D&D is For Nerds - Trouble in Orwa #3 Silverstone

Episode Date: July 14, 2018

In which our heroes try their darnedest to not be turned into horrific statue creatures.Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadCass: https://twitter.com/JacksonBBalyShanks: twitter.com/timtimfed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio. Oh, dad's mad. Hey everyone, our sister show, Plumbing the Death Star, is doing another UK tour. We're doing Edinburgh Fringe, London Podcast Festival, some late night shows at the Soho, and a bunch of cities in between. So, if you want to catch us live, even if it's just a demand we do D&D and bring Cass next time, you can grab tickets at sanspantsradio.com slash live. But be quick, as a lot of shows are close to selling out. Welcome to episode three of Trouble in Orwa, a D&D is for Nerds fifth ed adventure.

Previously. You step forward, brandishing your rapier. Your rapier stabs him straight through the throat. You deal seven points of damage. You draw back the rapier ands him straight through the throat. You deal seven points of damage. You draw back the rapier and the man collapses. Why was Mephistopheles like, that's the guy I want to go to protect my shit. Mephistopheles just wanted to get rid of him.

What's a one on a stealth check? Like, I don't know, fall on a timpani? You're about to find out. Is there anything notable about where they've been taken from? Maybe if I look at the floor where someone would have had to stand, look for fingerprints. Well, they're all roughly at chest height. If you just steal a metal plate so you can get a forgery later. Oh, that is true.

That's a good idea. You go to the place where the metal plates are made. And then for the third time tonight, you go to the dormitories. Well, actually, sorry, just before that whilst if we can whilst we're in his room I kind of want to take a look around it's Limp Bizkit fucking up your town.

Apes aplenty looks to either side of you. Who are these people? We are new apprentices. They have come

with me. Which is not a lie. Fast asleep starts talking in her sleep. I told you I saw nothing. No, I was out before anything happened. No, I didn't catch a glimpse of them. Couldn't tell you how many there are.

Having cleaned up the evidence of your rabbit murders, you leave. Cool. Having finished your investigation at the scriptorium, you leave and get back to the usual. All right. I'm going to hit your bed. I was going to say it for maybe a dead man's finger.

What was it called? Dead man's drink. Can you just give me the rest of that menu again? What was it? The usual, Red Harvest, Star Wars, Blue Moon, surprise me, Dead Man's Drink. What I hate about the Star Wars is that it seems silly, but there are both stars and wars in Adam's world. I ask if maybe, could I just grab a purple Harvest Moon, which is a combination of the Blue Moon and the Red Harvest?

What does the bartender say to that? The bartender spits in your face. And I say, this is what I meant. Go to bed, you're drunk. Can I have the usual dad man, please? That's just the usual with the thumb in it. I'll go to bed too. Do you mind if I just look at...

Can I have the finger? Look, I just want to suck on the finger. The bartender goes and serves someone else. All right, we'll go to bed. Yeah, we've earned a snooze. All right, you completely heal. Sick. Do I get my little spell back?

Yeah, you get everything back. How many rays of sickness do I get? One a day. Yeah, no. Trisco, your rapier is still broken oh bugger you can spend the time tonight i guess fixing it yeah just don't sleep yeah yeah um but then i'm gonna get my hit points back so now i'll have to sleep all right just deal with a shitty rapier what else yeah how long does it take to fix a rapier? Six hours. You can take it to a smithy and get them to do it.

Tomorrow we're just going to be looking at wherever it makes silverstone. Oh, I wrote silverstein. In the morning, can I go chat to the bartender? There's no one working the bar the next day everything's shut up that's a shame where did we go to bed like in the tavern yeah yeah they have uh rooms here that they rent okay did we all have to share one bed how cheap were you well i only have 25 gold it's uh maybe five silver i think for your own room all right we won't share about them um what is uh sorry is it the next morning or yeah yeah it's the next morning uh shall we just go

into the town center get a flavor of yeah or or or or or or wait what or what or what or what or what um all right we'll head into the... See the cultural sites. Yeah, let's see what's the sort of flavour. Yeah. Flavortown. What's the Guy Fieri's flavortown? Of Orwa. Okay, so you're just trying out the streets?

Yeah, I'm just trying out the streets. Maybe like a market on or something. There's a lot of learning that goes on here. You pass a lot of universities and a lot of something. There's a lot of learning that goes on here. You pass a lot of universities and a lot of libraries. There's maybe a library to a city block, which is most of the towns you've been to have a library per city. Okay.

