D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company III #11 Moon Snake Moon Sun Happy Sad Me

Episode Date: June 25, 2022

Is a trap still a trap if you knowingly walk into said trap? Asking for a friend. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company. Well, David, you're only seeing from behind, but he looks human. He doesn't look like he's changed at all. Rather than her regular ears, she now has kind of slanted pointed ears, which probably marks her as maybe some type of elf.

I am going to allow it. This is not normal. That's fair. You do not actually have a spell that allows you to do this. I am. I'm going to allow it. This is not normal. That's fair. You do not actually have a spell that allows you to do this. I am allowing this for all playing. This entire time you've been watching David, you've noticed that there is like an anger slowly building up inside him, but it's an impotent rage.

You see Greedup is standing behind you. Give us a moment, Greedub. I guess, do you have any questions for me? I'm getting rather tired. He looks at the money and the shield that you've offered him, and he shakes his head slowly. I don't want money, and I don't want a shield. Tristan, you arrive with Chantelle, Yeola, and Adam.

Oh, and Fire, of course, the little sprite. You spot an old man eating food who you do not recognize. Where's Quapel? Gradov gestures to the old man. Hello, do you know where Oh my god. You see the two boys mounting up onto stags.

Suresh is hopping up onto the bear very excitedly. Gradov sets the animals to lead them back home. The last that you hear or see of them is Suresh calling out, Whee! As they move at high speed through the forest. Right. Well, um, oh.

Gradov, have we explained to him what's going on with... No, he doesn't know. Gollums? I don't think... Oh, you might have mentioned... No, actually, it would be... No, Tavitine might not have mentioned it over the course of like a week. Yeah, either way, if we had mentioned it before or we are re-reading it,

it'd be like, oh, by the way, Grey Dove. I am recalling maybe I think we did have a conversation with him. But just in case we didn't. Just in case you didn't, you get him up to speed. I'm like, by the way, something very terrible happened. And, yeah, explain the, I guess, the Golem machine, that while it is destroyed, we did, yeah, we did destroy it. There was a lot that was made prior, unfortunately.

Gradov has like a dark expression, and he says, the sins of our ancestors, I suppose. Yes. How many druids are in this particular circle of yours? In this circle? Yes. There would be about six, I think. Yes.

It depends. There are a few who sit on kind of the periphery of this druid circle and come and go as they please, sometimes entering into others. Sorry? I was going to say, when is your next meeting, I guess, with him? Next meeting? We don't have meetings. You don't?

No. If something of importance comes up... Oh, this seems important. You can have a meeting now. There is a place that we meet. We have what we call a moot. Ah, okay. We have something similar for the song have what we call a moot. Ah, I see. We have something similar

for this one. We just call it a chat. By yearly chat. It's informal. Either way, if I was you, I'd probably call that moot. I

sense some dark things on the horizon. I've sensed no incursion by these iron golems into my realm, but perhaps it would be important, yes. But I will call this moot. Yes, incursion in that... It always seems to be Dwarven ruins Yeah, that The other thing that we unleashed

Wow, I am Gray dove I'm sorry I'm sorry Genuinely I'm sorry He shrugs There's not much that can be done at this point

Other than to clean up a mess. Every step forward cannot remember the step past. That's fair. I guess it's up to us to bring back balance. Yes. Well, it seems like you have a lot of problems at the moment for you um and how i would uh i would have maybe in normal times asked for assistance from the company but there's something as big as this but i feel like perhaps you should get your own house in order before I speak with it. Well, gang, team, look, I guess we need to go back to Greyhill

and I guess have a long and interesting chat with Morimash. And I guess, yes, no matter what really happens with him, I think some things need to change. We can't just go around and retaliate to everyone who acts out at us out of anger and desperation. I want to be looking at like Chantal, just dead in the eyes there. Nor should we be just casting strong magics, I guess,

without considering the consequence. And while my eyes might dart to the NPC that cast it, I want to know I'm just looking at Cass directly when I say that. Yes. So I think it's probably important that um in best we are ask questions first and not jump to conclusions with more amash while you're having this conversation gray dove has been collecting birds from around the grove he's holding them in his hand whispering something into them and then setting them free,

