D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company III #15 Performance Review

Episode Date: July 23, 2022

After a very tense conversation, we gear up for war. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company They've got a mission to go collect some basilisks. We went and found that basilisk nest not too long ago. Pause nods. That we did.

There was this, uh, Ben filled the 50 chickens and paused for consideration in on everything. and Paul's for consideration in on everything. So, yes, we were heading up to, I guess, speak to Morimash to see if he knows anything. Come with us, we're going to talk to Morimash. Are they what? Yes, of course. Can we talk to Morimash? I'm so tired. As a big group, you head towards Morimash's tent. As we were getting to Greyhill, we had a plan

to be like, look, we're going to talk to Morimarsh, but if things go south pretty quickly, like maybe they're the one, what do we do? I guess the best thing is to pretend if things are going that way, we say yes,

and then hopefully bide our time and do something later on. So all we need to do is, if something like that happens, I guess, yes, we attack. And hope that the rest of the camp don't attack us, eh? It would be weird if we were the only ones not in the loop. There at the map is Morimash. He's standing there with a bunch of other

members of the Greyhill Free Company. Maybe no one that you know by name. That's worrying. Just like people that you recognize as being part of the camp. Any new suits of armor laying around? No, no new suits of armor. No, they're probably... They're like

iron suits of armor in the tent being a nerd, doing nothing, just kind of there. Yeah, now that you mention it, there's like 400 of them all crammed here in the back. Huh. That's what I was going to say. You know what, actually, it would be unusual for you to not know the names of people from around Greyhill.

So you do actually recognize them. Yeah, yes. They're another group that runs within Greyhill hill you don't know them very well you just know them like you know them well enough to have a conversation with them basically you recognize the elf dark moon a uh goliath just like uh just like big t called tipple uh bigger t a human who is simply massive uh maybe a head taller than big t and then fuck i hate bigger t and then finally a half elven ranger james heard cool cool adam for non-austral, James Heard is a football player,

an Australian rules football player. I think disgraced. You know what? And then there's a fifth one, a rogue by the name of Essendon Football Club. Good work, Adam. That's good. I'm shocked we don't have a Matrix Revolutions round as well.

Oh, I forgot. Yeah, there is also a Matrix Revolutions. They're another adventuring group. They're a tight-knit community, a tight-knit group. You know that they know each other very well and they're good friends. You know each of them in passing. Yes, yes. I nodded them all.

I like that four enemies, well, five enemies became seven immediately. What do you mean? They're standing around the map with Morimash, and Morimash is clearly having a conversation with them about one of their quests. It was a dark sun, was it? It's Darkmoon, who is an elven sorcerer yeah dark moon uh just the names really the dark moon tipple is a massive goliath yeah there's bigger t bigger t who is a human but just simply like just a large person like the mountain from game of thrones james heard is a half elf ranger

then oh and okay and an incident football club and football club is a thief-elf ranger. And an Essendon football club. Essendon football club is a thief. And Matrix Revolutions. And Matrix Revolutions is just themselves. Nice to see you all again. Matrix, James, Essendon, Tipple, Bigotty. I love Bigotty.

They all nod at you, friendly. Morimash looks up from the map and whatever he was explaining and says, oh, is everything okay? I'd like to talk to you, Moromash, if possible. But once you're finished, once you're finished.

Oh, well, very well then. In any case, once you get so far towards the sea itself, you'll probably encounter a small fishing village somewhere around here. I don't think it has a name. Just know it exists. It's not big enough for that sort of thing. But once you've gotten there, you should be able to charter a ship.

And I highly recommend. He writes down a little piece of paper. You find this person at that's a fishing village, and they should be able to give you a discount. They work with us much in the same way that we get a discount sometimes on healing services. Dark Moon nods and is listening intently. Anyway, good luck to you.

Are you going to be staying around camp for much longer? Dark Moon nods and says, yes, for at least a few more days while we prepare. They, looking at you curiously, walk out. I flinch as Bigotty walks past. Bigotty flinches at you. Oh. It makes me sick.

Can I help you? Yes. Is he not freaking out, by the oh no fair point he yeah probably when you spoke with him and he when he started speaking you see like realization wash over him like shock and that last that last little bit that he was explaining just there he probably actually hurried through it you could tell tell that he was, like, surmising really quickly so that he could get everyone out. Globo, is everything okay? I guess the price of being an adventurer, as it were. Yeah.