So this place is pretty dense on books. Is there like a... Is there anything better than us? They probably do, yeah. You should burn this place to the ground. Someone should. Is there like an info booth? Where I can get maps and ask questions?

You'd probably ask questions from a town guard, but no Oh, I didn't approach a town guard Hello Hail citizen! Distaste Shut up, oblivion man Hail citizen! Stop, imperial

scum. Stop, in the name of the law. I'm looking for... Then pay with your life. I leave. I'm looking for a silverstone. Silverstore, maybe? Silverstone alchemical supplies. That's the one I always forget. My brain is

being rotted from the inside by a worm. I don't know why you're lying. I'm not. I'm looking for a thing called Silverstone. It's just like, it's not that suspicious a question. I assume I was being, oh, well, I guess I was lying about that, but not the worm. The worm is all too real, Adam. They give you an address.

Okay. Anything else, citizen? What else did I want to know? Was there anything else? Good place for lunch. Good place for lunch. I mean, we want to forge things, but I think we need to think of a better way. Yeah, yes.

Madam Tally's Foe House. It's where we all go. Eat where the locals do. That's what we all go Eat where the locals do That's what they say Is it largely like Seed and grain based? It's uh Soups of sort

What sort of What is this guy? What species is he? He is Is he like birdy? Kangoo? Human Ah nice

His partner is A dragonborn I really hope you're gonna nice His partner is A dragonborn I really hope you're gonna say his partner is A dice It's a human and a dragonborn Okay The original good cop bad cop Well maybe we'll go there for lunch

Thank you very much And a forge Do you know where there's a smithy we could see to? Ah you can find them on most city streets. That's all right. I duck into the smithy. Sorry, guys. I'll just be a sec.

It's fine. Yeah, you pass a smithy. Smithy boy, what's up? Oh, sorry. I know the normal guy here. Hey. Or maybe it's true. A single dwarf tends to the forge

Because that's what they tend to do It's lonely I'm not going to hear you're single man Like have you been trying? Like I have three children Oh man Do they miss their mom?

Not on weekends Hey I got this rapier. What do you reckon you could do with this? You want someone to fix it? Ideally, yes, please. That will cost... Seven gold. Seven gold.

Okay. Say, Smithy, if I were to have a sheet that listed where my gold was, how much gold I had Middle, bottom middle Okay, right In your equipment This should be, like, yeah, among your equipment, I think it's 15 gold Oh, gold pieces, yeah, how much was this going to cost? Seven

Seven? I'll give you four There's Smithys on every corner street of this damn city It's bloody Smithy City, am I right? Your rapier is basically destroyed, you might as well buy a new one. Okay, Sean Connery. How much are we talking? We're talking 007. I think it's 8 gold.

So 7 to fix this, 8 gold for a newie. How much damage does... No, 25 gold for a new. Right. Jesus Christ. I'm giving you a bit of a new. Right. Jesus Christ. Okay. I'm giving you a bit of a deal. And I thought I was the thief here. Okay.

As I said, I'll give you four for the repairs. I'm not taking that. Mm-hmm. This price is really... Never mind. I was going to make a rape joke. Bad idea. Do you have anything for rolls? I only have saving.

No. Skill or attack? Skill or attack, yeah. Mm-hmm. Do you have something for skill or attack? Yeah, I have something for skill or attack? Skill or attack, yeah. Do you have something for skill or attack? Yeah, I have something for skill or attack. What does it do? Reroll a skill or attack. You want to reroll this skill check? No. No? No. No. Okay, fine. I'll give you

five. Five gold. Can't say fairer than that. Five gold. Five gold. Pay up front. Okay, cool. Here you go. Cha-ching! He takes a rapier.

It'll take several hours. You can come back then. Okay, cool. Great. Do I get like a receipt or something? Like a tag? The dwarf rolls his eyes. If my word, he starts taking out a scroll and a pen, is not good enough, he writes out like an IOU.

Okay. Here it is. Okay, thanks, man. He doesn't, you don't know him. That's fair. I'm just like a dude. It's a new city. Exactly.

All right. Anyway, see you later, mate. Good luck with the kids. Shaken, not stirred, and I scuttled away. All right. Sorry, guys. No way. You can believe that.

That's the ology. Or perhaps we should venture onto Silverstone. Sounds good. We'll head for Silverstone. You go there. It's a big elaborate building. Two stories. It's obviously owned by a gnome. You can tell that from the

lavish outer front. Gnomes are all about color and flamboyancy and such like that so that there's all these different uh the sign itself is all these different striped colors with the the letters s t oh sorry s i v e r you know silver Silverstone spelled out. I'm so fucking sorry. S-L-I-V-E-R-S-T. Shut up! Shut up! I like to imagine that as a party of three,

we're going past like a raving homeless man just cursing at the skies. Shut up! Silverstone! Silverstone! Silverstone! Silverstone! Snow! Shut up! Sliverstone! Sliverstone! Sliverstone! Sibla! No! For being so, um...

