D&D is For Nerds - Trouble in Orwa #4 Duergar Brawl

Episode Date: July 21, 2018

In which our heroes start a fight they have no intention of finishing.Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadCass: https://twitter.com/JacksonBBalyShanks: twitter.com/timtimfed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. Adam told me to say pop pop and away. Hey everyone, our sister show, Plumbing the Death Star, is doing another UK tour. We're doing Edinburgh Fringe, London Podcast Festival, some late night shows at the Soho, and a bunch of cities in between. So, if you want to catch us live, even if it's just a demand we do D&D and bring Cass next time, you can grab tickets at sandspantsradio.com slash live. But be quick, as a lot of shows are close to selling out. Welcome to episode four of Trouble in Orwa, a D&D is for Nerds fifth ed adventure. Previously. It's a human and a dragon born. Okay. The original good cop bad cop.

We'll head for Silverstone. You go there, it's a big, elaborate building, two stories. It's obviously owned by a gnome. You can tell that from the lavish outer front. There is also a very incredibly looking, lifelike stone statue of a gnome kneeling near one of the boxes. Clock blocked by Margaret Thatcher. They're also dripping with this weird grey ooze. It grabs you or tries to grab at you with those hands.

Tom bursts through the doorway into the alchemy store. Everyone can hear it trashing around. It destroys the front of the store. Trisco, you try to jump to the next shelf, but instead, you simply push further on the shelf that you're currently on and you hang in mid-air for a second.

Wile E. Coyote style. Did Sarah tell you what the argument was about? No, I didn't care. Are you friends with Sarah? No. So you won't care that Are you friends with Sarah? No. So you won't care that she's fucking dead? What? See ya.

With Trisco chatting to the vendor outside the store, what were the rest of you doing? Oh, I guess just search if she's got any like private quarters or if there's any documentation. Actually, what I look for is like receipts or like a ledger of some variety wherein perhaps she's like documented the people that have come and gone and been like sauce deep dwarves bought some magic orbs or something. You find not destroyed. You find in a desk partially destroyed by acid about the top third of a ledger. Can I discern anything from it? Well, several of the pages are marked with Druga at the top,

and then the top bits are all alchemical supplies. So listing alchemical supplies and a number. It looks like a receipt or a ledger for a payment. Cool. There's no names? No. There is a... Highs or lows?

Lows. Depends where she puts the delivery address. At the top or at the bottom? Fingers crossed. The top. Did you say highs? Look, I either got two or 99.

I said lows. Lows? Wait, did I? You said highs. Oh, highs. You said highs, right. I was miles away. Tell you what, Shanks and Cass, come over here. Okay.

We're over here now. Come round to me. They're literally getting up to go to Adam's side. Oh my gosh. Sorry. Alright, you can go back. Go back to your seats. It's cool.

Alright, this is weird. So, all right, you can go back. Go back to your seats. It's cool. All right. This is weird. I don't know what's happening. I'm afraid. I'm a scared boy. Now, he wants to guess close to the number. Highs or lows, Jack? Highs.

Highs? Highs. Highs. I mean highs Highs. Highs. I mean highs. They put it up the top. Ah! Yay! I forgot to say you can't shake or nod.

Okay, right. It was very funny. Cass's shake was the subtlest shake I've ever seen in my life, though. And I was too confused to know what I was doing. I just wanted eyes. Just looking at her eyes. Yeah, delivery dress up the top it's the usual it's all falling into place

time to suck a dead man's drink so with the two leads of the skull and the drugar you feel like it might be best to get going because the guards probably will be coming around soon and you don't want to be here when that happens. That's true. How many people can ride this rhinoceros? It's many people that you can carry. Three will be fine. Let's clamber on Tom and get out of there. All right.

As inconspicuously as possible. Three demons riding a tough rhino. All right. You head back towards... As we ride, I flip off that woman. Actually, I throw a fucking of a rhino. All right. You head back towards... As we ride, I flip off that woman. Actually, I throw a fucking acid ball at her. Fuck that.

No, I don't. For real? No. You can if you want. I mean, she's a witness. I'm a witness to what? Nothing. You want to waste it?

I get it. You want to waste it on wasting this woman? All right. You make good on your getaway. Excellent. Hey guys, don't you think we should go back to the smith? I've got to pick up my rapier.

The usual can wait. On your way back to the usual you swing by the smithy and get your rapier. I've already got it. Great. This interaction didn't need to happen. See you mate. Bye. Mercy me. Just the smith holding the sword.

Just out the window so he doesn't have to talk. Yeah, we went to the drive-thru. That's right. You already paid. He doesn't even want to look at you. It's called a clop-thru before the wheel was properly implemented on cars. You still drive a wagon. No, you don't.

