D&D is For Nerds - The Lonely Tower #7 The Creature Sees All

Episode Date: April 29, 2023

Hiding from a creature that sees all can seem like an impossible task. And you’d be entirely correct. No matter what you do or where you hide, it can and will find you. The best course of action is to not concern yourself with something so trivial as surviving and instead just accept that your choices led you here and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Good luck. Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. The town of Fairburn Point is nestled near the Kirkman Channel. On the other side of the Kirkman Channel is a place known only to the locals as the Lonely Tower. A imposing presence on the horizon. Something that people would best just forget. You wake up. Okay.

You're in a dank, dark cave. You can see a little pool of light. It's water, but there's light coming off the water. So helpful is glad to see Captain Balbarum survived. I managed to get us out of Khorne realm. Where are we now?

I think we might be near, if not at, the beginning. Oh. What is the pool of water you're at? It's everything. This is, uh, what creation sprung from. Either the gods made from it or it made the gods. I'm not sure.

Okay. I rest my eyes, my red glowing eyes. You spend a day or a night or time. It's hard to say. You're not 100% sure the time exists just yet. You're not sure if it's been born yet. But you spend enough time here that you have a long rest, you're recovered, and then presumably, or it seems quite obvious,

that Captain Belbarum can see where the circular spiral staircase is. Oh, okay, yeah, cool. Because when you're ready, both of you stand up, she puts out a hand and says, follow me. I place my big metal hand in hers. She slips into nothingness and pulls you stand up. She puts out a hand and says, follow me. I place my big metal hand in hers. She slips into nothingness and pulls you with her. I was so ready to wait 10 billion years to arrive at the regular time.

Captain Balbarum does not have that time. No, no, no. I would have been Captain Balbarum dead. All right. Back on the staircase. Sure. Yeah. You're standing back at the staircase again.

Captain Balbarum says, if we go back down to the bottom, we won't be able to get anywhere because, well, on account of, you know, it's the bottom of everything. Yes. But there doesn't seem to be anywhere else in the tower accessible on the staircase. Unless we were, perhaps, to try

to get back up to where we were in Corn Realm, I give you or you give me a lift and I could maybe help you up, she says. Uh, okay, we could try. Uh, we might just be in a little bit of a spot of bother

with the Khorne knights if they were to spot us. Well, I can be quiet. I don't think I can. Unfortunately, I can be quiet. I don't think I can. Unfortunately, I haven't any rope on me. A bit of an irony, considering my profession. I have rope. But I guess I have a boat to keep it on.

I bring rope out of it. It's funny to imagine I have a bag, but I guess I do. I'm kind of imagining the rope slung around your shoulder or something. Unfold the rope. I'll lift you up. You can tie the rope around your shoulder or something. Unfill the rope. I'll lift you up. You can tie the rope around me. Then pull me up in like a pulley system. She thinks for a second.

Maybe it's better if I tie it off somewhere, you know? Rightio. We'll attempt that. You get back up to the break. You see Corn Realm again. It's still in abject chaos as the corn all around begins to disappear and corn realm becomes smaller and smaller and smaller poor corn realm the knights as i as previous the knights are in a bit of a it's abject chaos they're running around trying

to do the best they can to harvest and protect the corn but as they as they pick it up as they pluck it from the fields, it turns to ash and dust in their hands. I resist every urge to once again offer my sword, and instead I'll help Captain Barbaramore. Once again, standing in here, you hear your heart beating in time to the destruction of the corn. You don't know what it is about your innards,

but your innards are tied to what is happening in corn realm i file that away under what and then yeah all right do my best to ignore it you help captain belbarum up it takes a couple of goes but captain belbarum manages to grab onto the lowest of the stair rungs and she's trying to haul herself up. You need to make a perception check. You fail the perception check. Uh-oh. That sucks. Captain Balbarum clambers up onto the staircase.

She looks back down at you. She doesn't spot it either. Uh-oh. She looks back down at you, and she says, Just give me a moment. I'll tie it off to something. I can wait. Captain Balbarum gets to work.

I sit there motionless, a motionless Hulk. A crossbow bolt whizzes past your head. We're back to initiative. So helpful. You turn around and you can see that corn knight, the general of the corn, as he's known. You see he's holding a crossbow made out of corn, and he's loading another crossbow bolt into the crossbow made of corn.

He shouts orders in corn at two other corn knights, just regular corn knights. And with his guidance, they're able to slip into where you're standing in the staircase. Oh my god. He quite clearly, he just is able to, well actually they can't see into this dimension, but they can sense the corn in you. Oh god, oh god. Two corn knights lunge in to attack. That's miss-miss. Okay. Miss-miss. Alright, there's two

corn knights either side of you. Captain Balbarum above you calls out, I just need a moment! It's... Sorry, no sir, helpful, it's your turn. I accidentally... Oh no, no, no, that was all the captain's turn, sorry. I mean the general of the corn's turn. It is now your turn, sir. Okay, I mean the general of the Khorne's turn. It is now your turn so help me. Okay, can I

just like punch one of these Khorne soldiers or Khorne knights off the staircase? Do you intend to punch them back into Khorne realm or do you intend to punch them? Well, I guess you are in Khorne realm. I mean, I know it's complicated because we're talking more than the three dimensions

but we are still on a spiral staircase in some dimension. I want to try and are still on a spiral staircase in some dimension. I want to try and punch them off the spiral staircase so they fall. Fall? Alright. You swing once. That will be a miss. You swing a second time. That's a hit and a critical hit as well.

So bashed nose. Double damage. So first off let's find out what double damage is for you. Ten, double damage. So first off, let's find out what double damage is for you. Ten points of damage, not nothing. That actually, it doesn't, the corn knight is bloodied, actually. And I'm trying to push it anyway, so it's not, you know. Sorry.