Pedantic. Yeah, do we get good boy? Why the fuck do you think you're getting a good boy? Is this the homeless guy again? Shanks can hear letters. So clever. S-I-L-V-E-R-S-T-O-N-E. Janks can hear letters. So clever. S-I-L-V-E-R-S-T-O-N-E.

I'd like to point out to the listeners that Adam consulted a pre-written down version of this. I guess it was the only way to ensure it. I get it, man. He's had so many tries. His eyes look like lips. Let's all go in for a group hug So It's a well decorated store You want to go inside?

Yes please Thank you Adam Thank you Adam for allowing us Shut up A dragon appears and kills you all Don't pity me The door opens with a little tingle, and you, you know, like the tingle,

take the little bell. A little bell rings as you enter. There are many rows of what should be equipment, but all the shelves have not been stacked. It looks like someone hasn't made ready for shop this morning. No one's behind the counter. Hello, I say. Hello.

I open and close the door a few times so the tingle keeps going. Nothing happens. All right. Perhaps. I'm just going to skulk out the back. You do that. I'll look on the shelves and around. We give the place a switch.

I love this. We're on the case guys I know We're such fucking detects We're evil detectives Bad boys Bad boys with good boy cards Bad boys too

Bad boys good hearts So I'm gonna ask each of you What you are individually doing. Trisco, what are you doing first? I'm looking for like a back room, like a staff room kind of thing. Behind the counter, there's a door. None of you know Gnomish, but it's written first in Gnomish, then underneath in common.

Employees only. So, that's an obvious back room. Wrangles? I will have a look to see if I can find any of those orbs. You start searching around. The shelves have not been properly stocked, but you do see a little sign underneath a place where something should be stocked on one of the shelves saying sleep balls in brackets glass. And Sickly Jacob? I'd like to be searching around. There's no there. It's an empty

shelf. You're looking at just the sign. I'd like to scan the perimeter with Thomas. So we'll just be cruising around. Thomas is here. A rhino loose in an alchemy shop. So you search around with Thomas. To be honest, Thomas actually might have to wait outside.

Oh, no, I meant like around the outside of the shop. Okay. There's across the street, there's an old lady tending to her market stall. It's not like a physical building. It's like just a little stall where she sells fruit and vegetables. She looks suspiciously at you as you're walking around. Like you looking at peasant. Humph!

Humph! Humph! I cough on her produce. Why never? You're the one looking suspiciously at me. How dare you? I'm looking at you suspiciously for good reason. Why? Who reads around a rhinoceros?

What do I read around? You look more ridiculous than those dwarves. I'm going to hear you suspiciously for good reason. Why? Who reads around a rhinoceros? But what do you do? Why do I need a rhinoceros? You look more ridiculous than those dwarves. Which, which, which, okay, which dwarves? So, Trisco, you want to go into the back room? Yeah, well, I sort of knock first, and if I'm satisfied there's no response, I sort of open it and, hello.

Inside is obviously the storeroom. There's just boxes and boxes and shelves and shelves. There's all of the alchemical equipment is kept here, obviously. It's all sealed away in its different crates and boxes. But some of it has been broken open and it looks like someone was preparing to take it outside. Like underway. Obviously, this day's supplies had just been cracked out. There is also a very incredibly looking lifelike stone statue of a gnome kneeling near one of the boxes.

Okay. On my way to investigate the gnome, I see if there's any alchemical orbs to kind of pilfer as of my thieving waves. Yeah, you could grab basically anything you wanted to be what do we got what are we talking what's on the menu i mean there are any of those sleep sleep balls you can find a six pack of healing potions yeah sick i'm into that is this six pack like a six pack of beer yeah that's mad yeah that's great who doesn't love going out with the fellas grabbing your stamped your six pack. Stenciled on the side is silverstone. Eat and fire.

You can get... Eat and off. You can get acid, alchemist fire, antitoxin. This is like a bounty of riches. Yeah. Take one of each. Yeah, I'm into that. Can I do that?

