D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia I #24 Watery Comma Mass

Episode Date: February 25, 2023

It all culminates here where the party must try and rescue Hecktor from the watery comma mass. Pip awkwardly has to ask Elanial for help while Hecktor experiences the many consequences of overusing a god.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Though you may not see Vorta for miles around, you can consider yourself trapped. The mists that encircle us are like prison walls. And who is the warden of this prison, you ask? None other than the wonderful, the terrible, the powerful Baron Strahd von Zarovich. And the only way to leave this place

is to kill him or die. When you wake up, you and Kribbit are both in the same wagon. Kribbit kind of shakes you awake a little bit and he says, my spell, this one's spell he says my spell this one's spell my spells this one's spell I mean sorry

my spells are not back. That's I'm still magic exhausted. No magic whatsoever are we talking? A little he says okay some magic is too easy for me to not do yeah yeah yeah but i see some magic harder this magic no coming back

i like maybe like he doesn't seem to know about penny yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He didn't pick up on that. He was playing instruments. Yeah. He probably missed this last night. You know our good friend Hector, Dragon Spain? Yeah, he is. And our other good friend Yender? Yeah, he is.

So they're sort of sucking the whatever divine energy remains in Barovia out of the divine plane. You know, the bit that's... Yes, yes. Oh, no, okay. Yeah, so I think in doing that, they sort of made it hard for anything to recharge, whatever like sort of basic magic level there is. Kribbit sits down.

Yeah. Kribbit just on his bum on the floor sits down. Yeah. Kribbit just on his bum on the floor sits down. Yeah. Kribbit. Oh, they speak. And I think, I mean, I don't know, but I think it's affecting, you know, even like, you know, I have several sort of trick shots that I can do with my crossbow. So several sort of, and even that I feel like is waning. And that's just a skill I've learned.

So we all just get tired. Yeah. And even that I feel like is waning, and that's just a skill I've learned. We all just get tired. Yeah. If they keep going, we all go to sleep forever? Yeah, that has crossed my mind. Huh. And if it doesn't get better soon, I mean, is there even a recharge rate? Krubert scoots on his bum along the floor so that he can put one of his mitts on your shoulder

and he says, Barovia scary. Oh, you have no idea. Kribbit think action novel. Kribbit made up novel type called action adventure. Okay. Kribbit never seen before, so Kribbit make up. Kribbit make up new novel type that he never seen before. Just like a grand gesture with his two little mitts. Horror.

Kribbit heard. You heard? This one heard of slasher. Like slasher, but subdued. Yeah, okay. You've heard of Slasher novels? Sure. Slasher puppeteers.

Slasher serial killer puppets? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm more of a romance guy myself. Romance. Could have been right, romance. Sure, I'm opening the flap to guy myself. Romance. Could I have a ride romance? Sure. I'm opening the flap to the tent and stepping outside. As you step out.

Well, it's okay, man. But as you're stepping outside and as Kribbitz rummaging around for the romance novel that he wrote, incidentally, a grung in their lover. He's not the grung. Yeah, of course. Of course he is. It's not a self. It's not an author self-insert.

That would be absurd. That's insane. It's not an author self-insert. That would be absurd. That's insane. As you step outside, you see standing around the campfire is a go-gash with, obviously, with all the Vistani here, is a go-gash and Danica. Okay. Okay.

All right, Danica. Yeah, that's not so bad. There's just a lot of people I've wronged, so I hear a name and I've got to fill the three. Yeah, anyway. You can hear as well Jackson is talking to them. You can hear Jackson finishing the Pena explanation to them as well. They both have very dark expressions. I join them by the campfire. Agagash turns to look at you and he says,

Many dark events have transpired since we last yeah you're telling me i'm assuming you've been caught up on the he nods yeah that means presumably hector is in even dire straits than we sort of first thought he nods slowly direst direst there is not much time to lose no no time to waste all right unfortunately go on madam eva explained to us that um i am aware that she just said that you should be the one who talks to the elves yeah did she did she now yes i suppose that's sort of within some line of prophecy or i look back at cribbit some kind of narrative cribbit is since he notices you're not interested in his romance novel he's tucking it back away in his bag i like look from a go-gash because i

think this is absurd sure to danica to see what danica's expression is like whether or not she's also like we're gonna feed you to the lions Pip Danica Danica's got a mix of expressions you can see half of her expression is like this is the bed you've made time for you to sleep in it but the other

half of her expression is like a softer gentler sort of like you can see she's torn yeah between like here's the bed that you've made but also it's gonna suck to sleep in yeah yeah she's like not necessarily sympathy but you can see there's a part of her that's like maybe you've been punished enough yeah okay okay as i say like turn around start walking away from the fire to the road and then over to the Dusk Elf camp. If I make it back, see you then.

If I don't, be it on your hands. And then I'll enter the Dusk Elf camp. As you approach the Dusk Elf camp, it's a, so the encampment, if you'll recall, is on a little hill. Up the top of the hill is a second, more permanent, Vistani camp. And then the Dusk Elves live in almost like little hobbit holes around, set into the hill itself. As you're walking into this second encampment, you can see there is a set of stables with some horses that the Dusk Elves use, and you see that there is a figure hitching their horse, having just come quite clearly hard riding yes from somewhere else as they're hitching

their horse they turn to look at you with a hood and the sun is beginning it's a very overcast day yeah so it could almost be disguised as night to be honest so it is very difficult between the hood and the dark time that it is currently to identify any of their features. But when they stop and look at you, you recognize this person. Hello again. Illennial Silverfire approaches you. Does it look like she's gearing up to go somewhere? Yeah, she's strapped.

