D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company III #6 Salmon Drop II

Episode Date: May 21, 2022

Salmon fish is best fish. Speaking of salmon, come eat a delicious pub salmon while you watch our sister show Plumbing the Death Star at the Retreat Hotel on Monday the 6th of June! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello you beautiful simps. What are you doing on Monday the 6th of June at about 7pm? That's right, fuck all. So why not instead do something good on a Monday night for once in your goddamn life? Our sister show, Plumbing the Death Star, the one where we give the business to Spider-Man and talk about horses too much, is doing a live show at the Retreat Hotel in Brunswick. It's free entry, seating is limited, you can't book, but you can rock up early and have a pot and a palmer. So what are you waiting for? Come on down and let's try and squeeze too many people into too small of a room for too little of a reward of seeing myself, Jackson, and the ever effervescent Joel Dushcia Talk for too long.

Tickets not available to purchase. Just rock up on the night. That's Monday, the 6th of June, 7pm at The Retreat in Brunswick. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories of the

Greyhill Free Company. You pick it? Is it easy just to pluck out? Yeah, you just pluck it out. You need to give it like a little bit of a twist and it just comes, it snaps cleanly away. Inside the alpine flower, there is like a sap. Well, again, this whole thing is trying to get a bit better

acquired with nature. So I will have a sip. You feel like a sickening sensation starting in your stomach like acid is bubbling away inside of you. The cave has a foreboding aura upon it. Looking into its dark

open moor, you get this sensation of trespassing and after a few moments you hear a low growling sound. Two pinpricks of light open up in the darkness you launched cleanly and neatly past the wolf land almost exactly where you need to scoop some of the mushroom up and keep going you accidentally swallow some of the mushroom as well you hear the third location before you get there. It's a thundering waterfall.

It is so fucking loud. That's very loud. You are just thrown. You're shot like out of a fucking cannon. I do not resist and accept the thing that is happening to me. As a salmon, you land in the water. This rules. You tumble end over end and manage to right yourself and then kind of figure out your bearings.

Yep, cool. You can see below you in the water there's like a thick mass of seaweed and other aquatic based plants. Okay, I try and sense that pull of the algae and I head

towards it. Do I know where to meet Gradov? Did he say? No, he didn't say. Hmm. Okay, I hope I don't have to climb back up the waterfall. That would be a hassle. I don't think you could. Even as a salmon, I don't think you could. Yes. Okay. Is the water, am I swimming against

like, a torrent? No, this is like a lake. Okay. There's no obvious exit point, to be honest. There are... No, actually, there would be a river. No, there is a river that connects to this lake. It goes to parts unknown, but you have no big force pushing you towards the river. All right.

Excellent. Well, I'll try and locate the algae as best I can. As you move to locate the algae, you're lucky. You spot it before it happens. A giant clawed paw strikes into the water and tries to scoop you up. You manage to slip in between and keep going. You look up and see a bear darting at you. All right, let's go to initiative.

Jesus. Am I a salmon that thought he was a human that was once a spider and before that a fish man it's the bears turn again the bear strikes out at you don't do that mr. beer come on now the best scoops you off you are dragged out the water, and you see an open bear mouth waiting for you. What do you do? Oh, no.

If he bites me, I'm going to turn into a man and explode that bear's heads. Yeah, you've got one hit point, so any damage will immediately revert you. kick my giant salmon tail, body, flip, and try to squirm out of his bear grip and splash into the water and swim deep. Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. You can try. Excellent. I will try.

You manage to deftly slip out from the bear's paw and land in the water. You start trying to swim away, but out from the bear's paw and land in the water. You start trying to swim away, but it is the bear's turn again. No, no. The bear dives in again. Duck and tumble, duck and tumble. You slip out of the bear's paw, keep swimming down, and you start trying to locate the algae.

The entire time, though, the bear is coming for you. Yes, yes, yes. Go right down. Hide between the beds. You find the algae. You entire time, though, the bear is coming for you. Yes, yes, yes. Go right down. Hide between the plants. You find the algae. You find the algae you're looking for. It's floating, drifting down in among the plants. What do you do?

