D&D is For Nerds - The Lonely Tower #4 The Creature Strikes

Episode Date: April 8, 2023

To witness the infinite vacuum of space is a novel experience. To realise how truely insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things can really do wonders for your psyche. Combine that with a melting room and a fully licensed bar seemingly out of no where, it comes as no surprise when the creature takes this opportunity to strike.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. The town of Fairburn Point is nestled near the Kirkman Channel. On the other side of the Kirkman Channel is a place known only to the locals as the Lonely Tower. A imposing presence on the horizon. Something that people would best just forget. You're standing in, it looks like some sort of

atrium or entranceway. It sort of extends upwards. There's columns running all along it. As the corridor extends upwards, there is a set of double doors. They're made out of some black stone with diamond handles. Is it worth having a rest?

Captain Balbarum gestures to Mr. Bellany and Tipper, and she says, Explore to the end of the corridor. Let us know if there's anything in the nooks and crannies. Then she gestures to Jim the One and to you, Fish, and she says, explore the side corridor over that way. You step through.

You are now standing in a small side corridor. This corridor is mercifully in only three dimensions. It extends maybe about 50 feet in front of you, ends with a doorway. You can see there are further alcoves here. These alcoves have plinths and statues this time. There's four of them in total. The statues are the...

Oh, actually, you can only see the closest two. The closest two are of this creature. Oh, no. Imagine, okay, you're looking at an octopus descending from you, descending on top of you from above. Oh, yeah. But that's what it looks like front on. So instead of a beak, it's got a one big eye.

Yeah, and the big eye is milky in a way that it kind of looks like a blister. And the top tentacles have eyes on the end of them yeah which are milky eyes yeah blistery too and it appears to be made of like a kind of sort of like a pink rubbery but also kind of it has the texture of trees a bit yeah it's wood i mean no suction cups like an octopus. Yeah. But same shape. And I would imagine it floats. It seems like it's floating in this picture. Yeah.

That's pretty much it. Little drop is making his way down. Kind of like with a little... Skipping his step. Skipping his step, yeah. I don't know how to describe this. It's a jaunty little march. Yeah, like a jaunty little march.

Like how a cat might walk. Yeah, yeah. If a cat's proud. Yeah, yeah. You can see it almost kicks up his little feet at the end of the movie. Yeah, yeah. Like how the aristocats walk. Yeah, exactly.

He's marching down to the other end of the corridor. Old money rat. That's good stuff. Yeah, he's just marching down towards the other end of the corridor. What would you like to do? I follow the rat. The rat seems to know more than me. If the rat feels safe, and he's a rat.

Yeah. The rat seems to have a handle on what's going on. Yeah, I'm trusting the rat. I would be holding the rat's hand if I could. As you pass those first two statues, something happens behind you. You turn around and you can see Jim the One has a hand on one of the statues. He takes the hand off, looks back at you. Whatever happened, you missed it.

What happened? Nothing happened, lass. Keep moving. Oh. Is he holding my hand again? No. As soon as you step through, he let go of your hand. Rude.

I'm sorry, that was not assumed. Okay, that's rude. That's fine. Oh, really? Are you talking to him or me? Yeah, him. Him? He very unconvincingly says,

Really, really? Now keep moving. Okay, but I think something happened. I extend my hand again. He doesn't have to take it. I know he doesn't have to take it, but he doesn't know that you're reaching out just to hold his hand. He might think that there's some extra dimension that you might encounter in a minute. He might be like, oh, so we don't get lost again.

He looks at your hand and shakes his head. I'd rather get lost. What a dog. All right. I do one of those long whistles. My character can whistle. What do one of those long whistles. My character can whistle, I can't! What's one of those, whoop? Kind of like a... Like that?

Yeah, like a... Okay. Yeah. Alright, your funeral! Yeah, I give one of those, like, pfft. But, you know, with a whistle. Again, I can't emphasize enough, my character can whistle and they can do it really well. They can actually whistle better than both of you, so it's still role-playing when you guys do it. Anyway, you give a long, low whistle.

Yeah, a really cool one that works. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. As you keep making your way down the end of the corridor, you get to the next little alcove with another set of statues. So imagine those first ones, but there is a person, instead of the bottom tentacles, the ones without an eye, it's a man's torso onwards. Oh, no.

