D&D is For Nerds - The Last Queen of Bluebeach #5 The Obvious Move

Episode Date: May 19, 2018

In which our heroes set their own ambush.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/To find out more about all the other podcasts taking part in the Podcasts of Annihilation, just head to http://dnd.wizards.com/poaWant to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradio Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio. I've always wanted to live in a lighthouse by the sea, but I also think I'd be so lonely. Hello and welcome to episode 5 of The Last Queen of Blue Beach, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Previously... That's as many as us, plus our horses, I think we'll be okay. Oh, shit. The bloody lizard man. Oh, shit. The bloody lizard man. Oh, shit. This guy's got a fucking

he's got a fucking turtle shell for a sheep. That's mad. Four of them, they were the ones who were obviously, you know, sneaking up behind you

or sneaking around you guys. The fifth one comes out from ahead of you and stands on the fallen logs. Oh, I have a vision. Fuck, that's half-arsed. This is the least

arsed I've ever seen you in a role-playing game. Like, outside of role-playing games, you're like this all the fucking time. It's kind of great imagining, like, this waspy, middle-aged kind of woman you might see at, like, a I imagine her at a shopping center getting yogurt, just slamming a lizard in the mouth.

Should I be rolling saving throws? Well, it's your turn now, so yes. Sweet. Four. That's a fail. Oh, yes. Ladies and gentlemen, here we are again. Jackson Bailey's back in his favorite place.

Everything's so familiar. Fonk! Once in your head and everything goes dark. Now it is Noddy's turn to fall limp. Noddy, you are on one failed saving throw. Old man, you're grievously wounded from your fight with the lizard folk. These old bones are taking a bettering today. I've still got two javelins sticking out of

my chest. Probably pushed out when you were healed. That's very disgusting. The one with the headdress stands up and you can tell that it's in the midst of a spell. Nothing happens this round, but a spell is happening. Petra, it's your turn.

Right, I'm going to attack one. Uh-huh. So I have two attacks. If I can get one and that falls, then I attack the other one? We'll find out. You miss with the first attack. Then I attack him again.

You try to punch it in the face, but its head moves backwards and out of your reach. You attack low, catching it in the gut. It doubles over in pain. Ah, yes. Hopefully this is the chromatic orbed one. It's already a bit weak. Ah, good job. This one doubles over in pain.

You see it hit its knees, fall to its knees, and then crumple forward. You take another one out. Only two left. One spellcaster. I think you need to do a bit of meditation. Good old naughty You get one success So you're on one failed saving throw

And one successful saving throw Just for anyone who might not understand So as I was going to explain earlier You roll a 20 sided die If you get a 10 or above That's a success If you get a 10 or above, that's a success. If you get a 9 or below, that's a failure. Three successes,

you're stabilized, you're fine. Three failures, you die. If you get 20, you're stabilized and you come back on one hit point. If you roll a 1, it's two failed saving throws. That's scary.

This is... What a dice game. Old man. What a dice game indeed. I'm going to try and stabilize Naughty. Come on now, dearie. You stabilize Naughty. You reach down and with some bandages out of your backpack, you begin to

bandage some of the wounds on her. If nothing else, you stop the profuse bleeding so she's not going to- He, sorry. He? Yeah. He is not going to just bleed out and die in the forest. There you go. You're going to be all right.

We're all going to be okay there. It's going to be fine. Am I conscious? No, you're not conscious. Okay. Can't sing your thank you song yet. Hey, look. You win some, you lose some.

Then it is. Oh, dang it. The lizards. They're turning. Oh, dang it. One's going to bite one of us. One's doing a spell. So get ready for everyone to get.

I'm going to put my money currently on poisoning. I assume we're going to get poisoned by this. I just associate lizards, especially fantasy lizards, with poison. I don't know. It was a flame. I thought we were going to get fired. Really? Just a little flame is going to happen. I don't associate lizards with fire. Salamanders, yes. Yes, of course. Are salamanders in real life fire lizards? No, sadly not. Because, yeah, I read a lot about

a little bit about salamanders living in volcanoes in fantasy books. I think the, here's a little tidbit. The idea is that back in the day, people's fireplaces were often just because of like, I don't know what it is necessarily, but like something about the nature of them, like in medieval fireplaces, maybe they were kind of damp or something. But occasionally you would just get salamanders that sort of like the ash. Yeah, like that kind of damp or they something but occasionally you would just get salamanders

the sort of like the ash yeah like that kind of thing so they would chill in there and they would lay their eggs in there and then you light a fire and out of the fire shitting itself comes a salamander and so you're like oh i guess there must be um i'm guessing fire birth salamanders that's what i'm putting one and one together and coming up with 16. I think that's it. I might be wrong, but yeah. The lizard folk with the headdress finishes a flourish on its spell, and you wouldn't notice it unless you were actually looking at it here right now because it's hard to tell. The grass, the blades of grass all around you begin to stiffen and lengthen.

