D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company III #13 Chickens to the Rescue

Episode Date: July 9, 2022

Why come our own terrible decisions have consequences? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously, on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company... A basilisk is here. It's going to turn us into stone. I did say this because I said there were three horses and now there's one horse.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Oh, it's because there's a basilisk. Yeah, I've started turning back because I've put one and one. No, yes, Chantal has a very good... You put dumb and dumb together is what you've done. Well, Chantal has a...

I follow as well. Yeah, Chantal has a point. It's like if we do nothing, then we just leave a basilisk here to roam free and it's already destroyed a rather, like, a different mercenary group. But it's already got another snack who we can't save. What does that mean? What? The rock formation begins to move. It unfurls itself,

and then one foot, a second foot, a third foot, a fourth foot, a fifth foot, a sixth foot, and then, to bring up the rear,

a seventh and eighth foot. Okay, cool. Slowly, imagine if I just kept going. No, I just thought you were going to end at seven. You thought you were going to stop at seven? Yeah, I was so afraid. And the call, finally, of a third basilisk.

My friend believes in me. I feel better now. Saving throws so you could open your eyes. You get a bonus. It's not a guarantee, but you get a bonus, yeah. Don't give me those ideas. I'll use them. Oh, no. You would probably know those ideas. I'll use them. Oh, no.

You would probably know this, because you did roll really well. It's not a guarantee, okay? No, nothing's a guarantee. You've got to give Cass the odds. It's either going to happen or it's not. It's 50-50. It's all 50-50. I know that much.

Do you want the actual odds? Sure. Give me the actual odds sure give me the actual odds all right so with the d6 even if you rolled minimum it's plus six so you have you have like a one in five or one in six chance of failing that's nothing and what kind of check is it? It's a constitution saving throw. Look, I'll let you stew in that one because you just had your turn. It's Fire and Yayola's turn. Yayola's spiritual weapon attacks again.

It misses, unfortunately. But then she casts, you know what she's going to cast? She casts Bless. you know what she's gonna cast she casts bless so the two of you and chantelle for the next minute when you make a saving throw you can roll a d4 and add that or an attack roll so you've got another d4 to help you out here so now i think it is yeah like a uh it's a one oh sorry it becomes now even if you rolled the worst you could possibly roll, it becomes a 1 in 10 chance, I think, of failure now. You're doing great.

We've pretty much won. It's pretty much a guarantee. Open your eyes, stare directly in its eyes. Freak it out. Tempt fate. Freak it out. Freak it out. If you look at it with confidence, it's probably going to be like, oh my god.

Can I get an odds or evens from someone? Evens! Fire misses again, unfortunately. We're bad at this. Yeah, fire's burning through her spell slots pretty quickly. Alright, Glopal, it's your turn again. Okay, okay. Fierce off. I'm going to get

Chantal to do her second wind. She recovers 12 hit points. And of that, um, um, second wind, uh, she does the rallying cry. Ah, yes.

Which gains, I think, three of us, um, get some... Uh, when... Oh, see or hear. No, that's okay. Yes. Yes.

Yes. See or hear. Yep. that's okay. Yes. See or hear. Alright, no worries. To get four hit points back. So that's, I guess, myself. Tree stump. Tree stump. Is anyone else injured, I don't think?

I don't think anyone else has been hit yet. No. Just us. So that's no. No, no. So just us. Okay. So that's nice. Then Chantal doesn't know about any kind of saving throw type thing, does she? So Chantal has no knowledge of how effective she would be at resisting a basilisk's gaze. Okay, cool.

Actually, no. She didn't roll. Let me roll for her. She has... She knows she would do all right. Okay. Basilisks are no Medusa. Their petrifying ability is not as powerful. And I guess with the bless...

I'm going to get Chantel to open her eyes and try to lay waste to the baby. Chantel opens her eyes. Lay waste to the baby. Yeah, she needs to make the saving throw at the beginning of her turn, so she does that first. Chantel hefts her hammer over her head and then becomes inert. and then becomes inert.

Oh, wait. Oh, okay. No, she can make the attack, but you see. Oh, no, you don't see. Chantal makes the attack. It's with disadvantage still because, oh, well, not still. There's no missed chance, but it's with disadvantage because she is slowly turning to stone. And she misses.

Oh, gosh. Great news. Thank you, Adam, for helping us out. Okay. So. Yep. You no longer control Chantel. That's interesting.

