D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company III #17 A Loud Death

Episode Date: August 6, 2022

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company. So there's a distinct possibility that anyone we talk to might be part of a conspiracy. Of course. So I see three distinct outcomes. Yes, yes.

We've had very similar thoughts. Ah, yes. Morimash pauses for a second. Okay. He's an elf, impossibly handsome. He looks like a knight from a fairy tale. There is a sigil, like a house sigil, or like I'm marking him as a membership of some sort of group.

It is a dainty slipper. This is the sigil. This is the representation of Grace's companions. I think that's like a silver moon. So like a silver moon. Please like a silver moon. Please, follow me. I'll send someone. He snaps his fingers and someone scurries away.

I'll send someone to fetch Sir Grace himself. Many of them appear to be knights with that embossment upon their armor. A great deal many of them are taking around metal cages or containers of different sorts with strange exotic animals in them and the closest place between the inner wall and the outer wall is

where the keeper butts to it the most defenses will be there so if you are quick you may be able to use that as your exit the one the only sir himself. Hail and well met, adventurers. Right this way. I'll turn around on the drawbridge and head back into the castle. Yes, they're coming. What's that vibe check? What's the vibe? What's it like?

Is it good? Big T, you're pretty taken aback by meeting literally maybe a hero of yours. It's like, I imagine it would be like if our age we went to the north pole and someone was like oh here's santa we're like what like oh yeah no come meet santa it's the guy and he actually had a bowl full of jelly belly it's not a dissimilar experience no yeah yeah glopple you get the distinct impression so grace is putting on a kind air and seems perfectly amicable and polite, but you get the distinct impression that what you were walking into,

you feel like walking into the city was a trap. This is basically Sir Grace gloating before he kills you. What's the vibe of the party doing? How's that going? Moromash has quite obviously come to the same conclusion you have and you can see morimash is maybe mentally preparing himself to die yay hola um yayola is just scared she understands the weight of the situation but she's she's got no well yeah you just get that she's scared chantal is harder to read in full plate armor she has lowered her helm but she's not like made

any action to draw her weapon okay sarin is tense as well tabatine as always is an enigma so hard to read and charming oh a big t is is quite obviously not at all aware that you are in danger. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that checks. Yeah, Santa's not allowed to kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, we just saw Santa disembowel and eat an elf, but that's probably just something that happens and is normal and fine. We don't know the customs of the North Pole.

It's not for us to say. After the massive hallway that you enter through you come to a giant throne room this is not this is not unusual a throne room in a castle as part of like a lord's court is very normal this is this would be where the lord of fairburn point would come to meet uh dignitaries or even the people if they sometimes had a petition to bring before the lord the lord and lady of fairburn point are nowhere in sight you don't see them here the throne room is uncharacteristically filled with gold that is not normal this first off is more gold than fairburn point should rightly have any access to and also to keep it in a throne room is a very unusual maneuver

there should be a treasury somewhere that this is kept keeping it in the throne room feels like it's inviting danger to be honest okay at first that's your initial assessment you're like why would you put all the gold here then atop the mounds of gold something shifts you see a gold dragon raise its head slowly and curiously look out over you we're talking full-blown adult gold dragon way above your pay grade okay as the dragon shifts you see the coins spill around and move around it you don't know if this is the dragon's hoard or not this is this is terrifying but the when the coins move and shift you see that they reveal the throne itself which has been obviously gold has just been piled up on top of it because it seems it seems to be not in use um on the way to

the throne room was i able to spot or like you know do a room check of like what was we were passing of any doors maybe a privy or something along those lines there are a few doorways or other yeah other doorways and stuff like that as you walk through and there's a set of stairs right before

the throne room but you don't spot any of them as a privy there's certainly no sign to say that. No half moons carved into the doors. You don't see any half moons, but you do see one of the doorways is open and you look into not a feasting hall, but perhaps like the kitchen area. And you see the kitchen area has been cleared away. No one eats here.