They look sharp and dangerous. Brambles all around you grow out a little bit more and their leaves take on this razor sharp edge and a slight sheen as if they were made out of metal. You begin to feel a little uncomfortable as the blades of grass, as all the plant life around you, begins to poke at anything,

any part of it that is touching you. If you move through this area, you begins to poke at anything you're that any part of it that is touching you if you move through this area you begin to take damage because you're moving through basically shards of metal that look like grass at this point am i on the ground you are it's okay you only take damage if you move though okay we'll leave you where you are you're still fighting from the ground old man incidentally from the ground of the horse. You never got up. Alright, shit. You were on the ground from when you were knocked down. I should stand.

No one could tell because you're so little. I did fine though. From being ground ridden, I did alright. Do you have any... So you have cantrips as well. So you have the same kind of spells. Yes, but my cantrips are not... I have shocking grasp, light and blade ward.

The lizard folk fighting at you tries to bite at old ma'am, but old ma'am, you bring up your old walking stick and jam it into its mouth, twist it around such that it can't get at you. Stay back. At the same time, it elbows you, Petra, in the gut. You double over it. It grabs your head and slams your head into the ground.

That's very unkind. Rude. Very rude. Guess who's going down? It's me. Everything goes dark. Oh, shit. Goodbye.

It's only an old man. Old man who has no spells left. Only shark and grasp to do anything. And you can't move, otherwise you'll get hurt. Petra, if you take one failed saving throw. This is not great. We've been in better situations. Noddy, you have been stabilized.

Old man. What happens? Do I have... You're just unconscious right now on zero hit points. You've got to wait for someone to heal you or for time to pass such that you're healed. Well. Well, well, well, well. I guess I try a new shocking grasp on the nearest lizard man.

Do you have any good dice left? No. I used them for you guys in the fight. I did. Yeah. dice left? No. I used them for you guys in the fight. You grab the lizard on the side of its face and electricity courses from you into the creature. The creature starts

like it's sitting on the electric chair or something. You deal two points of damage. Oh, not great. Here we go. It's the creature's turn. Oh, yeah. Not great. Here we go. It's the creature's turn. Oh, dear. Oh, Nellie.

This is not good. Hey. This is really bad. No one has healing spells. Captured by lizards. Goodbye. Good news, bad news. Bad news.

Bad news. The familiar sight of A lizard folks open war You see Good news is You're not unconscious You're just staring down it's throat You take 5 points of damage Which puts you on 1 hit point

Sweet This is so great So fucking good. So is it pretty much a stalemate if Jack loses one more hit point? If you lose one more hit point, you might become slaves for the lizard folk. Well, it'll just be about escaping a lizard folk camp. That's a doable thing. Right, Guy?

I think so, yes. You're going to kill us. Petra? Yes. Would someone like to come around and confirm there's 20 for me? That's a 20. Petra, your eyes burst open. A sudden gush of adrenaline is flooding through you

as your body refuses to let you die. None of that's for me, no thank you. Well done. Well done, Petra. You're on one hit point lying on the ground watching Old Mam up next to you because she's still on the ground, be bitten

by the lizard folk. What would you like to do? It's your turn. Oh, it is my turn. Alright then. Well, I'm going to do a flurry of blows. I don't think you have key points left. No, I don't. Just the normal 1-1. 1-2, really. On that one. I like that we're fighting from lying down because we don't want to stand up and take damage. Just trip him up and smack him in his mouth.

We can't stand up. If we stand up, we die. Really? Because we'll take any damage from movement. Does that include getting up? I'd say getting up does not count. Okay, okay. Because otherwise it's like, well, this fight is a fight we fight on our backs.

