D&D is For Nerds - The Auticcus #1 The Auticcus

Episode Date: January 2, 2016

The AuticcusIn which our heroes get settled into their job on a Gnomish airship. We go back to the not-to-distant past to re-introduce ourselves, discuss animal companions and set off to adventure from the sleepy town of Bullridge. Krif makes an unexpected discovery as he turns a corner, Leo has clearly stolen the wrong thing from the wrong man and Ainsley refuses to even turn up. So join us as we talk about what the opposite of a cult would be. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Hey, do you have that creative flair that needs to spread its wings? Is D&D is for Nerds your muse? Well, our linguistically talented DM, Adam Cantrell, needs your help. We're having a little art competition, so find your favorite D&D is for Nerds characters, moments, or whatever, create your masterpiece and email it to s sanspantsradio at gmail.com, and you'll go into the draw to work with Adam to create an NPC for our next side quests

or fifth ed adventure, as well as receive an advanced copy of the Season 2 USB tape. Entry's closed Feb 29th, and the winner announced in March, so get scribblin'. Also, we're being sponsored by GeekFuel. Too upset to carry on after last week's episode?

Well, refuel with GeekFuel. Just go to geekfuel.com slash sanspants and sign up today to get $50 worth of amazingly nerdy stuff, including T-shirts, comic books, bobbleheads, and more for only $14, as well as your very own Star War. That's geekfuel.com slash sans pants hey it's adam here uh i know you're i know everyone out there is a little little sad from a recent departure a recent death and what with alley away on holiday we're going to take a little

little bit of a side journey a little side quest quest, if you will, with some characters in the distant, distant past. So we join our heroes, Leo Shadow and Criff Pum Pumcriff, as they run carelessly and with the lore at their heels through the town of Bull Ridge. Criff and Leo, you've both, I don't know probably stolen something that really didn't belong to you cool and that's the someone who you stole it from is very powerful and very mad uh one of the guys you've have either of you been to ball ridge before uh uh you can just say yes well no it's up to you it doesn't matter i'm saying probably not probably just passing through Have either of you been to Bull Ridge before? Personally, no. You can just say yes or no.

It's up to you. It doesn't matter. I'm going to say probably not. Probably just passing through. Okay. You've never been before? No, no, no. No?

Neither of you? Okay. So you don't really know too much about Bull Ridge's reputation for just capturing thieves and just killing them. Not even proper trial. But now that I've told you that, your characters are probably going to run with a little bit more emphasis.

Yes, we leg it. We leg it hard. We bolt. You spin around the corner. Hang on. Leo, despite your shorter, stumpier legs, you are far, far out in the lead.

Because you're a fat, chubby wizard. God damn it. You have a lot more experience outrunning the law. You spin around the corner and you slam headfirst into a tall, hulking figure. Of course, as a halfling, pretty much everything is a tall, hulking figure compared to you. The character gives an oof, and I guess you just keep running, right?

Of course. Yeah, you fucking leg it right past him. Kriff, you... Kriff, pum, pum, Kriff. Yeah, that's right. That's me. You come around the corner as well. You slam right into him as well.

The guy probably gives it a bit of a, what the fuck? People just coming out of this corner like no fucking... What's this going on? He doesn't even give you a chance to shove past him. He shoves you past him. You keep running as well? Yeah. Okay.

The figure turns around to some of his compatriots. Atticus, what do you say to your compatriots? Do you see those two coming out of the goddamn corner Turning around, smacking right into us Nathaniel? My god, I think they hit my leg It was a little wee one I hate them so much

And he looked like a little laughing fellow I don't trust them No, they're fine And introducing Ira? No, I'm a bit empathetic towards half things I grew up trust them. No, they're fine. And introducing ERA? No, I'm a bit empathetic towards half things. I grew up with them, so, you know. Let's leave them be. We all have our flaws.

Takes all sorts. Let's let them just run off into the distance. I think we have more important business to do. So the guards chase after Leo and Kryp as well. And while they're doing that, Atticus, why don't you start by explaining your new character? Okay, so I'm playing Atticus Bluebird. I'm a human fighter. I'm not old. I'm getting close to middle age. I'm in my 40s. I I'm a human fighter. I'm not old. I'm getting close to middle age.

I'm in my 40s. I've got a night patch. I've got a gold tooth. A peg leg. And I'm just very racist. Well, I'm speciesist towards other species. Hey, I grew up in a very tiny little town and I've got no time for elves or dwarves or orcs.

Halflings and gnomes are fine because they're just like little people, but everything else is suspicious. But I'm an orc. Yeah, no, you're one of the good half-elves. You're one of the good half-elves, that's why. So I'm Nathaniel Kraken. I am an orcish wizard. Old, 50-odd, which is pretty old for an orc.

Orcs are like mayflies. I know. They die just like that. Orcs are coming and going. 45 years in the sun, then like, oh, time to die. Like a sunset in summer. Yeah. I have spells.

I'm still wizard, man. I have a ram as well. Do you have an animal companion? Oh, yes, I do. I have a little viper called Betsy. Good. Wrapped around my wrist at all times. Good.

And finally, Ira. Ira? Ira, right? Ira. Ira. Yeah, the name's Ira Thornborough. I'm a half-elf ranger, which means I use a bow. Oh, yes.

I have a familiar who is a powerful owl named Patio. That is a good name. And I have a ram who's not my familiar, but which I bought. His name is Ramstein. Ira, do you want to give your name for the listeners? Your real name? Yeah, I'm Leo James. I'll be playing Ira Thornborough.

Okay, cool. I assume everyone's a little acquainted with... Everybody knows who we are. The other two. Everybody's well aware. Yeah. Everybody's well aware in Delaware. So, you guys work for Captain Flim Bap-Bap. He's a...

So, we're mercenaries? Yeah, you're pretty much mercenaries. Kind of more like... It's not deckhands. It's... What would you call it? Like, you supervise his crew. Kind of like pirates, but not.

You do it with another... There's another... If you want to call yourselves mercenaries, that's fine. I do. There's another mercenary called Father Glenn Tolod, who's a... Father Glenn. Father Glenn Tolod.

Who's a cleric of a draconic god who you guys either know a lot about or know very little about, depending how much you listen to him during lunch. What race is he? He's human. Okay. I pay so much attention to him.

You pay a lot of attention? For real? Yes. Okay. Anyone else? I don't do nasty very well, so I kind of feel obliged to listen to his stories. I can't say no.

Well, the way Father Glenn Tollard talked... So, if you want to join a cult, say you were like... Well, not join a cult, but say you would be persuaded to join a cult, would you have low... Like, what would it be like... If someone is talking to you,

and you're like, oh, it's a cult, I'll ignore that. But if... Probably a high wisdom. Okay, I listen intently. Well, it isn't a cult. Actually, kind of stupidly the opposite. What's the opposite of a cult?

