D&D is For Nerds - The Last Queen of Bluebeach #9 Bluebeach

Episode Date: June 16, 2018

In which our heroes meet the Candonese delegation.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/To find out more about all the other podcasts taking part in the Podcasts of Annihilation, just head to http://dnd.wizards.com/poaWant to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradio Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio, don't trust the little one. Have you been asked to run a fifth-ed Dungeons & Dragons adventure out of the blue by your good friends Zamet and Jackson and found yourself with very little prep time and two restless, angry boys? No? Only me? Well, if you're ever afraid that Zamet and or Jackson might break into your home uninvited at night and demand D&D, there is

Limitless-Adventures.com. You'll find enough locations, encounters, and side quests to cut your prep time in half. Limitless-Adventures is currently doing their third print Kickstarter, 100 Limitless Monsters, which includes tactics, lore, and everything else a DM held hostage by his friends needs. To find out more, head to limitless-adventures.com slash monsters. So once again, if you're under the pump or just need a bit of inspiration, head to limitless-adventures.com Don't worry about it, do you? This is just... Look, nothing to stress yourself with. Can I pull out a boiled sweet and give it to him? You give him a coin, a boiled sweet, and a lot of trauma that he might eventually one day

be able to tell to a therapist. We'll leave the gentleman, Marty, back to you. On his way out, he makes special note to step on a very nice hairbrush. Watch your secret, boy. Teach me your ways. It's pain every day for me.

You know whenever you pick some skin at the bed of your nail or whatever and you're afraid that you're going to tear a line off your finger? That, but with a bone in his arm. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

You make it back to Roberta Dehood and her merry woman's camp. Is she there? No, she hasn't returned yet. We'll hunker down and wait her out. A celebration starts kicking off though. People are happy to have Marty back. We must get up. The sheriff and his

men are closing in upon our position. Oh no. It's up. Goodness. This is not great. This is not great at all. And every now and then you hear someone yell

You stop! In the name of the sheriff! But you ride through all of that. Once or twice maybe even someone reaches out and grabs you or your horse but you just power through. You ride for a day and a bit.

Solidly. You rest as best you can On the backs of horses it's not too hard And Roberta knows these forests like the back of her hand So you travel without too much delay or trouble Eventually Oh, everyone's fully healed if you had any damage I don't think we did actually

Yeah, you got in and out pretty clean We're good at our job I can't say the same for literally everybody else. Even the boy we didn't hurt pissed himself. So is your plan to go to Blue Beach or to go... Because you'll have maybe... You'll arrive the night before, so you'll have hours to prepare if you wish.

Or you can go straight to Blue Beach. Do we need anything? I don't think so. Perhaps it is you could speak to someone if you had a friend or if you think you could talk your way to get to the queen. I don't know. I don't know anyone that we could...

How compelling is your evidence? How powerful are your enemies? I think our enemies are quite powerful. I believe our enemies are part of the... I'm a former soldier, but I believe the people who are attacking us are already current soldiers and are quite high up. Do you know who would be here to assassinate the Queen, for lack of a better word? I want to say Captain Mercer. Yes, I wouldn't be surprised if it was that Mercer fellow.

Oh, the Royal Guard. Yes. This is shocking. I served with him is that so in wars he mentions the fight

that you guys I was in that one yes I served with him he seemed like an

upstanding man I have trouble believing he could be part of this

are you certain well not 100% certain but he was very serious

it's troubling news to find out. Do you think maybe he could have been mind-controlled or maybe he's being blackmailed himself? I mean, it is always a possibility. I do not think blackmailed, though. Mercer is a... well, the Mercer I knew was a very honourable man.

I do not think he could even be blackmailed, let alone fall to blackmailing I mean if we I mean they're after us I mean they might be still up in you know

the forest so we could try to get to the queen with some evidence that there's an assassination we could at least attempt to get like a audience with her

you could try there's no guarantee obviously and if Captain Mercer you say is your enemy then perhaps going into town might get you say, is your enemy, then perhaps going into town might get you arrested.

