D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia I #3 Know your Enemy

Episode Date: October 1, 2022

Pip dismissively tells Hecktor about the Way of the Feather. Wolves set traps, visions are seen and ya boys cannot say this Orc's name no matter how hard we try.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, you are nonetheless marooned, stranded in a nightmare your people call Barovia. While I am able to travel easily between the plains, you cannot, and as such, you find be talking to a gargash. To be just like, it's apparently silver weapons.

Or healing. Fire and thunder they also don't like. And dragon, wolfsbane, sorry. Dragonsbane's you, you're dragonsbane. We've got some. No such plant. Yeah, wolfsbane as well. Yes.

How did you earn the title dragonsbane? Am I sensing that I need to, I guess I need to impress him, yes? He seems, yeah, well, he seems open to being impressed, but he quite clearly thinks himself to be the best fighter here. Okay. Is it a thing where I need to kind of embellish the truth a little bit, or do I need to kind of be more factual about, like, if I'm maybe pressed for answers, so I'm like, okay, it wasn't that.

He doesn't seem stupid, so if you lie, he probably has a chance to notice. But he also doesn't, he's quite clearly not from Barovia. And he's also not from, not just Kandor, but he doesn't seem to be from the material plane either. Anytime you question or probe him, he talks about a really alien homeland. Like where gravity doesn't always work consistently. And where there's no such thing as planets. It's more just rocks floating in the air that you can travel from. He also seems to be quite well versed in planar travel, if you converse at all about that.

He talks about how he has, for the past few years, been planar traveling. Well, I do not know exactly why I travel from place to place, but I always find myself waking up in new locales. I think it is my god testing my abilities. Everywhere I go, I must find

something to test my metal against, and then I find myself a place anew. So you might just disappear at any moment perhaps is there a being here that could my deity my god wishes me to test

myself against perhaps the most strongest beings anywhere I go Castle Ravenloft is visible from basically wherever you are yeah I just like a click on point to it. Yes, there's a fellow in there that I would probably say is the strongest person here. Then I shall defeat him in combat.

That's what everyone's saying. Have you been here, I guess, a long time? Have you met other people? No. Barovia, is it? I have only been here but a day. Ah, right. Well, oh, so you're in the same position as

myself. Apparently this Strahd? Yes, Strahd von Zerowick. He's the one who is our jailer, our off-sports. We can't escape this particular realm. Although we are... What were you saying?

We are maroon. There it is. He's got a speech. You make it out of the forest past Krezic. You're heading back towards Pip's shack. Have the ravens followed us? I'm just worried for my crops. One of the ravens follows you for a little while,

but once you leave the forest, it turns and banks away. You would once again Hector, you would once again notice that this is very odd behavior for a raven. Your ravens here, they follow. Yes. Well,

it depends on the kind of raven, really. There are regular ravens. There are ravens who are secretly people. And both of them will eat a radish if it's not properly guarded. Right, so they're like a druid. Like a cuid? A druid.

Well, no, more like a werewolf. But instead of a wolf, they become a raven. Loop, lycan, Corvid. Oh, right. So that was a... I mean, I don't know. I can't tell at a glance, but they were behaving strangely. They were probably were-ravens. And the were-ravens, are they as dangerous

as the... No, not really. They're more just annoying. I mean, they can be dangerous. Some of them can be dangerous. Not to us. I would call them the closest thing to our force for good perhaps in barovia that's accurate yeah you yeah yeah yeah they you are aware that the were raven society which is the keeper of the feather yeah the keeper of the feathers are work on like subversive acts against strad but well, well, you know, he's still in charge, so what good are they doing, really?

Anyway, I don't have... Should we have... Do we know what they were circling? They would have been doing something. They're doing something. You're welcome to talk to that one. I point to the one that's hopping away. I'm going to light a fire.

Oh, you're not back at your shack yet. You're in the open plains south of Krezic, heading towards your shack. You can actually see it, though, in the distance. At this point, the sun has set. You're within sight of the shack. You can even hear the distant clucking of pot. What's like a party order here? I feel like I'm in charge because I don't want to dilly-dally.