Thousands of people convince one guy to... Well, if you'd like, I could continue and explain how it works. I guess you could do that. He's a cleric of the draconic god Kronopolis. Okay. So Kronopolis is, well, he famously doesn't care about the world or anything in it. So he doesn't grant his clerics any particular power. So Father Glenn can't cast spells or prayers because his god refuses to, you know, meddle. I'm converted.

What's this guy's name? Chronopolis. I choose not to Father Tolod will not will not shut the fuck up about him though. Keeps talking about him. Quiet

Father Tolod. The rituals of Chronopolis are none. Oh, my God. There's no laws or rules you need to observe. Go on, boy. You are a lazy cleric, Father Toland. If you want to be a follower of him, you just need to say you are. You hear about one god for one day, and then you're like, oh, he's my new one.

He's my new lord. He's got some good ideas lord he's got some good ideas he's got some good ideas father Tolod wears a tabard over his like armor that has a symbol of chronopolis on it which is weird because chronopolis doesn't have a symbol

and you know how in a medieval society everything in a medieval society is handmade when I say this tabard looks handmade, it looks like he stitched it and he is maybe the first thing he ever like, if you ever did arts and

crafts in your early schooling years, you did super simple stuff, that's what this is. What is he doing on the ship? He Captain Flim Bap Bap apparently does not realize that he does not observe a god

who gives him real spells and Bap Bap has him there under the assumption that if anyone is injured he will heal them. Which he just straight up cannot do. So we think Father what? Father Glenn Tollard.

T-O-L-L-O-D. Has he been hired on the premise that he can heal people? You guys know he can't. He's my new best friend. I love him. You guys haven't really said anything up until now because as mercenaries, you've killed,

you've hunted, you've done all these scary, dangerous things. This ship is by far the easiest job you have ever had. What a breeze. It's a lot of money for no real work. You supervise the crew, and the crew don't need supervision. That's amazing. He's like, Taylor, write this for me?

It's not even like So he hired four people to do the job that one person does not need to do Oh, he's Father Toland He's part of our mercenary group He's not with you right now He's the fourth person? Yeah, he's the fourth person

Right now you guys are just moored in Bull Ridge So for the most part what Bap Bap does is he takes... What Bap Bap does is what Bap Bap does, baby. His ship is somewhat unusual in the fact that it's an airship, not a boat. Oh, okay. All right.

So... What is it more? Just that's how it counts. No, but like how? Sandbags. Yeah, it comes down and then and ties it to the ground. Like how you would with a hot air balloon. I was imagining like a Zeppelin hooking onto the prize line.

It stays in the air and we climb up a rope. To get an image in your minds, imagine like a water ship but tied to a massive fucking balloon. Oh, that's so cool. We came here today in an airship. You should know. I don't know airships. That's a massive fucking balloon. Oh, that's so cool. We came here today in an airship. You should know. I don't know airships. That's a failing of mine.

There's three, essentially, levels to the ship. There's the deck itself. Then just below that, there's a... What do you call the place where they fly things? The cockpit? Cockpit. Cockpit, yeah. There's the cockpit right up the front

just past the cockpit is the main area where you know you'd have meals like socialize that sort of stuff then that connects with a hallway I got a little picture here for our lawyers don't you always

send notes Adam so the main area connects to like a little Oh, fuck yes. Don't you always see notes, Adam? So, the main area connects to a little... What do you call it? Just a hallway. A galley? Yeah, sure. That connects to all the different rooms. There's one for Captain Bat-Bat.

And a bunch of other ones for all the passengers. And then finally up the back is the crew quarters. Where you guys and the crew sleep, the regular crew. Sick. Did the regular crew treat us with a bit of respect? I was hoping to save this until you got right to the ship. But let me find you the crew. I don't like...

Okay. He's got the monster manual out. That's a spooky... Why? What? I am... So did Bat-Bat be like, I just need someone to manage our crew?

And he went to us. He's like, you look like you... Yeah, yeah. And I was like, well... He was just hiring... We found a notice on a notice board. You guys can... Yeah, whatever.

Town crier. So do you guys know what a homunculus... Here's the news. Also, personal ads. What's this? All right. Shh. Yes, sir.

Do you guys know what a homunculus is? No. I think so. Oh, gosh. Boy. Jackson, would you like to describe it? Oh, wow. Holy, what the fuck?

What is it? Okay, so it looks like, imagine if you combined a man and a fat frog. And then you gave it wings, but they're less like wings and more like you stretched out the skin near the ribs to make wings. It's got a disgusting little fat man face. Gross little hands. And its feet look like they're in socks, but it's not, it's skin. It's also like a pallid green. If you'd like to pass that picture around to the other players is that the crew?

on the left hand side about a hundred odd of those but they're good workers Adam that is disgusting they're they're not wings they're like a bat mixed with a frog mixed with a pig and scaling.

They are about the size of a frog as well. Like a yay bag? Yeah, like about the size of a frog. Did he want us to wrangle these creatures? About 100 odd of those are the crew of the ship. They do all of the maintenance. They, for the most part, fly the ship. They serve you your meat.

They cook you your meat they cook you your gross little hands I refuse to eat anything they bring me I'll not eat the food of a disgusting homunculus what do you want to call it when you're led around they show you the different things what is it an induction part of your induction was him explaining that he has

a telepathic link with all of these creatures and they do what he wants and what he says. And during that explanation you're like, well why do you need us? Anywhere on the ship he can communicate with them. Do we ask him why does he need us? You can if you want.

Why would you do that? It's a super cushy job. Cushiest job we probably don't. Keeps them. Keep mumlets. They are incredibly stupid. I'm going to cook my own meals. Thank you very much. Unless he is directly supervising them,

they often bumble into each other and fuck things up. What do they feel like? But they're okay. Why are you touching them? Can we buy them some... For maintenance things, they're fine. But for cooking food and stuff like that... Can we buy them some little latex gloves?

So they're handling our food. I'm fine with them cooking the food. Just not touching it. I'm not fine with him cooking. I think they may be very good chefs. We'll cook our own. I don't trust no creature smaller than a frog. or frog-sized.

That's just a personal belief of mine, and I'm sticking to it. Taking over the cooking duties, done. If I could quickly finish the description of the ship as well. So just below the crew area, or like that one level, is just the storage cargo area. There's a walkway on either side of the ship. And then on the deck of the ship, there's like a ladder that leads to the massive Zeppelin balloon that keeps the ship to loft. You know inside that balloon is like this massive hollow lattice way of walkways and stuff like that.

It's a massive maze in there. That's cool. Great. In among giant bladders filled with, you've never heard of it before, but something called hydrogen. Sounds like the devil's something. It works. The explanation to you was a little bit of,

you don't know what this is either, a little bit of physics and a little bit of magic no idea i understood the magic half basically it sounds like bitch quick one more thing i was gonna say like before like the backstory we were like yakking about i'm like do i be a cook i'll be a chef ha ha ha i am adam i am i am definitely my backstory is a cook and i'm gonna cook our own meals i once once played a game. Gross. Cooking would be a craft skill. But I once played a game with someone who took it as a perform skill.

