D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia I #23 A Tribute to Draconic Heritage

Episode Date: February 18, 2023

It’s the silly season in Vallaki so join in on the festivities and come see one of the many incredible spectacles at this year's parade, honoring all manner of traditions and heritages! Here’s hoping nothing untoward will happen to our highly flammable and easily combustible floats! Security is lax and we really must stress how quickly these things can go up with just the smallest spark.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Look around you. Though you can see no water for miles around, we are nonetheless marooned, stranded in a nightmare called Barovia. To change metaphors, you, me, and my people are imprisoned here.

The mists that surround us are prison bars, and the devil's strad our jailer. There is only one way out. Either we die or the devil does. The gods of healing no longer shine on Barovia. Hector, you literally have drained the healing of the region of Barovia to a point that it has become that people just heal slower. Oh, my God. You recover 32 hit points. And, yes, you will notice, everyone will notice, the entire area of Barovia from this point forwards will noticeably realize, oh, shit, my wounds don't recover as quickly as they normally do.

And when everyone realizes that, there's no way to trace that back to me. We shall see. And so it's only the things that have, so in a short rest, those are the... Yeah, you would only recover things from a short rest. Cool. I see Jackson checking to see what he gets back on a short rest. Yeah, it's become increasingly relevant when I get back within an eight-hour period.

Okay. Okay. Short rest, okay, okay. All right. It's not so bad. My spells are... Long rest? Only long

You better be fucking careful You know how many Spell slots I now have After last night How many would that be Jules? I have two second level slots left So on the bright side On the bright side

This is as bad as it gets This is basically dead battery for Penny. This is as bad as it's going to get. That's the good news. The bad news is with 32 hit points, Hector, you wake up and you feel, before you open your eyes, you feel a swaying sensation. And you feel soreness all over your body, especially around your mouth. This is also a great time to inform you that I'm using another set of rules. Oh, yeah.

Called injuries and vile deeds. This is a lot to take in very quickly. Talk about kicking us while we're down. So it's just kind of a rule set that gives lasting injuries. Oh, okay. Depending on your total hit points, depending on your maximum hit points, when you take certain damage thresholds, you will incur certain lingering injuries. And it's very funny that these lingering injuries,

they're just going to last so much longer than they would already because they're long and short rest dependent. So you have bruised windpipe. The character cannot speak above a whisper until they have taken a long rest. So in a week. This does not interfere with spellcasting. Small blessings That's going to be really good for this It's going to be awesome for you, Joel Zalas' voice

A Bruce Winfrey, okay That's what I'm excited for This is good That's great, yeah, it's rules So Wow When you open your mouth to speak or just to inhale air You feel that wolf The wolf having had its jaw locked around your throat.

It's like it's still there. You know, because you can't feel the weight of the wolf, that it can't be there. But it feels like the jaw nonetheless is still, yeah, the wolf's mouth is still locked around your throat. You can feel it as if it is still there. around your throat. You can feel it as if it is still there. So the feeling of swaying from side to side, you can hear a great deal of people walking or shuffling.

You open your eyes and you see you are being carried on a, what's it called when they got like the long stretcher? Oh, I see what you mean. Like a sled. No, not like a sled. Your hands and legs are bound. Like a spit. Yeah, like a spit. Your hands and legs are bound. Like a spit. Yeah, like a spit. You're being spit roasted.

All right. I was like, okay, well, initially I was like, maybe, you know, put my arm, hands to my neck to kind of feel that like scarring or whatever, but I guess never mind. No such luck. I'll just open my eyes and have a geez. You look around, you can see probably about,

probably about 40 people, all told. Wow. Okay. You can see you are not the only person here. There are several other of these, the Spits, and you can see there are several other people in various states, just in general, also being led

somewhere. You don't know. You're just outside Valakai. That's all you know. You're on a road. You can see that. You look around. You see the Svalach woods to either side of you. So you know you're in the woods somewhere on a path not in Valakai.

And that's kind of the extent of your knowledge at this point. Not in Valakai. And that's kind of the extent of your knowledge at this point. As you keep looking around as well, you see at the head of the procession and at the rear of the procession, you can see there are, in total, eight diarist wolves. Awesome. You do not think you spot Boris among them, but there are four ahead, four behind. They're just casually walking with the group. All of the people here, anyone whose face you can see, except the other sacrifices,

if you will, the other sacrifices, everyone here has kind of a glassy-eyed expression. You can see, up near the front of the procession as well, where those four diorist wolves are, you can see that there is a person wearing what looks like ceremonial robes,

but you don't get a great look at them. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Let's see. So my feet and hands are bound.

Correct. How, like, if I just, like, a little bit of a flex of the rope, how, I guess, tight is this? How strong is the rope? Highs. How strong is a piece of string? Highs or lows? Highs. There's not a lot of give here, buddy.

Okay. Teeth? Chew your way out? I'm thinking. Can I shuffle them a little bit and kind of get a bit of friction on any of the rope there? To kind of like start maybe subtly at least starting a bit of headway to kind of break them down. If you're trying to use friction to start this process, you rolled pretty well, so I'm going to allow it.

But I'm going to let you know that if you finish this, you will take some damage. Because you will have, you're like really, take some damage because you will have you're like really not only are you wearing away at the rope you're wearing away at your own fucking yeah i thought well i don't want to just like break free yeah yeah because i thought it just like uh you will be recaptured pretty quick yeah i'd be like falling on my ass in front in between like 40 people at eight walls yeah okay okay all right so. All right. So who's around me? What are they wearing? What are they like equipment wise?

You have the best look around that you can. You rolled pretty well. So you do a pretty good job. You're almost immediately back to yourself. You can tell that it's been some time. You look and you see that once again, the Barovian sky, it's so incredibly overcast all the time. And today is no exception. It's probably a lot heavier. It's always been so thick the day is never really that bright.