It's still your turn. I know. Once more, I'm going to have to put this in my mouth. All right. You swallow some algae? No. Oh, what do you do then? Not swallow.

You put some algae in your mouth. it does a fish have cheeks to store can a fish just hold something in its mouth in terms of like the way tongs work yes yeah i guess it's not a squirrel mechanism it's a tongue mechanism they got a jaw that snaps yeah i mean all all I'm saying is, does a fish consciously swallow? I mean, surely. It would put needles on things. Look, in any case, it's a dexterity check. And sharks tend to do, like, you know, when they're testing out to see something, they bite. You just swallow it.

You just swallow it. You don't even have some of it in your mouth. You eat algae i pour that one baby uh in uh part of me it just is just like another part of me is maybe it's good uh is there any more algae you will have to keep searching but it is the bear's turn. Oh! Maybe it'll make me immune to a bear. Maybe at least the bear will be poisoned, you know? Maybe I'll be immune to... The bear catches you, and you start being dragged up again.

No, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Come on, use my intelligence. No, you're out of the water again. You've been lifted back away from where the algae is. I kick again and try to get slipped between its paws. Not one, baby.

Air fuck, air fuck, air fuck. Yeah. The bear munches down into you. Well, at least, you know, if the bear swallows you, you turn back into a person. You can cut your way out of the bear. Well, I mean, I'm bigger than a bear. I you, you turn back into a person. You can cut your way out of the bear. Well, I mean, I'm bigger than a... I mean, I'm not bigger than a bear, but bigger than...

You can't swallow me whole. Yeah, but if the bear tries... If you can swim down the bear's throat... I will simply explode out of the bear, causing myself some damage. Honestly, I don't want to do that. You take eight points of damage. One of them is absorbed by being a fish. The other seven, global takes.

You do not revert to a man. What? You still have hit points as global, but you are still a fish. I don't. Oh. Okay. Something has changed. You very quickly realize that something about the nature spirit has meddled with your magic, and now you are a fish.

I need to get out of this bear's embrace. All right. So you try to free yourself. It's your turn. Yes. Yes. What do I have? Okay.

Okay. Oh, yeah. You slip out of the bear's embrace. Land back in the water. Yep. Yep. The bear tries to scoop you up again. No, he doesn't. He misses. It's fine. You dart out of the bear's embrace. Land back in the water. Yep, yep, yep. The bear tries to scoop you up again. No, he doesn't.

He misses. It's fine. You dart out. You keep going deeper. It's your turn. Yeah, keep going deeper. Keep finding. Try to, again, using the pool.

You find some more algae. Okay, I will. Yep. Dexterity check. Dexterity check this one. You manage to scoop some of the algae up, and you keep it neatly in your mouth, in your little fishy mouth. What do you do? I then try and, is it, is the place I'm swimming, is it deep enough that a bear can't get me?

No, you're basically at the bottom now the bear is able to get. The bear has waded into the water and is following you. I'm going to let's say head away from the bear. Maybe towards the river? Sure, surely. That's where I should be meeting a great elf. Can I try to convert back to a...

No, I need to flee. Okay, I'll keep fleeing. If I can turn into a man, I'm not in the best optimal position right now and the bear will get me. And so I'm wondering if it's a damage thing or if it's a will thing, and I don't want to test it out right now. All right. So I'm going to keep heading forward.

You zip as fast as your little salmon flippers will take you away from the bear. You are, thankfully, much faster than the bear. The bear gets one last swipe at you as you try to pass it. 90-20. gets one last swipe at you as you try to pass it. Natty 20. The bear scoops you up and begins... Oh, he got a natty 20. Yeah, he got a natty 20.

I thought I got a natty 20. No, no, I'm sorry. The bear... Oh, two 20s in a row. The bear scoops you in and bites down upon you. You take four points of damage further. As the bear tears through your fishy flesh.