All right, so you're up the front, and then I'm assuming, Hector, you and Ogorgash are... I was thinking you're next to each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're having a conversation. Yeah. Like I said, Ogorgash quite obviously thinks he is superior. A hundred percent.

But he also is kind of like... He's very open to... He has infinite patience for lesser fighters such as yourself. I told him about, you know, taking down the undead dragon. And that is how I earned the name Dragon Spain. I would have told him about the Beholder. I would leave out that it was sleeping. He has slain a Beholder before.

He has a much more impressive story, which you do believe as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He force-fetted its own eyes. So impressive. That rolls. impressive story which you do believe as well yeah yeah yeah force-fed in its own eyes so impressive uh like yeah but you know like learning about all like the i-beam stalks and what they do i'm like ah yes we also thought that yes uh dodged and weaved crazy uh maybe talk about like some you know training up against like you know a lesser demon or devil if we ever had to come across that, like a big ogre or a troll. Kind of like, I guess like, you know, level one to five adventurers.

Like just the kind of general, you know, these things were like, you know, up against the town and then we had to stop with our little outcrop over here. We've got to stop them. And really it's just like, yeah, you're strong. Pip, you stop dead in your tracks. You look down and you can see a, considering everything that would have been involved in this,

it is quite well made. It's a pit trap right in front of you. You stop. You take one look down at it. You can see it's like, it's not covered well, but it is covered somewhat, like well enough, considering that you can see that it was covered well, but it is covered somewhat. Like, well enough, considering that you can see that it was quite clearly dug with paws. Is this Boris?

This is Boris. Boris laid a fucking trap for you, dude. These diarist wolves can fucking lay traps? I like to think I grab my snout. Like, it's like a stress movement where I just rub my snout. I've got to get out of these woods How do you deal with a pit trap?

Like how do I fill it in? Well yeah you would want if you want no one to fall into it. The problem is the pit trap implies Boris is nearby Probably watching you right now probably smart enough to notice that you have stopped right in front of their pit trap I'd like

to maybe just drop down on one knee maybe make like a like a crouch down movement with my hand and scan the surrounding forest and fields see if i can see him oh get a good boy card hell yeah you can spot three dire wolves diarist wolves one of them quite clearly boris you can see the the bolts that you plugged into him earlier today they are ahead of you on the other side of the pit trap okay they're crouched low and you can see that they have once again you are shocked at the level of intelligence yeah intelligence that these diarist wolves have shown they have gotten somehow managed to get fishing nets, which they have thrown over themselves and then stuffed with branches to make them look like bushes. Remind me.

You two do not spot either the pit trap or these diarist wolves. Oh, right. Yes. I mean, we're crouching. I mean, what's happening? And a pit trap right in front of us. Oh, the diarist wolf? Yes.

Yes. The diarist wolf. What is, remind me again, what diarist wolf? Yes, the diarist wolf. What is, remind me again, what is good against him? Fire. Fire. Yeah, pretty much just fire. Radiant damage?

Radiant damage is always good. It's always good. Right, right. Is Boris... Where are they? Maybe like I just point to the kind of like the edge of the wood where they're covered in fishing net. I don't know where they got the fishing net. They would have had to go up to the lake and then... I don't...

This implies, not precognition, but this implies, yeah, a bit of pre-planning on their part. Do me and Gorgash see the wolves? You peer? Neither of you can see the pit trap or the wolves. You haven't pointed out the pit trap, have you? I said there was a pit trap in front of us, yeah. Okay.

Are the wolves just staring at us? Yeah, you stare right into Boris's eyes as he stares right back. I'm glancing around. Maybe even behind us. I can't see shit. Do you need casting a light help? It's getting dark, isn't it? It's a already night time.

Yes, probably casting light would be beneficial. And torches if you have them. Oh yeah, good point. Do I have a torch? I probably would have brought one. Don't. If you have one in your inventory, sure. Yes, I do.

