D&D is For Nerds - Trouble in Orwa#7 Sewer Fight

Episode Date: August 11, 2018

In which our heroes contend with some real Lovecraftian shit.Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadCass: https://twitter.com/JacksonBBalyShanks: twitter.com/timtimfed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. I have faith in Cass. Hey everyone, our sister show, Plumbing the Death Star, is doing another UK tour. We're doing Edinburgh Fringe, London Podcast Festival, some late night shows at the Soho, and a bunch of cities in between. So, if you want to catch us live, even if it's just a demand we do D&D and bring Cass next time, you can grab tickets at sandspantsradio.com slash live. But be quick, as a lot of shows are close to selling out. Welcome to episode 7 of Trouble in Orwa, a D&D is for Nerds 5th Ed Adventure. We just have some questions about potential

cult activity in the area. Hmm? Yes, the cult of husk. Part of the ritual requires the sacrifice of a goat. There is a goat herder near town. A green, awful-looking slug is sitting on the guard's shoulder. The slug jumps into the man's ear. His eyes roll into the back of his head. He jerks and levels his weapon at you.

I won five gold. Jesus. I paid for dinner, for lunch. I paid for drinks. Come on. That's fine. I'll put in two. Okay, fine.

I'll put in two. Pork's? Pork's, we're missing one gold here, mate. Tom, I may die down here. No! Just know that I loved you, Tom. No! All right.

Goodbye. That was a waste of speak with animals. Shall we go down the ladder? Hey, who's got that map? Who pocketed that? I did. Shall we get it out and compare it to this thing? Yes.

You're standing in the sewers, comparing the star map you found upstairs to the one marked on the wall. You identify where the section taken out of the star map this comes from, though it doesn't really shine any particularly new light onto the mystery. We'll just continue finding the footprints. I guess be careful of any further potential traps. Yeah, we take down on the map, like, kind of copy the...

Yeah, we'll note it down somewhere. You keep going, and a little bit after that, you notice that the wall on the other side has been broken open. Someone is... The walls here are all hewn stone, so this is an obviously man-made tunnel. On the other side, the man-made stonework has been broken open and someone has tunneled through. Ooh, that's a direction we've got ahead.

I would say all three of you can hear the odd, like, a really powerful spurt of water. And then a small deluge of sewage water trickles out of that hole. Well, it seems like that's the direction to go. Does the footprint end here? a small deluge of sewage water trickles out of that hole. Right. Seems like that's the direction to go. Did the footprint end here? Yes, they would have. How big is it? Wait, so sorry, there's like a spurt,

like a sort of little tap kind of come in it? I would say it's more than that. So in the hole, you can hear a sort of sound, and after that happens, a deluge of sewage water comes out of the hole. Is it the kind of thing where we think there's like a bigger tunnel somewhere that's leading into this tunnel and we hear like the water get released into the bigger tunnel and we're getting the... You're certainly hearing water being released. And this looks like someone's just tried to tunnel out.

Yeah, this does not look like it's part of the plans of the sewerage system. Well, we might just have to head out. Yeah, this does not look like it's part of the plans of the sewerage system. Well, we might just have to head in and hold on. Watch more inches of breach. You'll have to go across the river of sewerage as well. Ooh, I'm looking forward to some diseases. Hell yeah. Oh, damn it. The time

shows sick already. Please. God, you can always get sicker. Alright, I guess we'll... How big is the tunnel? I'm imagining I was sick already. Please. You can always get sicker. All right. I guess we'll... How big is the tunnel? I'm imagining not very. Yeah. It's about human-sized. So you'd be crouching a bit, but you can fit without too much discomfort.

Oh, right. That's good. Okay. I was imagining more like a proper, like a worm tunnel, you know? Yeah, like someone's been on their knees digging. Yeah. But thank God we can crouch. Yeah. It's gonna be hell on our...

It'll be hell on your knees. Yeah. Knees? Quads? I don't know what I was thinking. You know, something... Spirits? Hell on our emotions. Hell on our cell? After the dog show, Cass, me and Cass went to a dog show. It was fucking amazing. So good.

