D&D is For Nerds - The Lonely Tower #5 The Creature Swarms

Episode Date: April 15, 2023

Humanity is great at one thing above all: storytelling. We don’t have the sharpest claws, our teeth don’t tear into flesh the same way as, say, a bears does nor can we stalk our victims quite as well. There are creatures out there better at running, climbing, swimming, swarming and so much more. But we can follow a story. And what is tracking if not a simple story? You wound your victim, it runs off and you follow their blood drops like bread crumbs on a trail. It’s simple. But nothing can truly ever prepare you for what comes next at the end of the trail in the Lonely Tower. Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. The town of Fairburn Point is nestled near the Kirkman Channel. On the other side of the Kirkman Channel is a place known only to the locals as the Lonely Tower. A imposing presence on the horizon. Something that people would best just forget. You push them, not up, not down,

not left to right, not forward to back, not diagonal. You push them some other way. And then, they're gone. They are trapped currently in that dimension they're a problem for later now okay i would like to to punch myself in the head until i am unconscious and then i would like to use not dead yet hold on not dead yet which lets me if i am unconscious and need to roll death saving throws i gain the benefits of a short rest. Okay. Captain Bill Barham gets

enough to say, what do you... I need to reboot. Oh no, I don't breathe. I just stand back up again. Alright, you're on 39 out of 44. Good job. I don't know if they will be back

I say to Captain Balbarum We must keep moving Captain Balbarum nods You turn back to the bartender Who has poured now two glasses of rum Captain Balbarum takes hers Like a shot glass She swigs her shot down

And then looks expectantly at you Ya drink? Fish says it's funny to make me try. It is. I'll pick it up and splash it in my face. Maybe. I don't know if you actually have a hole that the rum can go into, or if it's just kind of like a surface that you splash it on. Because I imagine my face is kind of like a helmet. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I can probably lift it up, but there's just probably nothing underneath. Wherever the smoke comes out of. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. So I can probably lift it up, but there's just probably nothing underneath. Wherever the smoke comes out of. Yeah, exactly. Whatever hole that is. Every time you spew, it just smells like off alcohol. Just smells like sickly sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cooking off the sugars in a rum.

Yeah. Anyway, whether or not the rum affects you is largely irrelevant. Then Captain Balbarum says, the man who was here before us. Yes. She's talking to the bartender. It's a helpful apology. Which way did he go?

The bartender thinks for a moment, and then he says a direction that doesn't make sense to you. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Captain Balbarum seems to understand what's being said, though, and she leads you down to, over to one of the walls, which you realize has a, you can pass through it completely. There's actually no wall there. But there is also a wall there.

So who's to say what's going on? Swings and roundabouts. Walls and not walls. You walk, this wall, what are the walls that has windows to the outside? But you walk through this wall, and then you find yourself in another room. Cool. We'll get back to you.

You are searching for Fish and Mr. Bellany. You're searching for the Matrix Revolutions. You get back to the fireplace, which is where you last saw him. What would you like to do? And there's no sign of the Matrix Revolutions anywhere. Would you like to look around? Oh, yeah, we'll have a look. We'll have a suss.

I imagine we'll do the thing that cartoon dogs do when they're sniffing something out where their nose goes on the ground, their bums go really high in the air. You almost immediately pick up the trail. It's a very unpleasant thing, actually, to discover. You see that where the Matrix Revolutions was sitting, there's a bloody smear and then there's drag marks leading away to that corridor that you were in before.

Mr. Bellany probably hasn't spotted this yet. He might be physically looking around somewhere else. He turns back to you and says, Have you find anything, lass? Found anything. Sorry. I said that's weird. Have you find anything, lass? Found anything, sorry. I said that weird. Have you found anything, lass?

I say, and then sort of glance at the ground and then back up at Mr. Bellany. What the devil's this then? He says, crouching down. We should find the Matrix Revolutions. He could be, he is in trouble. Yeah.

We just start walking, following that bloody, bloody trail. Have you any experience in combat? Against fish? He. Well, there's a big fish out there. That's not what I'm rolling for. He gives a chuckle.

There's like kind of a dark humor to this. He shakes his head and says, no, lass. There's a... I wouldn't be shocked, I suppose, but I don't think there's any fish out here. I tap my net. That's good for a lot of things. You wander into that corridor,

which you both find disorientating. Mr. Bellany is not nearly as acquainted with this sort of shit as the captain is. And you keep following. The blood trail just stops suddenly. It looks like the blood trail's been clipped off, to be honest. It just, like, there's a line drawn on the ground, and there's no more blood past that point.