The corn knight, if they don't fall to their death, they probably will. They're going somewhere. Definitely not going anywhere good. There's no guarantee. There's pretty much a guarantee on that. That Khorne Knight's flopping out in the material plane and joining the Grail Free Company. All right. Anyway, anyway, anyway.

Without the directions of the General of Khorne, or because the General of Khorne can't guide them on their turn, the regular Khorne knights aren't able to access, can't get to you. You see them kind of walking around you. You see them walk right at you, but then they appear somewhere else on the other side. But there is still one Khorne knight on the staircase, and that Khorne knight attacks.

That's a miss and a miss. Okay, thank god. It is Balbarum's turn. They tie the rope and then drop it down for you. Okay. It's the officer's turn. They just fire their corn bow again.

They miss. Okay. That's all they can do this turn. Then it is your turn, so helpful. Okay. Can I, is the, I guess we didn't really properly discuss the specifics, but do I tie the rope around me or is the plan for me to just pull myself up? I think the plan was for you to be pulled up. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Great. Great. Well, then I tie the rope around me. Is that an interaction? Would you say? I would call that, I'd probably say that's your action. Yeah, that's fine. All right, I do that then.

Oh, no. Sir Adam, pick up a bad boy, please. Things could be better. And then it is the regular knight's turn. There's still just that one. He swings, miss, hit. You get hit once by one of the regular corn knights. That is a

d8 plus 2. 7 points of slashing damage. Okay. And then how much corn damage? Oh no. You take 4. 4 corn damage. 4 corn damage. Yeah, 4 corn damage. Oh my god. And then it is Belbarum's turn.

Belbarum heaves, and then Bell Barham falls down. They have improperly placed themselves. Highs or lows? Highs. Lows, actually. You sure lows? Yeah. You sure lows?

I actually, I'm returning to an old favorite high. All right. Captain Bell Barham hits the ground next to you, looking up at you. You can see there's clear panic in their face. That is unfortunately their turn. They will also take eight points of damage. Oh, God. Luckily, that's all that happened.

It is the general of Khorne's turn. He directs two more corn knights to enter There's three now And then he fires with his corn bow He misses It is your turn, Sir Helpful Okay, so now there are three corn knights There's three corn knights on the staircase

And the rope's kind of useless at this point The rope's completely down here Okay Okay Can I? Oh, actually, no. That was a roll well enough. Actually, the rope is attached to Balbarum

and is attached to you and loops over the railing of the staircase above. Okay. I guess I will move down a rung of the staircase to make Balbarum go up. All right. You will take three attacks of opportunity unless you use the disengage action. Which would you like? I'll use disengage. I'll disengage. All right. You will take three attacks of opportunity unless you use the disengage action.

Which would you like? I'll use disengage. I'll disengage. All right. Well, no attacks then. You move down. Balbarum gets thrown upwards. Try again.

And then, I'm so sorry, the rope. Balbarum falls again, takes another seven points of damage. Oh, no. This comedy of ours. You really fucked up the roll. If you recall, I drew a bad boy card. I should have held on to the roll. That was very...

I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry. All right, that was so helpful. It is the Corn Knight's turn. Two of them are going to charge down the stairs to attack you, so helpful. And then one of them's going to fuck up Bell Barum. Luckily, they can no longer see corn, so they no longer get advantage. Oh, thank God.

But there's still... There's corn in me, though. Doesn't count. They need to see growing... Any pure corn. Yeah, it's purest corn. My corn's solid. I get that.

And I can't believe... All right. No, Bell Barum gets hit once but that's it the two knights that charge you don't score a single hit Belbarum takes three points of regular damage and then two corn damage for five damage total alright, and that was the knights

it's Belbarum's turn fucking pull some good shit out we need the good shit Belbarum we're getting fucking corned on this staircase, dude. Captain Balbarum grabs one of the, you see through the slats on the staircase above, you see them try to grab the corn knight's leg from a prone position.

That is a hit. The corn knight there, you can see their flesh begins to wither and little dead tufts of corn come out of the cracks as they begin to wither and die a little bit. They're not dead but they are bloodied. That corn

knight takes 11 points of damage and Belbarum heals 5 points of damage. Nice. Oh, and then Belbarum stands up. Then it is the corn officer's turn. Sorry, the knight of corn. knight of corn. Officer of corn. A crossbow bolt strikes Bilbarum in the chest as they stand up.

They will take... It's so funny. Corn damage. It's gross somehow taking corn damage. Eleven, thirteen points of damage total. Only one point of corn. The rest was Pierce.

Okay. Small blessings. Good thing they had that. That they healed up. Yeah, because they're on five hit points now. So they would have been on zero otherwise. Okay. All right.

That was the general of corn. So helpful. It's your turn. There's two knights in front of you. Okay. I guess I'll take. Here's what I'm thinking. I reckon I could probably

throw Balbarum onto the top rung. Right? To get her out of harm's way. But I would take, like, three attacks of op doing so. You'd only take...

Well, you'd take zero attacks of op because there's two corn knights blocking the way up. Yeah. Okay, so I can't Balbarum past them. You could try shoving one...

Punching them, shoving them out of the way. Yeah, okay. And then moving and then on my next action. Yeah. All right, I'll do that. barrel pass them You can try shoving one, punching them, shoving them out of the way Yeah, okay, and then moving, and then on my next action Alright, I'll do that I'll try and punch one in the head to knock him out of the way You hit them, dealing six points of damage And then you shove them off the edge Alright, highs or lows?

Highs They're gone They're not turning up again highs or lows? Highs. They're gone. They're not turning up again anytime soon. Then I'll just move up to her because that's all I can do. That is an attack of opportunity, which is a miss.