Before you leave, I say. I've just come back, she says. Oh. So I don't know if this is true, but it was sort of an assumption I made. Hector, dragon's bane, sort of eight foot tall, purple. Purple? Yeah. He's got purple tinged skin.

Oh, right. I fucking forgot which one of you is a dragonborn for a second. Elaniel nods. I received a message from him. Yes. Okay. Oh, is that not? I, since I just got back, I assumed.

Anyway, it's not important. He had a method of contacting me. And I received that method just a few hours ago. And you know, yeah. I know where is that's that's really good to hear unfortunately where he is is perhaps in the belly of the beast as it were yeah like belly of one of the beasts lake zarovich yeah yes okay he's being taken there as we speak do you have horses we need to ride hard i don't have much i think back to cribbit and gogash she looks at the stables behind her and then back at you and she says but you know how to ride no once again you can't see her face but you know what's happening

you know a pained expression is on her face right now. I've never ridden a horse before. She turns around and grabs the reins to several horses and just quietly turns to look back at you and says, where is the rest of your party? In the Vistani camp. She turns in that direction. Yeah. I'll follow behind.

But at a distance from the horses because I don't want to be kicked in the direction. Yeah. I'll follow behind. But at a distance from the horses because I don't want to be kicked in the head. All right. So this is really funny. So she brings horses enough for one for her, one for a go-gash,

and then one for you and Kribbit to share. Kribbit mounts up on the horse and he is going to be in charge. That's so cute. While you

hug him from behind. I put my hands around him, but then realize that I've got to put it just at the height. It's around his face. Because there's no one else. Because a go-gosh is just too fucking big. And Elaniel is not letting you ride with her. Elaniel

would rather Hector die than you ride with her. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Never ridden a horse. Pip doesn't like horses. That's fair. That's good.

Get a good boy card. I like that characterization. That's good. Thank you. Pip, you, a go-gash, cribbit, and a laneal silver fire,

you ride hard, you ride fast. You make excellent time on your way to Lake Zarevich. Hector. Oh, yeah.

You wake up again. You are still on zero hit points, but for the sake of a story, let us say that you are conscious for what is happening. Give me one, Adam. Give me one. No, I don't want you to fight. No, that's fine. I'll give you one hit point. I'll give you one hit point.

I'll give you one hit point because I know you're not Kevin Falk. Give me one hit point. I promise I won't fight. If you promise not to abuse the one hit point. I promise not to abuse the one hit point. I can't even speak out of it. I can't even whisper. You may have one hit point. Lucky man. And, yeah, count your blessings.

I need to. One. Yep. All right. lucky man and yeah count your blessings i need one yep uh yep so you wake up you are you are on the bank of a massive lake simply enormous the largest body of water in barovia okay you have seen the sea so it's not the largest body of water that you've ever seen but it is nonetheless possibly the largest lake that you have ever seen. It's a cool, icy, glassy surface with every now and then the disruption of but a single tiny little wave up and down. You can see all around you there is boats all docked up, just dragged up onto the beach.

There's no piers or anything like that. You can see that this is where fishermen come from Valakai to go fishing out on the lake. There are, however, no fishermen. Well, there are fishermen, but they're not on the lake, if you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see staked in all around the sand,

there are torches with flames slowly flickering and burning in the at this point I'm going to say it's about 6 p.m. and you can see that in the moonlight the now moonlight they are struggling to keep the darkness of the night at bay

no creatures of Barovia are here to disturb you they wouldn't dare all around you are the many cultists the many No creatures of Barovia are here to disturb you. They wouldn't dare. All around you are the many cultists, the many mind-addled villagers who are, if they are not holding a weapon, then they are holding in their hands another torch to light the area. You can see you are not the only person bound and gagged as well, kneeling at the edge of the water. You can see there are, let's say, eight people in total, of which you are one.

Bound and gagged, you said? Yes. Bound by your hands, by your feet, probably around your knees as well, just to make it extra difficult, and then you have a gag in your mouth. Okay.

No spells for you. no spells for me anyway uh oh no no no i still got my cantrips i can still cast light at will prowling in between the the congregation you can see those eight diarist wolves slowly just slipping in and out between the people. They move noiselessly and with like an eerie, awful purpose. All righty. Up ahead in front of you, just standing about knee deep in the water itself. You can see that person in the robes. Their robes dangle from their shoulders down into the water where they kind of billow out around them, making them look like some sort of strange flower. Are they wearing a mask or can I see their face?

And how far away is it? They, this person would be maybe about 10 feet. Okay. So, okay. I won't switch to dark vision. Yeah. Can I see their face? They turn to, they're quite clearly

doing some sort of ceremony, and when they turn to face you, you can indeed see their face. You can see that half of his face has some sort of awful burn upon it, and that, it covers half of his nose, half of his mouth, and one of his eyes.

That eyebrow has no hair to it, and you can see that eye is kind of puffy and closed. It's not a recent wound. This is an old, a very old wound. All right. You also see he's holding a staff in both of his hands. One of the hands, you can see, is similarly burnt and disfigured. It's kind of almost a claw.