That's funny. You deal 14 points of damage to it from a lying position. You know how a breakdancer will like spin around in a circle on the ground? That's what you do. Breakdancing wars. When your torso is closer to the creature, it's just bang, bang, bang, bang, punching.

And then you spin around and the lizard folk is like, oh, thank god its fists cannot... Ah, punching. And then you spin around and the lizard folk is like, oh, thank God, its fists cannot. Ah, legs! And then you're kicking it with your legs. It stumbles backwards, but it hasn't been taken down. God damn it. How is it not dead?

If it stumbles backwards, does it take damage? No. It's not technically being knocked backwards. No, but because of the grass. Yeah, no, it's not technically being knocked backwards. No, but because of the grass. Yeah, no, it's not technically being knocked backwards. This is flavor for the game. I know. This is doing it to flourish.

That's sad. Yeah. I mean, it's zesty, but... Old man, it's your turn. Is that enough? Shocking grasp. Whilst he's on top of me, I'll jam him with my walking stick, course electricity down it, and try and zap his buns. You grab his foot? Yep. Is that enough? Shocking grasp. Whilst he's on top of me, I'll jam him with my walking stick, course electricity down it and try and zap his buns.

You grab his foot. Electricity leaps up his leg into his possibly cloaca, possibly testicles. You don't know. Possibly an innumerable amount of genitalia through its torso and it lifts it. You know the oral bee, man? So its jaw, its mouth hinges 180 and then a bolt of lightning shoots into the sky.

You deal 16, 6, sorry, points of damage. Let's not get carried away. 6 points of damage. The creature jerks and then collapses Sweet Okay, one more Just one more to take down And we've got one hit point each

Maybe I was thinking like smacking the horse on the rump I think it charged the lizard folk Oh, that'll distract him, that's a good idea Highs or lows? Oh no, highs I like how you failed that one, I didn't want to be responsible The creature leaps off the back Of the logs Oh, no. Hives. Hives? I like how you failed that one. I didn't want to be responsible. The creature leaps off the back of the logs,

and you can see it running into the forest. Oh, thank Christ. That's good. That's one. You wait a little while, and eventually the blades of glass return to normal. All right, everybody, let's just wake up. We'll just wake up old Naughty here. Slavery, slavery, slavery.

Can I be woken? You can take a short rest. We do. All right. Or you can take a long rest. We'll probably take a short rest. I get all my biz back on a short rest, don't I? You get one spell back on a short rest.

That's still good. All right. So I'm going to say you expend. So on a short rest, you can use... Oh, gosh. Explaining rules is hard sometimes, guys. So you get two hit dice, all of you. And on a short rest, you roll them,

and that's how you get hit points back. You can use both of them, and then no more short rests for the rest of the day. Or you can use one of them and then space out your short rests. I'm going to use both because I'm very on one hit point. Yeah, I'm on one hit point too. We're in a shit.

I'm a naughty boy right now. I wouldn't say it would take a long rest. Old man, you recover seven hit points. We've got people chasing us so I think we should just keep running as fast as we can. 15 minute power nap could save your life. Exactly. Petra, you recover 12 hit points.

That's good for me. That's nice. And let's loot these dead lizard folk. Oh, yes. Let's see what they've got. Any kind of result. And Noddy, you recover 11 hit points. Hello!

Hello! You're up there, naughty. Oh, me head. There's fucking Doritos dust all over my stuff, and I don't know... Oh, I was eating Doritos. That's a new problem. That makes a level of sense.

Oh, Adam. There's new personalities. I'm going to pick them fast, and that's very good. Goodness of Harris, better walk course, you're coming thick and fast and that's very good goodness of Harris, but of course you know do we know about this? oh, I just assumed this was just pretty normal we've been together

for a while it's been a long while for some days some weeks were long weeks you hired me I am an employee of yours. I'll eventually pay you, I promise. Oh, that's the only reason. I

don't talk about it, but Barton's not being good. I try. I play my little fingers off. I only made the woman's clothes evaporate the one time. You made her holes evaporate. My clothes!