Surely this bear must be confused. Yeah, oh yeah, you're really tough and gamey. The bear is not dissuaded by this. Because you still taste like salmon. Okay, I will... Try to escape? Yeah, I mean, I can't really... You got a 90-20.

You dive back into the water. As you're trying to get away, though, because you start next to the bear, the bear gets another go. That's fine. I mean, I can't really... The bear misses. Swipes at you, and then you're free. You start swimming where?

Away from it, towards the river. Alright, you get... Once you're in the river, it's clean sailing. you're free. You start swimming where? Away from it, towards the river. Once you're in the river, it's clean sailing. You're free. You swim until you're certain the bear has given up. I try and maybe test out to see if I can convert back into human. You turn back into global.

I definitely take the algae out of my mouth. It doesn't matter, I've already swallowed something. I swallowed a fish stomach, though. Maybe that'll change. Anywho, I go to the bank. What? What?

You go to the bank? Yeah, the river bank. Oh. I thought this was some- I'm going to make a deposit. I thought this was some language- A floral-based deposit. Yes, the riverbank.

The bank of the river. Right. You return to the... Oh, you go out of the river to the riverbank. You do that fine enough. I look around. Great elf. No great elf.

Okay. I look around my surroundings. You're in a forest near a river. Right. And I've got the three plants. Gradov just said he's going to do something with that, yes? Yeah, it's used in the ritual to contact the spirit. Okay, but I don't know how to do that yet.

No, you don't. No, he's going to do it. Gradov! I call out. Yeah, no response. Without too much difficulty, you could backtrack. I mean, there's a river. Yes, yes, true.

I will. He's not really an animal, is he? Right. I start backtracking. You get back to the lake. You see the bear that was chasing after you before. It's sitting next to the river, and you see it chowing on a salmon. When you approach, the bear looks up curiously at you,

but then when it sees that you're a person, it returns to salmon. At least they got a meal. That's nice. All right. I currently nod to the bear. I hope it's the same bear that we've met several times. Is it? No, this is a black bear.

It was like a brown bear that you encountered previously. Does it say hello and wave in bear? No? No, it just kind of gives like a grumble. Yeah, just like a brr, brr. Okay, that sounds like hello. I wave at the bear and i just start walking if you wave at the bear the bear looks at its paw and then waves back i'll take that as a victory

i um yes head head uh i i look at the the wall i guess the yeah there's kind of like a cliff face before you could try going around or you could try climbing it. For the second time in too little an amount of time, you have a cliff face to scale. Okay. Animal. You could transform into an animal with a climb speed. You could walk around. Maybe even yell.

I call out. I love you. The thundering waterfall seems to catch your speech, unfortunately. I look for perhaps some kind of squirrel or a... First off, as a ritual, I will cast Animal Messenger. And then if I can find a tiny beast, like a squirrel, a blue jay, some kind of... hopefully something with wings, actually. You find, sure, a magpie.

Hello there. Can you please, possibly, send a message for me up there to a particular elf, Grey Dove. You might know him. I don't know. But he is the warden of this area. Lovely fellow. I probably explained a little bit too much in depth what he looks like. And like, probably

enhance the colours, as they might have been. And like, the feel of his armour and those kind of things. The bird turns its head to regard you with one eye. It seems to understand what you're saying. Excellent, excellent. I keep going for a further couple more minutes than I probably needed to. If you

could just tell him that I'm down here. Yes. If he could send a message to tell him what to do. Or I will wait here patiently. All right. The magpie repeats in your voice the first 25 words that you said. Because I think it's a limit of 25 words. And a lot of them are ums and uhs but i would say that the basic message is received i listen back and i say perfect

to the first 25 words a full half of them being ums and uhs the bird the bird takes wing i am eloquent moments later great of is standing over the cliff face looking down at you i wave he waves back you want me i just did like around or he leaps off the side and as he falls you see he like gives a little spinning flourish and then right before he hits the ground he slows to a crawl and comes to a gentle stop. I was freaking out for so long, but I try not to show it. But I'm very silent. When he lands, you vomit.