Yet another one. Well, is this what you've come to talk about? Do you wish to retire? Eventually, sure, but no. I guess the clothes you got tailored are probably not going to fit anymore. Any hair? No. Mind if I sit?

There's no seats here. I'm very sorry. Perhaps he calls past you. James, James, can you bring a chair in while you're on your way out? James Hurd brings a chair in and sets it down for you. Thank you, James. I appreciate that. He nods.

Okay, thanks. He leaves. Sit down. Sit down. Yes. I sit down I sit down yes so as you know we had a contract to help out some farmers yes come to think of contracts

actually Tavitine what are you doing here last I heard you were with Herdek also Herdek and the other two and I wait for Tavitine to name them. Tavitine does not. And the other two companions. Flotsam and Jetsam? Flotsam and Jetsam, yes.

They, unfortunately, they died in a cave-in. Jesus. Well, he's bringing this to me. I will ensure that they are next of kin. Yes. So we were going to the farmstead.

I try to rush through a bunch of this. It turns out it was a woman. I think it was a sorceress. And she found an iron golem, I guess, factory, for lack of a better word,

and it was using all the, I guess, material around, organic material around to feed it into the machine to create the iron golems. So she was attacking a lot of the livestock, so it would have to have a fuel source. So then we went into the golem factory to put a stop to it.

And that's when we found Tabatai's team. Oromash turns around, and there is behind him on the wall, there's this massive wooden shelving unit with scrolls stuffed in it at all different angles.

He starts pulling at it, and he pulls out two scrolls. He pulls out his copy of your quest to deal with the witch destroying crops, and he pulls out his copy of Tabatine and Herdeck's your quest to deal with the witch destroying crops, and he pulls out his copy of Tabertine and Herdek's quest. He sets them out in front of him.

Yes? And so the iron golems were, we went to try and put a stop to the iron golem, and that's when we saw, ran into Herdek and their team. This says that there's a sensor, a device, a sensor and a scroll, it seems,

some equipment that would help them. Yes, they had that. It just seems that whoever was wanting that, we couldn't put a stop to it initially, I guess, to turn it on. And so 400

golems up and left to whoever, I guess, made the contract? And they have an army of iron golems, and they were using the fuel source of the surrounding area.

Fuel source being... So were these crops being taken without permission? It wasn't crops. More or less. Oh. It was livestock. Wow, that's disconcerting.

I would say a bit more than livestock. So. He starts going through the scrolls on that mission Wow, that's disconcerting. And I would say a bit more than livestock. So, huh. He starts going through the scrolls on that mission and on that quest and like reading through them. This one was issued by, well, there's a central, so the way the quests get distributed is there's like a central area in the capital that accepts quests from all sorts of different locations and distributes them to the major cities such as grayhill

and we get them from that central distribution center in grayhill they don't give us typically a name of contact they typically uh they bring it out to us then we complete it we send it out to us, then we complete it, we send it on to them, and they send us back the money. So I don't know who gave you that quest. Yes. Oh, and I guess one more thing. So we came across another mercenary group. They were escorting some basilisks, but that was a quest that 50 50 chickens um in pause for consideration they

finished that one there was to to find out where the basilisks were he goes back to the thing and pulls out that quest so yeah that's they were to find then they said they um it's a cave-in wasn't it yeah i've got this registered as you completed this one with a cave-in. You didn't need to kill the basilisks. Yes, but... Yes, we don't like to fight basilisks. But it seems that they used the... Whoever was behind the quests were getting the information so that they could then obtain these basilisks for...

I guess they wanted... Did the contract say they wanted the the basilisk alive or was it yeah it's to capture alive basilisks they wanted live basilisks for well do you have this quest uh yes yes yes i bring out all the papers that we took he uh he grabs that one and pulls it in. All of these quests look... Their quests look remarkably similar to your ones, except the insignia upon it is slightly changed. So rather than Greyhill Free Company, it's got Leopold's Errant Mercenaries decals

and whatnot all over it. And if you look at one of those ones, it has to fight the Iron Golem factory. Yeah, you also pull out that one and set it in front of him. Oh, this is very interesting. It seems that there's a fair amount of things that are just sort of parts of a whole. Moromash turns back thoughtfully towards all the scrolls behind him sweating bullets out of sweating balls he starts pulling its scrolls and starts setting them down on the table one after another you're not sure what he's doing at first but then you realize he's trying to order

