us. So three people would be jumping across,

then I'd be casting it on four people. Yes, two people then myself, and I would be the one in the way'd be casting it on me. Four people. Two people. Yes. Two people then myself. And I would be the one in the way, wouldn't I, of the golem. You would be up the back at that point, and then the iron golem would be right behind you. Breathing down your neck, as it were. Yes. Well, I guess in terms of who would need the jumping ability the most, I'm yayola um look chris is also in chantal

is probably the strongest of your party or actually maybe tree stump might give chantal a run for her but anyway chantal while strong is encumbered by heavy armor okay okay um just something to consider this is based on strength. It's an athletics check. Right. Well, definitely myself and Yayola. Probably need the help there. Oh, okay. And I'm guessing Zamiya.

Zamiya, maybe? You're not sure of Zamiya's abilities. Yes. Yes. Alright, so you're going to cast it on yourself, Zamiya, and Yayola. Yes. Very much All right. So you're going to cast it on yourself, Zia, Mia, and Yayola. Yes. We're very much a cast, jump, cast, jump, cast, jump. So there would be a head. So the three people who need to make the roll are Tree Stump, Chantel, and who's the third?

Saren. Saren. Yes. All right. Well, let's say Tree Stump, you're first. Yes. Good plan. Tree Stump's say tree stump your first. Yes. Good plan. Tree stump, you sprint towards the gap.

You get to it. You clear it. Easy. No stress. You're on the other side. You clear it with space. You land on the other side. You look back.

You were like, didn't need to work that hard. Then let's say Chelle is next chantelle clears it very barely she lands on the other side and she's gonna need to make an acrobatics skill an acrobatics check because she lands on the other side but she lands with so little room that she throws out her arms and is like trying desperately to keep balance can i help oh no you don't need to you like reach out to help but chantelle kind of like flings herself forward and is on the other side safely saren saren gives it a backflip saren lands easily on the other side after a backflip she gives like a playful little

wink to you then a tree stump she like a playful little wink to you. Then, Tree Stump, she gives a playful little wink to you. Then you see her face immediately drop as she remembers the situation and turns back. Then it is Zia Mia who lands on the other side easily. It is Yayola, lands on the other side easily. Glubble, you sprint towards the edge. Like I said, you can feel hot air behind you you don't even want to look behind you you're too scared the people on the other side turn around

and they keep running you try to remember that that's just in case the iron golem can make it there's no guarantee the iron golem's gonna get there yet correct leap you feel the you feel magic boosting you forwards and you land safely on the other side the iron golem is gonna try and jump oh fuck no the iron golem you don't want to look behind you you just see chantelle looking over her shoulder you don't hear you just see her mouth the word fuck and you realize the iron golem is gonna make it boom the earth shudders beneath you and you know the iron golem made it to the other side no one wants to look behind them you keep running okay i yes jump and run all right everyone needs to roll again to keep away from the iron golem. This is hell.

And Glopple, if you do not succeed on this check, you are going to get fucked. Hit. Yes. I figured. Glopple. All right, Glopple, you did decent on this check. There's something.

The iron golem did very poorly, but Yayola also did very poorly. Yayola hasn't lagged behind to you, Glupple, but she is also falling behind. Mm-hmm. All right. Highs or lows? I can't. Highs. Highs?

All right. Cool. Sprinting, you see many more cracks and undulating strange breaks in the landscape, but no gaps big enough to try that again you do however spot the river that you've been following obviously has you now realize must come from a larger tributary and you see what must be that larger tributary there's a big river it looks deep it looks thick and you can see at one end there is a fucking waterfall you maybe you heard it before you see it there is running from one end to the other a series someone has quite obviously placed them there on purpose of like stepping stone rocks the stepping stone

rocks you can see in the faint moonlight are slick They've got moss and water on them. If you were to walk casually and carefully across them, it would be fine. Sprinting across them is dangerous, but maybe your only option. There is no jumping across this river. It is too wide. Can I use my cantrip of shape water

to help us out in this situation you have gained some ground you could cast one spell but once again the iron golem would be right behind you yes so shape water let me check what it allows you to do

so glad we made you a wet boy he already was but again double wet boy what would you was, but... But again, the wetter boy. What would you like to do with the water? Let's see here, because I can make it flow in a different direction. And is it flowing quite heavily? Yeah, it's a powerful current.

There's a waterfall not too far away. Yes. Is it possible to, I can part the water, almost like a biblical Alvin Moses, to part the water to let us run through it? It's only a five foot cube, so no. Not even a five foot cube of Moses? I mean, you could make a five foot cube of Moses,

but the river is maybe nearly like 50 feet across. If I had enough time, I'd be very impressed. Okay. What would help us but in hinder hit? Is there a way? Hang on. Hang on. Hang on a fucking minute

Yes Now We know that Water is gonna Fuck up the whole machine What if you put water Into the iron Giant

As it were So like grab a five foot cube of water And splunk into it Yes alright Could do Could do And then push him off the waterfall. I think...

