D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia I #10 An Abbreviated History of Pip Mandarin

Episode Date: November 19, 2022

The party attempt to make a long and arduous ride as comfortable as possible. Hecktor calls from the ether a creature of heavenly importance while Pip remembers a tense encounter at the monastery.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, you are nonetheless marooned, stranded in a nightmare your people call Barovia. While I am able to travel easily between the plains, you cannot, and as such, you find Baron von Strahd your jailer.

There is no escape unless I, a Gogash the Mighty, can defeat him. Alright, you're heading back to Krizak. Nothing interesting happens on the way

that's always good like I was saying before I got a pep in my step Pip's happy you're rich Kresik I hail holding up my handful of religious necklaces open the gates

oh no it's probably not that. It's not on a mechanical thing. Just some guys come out. When I say they come out, they don't get down on your side. They go on their side of the wall. But they do the mouth sounds. Yeah, they all make the mouth sounds. One day a machine will do this. What's a machine?

They argue. Oh my god, a talking man! The Berger master, Dimititri steps out to greet you Dimitri we've I start swinging the marauder my finger The necklaces Dimitri Dimitri Dimitri We slew

Please come in We will give you food and drink Let us celebrate first But then also I should hear your the events. He doesn't say your version of events. And then we will hear the werewolf's tale. We will hear yours.

I nearly did it again. We will hear the story that you tell. You go back into his house. His wife sits next to him. Anna sits next to him. And they hold hands and they listen to you as you recount the tale.

Esmeralda probably opens up and begins telling it. At first she is very honest about things and maybe embellishes not embellishes, sorry, but maybe gives like extra brutal detail that you do not think is really relevant. And at a certain point in the telling of the tale, you get to the part where you would have encountered the mother and cub werewolf.

And then her voice slows down a little bit and she looks to the two of you and she lets one of you step in. Unfortunately, we weren't able to slay, I guess, every single werewolf. But we did manage to get I produced the... It's very funny. I rolled for your deception check, but you were honest. So keep

going. I am glossing over. You know, I'm not like Well, you're being honest, though. You are telling what happened. But I'm just kind of, you know, as you often are saying, it's not a lie. I am obfuscating the truth. So, yes.

And then we have, but we did discover... Correspondence. There's a lot of letters, right? Yeah, heaps. So we just kind of... One of you had to empty your backpack, basically. Yeah. We have these letters that looks like they were written by the, I guess, mostly children that the pack...

Had been kidnapping over the years. Some of these are quite old. The Virgemaster begins going through them, and you see he's got like a quizzical look. He turns some of them over and says, I do not think many of these are for us. Oh, yeah. Well, do what you like with them. We don't want them. Many of them are very old. He holds up one and shows you the date that's well, I guess actually you don't know what the date is. Even you, Pip, don't really know what the date in Barovia is.

But he just used one of the dates and he says, this was addressed to someone in Valachai, but this date is from perhaps 50, 60 years ago. Perhaps their hunting range was wider than we suspected. Either way, they're all but gone now. He sets the letter down. Well, thank you for these. I do not know, perhaps there is some right we can do for the,

he gestures to all the letters, for all the lost souls. Yes, I thought perhaps, you know, the people who I guess letters were for, if they are still alive, it might give them a sense of peace. Perhaps the next time the only things that really come or go from Krezic is

wine deliveries. But perhaps the next time the wine delivery comes, I will ask them. They can play mailman. Sure. Yes. When are you going to take me to Valakai? If you wish to travel to Valakai, we will give you what provisions we can. We haven't any horses within Krasic.

I think that was when we needed to find a cure for the children. But now that that's taken care of. This was before, Pip, when you said you'd be my tour guide. Oh, yes, that's true. To take you to the next step on your journey in Barovia. Yes, I was saying you could find work in Velikaj, so we could take you there. Sure. And always.

Right. Because you did promise me that you'd help me get back my horse. Well, of course. I mean, and you helped me get. And I look at the Burgermaster residency here in Kresik. So the Burgermaster gives you a strange look. I cannot interject. Pip, the strange look is, if you interpret your interpretation of this strange look,

imagine if you're in a video game, got an item, and it's like unidentified item. That is what the strange look was. It's unidentified item. And then imagine you right-click, and you click identify on a drop down menu. Uh-huh. And then you puzzle it over for a second and your character's like, uh-huh, that's what this item is. You puzzle it over in your head and you realize that this strange look

is a mixture of several things. Mm-hmm. It's a look of pain, discomfort, physical discomfort, both for himself and also for you. It's a look of determination. So whatever the Burj Master is thinking, he is quite certain in this deliberation. And then finally, it is sorrow for you. I am assured residency in Krezak. Aren't I, Burgermaster?

I believe the Burgermaster was giving us a place to stay, and then we were to... That was perhaps your deal, but I and the Burgermaster had a separate deal. My end of which is now complete. The town guard,

who are standing at the doorway, move to enter into this dining room. The Burgermaster puts standing at the doorway move to enter into this dining room. The burgeon master puts up a hand to stop them. He looks at you Pip and he says there is unfortunately no way to get around this. You are

not from here. You are adventurer, hunter whatever you wish to call yourself. No matter the case you are marked by Strahd, and he will find you at some time. And when he finds you, he cannot find you here. So it was a trick. Take me to hunt the werewolves, and then once they are removed, remove me as well. Technically, I never promised residency in our arrangement.

I promised to let you in. I was under the assumption once I was in, I would not need to leave again so soon. Otherwise, and maybe this would shock you, Burgermaster, I would not have agreed to the deal. I did not think you would survive for me to honor it. Ah, so you imagined I would be dead, and you would not have to uphold your end of the bargain. I see. I get up and leave. All right.