I have a torch. Gorgash searches through his big old backpack and he hands you a torch. Hector. Excellent. In my off hand, I guess, I will brandish the torch and then in my main hand, a club. Agorgash also lights a torch. I've been trying to fight

these wolves for like the last eight months and I don't think we're going to defeat them today. So the aim should be to get to the shack and try and scare them off with fire if you can. This is a running away situation. How many of these wolves are there? There's three visible to me, but there's probably plenty more.

That is, running away seems like a good option. However, we have a champion amongst us. A gorgash. Gestures. When was the last time you ran away from a fight us a gorgash gestures when was the last time you ran away from a fight a gorgash when I was a whelp I did once flee a

fight my father taught me that day the importance of standing up for one shelf perhaps you would not have such a problem with this Boris, these Borises, he says,

if perhaps you fought them. Yes. Yes, I'm sure you're right. In fact, I'd say, knock yourself out. I'm going back to my shack. Is that not your shack? He says, gesturing past them. Yes, as in I'm going to

try and run past them. You're welcome. If you defeat Boris, you're welcome to stay at the shack as long as you like, honestly. But I can't do it again. So. How long have... He turns to you, Hector, and says, how long have you been in Barovia? About a day.

Well, and you, Pip? A long time, I say. Perhaps then caution should be the better part of valor. While we will charge them, we will charge past them, perhaps. Yes, I'm sorry you won't be able to face this challenge head on. It's not my challenge, it's yours. Boris has laid down the glove.

Indeed he has. He's just a very clever wolf. Anyway, it's just going to get darker, so let's start moving. Right, well, lead the way, and around this pit trap. Yeah, I just look at him.

You, yeah, oh, well, you've been here a little Oh fuck. I can't see shit. Alright, a gorgash picks up part of it and lifts it and you can now see into the pit trap. You see that they have presumably with teeth

sharpened spikes and stuck them into the bottom of the pit trap. I'd like to even then be like, where's the pit trap? This is just the natural world. If they can do that, if they can do that, can they,

and I just gestured towards more towards your shack. Another one? Yes. I mean, this I imagine would have taken them a long time, but there's a lot of them. So there's a possibility of further pit traps. How many are there? We'll move along,

but as we're moving, how many are there? How many do I think there are of Boris and his brood? This is the first time they've pulled a pit trap, but they have done other traps on you previously. Probably the most notable one would have been a snare trap right in front of your door.

Maybe I even like roll up like the leg of my pants to just reveal a very nasty rubbery scar from one of their traps. Oh, they're clever. They're clever as boots. All right. Pay attention to any possible pit traps and just try to make it back to the shack. Chances are they won't attack us in the morning, although that's what they did this morning. So honestly, who knows? I have to get out of these woods.

You approach them with torches lit. As you approach, Hector, three bushes just become diarist wolves. It's a genuinely terrifying experience. They hid themselves quite well. The net falls as they step out from under it and you realise that they got net stuffed it with branches

like a fucking ghillie suit. Fucking wolves. Just speechless, mouth agape. Where are we? What is this place? If you approach them with torches drawn, they growl and circle around you, but none of them approach. Can we sort of like move with them toward the shaft? Sure, yeah, absolutely.

You slowly track with them. Boris does not look at Agorgash or at Hector. He stares only at Pip. Pip, you see within Boris's eyes, you can see he's imagining what you're going to taste like. I wouldn't even be good. I'm stringy. I'm nothing.

I'm bad meat. You approach the shack, and who wants to be first in? Once again, you get right up to the shack. If you have torches lit and you're moving slowly, none of them lunge out at you. They do follow you in a rough circular shape. I'd like to go to my door and open it and then gesture for the other two to go inside.

You see? Yeah. They have dug a... It's not a big pit trap. It's just a small one covered by... Perhaps you have a welcome mat or something like that. Wipe your feet. Maybe you have just a mat or something like that maybe your feet maybe you have just a mat of sorts just to wipe your feet as you come in and out you can see underneath it it's

hanging a little bit weird and you pick it up and you can see there's just one spike that you would have stepped home alone style you would have stepped on and it would have gone straight through your foot well then maybe i open the door and I'm like, skip the mat. All right. I'll hop over the mat. All three of you pile inside the shack, and the growling stops. You are unaware of what the diarist wolves are doing outside. They'll just be hanging out the front.