So it looked super good, but the food tasted like shit. It's all in the presentation. What was I about to say? The first bite is with the eyes. I'd like to tell you. So this ship was obviously once designed as a ship of war. Like all the crew quarters, you can tell, like, there have been positions where weapons once were that have been taken out and they've been, you know,

like the holes have been turned in the windows and whatnot. So it was obviously once a ship of war. You don't know how Bap Bap got this ship. And you never sail into gnomish territory those three facts make of them what you will it sounds quite suspect

he pays well he's worked for worse whatever, mud is green gold is stellar and it's cool anyway, you need to get back to the ship before sunset. It's when he sets off. And in Bap Bap's own words,

if you're here or you're not, just that. Oh, boy. Can I ask you about some of my feats and junk that I got this time around? Okay, yeah. We'll go a little bit over your specific characters. So, start with me.

Me, because I'm the best. So you have a plus one cutlass, a magical cutlass. It just does a little extra damage, a little extra easy to hit. All passive, don't worry about that. Composite longbow as well. Yep, that longbow. It's got a harder draw on the string, so you get more damage because it's just like that extra force behind it.

Before we started playing, I bought a crowbar, ten fishhooks, a net, two hammers, a pint of oil, a ram and ten bottles of wine. Good. Yeah, just keeping everything in the bag. You also wear full plate armor. I'm heavy, eh? Yeah, and a shield. Does that mean if I jump really hard on the airship, I'll

fall through the floor and die? Don't do that. Oh, God. I'm not allowed to fall. Also, to let you guys know, sometimes, because like I said, the homunculi are super clumsy on their own, so your job does sometimes involve climbing into the balloon to look at stuff.

It's never anything serious, and it's usually just like you shout back down to Bap Bap something that the homun like I need to do. Cool. You would never make that journey in that full plate, because god damn. It would be a heavy mess. You take penalties to climb, jump, swim, all of those things in the armor. Swim in heavy armor, good.

Pretty true. You take double the penalty in heavy armor. I have to beat endurance. Okay, so endurance, don't worry about that. It's passing. Die hard means that when you drop to negative one, and between negative one and negative nine, you stay conscious.

Oh, that's cool. Power attack? Power attack means you can sacrifice some of your likelihood to hit for extra damage. So on lightly armored enemies who are just tougher, that's what you'd use that against. Cleave? Cleave means that if you kill one enemy with a blow, your attack can keep going and hit another enemy in range.

Look at how many homunculi. Yeah, I know. At some point I'm throwing a homunculus off the edge. Just to see. They're very expensive to make and he has a mental connection with all of them. Imagine him swarming you. You break the ring.

They'll be on you like that. I think that's all of the things I have. That's all the things I wanted to know. That's pretty cool. Do you want to do you now, Nathaniel? I haven't seen Wizards. You've got your spells, obviously.

Wizards, they have to prepare shit ahead of time. At the beginning of every day, you open up your spell book, go through it, and choose which spells you'd like to cast. I'm going to be lazy, so they're always going to be the same? Well, that's what a lot of people do. Don't you worry, I've set it my way. I gave you some very simple weapons, like a club and a dagger. Both of which can be thrown.

Hey, good. You've got some potions I think I gave you. Yes. I've got some potions, levitate, gaseous form, and some curing light. I would have given you a potion of fly, which is the same as gaseous. I have a spell of fly. Yeah, I didn't, though, because I thought you'd have more fun with gaseous things. You are correct, Adam.

I've also got some chain rope and some scrolls of bull strength. What are my feats? So I can... Brew potion, scribe scroll. Spell penetration and greater spell penetration. Both of those mean... So some magical beasts, uneven people, have resistance to magic. Spell penetration and greater spell penetration

just means that your spells dig deeper into resistances against magic. I have a level one spell called Enlarge Person. Is that me, or can I anyone I can... What is the target? Giant Homunculus. Giant Homunculus. One humanoid.

King Homunculus. Oh, cool. If they're unwilling, though, they get a save to resist. No, no, no. No, no, no. You're right. Yeah, but why? How big is big? It raises you one size category.

So you guys would become large. Oh, cool. Yeah, you're all medium. Stafford. Anything else you have? I think it's all pretty stock standard. Cool. Beeto, puppyto.

I have questions later down the road. Yeah. And finally, Ira. So I'm going to say one thing that you might not notice that I'm just going to pick up for you initially. If you look under your attacks, you see on the front page. Front page. I think it's like top right hand side. What's the

first one say? What's the name of it? Single shot. Single shot. So you have two different attacks with your bow. Single shot or rapid shot. Single shot is more likely to hit, but it's only one shot. Rapid shot gives you two attacks, but they're less likely to hit. So rapid

shot is either if you're fighting one large but lightly armoured enemy or multiple enemies. Okay, great. So it's, yeah, a little bit more chance for damage. Lovely. A little bit, yeah, whatever. I get what you mean. You can work. A little bit of thing. And then you have a longsword.

I do, indeed, yes. Longsword and longbow. The dream. Everything on and a long bow. The dream. Everything on him is long. Hey! Talking about penises. Primarily they're a lanky species. Not really.

No, actually, that's true. Elves would be, though. What? I always envisage them just being lanky, tall, dangly sons of bitches. Elves do not go above 6'3", I think, period. They're still taller than me. Or is it 5'3"? No, I think it's 5'3". Not taller than me.

I'm taller than an elf. Yeah, they don't go above 5'3". Guys, we don't have a height. We're all medium. Exactly. It's just a size. Medium encompasses a bunch of different heights and weights. Right.

Cool. Yeah, are there any other questions you had? No, I guess not. I want to make sure, because this is your first time. If you can pass me your character sheet, I'll go over it and see if there's anything I've forgotten. Thank you, Dungeon Master. Accused.

No, I'll just cope. Sorry, Jack. No, I'm all right. So I've got a familiar, like Betsy the Viper. One moment, sorry So you have potion of pure light wounds So that heals people You have three of them

I'll keep them for me Can I communicate? Just have a chat with it? What's the go? Oh, you have favored enemy Human and orcs Watch out guys Jesus fucking Christ So you have a favored enemy Favoured enemy Human and orcs Watch out guys Can I do one of the nine please?

Jesus fucking Christ So you have a favoured enemy Favoured enemy Humans and orcs So against humans and orcs You do Shut the fuck up You do more damage

And you're better at tracking and hunting them You have wild empathy Which means for animals You can't talk to them But you know You ever see more damage and you're better at tracking and hunting them. You have wild empathy, which means for animals, you can't talk to them. But you know, you ever see Crocodile Dundee? Who's the traitor? Yeah, it's a classic.

Do you remember the scene where he makes the boar sit down? He's like, he has that little hand signal. I do not. I don't even remember Crocodile Dundee. So anyway. I legally have to watch it as an Australian.

It just allows you to communicate feelings with animals and interpret an animal's feelings. Oh, the syllabus is written. Immunity to sleep. Basically, elves don't sleep. So you have immunity to magical things that put you to sleep. And something else is...