presumably sending off messengers to contact the other druids. So yes, let's go back to Greyhill. See if we can sort it all out. Yes. When Greydub is finished, he turns around, dusts himself off a little bit, having had to climb a tree or two to get some of the birds. Well, I can once again guide you to the edge of my forest,

but once we get to the edge, I cannot leave. I must remain. Yes, of course. I feel you have a lot of work ahead of you. Yes. Apparently one of the other druids in the forest has been monitoring this evil that was released. It is, I would not call it it contained but it is quiet for now so that is at least hope that we might be able to marshal some resources look leave this in my

hands for now and once your house is in order um you can contact me again and uh we'll move from there yes thank you so much for everything you've done. I'm out of elk. Is bears okay, he says. Yes, please. Yes, please for the bears. There's no dog that's big enough for me. Yes, of course bears is fine for

us. I look around to the others. Bears good for us? Yayola seems actively excited, just as Sures saresh was yayola looks like a like a child excited for uh to go on a like a merry-go-round i look at yayola like yayola like nods vigorously sarin also actually it's probably the three of you. Serene, Yayola, and Tree Stump are all, like, really excited. Chantel looks trepidatious, but just gives you, like, a firm nod. Tavitine gives you nothing, as per usual.

He'll be flying, I can only assume. Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting he can fly. All right. Will you mount up on bears? Can I? Yeah, how do I deal? Can I do this? Do I need a wagon?

You will ride with Greedove. Okay. Greedove actually, actually, as Greedove's helping you on, he realizes that you're having a hard time, and so he sings a saddle out of a tree. Bless. And you're able to mount on the saddle. Is there any way...

How old and frail are you? What age am I, Adam, by the way? I would call you maybe in the 90s. Is it old man proposed time for you? Wouldn't that be more of a jousting? But look, like a jostling. What if you were an old man backpack for me? And we got a backpack. That is a lot of jostling. What if you're an old man backpack for me? And we got a backpack.

That is a lot of jostling. Yeah, yeah. The saddle is really the best option. Fine. As a man who loves his fantasy papoose, don't get me wrong. Yes. However. I'll rattle your old bones.

It's probably not good. Tree Stump, you are going to be jostled without a saddle. And so as much jostling is going to happen to you, at the very least that much is going to happen to a papoosed wizard. Yeah. Not that you're a wizard, but a papoosed 90-year-old man. Yeah. Someone who's made their living on not being tough.

I know that is not the definition of magic users. He is not tough. He is not dumb and therefore does not need to be tough, as the song goes. Yeah, I've read the terms. If I turned into an animal, am I an old animal? Or am I a spring chicken? What's the deal there?

If you turn into an animal, that's a great question. Well, I would call it because you, yeah, I'd say that you could be a young animal. Okay. You'd become the animal in its prime. Okay. Just a question. Because I can only do it for a few hours a day, I think. I guess it depends depends like what what

are our movements because then if well you'll move faster if you just well i like i guess it's not going to slow you down to be an animal for a part of the trip and then the other part you could just be on the saddle oh yeah i'd um um fly basically as a bead have we? I can fly now. I can fly now, Adam. Wait, can I? Fuck. No, I can't fly now. I can swim now. I can swim now, Adam.

We keep having this fucking conversation. I'm just happy it's not me this time. Because I was going to be like, yeah, we've had this conversation. I'm like, no, but actually not in this game with me. No. This boy. Yes, no, I can. It's rubbing off. Oh off oh no it's spreading

even if you could transform you're still moving at the slowest of the bear's paces so it's not really any benefit for you to transform it into an animal you'll be you you could just ride it's faster you won't be any faster as the saddle is going on the bear, the bear goes, Yes, I'm sorry. And Gray Dove says, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, big boy. That's his name. But it's in bear.

It's not, look, it's not important. I know, I know, I know. It's a little uncomfortable, but it's only for a little while. I know, I know. It's a little uncomfortable, but it's only for a little while. When he's having a conversation with the bear, I'll speak with animals or myself as well and be like, are you okay there, big boy? I'm big boy, says the bear.

