D&D is For Nerds - The Last Queen of Bluebeach #6 Sebastian

Episode Date: May 26, 2018

In which our heroes interrogate a dumpy knight. Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ To find out more about all the other podcasts taking part in the Podcasts of Annihilation, just head to http://dnd.wizards.com/poa Want to help support the show? Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.com Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradio Podkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.com USB Tapes: audiobooksontape.com Merch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradio Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sanspence Radio. I don't know, Zamet. Please. Hi and welcome to episode 6 of The Last Queen of Bluebeach, a D&D and Spinner's adventure. Previously. You wouldn't notice it unless you were actually looking at it here right now, because it's hard to tell. The grass, the blades of grass all around you begin to stiffen and lengthen. They look sharp and dangerous. We can't stand up. If we stand up, we die.

Really? Because we'll take any damage from movement. There's new personalities. I'm going to pick them fast. That's very good. Goodness, I've had a risk, but of course, you know. As you are unharassed for the rest of the day, you spend a long night resting

and are fully recovered the next day. All of you see the soldier passing you by. He's wearing light leathers, traveling leathers. He's kitted out for speed rather than combat or anything like that. He switches to his native Blue Beach language when in trouble. Sacre bleu!

Is that a clue? Because it's the blue. It's the conspiracy of blue. It's the conspiracy of sacred blue. Assistance! Assistance! Fuck. He cries out. Fuck me, Dad. The Kingsguard has called for assistance.

Petra, it's your turn. How is he wounded? What's he looking like? Is he looking pretty bad? He looks pretty roughed up But he's not out of the fight Not by any long imagination I'm going to spend another ki point And do flurry of blows

Smack him some more Three times As he opens his mouth again Assistons! You grab his mouth His lower jaw Bring it down Punch him once more in the nose

This is all non-lethal by the way Why are you doing this to me? He calls out He wrenches his head backwards And your next attacks He just swings downwards with his sword And you can't land the blow on him. But you deal

six points of damage to him. We've nearly taken him. Get in there, get in there. It's gonna suck when his mate comes though. Yeah, he looks pretty tired. Pretty good. Naughty. I would like to use

vicious mockery again. Alright. Hey mate, Is that blood coming out of your eyes Or are you just crying for me to Punch you in the face Nothing going this time You should have gone with way lumpy face I would have been mad

But it might have gotten me again Are you allowed to use the same one twice I would advise against it because it'll make me mad, but it might work. Regardless, you do four points of damage to him. He slumps forward. Another single tear. He looks over to you.

Why? And then slumps forward in the horse. I mutter, you know what you did. He unconscious? He is. Highs or lows? Ah, jeez. Highs. Draw to thin.

I feel like his mate might be coming round the corner. What? I went like wee Scottish for a moment. I don't know where I was. Oh, we're all Scottish now. You're all... I'm rubbing off on the lotties. Round the corner. Alright, let's you, that's the good news.

All right, let's play a little game. All right. Whether or not his mate heard this. So behind door number one, the brown dice have always steered you well. They're a delightful set of dice, happy to serve you in any situation. Next up, Halloween dice. Love the Halloween Dice. Halloween Dice came to us on a cold, misty night

and informed us that their favorite thing to do of any night is to walk quietly on a beach. That's lovely. This is my favorite game show. A green dice. Green dice speak 16 different languages, but all of them are English

Different dialects make sense Halloween dice, my favourite dice Sebastian You hear from westward along the trail Sebastian Obviously no response Can we just Hide ourselves

So we might be able to What do you do about The unconscious knight And the horse We are Throw him in the bush Push him Push him

Stash him in the bush Do you lead him on the horse Or just push him off And drag him Lead him in the horse Yeah we'll lead them Into the bush Maybe like

What do I want to do here You'll have a harder time Concealing them both That's what we want to do here Is maybe lay a trap Okay So that like He'll come. Yeah, we'll lead them into the bush. Maybe like, maybe, what do I want to do here? You'll have a harder time concealing them both. That's, the way we want to do here is maybe lay a trap. Okay. So that like, he'll come up and then we'll get like another bum rush attack. If we put them both in the bush and then knock him off his horse when they're in the bush. Well, I'd leave the body.