So, sorry, I should say not legs, but the body and head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Neck or no neck? Yeah, neck included. No, no, no. I mean, so where the creature's midpoint is, where that eye is Imagine an upside down person, torso, arms, neck and head Oh!

As though those were the legs, kind of Yeah, as if the person is upside down Does that make sense? Does it look like they've eaten a person's legs first? No, there's no mouth. It's a clean seam. It looks like one creature. Oh. That's exactly the noise.

Do you stop to investigate? Or do you just want to keep moving? Hang on. Did you say it was a statue? It's a statue. Yeah, I'll look at the statue. If you stop to inspect the statue. No, you don't.

Take one closer look and you're like, that's an extra dimension. Oh, okay. You realize it's actually two. For a brief moment, you're like, it's two creatures. It looks like one. It looks like one in this dimension. But if you can see the extra one, it's or maybe extra ones. Actually, yeah.

You know what? You really fucking nailed this role. So I'm really sorry. But you're like, oh, that's a lot of extra ones. Actually, yeah, you know what? You really fucking nailed this role, so I'm really sorry. But you're like, oh, that's a lot of extra dimensions. You see width, depth, height, a fourth thing, and then a fifth thing. They're standing next to each other, and your mind does not want you to remember that. I think I've...

I say nothing. I say nothing. I keep moving. Jim the One can cop it. Yeah, he can have a look. He might be fine. We don't know. I just sort of look at it like, raise my eyebrows, keep going.

Would you vomit? You might do. You managed to keep it down. I mean, you can choose to spew. God, I wish I could vomit on command. If you choose to spew in this moment, I'll give you a good boy card. Do it. Who cares?

Yeah, I vomit. Get a good boy card. What'd you get? Not dead yet. If damage were to reduce you to 0 HP, it falls to 1 HP instead. I feel like that's going to come in handy. Well, while you're distracted spewing you you finish spewing you look up and jim the one once again removes their hand from the statue you realize you missed it again

god damn worth of the good boy car as i'm like what was that jim the one looks at you and says You're going crazy lass, keep moving How so? This place is affecting your mind He says Am I being gaslit? Well you only rolled a 5 So no

But I don't know that Am I going crazy? Do I think I'm going crazy? Well to be fair While you have no idea what he did you have a very good right to be suspicious of this person good you just have no idea you just don't yeah you just don't know you it could have been a benign thing you could have just missed them like saying something or doing something very innocuous but whatever it is, you'd missed it.

I could literally, Adam could be trying to lead you astray right now for all your character knows. Funny thing to say. I suppose I'm seeing other dimensions now. How's the rat faring? Little Drop has made it to the door and is sitting patiently in front of it. You first.

You're talking to Little Drop? No, to Jim. Oh, to Jim. Jim, actually. Yeah, Jim seems really excited, actually. He nods and steps past you. His hands have left the scabbard and the handle. He makes his way immediately to the door.

It's the worst. Did you see all those extra... I don't even know how to talk about it. He opens the door. He's kind of not even paying attention. When he opens the door, it opens into the infinity of space. He steps into the room. What's a rat doing? Little Drop looks at it then looks at you and as much as a rat can

it looks like Little Drop is like I don't know, what do you think? Little Drop, maybe just maybe shoot a message back to Belbarum just to Little Drop takes his front paws puts them on his head and it looks like he's thinking

it looks like he's thinking real hard. Meanwhile, you light a fire and the Matrix Revolutions and Captain Bell Barum sit next to each other in front of it. What do you do? I'd sit down at the fire as well. Tell me honest, Sir Helpful,

with this sentience of yours, was it your idea or the lass's idea to play the act that you played? Uh, in Fairburn Point, Sir Helpful killed on sight if citizens know is alive. Was joint idea, I guess. captain bell barham nods when you when you're saying specifically that you're you'll be killed on site you see that captain bell barham kind of reaches to their chest and touches something where like maybe a medallion might be like right right above their breast yeah yes i Yes, I understand the meaning.

Yes. So helpful must pretend to be a hammer. She nods. She seems to understand that. The people of Fairburn Point, they're an unpleasant lot. Is bad town. How long have you been, she says, I guess, just been?

