D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company III #18 A Quiet Death

Episode Date: August 13, 2022

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously, on the stories of the Greyhill Free Company You see a gold dragon raise its head slowly and curiously look out over you. The maps, you get a brief glimpse at them. So you can tell that there are little pictures of soldiers pointed at different parts around Candor. A hulking, very familiar sight, an iron golem,

which stands now in between you and the only doors out. Would you like a quiet death or would you like a loud one? Loud. And let's go to initiative. What if I used my movement to run in the window? You could do that, yeah. On my first attack, I attack the glass, and on the second, I attack the glass and on the second I attack the ground

below me. Monomash gets up, he slowly raises his head and turns around to look at you and you see a mass of black tentacles sprouting out of his mouth. What do you want him to do, Sir Grace? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll have him attack. Absolutely, I'll have him attack. And I'll also be saying under my breath something,

like, I'll be like, that is a shame. The Greyhill Free Company was a good adventurers group. Stringing the mandolin, the magical mandolin she's been given, Kenneth's mandolin, she casts Fly Upon Herself and then leaves. Oh. Laura Marsh's head flies clean off his shoulders, hits the ground, rolls around, and comes to a stop. I will, yes, run out the window using my panther form

and try to climb down. Tabertine is gonna make an exit. Maybe, like, grab the dragon to pull it down closer to the window and make it change and send it out after the two flying adventurers. The dragon begins

vomiting. Each vomit becomes more and more powerful and intense and more and more inky black vials and icre splatters the room becomes filthy and sticky and smelly from the icore and tentacles eventually the dragon vomits itself inside out in its true new form revealing what it was this entire time it's it now has instead of four legs it has eight legs and it has six wings it does not have any defined head but parts of it at any point in time swivel around to look in directions it could be an arm it could be a tail it could be a wing and whatever swivels around to look two bulbous eyes open up on that part of the the dragon that's terrifying that is fucked that's fucked you're not allowed to do that actually

the dragon launches itself at the window that has been broken open it slams into it and then like its body was made out of play-doh or plasticine it forces its way out the window as if it has no solid structure to it on the other side it spreads its many wings and with one massive if buffets itself aloft into the air it is fast enough to attack this turn let's say it attacks oh yeah it's pretty fast let's say it attacks

let's go with Tabatai but he was so fast but he was flying out of the yeah but it knows it can circle around to get Serene oh my god okay that's another critical hit ladies and gentlemen knows it can circle around to get Serene. Oh my God. Okay, that's another critical hit, ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Love to see it. Shelly, you got some reserves. Shelly, you got something in your back pocket. He's a... Alright, let me give you all something. Let me give you all a little something to help you out, alright? I'll give you some good boy Let me give you all a little something to help you out.

All right? I'll give you some good boy cards. So, Zamit, you get thinking music. You recall one specific piece of lore relevant to the current situation. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Big T, you get careful aim.

All attack rolls you make this round are with advantage. Okay. I'll give you another one each. Why not? give you two i'll give you two oh you're so kind sorry what did i say global the dm must lay out the best possible phrasing for you when talking with an npc okay could be useful that could be uh big tea big tea uh fool me once Learn if an NPC is lying And of course It's only fair So Grace You get a bad boy card

Yeah You get a bad boy card That's great to hear Plot armor Player rolls damage twice And takes lower result Fabulous There you go

Beautiful Okay that's great Thank you Thank you Adam You're lovely rolls damage twice and takes lower result. Fabulous. There you go. Beautiful. That's great. Thank you. Thank you, Adam. You're lovely. You're benevolent, Adam. I'm always saying that about you. I'm always saying you're kind. You're a kind individual. Your first attack deals... Yes, that's right. Tabatine.

First attack deals 19 points of damage. He's got key powers to defend. He unfortunately used his key power for extra movement. Helped him out, didn't it? Critical hit. So useful. Oh, okay. 19 was the non-critical. Yeah. Critical

hit is con saving throw or be poisoned. That attack, by the way, deals only 13 points of damage. Oh! Crazy. He critical That attack, by the way, deals only 13 points of damage. Oh. Nothing. Crazy. He critical fails that con saving throw. He is poisoned as the condition.