But today it is so incredibly thick that it could almost be mistaken for nighttime. But you do nonetheless see that the sun has moved from one end of the sky to the other end of the sky. So you deduce that it has been about eight hours since you were captured. All right. So it's probably about, if it was 6 a.m. when you were captured, that makes it, what's that math? It was about like 4-ish, I want to say, when I was captured. Late afternoon.

Yeah, because it wasn't. Oh, no, sorry. Yeah, you're correct. Sorry. It was about 4 a.m. when you were captured. So that makes it about midday now. Yeah. Okay.

All right. All right. Looking around, you were captured. So that makes it about midday now. Yeah. Okay. All right. Looking around, you spot that there is ahead of you, there's a few people in between you and them, but ahead of you, there is someone with your backpack strung over their shoulder and your equipment. Okay. Okay. It's so funny.

You're just, like, robbed of your spells and abilities. You're just, like... of your spells and abilities you're just like just your own hands and feet you feel this is maybe the last thing that you notice you feel Pena's presence upon you but you, like I said

it's like a dead battery she has nothing to give you right now or she has what little abilities you have left okay I have two spells I can do and it's gonna be you right now. Or she has what little abilities you have left. Okay! I have two spells I can do, and it's gonna be very like... It's so fucked up. You've got two spells left, and then it's a week.

You'll just be a guy for a week. So my backpack is there. And that'll have a few things. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Can't, does anyone, if I look around, it's okay. Does anyone have maybe like a bow or like a, basically a weapon that I can put an arrow in?

Yeah, you see that there are quite a few people of varying strata within Valakai. So you can see maybe a few nobles or the closest that approximates a noble in Valakai. So you can see maybe a few nobles or the closest that approximates a noble in Valakai. But you would see, yes, some of the common folk and in among them there would be more than one hunter and trapper and more than one bow and arrow available if you can get it.

Yeah. Unfortunately, if you want one, you are going to have to take one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. I'm just, okay, so I have, all right, I've got only a few spells left, and I'm just trying to figure out maybe the best thing for this. So my plan would be, because I know in my backpack,

the only thing that right now is maybe useful is an arrow belonging to a certain Dusk Elf. Oh, okay. Ah. Oh, okay. Aha. Oh, all right. So, at least, I assume it was, they did say to fire it up. That'll alert them of their presence.

So, I'm assuming it's a flare. Yeah, that's what I was imagining. I'm assuming it's something. Yeah. I hope it is. Yeah. I hope it's not an arrow. I hope it it's a flare. Yeah, that's what I was imagining. I'm assuming it's something. I hope it is. I hope it's not an arrow. She's looking. Surely. She couldn't.

She couldn't. She wouldn't dare do that to you. She would never. Okay, so there's that. All right, so I need to break free. I need to take a bow, and then I need to get that arrow, and then I need to fire it. That's a lot of steps for a man with his hands and feet bound.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. In doing that. Let's start with step number one. Unbinding hand and feet. We're just proceeding. We're just walking down.

There's no way for rest. There's no way for, like, everyone chilling. There's chilling there's no how long are you waiting i suppose uh how long are you willing to wait to see if there is a rest like because they might rest you just don't know how long it's going to take if they're going to rest though i would say like so it's midday i'd probably while i'm trying to formulate this plan this is going to take anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour of just trying to find any sort of holes in their formation. If someone is not as distracted, I will start making headway of using the friction to try and break those binds, but not to the point where it just falls because then I'm like, oh, well, now I have to act. Especially if you accidentally do your wrists first and then not feet, you're just getting dragged along. Highs or lows?

Let's go lows this time. Lows? All right. One of the diarist wolves at the front of the procession turns around, gives a little howl, and there's some level of conversation. Quite clearly, they're not speaking common, but the diarist wolves have some conversation among them, and they move off to the side.

The people in the procession follow with, as if they know what's happening. The procession moves off to the side and settles down for, like, a short rest. Several of the diarist wolves head off into the forest, and in a little while, you will hear screaming. All right. Okay. I think now might be, be then the perfect time to enact the plan okay okay i'm going to try and break out of these uh ropes okay you with a herculean effort you explode your hands and then quickly your feet out of the ropes. With that maybe friction

you've worn away at them and you're able to do one huge effort to explode out and you are very quickly free but also very quickly in trouble. Fair enough. As a bonus action, I will cast Sanctuary on myself. That'll give me at least

some form of protection. Okay. Okay. Now... Let's go to initiative. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa! Whoa! It's getting crazy here in the studio. Guys going all over the damn joint. So, how many people could theoretically attack you

in one turn? Surely an element of surprise. That's a lot of guys. And they're in sorcery. Element of surprise alright that's a lot of guys and they're in Sorcelt element of surprise sure will slow their reaction but you're in a camp of 40 people

yeah I know so there's a couple things I want to do first first attack a miss they have to they have to they have to pass they have to pass

wisdom saving throws oh they oh I thought it was just disadvantage no okay so eight people need to make wisdom saving throws gotta get, I thought it was just disadvantage. No. Okay. So, eight people need to make wisdom saving throws. Got to get a lot of d20s.

Two successes. And it's not disadvantage, then? They just get to attack? Yeah, on a failed save, the creature must choose a new target or lose the attack or spell. All right, well, they lose their attacks. Two people get to swing at you. You take one blow. Poor, nicely done

you take four points of damage really putting Pannier through her paces as you explode as you explode out it's like Pannier as a battery jumped up to like 10% in the time that it took for you

to formulate and then enact on this plan and as several people move to swing and then enact on this plan. And as several people move to swing and then you can see them, it's like they start moving through molasses and then are frozen or their arm to swing at you with various weapons, with chandelabras, with candle holders, with all sorts of lighting implements, with torches, with batons, some with swords.