You have actually one more attack, so would you like to attack the knight that's standing up here next to Balbarum? You hit by the hairs of your chinny-chin-chin and deal six, seven, yeah.

That corn knight, you punch them in the back of the head, they fall down forwards, and then Sorry. No, no, no, it's They shatter like they're made of porcelain and their body turns to corn. Whoa. Whoa.

Such is the fate of all corn knights. Can I grab some of the corn? Sure, yeah, if you want. Okay, I'll grab some of the corn. We'll need food, maybe. Cool. And that was so helpful. It's the knight's turn.

The knight down below comes up and charges you, so helpful. Critical hit, and then a regular hit. God damn it. So helpful. Critical hit and then a regular hit. God damn it. Ave Maria. Open wound. For the next 1d8 rounds, for the next 7 rounds, you must make a DC 16 constitution saving throw

when attempting to move 5 feet or more. On a failed save, you take a d8 damage. Hashtag life threatening. Hashtag life threatening indeed. I got a high con. I might be okay. So that is... And then we'll obviously roll the damage. Yeah, obviously.

We could not this time. Yeah, what if we didn't? Adam, that's not insignificant. You take 20 points of slashing damage and then 3 points of corn. Ah, fuck. It's Belbarum's turn. Belbarum. Oh! Take 20 points of slashing damage and then three points of corn.

Oh, fuck. It's Belbarum's turn. Belbarum. Oh, Belbarum, you beautiful bastard. I forgot you can do this. Belbarum fires an Eldrick Blast. It hits. I don't even need to roll damage because they can blast them 10 feet. Oh, hell yeah.

Highs or lows? Highs. Highs? They fall onto the staircase below. Okay. Oh, hell yeah. Highs or lows? Highs. Highs? Whoa! They fall onto the staircase below. Okay. Well, still. And then Belbarum fires another blast at the General of Khorne. That's another hit.

Belbarum deals 11 points of damage to the General of Khorne. They are quite strong. Damn. Fair enough. And then it is someone else's turn. What? What? Something's moving up. The staircase has a central

pillar in it made out of stone. Something's happening. Something's coming. Meanwhile, while you, Fish, while you're walking past the eye, or the eye's coming with you, while Winky moves with you, you hear a thump above you, right above you where the eye is.

The eye, you see, it gets like a quizzical look. Then it rolls around and rolls back to you. It winks once and then winks shut, and it disappears. Winky! Winky? Winky? Sir Helpful, you see an eye moving along the central pillar. It comes up and then looks at you. I know this is hard to tell.

Does it look at me with evil intent? Would you perceive it to have evil intent? I think Sir Helpful doesn't know until it happens. I think he's a very literal person. Okay. Interesting. Sir Helpful's like, well, I'll wait to see what the intentions of the eye are. It gets no input.

It just looks at Sir Helpful as Sir Helpful looks at it. And then that's all that will happen. It is the General of Corn's turn. He loads his crossbow and fires. He hits you. Oh, no. Yeah, no, he hits you, So Helpful, because he considers you to be probably the greatest threat right now.

Fair enough. You take 10 points of regular damage, 8 points of corn damage. 8 points of corn damage? You're back in saving throws. Oh, my God. You get pinned up against the wall. Ten points of regular damage. Eight points of corn damage. Eight points of corn damage? You're back in saving throws. Oh, my God. You get pinned up against the wall. You slide down to a sitting position.

And then you see above your head... Yeah. A massive beam of red energy, not from Captain Belbarum, from the eye, blasts the Corn Knight, who begins to swell. Sorry, the General of Corn, who begins to swell and then explodes. What the fuck? The eye slowly lowers down to your point. Belbarum looks at you. You're on zero hit points.

I'm going to say that you are conscious, able to perceive the world, but you can't really take action. Sure. Captain Belbarum looks at the eye, looks at you. I've got a strange idea, but it might just work. She puts her hand on the eye and says, take us somewhere safe. Take us somewhere safe. You can do it. The pupil on the iris begins to split open, and it creates a hole.

All right, we're going, lad. We're going. Okay. She drags you through the iris, and both of you fall into darkness. The iris closes shut behind you. Huh. The eye reappears for you, fish. Where'd you go, Winky?

It winked. Well, it can't tell you. It's not a yes or no question. My silent friend. Can I cast speak with animals? Sure. Alright, so you

turn to, once again, for roleplaying purposes, this is not actually a spell. You're just spending some time concentrating, focusing on your connection with Little Drop. Oh, no. I want to speak with Winky. Okay.

It works. I look Winky in the eye. Hello. Oh, hello, Winky. How you going? I am doing well. What happened? Where'd you go?

Someone fell on my back. Someone fell on you go? Someone fell on my back. Someone fell on your back? Who fell on your back? I don't know. He's dead now. Made out of corn. Okay, that's not one of ours. That's all right.

Were any of us made of corn? I went to have a look. Oh, okay. What'd you find? I found a big one and a captain. Oh, they might be mine. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Big one, big looking robot metal wood guy thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Captain, boaty kind of captain. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're mine. Okay. Where'd they go?

Somewhere safe. Whereabouts? Somewhere safe. Whereabouts? Somewhere safe. You don't know where the somewhere safe is? No. Okay. Do you know how we'd get? No, you wouldn't.

You don't know where it is. Definitely don't know. Yep. Yep. You don't know where it is. You told me you don't know where it is, Definitely don't know. Yep, yep. You don't know where it is. You told me you don't know where it is, so why would I ask? Yeah. Good stuff.

Well, if you see them, can you let me know? Okay. Thank you. All right. All right. Do you know where the Matrix Revolutions went? Yes. Statue.

