D&D is For Nerds - The Auticcus #5 I Got This

Episode Date: January 30, 2016

The AuticcusIn which our heroes finish their quest. We finally find the white griffon, come so close to death and have our final encounter. Atticus makes some observations about weakness, Nathaniel comes so close to winning it all and Ira saves the bacon. So join us as we stab with one hand and grab hock with the other. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hey, welcome to Episode 5 of D&D Side Quests. I'm Jackson Bailey, playing the part of Atticus Bluebird. I'm Joel Zabit, playing the part of the Thaddeus Kraken. I don't really have a character voice. I'm there James, and I'll be playing Ira Thornborough. British is character enough. Hi, I'm Adam. I'll be playing the DM. Previously.

Crack, snap, you break the wheel off the ship hits water oh god the ship bounces off slams into the balloon Babab turns to you Ira and he says what happened to the mirror you lost it anyone else

in this crowd isn't prepared to follow this crazy man's plan to catch a white griffon. That's what's in store for you. All right. That's a very big hole. Very, um, inconvenient. You know, uh, this, uh, metal here.

He pats the metal. Solid platinum. Uh, I don't know if you know this, but platinum doesn't really, uh, buckle that easily. You want to find the White Griffin. Of course I do, Pop-Pop. It's my dream. You know I'll be keeping an eye on all of you. If I see any wavering in your commitments,

just know that there are worse things than being thrown overboard from 5,000 feet in the air. Bap-Bap points a finger. Tola's head explodes. You're sailing for a couple hours. You're back the direction you came previously. And you see the back end of the storm that you just left. You're catching up to it pretty quickly. Over the tannoy, Bap Bap yells,

Everyone get ready. This is it. We're going back into the storm. You said that before. Yes, it makes the... You're standing next to him. Oh, right. Yes, it makes the storm.

You said you read it in a book. I don't remember a lot of things these days. But yeah, all right You said you read it in a book. I don't remember a lot of things these days, but yeah, all right. No, that sounds fine.

Good. All right, then. I'd like to, not in like a menacing way, but am I near you, Nathaniel? No, he's in the balloon. Okay, never mind then.

I just wanted to be like, sure there's a lot of weakness on this boat. Not in like a, like, hey, you're next. Just being like, what an observation there's a lot of weakness on this boat i've noticed in the last couple days

i've got solana to do uh she's helping tom cool yeah so solana's downstairs helping tom all right cool i'm standing with him at the at the harpoon cool good um Good. So another, like, tense couple minutes pass, and then bang, you're in the storm again. The ship starts rocking a bit. Ira, you've got to hold the thing. The steering wheel has, like, been hastily welded, but, like, put back into place.

You're hoping it's glue and not homunculi that was used. But you don't know, to be honest. I just have this image, Zamed, of you like the ship crashing into a griffin as this little wizard's like, boo, and flies out. After bigger and better things. All right. Anyway, sorry. Also, whenever we go into the storm, does anybody else imagine

like in Mad Max Fury Road, whenever they go into the storm, it's just like, quiet, quiet, quiet. That's what I always imagine. Just letting everyone know. You like bounce off the storm. You're like, so you were going straight at it, with a like bone

shattering teeth rattling jerk you instead are thrown into like a perpendicular alignment with the storm and instead you have to like slowly ease your way in you do that because over the tannoy Bap Bap shouts

don't fail me againoy, Bap-Bap shouts, Don't fail me again! Bap-Bap points downwards, and with the spell similar to the one that he used to kill Tolod, he shoots just downwards into the ship. A burst of energy shatters near or through the bridge. It wasn't even close to you, but... The message is clear. How many homunculi are in the balloon with me?

A good maybe... Oh, I know your one now. A good maybe 100. Good. Okay, you like start slowly easing your way Into the storm now You're like It's like just like it was before

The storm has not changed or weakened In the slightest Question So there's like There's a balloon and there's like a little entranceway Yeah? Like to get into the balloon Oh yeah yeah yeah And if I was to say cause a Fire thing There's a balloon, and there's a little entranceway to get into the balloon. And if I was to, say, cause a fire thing in the balloon, what happens?

Just put it out there. Just as a little thought experiment to myself, maybe to Betsy. It's hard to say. Thinking, Betsy, what happens if I maybe you know Between your own understanding and some of the explanations that BatBat has given you it could cause a change

You don't want to be inside the balloon when that happens You maybe don't even want to be inside the ship when that happens An explosion in one of them would easily trigger the other two, and that would just, like, you'd plummet immediately.

Actually, you know what? Guaranteed, pretty much guaranteed, at this height, everyone dies. Alright, Betsy. Let's not do that. We'll put a pin in that one, because quite frankly I think we need to... Let's just see that. We'll put a pin in that one. We'll put a pin in that one, yeah. Because quite frankly, I think we need to... Let's just see where this goes.

Write it out. Write it out. Write it out. Let's just see what happens. Because I don't know if we're going to make this one out alive. We've lived a good life. I mean, 50 years in Orkish, that's pretty good. Maybe we can try and take some of these cunts with us.

That's probably the best idea. Okay, Betsy. That's pretty good. Maybe we can try and take some of these cunts with us. That's probably the best idea. Okay, Betsy. Let's do this. Hi, Zalos. Hi. Oh, fuck you. Okay. Can Bap-Bap read my mind?

What was that rolled for? Anyway. No, what? Jesus Christ. Don't worry. The next time we come back to you, you'll learn pretty quickly what that roll was for. Oh, Jesus.

Okay. So you need to keep control. Shall do. It's a nosedive. You're in a nosedive again. Like a massive gust. Boom. Hits you. and it's like a hand is just pushing the front of it down it's um it's not even a contest you can't you just do not have

the strength it like lets you let it go you have to otherwise it's gonna break your goddamn arms and the wheel just starts... Just fucking spinning. Guys. Atticus, you need to hold on and scan for the Griffiths. Slam my beaker to the ground, as always. You're able to hold on pretty well. You're scanning the storm, but you can't see anything other than storm. Hang on. Is, um'm with batbap yeah? As the thing's like

and I'm like next to batbap and I just turn to him and be like that sounds like weakness doesn't it? Batbap. You fuck. You fuck. For real? You fuck. You fuck. I can still play as my owl.

It's all good. Oh, no. Did I just give you a death sentence? I mean, I know I did. But, like... A... Ira, a homunculus... There you go.

...jumps onto your back. How you doing? Digs in, not painfully, just like clutches at you. Meanwhile, on the deck, BapBap, unbeknownst to you, looks directly where the homunculus is with his telepathic link, zeroes in on his own homunculus, aims a shot, bang! Through the decks, through the homunculus aims a shot. Bang! Through the dex, through the homunculus, through you.

It's not a lethal shot. Oh my gosh. The worm has died! Shit. You fucker. 15 points of damage. As a bolt of pure energy pierces you completely oh wow

I've learnt my lesson you best be grabbing hold of that wheel boy you look up, Bop Bop is looking at you through the hole in the floor I wave at him I got this I got this

highs or lows Nathaniel I wave at him. I got this. I got this. Highs or lows? Nah, Nathaniel. Highs? Oh, you smell so good. I'm like me. I'm a telepathic opposite to the snake. I'm just scuttling all over the place.

Every now and then, one of them gives you an odd glance get them in the balloon okay you need to regain control of that balloon okay oh my goodness i'm stressed you're like it's like imagine like an industrial fan just going at it and you're like trying to put your hand in and grab the fan blade it hurts it fucking hurts I will let you go again but you'll take damage

yeah that's my job because really if you don't do it you'll take damage anyway you get it four points of damage but you've got it you almost as jarring as the sudden dip was, the sudden like

fucking going up is just as jarring. Scroll of Bull Strength. That doesn't stack, does it? No. If I was to say use the Metamagic Rod of Silent and use that... You can't do it on the scroll. Damn. How long does

bull strength go minutes per level so I think five four minutes okay just stacking up some info in your head

that's what's happening right now okay I wish I looked at Bap Bap now when I took Lady Sif's life no I'm glad

you looked at her you guys oh my god it's like I took Lady Sif's life. No, I'm glad you looked at her. You guys. Oh, my God. It's like I didn't even realize how perfect the plan was. I, my God. I hope some things happen. I'm super anticipating.