So helpful, wash up on beach about four weeks ago. What do you remember of yourself? Anything from before then? Hammers, dwarves, and the sea. Dwarves. As loathsome as I am to insult a type of magics, the magics the dwarves wield is unnatural even beyond what I know. Selfwood just shrugs like, okay, sure.

I don't know. I'm four weeks old. What do you know of what's within your chest? I've seen an iron golem in my time, but I've not seen an iron golem such as yourself. Inside, I've never had a good look, but uh, lots of clockwork

and beating heart. She nods slowly. I know of no magic that gives an iron golem a heart. But I'm glad to hear you have one. Well, it's good and bad. With no heart, can't get stabbed in the heart.

With heart, got heart to wreck, you know? Sure, sure, sure, she says. She kind of seems to not maybe fully understand what you mean, but she's just kind of maybe humoring you a little bit. Look after fish, mostly. Stop fish getting in trouble. Punch fish at dock. Make chum.

Just making casual conversation. It's, uh... Oh, I, like, dunk my head. Like, I'll just remember, dunk. So helpful. Forget. Am I? Do I have any remnants of the golden card on my body?

Fucking highs or lows, I guess. Highs. Yeah, you maybe have like a little patch of scales on one of your shoulders. I'll just tear it off and slop it down in the firelight. So helpful eaten by big fish. Aye, aye. So it's wounded out there, is it? Maybe like reach out a huge metal hand and put it on her shoulder.

So helpful have bad news. So helpful swallowed by big fish then something i kind of like gesture around to the tower like this happen in sea big fish become small fish around so helpful so helpful explode out fish. All that's left. So it's, she pauses for a moment. She has a very inscrutable look. So it's dead, is it? So helpful, think so.

Maybe we can, she leans forward. She, you can see, actually now, you can see she looks, there was one initial emotion, that initial emotion is past. She now looks distressed quite distressed actually perhaps we can find its buddy she says you can see she's kind of low key having a

panic attack yeah maybe still on bottom of sea more like this I hold up a bit of fish skin and, like, waggle it. Even this could sell. Tell me, Sir Helpful,

do you know of the Knights of Karsari? Only four weeks old. There is not too far from this place, a place known as Karsari, a blasted thumb of rock in the ocean. It's a prison of sorts, perhaps the most impenetrable prison on this green earth. It is said that nothing has ever escaped from Karsari, not once thrown within its depths. There's an order of knights,

not as old as the island itself. The island, the prison there, existed perhaps before time itself. There has always been a need for prisons so long as evil men exist. And evil men exist both within guarding its walls, but also to be thrown within its jails.

In any case, the knights, the order there, they sometimes send out hunters to find magicians, either who are evil or who at least are seen as evil, and they are thrown within its blackened depths. I am a wanted woman. I, to put my cards on the table, needed this money, for I have heard that two knights of carcery are soon to visit Fairburn Point.

I know not why they come here, though I have my suspicions. Tell me, you said you've only been here for a week or so. Four weeks. She nods slowly. Aye, I've heard the knights of carcery sometimes use magics to hunt magics. Uh, could be. So helpful not really know. She nods again.

Jim the One and Tipper, I don't know them well, but I know they aren't knights of carcery. Suspicious, though. Kept knocking on inside of boat. You and Fish, however, are less known elements to me. Jim the One and Tipper are perhaps suspicious, but I would not

say I am not suspicious of the two of you either. Oh, so helpful harmless. What am I being asked? Like it's finally clicked what she's meaning. And Fish couldn't fight way out of paper bag. Fish got robbed

before finding me. We not mean any trouble. Oh, I know why you said you're coming. Oh. She, the conversation is interrupted when she cocks her head off to the side and says, your friend needs our help. Come on.

The Matrix revolutions. I think this area should be safe enough. Certainly Mr. Bellany and Tipper will be back soon enough. We need to go investigate your good friend. Okay. I'll stand up being like, I've got to tell Fish now that everybody wants to kill us.