He can fly that off, though. He has disadvantage and attack rolls and ability. And then on its third and fourth attack, miss and a hit. Wow. A miss. How lucky are you guys? Yeah. So did you say third and fourth attack. Miss and a hit. Wow. A miss. How lucky are you guys? Yeah. So did you say third and fourth attack?

Tabertine drops to zero hit points and falls to the ground. Tabertine hits the ground, immediately taking two failed saving throws. So, Grace, did you want to do anything this round? Because that was just the dragon's turn. From the window looking out, maybe under my breath, breath i'll say should have picked the quiet death and then i'll turn around and change the remaining adventurers in here but i'll change them slowly so maybe we'll march them away to a prison somewhere i assume that slowly takes time so yeah so you can just do that yeah i can all right so you with the knights are

gonna capture chantelle are you trying to bring are you trying to capture yayola she's unconscious and dying no you know what with with yayola i'll do it quick okay let's be practical about it you explode outwards you allow the spores to coalesce into inky black tentacles that wrap around yayola's dying body chantelle screams and charges you but is the knights block her from advancing yeah then it is Big T, your turn Okay Did they believe me? Oh Adam, I would like to say That we don't consider Big T a threat Have you circulated that?

Yeah It's us Big T, they believe you They're going for Glopple, not for you Yeah My friend got kicked out too we both got kicked out they just don't seem to be listening to you am i able to i can stand up yeah you can stand up the consensus of the icky black is that big t is more of a threat to herself than anything else what's the layout of where we are currently okay so you're in a ditch behind you is the high walls

of the castle in front of you is it's only maybe a 50 meter sprint to get to the to get to the wall the inner and outer walls combine here at the castle theoretically this would be if you were an attacker this would be the hardest place to get in through because it's got the thickest concentration of archer fire but trying to escape it's actually quite the easiest way because from the castle to the wall it's the shortest distance possible and also there's only one wall here that you'd need to scale and get over though that wall is mannedned, so you will have to deal with defenders. Okay. Now,

I'm just going to use my good boy card, Adam, on Cass. Is that okay? Cass's turn. Sorry, what did I say? For the best possible phrasing of me trying to remember what Morimash said to us in terms of running away.

What do you mean? I forget what he said. He said he'll try to buy you as much time as possible. Yep. He just got an escape. He gave it a good workout. I'm pretty sure he said something along the lines of, he outlined

this area is your best possible way out. Oh yeah, he said this area, where you are currently. Where you are currently is the best way to get out. Ah, well I guess we just wasted a good boy card. But now you know. Here, have another one. Have another one. Oh, okay. Loyalty card.

The next merchant you meet gives you a discount. And just to be fair, Jackson, Sir Grace. Thank you. Well, isn't this place a geographical oddity? An item the players need to purchase is unavailable in this town. I have a good boy card to reroll any charisma-based check with advantage. Can I try one more time to convince these knights?

I just don't even know how many all right so i'm aware that i'm trying to trick the inky black no well well you might not be so grace it i suppose it depends on you the people who have been utterly corrupted and the people who are just kind of like addled are about as useful as no great missive has gone through fairpoint point that's like we aren't frightened of big t but the icky black within itself is like we we know what she's been doing unfortunately they just don't look like they're listening big t i. I'm sorry. You get the impression that the people that you're yelling at aren't human. Like, they look human.

They've got the skin of a human. But as they approach, you get a distinct impression that underneath they are not. It's just the skin and that these entities are really just actually not even listening to you. They can't hear you. And how many of them are there again? At this section of the wall, there would be four. You are in a position where these were workers, so they're not armed soldiers or knights or anything like that.

They're just what look like villagers armed with pickaxes and shovels, but there are actual soldiers not too far away. Okay. In that case, I would like to double halberd the closest one. All right. I need to run. But they're going to kill you if I don't help you.