Actually, I would literally describe it as a claw rather than a hand you see that the staff is topped with an obelisk figurette the figurette is of it's like a roiling mass with tentacles reaching out at moments when it turns one way it looks like a squid at moments when it turns another way it looks like it could be this guy it could just be a roiling mass of tentacles sometimes maybe you also imagine it looks like other multi-appendaged typically aquatic creatures but it's never it's never one thing at any one time you're not sure if that's a trick of the light or some sort of magic okay all right have i seen this man before or is this um no you haven't seen him before. You don't know

who he is. Oh, you might know who he is just through description. Yeah, you actually do know who this is. You may be in a conversation with Pip. Pip informed you that Izek, Izek Strasny is the right hand man of the

Burj Master of Balagai. He is also supposedly a member of this church that are devil worshippers. And he's been mindfuckled. Pip has presumably had some encounter with Izek before

and so was able to describe him to you. And so you recognize this is Izek. So it's Izek and he's the one that okay, so he's been mind-sorcelled. You can see, yeah, he's got a blank expression on his face. Really doesn't really matter who's in front

doing this, to be honest. Could be anyone. Can I make any of the words that they're saying, actually? Or at least, maybe what language they're speaking. What languages do you know? I know, abyssal, celestialestial, Common, and Infernal. Yeah, it flits between Abyssal, Infernal, and then maybe a third language. At least one more language that you don't recognize.

When he speaks in Abyssal or Infernal, when you're understanding what he's saying, it's babbling. Okay. It's just words. He's not saying anything. It doesn't seem to be any sense to it Maybe it makes more sense if you knew this third language But with what you know It doesn't sound like he's saying anything Alright, okay

Let's see here, now I know Pip did something With a grenade That made people Anti-magic would be nice How do you make that grenade? Did Pip ever tell me? Oh, I highly doubt Pip told you how that grenade was made

I do not think I did Would I ever be able to acquire any of the material right now? It's funny that you thought you could You reckon you could just grab some What do we got here? Don't you fucking Nice try Nice fucking try, Jackson Just grab some... Oh, yeah. What do we got here? Don't fucking tell him.

Nice try. Nice fucking try, Jackson. No metacaming, Jackson. Oh, yeah. You definitely couldn't grab Eye of Newt. You writing this down? Eye of Newt. Writing this down?

Writing this down? Angel feathers. Writing this down? You're an angel. Pluck yourself. Penis dust. That's the last one. All right.

If they're just babbling, I'm just going to cast my eye over to the water and maybe try and see if I can at least look at what the watery mass, if I can kind of peep it and at the same time maybe test the ropes of what I'm wearing, of how strong they are. You're a little bit more tightly bound than you were previously. They're on to you. Sorry, what were you trying to say? Just peep in the water

and see if there's any watery mess. There does not appear to be any disturbance to the water's surface. You just see that black, glossy liquid. And the water comes up to the priest's knees, is what you're saying? black, glossy liquid. And the water comes up to the priest's, like, knees, what are you saying? Yeah, pretty much. I was trying to think because wolves can't swim, right?

Yeah, famously, wolves. Famously, wolves. Famously, wolves can't swim. That's why there's wolves and there's sea wolves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a separate creature, yeah. Okay, I guess at the moment, Adam, I'm just going to have to cop it and see what happens and try and, yeah. Adam, I'm just going to have to cop it and see what happens and try and

yeah Looking over to my seven compatriots Do I recognise anyone whom them? Or maybe not recognise but maybe are they potentially useful? Due to your gag you actually can't

turn your head very much Your head's kind of almost a little bit locked in place So when you turn you only get much. Your head's kind of almost a little bit locked in place. So when you turn, you only get maybe, I'd say, 15 degrees of motion in either direction. So your eyes have to do a lot of the work on this one. Looking to your left and right, you just see those seven people, but a lot of them are kind of in the periphery of your vision, so you can't really make them out. The people immediately closest to you

you can see that they are bound similarly to you maybe you can hear a few of them struggling or crying or or making sobbing sort of noises but you don't recognize any of them you can see that maybe some of them are even more bound than you were maybe some of them struggled a bit more than you did. One of them maybe was wearing a blindfold in addition. Okay. Okay. Is anything on the ground in front of me? Like rocks or anything like that? Sand?

No, it's a very sandy... Actually... Yeah, actually, I highly doubt a sandy beach is possible in Peruvia. It'd probably be a very rocky beach. Kind of volcanic, I highly doubt a sandy beach is possible in Barovia. It'd probably be a very rocky beach. Kind of volcanic, I imagine, for some reason. Yeah, maybe with many pebbles.

Am I kneeling or am I sitting? You're kneeling. Can I fall back or am I being propped up to like... You can feel a hand on each shoulder and you know that's two different people. So, yeah, if you tried to fall backwards, you'd basically just fall onto two people who would probably push you back. Maybe I'll, well, whatever is happening,

I'll just, using my knees, see if I could... You can wear at the ropes then. I was going to be like, is it feeling for like a sharp bit of rock? And if I can... That's an investigation check. Have you invested in investigation? Yes, I do.

You have. Okay. All right. Well, while you're doing that. I mean, I know I did say I promised I wouldn't abuse the one hit point. It seems like he's the one. I feel like I'm abusing the one hit point. I'm so sorry.

That's fine. No, no, it's okay. I'm going to punish you. I'm going to punish you. I mean, while you're doing that, you can see that mirror surface of the water begins to shift. Oh, no. Okay.