That is true. Is there any way we can get maybe some disguises? Like some hoods over our heads? Well, it is funny you should say, but I have some experience disguising myself. In that case, maybe some disguising. We could just scope in the town itself, see if we can get to

the Queen, and if we can't, then we'll just go to the beach. If I'm a master of three things it is the sword, the bow and the disguise. Oh, Roberto. The only three true forms of deception. Right. If you have not

fought with a blade properly then you do not know what deception is. I guess I don't. I would disagree. Maybe you could gussy us up, that'd be just wonderful. She grabs whatever she can at hand and whatever meager supplies with herself and she, as

you said, gussies you up. From like a sea cucumber and the right paints creates like a fake nose for each of you. Oh, that's brilliant. She changes skin colors, even ears. Like,

Noddy, you now look like an elf. You are very, a very convincing elf. Thank you. Old man. Yeah. You now look a lot,

a hell of a lot younger than you were originally. All right. And Ahud obscures any sort of vision of your true age. And Petra, you're not even sure how, but with some dyes is able to change one of your eye colors. So now you have like a, what's your regular eye color? I was going to go with green.

You have one green eye and one brown eye? Oh, that's impressive. She makes you look like a guy. That's impressive. That's beautiful. Gotta sound a little bit younger. I was my accent. And she basically transforms before your eyes.

If you hadn't seen her do it herself, you would assume it was magic. But she just looks like an entirely different person. Wow. That is actually amazing. You are an amazing individual. I am impressed. Oh my gosh. That was all right.

That was all right. No, wait until that. I am trying to fit in with the French accent. It's really good. It's also very good, peeps. We should try and do the French accent. I think we all should. I think it would be think it would seem like common peasantry if you have this accent

within the walls of Blue Beach no I mean it is the accent of the common man among the elite of Blue Beach they sound something more like this hi there it's me I'm old man Bitch, they sound something more like this. No, right then. Hi there, it's me. Hi, it's me.

I'm Old Man. It's me. Hi there, bitch. Oh, my God. You look like I just got this accent down, guys. Why are you making me do a new one? Are we jumping to another one? Right.

Right then. Just talk with your teeth. Yeah, the trick is to talk with your teeth Yeah the trick is to talk with your teeth Yes I'm just trying to Imitate what Adam looks like now Keep your mouth as still as possible Why are a lot of these About not moving parts of you

How dare you Thank you Roberto Let us go into the Let's do Fighting Thank you, Roberta. Let us go into the Bluebeard. Let's do fighting. Thank you so much. You're a darling. Under your disguises, you make your way into Bluebeard. You get in without any difficulty.

The city guards certainly don't question you. But as you do walk in, goblins. Thousands of them. No. Petra, you spot there's a, next to the guard post at the city entrance, there's this big placard with different wanted posters on it. All three of you are wanted posters, each with 5,000 coins on your head.

I think we've become a bit more wantedunted than we were when we left here. It says... What do these people want to be accused of? Crimes against the crown. Treason. Murder. Arson. Arson? They're blaming us for the burning of the bloody fire.

Of that lovely tavern. Describe the posters. Did they get us accurately? Are they flattering? I can see that I've got ink. Naughty Heiselos. Heis!

Yes, it's a perfect likeness of you. Like your own mother drew it. Mum, why? I've got a bottle of ink and an ink pen on my person. Could I... Not without the guards noticing. Oh, that's a shame. Petra?

Lois? Yeah. It's also a very good likeness of you. Kids back home aren't going to like this. And old man. Hi. There's a poster with your name on it, but certainly not with your face on it. I like to imagine that's like a gruff-looking dude with a scar of one eye.

It looks more like the Sebastian Coward than you. Well, that's lucky. Damn. All right, then. I think our new mission is to clear our names as well. Yes, hopefully by saving the crane we'll achieve that. We'll head for the palace? Yeah, there's a big blue palace.

Should we go to the tavern first and sort of ask some questions around for some rumours? Like regarding what? Like, you know, who's here? What's the lay of the land? You know what's going on? Or are these like people getting wanted for treason? I don't know if I mentioned it, but there's a celebration happening kind of as you speak. You know those big celebrations?

Well, you're in among them right now. Oh, cool. Hey, we've all made it. It's like fucking packed. The city streets might as well be like a might as well be just a giant line because there's so many people it's hard to get anywhere.