Yes, you do. You drive it? Wagons are vehicles. You drive a vehicle. Do you drive a wagon. No, you don't. Yes, you do. You drive it? Wagon's a vehicle. You drive a vehicle. Do you drive a bike? You don't drive a bike. It's called a clop through in this specific region of the world. It's an Auroa expression.

Even when they get the automobile thousands of years from now, they'll still be calling it a clop through. People will be like, why do they call it a clop through? And then someone up the back of the car will be, well, actually. My mother used to tell me a story of clopmobiles with real Klopping-Klopping. Did the horse die? And that's why they call it Dragon Power. They end up having a real Klopp-by problem.

Klopp-by shootings. Klopp-by stabbings. I just hope they haven't actually invented a wheel and instead they just have a bunch of horse hooves on a kind of spinning swastika. It's a sphere. You could have treads with horse hooves, I guess. People would be like, some kind of centipede horse came through here.

They skipped the wheel and went straight to the sphere. All vehicles have spherical wheels. Like in iRobot. Yeah. The best movie of all time. Did in iRobot. Yeah. The best movie of all time. Did you ever see Dunlop? Dunlop made a spherical wheel, so in theory a car could move in all directions. Right.

Sipped up and down. Well, yes. Alas. And the best thing about that is they made the spherical wheel, but they made no way to connect to it. So Dunlop made the wheel, and then they were like, figure it out car company. Yeah, because how would you do that? I mean, I guess you'd just have four BB-8s

in the corners of your car. If you had a socket that sort of the point where you fill up a wine glass but upside down like where it starts going back in. Like a mouse ball. Lubed it up a heap. Yeah.

Lube up your wheels. What a mouse ball. The problem with that though is when mice used to have balls but whatever, laser. How does the car connect to the wheel then? What stops when you hit a bump? The wheel just comes out and goes away.

No, no, no. It's over the... Also, look. Lubricating a wheel is probably important but over lubrication makes breaking a hassle. That is true. Oh, yeah. My idea can't break.

Maybe you don't break the wheels. It just like sends out like you shout anchors away and an anchor comes out the back of your car every time you have a break. Every car comes with a crusty sailor up the back. Yeah. Or anyway. Wow. I got my back. Yeah, yeah. Or, yeah, anyway. Wow, I got my rapier back, guys. Woo-hoo.

This is my character now. I'm, like, really uppity. Hell yeah. After collecting the rapier, you go back to the usual. At the front, you see a bunch of elves tittering about something. They're quite obviously drunk. They have several empty bottles of wine around them.

Something funny? I say two of them. One of them just says, what are you laughing at? Me? You're all tieflings. How's the lows? Are we rolling for racism? Yes.

Oh man. Well, it's nice in this universe. It's not guaranteed. Yeah, that's true. Anyway. let's just not talk about it the elf looks at you with bleary eyes one of them focused the other one unfocused and says we were talking about the comet which comet there was a comet in the sky quite close several days ago About maybe a week and a bit. You actually, all three of you would be aware of this. On your way here, you saw it overhead.

It was just an interesting... Does it have any significance to us? Not that you know. Yeah. Have you seen any drooga inside, I ask? Those brutes? Yes, we have. Which floor?

I don't know where they're staying. They're drinking loudly in the common room. That's why we're out here. Did you notice any identifying smells on them? They smelled like all dwarves smell. What a great question. Disgusting. How'd this smell?

What? My dog has no nose. How does it smell? Awful. Thank you. And then I leave. Is that you, Gonzo? I guess we'll head inside

unless anybody has anything else to say to the elves. These do feel like weird additions to the plot without more information. All right, let's go. True to the elves word, as soon as you step inside, you see a bunch of druga. If you don't know what they look like

let me get you a picture. I don't. I imagine a squat grey dwarf basically. That's actually pretty close on the money. I'm really sad you picked up your notes and said you just didn't have an illustration you'd done. You fucking weird. I do. More than anything. In my head

it's turned around. It's either perfect or bad. That's pretty cool. That's so punk rock. Whoa! head, it's turned around. It's either perfect or bad. That's pretty cool. That's so punk rock. Whoa! Yeah, they look a bit like Young Storm from X-Men Apocalypse. But go into a face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

That was a bit much to say. So there's three of them. All three are sitting at one table in kind of roughly the center of the room, which also just happens to be near a... There's a fireplace, but the fireplace is kind of in the center of the room as well. It's a big open fire pit that like a... Does this place do pizzas? Like wood fire?

How's the Lowe's? Lowe's. Lowe's? Yeah. Always known for its Italian food. That's it. Always known for its halfling food, I think you'll find. Yeah, that's right. I forgot halflings were Italian. It's not owl-tallion food?