Then he sees the body. He's like, what happened? And then we attack. Not a bad idea, but he might be, um, put the body by the side of the road so he doesn't like automatically assume something's happening. All right. You know what I mean? After the conversation, you have just enough time to push the body off the horse. He hits the ground. And then probably the horse starts galloping away unless one of you guys tried to...

Perfect, actually. That's good. All right. Then each of you attempts to hide again. I don't like attempts to hide. I love attempts to hide again. I don't like attempts to hide. I love attempts to hide. Noddy and Petra, both of you,

following old mam's example, become like the predator. Old mam, you're tired. You're done being the predator. I was stealthy already. You're kind of still standing on the road. I'm not as quick as the two of you. Use one of those ones if you want.

Sebastia. He catches sight of you, old man. Draws his sword. This is like well outside of a fighting range. Unless one of you chucks a spell. But we're going to initiative now with him seeing old man. That's all right. You still get the surprise.

No, we'll just use the initiative we had last time. Noddy, you go first. I would like to burst out of the bushes crying and using Charm Person. Sorry. And use Charm Person. How do you cast your spells? Bards typically sing them. Oh, that's good.

Let me judge. Well, gosh darn. His eyes go blank for a moment, but then return. What is the matter, citizen? Please help me. Me old ma'am and I, we were walking along the street and bandits came onto the road, and your friend, he tried to help us, and he saved me, or the mum,

and he kept me behind in the bushes, but the bandits got him. I'd like to adopt, like, a glassy-eyed stare and try and act like an invalid. Your friend was... The night resheathes his sword and clambers off his horse, bullet. I don't know where the week's harvests are anymore. The knight resheathes his sword and clambers off his horse.

That is dreadful news, citizen. My name is also Sebastian. Classic. The Sebastians. That always happens. Send the Sebastians. I grab his hand so firmly. Thank you, Sebastian. You always happens. Send to Sebastian. I grab his hand so firmly.

Oh, thank you, Sebastian. You're a friend. If you're half as valiant and brave as him, you're a good lad. You're such a good lad. You should take care in these parts. Not only is there bandits, but there are three dangerous

criminals in this area as well. Maybe that was the bandits then. There were three of them. Two of them have descriptions very similar to you, but they are with a third, an ex-soldier. One of them

did have a soldier's sigil. I didn't... You saw them? I saw them. I saw the soldier. They were bringing up a horse. The horse had an old crow on the back and she was so mean.

There was only two of them. There was only two of them. There was only two of them? There was only two, but there was an old lady. The old lady is one of them? Yes, and then there was another one, the soldier, Sigil, and I don't know, I don't recognize it. The knight is, while he is unable to praise, parse what you were trying to say, he understands or he believes you to be an ally. So he says,

Stay behind me, citizen. What is your name? My name is also Sebastian. What an amazing coincidence. Please, I must rouse my compatriot. He walks up to also Sebastian. Whilst he's facing away, can we exchange a real quick glance? What do we do?

We definitely do. Like mime hitting him with my walking stick. I'm looking at you. Are we attacking? All get a surprise hit on this? I mean, I guess we get a surprise because he's checking, he's trying to ruse his bro. If he ruses his bro, he jigs up.

Yeah, this is a bad time for us. This is a moment of action. Can I smack him in the back of my head with a walking stick? He's like, what? Put a shock through it. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Opaque green dice Come from Norway They originally speak mostly Scandinavian languages But today

Have begun They've begun learning English Simply to go on a date with you I don't want a date That's strange Opaque blue dice are mostly Italian in origin, but they come from

mostly Italian. Sometimes not. Sometimes Greek. I like those ones. They enjoy celebrating Greek Easter for the most part and love painting the eggs the most. Okay. Alright. Clear blue dice are named George. Just a strong are named George.

Just a strong name. I named George. Now for some specific things about these dice. Now, you'll actually notice that these dice are mismatched. One of them is clear and one of them is opaque but with white colors in it. Yeah, I see that. That's due to a condition known as dysphoria. I see. Dice dysphoria.

Are you mixing them together? No, I'm rolling them. Oh, I see. All right. Are you mixing them together? No, I'm rolling them Oh, I see Alright Which dice will it be? I'm a fan of George myself Yeah, I love George I'm happy to be slain

I'll go George Yeah, George Which one was George? The last one Pay attention to your own game show, Adam God damn it We keep ju choosing with our hearts and not our heads.