Yes, thank you so much for taking these old bones to the edge of the forest. I appreciate that. Thank you. Big boy nods. You're very welcome. I do it for food, he says. Sorry, you'll have to wear a saddle. It won't be for long. It's okay, I guess, says big boy.

I appreciate it. Thank you. Big boy stands up. Well, doesn't stand up, sorry. Big boy gets on all fours after the saddle is on him, and he says, hop aboard. Thank you. Great love, could you help us? Actually, no, Big T, could you help us? Yes.

I imagine I lift you onto the bear with the same ease. You know that really big guy in Mulan just, like, picks up all of his friends in a big hug, and it's just nothing to him yes me as big t you lift glupple up i guess you you just hear the bear grumbling or growling but glupple you understand you still are under the effects of speak with animals so you understand as big boy says how'd you get so big and he kind of like recoils away but you managed to put you managed to put globel on his back it's fine it's fine it's clearly how similar big t and a bear has a similar concept of heights yeah does the bear feel obviously i big tree big t has no idea what's happening but does the bear

feel calm once i put him down and start walking away well as soon as they can't see glop or they stop caring about how big they are remarkably similar you all mount up and head off the bears move at a tremendous pace a some might say magically fast pace. Some would confirm. I would confirm you are moving at a magically enhanced pace while traveling through Greydub's... Greydub. Greydub Steps Forest. You arrive at the edge of the forest in record time, maybe only, like, one day,

and you have no encounters along the way. Greydub ensures that no animals in the forest. That is spooky. And you dismount. A big boy gratefully gets his saddle taken off him. And Grey Dove, with one final, from the back of one of the bears, with one final big bow, says, well, this is perhaps, as all goodbyes could be,

this is perhaps our final goodbye. It feels there is a sense of finality about this. I have no portent of the future, but perhaps flashes. Yes. I am also sensing that, I guess, things are changing at a very rapid pace. Yes. Well, as always, keep to yourselves, city slickers, he says. I'll miss you.

I go in for another hug. He hops off the bear so that you can hug him properly, and he gives you a hug. Yes. He smells like a summer's day. Well, you'll be well, great great love i don't know if i will go for a hug definitely a handshake i i don't necessarily know how slow i'm moving right now i basically follow his lead if you lead in with a handshake he just gives you a handshake then

but it's like a firm one he looks you dead in the eyes and he says good luck luck. You too. And then I put my gross, liver-spotted, gnarly hand on top of his hand as we're shaking. Oh, no. And do that awful old man handshake. He returns it. He puts his hand on top of your hand on top of his. Beautiful. Yep, no, it's a good bonding moment.

God, that will just feel like a little hand sandwich or something. I think he's actually older than you. I think as an elf he's in his, like, couple of hundreds it's all relative adam yeah true no uh elves age like humans do but then go back to the beginning they do like a they do like a forwards aging then a benjamin button then a forwards aging then a benjamin button until they like until they get tired of it. Like a jellyfish. Then they die. Yeah. Okay. Dying of boredom. With that, Grey Dove ventures back into the forest and you head off towards the Greyhill Camp.

Do either of you have a D12? I can make one. Yeah. Yep, D12. Can I get both of you to roll a D12, please? Things are happening in and around the camp. A one. That's good.

No, that's fine. Encounters are 11 and 12. I've got an 11. Ah, nah. Nah. But that's only two ones, so it's like we've got three ones. Hmm? Will you accept?

Sure. Hi? No. All right. Sure. Hi. No. All right. So what am I going to hit you with? What's appropriate for the area you're in? You're heading towards Greyhill. It's sounding good.