And then realize something's simply terrible. The water was glassy smooth, not because it was a quiet day, but because, like how oil sits on water, something massive that had flattened itself was sitting on the water. That black layer on top of the water shifts and forms itself into something. As it does so, the water becomes normal. It's like a large lake, a large body of water. There's a tide and there's waves to it, but they had been constrained by whatever was sitting on top. As it begins to coalesce in itself, at first it's very translucent and see-through, but then as it begins to become denser, it becomes more and more opaque.

to become denser it becomes more and more opaque it's like a creature made out of liquid like a like a jelly like a like a ooze almost except an ooze that can become hard and solid two simply enormous tendrils unfurl themselves on either side of the congregation and then many more tendrils slowly begin to snake their way out from the body your mind almost doesn't want you to look at this creature and like the staff at one point it looks like an octopus at another point it looks like some sort of snail creature and the the tendrils become like it's uh like a snail yeah like a snail's eye stalks. And then at another point, it becomes just a formless mass. But every single time it changes, it changes because your mind screams at you,

close your eyes, do not watch. And during one of those moments where you close your eyes, you refuse to watch, you can sense that one of the tendrils reaches out for one of the people near you. You hear them scream and you can kind of, in your periphery, you can feel them thrashing and then they get still. Yeah.

You don't want to get eaten by this. You really don't want to get eaten by this. Okay, okay. I need to start struggling. You begin struggling, but the two people either side of you hold you tight. This is not their first radio, and they knew you would fight.

Cool. Gagged, you said, yeah? Yeah. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Pip! Yeah. I'd like to make a concoction whilst I'm on the back of the horse. Sure. I'd like to combine some... What am I combining?

Oh, shit. Hang on. Dyrus Dwarfheart, some Blightskin, and Diamond, which gives me a legendary power, to make a grenade of poison and lightning. All right, you succeed.

You do quite well. I'm going to say you do well enough to get two grenades. Yeah, two grenades. Oh, hell yeah. That rolls. And yeah, as we're going, I'm probably explaining to everybody else on horseback. Dark masses, comma watery,

are immune to just a fucking bunch of things. So let me listen out for you now so you're prepared. Not that, you know, I don't know how magic, how we're doing magically. Anyway, immune to cold, necrotic, and acidic damage. It's just not going to do a thing to it.

And if your weapon is mundane and you're doing fire damage, that's not going to do much better, but it might be able to hurt it at least somewhat. What we're looking for is lightning or poison. That's really the only things known to be able to harm a dark mass. If you've got that in any way, that's the direction you should be heading in. But, yeah, looking around, I roll. a dark mass if you've got that in any way that's the direction you should be heading in uh but uh

yeah looking around but i hope you've got a fucking magic weapon let me tell you that other otherwise i suppose our real main point should be trying to de-ensorcel the uh afflicted civilians maybe that's something you could do cribbit i don't know how much magic you have left but uh that's a good question cribbit can do some but does that count okay uh cribbit can do a few things oh he gets his bodic inspiration back on short rests that's useful okay yeah he's some things require a long. But he can do some things. Okay. It's kind of fucked him and not fucked him at the same time somehow. And one last thing. If you get eaten by the dark mass, there's just no coming back.

Not even resurrection will save you. You'll just be gone with a full stop. So stay out of its mouth. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm out of its mouth. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe just quickly cut back to me, Adam. Yeah. In my periphery, the people that were thrashing and then stopped, what's happening to them? You try to turn your head.

The one that you saw was too far down the line. You don't know what's happening to them. The try to turn your head. The one that you saw was too far down the line. You don't know what's happened to them. The tendril recedes. Okay. That's a worry. All right. Pip, you, after concocting, like I said, you've been riding for a few hours now. You can see up ahead lights.

Elaniel, by now the sun is beginning to set. Elaniel turns back to you and says, that is them. We should dismount now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can move through the forests for a little time and not be exposed. A nod. You all pull up, dismount. I need Kribbit's help. Yeah, sure.

Maybe you, Gogash, because Kribbit definitely cannot help you or the horse. Gogash just picks you up and puts you down. Thank you, Kribbit. I mean, Gorgash. I'm embarrassed. You leave the horses where they are. If anyone asks, Eleniel gives just a vague gesture and says,

they will not run and they know to stay here. You start sneaking your way through the forest. You come. You see what is happening. your way through the forest. You come, you see what is happening. You watch as one of the tendrils reaches out, grabs one of the

eight people on the beach, wraps around them. They struggle and fight and then crack. Their neck snaps and they are dragged into the water. You watch as and Hector, you are vaguely aware, it happens at your periphery, as another person screams and thrashes as another tendril reaches out.

This time, Hector, unfortunately you do not see it very well, but Pip, you see it clear as day as the tendril wraps around the person's neck and you're expecting another crack. But this time instead, the tendril reaches into their ear. They struggle and fight for a second. But then the tendril begins to get thinner and thinner and thinner. Have you ever seen a creature reproduce via, what's it called? Osmosis? Not osmosis. Where you split into... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like cell division or whatever. Yeah, yeah. The creature disconnects part of its tendril like it was for Slado just being pulled apart, and that tendril slips into their ear canal. The tendril recedes, and the person jerks once, and then other people in the congregation begin untying them. Do I think it's not unreasonable to assume that if the watery mass is killed, those already ensorcelled will de-ensorcel?

It's a decent assumption. It's an easy, it's a, yes, yes. It's like an educated guess. It might be wrong, but from what I know, that's how these things typically shake out. It could work like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you kill one and not the other? Hungry for one?

Okay. Needed a friend from the other. Oh, okay. All right. How many people are we talking and how many diarist wolves? There's 40 people. And eight diarist wolves. So many wolves.

Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. Cribbit. When you sing, people listen, right? Yes. This one can make people listen to performance. Is there like an amount of people that that will work on? This one does not think that they have such a performance in them.