It's a doorway. Oh, and you said the statue was dangerous. What's in the statue? The statue... There's nothing in the statue except a doorway! Okay, and what's the... You told me there was something scary. Ritual!

On the other side! A ritual? Yeah! Hey, if you could go and check other places, can you have a look at what's happening in there? Okay. Thank you. The eye moves over to the statue and then winks shut when it's above it. The eye on the other side, you do not perceive this,

on the other side the eye winks open. It can see into everything. side the eye winks open it can see into everything this one wall what every wall of this room is one wall somewhere everywhere okay this room has a this room has a wall to everywhere basically it's adjacent to everything is what this room is okay yeah cool stuff the room has in its dead center a rolling morphous mass which every now and then begins to scream and what is left at this point of the matrix revolutions tries to stretch their way out but they are dragged back in i say they because at this point they're not really human anymore all they know is pain and agony and their own demise. They are slowly being erased, destroyed, consumed.

The only reason the two of you even remember the Matrix Revolutions is simply because while within the confines of the Lonely Tower, there is less of a likelihood of reality affecting you. Okay. Cool. Cool stuff. But outside, at Fairburn Point, even the Matrix Revolution's mother has forgotten that they existed. Jesus.

They are not being erased physically. Their physical body is fine. Yeah. Their history is being erased. Oh, God. That's a worry. Down below, looking up above, Jim the One grins from ear to ear.

I mean literally from ear to ear. From ear to ear, he grins. He's so happy. His god has been summoned. An unspoken ancient entity that he has worshipped. He doesn't even remember at this point. Standing next to him. Well, not next to him, because we wouldn't perceive this.

Our words next to him does not comprehend, does not explain properly where this thing is in relation to him. But it is that creature. As we, with our eyes, would perceive them, they look like they are melded into each other at the hip. One atop, one below. But they're not actually even touching each other. They're somehow adjacent, but also not in a way that we could explain.

Okay. The creature is, for lack of a better term, an angel. At least Jim the One sees them as an angel. Tipper is somewhere else in this facility, in this building. Presumably, hopefully, distracting the Guardian. Because if the Guardian high above ever manages to figure out how many dimensions the

material plane has, they will interrupt this ritual. Okay. In the meantime, or at least until they are stopped, this nameless ancient entity will grow and grow in power until finally, finally, the material realm will become what it always should be. This thing. Oh, no.

Okay. This has been a tall order. We were here to catch a fish. You got in the fish. We did our job early on Fish got caught Fish got caught Jim the One for their entire life has been told that their ancient entity is inferior to the other cults' ancient entities

And when he used to live in Sunsen he did not realise that this is where he could enter into the material realm But since the destruction of Sunzen, the best thing that ever happened to him, he has become closer and closer to his god. An eye on one of the walls opens up. The ancient entity lashes out, slapping the eye, and

killing it instantly. Oh no, Winky! Winky is dead. No! Winky! What does that mean for me and Balbarum? The ancient entity, it can't really turn to look at Jim the One, but it certainly moves and then is somehow now facing, closer. It's face, if you could say, is closer to Jim the One. Jim the One nods slowly.

He accepts what must happen. It doesn't take one erasure to summon the Nameless One. It takes two. The Nameless One consumes Jim the One, who smiles from ear to ear, and then even further the entire time. The Nameless One begins its hunt for the only entities other than the Guardian up above

who could stop it. The creatures known as Sir Helpful and Fish. We'll begin. No. Uh-oh. We'll begin in the safe space. Yeah. You pop out.

You're in darkness for a brief moment. And then you're standing in a room. It looks like some sort of temple of sorts, but it's devoid of people. One look around, it's one big room. You can see there's a bunch of, in the center, there's a pillar of light coming down from somewhere above. It's so bright you can't see where it's coming from.

There must be maybe a hole in the roof, but it comes down upon a series of holy symbols, all arranged in a circle on a central plinth. Looking around in this big room, you see there are no entrances or exits. It's just this room. Do I recognize any of the holy symbols? You don't know much of religion, but you know enough to recognize some of them. Some of the more famous ones, at least. Yeah, yeah. You spot one a holy symbol of gibbles T. McKibbles.

Okay. There's no real head to the gnomish pantheon, but Gibbles T. McKibbles is probably the most prominent of the gnome gods. Sure, sure. You also spot her name begins with a G, which is not her name. Yeah, yeah, just to describe her. It begins with a G. Yeah, that is a shortened version that you would not her name. Yeah, just to describe her. It begins with a G. Yeah, that is a shortened version

that you would know her name by. She's another very prominent figure in the Gnomish pantheon. And then finally, Zef Noctocic, who is a third very famous gnome. You assume the rest are probably also Gnomish. Yeah, okay, cool.

You would also know, like I said, you didn't roll very well, but you... because this is a very basic feature of the Gnomish pantheon, all gnomes in the Gnomish pantheon, obviously you wouldn't know that they're chaotic good, but to give Sir Helpful an idea, I'm going to tell Jackson, all gnomish gods are chaotic good. Oh, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, it gives me the vibe of how these deities battle. You feel a sense of peace standing here. Maybe more than Oh, okay. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, it gives me the vibe about these deities. You feel a sense

of peace standing here. Maybe more than peace, actually. You feel a sense of almost jovialness. It feels like you're adjacent to a party. Huh. I can't grin, obviously, but maybe my eyes change shape to indicate happiness. I should have been more

specific when I said somewhere safe. We are in, I gesture with a big metal hand, Gnome Temple? She shrugs, I don't know. You take another look around, and then you see there is now a gnome standing here. He's got a big silvery beard.