God damn it. We just wanted to make some money for I forget why. Because I got robbed and you don't have any money. That is true. We were in the bar

and you're like, how payful? I'm like, good question. Rich, first of all. How dare you? Fish fish you're only waiting maybe a minute before the door behind you and you realize now that there was a door there it was just slightly ajar you when you look back you see the door you see it's slightly ajar and then you're

like how did i walk through that without bumping into it? And then the captain, and so helpful, the captain opens the door and both of them come through. When the captain closes the door, it disappears as it closes into a dimension you cannot perceive. You walked through it because it's in a dimension you don't live in. Huh. Everything okay, fish? Uh. Hang on. You approach fish, and you see fish is standing in front of a doorway.

The doorway opens into the infinity of space. Can I just, like, open it up, poke my head in? You can, yes. You poke your head in. Just having a look around. You need to put your other hand immediately. You need to brace it on the doorway and force yourself back in. As you are nearly dragged out because of the vacuum of infinite space.

That's space all right. You know what space is? You give so helpful guesses. You know what space is? You're so helpful guesses. You know now. Both of you are aware that you're looking into a room. Well, you're not looking into a room. Sorry. You're looking into.

You look in through and you're like, oh, that's what's up above. You know that. You know that much. Can I check the rat? What's the rat's vibes right now? Little Drop seems like they're unsure, but they don't seem, well, it's a rat. Little Drop looks like just kind of unsure. There's some other emotions going on there, but you ain't a rat expert.

The captain picks up Little Drop and puts him on her shoulder she takes out from one of the pockets again she takes out that ruby and begins rolling it around in her hand it once again starts crackling with electricity bad news fish i say maybe i say it in a big mock stage whisper because i can't change the volume of my voice bad news fish Captain thinks where. I look at the captain, look back at you. Knights of Carterie. Oh. Oh, you would just know this. Again, I'm like, oh my God, really?

Little old me, a knight? I look a bit proud. Really? Yes. Are you being genuine right now? Yeah. What a funny thing to say to you. Are you being genuine right now? Are you being genuine right now?

Are you really saying this? Yeah. No, I can't help but look a bit chuffed. Sure. It is a bit of a compliment, you know? Yeah, the expression I'm giving is like, no, but I'm like, why do you think that? Yeah.

It's like, why would you think that? Why would you think that? Where is Jim the One? He went into space and he keeps touching stuff. Did he just? She says, looking through the doorway. Okay, then. He looked real excited.

He kept touching stuff and then telling me he didn't touch stuff. Jim the One loves this place. If we pass through this doorway, we're not coming back. That is where space is. Yes. Yes. Jim the One is quite possibly dead. Oh, so sad.

I lean in and shut the door. You close the door on the infinity of space, and both of you can see Captain Bell Barham looks a little suspicious. Jim the One is dead. Why did he do that? She looks at the rat and you can see she whispers something to the rat. Do either of you try to listen? Yes.

What languages do both of you know? Dwarven and common, I'm pretty sure. Dwarvish, commish, gnomish, halflish. No, it's none of those languages. She speaks. It's just speaking rat. It's just the pure language of rat. She doesn't speak rat, but she speaks a language you don't understand.

The rat leans in and, well, you do need to attempt to eavesdrop. All right. So helpful, you hear this,, Fish, you do not. The rat? Yeah, like... Just saying that into her ear. She nods as if she understands. And then... Back me up!

She looks at you, Fish, and she says, I believe that you had no hand in his suicide. Why he jump in space? I don't know, but it's best that we have a conversation with Tipper at this point.

I'm still unsure if you're knights of carcery, but Tipper and Jim definitely have some suspicion to them. I'm scared he'll come back. From space? He just kept touching stuff and... What'd he touch? He touched the statues, did he?

He did. I try and look back and point at the statues and feel a bit sick. She says, she just kind of makes like a very disquieting noise. Can I go look at the statues? Sure. The first ones, at the statues? Sure. The first ones, or the nearest ones to you, which are the half and half ones, or they at first seem to be half and half.

Jim also spewed near them. Fish is right. There is spew on the floor. I look at the rat like, shut the fuck up. Now it's not a great... Why would you lie over this? You've got a safe face. Don't want to embarrass yourself in front of Captain Bellamy?

I'll look at the- I'll say, Jim spewed near them, then look at the rat, realize, hang on, I shouldn't do this, and be like, I spewed. I vomited. I spewed. Unfortunately, Sir Helpful, you roll pretty well. And so for the first time, you very acutely perceive the extra dimensions. You take a step back. You feel really disorientated.