Yeah, write down anything you want. Okay, sick. There's obviously a limit to how much you can carry, but you can have as much as you want realistically. So I'll grab a six pack of healings. Six pack of feelings. Happiness, happiness, hunger, sadness, sleepy, dead. Other than that, there's a lot of just alchemical

odds and ends, so reagents to make alchemical supplies. A lot of it is pre- post, yeah, post? No, pre- assembly. But other than that, like I said, you can get acid, you can get alchemist fire, there's sun rods, which you know are like, you know,

you crack it, like a glow stick, crack it, you use it for light. That's a sunrod, lasts for about an hour. You could get those if you wanted. Yeah, cool. I'll just grab one of all three of those. Acid, alchemist, fire, and a sunrod. All right, cool.

Yeah. As you're rifling around in the equipment here, you see that there's a little plastic tag pinned somehow to the stone statue. Plastic tag pinned. Like a stone statue. Plastic tag pinned. Like a name tag. I examine it. As you bend over to look at it, it catches light and you see it shining. Sarah Silverstone.

Then the statue moves. Time for a rumble in the Bronx. Rumble in the... Yep. In the orc. I'm really looking forward to it. Prangles, what are you doing in the front? Well, all I was really looking for was

to see if there were any silver, like, to find out what the orbs were, but... You're good. There's nothing here. Oh, you probably... Yeah, sorry, you probably also found some of those glass balls in the back as well. You can have one of those if you want. A sleepy ball? Yeah. Yeah, I'll, yeah, sorry. You probably also found some of those glass balls in the back as well. You can have one of those if you want.

A sleepy ball? Yeah. Yeah, I'll grab one of those. You don't find any stocked out the front. Yeah. Some of the shelves have, now that you've had a proper look through everything, you can tell that some of the shelves are stocked, but someone is in the middle of opening this morning.

As they were putting everything out, they just stopped. Mystery. Perhaps I'll go out the back if there's nothing here. Like if it's looking super sus. You're going to walk towards the back where Trisco went? Yes. I will Trisco wherever you Trisco. And so that name was Sarah Silverstone?

Yeah. Like the comedian. wherever you just go. And so that name was Sarah Silverstone? Yeah. Like the comedian. Look. Good joke.

It's the only one I had prepared. I'm using a bad boy card. Rat apples. Thatcher goes first. He said Thatcher. Margaret Thatcher goes first. All right Thatcher. Margaret Thatcher goes first. All right. She's back, baby.

With a vengeance. Thatcher, Thatcher, future Thatcher. Wow. She takes the future away from us. That's scary. By killing us all. That is the only way to ensure no future happens. Except if the future happens to your body,

you're just not there for it. Unless you take all the batteries out of clocks. Because there's no sundials left. They never want to be like, That's an intense plan. Thatcher's legacy. No batteries for clocks. Clock blocked by Margaret Thatcher.

Yeah, that's good stuff. TikTok, block your clocks. The statue whips around to you and its hands turn over, except as they turn over, you realize they're not hands. They're claws, Awful stone claws. The rest of it looks completely lifelike. But those hands belong maybe more on a werewolf than on a gnome. They're also dripping with this weird gray ooze.

It grabs you or tries to grab at you with those hands. But I make a saving throw card thing? This is an attack first. Oh, sorry. There will be a saving throw, and then you can use the card then if you wish. D&D Pro. Hell yeah.

Wee. D&D is about trying your best. That's true. It is. Yes, that will be a hit. No, I got nothing to help you I only have one good boy card Not a very good boy

Cass, five Yeah, I'm the best boy Currently, presently, that's true Best boy, Adam worst boy Because he has the most bad boy cards Because we have none What if Adam fails a throw? Then we should get a bad boy card, honestly

That would be my suggestion. Its hands, digging into your forearms, begin tearing your arms apart. It exposes bone and sinew and muscle and flesh, and then the grey ooze leaks into your arms. You take 17 points of damage. Mercy me. Fuck. Well.

Yikes. Yeah, yike a row. And then you need to make a constitution saving throw, which, do you have something that just lets you succeed? No, I've got a plus 1d12 after making a saving throw. Yeah, you're going to want to do that. Okay, cool. So put that one back in the pile.

As it puts its gray ooze into your arms the gray ooze immediately sets like concrete and that was the secret of the ooze and you can tell that it's trying to turn you into stone oh that's badass. You fight it off, but it's got you. It's holding you. It's holding me. Shit. Fuck. Brangles, you hear... I scream. You hear a scream from the back. Actually, Sickly, you hear that as well.

Alright. It's your turn, Brangles. I race on in. Does D&D have Pokemon rules? Would, for example, thunder work on a rock that's a good question like hypothetically neither of you trisco and the brangles neither of you know what this is so you don't know what its immunities or its resistances are. I say just go for it. Yeah.