I got a raw 35 on CD. Everything else is pass. There you go. My owl? Oh, yeah, you have an owl. I have an owl. What's the owl's name again? It's a powerful owl, and the name's Patio.

Patio. Patio. So what's it in between a ranger's companion that's a little familiar and it's a wizard's one? A ranger's companion is meant for combat. And my ram? Your ram is a fucking animal. So I can talk to it. I can talk to Betsy and Betsy can communicate with me.

You just share your secrets. It's a bracelet. It is. And Patio is? Patio gets like less magical, but more combat stuff. So they can't talk to each other, is what I'm saying. They have wild empathy, which you also have. Wild empathy allows them to mentally communicate thoughts and feelings,

but not speak. But I can straight up talk to my snake. Yes. And ram? And ram? It's fucking ram. It just sits on your shoulder. You know, I like how

when I misinterpreted what you were doing, you gave like a little look like, Adam, shut the fuck and let me talk. This is what this entire thing is.

You're doing the same thing to me. Fuck you. So a ram is just a ram. It's a ram. You bought a ram. It's like,

Jackson, do you own a ram? Yeah. Do you know what a ram is in our world? Yeah. It's a ram. It's a ram. You bought a ram. It's like, Jackson, do you own a ram? Do you know what a ram is in our world? It's a ram. It's that. How much control over it do I have? None! Guys, Adam's face right now.

I just wanted to double check about the ram. Everything is clenched. Okay. No further questions questions Ram or otherwise related that's funny that you amazing

okay so we're just in the center of town are we yes you're in the center of town the ship give me a sec

okay I'm not gonna mention this until I've figured it out we need to get back to the ship soon do we know this homunculi at the moment

yeah I think we went we need to get like to the ship soon. Do we know this homunculi at the moment? We need to get some food. We've met them all individually before. Basic supplies with their filthy little hands on. I don't want the touching food. The airship, the

Auticus. I didn't want to let you know that I hadn't thought of a name yet and now we'll never know I named the goddamn passenger list but I forgot the name of the ship each 100 homunculi nip, grip, slip

I all imagine I'm having rhyming names 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 that's awesome how much would food supplies be now I don't want the homunculi to touch food One, two, three, four, five. That's awesome. Excellent. How much would food supplies be? Now I don't want the homunculated touch food. So 17 gold would be enough. It's five silver for a day's food.

10 gold is enough food for a bit. It's enough food for 20 days. How long is the trip? Do you know how long we're going? Indefinite? Do you know how long we're going? Not indefinite, no. You guys came up. You've been going north along the coast.

You nearly reached Gnomish territory. So that's when the ship turned around. You're now going back south along. The trip will probably... From your guessing how long it took to get up here, you're guessing the trip's probably going to be another two months. Two months. But you'll be making more stops.

The next stop is a week away. Okay. Spend the gold. Yeah. So I'm going to be another two months. Two months. But you'll be making more stops. Like the next stop is a week away. Okay. Spend the gold. Yeah. So I'm going to spend 17 gold. Can I just like 20 gold? Yeah. Just want me three gold?

Sure. Cool. We'll go 20 gold worth. 40 days worth of stuff. Yep. Done. Because I don't want no gross thing touching my food. How much did I spend your three gold?

Mr. DM. Yeah. May I call you? You may. Are the homunculus are they is it safe homunculi are they safe to cook as food

is there a risk I'm not going to tell you the food is particularly delicious but it's like food that you can eat without getting sick

I might give it a go guys don't worry save my money we'll just cook for ourselves don't you worry I once knew a lad and a magical'll just cook for ourselves. Don't you worry. I once knew a lad

and a magical creature created, cooked for him, became an owl. I understood what had to happen. Is that a bluff check? I think that's a bluff check. Yeah, that is. That's a straight up lie.

I don't know any men who've become owls. If you call me out and then if you realize I'm lying and you call me out, I'll smack you in the mouth. Ira, he's lying. Nathaniel, probably telling the truth. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. I'm going to give you the eye. Technically, you don't know that he just said that he'd punch you if you called him out. I'm giving him a look. If he's giving me a look of suspicion, I'm giving him a look like, I know, I know.

I think that's well enough. He's giving me a look. And I was like, yes, I've heard that set happening. 15 minutes maybe before that bap sets off without you. Oh, fuck, run! Do you have any other questions before we began? No, I'm good. No, let's go for it.

Speak up now or forever hold your peace. You will not be allowed to talk for the rest of this game. I'll hold my peace. Adam's yelling things at us. We're like, no, it's the wrong thing! You do this! I'll just nod and smile. That's what I'm good at.

I think we'll run for the airship. Let's go. Put the food rations on the ram. As you approach the airship... Put it on the ram, smack the ram on the arse and chase after it. As you approach the airship, you can see the massive, like, grey balloon that, you know, carries the ship. You can't see the ship itself

for all the people crowded around it. Just, you know, townsfolk. And people are impressed, yeah. What's the weather like? What's the kind of biome, as it were? Right now, it's kind of clear. Biome? What? Biosphere? Right now, it's kind of clear. What? Biosphere?

Right now, it's kind of clear, and you're imagining it looks sunny traveling for maybe the next week. I'm being very rude to the Townsfolk. Get out of the way. We need to move. Tank top weather. Yeah, exactly. You guys shove your way through the mouth. Yeah, right.

We're absolute success. Best shoving ever you've seen. He's a strong man. I'm an orc Ira leads the charge You two follow behind Come on, Rab Surprisingly, a full-blooded orc and a man in full-plate armour Do not part a crowd As well as you would think

I grumble I just walk with my bow out At the side. Just slide off. Like a plow. Or a cow catcher. Yeah. When you get to the ship,

Bap-Bap is there, like, standing on a crate. Like, when you're imagining standing on a crate, you're probably thinking, like, you know, you've turned the crate upside down and you're standing on the bottom of it. He's turned it onto its side, so he's standing there kind of precariously and the crate wobbles a little bit beneath him.

Bat-Bat has both of his arms stretched out wide. He's, come on, come on, look at the amazing airship. He seems to have completely forgotten that he needs to shove off in five minutes, maybe? That's Bat-Bat. That's Bat-B maybe? That's Bap-Bap. That's Bap-Bap. Captain Flim Bap-Bap. I'm just trying to think if I care about his schedule.

Where's Glenn? Glenn? Oh, he's probably on the ship already. I don't think I care. No, I'm going to say just pat him on the shoulder as I pass. Good job, Bap-Bap. Head on in. We'll see you in there.

He takes a tumble as soon as he's on the ship. I run. I just run inside I don't want to deal with the fallout I try and catch him he falls into your arms and you both fall I try and catch them both you would not credit it

Bap Bap falls over Fucking Nathaniel Tries to grab him Oversteps too much Balls into Ira's legs All three of you Are in a heap on the floor The crowd thinks

The crowd thinks this is part of the show Let's find out I'm part of crowds but I cannot catch people for shit The crowd thinks it's part of the show let's find out I'm part of crowds but I cannot catch people for shit the crowd thinks it's part of the show that guy has been for the entire time like throwing off fucking, cause he's a wizard he's been throwing off fucking fireworks and stuff like that

to impress them these people are usually super afraid of magic but today with this fucking airship there's like this well for lack of a better term, magical aura around the area. I weakly say, ta-da! Anyway, you all get up to take a general round of applause and laughter. Thank you.