You roll really well. You look around and you realize you're not in a corridor. I wouldn't actually call it a T intersection either because that's not the direction it's going. But there is another, shall we we say corridor that intersects the one you are in currently and it goes in like i said it's not forwards backwards side to side up down or even a diagonal yeah it's an extra thing something new yeah there's a corridor that goes in a completely different direction and you perceive not only the statues but that corridor for but a brief moment and then you're standing back in your three-dimensional world kind of maybe a little bit

all right okay so you get i get a bad boy card uh-oh uh-oh you can't puke, but you do the closest thing. My mouth plate or whatever opens up and maybe a bunch of smoke comes out. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why he touch that? Looking bad. Touching. So helpful has to assume way worse. Gary to think of.

I, I spewed. I'm sorry I said Jim spewed. This is such a children's TV show scene that's happening right now. I mean, with the exception of spewing, obviously. Obviously, you wouldn't see that on Arthur. That's true. Lying on the internet, why would someone do that?

Hey, the double one! You fess up to being the one who spewed. Captain Belbarum nods. I can't. Captain Belbarum shakes her head and says,

That's not important now. We go back to file? We should get back to the fireplace. Speak to Tipper. Find out what's going on. And, yes, I am also similarly concerned that Jim the One is perhaps not dead. It is unlikely, she says. You can see she's considering something.

But I wouldn't call it impossible either. I'm scared of him now. You head back to the fireplace, and the Matrix Revolutions is huddled in front of the fire. Both of you look down the corridor. You see most of the corridor, and then it

peels off, obviously, peeling upwards. And then you see the end of the corridor, and then it peels off, obviously, peeling upwards, and then you see the end of the corridor, which, once again, you're like, ugh. But you cannot see, right now you can't see Mr. Bellany or Tipper. Okay. The captain looks at the Matrix Revolutions and says, have

Tipper and Mr. Bellany returned? He shakes his head. No, I haven't seen them. Haven't seen them. Perhaps Tipper killed Mr. Bellany returned He shakes his head No, I haven't seen them Perhaps Tipper killed Mr. Bellany The captain looks at you and says Let's go investigate The Matrix Revolutions You wait here That is a new noise from you, Cass

That was the worst laugh I've ever heard. It's the best laugh. That was great. I love that laugh. When it was better. That was a good laugh because I knew it was genuine. Yeah, exactly. That's what I loved about it.

You keep getting me with Matrix Revolutions. I keep forgetting because I get so sucked into trying to perceive a fourth dimension and keep up as to where everyone is because there are all these doors. And then you're like, anyway, back to the Matrix revolution. Can I scoop up fish just to put on my back while we travel? Thank you.

Sure. I promise I won't spew back here. I'm sorry, I can't promise that. You walk the length of the atrium, and as more and more of the corridor begins to reveal itself, you can see Mr. Bellany lying prone on the floor. Bellany! She runs over to him and crouches down,

rolls him over, as I assume you're also approaching. You can see Mr. Bellany has a big welt on his head, and a little bit of blood is trickling out of it. He looks just like he's been knocked unconscious. He doesn't look dead. Can I make a medicine check to double check what's happened? The captain stands up and begins searching around for Tipper while you check on. When she sees that you're looking after Mr. Bellany, she goes and starts looking for Tipper.

You manage to rouse Bellany. He's slowly. What manage to rouse Bellany. He slowly... What happened to Bellany? I'm Bellany. Yes. Oh, okay. What happened? I understand what you mean now.

Tipper hit you on head. Tipper... Something hit me. Something grabbed me from behind, slammed me into he just just to the wall. You can see there's a little mark where clearly he'd been knocked into it. Tipper tipped you.

Can I look around the room to see if the assailant is still around? You look around and are unable to see where Tipper could have gone or if there's anyone still here. What are you doing, Fish? Would you like to also look around? Yeah, I'll slide off your back. Goodbye. The three of you have a, well, actually, I guess just Fish

and the captain have a look around because you're tending to Bellamy. Maybe I pick up Bellamy and put him on my back. Okay, sure, sure, sure. After a couple of moments of searching, you see one of the two side doors, not the double doors, one of the two side doors, the one on the left. It's slightly ajar.