You cut down two of them. They melt before your blows, but when you cut them down, you see that they are indeed just sacks of inky black tentacles wearing skin until you hit the second one that was just a guy he dies that's okay they're just culminators so they die is global all right can i sort of look over to global yeah that's up to global what am i all right yeah i mean i'm not all right but i'm fine okay are you good to run does it look like he's good to run with me oh yeah yeah that way oh yes

yes yes okay i don't know again do you mean am i physically or mentally okay because one of them i mean both of them are the answers no are you fit to run can Can I start running? Well, if you can clear a path for me, that'd be good. Okay, cool. I pretty much want to know, with the two I've taken out, does it look like if I start running and start clearing further path ahead, Gloppel is going to have, like, those two that are left aren't going to be a problem because I took care of the closest ones? Well, so long as Gloppel can move faster than them, yes.

Yeah. He can become a cheater or whatever. Yeah, sure. I start to run. I start to bolt. Follow me! Morimash isn't really doing much. Sorin costs invisibility.

She's getting out of here. Clever. Good. Cle clever all right uh the dragon unfortunately can no longer track sarin it gives a mighty wail not the sound of a dragon's roar it's more like just air being rapidly forced out of a long conical fleshy pit. It sounds almost like a low whistle. That's horrible. Yeah, that's bad. Anyone else imagining a screaming fleshlight? Yes.

Or at least like a fleshy cone. Yeah. No, that's not it. It maybe sounds a little bit like a foghorn, actually. Or like a tornado siren. Yeah. The dragon issues that noise as the inky black inside it is annoyed that Sorin is imperceptible to it

and presumably going to get away. Then it is Glopple, your turn. You no longer control Chantal. You can't see her or issue orders to her. That's fair. I figured she would be going into some kind of berserker rage to try and get to Yolo. Oh, she's giving it her fucking best.

Good luck to her. Hopefully she beheads some otheries. Pour one out for that beautiful, beautiful woman. I'm going to turn into a panther, and I'm going to run and leap and jump and just get the hell out of Dodge. What an awesome thing to see. A panther smashes out of the window, falls,

oof, becomes a guy, becomes a panther. Big T, a panther sprints past you. Presumably it's global. This is either great or the weirdest thing to happen today. Your movement speed is actually faster than your climb speed. So when you get to the walls, you deduce that it would be faster to get up the stairs

rather than just climb the side. Okay. And in addition to that, actually, you see that there are defenses for climbing attempts. So you think climbing might actually be dangerous as opposed to just taking the stairs. Okay. You can see that there's big vats with fires burning underneath them. Gotcha. All right. Then that's great to hear that I didn't climb. You start sprinting up the stairs. It's going to take you a little bit longer to get to the top of the wall.

And at the top of these stairs, there is aman the guardsman calls out you see that he looks further along the wall and he calls out ho stop them and then he draws a sword all right could i have pounced on him or not oh it's your turn to get as far as you go ah that's fair you're about 30 feet from him when he calls out okay okay okay it is the night. The soldier charges down the stairs at you, Glopple. Ah, damn. He slips and falls. There's a lot of icky block around.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. He slips and falls. All right. He hits the ground and maybe dies. Yeah, you hear a crack as he hits the ground. What the hell?

That was just poor luck on me. I don't know what expression you would see on the panther's face, but one of fear, then confusion, then humor. Chantal cuts down a few of the knights before the rest of them, guided by Sir Silvermoon, are able to restrain her. Three knights are sitting on her, basically, holding her, pressing her into the ground, and trying to keep control of her arms and legs. Another three or four of them are lying broken and destroyed around you, but Chantal has been captured. At about this time, the dragon swoops back in through the

well it doesn't swoop back in it hits and then wiggles its way through the window and deposits tavertine's body before you oh fabulous um is he dead this will just determine what we do with him okay quickly quickly quickly uh adam i would then like to change bodies with the knight uh fighting glopple i'd like to swap where i am and move through the inky black and pop out in that night no all right what glopple the the dead corpse below you jerks once and then turn it when when i say it turns over i mean just its head turns around 180 to look up at you you look down into sir grace's face run no don't like that yeah cool that'll be me big t you are running towards the base of the wall you see a spider man not the cool comic book kind but the the awful fucking