Bap-Bap dusts himself off and says, well, I guess we'd better get going. All right. You all climb up onto the ship. There's like a little ladder that was extended down. As soon as all of you are up, like 10 homunculi come out and wheel the clients. Oh, I struggle not to vomit on them. At them, either of them.

Guys, they're all right. I eat with them. Can I ask, if they're all right. I eat with them. Can I ask? If they're making sounds like, is that worse than just pure silence? Oh, actually, no. No, pure silence is infinitely worse. Good, because that was the original plan.

Are they, let me just clear this up. Are they animal? Do we share this? No, they only communicate with Bap Bap. So I don't have any telepathic communication. I can learn a primitive language. You can like and talk to them. They don't show any signs of acknowledging

you though. It's like as a ranger, you're like this is against nature. I don't know. That's how I feel. If anyone at home is curious to what they look like just seriously like look up 3.5 homunculi

it's disgusting it's gross you will want one so good are they created magically? yeah they're like constructs is it just us and the homunculi and Bap Bap? Father Glenn Pollard, and there's a bunch of passengers as well.

There's Lord and Lady Wilton and their son, Master Tom Wilton. They're in one of the cabins. They're very rich lords and ladies from the nearby town of Kander who are just, this is essentially a vacation for them. There's another gnome called Millop Burfellow who... Millop Burfellow.

Who's a travelling salesman with the, connected with the Gnomish Board of International Trade. He is like, every now and then, you hear like odd noises from his room and smoke seeps from underneath the door. If you ever bring this up with BatBat,

BatBat's like, no, it's fine. Okay. He's completely used to this. It's his thing. We don't bring it up. BatBat goes into his room and then smoke comes out of his... Gnomes.

And finally, an elf by the name of Selina Silverpine. Female? Do not talk to her. Ever. At all. She, um... Filthy. Unhygienic people.

She seems to be... She doesn't say why she's traveling, but she makes an effort to try and get to know you guys. Some sneaky elf business. Which I'm assuming doesn't go over well with everyone. I'm suspicious of her, but like I'm not friendly, but like not like a complete cunt, but not friendly, you know what I mean?

She's super polite, like even when you're even fucking Atticus, when you're like, get the fuck away from me. She comes up to me, I'll be like, don't try and seduce me you knife-eared wench. And then I'll go to the other side of the ship. Anything like that, she tries to take as a joke. It's obviously not a joke, but she tries

to make it as a joke. Good one, Atticus. I find your people abhorrent. You have very interesting conversations. I'm just open to meeting all these passengers. It's going to be a good time. Cool.

And we'll head on to the ship, avoid the homunculi. So you come into the main, like, just, you know, deck area where food is served, blah, blah, blah. Lord Brian, which is the male, the adult, not Master Tom Wilton, anyway, he's there talking with Millip they appear to be just chatting over

like trade that sort of stuff super boring Bap Bap like goes from the main area into the fuck

what's the cabin not the cockpit cockpit what do they call it on Star Trek I don't think

that's the right deck no cockpit deck deck is for like a ship holodeck no what are they in Star Trek bridge the bridge that's the right... What are they, Deck? Nah, Cockpit. Let's go with Cockpit. Deck is for like a ship? Hollow is Deck. No, what are they in Star Trek?

Bridge. The Bridge. It's the Bridge. Bridge. I'm imagining it like a steampunk Star Trek bridge. Guys, Cockpit. It's not the Cockpit. It's Little. I was like,

Cockpit's for a goddamn airship, which we're on. It's a Cockpit. I'm calling it the Bridge. I'm calling it the Bridge. No, because it's a big one. Yeah? It's a ship.

You've got like a navigator seat. You've got like a pilot seat. You've got like the seat for the guy who's flying on the Klingons. I think it's just an argument of semantics. I think it's an argument of...

Jackson's wrong. Jackson's called... I think Jackson's wrong, though. So Atticus is calling it a... Bridge. Bridge. I'm calling it a cockpit. Oh, we're calling it a cockpit.

Yeah. From the bridge. Okay. Bat Bat yells back to you guys. Get to your places now. Get going. Come on. We're leaving.

Do we have places? You do, actually. Yeah. Just remind us where those places are, please. One of you needs to go up into the balloon and just get the homunculi to start working. Bags not. Atticus with his full plate armor.

Bags not. One of you will need to supervise just on the walkway on the side of the ship. Just supervise the homunculi bringing up all the tent pegs so it can fly as well. On it. Rock, scissors, fur.

All right. You, Ira, you get up there in the balloon. Oh, one more thing to mention as well. From pretty much any point in the ship, there's little funnel things that you can talk into, and it goes into every other one. Great. So you can just communicate.

So what are the three jobs? Two jobs. Oh, there's two jobs? All right. Really, like... There's one job. Really, there's... Yeah, just one job.

There's no jobs. Whoever's in the balloon could theoretically just lean out and supervise it from there. That's right. But it's a little lean out and supervise it from there. That's right. But it's a little bit safer if you do it like this. So Ira's going up. If you want, one of you could go look for Glenn as well. So Ira's doing...

I'll go up in the balloon. Up in the balloon. So me, Atticus, rock, paper, scissors. Okay. Raw shamble. Nice. Damn. I'm going to nap.

Fair enough. I'm going to go look after these groceries. Sorry, not Nathaniel. Ira, you need to make a simple climb check just to get up there. Yeah, it's fine. It's a ladder. And you're not moving. I can ladder.

I got this, guys. You get up into the balloon. All you need to do is just open the hatch, stick your head in, and just make sure nothing's falling apart. Your job is super simple. And who's supervising the reeling in of the ropes? I am.

Your job is just watching them and yelling if something happens. I like to think I'm giving them a cursory glance. You're just poking your head out, not even saying anything. You're just like... There's out, not even saying anything. You're just like... There's no consequence if you shout at them. It's not like they're going to mess with your food.

I know, I know. Whatever. Maybe they won't. Doing fine, I assume. You're doing great, you monk, you lie. The ship takes off without any... Whilst they're doing that, can I go up to whatever the...

Papa Wilton? Daddy Wilton? Brian. You can go up to him, yeah? Big Daddy Wilton. So you're fine with the homunculi touching your food. He turns around. As he turns around, you see he's a big man. His waistcoat is straining under the pressure when he turns around.

A button pops into your eye. I guess you don't know what happens to your food as long as you eat it, then. I'm a cunt. He smiles and says, Not at all, my friend, not at all. And gives you a little tap on the shoulder. I'm a man of many...