I gingerly stick a hand in across that invisible line. Your hand disappears in front of your eyes. I extend my other hand out. Hold me. Mr. Bellany grabs your hand. I stick my head in. It's very disorientating, but your head comes out in the other corridor that you didn't see before, but Sir Helpful did see before. There's another corridor that intersects with this one.

But so helpful did see before. There's another corridor that intersects with this one. When you're in the corridor, it's fine. But trying to perceive the corridor from your one is impossible. Because it's in another dimension. When you are there, your brain kind of does a recorrect thing and is like, well, that's forwards, that's backwards. But when you're trying to look from one to the other, you're like, that makes no sense to me. Oh, God. I stick my head back out.

It's all good. It's just a corridor. Come on. Oh, you do also. Sorry, I should say. You see the blood continues in this one. We're on the right track. All right.

How's Rat doing? Rat gives you a thumbs up. No. The little drop seems to be kind of waiting and watching. Off we go, gang! As you're walking down this corridor, there's a door, one of those black obsidian doors with a diamond handle to it. You can hear a chittering noise on the other side of the door.

Awful. The worst sound a thing can make is a chittering. Could it be a chittering? It could be chittering. It could indeed. Yeah. I sort of push my ear up to the door. You hearing this?

Mr. Bellany nods slowly. He has one of the, no, he has a hand axe in each hand, actually. He's armed up as much as he can. Even little drop holds on tight to your shoulder. I want to cast Speak with Animals. Do I have to say I cast Speak with Animals or do I, can I meld it into the texture and fabric of the game that I've just figured it out? Because I also don't want to be the person who's like,

my character doesn't do magic. This is what they think's happening, but I don't know how to avoid that. I can just say I cast it. What we'll do is you expend one of your spell slots in the game rules but what's happening is you are just knuckling down

focusing, you've been kind of paying attention to the rat and this spell normally has kind of a duration but what we'll say instead is that you can kind of impress upon the rat some stuff and the rat can impress upon you some stuff. So there's no actual magic happening here, it's can kind of impress upon the rat some stuff and the rat can impress upon you some stuff. So there's no actual magic happening here.

It's all kind of more body language type stuff. But doing this takes a bit of time. We'll say about 10 minutes, shall we say. But in that 10 minutes, you can kind of give the rat any idea and the rat can give you any idea, if that makes sense. I'm going to vibe check the rat once more. I reckon I've spent enough time around this rat to be able to suss out some of its rat noises. What do you want from Little Drop?

You can ask for more than just a vibe check. You could literally ask me questions. I want to know what he thinks is happening. Little Drop explains to you that, or gives you the vibe, shall we say, that he doesn't understand exactly what's happening. This isn't something entirely out of his ballpark. Little Rat is magical inherently and actually is definitely smarter than regular rats. And so it has some understanding of magic and understands that something magical of a nature that they are actually quite familiar with is happening. There's a creature on the other side of this door, but little drop is pretty confident that whatever the creature is there probably isn't friendly and maybe even isn't supposed to be there. Whatever

it is, it's definitely dangerous. Do you reckon we can take it? Little Drop doesn't know the answer to that one. Worst case scenario, you might be able to fall back, but this place is kind of... You never know if falling back will send you to another part of the tower.

Pretty much, yeah. Worst case scenario, shut the door. True, could try shutting the door. Although it might be the sort of creature that worst case scenario shut the door could try shutting the door although it might be the sort of creature that once you've opened the door it could be the sort of room that once you've opened the door there's no clothes on it there's no door entirely possible um i share the rat's concerns with mr bellany what do you reckon? Mr. Bellany shrugs. We need to... All I know is that the Matrix Revolutions is in trouble. And we are the only people who can help them. I keep forgetting.

All right, then. Click the door open. All right. Put the rat in my pocket. As soon as you turn the knob, not even open the door, as soon as you turn the knob, the chittering or kitering stops suddenly and abruptly. Then you still open the door, I assume? Okay.

One hand on net. I put the other hand on my net. This is not the same as the other room in the corridor adjacent to this one. It's slightly different, but not entirely different. It is a room. You can see walls, roof, floor, maybe even some features like windows, which you can see out of to the outside, which boggles the mind once again. But you can see outside of this room, you can see the features of the room.