Every single one of them, the swinging arm, the swinging arc slows down and stops, and you immediately feel Pena back down to zero. That's not good to hear. Okay, next question. The person holding my backpack, do they have a bow? Eyes or nose? Eyes? Eyes?

Yeah, they have a bow. Eyes on eyes. Eyes? Eyes. Yeah, they have several other. Like I said, you're one of many people, and they would have a lot of other people's equipment on them, which includes a bow. All right. I'm going to run towards them so that I'm close to them, and then do I take any attacks or ops? Yeah, I was about to roll.

Because I won't cast a spell just yet. I guess about eight. One person gets an attack on you and they will, oh, you're not wearing any armor right now. They will still miss though. That's good. Okay, so ten at a second level.

Uh-huh, yes. This is your last spell for a week. Fucking hell. So I'm going to use a command at a second level. It is a one-word command. Drop or give, drop or give. What about fire? May I recommend it?

I assumed that's what you were going to do. Far out. I was going to try and steal it and fire. I can get this in one move. Fire at him. Fire. Oh, yeah. He fails.

Fire. Pannier fades almost completely. You no longer feel her warmth around you. Okay. But the man already under a compulsion from some strange eldritch horror feels another compulsion upon him. The puppet body is puppeteered by two puppeteers begin pulling at this man's limbs. He pulls out the arrow, knocks it in a bow, one of several bows that he was also carrying, and fires it up into the air.

As soon as it leaves its knocking and starts arcing up into the air, it begins gathering speed. It goes far faster and far straighter than an arrow normally should, but you see that it becomes kind of ethereal and then almost like just wind, and then when it reaches some sort of apex,

it explodes, and you see like a firework shower down all around you. That's... And the second person that it affects? Oh yeah, who else? Oh yeah, what's the other one? It's the same word.

Well, where would you want the... One guy just lights a little fire. A guy fires a crossbow up into the air, I guess. I was hoping it would get one of the people. Yeah, sure, alright. A guy fires a crossbow up into the air, I guess. I was hoping it would get one of the people. Anyway, I can go on. Well, you can. Yeah, sure. All right.

A guy with a crossbow shoots and misses, unfortunately. That's a shame. Okay. All right. Then I will try. All right. So there's the woods. That was some of your movement.

That was your action. So there's woods to the all around. Well, there's guys to all around you. Sorry, guys and gals. Yeah, yeah. Gals can be mind-controlled cultists too. Okay. So there's a lot of villages around me.

And past them, I'm guessing, is there like a bit of... Well, there's woods. Woods. And Valakai in the background behind you. Yeah. I guess where, is there like a bit of... Well, there's woods. Woods. With dire walls. Valakai in the background, behind you. Yeah. I guess where there is a... So you're actually not 100% sure of what...

Like, you were heading in that direction, but was Valakai, is Valakai back in that direction? You've been unconscious for a while. Well, I assume better to go back to where we... I will try and find or look at very quickly the area of like the smallest amount of people, and I'm going to try and find or look at very quickly the area of the smallest amount of people, and I'm going to try and run. All right.

I just want to let you know, Adam, that Sanctuary ended. Oh, did it? Yeah, because I cast a spell. Oh, so these are attack rolls. Yeah, because I cast a spell. So I can't see Adam rolling, obviously, but from the angle that I am at, I can occasionally see when he takes from his big dice pile. And it was really awesome to just watch him pick up, like,

a huge handful of d20s to roll the attacks on you. And then an almost equal amount of damage dice. You take 12 points of damage. Yep. Still standing. And you're still in their camp. Okay. Oh. That's fine still in their camp. Okay. Oh.

That's fine. Got a rod. They surround you. You are completely surrounded. Okay. That's one, two, three, four hits. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Do I? Okay. No, go on. Nine more points of damage. And then a further nine? All right. Yeah, further nine? Okay. No, go on. Nine more points of damage. And then a further nine? Alright. Yeah, further nine. They've surrounded you and you bring your hands up to try and shield yourself, but it's just blow after blow

after blow. You're being knocked to the ground. It stops for a brief second, and you would actually get an attack of opportunity if you wanted as one of the people pulls away. Would you like to take it? You can if you want. You're pretty dismissive of it.

It seems almost like it's not worth it. It's not. Yeah. He's not winning. You're done. They're like, I guess my question would be, do they look like if I stop, will they stop hitting me? I mean, you don't know. They're kind of definitely mindless automatons.

So their will is determined by someone else right now. All right. Look, seven hit points is better than zero hit points. That's true. So I'm not going to take the attack of opportunity, and I will just raise my hands. Oh, it's not your turn yet. Sorry.

One of them pulls away. You just get an attack. By the rules of D&D, you're allowed an attack of opportunity. No, it's not your turn yet. Sorry. One of them pulls away. You just get an attack. By the rules of D&D, you're allowed an attack of opportunity. No, it's the diarist wolf's turn. Oh. Yeah. If you'll recall, I said some of them left, but not all of them. I raise my hands.

A diarist wolf slowly, in the gap that was made, a diarist wolf slowly slinks in. The diarist wolf it lunges. It lunges for you. Okay, so no, this attack probably can't outright kill you. That probably will be your saving grace.

Surely it's not done 60 damage. No, sorry, 120 damage in one turn yeah it probably won't outright kill you I think I'd need to do

oh okay I wouldn't need to be 100 but I well look let's find out okay okay

well cool that's cool stuff that's cool stuff for you Gels Hammett alright good news bad news

which would you like first? Bad news. Bad news is triple damage. Which is why I'm picking for him. He got a crit? Yeah, he got a crit. On one of his two attacks. On his two attacks.

Okay. That's the bad news, triple damage. Good news is AC is reduced by a D6 or D6 rounds. And that's not relevant to you. So largely meaningless. Yeah. How lucky are you? You're welcome.