Now this one thinks maybe they need to wait seven days. This one can distract some people, but Do you have a percentage to reckon of the whole? Maybe four. Well, it's something.

Eleniel with a dark edge of humor says it's a tenth. That's not quite enough. The aim will be to really dispatch that watery mess as quickly as possible and then mop up the rest. But 40 people getting their licks in, no matter how small, is not insignificant. I'm trying to think of how we can distract people.

It's really pressing, though. I'm like, well, if we wait... But if we wait, Hector's going to get eaten by a watery mass. Who's to say? Perhaps an all-out attack, then, I say, is the only option.

The Hellenial nods with a sense of finality. Perhaps if we were better equipped, a divide-and-conquer strategy would be, but it's just not doable. All right. So it's me, Kribbit, and a Gogash. And Yandar. No, Yandar's in jail. It's you, Kribbit, Eleniel, and a gogash.

That's just, that's four people. That's 40. Yeah. A gogash is like a bit of a powerhouse. Yeah. Eleniel is the archer and they can do stuff from a distance. Eight direst wolves. Yeah.

Well. A gogash says, as the wolves yeah well agagash says hmm it's uh what if is there you know this creature better than i do yeah is there perhaps some way i am quite quick and with a horse i could be even faster sure perhaps i could take the heat i understand that the three of you, he says, gesturing to the rest of you, would struggle in such circumstances. But I could bear their brunt without falling in battle. Yeah, I was thinking that. Eleniel tenses. She doesn't say anything, but she disagrees.

Maybe Pip, like, with a little hand. There's, like, a little wave like that. That's really not worth getting into. Well, yeah, maybe, Gorgash, if you – I mean, the 40 people are just people. They're civilians. The licks they're going to get in are going to be minute compared to the diarist wolves. If you could take the heat off of us with them, you know, and we could focus on the diarist wolves and the watery mass, perhaps that's the best strategy there. What if –

Yes. Ogogash says there what if yes agagash says what if um i do not know how well your horse could handle the damage that i could take but if your horse has even a tenth of my constitution then perhaps it could survive i could get in acquire our good friend drag him out with me and then at least we know that he is safe and in addition that would act as a fair distraction. Yes, yes. You're right. Hector should be our top priority.

So yes, let's do that. All right. He, Agogash, looks at Eleniel and says, do you think your Eleniel cuts him off? She says, the horse can take anything you can. While people are talking i'm also like observing to see where how close the tentacles are getting to hector like you don't have a lot of time yeah okay millennial and a go gash retreat very quickly to go get the horse okay i think i gotta just head in to be honest all right you're that? No. Well, the horse isn't far away, is it?

No, you didn't leave him too far. Okay. I'll wait. I'll wait. I'll wait. I'll wait. I'll wait till the distraction happens. Hector, you, well, you don't watch.

You can't really see. But one by one, people are quietened. Okay. I want, so, okay. Verbal, I can't do that right now. I can't even, if I talk in the back of my throat with a gag, that doesn't count. No. And I guess even if I could, semantic needs.

Semantic is. Semantic is. Semantic is. It's with your hands. Yeah, right. And mine are. Bound. Right.

Bounded. Yeah, okay. And how's my struggling going? Not great. Come on. I get a bad boy card. Real bad. They're on to you. They're on to your shenanigans.

All right. So, Hector. Yeah? You hear, it shatters the quiet of the night. Crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop, crop,w, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, ca like, oh fuck, it's the tentacle. But then it does not wrap around your neck. It grabs you like you would grab a kitten by the scruff of your neck and you are, with a tremendous effort,

holed off your knees and into the air. It feels like you're being hung. Pip, Eleniel actually gets back to you first. She is surprisingly fast, even moving through the trees. And then, Pip, you watch as a go-gash explodes out from where the road is onto the pebbly beach. He knocks several of the cultists aside, and they are so shocked by this that he has like a full 10 seconds before anyone actually fucking reacts. That rules. He issues the horse.

He like slams into its sides with his heels. The horse does a mighty jump. And when it lands, it lands bodily onto one of the diarist wolves, which Gogash grabs by the tail and then drags behind him on the pebbles for a little bit before he lets go of the diarist wolf grabs hector by the scruff of his neck hauls him into the air and you you you can see hector going a bit red in the face he is quite clearly not capable of breathing right now but hector races out of the formation uh as like, yeah, can we basically be following in Ogogash's wake? Sure, absolutely.

Where he's moving through, we'll start pushing in. All right. Well, we'll go to initiative then. Yeah, all right. I like that you're still bound. Like, for the fight, you're still going to get out. Maybe if he just whacks you on the ground, your bonds will break. Don't do that.

Okay. All right. That's interesting. How did I get here? The watery mass tries to hit a gogash, but its blow echoes weirdly. Oh, sorry. Rolls out weirdly and then smacks it back in the face. It forgets the last.

What? It's about to forget some days forgets the last four days no one really even the watery mass which is kind of it's more of a force yeah it's not really a conscious being yeah i guess it does have sentience it doesn't have sapience yeah yeah. It's about the same intelligence as like a... No, I guess it is kind of... It's not important. The Wardry Mask was taken to four days ago before you ever came to Malachi. That's so funny. Yeah, yeah.

Is it hungrier? Or more... Well, who's to say? Full. Anyway, it makes a second attack. Okay. Oh. Okay. Oh, wow. Another critical fail? No, but a Gagash just rides in between the blows.