What? Owl-tallion, because there's owls here. Oh. And they make other food. Owls can't eat a pizza thing for a second. Sorry, in my world, owls typically racially identify as... Spanish? Greek.

Yeah, I can see that more. In Clash of the Titans, they have that little mechanical owl thing. You want a spanicopter, you get a giant owl to make it for you. Sorry, a giant owl's grandmother. A wing spanicopter. Or should I say yaya? Yaya? Yaya.

I think that's how you say grandmother in Greek. It's always going to be too big. That's the problem. I'm basing this on things that Zoe has said. Oh, yeah, me too. Let's call her. Zoe, what's Al's grandpa called? Like, what?

Okay, thanks. Papu? She's got a papu? She does have certainly a papu. And possibly a papa. It sounds like what a baby would call its butthole. You know, like a papu? I also have a very distant

Greek part to my family, and I'm pretty sure they say yaya, papu. Yeah, yaya is one. Look, we know this much about the giant owls. If we meet a giant owl later, can you give it a real Greek name? Absolutely. Look, it's unlikely that you will, but

I'll write it down So I don't forget Alright, hey guys What's even done with my description? Those are the Droogar Do we want to go up to them and say No, I reckon we play it cool I reckon we sit at an adjacent table

Trying to overhear some stuff Yeah, well, I'm a mad thief I'm thinking I might go check out their quarters or something Maybe you two could keep them busy or something. Keep them distracted. Yes. Who wouldn't want to talk with us? With the delightful people in his land.

I have a feeling this is a really good plan. A plan, you say? Oh, no. Okay, so. God damn it. Cass never sticks to plans. Or I ignore it. So Sickly Jacob and Brangles,

you both grab a seat with the Drugar while Trisco, you begin searching the inn for the rooms that they stay in. Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming that on the second floor is where the rooms begin. That's where the rooms begin, correct? Okay, cool. So I kind of like, oh, I'll see you guys.

Old Trisco has gone too hard. I'll head up to bed and I'll see you guys later. Night. Bye. I like skulk up the stairs. I mean, I don't. That would be too obvious. I'm allowed to work up the stairs.

All right, cool. Do like a big exaggerated tired yawn. The Druidara are sitting around. That's kind of a lie. The Druidars are sitting around several empty and partially empty trays of pizza. It looks like they ordered perhaps cheese and rat prosciutto pizzas. That's ours. That's what I'll eat.

They all do eat rats. That's true. Oh, they couldn't eat. I don't like the idea of a rat getting anywhere near the bottom of a cow. I mean an owl. Me too. It's artisanal. It's pellets.

It would be pellets. That's what they shit. It's not what they eat. It's weird that they shit cheesy pellets. Anyway, we sit down with the Droogar. We don't judge them as harshly. Is the pizza nice here? They stop their conversation pretty abruptly And all three of them are staring at you

Can I get you a drink? One of them grunts surly Leave But tonight's only beginning Let's get this party You get a good boy card leave. But tonight's only beginning. Let's get this party. You get a good boy card. And yes,

I'm going to use two bad boy cards. That's a shame. But I like that you're making you burn through the bad boy cards. I've got so many of them and you guys are so nearly dead, so I might as well. To give you a negative... Seven.

And you are not a very charismatic person to begin with. Oh my gosh, we still haven't healed, have we? Oh, no. No. The Drugar... Didn't we get six packs of potions no we didn't you got a six pack of potions i think you have three of them see i got a six pack of potions but i'm i'm upstairs yeah no well that's fine and i i have uh how many potions do i got left well sickly jacob

you're on full hit points brangles is only on 18 out of 24 that's more than i thought trisco is actually one who needs it the most anyway. On 15 out of 27. I am on 15. Leave, one of the Drugar says. This time a lot more aggressively. Well, where would you expect us to go? The one that's talking gives you a really incredulous look. I don't care. Go.

I'd like to fall over onto the table. Oh, my heart. You've killed him. My heart is weak and sick. Does anyone know where we might find some healing potions? We need a doctor or a healer. All three of the Drugar stand up. One of them says something in... Drugar-ish?

I think they know... What languages do you two know? Common and Infernal. And Draconic. One of them says something in a language you don't understand. Presumably Dwarvish or maybe Undercommon. Both of them are languages you know Drugar speak. And then all three of them begin to leave.

As a bartender comes over to you, Zickly Jacob, and with a wet rag, Call the guards! call the guards! Call the guards! Something awful has happened! Can I push past the bartender and make myself vomit on one of the dwarves? What's great is that they were sitting here

eating and drinking and you guys have decided that the best course of action is to make them leave. You're idiots! The plan was to sit and listen. I was like, we should be able to get some info before I ruin everything, but no! I ruined everything.