Thanks, Adam. All right, so that's 20 plus 30, 40. Oh, will he kill you? What did I say? 40, 45, 46, 7, 48 damage. Okay. All right. Cool beans. 40 oh will he kill you no what did I say 40 45 46 7 48 damage

okay alright cool beans 48 was it yeah alright I'm on negative 41 yeah well that's fine

you're not dead but there is a downside you know those I guess those new rules yeah Adam was saying earlier that he's got

these brand new funky rules for us. Your bruised windpipe is now upgraded to internal bruising. The character

takes a death saving throw failure. This failure cannot be removed until the character finishes a long rest. So you always have one failed saving throw. So start always have one failed saving throw. So start yourself at one failed saving throw. All right. And then let's, do you want to do the rolling?

Okay. Maybe the wolf will. How quick, how quick does Dusk Elves be? Yeah. Maybe the wolf will take pity on me. They'll be hearing a lickety split, dude. Maybe the wolf will take two shakes of a baboon's penis. Two shakes of a baboon's penis. That's a seven.

So that's two death saving failures. And then in the turn... Whose turn is now? And then you are stabilized. Oh, okay. That's concerning. They have grander plans for you. Cool.

Awesome. We'll revisit you in a little while. In the meantime, it's still 6 a.m. Yeah, well, we're probably going to head off ASAP, really. All right, where are you making your way to? Well, are we kind of all in agreement that we think he's at the lake? Or that we think he's headed... It's possible, yeah.

If that's where the watery mass is. The watery mass has some connection to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Yendo was saying that he had the dire wolf... Tentacle, yeah. ...had a tentacle in its mouth. Well, yeah, look, that's something Pip's got to do anyway. Not that he's not concerned about Hector, but it's just

kind of on the way now. Yeah, so I guess we probably would leave the church and just start making our way through Valakai toward the closest gate out. Although I probably need to be in a hood or something, because I... Dragonborn aren't that

common in Valakachi as well. I mean, they're not unheard of, but you might be one of like, in a town of a couple thousand, you might be like. One of two. One of five, maybe? It's me and Dragonborn Jim. Jim the Dragonborn, please. That's how naming conventions work. Anybody questions me, I'm like, I'm Jim.

It's Jim. All right. So I suppose Father Lucian would be able to supply you with some clothes to conceal your identity. And you leave through the North Gate. Okay. Are we stopped at all? Or... Uh, nope.

I don't know why I asked. That was stupid of me. I'm an idiot. Yeah, that's really dumb of you, dude. Hi's or low's? Low's. Low's? High's. That was stupid of me. I'm an idiot. Yeah, that's really dumb of you, dude. Highs or lows? Lows. Lows? Highs.

Highs. Lows. Lows. Just neither. How much could I do? How far could I take this? No, seriously, what is it? Lows.

Let's go lows. Lows? All right. Yeah, you fucked up. God damn it. As you're making your way through Valakai, you'd kind of want to go into the middle of town and then north past the orphanage.

Yeah. In your mind, you're like, all right, we can either go along the wall or we can go through the heart of town. And in your mind, you're like, well, the wall is definitely going to have a garrison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there'll be people walking along it constantly. So it's a guarantee that we're going to pass the guard. But the heart of townarrison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there'll be people walking along it constantly.

So it's a guarantee that we're going to pass the guard. But the heart of town is busy. Yeah, it's busy. So while you are still likely to encounter guards, you're a lot less likely. Oh, it's not a guarantee, basically. So you're like, well, that seems like the smarter option. Take the gamble. So you head through the heart of town.

And then you find yourself in a very uncomfortable position. So there's a parade going on. Oh, no. You, I don't know if you remember this. Oh, my God, it's the fucking festival. The festival of the blazing sun, yeah. God. So, yeah, I don't know if you recall this, but this was when you first came to town.

We got a pamphlet, yeah. We got a whole fucking brochure about it. Okay. whole fucking brochure about it. Okay. And I'm really fucking sorry to say that one of the floats in the parade is a tribute to draconic heritage, and the

four other dragonborn in town are all on that float. So when a guardsman spots you while the float is traveling past, he knows who the fuck you are. That's so nice they got a float.

Yeah. That's nice. That is pretty bad as well. It's not just a guardsman. It's like a group of five of them. You're in a thick throng of a crowd with, oh no, a gogash is not here but you're with Yender,

you're with Kribbit, and no, Father Lucian wouldn't have come with, but you have at least Kribbit and Yender who are now absolutely, I'm realizing, incriminated. Well, Kribbit is 100% incriminated.

Yeah, Kribbit was already incriminated. We've really just incriminated Yender. Yender's now absolutely... All right, look, it's a mixed bag. What's the good bit? It's a bad bag. Can Kribbit cast invisibility on other people? It's just his little self.

He doesn't want to. It's not as dramatic. Oh, no, it could be a little dramatic, but he can't. I mean, he could cast it it once but only one person could be invisible yeah cool anyway okay um yeah so the guardsman you see spots you you spot him and he starts pushing his way through the crowd to get you they start pushing their way through the crowd to get you to get to you you look around The road is in front of you to the north, the way you kind of want to go,

and that is filled with floats. You could push your way out there, but that would make, if there are any guards around, that would make you really fucking obvious to them. You could head back the way you came or any direction, really. You're just in kind of the town square area,

just in a thick throng of a crowd. Okay, I've got a pretty risky plan, but let's see if it works out. All right. Oh, the parade is heading from east to west, if that's important. Yeah, okay. I would like to dash across whatever the lane that the floats are in, wherever they're coming down. How are they moving?

What do you mean? It's like a massive wooden board on wheels with various decorations. Am I near the draconic one? Yes. I'd like to set it on fire. Surely that'll be enough of a distraction that we can get away in the ensuing chaos. I was about to be like, let me roll to see how flammable it is. But what could they make it out of?