As Pip leaves, the Burgermaster turns to you, Hector, and it is probably at this point in time, about 4 p.m., the Burgermaster turns to you, Hector, and it is probably at this point in time, about 4pm, the Burgermaster turns to you, Hector, and says I am sorry for your friend's pain in this matter, but I must insist I would, however,

give you the night, at least, before you must leave. Right, I was about to ask, how long can we, So it is 24 hours. You may return occasionally, but I would say that you cannot spend more than perhaps three days at the time here. No, no, that is understandable.

I completely understand. Anytime you return, we can give you... Whatever provisions we can supply for you. We will. Thank you very much. But apart from that, all I can offer you is my thanks. Esmeralda nods. She doesn't seem to care too much.

Of course she doesn't care. Honestly, I find it a little bit repulsive that that man would, knowing what those werewolves were doing, choose not to help if it wasn't to benefit him. People… Of course. Yes. So you said the winery merchants, they come by here, is that right? Occasionally, yes.

They are, from my understanding actually, they are overdue. For some time now, they have every day on the hour they arrive. It is quite unusual for them to not arrive. And how late are they? They would be about a day late at this point. We would have expected them yesterday. Yes, yes, yes. Pip mentioned about the wine.

I guess small pleasures while you can. And they then go on to Valachai, yes? Yes. They send a wagon here and then it moves on to Valachai, yes? Yes, they send a wagon here and then it moves on to Valachai and then it used to move on to the village of Borovia, but I do not think they do this anymore. Where can we stay for the next day? If you wish to stay another night or two at max,

you may stay within my home. Oh, thank you very much I do not want to overstay our welcome I simply need to I guess ascertain where to go next He stands up from the table I would suggest that you head perhaps next to

Valakai unless perhaps Valakai, yes it is not really the center of Barovia, but it is physically the center of Barovia. And as such, much travels through Valakai. You might be able to find more information or help there. Esmeralda nods, and she turns to you, Hector,

and she says, I would also like to head not to Valakai, but in that direction. The last information I received on my mentor, Dr. Rudolf van Richten, he has a small base of operations, not in Valachai, but in that direction. Right. And the Druid hangout, is that like on the way to Valachai as well? That's to the south somewhere. Right. I do want to head at some point to the Druid. South is also where the way to Valakai as well? That's to the south somewhere. Right. I do want to head

at some point to the druids. South is also where the winery is. Oh. Alright. Well, the winery is near the druids. Right. Well, I... In the same direction. Not necessarily near. Yes. Right. Well, let us maybe take

a couple of hours. Let some cooler heads prevail. We'll wait for Pip to calm down. Where are the rest of the party? A go-gash, maybe as Pip left, a go-gash gave you, Hector, like a meaningful look. And he moved away, presumably, to talk to Pip, which we'll see how that goes. Gorob and Lushen, when Esmeralda mentions her mentor, both of them independently started just slamming a fist on the table in eagerness to meet this person who can hopefully separate them. We have a few things to do. Right.

Well, if we want to take a couple of hours and see where everybody is. Oh, how are the children, by the way? They are settling in well enough. The children who were from families here have been reunited. There were a few, though, who are from faraway lands. Perhaps the werewolves, with Strahd's approval, went to other lands out of Barovia, kidnapped them and brought them back here. I do not think they will ever find their families again, but my wife and I, we perhaps will adopt them.

That is good to hear. It is good to hear. It is better here than in Valachai. Right. Well, once again, thank you for your hospitality. I will, is there like a study, like near a fireplace, something I could just kind of like sit and read and whatever? Well, I might use this time to go over some of these guest correspondents, see what is there.

Perhaps there are some people that we can kind of categorize them by location as it were. Or your own little map. Yeah. Esmeralda asks, as you're walking away, you hear Esmeralda talking to the Burj Master about, is there any way, anywhere in this town to get a drink? And the Burj Master says, I have a vine cellar. Come with me. Esmeralda, Gorob, and Lushund, the three of them, four of them?

Four of them. Four of them. Head off. Yes. How was it that they, if we were like, we were going to go to Valakai, how were they going to give provisions? Oh, if you head to Valakai, they'll give you provisions

for a week, which is how long the trip should take. Horse and food, I assume. Oh, horse and food, they can't supply you, unfortunately. They can supply you food, but there's no horses in Kresge, so you'd have to walk on foot. They can get you a wagon, but someone will have to pull it. Though that might make it easier nonetheless

to carry things. Not that you have a lot of equipment to bring with you. No, no, no. I'll retire to the study for a few hours. The Burj Al-Masr's wife Anna also goes into the study but she's just off in her own corner just reading books quietly.

Meanwhile, Pip, you explode out of the Burj master's mansion i assume yep and i want to storm over and just look at the lake i want to go find somewhere and i just want to angrily taking i have around my neck a little uh like a grinning skull like on a on a string yeah just taking that out and just playing with it staring at the lake live it a go gash walks up behind you and of all the people with a kind of almost in a melodrama style you looking out at the lake him looking at you from behind framed almost perfectly so that you are both in the picture framed in such a way that you are almost the same size. A go-gash says, may I ask you a perhaps impolite question?

Yes, fine, yes. Where are you right now? Pip, it is 25 to 30 years ago. All right. Outside the winds howl like a dog caught in a trap. Fucking hell, what a metaphor. Excuse me. The monastery to Gregory Bones is high, high, high atop a mountain that overlooks a small village.