I thought we were on the same team, guys. I don't think we are. Okay. That was yours. Okay, so you need to keep holding on. Yeah, we were on the same team, guys. I don't think we are! Okay, that was yours. That's how I've been playing this. You hold on fine, and you need to scan for the griffon. Nah. Like a bucket, an actual

almost literal bucket of water just hits you on the face, and you're nearly blinded. Ha! High fours. I'm gonna stick with Ha! Highs or lows? I'm going to stick with highs. Highs? How far away

is Bap Bap from me? Out of curiosity. Bap Bap? A bit. What are you trying to do? Just wondering. He's like probably, well in this kind of weather, out of earshot would be like an arm's length so I'm in the balloon

where's BatBap? BatBap's on the prowl of the ship the front of the ship with the harpoon gun okay cool

a massive harpoon ballistae if I move though the monkeler are gonna know he's gonna know yeah you're still supervising them there's not a lot to do right now but like If I move, though, homunculi are going to know. He's going to know. Yeah. You're still supervising them.

There's not a lot to do right now, but if there's a puncture or something like that, your job becomes very important. I just imagine the homunculi swarming over the ship like a black sea. I know they're not black, but they still look like little black jelly babies in my mind. What does gaseous form do? It turns you into a gas.

And then what? Can I move? You're a gas. And then what? Can I move? You're a gas. Can I move with it? Yeah, you become a gas. So I can move around? It's like flying basically. Are you a flammable gas?

Catch yourself on fire. Run into Batman. Cook him. Cook him. Cook him. Me again? Control. Oh, glove. All right. All right. All right. You're like doing it. cook them cook them cook them me again oh glove

alright alright alright you're like losing it you're losing it you're losing it um once again

I will give you the option to try and regain control for damage fuck it was fun at first guys like I didn't mind steering the plane the ship

now it's become a hot stress. Well, you know... It's like it was going up, now it's starting to dip again. No, I'm... You haven't gone down yet? I'm sticking with it. Do you want to take the damage, though? That's all I can do.

Yeah? Okay. You don't have to. Well, I'll probably die if I get shot again. It just gives you an extra chance, that's all. Yeah, let's do it. Oh, man. Yep, no, you've got it. You ride it.

You're fine. You're, like, sailing the seas like it's nothing. Two points of damage. The skies. The skies. The skies. It's the same thing. The skies are the limit.

There's enough water to call this a sea. Okay. You need to hold on. You are very lucky if he hadn't have done that I would have gone on a tumble

you would have taken a tumble oh boy you're welcome you spot it yes you can't shoot this round

you're like you need to you can direct fucking Ira in the right direction but you need to you can direct uh fucking uh ira in the right direction but uh you need to actually fucking like wait around before you're actually in range yeah cool bap bap screams into the tannoy something but no one can hear him um how's all those

how's it been doing you good. They have. Have they, though, actually? No, no, no. Boonah High. Oh, God. What does your dice say? Rubber. Oh! Oh! What does this mean? Meos Dios.

Adam's excited. With a crack and a boom, a lightning bolt strikes the Faraday cage. You are standing in oh my god electricity surges all around jump in if this thing was properly

reinforced and such like that you wouldn't take any damage it would just course all around you and pass straight on but every hole, every rip every tear in this ship, lightning bursts in from all angles. You know those fucking, like,

those globes that have all the little dots of lightning and when you hold it, they... That's what the inside of this thing looks like right now. I'm standing in that? Oh, yes. Oh, no. Get fried, son. Adam's

face. Oh my god. Doesn't that fill you with delight? It's happening. I wish I could be as happy as Adam right now. Wow. Maybe. No. Max damage would just drop you to zero. I had plans. 14 points of damage.

You're on 6. What am I on, Dungeon Master? You're on 6. What am I on, Dindigaster? You're on 29. I'm going to guzzle a potion. By the way, the wrens and tears start opening up, so you can guzzle that potion or you can aid the homunculi. Homunculi aren't going to get it done on their own.

Samet's face is funny this time. It's a face of like, Adam, you piece of shit. To be fair, like, for one round they might be okay. Let's rep... Let's repair the homunculi.

You got the homunculi in the repairs? Just that moment of like... Repair homunculi. You got the homunculi in the repairs? Just that moment of like... Repair homunculi. Repair. Shit. They're doing an alright job. Good. You hope that's acceptable.

Good. Good. Okay. You need to maintain control. The money will be worth it. You're fine. It's actually like... No, wait. I was about to say smooth sailing. No.

Please say that. Not even that. No, no, no. You're like keeping it steady but it is not smooth sailing. You're feeling every fucking jerk, every rock. That lightning bolt like tingles, went up your spine, went up your arms from the fucking

steering column. But you're holding it. You're doing well. Great, thank you. In Gassu's form, what can I do? Can I cart? No, you can move. Some plans hatching. Cogs are ticking Hawaii. Yes. I can kind of hear it.

I'm like, I'm opposite Zabit and I just hear this cart. Just to remind you though, as Gassu is formed, the wind affects you. That might work in your favor, man. At this point, like, off you go. If you get dissipated too much, I think you'll start taking damage. That's awesome. Like, if you just were like, oh, gaseous form, fan.

All right. Yes. Atticus? Atticus? Atticus you're like Gryffindor so Bap Bap does not have the

he thought he did but he does not have the wherewithal to maintain or control or anything like that all he can do right now is to just like operate some of the machinery like the

reeling back in and like movement and stuff like that so he's tracking cool you're the one who's gonna pull the trigger all right so i'm gonna say um three rounds until you're basically point blank okay every round you get closer better chance to hit but better chance that the whole thing collapses. Someone will fuck up or the griffon will just... This thing is... You just realise this thing is big. This thing is very

big. Okay. How many powerful owls were this griffon? If this griffon turns around, it could just... Those talons that it is spr turns around, it could just... Those talons that it is sprouting look like it could just tear this ship apart.

Okay. How are we supposed to get it back if we do catch it? It's fine. Okay, yeah. I'm sorry. Fire this round? Okay. Highs or lows?

Low highs. Print the potion first. Highs or lows? Low highs. Drink a potion first. Highs? Yeah, fine. You can keep supervising the construction or you can drink a potion. I'm going to drink a potion. Okay, cool. What potion is it?

Chug it back. Cure moderate, I think. Cure moderate? Okay, cool. You recover... Eight plus five is 13 hit points. Cover. Eight plus five is 13 hit points. That's good.

Good maths. You lost, like, 14, so, like, yeah, good. You're on nine. No, 20, you're full health. Okay, cool. No, 19. What am I doing here? Okay, good.

One round. Okay, cool. That's your turn. Good. You need to make a control. Okay, cool. That's your turn. Good. You need to make a control. Hey. Sorry, you don't roll high. How you doing? Oh my god.

Tapping some unknown reserve of strength. You are keeping it very steady. Your last three rolls have been 19, 18, 19 on a max of 20. You got it done steady. Your last three rolls have been 19, 18, 19 on a max of 20. You got it done right. Oh, man.

Okay. A cloud passes in front of the griffin. No, no, no, no. You can still see the griffin no no no passes back you can still see the griffin oh my god fire two more rounds

no okay good lesson I like how you keep the serve highs lows fuck me I like seeing

I like keeping this one pop like what did you say highs so damn tense that's a four, mate. Oh my gosh. Should've fired.

Crack. Should've fired. Lightning strikes the balloon again. Should've fired, should've fired, should've fired. Fucked. Fifteen points of damage. You're on four hit points. All right.