Electrocute that rock. And because the rock is touching Trisco, will that go in? What? Well, because I'm trying to Thunder Shock. Like, I'm trying to send a Thunder Wave. Sorry. Pikachu's other famous move. I'm trying to do a Thunder Wave.

Is that going to hit Trisco? Depends how close you get. Do that going to hit Trisco? Depends how close you get. Do you want to hit Trisco? No. Then you can just stay where you are and do it. Okay, I do that. But I also use Thermaturgy to catch her attention. You can cast one of those spells this turn.

Which would you rather cast? Would you like to make an entrance? I'll do Thunderwave, I guess. Boring. You want to be able to do Thermaturgy constantly, regardless of whatever else is happening. That seems like a, I know this might be a bit silly, but like, if you

ever watch a Beyonce concert, she looks like she constantly has Thermaturgy, because she's got all the strategic fans. She'll like, walk up and she's like, Sorry, I actually work as a Beyonce impressionist. And she's got all the fans. That's true. She is constantly thermoturgeon.

Yeah. The creature fails its saving throw when you create an explosion extending outwards from you in all directions, or it would fail its saving throw. I use the good boy card i got at the beginning oh you yay villain i gave that to you adam yeah thanks i'm sorry cast can i no can i again can i combat that that allows you to succeed yeah yeah no that's different, unfortunately. Rats. Why am I so dumb?

The creature takes three points of damage and is not pushed. The stone is still affected by the explosion that you radiate, but it braced itself against it. It saw it coming. Rat apples. Then it is Trisco's turn. So wait, my arms have turned to cement and are fused to the statue. It's trying to

cement your arms, but you resisted the attack. Okay, so I can essentially flee if I choose to. Yeah, you could run if you wanted. Okay, I can leave my friends behind. Yeah. Because if your friends don't run, and if they don't run, then they're turned to stone. Yeah,

cool. I think I'm just going to do that. I'm just going to exit stage left and then run stage right to confuse it. What? So you're running away. Are you staying in the back room? Well, I mean, I might actually, I might try and attack

and then cunning action disengage from it. Like I may as well try and get something. What do you want to attack with? I just feel like my arms are so fucked. Yeah. I mean, I've got two daggers. Could I go for an akimbo dagger maneuver? You can only draw one dagger a turn,

so you can attack with one dagger this turn, and then your next turn you can draw a second dagger if you want. Or I have a short bow. Could I kind of be shooting the short bow as I'm disengaging? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, sick. Yeah, I'll try that. You back up, fire with your short bow.

You don't have anything for an attack, do you? I can re-roll a skill or attack roll. You might want to use that. Okay, cool. You can use it otherwise. I'll re-roll my attack roll. Your attack, as you draw the arrow you you're drawing it back aiming in and you bump into brangles and at first you're like oh god i'm going to miss or

this has knocked my attack asunder but brangles reaches out to steady himself and grabs your arm in just the right way to drag it back on course. You're like, good enough. You let fly and the arrow strikes the creature. Hell yeah. Fucking fighting this rock gnome. You deal seven points of damage. Fangles. I let go.

Then it is... Sickly, it's your turn. I heard the screaming. Yeah, you heard the screaming. I'd like to slap Thomas on the rump and be like, both my friends are in danger, help them. And then I'll turn back to the woman and be like, what dwarfs?

So, do you have anything to help with a skill check? No, an attack roll, sorry. No. Tom slams into the front door, wedges himself up to his waist, and gets stuck. Yes! You should have heard how hard Jack fought for a large large creature because he was only meant to have a medium. Yep. I was like, no, I'm so weak.

Give me a large creature. On this little stealthy thieving mission of ours. I nearly had a giant bat. Imagine that world. Oh, you didn't. You were never nearly going to have a giant bat. All the stipulations were like, cool, you can have a large creature and it has to be rolled for and

named otherwise and, oh. Yeah, look. And nearly had a polar bear. That is true. Yes. But Thomas the Rhino is good. Thomas the Rhino has one hump. It's the... It's the statue's turn. No, it's just a mystery hump.

The statue charges at... Pips is a rock. You two? I win. But you win with peace. It charges at Brambles. I always win.

I'll give it a chance. Paper, peace, war. War wins. If it's in conflict, then yeah. The statue nearly misses, but then... I use a bad boy card.