If I say he's riffraffing it, do you know what I mean? Hell yeah. You mean he's bald he's if i say he's riffraffing it do you know what i mean hell yeah you mean he's bald on the top but he's got like a kind of mullet-y deal coming from the sides in the back real long real long bald on the front mullet in the back yeah yeah he's got a long silvery beard which he has you see he's wearing a very odd shirt the shirt is made of many different colors and his his beard kind of interweaves in between the buttons as it goes down, and then you can see it hardens and forms his belt. Whoa.

He puts his hands on his hips. Well, well, well, what do we got going on here? A eye sent us here. You did? No, a eyeball sent us here. Oh, an eyeball. Oh, oh well all right then well that's interesting where is he oh oh we're in we're in the gnomish temple I suppose you would say it's a it's not like a it's hard to describe. It's like, you ever heard the question, like, what is a chair?

Uh, no. It's a hard thing to answer because, like, a chair is, what counts as a chair? What doesn't count as a chair? But we understand that there are certain relationships, there are certain things that make something more likely to be a chair than not. You understand? I nod my head. I don't understand, but I nod my head. A chair has certain features. Maybe it has a back, maybe it has legs. You can

sit on it? Yeah, obviously. Any chair, without being able to sit on it, something definitely can't be a chair, but it might not need a back, it might not need a certain number of legs. Anyway, if it is a gnomish temple, this is it. Okay. It's a lot for Sir Helpful's metal brain to try and comprehend.

You can clog its cogs. That's kind of a demiplane, a nexus of all the different gnomish pantheons, all the different gods within the gnomish pantheon. Their realms connect to here. Oh. Yeah. I suppose it forms more of a nexus point than really a temple, but it gives us just as a little reminder of what things might need to look like. Are you the gnome that is a chair?

No, I'm a gnome. In the same way that a chair... Oh, wait, sorry, that is your question, yes. Yes. I am, yeah. In the same way that a chair could be said to be a chair, I could be said to be a gnome. You are a gnome.

Yeah. Oh. Anyway, the two of you look a little worse for the wear. I have a little bit I can do to help you with that. Thank you. He bustles over and then heals both of you for 12, 17 points. Uh, my friend Fish, I should get back to her. All right, I can do that for you.

Oh, thank you, Gnome. Now, the place where I need to send you back, I'm sure you're aware of this. It's a little chaotic there. A bit more chaotic than even I enjoy. Yes. Even I would be a little uncomfortable in such a chaotic environment. Now, I'll try to get you as close as I can, but there's no guarantee I'll put you right on top of your friend. Any help is appreciated.

But there's no guarantee I'll put you right on top of your friend. Any help is appreciated. If you want, I can give you a little something something. But it's so... I can give you a destiny. Oh, look at Captain Balbarum. Captain Balbarum shakes her head slowly. Ah, no, I don't think I'll be taking a destiny from you.

I don't have a destiny. Would you like one? Do I need one? No. No, of course not. Can I take one for my friend? Absolutely. I extend a big metal hand. Well, so here's how it's going to work. I'm going to give you a destiny

to find your friend again. Oh, okay. But the thing with a destiny is it always happens, but not always in the way you think. Oh. So you'll find your friend again, but no guarantees on how, when, or why. Does that make sense? Yes.

All right. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a scroll. Take this. I take the scroll. As you take the scroll, it burns up and melts in your hand. You feel you've been just invested with energy. You can feel something within you now. All right.

You're going to find your friend. Once again, can't guarantee how, when, or why that's going to happen. What sort of destiny would you like for your friend? What's the best one? To be happy, I suppose. Okay. Would you like one of those? How many the best one? To be happy, I suppose. Okay. Would you like one of those?

How many do you have? As many as you need. Okay. He reaches in into his pocket and takes out two more scrolls. This one's for your friend. This one's for you. I take the one for me

and I take the one for fish. The one for you, once again, like the first one, melts in your hand and disappears. You feel a sense, another, you feel that energy within you again. Just letting you know, you will be happy, but it might not be. How, when, why?

Yeah. You might end up getting back to town and someone tells you your name and your name is happy. Oh. It could be something like that, yeah. Okay. Well, anyway. Thank you for your help, Noam. You're very welcome like that, yeah. Okay. Well, anyway. Thank you for your help, Gnome. You're very welcome.

Best of luck to you. I hope it's a happiness you wanted. Me too. All right. Bye. He waves his hand, and he begins slowly, the space in between you begins slowly stretching away, and then you're back in the entrance.

You're back in that first corridor. We're going to go to initiative. But a big initiative this time because everyone's in the one fight. Everyone? The nameless entity attacks both of you at the same time. We're in different places. It's sitting in another dimension and then reaching out and getting both of you. Neato pepito, dude.

Sicky dickies. Yeah, alright. Both of you see tendrils reaching out from space. You have a brief moment where you can... Actually, wait, no. Sorry, I should roll. Ooh, get a good boy card. Nice. And both of you see through. When the tendrils come out, you both look at where the tendrils begin,

and you can see into that room where a wall is adjacent to everything, and then you see each other. Fish. Hi. I met the gnome. Cool. It was a fun encounter for me. I don't know if it was for you, but I loved it.

It was great. To meet the platonic ideal of the gnome. Amazing. It lashes out at you, Sir Helpful, and then misses. It lashes out at you, Fish, and that's going to be a hit, unfortunately. You take 11 points of damage, and you need to make a check or be grappled what am I on right now you are on 33

are you fine you're healthy as a horse oh sorry you need to make a check or be enslaved pardon excuse me carnivale alright you pass when it wraps around you you feel it wrapping around your mind at the exact same time

feels like the same tendril is doing it as well feels like the tendril kind of wraps around you, you feel it wrapping around your mind at the exact same time. It feels like the same tendril is doing it as well. It feels like the tendril kind of wraps around your chest, and then as it hits your brain, it feels like it's touching your brain. You feel a connection briefly, a connection to the infinite. And for a brief moment, you're like, why would I care? And then you shake your head, staring at your good friend. Oh, no. It is so helpful.ful, your turn. Okay, I'd like to just...