Yeah, I'm not concerned about that. I mean, it's going to make it hard to sleep. And also, there's not much room in here, which is going to make it hard to sleep. And also, there's not much room in here, which is going to make it hard to sleep. You hear the telltale rattling of one of the diarist wolves probing near Pop's cage. And then you hear a pop, presumably pecks a snout. I think he's going to do that all night. Oh, yes. They might get died around 3 a.m something like that but they're

going to be here for a while yeah true enough about until until about 3 a.m you hear like a every now and then you hear sniffing and like a little bit of scratching around the cabin but yeah at about 3 a.m you can tell they either become quiet or they leave i like to think i've gone to sleep at like 11 like i'm sleeping it. I'm so used to it at this point. Aguragash just sits crisscross in the middle of the shack or as best to the middle of the shack as he can lays his staff

across his legs and meditates the night. Do I is it possible to ask Pip before you went to sleep? Do you have any paper or parchment or writing or anything like that? pip before you went to sleep? Do you have any paper or parchment or writing utensil or anything like that? Not that I have written down, but could I

have like some... I would assume you would have pen and paper. Yeah, rightio. If only to write your memoirs. Yeah, I'll hand you over some sheafs of paper and a quill. There's an ink pot around here somewhere. Yeah, I'll try and write what you need. Do you have any,

I guess, have you surveyed the surrounding areas, like maps or anything like that? I have. You've been here for a long time, yes? I know. Do you have any maps or anything around? I do. I have a map you could copy. Let me just check it to make sure there's nothing incriminating on it. Yes, this is fine.

Well, yeah, I pass you. Maybe it's in the back of Emmanuel the Monster where there are some blank pages for your own notes. I've drawn a little map, and I pass it across to you to peruse. Okay, right. I'll spend some of the night, not all, because I do want to sleep, looking over the map and just kind of like where we are, where the wolf den might be.

I'd point to maybe the map, and the wolf den would be, so that's. There you go. It's to the west, to the northwest of Kresik. Ah, right, yes. Yeah, looking at, okay, oh, wow, there's a lot. Oh, this is a. It's a big place. It's a winery.

Yes, it's a winery. It's good wine. I do hope that I'm not here very long, but perhaps if... Yes? Maybe if you are, you'll get some wine? Yeah, I mean, look, it's... Honestly, I mean, small pleasures in Barovia,

you might as well. I mean, yes. Oh, maybe when I say that, I go under my bed and I pull out the rest of the strawberries. Save them. Maybe I'll pass one to Gorgash and, sorry, Golagash.

Golagash? Gorgash or a Gorgash. A Gorgash. A Goagash. I pass a strawberry. Oh, a Goagash. A Goagash. A Goagash.

A Go-gash. A Go-gash. A Go-gash. Okay. A Go-gash. Sorry, I've also been saying, I've been getting it confused myself as well, so that's probably not been helping. A go-gash.

All right. I pass a strawberry to a hectare and a go-gash and eat one myself. He gratefully chews upon the strawberry. He does not know what fruit is. Oh. Huh. What do we eat? What do we eat?

Vegetables. What's sweet? Anything sweet in your world? I do not know this word. Oh. Huh. What do we eat? What do we eat? Vegetables. What's sweet? Anything sweet in your world? I do not know this word. Oh. You know how that tasted? You know how that strawberry just tasted? Mmm, sour, he says.

Is there anything else sour? You realize sour is like the closest word he has for sweet. Never mind. It's not worth pursuing this line of questioning. I apologize about the lack of beds, but... That is okay. I wasn't expecting company. Of course. And then, yeah, maybe...

Is there a chair I can sit on? There might be, like, room on the floor. Yeah. I mean, is there a chair, though? Oh, right. Yeah, probably. I believe we've established that. Yeah, yeah established yeah yeah probably a little desk as well like a little little somewhere where i sit and write my memoirs as adam said um it's just very funny to imagine yeah i'll spend most of the night yeah

uh looking over the map and kind of just like putting together a few things that i've heard from like the madam even the valakai uh kind of a slightly no like all right so we've assumably met um you know the the two of the four people that are meant to help um and then you know that there are more because yeah yeah yeah and then i'm like okay well the four that madam eva was yeah the four that you've gotten the reading of so far. Thinking about this mage or this wizard and this general Mandarin. Who is that guy? Yes, okay, Mandarin.