ring or ring kind at the base of the stairs actually you spot it's got sir grace's face it is time to stab once more i will magic halberd that twice please that is upsetting that will be your action if you halberd you stopped at the bottom of the stairs oh so i can just run off the stairs yeah you might get an attack of opportunity though no no i'm halberding okay your first attack is a miss but then you use the butt of your halberd to swing around and clobber. This person now has... Don't you have a good one card, Cass, for all attacks being good or something? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Someone gave me a card about having advantage on every attack one turns. Would you like to spend it? I would love to spend it, please. All right. Both your attacks are hits then. Yes. You begin just with a height advantage, not just you normally have a height advantage on most people,

but you are standing and this thing is basically kneeling. So with that advantage, you're able to attack downwards. And so Grace, who is normally a very good fighter, is put at a very big disadvantage. And so you manage to score two decent hits on him. And you deal. Oh, you're still raging aren't you i'm fuming you deal this is also not my regular body okay to be fair i'm in some idiot who slipped down the stairs absolutely you deal 22 points of damage to sir grace's body to be like i like, I'll just ink into that guy that they're fighting and be like, wait, he fell down the stairs?

God damn it. That was, Big T, your turn. Yayola is no longer here. Glopple, it's your turn. So what's in front of me if I want to keep running, getting out of dodge? Well, you can leap off the side of the wall now. Okay. Or you can slowly climb down.

If you leap, you will fall a distance. But if you climb down, you will be climbing down for more than a round. And any defenders that can reach some of those defenses might pour boiling something onto you. How far? Boiling? can reach some of those defenses might pour boiling something onto you how far boiling is boiling something or say inky something um how far is the drop you know what like let me let me know how far the drop is as i'm jumping off all right you leap over the side of the wall and take one look down and you immediately wish you were covered in boiling oil or water who's to say or inky black

you fall 80 feet that's heaps 80 feet how many stories is 80 feet? Given, like, houses. Like, say, how tall is a house? Is that, like, in feet? You said it's, like, eight stories, maybe? Okay. Okay, one story is, yeah, nine to ten. Okay, cool.

You take 31 points of damage. The first 13 panther form cops, but then 18 transfers to global. Okay, that's not too bad. I'm now half health. And now you're just at the base of the wall, and now you just need to keep going. Presumably, there's nothing that a defender at a castle wall can do to someone approaching them. I don't think there's anything that a defender at a castle wall can do to someone approaching them.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think there's anything that someone could do. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. And that is Gloppel's turn. A bunch of soldiers begin trying to man the walls. One of them calls out, Defend Sir Grace! And swords, bows and arrows and crossbows begin to get drawn yes sir silver

moon is among them he's wearing a different big d you see he's wearing a different set of armor and he begins walking along the walls giving orders good uh with his, a bunch of the archers will be ready next turn to fire at you, Glupple. And then a bunch of soldiers stand in your way up the stairs. Although you're still at the bottom of the stairs, Big T. That was their turn. Tavitine's gone. So, Grace, what would you like to do? From my odd position on the floor, i'd like to spin my head around so

that i'm facing big t and i'd like to say your friend is dead there's no way he's going to make it beyond the walls of the tower i have a lot of friends and then i i don't what weapons did this guy have that i'm in he had a a short sword, and that would be it. All right. And then I'd like... Can I, even from my strange position on the ground, stab the short sword at Big T? Yeah.

All right. You stab upwards. Because you're Sir Grace, you get your three attacks. Oh, nice. Yeah. You're in an inferior body, but you have sir grace's knowledge of how to fight and so big t you are you've got the distinct advantage of being stronger than this version of sir grace but you have the distinct disadvantage of sir grace being possibly

the greatest human swordsman to have ever lived. You are cut three times, and thank God, Sir Grace does not have the strength to drive the sword deep enough. Can I please use my reduce damage as a reaction ability? So you take 15 points of damage total. Oh, that would all be halved, actually. So it would be three, one, and three. Sorry, I forgot your raging. So it's actually only a total.