Suddenly... Pardon? Oh, sorry. Rocks fall, you die. Player steps on a trap. You look down, a tendril is grasping at your legs. Uh-oh. It hits you.

Uh-oh. You take nine points of damage. Fucking hell. And need to make a wisdom saving throw or be enslaved. Ooh, my wisdom is not good. You pass, thankfully. Oh my god. Oh, you're a wise man. Once again, you feel like it's touching your

well, actually, it doesn't matter about your head but you feel it touching your heart. Actually, maybe no. That's why you resist or whatever. You feel it try to touch your head and then you realize the creature realizes that you don't you don't yeah you don't think with your brain you think with your heart oh it's your turn so helpful okay uh the one wrapping around me i'd like to start bludgeoning okay cool hit which is a critical and a miss hey that means I get advantage on it for the next turn. Oh, for the next...

Wait, because that was your first attack. No, with crush or critical, when you score a critical hit that deals bludgeoning damage to a creature, attack rolls against this creature made with advantage. Then your second attack would have been made with advantage. So you hit twice instead. Hell yeah. Quadruple damage. Fuck me.

Oh, yeah. Hey. Give some, he gets some. I got a destiny now. You do have a destiny. Kill one. You deal, whoa. You deal 47 points of damage.

Fuck me dead. You deal 47, you're just pounding away. Tendril after tendril reaches out to try and grab you, and you break them one after the other. When you're hitting them, at first they feel soft, but then you think maybe they have a bone. You don't even realize you're doing it. You think maybe they have a bone, and when you hit it,

a bone appears in it, and you break that bone. Oh, my God. All right. Make a chum, baby. You are. You're making chum. Chumming, baby. Chum off the docks.

It's Captain Bell Barum's turn. They're going to fire two Eldrick Blasts. Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom. Both hits. Captain Bell Barum deals 6, 10, 16 points of damage. Nice. Not as nice as 47.

That was fucked. It was fucked. And then it is Mr. Bellany's turn. He starts hacking at the tendril that's trying to wrap around you, fish. One, two hits. Does it actually... It's actually got no resistance to this, so he does hurt it. One, two hits. Does it actually... It's actually got no resistance to this, so he does hurt it.

That's very funny. He deals 13 points of damage. We're fucking wrecking this fucking slug. You really are. It's bloodied. All right, that's fucked. Fish, it's your turn. Am I still wrapped up?

You're still grabbed, but you're not grappled. So you can just move back and it'll let go. What I want to do is move back enough to shoot it with my longbow because Winky said that would work. To do that, you will take an attack of opportunity because it's adjacent to you. That's fine. All right.

It misses. You move back and you fire twice with your longbow. Miss, hit. You hit it once. Oh, may I also recommend casting Hunter's Mark? Yeah. I think really hard about those tentacles. Oh, I reckon it's the tentacles, actually.

I reckon we should go for the tentacles. Let's go for those. All right. the tentacles actually. I reckon we should go for the tentacles. Let's go for those. Alright, you begin concentrating on the creature on its movements and maybe you're similarly like it must have bones somewhere. And then you can see, after you think that you can see the slight bulge of the bone, you deal 10 points of damage. Are we inventing bones for this creature? You are! What an uncomfortable experience. Oh my god, so he's just like

swooshing at me like, oh! Yeah, a whip-like tentacle suddenly becomes full of little white bones. You spew, right? Does he spew at him? It spews. Okay, yes. Just a little upchuck. Both of you need to make

constitution-saving throws as it spews. Well, actually, everyone does. It probably has enough range to hit everyone. Oh, okay. Well, we'll go with Sir Helpful first. That's a fail. Then Fish.

That's a fail. Then Captain Belbarum passes. And then Mr. Bellany passes. All right. Okay. So the two of you take... Oh, fuck. A pierce amount of damage.

Five points of damage. Damn it. That is pierce. That is pierce. And, yeah, the creature just spews forth more of itself. When it hits the ground, you see... At first, it's formless, but then when it hits the ground, it begins to make itself into small versions of itself. When it hits the ground, you see, at first it's formless, but then when it hits the ground it begins to make itself into small

versions of itself. These tiny little versions of itself begin picking themselves up on their little tendrils and running around as just like a little morphless blob on tendrils. Those morphless blobs on tendrils

form themselves up to act like further tendrils, and they attack you. Oh, my God. It is so helpful. Your turn. Okay. I will just try and squish those little tentacle motherfuckers. Mismiss. Damn it.

Never mind. It is Balbarum's turn, but the tendrils, it uses a legendary action, and the tendrils attack instead. God damn it. It's going to attack Mr. Bellamy? Yeah, Mr. Oh no, it's Bill Barham's turn. Yeah, it's going to attack Bill Barham. Uh oh. Not the good captain. The captain takes five

points of damage. She is on zero hit points. She collapses. Then, while her turn is now skipped, it's Mr. Bellamy's turn. Takes another legendary action and attacks Bellany. Misses Bellany. Okay. Mr. Bellany starts just...

Making some fucking sushi with his axes. Make a jump! Mr. Bellany does... Five, six, seven points of damage. Okay. Then it is Fish's turn. It attacks you first. It gets legendary action. Okay. Critical hit is Fish, your turn. It attacks you first. It gets legendary action.

This fucking guy. Okay. Critical hit. Uh-oh. Fish, you're on 28. Well, you were. How did I get here? You forget the last 1d12 days.