So you do not instantly knock out the knight, which was what I was going to allow you to maybe do. That would have been good. Instead, you just clock it on the back of the head. Yep. You try to, but he's wearing an helmet. Of course. Each of you get a surprise round

So don't worry, you'll each get a turn Also smack him in the head twice Or at least, you know, not in the helmet Oh wait, can I change that to a 15? You certainly can, my friend I have a vision, I think As far as I'm aware, this didn't happen like this It happened like this

You deal 8 points of damage Sacre bleu! I imagine that's the noise it makes when it hits the helmet. Bonjour! That tickled me good. Noddy and Petra, both of you get a surprise round. I'm going to do just a double attack.

What do you want to do here, Noddy? I think I'm going to go Dissonant Whispers. Dissonant Whispers? Spooky as brain So Petra, you charge in And like with a practice dummy You're just going at him Like bang, left, right, up, down

Mid, high, blow All over, he's just working his chest Solidly But halfway through your routine You realise you are punching He is not wearing leather, He is wearing plate mail. And you are just punching plate mail. Your hands are raw red and painful.

This isn't good. This is hurting my French tips here. I'm not a fan of this at all. So you go from charming him to be your friend, naughty, to whispering awful nothings in his ear. He takes 12 points of damage and his eyes turn into pinpricks. He's terrified of you. He runs away from you. Get him. Away, away? Noddy, it's your turn. Away, away? He runs just 30 feet away.

I'm going to have to go with Vicious Mockery. That's the only attack one I really have. He's wearing full plate armor. He's clean shaven, but probably in his mid-40s. He's wearing full plate armor. He's clean shaven, but probably in his mid-forties. He's got bright blue eyes. You can't really see his hair underneath his helmet or anything like that. His teeth are slightly brown, but quite straight.

Not brown, yellow. Playing in hard mode, right? Yeah. He's covered in regalia. You think he might be like a low-level officer within the royal guard. He doesn't have a weapon on him. He left those with his horse. Yes!

You're gonna work the magic there. Weave that gold. Oh, God. Just use the same insult again. I wouldn't use it. I've got the laugh out for Lumpy Face. Sorry, guys. Nice plate. What are you going to cook?

Crocker set. I didn't actually hear what you said. Nice plate. What are you going to... Did you just set a crocker? You're going to crack under the crocker's dress? I'm going to eat off of you. I'm going to make a meal out of you

boy went for too long first it was like the perfect length then it went for too long then it kind of came back around but then it went for too long but you kind of ended on a high note like if a keen eared listener

goes back you'll hear a chuckle at the end of it so I'll give you double damage. That got me good. It was a weird time. It was good. I wouldn't give you that laugh again. You deal seven points of damage. He starts crying.

I've taken this back. Why would you say this? Why would you compare me to... I thought we were friends. Citizen. Sebastian. Why? We share the same name.

Old map. We have a special map that you're ruining. I've got one first level left, don't I? As far as I'm aware. Yeah, I do. Trust me. I'll hit far as I'm aware. Yeah, I do. Trust me. I'll hit him with some toxic orb. Alright.

Roll it down my staff and into his brain. He brings his hands up. Your ball of toxic goo slams into them and splatters all over him. He screams, but then lowers his arms. Your poison

has only hit his gauntleted hands and gone around on his armor. Garbage. You don't have a dice to change that to? What's the other one you haven't used? 13. A few drips of it fall into his face.

Sack them do! I'll take it. You'll lose that one. That's me out of prophecy. Out of prophecy for the moment. You deal. 17 points of damage to him. Got him right in the eye. Oh boy.

Cook his brain. It's all about brain cooking with me. Ah! Ah! Ah! I imagine Bitly getting a fart. You are a cool old woman. He shut your mouth. One moment. You are the ones I am looking for. It's his

turn. You are not bright. You are not a bright boy. He punches the old woman in the face. Come on, man. You wouldn't hit me. I'm just a nana. You wouldn't punch me. I'm just a nana. You wouldn't punch a nana. Or he tries to.