It's shoulder to shoulder everywhere. It might be a bit sus if we start talking about stuff now and here. Yes, if we start asking questions and we're clearly haunted. You don't think every person in the tavern is instructed to look for us? It's a good question. So why don't we, I don't know, what if we went to the palace, do you reckon they would

Get us You know Notice us And try and you know Rest us on the spot That's a good point Well It's a disguise

So maybe they won't know it's us Well I suppose It's the same at the At the At the Tavern So We are disguised

And I think that One of the scenes Is you don't look like you On the poster Or now Old man Yeah that's a good point And Petra is you don't look like you on the poster or now, old man. Yeah, that's a good point. And Petra, you would look like magic if we didn't know, I've heard, in the whispers of the wind.

And I have a class feature of false identity and I assume good bluffing skills. So it's maybe we could just kill everyone if it goes wrong. Incidentally, Roberta DeWood is also a poster. She has 10,000 coins on her head. Let's turn her in. Let's turn her in and get some gold. Twist. She's been a problem for a lot longer.

I say we just go. Watch the prop. Watch the. I say we just try and get an audience with the queen. It's not a bad idea. And if that doesn't work out, we head to the beach and prepare for the worst. An audience with the Queen would be quite a feat. I imagine she's extra busy now, more so than ever.

There is, I have heard whispers that there is a delegation from Kando here, members of the Kando I-Court and members of the Kando military even. Perhaps we could speak with them. It might be easier to get an audience. That's a bad idea. Like, I mean, sorry. That is just an option. It might be easier,

but obviously they are not the queens themselves. Because I don't think we can go to the, you know. You're right. We're getting an audience. Can't go to the queen. If we go to the royal guard, I mean, I'm still convinced that they have been compromised. Yes, I think you're right.

Well, let's try and find that Kandor. Because really, I mean, I'm still convinced that they have been compromised. Yes, I think you're right. Let's try and find that Kandor... Because really, first off, who wants the Queen dead? That's the question we've got to ask ourselves. Yes, well, somebody who... Because I think if the Queen dies, maybe they blame it on Kandor, and that'll just cause civil war between Kandor and Blutritch. Perhaps they're trying to start a war.

So, I think it's... Somebody who's fiercely independent. Yes. So who would basically want the queen alive and who would want her dead? Would Kandor want her alive or dead? Kandor, I think... Kandor would be very happy for her to stay alive.

She's the one they're negotiating with. So I'm pretty sure Kandor could be trusted. That's what I'm saying. I say let's go find the Kandor. Is it the Kandor? Who is it? It's a delegation. Some diplomats and a member of the Kandor. Is it the Kandor? Who is it? It's a delegation of some diplomats

and a member of the Kandor military. Possibly some bodyguards for them as well. Let's try and find that Kandor diplomat. Well, each of you split up to look. It's kind of hard doing like, you try and do one action

on top of the other action. It's kind of hard. It's not too easy. I'm sounding like you. You're trying to do one accent on top of the other accent. It's quite a hard one. Yes, it's not too difficult. It's not too easy. I'm trying to sound like Adam and I'm sounding like you. First off, you're going to do that, but then you're going to kind of do that. You're going to do that on top of that. It's just a nice little bit of accent, eh?

I hate bananas, though. That's an issue for me. You hate bananas. He hates bananas. I feel like you missed the first half of my metaphor. Certainly did. I wasn't paying attention. I was listening to Jackson.

That's fine. Right. You all look around or search around the town. It's coming on nighttime or like coming not on midnight, but it's getting late into the night. And each of you begin to start worrying that maybe you'll never find anyone or that you've like your best chance will be to just go to the beach and hope that you can foil the plot yourself i thought that was more existential of matt

go to the beach and think online you're never gonna find anyone like we're together but we're alone uh but then petra you spot you recognize the uniform of a member of the Kandor army. It's a very basic green number. You can see the stitching of an officer as well, so someone important. He ducks into a tavern. Or he's like, he was outside having a kiss, and then he ducks into a tavern. So when each of you reconvene at roughly midnight, you know the tavern, or you remember the tavern where you saw that guy.

Pretty sure it was the tavern over here. We should probably head towards that. Right. Right. Let's head towards that. Head towards that. The stinking blue beach-ian. The stinking blue beach-ian.

That's what it was. Is that a classic Kandor dive? Yeah. It's probably a Kandor-friendly bar, if nothing else. A candor slandor? Oh. They don't hate Blue Beach or anything like that. It's just the name of a tavern.