The room has some tables, chairs, there's some things on it. It looks like maybe, from the furnishings, you would guess that it might be a study slash bedroom of sorts. Everything in this room is made of space.

Cool. It's not, it doesn't look like a decal. It's not wrapped, yeah, it's not it doesn't look like a decal it's not wrapped like something wrapped around objects the objects are themselves space standing in the room

messing about with something on a table you see the back of Tipper Tipper stops messing about or you get the impression that Tipper was doing something and then suddenly stopped and then suddenly stopped, and then is just standing motionless with their back to you. Net on Tipper.

Nice, yeah, net him good. You throw your net at Tipper. You will hit Tipper, your net wraps around Tipper, and then immediately you really wish you hadn't done that. As Tipper begins falling apart piece by piece by piece. The one thing you can't net. The thing falling apart is still in the net, right? Well, they're small enough to slip through the holes. Smaller than fish?

Oh, no. No! These guys again. Would you like to describe these guys? This is the chitinous fellas. Chitinous, chitinous, chitinous. You gave us the hint. You said chittering. Yeah, I did.

I did. I did. It's a swarm of them which attacks. A swarm? I think I'm good at swarms. You are good at swarms. Because I'm good at catching fish. I know I'm good at breaking hordes.

Same difference. Now, I know I said that they slipped through the net just now, but I will allow you still to grab groups of them. Obviously, some of them will still slip through the holes, but if you want to use your net to try and, well, you can't grapple a swarm, but if you want to use your net, does it do damage? No. Is my question.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Oh my question. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. No, interesting. Well, the net is designed not to damage the fish. Yeah, so it is. Yeah. I guess, actually, the net can't really do anything, actually.

Yeah, that sucks. Well, were those things the big version of themselves? When they were in the ocean? Were they the big one and then they turned into the little ones? Oh, I see what you mean. You know how there was a big one and then there were little ones? Oh, the big ones melded apart like Tipper just did? That you're uncertain.

You can make an educated guess. Yeah, with my intelligence of negative one intelligence mod sorry okay cool fight a swarm swarms are annoying to fight I assume no you just set yourself on fire and grab yeah that's true

swarms are easy baby should have lit my net on fire oh my god flaming net you can only use it once wait a minute I think you can That's true. Swarms are easy, baby. Should have lit my net on fire. Oh, my God. Flaming net. You can only use it once. Wait a minute. I think you can because of a breaking of some rules or a warping of some rules, which, to be honest, is kind of the part and parcel for this. So you have fighting style thrown weapon fighting.

In addition, when you hit with a ranged attack using a throne weapon you gain plus two to the damage roll so you can do two points of damage each time you throw this net you can choose to do two points of damage each time you throw this net i don't actually know if that is technically allowed in the rules but i'm going to allow it okay alternatively you do actually have a light hammer and two daggers which are themselves throwing weapons yeah that's true very funny to throw hammers um i don't think i would have done damage when i threw it because i thought it was tipper yeah yeah no no of course i assumed, I'm just going to assume the first throw, yeah, was not a damaging one, but you could, yeah, choose to throw the net to deal damage now, or you could start drawing your weapons and throwing them. Yeah, I'm going to start throwing hammers at the horde. You hit with the first attack and then you draw maybe one of your daggers and throw that as well. that's going to be a miss but your hammer still

does hit and how's the horde looking maybe of the of the swarm it the dagger hit literally just one pinning it to the ground but one in a swarm isn't that many the hammer however as it passed through the swarm it cleared quite a few of them the horde is still doing alright but you hurt it, you did deal damage and not an insignificant amount, nonetheless though the chittering noise returns and you realise what it was coming from

the chittering chitinous creatures begin chittering their chitinous bodies towards you they track over objects and obstacles kitering their chitness bodies towards you. They track over objects and obstacles in their attempt to get to you, but it is Bellany's turn first. Cool.

He doesn't want to get close to them either, so he's going to double-handed throw both of the hammers that he was given. Or hand axes, sorry. Oh, yeah, that's right. That he was given. My hand hand axes, sorry. Oh, yeah, that's right. That he was given. My hand axes. Both of those are hits.