He swings once and you duck underneath his blow. He swings a second time, but he didn't notice that you ducked because his eyes are closed because there is poison in his eyes. Nice try, whippersnapper. Petron, it's your turn. Okay, then. What I'm going to do here is I'm going to try and smack him in his kneecaps. Pop those caps. You go down.

Bang. Bang. Oh, right. His legs are on. He's wearing greaves. I should have gone for the eyes. You just keep hurting your hands. Tell you what, this is not how I expect it today to go.

This has not been our day. Go for it again, nonstop. It's real good. Just go for too long and it's funny. That's all I can do. You go for too long and I have a great time. You don't crack a smile for madam, but fuck me, he's having a lot of fun.

Oi, Sebastian. Moi, moi, what about I call you Sebastian? Oi, moi, moi, moi, moi, moi, moi, moi, moi. Got him. What the fuck? Double damage. I've still got that whole insult for later. What insult?

All you did was make noises. I was trying real hard to say what I was saying. You deal four points of damage. Something. Fuck me. That was good. Fuck off. I don't even want to look at you right now.

Old mom. Ma'am, whatever. Fuck off I don't even want to look at you right now Old mum Ma'am, whatever This game I don't really have much left Can I reach him in this turn? You're still standing next to him, really? No, sure, I can grasp Give him an old man punch in the gut

Oh, you get advantage for this He's wearing metal armor Oh! Ew, is that the case? You grab his gauntleted hand No, you get advantage for this. He's wearing a metal armor. Oh! Ew. Ew. Ew, is that the case? You grab his gauntleted hand, and electricity surges through you into him. You deal three points of damage.

That's right. He's very nice. He starts swaying. He looks like he's on his last legs or last hit point, whichever you prefer to say. It's his turn. He wrenches his arm out of your grasp, old man, and tries to punch you again. I'm too slippery, though.

Bang! Once in the face! Oh, no! Bang! A second time in the face. My goodness. You punched an old male! You wouldn't punch an old woman. What is wrong with you? You were raised in a barn, I tell you what. You take eight points of damage. Fuck me. Well, I've fucked him up enough

That's fair Look fair's fair Fair's fair But that's quite rude He's a very rude boy The opening blow Of both the fights you've been in Have reduced you to half hit points

Technically this isn't really The opening blow But you know what I mean Petra it's your turn I'm going to Try and get him this time With my fists See if I can actually get him It's going to work out eventually Just trying to Do I get him this time with my fists. See if I can actually get him.

Do I get him? No, I don't. God damn it. He's wearing very heavy armor. I'll just try and disrobe him, I guess. Get him nude, man. You fought in a war against a border skirmish against Goldcrest. Goldcrest is a very, very poor nation.

Never before in your entire life have you fought someone with metal armor. This is literally the first time. I don't know what they're doing here. This is very hard. You're used to, like, punching soft leather and it crumpling a little bit. So all of your attacks are just... This is real... This is hurting.

This is hurting. Your hands are going to be bloody. I use Vicious Mercury. It doesn't actually matter. Minimum damage, he falls. He starts crying heavily. Why? And then he falls face forward.

Right. Is he dead or can we stabilize him? No one did non-lethal damage to him, so he's dead. Oh, wait, no, I think we did hit him once. Yeah, I think in your first opening blow, you hit him once. So, now it's important. If the joke you tell makes me laugh, he might

die. Oh, god. I'm ready to laugh. He's like, oh, what are you laughing? Double damage, that's fine. I might just start thinking about killing him, and that might make me laugh. Okay. I'm already giggling.

The idea of killing him is very amusing to me. Hey, Sebastian, more like Sir Bast-in, because you're going down. I'll count it. Double damage. I'm not going to lie. I was going to do double damage. That was inevitable.

There he dies. Gotcha. That's a shame. His head explodes. Well, that's a bit dumb. It does, actually. His head explodes. Jesus. That was unnecessary. He's trying to get in, you know. The other fella's still, he's still Actually, his head explodes. That was unnecessary. The other fella's still in. Let's just grab everyone, horses included.

Let's get them off the beaten path. You only collect one of the horses because the other one galloped away. That's fine. That's not a problem. Let's loot this dead man, see what he's got. Can anyone use the armor here? Look, I'll wear it. The heavy metal armor is far too big for any of you. He was a lot heavier set than any of you.