It takes at least maybe three hours in good weather to trek to or from said village. But in weather like this, it's actually just impossible. The snow is so thick that the mountain pass makes your monastery inaccessible to the outside world. Right now, there is no one who is coming or going from this monastery, except maybe some of the monks, just to a Quidditch monks veggie patch out the back. Not that such a veggie patch could exist in such weather. But nonetheless, the monks tend to it out of politeness somehow. Courtesy to the carrots.

Yeah, courtesy to the carrots. You're in the grand hall, which is also kind of the entryway where they might entertain people, but also where people would first enter the monastery. Two massive oaken doors with metal studs for reinforcement sit at one end, and then behind you there is access to the rest of the monastery. There are three great tables here, each of which needs to be spotless and with the proper cutlery in the proper position not only that but there are also floors that need to be swept it is incredibly impolite for a guest to come here and find this place unswept not that a guest will be here in the next month of Of course not. You are sweeping, said Floor. Your grip around the broom tightens as you feel your cracked knuckles burst again.

Your said knuckles are badly damaged from the whipping you received earlier for not saying thank you. Maybe under my breath I'm muttering, oh, thank you. Thank you, Brother Francis. Oh, I'm so sorry brother francis above the doorway stenciled into the stone of the wall you see the gregory bones logo slogan motto if you will politeness is godliness i yeah i sweep. I've got to do it. You sweep and sweep and sweep. It's taking hours. This room is massive. And I imagine freezing cold as well.

Oh, yeah, it's bitterly cold. You hear, if you feel like in the back of your mind, you're having a hallucination of sorts, you turn towards the door because you felt like you just heard knocking, but that's impossible. And like maybe put down the broom down the broom thankful for an excuse not to have to sweep yeah like maybe i just like let it drop quietly drop to the floor yes oh quietly and then i like creep up to the door is it hard to open given that i am like nine there is within the great doors there is a single on the left door smaller, which is used very infrequently because it's impolite.

Yeah, of course. Of course. Is there like an eye slot that I can slide to? I like, maybe I have to sit on my tiptoes and I slide it open to look through. You see nothing but the howling wind and sleet and snow. Close it. Go get the broom. When you turn and walk back to get the broom, this time you know it is not a hallucination.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Something hammers on the door. I first run and hide behind one of the great tables, like just out of fear. And then, like maybe after a little bit, slowly creep to to the thing get on my tiptoes and open the slot again this time when you open the slot you peer a little bit more keenly and you realize you could not see them before because they are a dwarf you look down and you see a broken cracked

face staring up at you open the bloody door kid okay sorry I open the door welcome to the and I just go through the spiel that I've been taught to say when any guest regardless of the hour you are interrupted you open the door and he falls into your arms welcome fellow drag me in you fool

I start backing up dragging him in and close the bloody door yes sorry I close the door behind me. Are you hurt? He's half leaning on one of the great tables. And you can see a trail from the door to where he is currently of blood has been left on the previously immaculate floor.

He gingerly sits himself down in one of the chairs there. You gotta lock for that door, kid. Sorry about the mess, I say. Lock the fucking door! I run, close the door, and maybe we have like a bar that I can put over it. Then I turn around. Are you hurt, or can I get a mop?

Because... You ever fought a hippogriff before, son? I shake my head. Something heavy, boom! slams into the doors. I scream and go hide by the dwarf. You're fighting one today. I like just the biggest in my pointy dragonborn face. My eyes like dinner plates in fear and terror. I should wake the monks.

I should wake the brothers. Wake the fucking monks. You idiot. He clips you around the ears. Grab my crossbow. He gestures. It had fallen. When he fell in, it fell next to the door.

Grab my crossbow. I like with shaking hands, pick the crossbow up. I don't, I've never. He's starting to, using the table as leverage, he's starting to claw his way further into the room. Follow me. I'm speechless. I just follow him. You ever heard of a white hippogriff before?

I shake my head. It's like a white griffin, he says. I've never heard of a griffin before. Never heard of a griffin before? What are they fucking teaching you here? They teach me to be polite and courteous to everyone I meet. Ooh, la-di-da! Look at me! I know how to be polite.

I know which fork's the scratching fork and which's the fucking salad fork. There's no scratching fork. I'm gonna teach you a real fucking life skill today, son. Holy shit. This place got a fucking bell tower. Yeah. lead the way

okay I maybe like occasionally turning out and against everything I've been taught shushing him I don't want to wake anyone he's very loud good idea it'll find us by our noise yes and I'll

creep through the holes and corridors of the monastery to the bell tower. You lead him along. He is leaning on anything he can. You can see he's bleeding heavily. Every now and then, as you move, he shifts and you see that he drags a very bloodied bandage out of a wound

and stuffs a new one in. You're hurt, I say. I can sew you up. He shakes his head. No time for that, laddie. Keep going. He shoves you in the back. All right, I stumble forward

and keep walking. All right, you get to the base. I imagine as well the crossbow is like gigantic in my hands. Oh, it's as big as you are, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get to the base of the bell tower. He looks at you and he says, do you know how to mix a alchemical ingredient? Alchemical. He drags his backpack around and dumps it in front of you.

I got only one good hand, son. You're going to have to do it for me. Just walk me through it, okay? All right, son. Get me some water of sphinx. Can I tell which one's the water of sphinx? Just like leafing through various bottles. I just keep start holding.