I imagine the hand axes look like me, like how, you know, like if you get an action figure that comes with. Their little heads. They're the head of the axes, like your head. He deals five points of damage, hitting twice. Nice. Dung, dung. The creature, the swarm, is bloodied bloodied oh so it's at half health oh

yeah easy these creatures aren't there's not actually well in comparison to the the mass that you saw beneath the boat earlier this is a much smaller much more manageable quantity it is then little drops turn little's hairs begin standing on end and electricity crackles through him. Oh, my God. A bolt of electricity launches from Little Drop and tries to strike at the swarm. It hits. The swarm takes six points of electricity damage. It hits, the swarm takes six points of electricity damage,

and the electric bolt from Little Drop to the swarm continues to track. As the swarm moves, it continues to blast around it. What is left of the swarm rushes at you, fish, and it's going to attack. What if it didn't? Wow, it gets a lot of attacks. Yeah, there's so many of them. Yeah. Okay, first off, a bunch of them begin trying to bite down on you as they swarm over you, crawling all around you.

The biting, thankfully, does not hurt you, but then they also, they're rending at you with their claws. That's way worse. They've got so many claws. That's so much worse. I don't want them to come over my head. You get torn up by some of the claws. You will take, it's not a lot, it's, well, four points of damage.

That would have brought down any regular person, but you're a little bit tougher than that, thankfully. I'm fish. And then finally their tail with that hooked, barbed end to it. They're just like a whip slamming it into you. That tail looks like it should put eggs in you. That's the vibe of it. Oh, yeah.

An ovipositor. Ovipositor, yeah, yeah. Fortunately, they don't hit you with that either. And then it is your turn again, Fish. I've chucked my daggers. I've chucked my hammer. You have one more dagger. Oh.

Yeah, but you can't chuck it now because the creatures are on you. Oh, too easy. Well, I would like to attack the first creature, the closest one. All right. You know, if one's on my chest, slam it directly into my chest. And then I would like to use Horde Breaker so when I've made a weapon attack, I can make another attack with the same weapon against a different

creature that is within 5 feet of the original target. I've got good news and I've got bad news, which would you like first? Bad news. Critical miss. Okay, that is bad news. Good news, first attack is a hit. Actually, if you deal enough damage, you might destroy the horde and then the second attack, yeah, the

miss wouldn't have happened. You need to deal at least one more point of damage. Yes, alright, yep, you do. Nice. You thankfully killed them in the first attack and so you don't suffer the critical miss. Maybe your second attack you were going to stab yourself in the chest and you're like, oh, there's nothing to do anymore.

It's okay, it's okay. I thought it was going to be like, okay, bad news, critical hit. Good news, there's nothing to do anymore. It's okay. It's okay. I thought it was going to be like, okay, bad news, critical hit. Good news, you're going to heaven. Well, there you go. You destroy maybe Tipper? It's unclear. Yeah.

Was that Tipper? Was that Tipper? Mr. Bellamy shakes his head slowly. I look at Rat. I do not know the answer to that question I look at Rat Rat does give you a thumbs up this time

Okay let's have a look around this room Alright Can I touch the space? You can if you want, it feels like space Actually is that comforting? I don't know, that's up to you Space is nice, well when I'm not in its vacuum and it's just on, when it is objects and I'm not in space, comforting.

Absolutely. I think it's nice. Sure. When space isn't sucking you off big time. Well. What do I find around the room? Well, so there is a big table in the center of the room. There are the windows.

There are several bookcases, two at one end, one at the other end. The two bookcases side by side, they look to be mostly filled with just books, regular books. But the singular bookcase that has, instead of having books, it's got lots of scrolls piled up on top of each other the items sorry only the furniture of this room and the room itself is made out of space everything else just looks to be regular objects or at least so far looks to be regular objects so yeah there's the two bookshelves that just have books there's the scroll bookshelf if you will there's a table in the middle that's got some stuff on it but you can't see it very well from where you are there's a writing desk over to one side that has a matching chair, and it's one of those

writing desks that has the roller down thing, which is currently in a rolled down position. And then finally, there is a big telescope with some small tables and writing implements on the tables. You do not know what the telescope is meant to be looking at well check all right so that's the first thing you investigate yeah look in the telescope as you approach mr bellany mr bellany cautions you uh be careful lass i if something were to happen to you i haven't the magics to bring you back i have no magics to be honest, he says. Me neither. I offer my hand to hold my hand. Hold my hand, please.

To what end? Just in case. All right, he says. He holds your hand. You look through the telescope? Yeah. It's just black. Oh, okay.

I twist it around. You move it? Yeah. You move it around, you look through it again? Yeah. It's still just darkness, okay. I twist it around. You move it? Yeah. You move it around, you look through it again? Yeah. It's still just darkness, black. I've got to be looking at, I look again. You're really trying for this one.