So many puppies to just touch. Oh yeah, I think I saw a picture of you at like a kissing booth with dogs. Yeah, that was fun. Oh, that was so good. Did your thighs hurt? From the amount of accidental squats we did? No. Just from bending down to be like, who's a good boy? Look at this dog, because we just did it so many times that the day after I'm like, my thighs are on fire.

Oh, that is problematic. I just feel terribly out of shape. That bending down that many times. Oh, I'm so sore from yesterday. What did you do? I pet some dogs, man. Pet a whole bunch of dogs, man. Hard, though.

Hard, though, and I was squatting heaps. The water comes out to about your shoulder height, and it's got a current to it. It's forceful. Trisco and Brangles, both of you managed to get halfway without too much trouble. Sickly Jacob, you're swept away. Help me, you cowards! I throw...

Can I throw some rope for him? You can, yes. By rope, I mean string, of which I have a loft. String will just snap. Do I have rope? I can throw my sorry i also do have some soft hemp and rope as we've discussed no i think you'll find it's soft okay i throw it i don't don't worry about it it's soft oh it's so comfortable in my hands

you throw the the rope and it lands maybe five feet away from you. Oh, and I'm quite a few feet away from you. Oh, yeah, like nearly 50. Try again! Sickly Jacob continues to be pushed along by the current. Brangles? Could I try and tie my soft hempen rope to Trisco's soft hempen rope, grab the end and just, like, let the current pull it down?

That would be, yeah, about 100 foot, I think. Yeah. All right, you want to connect your two ropes? Yeah. All right. I don't want to move. You do that, but that'll be your turn. Yep.

Trisco, you want to try again? Yeah, well, I guess I'm doing the same plan as Brangle. So, like, yeah, let it run down the current. Hold on to something! I shout out. You make a loop at the end of the rope to give it a bit more weight, and then you throw it as hard and as far as you can. The rope soars.

And goes six feet. No, no, no. It soars overhead. And then, my bad boy card card does this fucking noose him that would be so jesse like we got him oh you've completely overshoot him the the rope kind of drops about sickly jacob but sickly jly Jacob is like grabbing at the rope back under. Grabbing at the rope back under. There's so much poop in his mouth.

Oh, yeah. I'm going to get very ill. Oh, yeah. Ill with death. I'm going to get very dead. Yeah, he caught drowning. Sickly Jacob. Yeah.

Sickly Jacob just doesn't come up. Oh, no. Wrangles? Don't let me drown in poo. Can I use the way of the four elements to try and push him toward the rope? I mean, I'm on your side, Jack, but I really think it's funny if you drown in poo. Wrangles, you use your way of the four elements to shift the water in the sewerage. Sickly Jacob, you resurfaced.

You can try to grab for the rope if you want. I'd love to. You grab the rope. Can I just tie it around my waist? Cool. And I dig in with the rope on the other side. Oh, that's not my turn. Can I do that?

Frangles and Trisco, you get to the other side, you climb up into the hole, and then you pull Sickly Jacob to safety. You're all on the other side how you doing man chrisco and brangles both of you take one level of exhaustion which will mean that you have disadvantage on ability checks i swallowed a whole sickly jacob you have two levels of exhaustion which is the same as, but your speed is also halved. Bad boy card for Adam.

Good. Mercy, me. I know, sickly Jacob. Don't have any equipment. Brangle. Gotcha. You discover your weapon is in disrepair. It deals half damage until you can take the time required to tend to it.

Oh, no. While you were in the sewerage, your dagger whip got so jammed up with feces that it is rusted beyond use. No. That's the worst. Why couldn't any of my ten darts or three daggers have gotten damaged? Some might have said I chose it. I hold my dagger whip in my hand, look at the just caked shit

that has dulled the shine of the blade and my joy, and I look at you sickly, Jacob. This is hardly my fault. Trisco, from your time in the sewerage as well, you double up and start coughing. You swallowed a lot of shit water and you feel sick. How am I? Am I feeling good?

Other than just my regular illness. We'll find out. Oh, man. Trisco flam jams in a bit of a jam. How you doing, Jacob? I think I swallowed the whole log back there. Oh, Jesus. I'm doing okay.