Your vomit spatters a little bit of the back of one of the Drugar's legs. How did you just make yourself vomit? That's pretty good. I'm already seconds away from vomiting at any second. Living up to your name. The Drugar aims a sloppy backhand at you. He strikes you kind of on the chin, but it doesn't do any damage.

Okay. Are they sticking around? Where are you going? The Druid God says something, again, very harshly in some language you don't understand then repeats it in common when he realizes the bartender doesn't understand him throw him out before i do it for you he's drunk i'm very sober i don't continue to leave i don't the bartender now has his arms around you and is pulling you back please Please, sir, you're obviously ill. Guard! Someone fetch the town

guard! No, no, he just needs a room for the night. Well, that's all happening. Hello. Smash cut, too. Trisco, you go upstairs. Okay. I find a little quiet corner of the hallway, and i use um disguise my disguise uh self yeah to make myself look drugarian yeah and i look for a member of staff

on the second floor stumbling around as though i'm drunk how's the lows highs highs you don't see any members of staff upstairs. How many floors are there? So there's the ground floor, the second floor or first floor, depending if you're American or from the UK or whatever, where the rooms begin. And then there's another floor above you, which you think holds more floors. More rooms, sorry.

Okay, cool. Well, I just knock on the... The time is maybe... So I knock on the first door that I find. Actually, no, I just try and open it. The delivery, had that already been made? Which delivery? We had the delivery address as the usual from the Drooga.

Ah, right, right, right. The delivery has been made, yeah. Okay. We can't intercept it. No. That was two weeks ago. Why'd they go back? I don't know. God, yeah. Okay. We can't intercept it. No. That was two weeks ago. Why'd they go back? I don't know.

God, they're crazy. And we do have to check out this fucking skull when we get sick. Oh, yeah. Fuck, I forgot I got that skull. I'm starting to feel like, you know, when you're in an RPG and you're just really side-questing, you're like, fuck, gotta do that, gotta do that, gotta do that. Literally, it's two things. Yeah, I know.

I'm just real dumb and lazy. Too many. Too many things? Just chuck the. Yeah, I know. I'm just real dumb and lazy. Too many. Too many things? Just chuck the skull away, I guess. Cancel this side quest. Hey, does Obsidian burn? Sorry, what are you doing, Shanks? I'm still disguised as the Drooga,

and I knock on just the first door of a room. Just the first room. Highs or lows? I go highs. Highs or lows? I go highs. Highs? There's no response. Okay, I knock on the next door of the room. And I knock loudly.

I'm like... I'm going to say there's four rooms on this floor. Okay. Highs or lows? Highs. There's no response on this one. There's one more room. Highs or lows?

Lows. There is a response, but it's a human, a bleary-eyed man. He's wearing just his underwear. Oh, so he opens the door? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, man, what are you doing in my room? You're drunk. Get out of here.

Oh, I'm sorry, man. I reckon I had too many of those red harvests. You did. The human starts closing the door. Oh, I'm sorry, man. I reckon I had too many of those red harvests. You did. The human starts closing the door. Oh, sorry, Melody. Have you seen, like, do you know what rooms my room? I can't forget. Have you seen me around, man?

It's the hiccups when I go, you know, just kidding. No, I don't know where your room is. All right, have a good morning. I mean night. I'm so drunk. Then I stumble back. First off, get a good boy card. Oh, sick.

Thank you very much. For doing your little tick to an amusing degree. Second off, so there are four rooms on this floor. You've knocked at three. Two were non-responses. One was the human. The last one is your room. Okay, right.

Then there are four more rooms upstairs. Did you guys get individual rooms or go to a common room? I assume we'd have gone to a common room. Yeah, cheaper. Yeah, I agree. I think we discussed that. So upstairs is just the common rooms. Okay.

So there's maybe six beds upstairs. If you guys have three of them, they could have the other three, or it could be one of the two rooms that no one answered. Okay, cool. Oh, wait, no. Oh, sorry. There's one more room here, then, if you guys got common rooms. Highs or lows? Lows. No response.

Okay, cool. Just crack the doors open. Yeah, I think I will. I crack the door open of that room. Alright. Using my thieving-ness. And I'm real, real fucking sly about it. You start picking the last door that you checked. You start picking it open. And about the same time, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

You can hear heavy footfalls coming up the stairs. Come back and fight me, you cowards. I withdraw my pickpock, my little lockpicks, and I resume my kind of drunk and stumbling, crumbling bumble. You see a drugar get to the top of the stairs, but turns around when that is called

out. Okay, I sort of dart onto the stairwell, so I'm hiding, but I'm just kind of looking. I'm just sort of peeking at him. The dwarf isn't very observant right now, and so doesn't see you. You're just spying on him. Filthy Droogar.