I wonder what they did. You saying that out loud? No, no, this is me making notes. If you ever come across the notes, you might read them. But that is kind of what I'll be writing down. And before I sleep, is Pip's memoirs available? Are they around

on a table? This is obviously up to Pip. Writing your memoirs at all, that was just a joke. You don't necessarily, Pip, have to be writing memoirs. I just thought it was funny. So did I. If there are memoirs, Pip, have to be writing memoirs. I just thought it was funny. So did I. If there are memoirs, it is up to Pip what sort of a state they are in.

I, once again, this is just me, I am imagining that there is a waste paper bin filled with scrunched up notes of attempts at writing said memoirs. Yeah, maybe there's that. Maybe it's not like a full-on memoir. In fact, maybe it's just that in this time I've spent in this shack, you know, living this sad life I've been living, I'm like, gotta fill my time

somehow. Sure. So maybe scrunched up in the waste paper bin is just my attempt at the first page. I was about to say, yeah, I feel in my mind most of those scrunched up pieces of paper consist of just a line. Yeah, okay yeah okay okay okay it was the best of no i was born in a man's no no i was raised by bullshit no

impeccable hand i must admit pip pop pep pap Hank, are you kidding me? Yeah, maybe I'll have like, if I came across something like that, I'd be like, what is this? Okay. And yeah, I'd eventually go to sleep. Well, while you dream, Hector, you receive a vision of Galadia. Usually when you appear before her, you can imagine yourself floating in endless light in all directions. You're just kind of like floating in the air and then she is before you as an impossibly

large figure. Gargantuan in size. But this vision, instead, you see her rather, and the light all around her, you see it rather as like a distant thing down, as if you're looking like down as if you're looking like as if you're looking down a corridor of darkness.

When she calls out to you, her voice echoes and is faint like she's shouting down said same corridor. Initially, I go to like general. Oh, my my deity, my David, he's here. And then as I look up and notice that it's darker and I sense something may be wrong or this isn't quite right and so I just get up. Hector, she calls out. And once again, it echoes Hector, Hector, Hector.

If I start walking towards them. You can't move. Okay. If anything, actually, it feels like you're drifting further apart. Galadia, what is? Where you travel. You travel far from me. From the divine. Vine you are in a dark and dangerous place

hector watch yourself watch your step step step step i do not know why you are where you are but the fates have divined it i can see where you are there is though a light turn to it hector And then you feel like a warmth behind you. I turn around? You turn around and you see it's another, just like Galadia is, it's another figure in light, but the light shines around the figure, and you see them only in shadow. You do, however, as you feel Galadia's presence leaving you, you feel her love and her energy, her magical. Galadia, you feel it retracting because it's being,

you can feel it, it's being dragged away from you. But as that happens, you feel this other entity is stepping forth to replace that gladia calls out one final time please please please please stay safe i will try to meet you again again again don't leave me and then you wake up i go to cast maybe a spell. Yeah. Like a healing spell or something like that. I just kind of generate into my hand. I want to cast it off.

I just want to like see if I still have a connection to the faith. When you channel divinity, when you channel holy energy, you feel it splutters at first like a fire or a stove that hasn't been turned on in a while. And it's like there's a blockage that needs to be cleared. But when the blockage is cleared, the magic springs to life as it normally does, but you feel a different, it's flowing from a different energy. You can tell, once again, that this energy is holy, is good, is lawful good in nature. You can tell that it comes from a place of an entity

that loves you, cares for you, and wishes to do good with you in the world. You can sense that innately. But you know now it is a different entity. It is not Galadia. It isn't something else. Can I sense that maybe a direction I'm being pulled anywhere? Or is it all I know is that this is good?

Yeah. And that they are helping me out. Yeah. Galadia certainly from the dream. You don't believe that was any sort of false vision, or at least as far as you're aware. Not that you've ever been given a false vision to know the difference. Right.