Now I feel worse. Do you have any healing potions? No, I'm done. I think we need what you use to heal illness. Restoration or something. Possibly lesser restoration. I get out my water skin and start drinking. It's good to stay hydrated.

You try to hydrate yourself. Alright, let's carry on. This will be worth it in the end, remember. When we bring in two hour demon lords. And we say, hey, guess what? Devil lords or demon lords? It's devil. Devil, devil, I thought it was devil.

We have to, you know, pieces of metal for you. The tablets. And then I do a little bit of sick, and I guess we carry on. That's good. That must be a real problem for adventurers, because, like, how often, that's where you start, the sewer. Right. Five big rides in the sewer. It's a classic beginning for an the sewer. It's a classic beginning

for an adventurer. Oblivion. Just a big expose documentary being the real killer of our adventurers. Is sickness. Stay healthy, stay hydrated. And stay out of the sewers. Several of the Elder Scrolls games do that.

I'm pretty sure Daggerfall starts with you in a sewer as well. They all start with you in prison to some degree, right? Yeah. With one exception, but I forget which one. Arena? Yeah, maybe Arena. Is it Hammerfell? One of them didn't do it. Whatever the Hammerfell was? Daggerfall.

Well, I mean, Morrowind, you're on the boat. Is that a... It was called Daggerfall. Are you a prisoner on the boat in Morrowind? Or are you just on the boat? In Morrowind, yes. Yes, you are. Right, yeah. Okay. And then you're like, Caius Casades, up hell yeah the elder scrolls remember yeah great games that i kind of hate yeah but i also love but man i hate them yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm with you i vomit anyway so you're on the other side you look into the roughly hewn tunnel made here.

It doesn't go for very long before on the other side you can see that it breaks into some other set of sewers. You can head there if you want. Yeah, I guess we do. You've got your power on, I guess. I guess. There's nothing on the ceilings. There's no, like, you know, modern, like, ladders

to, like, a nice sewerage thing. No, sorry. That's sad to hear. I want to amusingly climb up one, open it up with my head covered in shit, and, like, make eye contact with a guard, and then just slowly lower my hand and just go back into the sewer. The guard slowly nods as you go back down, like, yes. That's the place for you.

Sewer boys. Just start a conspiracy theory about these little sewerage men. Sewer devils. I always forget we're tieflings. Yeah. What do you think your horns look like? I'm surprised that...

We've not discussed our horns. Well, I've drawn a little picture of this horn. These horns. But they're your classic horns. See, I drew pictures of only my horns oh i see yours yours are very much going up like a devil mine are sort of like slicked back yeah yeah you're like you get like ram horns almost but not quite they're like gazelle horns yeah yeah mine is short to the point they don't really uh they don't curl so much i imagine i have like giraffe horns. You know giraffe horns? Little nubs. Little weird nubs.

Like little Darth Maul nubs. That's what I'm rocking. Are they all soft? I don't know. I always wondered that about the giraffe nubs. They look soft. They look like you could waggle them. Well, next time you're riding one. Like you'd hit them, they'd make a comic and go,

pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Imagine if animals evolved with joysticks so if you could catch them you could actually control them that would be amazing many things have tried to make that happen like the hairs of that guy in Ratatouille

yeah that's true that's a big leap that you need to make as an audience I love when that happens though when someone jumps on another living being and is like, hmm. I can control this. Suspend your reality, audience.