You're not worth the mud on my boots. You're not worth the shit on my boots. I stood on a dog shit earlier. The Droogar goes back down the stairs. Okay, I'm about to have the shit beat out of me. I go back to picking the lock. Okay. Downstairs.

One of the Drugar looks at you, Brangles, and says, You with him? Who wants to know? The bartender starts slowly backing away from this. Everyone in the bar is looking at you. Can I please-

You five. Can I please do some thermiturgy and flicker the candles? Good. Does everyone know about thermiturgy? Is this not fun? If you cause it, are people going to be like, oh yeah, cool. You don't know enough about Drugar to know one way or the other. The Drugar certainly do not seem impressed by your thermiturgy, though.

Do it again. Yeah. One of the dwarves, the lead one, who's been... Strong those candles. The lead dwarf who's been... Drugar, sorry. Who's been talking to you this entire time walks right up to you, Sickly Jacob, and with a short stubby finger starts jabbing punctuation into your chest as he says this.

You've got a lot of nerve on you you fucking idiot i'd like to weakly punch him in the stomach intentionally weakly yeah well no i just think it will be weak you break your hand on his chest. You take a point of damage. What do you get out of picking on the sick? I'm dying, you know. It's about time someone taught you three a lesson. And two.

Sorry, I forgot that one of you isn't there. And then we'll go to initiative. Oh no. We're dying, Jackson. I'm fine'll go to initiative. Oh, no. Oh, no. We're dying, Jackson. I'm fine. I'm tough. I have no spells left. We should arrest this.

We really should arrest this. We got this, Cass. Believe. Believe in your soul. But do you think they want to kill you? No, they'll just knock us out, chuck us in the fucking mud. Worst case scenario. I believe i had a

hat that comes out that's good if it's a hat of disguise and then it lands on you and you become a druga and you're like what the fuck what's that from i believe i had a hat yeah that's the simpsons all three druga put both their hands up as if maybe in mock surrender or something like that but then with their right hands they grab it perhaps the hilt of an imaginary sword. But as soon as they begin drawing it away from their other hand, like a ghostly visage of a sword appears in their hands and is slowly drawn out of the palm of their other hand. This looks bad.

It's your turn. Can I use my deflect missiles at all? This looks bad. It's your turn. I have no idea. Can I use my deflect missiles at all? None of them have fired missiles at you right now. Oh, so it's only for things thrown at me, not for swords? No. It's to deflect a missile. We got this, Cass.

Okay. So letting you know that there is the lead one the lead one has not actually I would say he has not done that he hasn't drawn a wispy ghost sword but all the others have yeah both the others okay I dagger whip the leader

dagger whip the leader dagger whip the leader wherever he may go simply from shock and surprise when you draw the dagger whip and fling it at him he is caught off guard and so you score a hit along his chest your dagger whip deals him nine points of damage why are you so mad? There's that catchphrase. The cut goes from his chest onto his chin. His head rocks backwards.

And when it comes back, you can see that he's bleeding from the sharp wound. He draws his thumb along his chin, looks at the blood on his thumb, and looks at you. Got him. There it is. i glare daggers and um jacob it's your turn jacob hey mage hand oh wait no first question is there like a chandelier in this place nobody wants to swing now if you'd let me finish my description of a room yeah above the fireplace there's a flue that catches all of the smoke. That is the only thing hanging from the ceiling. Would it land on them if I started using Mage Hand?

It'd land on the fire. That's sad. If I cast Fog Cloud, everyone's blind, yeah? Fog Cloud only works against ranged attacks. They don't look like they're going to hit you with ranged weapons. Unfortunately, you two are designed to avoiding hits made at distance. And a sword is not that. I'd like to call for Thomas.

Can you hear me? You can call out. This was supposed to be a stealth operation. Thomas! Thomas! Okay, then it's their time. Oh, God. I'm sorry, Cass. Look, he's gonna get the metal plates and then we all scarper.

As long as he's quick, that's all we need. Thomas? No, not Thomas. This ticket. Thomas the rhino is gonna go upstairs and acquire the metal plates. Trisco, our meal ticket. I didn't like Adam's expression then. It was horrified.

You don't want to know what I just read about Drugar. Are we going to find out? Look, no. You're very lucky. You're very lucky that they're not going to turn you into a screamer. What? A what? You know brass bulls?