Wow, you're very lucky, of seven. All right. And was there anything else, Sir Grace? What's around Fairburn Point? Is it like forests, that kind of thing? Fairburn Point is mostly grassland and then sea. 50% grass, 50% sea. Maybe I'll get the dragon to just start sort of circling so

that we can keep a bead on glopple as he flees the dragon throws itself at the window one more time and then oozes its way out spreads its many wings flies off into the dark night glopple you're only dimly aware of the dragon circling. It is no longer golden. Its innards are black, inky black. So it kind of blends in with the night sky. You only spot it either when it blots out the stars or moon or sometimes when one of its massive eyes open up

and you can see them in the sky. Ew. Big T. I am going to flee from this man and you can see them in the sky. Ew. Big T. I am going to flee from this man and try and save my friend, who I have been promised is dead. You can start running up the stairs, but there are now people,

armed people on the stairway. I'd like to kill them. All right, charge forwards. If you do that, you will also get an attack of opportunity from Sir Grace. Are you okay with that? Yeah, so far, what has he done to me? Barely anything.

Sir Grace deals another, what is that, three points of damage as you leave. You charge forwards. Your first attack hits, and you, oh, fuck. Your first blow is very poor. Charging up the stairs, you're in a panic, and you begin to, fuck. Your first blow is very poor. Charging up the stairs, you're in a panic and you begin to lose your footing. You start slipping.

You swing wildly with the halberd and it cuts deep into the guard's leg, but you throw yourself off balance with that and then you begin tumbling forwards. You hit the ground and drop your halberd. It clatters and falls off the side of the stairwell and lands down below you next to Sir Grace. Oh, no.

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Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com slash shop. Glop. No. Okay. once again that's sanspanseradio.com slash shop glop okay so what's around me right now so i've got the wall behind you the night sky above you and grasslands around you you can hear somewhere off to your left the crashing of waves upon the rocks and there's uh the artists are coming to get me, yeah? Yeah, you can hear drawstrings behind you up above on the wall. Can I cast, at a third level, Fog Cloud,

120 feet up. Well, not 120 feet, 80 feet up, wherever the archers are. Not above them, that would be stupid. Make them think it's overcast. Oh no, the weather's a bit shit today. It's a bit gloomy. Let's hang the weather magician.

Yeah. Yeah. I would like to do that and start making a beeline to the, I guess the ocean. I would say that gives you a pretty good cover the fog cloud obscures the archer's vision of you and you begin hobbling your way along the wall towards the ocean

and then it is the people on the walls turn big t you get attacked and because the attacker has the height advantage on you that that's a critical hit. Can I use my reaction to reduce damage? That's only once a day. That's a crying shame. Okay, so what's the damage then? All right. Shoulder slash double damage.

Are they in the fog cloud right now? No, the fog cloud is kind of spread out to just hit the archers. I'm assuming I'm trying to give Gloppel the best coverage. Yeah, yeah. So that unfortunately gives big team no coverage. Super sorry. You take six points of damage as your shoulder is opened up by a short sword. That is already halved. So just six points of damage.

Then you hear Sir Silvermoon. Everyone hears Sir Silvermoon up on the walls begin casting a magical spell. A wind begins buffeting the upper wall. The fog cloud is blown away, but only at the end of this turn. So the archers now can see you, Glopple, but they don't get a shot this turn.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So, Grace. I would like to pick up a big tease halberd. And can I get in a better body? Sure. Do you want to bring the halberd?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll bring the halberd. The halberd, you kind of turn in on yourself, the halberd being sucked into your chest, and then you just want to pick a random guy on top of the wall? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, that's not... A random guy with a ranged weapon.

Or spells. All right. You wouldn't be able to get spells. No one with magic would be off that's all good like probably a god right now but yeah you could pick maybe one of the strongest people on the walls sure they like agent smith style scream grab their head come down a massive burst of tentacles explodes out of their mouth and when they come back up they now have your face the soldiers nearby look at you with awe i'd like to maybe like i turn to each of them i like don't worry gents we'll get him and then i'll i'll fire

a fire an arrow down into him as he runs away glopple the sweet serpentine sting of an arrow finds the middle of your back. You take 10 points of damage. What are you on? I'm on 12 hit points. Cool. That's plenty. Yeah. Yeah.