Yeah. Can that happen in this game, Adam? Sorry? Can we jump on each other's heads and control each other by our hair? Wrangles, a rat lands on your head. Uh-oh, you think to yourself. I don't want to make linguine

He knows those aren't horns, they're levers Oh god, we have horns I got knobs, I'm good Yeah, you got wagglers Those are dials Make my eyes go big My tongue go little Okay

These are the awooga knobs Awooga knobs. Awooga. Awooga. So good. We carry on. No, let's dwell. Anyway, you come to the new sewer area. It's a large open room that's illuminated by moonlight.

open room that's illuminated by moonlight the moonlight comes from a there's a large grate overhead that casts rays downwards on either of the walls you can see large pipes and in the the entire floor of the room is just one grate on the opposite side of the room is a stone tablet that someone has, a large, as in altar, that someone has shoved all the way there. You can see the scratch marks all along the grates. And prostrate before it is a man who, you can only see the back of his head, he has long, to the back of his head it's got he has long dark matted hair as you observe him you hear and from one of the large tunnels on either of the walls sewerage water blasts out at high speed and power do we think if we got caught in it we'd get damaged it would certainly throw you across the room if you got hit by it and where is it coming from in relation to him? So he's on the other side of the room.

You're on one end. He's on the other. The pipes are on the walls leading between you two. Right. Okay. Okay. We're going to have to run. Run.

When we think it's safe. There are six on either side, so 12 in total. Wait, and are they all shooting out? No, only one of them did. If you continue to observe, about five seconds later, another one of them explodes out. Okay, so it'll be a matter of timing, kind of. I mean, we're not in initiatives, but can I use my cunning action dash to kind of, like, sprint across? Yeah, you can if you want.

Yeah, I'll go for that. Is there any sort of lip to the pipes at all? Can we sort of edge along the... Like underneath them? The pipes do come out about, I'd say, one or two feet. So, yeah, there is a lip that you can work around. Well, we might be able to sneak it. I think that's probably the best move for I.

I sneak my way around. I think I've probably the best move for I. I sneak my way around. All right. I think I've already dashed. You get halfway across the floor when you realize that the entire grate of the floor makes running very difficult. Your feet keep falling in between the holes, and you're scared that you're going to... Because you could get quite easily trapped like that. So you start to slow down. You're 15 feet from your compatriots.

You turn around to say something. Something. Something good. In between you and the hole where your friends are still, a massive gurt of that sewage water blasts outwards. You two, you cannot see each other. And in that moment, something wet and slippery lands on your back. Good thing I'm wearing these ball bearings. We're going to initiative.

Right. Time to fight some slugs friendos i have no weapons and two spells i have no weapons and two spells what did i do with my rhino left him outside in the street oh tom i miss you so sweet. You fought so hard for your rhino. My God, guys, Kate Bush is here. I wonder if I could call my rhinos that are getting up of the grate and not help.

Imagine if he fucking galloped out of one of the pipes. That'd be amazing. Tom's here, ladies and gentlemen. Get on! Get on! Tom, you can Tom's here ladies and gentlemen get on Tom you can speak no time to explain everybody overboard

I'm at a witch we're getting married what an end sorry he comes surfing on the water he's on a board fuck I hope Sorry, he comes surfing on the water. He's on a board. Fuck, I hope. Hope Adam's not, like, shitting himself,

because that's what he had planned. Guys, you spoiled it. All right, Trisco, you go first. That wet thump on you, as it moves across you, you realize it's a lot bigger than a slug it's maybe the size of a child it's riding your shoulders slug boy it's a child, kill it

I I get out my dagger one of my daggers and stab behind me like that and I definitely don't stab myself, Adam. You fucking C-word. You cunt. I thought you were going to say something like ocean.

Make a joke. No, too dumb for that. You stab into it. You feel wetness and a squelching sound. And it feels like stabbing a balloon full of blood. You feel the liquid ichor pouring down your back. It's warm.

You deal six points of damage. How many points of damage? Six. Then the sewerage begins to slacken and lowers and you can finally, everyone can see each other again. then the sewage begins to slacken and lowers, and you can finally, everyone can see each other again.

Holding onto Trisco's back with its legs wrapped a bit around his chest, fanged and lipless, it grins madly, staring at you with a lopsided face. It's on spindly legs and it has long arms bristles and spines project from odd patches on its pallid skin and its long fingers end in broken and dirty nails other than that it looks like a host of writhing, scrambling tentacles underneath stretched skin. That's grotesque.

That's great. One of its eyes rolls around in its socket and then slowly focuses on, I'll say, sickly Jacob, while the other one did not leave brangles. There are three of them. On my back? No, one of them. On my back?