The clear one, the clear one. Okay, I grabbed the clear one. I like to think as well in Pip's mind as he's doing this. And I know there's a flashback within a flashback, but he's remembering being forced to make tea and crumpets for the brothers. And he knows exactly how to do that. So it's, it's, you don't know the action. Yeah. You don't know the ingredients, but you know, the actions. Once he points out the three ingredients for you, which was water of sphinx, ooze sweat, and then flame skull flame, he gets you to mix the three together,

and with the practiced hand of someone who's made a million cups of tea, you are able to combine them deftly. The dwarf looks at you, and in an impressed voice says, you should consider a change in your eye and a work, son. I don't work. I'm nine. What are you good at this? You mix a concoction and you see that it hardens and it looks like ice, but it has the appearance of fire.

What now? Dip the bolts into it. Okay. I take the bolt with two hands, presumably. And start dunking them into the liquid. You get maybe three bolts dunked in. All right, start climbing, kid. Okay, mostly out of terror of this man, I start climbing. Boom!

Boom! Something has begun striking the building at different places. You hear a terrific cacophony and then out of one of the bell tower windows you see one of the wings of the monastery partially collapse. Something gigantic flies

out of the hole that it presumably made and two alabaster wings spread out in each direction and with a mighty downward thrust, a giant creature soars off into the sky. I'm going to be in so much trouble. I'm going to be in so much trouble.

I'm going to be in so much trouble. Trouble? Are you kidding me? You're about to be dead, kid. He shoves you again in the back. Okay, I keep climbing the ladder. All right, you get up to where the bell tower is. When the dwarf looks at the bell tower, you see he puts a hand on it,

and he says, is this brass or steel uh uh brass it's good good good good all right laddie i've only got one good arm so i can help your lord but you gotta fire all right you ever fired a crossbow before shake my head rapidly showing you how to with a a lever, pull back the action. Okay, as he starts pulling it back, I put my tiny little dragonborn hands there and pull back with him. All right, you're going to get basically one good shot at this, kid. Because when you fire this, you're going to be knocked clear of this fucking tower. I look down into the snow below and my heart's beating a million miles a minute. I suggest picking a direction

where you'll hit a bank of snow instead of the building. Okay, I close my eyes, nod, pick somewhere where there's a bank of snow or like a bush. Like a fighter jet. This creature, it's just a white blur. It's flying this way and that. At one point, you feel the entire bell tower shake.

You look over the side and you can see part of the bell tower has just been torn away. All right, I'm going to ring the bell. That's going to pause it for a second. It's going to hear this bell ring. It's going to stutter. When it does, you fucking fire. You ready? A nod, terrified, maybe even like tears pouring out the corner of my eyes. But then I put my little hands on the crossbow ready to fire. You ready? A nod, terrified, maybe even like tears pouring out the corner of my eyes.

But then I, yeah, put my little hands on the crossbow, ready to fire. One shot, kid. Get ready. Bong, bong, bong. Pip, you're staring at the lake. I'm not here, Ogogash, not here. Why did they send you?

Or why did you come? What do you need? What do you want? I understand what it's like to want for a home. I don't, yeah, you know, I don't want much. Just somewhere to farm my chicken. That's all I'm looking for. You can hear him nodding, and he says,

It is the one thing that we want that hurts the most you can't see him but you can hear him rolling over one of the dragon chess set pieces in his fingers yeah i suppose so i suppose i'm just worried that krezik has effectively signed my death sentence i turn around around. Thanks for checking up on me, I suppose. Uncharacteristically, he does not say a single thing that could cause offense. He nods, and you can see that he, in his face, there is like a single, not a single, no. You can see he's not like, it's not in his voice, but he is crying. He cries for you, and he cries for himself.

Two lost wayward souls. Pip is made very uncomfortable by his crying. Pip becomes very stiff. Pip goes to comfort him. He accepts the comfort. It's okay. Everything's going to be fine. He wipes both of his eyes and says, maybe now it comes out.

both of his eyes and says, maybe now it comes out. It is hard, I understand, for some people to cry. Pip's face, which is like, stiff, but like softening at the kindness presented at Stiffens. It's not like at Stiffens,

it just drops. Like, oh yeah, that's right. This. I'm gonna, yeah, whatever. I'm gonna yeah whatever i'm going to find hector and see if i can finish off that part of the bargain or whatever and then i suppose back to the shack god yeah thanks again you want to go a gogash walks behind you he maybe takes a leisurely pace so he'll get there a little bit later but you head back to the burgomaster's uh yeah i walk inside no one's in the entryway. I'll walk up to Hector. Right.

I say, sitting down, ignoring the fact that you're reading a book or whatever. Right. Okay, here's the deal. Reading letters. You've helped me with the werewolves. Great. Appreciated. You get one place. I'll either take you to Velikai, or I'll help you with the druids. Then we're square. Okay.

What is in Velikai? Velikai, well, it help you with the druids. Then we're square. Okay. What is in Velikai? Velikai, well, it's a big... What do you mean, what's in? It's a big city. There's an inn, Blue Water Inn. If you're interested in following up on the Were-Ravens, that's the place to go. There's a Vistani camp on the outside walls.

There's that church. Horrible little workshop, but it's bigger than here and if you really genuinely and once again i massively advise against it do you really want to engage with the vistani prophecy then it's probably your best next step however if you wanted to get your horse back assuming it hasn't been eaten yet, and your sword and armor, possibly the druid camp, wherever that might be. Have you ever gone up against the druids? No, not really. I mostly stay out of their way because they're deranged.

Fuck, no one saw that, but Jackson did a great gesture. I saw that, but Jackson did a great gesture. Right, well, not having armor or a weapon that I'm more familiar with has proven to be not the best. Going up against druids. Without your armor. Exactly. It seems rather stressful. Or stupid, yes.