It's a flood. Yeah, what could they have made it out of that isn't flammable all right you breathe i sort of like maybe slide out yeah give a little kind of like an awkward wave to the other dragonborns and set it ablaze yeah all right you set the you set the parade on fire. Well, I mean, to a different extent, anyway. You bathe it in flames. The other dragonborn... You're trying not to hit them. Of course, of course, of course. I don't know why, but I imagine that the parade is a big dragon's head.

So if I'm, like, on the front of it... Yeah, yeah, let's say it is, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm burning the front. The other... They're behind it or whatever. The other four dragonborn hop off the boat. The nearest one to you when they get off

looks to you and says, What the fuck? I have no time to explain. As you're trying to move through... Maybe as I like to say, I'm so sad we never got to talk. You know, Dragonborns here in Velikavid. You seem like you've done a good job of it.

Four of you have banded together. Jim the Dragonborn sucker punches you in the back of the head. You take three points of damage. Fuck. Okay. Why am I sticking around to talk? Yender and Kribbit come up.

Yender is calling out, oh, so sorry. So fucking sorry. We're really, really sorry. I promise. I promise. I promise. We're fucking sorry. Grab him in the back of my head and I'll duck into the crowd on the other side of the parade.

Krippet begins playing a song. Yeah. Great. Good. Fantastic. Maybe I glance around. Can I see whether or not the guards have been distracted by this? I assume.

Yeah. A few. So of the five guards who were chasing you. Yeah. Two of them have to break off to deal with this on a flame float. And you get into the other side of the crowd. You start pushing your way through. But you see that other guards are coming out into the parade and moving to get closer, basically.

Okay. You start making your way north. Is that correct? Yeah, north. Yep, yep, yep. All right. How are we doing this again? Oh, yeah.

God damn. How many times am I going to run from the guards? I'm not rolling for just you, again? Oh, yeah. God damn. How many times am I going to run for the guards? Oh, I forgot. I'm not rolling for just you, baby. Oh, no, Krivit. This is just like what Hector went through. I'm going to carry two tiny little guys. Far out. Oh, he's rubbing his face.

Something bad happened. This is a head-to-head question. That's the problem. Head-to-head question. You glance back at one point, and you see as Yender gets fucking clotheslined by one of the guards, she barrels end over end and hits the ground in a daze. You can see she's slowly staggering back up to her feet,

but she's in combat. Kribbit is also, he's got fucking people hot on his heels. He turns around, and you see him kind of just whisper something and then two stall owners who were next to each other turn around and start having an argument yeah and as part of their argument one of them pushes the other one's stall which tips over and hits a guard hell yeah it's the god nearly gonna get uh nearly gonna get cribbit okay all right so does yender look like she's in trouble? Yes. Yender is not going to be able to

keep running. She's going to need to stop and engage. I have one special arrow for the next eight hours. Don't know if you know about that, Adam. You also got one fewer breath for the next eight hours. If I kneel down... You don't know this, though. That's true.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're not aware of this just yet, correct. If I kneel down... You don't know this, though. That's true. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're not aware of this just yet. Correct, yes. If I kneel down, can I, through the throng of people's legs, see the leg of the god? I'd give him three-quarters cover, but yes. Okay, I'm going to try and fire a precise shot at him with advantage to hit.

You hear a few people cry out in alarm as the bolt kicks up a bit of air as it whistles beneath them. But then the guard's leg, you see it is skewered by your bolt. Oh, thank God. So it is a few calls of astonishment and then one scream of pain.

And the guard clutching the bolt takes a knee. All right. You're lucky. Yender is able to use that to dart around him. And you are, the three of you, in a sprint. Again, pushing your way through the crowd. That's good to hear. The crowd begins to thin out as you make your way north.

So, Y gender trips. As she is scrambling, you can see she's limping. When she got clotheslines, quite clearly something. She got like a fucked up leg. So, she slips in some mud because she's not got stable footing. Hits the ground. She looks up at you, Pip, and you see in her face, it's like she's saying, like she's calling out, just go. Okay.

All right. Yeah, that's fine. I'll keep going. You turn and you keep running. It's now she, well, you lose sight of her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you assume she has been apprehended. It is you and the little grunt.

Okay. They, the gods, once they, once you hit open field, you and Krivit haven't slept. I know. You both take a level of exhaustion. Fuck. Hang on a fucking minute. God damn it. I gotta get those

shots off before Adam realized. Before it kicked in. Hang on a fucking minute. You got like two hours. Yeah, I got a couple of little sleepos in the crypt. I believe exhaustion comes back after I think you'll find a log rest. Okay.

That's cool stuff. Let me just check, actually. Be nice. Cool. I think that's, actually. Good stuff. Be nice. Cool, cool. I think that's actually really cool. Yeah. Yeah, you want a long rest for a level of exhaustion? And hey, just a quick reminder, just a quick tempo.

What's exhaustion give me? One level of exhaustion isn't so bad. Yeah. One level of exhaustion is disadvantage on ability checks. Cool. Cool. Cool stuff. Oh, dear. Okay.

All right. Okay. That's fine. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. She can talk. Well, yeah.

And thank God I've got only good boy cards related to ability checks for some reason. Yeah. Hey, one of the good boy cards is get a long rest as part of a short rest. Oh, that's become such a valuable card it's also funny because you had the best sleep of your life on the bright side Kribbit I believe has an ability

Kribbit just leapt in the worth usefulness because he has a ability that works on short rests or like as in he has a song of rests yeah so you get extra hit points as part of a short rest that's great that's useful that's gonna be very good cribbit mvp right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah most valuable member of the party big time uh yeah you uh yeah i forgot you sorry going back to what i was saying previously.