Cool. And you can see that there are many many cages with kobolds in them the kobolds look uncomfortably familiar and you see that a bunch of them have strange eye tattoos on their foreheads these kobolds are not in cages but seem to be keeping the other kobolds in cages one of the the kobolds in one of the cages locks eyes with you, Globble, and you see clear pleading like, help. Great, great news. When you have that, like, maybe that pained expression of like,

one of the kobolds with a tattoo on its head, the eye tattoo on its head, turns to look at you, Globble. And when that happens, Sir Grace also turns to look at you. Never mind them. Follow me. Okay. Well, I'll lead them into the throne room and I'll, on that table that has maybe like a map of Kandor or a map of, you know, the sort of surrounding area, I'll roll that up to just give maybe like a map of Kandor or a map of you know the sort of surrounding area

I'll roll that up to just give us like a flat space and maybe I'll sit down on a chair on one side and gesture for them to sit on the other I maybe like gesture behind myself to all of the gold sorry about the mess you were staring at the gold dragon but Big T

the maps when you get a brief glimpse at them you can't read i'm aware are they nice to look at cool there's a lot of markings on the especially the map of candor you can see there's large markings actually some of it would be pictographs so you can tell that there are like little pictures of soldiers pointed at different parts around candle nice so um it must be pretty important uh whatever you want to talk to me about for you to come all the way here to fairburn point i say um yeah i just what is morimash doing so i i would probably default because he is the the leader of the gray hill free company morimash is staring at the dragon he has he

appears to not be paying attention anymore um yeah does it does the gold dragon look like um anything unusual did we or is it just a gold dragon? What do I know about gold dragons? What about dragons? How weird is this? Because we know it's a little bit weird. Of the types of dragons, you know that there are two major types.

There's metallic and chromatic dragons. Metallic dragons are characterized as being good aligned. They do not kill without cause like all dragons though they are still obsessed with wealth and will hoard gold that is just an innate nature of dragons themselves but provided you do not provoke a gold dragon they can be uh they could be like steadfast allies and champions of law and justice a gold dragon is typically something not to be afraid but to be like rallied behind and certainly many orders of good or lawful knights will have a dragon as either the head of their order or as like a

mascot is not the right word because mascot implies that it's like a dog. But they will have a dragon that isn't in charge of them but is kind of like a, seems like a spiritual guy. Like a figurehead or something? Yeah, yeah, like a figurehead. And the dragon's just there. Her hair, that's interesting. I don't mean to rush you, but I am in the middle of something.

I've never seen a dragon up close before. Look over my shoulder. Oh, yes. What's his name? I'd like to, like, as though the idea that he has a name has thrown me uh i don't know i don't think he has one anymore oh does he not talk talk please i really don't wish to hurry you but as you can see yes um i guess we're here The door's closed behind you Because There was a small

A small Farmstead Farmstead's farming town There was an underground Gollum Lots of iron gollums were Made And it seems um they were they were

using yeah the the tavern time pulls at your clothes oh glopple i gulp and look behind me you see the heavy oak doors behind you have closed and they were shut not by the eight knights or sir silver moon who none of them would have the strength to do that but instead they were shut not by the eight knights or Sir Silvermoon, who none of them would have the strength to do that, but instead they were closed by a hulking, very familiar sight, an iron golem, which stands now in between you and the only doors out that you can see at least. I don't know if you care too much, there are windows. No. least i don't know if you care too much there are windows um no so i i guess you're already aware of the um iron golems i nod

um i look at morimash morimash is staring at the dragon. The securing of the Iron Golems was one of the adventuring quests, I believe. Well, I guess I'm so sorry for interrupting you in what you were doing. I understand you're a busy man. I sure am. It seems that what we were coming here for, for your attention, you seem to be very well across it. So you probably don't actually, yes, very sorry for wasting your attention. You seem to be very well across it. So you probably don't actually... Yes, very sorry for

wasting your time. Well, I guess... Surely it was more than just the golems that you wished to come and talk to me about. Well, they were big and scary. Well, yeah, yeah. There was a lot of them and we didn't know where

they were going. It's important to check because we're adventurers and we have to make sure everyone's safe. So just making sure you've made them on purpose. So, Grace, in clearing the table so that you can talk on it, had to move some, not just the maps, but there was also some of the treasure, which is just all over the room, had to shift some of the treasure as well. Glubble and Big T, you spot that one of the things that clattered to the floor,

you look down and you recognize the sword sage amulet. Yes. You look around. In addition to the gold, you are now noticing the sheer volume of magical arms and armor in this place. Oh, no. That was in my head, but oh no.