Fuck. That's a great job. All right, it's a Dyrus Wolf's turn. Well, one of the Dyrus Wolves just gets up. That Dyrus Wolf is like, what the fuck just happened? A horse fell on me, then a guy grabbed my tail and dragged me ten feet. That's right. The other seven Dyrus wolves, however, take exception to what is happening. And they're going to, well, they're probably going to chase after a go-gash.

They're not really concerned with you right now pip they barely even noticed you to be honest it's a good news it was a pretty pretty distracting thing yeah yeah yeah yeah pip it's your turn okay uh can i get close to the watery mass on this turn yes i would say that because no one none of the people have had their turns yet, they're still just so shocked by what happened, and they're looking. All eyes are on a go, Gash. You could sprint through and get there without anyone bothering you. Could I lob a grenade into it?

Yeah. All right, I get lobbing. I'm going to run in, slide. Which one? I'm going to yeet that diamond grenade of poison and lightning. One of my two. All right, you yeet that diamond grenade of poison and lightning. One of my two. All right. You yeet it into the creature, either onto its side or into its maw.

Every time you look at it again or every time you blink, it's like a different, you're looking at a different part of it. And then sometimes it doesn't seem to have parts. It's just a mass. Just a hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe in its brief moment of confusion where it's like, wait, what day is it? I throw the grenade.

You deal 10, 20, 44 points of damage. Yes. That's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, who knows how strong it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's pretty good. Is that half, a quarter, a fifth?

Well, it's not bloodied. Sorry. Okay. And that is good is that half a quarter a fifth well it's not bloodied sorry okay and that is oh and yeah if you have you have two attacks yeah you can love the other grenade if you want sure let's do it i'm just happy to get them off my belt it's scary to have grenades on me boom boom both of the grenades strike it in the side. Your second attack deals... That's a lot of ones. Oh, fuck. That's a lot of ones. Your second attack deals only 26 points of damage. No, it's not so bad.

I mean, that's 70 damage total in your opening salvo, so that was actually pretty good. And then it is Elaniel's turn. As she sprints through the group, Elaniel, you can see that she grabs something from a pouch and throws some sand out in front of her. The sand twinkles. And then you can see like a series of little concentric circles appear in the air slowly zooming in onto the watery mass she then knocks draws fires knocks draws fires knocks draws fires arrow after arrow after arrow. Hell yeah.

Then, as the arrows impact, you see bang, bang, bang, bang! They begin to explode into little further shards of wood, dealing a further 8 points of damage. Okay, okay. Cool. Little by little, little by little. Elaniel then leaps and

rolls, and you can see that that little series of concentric concentric circles she's made she grabs the one closest to her with one free hand and wrenches the entire thing and it moves like it's on some sort of swivel so that it's now facing the direst wolves following a go-gash. Should we get a little Gatling gun there? And Hector. Yeah? You're being strangled. I'm on a horse? You're not on a horse.

You're being dragged along. You're being dragged. Well, you're lifted in the air, so you're not being dragged. But maybe you hear a go-gash say, do not worry, friend. I am here. I just make this sound. And open my eyes wide. And hopefully he can either stop strangling me.

That would be nice. Well, that will be on his time. Yeah. That's all I really want him to do. Well, that will be his time, I suppose, if he chooses to do that or not. If he understands that my, you know, little piss baby lungs need air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My weak, tiny, asmier lungs are not as full and voluptuous as his gigantic orc's lungs.

Pip, did you tell the group how psychic damage would affect this creature if at all, did you say anything about psychic damage no no no that's fine, I just wanted to know what the NPCs know from you because actually Kribbit looks, Kribbit is following behind you, Kribbit's on your back

Kribbit on your back with his legs wrapped around your chest and his arms wrapped around your chest and his arms wrapped around your neck yeah he says into your ear uh what would be the smartest thing for this one he says gesturing to himself to do distract uh some of crowd or hurt big boy um i think probably me and elenia will have this kind of under control for the moment distract distract maybe like shuffle to get him off my shoulders

alright he climbs a little higher alright that's fair you hear him cast a spell throw your weapons into the water there are the rules yeah none of them pass four of the forty people There, that rolls. Yeah, none of them pass.

Four of the 40 people just throw their weapons into the water. That's awesome. Seeing this rather withering mass just try to slap a big horse and everything next to it. And then just four random villagers throw it in just like a pitchfork. I don't need this anymore.

It's a go-gash's turn. A go-gash, oh, I'm sorry, my good friend. He puts you on the horse behind him. No, in front of him so that he can hold on to you so you don't fall off, but also you're not... Yeah, he puts you... You also have to be sitting side saddle. He puts you side saddle on the horse in front of him

so that he can put one arm around you and so that he's no longer strangling you. That's perfect news. I wish I could convey, maybe take the gag out, but that's about it. With his legs still wrapped tightly around the horse, he uses his other hand to reach into his pack and he pulls out a little tincture jar

and he pops the top off that. You've seen him use it. It's a healing ointment. You've seen him use it. It's a healing ointment. You've seen him use before. It, maybe this is the closest, this is the first time you've ever seen it up close. It says,

scrolled onto the side, Grugrog's best healing Vaseline. It's where we've got a little picture of Grugrog himself, a, a full-blooded orc with a big thumbs up. Well, I don't, do I,

I don't think I know what Vaseline is, but I'm excited for the word healing. Yeah, there's a big speech bubble next to that face that says only the fattest of animals included. It's a baffling thing to, if you don't know what a Vaseline is. I'm so confused, but also like, at this point,

you can see he takes the last, this is the last use of this ointment. He takes the last of it. Yeah, he literally had one left. He shouldn't have used it on werewolves. He takes the last of it out and smears it on your wounds. You recover nine hit points. Oh, that's good, man. I had a full eight hours sleep and got five.