It came upon you suddenly. You think you have a different... There is another sickness upon you. You've eaten the algae algae and it feels wrong. You have tremendously painful stomach cramps all of a sudden. Your poor body. It's been a salmon. On top of everything else, it was also a salmon.

What a day. Tell you what. It's quite a day, but oh oh what a night it's gonna be hmm get up in there Step away from the barge. Remember what I said, what are you looking at? Get away from my toilet wine. That's my toilet wine.

Wow, that's an impressive amount of weight. Well, Ben, you've really done it this time. Five years at Boorindara Medium Security Jail for Nerds. Thanks a lot. Me? You're the one that called the judge a holosymbol of a broken system. Yeah, well, he was asking for it. The whole system's set up

just to protect those with property and I saw these people... Ben? Emil? Is that you? Lauren Bach? What the hell are you doing here? What the hell are you doing here? I punched a Tre a tricky and the judge

thought it would be fitting to put me in the Klingon language ward. And I gotta tell you, I could buy a D-Boo check-out and move it. Yeah. Well, we broke into D&D's for Nerds, so now we're here.

Five years. We're Dice Paper Roll, a D&D 5th edition comedy podcast, and we're here. Mm-hmm. Five years. We're Dice Paper Roll, a D&D fifth edition comedy podcast. And we're going to miss our own live show at Comedy Republic. The gig on the 4th of June? That's the one. Not to mention the ones on the 2nd of July and the 6th of August. Yeah, we're going to miss all of our first Saturday of the month,

3pm gigs at Comedy Republic on Bourke Street, just because we're stuck in jail. Not necessarily. I have a plan. All I needed was two more people. Are you in? We're in. All right.

So what we need to do is during our daily mandated Catan session. Hey, guys, what are you talking about? Oh, sports. Sports? This isn't the fantasy football wing. And it sounds like you're trying to escape. Quick, quick, quick, Lauren, what do I do? Should I shiv him? What? No. Ben, where did you get that?

This is Mark from Aunty Donna. Mark from Aunty Donna? That's right, they locked me up for cyberbullying Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. But what they don't know is I smuggled me old Motorola flip phone in nature's pocket. And I'm still at it. I'll take that. Right. That's it, you neck-bearded, miserable, book-reading, game-loving freaks.

Time for your exercise. To the board game room. I don't know. You have to. I'm going to beat you. To the board game room. I'm gonna beat you this time. Right. Follow my lead. Oh god! I just... Over there! What?

No, now look over here. No, no, turn around and just spin. To your left. The other left. The other left. Now down this tunnel. Look over here. To your left. The other left. The other left. Wee, wee, wee. All right, now down this tunnel. Okay, great. Keep your eyes closed.

Keep them closed. On the floor. You have killed me. We did it. We did it. Jack. Jack, what the fuck? When did you get here?

I'm not sure. All right, everyone, we've got to go now if we're going to make it in time for the show. I guess this is where we say goodbye. Boys, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Vegan tacos. No. I think we are, Lauren. All right, Mark, would you like to be our guest and play Dungeons and Dragons with us at the Comedy Republic?

Would I? Yeah. Would you? Was it not clear? Yes. Yes. Hooray! It's 106 miles to Comedy Republic.

We've got a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Jack, we don't have any of that stuff. Oh. I mean, let's just take the tram and go straight there. Oh, okay. Mikey and concession cards. Come on, let's see your Mikeys.

Oh, I know you. Greg Pickering! What the fuck? You guys, it's so good to see you. What Pickering! What the fuck? You guys! It's so good to see you. What are you doing here? Oh, well, I was so devastated when you all went to nerd jail and the podcast fell apart.

I just lost all vestiges of joy and happiness and honestly, the will to live. So I did the only natural thing and became a Mikey inspector. Oh, yeah, that makes so much sense. This is perfect, actually, because we're all on our way to the gig at Comedy Republic. We've got Greg,

now all we need is Danny. Danny? As in Dan Last? Gang, who do you think's driving the tram? Danny Last? Hey, who do you think's driving the tram? Danny Last? Hey, guys, I drive trams now. Danny, step on it. We've got an audience to slay.