Yes. They do that, but it's a lot more fucked than you think that scream brass bull it's an old torture method where they'd put somebody inside like a big brass bull and then they'd light a fire underneath it oh right yeah thing in the mouth of the bull so that your screams sounded like a bull yelling as you're cooked alive little red riding the movie yes yeah they did in ancient roman times i think it was one of the top tortures of the day very creative it's look hey so somebody was a torture genius that's horrific the lead drew gar his face begins reddening and you can tell that he's concentrating on perhaps a spell. Slowly, he begins to gain size until he stands far taller than either of you.

He's massive, simply enormous, bigger than an orc. Oh, God. Then he draws his sword. Oh, God. Oh, God. The other two Drugar attack. One to each of you. Do they attack prey with cold? First, both of them cast spells.

You see psionic energy. Psionic is magic of the mind. Telepathic, mental, kinetic? No. Kinetic, kinesthetic? There's a word, but for the mind. Kinesthetic? Kinesthetic.

Psychic. Works. Magic. They launch out from their minds at both of you. You can feel a magical mark placed on both of you. Some sort of energy signature to track your movements and anticipate your attacks. Uh-oh. Do Druka, they're dark elves.

Dark dwarves. do they have dark vision uh probably yeah damn it's like dark fight dark fight dark fight dark fight no fight i got a plan a bad plan but a plan sickly jacob you are hit but brangles you are not that's i'm glad. I cough up a bit of very dark blood. Like maybe there's something wrong already inside me. And you're like, well, hey, now I know. That's good.

Sickly Jacob, you take 13 points of damage when the one attacking you. I'm going to die. When the one attacking you cuts your leg very deeply and nicks an artery you start spurting blood every time your heart beats a gout of blood emerges from your leg i'm that's no good i may literally i may genuinely die in this fight should not have my and this is just like a barroom brawl like they don't even know that we're like them yet. They just think that you're like a drunk nuisance. We'll get rid of this drunk guy. Then it

is Brian. Oh no, sorry. Upstairs. Mean. Drisco. You can begin picking a lock again if you'd like. Yeah, cool. I do that. Unless I, have I heard the fracker from, what's your passive perception?

13. You could probably hear a fight downstairs, but you don't know the extent of the fight. Yeah, I'd probably carry on with the mission. Yeah, it would sound like we're doing a good job of making a distraction. You unlock that... And I think to myself, those colleagues of mine... You unlock that last door and open it up. The room looks packed up.

No one's sleeping here. Okay. I say to myself, fuck! And then I go try and unlock... Move to the next one? Move to the next one, yeah. All right.

That'll be your next turn. But because of fast hands, you can do this once a round. Typically, this would take multiple rounds, but you're actually very quick and good at this. Yeah, sick. Then it is Brangle's turn. Is it very obvious to me

that Sickly Jacob is very is very nearly quite obviously an artery has just been nicked sickly jacob looks in a rough way and you don't look much better this is a fight that you think you have you should not have picked you think perhaps that this fight was designed for all three of you at once and even then for you to have maybe taken a rest first god's really rubbing it in just letting you know what what how okay are they blocking the entrance or are we near the entrance they they would be in between you and the stairs up you could just turn around and run if you wanted to is it you don't think that the drugar drugar are not nice people they're evil

inherently but you don't think that they would pursue are not nice people. They're evil inherently. But you don't think that they would pursue you. You think that they just see you as a nuisance. Could I pick up Sickly Jacob and Bolt? You could grab him and Bolt, certainly, yeah. I grab Sickly Jacob and I say, Fine, we'll leave if it's that important to you And I run straight to Thomas Alright, you run

You move with Sickly Jacob You get to the door That'll be your turn What if I told them to come and catch us? Jacob We got on Thomas You can hear Thomas If I said come and catch us,

then they'd chase us through the streets of Orwa while our good friend picked the lock. They're really keeping them busy downstairs. Yeah. Come and get us. If you think you're tough enough. I vomit a bit. Then you go outside?

Yeah. Thomas is out there. Quickly, mount Thomas. He's not how to ride. Can we try real hard to mount Thomas? It's the Drugar's turn. They do not follow you outside, but they could just be moving to the door. Then, Trisco, you unlock this door as well.

Open it up. Highs or lows? I'm going to go with lows. Low, low, low, low, low. This room has three messily unmade beds. Oh, I like the sound of that. And how many drew bar were there? There's a bunch of dirty-looking mining equipment

and several crates with silver stone marked on them. This is the boys. Okay, what I do is I go, yes, and make a fist. and several crates with Silverstone marked on them. This is the boys. Okay, what I do is I go, yes, and make a fist at what you just saw. And I close the door behind me and I lock it. All right, cool. You lock the door behind you. Okay, good.