This is me for a week. That's... We're gonna heal you up. You are unwell. That is Gagash's turn. It is the Massa's turn. So they slowly begin to realize what the fuck is happening.

So they begin turning on you, Eleniel, and Kribbit. You will receive four attacks. Okay. As they begin to imp up their... Slowly, eventually, they'll all make their way to you. You take four points of damage. Pip? Okay.

That's all right. Decent. Dip, dop, and dadge or whatever. Dip, dop, and dadge. Is this a fucking basketball or whatever reference? Dodgeball. Dodgeball, thank you. Kribbit is fine.

Elaniel, that's a critical hit, but otherwise, miss. It's immensely funny that Kribbit had an axe in his head just a day ago. If you think that's the first time Kribbitz had an axe in his head, you're crazy. Kribbitz spends more of his time with an axe in his head than he doesn't. Alright. That is off form. You have disadvantage on your next

melee attack. Alright, so Eleniel... That's not so bad. That is not going to affect. Right. In fact, honestly... Eleniel takes two points of damage. That's so good That's baby mode

She issues a small, sharp hissing noise As one of the An axe cuts her hand Yeah Alright And then it is The Watery Master's turn Oh yay

Oh no I thought that was You heard it I thought that was You fucking heard it You heard it real bad. Yeah, it's mad. Yeah.

Get ready to get it. No. That's a hit. That's a hit. Oh, actually, what's your armor class? It's freaking 15. No, you get hit. You are, alas, you are not a Gagash.

Yep. Okay. So. Yeah. That not a go-gash. Okay, so. Yeah. That's a lot of D6. That's a lot of ones. Relax. Okay. 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.

You take 22 points of damage. All right. That's like when I'm on 55. You were on 51. Oh, yeah. Cool beans. 29. Unless I counted wrong.

Always happens. Let me know if I do. I'm not counting. You can't do basic math. I can't do basic math, dude. And then you need to make a very important saving throw. Oh. Okay. Or be grappled.

Hopefully it's one of the ones I have here, but I doubt it. Well, guess what you get disadvantage on. Well, he's exhausted, right? Yeah, because he's exhausted. That's a fail. So it's a strength saving throw. Did any of my friends... Did Dammit succeed on a strength saving throw recently?

No, not to my knowledge. Never mind. The tentacle grabs you, and you fall onto your back and you are being dragged towards the watery mass. Oh no. Okay.

It lifts you up into the air. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. And you are being lowered down into it. Then it is the Dyrus Wolf's turn. Okay. Okay. Highs or lows? Highs.

Highs. Highs? Yeah. Lows, actually. Lows? I've had to think about it. Lows? Let's go highs.

Actually, on second thought. All right. The Dyrus Wolves have been so concerned, the main pack has been so concerned with what a go-gash has done, that they actually haven't had a chance to look back and see what's actually fucking happening. And because they can't keep up, or they've not gotten to the horse yet. Don't like that

middle amendment you did. There was only one Dyrus wolf in among the group, and that is the wounded one, because that one was like, I need a minute. But that Dyrus Wolf has spotted what is happening, and the Direst Wolf is going to attack Eleniel. It launches itself at Eleniel,

but is only going to get one hit in. Eleniel takes 10 points of damage. She spits, literally spits on the Direst Wolf as it tries to bring her down. Okay. Yeah, the Direst Wolf is on top to bring her down. Okay. Yeah.

The direst wolf is on top of Eleniel. Pip, you see as it is thrashing on top of her, tearing her arm. It's so many abilities all spread out in front of me. Pip, it's your turn. Okay. Um, alright.

Any last words? I guess I'm just gonna it's already grabbed me right it's like a defensive shot's not gonna help yeah it's you are currently grappled and breaking out of that grapple is gonna be do I think if I did enough damage to it like if I shot it a couple of times

there's a chance it would let me go possibly possibly and I know it's immune to fire a couple of times, there's a chance it would let me go. Possibly. Possibly. And I know it's immune to fire. It's not immune, it's just resistant to fire damage. I'm going to plug it with two arrows.

Like, down into its maw, I'm going to fire two arrows. I'll give you advantage on these shots. Yeah, thank you, because I'm going straight down. Alright. Critical hit? Yes! And critical hit. Yeah. All right. Holy smokes.

Great job. Get off me, you fucking lump. Strike. Triple damage, and you are knocked into another creature within five feet of you. That does not affect this. No, it doesn't. Well, it's still triple damage.

That's great, dude. I'll take that. None the shaker sticker. None the shaker sticker. None the shaker sticker. 9, 10, 20 points of damage. Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah. Wow, 20 points of quotation mark damage. Red apples.

It's only resist resistant to mundane weapons. Yeah, quotation marks damage. So you can see that your blow quite clearly didn't hurt as much. At least it hurt it a little bit. Yeah. I think. At least if we leave, right? Yeah.

The watery mass doesn't get a lot of health back. That's true. Neither do you. Yeah. But we can make health potions. What a great comeback. Yeah. Yeah.

It is bloodied. What about my second critical? Oh, yes, don't worry. I'm getting to that. Four, four. Come on, get a high number. That's what you want. Oh, well. We can't win them all. Yeah, let's what you want. Ah. Oh, well.

We can't win them all. Yeah, let's see. I'll take it. Oh! Eh? Oh! Eh? Missed the spot.