Wars have been won and lost on 12 hit points. Then Sir Grace makes his next two attacks. What? You just cement me. Oh, glopple. God, you're lucky. Wow. Do I have...

Okay, yep. The bow... I don't know. You can't miss, but the bow snaps. You do not realize how powerfully you're drawing it back, and it just breaks in your hands, Sir Grace. Oh, fucking fuck. Another person, another one like

my lord here and he hands you his bow but that is their turn yeah that's okay all right and big t you're in a bad place you're in such a bad place i'm in the worst spot yeah i can't let my friend down i continue to i keep running up that hill. And I'm running up that kill. Oh, wow. I just realized it's only the two of you. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Uh-huh. All right. Well, you can't move because there's a guy right in front of you. Oh, well, I'll kill him then. I'll simply slay him to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have still your regular glaive, hand axes, javelin.

I'll be... I'll give him the glaive. You deal six points of damage with your first attack, and then your second attack cuts down one of the soldiers above you. You take a step forward and meet the next one. That's your turn. Glopple. Yes. What would you like to do?

Right. So how far away is the the ocean i guess i'm hearing well if you're right up against the wall it's only people who are relatively close to you can fire at you because they need to do to fire at someone right below you with a bow and arrow isn't actually very easy so someone further along the wall would have a lot of trouble doing it. Okay, okay, okay. Which means that you can only take a certain amount of arrow fire per turn. All right, I just got a quick question. In terms of...

People can see me, yeah? Yeah, you're pretty... Well, you're a little visible, I guess. It's not like a really bright night, but there are fires nearby that illuminate the area. I guess I have a question about a particular spell that I got, which is called Meld into Stone. Okay.

So if I merge with it, how do people know that I'm there? I don't think they do. Oh. Okay. Nothing of your presence remains visible or otherwise detectable by non-magical senses.able by non-magical senses. Okay. Non-magical senses.

So while merged with the stone, you can't see either. Okay. Okay. Okay. You can hear, but with disadvantage. You remain aware of the passage of time and can cast spells on yourself while merged in the stone. You can use your movement to leave the stone where you entered it which ends the spell you can't otherwise move oh so you you can't move through yeah yeah yeah that's fine move into yeah

i understand i understand the concept i'm just wondering because i think it's an eight hour duration do i get the benefits of like resting and all that kind of jazz if i'm there for eight hours i would say yeah it doesn't require concentration so there doesn't seem to be any issue okay okay right i guess non-magical senses is the thing that i'm like well i don't know what sir grace is sure he seems pretty magical just if i've gotten a brief rundown of all the stuff he's done today yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i guess what i'll be trying to do would be running along the side of the wall so that i'm almost hidden, so that it would almost be like, where did that gluple go? And if I'm pretty sure that maybe I'm hidden, I would then merge into the stone. Okay, so you can make a hide check as an action.

It means that you can't cast the spell this round. But obviously it gives you a much better chance of not being seen. Otherwise, you can just move along and hope that no one is actively watching you meld into the stone. Okay. Okay. I will have some thinking music and recall a piece of lore, Adam,

that might help me in this situation. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. Lore check. recall a piece of law adam that might help me in this situation yes oh my god law check to work out that would hiding and then melding or just melding be to my advantage well there's no obscure law that would tell you which one of those two actions would be better. But I will give you that you know that Fairburn Point sits atop a rocky cliff with the sea below it. And you know that if you could get to the cliff, so the edge of Fairburn Point, if you can make it there, if you jump off, there is going to be enough rocky edifice that you would find rocks over there that you could meld into, and you would definitely not be seen.

Okay. Okay. Okay. And how far away is that? It's about two rounds of full-out sprinting. Okay. And if I was to cast Fog Cloud again, would that help with obscuring them from hitting me?

It would give you another round, but the wind hasn't stopped. So the fog cloud would appear, would get blown away by the end of this round. Does that make sense? Yes. So Grace, if he could see you, would get another shot at you. In that case,

you know what? I'm going to fog cloud. I'm going to fog cloud again uh this time at a second level uh so that gives me like 40 feet of coverage to hopefully try and if i i can see the way they were blowing out the wind so i'm gonna try and yeah fog cloud as much as i can uh and then move further towards the uh edifice so silver moon continues the wind so the wind blows away but by the time the wind's blown, the archers have missed their opportunity to fire. Sir Grace. When I watch Big T fight, how impressed am I?

