D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company III #8 Everything is Right with the World

Episode Date: June 4, 2022

Glupple finds himself in the last place he imagined he'd be during his spirit quest: a party. Meanwhile, Treestump has a shocking revelation. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories of the Greyhill Free Camp But then a little figure stands up out of the sludge that is the leftover lantern. Call me, uh, like Fire or Torch or Lantern, maybe? Pleased to meet you, Fire. I stick my pinky out. Thank you.

Do you remember where your home is? Uh, no, I was in the land for a long time. Do you remember anything about the... There was a fire. Okay. Do you know if it was a magical fire or if it was one of the fires made of wood? Guys, it looks like you're on the verge of tears.

I don't know how to help this person. A city made of fire sounds like the plains. And if this person has come and gone from the plains, I mean, like... If they've gone to a different place, if they've gone out of Ognoth and come back to Ognoth and then gone on the boat. Wow, let's see how that stale's tracking along. For the first time ever in a long time, you realise how badly you have made a mistake. This is not a good day for me. Globble!

Yes, yes. Globble! You are with Grey Dove returning to the Druid's Grove. Ah, yes. Ah, yes. I'm not so good. Yep, all right. How...

Okay. Is stomach going good? You've thrown up a few times on the ride back. Oh, that ride. You've had to get Gradov to slow down because any uneven surface almost immediately sets off another wave of nausea. Good.

Towards the end of this walk, though, actually, towards the end of this ride, it's begun getting progressively more pleasant, though, as you kind of like lean backwards, maybe Gradov making sure that you're holding on to him so you don't topple off the back of the the elk catch me jack up yep the night sky visible above you and as you become as you get closer and closer to the grove you can see it becomes clearer and clearer above you like the clouds are parting to give you a perfect view of the night sky.

Towards the end, you can actually see the different constellations in the sky begin to light up with almost lines, like you're at the planetarium looking at the night sky, seeing the constellations

twinkling far above. I can see, yes. So I can see the little connecting lines between the bunch of stars making the different patterns. Oh, that's... Okay. I wouldn't be saying much. I think I'd just be staring. Maybe slack-jawed a little bit.

You see the mid-star, which hangs directly in the centre of what people call the centre of the world. You see the dragons. You see the dragons. You see the night hag. The satyr and pipes. The sprite. The tarrasque, particularly.

Maybe the tarrasque, kind of in your hallucinatory state, turns and roars at you and you get a bit scared. I think the hag one would either make me very scared or very guilty. And this tarrasque would make me scared. You see the unicorn and maiden, the leaping dog, the robe of the magi, and then... I mutter under my breath, good boy, when I see the dog. You see finally Malhamet Sis, which is a constellation. It's known as the dark stars because they're not normally visible in the night sky but for you right now in this place they are just as bright as the stars around them it is in the

shape of a horse by the same name um well whenever i'm getting too stressed i'll look back to the um yes and keep muttering um good boy good boy sure good boy once you reach the center of the druid's grove where that giant tree that weeping willow is you well no great of hops off and then slowly helps you out the by this point colors were more vibrant, but colors now are inverting and reverting and changing. Every shape, silhouette, every vision before you stays the same, but the colors that make them up change almost in rapid succession. Just kind of let that wash over me. Yeah, it sounds great. You're not 100% certain if the colors themselves are changing or if what your perception of what colors are is changing in the back of your brain you have like a terrifying

thought where your mind's like nothing's nothing's staying the same nothing's staying the same is green is what green is changing or is the green changing actually would i weirdly as gluple have had that experience how so well as yeah like as a fish boy surely would have been able to see underwater yeah sure and as a human no so there'd be that that like in terms of colors and what you're seeing like surely blues would be a bit more or like blues and greens would be a bit more vibrant for a for a fish folk than it would be for human yeah you well see but when we've had this conversation before when your eyes changed so did your brain so i don't think we i think we made the determination that you weren't able it probably didn't change yeah but you can't

tell the change because your new brain is adapting to your new eyes the way yeah yeah so like memories would be would be changed because like it was a bit different but now it's this you're mentally processing it differently yeah so it probably wouldn't have affected you much this even though even if even if you have memories of how you used to see the world and now you do or now you do in a different way even if you do have those memories that would be like playing in the kiddie pool this is being dropped into the fucking sea yes right okay i get it um right yes so previous like previous eyes and brain i guess you'd have those memories would be a bit more foggy up.