I mean, we're not that far up, but all right. What if we push really hard? May as well worth a go. I can also freeze it so I could... I would allow you to turn around and behind you, you could freeze it to make it a little bit more slippery for the iron golem, or I would allow you to throw some water at it

like Cass was suggesting what but you can't do both yes yes it's a cantrip yeah yeah what if move one throw water at iron giant if he casts it twice the iron golem gets him what if i throw you very far as you cast shape water and throw water at him. And then as I catch up to you where you've landed, you cast shape water and freeze the water. So you've frozen him solid. Here's the problem. That would require you to fall back to where Glopple is,

which means that the iron golem would also be right behind you yeah and then also you have to throw me and i am i'm i'm a man i mean like you can try it i'm just letting you know it is set it is not going to be easy and if you miss one roll and they're not going to be easy rolls if you you miss one roll, and they're not going to be easy rolls. If you miss one roll, you're in a lot of trouble. Let's rank them. That idea, Cass? Probably at the bottom. Okay. No, I'll accept that. I think it's good if it worked. Yes, potentially. Freezing the water after we've tried to cross it, I think, has a pretty good idea.

But that involves us crossing it. Throwing it into its face, like dunking it in water, has potential, but I don't know enough about iron golems. Like that might just be kind of like all the other spells, they're just kind of bounded off it. It could be waterproof.

It could be waterproof. Or it could just be like, you know, water off a duck's back as a trick. Yeah, a lot of things made of iron are waterproof. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I reckon

I might try and freeze the water after we've crossed it. Okay. So, you're going to need to make two acrobatics checks to maintain your balance while going across. Yeah, that makes sense. That's fair. fair tree stump you found this and you're leading the way so i'll get you to make the

acrobatics checks first all right you step on the first step and you slip and fall in you are immediately the water immediately hits you it you. It feels like a brick wall. You are being pushed and you cannot stop it. You move 30 feet towards the waterfall. The waterfall is now only 30 feet away. If you do not find a way to stop this, next turn, you are taking a dive. But that could swim. Then it is Shantel's turn.

Maybe this is the fastest way to get away from him, though. Maybe. Nothing like a peaceful falling down the waterfall. Chantel starts stepping, turns, and has clear reservations about coming after you. Do you say anything, Tree Stump, while you're in the water? I say, That's not that helpful. i'm drowning no it is not you can't swim no i can swim i can swim i can swim um i'm not gonna stop anyone saving me

all right chantelle chantelle uh stops turns around and then sprints. Instead of going across, starts sprinting down the side of the river after you. No! Zia Mia... No! Zia Mia turns, and you see she also seems a little conflicted, but then begins running across the stepping stones. Saren is probably also going to go after you. And Yeola, if not for you, Tree Stump,

would definitely be going after for Chantal. So, Gwopal, no one's crossing the river except Zia Mia. Yeah, that's fair. You get to the river's edge, what would you like to do in for penny in for a pound um at least look if something happens i can at least maybe shape the water so that we're not fucked in fact so what if we were to jump into sid water and i make that five foot cube around us so that we're good so that we't all be in that five-foot cube, unfortunately. What's that? You can't all be in that five-foot cube. It's too small a space.

But like me is okay. At least I know that, say, for example, if I was to do that, it's like a last resort that someone wouldn't tumble across. You could, yeah. Okay, okay, wow. And currently where we're at is the only place where there's free, it's the only way to cross, right? The only way you can see.

Okay. All right, look, I'm going with the team. Really, Tree Stump has really forced our hands here. All right, let's do this. Let's sprint off to Tree Stump. Of course. Okay. The Iron Golem... The Iron the iron goes after you a lot you're the easier mark right now it a global you could still feel

it right behind you all right tree stump you i guess obviously you're trying to save yourself oh my god yes i love me all right you grab onto a the like roots of a dying tree and haul yourself out of the water chantelle gets to you you hear her mouth no you hear her whisk like mutter to herself fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck all your group all turns around you are now kind of trapped you've got the water to one side you've got like a cliff face and waterfall behind you and the iron golem is bearing down upon you alright, I guess

I guess the only option we really have now is to the water in its face let's see if that would have worked the water in its face is a good plan find out next time on stories of the greyhill Free Company. Adam here, resident dungeon master to the stars. Did you know that myself and Jackson host a show here on Sandspan's Radio

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