But it does feel like Galadia could not contact you where you are, but there is another entity that is filling that void. Could not contact you where you are, but there is another entity that is filling that void. Well, I get up, I guess, or wake up, as it were. Sure. And I guess, yeah, but a little bit confused because this would be the first time in my life that Galadia isn't with me. Yeah. I just kind of, of yeah sit with that it's probably it's a very somber very serious moment

for you disrupted somewhat by the fact that a go gash is doing morning calisthenics in the shack or outside in in the shack okay it is important to stay limber when one is planes traveling he says i'd like to like swing a like a tin mug in front of your face full of the worst smelling herbs you can imagine because that's something i can find a brovia tea oh thank you i i take a a sip without thinking you both see as well a go gash has laid out on the he was up before either of you were up and you can see that he's laid out a it's a set of dragon chess dragon chess is just dnd chess it's just chess but imagine fantastical figures rather

than that's so stupid it's so it's just chess but they're like dragon chess shut up dnd yeah the figures are replaced the knight remains the same yeah as does the castle, as does the bishop, as does the king and queen, as does the pawns. Actually, chess is already kind of medieval. But imagine that the dragon is now like a dragon. Sorry, the dragon. The god knight, is it? The king is like a dragon. Imagine like the queen is now an archmage or something like that.

But it's essentially just chess. imagine like the queen is now an archmage or something like that but it's essentially just chess you can see that he has laid it out in a not in like a prepared to begin a game but it looks like a game is ongoing okay he while he does his calisthenics you can see that he's staring at the chess the dragon chess set and he appears to be considering it um all right i do i look like he's uh playing himself or is he playing, like... Well, you can't imagine who else he would be playing. Yeah. While he's maybe doing a jumping jack, I'll ask, are you, um, going over a strategy?

In the mornings, I lay this set out. I... He stops the calisthenics, turns to you, and says, I, he stops the calisthenics, turns to you and says, in my homeland, in the evenings as the sun sets, my father sits upon a hill that overlooks my village. He lays out his set of dragon chests. And from the night before, he receives a vision of my move. He lays the chess set out and plays his move. Then, in the night, I receive a vision of his move.

We have been playing the same game for nearly 40 years now, ever since I left my homeland. It is my last connection to my father and to my people. How did this happen? I look down. Do I sense who's like, is there anyone gaining ground? Or is there anyone, was it mostly the stalemate? I got a bad boy card. You know dick shit about dragons.

You're more of a checkers guy. Well, I wish you the best of luck. Thank you, he says. I'm going to step outside and fix the trap under my welcome mat. Because I just know I'm going to forget that. Yeah, sure. You go outside and you fill in. It's like I said, it's just a little divot.

Like quite clearly, it wasn't even, you could tell last night night you knew that this was not an attempt to actually kill you or anything like that it's kind of a fuck you it's really just a fuck you I pull out the spike and marvel at the craftsmanship of wolves and then maybe I'll throw it away

Pop appears to be eating something is he eating a wolf? you don't know he's eating something maybe I'll wander over to him in this brief moment of quiet. As you approach Pop, Pop looks, realizes you're walking over, and eats faster. I don't care. Eat away.

What are you eating? What is he eating? It's gone by the time you get to Pop. I mean, obviously there's the normal amount of blood around Pop, but is there any fresh blood? Yeah, there's some fresh blood here. But no, is there meat around him? No, there's no meat.

None left, at least. I don't know what I'm going to do with you when I go to Trezak, Pop. I might just let you go in the woods. Would you like that? Pop lunges at you. Maybe, once again, Pop can't get to you. You're in a cage. But it...

I'd recoil. It's a job. Yeah, I think you'd be fine. There's a whole bunch of... That's a fucking feral chicken. It's scary. There's a whole bunch of people in my house, Pop. I don't know how I feel about it.

It was all right when it was just one, the young Esme. I didn't mind that. It's just a lot of people at my house pop i don't know how i feel about it it was all right when it was just one the the young esme i didn't mind that and there's other it's just a lot of people at once pop it's anyway yes yes pop brings themselves in a little sits down as a chicken would and then turns just sort of just to eye you with one eye and for a brief moment you get the feeling that maybe Pop understands what you're saying but that seems insane. Perhaps I have gone insane.