A massive seam tears open on the top of the balloon. One of the gas bags ruptures and starts spewing flames. I'm going to, with the rupture, I'm going to fall back try and make it look like

a bit of an accident and fall out of the hole of the balloon. As in like down into the ship. you'll take damage for that that's okay but beforehand I want to like maybe

I want to cast a a a a a a a

a a a a a a a a

a a a a a a a a

a a a a a a a a

a a a a a a a a

a a a a a a a a

a a a a a a a a

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a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a basically are you and oh no I don't and fall yeah okay I see what you mean yeah yeah so maybe the homunculi don't like he's up to something basically

are you casting bull strength because you think it'll help you survive it won't I know just FYI is bull strength part of the deception

yes okay cool what deception what are you up to you sneaky fuck we we just succeed on casting

bull strength then you tumble out backwards he's just gonna come punch us What are you up to, you sneaky fuck? We succeed on casting ball strength. Then you tumble out backwards. He's just going to come punch us. I've got five health left. I've got one move. I don't know what I'm doing. You tumble out backwards.

You try to maybe control your descent. Maybe grab a couple rungs of the ladder Or something like that So that you maybe don't knock yourself unconscious From the fall You twist around to grab the ladder down Your head slams Into the first rung And you fall down unceremoniously

Oh good Two points of damage Oh fuck Minimum damage. Actually, two health. He's on the floor smiling. Minimum damage. Good, good.

But you are still conscious. Good, so I need... Okay. That happens, and then Bap-Bap turns around to you and yells something it's like lost on the wind but like his face is red with fury

not part of my plan can I hold it? yeah I'm holding it you better not fucking lose it now you son of a bitch no no no because I'm holding it. Adam's smiling because he's like, well done,

well done, Ira. Well done, you've done it and you're going to catch the griffin. Ira, yes, well done. Yes! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh. If you hold it one more round, guaranteed. This round's still a roll with a good chance.

Next round, guaranteed. So we only have one harpoon. You only have one harpoon. What are you doing, Atticus? I can see, like, holding the trigger. I don't know what it is. I can see that he's tumbled down. Yeah.

Nah, fire. I fire. I fire. I fire. Good, good, good good come on you roll the die on a 13 and above you succeed okay

jeez oh sorry no I mean on a 8 and above other way around 7 and above yeah 8 and above sorry you succeed

no no 7 and above 9 9 actually 9 yeah actually 9 above. Sorry, you succeed. No, no, seven above. Nine. Nine. Actually nine. Yeah, actually nine. Oh my god. The griffon turns around.

It sees you for one heart-stopping second. It reaches up with one of its massive claws to swipe down. And you didn't realize until this point, you thought it was big before. You actually, it's like as big as the balloon itself. And as it sweeps down, you're like, this is it, this is it. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead.

You fire. The harpoon leaps from the balustrade, strikes it dead center in the chest. The griffon squawks, screams, lets this unholy sound out. Everyone hears it. Everyone's terrified. Any unshattered glass on the

ship shatters. Above the din, above the screaming, above the rain, above you screaming, above the rain, above you, Atticus, yelling. Everyone can hear as well. Bap-bap. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Okay. This is nature! Dog eats man, man eats dog! The rope goes taut. And then Bap-Bat hits a release. It starts whirring and dragging the griffon in. Just like the ship griffon.

Crumples the ship off. Slams into the side of the ship. Nathaniel, what are you doing? How close is Bat-Bat to, say, an edge of an airship? Technically, he's really close to the edge right now. But no, the edge of the ship. An edge of the ship. If you're intending to shunt him over the edge,

it might take you, like, no guarantees. I'm going to silently cast Enlarge Person on self. And then run. Towards him? Full pelt. You can get right up behind him, but this round you won't be able to do anything.

That's alright. Next round... Well, my next round... My next round, continue my momentum. Pretty much, yeah. So, do you want to push him or do you want to pick him up and throw him? Or do you want to grab him and barrel off with him

pick him up and throw him means that you can try getting him off the edge next round but it's less likely to succeed I'm going to do the next round I'll grab him and jump off with him alright you won't be able to do that next round but the round after next round

if you know what I mean he'll get basically a round to respond. I kind of want to... Basically, almost look like it's... I'm not going for him. I'm going for the griffin. So there's a bluff roll involved? It's going to be hard when you grab

him. He's not really looking, so... Okay, whatever. I was going to run towards. I was going to run towards, so hopefully he doesn't see the homunculus. He's too distracted right he's good he got the griffin he's a happy boy hey ira hey you now have a basically doubled the weight while halving what's in the balloon oh boy and one of them you are rapidly losing altitude. No matter what you do, you are going to lose altitude. Okay. Hey, I'm in my underwear.

You weren't given quite... Oh, where's the chain rope? Damn it. The boat lurches. Oh, no. You are top heavy and you lose the wheel. It starts spinning again.

Damage for a grab at it? Take the damage? Yeah. Fuck it. You've been keeping us good so far. Oh no. So far, yes. Try to grab it

but you break some of the handles on it trying to grab it. You take four points of damage. I've tried, guys. The ship starts going down again. It's all right. It's fine.

Your turn, Atticus. Bap-Bap is screaming. The nets! The nets on the side! Is there like a latch or something for me to grab? There's a latch, yeah. Unhook the latch, press the... Whatever I need to do.

There's like little boxes on the side. You open them, there are nets inside there that you presumably throw around. Cool, I want to hurl them around the griffon as best I can. You start throwing them around. You catch one of the griffon's massive wings. Every time the wings beat, the wind on the deck increases tenfold.

You catch one of the wings and it starts struggling against the side of the ship. Good. Okay. Okay, so what are my options? So my options are, if I grab him, so if I grab Bap Bap and... You can pick him up and throw him.

Less likely to succeed, but you can get it done this round. If I pick up and keep running with him? Same thing? Well, first off, you'll... It'll take an extra round, basically. Okay. And an extra round of him struggling and fighting and casting spells.

All right. And just ramming him? Oh, just ramming him? Basically the same. So I was like, what's my best chance to succeed, Adam? Best chance to succeed? Are you trying to go for speed? If you're trying to go for more...

If he gets a counter spell off at you, how many hit points do you have? Six. I'm fucked. No, two. Two. If he gets a spell off... I'm fucked, yeah. You're probably dead.

Yeah. So I guess your best chance to succeed is to pick him up and throw him this round. I don't care if I die. I just want him dead. Right. You want to pick him up and throw him? Yep. One round.

So grappling rules, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to walk you through these steps one at a time. First, you need to succeed on a touch attack. I was like, what does my little snake do? Bite. Yeah, realistically, the snake's not going to get anything done. I want him, because snakes are around my arm as well.

So if I grab one, I want the snake to bite as well. Good. Betsy finally does something. Betsy, we've lived a life. Your base attack bonus is two. Your strength is two. It gives you a total of plus four. Plus I've got the bull strength.

Oh, true. Bull strength and you're enlarged. So another plus three. So a total of four plus three, seven. So you succeed on a seven or higher. Oh, my God. I'm so ticked. Eight.

Oh, my God. Again. Too close calls. You grab him from behind. Now, you need to make opposed grapple checks. You get the same modifier of seven. He gets a modifier of he gets a penalty because he's small. He gets a modifier of he gets a penalty because he's small. He gets a negative one.

You get a positive seven. You need to at least match his number. His number is 16. Oh, that's... Oh, my... You succeed on a nine. Your number is... Fuck! I'm sorry 9 your number is fuck I'm sorry

your number is 10 you grab him wait that's good? no I was going to say wait I thought my number was 3 no no no you grab him

he turns around spins around his cloak whips around at you slashes you in the eyes like not you know like supernaturally it's just like it's fucking likeips around at you slashes you in the eyes like not you know like super naturally it's just like it's fucking like coming around at speed slashes you with the eyes and you just

from sheer pain like response let go and he is free of your grasp oh no i tried oh man his turn Sam and Duke were so close so close traitor he lifts a hand lightning leaps from his hands and onto you at least you'll just go unconscious no no no no

you dead oh I dead he's a dead baby boy but imagine if he get a crit fail. That's your only saving grace right now. Not even. You take five points of damage. Hey, you're not dead.

Putting you onto negative three. I mean, I'm dead. You're dead, but you're incapacitated. Damn it, I tried. Hey, your turn, Ira. I'm not devastated. Damn it. I tried. Hey. Your turn, Ira. You need to regain control of the ship. Do I need to?