No, one of them is on your back. Two more have landed behind you, Trisco, and you just didn't see them. Are they making little giggling noises? No, they make no noises. So they're small. We need to squish them through the grate. We need a very big hammer.

Oh, God, Tom would be in his house. Tom would be perfect for this. Do I have any ranger abilities where I can call my familiar to me? Can Tom surf? You can call out for him. Tom! Tom! I love that if you die here and a stranger's in the room,

they just think that's your lover as you die. They're so sad that he misses his lover, Tom. The creature on Trisco's back opens its mouth, hinging it backwards far too wide. Its head almost comes off. It's split so big. And then it wraps its fangs around Trisco's head. Trisco, your vision is obscured briefly

when your eyes go into its mouth. Sick and cool. But also scary. I have no weapons. What am I to do? You take five points of damage, Triska. Mm-hmm. Do you reckon they fear fire?

That seems... It's like a sewer-y kind of tentacle thing. That seems like the kind of thing they'd fear. Yeah. Things in water. kind of thing they'd fear. Yeah. Things in water. Pie is good against them. But there's probably more methane around. Trisco.

That's what I'm thinking. Oh, no. Wait, wait, sorry. Did I just make a saving throw? Yes. Oh, cool. Because you can add plus one D8 after making that saving throw. Hell, yeah.

Woo-hoo. Goodbye, card. Good news. Yay. You passed because of that yeah. Woohoo, goodbye card. Good news. Yay. You passed because of that, put it back in the deck. Good news. Trisco, you successfully forget what you just saw. Okay, great.

Was I going to go mad? A wee bit. Oh, this is so, this is pure lovecraft. That's so scary. And if I were to describe the horror, I couldn't dare. The other two attack each of you, Sickly Jacob and Brangles. You see them now, Trisco, for the first time properly. They half run, half drag themselves across the grates.

They make no noise as they do it, but their wet bodies hit things and make noises. That's hideous. bodies hit things and make noises that's hitting yeah they launch sickly jacob you get bit brangles the one attacking you wraps its giant maw around your leg completely your your ankle is butting up against it's the other side of its head that's how far it's wrapped its mouth around you. But when it bites down into your boot, its fangs can't pierce the leather. Aww, the baby! Sickly Jacob, the one attacking you climbs part way up your leg, and as it climbs

it bites its way up. Is it poisonous? You take six points of damage. Is it getting sick because of my illness? Why would it? I don't know Because it's in the name I'm sickly Jacob

Sickly Jacob You look down when it's opening its mouth And you see briefly into its gullet You look back up away from it Lowering your guard for a second, just thinking, no, no, no, no, no. You successfully forget what you just saw. I don't remember anything.

Who am I? I will choose. Then it is Brangle's turn. I pull out the... I'll grab a dagger and just start stabbing its eyes. Okay. I like that when you do the character voice for talking about your actions, as though

that's you talking to God, being like, I think I'll do this! I've started to see you as a bit of an old woman. I don't like just the character's got a bit of a crone voice. But you're a man. You're like a thick... For some reason I think you're a thick deuce. Yeah, I've tried to draw myself.

I don't think we have fur, but I've just given myself so much fur. I'm short. You look like an Ewok, like cosplaying is where the wild things are. Oh, it's doing its best,

but there's not a lot to work with. I imagine myself always hunched, like always, like I shuffle. I don't imagine you having enough shoulders to have a hunch. That's so gross.

Like the opposite of broad. Like, you know how someone has no chin? Like that, but somehow my body is the look. God, we're a bit of a motley crew, aren't we? I'm pretty sexy. Pringles, you stab downwards with your dagger, and it launches off one leg onto the other one. You miss.

You punch downwards, and it lets go of you completely, backing up a bit. You're swinging wildly, but you just can't land a hit. At least you got it off you. Then it is Sickly Jacob's turn. What do you want to do? Do it. Can I succeed on an attack roll?

Does that just let you succeed on an attack roll? Does it give you a bonus? No. Succeed on an attack roll. Back in the deck. Woohoo! Would you like to have been the dagger or the punch? Oh, daggers.