Well, I mean, there was a few other ones. Mostly there was just some, I guess, what we would call inconsistencies with

some of, I guess guess the missions that we went on but I say oh dear inconsistencies yes yes it seems well like we went across a different

mercenary company and they had some quests similar to what we had, but some of them were maybe either follow-ups or things that we'd followed up on. So it seems that there was, you know, it just seemed

like we started something and then they finished it. Those kind of things. Looks nothing to be that important, to be honest. You'll have to forgive me, Glopple, but I don't

see what the problem is. Exactly. Spreading out those quests across multiple adventuring groups is more practical, for our end. Yes. I guess we were just wanting to double-check that. When we were discussing it, I guess it seemed a bit more, we were a bit confused.

And I think now we're very understanding of, you're right, it is, as you said, makes sense. You have unconfused us. Isn't that right, everybody? I worry my friend is going to get us killed. Sorin swallows loudly, but no one else says anything. Yes!

Correct! I was confused. I'd like to stand up and maybe turn around and look at the gold pile and the dragon and be like, but you're lying to me, aren't you? Then I turn back around. Well, um...

Because you're not going to leave the keep and Fairburn Point and just let it lie, will you? I mean, I think I... I wanted a holiday. I think we can. We can go away. Look, if you know, I'm,

I would say probably too old at this point. Ah, but Glopple, first a fish, then a spider, then a man, now an old man who knows what you'll be in five years, in one year, in an hour. I'm going to give you a choice, I say.

And it's the adventurous choice. You make this choice with every quest you accept, with every bounty you take. Would you like a quiet death, or would you like a loud one? Morimash finally turns, looks at you, Sir Grace, and says, loud, and let's go to initiative.

Okay. So, Glopple, Big T, and Sir Grace, who would you like to act with? I think I'll take the dragon, Adam. Oh, yeah? All right. That's fair enough. I was going to pick dragon. No, that's not fair.

Why did you ask him first? Pick the dragon. Just make the dragon eat my head. So, Grace, where would you like to go in initiative? I'll go first. We're at his house. I forgot. Okay.

That checks. That checks. Oh, Gloppel and Big T, who are you taking? I'll simply take my good friend Chantel I'll go Yayola Alright, so Grace, you get to go first I'd like to step back toward the gold pile And run my hand through it to just collect a random magic item sure you pull out uh you pull out a dagger which hums with magical energy it is it vibrates

visibly in your hand and then i would like to reach across to do i have to touch somebody to do it quick adam do you have to touch someone to do it quick, Adam? Do you have to touch someone to do it quick? What? You, oh, I see what you're saying. No, you don't. No, you can do it as a ranged attack if you want. Well, no, I mean, I'm still, I guess, across from the desk from him. So I'd like to reach back with one hand into the gold pile,

pull out the dagger, and then with my other hand, grab Morimash by the scruff of his neck and do it quick. Out of every porous on Ser Grace's face, tiny little spores, like he was a mushroom that had just exploded. They begin in between Mora Marsh and Ser Grace. They begin to coalesce into several thick, inky black tentacles

that slam themselves into Mora Marsh's face morimasha's head jerks once he collapses backwards he rides on the floor and you see that the tentacles are rolling over him like it was a a bath of tentacles that runs from head to toe, slowly dissipating into him. And would you like to do anything else? No, that'll do me for that move. Oh, maybe I'll throw the dagger at someone. Whoever's closest. What does the dragon want to do? The dragon has basic dragon abilities.

It can fly. It can't breathe fire anymore ever since you changed it. Yeah. But it does have a breath weapon still. It's just not fire anymore. Yeah, hell yeah. In addition to that, you can make it reveal its true form, and then it gets extra attacks, basically. Sick.