Her claws evaporated! My apologies, I heard hulls. My rhymes were true, but... This is just chirping. This is a new development. Let's give Noddy just a while to settle on her. Just climatise where he wants to be. I transition into hummingbird for half an hour And return

I only made a Lassus evaporate one time You live a complicated existence there Not he? But look it takes all sorts That's what Griffith always said It takes all sorts It doesn't matter if you're a gnome

If you're a giant I do know it's word. Doesn't matter if you're a gnome, if you're a giant. I do know it's hard for you all, but God, you're not living it. Come and talk to me later when you've lived it. I'm not, I don't care about your engine. If you've got a problem, take it up with me

boots. Oh, fuck. Now we'll loot these lizards, Adam. You find 11 copper pieces. It's hardly worth it. Oh, you take it down. What's going on, old man? You can be party treasurer.

11 copper pieces. That's nothing to sneeze at. You find some gems as well. A bag with 5 gems in it One of them you identify as a jasper A jasper? A jasper, that's a good gem One of them is a quartz A zircon

That's my birthstone I'm putting that in my boot That'll be uncomfortable He's That's my birthstone I'm putting there in my boot. That'll be uncomfortable. He's going to walk on a stone. No, my boots have room. In my sock. I'll put it in my sock. I still think that's the same problem as my boot.

Have your footstone back. I'll give you the stone back. It's been in my shoe. I've put it back in your pouch And shaken the pouch around All your stones have shoe on them now No you've got a whole bag Of stone shoe foot stones

Gems Look I was so close to death I know we were all close to death And an alchemy case With three potions in it. The potions are labeled clairvoyance, which allows for remote seeing.

Stone giant strength, which confers a bonus on strength. And heroism, which provides a bunch of bonuses to one person. When you drink it, you recover or you gain temporary hit points for a little while, and it gives you some bonuses

to fighting. Cool. Who wants the strength one? Who does the strength? Who does the good that? That's not a great sentence, I know, but... Well, I think given what I was told about the last battle, old mum seemed to do most of the arm work.

You two, you were gone for a little bit. It seemed like we were in the shit for us. It's almost dire straits. As straight as it was. It's like, well, you've got three of the lizards. Well, how about I just keep hold of the potions, and in the middle of the battle, if you need one, you just give me a holler, and I'll send it your way.

Well, thank you very much, old man. That's a good idea. I don't need to worry. Well, it wasn't. I was going to say no need to divvy it up right now, but that's good. Let's keep on going with our eyes sharpened and looking for that last lizard. Yes, make sure nobody comes out of the bushes at us.

All right. Highs or lows? Highs. Nothing troubles you for the rest of the day? That's good news. As you are unharassed for the rest of the day. That's good news. As you are unharassed for the rest of the day, you spend a long night resting and are fully recovered

the next day. I'm going to roll my dice for the new day. We're looking at a 13. You know you can use portent for saving throws, right? Oh, that's good. I didn't know that. 13 and 15. Decent. But not amazing, but decent.

Fine, just fine. I've got a vision again. I've got a little vision. What is it of? Let's have a look. Let's see if I can focus in. You start moving again, and Petra and Noddy, you both notice at the same time that you can hear voices coming from the left-hand side of the trail.

Oh, God. There's people moving through the forest. It sounds like they're on horseback. You can hear the trotting of horses as well. Everyone just be quiet. Everyone stop. All stops. You stop and just strain to hear.

What are we listening for? So we don't kind of, you know, horse, shush. Old man, your wizened hairy ears are the only ones that can make out the noise. What's that they're saying? What's going on here? The tavern owner said that they came this way.

We will find them. The tavern what? The trail is to the north here. We will check to see if they are following the trail. I realize that there's some people after us. Pierre did not hold out much longer, did he? No, he did not. He did not.

But look, he was a good sword. He got us this far. Did give him a gold, anyways. Look, if we just stay still, then they'll be ahead of us. How many voices? There's two distinct voices. Perhaps we should head back to the tavern. voices Perhaps we should head back to the tavern No, no, no

We cannot get there It is nothing but a smothering wreckage I heard it from Leroy himself They've ruined the tavern They've completely burnt it to the ground That is an absolute tragedy Because that place was very nice They have a very good

Such a good name What news is there from the men on the main road? Main roads in and out of Blue Beach are being monitored. Okay, then. The conversation continues, but they're like a bit ahead of you now. I feel like if we take out one, then we can question the other. Here is the trail. Should we split up and go in two directions?