Daggers. Daggers. Daggers. You stab the creature dealing five points of damage. Nice. That's better than zero. Absolutely. No, sorry, six points of damage.

Lucky girl. Well done. You jam the dagger into the base of its neck and work it around. As you pull it out, a spider leg, a giant spider leg the size of a man's forearm slowly makes its way out of the hole you imagine that's what the tentacles inside might be jesus oh no that's awful that's awful to hear then it is uh oh sorry sorry, I just said. Sickly Jacob, it's your turn now. Can I light a torch and... You have a lit torch.

Oh, no, it went into the sheet water. Yeah, you can light a torch if you want. Can I light a torch and hit it with it? No, lighting a torch would be your action. I either hit it with a torch or a hammer. I feel like fire's got to do it some damage. I'll light a torch. All right.

You spend your turn lighting a torch. Yep. Maybe you also call out for Tom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom, Pete! Tom! He's just going to get on the top grate. He's going to be so useless.

Although that's a pretty sick place to do, like, a shooting star press. Yeah, that's true. That'd be great. A what? It's a wrestling move where you get on the top rope and you kind of move forward whilst flipping backwards and land on them. So imagine a rhino doing that. I'm familiar with the action. A heavy stream of sewer water blasts from left to right in between you guys.

So you can't see each other again. Trisco, it's your turn. Okay, so I'm just dealing with the one that's still on my back. Is that right? Yes. How many arms and legs does it have? It has two arms, two legs.

Sorry. Two arms, two legs. Okay, I take out my rapier and try and sever a limb as best I can. Oh, it's limb, not mine. I assumed. You cut off your own dick. Good one.

A limb for you? Yeah, well. You said limb, not organ. What you've heard about tieflings is true. You grab the creature or you grab a sack of wet flesh lying on your shoulder and yank you drag it off you and as you drag it off you it's the nails the long awful nails on its hands click click click click click break off and stay in you oh fuck you throw it on the floor in front of you it hits the metal grate wraps around the grate a bit and then slowly unwinds itself.

You stab downwards with the rapier, skewering it, and then you try working it backwards and forwards to try and cut something off. You deal 10 points of damage to it. Fuck, nice. Fuck, nice. And when you tear open a large gash in its chest, when that happens, spiders, hundreds of little spiders, start crawling their way out of its chest. Just so not okay. But not as bad as someone on you.

Yeah, hey. They're little spiders. Yeah, but they're coming to be on me, I bet. I don't think I want to be friends. Oh, man. They're coming to be on me, I bet. I don't think I want to be friends. Oh, man. They're coming to be on me. The creature finally makes a sound, and then the sound is- And it's suddenly a lot less scary.

Throwing itself onto its hands and feet, and then launching upwards at you. Oh. Okay, Trisco, it gets you. Can I- Was that was that a saving throw no that was an attack damn i sorry rats it launches itself at you grabs you around the chest and then starts biting into your neck oh and there's still two two to go oh gosh well three to go you take seven points of damage oh trisco is in trisco trouble as it bites it bites upwards it bites your neck lower neck it bites your upper neck it bites your chin and then it launches back or throws its head backwards, opens its maw, and you see its three long tongues slowly wrapping out and around.

You look straight into its maw. We gotta stop doing that. And then close your eyes. We can't be looking in there. This is mournful. Don't reward that. Adam gets a bad book. Morphle? Don't reward that. A lot of dice. Adam gets a bad book.

Sickly Jacob, the one on you starts climbing its way up. It's climbing too quick. It's climbing wrong and too quickly. You don't like it. No, no, no, no, no. It climbs around onto your back, and then you think that it's let go of you. Oh, I'm good. You turn around to try and look at it behind you but as you do that you feel it it's on your robes swinging around you feel it tuck into your robes and then you can feel it

moving around on your back oh that's no good a brangles it's gonna control you like ratatouille your one launches at your boots again and just once again can't seem to get through the leather. But it's tearing one of your boots apart. Okay. So is it... One sec. Sorry. I've got to roll damage for Sickly Jacob.