Well, I'm used to railroading you lot. Hooray! Seriously, though, before we go, I am going to have to see some Val and my keys, or I will issue a fine Fuck Welcome to Metro Trams To get your tickets to Dice Paper Roll live

On Saturday, June 4th Featuring special guest Mark Bonanno From Aunty Donna Just head to DicePaperRoll.com featuring special guest Mark Bonanno from Auntie Donna, just head to DicePaperRoll.com. That's roll with an E, as in role play.

The doors will be opening on the right-hand side of the tram. I grab the algae and I'm like, here, here, here's the third one. He takes the algae.

Great, I'll take the algae. Thank you, he says as you place it in his hands. Look, I've eaten every single one of these. You really have, and that's so funny. Two of them were an accident. He nods. Salmon stomachs, Not as great as... Kraytub has like a little satchel that he puts the algae into. Yeah.

What now? Now we return to the druid circle. Okay. Okay. I put out my hand as if to be held again. He holds your hand. You walk back to the druid circle. It takes some time, but you return. Good holds your hand. Yes. You walk back to the Druid Circle. It takes some time, but you return.

Good. Big T. Yes? You awake the next day, which is always good, you know? Giving the gift of another day. It's my favourite bit. In the morning, as you wake up, you smell cooking eggs and bacon. Oh.

I trot on down the stairs to meet my fate well you're on the you're still on the first floor so you walk through a corridor to get to the kitchen i walk through the corridor to meet my fate the that creature is bustling about cooking some eggs on the stove oh my goodness oh hey morning good morning uh what are you cooking there breakfast oh i count is there enough eggs for everyone it's breakfast for everyone yeah it's one bacon one egg and you see he's also cooking one bread is this for you or for Sir Isaac Newton? Breakfast for all. Oh, so this is for everyone? Yes.

Oh, okay. Breakfast served. How many egg? How many bacon? How many bread? Oh, uh, can I please have two egg, two bacon, and two bread? He bustles out a plate for you, and then, how much did you ask already?

Two eggs, two bacon, two bread? I'm sorry, I'm not thinking properly. Three egg, three bacon, and three bread, please? I'm very big. With a spatula, he picks up one of the eggs, and as he pulls the egg out of the pan, you see another egg, kind of like two eggs were separating like an amoeba dividing into two or a cell dividing into two whatever how did you do that magic i got to learn it would be a lot easier for me to cook if i could do it like this

he serves he doesn't seem to respond to that. He serves you your breakfast. Can I please have another? I was being polite. How many? Two more, please. He does that, and then he gives you another two of each. Thank you so much. Is anyone else up yet? Yeah, you hear clattering at the table. You can tell someone else is awake.

I go out and sit at the table having, don't know i guess scarfed all my food already all right you walk out and you see isaac newton is sitting at the table at the in his usual spot at the head he's wearing robes that are slightly different than usual they look it looks more like a nightgown as opposed to his regular robes you You can see instead of like a wide brim hat, he has kind of like more of those Ebenezer Scrooge style. Basically his regular hat, but without the brim. Is he just in a wizard sleeping outfit? Yeah. Is he wearing wizard pajamas?

Instead of moons, it's covered in suns. Annoying. I love it. Also at the table are Yayola and Chelle sarin isn't here or nor adam good morning good morning good morning chantelle good morning yayola morning they both say what's your servant's name he does not have a name i simply call call him It. He doesn't mind? It isn't sentient. Oh.

It's an automaton of my own creation. Okie dokie. It hasn't a mind to bother. Please, grab a seat. I sit down. Did you end up sleeping well? I slept very well after my story This is to Chantel

Chantel nods I'm glad Did you sleep well? I slept, yes, very comfortably For the first time in a while, she says Speaking of staying here the night How long do you think it's going to take Now that you know what you need to do?

Well, it could vary slightly. It could take as little as one day. I could have it done potentially by today. Or it could take as many as two. Chantel stops and says, okay, so today or tomorrow? Yes! Yes! Though time has little meaning to a man of the realms of far such as I.