You are vulnerable to piercing damage for D4 rounds. Oh, my God. All right. Well, this is not going to be Quintessian Mark's damage. Oh, the rules. And future piercing attacks, like from Millennial. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When she gets up from the wall.

Well, that's 11 points of damage. All right. piercing attacks, like from Eleniel, when she gets up from the wall, well, that's 11 points of damage. Not even Quartagio Mark's damage. From where I am, I'll scream out, STAB THE FUCKER! Oh boy, are you gonna die today? Maybe! It's pretty scary.

It's Eleniel's turn. She has a Direst Wolf on top of her. Now, what can she do about that? Yeah. She could have dodged it and dipped it. Yeah, she dipped it and flipped it. Actually, I know what she could do. No, she's fine.

Wow. Oh, no. What, what, what? When we said the melee thing wouldn't hurt her, it will. Terrible compulsive events. She drops her bow, she grabs the

concentric circles, she grabs two of them, actually, and then she brings them in together, close together, and the entire the telescopic rings begin to get really close together. She drags that so that it is in between her and the wolf

and then she uses it quite clearly the rings have some sort of physicality to them, so she uses that to get a bit of space reaches down, grabs two short swords which she draws from seemingly nowhere, and then she begins stabbing at the fucking direst wolf

alright, well that could have been a critical hit, but unfortunately And then she begins stabbing at the fucking diarist wolf. All right. Well, that could have been a critical hit, but unfortunately. Yeah. Unfortunately, yeah. But she still does get two more attacks. She hits twice in total. And she deals that diarist wolf after being stabbed through the chest twice. Yeah.

And having a horse land on it and being dragged through the pebbles, dies. Okay. Is this the first diarist wolf that has been killed? I believe, yes. I think, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is unfortunately Elaniel's turn. Fuck, that's something.

But Elaniel gets up. Hey. Okay. Hector. Cool. Your turn. Okay. Has Agogash taken any of my un-gagged me yet?

He really hasn't had a chance, unfortunately. I will wait. If I can wait my turn, hold my action until after a gogash. It's Kribbit's turn. Kribbit hesitates because he could get four more people to throw their weapons away, but it really doesn't feel like it's helping. It'd take him ten turns to disarm the mob. We should have just got him to wait on the edge of the forest slowly.

Wow, then you'd be dead. He is... He starts whispering. Oh, wait. Oh, that might be helpful. he starts whispering. Oh, wait. Oh, that might be helpful.

How would that play out? It's nice seeing Adam fight with himself. But it's dramatic. Okay. Cribbit begins whispering just under his breath and he's staring at the watery mass. Somewhere within the watery mass, it is aware that threats are being made. The watery mass doesn't understand. Like I said, the watery mass is not really sentient in the way that we know sentience.

It's kind of just reacting more. And all it is aware of is that something about this little frog man scares it. That fails the saving throw. It takes only five points of psychic damage. Okay. It starts drifting further out into the lake. It wishes to be away from the little frog man. With a tentacle wrapped around my body, I'm looking down at Krippin, eyes

wide. Alright, so now, as you're being lowered, it misses its own mouth. Oh, okay. Awesome. Alright. Cool. Or you assume it does. Once again, it's just like the mass keeps changing. Sometimes you're being

lowered into a mouth. Sometimes you're being lowered into a black void. Sometimes you're being lowered into a mouth. Sometimes you're being lowered into a black void. Sometimes you're being lowered into the waiting embrace of your own mother. It's a fucked kaleidoscope of images that you are being given.

Whatever it is trying to lower you into, it misses because it is being forced out into the lake. Does that mean I'm dunked in the lake? Oh, yeah. Okay, I got a swim speed. That's not so bad. It hasn't let go of you, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was Kribbit's turn. It is a go-gash's turn. A go-gash, have you communicated that you need to be? How? Yeah, maybe through grunts and my eyes, but that's about it. How is he going to do that? Does a go-gash have a dagger? A go-gash, all right.

A go-gash says, I'm sorry, my good friend, but I haven't a small weapon for you to free yourself. But I do have a weapon. Just be careful. Please, we're riding on a horse. You hear him unlumber something and then you feel the cool steel of his great axe.

He places it in front of you in such a way that you could very carefully work your hands and free yourself. I do that, Adam. All right. You need to make a dexterity check. So gingerly. Okay. You take. Do you want to re-roll it?

I got to re-roll it. We can finally use one of my good boy cards. How much damage would it be? I would say one point of damage. I actually wouldn't roll. I'm not wasting this. I would just say, we need that.

We need that. Big time. You take one point of damage. Okay. A hot nine. Okay. And you free your hands. Fucking hell.

I rip out off the gag. Sure, you free yourself. Excellent, cool. That will be your turn, though. Yep, that's fine. All right. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Agogash nods.

He just seems really intent on riding ahead of you. You look behind and you see that you were trailing seven direst wolves. Yeah, I look like, how far behind are they exactly? They've been gaining. They're maybe only five feet behind the horse. Oh, five feet? Uh-oh. Oh, yeah.

They're faster than the horse. Don't ride that, Adam. That's good news. Are you still being dragged behind? No, no. He's on. You're on. He's riding side-saddle, yeah.

It is the people's turn. Okay. It's the people's turn. It's the people's turn. Pip, they're not fighting you. I'm in the sky. Most of them aren't fighting you. You look at Isaac, his glassy expression.

You know what's about to happen. Isaac conjures a bowl of flames into his hand. Oh, no. And he throws it at you. To be continued... campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice

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