I suppose I guess we go to Valakai. It's probably the best bet. You might be able to get armor then and find somebody else who can take you to the druids. What a merry thing that would be. All right. And are you... Stand up. What is your plan after?

Back to the shack. Back to Pop. Back to Boris. Ah, of course. Then I'll... What about that Keening fellow? I don't really think... You were a general, yes?

Anna looks up from her book. Keening? He was a wizard, yes? Anna nods. He spoke with the Burgermaster, wanted us to help him in his uprising a year ago. Yes, he mentioned that to me. Evistaani also mentioned it to me as well.

They had a general. Yes, he mentioned that to me. Evistaani also mentioned it to me as well. They had a general. I guess I'm curious as to what motivates that general. Who can say? I want to grab some of the letters. Sure. So this one here, it is written by, it looks like a child of perhaps eight, Marcus. He misses his mother. Yes.

And this one over here, as you can see, once again, another child, a bit more recent. This one is Adele, and as you can see, she was looking forward to being reunited with her cousins. It's not like they'd be listing a couple of more of the children's names. Like maybe listing a couple of more of the children's names. And, you know, it just seems strange to me that nothing was done sooner. So, you're a general, correct?

Or at least you were a general. I don't want to fuck around. I can see something has happened. Did you betray Keening? I can see something has happened. Did you betray Keening? Betrayals, probably not the right word. Maybe cowardice is more appropriate. Perhaps when everybody else rushed forward, I rushed backward.

Is that enough to satiate you, Hector Dragonsbane? We leave Avelica as soon as possible. I'd like to... Are we upstairs or downstairs? Where are we sleeping? I hope it's in a separate room. No, I don't think they have enough... Well, the Burgomaster just... Even this, the biggest building in Krezak, is not that big.

You would be sleeping all in one room. No. Why did you run? Clearly, this man, the burgomaster told me that he went around and tried to get people. Clearly, he trusted you enough for you to lead at least a contingency of his sort. Anna looks at you, Pip, and says, you were the reason they failed. And I have been sitting with it for the last year. And then I'd like to go outside. I'm leaving again.

Everyone's so mean to me. What do you mean is the reason? My understanding was that there was the Archmage and the General. The General was the one with martial experience. The people of these lands, they maybe have, if they are well trained, they have some small experience with the skirmish or maybe fighting an individual horrific creature, but none of them have any understanding of group fighting

or battle tactics or anything like that. It was the general and the archmage who had the two specialties. The archmage was more of the face as well, I suppose. So we only spoke with him. But yes, my understanding was that when it came time, the general, I did not know it was Pip, but the general, well, I do not know the exact circumstances, but they backed out. What are the rumors? Well, the rumors are that on the night before the, well, depends who you talk to, but on the night before the battle, turned tail and could not be found.

turned tail and could not be found and perhaps some stories, I don't put much by them, but some stories talk of him even in cahoots with Strahd another false what do you call it? False hope just meant to dash the

people I do not think I put much by that one No, I do not think that one either Perhaps he was just, well human Perhaps many things I do not think I put much by that one. No, I do not think that one either. Perhaps he was just, well, human. Perhaps many things. Look, I am doubtful that even with the general they would have succeeded. But without, they were guaranteed to fail.

I understand. I will be back. I rush out to see Pip. I've gone back to stare angrily at the lake. Hector, you leave as a Gorgash is returning. A Gorgash looks at you. You can see he's kind of like turned to look behind him. And he turns back to you, Hector, and he says, is everything okay?

I honestly, a Gorgash, do not know. I show Pip heading back towards the lake. Thank you. I think Pip has not been entirely forthcoming with everything. Gagagash nods solemnly like he understands what's being said, but you think he understands a different thing. Yeah. He doesn't say anything, though.

He just walks inside. I will head towards the lake. Yes. Sorry. Do you think me evil no no i am i want to apologize sorry i i'm i don't mean to attack you i don't mean to be rude to you i don't mean to be accusing you of anything that you have not done i i was not there. I do not know. I don't know. And that is my point. I do not know what it is that we're up against. I do not know really where we are. I do not even know what that means. I understand that you want to be no one. Correct? I'd like to be no one and nowhere, to be honest. Unfortunately, fates have given you a different road to walk.

All right, I turn around. When I first arrived, Hector, my God, I was just like you. I saw Strahd. I got a couple of readings. It all seemed pretty easy, pretty straightforward. Then I met keening and anyway we got an army together somehow a peasant army yes but an army and we thought maybe there was a chance we had a shred of hope and then well then i realized that there was just no way i looked out

at the you know these people were farmers they were milliners they were hounds people none of these people were warriors and i hector am no general and I suppose I saw a losing situation and made a very difficult, very stupid decision, and I fled because even with an army, I knew we could not win. So that is why when anyone talks of taking Strahd down, I don't want it to happen again. I am not a peasant. I am not a farmer.

This Strahd, is he a devil? Is he a demon? I grew up in a monastery of a sort. I know what a devil is. I know what a demon is. I have been trained to take them on, and I know how to. Is he one of those? No. My feeling is that if Strahd was in any way defeatable, somebody would have done it already. This place has been around for a very long time,

Hector. A very long time. Look, look. But what is he? A vampire? A god? Is he a monster? Yes, I suppose. And what are you? Maybe like I take the manual to monster out of my hands and start looking it over. To Valakai. And then, if need be,

beyond. I extend a hand. I'll extend my hand. I shake hands, give a curt nod, I'm going to retire. And then I will... Pip's been trying to go to bed for so long. It's like 6pm. Pip's had a very stressful day.