and map out these quests he doesn't have a complete picture sometimes you see like um find then um sometimes you see like sometimes you see a full connected series where it's like find uh kill retriever corpse three different quests that were issued to different groups within grayhill but more often than not it's not complete you can tell like you can tell that you've got maybe of a of a like a series of quests you've got two out of five or maybe sometimes you've got four out of five or sometimes you've got nine out of ten or sometimes you can see that you must have only like three out of yeah but you can see can we help broken up as well just morimash doesn't let you. He's like a flurry of things. He's just grabbing papers, putting them down on the table.

He's ordering them in a way that seems only sensical to him. But when he's done, you can make sense of it as well. Okay. Eventually, he's pulled out every single scroll from behind him. The massive rack that was before, like heavy, solid fucking oak oak wood it was sagging a little bit under the weight of these scrolls now it is completely unburdened and all of the scrolls are on the table in front of you he has with the map he's also begin mapping them out as well and you can see how some things track along you can see one quest that involved slaying a blue dragon, collecting its eggs, and then transporting its eggs from one place to another.

Purpose unknown. You see another one, which is maybe one that you were involved in, which was defeating that band of kobolds. You see killing the kobold leader. Then the kobolds start going on the run. That's where you encounter him then you see another quest that's like in the area in the same area there are scattered groups of kobolds and it's like uh kill kobold leader capture kobold leader uh destroy all kobolds take kobold special item or something like that and it looks like the kobolds are all being funneled into one area there you see another thing

with like a bunch of tribes of like roaming uh halfling raiders which is something that occasionally makes its way down here uh you see into the water it goes as well there are seaborne ones different events around there as well once again you do not have a complete picture but you have enough of a picture to see a definite pattern mora marsh leans back and you can see he is like stone white his normally green orcish skin is like a alabaster almost he looks at you glopple and he says, this reminds me of something. I used to work in Jaron's outpost, in the constabulary there, in the militia.

And my chief goal was to bring down a group of halfling thieves known as the Shorefolds. I captured one of their, or I brought in one of their leaders for an interrogation. And do you know what he told me? He told me that you, the reason that I would never be able to capture him is because he knew how to keep a secret. And he said,

the best way to keep a secret. Started sweating again. Started sweating again. The best way to keep a secret is to take it and break it up into little pieces. And you give everyone a piece of that secret. So when they look at their piece, they look at you and they say, I don't know what the fuck I've got here. And only someone who can see all of the pieces of the secret understands what the secret is. Someone has taken a secret and has broken it up into pieces. And you might be the first person who has seen the whole thing.

Morimash was already standing, but Morimash rocks back from the table. And he says, we need to go to the capital. This skips over Greyhill entirely. We need to go to the capital. This skips over Greyhill entirely. We need to go to the capital and speak to the distribution centre. We need to speak to someone above us. Yes, I think with the papers we got from the other

mercenary company, I think it's definitely adding we've got several full quests if you kind of full secrets, if you will. Over the last half a decade, the amount of mercenary companies operating in Greyhill, the surrounding areas, and especially the capital, has ballooned.

We are a tiny part of a growing industry around here. If this is the part of the secret that we have found, If this is the part of the secret that we have found, I shudder to believe, to think of how big this is. Yes, if you look at some of these ones here, and just some of the ones that we don't even know what they were doing there. This one over here, it's saying these group of people here, they need to be stopped, but we don't even know what they were doing there. This one over here, it's saying, these group of people here, they need to be stopped, but we don't know why. It claims they were bandits, but we don't even know if they were bandits. This one

over here is talking about a group of goblins. I mean, 50 chickens can be a testament to this. Not all goblins are raiders or anything like that. We're just taking the word of this. The population of adventurers around the capital in Greyhair exceeds the thousands.

That is, unbeknownst to us, we have been conscripted into an army, and I intend on finding out who we're fighting. I start nodding. This seems like it's going well, but I'm still scared. So I guess we need to find out, I guess, who's commanding us. We ride for the capital and we ride tonight. Morimash stands up and he starts collecting his things. I suggest you get ready.

You are inextricably a part of this and I need your assistance in this matter. You brought this to me. You are possibly the... I am scared at what has happened to this company.