Somebody pudges you and you just look back at him. He pats his belly. I enjoy my food no matter how it's served, eh? Okay, then. Clearly. To each their own. Just letting you know, the rest of the crew, not crew, the rest of the passengers are just on the deck,

like, leaning, you know, watching. I might go spit off the deck. Wait, are we high up? Very. Like, high enough that you could get away with it like onto somebody yeah oh yeah why not you hit someone uh you don't see who you're too far back Hi Zolo Hi Master Tom Wilton does it after you And like quickly earns a clip Around the ears from his mother I like give him like a look at the boy

And I'm like good one son Do I have enhanced sight Like can I see who he spat on Um not really no Let's just hope it was an elf It's super far away. They look like ants from here. An elf child looking up in amazement.

No elves in Bullrich. Being like, this is the most amazing thing I've ever... Oh! Now the cape. My day has been ruined. Looks like rain. Mother, take me home. That was so much better. That was like a 5 out of 10 joke,

but your voice made that a 9. Doesn't that sound like if somebody was doing a racist stereotype of an elf? Sounds more like a Cockney British child than an elf. Oh, Mother, my mouth is full of spit. Anyway. Carry on. Anyway. Okay, so once you guys are underway,

there's basically, like, you need to check on the homunculi every now and then. You guys can either rochambeau, take turns, or one of you can just get shat on. It's up to you. What happens if we don't? Bat-Bab gets mad at you. Oh, okay.

Don't want Bat-Bab mad. Let's take it in turns. Seems only fair. Bat-Bab's like a super nice guy, but like... Is he that kind of nice you don't want to cross? No, he's more that kind of nice, like, he's like, I'm disappointed. And you're like... It's the worst.

Feels bad. That does feel bad. Okay. We don't even want to disappoint him. No, we'll do it in turns. That's fine. Like you get hardened mercenaries. We're all too familiar with that.

Hey, we've all had moms and dads. Someone calling you a cunt and punching your face. That's fine. This is part of mercenary life. Someone being like, I thought better of you. It's like, my mercenary heart. Also, Bap Bap is a powerful wizard, so don't fuck with him.

There's also that in the back of our heads. There's a lot of homunculi. You imagine that they could, like, piranha, strip a cow to the bone if they needed to. The piranha of magical little men. I want to try and get to know this Selima person.

Selina, yeah. She's up on the deck if you want to talk to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You climb up there? I'm with Nathaniel. Do you want a lone wolf? Oh. What are your plans?

Do you need a wingman? No, no, no. Could be my wingman. He's standing on the prow of the ship, fucking Titanic style. Yes, I go up to her. Well, not Titanic style. She was trying to commit suicide. Oh, shit.

Not quite Titanic. That's not what she's doing. Like when Leonardo DiCaprio's mate did it, just for a bit of fun. Yeah. I'm flying. Jack? Yeah, Jack it was.

I'm flying Jack to her death. Yeah, just chatting to her. Jack to her death. Yeah, just sat there and said, why is she on the ship? Because you sit and see. She hasn't, you maybe have asked before, oh, you go ask, whatever. You go, we'll do this live, fuck it, whatever. I'm not crying.

You go ask her. Yeah. What do you ask her? How do you say it specifically? I'm like, so what brings you aboard this the autocrat are you going to give them some space I'm just

far enough away one of us has a job I'm not doing it I'm just far enough away that I can hear the conversation and I've given Nathaniel a few things to just find out for me. Okay. What were they?

Go on. There's a sidebar here. There's a sidebar here. So before this, you're like, can you find some information? Yeah. What is this? What have I got to find out? You know, like, has she got anybody back home?

That's just casual. A little bit of love on this issue. Well, it's like a month. What you do know about her is that she's friendly, she might have magical powers, and that you picked her up just before you entered No Man's Land. Plus, she has a sideways vagina. Also, probably super rich.

Rubeus, the solo flu. Probably super rich if she's paying for this voyage. All right, so what are you going to find out? So is there love interest back home? Let's start with that, Let's start with that because then I can just, it can go either way, can't it?

It's an in. Yeah. I'll try and do my best. All right. I'm going to wingman this. Adam, I'm

wingmaning this. You go up to her. She turns around as you approach her and smiles. How can I help?

Because we've got a bit of a break time from supervising this humunculi. You have a lot of those, she says and like

laughs a little. Sure do. Rude bitch. He's just there, looking up at a homunculi. Rude bitch. I can imagine a homunculi is crawling across your chest,

as you say. Are they silent? Yeah, they're silent. It just shoots you a look. Rude. In my mind,. It just shoots you a look. Rude. In my mind, I was just feeding them like chickens. Assuming they're throwing grain down, it's like they're at the deck above.

I was like, rude bitch. They don't need to be fed. It's just something you'll imagine. Anyway, sorry. I'm elsewhere. Yes, it certainly is. Yeah, okay. So what brings you to this

oculus thing? What was it called again? Atticus. Sorry, Atticus. Atticus of the Atticus. That's going to confuse me later. The Atticus draws its long sword.

What is this? Final Fantasy? A morphing ship. Transformers. Sweet. Transmorphers. Transmorphers. So what brings you aboard?

A little of this, a little of that. She's, I don't know, not even going to roll. She's quite obviously being... Facetious. No, evasive. Evasive, that's the ticket. Okay, I start trying to pry into her backstory, be like, well, we're here because, you know,

fucking bat-bat pays well. I mean, like, you would not believe how much bat-bat pays. Why, Frank, it's always been my mission to fight a bear. Anyway, so what do you do back home when you're not on an airship? Airships, Crazy, huh? So about that Chromopolis... I...

I'm here for a plant. For my people. Sorry, what? Are you asleep? What? No, I... Oh, an actual plant. Oh, right. Now, back on board. What? No, I... Oh, an actual plant. All right, now, back on board.

What? There's a... In my people, we have many forests, and one of them is... One of our many forests is sick. Near where I live is sick and dying. We need clippings from a rare tree that I can only find here, or nearby here.

For an elf lady, you're quite nice. Every elf I meet, they look at me and they spit at my face. Anyway, what kind of plant is it? I'd rather not say, she says.

I can't help you ask. I'm a very skilled wizard. I think I might have said too much already. She like turns away from me.

I'm sorry. No, no, no. It's fine. You didn't even ask. I'm looking at you like my hands. Come on. I know. sorry No no no It's fine I'm like I'm looking at you like With my hands Come on

I knew it It's fine No no It's fine Look Anything we can help out So yes we're back Where are you from again?

Originally Yeah Where do you call home? She hesitates again Oh shit son Gosh you're doing well I come from the elven city of Valwik, or near Valwik. It's an elven city far into elven territory,

so if you don't like elves... Suss of them. I'm not as elf racist as this boy. I feel like we've just spent a lot of time together and my stories and hardcore beliefs have rubbed off on you. Every now and then you glance down, like imagining a sideways vagina on your face. Quick question.

Is this too personal? I throw a rock at you. So, yeah, are we far away from that? Oh, Valwick? Yeah, basically the other side of the world. Oh, wow, you've travelled far. So you're going back to Valwick after this? It's very important to my people, yes.