It's friendly. It's friendly animosity toward one another. And that's fair. It's friendly rivalry, is it? Yeah. When you're like, oh, and you, like, pat someone on the shoulder, but you kind of grip. No's friendly rivalry. Yeah. When you're like, oh, and you like pat someone on the shoulder, but you kind of grip. No one says anything. Yeah.

You get into this tavern. There's a ground level and then like an elevated or like a second level that you can see from the ground level. Do you sort of know what I mean? It's got like a. Yeah, yeah. Like a mezzanine. Yeah, like a mezzanine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can see that there's a restaurant up on a mezzanine. Yeah, like a mezzanine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see that there's a restaurant up on that mezzanine. It looks very fancy and nice compared to down here on the bar. There's also, like, it's obvious that nicer people go upstairs, whereas just the general rabble is here downstairs. You can also tell that there are back rooms. You guys are, well, there's stairs going up, but there's kind of like a guard standing in front of them. Is he...

Clearly this fellow's not down here. Not in the bottom story. You have a look through the lower area. And highs or lows? Highs. Yes, let's go through this. There's no one you recognize, or no one that could be part of a Kandor delegation downstairs.

Right. Upstairs we go. Job is made extra difficult by the fact that a lot of people here are probably from Kandor or like within Kandor just coming here for celebrations. So there's a lot of Kandor fashion going on here and it's hard to spot. A lot of hoops. Yeah. A lot of loops.

We sort of saunter around to the stairs going up. The guard stops you. He's a half-orc. He has the name tag Sebastian. Nice to meet you, Sebastian. No one upstairs. Why is that? I think I can see some people upstairs.

Only bookings We have a booking Can I use my bluff? You can use your bluff if you want I tell him that my name is Sebastian And I have a booking under Sebastian At this point, that's probably not even a bluff There are so many Sebastians booked here.

It's mostly Sebastian. Sebastian what, he says. You don't think he's buying your ploy? I look shocked. Not that there's not a Sebastian. He doesn't think you are a Sebastian. I'd like to use my point of inspiration to try that again. And I look him in the eye and say...

That's heavily established. You can't use it after I've said it. I kid, I kid, I kid. Yeah, all right. As he's, like, holding up the list of names, you glance over at it and you're like, Sebastian de la Cour. And he's like,

Oh, well, of course, I'm sorry. Right this way, right this way. He fetches a maitre d' for you guys. The maitre d' leads you to your table. Not terribly clever. No, I'm good at what I do. He was real smart. I just did real well.

The maitre d' apologizes. I'm so sorry. We thought your reservation was just for two. I'll collect an extra two chairs. That's okay. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Roberta takes off her cap and bows. We'll like to scan the room, see if we can see Dingus up here. Buddy Drangus, he's got to be here somewhere.

Naughty. You spot the same guy from before. You are naughty. I am naughty. Do you mean Petra? From Petra's description of the uniform, you spot that Kandor soldier. He's sitting at a table with a couple other people all wearing similar uniforms and a couple other people wearing high fashion of Kandor, possibly diplomats.

Right. Okay. Neon, what's the plan? I'd ask for an audience with them. All right, then. Rebirth of Pipes. If I may, I have an idea to get their attention. She snaps her fingers for the Maid of D.

The Maid of D comes over. And she says, oh, before the Maid of D comes over, she says, do any of you have at least 15 gold? Yes, absolutely. I've got 10 gold on absolutely. I've got seven. I've got 10 gold on me. I've got seven. Can we work our way up to 15?

Yes, absolutely. She chucks in a couple gold as well. We'll combine our gold, get 15. All right. She gets the attention of the maitre d' and she says, can I get, she points at the wine list, can I get the pot Newton Merlot? Give it to the gentlemen and the gentlewomen over there. And if they ask, tell them that we got it for them.

The man in the den nods and says, but of course. Can I put in, even if they don't ask, tell them that it was from us? Certainly. He walks off. That's real sweet. That's real sweet of you. That's real sweet That's real sweet of you That's real sweet of you Who are you talking to?

I'm just trying to That's real sweet That's real sweet of you That's real sweet of you I don't like it It's too hoity-toity for me It's a bit tricky you know Don't mind it at all.