You and Kribbit have stayed up all night. Neither of you have had a wink of sleep. You were both exhausted. And so you start losing ground to the guards in open field where you can't use the thronging mass of people to defend you. You're just losing, yeah, you're just losing ground. Okay. So, Kribbit starts getting in front of you.

MVP. MVP. And you feel, you don't feel, you are tackled on one of the guardsmen. Uh-oh. Okay, fuck. Alright. Well, on an upside for us, they are also suffering the effects.

That's true. Of short rest for a long rest. That's true. So no one is getting a good night's sleep in Barovia. Nobody is getting a good night's sleep anymore. That's basically been the slogan since day one. But yes, no one's getting a good night's sleep in Barovia. Yes.

You are tackled and you hit the dirt. One of the guardsmen is on top of you. You hear him hiss into your ear, time to die, little boy. Weird. It's your turn. Okay, I'm going to enervating breath him in the face. Oh, no.

What does that do? That just incapacitates him. Okay. Yeah, you roll over. You basically kiss. You breathe into his mouth. You see his complexion becomes waxy. His eyes turn into pinpricks, and then you just roll him off you.

Okay, get up and keep running. All right, you can see the gate. Alright, you begin. There's hot on your heels, but another one is not going to tackle you this round. I'll take that. That's great. You can see the north gate ahead of you, and then you hear from behind you,

close the gate! Close the gate! Come on! Come on! The portcullis begins. It's a shit, it's a piss gate. It on. Come on. The portcullis begins. It's a piss gate. It's a piss gate. You've got to climb in speed.

Yeah, I've got to climb in speed. Is this Krivit, though? He's a frog. He's got a leaping speed. How light is Krivit? Could I throw him over the wall? It's 15 feet high. I just don't think you can.

Fuck. He can jump. Okay, okay. A second time, you are tackled. This time by two. They hit you into the dirt. Yeah, you're pretty fucked up this time. Your arms are pinned behind your back.

It is your turn. What would you like to do? I got one breath left. You could hit both of them with it. And I don't know I'm fucked. So, yeah, I'll fire it off. Pop it off. One of them goes waxy and rolls off you, but the other one, odds are evens.

Evens. The one who has your arms pinned is still on top of you. He maybe rolls out of the way and the gas just does not touch him. It's Kribbit's turn. Kribbit also doesn't know to save these he's got so many spells but he doesn't know to save oh my god he does that at will what's this little fucking dynamo doing now crib it turns around and calls out

just let him go. The guard lets you go. All right, I don't question it. I just run towards Kribbit. All right. Oh, fuck. What? What's happened?

Adam, is everything okay? Adam. Does something appear to be the matter? Yeah. Yeah. You're sprinting. You got the last little bit. The gate is about 15 feet high.

And in the time it took you to get to the gate, you lost about 10 feet of that 15 feet. Okay, cool. All right. By the time that you're within kind of touching distance of the gate, I should say, that it's 10 feet. The guards realizing that you are about to get through the gate don't bother with slowly winching it anymore. You see two guardsmen with axes slam said axes into the ropes holding the gate up, and it just starts falling. You and Kribbit are both going to need to jump to get through. Fuck. Alright.

I got absolutely no abilities to help me here. Athletics check. Yep. Okay. What is wrong? Whatever's the matter officer? Is there a problem?

Yeah, can I help you, sir? You and Kribbit both failed to get through the portcullis. Fuck, Adam, I have one re-roller dexterity check, but I can only save one of us. Who do you save? How big are the holes in the gate? That's a great question. They're not big enough for a grunt.

I'm going to save Kribbit because I can climb. Do I know that? Yeah, he's a little frog guy. Well, I guess you don't know, no. Maybe I'll save that. We'll climb it. You both slam into the gate instead. Fuck! Kribbit looks at you. You look at Kribbit. I just point up.

Kribbit starts climbing. You both start climbing the side of the gate. The guards behind you, you hear them call out, Fire! Fire! Fire! A scattering of missile weapons lands among you. Good news, bad news. Let's start with the good news and then among you. Good news, bad news. Let's start with the good news and then get sad. Good news.

You see a few bullets from slings pepper the wall around you, an arrow or two, nothing hits you. The bad news is two javelins hit Kribbit. Oh, no. Oh, my God. That's such a fuck. That's a big for the little frog. Krubert takes 12 points of damage.

Oh, boy. Krubert stops for a second, and you can see he's like, Keep climbing, little man. Then he keeps climbing. The guards at the top have those axes that they use to cut the gates. They both swing down at you. Good news, bad news. Oh, God.

What's happened to Kribbit? Kribbit takes an axe to the head. It's only four points of damage. It would kill a normal man. Why does everyone go for Kribbit? They just coincidentally are hitting him. But you're up on top of the gate now. Okay.

All right. Kribbit goes first. Kribbit looks at the guy. There's two guardsmen up the top. Kribbit looks at the one that he's standing next to. Yeah. Takes a big sigh. Looks at you.

And, oh, fuck. Kribbit does two things really quickly. He takes his book, looks at you meaningfully and then he throws it off the other side what are you doing then he looks at the guardsman you're facing

and he says jump the guardsman jumps back the other way into Valakai oh well I should roll yeah the guardsman jumps back the other way

into Valakai breaks his leg, but is otherwise fine. And then it is the guardsman's turn. No, sorry, Pip, it's your turn. Okay, so there's a guard at Kribbit. At Kribbit, yeah. Okay, yeah, I'm going to pepper him with two.

The beauty of Kribbit is that he's half the size of a guy. So I don't need to account for him firing across. What if you shoved him? Well, my guys jumped off the edge. Your first attack misses. Your second attack is a hit. Fuck. I hope you kill this guardsman. Me too, dude.