The lighter leather armor, though, if one of you want... Oh, actually, I think... Petra, you don't wear armor. You move better without it. Noddy, you already have leather armour. And Old Mam, leather armour interferes with your spell. Not for us, then. Not for us.

Probably don't need it, to be honest. Let's take the armour off the alive boy, though. Yes, let's take him into the woods, tie him to a tree or some such, and then we can have a conversation with him. All right, you just wait for him to wake up? We'll try and wake him up. You can have a short rest in that time if you want Yeah sure

Let's do that then I'm gonna name the new horse Griffith After my dad husband Perfect Would you like to Okay Noddy you've taken no damage Petra you're on 12 hit points out of 20 Old man you're on 8 hit points out of 16

I'll use my two I'll use both That's fine Are you both using both? Yeah Alright You recover 8 hit points, old man. So you're

back to full. Nicely done. That's very nice to hear. I might make a little cup of tea for everybody. Everybody like a cup of tea? Petra, you also recover eight hit points, so you're also on full hit points. That's fantastic. You'd love a cuppa. Not a problem. I'll make a cuppa for everybody.

Alright. Put it on the billy. As you're resting, the knight slowly opens Fantastic. You'd love a cuppa. All right, not a problem. I'll make a cuppa for everybody. All right. We're just going to have a little. Yeah, put it on the billy. As you're resting, the knight slowly opens his eyes, bounds to the tree. What? Oh. G'day there, son. G'day, Sebastian.

How are you today? How do you know my name? Cleverliancy. We're just very clever. We know everything, Sebastian. Bullshit. Do you have a better solution? Perhaps my compatriot told you when you ambushed him as well. Yes, well, look, it's not terribly important, Sebastian.

The details don't matter, Sebastian. So, Sebastian, can you just let us know why you're trying to find us and what's going on here? I have orders to do so. By who, if you don't mind us asking? The Queen herself. Oh, the Queen. Does he seem like he's on the level?

Because we're on the Queen's side. Yeah. It's hard to read him. Well, I'll have you know we're on the Queen's side. I have trouble believing that from three criminals. Criminals, what is it? I was a soldier. I fought for this queen and

country of ours. I love this bloody country. How dare you say that we are criminals? Yeah, where did that come from? Correct, actually. Excuse me. You are not criminals. To call you criminals would give criminals a bad name. You are traitors. Traitors? Why are we traitors here? We love this country

of ours. How dare you say... I slap him. All right. Yeah, you slap him. No rules or anything. Don't you dare call us a traitor. Is the... You carry information for the resistance.

A subset. Evil people who wish to see our queen armed. We don't want to see our queen armed at all. I wouldn't happen to go by the name of the Conspiracy of the Blue or something. I do not know their name. I only wish to kill our queen to prevent the unification. Well, we don't want to kill our queen. We love our queen.

I have trouble believing you. Well, come on now. Well, come on. Well, what do you want to happen? Tell me what you want to happen. Because quite frankly, I believe that this Captain Mercer, he's the one. The newbie. Captain Mercer is a paragon of virtue.

He is a leader of the royal guard and has been a faithful star-worth of the queen since he first took the arm air. I feel like we need a little moment to confer. If you wouldn't mind just staying tied to that tree. Have I any choice? No, but I was just being polite. You're being non-hero. Sebastian, just come here.

Another rude bunch. So, like, what's the gay? Because, like, I love that. Yes, it's become a bit complicated, hasn't it? Because even if we give him the information, we've also killed his compatriots. We definitely have done that. If we weren't

traitors to begin with, technically on paper we're traitors now. Does this boy have to die? No, no, no. That's a bit much. He's done it. He's as he could. So you were saying,

you two were saying, quiet now, so you two were saying that Mercerfella didn't seem All tickety-boo That's correct yes He did not seem tickety-boo He was definitely not on the level He was tockety-poo Well done

Double damage Can I get an inspiration point Do you already have your old one Oh I haven't used it That's a shame. Anyway. Yes, yes, and then this is a difficult choice. This is really, yes.