Well, that doesn't sound like it'll take too long. No. How are we making for distance? Are we getting close? Yes. Wait. Well, I don't know. You might actually have to have a look. I mean, we're walking at a...

Moving at a constant pace. But it would probably... I don't... I guess I don't know when to stop. And unfortunately, my house cannot go into a forest. Okay. Well, not without causing significant damage. I'll have a look then. can i go to some sort of

stick my head out the door go to a window or something sure consult my maps with my second to none you're right on track it's beautiful so good to know yeah you stick your head out and you're like there shouldn't be any trees and I don't see any trees. I love being as clever as I am. Okie dokie. Well, it looks like we're right on track. Thank you so much for directing your snail. Beautiful.

Serena and Adam not awake yet? I haven't seen them. I would suppose them to be still asleep. Well, that makes sense. Is it early? You don't seen them. I would suppose them to be still asleep. Would that make sense? Is it early? Uh, you don't know time. Huh. Would that make sense? I mean, I only just woke up. I could have woke up later and then I'd be asleep.

Alright, you have some breakfast. You notice that Sir Isaac Newton is having porridge, where the rest of you are having eggs, bacon, and bread. Did the porridge come from a magic pot as well? No, it came from my storeroom. Uh, but the rest of you are having eggs, bacon, and bread. Did the porridge come from a magic pot as well? No, it came from my storeroom. But the food you are also eating came from my

storeroom. Oh, is that different to the pantry? The magic simply summons it to the pan. Oh. Can I try some of yours? Um, very well then. He pushes his porridge down a little towards you. I try some of yours? Very well, then. He pushes his porridge down a little towards you.

I try some. It's unflavored porridge. He just didn't even need to say yes. You're allowed to have boundaries. Okay, I give it back. Thank you. Did you want some of mine? No, I don't eat meat. That's good.

I finished it. Well, I... Why don't you eat meat. That's good. I finished it. Uh, well, um, I, I, uh, uh, uh, uh, Why don't you eat meat?

I thought this was magic meat. Surely an animal doesn't get hurt if it comes from nothing. No animal is unharmed. I'm sorry. No, uh, no, it's fine.

I, uh, I, the, the food here, while it has been prepared and acquired by magical means unknown to the human mind, an animal still does die for it, and I find that distasteful. That's understandable.

Sorry. Then why do you have meat? You have no idea the sorts of foul creatures I must entertain. Lecturers, students, and other members of a university. He spits in the ground. I hate them. Oh. Why don't you just make the meat out of the people you don't like?

That would seem, first off, impractical, as some of them I must maintain a cordial relationship with. And besides that, it is frowned upon to kill another sapient creature. Okay, that's good enough for me. Those, I suppose, don't count, he says, and he returns to his porridge. Okay, that's good enough for me. Pigs, I suppose, don't count, he says, and he returns to his porridge. I think really hard into my tum and how my tum is feeling and think, hmm, I guess my tummy does feel smarter.

This is what makes sense to Tristam. In any case, would you like to visit my arcane workshop? I've marked out a safe path for you. I'm already standing and walking. Please, let me finish breakfast. Oh, yes, sorry. You may also want to finish breakfast. It is not for the faint of heart to view the arcane inner workings of my

LABORATORY! I eat five eggs faster than any person has ever eaten five eggs on Earth. You wolf them down. He, I assume for you, he finishes his meal laboriously. It is agony watching him eat. It probably doesn't take him that long but for you it feels like a million years and you know the number a million as opposed to the word million now oh yes i mean like you you wouldn't actually because you know i just know that numbers yeah i

can identify numbers i would know the number a million is a number not the word yeah if someone showed you the number a million and the word a million and said one is the number, one is the word, you could be like, that's the word, that's the number. I'd kill it first go. TreeStomp sits there staring at the bowl thinking, the bowl is portable, you can take the bowl with you, but saying nothing.