Would you like to grab fire or Yeola? I guess I'll grab fire. Why not? Well, okay. I'm going to... You can get fire to act still as well, because she hasn't acted this in it. I'm basically bumping her up in initiative,

because she's yours now. I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on myself. Can I actually... Can I cast Darkness around me? Yeah, you can. Would that break Chantal being turned to stone? Yeah, no, I guess it would work actually great i'm gonna cast magical darkness okay uh centered around myself and chantal well you pick an object um i guess my clothes okay your clothes become a uh your clothes begin emanating magical darkness

uh it's still your turn uh oh sorry it's still your turn but you're still acting with fire for now uh and i will get fire to um kind of i guess get away from where she was aiming. Like back up a bunch. Fire backs up a bunch. And I guess open her eyes. So she's more than like, what's her range of spells? Oh, wow. I guess, yeah, zoom back maybe like 80 feet, let's say. Okay.

And open her eyes. All right. She opens her eyes. Is she going to turn to stone? No, she's say. Okay. And open her eyes. Alright. She opens her eyes. Is she going to turn to stone? No, she's far enough away. Cool. Can she cast Scorching Ray on the Big Daddy boy? Yep, Daddy, sure. She fires

three bolts of fire at Big Daddy. The first one hits, the second one hits, the third one hits. The third one is a critical hit. Alright, so let's do the first two. Woo! Oh, that could have been better.

And the first two do 13 points of damage. Ah, that sucks. I mean, it's funny. The basilisk takes another eight points of damage, and then the fiery energy

supercharges its voice box. For the next eleven days, any time the basilisk talks, it shouts. What? Cool. Good job, everybody involved.

Hey, at least it didn't age a million years. I mean, like, I guess that would have been great, actually. That would have been perfect, to be honest. All right. The child gets to watch its parents grow old and die before it. The parents get to watch this child grow old. Then... Oh, that was Fire's turn?

Yeah, how's that papa looking? Is he looking all right? He looks pretty fucked up. Yeah, it's good to hear. That fire blast really ruined him. That's good. That basilisk is going to... Nah, it attacks Big T.

There is no target. It can see better. It hits! Oh, no! Big T, you take 5 points of piercing damage. And then 10 points of poison damage. Oh, no. I'm sending him to hell. Fire also spots, because you are controlling you share information fire also spots tavertine flying back from the back from the south with two figures

sprinting on the road fire does not recognize them but one of them is a tabaxi in full plate armor and the other one is a goblin yeah they're all running together towards you well tabatine like i said isn't running but they're all moving together towards you and then it is the basil oh sorry it is the basil eyes turn papa attacked mama's gonna attack but now i guess you're both... Everyone's got disadvantage. Yeah, everyone's got disadvantage, I guess. Mama, baby. Can I get odds or evens for Mama? Let's give some evens. And can I get odds or evens for Baby?

Double evens, why not? All right. Well, Baby misses you now, but Mama hits you. That's good. Hits from Mama. And, baby misses you now, but mama hits you. That's good. That's good. Hits from mama. And, oh, Chantel. Tree stump and Serene, it's your turn.

I don't like what's happening with Chantel. Is she saying anything? Chantel has said and done nothing. I'm very sorry. I would like to look at Papa and swing for the head. Look at Papa, swing for head? Well, now I know that the odds are so low, 50-50, of me actually getting damaged.

And I have no information as to what's happening to Chantel. You wouldn't believe it. You wouldn't believe it, Tree Stump. Don't do this to me. But you're fine. You attack. inventory stump don't do this to me but you're fine you attack oh i this might be a miss and that is so funny no oh my god you miss can i can i use a card to reroll no you don't need to use a card actually because you have the bless and bardic inspiration which you didn't even need to use on your saving throw so you you can roll a d6 or a d4. I would like to roll a d6, please.

You might want to add that d4 now as well. I would like to roll the d4, please. All right, now you hit. Okay, with all my rage and my magical halberd. It's not magical, but I think it's special. It's magical to me. It literally is magical. What are you talking about?

Oh, it is magic. Yep. My magical halberd You're incredible Can I say You're literally an angel And let no one tell you otherwise You deal 14 points of damage Thank you