I mean, Big T is kind of an oaf, a bit of an idiot idiot but they're very physically strong and that's really what you want she's very strong um maybe what like I see silver moon's taking care of glopple um have I got any of those knights around the nameless knights no none of the nameless knights are around you've just got kind of foot soldiers some of whom there's like so the foot soldiers are scattered with what they have begun terming blessed ones which are skin sacks and then there are just regular ones among them oh all right well i think i'll give the command and maybe i'll hold it like if they're attacking big t i'll put up a hand to make them stop and be like we'll do this one slow.

Take it to the keep. No. Big T, foot soldiers begin trying to surround you. And then you notice some of them, some without any expression, some blessed ones kind of just throw themselves at you. Like literally off the wall, bodies begin falling upon you. Like they throw themselves on you. literally off the wall bodies begin falling upon you like they throw themselves on you something's happened uh they're fighting to capture big t and i think you get captured what if i hold my glaive up vertically so if they land on me they die They die. You know what? All right.

You manage to hold the glaive up as one, two, three bodies fall onto it, but then the glaive becomes so top heavy that it teeters in your grasp and you have to let go or fall. What would you rather do? I let go. It falls to the ground. I'm so clumsy today. More skin sacks fall onto you.

When they hit you, they're beginning to just climb and grab you, Big T. One is on either shoulder. One is grabbed around your leg. You feel when they're pressed up against you, if you're not touching armor armor if you're touching skin to skin you feel something writhing moving underneath their skin like their innards are not permanent no no no none of them begin none of them throw tentacles at you because they're trying to do this one slowly they want you as more than just a skin sack then proper actual people do just attack you as well and while you're being attacked your armor class is now reduced by two for each one of them that is grabbing you so you have negative

six to your armor class and they're quite clearly trying to capture you people begin running up from the bottom of the stairs as well the city has been the alarm has been raised and now you are dealing with a lot of people you take an attack from above that's a hit you take a further half damage so you take a further six points of damage you take an attack from below that one misses as you're like kicking in one way throwing in another and then arrows begin raining down from above they can't see gluffle but they can see you stop fighting i'll say it's so much easier this way i'm not gonna pretend it's good but it's not bad. Big T, you take another six points of damage. Oh, God. I'm not doing too well.

Can you double rage? Is that a thing? No, it is not a thing. Stack those rages. I've never been more angry in my life. Okay, so Cass, as your rules lawyer, I can't help you. I'm so sorry.

Cass, as your rules lawyer, I can't help you. I'm so sorry. Cass, as your rules lawyer, I advise you to give in. As your rules prosecutor, I advise you to give in. Cass, as your rules lawyer, he's offering a pretty decent deal. We're never going to get any better than that. Big T, it's your turn. What would you like to do? Well, I am proficient in two-weapon fighting, and I do have two hand axes.

Can I have said one more thing, actually? Yeah. Give in, because if you die, I'll have to do it quick, and I'd much rather do it slow. What does that mean? At about that point, Tavrotine's broken body begins staggering out of the darkness towards you. No.

Inky black tentacles drooling out of his mouth, nose, and eyes. See, that's what it looks like when we do it quick. But Silvermoon's what it looks like when we do it slow. So. But I won't be there will i well it's like you're still there but you're not the one talking um i yeah i i'd use two-handed weapon fighting to just start hand axing every anything i can at that point i would love to cut off some hands because those are currently my biggest problems at the moment you draw your first hand axe and begin hacking away

at people around you do you want to attack the people attacking you or do you want to try and get the people on you off you on me off me please you get one of them off the arm that is free that isn't holding a hand axe is does have like one of those people skin sacks on it. You swing around and then chop its head off. It slides off you. Your armor class is increased by two. Gloppel, it's your turn. Okay, I will run towards the cliff faces that I know exist. You'll get the cliff faces, but your fog cloud has ended,

so if you don't cast it again, you're going to cop another round. Okay. Okay. Okay. So here's your option. You can cast fog cloud all the way to the edge, in which case it will take two more castings of fog cloud. Okay. Or you can sprint there, cop arrow fire for one round.