No. You take, on the bright side, there's no extra damage. So you take five points of damage. How long have you two known each other? Three weeks. Three weeks. All right, you're safe. We're not forgetting each other.

It was three or four weeks, yeah. I think it was four weeks. I think it was four weeks. Four weeks, yeah. You forget the last 12 days of your life. Okay. Do I feel? Yeah. forget the last 12 days of your life okay do i do i feel yeah does it do i you know how when you go to sleep and wake up even if you don't dream you know that time's passed but sometimes when you go to sleep and wake up you don't know time's passed which one do i get you you get one of the tendrils, bang, hits you in the side of the head. For a brief moment, it's eee.

And then as your vision focuses back in, you're like, where am I? Okay. Okay. You puke when you see an extra dimension. Yep. I can see the extra dimension. You lost your fourth, you probably have your fourth dimensional powers. You just don't know that you can use them.

Yeah. You've forgotten them. You'll need to reread that thing, which is not great for your mental health. No. Okay. So I can see my good friend. You can, yeah. No, I'll say it's... No, you just see the tendrils right now.

Oh, no! Mr. Bellany's here as well, but you have no reason to be suspicious. If I see that the tentacles are attacking... Yeah, it's quite obvious that you're fighting this thing. Okay, good. Look, I think... I think to myself, this maybe is how I'm getting money. Because I remember getting robbed.

Cass, you don't need to justify why you're fighting this creature. No, I know I don't need to justify why I'm fighting the creature, but in the split second of like, oh, my God, I'm in a fight, and then as I'm like coming to, and like, you know, as I'm doing my first couple of swings where I was trying to like, what's happening? I'm like, the last thing I remember is I was poor. Where's my friend?

Maybe this is. Did I take a mercenary job? Yeah, like am I fighting now? I've got my long blow drawn. Your long what? My long blow job, Adam. Putting a bit of chum in the water Sharks are circling Cass Alright

Okay that was Oh it's your turn I've got my longbow in my hand Yes Otherwise known as a longblow Yes my longblow I shoot a tentacle Sure

I shoot a second tentacle. And in the same way that I would use this on fish, I shoot another tentacle. I can break hordes. Yep, absolutely. You're absolutely right. That's allowed. And maybe I'll refocus on these tentacles.

I'll regain my hunter's mark. That counts as in the last bell. I don't think you need to refocus. Sorry, you don't need to refocus. You made the... No, actually, I would... Yeah, you would need to recast it. That happened in the last 12 days.

All right. You attack three times. Hit, miss, miss, unfortunately. What a shame. It's... Yeah. You deal 10 points of damage. You're still fucking it up.

Yeah, you are. That was, Fish, your turn. It's turn. I feel like it's only been its turn. It gets a lot of turns. It attacks Mr. Bellany. Miss. It attacks Mr. Bellany again.

Hit. Uh-oh. Mr. Bellany takes 12 points of damage and needs to make a saving throw or be dominated. Mr. Bellany's fine. Mr. Bellany's a fucking trooper, man. He is, yeah. He really is. You can see as you're hacking and working away at it, the creature's retreating back into,

not just into, well, sorry, fish, you can't see this. You can see this. Yeah. So helpful. into not just into well sorry fish you can't say this you can see this yeah so helpful you as the creature retreats back not only does it retreat back into where it cut into that room that it's in yeah but you can see it's getting smaller and it seems to be collapsing in on itself you don't think it's dying you think it's going back where it came from retreating yeah it looks like it's it looks like several of the tendrils have curled back in and are trying to forcibly shove it back up into wherever it comes from.

Gross. Stuffing itself. All right. And that was its turn, so hopeful it's your turn. It attacks you. I figured. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it fucked up.

Critical miss. I got my destiny from the gnome. I'm fine. Destiny is a complicated thing. You're going to find the gnome. I'm fine. Destiny is a complicated thing. You're going to find peace in death. Yeah, probably. Took it out of you. Next attack deals minimum damage.

As it swings, little mouths open up on all the tendrils. Maybe I'm like, it's getting dire. It's like, I'm getting dire. Little mouths actually open up on the end of each of the tendrils, including the tendrils that are made out of the many little blob boys. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Wipes its brow. All right, Mr.

Sorry, so helpful. Mr. Helpful. All right. Can I, like, follow it follow it basically as it retreats? Yeah. Like as I'm attacking, trying to gain ground? Because I'm also kind of trying to get the fish too. Sure, sure, sure. So moving forward and pummeling as I go.

Hit, hit. Nice. Hip, hip. Hit, hit. Hooray! You deal, oh that's decent. You deal 6, 12, 20 points of damage. Hell yeah. Is there anywhere I can shunt it that's useful? Back the way it came. Other than that, 20 points of damage. Hell yeah. Is there anywhere I can shunt it that's useful? Back the way it came. Other than that, not really. Shunt it into corn realm. Let the corn

knights have at it. You could try to perceive an extra dimension. I'll give it a whack. Highs or lows? Highs. You squint mechanical? Highs? You turn not to your left, but your head looks like it turns to your left, your head looks like it turns to your left

But it actually doesn't turn to your left Crucially, importantly Your head turns towards corn realm I follow my heart Adam You punch one of the tendrils Into corn realm Aha! You hear from within

Alright Gotta add the fucking corn knights to initiative now let them have it this fucking interdimensional worm piece of shit all right that was so helpful that was your turn bell barham's turn she needs to make a saving throw that's a success she's on one successful save then it's Mr. Bellany's turn the tendrils attack him that's a hit minimum damage, he takes one point of damage and he does not on this need to make a saving throw

and then Mr. Bellany attacks he gets his actual turn miss hit he deals thank god you gave him those axes he's a badass he deals three points of damage deals. Thank God you gave him those axes. He's fucking He's a badass. Yeah. He deals three points of damage.