Yeah. It's kind of like remembering a dream almost. Yeah, yeah. I would liken it to remembering a dream, sure. Okay, okay, okay, okay. All right. Well, I'll just stare at a few things until someone snaps at me to not. Tabatine, who has been here this entire time in meditation, stands up.

And you see him kind of looking at you with a little bit of concern in his face. He turns his head to one side and for a brief second his beak becomes too long, but then it goes back to normal. And when he talks, it sounds like the adults in Charlie Brown. It doesn't sound like he's talking. It sounds like wah Grey Dove turns to Tabatine and says... I want to stare at first at Tabatine, and then at Grey Dove, and then

back at Tabatine, and just kind of nod. Just like... Not say it, just kind of like I've, like basically like I'm pretending to partake in this conversation. All right. They have a conversation for like a little while. Actually, it's probably only a second. They definitely, both of them say a lot.

Like they both talk for about an hour, but it takes a second. lot like they both talk for about an hour but it takes a second then then uh great up turns to you puts a hand on your shoulder and i can't remember if we've established that touching tavertine is pleasant or unpleasant but whatever memory you have of that rushes back to you now let's go with pleasant sure it's tavertine yeah he's he's aavartine. He's a... No, Gradov. Oh, Gradov. Oh, it's pleasant. Touching Gradov. He's pleasant. Gradov puts a hand on your shoulder.

You feel that rush of pleasant sensation. He looks you in the face and you see not really concerned like Tavartine. Not that there's no concern, but just a very serious expression. He says, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. expression he says and then he gestures to the base of the tree and you see a hole has opened up in between the roots at the base of the tree he pushes you forwards a little bit towards the hole i am again if he's got his hand on like my i put my hand on his shoulder and i say okay and i kiss him on the forehead and i walk towards the hole as you walk you leave him behind you hear tavatine say wow wow and then you approach the you approach the hole as you get close am i scared by the hole or am i am i like drawn to hole oh that's a good

question because i mean i'm sort of like expecting or experiencing this like everything is kind of like a bit cloudy everything is kind of like a little bit like i'm a bit numb and everything is kind of got soft edges and so everything is kind of like hey everything is kind of right with the world and no matter what happens it's's going to happen. And if it doesn't happen, then that wasn't going to happen anyway. And so a lot of this, while maybe is somewhat part of, like, I can control this, a lot of it is out of

my control, and I'm just here for the ride. Highs or lows? Let's go with highs. As you approach, the hole begins to get bigger, and as the hole begins to get bigger, you see that there is a pinprick of light in the center of the hole the pinprick of light focuses your vision you begin staring at that pinprick of light and a warmth is like like a hot summer's day like you've opened the door on a hot summer's day okay it's rolling out of the hole. It's not unpleasant.

Like I said, it gives you the impression of a hot summer's day temperature-wise, but you're still just staring at a mass of darkness with a pinprick of light. Okay. Okay. So no kind of feelings of fear or anything like that. I guess I would jaunt her over, likelling like um sort of like how a toddler would walk mostly just no knees um and just sort of like a big baby walking kind of jolly towards the light you as you walk you feel you're like you're losing balance and the top part of you is falling into the hole? Do you make any effort to stop yourself?

No. Okay. I feel this is good. You fall headfirst into the hole. The last thing you hear behind you is, and then you are drifting through the darkness towards the light. Made a good decision. The light begins to get bigger and brighter and bigger and brighter and then you're standing in a field it's

all around you tall grass the grass is purple in color not green you don't recognize it you don't know what grass you're looking at you see before you a giant oak tree it stretches as high in as high as you can see you look up and it just kind of like goes off into the distance sitting at the base of the tree is a figure they're sitting like with legs crossed kind of like they're in meditation but they're looking directly at you eyes open quite clearly not in meditation just sitting as if they were she looks like a maybe a type of fey she looks a little bit like gray dove like she resembles great of in that her face has that kind of her skin color is kind of like that brownie bark color but unlike gray doves

who's just like that shade her skin actually does look like tree bark her hair is in like a uh like like a shrub like a pointed shrub above her head and she has bright yellow eyes solid yellow no other color she as you approach or as you look, you maybe aren't approaching yet, but as you look, you see that she is as nude as the day she was born and seems quite comfortable. Okay. Right. I will start walking towards them,

maybe putting my hands out and sort of touching. Is it like quite long grass? Yeah, yeah, it comes up to your knees. Okay, sort of like brushing the grass, as it were, with my fingers. Hmm, I'm seeing that they've got no clothes. Would I shed? I feel I might. How are my clothes?