And you throw a dagger. Let's say eeny, meeny, miny, sirin. No. Sirin, oh, looks down at a dagger shining in her chest. Sir Grace actually didn't throw it. It just teleported out of his hand and into Sirin. Oh. That's not actually an ability of Sir Grace's.

That's the power of the dagger. Don't worry too much. Yeah, that puts me at ease. And let me tell you, this gold pile is lousy with magic daggers. The Rin takes 15 points of damage. Anyway, what would you like the dragon to do? I'll just get it to use Frightful

Presence, I think, to begin with. The dragon rears up on its hind legs and roars. When it roars, you see its tongue is not one tongue, but many black, inky tongues. Ah. I see. Everyone needs to make a saving throw.

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She has been frightened. Is feared as the condition, it means that she has disadvantage on attacks with inside of the dragon and cannot move towards the dragon. She can only move away from it. So just keep that in mind, Big D of it's your turn now adam you mentioned the building having some open windows didn't you they're not open windows no they're these windows cannot be open they're just big

stained glass windows they depict the founding of fairburn point there was such an imperceptible change in kaz's expression which was was like, open windows, yes? Because she's got her hands behind her back, very confident. You're like, no. Just the minutest, like, mm. I like that I described windows and Cass was like, open windows, yes. Well, when I imagine old-fashioned place, it's just hole in wall. Artfully arranged brick around gap of brick.

No, this place is meant to impress. It's stained glass windows. Well, I'm a bit at a gap of brick. No, this place is meant to impress. It's stained glass windows. Well, I'm a bit as a loss of what to do because I can't imagine surviving in here. Yeah, it does seem impossible, yeah. Even if I beat this magical man who could touch anyone and kill them instantly, there's an iron golem at the door. And previously we've not been able to do that.

Fighting a half iron golem was a hassle. Yep. So Yayola's going to cross by a window. Yayola misses. All right. Is it now me tree stumps turn yeah i would like to become so furious um i've learned something about the santa of my life i think i'm entitled to a little rage i've been good i've been very good now you've said that i'm fast and can do two actions now

correct you can make two attacks. What if I used my movement to run at the window? You could do that, yeah. On my first attack, I attack the glass and on the second, I attack the ground below me. All right.

All right. So you enter a barbarian rage. Now, Big T, you can run up to the window and attack it to break it or that'll be your turn or you can run up to the window and attack it to break it, or that'll be your turn, or you can run up to the window, throw yourself out the window,

and get out if you break the glass. I would like to throw myself out the window, Adam. Okay. Hell yes. Hell yes. Every adventurer for themselves. That's our new motto. They only try to break the window for all of us.

Yes, I'm with you. It's our new motto. Yayola tried to break the window for all of us. Yes, I'm with you. It's our new motto. The motto used to be adventurers together strong. The motto is now adventurers goodbye. Yes. Boromash was so specific about what we had to do, and that was get out alive and go back. You're right.

Yayola tried to break the window. She couldn't. I'm being efficient. I understand. Yes. Three stomp. You throw yourself at the window. Break through the glass.

You take five points of damage that's halved because you're raging. And then you fall. You fall for some time into a moat. The moat they were digging, yeah? Yeah. Because that was empty, yeah? Yeah, that had how much water in it? When you say it was being built and had no water.

There was no water in that moat. Refresh us how much water is in that moat? So when I make a splash, what does it sound like? Into that moat, which has how much? Yeah, zero water. So you know when Wile E. Coyote falls, and we get the view from up above, and we just see the little poof of him hitting dust, right? Yeah.

You know that? Yeah. So that doesn't happen because that's not real life. You just hit the ground and your body breaks. Oh, God. You take six points of damage, bounce, and then take one point of damage. That's all right. That's alright.