The majority brings the... Sorry? I play for the front. No, no, no. Perfect. That's how you begin every joke for vicious mockery. And it works. It's just noises at first, but then it stumbles into a really long sentence.

And it does get me, so I'm going to make a rule that you can't just make a long joke. You've got to make a joke that is also funny. But they are funny. You laugh. It counts. That's true. That does count.

Just because I figured you out, Adam. Well, it's going to be a tougher Adam from now on, then. All right. We'll see. Okay. Double points for Adam. Hurtful. Fuck you guys.

Just because we make you laugh, Adam, don't be afraid of your own happiness. This self-sabotage, I'm really worried about you. I'm distrustful. Now Adam's having an existential crisis. I ain't having no existential. I already knew I hated happiness.

This ain't news. This is shocking anyone. The Medidi brings out that bottle of red for the delegation and hands it to them. They all look quite shocked when they get it. And they're looking at it astonished. They look at the Medidi. The Medidi points towards your table. And a bunch of them peer over

curiously at you. Give them a wave. Some of them wave back. They start sharing the wine among them and it looks like they're quite enjoying themselves. Perhaps it's a very good wine. Good. I hope so. It was 15 gold.

That's more than a farmer makes in a year. As they're enjoying it, that soldier that you spotted when you first sort of saw them coming into the tavern, or when you first saw him going into the tavern, Petra, walks over to you guys. He takes a chair with him and sits down at your table. Hello there. My name is Commander Roland Tink, but perhaps you already knew that, he says. I'm just trying to get a bit of an audience with you.

Well, here I am. Well, largely distressing news. I'm old, man, by the way. Yes, this is our... That's your name? It's been lost to time. We don't really know what it was initially. Oh, okay then.

I reached a certain age and I decided that changing my name... Really? You don't look that old. You don't look a day over 30. Yes, well then. I reached a certain age and I decided that changing my name. Really? You don't look that old. You don't look a day over 30. Yes, well, looks can be deceiving. I'm Petra and this is my

associate, Noddy. I didn't know Petra was gender neutral. Well, it is. Perhaps you could maybe get a look at... It is where we're from. It's a private booth.

How important is this? It's very important. It's a private booth. How important is this? It's very important. It's a medal of life and death. He shakes his head. I'm sorry, but I simply can't do that. If you have something to say, you'll have to say it now. Right then. So we believe that

tomorrow morning At around about I forget which time 5.45am or something 5.30am There's going to be An attack on the life of the queen Commander Tink Goes like a bit white in the face

And he says This is a very serious allegation you're making Do you have any evidence to back it up? Well you've got a couple of Yes We'd much rather show them the private room. We're just worried that there are... The walls have ears, friend.

He looks back at the table he came from. He looks at you guys and he says, one moment then. He gets up, goes back to his table. One of the guys in his plain clothes, he grabs him, or gently grabs him by the shoulder and whispers something into his ear. That guy's face goes very white as well.

And while the rest of their table is having a lot of fun, the two of them get up and walk over to you. All right, then let's quickly grab a private booth. Cool. They get the maitre d', slip him some money, and he fixes it for you. You find yourselves in a private booth. The commander is leaning up against the door. He refuses to sit down. And the diplomat sits down at the table with you instead.

We'll introduce ourselves as diplomat. Yes. We, several nights ago, a fellow was murdered at the front of the tavern we were in. And upon his body, we discovered these notes and this map. And I'll put them down on the table and fold it correctly so that it's obvious what's going on here. We'll use mending to make sure that the notes are all good. Yes, yes, we mend our note back together.

Oh, God, we're clever. The diplomat, Franklin Turner, considers your bits of evidence, and he says, there's not a lot to go on here. That's true, there's not a lot to go on.. That's true, there's not a lot to go on. However, and then I try to explain the whole Captain Mercer, how he was very threatening, and then there was the arson that he's trying to blame on three innocent people. We were three days away or two days away, and we were quite gone.