Not even. Pip just wants to be alone. Everybody keeps coming up to comfort him. I'll go and find somewhere to lie down and be by myself. The Burj Master's mansion, well, like a spare room has been made for the lot of you, but no one's using

it right now, so you can tuck into that. I'll go there and lie down. I'll just go, I'll go to the lake and have a contemplative look out and onto the water. Collect my thoughts as it were.

And then you retire for the night? Yeah, I'd probably see how the rest of everyone was going, like checking in to be like, okay, well we're going to go to Valakai and definitely, so Esmeralda and the two

beautiful dwarves that we absolutely love. You gotta love them. Gorub and Lushen. I'm like, well, that's going to be great on the road. A gogash is doing calisthenics out the back of the manor. And as you're approaching back, the doors to the wine cellar open up and the Burgermaster, Esmeralda, Gorub and and lushen all kind of stagger out like they're you can tell they're inebriated oh yeah you can tell that they're inebriated but they

well the burgomaster and esmerelda seem like they're holding it just fine but gorob lushen is half crawling at this point esmerelda stifles a laugh, looks at you, Hector, and says they did not remember they are one person now. Each drank like their self. Cool to learn they got one stomach and one set of guts.

Well, be merry, have fun while we can, and then rest up. For tomorrow we die, she says. I was going to say we head to Valakai, but, well, it sounds like much the muchness. Valakai and also the tower. Yes, yes, yes, of course.

Have you seen Perrin? Oh, she looks around. No, not since we left for the wine cellar. Hmm. No worries. You enjoy left for the wine cellar. It's no worries. You enjoy. He's sus, Pyrrhon. I feel like if anybody's going to betray us, it'll be him.

Although it is in his best interest to join us. I don't know. He's a wild card. Yeah, it's Pyrrhon who's going to betray the party, says the person who has already betrayed the party. Still haven't mentioned the Amber Temple. Well, Pip still doesn't want it to happen again. He's still thinking maybe there's a chance.

Well, do you go searching for Perrin or are you bedding down for the night? Assuming everything's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do search for Perrin, but in a way that I'm... How do I even look for... I don't want to bring attention to the fact that I'm looking for a party member, but I also do want to look for him to be just like, what's going on? Have a little wander around town. Maybe, yeah, just even just a wander around town to see what's going on in this wonderful, happy town.

be to him you find pyrrhon near one of the houses you can see that he is he's leaning up against a tree and he's got something in his hands and as you approach he spots you and then tucks it away into his robes can i help you oh i would like to add he's near uh sorry did i say he was near a house yeah yeah he is near a house but you can also see that he's in quite obviously like a secluded area. That the only way you would have noticed him is by walking in a very specific way. Like you had to have been walking on this path, looking in this direction. Otherwise, you would not have noticed him. Oh, I was just checking in to see how everyone is going.

I'm fine, he says. So, I've got interesting information. Please, elaborate. So, it seems that our wonderful, I guess, host, Pip Mandarin, was also known as the general. I just thought he was a general, but he was the general in this peasant uprising about a few years ago? I've been on no, just the one side of several peasant uprisings. They don't tend to go well.

Yes. Stop it on the good side. I've been on the winning side. Red for the security peasants, he says. So it looks like Pip knew the futility of it all. Yes, it's futile, yes. He was absolutely correct to do what he did. And yes, well, either during the fight or the cusp of the fight, the knight of turned tail.

I don't know what happened to the army as such, but I cannot imagine it was anything good. I can give you several probable things that happened. Yes, I think we can all give ourselves several probable things that have happened. Yes. Well, in any case. In any case, yes. Do you trust him? It's hard to say.

It's interesting. I typically find myself uninterested in the lives of zealots and the allyship of zealots. I find that they're too, what do you call the word? They're too rigid in their beliefs. But I feel like in such a place, a zealot is kind of, well, the right zealot, is kind of exactly what we need. We need someone who's focused, who will not err from their task.

Esmeralda is a good person to stand behind. Let her lead the way, cause as much damage as she can before whatever happens will happen. And either she'll browbeat Strahd into submission or hopefully weaken him so that one of us could deliver the killing blow. Yes, it is an option.

Either way, we head to Valakai tomorrow. Yes, I've heard a little bit about Valakai. I've been trying to do some research the people here they're very insular so there's not a lot

that they know and also they as it's a commune sort of thing they don't have a lot of want for money so it's hard to

bribe them yes I can imagine that yes well people I think has been there before I do not know just how well he will be accepted well Imagine that. Pip, I think, has been there before.

I do not know just how well he will be accepted. Well, the uprising was put down, so one would hope that anyone who would have been mad at him is dead now. That is always good. What a thing to say. You're good with disguise, yes? Yes, I can disguise myself well enough when need be be it's hard for me to make myself look like someone else because he gestures to his

horns but I can go undetected but I can go undetected like unless someone's looking for a thief or assassin it's hard for me to hide the horns what about hiding a dragonborn oh that I could do snout yes it's hard

it's hard I could make myself look like a different tiefling or I could make. Snout. Yes, it's hard. It's hard. I could make myself look like a different tiefling, or I could make him look like a different dragonborn, but I can't make us look like not what we are. And what we are sticks out like a sore thumb around these parts. Yes, that is very true. I gesture to myself. Well, it's a little easier for you.

You're at least human-shaped. Look at me, he says. He gestures to his cloven feet. God, you wear shoes. Yeah, look. Yes, good point, as my eyes glow. Put on sunglasses. I don't think there's

much to do around here for entertainment or anything. Oh yes, it's dreadfully boring. I don't read much. What are you up to? He suddenly looks a little shifty. Nothing important, he says. Nothing interesting in

a gesture. Was he, look, was he, was the vibe I was getting is that he was sort of staking out a house? He had something in his hands. He was kind of leaned up against a tree. It looked like he was just trying to be hidden. You don't know if the proximity of the house is something important his hands. He was kind of leaned up against a tree. It looked like he was just trying to be hidden. You don't know if the proximity of the house is something important or not. Okay, okay. He's near a house, but you don't know if that's important.