It's sounding like he's given us three ones. I would not describe it as good this is a message for all the seasoned and aspiring dms out there do you wish to treat your players like the common dogs they are by rewarding them with treats well then do we have the solution for you our patented good boy cards will make your players feel like they're doing a good job while at the same time dehumanizing them without their knowledge. Are they mad at you? Deflect by telling them they're a Goodboy and hand out one of our Goodboy cards. The complete deck of 50 cards is available from our website sanspansradio.com slash shop with each having a

unique ability your players can use in game or horde and never use like the dog brain idiots they are we also have bad boy cards available for when you want to treat yourself to something nice grab either or both in a bundle while stocks last once again that's so mean. I couldn't do that. I couldn't. That's so mean. He's about to do it.

I'm going to do it. We know. That was pageantry. I don't even know who at this point. It wasn't for us. What are you about to do to us? It wasn't for us. He's about to show up in his all whites, hands clasped in front of his tubby.

You worry too much. Okay, okay. Look at you. There, unbeknownst to you, about to be turned into stone. You can't just say things. What? Say things. What?

You don't get to have words coming out really nearly like this. I just don't know what you're talking about. Sorry, what's the problem? I don't know, Adam. You tell us what the problem is. It sounds like you've found a problem for us. It's going to take a couple of days to get to the Greyhill Camp. And on, I'd say, like the second day traveling. You gain six levels.

No. You encounter a overturned wagon. The wagon. Classic. Why aren't wagons ever the right way up? Yeah. The wagon is made up. Overturned is the word for wagon.

Why don't bandits, why are they going to be so rude? Why can't they just like leave the wagon as it were and be like, we've already looted it. Leave a sign. We are not here for an ambush. And then just leave. What about a shagging wagon? Why don't we ever get a shagging wagon?

Why don't we ever just come across like people just, yeah, like we're like, oh, is it an adventure? Oh, no, not for us. I'm so sorry, sir and madam. And then we leave. The overturned wagon is made out of solid iron it is a immensely heavy wagon to overturn it something would have had needed to have at least a strength higher than 20 okay and it is it is completely overturned on its back uh the the metal gate to, not gate, sorry, it would be like a solid iron door to the back of the wagon

has been torn open. And you can see around the wagon, there is a few bodies littered around the place. You don't get a lot of details. You're still at distance when you see this. What you like to do strength higher than 20 oh i'll put the back how far uh can i see can i what can i see considering i guess i would now have um shit eyes well any one of you can really only make out the overturned wagon, that its doors are crumpled open and some, like, silhouettes lying on the ground. They seem fine, surely.

We've been on foot, yeah? Yeah, you're on foot. No, we're on bear. Oh, no. Yeah, you've left the forest. At this point, I would have been transformed into some sort of animal to keep pace. Maybe you are on bear. Yeah. Maybe you are bear.

Yeah, let's just say I'm bear, and who wants to ride bear? Hey, bear, I'm dad. Sorry, go on. Right, well, as bear, I won't be saying anything. I will just be like... Siren is on your back. Have we been here before? This seem familiar doesn't it says chantelle um be on the lookout for spiders i suppose she says i know draws her weapon she uses a oh that's

right a warhammer fuck yeah chantelle love a warhammer all right she draws her warhammer yayola doesn't have a weapon. Tabertine. Tabertine takes to the skies, actually. And Sarin on the back, on your back, probably can't, she can't effectively use any of her weapons, but she does get

magic ready. I guess we get ready to pounce. Maybe we like, I mean, if I could talk, I would have been like tavatine go ahead surely can i be like point to tavatine point to thing and then point to come back um you can point whether or not they get the impression of what you're trying to do basically scout see what's going on come back inform all right you begin pointing and sarin goes hey Because you need to kind of like stand up to do it. Sarin nearly falls off your back.

Can I scratch Scout in the dirt for Tabertine? Oh, you've already pointed. Tabertine saw. So you did what you think is a decent impression of what you're trying to get across. Tabertine nods, understanding, and then flies away. I personally appreciate that you didn't write in the dirt. Yeah, he keeps going.