I'll like put my hands on the edge of the coop and then I'll just go check the surrounding area to see if Boris left any more surprises. Get a good boy card. Wow. A fucking game of extremes right now. You're going crazy, baby. I got four good boy cards. Hey, you beautiful bastards. We've teamed up

with our highly talented artist, Nathan Davis, to create a D&D themed clothing and merch store with a specific focus on baby, toddler, and newborn designs. Want the world to know your favorite nephew is going to be a future wizard, or that your own daughter is your favorite little monster.

Well, we have the perfect long-sleeved onesie for you. Or what about an A for Adventure bib, with the cutest damn kobold learning to spell you ever did see. But I'm not a baby, I hear you yell at me. That's okay, because we got tees and designs for grown-ups too. We got drink bottles, laptop sleeves, phone cases, notebooks, and more. From a gelatinous cube

that wants to be hugged to a displacer beast that wishes it was French. Just head to peddlerspress.store to check out all our designs and pick up the

perfect gift for yourself or the kid who you want to indoctrinate into the D&D fantasy lifestyle from day one. That's peddlerspress.store

and spend big. You do a little search around the edges of your camp, of your little hut area. You find, well, they've already ruined the vegetables, so there's not much else for them to ruin. You could just see the tracks that they made last night. It would be useful for me to have fresh meat for this werewolf hunt but i think that's gonna be hard what time is it early morning like six how hunting in the woods around me

something i'm sure i've had to do in the past how easy is that how much success i guess if i had highs or lows let's say highs yeah i mean the amount of prey that needs to supply all the predators would be quite abundant. All right. I'll go back into the shack and be like, as part of our attempt to take care of these werewolves, we might bait a trap because Lycan and Lupine cannot resist fresh meat. The lichen lupa and cannot resist fresh meat. So I'm going to go and see if I can bag us a deer and bring it back here or something like that. Just some meat, a boar.

We'll see what I can do. Feel free to gesture around my shack. Make yourselves at home. A gorgash stands up. I am a fair hunter. Perhaps I can help. Sure, if you'd like to. I will wait here in case Piran gets... Yes, he's coming back around midday, you said.

That's what he said, yes. Yes. Hopefully with silver. That's a nice little subtle moment. You said, he said. All right. All right, Ogogeish. Let's beg a city.

I shouldn't be too hard. Well, Pip was out talking to his chicken. His chicken. Could I have asked Ogur Gash if he had any spare armaments or anything like that? Ogur Gash. I have to, I guess, sheepishly admit that I got robbed by a druid. Ogur Gash seems apologetic about the whole thing. He's not robbing it in.

He's not cruel. He just thinks it's better than you. And, like, you know, he is. I thought, look, he's a powerful warrior. Well, whether or not he is actually better than you is yet to be seen. At the moment. Agogash says, I'm sorry. As heavy as my pack looks, it's mostly survival gear.

Yes, of course. I haven't a set of armor you might use, but perhaps you would prefer a proper weapon, he says. I would appreciate that, yes. You can add a hand axe to your inventory. Thank you so much. He takes out a little, quite obviously,

it's not designed for combat. It's more like a hatchet for chopping wood, but it's a weapon better than your club. Upgrading from stick to steel. Oh, stick to steel. Yeah, I know. It's skipping iron entirely. Yeah.

Whoa. Lucky you. You should be thanking me. Yeah. Thank you, Adam. And then you and Gogash are going to head out hunting? Yeah. We're just going to see if I can bag us.

I just need some meat, you know? All right. So, good news, bad news. Which would you like first? Let's start with the good news. The good news is a go-gash is a proficient hunter. Okay. The bad news is you really embarrass yourself.

A go-gash, you're scrambling around. You're just having a bad day. Yeah. Like you've done this before, but anytime you're trying to track or anytime you're trying to find tracks, you're kind of looking in exactly the wrong direction. Or maybe you do find a set of tracks

and you are about to start following them in the wrong direction. And Agogash, politely, but nonetheless. Well, I know what it means. I know what the undercurrent is. He can be as polite as he wants. I, of everyone, know what's going on underneath. I believe the tracks indicate the creature headed that way. Right.