So, you can see the water. If you jumped, you'd survive. There is basically no windows in front of you. You could just leave into the ocean. I kind of want to see this to the end. Do you want to regain control? The first one I'll give you for free without taking damage. If you want to try again, then you take damage.

So do you want to try and regain control? Can the try again be a jump out the window? Like try once and then jump out the window? You said, do you want to try and get re-ended? Can the try again be a jump out the window? Like try once and then jump out the window? You said, I want to take this to the end. So I was like, well, here's an option. Well, either way, I mean, survive to the end by jumping out the window? I'll survive if I jump out the window, right?

Is that what you said? Yeah, it looks like you'll survive. You'll survive the jump. You can hold on to driftwood. A powerful owl will come and lift me. If you jump out, this thing's going to crash. And when it crashes, it will be driftwood. Fuck.

I'll try regain control. Okay, cool. Yeah, you do it. You regain control. 18 again. Good job. I was so close. If it had crashed, if it was going to crash, I was going to let go of the gnats and just leap on the griffon and hope.

So you, in like the spluttering light behind you, you see a shadow from the doorway. You turn around. Selene is there with the silver dagger. You used to kill Steve. Oh,. With the silver dagger, you used to kill Stiff. Oh, no. Good, good, good. She goes at you.

Oh, good. Here we go, guys. No, no. Because you're holding the wheel, she jams it right into your back. Maybe she can resurrect me. The only magic she had Was sneak attack magic Motherfucker Are we in combat?

What's going on? Yeah you're in combat But like You're defenseless You're like 10 points of damage Let's go Cheers

I don't think I ever told you she yells over the howling wind why I was here I'm pretty sure this ship has a lot of money on it she says son of a bitch good luck

son of a bitch if I have to step over your corpse to get it so so be it. No, I don't like her. I was liking the way she was all about trying to save her fucking truck. Nah, I hope we all die. Are you the only good person on this ship? Maybe.

And I'm evil. Do you want to continue throwing nets at us? You saw him just floor. I'm consumed by griffin last Adam. Okay, you can try capturing an arm a leg a wing or the head I'm going to capture a wing because I feel like a wing's negatively impacting the shit I mean it always

oh man yeah you shift around to the other side it doesn't even take you much you just throw the nets the other this wing is very it's like almost you're like we don't need to retie that one when we're done. That's just properly secured. I'm going to like look over to Bap Bap and give

like the, they're like Bap Bap turns around, he's like bleeding from every orifice he has. You can see his like shirt is pressed like is so damp and wet it's pressed against his chest. You can see there's like, through the shirt there are open wounds on his chest. You can see there's like, through the shirt, there are open wounds on his chest.

You know what's delightful? I've lost no doubt. I'm so full of it. It's so funny. It's amazing. Okay. First things first. Highs or lows?

Oh, lows. Lows, I guess. Who gives a... Crack! Another lightning bolt strikes the ship I forget Sam was kind of in control of that it's from the death you got a negative 4

alright they've left you kind of on the death maybe Tom Tom is my saving grace hi Adam what do you want to do if you let go of the wheel, the ship starts plummeting

and like you saw before, super close to the water. But otherwise, she'll just slit your fucking throat. What do you want to do? You can try fighting one-handed at a massive penalty to both things. Oh, jeez.

Okay, so, if you fight one-handed, you'll probably still succeed on an 18 or a 19, which is pretty much all you've been rolling so far. So, you can hope the good times keep coming. Let the good times roll.

Sometimes you're like dying in a pool of your own blood on a deck. You don't know. I do know. I do know. Oh, man. Buffeted by the wind. Oh, man. Now, keep the ship afloat. Yeah, I am.

I'm in it for the girlfriend. So, hang on. Just hold the ship up? She's going to keep stabbing. So, it's like a roll for damage. She still needs to roll to attack you because you're not helpless. So, theoretically, she could just miss and not attack you because you're not helpless okay so theoretically

she could just miss and not get you yeah I will hold the ship okay champion you two that griffin lust it gets you good

you got it you're keeping it it's like it's slipping a little bit because you're feeling yourself weakening but you've got it I send Patio to give

Atticus a fist bump griffin lust oh you can actually attack yeah patio to give Atticus a fist bump. Good luck. Oh, you can... Actually... Attack. Yeah. It's the lean. What's my Viper doing?

He's trying to get away. Like, seriously, on this question, if I'm unconscious, what happens to the Viper? Well, it's... Shared conch? You gave it a last...

I was like, attack the fuck out of this conch. Oh, wait. What's its hit points? Did it just die from getting electrocuted? Ten. Ten. How many...

You took five points of damage. I don't know, whatever. Hang on. What's its reflex save? I'll just give you this. Yeah, enjoy it. Uh... Oh, okay. It's lucky. I'll just give you this yeah enjoy uh oh okay it's lucky

yeah it uh it'll probably still be attacking bat bat he might not have noticed initially but he'll notice on this turn but yeah I'll give you

a free couple points of damage it does one point of damage if it hits good come on Betsy from the grave um

where were we yep uh so uh what's his patio like uh Come on, Betsy, throw the grave. Where were we? Yeah, so, patio. Like, leaps pretty much from the floor at Selena. She screams as claws rake her. Damn. Wait, what am I rooting for right now?

We're all horrible people. I'm on Team Griffin. The Griffin's just a When it's beak Tries to peck at her Oh no Quick fumble Quick fail

No that doesn't make sense Pick up the other I have no gear to become entangled Pick up the other pile Adam It's feathers It gets tangled in it's own legs And trips Can't drop your weapon either

Drops it's beak off Oh Okay I was doing it wrong That won't work its own legs and trips. Can't drop your weapon either. Drops its beak off. Okay, I was doing it wrong. This will work. Sick, fine, good then. Don't stress about it. Adam's got a sad happy face.

Jam a finger. Your target takes normal damage. Okay. You take double damage. Spaghetti's. Why did you settle on that one? I didn't tell you about my owl's claws. He has armour claws. He could have lost those. So, Patio wedges,

tries to bite at Selina. He bites into her, like, tries to bites into her like tries to bite into her neck but underneath her clothes she was like wearing hidden armour

and his beak becomes wedged in that crack sideways as she shifts oh no she still takes some damage well that's good I mean that's a plus I like to think she had several daggers that are just poking out of your back

sick sick sick good good no good. I mean, that's a plus. I like to think she had several daggers that are just poking out of your back. Sick. Sick. Sick. Good. Good. No! No! The best captain in the world! Your eye takes four points of damage. It's fine. Whatever. He's got 41 hit points.

How many hit points does he have? 41. No, that's what's written there. have? 41. Can I get that? That's what's written there. It says 41. No, 4 slash. What? Oh. Oh, it's got 4 hit points. Staggered. It's on 0 hit points. Oh no. Your owl isn't dead.

But your owl... That's a good one. Your owl isn't dead. How does my owl have 4 hit points and the snake has ten? Snakes are long. Rangers don't get as good a familiar as, well, there's a couple different things. First off, of all the different combat type things you could pick, owl was probably not the best one. Okay.

things you could pick owl was probably not the best one okay uh additionally um the snake gets 10 hit points but in like the future the owl would have gotten a lot more hit points because you take the it's the ranger class gets animal companion as druid does but a lot weaker you got your animal companion like this level so you got it as a level one druid this owl is meant for a level one druid understood yeah it's a weak it's a very weak powerful not very powerful yeah this is a very like one of your minor abilities that you get thank you okay you're good if it makes you feel any better, the snake's actually a lot worse at combat and is probably going to die.

I don't find pleasure in other people's misery. Poisonous, right? Poisonous, yeah? I'm sorry, Adam. It's not something we share. Unfortunately, gnomes are very resistant to poison. Less good. Less good.

Kind of very annoying. As well as dwarves are. Where were we with the stabby stabby? Yeah, I was about to say. She stabs at you again. Oh yeah. That's joy.