And now I go and I make the beds, you know. It's just no excuse for sloppiness. Yeah, it's just nice. No, I check out the boxes from Silverstone. All right. As you pass the boxes, you walk past a desk the desk a writing desk that's in this private room on the writing desk is a ledger open up what languages do you know i know common infernal and thieves can't it's not written in a language you know it's a very boxy script the only way i could describe the letters and numbering here is it's square. All of them are kind of variations

of squares. Me thinks something Drugarian is a foot. Potentially, yeah. There's a wardrobe and at the foot of each of the beds is a chest. All three of the chests are open and there's just clothes in each of the chests. Okay, well I pocket the

ledger if I'm convinced there's something that can... it's quite obviously like a numbers and like it's it's receipts and stuff like that it's it's obviously arranged to to be that cool i i i pocket that and i i rummage through the chest to make sure there is isn't anything other than clothes that i'm missing you start picking through the chests you can't see anything yet but you uh because this is all going to happen in six seconds. It's a very, you just grab what's on top, throw it off, and there's nothing there.

Okay, right. And I check, is there a window to this room? There is a window, yes. Okay, cool. Is it the end of my turn now? That will be the end of your turn, yes. Then we'll go back to Brangles. Brangles, you want to try and mount Tom? Yep. You get up on Tom. No hassle. It's easy to ride. Jacob, you want to try and mount Tom? Yep You get up on Tom, no hassle

It's easy to ride Jacob, you want to get up on Tom? Yeah, if she could just swing me onto the back Look, yes I imagine you're just too light You grab, and as you drag First I get a bad boy card As you drag

As you drag sickly Jacob You feel you feel like there's a tight string running from your shoulder down into the left part of your arm. You can feel it's like a tendon or a muscle wrapping through your arm. As you yank, you hear twang and you feel the snapping. Is anyone else disturbed by how good Adam is at describing pain? Oh, God, it's horrific. I still remember once in a game, I think it was The Message, he described stabbing someone in the space between your ankle and your heel with a rapier and then working it around.

That still comes to mind sometimes and makes me want to throw up. That's great, man. That's so good. It's grotesque. You can see beneath your skin, just the slight bulge of it, so you can tell, the little, the parts, the two stringy parts where they used to connect and little curled bits on either side where they've broken. Ah!

Holy shit! I get a bad boy card, and you cannot pull Sickly Jacob up onto the rhino. That's a shame. Can I try and clamber up myself? Oh, I did and failed. Actually, that reminds me, I get a second bad boy card, because both of you

did pretty badly there. Jeez, Thomas, how? Goodness, at least I didn't take damage. Yeah, no, you just fucked your arm up. It's the Drugar's turn. One of the Drugar steps outside and is just standing there looking at you. Imagine if you fleed. And it's your turn again, Trisco.

Okay, cool. I investigate this wardrobe and find a portal to a wintry kingdom where a queen offers me Turkish delight. Close. Oh, nice. I investigate this wardrobe and find a portal to a wintry kingdom where a queen offers me Turkish delight. And you take it like that. Oh, nice. What? No, you open the wardrobe and it's empty. It looks like the dwarves.

The way you hang your clothes is too high for a dwarf. That's adorable. They've not kept anything in the wardrobe. It's empty. Okay, as a passive-aggressive thing, I take one of the clothes from the chest and hang it up. You are a Drooga. You can't.

I'm a Drooga? You're disguised. God damn it. I curse the very skin that I'm in. And wait, what else was in the room to investigate? There's the unmade beds. There's the writing desk. The writing desk has drawers if you want to go through them,

but your time, you you feel might be running out because the noises downstairs have stopped okay cool um well fuck it i check out the drawers okay you'd start pulling through the drawers i mean i locked the door i feel pretty confident that i'm that i'm safe all right you found a window yeah you're from uh you start pulling out and rust ruffling through the drawers. You find nothing there. At about that time, click. The door unlocks. Then it is Wrangles' turn. Do I have time to say yikes before my turn ends? You can say yikes, sure. Wrangles, it's your turn.

Would you like to drag Sickly Jacob up? Yep. I will drag Sickly Jacob up. You drag Sickly Jacob up onto Tom. You owe me. Jacob, it's your turn. You can make Tom move now. All right, I'll smack Tom on your bum.

You start moving as fast as a rhinoceros can move. I think 30 feet. Charging or away from? Away, I'm assuming. Away from, away from. Yeah, I've been good. The Drigar just watches you leave. Damn it. Come here, Josh.