Thank you That brings Papa down You embed the halberd The curved edge of the halberd you embed it deep into the basilisk's head jerk it around once and the basilisk collapses dead good then well sarin also gets to act what would you like sarin to do she's still got her eyes shut does she can she sense who's near her no that would be a perception check which would be her action and is serene also in this um magical darkness inspiration oh bardic inspiration

no serene gave you the bardic inspiration so she could only give one person bardic inspiration well she probably shouldn't open her eyes then she could give it to herself right now as a bonus yeah okay she's gonna give herself bardic inspiration. She's going to... Open her eyes? Can she cast Dissonant Whispers as is? No. No, because she needs to be... She's not detected the other two basilisks,

so she doesn't know where to direct the magic. She intellectually knows that they're here somewhere, but she doesn't know where. She just needs she intellectually knows that they're here somewhere but she doesn't know like where she just needs to be aware of like a direction basically because how far away were we when we started as in like um oh no we wouldn't know because we chase the um the baby never mind you've all had your eyes closed for a while now oh speaking of tree stump you look over and see a globe of darkness you see a globe of darkness when you opened your eyes you saw that they're all right so let me explain to you what you see around you you see tavertine flying in the air from further along the road where you were heading where tavertine went you see tavertine is flying towards you you

see two figures running towards you you You know who they are, actually. They're fellow members of the Greyhill Free Company. Tabatine obviously bumped into them and is like, we need help, and has brought them here. So you recognize a tabaxi, pause for consideration. They are a paladin. And you recognize they're a paladin of a gambling god as well, which is very funny. Sit right in. Really?

And you recognise the goblin 50 chickens. I feel this company might have a gambling problem. Like, that is cool. Well, let's not look into it. I think Serene is going to cast invisibility on herself. Okay. Is that going to work if she becomes invisible? What will it do?

Stop the basilisks from looking at her? If they can't see her. If they can't see her, can't look at her. And the two of them can see each other. It actually does. That will actually stop their abilities. Yeah. Letting you know, because it does specify if the two of them can see each other.

So presumably there's some like locking eyes component of this, which a basilisk can no longer do. Just letting you know that any attack or casting a spell ends this. All right. Well, in that case, Bardic Inspiration and then Dissonant Whispers on the first basilisk she opens her eyes to see. She doesn't see any basilisks. She sees a big globe of darkness.

She sees friends running towards her. She sees you. In that case, we'll run towards the sphere and ready ourselves. She'll ready a dissonant whisper. Then it is Yayola's turn. Yayola doesn't know that she can open her eyes um she is she's going to use a perception check to try and detect where they might be what is the bone uh what does the weapon do if anything which weapon her spiritual one

oh her spiritual weapon well with a perception check she knows that the basilisk is dead. So she also knows to direct the spiritual weapon over to you. But it's going to take another turn to get to you. Yep. I did forget about that. Thank you. We have stickers and t-shirts now. They're available at sanspantsradio.com.

May I suggest the get shot by a real astronaut in hot pink? It goes with literally every outfit. Once again, that's SandsPantsRadio.com slash shop. All right. Then it is Glopple, you and fire. In Chantel. I might call out for Chantel's name. Chantel? Anything? I might call out for Chantal's name. Chantal?

Anything? I will cast Cure Wounds on myself. All right. And then I might try and back away a bit. Yeah. Like just kind of scram. Oh, I've got a broken back. Oh, how can I move?

I mean, your back, yes, is broken, but you can still move. It just fucking hurts. Like if, Zamit, I know this is something you, yeah. If you were in a life or death situation, you could move with a broken back. All right, I'll try and back out a little bit, just so I'm not getting hit by anything. All right, would you like to move towards where you know your friends are or away? I'm going to say away.

The ball of dark... Oh, how far do you move? Like maybe five... I don't want to get an attack of op no they can't see me maybe like i i'm a very slow man anyway like five feet is probably my max movement yeah crawling i would allow you to move 15 feet actually you could move your full 30 feet but that would be oh no you cast the spell yeah you can i'm an old man, though, right? Crawling? But I need to trouble with a walker. All right, all right. Let's say 10 feet.

Yeah. Look, I'd happily run away for 30 feet, but I'm like, he can barely move with a walker. You definitely can't move 30 feet, but you can put wheels on your walker. I'd shamble 10 feet away as much as I can. Okay. Gotta give you wheels. The globe of darkness begins to pull away from you, tree stump. Yep.

And as it does so, it reveals one of the two basilisks. Oh, no. All right. As fire. Yeah. Then casting fire bolt. Yeah, absolutely. At the one it can see, presumably. Yes. Absolutely. The one it can see, presumably?

Yes. That is, unfortunately, a miss. The Bolt of Fire splashes on the creature but does no damage. Damn, damn, damn, damn. It's the Basilize turn. Surin. Passes.

Tree Stomp. You get a d4 because you're still in bless oh my god you got exactly what you needed oh my god that was you rolled really fucking poorly just then fuck that bless saved you holy shit i feel like i just stopped myself from drowning like the sensation in my physical real world body right now feels like i've taken my first breath of air and then yayola all right yayola is also fine so the Basilisk Mama turns around, and it can see the lot of you. It launches at, let's say, no, wait, it sees the dead body.