Are they itchy? Now that you think about it, yeah, your clothes are uncomfortable. Okay, well, as I'm walking towards, I would just, yes, taking off garment after garment to appear before them. As you approach, you hear singing and dancing on the other side of the tree, and you can make out figures, elves, many elves, and some will actually... Ooh, would you know this? One moment. They look like elves, but you can tell they're not elves.

They've got very elven features, but they look like a cross between fae and elves rather than full-blooded elves. They're on the other side of the tree. It looks like an entire family unit of sorts, and they are singing and dancing in a circle whatever language they speak you don't understand but it sounds very merry most of them have like a tankard in their hands or some sort of food or something like that it looks like a party is

happening okay all right do i know anything about phase or like um parties and this many many types of fey deities or fey like powerful spirits and creatures and stuff like that are often associated with parties merriment and nature so this doesn't really give a lot away as to who you are interacting with okay okay okay all right um well either way that's not for me right now i uh keep walking towards the person with the the bright solid yellow eyes uh and when it gets through like if they're not moving or making any sort of gestures my intention is to go towards them so i'm in front of them like a respectful amount and to sit cross-legged in front of them and then just wait for them to speak when you get up

to them and as you're sitting down maybe like you're standing up and then as you start moving to get into a sitting position just before you appears a carafe of wine and two jugs to pour into by the time that you are fully sitting this figure in front of you has poured wine into both jugs i guess what I know about custom is either wait for them or do I drink? She takes her tankard and drinks from it. Not like greedily or much, just

like sipping. Okay. I grab one and have a sip and I say thank you. You are welcome. Welcome to the drink. And welcome to Vita, she says, and she gestures around you. Thank you for having me. You have come here to bargain for the fates of two mortals.

Yes, yes. I'm here asking if you could help. If you could help, if you could bring them back from, I guess, from the ether before they cross over to whatever is next. They're innocent. They don't know what they did. And they were caught up acting out of hopelessness and, I hope and it's unfair and I want to make amends. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and we acted foolishly without thinking and they acted out of desperation And we were wrong. If anyone has to pay for their transgressions, it's us.

It's me. She stands up. Come with me, she says. And she leads you around behind the tree to where the party is happening. I get up and follow her lead. The party looked like just one family unit from this side of the tree. But once you start mingling in with them, it seems like it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. It feels like any time you're not looking in a direction, people start rocking up from that direction.

But when you look back at them, you never feel like you're seeing new people. Okay. It always feels like someone that you've seen before. It's either some weird magic or perhaps some weird side effect of all the fucking weird drugs that you've consumed. Yeah, new people. No, they're the same people. This party is definitely the same size.

Well, his party is definitely the same size. Over the years, our beautiful and talented artist Nathan Davis has created stellar artwork far greater than the utter bullshit it's been associated with. And for 10 years, we've been occasionally badgered with comments like, hey, this artwork is great. I'd love to have this as the background on my phone. Or, man, this artwork is great. I'd love to have this as the background on my phone. Or, man, this looks really cool. It sure would be neat to have that as my desktop, if only it was available somewhere. And come on, guys, you have the artwork. It's right there. It shouldn't be this hard.

Well, do I have some good news for you. For at least a dollar, you can download the perfect desktop wallpaper for your computer or that little Google machine you've got there right from our website, sanspansradio.com slash shop and click the downloads icon. We've currently got several wallpaper packs available, but do check back often as I'm sure we'll add more maybe in a further 10 years. So once again, that's sanspansradio.com slash shop and click that downloads icon. You keep moving through the party and once again, you feel like it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger whenever you're not looking at it. What felt like maybe at most eight people is taking you like 10 to 15 minutes to walk through okay are people offering like food or

drink or something like that if you pass someone and you glance at their food or drink they offer it to you i feel like at this point uh i would yeah, eating and consuming whatever is like either thrust upon me or, yeah, in or around me and in reach. Time seems to distort and dilate. And it feels like you are, it feels like you've had maybe 10 beers or tankards worth of drink, plus enough food to sate a family of eight. You feel like you've had quite a lot to eat and drink also as you start moving through you start noticing that there are animals here in the party all right you walk past a bunch of rabbits that are all holding paws and jumping around in a little circle you pass a deer that has like several empty tankards like a like a buck with several empty tankards hung from its horns and it's kind of stumbling around a little bit

like it's drunk standing on its hind legs like a like a human no no it's on all fours it is looking at one of these strange elf fey creatures and it's it speaks but it's like that and the person that it's talking to laughs and says back they both start laughing looking at you not like not like they're laughing at you but like you are included in the joke i want to yeah like point at the deer and also start laughing like the three of you are pissing yourselves laughing he said it was good the deer turns around suddenly like it's seen something then darts off further into the party you spot maybe a wolf on it's kind of like on its back quite clearly like stoned out of its fucking mind. The wolf, as you pass, gives you, like, a nod, like, yeah.