Do you move it again or do you just look again? Move it. All right, you move it a second time, looking through the thing. It's pure white now. Okay, you're getting somewhere. Can I shift it back slightly to try and find the edge of white and black? Alright, you realise you're looking into your own eye Alright

That's just my eye Oh, okay then Do you want to go? No, thank you I'm alright I, um I, I, I, I, I, I, I. Anyway, let's keep, what was Tipper doing?

Or what was Tipper? Or whatever that thing was. He gestures to the table that Tipper was standing at. Yeah, we'll go look at the table. That's the smarter thing. There's a bag on the table. And in addition to that, well, that was what Tipper was at, at that exact moment.

Tipper would have been, it looked like from the context clues you're getting looks like tipper was rummaging around in the bag in addition to the bag though there is a big map that has been laid out when you're first looking at it you think it's a map of the lonely tower and then fairburn point or the coastal area around fairburn point but when you look closer and closer, you realize there's something strange to the map. You put a hand on it and your hand goes a little bit into the map. It is a 3D map of, thankfully, mercifully, it's just 3D. It's not like you can go down and pick up the tower and pull it out or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

But there's no extra weird dimensions. go down and pick up the tower and pull it out or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But there's no extra weird dimensions. It's a... When you move around and look at it from different angles, you can kind of see... You know on Google Maps, you can look around and buildings will have height to them? It's kind of that.

Huh. It's, yeah, just a really big... That map and then the bag. That's what's on the table. And then put my hand in the bag, what do I find? You feel something... If you just stick your hand in the bag what do i find you feel something if you just stick your hand into the hell yes you feel something hairy tip it out and solid sorry you feel hair and then something very solid beyond it pull it out you pull out the matrix revolution's head there there might be more you you've got a head so far but there could be more

oh i keep pulling you pull out more and more of the matrix revolutions comes out of the bag until you get to about the midpoint and then you can see more of those little creatures that just attacked you are working their way up his body you see as they slide their way further up they split and then you realize actually they're not working their way up they're working their way down they are becoming him oh okay i put him back in the bag and then I do the bag up. Okay, you clasp the bag, sure. You saw that, right? Mr. Bellany nods slowly.

I think, lass, I don't think we can let that continue. No, no, that's really not good. Do we have you any fire? Perhaps something worse. Surely we can make fires. There's books in this room. Burn the scrolls. Why do you love burning books?

Scroll fire. Do you have flint and steel? You'll have a tinderbox, I think. What's around the room? What's in that writing desk? You walk over to the writing desk, pull the chair aside, and you open the shutter part. Yep.

You can see there is all of the utensils inside of this are unlike the other objects here. They are also made of space. You can see there are some stacks of paper, paper and parchment. There's a different consistency to paper and parchment. But you can see two different stacks. And then there's an inkwell, also made out of space, which looks like it is also made of space.

And it looks like it writes with space. Whoa. That's really cool. Paper or parchment? Which one do you think is more flammable? I think parchment's more flammable. Okay. And it's blank, yeah?

It's hard to tell. It's made of space, I guess. Yeah, it's made of space. I have a look and I sort of squint. Can you read this? Oh, actually, good job. You can read it. Looking at it, you see that there is a clear pattern to the constellations.

Oh my god! What does it say? Oh my god, get a good boy card. Fish just full on learning the secrets of the universe. Hell, yeah. He's trying to burn a book. Reading the, if you spend, I'll say, maybe 10 minutes reading the papers on, reading the pages on this desk. You can now, if you want want you can see the fourth dimension when this is like a power that

you can turn on and off if you turn this power on though you are so distracted by it that anything that requires sight you take a disadvantage so that includes things like attack rolls and even perception checks fair enough that rules do you want some of this mr mr bellamy shakes his head uh no thank you alas i am happy with what i can see i'm happy with the vision that the gods gave me if i was meant to see a fourth dimension i would probably be living in said fourth dimension. All right. Well, let's just try and catch the bag on fire anyway. I mean, is it leather?

The bag would... No, it's a canvas bag. That sounds level with me. I whip out my tinderbox. Tinderbox. Oh, tinderbox is fine. Yeah, that's fine. Are you burning anything with it or are you just trying to burn the bag itself?

Just the bag. That will probably be a check because trying to burn canvas is flammable but it's hard to just catch canvas, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if I'm going... You think you're going to need to burn something with the bag. Just burn that parchment. You've already used it up.