Highs or lows? Highs. Okay, it sees the dead body, howls in anguish, anguish and then big t it's coming for you why i didn't do anything big t it lands upon you you take five points of piercing damage and three points of poison damage. And three points of poison damage. For eight total. Good. Good. The Basilisk in the darkness.

Heysel lows again. But this time, I'm an answer. Yeah, it lows. It lashes out wildly, but because it is in darkness, it doesn't know what the fuck it's attacking. So it attacks nothing, basically. It wastes its turn. Tree Stump and Serene, it's your turn. Okay, I would like to go immediately for the one that has just wronged me.

Would you like to reckless attack? I would love to reckless attack. Nothing brings me more joy than reuniting a family. Jesus Christ. All right, you deal 16 points of damage to Mama. Yes. The first damage she's taken. Oh, that's not good.

Oh, God, no. And what would you like Sorin to do? I would like Sorin to also attack Mama, please. Oh, she casts Dissonant Whispers. Oh, yeah, she had that loaded. The creature, Mama makes her saving throw, but that just means half damage. And then what would you like Sorene to do on your turn?

All right. Yeah. Lower level dissonant whispers, please. No worries. It fails its saving throw this time. Hey. Goober. Big squiggly idiot.

So she did five and then 13 points of damage. Yeah, she's better than me. Beautiful. And that was a lower level spell? Damn. Just rolled better. And also didn't have to half it. Yeah, she's better than me. Beautiful. And that was a lower level spell? Damn. Just rolled better. And also didn't have to half it. Yeah, fair enough.

And then it is Yayola, 50 chickens, pause for consideration, and Tavor time is turned. What a crew we've got. What a crew to dive bomb this. Do they look happy to be here? Yeah. Well, yeah, of course. They're here to help you.

It's a family. with some skeletons in the closet we're a family the spiritual weapon misses the basilisk and then yayola is going to cast cure wounds on you T, you recover 17 hit points. Oh, thank you. Adventurers who fight together live together, she calls out. 50 chickens, as he's sprinting, pulls from his back a greatsword. He, with like a wink, disappears at one place, reappars at another, about 30 feet further along. And that extra 30 feet of movement puts him right next to mama. He swings with his great sword.

He misses. That's so funny. And I just, cause it's a great sword. I imagine it just hits the ground. Ah, jeez. Pause for consideration. In a similar method, instead of teleporting,

just uses feline agility to close that distance and swings with their war pick. That's a hit. No deal. Seven points of damage to Mama. I like this cat. Tavratine swoops down from above and attacks three times. Three times.

First attack. Hit. Second attack. Hit. Third attack. Hit. Tavratine deals. That brings Mama down.

That's great news. Yay, we love that. The combined effort of your new companions bring down Mama. It's just baby. Excellent. With a pained, anguished yowl, Mama hits the ground dead. You, all of you here, hear Baby make like a panicked noise. Oh god, what was that?

And Glopple, it's your turn. Okay, I guess I'm going to cast a cure wounds on myself. What do I, I guess what do I hear? They've killed the thing. Well, you don't really know what's happening.

Yeah, I don't know what's happening. Yeah, you just heard the death rattle of Mama, and you heard the panicked call of Baby. Okay. I guess I don't do anything. All right, what would you like Fire to do? I guess wait until she can see the baby basilisk and ready like a

firebolt. The basilisk bursts out the other side of the darkness and starts sprinting away. Unfortunately because it's on the wrong side actually, let me roll for everyone. Highs or lows? Highs. Highs?

You sure? No. Would you like to change? Sure. Lows. You want to change to lows? Yeah. All right.

Baby explodes out the right side, if you will. Yeah, I don't know if you would have preferred this. Explodes out the side where everyone is. Yep. side where all everyone is yep so everyone's gonna get and everyone who doesn't become petrified is gonna get a chance to attack yeah does that does they instantly get got by fire though oh it does yeah um well this roll hope that's enough to take it down fingers crossed come on fire do your best I'm sorry fire tries their best come on fire

you can do it fire levels a finger at the basilisk and then an explosion out of their finger fires the wrong way like a back blast out of a gun. Classic fire.

Fire is thrown 40 feet backwards. Oh my god. She's so small. Well, that puts her out of the danger zone. And then, tavern time. Tavern time passes.

Pause for consideration. Pause for consideration passes. 50 chickens Tabertine passes. Pause for consideration. Pause for consideration passes. 50 chickens. 50 chickens passes. And... Tree Stump. Tree Stump passes. Sorin.