There's a magic upon the paper, he says. He waves a hand over it and says a magical spell, and they just like, well, battle plans appear on the paper. He says, he waves a hand over it and says a magical spell. And they, uh, just like, well, battle plans appear on the map. Oh, not on the map, sorry, on the note. He gasps and says, this is, um,

this is more than just an assassination attempt. This is an attack on Kander itself. This right here, he points to a place on the little battle map. He says, that's the tavern here. This is where we keep our guards. These people need to attack us as well. Oh no. It is very lucky that we came to you then. We were not aware of this. This could have been a lot worse Gosh, they

know quite a lot. He looks at the commander. Could it be possible that they have a worm within us as well? A mole, quite a lot. They must... He looks at the commander. Could it be possible that they have a worm within us as well? A mole, not a worm. A worm. Worms within our ranks. I think maybe I was saying, I wanted to say bug, but that's an electronic surveillance thing. They're a worm.

Is there perhaps a mole within us as well, our organization? The commander, if he was white before, he goes like a bleach white now and says, it is possible, I suppose. Oh, good. I thought he was going to attack us. Oh, thank God. So, look, it's been a perilous journey getting this to you. The conspiracy of blue.

His fingers trace over those words. Yes. So, if I had to suspect anyone it would be the lords and ladies of Cairndor coming together. That would be my theory. The lords and ladies of Bluebeach. Lord Fleur, in our diplomatic discourse with the Queen,

he was very adamant that they not reintegrate. He's not happy about it. He's going to be losing a lot of land. Right. Do you know anything about a particular Captain Mercer of the Royal Guard? Yes, he was also against it, I believe. Yes, I think he might be the one that is going to be leading this then.

Hmm. Perhaps. And do you reckon he's going to harm the Queen as well, or is it just an attack on candle? Roberta expresses her disbelief that the Captain could be part of the conspiracy, and the Commander shakes his head and says, he's not as honorable as one might think.

What do you mean by that? I happen to know certain war crimes that he was potentially involved in. War crimes, you say? That's a bit more heavy than goth. There's the forward face that someone presents, and then there's the man underneath, if you know what I mean. Well, what's the time now? Is this happening 5.35 tomorrow morning?

It's like maybe 1 a.m., 2 a.m. So we've got four hours to prepare. Yeah. Right. Well, we have four hours. Look, frankly speaking, the commander says, I don't know who the mole could be, and it could be any one of my men. I don't think I can come help, but it could be any one of my men i don't think i i'm i can come

help but even that might be suspicious for my men what if i just squirrel away the queen we can't we can't go to her with this there's not enough really right i have trouble believing you the only reason i'm inclined to think that you might be right is that i was at those negotiations and i feel like someone could be quite hard done by and quite mad about this and also i don't believe the captain is as good as people say he is so i suppose who we're expecting to attack would be the town guards or the the royal guard mercenaries could be anyone probably definitely just members of the conspiracy i can't imagine anyone could be tricked into killing the Queen.

So, we're just about an old soldier and an old... A middle-aged soldier and an old woman. We're not combats or military strategists. As a military strategist, the commander says, I can quite confirm... I can confirm for you that there's not a lot extra I can do here. Certainly, I mean, like, I suppose you'll need every hand you can get

so I'll be coming along, but beyond that, unless you guys have friends in high places, I don't think, I think it might just be us. Are you a friend? All I've got is all my old buddies down from the military, but I don't know if they're being compromised as well, to be perfectly

honest. I think it might just be us. How... It takes a day and a half to get back to the merry women, doesn't it? To get where? Back to the merry women. They might have forgotten. And they might all be dead by the Sheriff of Normandy. I suppose it'll be a last stand to protect the Queen, then.

Well then, gentlemen and ladies, for love, for Queen. For love and for Queen, yes. For love and for Queen. For love and for Queen. We'll make our way down. The diplomat, Franklin, folds his arms. She's not my Queen. You're always a stick in the mud, Turner.

Well, I guess we'll head down to the beach in time. But Turner offers to come as well. He's a mage of some power. Excellent. Thank you, Turner. To the beach, then? Mr. Turner. Feel free to leave next time we're made.

Alright, you guys head towards the Now, feel free to leave next time we're made. All right. You guys head towards the beach and try to make plans. We'll get there as early as we can. No, you leave straight away. Yeah, yeah. All right then. You three, Roberta DeHood, Franklin Turner, the diplomat, and Commander Tink, all travel out to the place marked on the map.