You deal. Oh, yeah. You're a pretty good shot, and they're just regular town militia. You shoot him in the back of the neck. He clutches at it and then falls over forwards. Krippet seems to consider this for a second, and then you hear him kind of almost to himself say, He'll turn.

And then he nods, and then you climb down the other side. Okay. You hear on the other side of the gate, Open the gate! Open the gate! Well, they broke the rope, so it's going to be absolutely hard for them now. You can see on the other side as the guards are freaking out because they can't get to you

because they broke this gate. You and Kribbit retreat into the wilderness. Okay, thank God. It sucks Yender got arrested by the police, but... Aiding and abetting, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll get out of it. She's a people person.

She's a people person. You return to her hanging. Oh, yeah. Head on a pike. Okay. Cool. Maybe me and Krobert will try and find like a somewhere quiet. Is there like farmland at all around?

No. Yeah, because it's all Barovia, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, well, we'll just head into the woods and try and find a secluded little clearing that I can pull the javelin instead of Griffith. I guess surrounding Valachar you've got the Vistani. True.

Yeah, you've got the travelling Vistani, you've made them either, and I think you've got a certain encampment. I don't want to go there. Stepping outside and seeing three camps of people I don't want to talk to at once. Having to pick my poison. I pick none. We're going to head into the woods away from the camps.

You head into the woods. You find a secluded space. How's the lows? Lows? You're in the woods, dude. It's not safe. you find a secluded space How's Lowe's? Lowe's? You're in the woods, dude. It's not safe. What did you say? I said Lowe's. Okay, cool. You find a secluded clearing

Yeah. You and Kribbit sit down on some scattering of rocks and you slowly help Kribbit remove the javelins from his body. I'm going to see if I can make something to heal him up. Obviously, I've got no spells, but maybe I can make a concoction. Oh, no, Kribbit heals himself.

Oh, that's good to hear. Kribbit casts his last third-level spell for the week. Okay. That's so disconcerting. We need... If we survive, we need to find, I guess, items? Yeah, we got to really start buying health potions. Are you?

Is that one hurt? This one has many spells. I think I'm okay, really. Yeah, I think perhaps these ones, he says gesturing to the two of you, perhaps these ones should take a short rest. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. This one knows a little song to help with rest. I think that would be great.

Krivit, honestly. Krivit plays a little song, and over the course of an hour, it doesn't work. I have to admit to you, Krivit, I don't actually feel any different. I mean, it's nice to rest for an hour after running. Krivit looks really strange. He turns his instrument, the lute, over and he looks at it and he says, Something wrong. To be honest, I do feel pretty exhausted.

More so than usual. And honestly, I mean, people, you're exhausted all the time here in Barovia, but is your lute broken? This one, very tired still. I mean, it could be so many things, Krippit. You know, there's a bunch of terrible auras around. Maybe disease. Fight hag.

Maybe disease. Hag disease. Can I check, Krippit, for a hag disease? Pick him up, turn him over. for a hag disease. Pick him up, turn him over. You can see that wounds are not closing, like both of you actually you would spot.

Your body is not healing right. It's not, like wounds that should have stopped bleeding by this point are still bleeding. And any like mechanisms that a body has to heal itself over time do not seem to have even begun to kick in yet. That's a real worry. Do I know anything that could be causing that? I mean, it's a million things could be causing that.

But you can't, nothing that you know of is causing this. Is Madame Eva's troop still here? Yeah. Okay, the watery mass. Now that's a challenge rating angry face in Mania the Monster. Yes. Correct. Yes. I look at Kribbit with his

two harpoon holes in his back. Alright Kribbit we're not going to do this ourselves are we? Kribbit shakes his head. He shakes his head in kind of like a mmm but. Can we see the tents from here? Cribbit shakes his head but he's not out he shakes his head in kind of like a but can I

can we see like the tents from here if you you would need to get closer okay you just knew that they were there but you're

I assume have hidden yeah yeah yeah maybe I like look over at where the tents are and then look back to Cribbit and I'm like but he's not our chosen one is he he's theirs

no he this one's chosen. Yeah, sure, whatever, whatever. We're going to head over to the Vistani. Okay, yeah, I'd like to, with Kribbit maybe in front instead of in tow, start limping my way over to the Vistani camp. As you approach, the Vistani spot Kribbit first, and you see as Jackson Bailey stands up with arms wide open, and all of them call out, Kribbit!

They quite clearly know him. Okay, cool. Kribbit waddles over with his arms outstretched, and Jackson Bailey puts both of his arms underneath Kribbit's armpits and lifts him up into the air and hugs him like you bite a child. Weird. Kribbit kisses Jackson Bailey on the cheek and Jackson Bailey kisses Kribbit on the cheek. This is quite obviously a well-rehearsed greeting. Okay. Then as the Vistana puts Krib the vistana puts cribbit as deposited yes as

cribbit is slowly put down jackson sees you yep and he unlike the vistani have never treated you with hostility like the barovians or the valakavians have but the vististani have all, it's kind of like sarcasm to be honest. They've always treated you as oh, Pip Mandarin, the great general. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's mocking. Yeah. And you can see the curled edges of his smile

are quite clearly mocking. Pip hates it, but steals his face, walks into the camp. You return in victory again. Hector, your new Hector has been taken by the watery mass to the north. I don't know what they intend to do with him, but I assume if he's dead, whatever prophecy you've got going on here this time around, it's probably not going to come to fruition. So as much as it pains me to do, and it pains me, I and Krivit have come asking for help.

The doors to one of the wagons open up and Madame Eva steps out through the doorway to look at you. This is the first time you've ever seen her standing. You already knew she had like a frail wispy frame, but standing here with clothes draped over her, she looks almost like a skeleton wearing clothes, basically.

You must find the elf. Oh, OK. I suppose it's on me to think that I would get anything other than riddles coming here. Any Jackson? Jackson turns to look at Madam Eva. Go to the Blue Water Inn.