Hi, Zoloz. Well. Hi, Zoloz. Hi. Nice. Well. Hi, Zolos. Hi. Nice. Yes. Oui. You take the western path

and I will take the eastern path. Call back if you hear anything or see anything, obviously. Let's just follow the east or west.

Which one? Does it really matter? Easternly, the eastern guy is going to be coming towards you. All right. We'll just wait.

How fast are they coming? We'll just do a bit of an ambush. Trotting. Maybe we should hide in the bushes and use the ambush technique because that worked pretty good on us. We'll get that script and we'll flip it and we'll do it to the end. There we go.

Script flip. We'll hide our horses somewhere. And then we'll wait for an ambush. Remember, try and do it non-lethally. So we can actually do this one lethally, the other one non-lethally. Whatever. Let's just try and get this one.

Just play it by ear. If someone dies, they die. Pretty much. I'd like to avoid murdering straight out, but let's just try and incapacitate as much as we can. I've got no issues. Anyway, let's ambush. I'll make the fan a blow.

I like this new one. For God's sake, I'm exhausted. I feel like I woke up with a hangover. It's not going to go away until this personality does. This new one, it's interesting. I think I'm a fan. I think this is my favourite. By the way, for those playing at home, one of her

background is charlatan, and that she'll just swap personalities as a drop of a hat or something. And identities. I just lie for fun. It's not even fun. It's just how I speak. All three of you, secret yourselves as best as possible in Among the Trees. You do a decent job.

Like, you don't think you're going to be seen. But old man, you go fucking predator on that bullshit. Old man almost perhaps becomes invisible cover myself in mud old man's gone feral oh i really like that sentence old man's gone feral i'm gonna write that down right at the top of i'm gonna write it on the character Old man, old man's gone feral. All of you see the soldier passing you by. He's wearing light leathers, traveling leathers.

He's kitted out for speed rather than combat or anything like that. His horse is wearing, you know, like those jackets or whatever like that, the long coats that a horse can wear. Yeah, yeah, horse coats. Yeah, the horse coat. a horse can wear. Yeah, yeah, horse coats. Yeah, the horse coat. The horse is wearing that. It's a deep, beautiful blue, and emblazoned on it in a constant little pattern is that royal symbol

of the fish going over the sunrise. On the man's shield, though, which he has slung over his back, he instead has that circle with the weird squiggles that was identified for you as the sigil of house. Fluor. I'd like to, whilst we're hidden, sidle up to Naughty and be like, have you hit him with tashes? He rides casually. He's not expecting a fight.

If you hit him with a tashes hideous laughter, well, it's not going to seem terribly suspicious and he'll be incapacitated. Just as a suggestion. I do that. What we do there is maybe incapacitate him, tie him up, kill his horse if we have to. No, because he wants his horse. Oh, then we've all got one. Is someone out there?

Who is there? When you try to throw around his mind, he fights you off. He's giggling, but it's not stopping him. And now he knows that you're here. All right, jigs up. I'll give Petra and Old Man a round of surprise as well. Right. The magic misser.

I'm just going to spend a ki point and smack him non-lethally with my fist three times. That's good. That whole, like, move just suits that voice so well. It does. It shouldn't, but it does. What does, sorry? Like, my range attack should be throwing, like, a shoe. Yeah, like, I don't know, there's something about just, like,

imagining that perfectly manicured hand with, like, what do you call it when is it nude like nail polish where it's like, just like you know what I mean? You mean the French manicure where it's white on the ends? Yeah, yeah, yeah French tip, one of the gold bracelets, like a couple of gold bracelets just connecting with a jaw is very easy

to picture I'm late taking Brandon to the soccer practice and you're in my way. Exactly. It's like having a mum fight at soccer. That's what it seems like has occurred. Old man. Like a brutal mum fight.

Yeah. Old man, three arcane bolts leap from your hand and strike him. Two in the chest, one in the head. You deal 12 points of damage to him in total. He switches to his native Blue Beach language when in trouble. Sacre bleu! Is that a clue? Because it's the blue.

It's the conspiracy of blue. It's the conspiracy of sacred blue. Then you charge out. How deep does the rabbit hole go? Petra. And, oh, yeah, you mince the man. Non-lethal damage. Okay.

Because I can do that. Your first blow is just like a sock in the leg, giving him an intense dead leg. You deal five points of damage to him. That's good. Oh, he cries out in pain. Merde. Merde.