I don't even know what the choice to be made is. We're at the Queen because we could try and get to the Queen, but if we're going to the Queen, everyone's going to think we're going to attack the Queen, and we're really not. And I don't want us to find ourselves at the queen, only to then discover that we were in the wrong the whole time, and then we end up in a dungeon.

Because I have, what, five years left. I would rather not spend it inside a dungeon. No. Well, if we leave this boy alive, we've already got names on our heads. Look. A price. Someone's already, look. I think we're just making it worse by letting him live.

No, we're not. We're not. We're not killing a man. Golly. Just easy, does it? Sebastian. Oui. So, look.

I think there's been a misunderstanding. So, we just saw a boy A man He came into the tavern Well no He came into the road He was already shot by a bunch of Arrows

Arrows that you Peppered him with So he was on your side Of course He was a member of the royal guard Right No because He said

He came to the town And he was already dead And we investigated And got He was already dead Was he investigated Oh he was already dead was he? Yes And how did that happen? We don't know He had some arrows

He was peppered with black arrows Yes Oh I like this story I watched him die As I was trying to save his life Perhaps this is the first truth you have told me That you watched him die Can we have another moment?

Thank you so much You'll be very mean Sebastian Look Petra Look Petra Perhaps this is the first truth you have told me, that you watched him die. Can we have another moment? You're being very mean, Sebastian. Look, Petra, look, Petra. So, clearly something is up. And to me, it's actually quite relieving to find out that we're not traitors. Yes. Because I was, I'll be honest, I was worried for a second. Me too, not going to lie.

I was quite perturbed. So, we need to find out from this gentleman why he thinks that we're the traitors. Who told him that? Probably that kid. Because we find out who told him that, we find out who's gentleman why he thinks that we're the traitors. Who told him that? Probably that kid. Because we find out who told him that, we find out who's at the heart of the whole problem. Excuse me there, Sebastian. Where did you hear that we were traitors to the country? I will not surrender any of my compatriots. You will have to torture me.

Was it Captain Nuerster, though? We can arrange the torture. I will torture you. No, we're not torturing anybody. Calm down. Don't make me get picky with your face. No, we're not torturing. Look, we're not going to torture you.

Your lumpy face. Sebastian. Such a lumpy face. He does, but look. That's really sad to see. Noddy, you see through his ruse. You're the only one to see through his ruse. Yes, it was Captain Mercer.

You might not need to tell the people if you don't want to, though. Like, feel free to furnish them with whatever information you think achieves your ends of perhaps killing him. When you say it was Captain Mercer. So, when he asks, when Petra asks if it was Captain Mercer

and he says, I will not surrender information, you can tell from the way he looks, his eyes dart from side to side. You, like Petra, pretty much hit the nail on the head with that one. Well, gals, I can tell when he's lying, and I'm telling you he's lying. It was Captain Mercer. See, all right. So herein lies the rub, see?

So I think Captain Mercer is probably planning what he's accusing us of planning. So um... Assassination of the Quaid? Is that the case? He's the perfect one to plan it if he's planting all these lies. So I'm reckoning what's happening here is Captain Mercer doesn't want the unification to happen. Yes, right. So

um, yeah. And as I have pointed out previously, Mercer sounds an awful lot like Merida. That's true. So we find ourselves in a difficult position because I don't know what we intend to do with Sebastian here. Sebastian's a good lad. He's just following his orders.

His orders are just wrong. Well, yes, I understand that and I agree, but are we to just leave him in the woods? We're not going to leave him in the woods. No, no, no. We'll probably untie him, let him go the woods? We're not going to leave him in the woods. We'll probably untie him, let him go, maybe take his horse and his greaves and his weapons. Strip him of his things and then he can just carry on into the woods alone.

This is the main road there, so he can follow his way back. That's a grey area we're following too, but we're not going to kill him because if you give him his horse, he's just going to go and tell everyone. How about this? We'll give him one horse, he's just going to go and tell everyone. How about this? We'll give him one weapon.

We don't need to give him a weapon. There's bandits out there in that lizard fight, remember? I suppose. Then he'll attack us. Why, dear Sebastian? Will you attack us? If we let you free with a weapon, will you attack us? He looks at you and he says, I have sworn an oath to protect the queen.