A nod back, respectfully. Like, yeah. Yeah, I remember your kind. Yeah, I was... You nearly ate me. I was pretty sick. Sitting at a wooden table, a wooden table that is mostly just a massive, cleared stump,

you see the bear that you have encountered so many fucking times in this adventure you see the that scared bear here very relaxed and at ease there's a massive platter massive platters of food in front of him and he is just shoveling with incredible speed he He is filling his fucking mouth. I do that, like, quick wave at a party when it's, like, a large party where you know somebody but kind of as an acquaintance. Like, you've seen each other kind of passing in, like, you know, like, the same area or amongst, like, sort of certain circles,

like, a few times. You don't really know each other. Like, you kind of know the name is, like, either James, Josh, or, like, a kind of, like a maybe to joe hard to say but like that kind of relationship where i'm just like oh give a quick hi it's a quick wave put your hand up and wave the bear looks at you with fear and says and you keep moving eventually you come to what feels like the epicenter of the party.

There's a bunch of people all in concentric circles dancing around in different directions. So it's like the inner circle going clockwise, a circle outer going counterclockwise, then another circle clockwise, kind of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. another circle clockwise, kind of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You and this figure that you've been following kind of start fitting your way in between the circles until you get to the center. And in the center, there are two stone slabs. The stone slabs are covered in flowers. It is thick. You can just barely see the stone beneath.

The flowers don't seem to be growing, but seem to have rather been picked and then laid here very carefully lying on the two stone slabs are the forms of that little girl and and david you recognize them almost immediately lying here on the slabs the little girl is not broken in any way her body looks peaceful it's almost as if she's sleeping. And similarly with David. There is no marks from where Chantal killed him with his own dagger. If they look quite kind of peaceful, I can think that it might just like, yeah, maybe just kind of... I'm not shocked.

I'm not kind of like... I'm just sort of, yeah, very calm. Very calm. Maybe at this point as well, you notice that someone's put a flower crown on you. You don't even know when it happened. You're just wearing one. Excellent news. Okay.

The figure that you've been following gestures at the two bodies and says, would you wake them from their slumber? Well, if they've had enough rest and they want to be awoken. She stands back and gestures once again to them, but wordlessly this time. And they look pretty peaceful, yeah? Yeah, they look peaceful lying there. They look, like I said, it looks like they're just sleeping.

I'll go up to Suresh and sort of kneel down and kind of put my hand on their shoulder and kind of gently try to wake them up. When you first touch her and shake her shoulder you you understand as peaceful as they look they're dead yeah there's they're not breathing this wasn't it but once you put your hand there and just the smallest initial shake and you see she starts breathing very faintly, very gently, but she does stop breathing. If you continue to shake her, she like slowly gingerly,

her eyes open up and she, both of her eyes begin kind of focusing, unfocusing, and then slowly she looks at you. Um, where am I? She says, um, right now,

uh, uh, have you ever, have you ever been, um, sick before? Where you had to go to, say, a temple or anything like that? Yes, when I was really young and my grandmother was sick.

This is kind of like that. We're at a temple and you were sick. And so you're just waking up. Are you ready to wake up? I think so. She says she looks around. Who are they? They're the people that looked after you, that helped you.

Are they druids or part of a circle? The people dancing here? You're not sure. You don't know them. Right. For the most part they are those like strange elf fey hybrids but in the circle if it is an animal that can stand and has vaguely hands there might be a few like there's a small black bear in the circle dancing

around as well all right maybe spot i don't know uh trying to think of it like a squirrel at one point there's a squirrel being basically held up by the two people either side. Cool. I'm just trying to like shorthand this for a kid. Like even as an adult waking up to that, I don't know how to explain it. But like I think with a child, you can kind of get away with a lot more bullshit. So there are people that are looking out the way. Druids.

Do you know, do you know what that is? Would you know what a druid is? Yes. I think. We're like, um. I think I do. Yeah. What, what do you do?