He finishes his meal and then stands up. I stand up too. I stand up as he stands up whatever pace he stands up at i've stood up so quickly that i'm upright before he is please follow me okay you all walk after him as the creature begins collecting your plates behind you you get to the staircase and you start taking a spiral staircase upwards. You go maybe a couple floors up and then there's a door there which Sir Isaac Newton takes out a key chain. He puts one of the keys in, unlocks, then a second key in, unlocks, a third key in, unlocks, and then he knocks three times. The door clicks one final fourth time and then swings open to reveal an entire floor that is just a magical workshop and laboratory. I tuck my hands under my armpits.

You can see on the floor there is a white line that goes out. So it's kind of like a circular, imagine like a donut-shaped room. that goes out so it's kind of like a circular imagine like a donut shaped room there is a white line that goes from the door into the middle of the corridor donut and then goes all the way around it kind of like squiggles here and there for no discernible reason but you can see that the line obviously tries to divert around a large or or strange, but sometimes it makes weird diversions or changes that you cannot comprehend the reason for. Do we have to stay in the lines? Please make sure that you do not venture too far from the line. Okay.

It would be hazardous to one's health and also to my um my workings oh and if you look into a mirror and you see your reflection beckoning you closer i advise you not to listen oh okay oh uh sorry and in addition to that if you see perchance a little uh a hamster running Let me know. I've been looking for him. Okay. Ah, I wish Serene and Adam were here. This is cool. I would say, actually, while you were... Sorry, I didn't mention this, but absolutely while you were eating or finishing breakfast,

Serene and Adam show up in that order. Serene is here with you, but Adam had no interest in coming here. Or Adam certainly didn't get up from the dining table when everyone else did that's so boring just sitting at a table being sad you could be sad and look at nice things as well it's not not not crime you follow the line into the room and then do the donut you see lots of strange devices. Maybe the first part of your little tour around is all mechanical devices, like you might have seen at the gnome's place. In fact, you probably spot hanging on a wall the machine for patting a dog.

Oh, yes. But you see many other strange devices and contraptions. Some of them are on and are moving or smoking or making a foul noise or smell. Some of them just sit inert doing nothing. Maybe actually as you pass some of the inert ones, they start moving or as you pass some of the moving ones, they turn inert. One of them looks like a mechanical turtle. It walks backwards and forwards on a little table and you can hear it saying something to itself. What's this one do?

That is a mechanical turtle I have been working on. I wish to replace all organic turtles with mechanical turtles. Why? I don't like turtles. Then why do you like these ones? They're clean, he says How do they lay eggs? They, like a turtle does

But they're mechanical and clean, he says So you still want turtles to exist, just not the ones that exist? I love turtles, but I wish to replace them, he says But you said you hated... Okay, can I see the hamster if you want you can as you're walking search for the hamster yes i would like to you search as you're looking you like peer you i assume you're not straying from the line no oh my god no all right well you try to look as best as you can but there are a great deal of nooks and crannies that you can't you just can't peer around without trying to leave the line.

And if you're not trying to leave the line, there's a lot of spaces where you're like, well, could have been there. Okay. I don't try and, I don't try and leave the line. I want to be invited back, which is why I'm looking for the hand stuff. Eventually, right before you finish leaving or right before you leave the mechanical zone, if you will, you spot right at the edge a mirror on a set of mechanical legs that are walking back and forth. When the mirror turns to face you at one point, you see your reflection move, but you are not moving in that way. Your reflection kind of does like a little and then tries to beckon you in. little and then tries to beckon you in and you see my head in your reflection your mirror self steps off the path and looks and gives you like a big thumbs up no no no no i look away i look away no i'm not looking there anymore just one sec just one sec look no i'm not looking i'm not

looking look no it's okay just just look one more time then you can look away no no no i'm not looking. I'm not looking. Look, no, it's okay. Just look one more time, then you can look away. No, no, no, I'm not allowed. Please? No, I'm allowed to look. I'll show you where the hamster is. I'll look. What trouble has Big T gotten into now? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. This is a message for all the seasoned and aspiring DMs out there. Do you wish to punish your players like the common dogs they are

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