You know what? I'm going to risk it. You're going to risk it? I'm going to risk it. Well, I'm occupied with big T, so... You sprint to the edge, and highs or lows? Highs.

Good old-fashioned highs. Highs? Are you sure you don't want to go lows? I'll go lows. Adam, don't. You want to go lows? You sure about that? It's your choice. You're picking Lowe's. It's not allowed that you do this. No, okay, we'll go Lowe's. I want to hear, Zamit, I want to hear you say,

it is my choice to pick Lowe's. It is my choice to pick Lowe's, Adam. You are very lucky. Great choice. So Silvermoon has moved his archers so far along to deal with big t and also to try and track you the and between the fog clouds and stuff like that he wasn't expecting you to sprint he was expecting you to do the slow steady thing and so because you have subverted his his his expectations. So, Grace, you hear Sir Silvermoon go, as Gluffle,

you get to the edge, you leap off, and you begin falling down the side of a fucking cliff face. Highs or lows again? Oh, shit. Highs. Whoa! What did you pick? I picked highs. Highs? Oh, you don't

want that. You want lows. Do I, Adam? I don't know. I think I'm trying to kill you now. Yeah. Yeah, I think you might be. I'm sticking with my arms. I choose highs, Adam.

I need a better poker face. All right. Whoa, I got 100. I'd like to cast Melt Stone as soon as I can. There is. You don't need to fall the entire way. There's a little outcrop. You grab that immediately,

melt stone and you shift into it. I'm going to say you're so lucky. The outcrop is in such a position that even if they thought to look for you in stone, they wouldn't think that you would hit this part. You are incredibly lucky. You melded the stone taking no damage you don't take any fall damage you are you were you fell from such a low height when you hit this rock on the way down you are safely inside the side of the cliff face you can remain there for up to eight hours but

then you're gonna have to do a really sneaky escape yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I figure while I'm in here, I will try and basically do a short rest so that I can at least turn into some sort of aquatic animal. And then when I can hear that only the gentle waves of the ocean below me are to turn out of the stone and try and plop into the water as some kind of, I guess at this point, salmon. It's your classic.

Yeah, it is. It suits you. It works. I miss being a fish. Big T, more bodies fall onto you. Oh, my god. Your armor class is reduced by six. You got this.

They're just piling upon you. At a certain point, they're almost going to become armor. They're slowing down. Every movement you take is laborious, with so many skin sacks grabbing onto you. You get attacked from in front of you that's a hit you get attacked from behind that's a hit you get attacked from above three hits the first attack is two second attack is two uh four three oh no four so that total is 15 now i was on 15 tree stump everything

goes dark awesome okay they will take her to the dungeons for a slow conversion to keep her useful sweet i'm so sorry and there's you know i don't i don't wake up at any point and you know fight him back or something by the time you wake up it will be too late well too late in that you'll be in a dungeon but you won't like like the slow implies it's not going to take it'll take days okay Okay. But over the course of days and then weeks, Big T, you will slowly begin to see that Sir Grace is absolutely to be revered. So really my mind was only changed for what, 40 minutes? Yeah. It's probably less than that, 20, 20 10 could it be five minutes i found out pretty late it

could only be five minutes that's that's true that's true whereas for you global you slowly begin to make your way the next morning with the day's light you cannot believe that after an event as dark as last night, you cannot believe that the sun could still shine. You begin to make your way down the cliffside to the sea, and very quickly, very quietly, so that no one spots you, you turn into a fish and swim away. And then I guess I'll go back to Greyhill Camp and tell everyone the bad news. We hope you enjoyed listening to the stories of the Greyhill Free Company.

But this isn't the last you've heard of this adventuring organisation. Oh no! 50 chickens will return in the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company. Coming soon to wherever you listen to your podcasts. Thank you. To be continued... just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests,

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