Okay. It wasn't like this before. Definitely wasn't like this before. The captain gestures towards it and says, either a tipper or tipper and an assailant made their way through here, it would seem. How's the Matrix revolutions going? You look back to the, and now it's bending.

No, it bends in the same direction, actually. That's bad. Like it's a ring that we're walking around? Well, it's not a ring. It looks more like, you don't even know. You look back and it bends in the same way that it did before, but it's not a ring. Okay. And you can see the fireplace

but you can't see the fireplace. You see the fire that you made but you can't see the Matrix Revolutions. Matrix Revolutions gone. Where the devil is he gone? Alright, the captain looks around. Mr. Bellany,

can you walk? He tries to get off you. So helpful. Do you let him? Yeah, of course. He kind of staggers a little bit to his feet. Mr. Bellany, are you armed? He pats himself down and shakes his head.

The captain, from over her shoulder, she takes out a pouch, and from the pouch she produces a dagger, which she hands to Mr. Bellany. Maybe I have two hand axes. Maybe they're like magneted onto me. I take them off and hand them to him as well. Okay, he accepts the hand axes as well. All right, Mr. Bellamy, you head with, she looks at the two of you,

you head with fish. So hopefully you're with me. Jealous she likes you more, but that's fine. I cannot perceive jealousy. Oh, does that mean I get the rat? Yeah, she likes you more, but that's fine. I cannot perceive jealousy. Oh, does that mean I get the rat? Yeah, she gives you the rat. Fuck yeah! It's shit.

I am jealous of the rat. Looking at you, Fish, Captain Belbarum says, Search for the Matrix Revolutions. Check at the fire first. Got you again. Okay, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Okay, I'm good. gotcha again okay okay okay

so we're searching down this corridor whatever it may lead I'll open the door and step inside you open the side door and you look into a so imagine a room that's currently melting

okay alright I will and then imagine two of those rooms one on top of the other one like I don't mean physically on top imagine like in a video game you've accidentally spawned two items one inside the other

can I see tipper in here at all you glance around the room as much as you can, as it hurts the eyes to look at. The room is melting. It looks like, actually, now that you've taken a good look around it, you can see one room is melting into the other one. It looks, it actually kind of reminds you, maybe a little bit more

like an hourglass, where the sand goes from one into the other. But they're kind of, yeah, like I said, they're still kind of like clipped into each other. It looks like some sort of bar, like a tavern almost. There's a counter with a bunch of stools, or what do you call them? Bar stools?

Yeah, yeah, sort of bar stools in front of it. There's a bunch of tables. There's a big fireplace over one section, but it's empty. It's completely dead. It's got almost an eerie quiet to it. You can see behind the bar there is a set of old saloon doors, which lead into what is probably a kitchen. But it is

100 feet away, but it's too far for you to see. Normal stuff, normal stuff. You can see there's a couple of windows in this room The windows lead to outside or you can see the outside of the Lonely Tower from these windows but the windows are

they're on either side which is not where the side of the tower is Yeah, yeah, yeah Also the tower didn't have windows from the outside No, yeah, also that Yeah, of course, of course, how could I forget Also the tower, yeah, did not have windows from the outside No yeah also that Yeah of course of course how could I forget Also the tower yeah did not have windows from the outside You can hear

An old timey Peony like the automatic one Bing ding ding bong bong bong whatever It's obviously making a Bing ding ding bong bong bong Oh like old timey peony Oh like from a saloon And it sounded like...

Can we hear it again? Bing, ding, ding, bong, bong, bong. With this one line, I have lost all credibility. Do you reckon we can get it to play some Bach? Sorry, um... Elf-bar? It's just called gnome. Okay, sorry.

Yeah, of course. Anyway, you can hear, you can't see where the peony It is called a peony, right? I'm not saying that wrong Yeah, I think so You're not saying that wrong? Yeah, I'm not saying it wrong The irony Anyway, you can hear, you can't see it

But it does, yeah, it has that kind of stiff sound of an automatic player rather than an actual player. From hearing it, you assume there is possibly more to this room than meets the eye, shall we say. Okay. I turn back to Captain Bellamy. She shrugs. Your guess is as good as mine, but let's... You lead the way, I suppose. So helpful, go in.