There's still only one outside. Trisco, the door opens and a mighty looking Drugar is standing in the door. Bigger than a regular Drugar. Much bigger than a regular Drugar. Right, so I don't have enough time to sneak, to use my dash to jump into the

wardrobe it's on the other side of the room you'd be 100 spotted you could try hiding underneath the desk it's not as good a hiding spot but you don't have to run across the room or you could just jump out the window okay i won't kill you well i i can i as my turn take a healing potion? Yeah. And then say, oh, I think I got stuck in the room, man. Do you mean take as in drink the healing potion? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. Using your, so your fast hands actually allows you to drink that as a bonus action. Woohoo!

Typically it's an action. You recover nine hit points. Okay, cool. Now I'm down to two healing balls. Hell yeah. You drunkenly stammer that out to the big Droogar. He looks at you and says something in Dwarvish, and as he steps into the room,

which he needs to turn sideways to do, he draws that spectral ghostly sword out. You don't know what he said, but it didn't sound pleasant. Right. Wrangles and Jacob, you're going down the street. You have no reason to turn around. Are we leaving just a trail of blood behind us from my legs?

Yeah, yeah. That's good. Hopefully the guard will stop us and we can tell them of what the Dru-guard did. Is there a way to sort of round about? Because we know that Triss goes upstairs. You want to kind of get round the back? Yeah. There's a way to sort of roundabout? Because we know that Trisco's upstairs. You want to kind of get round the back? Yeah.

There's no way to do it subtly. You're on a rhino. That's fine. Maybe we run off and then walk. Okay. Leave the rhino in town to its own devices. Oh, no. Like the rhino walks.

Yeah, we'll do that. I don't want to be without this rhino right now. Rhino walking pace back to the tavern. Trisco? Oh, okay. I say, sorry, this bird's got to fly. And can I dash? Basically, here's what I want to do.

Can I throw an acid ball at him, which I got from Silverstone? Yeah. And sort of clamber out the window? So you can move. Oh, yeah oh yeah no because you got to yeah you can open the window as my dash kind of movement sort of thing yeah absolutely okay sick okay so you piff a ball of acid at the druger it it it shatters on his leg, which is not a great hit, but it's good enough for this. You deal him six points of damage. He hisses as his leg starts bubbling and boiling. Ew.

Gross. And you can smell melting flesh. I thought you were going to say what the rock is cooking. But yeah, that's cool. You can smell that. You turn around, move to the window. It's locked. Oh, boo. That is a shame.

That click, look back. Even with fast hands, to open it will be your turn. Okay. Or you can jump through it. It's butt glass. It's a high up jump as well. Jump through, jump through. Jump through, what are you, a as well Jump through Jump through

What are you a coward? Jump through You fucking what? I was having a climb down Because I got such good climbing skills True not fair Can you jump around? Jump up jump around?

No I definitely jump out the window Yeah good man I jump out the window But I do try and grab onto like a ledge or something If I can on my fall down Adam had that little like Maybe I or something if I can on my fall down. Adam had that little like, maybe. I'm annoyed that I'm being arsed, but I'll still roll. You take a step back, launch at the window, breaking it apart.

You take two points of damage, breaking the window. Okay. You fall 10 feet. Then you hit an archway, like a little awning, a fabric awning out the front of the tavern. That you grab onto, stopping your descent instantly. So it's two damage from the glass, three damage from the fall. But that's it. Then you let go of the awning, which has suddenly stopped your descent, and you hit the ground without any further incident.

Nice. You're outside. You're still coming out on top with your health potion as well. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you're fine. That's it. I'm still four points up from where I was going into that room. You could have jumped out of windows your whole life.

You'd be fine. So then it is Brangles and Jacob. You dismount from Tom and start leading him and walking to the back of the tavern. Good? Yeah. We just try and go there. The Droogar that was outside looks at you weirdly. Because I look like a Droogar.

But he also just doesn't know where you've come from. So he... Highs or lows? Highs. He gives you a curt nod and then walks inside. I give him a curt nod back. Hell yeah. Got him good.

Okay. Do I see these two clowns? They're gone right okay we're gonna leave initiative but you guys are still separated so brangles and jacob you get around the back of the tavern and trisco what do you want to do i suppose i i go up to the like a window and just kind of peer in just to like check that i can't see those guys in in the you can't see them in the common room though okay cool right well hey i have here on my sheet and stop me if i'm getting this totally wrong i have here something called criminal contact does that mean like i at menace is in bracket spy that like i know somebody you know a spy okay cool you no matter where you are you can always get a message to someone in the criminal underground for spies. Okay, cool.

Actually, I'm not going to use that. I'll save that. I'm going to try and find my buddies. Will Trisco be able to reunite with his friends? Find out next time on Trouble in Orwa, a D&D is for Nerds 5th Ed Adventure. Thanks for listening And if you want to follow us on Twitter You'll find us at Sandspanceradio Or you can find us individually

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