He's running out. Don't worry. He'll be out of bad boy cards soon. Look at him blowing his wand. Oh my word. So, you know how I said I had combat cards that were for later? Here we go. Now I have

three different combat cards. I have a critical fail deck for when you roll really badly on an attack. And I have critical hit decks for your characters and for just NPCs. An NPC, a critical hit. Shit.

Follow-up. Your attacker may make one additional attack against you. Ah, that's no good. We might just die. It misses the second attack. I'm glad that happened. Who's ready to do the shortest campaign we've ever done? With any luck, you know. So, Brangles, the creature grabs you and drags you towards it.

It's tearing at your back with its claws and you can't see. But, Trisco, you can. But any time it tears, it leaves behind that grey sludge which immediately cements itself. Brangles, you take 13 points of damage. Can you re-roll that attack, please? Would you be so kind as to re-roll that attack? Oh, what a use of that card. You've got so many good boy cards.

I've got none left. I've got one card for healing. I'll use it for you when you need healing. No, I've got healing balls now. It missed. It missed. It missed. Yes. Chuck the card back on the pile.

Thank you, Jack. And give it to Shanks. Okay, well. That's the rules of the game, I guess. And then it is. That was the statue. Brangles, it's your turn. Okay.

I will. I just, if it's made of rock rock I don't know what I can do I can't hit it I hit it for 7 damage before with a short bow okay I'm going to use my crowbar and I'm going to try and smash it yes

and yes eat crow you drawing your crowbar, slam the crowbar down on the creature's head. The creature's head cracks and crumbles underneath your blow. You deal eight points of damage. The creature's head is destroyed. And it's dead? No.

I guess statues don't have brains. That makes a lot of sense. Imagine if they did. Like in the real world. The statue bleeds. The statue bleeds and you can see, now that its skull is broken open, the spinal cord poking out through the bottom. It looks like a mixture between cement and natural creature there's cement on the floor from the the head but there's also skull and brain tissue and blood and

an eye that's um hideous to hear and i hate you a bit trisco so if i use a little healing orb because i cracked if i crack open into my six pack, is that my turn? Yes. Oh, no. Because of your healing... Oh, no, no. Yeah. It is your turn.

Okay, right. Your heal... Your fast hands actually just allow you to do that. Okay, right. Can I sort of climb to some sort of, like, safety, maybe, like, up on top of a shelf and take a little healing ball? Yeah, sure. You can do that. Okay okay but i still want to be like i sort of climb so i'm kind of above the action i'm not like fully retreating all right cool you climb up onto what precariously a

bit onto one of the stacks of boxes and then you pop a health potion and drink it you're gonna say something you know i just got a sick idea like this shell is full of these orbs and shit Can I Maybe climb on No this is going to backfire on me Because Adam Climb on top of a shell full of the acid balls or something Try

Can I do that? Acid V rocks, acid wins Oh yeah, pop a poche What did you say? Pop a poche Pop a poche. What did you say? Poche. Pop a poche. Pop a poche. You recover seven hit points. That's not that much.

Okay, so I'm 17. That's pretty good. My highest is 24. All right. What's your highest? 27. Okay, well, it's much of a muchness. Mine's 24.

You were meant to be really weak. That's a shame to me, I guess. What's your strength, though? What if the whole sickly thing is just an act to draw our sympathy? He could have climbed. His class is a frontline fighter. Yours is like a maneuvering fighter. I'm not meant to be strong.

You're meant to be agile. He's meant to be strong. Yeah, and I'm not. Agile and fragile. He's only as strong as you are, which is bad. Then it is Sickly's turn. Can I see my rhino? Give it a push.

I gotta give it a push and it's my strength. God damn it. Tom bursts through the doorway into the alchemy store. Everyone can hear it trashing around. It destroys the front of the store. Is it heading for the back? It's heading towards the back. Okay, good.

Drisco and Wrangles. Okay, good. Drisco and Wrangles. The head and front half of Rhinoceros are stuck through the doorway to the back door. Thomas! Lordy Christ! I'm gonna have to push this rhino again. Imagine getting it out. Might just leave it here.

The statue attacks you. Wrangles? Wrangles. Wrangles within angles. You take eight points of damage. You pulled back from it, but you bump into the rhino, and the rhino nudges you forwards or shoves you forwards back into the statue's waiting claws it starts tearing at your chest opening up massive gashes which immediately fill with cement that sets jesus

eight points of damage tom he's a good boy leave Leave Tom alone. I will kill Tom. You fail. Bad boy cards. Bad boy cards, baby darling. The cement spreads across your chest, your entire upper torso. Another card is coming into play. Would you look at that, everyone? A fortuitous circumstance.