Yeah, I think I'm scared too of what's happened here. We're right, we're right. Morimash walks out of the tent and kind of gestures for you to follow him. This is a message for all the seasoned and aspiring DMs out there.

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as a distraction to what's coming up. Grab either or both in a bundle while stocks last. Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com slash shop. Doc's last. Once again, that's sanspanseradio.com slash shop. I try to, I get up very slowly and I look at everybody and I say, whew. Everyone

kind of, everyone's kind of got like, there's a collective sigh of, uh, what do you call it? A collective sigh. I guess tonight we ride to Fairburn Point. To Fairburn Point we go. On your way back out, Hank stands up. How's everyone

doing? Morimash puts up a hand. I'm so sorry, Hank. I love you very much, but not right now. He walks right past. Hank sits back down. No worries. Oh, he's so sorry, Hank. I hand him the gold that I've gotten over the quests and be like

all my affairs are in order Hank gives you a scared look yeah, no worries mate, I got your affairs you're safe with me thank you as we're passing Hankank i look forward to coming to your house for dinner with your family it might not be soon though you literally any night

you're the best hank another hug for hank how could i be the best when you're still around oh hank um yeah uh tree stump forgets about the wall tree stumps walking on sunshine you walk outside mora marsh is like snapping at people and barking orders horses i need horses now he's like, the camp is immediately a flurry of activity as people run around to get things done. Morimash is ordering a trench to be dug around the camp and for defenses to be erected.

He's also ordering a bunch of horses to be brought forwards. He comes back to you and he says, I think we should leave some people of our group here. Yes, yes. I feel like... Just to keep watch, of course. Yes. I feel like it's worth keeping watch. Of course. I think it'd be the most

trusted. I think 50 chickens and paws, you should stay here. I would love to not have to travel on a dirty horse. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I guess fire, this isn't really your fight. You can stay here in the theater,

or you could come to the capital up to you, or Surin, I don't know. Where will the most fireplaces be? Well, we might fire... I mean, there's some fireplaces around here in camp if you wanted to have a look, and perhaps that, or we could... Okay! We could head to the... That breaks my heart!

We could head to the capital and to Fairbairn, and if there's some fires... Okay! Okay,orin? What about if you make new friends here who are going to lots of different

adventures and then you can just go with them and check the fireplaces when you go on the adventures. That might be a bit better because we're only going to one place which is a city. Fire nods. Okay. Okay. Yes. I guess.

We'll be back, okay? I'll go make some friends. I'll be back. Welcome to the Greyhill Free Company. Fire turns around and says, thank you. And then wanders off and wanders literally to the first person and says, hi, would you like to be friends? I've died. I'm sad. Obviously we can't.

She's going to be alright. We can't take her. It's so dangerous. There'd be so many fireplaces. There'd be so many fireplaces. But she's from the realm of fire. She's from the realm of fire, isn't she? We don't know. We wouldn't find it anyway. She's from the realm of fire, isn't she? We don't know.

She don't know. We have no idea. She could be from any realm. Well, actually, I suppose because the way she described it, you can eliminate the elemental plane of fire. So you know she's not. Yeah. She described going there.

So she couldn't have been from it. Well, that's something. That just leaves the rest of the multiverse. It does. Heaven, hell, the other elemental planes. Yeah. The other hell. Yeah.

The sneaky second hell. Well, there are some planes that are all the element, and she did describe a room. That's true. That wasn't made of any one element. We can take away those. But there would be places on those planes that are like a room. We can at least.

Okay. Hang on. Cat is red because of fire. We can at least. So the realm of water, surely we can rule that out. Surely. Well, you actually just can't. Because on the elemental plane of water, there are places where people who don't breathe water need to be.

And they have fireplaces the elemental, they could. Yeah, people be cold, man. Oh, God. Can you describe it as just a room with a fireplace? That just can be anywhere. All it does is rule out the realm of no fireplaces. That's not a place. So at least that's good.

So you have ruled that place out by it not existing. Well, you say it doesn't exist. I don't know. Time will tell. You want to play in Jackson's D&D, alright? Because I ain't got time for that shit. Okay, we've got to start looking in Corn Realm. Yes. Corn Realm exists.