That's what's happening over there. We're talking about animal bullshit. You get stabbed. She pulls the dagger out and stabs again at you. Oh, she's like,

she doesn't stab once. She's shivving you. You ever seen a jailhouse stabbing? That's what's happening. Oh, you're being shivved. You're fucking out! Isn't gonna kill me! Oh no.

11 points of damage. You're on. Four hit points. We're all doing shit except for Atticus. Atticus, capture another leg. Yeah, what do I get? Leg, leg, head? Legs, arms, head. I'm going to say...

Bat-Bap? Bat-Bap is... I forgot his name. Bat-Bap is busy with the snake, so he's not able to help right now. What is causing the most damage to the ship? Both of the front claws are just raking the sides of the ship. I'll go arms then.

That's arms here? That's what you meant by arms? Yeah, good. You start netting one. You've done a good job. You could leave it here, but the arm has a bit of wiggle room. Then... I love that

it'll just happen and we'll laugh about it then Jack's some mysterious weird things you're saying, good is there anywhere for me to become conscious at all? Some mysterious, weird things you're saying. Good. Is there any way for me to become conscious at all? No. Unless someone, like, unless Atticus saves you.

He ain't. Did you see me attack Bat-Bap? Atticus, are you paying at all attention to Bat-Bap in his fight? Not really. I've got a grip on the deal with him. Well, no one knows what's happening there. I think I saw, but, you know. Tom! Tom and my ram are your two saving grace.

Tom. Tom is my saving grace. Adam, give me a Tom check. Selenor and Tom were working together. Tom is the heir to a lot of money. Oh. Hey, still. Having a wizard's pretty good of you.

You're on negative five. Tom check, though. Empathy, Tom. Yeah, you looked after him when both his parents were killed. I know that he was fine that his parents were killed. I understand. He loved it. It was great for him.

Tom and his folks have a lot of money. I get that. I get that. I get that Selina and Tom are in cahoots or whatever. No, no, no, no. You just said that they work. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. I said Tom stands to inherit a lot of money.

You said Tom and Selina are working together. No, they're working together in the ship. They were in close proximity. And Selina is on her own now. Oh. Selina killed Tom. Oh. I guess I failed my Tom check.

Tom is dead. Ram check. Selena has looted their bodies and is moving now progressively to other members of the crew. Maybe she'll save me. To then kill you. To then kill me. I'm dead. You're on negative five.

That's what's happening. Okay, back to you. What do you want to do? Four hit points. You are on four hit points. Let go of the wheel. Start plummeting. Do a balancing act

or keep holding the wheel and hope your owl gets it done. Your owl's super badly wounded. The owl's on zero. It's staggered, it's not dead. Oh, okay. I thought zero was... Zero's where you're like, remember in the very first practice game we did for D&D, when my character got

a spear through the neck? Zero was like... Unreleased to the public. Unreleased to the public Unreleased to the public I'm not even recorded With figurines Yeah, good times Don't you miss figurines?

I do So what do you want to do? We're just making do with full costume today What do you mean making do? I always have full costume on A robe, a hood and literally nothing else Hey Hey Hey A robe, a hood and literally nothing else Hey Hey

He's got a hood of sorts I just said a robe, a hood and nothing else Okay I would suggest Maybe taking the hit And just letting go at least for one round. Okay. You don't have to.

You fucked me earlier. I don't know. I did. He did. Now, what, invite her? Yeah, spin around and fucking. If you let go, though. Here's the thing.

The ship's going to go. And she's going to have to balance herself. True. Oh, I didn't even think about if you wanted to you could try steering the ship so that she falls out yeah out of a massive panoramic window i'll try that yeah let's go yeah that's a good idea and then you can save me yeah because you don't know that i'm trying to kill that okay you like look no... No, I'm just... It's a bit of a... Go on, give it to me. Yeah, you like let it lurch forward.

It's like a controlled lurch forward just to let her slide out. She... Oh, fuck yes. Loses her footing. Yes! And slides out the front. Yes!

Fuck you. Screams the entire way down. Nicely done. And so does Patty. Oh, done. And so does Patio. It was a necessary sacrifice. Hey, whatever. You'll get you a new one.

With an untwistable stomach. It's fine. Okay. Atticus? The other claw is still gone. Yeah, I'll net that claw too. No, you fail. You try to throw a net around it, The other claw is still going. Yeah, I'll net that claw too. Oh, gosh. No, you fail. You're trying to throw a net around it,

but the claw bats the net away. You got Griffin lost. The griffin is trying to free itself. One of its wings is super secure. The other one is a little less so, and so is that arm. But that one super secure wing is just making it impossible for it to wiggle properly. Good.

Come on, Betsy, do something. How's my snake going? So dead. So dead. Well, it's doing all right. And just like, Bap Bap just tears it in half. He bites it. He's a psychopath.

It eats it. Okay. Yeah. And then... Negative six. Jesus. You could stabilize. That's an interesting thing.

You could just be an unconscious guy. You're not dying. You've got three more rolls. So three times one in ten, one in thirty chance. No, wait, that's not how it works. One, two, three times a lady. That's not how it works at all. Three in ten chance. I just assumed, that's not how it works. Three times a lady. That's not how it works at all. Three in ten chance. I used to assume that I have

no allies left, so I'm... Wait, three in ten? Whatever. You've got three... If you stabilize, you're not dying. I mean, you'll die when we hit the water, but like... I don't know how this universe works, but you're a wizard, right? Yeah. Just come back as Nathaniel the White. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Okay. That'd be cool. You've got to regain control of the ship from the control descent. You just let it in. Okay. You can do it. Here we go. Nah, you're fine.

You bring it back up. Oh, my gosh. The ship's keeping pace. And you're, like, trying to get out of the storm. But the storm is centered on the ground. That's amazing. We're a permanent storm, gentlemen. Bap-Bap yells,

Unconscious! We need to knock it unconscious! Okay. Where's its head in relation to me? Its head is like... Thrashing around? It's in between the... It's in between the balloon and the ship.

Okay. Okay. What if I took my crowbar and just whacked it in the head? You could try that. Yeah, but I feel like then it'll just turn around and eat me in one.

You could try that. Yeah, but I feel like then it'll just turn around and eat me in one. That's all right. You can take a few hits with your armor. Oh, that's right. I don't have that. Naked armor. I don't want to see it. I could die.

No, I'm just going to keep netting it. Look, I can't. How can I put it unconscious? I'm just a man. Below decks! Bap-bap yells. Get another harpoon! All right, homunculi to me!

You yell that? Yeah. All right. Yeah, like, hey, I'll need that. Homunculi, come to you. I'll just run down. I'm not going to be able to pick it up myself. I'm going to head downstairs and try and find the other harpoon.

Okay. Homunculi are left. A bit still. So they, like, clamber down with you. You need to make a climb check to get... That's fine. I tumble and die. If he did not have control of this fucking shit...

Honey, you've been saving my bacon. At the right time. At the perfect time. I only got you killed. Okay, you get four decks. Where's my mind? You find Master Tom pinned to a wall. Very dead.

My Tomchick. A lot of weakness. A lot of weakness on this ship, turns out. That's a shame. That's a shame. All right, little fellas. Let's bring the harpoon upstairs. All right, then. Hi, Z shame. Alright, little fellas, let's bring the harpoon upstairs. Alright, then.

How's all this? Ah, what do I want? Close. Come on, lightning. Come on. Nope. Thanks, Zalman. You're welcome, buddy. Lightning strikes near the ship, but doesn't cause any damage.

That's a shame. Additionally, Zalman, sorry, Nathaniel, negative seven. Just get an errant homunculi to heal you. Yeah. Oh, jeez. Errant homunculi check. You're fine. You start,

you start like raising the ship. Yeah. And, yes, you see, so, there's an upper limit to this storm if you can raise the ship above cloud level you can get it out of the lightning out of the rain out of everything the problem is when this ship this ship was only made to go above the cloud line on full hydrogen

which is not what you have it will take some serious aeronautics to get it above the skyline, at the cloud line right now. Oh my goodness. Okay. You keep running? Yeah. I'm going to reassemble it on deck.