Sickly Jacob, you take six points of damage. I'm fine. And then its arm bursts out from, I'd say, underneath your shirt front and into your face. Except the hand has a mouth on it. And you see into it. You look into it and you see many eyes staring back at you. That's good. You do a good job of trying to avoid eye contact. I shut my eyes completely.

Then it is... That was their turn. Brangle's, it's your turn now. Is it's mouth like wrapped around my foot? Is it like it's eating a street pole that's in the ground? Or is my foot in its mouth?

Is it eating me from the side? It varies. Sometimes it's in your mouth. Sometimes it's in your mouth. Sometimes you're in its mouth? Is it eating me from the side? It varies. Sometimes it's in your mouth. Sometimes it's... It's in your mouth. Sometimes you're in its mouth. It tastes like strawberries. Sorry, it's a crazy thing called love. Sometimes it's biting from below and partially swallowing your boots.

Sometimes it's trying to work its way up. Okay. What's it doing now? It's just there, biting at you. You're fending it off by kicking at it. Okay. Is there a way... Is my foot in its mouth right now?

At any one point it could be. Okay, well, I wait till that happens and I try and stomp on it. So I lift my foot up so it puts my... Try and skewer it with your leg, basically. Yeah, so I wait till my foot is in its mouth then i jump up and stomp into the grate fuck that's great when it does that you start stomping you start flattening it against the the broken open tunnel that you're in and it you hear crunching and crackling you feel like like whatever's inside of it is solid,

and you're breaking it apart, like you're crunching its bones. The creature begins to lose form and shape, and then when you're done, it's just skin. There was nothing else, as if nothing else ever existed. Look, you got one. They don't like it when you stomp them! You kill one. Alright, stomping them's the strat. Stomp them!

It's in my coat, yeah? Yeah. Can I take my coat off? Sure. If I take my coat off and huck it, will it be inside my coat? I think you'll just be wearing it. You can try. I'll give it a go. If I had a cape and I took my cape off, I'd have it trapped.

Right? This is a good strat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks. Sickly Jacob, you're a weak boy. Yeah, look, you're both weak, but weakness unfortunately is greater you're you're taking your jacket off but you're so slow to do it because you fumble with it you're you're awkward with your long gangly limbs let me just take this off here by the time you have your coat off it's

wrapped around your chest like a belt. That's your turn. Alright. Yeah! You can hear Tom stamping on the grate up above you. He'll burst through, so hopefully won't die when he hits the ground, right? Yeah, hopefully. I still wanted him to surf in

and somebody would have played Wipeout on the guitar. Wipeout! You can see each other as the water slowly dissipates, but then on the other side, going right to left, it blasts again and you lose sight of each other. Damn it. I mean, whatever.

You got this. I don't know that I do. I'm running low. Trisco, it's your turn. Is the thing kind of close to me? It's right next to you, yeah. I take out my flask of oil and try and pour it all over him and then light it on fire. Those are two separate actions.

Oh, really? So you do one this turn, the other next turn. How are you on, point-wise? I'm on eight. Yeah, right. Okay, I don't do that. I drink thewise? I'm on eight. Yeah, right. Okay, I don't do that. I drink the oil and light myself on fire. You die.

Okay, see you guys. Okay, I just... Fuck, what do I do? Have you got any of your magic balls left? Oh, fuck, I've got magic balls! Yeah, your magic balls. I've got this ball. It's called...

Okay, it means I can pour oil and set it on fire in one turn. Oh, my God, what a good ball. It's called... It means I can pour oil and set it on a fire in one turn. Oh my god, what a good ball. That's crazy. Do you actually just have alchemist fire? Yeah, I have an alchemist fire. So I kind of run backwards and hurl it and try and get out of the way.

You manage not to misstep as you run backwards. You turn around, turn around, arm the alchemist fire and throw it like a shot put. Yeah, nice. The alchemist fire misses the creature. It lands right next to the creature. And the liquid in the alchemist fire, when it breaks out and comes into contact with open air, it just explodes into

a ball of fire splatters of it go all around the area that you hit and some of them hit the the creature the creature screams an awful howl that chills you to your bone and then it disappears into smoke ah fire was the go or it just used a spell either way that's like not our problem i sigh but then realize that still kind of smells like poo and i regret doing that deep breath the the last creature that you are fighting, Sickly Jacob, it lets go of you, falling to your feet, and then it starts climbing into your boot, flattening itself such that it can fit in the corners.