Like, past the wagon? He misunderstood pretty badly. Yeah, he goes past the wagon. He's heading to camp. When do we figure that out? Where is he telling him to go? Well, you know that he's heading in camp do we when do we figure that out well you know that he's heading in the direction of camp and you don't know what else you could have possibly implied he's left he's gone i want to just start i guess blink at the sky for too long and then just look to chantal and be like chantal like slowly puts her head in one of her in her gauntleted hand the one not holding her weapon she puts her head in her hand and you both

hear as she makes a noise yeah i guess everyone hears the sound of a bear sighing I guess, Chantal says, I guess camp will know about this eventually So if we wait, perhaps reinforcements will show up But how long would that take? That's going to take like a day, yeah? It would take, well, probably a bit more than a day But only a little bit more that's so boring we just have to sit

i carve the word around it yeah uh i i draw like a half circle so like we're going around or then and then try to scratch the word scout question mark moon snake moon son he's saying we should scout the area he's saying me he's saying we should scout the area out um i uh chantelle kind of like jumps a little bit she can't jump very high well whatever chantelle kind of like rocks up and downwards and you hear all the jingling and jangling of her armor. I will not be able to sneak forwards. And Yaiola, similarly wearing armor, probably can't either. Oh, no, Yaiola wears leather armor. So perhaps Yaiola or Sirin, she says,

just making a big point not to look at you, Tree Stump. I keep looking like trying to duck back and forth, trying to get attention. If you do that, Chantal looks at you with like a big, genuine, probably smile, but does not then suggest you for stealthing forwards. That's weird. She looked at me, but she forgot me. Serene dismounting says, I can do this. Perhaps a tree stump would you like to mount

on our good friend Glauble? Yes. You got the big sword? Do you know how to fight on the back of an animal? The answer is no. Yes. It's just like having four legs instead of two right chantal yayola siren all look at each other and they all go uh uh uh uh can uh what uh

you're my are you on my back yet yeah yeah like uh I don't know how to... How's a bear going to look at you? Yeah, you can't turn around to look at her. My eyes go wide looking at any of the others. Chantal says, you know what, actually? I do have training to fight on horseback, and I only have the... My weapon can be wielded in one hand, whereas you need two hands, Tree Stump, so perhaps you would be better on foot, since then you can use both of your hands,

rather than trying to hold on to Gloppel, perhaps you can use both hands to hold on to your weapon. Nodding profusely. That sounds good. Oh, Gloppel seems keen. I wouldding profusely. That sounds good. Oh, grapple seems keen. I would have thought I wouldn't have held on. Could we have grabbed the saddle from the bear?

You can take the saddle if you want, yeah. That would have made sense. As Chantal is mounting up, she says, and in any case, you're so big, you're quite heavy as well. So maybe, you know, because he's old. Yeah, no, this is a good idea. No one mentions, once again, Chantal is wearing plate mail.

Yep, nodding profusely, agreeing with Chantal. So Rin moves into the tree line and starts kind of stealthing her way forward. Okay, there's not a lot of tree line, so you of stealthing her way forward. Okay. There's not a lot of tree line, so you see her the entire way there. How far away do y'all want to wait? Right now, I would say you're like maybe 500 feet away.

If there's no tree line, I think we would be like at some point, surely we would be like there's no way that if someone, this is an ambush, they're seeing it. Right? If there's zero tree line. Well, see, here's the problem. The zero tree line is actually invisible to you.

Because what happened is, they're enrolled poorly. So what's happened is, you see some trees and you're like, oh, it's a tree line that extends towards the wagon. But it doesn't. It doesn't extend towards the wagon it just appears to extend toward the wagon from your angle so sarin starts using it to get to the wagon but it almost immediately disappears sarin though because they rolled poorly is like well i think i can still hide in this little sarin's like no i think i'm still hidden like i think there's enough but there isn't there isn't enough all right oh you see sarin making her way that i suppose would be uh yeah no you can't see sarin making her way so that i suppose would

be a telltale sign that she's not hiding very well, but that isn't until she's most of the way there. Of course. I guess I might start edging forward a little bit and kind of trying to look up at Chantal to kind of, as a bit more of the, I guess, the pseudo-tactics leader right now, the pseudo-combat leader, shall we say. Chantal nods. Yes, let's get going. You start riding out towards Serene, knowing that she's actually quite exposed right now, but she is still probably going to get there first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She thinks she's

so hidden. Highs or lows? Highs? Highs? Oh, good. They're quite full right now, so they're probably sleeping. You get to Serene before anything happens, That's good. They're quite full right now, so they're probably sleeping. That's good to hear. You get to Sarin before anything happens, and at this point you are quite close to the wagon. So you can see details now. I will give them to you.