You get below decks you uh manage to grab the hype you can hear him by the way behind you like homunculi homunculi are just like forming around you get below decks you get the sphere the homunculi like heft one end comically and you have the other and you start running it out. You're lifting the whole thing and they're hanging from it. Exactly, hanging on it.

Running mid-air. As you're running up, one of Griffin's massive talons bang! Like, just tears and titanic-sized hole on the side of the ship. Every container hole breached

and in the massive destruction the wall that had Tom pinned to it is broken away and falls into the sea hi Tom so long Tom highs or lows? highs

highs? sure crack yes boom Heist. Heist? Sure. Crack. Yes. Boom. A bolt of lightning strikes the balloon again. God of thunder.

There's an explosion. The ship lurches and all the effort you've made to go up is starting to drain. No. No. I, so good. No. I'm so close. Negative eight. Oh, my God. Damn it.

You're so close to death. Stay with me, you punk. Come on, you piece of shit. You're holding the wheel. Maybe a little bit of the hydraulics has been explained to you since last you were doing this so you understand there's like magic and there's um power steering yeah there's like uh some technology some magic you understand some of the basics this time when the lightning strikes the like the wheel like gives a little bit and you lose a little control uh it comes back almost

immediately and as it and as it does that both the light behind you comes back to life and you realize you were holding your breath you try to pull back yep you're just keeping it steady But you're not raising it Do you want to try again? Why not man? More hit points Oh hang on What More hit points you have So what happens

I'll roll a six sided dice Yeah So on a five or a six You're knocked unconscious So you have a One in three chance Of going unconscious This thing takes a nose dive

Don't you fucking dare die I will try my best Chance of going unconscious. This thing takes a nosedive. Don't you fucking dare die. I will try my best. Yeah, do it. Yeah, let's go. Risky for the biscuit, baby girl. You succeed on a 10 and above. Is that a... Oh, it's a four.

I'm sorry. You don't gain any height. You don't lose it because this is your extra one for the round, but you don't gain any height in exchange for this. A five and a six knock you out. Thank you. Two. You're on two points.

Oh, my God. Oh, Christ. You're in a bad shape. You climb up with the... Stabilize me. Oh Christ. We're in a bad shape. You climb up with the harpoon. Do I see him? Do I see this cunt right here? You're not on the deck yet. You've got to climb up first.

Okay, you're fine. Oh yeah, the homunculi are on the other end. The harpoon slips. It's too heavy. The homunculi have lost it in their grip. You're like holding onto the ladder. Not ladder. It's like a super

steep staircase with one hand. And the harpoon with the other. Do you mean with my bird hook? With your bird hook. You've got it hooked around the pointy part of the harpoon. Okay. Here are your options. Okay.

Lose the harpoon. There were more downstairs. Or keep dragging it up, but maybe you fall. Keep risking for the biscuit. Keep dragging it up. You need a nine at least. Easy. Easy.

Don't do it in my sleep. Ten. King of the world! Using, like, near the last reserves of your strength, you throw the harpoon up, it clatters onto the deck, and you drag yourself up. Useless homunculi! The homunculi crawl around you.

Is he visible now, this cunt? Yeah, you can probably see him. Can I send a homunculi to go homunculi crawl around you. Is he visible now, this cunt? Yeah, you can probably see him. Can I send a homunculi to go and cure him? No. They don't know about you. Stabilize me, buddy. Come on. There's a very char-grilled snake on the floor as well.

Oh, that's sad. The only person who's going to stabilize him is you. Next round. Maybe. Highs or lows? Lows. No. No lightning.

No joy. Second to last roll. Stabilized. Hey. I'm like, oh, no, you're right. You don't know that. I wasn't going to anyway I figured

you've got griffin lost you can see it in your eyes griffin is like fucking thrashing about you and bat bat are the only people who can notice it you ira can't notice it because you've got other things on your mind you've got other things on your mind

but the front end of the ship is actually shaking from side to side with powerful motions of this griffon so keep trying to pull it up obviously I'm so stressed you start gaining altitude

you can gain more altitude for a roll you've got two health left two hit points you're guaranteed to take the damage so on a one and on a two you're fine, anything else drops you maybe don't risk it for the biscuit

I have one health potion left. What can I do with that? You can chug it. But I'll allow it but you won't be able to re-roll this time.

But I've already gained altitude. Yeah, you've gained altitude. So you can do the if you've got an extra health potion

you can drink that or you can do a roll. I think I'll yeah, potions for sure, yeah. You regain I was saving that for you three hit points oh fuck oh shit bullshit light wound it's okay five hey five is what you were at before and you took the brisket for the brisket that's fine you were on four before yeah you're on four how are you look at you ahead You're ahead Growing up in the world

So you're on the deck with the harpoon You go over, I assume you're ignoring Nathaniel You load it into the To the balustay And Bap-Bap yells, the chest! The chest! Go for the lung! Tire it! Tire it! Tire it!

Bap-Bap's throwing nets all over the joint He's waving hands Homunculi are throwing nets And heap's throwing nets all over the joint. He's waving hands. Homunculi are throwing nets and he's magically throwing nets. But he is barely keeping this thing strapped down. If we don't tire it out, we are dead men! Fire. Fire.

You can't fire this round. Okay, well, next round. He's got a spear in the heart hole. Long hole. Highs. Don't electrocute me a bolt of lightning hits you start sinking there's a rumble. An explosion.

And out of the front section of the balloon, all of the little holes and tears, fire starts streaming out of all of them. You've lost one of the gas sacks. The other ones are going to go soon if nothing is done. All right. Boy. Okay.

Serena just fell out, right? Yeah, she's gone. Okay. Alright. Oh boy. Serena just fell out, right? Yeah, she's gone. Okay, cool. Just checking. It's just us three and Bat-Bat. Bat-Bat? Just the four of us? And the homunculi. About 200 homunculi. How many are left now?

I always imagine them just falling off. Like tumbling around. Bat-Bat's wounded. You give it you don't know I always imagine them just falling off yeah like tumbling around yeah okay um so hey you pull one you give it one good go you're just keeping it

like you stop the descent that's all you can do yeah risk it for the biscuit yep always risk it for the biscuit

oh shit you're just keeping it oh my gosh six drops you you're just keeping it low oh my gosh six drops you you're on zero staggered just staggered come on

come on Atticus come on Atticus okay okay Bap Bap yells I'm gonna fix it I'm gonna fix it

he runs towards the entranceway To the fucking balloon Okay So If you spend a turn aiming I will guarantee a success Or you can roll A roll is a 50-50 shot

I don't think I've got any more in me. No, fire. Fuck it, there are more harpoons downstairs. Risk it for the biscuit. Risk it for the biscuit. Odds or evens? Evens. No.

You miss. Oh, no. It goes flying past. You need to get a new harpoon. Hang on. My cutlass. Would that pierce its flesh? It could, but it is not designed to be fired out of the balustrade.

No, I was going to run off. Okay. run up okay no you wouldn't be able to because you'd have the you'd need to to get to its lung you'd need to climb it you'd need to use your hook hand

my friend can I though? it'll you can try done you can shadow the colossus that's how we took

the first one down yeah it's two years I'm climbing in that'll be your next turn that's fine fuck it You can try. You can shadow the colossus. That's how we took the first one down. It's two years. That'll be your next turn. That's fine. I want to come up there with you like old times. Crack. Cheese. Lightning hits the ship.

I got it. I... Yes. Fuck you, BatBat. BatBat's sentence is cut off short. eye hits the ship. I got it! Eye! Yes! Fuck you, BatBat! BatBat's sentence is cut off short and you don't know what's happened. Oh boy. Hey, you wanna fall?

What other option do you have? You start losing altitude. You're going down you're gonna you start slipping we crash this like

what's this like you just crash it well you know what I mean yeah you can try risking it for the biscuit if you want you take 80 damage

you're a dead baby boy you're down but he can raise it as his last move yeah just take it theoretically yeah nah whatever you do you You're down, yeah. But he could raise it as his last move. Yeah, just take it out. Theoretically, yeah.