Sorin passes. You've been pretty lucky. Yayola. Dead. Yayola passes. Oh, that was the closest it got. None of you rolled below 15, except Yeola, who rolled 11.

Jesus. Okay. Oh, the basilisk sprints past everyone. Everyone gets a free attack on it. I'm just going to... I don't know. We'll go with Tabithine first. Tabithine rips at it with his claw.

Misses. Pause for consideration. Swings go with Tabatine first. Tabatine rips at it with his claw. Misses. Pause for consideration. Swings their war pick. Hits. Yes. Baby takes... What's that? Baby takes five points of damage.

Mm-hmm. 50 chickens swings with their greatsword. That's a hit. 50 chickens does... Nine points of damage. Mm-hmm. Fire is 40 feet away

Tree stump, you get a free attack Go ham You Deal 10 points of damage Love it I think that was the blow that broke the camel's back It was Yep

Big T, you bring baby down Oh my god if um if i hear that i will do it does it does it make yeah that's like what happens a bunch of people do a quick like go around like sarin calls out all safe uh fire calls out all safe 50 chickens calls out all safe. 50 chickens calls out, all safe. Pause for consideration calls out, all safe. Yeah, end darkness. All right. You see a Chantel-shaped statue.

Oh, no. Someone could help me up. I can try. Can we? Is there, like? Whoa, Yayola's torn. No, Yayola goes to Chantel in, like, shock and horror. Pause for consideration comes over to you and heals you.

Oh, I don't need to be healed. I'm fine. I just need to be held up. Well, all right, then. Don't worry about it. Can I hobble over to Chantel? about it can i hobble over to chantelle yeah you both hobble over to chantelle can i i thought we had an extra i tried to stop i know lesser restoration can't do it no it it's a a powerful cleric can reverse this but the statue

well the statue doesn't have to be intact, but if a vital part is missing, all right. So like an arm or a leg can be lost, but the head cannot, if you get what I mean. Okay. We've got a baby corpse here, yeah? Yeah. Can I cut off the head and go and like gently bite Chantel so her body is in a statue's gullet?

It's the bile and spit that you need. So you're going to have to gut this thing for its bile and spit and then smear it on Chantal. Do you know what we have to do? Do you tell us that or anything? Oh, yeah. Do you say? No, I think we can save her.

We just need to get Ola to go from the inside and smear it on her. She'll be a bit yuck, but she'll be good. Yayola is immediately gutting the nearest one. I think it'll be baby. Yayola starts guttingting the nearest one. I think it'll be baby. Yayola starts gutting baby. We need the things from its stomach and its mouth. We need all of its spit and its bile. Well, then, if we can, there's the other two.

If anyone is skinning a creature. Don't worry about it. I got this one. 50 chickens, heads over to Papa. With his great sword sword he starts hacking i'll go over to mama and i'll start trying to i just try and get as much goo out make a sort of a goo bomb and lather up our girl anywhere bile and spit touches together you see immediately reverts back to flesh, cloth, and steel,

and whatnot. Without too much trouble, you've got a lot of it here. Without too much trouble, you restore Chantel to a living state again. And she starts breathing heavily. I'm sorry, you have to smell this. Is she wounded

at all? No, she wasn't. Oh, no, she was, actually. She was hurt. I'll cast a cure wounds on her. I hope you're rationed. Is there much bile left? She recovers, like, five hit points. Bile left over after you've used it?

Not from baby, because Yayola just went ham. Baby is pretty well done. 50 chickens was not gentle to Papa. So, like, you'll have to collect it off the ground. If anyone could grab some of the bio and just point to the horse. Big D kind of botched it. There's not enough for the horse, unfortunately unfortunately can we do a bit on the horse

can we okay can we bring the statue over and rub the statue on the ground where the bile on the ground is that's it's a it's a statue of a horse life-size it's heavy um the one that you botched is it like everywhere or is it like not at all collectible It's like mixed in with blood and other stuff. It's hard to pick apart what's what. That's what we can smear it all on. You know that it needs to be just bile and just spit. Mixed with blood, it becomes useless. Yeah, it sucks. Are we sure we can't?

Is there any left for the horse? You don't think there is, unfortunately. Can we give the horse a head again, at least? That sounds like torturous, to be honest. It does sound a bit torturous. Could you give it its little feet back? Just the ankles and the nose or something? Oh, I see what you're saying. It's probably worse than leaving it dead. That sounds pretty awful. Well, I suppose if I'm being told by a man named Fifty Chickens it's a bad idea.

It's probably the worst idea I've ever had. Oh, I'm sure you can top it next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. I'm going to bed. and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company

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