Well, yeah. Obviously. A fireplace in Corn Realm. Did you say Corn Realm? Corn Realm. Corn Realm. Corn Realm. Corn Realm. Yeah, the fireplace in Corn Realm feels like a dangerous activity.

Fireplace in Air Realm seems like a... Delicious activity. Either way, they're making friends. Let's... Yep, okay, she's fine. She's going to be fine. Is there any... Do we think She's going to be fine. Do we think we're going to have a fight?

Morimash? Morimash looks at you with wild eyes and says, I simply don't know. Should we prepare? I think we should be prepared for anything. Do we have armaments for the people that can use them? Yes. Morimash says, we have things we can the people that can use them?

Yes, Morimash says. We have things we can break out in an emergency, yes. All right, well, who are you bringing first? Because that will depend what I'm giving you. I guess the usual team. So dropping fire, it's Yayola, Chantel, Sarin, Tabertine? Yeah. Morimash at the stables turns around, snaps his fingers and says, yes, that's right.

We should, we should, we should. He hurries you over to, there's like an equipment tent, which is basically where, it's typically where you store magical items that you might collect or have or stuff like that. Stuff that's either sold to members for a price or held on for like a dire need or something like that. Sometimes you might be given an item to help you with a specific quest and then be expected to return it when you're done. In any case, he starts giving them out like they're fucking candy. Glopple, he says, he hands you a

simple golden medallion on a chain. He says it's an amulet of health. When you wear it, you'll find yourself more hale and hearty. You frankly need it. He says, and he hands it to you.

I feel like a spring 75-year-old. Mechanics-wise, your constitution is now 19. Tree stump, here. He hands you, tree stump, two arm bracelets. They're long. They go you tree stump to like arm bracelets. They're long. They go the full length of your arm.

And when they, when you put them on, they automatically resize themselves so that they fit from wrist to elbow. They're like lattice work. They're also golden. They're like a lattice work of wave patterns. He says, these are braces of defense.

When you wear these, you should find that you'll be able to deflect blows with them. Functionally, Cass, your character now has plus two to your armor class. They're beautiful. You're very welcome, he says. Tavitine, here, take this. It's a cloak of displacement, he says. And he hands it to Tavitine, here, take this. It's a cloak of displacement, he says, and he hands it to Tavitine. When Tavitine wears this cloak, he projects an illusion of himself

that is slightly off where he actually is, and so enemies have disadvantage to hit him. That rules. Serene, here, take this. He hands her a mandolin. Yeah. That is a caneth mandolin, he says. There are some spells stored within it that you should be able to access when you play it.

Oh, fancy. Chantal, here, take this. He hands Chantal a cloak similar. Oh, I didn't describe the cloaks and what. All right. So the cloak that he hands Tavitime, the one that makes him, like, phase a little bit. So do you know what a displacer beast is no it's like a big cat like creature actually looks a bit a little bit like

a panther but it has two tentacles that come off it and the tentacles have suction grabbers on their ends with barbed like teeth on them so the cloak of displacement is made from the hide of a displacer beast so it is imagine like a cloak made out of panther uh fur but also it's got those two like tentacles on it the tentacles are functionless they're just for adornment basically cool though sounds silky the mandolin if you don't know what a mandolin is, imagine like a little guitar. It's a little guitar. It's got like a beautiful, it's made out of wood, like a bright, vibrant brownie wood, but it's got a latticework of silver all over it. And then the cloak that he gives Chantal is actually a half cloak.

So it really only goes down to the small of her back, but it's a black with silver trimmings on it. He hands that to her. This is a mantle of spell resistance. While you're wearing it, you'll find that magical spells affect you less often. Functionally, it gives her advantage on all saving throws against spells. And then to Yeola, he hands a necklace. The necklace, it's a simple like silver, maybe not even silver, like a cheaper metal even, like brass or copper chain. And then on the chain, there are a bunch of charms. The charms are like a little glass vial with a different type of color or shaped gem at the end. Each of these little charms, when casts a spell after handing out all

the magical items mora marsh returns to the little storage tent cabin room whatever and he comes back out with some other equipment all right perhaps um some arms and equipment are in order as well he says and he dumps over the years the company has amassed a simply stupefying amount of clan crafted weapons and armor and other equipment as well but mostly arms and armor from their many many many many many defeated foes well i guess he's like going through it he looks he keeps looking up at each one of you. He's like, he kind of fusses over a tree stump for a moment. Well, you've already got like a magical halberd.