I'll be right behind you, she says. I open the door and step a big meaty metal foot inside. As soon as you step inside, the room kind of moves and shifts around you, and you realize you're seeing new parts of the room. Imagine, you know, when you've got one of those... What do you call them? Magic eyes? Yeah, magic eyes, where you've got a picture, and then uh what do you call them magic eyes yeah magic eyes where you've got a

picture and then how you look at it affects what you're seeing imagine that but for a full room okay cool so you step in and then when you step in the peony stops and you hear you don't see but you hear from

where the bar is what'll it be stranger so helpful doesn't drink looking for tipper the gentleman that just came through yes the captain steps in after you and says i i'll have a rum thanks okay it's so helpful maybe like about to suggest like is that wise he's like whatever it's her business she walks over to the bar and as she walks over the bar she ripples you interchangeably see then lose her then see her again i wouldn't drink from this room this seems very fairy yeah oh yeah as she gets close to the bar the person that you can't see, do you follow her? Yeah, as long as I don't drink, I think I should be okay.

I follow her. I can't drink, so what am I worried about? As you get further in, you hear a growling noise, and then the voice from the bar, actually, no, you would spot him at one point. It's an elf standing behind the bar. They're polishing a glass of something. Oh, well, not anything. Sorry, it's clean.

They're polishing, cleaning a glass. You can see that they're wearing a, like a leather, what do you call it? Apron, a leather apron. And then they've got some sort of white shirt underneath. They look, compared to their surroundings, they look rather tame, to be honest. You see them as you're approaching.

The elf looks past you and says, Did you bring some friends with you? No. I look around myself. You turn back the way you came. The door no longer leads to the room that you came from. Damn. Instead.

That's a shame. Instead, when you turn around, you see this creature again. Uh-oh. And, sorry. The creature being the tentacle with the blister eye. Milky eyes. The milky eye, the statue. Sorry, you see the creature that you saw in statue form earlier,

except the bottom half, you know how the second one, yeah, you did see this, sorry. The second one is sometimes a man, but it's actually the creature standing next to a man. So the second half is a grinning from ear to ear Jim the One. You realize for a brief moment that it's two people. It's the creature

and Jim the One, but right now they're sort of sharing the same space. Yeah, they're sharing the same space as far as you're aware. We're gonna go to initiative. Okay. I was gonna attack attack them anyway, so that's good. All right. Time to fight a tentacle man in the fourth dimension. Fish answer helpful in the fourth dimension. I hope the fourth dimension includes getting caught in a net.

Paper, scissors, rock. Paper, scissors, rock. Paper, scissors, rock. Bang. I win. He always goes rock, but I always lose. Can we have a go for fun? Yeah, of course.

Paper, scissors, rock. Oh. I won that time. That's crazy, but I went rock. Yeah. Somebody's always going to lose

the game of paper, scissors, rock. Really? Prove it. Okay. Maybe we'll win. We'll both win this one. we'll both win this one I got you, I won again You didn't stop rocking Well I got confused, let's try again

Paper scissors rock How do you keep winning? I don't know, I'm just good Paper scissors rock You won that time That was wild We have fun here On The Ideas Fors jim the one's mouth doesn't move but you mentally hear uh-huh mentally here you hear in your own brain yeah his voice he with kind of a almost a

almost like a sneer in his in his voice he, it's time. Time for you to join. And then his mouth, which I should say is upside down, his mouth opens up, becomes too wide, and then his head, the top part of his head, kind of 360s.

Kind of like those old Power Rangers figurines you used to be able to get where you could swap their heads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His head kind of spins around, but out of the mouth hole, a ray a beam of magical energy blasts towards you. Oh, no.

You are hit and need to make a wisdom saving throw. Lucky I'm wise as hell. Oh, that was a joke yeah you pass okay thankfully away oh no and then it fires a second one at you oh you need to make another wisdom saving throw you pass again okay then it fires one at captain belbarum uh-oh uh-oh Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Okay. Captain Bell Barham needs to make a strength saving throw. They are very bad.