How long does it take to get there? Not very long. Okay, cool. It's but a walk away. Sweet. It's a very lonely stretch of beach. It's kind of got a rocky edifice, and it's got naturally occurring geysers every now and then. You know, when the waves crash.

Kind of like a British coast. Yeah, a bit like the British coastline. It could be from one of those old gothic romances. Sprinkled all across the rock face is the sand that gives Blue Beach its name. A deep blue sand that chinkles a little bit whenever it's disturbed. It's very literal, you know, naming. They name it Blue Beach after the Blue Beach. I guess it's Blue Beach.

You sort of get there, you're like, oh, I don't know. Like it's spectacular, but it's kind of dampened a bit by the name. So like when does, so it's like Blue Sand and like the Blue Ocean. It's like New South Wales. It's not very creative either if you think about it. A lot of names like that. I know. I agree.

The whole lot of them are disappointing. Like Mount Disappointment. Well, no. That's got a good story to it actually. Mount Disappointment is actually not disappointing. You're like, hey, it's really here. Yeah. This is it.

Oh, no, no. I'm disappointed. But I do like that it's, you know, it's a blue beach, like the blue sand, and then he kind of goes into the blue sea. I mean, like, yes, the sea is blue. Can you tell where the water starts? It's two different blues, so yes. That's very cool.

Right. Can we see, like, an area where probably the queen is going to go? There's a trail that leads through here. Yeah, cool. There's no obvious places to hide, though. So what should be the... So do we... From that little magic plan, the battle plan,

what was there? Was they... They were going to meet here and then they were going to attack? The battle plan was to assassinate the delegation, actually. The delegation from Candor. It had nothing to do with the queen. Right.

Yeah. So you have no idea what the plan to kill a queen is. So do we even... Wait, so... All it says is this location at 535, and Roberta de Hood informed you that she knew that the queen does like to walk this stretch, pace here. Right.

So to be honest, the queen might not even be aware or not even be. It could just be a meeting point. You know what I mean? Like, the queen might not even be involved in this. It could be a lot of different things. It still might not be an assassination attempt. It might be someone being like, I want to meet you here at this time. Right.

If there's nowhere to hide, then I suppose. So, what I was saying, what we could we could do is dress someone up like that We could describe that young boy that we met that died One of us could just dress up like them And try and meet the person that's here Oh yeah, that's not a bad idea But there's nowhere to hide, so I don't know We could hide in the sea

Hide in the sand There's not enough sand to cover you Like I said It's a lot of rocky edifice, but there's some of that blue sand here. I see what you mean. So what are our options here, ladies and gentlemen? You could hide at a great distance away,

but then you'd have trouble seeing what was going on. And getting there if anything went wrong. That's true. But we also don't want to be not hiding, and then the people who are going to meet here or whatever see us and call it off. That's true. Well, those are our options, I guess.

Those are the two risks we can take. We could cast fog cloud on us. Would it look kind of like the fog from the sea, Adam? It would probably be a bit suspicious. More than a bit. It would be suspicious. It would be very, very suspicious. It would be sus is what it would be.

I suppose we make a decision then. Do we wait away where they don't see us and it takes place and we can attempt to get involved but at a disadvantage? Could we hide at a distance that we'd still be in range for spells? No. So I guess we've just to, like, make sure. Before we maybe went here, could we have maybe tried to get the delegates to not be so dressed like Kandor people?

No, you probably came here straight away. Is it possible maybe to quickly revert to Hood just to kind of gussy them up a bit so they don't look as, you know, Kandoris? Well, her powers are not magical, so she can't make them look like they're not fancy people, but all she does is really just tear off some of the patches of the commander and change up his clothes a little bit so it doesn't look like he's wearing a uniform.

Beyond that, though, the diplomat Turner still looks like a fancy man. Fancy is fine. As long as you don't look like a fondant. As long as you don't look like a fondant. I say we just wait. We just wait. Yes. I suppose that's the best move we have.

Yes. Wait. Ready to see what's coming next. I'm going to rest these weary bones. Sit down, have a kip. I sit down, have a kip. Okey dokie. That's good for you, Jackson.

You enjoy, I guess. How many long rests does Old Mam have left in her? Find out next time on The Last Queen of Blue Beach, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at sanspantsplus.com and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content and much, much more. That's sanspantsplus.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. That's SandsPans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests,

and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.