Yes, I am. Oh, okay. And this is possibly the fastest way to travel? That's fair enough. So your people, I mean, you look like... Are you a queen? Elves have a queen. Look, I've got a friend, he tells me that elves have a hive mind.

Is that true? No. Your friend is sadly mistaken. Elven diplomacy is very complicated. Do you really want to hear it? Yes, I do. Okay. Well, elves divide themselves racially into four different tribes.

Often in smaller settlements, each tribe will elect an elder. And those elders come together to form a council. And you're on that council? No. I was chosen by the council. I'm not nearly... You need to be a certain age to get onto the council.

And you're young? For an elder, yes. For a human or an orc, not so much. I'm nearly at my deathbed. I clap her on the back of the... Do you break her spine? Do you do it with a lot of force? As much force as I...

As much force as I can muster, Adam. What has Atticus told me about elves? Hang on, elves are fragile. Theyicus told me about elves? Hang on. Elves are fragile. They'll break with a little bit of wind. Okay, well. I've also told you elves have a single brain called the mother brain. You are thinking of illithids. Mind flayers.

Meat. I've got my stories mixed up. So, you know, I mean, you got a new... How would you subtly ask about a fella back home? Just ask. Be like, oh, so, you know, I mean, you got a new... How would you subtly ask about a fella back home? Just ask. Be like, oh, so you know, you got a family? Oh, yes, there you go. So you got a family back home?

She smiles wistfully, yes. I just walk back up to the balloon. I climb back up to the balloon. You've given up. Yeah, I can hear all this. Like... Like a husband, like a... You're going steady?

Because I have like four somewhere, I think. No, no, just my siblings and my parents. Oh, okay. No, no, no, I caught the back of this conversation. I sort of sidestepped back a little bit. Okay, okay. Good luck finding that plant. Thank you. okay okay good luck finding that plant thank you and good luck with

I don't know mercenary work she says sure I kind of shrug I guess she pats you on the back as gently as you patted her if you need anyone we can help with this plant thing

if you need I don't have much money left off of this there's not much need for mercenaries secrecy is my greatest weapon here you've kind of already put the pooch on that

well you're not going to tell anyone of course not. I mean, why would anyone want to know? I look expecting an answer. She, I don't know. Okay, I'm going to give you the expression she gives, and you guys try to help me describe this expression. So say the line again.

I don't know why anyone would want to know. I don't know why anyone would want to know. I don't know why anyone would want to know. Oh, that's a hard one to... It's like they're like, mmm. Like a big grin, like, of course no one wants to know, and they clearly do. Why would they? It's a bit sarcastic, but without the sarcasm.

That's a complicated emotion. I know, I was trying to like, how do I say this? But Adam nailed it. Adam nailed it. Oh, he got it. He showed it off. He nailed it. But I don't know what you call it. Adam nailed it. Oh, he got it. He showed it off. He nailed it.

But I don't know what you call it. All right, young Missy, good luck. And I just saunter back off and give Ira a shrug and like a shake of the head. Like, I don't think it's going to work out, buddy. A jingle taken on a quest for my people about a magical tree. I give him that gesture. I just thumbs up. Yeah, fuck it.

I'll give you the thumbs up. Good, go for it, whatever. Sure, I did the legwork, I guess. And you did. Alright. So, you guys have basically, you guys are going to be going through the night Do you tell me you had a conversation with the elf? What happens when you come back to me?

Nothing Do you know I was talking to the elf? Are you still asleep? No I was dealing with the monkey I don't think I know Good Lucky for you You guys need to work out some sort of...

With Glenn, Father Glenn, you need to work out some roster in the night of who's taking watch when, or, you know, quotation marks, watch, who's going to go check up on the homunculi. Okay. I'll take last watch. And I'll be like, well, you're a half-ass.

You don't need to sleep. I'll spend some quality time with the homunculi. It's all good. Get toculi. It's all good. I'm trying to have a conversation. They just look at me. Because if you're going to fall onto this sword and just do it for the entire night, Glenn isn't going to help you.

Does anybody else imagine the homunculi looking up like, I'm going to do an expression now, and you guys are going to describe it. When you pop your head up into the thing, they all just turn and like Wide eyed stare Just Jackson's face Just go onto our website

Go to cast and crew Look at Jackson It's like a startled prairie dog Not moving their anything Looking with their body Alan? Yeah, like that. But it's just that quick look, eyes wide, and then back to whatever.

I'm sorry to anyone who got that reference. Yes, that. Good, anyway. So do I only need a few hours sleep at night? Elves trance for four hours. Great. Other than that, though, and you maintain some level of awareness it's like

not like as unconscious as you are when you're sleeping but you're basically like tripping balls essentially for four hours how many times can I do this? it's like if I just need to zone out for a bit I just chuff up to the balloon

tripping balls into heat with two fucking can you space it out is it up uh no it needs to be four hours it should be like five minute like power trance it's like some crazy side effect mixed with the hydrogen i just spent a lot of my time in that balloon. Like, where's Ira? As in the balloon. Where is he? Oh, a balloon. You guys would have also been explained not to keep any open flames inside the balloon itself. That's fine. Good call.

I will leave my steel and flint downstairs. Although, maybe you still do because Bap Bap is Bap Bap. And so, like, he was like, I don't take any fire in there. Blah, blah, blah. And, you know, there's like that comedic sting to it. Yeah, and you're like what will happen yeah so don't cast flaming sphere out

so with regards to the night shift I'd say to Glenn like if you just stay up a bit later maybe work up until two o'clock and then I'll have my trance in that time and then take the rest of the early morning

of course my child father Glenn and then I'll have my trance in that time and then take the rest of the early morning. Of course, my child. That was good. Father Glenn contends to you. Oh, boy. Of course, I will do anything. Anything at all. May Chronopolis be with us both.

Cheers, Father. I love that God. Adam. Question. Yeah. Do I have to do that? Yes. No, no, no, that's fine.

When are birds the most... I thought you were about to say when the birds suddenly appear. Well, in a sense, you can't even be asking that. Yeah, like I'm wondering what time of day... You guys are flying pretty high, like kind of near or in cloud level. So birds are sort of rare. What about cloud birds? Yeah, what about cloud birds? What? Come on, you know cloud birds. Check the manual.

Check the manual. It's in there. I've read these manuals cover to cover. How long a string can I make? You want to go rummage around in the... Heisenbergs or Lowe's?

Lowe's. Heisenbergs or Lowe's? Lowe's? Jackson You want to go rummage around in the Yeah Okay Heysel lows Lows Heisenbergs or lows Lows? Mm-hmm Probably low enough that you theoretically could catch a bird Good But you wouldn't see it I'll feel it though

Maybe How about I can use patio to scout for birds Oh yeah He could catch birds She could catch birds It's not quite as fun as fishing But if patio goes down it tells me where What about No we can we can combine this put put the rope around patio you hold the rope it's not a rope it's a like fishing wire i have um a 50 foot hempen rope you have more

fishing wire okay okay cool fishing wire because it's lighter we're gonna catch some like i mean i'll i'll talk to patio and i'm sure she'll be fine with that. Like, you can have some fun. Wait, no, you probably want rope. Why? Fishing wire is going to get blown. Oh, yeah. It's windy as fuck.