So on the side of the wagon, you see stenciled in fancy lettering, you see the words Leopold's Errant Mercenaries, which you know to be another mercenary company that operates in this area. Sorry, adventuring company. Only people who take a very dim view of adventurers call you mercenaries. Leopold's, well, they call themselves mercenaries. So maybe they take not necessarily a dim view but they're like a a lot more a transactional sort of group as opposed to greyhill which is like a family yeah yeah yeah really really different yeah the corruption is a surprise in this one yeah in leopold's errant mercenaries it's baked into it yeah you see stenciled on the side like i said

leopold's errant mercenaries which you know is another adventuring company that operates in this area. They're a lot bigger than Greyhill. They're international, I suppose, whereas Greyhill is still localized mostly around the city of Greyhill itself. And, well, you also spot a bunch of the figures around this wagon are adventurers, similar to yourselves. Leopold's Errant Mercenary Company has like a sigil, and that dragon with like a spear being driven through it a depiction of a illithid being throttled by leopold and the final quadrant is a bugbear being sack-capped by Leopold. There's a laurel wreath around the shield itself and then a little banner beneath that says L.E.M.

standing for Leopold's Errant Mercenaries. The figures all around this wagon have, somewhere on their bodies or somewhere on their clothes, have that insignia marking them as members of this mercenary company. All of them have been, they're dead. They're, like, long dead as well. Oh, fuck. All right.

Probably at least a day old. Okay, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I was like, okay, so I guess the mercenary company just overturned this wagon. Nope. Okay, they're the dead ones. All right. Yeah.

All right. You spot, as well, by the side of the road. At first, you think it's just a weird place for a statue. And then you're like, that seems suspicious. You see, on the side of the road, the statue of a horse. What do I know? Does it? Yeah.

Does it look like maybe it was a horse and it is a horse, but now the horse is made of not horse stuff? What turns, I know in D&D, if a troll hits light, does it turn to stone? Kind of like a Tolkien-esque troll. Well, it seems unlikely that this horse is a troll. Is the horse a troll is what I'm asking. Is that a thing that happens?

Trolls hate sunlight is all I'm asking. You would not believe it. Yep. Glopple. Yep. You look at the bodies. Well, I assume you're investigating this wreckage and whatnot. If no one's attacked us, I'm guessing, yeah.

Big bear sniffs, yeah. You can see, Glopple, you investigating the bodies, investigating this wreckage and whatnot. No one's attacked us. I'm guessing. Yeah. Yeah. You can see glopple. You investigating the bodies. See that. It looks like something big with like a, like a, like a big teethy mouth grabbed them and then crocodile shook them until they fucking fell apart. These bodies are,

none of them are intact. They are all in pieces. Something with very sharp serrated teeth grabbed them and then shook these corpses until they were just bits. Yep. Okay. So someone, something's been, so they've been shaken to bits by a big thing with teeth, like a big crocodile. Uh-huh. Tree Stump.

You look at the horse and you have immediate flashbacks you know that there are you have fought somehow two creatures that this could be creature number one a medusa a medusa obviously classically has an ability to turn people to stone yes but also there's another creature a lesser known but still quite famous creature, called a basilisk, which can also turn people to stone. I was thinking one of those beard boys. Basilisks are multi-legged reptilian horrors whose deadly gaze transforms victims into porous stone. With strong jaws, the creature consumes this stone,

which returns to organic form in its gullet. This feels like important information that will become pertinent next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. I'm going to go. like, let's say, I don't know, baseless speculation, rudely interrupting your good times to tell you about another podcast I do called Baseless Speculation. Do you often find yourself looking at a new Spider-Man trailer and thinking to yourself, I wonder how Sony are going to shit the bed on this one? Or perhaps you're a big fan of X-Men

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