No, whatever. You do you. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Let's do it. Let's do it. For real? Yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah. All right. See you in a bit, Nathaniel. It starts nosing up. Yes. You're going. You got it. You champ.

Negative one. That's enough. Yes. You're going. You got it. You champ. Negative one. That's enough. That's all it takes. Your hands slip from the steering column. You slump over and you are very lucky it's nose up and not nose down. If the ship noses down. You're just going to be resting on the fucking wheel. You'll slide off, my friend.

The homunculi take your position, but they are not as good. How have I not just flown off? There's a lip. You slide around. You'll be just slamming into the lip every now and then. Okay. So you're going to try and set up the Colossus? Yes, I will climb this griffin.

Do it. So. Okay. Come on, griffin. Tear him up. Hey, you got a super good climb. Yeah, I do.

I'll climb this griffin and I'll stab it in the lung. It'll be fine. You grab a hawk of hair and you start climbing. Stab with my hand. Grab hawk with start clapping. Stab with my hand. Grab hawk with the other. Stab with my hand.

Grab hawk with the other. I can't hawk. Don't you electrocute me now, you son of a bitch. Time to stabilize against the wheel. Oh, no. Eyes are lost. Oh, fuck. Eyes. Come on, fuck. Highs.

Come on, guys, don't make me dead. No! The ship starts nosing down as the homunculi jam themselves into the works, but cannot get it done. That's all right. Like, look, Bat-Bat's not dead yet. All right.

One more final high zolos. Highs. High lows. Highs. Highs? Highs. Okay. Your body slides down and wraps itself around the steering wheel. You don't slip out to your death. How many people have fallen to their death through that window?

It's ridiculous that it's just me now. Fucking hell. Okay, yeah. Keep's just me now. Fucking hell. Okay, yeah. Keep climbing. No, you're there. You've got to start digging now. Dig with my hook hand. Come on, Griffin, attack. Attack him.

You reach in and slam your hook hand in. The Griffin shudders once. hand in. The griffon shudders once and is then very stiff. Yes! Yes! The storm ends.

Motherfucker! The ship levels out. I did it! I did it. Yes. I want to just like stand victorious on the griffon. I did it! I did it. Yes. I want to just, like, stand victorious on the griffin. Raise my hook hand to the sky.

Bap, bap. Climbs down from the balloon. Oh, no. How you going? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, you know, you know, I... You know, I think... You know, I think, you know, you can't... A griffin, you can't really share between two people, can you?

Can you, Bob Bob? Griffin's kind of a one-person deal, isn't he? Covered in gore of homunculi and himself. Energy begins to crackle in Vap Vap's hands. No, I guess you can't. I've lost the scorn to both of your hands.

I run at him. I run at him, sword drawn. What else can I do? Okay, you get the first move. You attack him with your cutlass. Yeah, and I want to use my... And five. Power attack. Power attack to five. Oh, fuck.

Cool. That's five. You swing down with your cutlass. It deflects off some invisible barrier. God damn it. Magic. You're a dead man. He points at you.

My head's gonna pop. Your head doesn't pop. Your arm does. I hope my ram saves the day. Oh yeah, ram. You take eight points of damage. That's fine. As a bolt of pure magical energy pierces you.

What's Ramstein doing? Is Ramstein still kicking? Is Ramstein's soul kicking in? Ramstein's long death. Ramstein died in the first storm. Oh, we just didn't check on him, I guess.

He was slammed all around that fucking cabin. Poor Ramstein. Didn't we have lamb for dinner that night? Your turn, Atticus.

Oh, no, sorry. Your turn. Yeah, Atticus. Yeah, Atticus. Don't fucking... By the way, hang on. I'm quickly going to do something. Negative two. Negative three.

Negative four. What the fuck? Negative five. You guys aren't going to come to it. Negative six. Oh, no. Negative seven. No.

Negative eight. What? Negative seven. No. Negative eight. What? Negative nine. I will on the off chance that someone does come for him. That was eight rounds. Okay. I'll get eight rounds to either kill Bap Bap or not die. The round you guys just had was round one.

Okay. Okay. It's your turn again. Stab at him again. Five to five again. No. That's your turn again. Stab at him again. Five to five again. No! That same magical energy field blocks your shot. You know

it turns the blade, but it doesn't block the blade. You know if you just aim well enough, you can do this. Your blows, though, are so weak because you are so weak right now. What are the homunculi doing they're uh

watching and cheering trying to keep the ship afloat he has no way to do it quickly I can't kill the homunculi, I'm not a wizard I'm just a man with a sword and a bird's beak for a hand and griffin dreams in his heart exactly, I'm just a man

who took down a Griffin Kind of single handedly With a bit of help from this motherfucker No help from you I try to get rid of a Just jump off the side He says You feel a strong

Compulsion He's Jedi mind tricking you No you don't motherfucker You feel a strong compulsion To just jump off the side It's fine You'll swim your way to safety That's a good point though

I'll just swim my way to safety I guess You're like No wait a minute That's a fucking funny answer But hey hey hey way to safety, I guess. You're like, no. Wait a minute. Oh, the fucking phone. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Alright, I will stab him again, but at like a two instead of a five. Let's not fuck myself too much.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hang on. Jackson Belly wins the day. I don't know what's happening and I'm stressed. Being unconscious sucks. Yeah. Don't worry, this will be a fun fight.

Just staring at each other across the room. Yeah, you hit him. Oh, yes! Dealing a total of... One damage. Seven. Seven damage. No, more than that.

Eight damage. He is now on 900. He's had a bad day. Homunculi dead. So many. Michaelis has a critical of 18 to 20 as well. We didn't buy any oils or anything. I have oil, but nothing to cast a flame with.

The guy had gunpowder that went missing. Millip Burr fellow. I wonder where he went. I've still got a question mark. I've got hope, you know. Millip will just come up out of the thing like, what happened? Oh, whoo-hoo!

Selene is dead. Have a love potion. And then I'll make him love me. Oh, I should have just gotten one of them and just poured it down his throat. You love me. I'm your fave. Jump off the edge.

You'll swim. You'll be fine. I will. I will swim. I'll be fine. Good idea. What the fuck? It's all right now.

You've got to ask what's more powerful, He holds his hand up, and a massive, like, an arctic burst of wind slams into you. Oh, wait, hang on. Does it? Yeah, it does. Sure does.

Oh, no. Oh, shit, son. Shit. What are you doing to me, Adam? Yeah, you fail. What are you doing to me, Adam? That's like fucking ten dice. I actually have no idea what my

hit point is because I'm in my underwear. Just try and seduce him I know you've got a griffin lost but what if you had an Atticus lost is this shit gonna kill me outright it won't kill you outright what's going on he's got mini dice and everything he's got tiny dice big dice

dice that climbs on rocks. What the fuck is this? I'm spooked. How many dice? 33 damage. Holy shit. That's a spooky adventure. We're going to lose that one.

Remind me what... Yeah, so this will be the third round. Remind me what Die Hard does. Die Hard? Oh, it lets you stay conscious. Negative nine. Negative one. Oh, yeah, cool.

Hey, hey, hey. That's all right. I'm going to put a Die Hard. He's visiting his ex-wife. He's in a building. He's in a building. The guy who plays Snake's a bad guy. Oh, I'm fine.

Stop again, Attitude. Come on. Yeah, you get it? You're saving Grace right now. Stab again, attitude. Come on. Yeah, you get it? Yes. You're saving grace right now. Fuck. I got this. Your boy.

Your boy. Atticus Bluebird. You slice downwards and you cleanly separate his arm from his torso. Yes. He staggers backwards. And then raises his last hand. Hey, if I cut off both his hands, no magic. What? Except maybe out of his mouth.

That is how a gnome do it. You will not kill me! He says with a shout that actually deals 10. He like blasts part of the ship away, like blows a clean chunk of it off. I guess that answers that question. Yeah, I guess he could still use his mouth. He doesn't need his hands.

Just needs to get a cut his mouth off. That's fine. He's done. Just chop off his mouth. You can't talk without lips. Get the sewing kit out of my pocket just so it's shut. Sew his mouth shut. Oh my god.