I don't think anything here is going to compete with a magically enchanted weapon. But perhaps your armor could be improved some. You wear. Big smile, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah. You wear none. Yeah. Yep. Barbar yeah, yeah. You wear none. Yeah, yeah.

Yep. Barbarians, man. They're just like, everything's flapping in the breeze, I always assumed. Yes, but you can wear some armor, he says. So... Do you have any in that big bag for me? Yes, yes, I do. Do you prefer light or medium? A bit lighter please i like to be fast it's very scary when a big thing is fast rooting around comes out with a set of just like a a just enough

to cover one's shoulders chest and back a really heavy set of furs. This is Huscraft, studded leather armor, he says. He roots around in the fur, and you can see that there's little studs within the armor made out of bone. It improves upon regular leather armor by having, in addition to being quite sturdy from the studs, the studs of the bone that creates parts of the studs is treated. It's extra tough tough he says and

he gives it a big old wrap and i guess for you specifically tree stump it would be quite light i feel like i could break this who's this made out of how many of them is it made out of i i haven't foggiest he says in addition to all of the benefits of regular studded leather armor huscraft armors obviously are made of heavy furs often in any for a substitute of like wood or metal they will use bone like this one has they always have a particular motif be it wolf snow bear death for some reason not for some reason it's a cultural reason the people of hus both north and south they they need their arms and armor to have uh well yeah a motif like a style a sense of uh a sense of character pizzazz you can pick if you wish, what the motif is. Could my motif be fear?

How does that manifest? The scariest face I've ever seen. But there's no circle around the face. It's just eyes, nose, mouth. And brows. Eyes, nose, eyebrows, mouth. Huscraft armors, because they are fur-lined, grant advantage to resist cold weather. So should you be stuck in a blizzard either regular

or magical as could possibly be the case you will get advantage to resist said weather weapons this is not a weapon but weapons made out of made in the husk craft tradition grant uh a uh an ability called puzzle of bone which means you can re-roll a one ah to glupple what do you use mostly magic around yeah you don't really use magic you even have armor turning into a bear he skips you and goes to chantelle He hands to Chantal a orc craft set of armor, similar in nature to what Tree Stump received. Orc craft armors are made out of dull metals, and they have kind of a brutalist design. They are not meant to be pretty. They are meant to function correctly.

meant to be pretty, they are meant to function correctly. And sometimes, as you encountered with orc craft weapons, they are meant to be very devastating if used correctly. But break. So orc craft armors give a benefit called intimidating appearance, which is advantage on intimidation checks, but disadvantage on persuasion checks. Like I said, it's made out of dull metals, but you can see that it's got kind of like a fur lining to i said it's made out of dull metals but you can see that it's got kind of like a fur lining to it there's a bunch of different awful evil looking sigils carved into it mixed with some sort of strange battle poem there's also dried blood splattered over it whoever got this whichever member of the greyhill free company acquired this off an orc did so in maybe the most brutal way possible to sarin he offers a tabaxi made dagger no rapier

so the tabaxi made items are fused together of seemingly random other objects, but work fine when used. They often have tales of daring or trickery written into them, both arms and armor, similar to how the Orccraft one had a battle poem stenciled into it. They never create heavy armors or two-handed weapons. Tabaxi culture does not favor either of these types of objects the armor or armors confer a sneaky benefit which means that they do not affect stealth weapons however like this light like this rapier confer gentle paw which means that they count as light weapons for dual wielding also they have a another ability called contraband which means that they all have a hidden compartment the rapier that sarin gets has a in the handle there's a little there's a

children's toy wedged into the handle right at the end the pommel that when turned around in addition to saying i love you i love you i love you every time it is twisted around it pops off revealing a little hole that one could stash maybe like a vial in finally all tabaxi made items are quotation marks hodgepodge which means they have a 50 chance of being worth five times their normal price or nothing because they are either made out of there. It's either a, it's either a dagger made out of diamonds or it's a dagger made out of spit and other children's toys. Odds or evens?

Evens. This rapier, in addition to having a children's toy, evens this rapier in addition to having a children's toy the blade itself is made out of what one might assume is a normal rock but upon closer inspection one might see that it is in fact the inside of a geode this rapier is worth five times the price of a regular rapier a tabaxi quite clearly saw the inside of a geode, thought it looked pretty, and decided to make a weapon out of it rather than do anything else with it. That's adorable. God, I love tabaxi.