Do you think they are? Uh, I think it's a, a druid and, um, a bird druid. And then she disappears. Right. The other slab stands before you. Actually, maybe more than just a whoosh. You get buffeted by flower petals, and then that slab, those flowers, and where she was, her and where she was laying is all gone. It's only the other slab now.

Well, I'll go over to David david and same thing kneel down uh touch his shoulder and try to wake him up it's a similar scenario he's definitely dead but the second you touch him and start moving him his eyes open up once again he's like slowly coming to he looks at you and there's like a little bit of fright as he realizes who he's looking at. And he kind of like sits up a little bit with fear. I hands up like the non-threatening kind of like motion. It's okay. Don't need to be afraid here.

You were in a fight and you're a bit worse for air so i took you or we took you here to try and um heal you of your your wounds if you're ready to be healed he looks around and he says saresh is she okay i think she's okay right? You have no reason to think anything untoward just happened. Yeah, like that was a positive experience. Yeah, yeah, you would describe it as a positive. Yeah, yeah. She's fine. I made sure of that.

Okay, he says. I'm ready to come back now. Good, good. He reaches out an arm for you to help him up. Yeah, like take his arm, hold for you to help him up i um yeah uh like yeah take his arm hold his hand pick him up as you draw him up the same thing happens there's a like you're buffeted by air and completely for a moment just covered in flower petals and then as it subsides the flowers are gone the slab is gone and david is also gone it could only be good you turn around that figure that you've been

following is standing behind you she takes a step forwards and puts out her hand on your bare chest she slowly puts her palm onto your about kind of like your your midsection just on your chest and she says what is done carries a price i um just nod my head and like solemnly just kind of yeah just nod my head and just accept uh i guess whatever is about to happen a life given must be a life taken you feel kind of like a burning sensation in your chest you realize what it is is it's like her hand has become her hand and arm has become like a rose bush literally you see roses exploding out of her arms and fingers and her touching you you can feel like the thorns piercing into your skin. The years that have been given must be taken.

She pushes off you and you feel yourself falling backwards. The world around you slowly shrinks until it becomes a light and then just a pinprick of light in the darkness. And then you wake up adam yeah if i were to look at my hands uh-huh are they the youthful hands of a 20 year old or perhaps they now a little bit say the oh like you know the older hands of 30-year-olds, not like the wizard hands of 70-year-olds. Are they getting a bit crepey? Yeah, yeah. Like not old, old. Like we're just like, oh, look at this.

You could say they're 30, you know, nothing too drastic. Yeah. As you wake up, it is nighttime. You feel like a dry, like you've got cotton mouth. You're also, your stomach is grumbling. You don't know how long it's been, but it has been a long time since you ate and drank. The second thing you notice, because I assume from your question, it is something that is immediately on Globble's mind. You look at your hands and you see the old leathery fingers and liver spotted hands and fingers of someone much older than the person who went to Vitae. Right.

Well, that, I guess, makes a level of sense. I try and stretch my back and kind of get any cricks out. Oh, yeah. Your lower back is a quagmire. As you start stirring, a figure moves in the darkness, and Tabertine's face appears before you. He looks a little bit worriedly at you. He says in his deep baritone, stay, don't move.

Sure. You gaze at your withered old gnarly fingers and at the same time, tree stump. You gaze out at the old gnarly trees that are definitely not the forest that you are looking for. I just don't think they could have grown so different so quickly. You are well aware that you are not where you are meant to be. I don't know how I went the right way. You can see very clearly you have misled the rest of your party. You don't know where you are.

You just know you're not where you're meant to be. There's no, you should see the forest by now. There's no forest. You just know you're not where you're meant to be. There's no, you should see the forest by now. There's no forest. There's just an odd assortment of broken, cracked trees on the horizon. Can snails have a limp?

Do you ask the snail that? Or do you ask someone else that? I ask myself, and I know. I know that even if he had a limp, I should have figured that out know i checked i stay out here for two minutes okay no one comes out to get you but you notice that one of the snails eye stalks kind of like keeps glancing around to look at you i think i told you wrong both of the eye stalks in different directions turn around to look at you. It doesn't respond, though. I think I know I told you wrong. Um, I got to...

Do you know where the... You don't know where the... Um, I go back inside. How is Big T going to weasel her way out of this one? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. Thank you. Some episodes will come in with stories, classes, and abilities that we've already made and tell you about them so you can see where we've succeeded and failed. And sometimes we'll even make the content on air so you can follow along at home and make your own or even improve upon ours. Head on down to SensePantsRadio.com and sign up for a king-level subscription today to start listening.

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