If you arm me, I will follow you, and I will attempt to stop you by any means. But we want to protect the Queen as well, you see. This is the problem. I believe that your Captain Mercer is Perhaps then you should give me a weapon. You see? I'd like to point my walking stick at you and be like, well, there you go. We'll untie you and then we won't give you a weapon because you just admitted

that you were going to attack us. But I just want to point out that if we were traitors, would we even be having this discussion? We would have killed you. That's true. It would have been a lot easier to kill you. Perhaps your friend betrays your true motives. Perhaps you plan to untie me to confuse the royal guard.

It will not work. I'll say we just untie him. He's no trouble than he's worth. We've learnt what we need to know. Yeah, all right. I'll untie. Yeah, right, untie him. Take his not a trouble that he's worth. We've learnt what we need to know. I'll untie him. Take his weapon, take all of his effects. You're free to go if you want.

Fuck along into the forest. He gets up. Nude as the day he was born. He gets up. We put on some loincloths. Whose pants is he wearing? He's so in pants. He had greaves. I. Whose pants is he wearing? He's got on pants. He had greaves.

I don't want him in his armor. He can be nude. He stands up nude as the day is born. You're telling me, sorry, Sebastian, you went into your greaves completely nude. No underclothes at all. He has, like, under padding. It's just part of the armor. That's gross. That's gross.

That's how everyone wears armor. He at least puts a bit of loincloth on there. I prefer to ride Ayuse Commando. That's fine. Look, how everyone wears armour. He at least puts a bit of loincloth on there. I prefer to ride Ayuse Commando. That's fine. Look, I've got some common clothes. You can take them. You can take them off me. There you go.

He takes them from you, but he doesn't put them on. He just grabs them and like he's in a bit of a huff. All right, there you go. You can have those common clothes. You can see every part of his odd lumpy body. That's not great. Do you have an illness? Thank you not to step.

I'm just curious. Anyway, Sebastian, I just want to point out that we have not got you, as I killed you or anything like that. We are on the same side here, but we do think there's potentially something bigger than this. Is there anything that we can do for you to trust us? Turn yourself in. Yes, that's what I imagine.

But the problem there is, if we turn ourselves in, we kind of believe that someone higher up is planning all this. So if he gets us, do you not see the problem here? He has the clothes tucked underneath his arm and he says, I refuse to believe that Captain Mercer could be anything other than a paragon, what he is, in fact, a paragon of the community and the highest of highest members of the royal guard. Well, that's fine then. Maybe he's not Captain Mercer himself.

Maybe someone above Captain Mercer. You know what I mean? Just let him go. You're fighting a brick wall there, Dal. It feels like I'm fighting a brick wall. I just feel that I need to do my best. You have given me no choice but to let you live without a fight, They're farting a brick wall. It feels like I'm farting a brick wall. I just feel that I need to do my best. You have given me no choice but to let you live without a fight.

But know this, I am not a friend to you. Yes, I didn't ever imagine you were there, Sebastian. You have a lovely day. You have a lovely day. I'm not going to lie, Sebastian, that last bit stung. I wish I could say the same to you. I thought we'd build up a little bit of a relationship here, a bit of friendship maybe, or maybe a little bit of blossoming of acquaintances.

But that last bit's done. I just wanted you to know that you hurt me. There can be no friendship with traitors. You hurt me quite deep. You keep hurting their feelings, I'll hurt something of yours. So I'm just going to... I'm ready to die for my cause. Well, so was I.

I was prepared to die for this queen and country, but it's fine. You're just going to hurl insults like that. It's just mean. Are you going to cry? Yes. Traitor. I am. That's not very nice. I'm not a traitor at all. Come on now, Sebastian. You've done your worst.

Get along now. Do you know that your compatriot magically armed me with insults? Do you notice that? Sebastian. I physically began bleeding because of his insults. You don't have to be so cruel, okay? Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sebastian, you're making a fool of yourself. Here's our bare, lumpy butt holes. That is a very near thing. Sebastian is very mean. There goes lumpy Sebastian. After bigger and better things. Double damage. Dead in the woods.

All right, let's hop back on our horses and carry on. What new threats will our heroes encounter in the forests of Normandy? Find out next time on The Last Queen of Bluebeach, a D&D is for Nerds adventure Thanks for listening If you want to help support the show why not become a member at SandsPantsPlus.com

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