Who could need it? I'll put it in my pocket. You put what in your pocket? The parchment that tells you how to see the fourth dimension. Okay, you're stowing that? Yes. Absolutely. Up for grabs, yeah.

I steal. Are there any other parchments? Yeah. Well, what about the paper? What's on the paper? The papers, they look to be blank. Oh, well, these ones are blank. We'll just burn these.

Okay. They look blank to you, right? Mr. Bellamy gives you a big shrug. Lass, it's darkness upon darkness with some stars spotted around as far as I can see. Up it goes! All right, you try again. I'm excited to see what it looks like to see on-fire space. This time you're able to set fire to the bag.

As the bag burns, you hear... Shush! Shush! Shush! The creature tries to force its way out. I stand on the bag. The bag's on fire! Yeah, but I'm not going to catch on fire. I can move my feet up and down to avoid flame.

Okay. Well, then you're not really standing on it, are you? Alright. I'm going to roll. The creature needs to try and force its way out anyway. I'm going to roll with a slight penalty, we'll say. And you're going to need to roll to not

burn yourself. Yeah, okay. Seems fair. Alright, the creature fails to force its way out and Fish, you will take some damage. Doesn't seem fair, but... You take seven points of fire damage, Fish. Okay. The creature's in, right?

The bag burns up, and as the bag burns up, at a certain point, the screaming stops, and you feel safe to step off the bag. The bag burns to a crisp and nothing comes out. I think that went pretty well. Was Matrix Revolutions dead or turning into that creature in the bag or were they making like a doppelganger? That's a really good question. I think maybe doppelganger. That's a really good question. I think maybe doppelganger.

You got to hope. So we should keep looking then is what you reckon? Yes. What do you think? Lady, you're the one with the fourth dimensional sight. Oh, let's have a look. I turn on my fourth dimensional sight. This room appears to be mostly third dimension,

though you are aware that there are probably more dimensions than the four that you can currently see. So there could still be more to this room that you just don't see. You've got to read more documents. What's on this scroll? What about these scrolls? You have a look. Wait, what scroll?

Oh, right, the bookcase of scrolls. All right. You wander over to that and you start pulling out parchments from there. Huzzah lows. Nice. Got to learn how to perceive all those otheries. Come on. The first one, as you unfurl it, the first one, as I said, these ones are not made of space.

They're just regular scrolls. There is a writing or some something written upon the scroll you do not recognize the language but you recognize the letters it would be letters from the dwarven alphabet or the i think it's the primordial alphabet which dwarven uses okay can you read this you can read it're from the- No, they just recognize the letters. Oh, they're letters, I see. Yeah, it's like an English reader looking at Italian. Yep, yep, yep. Mamma mia. Pretty much, yeah.

You could give, because you know the letters, you could give it a try. I mean, I'll give it a go. I'll get Old May over here to have a look at it. Are you just reading in your head or out loud? In my head. Okay. It just affects where it happens. It could happen out here or it could happen in your head.

Oh, no. I get a bad boy card, but that's a good thing. It's for the best that this doesn't happen in your head. Okay. You finish the scroll and then nothing obviously happens. Oh, can you read this? Bellany. Highs or lows again, I guess.

Highs. Highs. Bellany shakes his head. Nay, alas, I do not know the dwarven alphabet. Okay. Other scrolls. You pull another one? Yeah.

Highs or lows. Highs, because they're not doing anything. Sure. The first one was, yeah, in effect. You unfurl this one. This one's. So low. Hi. It's because they're not doing anything. Sure. Yeah, of course. Yeah, in effect. You unfurl this one. This one's just written in Dwarven. So you can read this one, actually.

Oh, what's this one? Do you read it out loud or in your head? In my head. Okay. Why would I read it out loud? That would be weird. Yeah, that's fair. It's part of a story.

It's, uh, so. I would be reading it in my head and dwarven, but I'd be saying it out loud to Sir Bellamy. To Mr. Bellamy. So you are saying it out loud. In English. Yeah. Or in common. In common. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. You're translating as you go. Sure.

Alright, you read it, like I said, it's a story, it's partway through the story. It probably begins with, like, chapter 8. That's the title through the story. It probably begins with like chapter eight. That's the title or the heading up the top. Oh, spoilers. Would you keep going? Oh, no.

No, yeah, I would. All right. It has like Cynthia waited by the window. She couldn't stand it any longer. It had been years since she had last seen Mikhail. And then there was a knock at the door. And then, as you say that out loud, both of you hear a knock.