It's crazy. What the fuck? As if. Turns out the cement is really healing potion. Hooray! Look at Adam thinking and conniving away. I'll hold on to this and it'll come up in a mo.

Your upper torso is completely frozen, covered in cement. Okay. Arms as well? Arms, upper torso, and even part of your crotch and legs. But not all your legs. Kick it to death. Part of my crotch. You try to take a step step and it's actually restrictive enough

that you can't properly move as well. You just waddle everywhere. Like when you win at Crash Bandicoot he does that cool little... Yeah, it's very cool. Brangles, it's your turn. Okay. You actually can't do anything.

You're petrified. Okay, that's fine then. Okay. But at the end of your turn the cement continues to spread no it covers you what about the fortuitous sprangles you are completely sealed. You are aware that you are simply mummified by cement. But Trisco, it looks like he is a statue, as far as you are aware. I guess Brangle's is dead. You know the effects of... People can be turned to stone.

That's what it looks like has happened. What if we just leave? You think he's dead. You think he's just dead. Rest in brangles thanks for playing welcome to a living cement presses in on all sides which uh as a lover of freedom must be particularly hard that's true trisco it's your turn embodiment of james i i gesticulate wildly to try and draw the attention of the villainous statue to try and get it to kind of hit it looks up at you yeah i'm like really coaxing it i'd show it my butt um and you don't think it's gonna climb up no i'm still hoping it just comes to the foot

of it oh it's it's close though you what do you want to do well basically i'm hoping i can draw it over to me and then kind of push the shelf over on it. You can do that already. And then nimbly move myself to the next shelf. Yeah, you could do that now. Okay, cool. I'd like to. But before I do it, is Brangles in the splash zone?

Brangles is dead. Brangles is dead. Okay, so I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Okay, let's go for it. Splash zone, like we're at SeaWorld. Yeah. But less cruel.

Yeah. Do you cruel. Yeah. Do you have anything to help you with the skill check? Only this. I've just flipped Adam off. No, I don't. I'm sorry. Well, I get a bad boy card first off. That's not even for you flipping me off.

That's just you rolled a one. Okay. Can I give cards? Yeah, you can allow that. I'll allow that you rolled a one. Oh, okay. Can I give cards? Yeah, you can allow that. I'll allow that. Oh, really? Oh, thank you very much, Wrangles. For a dead person, you're very helpful.

You feel me wink at you from beyond the pale. It is haunting. Plus 1d4 after making a skill or attack roll. Okay. Well, I still get this card then. Plus 1d4. Mm-hmm. That's just a small dice.

Yeah, you can't even hear it. Look, I'm sorry, but it's actually still just not enough. Oh, no. That's unfortunate. It's just not enough after I give you a negative 1d8 using one of my bad boy cards. This is cruelty to a level. So plus three, negative five.

That's not that bad. Good news, bad news. Which would you like first? Give us the good news first. The good news is as the acid topples over, it crushes the bookshelf itself. No, sorry. The shelf, not the bookshelf. The shelving just crushes the statueshelf itself. No, sorry, the shelf, not the bookshelf. The shelving just crushes the statue,

breaking it into pieces. The acid just is gravy on top. It bubbles and destroys the cement, the ribs, the everything. Jeez. Well, that's all the good news. All right, I'm going to go. I'm going to catch a train.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. Additionally, the acid washes over Brangles. Brangles, you are immediately freed. There's your fortuitous card. Chuck it back in the pile. Acid wash, like the best genes, I am revived. Given a new life. And, Trisco, you try to jump to the next shelf,

but instead you simply push further on the shelf that you're currently on and you hang in midair for a second, Wile E. Coyote style, before you drop in a straight line onto the massive puddle of acid that you have made. Oh, the goggles. They do nothing. You take six points of damage. That's not too bad. It's like two out of three.

Oh, it's a puddle. Yeah. Not a pool. A pool. Tom takes four points of splashback damage. He's a tough rhino. Wrangles takes five points of damage. But alive points of damage.

Oh, I'm on five now. That's bad. Stress them on, though. All of you... Initiative's over. You destroyed the statue. All of you probably leave the back room and wait for the acid to settle. And then I thought,

once that happens... Has that happened? Can we go back in the back room now? Well, let's... Hey, I saw a ton of six packs of healing shit. There was only the one six pack of potions. I saw nothing. I secretly drink a potion.

No, I offer the health potions around. All right, cool. Thank you. Yes. All right, so you had, because you drank one before. And so if we... I guess we'll have one each. Trisco, you recover four hit points.