Alright, yeah. Captain Bell Barham is picked up by the Ray and thrown up against the back wall. They hit the back wall and then you hear it. Oh, no. This fight's gonna be a frickin' nightmare. Okay. Being in the room is a nightmare

yeah it's already bad Captain Bolibarum doesn't take any damage but they're being held up against the back wall they are restrained and incapacitated then it's your turn okay I would like to bring down both of my meaty fists on the head of Jim the One and I would like to use this good boy card

Thunder and Lightning until the start of my next turn, change the type of damage ideal to either Thunder or Lightning. Let's go Lightning. Okay, cool. Let's electrocute this squid. Meaty fists? My metal fists. My needle fists.

Alright, that's a critical fail. Oh, fuck. And then just a regular miss. Oh, god damn it. This is because I'm so tired isn't it befuddled you cannot take reactions until the start of your next turn hashtag awkward you as you sprint towards

as you sprint towards the world you weren't running when you first entered this room and now running it makes you really like oh no you get up to the creature and Jim the one when you first entered this room. And now running, it makes you really like, oh, no. You get up to the creature and gym the one, and then you just vomit.

Steam again. It's Captain Bell Barum's turn. They, unfortunately, are restrained their entire turn. Did that use my good boy card? Just out of curiosity? Yes. Oh, and that changes the damage? Cool.

No, just checking. Yeah, unfortunately, you spent it. Yeah, it's still good. Captain Belbarum manages to free themselves. They kind of force, they drop down and then through sheer physical and mental will begin forcing their way back towards the fight. But that is their turn. The creature goes again. The joint creature, whatever it is.

It's hard to say. It fires one at you. Actually, it's probably going to focus on you right now. Fair enough. You need to make a charisma saving throw. Oh, I'm good at charisma. All right, you fail. I'm really bad at it.

What are you good at? I'm good at being strong and being dexterous. You get hit with some sort of strange reality warping ray. Now, whenever you swing, you're still in combat with this creature, very gingerly trying to swing your arms at it. But every time you swing one of your arms, it ripples and passes through many different dimensions

and you miss because your arm is briefly in a dimension. You, in a different dimension you will have disadvantage on all of your attack rolls for one minute then it fires another one at you alright you're blasted with the same one that restrained

Captain Belbarum but you managed to make your strength saving throw it fires another one at you and you didn't make an intelligent saving throw. Okay. It fires another one at you, and you didn't make an intelligence saving throw. Uh-oh. All right, you pass. This one, your mind just erupted into screams. If you had ears, you would be bleeding from them,

but thankfully you take no damage. And then... And then... And then, Adam... And it has two heads! A creature of your choice gains an extra attack to use as part of its attack action. Okay. Cool beans.

The top part of the creature, the more monstrous part, makes a bite and then a tentacle attack on you. Okay. The bite attack hits. The tentacle attack will miss. Okay. You take ten points of damage. You're on one hit point. Uh-oh.

Wee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo, bee-boo. And then it is your turn, so helpful. I'm gonna keep whaling. You start swinging again, I guess. That's a miss and a hit. Okay, I'll take any, I'll take a hit. You deal seven points of damage

to the joint creature. Okay. Is there somewhere I can push it in the complicated reality around me that I think will damage it? Oh. Because I have the crusher ability, which lets me push them five foot to an unoccupied space. I'll make that an intelligence check. Okay. All right. Yeah.

You reckon you know a side dimension that you could shunt them into. I'll shunt them. You push them not up, not down, not left to right, not forward to back, not diagonal. You push them some other way. And then they're gone. And combat's over. Okay. They are trapped currently in that dimension.

They're a problem for later now. Okay, I have a question just about D&D mechanics. Something I've forgotten. On a short rest, how much do I heal, or can I heal anything? You can roll up to 5d10. Every d10 you roll gets a plus 2 to it. Okay, I would like

to punch myself in the head until I am unconscious, and then I would like to use Not Dead Yet. Hold on! Not Dead Yet, which lets me if I am unconscious and need to roll death- death saving throws, I gain the benefits of a short rest. Oh my god.

Okay. Maybe I just go up to the bar, grab the back of my head and slam it into it. Captain Bell Barham gets enough to say, what are you... I need to reboot. I resist the urge to say I told him to say that.

And I'll take all of them. That is such a fucking wild thing to do. I'll take all of my hit dice, please. Alright. I gotta heal up back up to full. Sure. Can't waste time having an actual rest so this works just

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