There's so many rolls. So many fucking dice. I got 26. I've actually got more because I got the endurance. 20 damage. Okay, well. That put me on 16 with my endurance. Four hit points.

Total, I guess, if you're counting the negatives. Yeah. 13. But when you go into negatives, you can only take one action around. Okay. Okay, your turn. Let's have a go. Out of two.

You hit him? Yes. Come on, Crick. Come on, Crick. Come on, die. It wasn't even close. Okay. You stagger backwards.

Just... You can't hear anything else. You step forward. He says something. You don't know what he said. It's possibly another spell. Possibly cursing you or something like that. It doesn't matter.

It's the last words he says. With a sideways cut, you lop his head off. His head rolls around on the deck. you lop his head off his head rolls around on the deck and his mouth like finishes saying

whatever it was as his body collapses oh my god round four yeah I'm gonna head down I'm gonna head down no no but I was going to anyway

this guy was helping me out the whole time cheers man you gotta like yeah I also the ship will crash if I don't. It's actually just keeping steady. Okay.

I'm going to head down and... All the homunculi are just like... Yeah, they're all dead. I'm like, well, it's just me on the ship now. Fuck! Yeah, I'll run down to the bridge. So it takes one round to get down there. So five rounds.

You fail to heal him on the first attempt. Okay. You heal him on the second. So you'd be on negative three. I'd like to grab his body. Wait, no. Negative six. Bring it onto the deck.

Grab Nathan's body. Bring it onto the deck. Grab Nathan's body. Bring it onto the deck. Funny how I just killed you. I was like, anyway. Our man. My griffon. Our man had lots of potions. You did?

No. Bat-Bat had heaps of potions. Well, I'll search people for potions. And Millet Buffalo had loads of potions. The tear along the side of the ship that exposed the crew area also exposed the cargo area. The money, the potions,

any spare fucking harpoons, it's all at the bottom of the sea. I'm sitting here at Mathergate. But has BatBat got potions on him? No, none on him. If he had any healing potions I reckon he would've dropped them.

What's the plan? Can you search anywhere to try and get us? Yeah, like I'd like to just search the place. Or if we rest for a bit. Does that work like that? If we just rest?

Uh, yeah. If you'll have to spoon feed them for like a couple days. Will I be able to do that? Like, and not, because I don't know how to steer the ship. I mean, I could give it a go. You can just let the ship just sit here. Eventually it's going to like, because it's losing altitude,

eventually it's just going to set down. Okay. And then you'll be on a ship that has no sails. In the middle of the ocean. With a griffon that you've pissed off. I can just kill the griffon. I can just kill the griffon. I can just kill the griffon. I'd like to tie the mop first.

These two. Okay, you can find enough rope for that. Just tie a mop and then I'll just spoon feed them and I'll just wait until they wake up. Well, that happens eventually. Hey! What happened? I'm not dead But I'm tight

You know Wait Atticus? What? This ship's gonna sink Oh no It's got a hole Oh you're right

Okay so what are we doing? What are we doing Jack? What are you doing Jack? The titanic hole on the side of the ship Yeah you're gonna sink Okay Any like Any way of getting my bearings As to where I am of the ship? Yeah, you're gonna sink. Okay. Any, like... Any way of getting my

bearings as to where I am in the world? You'll have to check the compass. I'll go down and check the compass. I'll set my ally to... Maybe Betsy could... What about the... I've got them tied up on the deck. I'm gonna go up to there and just try and get a bearing of where I am

in the world in relation to any land. Because that's my only hope really at this point. Have a good gander. Is there a crow's nest? What languages do you know? I know. I know Gnomish if that's the one you're after. Oh, cool.

Yeah, the compass is written in Gnomish. Okay. Yep, okay. So you know which way is north and south and east and west. Okay, that's it? That's all the compass shows, the compass. I thought there might be a map or a sex... something like that. Anyway.

Directions? Okay. Alright. Well, to be fair, you would have a map of the world, not the sea. I'm in the ocean. Is there no land in sight? So when we descend, no land in sight. This was built, I assume, with no escape vessels, because

of course it was why would it have escape vessels? what, are you going to get into a longboat and then just hope you fall on something soft? I know alright, I'm going to just start searching the ship top to bottom for anything that might help me in my descent into madness

that already happened, but I'm there has it a load? loads? you find like nothing that you think could be useful nothing for repairing the ship or um

like making a new ship if you wanted to you could like start tearing what's left apart because the the ship part itself like the balloon

was made of mostly metal don't ask how that works but the ship part is um like the balloon was made of mostly metal. Don't ask how that works. But the ship part is like wood. So you could theoretically... Try and patch the hole in the two days? No, no, no. No, this thing's going down two days. The best you could hope for is to make like a makeshift raft.

Big enough to put a griffon on? No. I think we just cut our losses with the griffon No! We've lost the treasure Leave with our lives Like the ship probably won't capsize Okay

It'll be a time Oh, let us descend Okay I'm going to sit there, Mop, and I'm just going to sit cross-legged and watch and wait. So eventually you realise you're going to have to separate the metal balloon part from the wooden ship and griffin. Okay.

So you have to go along and, like, basically... Take out the rivets or whatever. Yeah, the connecting parts, yeah. We are conscious. Like, dude, do you need a hand? Are we conscious? No, not really. Oh, we're not.

What's happened is it's rolled onto its side so that the undamaged side of the ship is up, facing up. Oh, okay. And so you're all, like, just lying on that. The griffon, for the most part, is keeping you buoyant. Good. So the most buoyant part is closest to the griffon, for the most part, is keeping you buoyant. Good. So the most buoyant part is closest to the griffon. This, pleasantly enough,

is the side where the griffon's arm was properly strapped. That's lucky. Not much wriggle room. The griffon wakes up like, fuck. Highs or lows? Highs. Highs? Okay, cool.

The griffon's head is above water. Oh, no, good. It's alive. Do these two wake up? Eventually, yeah, after days. So you can look around and you can see them. So, okay, let's recap.

So we're not dead. Everybody survived. Bap Bap is dead. Right. Cut off his head. We are maybe... Okay, I'm tied up. Why? Well, so... My plan is to find land eventually, deliver the griffon, okay,

rake in the reward, and if you're not on board, I'll throw you in the sea. I'm on board. Yeah. All right. I'm on board, Atticus. I'll untie you.

Like, I mean, look, the good guys won. I got the grin. What about Tom? He, you know, he had a good death. And Selena? You know, she, everyone passes. Selena's silver pine. Do we fill in everyone on what happened?

Yeah. So they were all cubs yeah everyone had their own fight I don't know if I fill anyone in other than yeah I got the griffin in the end I killed papa I'm just exhausted also no food also who knows I guess

plus if you want I mean there's bodies Also, no food. Also, who knows where we are. We've got some rations, I guess. Plus, if you want, I mean... There's bodies. Bodies. Uh. Moncula. That was not a cannibalism. Just know how Moncula... Oh, yeah, true.

They would have washed away. Drink the eek. Yeah, is it? So there's not... On the boat anyway, there's no food, is there? It would have washed all the way. It's all gone. Here's a question.

Hey, we've got a fishing rod. Hey, I do. Yeah, what happens with my plate? I get a fishing rod, I get a net. Did you have that on you? Sure. It's on his back now. I certainly had the fish hook on me.

We could fashion something. I think we'll be okay, guys. Plus, guys, whole big mass of griffin to me. You have to say we have a delicious griffin to be honest and a bottle of champagne I didn't use one of my ten bottles of wine surprise congrats pop

here we are the three of us on a piece of driftwood and we'll drift until we find land so seeing the three of you on the wreckage of an airship in the middle of the ocean, strapped to a griffin, you pop a bottle of champagne. We certainly do. We certainly do.

Fry's snake! Eat that! That's gone. Snake fell into the sea, I'm sorry. So did the ram, so nobody wins. Except I won because I caught the griffin! What's going to happen next? Snake fell into the sea, I'm sorry. So did the ram, so nobody wins. Except I won because I caught the griffin. What's going to happen next?

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