That's alright. Seven points total. That was already halved. It's not too bad at all. Yeah. That's pretty good, actually. You are outside, Tree Stump. You look up. You can't stand up because you've spent all of your turn falling and jumping and running. But you look

up from your prone position and you see several, not knights but soldiers milling about they look at you curiously one of them turns around from a bowl full of gore and you see there is blood dripping down his lips they kicked me out we'll get to that in a minute it's mora marsh's turn mora marsh jerks one final time on the ground and slowly gets up global you're the well you're the only player who sees this well no sir grace is also global you're the only person who is not evil who is also a player who sees this you're not a good guy who sees this yeah more and more gets up and as he's

getting up you see that black ichor is dripping out of his mouth and nose he slowly raises his head and turns around to look at you and you see a mass of black tentacles sprouting out of his mouth out of his nose and out of his you you know, just little tiny black inky tentacles coming out of his tear ducts. Oh, cool. That's kind of cute. He turns to look at you and then attacks. Fuck. Oh, well, what do you want him to do, Sir Grace?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have him attack. Absolutely. I'll have him attack. And I'll also be saying under my breath, I'll be like, that is a shame. The Greyhill Free Company was a good adventurous group. Hey, this is funny, because he has a Vorpal Greatsword, so he could just behead you straight up. That's not cool. He could just straight up cut your head off.

Oh my god. Gloppel, you're lucky you only get hit once. Can I use Chantal's ability there, then? Yes, you can use her ability there. It's reduced by a D10. Oh, maximum reducted. You only take 12 points of damage. Perfect.

That's all I need. Then, with his second attack, he will attack Chantel, actually. Okay. So, Chantel does not get beheaded. Very barely. No.

What happened to our girl? Chantel takes 28 points of damage. Adam. 28, you say? That's a lot of damage. Yeah, yeah. It's Sirin's turn. Great news, great news. Sirin gives a global, she gives a

eubotic inspiration. Excellent. Then she's going to cast she casts Fly. Stringing the mandolin, the magical mandolin she's been given kenneth's mandolin she casts fly upon herself and and herself she rises a few feet into the air and then leaves oh she flies out the same window that the barbarian has made. That's good.

Loppa, it's your turn. Well, first off, Chantel, I believe, is going to second wind? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Chantel recovers. Gets an health back. Seven hit points. Great. And gets me a bit of

health as well. Yes, you recover how much is it? Not a heap amount, to be honest. Five hit points. Excellent. Excellent. Okay, so currently it's myself, Yayola, Chantelle, and Tabatine in the thing. Yep.

In the thing. Right. Cool. Well, I'm going to tell. I will say to Chantel that we all need to flee. I will turn into a panther. If I run, do I get get attacked if you run right now no all of the knights and the iron golem are too far

away morimash is oh no yeah you would morimash would attack oh well you could just no yeah morimash will attack you okay okay and will you stay a panther I would say probably not um here what does bardic inspiration do does that help me dodge an attack no unfortunately it does not it gives you a bonus to an attack or a saving

throw or a skill check okay all right well in that case uh chantelle is going to attack morimash but try to disarm him she's going to try to disarm okay to use the disarm action she can do that but she can't attack that's fine so she's going to use her actions to disarm morimash. Does that work? Twice in a... How does it work? That's her action. Her action is to disarm, which works. Morimash lunges forward. Chantel knocks with one open hand,

knocks the blade aside, wraps her arms around Morimash's arms. Morimash's face is really close to hers, and Morimash tries to lean in to shove that massive tentacles into Chantel's face. Chantel leans back you hear a snapping

sound and Morimash's hand breaks. Excellent. Chantel now has the greatsword. Great. Okay. I will then... If she action searches she can attack with it this time. I know. So I think she's going to action search and attack with it. Oh, baby.

Morimash is beheaded. Oh. I mean, it's good because it's against us, but fucking hell. Morimash's head flies clean off his shoulders, hits the ground, rolls around, and comes to a stop. Morimash's body does not stop moving. The inky mass of tentacles is now just out of, sprouts out of his neck, comes up to a height, and then thrashes around above his head. The corpse keeps moving. Okay.

Okay. Okay. And I... Although it can't see, so that's quite funny. I will, um... Yes. Run out the window using my panther form and try to climb down.