The creature absolutely looks like it's slowing down. Fish, it's your turn. The creature attacks you. It hits. Good. I like that. You take only five points of damage. You're tough. Yeah, you are. What would you like to do? I would like to

use my good boy card of an extra walloping, so I play this before I make an attack roll, and if I hit, it's critical. Oh, nice. And then I'd also like to shoot my longbow twice and then horde break a third. Hell yes. First attack is a miss, unfortunately.

Good. Second attack is a hit. Third attack is a hit. All right, you do hit twice At least Can I use this good boy card for Cass? What is it? Roll damage twice

Take the higher amount Why not? Sure Thank you Anytime Just add it to the fucking party 25 points of damage Alright

The tentacles becoming fish in your minds This is just like when we Shoot fish with a longbow at sea. Arrow after arrow after arrow. The creature begins to get weaker and weaker and weaker. It completely retracts from your side. Fish, on your side, however, Sir Helpful, it is still here because it's being dragged into Corn Realm.

You hear through the hole, HEAVE! HEAVE! That's awesome. into corn realm, you hear through the hole, heave! Heave! That's awesome. If I see myself waking up in this reality, holding a bow, starting to shoot, and it looks like I'm doing a good job, and then, because all I know is that I'm here, and then I start shooting it, and then it starts retreating,

I need you to know that i am thinking oh we're winning he's scared sure sure sure the entity begins to as it's trying to suck itself back where it came from and as it's trying to retreat from fish and it's being dragged into corn realm you hear the creature gets torn in half, half sucked into Corn Realm, half sucked back where it came from. Combat is over. Awesome. All right.

We still need to stay in initiative, though, because Belbarum is quite wounded. Mr. Bellany. All right. Mr. Bellany grabs your hand, a fish, and says, We got a goal! Okay. All right. Mr. Baloney grabs your hand, a fish, and says, We gotta go! Okay. You and him jump into where the creature came from.

For a brief moment, you're hanging suspended in space. You can see a wall adjacent to everything around you. Then you hit the next little spot where it was coming out where Sir Helpful is. You all land in a heap at Sir Helpful. And Sir Helpful, it's your turn. Belbarum is wounded behind you. Can I try and help? Yep.

You stabilize Belbarum. Awesome. I told him to do that. Oh. Fish, I have a present for you. I'd like to reach into maybe somewhere on my body, pull out your destiny and hand it over. This is a destiny.

I reach out and take it. I sort of look at everyone around me like, are they about to kill me and him because he just revealed he has sentience? No? Okay. Thank you, Mr. Thank you so helpful. I take the destiny.

As soon as you're holding it, it disappears. It turns to smoke in your hands. You feel an energy within you, like something good is going to happen in the future. What was this? A destiny I got from the gnome. I put my arm around your shoulder, even though you're quite a bit smaller than me,

because I'm huge, and just be like, you're going to be happy now, and rub your shoulder. We need get out. From the roof, a staircase slowly appears, and it curves its way down until it's touching the floor. A woman, well, she looks like a woman,

begins walking down the stairs, wearing a deep black robe. As she walks down, she looks at you, and a smile that is lopsided, like one half maybe curls in a little bit. And the other half just kind of acts, let's say, normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As she walks down, she opens her mouth and she puts up her finger. Puts up her finger. Puts up her finger. Puts up her finger.

Hello. That's the one. You got it. I am the guardian. Oh. I live here. Thank you for having us. Are you lost?

Yes. Need to go home? Yes. You should come. It's dangerous. The captain needs money. I'm going to pop off. She stops for a minute, and you can see she's thinking,

I can't help with that. Oh, well. Isn't she also dying? she's alive now Mr. Bellany is maybe propping her up and she nods slowly to be honest at this point I'll settle for my life okay

the golden card is destroyed this is news to you oh I am learning. Yeah, the golden cod. Damn good. The golden cod is destroyed. My ship dashed upon the rocks here. I, to be honest, yes, would just appreciate surviving this day.

Okay. The woman turns around and gestures back the way she came. I can take you home. Captain Balbarum nods. With Mr. Bellany's help, she stands and she says, I think I'd appreciate a little further than that. A bit of a head start, she says. The woman in the black robes nods.

Okay. All right. Thank you. Time to go, fish. With her as a guide, this place is significantly less dangerous. Some might even say not dangerous. Basically, the impression you get is that you are kind of like children bumbling around in a house, fucking pulling knives out of drawers,

spilling hot water on yourselves. Drinking the chemicals under the sink, making potions. To you, these seem like innocuous things, like walking down a corridor or speaking aloud. But to this person, they are very dangerous things that you shouldn't be doing at certain times and in certain places and in certain ways. You haven't really shown that glass.

So with her help, this place, with her oversight, this place is safe to you. She, eventually using magics which are slightly foreign to you is able to send you back i assume you want to go to fairburn point yeah pretty much she sends you before she does that no you wouldn't know to ask her for that sort of stuff she could just make you like a real boy but you wouldn't know to ask that she would know that's what i want you would yeah well she wouldn't know to say as well to be honest. It was also rude if she asked. It's like, do you want me to fix you?

Oh, my God. Sorry, that's not what I meant. Sorry, no, no, no. Let me rephrase that. Do you want to make me better? Oh, sorry. She sends the two of you and Mr. Bellany back to Fairburn Point, and then she sends Captain Bellbarum to parts unknown.

Hey. Yes, Fish? The last thing I remember, you were punch and chum on the dock. Okay. Hey. Yes, fish? The last thing I remember, you were punching chum on the dock. Mmm. Maybe like I take us to, or we walk down to our little like seaside shack,

light a little fire. So we needed a very big fish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha To be continued... where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice, and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.