Merde. I was pronouncing that wrong, wasn't I? Apparently. When I was Anton de Saussure way back in the day How do you say it? How are you saying it? Instead of How did I not pick you up on? Because you're not French at all

I knew that's how you pronounce it Unless I'm pronouncing it wrong In which case, feel free to email us in at douche1. Douche13? Douche13. No, douche1. Who are the other douche12s?

Give that guy the business. Let's find him. You know, message both, to be honest. On Twitter. It's good to get them knowing each other. It's a good idea. The social media is a place to connect. Exactly. A place for the douches to connect. Duck underneath his horse

and dead leg him in the other leg, doing another five points of damage. Apparently do. It's my go-to move. The horse tumble. He leans down to grab at his second dead leg, crying out in pain. You grab him by his leather tunic and punch him once in the face

then twice in the face then three times in the face then a fourth time in the face then five more times in the face what do you deal You deal 14 points of damage to him in that last attack. That's real good. He's bleeding profusely from his eyes, nose, mouth, ears, and somewhere underneath in his torso. He's not unconscious, is he? Possibly his nips. No, he's not.

Oh, dear me. He's a royal knight. Royal knights are a tough deal That's alright, we still got him Yeah, look, we'll take him down, it's fine You think that like These guys are very highly trained soldiers You were probably right before

To not challenge Captain Mercer It like, it could have ended Very badly for you guys This is the best chance you have To take one of them out, getting him by surprise on his own and bum-rushing him. If they were together, you might not have been able to win this. Okay then. Anyway, then we'll go to initiative.

Let's see what happens now. Noddy, it's your turn. Okie dokie. Okie dokie. Okie dokie. What would you like to do? Can you please describe this man's appearance? Well, he's an older gentleman. He's got a big, bushy, brown beard. He's balding.

He's got just fat, ugly lips. Awful eyes. A bulbous nose. Really, his face is a mess. He's got these weird, odd lumps all over his body. In one word, mockable. Well, let me get vicious with it then. Hang on, wait, wait, wait.

Go. Oil lumpy face. Why are you... That laugh doesn't count. It's not laughing at you. It's not bad when you throw one his way and you just get nothing. And you're like, ah. This is a different Adam to the Adam I know.

Okay, no. Okay, now I know what to expect. It's good to be ready for next time. I've gone and crushed. Can I finish my insult? Oh, was it not done? No, finish it. It's fine. Oh, gosh.

Oi, lumpy face. You with the lumpy face. Alright, double damage Yes Or you with the lumpy face Shut up Don't just repeat it Gotcha That's wearing the audience down

That's good That's good Colney Rumpelstiltskin Now weaving into gold. Spin my yarn. Spin these insults. Spin the stew. I have not used Vicious Mockery the whole time

because I'm like, God, the pressure's immense. Oh, it is. A single tear rolls down his oddly lumpy face. You do six points of damage. Well, look, that's pretty good. Hey, that's a cantrip. Old man.

Can I rush in and chuck and grasp his horse? You can. Yeah, because hopefully to make the horse collapse and he falls off. Breaks his neck uh as you try to grab the horse he pulls at the reins the horse rears backwards and you grab its belly oh look i still touch it yeah yeah oh good you deal eight points of damage to the horse the horse freaks out with him atop it. He manages to hold the train. Ah, damn it. It would be bad if the horse had just run off with him on top.

My bad. Straight to his mate. Shit. Did not want that one. Dammit. I think killing the horse the riders on this one, we don't do enough as a team. What?

What? Pardon? Like in a D&D, I feel like we've fought people on horses a lot and we never go for the horse. I feel like that's the obvious move. But then you kill the horse, you're still dealing with the lad.

Yeah, but it's rough for him when he falls off the horse. I guess. If you're on a horse, it's very clever. You're not wrong. Then you get to hide it. But we haven't fought anyone on a horse. Well, we've been on a horse. We've only fought lizard people, and they weren't riding horses. Petra?

He attempts to cut you down with his sword. No, none of that. You take eight points of damage. He slashes downwards and cuts you deep in your shoulder. No, thank you. None of that. No. Assistance!

He cries out. Fuck me, Dad. Will our heroes be found out? Find out next time on The Last Queen of Blue Beach, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show,

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