Oh, God. This is really gross. It's a very disgusting fight. I can see Sickly Jacob, yeah. Yeah, there's one left fighting Sickly Jacob. Just pull my boot off. Yeah, there's one left fighting Sickly Jacob. Just pull my boot off. Yeah, can I try and... Sickly Jacob.

I want to try and pick him up a bit so that I can manually stomp this thing out using Sickly Jacob's own leg. That's great. Surely doable. You can't do both this turn. if you want to pick it up you can just try to stomp it no you okay if i will try and stomp the creature in your boot i'm stomping you ow well isn't that interesting imagine if this is how you die. Stomped to death.

Like your stomach of my foot just goes up my body to my head. Bad news. Your first attack is a critical fail. Good news. Your second attack is a critical hit. So it's all fine? It's all good. Look, let's not say that. It evens out to a nice...

Regular hit. Yep, regular hit. The creature dies. Sickly Jacob doesn't quite. Ow, ow, ow. You are unable to attack with this body part for two rounds. Unfortunately, that was the first attack. So, just hit with the other leg.

that was the first attack so just hit with the other leg you bring your foot down onto sickly jacob's foot but you misjudge sickly jacob moves and there was a clump of rock

where his boot was you bring your foot down hard onto that and you crack break your foot down hard onto that and you crack. Break your foot in half. In half? In half. Well, the bone's in half. It's still being held together by skin.

And a shoe. And a shoe. What kind of reliable skin? You scream in pain. Fall to your knees and as you do that, you punch the ground or where you thought the ground was but instead you punch sickly jacob's boot something slipped maximum damage and targets ac is reduced by 3 ac four until the end of its next turn then you

get you punch just to to get the anger and pain out of you and you accidentally connect powerfully dealing seven points of damage to the creature attacking Sickly Jacob. Sickly Jacob. I feel like that second punch was just at Sickly Jacob. Yeah. With no consideration for the monster. I feel kind of sad I missed you. Jacob, it's your turn.

I'd like to... What's in my boat? I'd like to bring a hammer down on top of it. I'm just going to hit my foot. No, I'm just going to hit my boat. That's why I like to bring a hammer down on top of it. I'm just going to hit my foot. No, I'm just going to hit my foot. It's got a low AC, though. You deal maximum damage. Hell yeah.

Two points of damage to the creature. Oh, God. I should just take off my boot. You bring that hammer down on your foot. You feel that the creature is... It hurts. It fucking gains. I'm not going to lie.

But the creature softens the blow. You see bubbling green liquid pouring out and tiny baby snakes escaping your boot. Oh, Christ. Boom, boom, crunch. Yay. Whoa. Tom breaks through the grate. It bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

hits the ground behind you, Trisco. And the front half of Tom. Wedges into the grate. What a customer. Tom's front legs are kicking wildly in the air. And presumably his back legs as well, but you can't see this. He'll work his way down.

He's just like you. The sewage does not stop. You still can't see each other. Then, Trisco. You're kind of alone. You can hear combat on the other side of the water. You can try to force your way through, or you could... Martor is still here as well.

You turn around. Maybe you glance backwards at Martor. You can see that Martor has not moved from his prone position. Right. Sorry, kneeling position in front of the altar. I draw my short bow and kind of aim it at him, but hold it. And I'm like, hey! Hey!

Drangus! And I slowly start advancing on him. All right, you'll have to wait for his turn. Okay. What will he say to the word Drangus? Find out next on his turn. That's not my name. He just doesn't turn around.

He's like, that's not for me. It's Dr. Angus. Don't steal my outro. What will he say to the word Drangus? Find out next time on Trouble in Orwa, a D&D is for Nerds 5th Ed Adventure Thanks for listening And if you want to follow us on Twitter

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