All right, well, don't do anything I wouldn't do. See you in the morning. He just laughs. Everyone beds down for the night. Hector, when you wake up the next day, you know that you had vivid dreams of that figure again, but nothing seems to plant this time. This third dream, this one seems a little faint compared to the previous two. Not just in the fact that it left less of an impression on you, but you also feel like the energy coming from that entity was a little bit fainter. Do I feel that it is like that entity moving further away from me or me moving?

No, it doesn't feel like that. Okay. Do I get any sense of like direction to be pulled or direction where it is coming from? No. It's like any of the dreams. Anything that the entity, well, actually you don't feel like the entity was trying to deliver a message to you. You just feel like the entity was present and you were aware of them.

All right. That is nice. Wake up, it's a new day. Are we getting a cart? Did we decide? I guess a go-gash could pull it. He's big. Well, certainly, as you wake up and exit the building,

a cart, whether or not you ask for it, has been prepared for you, and it is loaded with provisions. The Burgermaster and several of the town guard are there. The Burgermaster, as you step out, gestures to the cart and says, you do not have to take the entire cart if you... Like I said, we do not have horses to supply to you, but...

That is all right. Just give me... Hang on, give me a minute. I look at the wagon and kind of the size. Is it, like, what would be the... One horse or two. It's a one horse. It's a one horse.

Okay, good, good, good, good, good. Give me just 10 minutes. Adam, I'd like to cast Find Steed. For 10 minutes without any explanation, you begin casting a spell. You begin praying. I guess because. I would be like, I need ten minutes.

I have a solution for this. I think it's funnier if you don't say. That's up to you, I suppose. It's so funny that you're asking God for a horse. Yeah, I'm a polite boy. For the next ten minutes, you utter a prayer to whatever you want to call this deity. I offer my prayer. I know you are not the morning Lord.

I know you are not that, but I know you are a source of good. I give my soul, my life, my everything to you, whoever you are, the good in this world, this light in this darkness. As you're uttering this prayer, prayer the chant maybe it's a bit of both you with your hands you begin kind of like you're drawing with your fingers you begin creating an outline and wherever your fingers travel through a silvery outline remains and over the next 10 minutes you draw in 3d if you will the outline of a horse like a wire frame for a horse when your spell is nearing its completion you can everyone can see that it begins to become filled at first it looks like just an inky blackness but eventually you can see that stars

are forming in it and it looks like this it looks. Until finally, you finish at the horse's snout, and then at the end of the 10 minutes, the starry horse becomes real. It gives like a little bit of a... And stamps one of its feet. It looks at you with intelligent eyes. So I do know that apparently with this spell, it can be a horse.

It can also be a pony, a camel, or an elk, or a mastiff. Which one? Sorry, I'm so sorry. Which one would you have liked? I was just curious because, again, I am getting this source from not what I would consider my own deity. Do they have any input in terms of anything that would represent what they would want? I think you would be getting a horse from this person then yes I would just kind of

vibe it out let them fill in the blanks basically I am but an instrument being you know you're an instrument for creating horses I'm an instrument for their creation I am but

the muse. The paintbrush, if you will. They are the one holding the brush, i.e. me. The horse turns to look at you, Hector, and telepathically it speaks to you. Yeah, that's uncomfortable, isn't it? God horse. It communicates to you its understanding that together you are on a crusade, like a holy mission, and its desire to help you see that mission through to its completion. It bows before you.

I do the same. I'd like to nudge Esmeralda and be like, why is he so concerned about getting his other horse back if he can just wish this horse in existence? This is a much cooler horse. I do not know why. Wait, what did he say about the other horse? That he fell off it, I think? No, that a druid made it. If a druid did something to it, it's a regular

fucking horse. This is like a magic horse. It's like an angel horse. I mean, we don't know what his other horse looked like. Must have been pretty cool if this is not as good. I don't think a druid's fucking with this horse. It's like angel horse. It must be. I mean, we don't know what his other horse looked like. Must have been pretty cool if this is not as good. I don't think a druid's fucking with this horse. Don't fuck with the other horse. Good point.

This has always been able to druids, this horse. It feels like this could have come in handy. I don't know too. Yeah. It does. It's just you bowing to the horse whilst me and Esmeralda are in the background pissed off staring at you. Hector, you look back to your companions

and you see Agogash is a little bit impressed. Gorob and Lushan are having some arguments. Yeah, they don't even pay attention. Piran is kind of looking at you. Well, no, actually, this is maybe a little blasé for him. He doesn't seem, it's not like he's like, whatever, but he doesn't seem impressed or interested in any way. This just seems kind of like any other day for him.

And Esmeralda and Pip are pissed. They're not angry, just like this face. Esmeralda is. Esmeralda's shooting daggers at you. She's got her arms crossed. What? She shakes her head. Nothing. Nothing. She's got her arms crossed. What? She shakes her head. Nothing.

Nothing. It's a very nice horse. You don't know what that's about. I'll get it to the wagon. Yeah, just like look around. It's a lovely horse there. I didn't know I could do that. All right, fine.