It was a weak one. So I'm on to 15. Yep. Sickly Jacob recovers... I didn't think I lost any hit points. Oh, yeah, you didn't take any damage. Sorry. Brangles, you recover seven.

Oh. That's, um... It's good. That's a good potion. And that puts you down to three okay oh yeah you've used three now not three health i mean funny uh the acid has destroyed a lot of the equipment in the back room that is there is very little in the way of alchemical stuff left can i investigate the body you can have a look from the description that your two compatriots gave you. You know what it is.

Hell yeah. You can identify it as a stone cursed. Stone cursed are spawned through foul alchemical rituals performed on humanoids that have been turned into stone. So you need to be turned into stone first then this happens.

The ritual, which requires a mixture of basilisk blood and the ashes from the burned feathers of a cockatrice, awakens a dim echo of the petrified victim's spirit, animating the statue and turning it into a useful guardian. God. You know, as well, as a point of interest, as part of the ritual used to create a stone cursed a fist-sized obsidian skull forms in the creature's torso you can't see through stone so you don't know that it's in its chest yeah but once the creature has been destroyed

and its chest shattered open you can retrieve the theidian skull. That skull retains the echoes of memories of the creature in life, and a skilled wizard can draw those memories out. Cool. So, it's basically a witness. We know a skilled wizard who owes us

a negative favor. Technically, I did save his life, but I also endangered it. Yeah, that's true. According to Schoolyard. Whoops, saved your life. That counts. Sickly Jacob,

you think you know enough about magic that you could try this. All right. Make sure nobody comes in and looks. The obsidian skull was thankfully not affected by the acid. I'll pick it up and give it a whoopie, whoope, whoopee read.

You'll have to spend the night studying it. Never mind. I guess we'll take this as a witness. This can give us our next clue. Yes. Take it back to the usual. Yeah, let's do it. So, the lady outside, you can hear her calling

for guards. I explained to you guys, oh, she's calling for guards. There was a lady out there that said she saw dwarves of some kind. What else did she say? Did you question her? Well, you were in danger, so I sent a rhinoceros. I sent Thomas. Look how damaged he got from that.

Yes, but what were you doing? Well, I was outside, and then I heard combat, and then, whoop, here we are. No. There's gaps. Look, it's not important. Somebody go chat to her. We've got a crime scene to investigate. In fact, if somebody could go kidnap her so she doesn't call the guards.

Okay, I'll run over to her. You're going to make a friend. Hey, lady, lady, lady. Is that her name? Is her name lady, lady, lady? I pretend to be a friend. Hey, lady, lady, lady. Is that her name? Is her name lady, lady, lady? I pretend to be a guard. Oh, that's a good one. Okay.

I disguise myself to look like just like a not tiefling guard type. It's quite handsome. Looks a bit like Ed Goose, you know, like beard. All right. Second reference to Tom Ed Goose in this game. What is going on in there? She says at you. You called. You came from in there? She says at you. You called.

You came from in there. What's happening? I was on guard. Some really cool tieflings came in. But don't worry about it. They're just, like, checking out stuff. Okay, then, she says. She seems convinced.

Yeah, sick. Well, actually, the real suspicious characters apparently there's been some dwarves in these areas you wouldn't have seen anything about those i already told you about those no you didn't tell me about that i told the town guard oh well you know like a town guard like a royal town guard maybe literally the royal guards um but could But could you just relay that to me? I got a good boy card. Okay, great. For your little tick. Well, there was those dwarves, those dark dwarves.

What are they called? I don't know. Dark dwarves are often referred to as druga. Okay. You can help her with that if you want. You mean the Drugar? Yes, yes, those. They were...

Sarah, in there, she threw them out the other day. They had an argument. No, not yet the other day. Yesterday. Okay. Did Sarah tell you what the argument was about? No. I didn't care.

Are you friends with Sarah? No. So you won't care that she's fucking dead? What? See ya. Okay, I head back inside. Who could these mysterious Drugar be? Find out next time on Trouble in Orwa,

a D&D is for Nerds 5th Ed Adventure. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you'll find us at SansPantsRadio. Or you can find us individually. I'm at AllDogsAreDead. I'm at RetroArchetype. I'm at GodDammitZammit.

And I'm at Jackson B. Bailey. And if you want to hear our other shows, head to SansPantsRadio.com and you'll find all of our content there. There's heaps. And if you'd like to other shows, head to sanspantsradio.com and you'll find all of our content there. There's heaps. And if you'd like to support us, head to sanspantsplus.com. See you later, dickheads.

Don't call them dickheads. Nah. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns

that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.