They're high up, I forgot. I've got chained. You know, like, on the deck and like on a lot of parts of the ship, not in the balloon, but on a lot of parts of the ship, there's some sort of magical field that keeps the air from being too bad.

You still get wind but it's not bowling you over. What if I tied rope to the net I have and tried to catch it in a net? You can tie a rope to your net and lower the net over the ship if you want. What happens from there is between you and God.

I'll just do that. And I'll sit there on a chair leaning back over the balcony holding the rope. Or you could just leave it, go do some work, and then go back and check it. Be efficient with your time, Atticus. If I feel the weight, I want to be able to pull it up real quick. To the fruits of your labor. Yeah, to my labour.

When I catch like a hawk or something. Like a big seagull. Anyway, that's what I'm doing. Now with Adam's face, what's the ram doing? How's the ram doing on the airship? The ram's just confined to your quarters because if it looks through a window or is on the deck, it loses its shit.

All over the room. So it just stays in your room. That's fine. The homunculi take care of its droppings. I don't let them. They can touch shit. That's fine. I'm glad I don't need to sleep

because that room's going to be stinky. It's going to be very gross. No, the homunculi keep it pretty clean. They clean the ram. They wash him. They're picking up shit with the same hands they get to cook my food oh my gosh presumably they're different homunculi atticus that bloody ram has anyone spent any time with bat bat in the um bridge on the bridge any time over the course has anyone been on the bridge period no no no should we have a stroll up there do we you don't have to if you don't want to. I'm with my net. You guys can.

BapBap has that covered. You've seen from the main area, you've seen the doorway through, and you can see a little bit of it. Sure. I'll have a wander if you want. You can just... No, you don't have to say that. Nah.

I'm committed now. Okay. Are you specifically going now, or are you just saying you've been there? No, I've been there. Okay. You've been there? It's a very nice room. It's well furnished and stuff like that.

There's this, like on a ship, there's like the, you know, captain's wheel or whatever. And it's sitting in front of this massive panoramic window. It's like possibly the nicest view in the entire ship. And sometimes the passengers will come here and have a look. But BatBap is like a little afraid because there's lots of like levers and stuff as well that they might mess with something

so he lets them on for a little while at a time okay cool I just appear behind BatBap and Nathaniel

do you actually want to sneak up on him I'm just like what does this button do what does this lever do for real no no no

you're banned from the bridge I like the balloon anyway I'm fine just trancing in that balloon I don't need to go to the fucking bridge I'm fine here

Yeah, I storm off like a spoiled child I'm just fine I'm going to my room You guys all share a room With the homunculi And a ram We share it with the homunculi Excuse me?

Yeah There's one large crew quarters and a ram and a ram we share it with the homunculi excuse me yeah excuse me what did you just say there's one large crew quarters what do the homunculi sleep in do they sleep in jars they curl up like cats on the floor

I don't like this are they dry or wet it's a good fucking question I think wet they look wet man They have no scent to them Are there any like Heshan

Like Sacks That I can just like Put over them Basically I want to build Like a barrier They litter the floor You have no sacks

Oh my god Oh damn it I want to sleep Where they're not We can put you in your net And load you there The only other places Are the backbats quarters Which are off limits well not off you

know what i mean you can't sleep there i should have brought a tent and slept on the fucking there are there like you're not sleeping on the floor you guys are sleeping in hammocks yeah but i don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to go piss off the edge of the boat and accidentally stand on one in the dark if you go into the wall don't piss off the deck, piss off the walkway, because otherwise you're hitting the walkway. Anyway, I'm grossed out by our living quarters. I hate it, and it's the worst. You're paid so much. Not worth it.

You're just lying there, wide-eyed, clutching your blanket. You probably, like, speak to the expression you made. Although the homunculi are silent Do they have like sleeping sounds? You can see them like rising and falling I imagine this First night, I'm lying in my hammock I'm like, I need to piss It's the first night, I don't know where the homunculi is sleeping

I wake up, stand and run It's like, just look at me I'm like Hold up the candle, illuminate the hundreds on the floor. That is nightmarish. Oh, my God. Wake up. Wake up.

What have we got here? It's my turn for night watch. So I'm just in the balloon. I can hear this commotion. Oh my God. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it.

Maybe after that night, Bap Bap like organizes it so that there's like a clear area around you guys of not good. Even if I can get a broom and broom them into a pile. They allow you to do that. I will.

I sweep them into a pile in the corner. They allow that. But this isn't the first night. But you need to do that like every night sweep them into a pile in the corner they allow that but this isn't the first night but you need to do that like every night we do it's worth it like they do give you

that like area but you need to sweep them and keep them in corners as you're brewing they're like it's like the only condition of employment it's just super late

you would think they were dead from these guys imagine just I just want to like imagine you know you're half asleep you put your bare foot down on the stomach

of one there's that moment of just absolute panic in your heart when you're like that's not floor that's homunculi that's homunculi you wouldn't have touched one up until that point

what's it feel like? but is it dry or wet? I guess it depends You wouldn't have touched one up until that time. What's it feel like? Did we establish? But is it dry or wet? I guess it depends. Gosh. Eyes or lows? Eyes. Wet.

Wet. No, dry. Oh, thank Christ. That's so much better. Is that better? Imagine how much fun it'd be if they were wet. Like you step on it slip over like I'm imagining

kind of like touching Dobby you know what I mean yeah that's what I'm imagining you know poodles like touching the bare skin of a poodle

oh my god these are the worst oh no wait there's a little bit of peach fuzz to that yeah what am I thinking like if you had a dog

completely shaved don't no wait I love hairless cats no I'm back on board I love hairless cats. No, I'm back on board now. Yeah, hairless cats. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, no, I love them. I hate them so much. But Nathaniel would hate them, but Santa would love them. Oh, I'm conflicted. Just remember, they're not hairless cats. Yeah, they are. I'm not killing you. Oh, they're gross now. I'm going to hate it.

Oh, boy. Do you need the picture again? No. No, no, no. No, no, no. I think I'm having fun for the first time in fucking years in D&D. There you go. Look at that fucking face.

It's like a mix of a bat and a pole. Beautiful. Look at that fucking face. Have I got anything in my neck? Do they have multiple rows of teeth? Do they? Do they have teeth? Do they just look bad?

I saw teeth. They have teeth. Not multiple rows. They look like human teeth. Gums, by the way. Gums would they just look bad? I saw teeth. They have teeth. Not multiple rows. They look like human teeth. Gum would have been worse. They steal human teeth. At least that's maybe what fucking Atticus is.

How's the lows? Lows? You have caught nothing. I'll leave it. I'll pull it up, look in the net, drop it back down. Has Atticus caught anything?

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