All right. You mount up and set off. So just telepathically speak. Is it just to me? Am I the only one here? I can only tele. All right, fine. All right. You mount up and set off. So just telepathically speak. Is it just to me? Am I the only one here? I can telepathically communicate with you. Right. Do I telepathically communicate with it

or do I have to speak? You can speak. Oh, that is nice. Okay. Well, now it's like, right. I will telepathically. First off, ask it. Does it have a name?

And secondly, do you know anything of the being that sent you here? It ponders for a moment and it says, I am aware that the creature that has gifted me unto you is that of a celestial God being, but perhaps only part of it, she says. Beyond that, I do not know As for my name, you may call me

And then you can hear she thinks for a moment Quite obviously, you get the impression that she's thinking of a name to give you Orion, she says Okay, well, with your horse and cart What would take you a week is going to take you maybe only three days now Pip, you know that the next stop for you will be the Raven River Crossroads, which is just like a bridge that goes over one of the main rivers within Barovia, Raven River. I probably am just sitting at the back of the cart.

I'm assuming I don't know how to talk to these horses, so I'll just tell Hector, like, if we ever need to take any turns or whatever, we're like, left up ahead, that kind of thing sure what kind of card is it is it one of like uh what i would imagine in the jack the ripper times of london where it's like that kind of card or is it more of a no it's imagine two wheels yep uh a wooden box and then two posts to attach to a horse. Gotcha. That is what we're imagining. A rudimentary wagon. Yeah.

Rustic as shit. So are we in the... I guess we are in the wagon. I'm sitting in the wagon. I don't do it. If you're sitting in the wagon, you're a damn fool. That's my opinion. There's a lot of us.

We have a go-gash who is a big orc man. That's true. And two dwarves fuse together. It just seems a lot for a horse to be able to, I guess, carry. But it is a heaven horse. It is magic. The horse came from the Lord. I feel like it.

We'd be in the back. We'd be in the cart. Very funny after how tense the night was before that we're all just sitting in the wagon staring at each other. It's good. It's good. Yeah, the horse is fine to carry. Like, it'll be a little uncomfortable. But it's on a holy mission.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I mean, y'all. The horse is fine. Orion doesn't care. She can handle this. No, there's not a lot of space for all of you in the back of the wagon. There is, I would say, probably like a seat that one person can sit on up the front and kind of holding the horse's reins.

Not that the horse's reins need to be held. Do anything, really. Orion knows what you're doing. And she doesn't need a guide or anything like that. But I would imagine that that seat, highly sought after position Otherwise you're just sitting on the hard wood of the car

Well you're also sitting crammed in with everyone else So I'm assuming if one of you doesn't Esmeralda suggests a series of taking it in turn Initially it would be myself up on the horse because I would just assume

that is like, you know, well and then if I was noticing the uncomfortableness it would be like you know, asking Orion, you're okay to carry somebody else, yes? And then when they... Oh, like having someone sit on Orion? Oh yeah, well I suppose you could do that as well, yeah. And then like, are you okay with having that?

And then if that? She nods Then we'll have like a rotation It's going to make some room in the back One person's on the horse, one person's on the chair There's only three people in the actual cart, you can have a lie down Yeah, we'll rotate it a little bit Get some

creature comfort It's a three day trip Glad we got a card. I'm glad we're not walking. I guess during the trip, asking you, Pip, about if you, like, anything that you uncovered about Strahd in the last year. Well, if I'm honest with you, Hector, in the last year, I sort of had to put it out of my head. You can read the Emanuel entry on him if you want.

There is an Emanuel entry on him. It's a curious book. Here we go. Toward the back. Strahd von Zeravik. Ah, well, thank you so much. A hand over the Emanuel de Monster. Right. So, where did this

Keening fellow, did he come from, I guess, where we are from or a different land? He was something of a traveler. He came here in a not dissimilar way from Agogash, I say. And did magic do anything to Strad von Zarovich? Lesser. It says in the lesser. What does he mean by lesser? A lesser Strad von Zarovich is just a vampire.

Oh, sorry. You're at the wrong part. Hang on. So sometimes known as a vampire or vampire. Sorry, I gave you the wrong entry. Undead named. Yes. Undead named.

Undead named. Like I said, it's given in it's paced out in the order of which it thinks. And that's not undead falsely named. No, no, no. That's something else. The order it thinks you will encounter these creatures and by and large it's just incorrect.

There's two entries of screeching. I've encountered vampires. Two screeching things. There's actually plenty of more. No, there's undead screeching and then und incorrect screeching there's two entries i've encountered vampires two screeching things actually plenty of more no there's undead screeching and then undead screeching yeah oh wait hang on screaming okay okay all right have you got undead screaming and undead screeching confused perhaps no it's oh well you've crossed it out okay i understand oh no that's the wrong it was a misprint i see yes it was a misprint wellching. Oh, it was a misprint. I see. Yes, it was a misprint. Well, I hope to hell it was a misprint. All right, so they've got undead. Well, before this, it's not even an alphabetical.

Okay, okay. Like I said, it's given to you in the order of which it thinks you will. Right, okay, right. It's like four sections of undead. Right, undead, undead, undead. In the dark places, Hector. My God. Thank you. All right, undead. Right. Undead, Undead, Undead. There's a lot in the dark places, Hector. My God. Thank you.

All right. Undead. Many named Undead exist within the dark places. They're not limited to but include and all are a worry. I put the book down. And what did you learn? Well, I learned that all are a worry. I learned that all are a worry. I learned that all are... Valuable information.

A worry. Right, sorry. What? Yes. Did magic do anything? As you'll recall, Hector, I was not there for the fight. How would I know?

Get a good boy, Carlos. Both of you, actually. You both deserve one. actually you bet there's that one To be continued... D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.