There you will find an orc. Tell him to come here. She turns around and the doors just close on their own. Okay. Also, I say, and I point to Kribbit's back. Kribbit, we're not healing. I don't know if that's something you've noticed either. Jackson nods sadly.

Sit down. I will explain to you of gods and healing. Okay. I relish the opportunity to sit by, I assume, a campfire. Sure, yeah. And be a little bit warm. The Valakavian guard, if they suspect that you could be in either Vistani camp or the Dusk Elf camp, they do not send anyone out to check. You are unharassed for the next little while

as, well, Jackson Bailey was told to do it, but because he's talking to you, he sends someone, no, actually, as per usual, the Vistani treat, or this, sorry, this group of Vistani, very specifically, this is not a normal

Vistani trait, this is a frustrating Madame Eva's troop trait. They treat this situation as not, like, not a time-sensitive trait. Yeah, no urgency. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. After Jackson has explained to you

the situation with Pannier, which you can believe or you cannot believe, this is coming from Madame Eva who told him about it. I guess Pip's thinking about, like, there's Hector, but there's also Yender. There's a lot more people connected to what waning divine powers there already were in Barovia.

So, yeah, as much as he's loathe to agree with the Vistani, he probably believes it. In that case, after Jackson has explained to you the situation he goes he gets up and before he leaves he turns to you and he says would you like something to eat and drink you look exhausted i haven't fucking slept in a well i haven't haven't slept a wink so yeah that'd be i look to crib it i assume crib it nods slowly yeah yeah the two of you were allowed to sleep in what he likes eggs he's He's a big egg guy. Oh, he's been eating eggs since he got here.

Okay. Several of the Vistani. I feel no need to bring it up, then. Yeah. While you were talking with, this is the first time you've been in a conversation that's probably important or monumentous that Kribbit has not been scribbling away furiously because several of the Vistani have pulled him away and they're giving him different things to play.

They seem to fucking love this. While you're having that conversation with Jackson, Kribbit plays everything from the spoons, an obvious and simple one, clearly for him, to an old man's teeth, like removable teeth. He plays the chattering teeth. And even they're like trying to find animals because they've seen him play a dog. They're trying to find other animals for him to play. He plays a bat. Yeah.

That rules. And after Jackson has explained to you, he gets up, he shows you where you can sleep, and then he heads off into town to grab a go-gash, basically. Yeah, I guess me and Newk, realizing that a brief sleep is not going to do much, yeah, we take a full eight hours.

Well, in eight hours. All right, so what time is this now currently? I assume this would be, we left at six. Say we got to the Vistani camp at what? 6.47? Yeah, thereabouts. Okay, eight hours from there. Okay.

You had eight hours from there. They're three hours ahead of you currently. That's really not what you want. Yeah, that's not what you want to hear. That's for a rescue mission. Cool. That's not what you want. And we're down a yonder.

And we are down a yender. She got arrested by the cops. So, in your eight hour long short rest, will you recover

anything you would recover on a short rest? I recover everything, which is wonderful. Oh, there you go. That's great. That's a real benefit for me. Quick question.

Yeah? With Kribbit playing his song of rest, does he have to play it for eight hours? For it to work? Like Adam. Don't ask me that question. All right, so you got 7d10.

Okay. How many d10 would you like to use? How damaged am I? Knowing that this is all the healing you'll receive from rests in a week. Yeah, how damaged is Pip? Because I don't actually know if I got... So we can't do a short rest every night? Yeah, no.

Short rests recover after a long rest, my friend. Oh, no. We've got to find Esmeralda again so me and her can make a health potion. rest my friend oh no we gotta find Esmeralda again so me and her can get making health potions dude

fuck fucking hell the hit dice recover at the end of a long rest yeah yeah okay awesome

Pip you're on 50 hit points by my count okay yeah I'll I'll take some healing then but sure so I get how many I I get 70 10s?

You've got up to 70 10 Let's just use one I'll just take the one I'm gonna need more I imagine Adam in the coming days You recover 5 hit points That's so fucked up Even with Krivit doing his good songs

He can't play for a full 8 hours He doesn't know that he needs to. His little tiny voice. I would allow, I'd say that as part of the rest, he just needs to play it for like an hour. Thank God. Okay. So you're on 55. Jesus Christ.

And you're down one hit point. Die. So abilities, they come back on a short rest. Now that's once a day. That's not like you only get two in a week, right? Sorry? All the abilities that come back. Oh yeah, any ability that's a short rest. That's once a day. That's not like you only get two in a week, right? Sorry? All the abilities that come back. Oh, yeah.

Any ability that's a short rest. Okay, thank God. Just hit points. Yeah, every long rest, you get 7d10 to use over your short rests. Each d10 is plus your constitution bonus, though. Oh, yeah. So it's 7d10 plus 2. For me, it's 7, I think.

What? Oh, no. Plus 2, it's 7, I think. What? Oh, no. Plus 2, your constitution modifier. All right. Yep. Cool. Cool. Just looking.

I'm just seeing. Maybe Pip's doing this in the morning, you know, in the cold light of dawn within the little tent. I'm looking through my alchemical ingredients to try and figure out what makes a health potion. Yeah. What are the ingredients in a health potion, you know? I'm gonna angel feathers, but how many of them am I gonna get in the coming months? After your long rest... Oh, and Krivit also needs to recover some.

Short rest, sorry. After your teeny tiny little baby rest, Krivit recovers... What's that? Five hit points. Oh, you both recovered five. And it's not like the cult,

the watery mass, I guess what our good friends over in the Amber Temple... Yeah. That's off a time limit, right? No, no, no. It's not like we can just waste the week getting the battle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, No. No, no. It's not like we can just waste the week getting better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, cool. To be continued... what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word,

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