And you will still get attacked, but it's a 50% mischance. Oh, actually, no. It's not aware that you're running away, so no, it can't make an attack of opportunity. Am I aware, though, Adam? You are aware, yeah. What would you like to do sir grace um i would like to i'm not gonna attack him directly but can i reach out with the inky black to like make a kind of like a horrible inky filigree up the way in the smash of the window yeah prevent further exodus that way you use your legendary action to create a barrier

over the glass window that had been shattered outwards. There are still other glass windows. As a panther, you reach it. There's still other glass windows that haven't been covered up, but this one seems, frankly, more secure than the windows. Yeah, I'll go to the other ones that are not inky blacked. All right, you want to try and shatter your way through yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yes yes yes all right let me check the

hit points of a panther because this you might no longer be a panther when you hit the ground oh that's something because always lying on their feet you want to be a panther when you hit the ground it's okay all right you smash through glass, taking five points of slashing damage. And then you fall. Okay. Okay. How many hit points do I have as a panther out of kiosk? You have 13.

You lost five, so you have eight. You take nine points of damage when you hit the ground. So you take, well, you'reble again, minus one hit point. Ever. Just enough damage to avoid breaking your back again. Oh, I am too old to be jumping out of a stained glass window. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Well, that was Glubble and Chantel.

It's the knights and iron golems' turn. So, Grace, your knights draw their weapons and move forwards to attack. Several of the nameless knights, the ones who have their helmets closed, you see as black inky tentacles begin leaking out of the face slots and in between gaps in the armor. Oh, God. out of the face slots and in between gaps in the armor it's hard sir silver moon his eyes simply go black like you the inky black needs him for projects he is more than just a puppet he is more than just tentacles wearing skin he charges forwards and he is obviously guiding the knights without him they'd just be kind of

like attacking pell mell but with him they're able to form a pretty good defensive barrier the remaining adventurers are now surrounded cool that is the knight's turn they'd simply just move so that's a block exit the iron golem forwards, brings both of its big fists up, and I'll let you pick. Who's there? We've got Saren's gone, Chantel's there, Tabatine's still there, Yayola's still there. Who seems like the least useful changed? The least useful changed? Yayola would lose access to her magic.

Okay, Yayola would lose access to her magic. Okay. Yayola. The iron golem brings both of its fists down onto Yayola. Oh! Oh my god! What? Critical hit. Broken back. Speed is halved.

Double damage. It's not like she has to flee it's not like she has anything that she needs to do like fall in out of a window real soon yeah yeah yeah yayola is crumpled broken and destroyed by that blow she is at zero hit points when the iron golem's fists both come back up yayola is yayola was kind of just pressed down have you ever seen a hydraulic press both of yayola's legs are crumpled underneath her torso they are both broken even if she were to regain consciousness her speed will be halved because her femurs are in other parts of her body. Cool. And then it is Tavertine's turn.

Tavertine is going to make an exit. Active stage right. Read the room, Tavertine. Tavertine jumps onto the table and then jumps spreading his wings. He sails over the knights. One of them, though, is going to make a attack. It swings its giant arm upwards. Sorry, it swings its regular arm upwards,

which then elongates and stretches out with tentacles oozing out of the armor. It misses Tavirtine. He sails clear over it and heads for the window. His movement speed is phenomenal. He uses a key point to increase his movement speed. Tabertine flies out the window. Everyone outside of the castle sees him flying straight towards the walls. Then it is back to you, Sir Grace.

I'd like to turn to the walls. Then it is back to you, Sir Grace. I'd like to turn to the dragon. If it changes form, will it be able to fit through the window? Is it going to cause a whole bunch of destruction leaving? Well, if you get the dragon to turn into its true form, then it can fit through basically, basically it becomes like a rat.

Yeah, oh, fabulous. For fitting through spaces. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, then maybe I'll turn... Look, the dragon can take care of everything outside. I'll turn, maybe, like, grab the dragon to pull it down closer to the window and make it change and send it out after... The two flying adventurers.

Two form? What is this two form? Guess we'll find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. To be continued... plus the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest.

Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.