I assume you pause. Yes, I stop reading. Maybe they'll go away. Lass, I'm not sure what you think's going to happen right now. What are we afraid of? What? Someone's outside? Do you think, okay. We shouldn't be in here.

Yeah, we shouldn't be here taking someone else's things. You're right. Rude. What shade? Are you serious? I don't say that out loud. Are we not another fisherman? This guy's a pirate. No, he's not. Breaking into someone's house.

I've been robbed. I feel like I'm allowed one. You can rob back. Yeah, that's the rules. I've been robbed recently. The universe robs you. You get to rob. Retaliate.

Yeah. It's like if you lose money, you're like, oh. I can mug someone now. You wait for, how long are you going to wait for? I reckon I would stand still for about 40 seconds. All right, 40 seconds passes, nothing else happens. Okay, do you reckon we're safe? He shrugs.

Lass, I don't know how many times I need to tell you this. I don't know. Should we check the door or should we just keep going it might be worth leaving i don't know if there's gonna be anything of interest in these scrolls and i mean look i wouldn't be shocked if we opened one up and out popped the matrix revolutions but it's it does seem unlikely okay uh let's keep going away from where that door knock happened. I just kind of echoed, actually it probably emanated from you. What?

Oh, well, if it came from me, do I recognize then it was probably from the book? You could. That's between you and Fish. I read another sentence. Who's there? she called out you say the words who's there they just fish's mouth just opens up and she says those words do you keep reading nope i rolled the straw back up probably Probably for the best, because, yeah, I realize how that happening inside you is really bad. Oh, man.

You know what? They have to come through the door if you're the door, you know? One more sentence. Well, outside would have been not great, but in your head would have been fucked up. Yeah. Imagine an intrusive thought that you have no control over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I roll that scroll up, I put it back on the shelf. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. It would have been so funny. Anyway, you step back out of that room. Yep, we leave. All right. You're... Oh, we'll come back to you.

Where were you? We were... Me and... Ah, you stepped into the new room. Yeah, we stepped into the new room. This room appears to be a laboratory of some sort. There's a spiral staircase in the middle that goes straight up. And there is, on this bottom floor,

there is a bunch of giant test tubes. Not test tubes, but giant... Yeah, vats. Vats. Thank you. Yeah, vats. And inside the vats are all manner of different creatures, all of them mundane animals. You see things like maybe a wolf, a bear, deer, different types of fish, maybe a cat and a dog as well.

Sorry you got the boring ones. Yeah, I didn't get any cool scrolls. Each of the vats has at the base of it a little table and a little book sitting on the table okay what animals are there? what did you say? the nearest ones to you like I said would be deer

bear and there'd be different types so there's like a couple of bears I've never seen a bear before so I'll go up and try and learn what it is there's the book in front do you pick up the book? you open the book and you see just page after page after page of names i don't know what that means so i close the book again all right do you do you spend much as soon do you how how long would you have spent well okay so i don't know what a bear is because i've lived my whole life uh on the shores of

fairburn point yeah so what's like the first name I see in there? It'd be like Arthur. Okay. Point to like maybe close the book, put a big metal hand on the tank. Arthur. The captain nods slowly. Sure, sure, sure. And then, yeah,

that's probably all I'll do with the books. And then I'll just keep looking around, searching for Jim. Tipper. Fuck. It doesn't take long until you see one of the vats has been broken open. And there's a lot of slimy liquid on the floor. Yeah, that's all you see so far.

You haven't really approached it, I assume. Yeah, no. The exploded one, I'll go for and investigate. Absolutely. The book has been thoroughly drenched by this slime so you could try and pick that up yeah i will oh okay you pick up the book the slime comes away falls off you flick the slime off and then i'll try and delicately with my big metal fingers, open it up. It's just more names again. How long would you spend on the names? What's the first name I see? James.

James. I say and point to the tank. I'm saying that to Captain Balbarum. Captain Balbarum nods slowly and says, good, yes, that's good eye you have. She gestures in the slime, footprints. You see, sure enough, a set of footprints leading away.

There's two sets of footprints. Are they bare feet or booted? Booted. And then another set that is just something big. Okay. Do they look, I mean, like, I obviously never measured everybody's foots on the ship, but do they look like they could fit Tippett? Yes. Well, then we'll follow them.

You follow after and you can hear eventually a wet noise. A wet... Imagine this, but there's a lot of moisture. Yeah. Okay. You keep approaching.