So good and pure. They're perfect. Tavitine receives a shortsword. The shortsword is Cantonese craft. So, Cantonese, the major human metropolitan society, their designs are mixed mixed they can be randomly any other type of clan crafted designs so this one is elvencraft so elvencraft appears it just has the appearance of elvencraft basically so it's woven material so this short sword is made out of wood and grass which has been grown together the grass is hardened and set flat so that it kind of creates like a barbed effect on the blade of the short sword in addition to

that candanese craft objects have resistant to change which means that they have advantage to resist magical effects they are lingeringly magical which means that effects that do work upon them last 50 percent longer and they have a cosmopolitan which means they give advantage to charisma checks the sword give well not that tavatine's talking much but people are so impressed with tavatine's cool sword that he gets advantage to charisma checks from it that makes sense if i saw a guy in like a media say he got a cool sword that he gets advantage to charisma checks from it that makes sense if i saw a guy in like a media say he got a cool sword like i respect them more and maybe we'll listen to them they're at least holding my attention oh yeah if someone's got a cool accessory

yeah i like him better than the other people and then to yayola the one we haven't done yet dwarven craft so yayola gets a set of dwarven craft armor which is great because she's currently wearing leather armor so as a bruiser sort of character she probably needs some let's say chain mail armor yeah pretty like well i think she didn't start as a bruiser um no she did not she had to be adapted to the bruiser role. Yeah. The bruiser lifestyle kind of chose her, as it were. Yeah. Dwarven craft must contain metal or stone in some fashion. You don't get dwarven craft clubs.

Well, not wooden clubs. If you could, it would be made out of stone or metal, and surely it should do more damage. What a club. What a... Well, yeah, look, hey, that's... It's like a red pipe at that point right that club when does a club become a pipe you know well it's gotta have a hole in it surely if it's just a bit of metal

and it like i said must contain metal or stone there can be some wood or other material to it but minimal if at all all dwarvencraft objects are set in stone, as in they cannot be broken by mundane items or methods. It requires magic to break one. They are resistant to change, which means they have advantage to resist magical effects. They are weapons, are ancestral weapons, so they have advantage to hit goblins, orcs, and giants,

which this is not a weapon. So, well, I suppose if you took it off and—no, no, not allowing that. And finally, armor has sturdy frame, which means they can prevent damage from one non-magical attack a day. Oh, cool. Gloppel, finally, Morimash turns back to you and is like— I guess I do I wear shields? Shield! Shield! He says. Of course, of course, of course.

He hands you a, let's say, tabaxi-made shield. It is obviously part of a door. You hold the handle to hold the shield. Okay. Sure.

Can I get odds or evens? I hope this is a fancy door. Let's go odds. Odds? It's just some random door. Anyway, there's also a part in, there's like a little compartment in the door that you can stash something. Maybe the

door has, you know how you have like a little door within the door so that you can peep through and talk to someone oh yeah so maybe it's got that on either end maybe this is like some part of a prison door it's got that on either end and you can open up you could open it up on your side to see like a little compartment it would not hide much but you could hide something small. That's very good. All right. Let's mount up, he says. He brings his horse out and gestures to six other horses. Mount up.

We need to get going. Yes, of course. I guess I get a big tear to help me. Someone can help me. Sure. Well, with the amulet, it takes a little while to attune to it. It takes a little while to attune to it. Get someone to help me up well with the amulet oh never mind to attune to it it takes a little while to get someone to help me up i'll help as soon as you put the amulet on it's a slow trickling fact it's imagine like an hourglass and sand is slowly pouring through the hourglass but as the sand pours through imagine you feel yourself become hearty and whole like you're you're like you're young again

before you leave though i would like everyone to bump themselves up to level five so i know normally we get you to pick your you know your abilities and stuff for each other and i would with this as well but unfortunately big T at this level gets an extra attack and extra movement, so there's nothing to pick. And Global, you get access to third-level spells, but even if I made Cass fuck it for you, there's still a few days' travel to the capital, so you'd be able to unfuck it in time.

Yeah, I don't know. We'll have, though. Find out next time on stories of the grey hill free company To be continued... listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favorite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.