Captain Belbarum falls back a little bit so that you're in front. She puts a hand on your shoulder and says, If we can, we gotta take Tipper alive if he fights us. Why? I have a few questions for him. If you'll recall. Okay.

Understood. So rude. Sorry, i was born sexy yesterday i don't know what's the right thing to do no one's teaching me how to love i thought that would have happened by now all right yeah well we'll approach the wet plopping, Adam. You see the back of this creature. Whoa, it's a slode. Slide. Fuck. Oh, is this one, does this one actually have crystals in his brain?

Is that the one I'm thinking of? Yeah, this one actually has crystals. Take them. Take them. I'll take the crystals. Okay. Can I see? You can see the back.

Imagine this is, well, you see a giant broad bigger than you back. It's whatever the creature is. It's red with green speckles on it. It's got a series of horned ridges down its spine, but the horned ridges don't follow any, other than being along its spine, they don't seem to follow much of a pattern. Like it doesn't look like they're actually connected to bone or anything like that. Kind of like almost like warts.

Yeah, yeah. They do kind of like almost like warts. Yeah, yeah. They do kind of have an appearance of warts. It's got two over long arms and then what do you call them? Like dog legs or whatever? Yeah, kind of like backwards. Yeah, yeah. Fancy backsies. Fancy backsie legs.

Its arms end in massive clawed hands, four fingers, not five. You can see it's bringing them up and bringing them down and every time it brings them down, you hear that wet noise over and over and over again. Is it only it I can see? No tip off? Quite obviously there's something in front of it, but you can't see past

its massive, hulking form. I turn my head to Captain Balbar. I'm looking for instruction. I don't... I... Balbar. I'm looking for instruction. I don't know. The creature. Do you know what a slard is? Do I? Yeah, you actually probably.

How much does Jackson know about slards? Yeah, I feel like I know about slards. I like the shape, so I feel like I've looked at them before. They get a great shape as a monster. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. You's fine. That's fine. You rolled quite high, so...

What I know about slards. Sure. Yeah, okay. For some reason, I do know about slards. They are poisonous and will put little tadpoles in your belly if you're not careful. In your belly, if you're not careful. Uh, then those tadpoles either maybe make you a slard, or you give birth to a slard.

I do a big hulking shrug. Bulbarum nods slowly. I'm a little, I have a little familiarity with these creatures. It won't be the first time I've tussled with one. Uh, I can't imagine this one's going to be too happy to see us. Do you think it's pummeling Tipper? There is every possibility. Okay.

You flank around to the left. I'll blast it with some magic. Once I've got its attention and it charges me, you step out and, I don't know, pummel it, I suppose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. She thinks for a second. Actually, I might try to bargain with it. Speak.

Oh, okay. Nonetheless, try to hide yourself as best as you... She looks at you, looks at her. I'll hide. You try to talk to it. I bargain with it. I, I, I... I nod. She tries to hide. she does an okay job there's not

a lot of great places to hide all right sir helpful okay i tap it on the shoulder you walk right up to it well it's are you trying you're not trying to sneak up to it i assume i just want from bargaining with it let's just open the dialogue. Um, alright. You don't get that close. Okay, fair enough. You're simply too big. As you approach, I'd say maybe within 60 feet, it stands up and whips around to look at you.

You can see on the other side of it is the remains of a horse, which it has beat the crap out of. It's beaten a dead horse! You can see Tipper is quite bloodied and badly bruised, just a little bit past the horse. You can see part of his face.

Actually, you can see more than just broken and bruised. Part of his face has been clawed away. He's still alive, but only barely. The slard speaks to you telepathically from its mind into yours. What do you want? We want the little man. Do you control this place? No.

You are not this realm's muster. What is muster. What is muster? Ma-ster. No, I am, uh, so helpful. It looks you up and down. You are not flesh. No, I am metal and wood.

Strange creature. I suppose. Can you bring me home? Where's your home, Slard? I come from Limbo. I get a bad boy cut? You don't know what the fuck limbo is. Bring up a big metal finger and scratch my metal head.

Maybe. It shakes its head slowly. You are no use to me. Uh. But maybe I can reproduce with you. I look down at my chest. It attacks. Oh, no. I was going to be like, yeah, that should be fine.

Like, I'm mostly like cogs and stuff. Just put a baby in there. Whatever. Like, it's not going to hurt. I mean, it's probably going to be worse for this lad when it pops out and instead of exploding out of my stomach, it just goes against the metal of my chest plate. But whatever, the frog

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