You are a go-gash. My mistake. All right, you manage to track down... How's it look? How's? I'd say a deer. All right. You approach it. You'll also need to approach it quietly, obviously. Oh, no. Oh,. I'd say a deer. Alright. You approach it.

You'll also need to approach it quietly, obviously. Oh no, you're both fine. Okay. Hoping to be able to gain back some face. Sure.

I will, uh... First of all, can I hunter's mark it? Yeah, you can hunter's mark any creature, I imagine. Alright, well I hunter's mark the deer. Sure.

And then I'll get down on one knee, bring up my heavy crossbow, dunk, try and hit it somewhere. Doesn't matter where, actually, just as long as it kills it. Oh, you'll do it with advantage. Yeah, that's a hit. How much health can a deer have?

Great question. Uh-oh. You shoot the deer in the head. It collapses. A fine shot, a go-gash says, putting a meaty hand on your shoulder. I'm too pleased by that. Like, Pip lost so much face that gaining any of it back makes him feel good and he hates that. Alright, you go collect the deer and you bring it back.

In the meantime, Hector, what would you like to have done? That would have taken maybe an hour. I guess I would have spent either getting myself familiar with the hand axe, preparing the spells that I figure I'll be needing for the day, fighting some werewolves, because I knew it was

thunder and fire. Was it thunder? Was it lightning? You said. I said thunder. But I offhandedly said it. I think you said thunder. I can do that. It wasn't super helpful. Yeah, yeah. So I make sure that I've got that prepared. Okay. There's not much

else to really do in Pips about, is there? Maybe I'll just talk to the chicken. You could write your memoirs. That's what I've been doing. Tell you what, harder than you would think. Yeah, you, well, you spend a little time getting familiar with the hand axe. You, while you were training, part of training to become a paladin or a knight of the cloth

is absolutely gaining a martial weapon familiarity. And part of that would be learning how to swing an axe properly. This is not an axe designed for war, but the principle is largely the same. So it doesn't matter too much. You then, once you've familiarized yourself with the weapon, go outside and you see Pop scratching around in the bloody cage.

Yeah. I look around to see what Pip feeds Pop. I guess is there like chicken feed or anything? I was just going to make a handful. What would you be feeding Pop? Probably would be scraps he's getting. Sure. You see a little trough.

Like a compost post. Yeah. Maybe I'll just grab a handful and just fling it in there for him. Pop bozies on over and pecks at it. Do you leave the map behind out of curiosity? I probably would have left the whole Emmanuel Demonstra in the map. I'm just going hunting. Okay, cool. Well, with the map, maybe of curiosity? I probably would have left the whole Emanuel Demonstra in the map. I'm just going hunting. Okay, cool.

Well, with the map, maybe I would have seen where I would have come from. I'm trying to remember where it is that I popped into this place and maybe where those druids might be. Not on the map. Okay. At about that time, Pip, you and Gogash return. Alright, I will set up

maybe a little table outside, and I'll just place the deer on there and start skinning it. Is there anything about werewolves in your manual? Absolutely. There's a whole. Oh, Pip, I'm so sorry. I've got good news and bad news. Give me the bad news.

You start fucking it up. You're butchering, and not in a good way, I guess. You're butchering your not in a good way I guess you're butchering you're butchering of the deer the good news is a gogash does it pretty well

well I just step back I don't say anything I just step back and let him do it a gogash off day I'm having an off day a gogash is kind of talking

but he's just more talking to himself and he quite clearly doesn't mean to cause offense but he does at some point mention that he's never seen this creature before and yet he's skinning it quite well yes and he hunted it

quite well well you tracked it quite well gosh of course you landed the killing blow yes a vital part of any hunt not not not that it matters who did. Just as long as we get its skin, that's all that's important. Once again, it doesn't feel like he was being mean on purpose. It's kind of more incidental. Yeah, Pip just clearly got a chip on her shoulder. That's all. Well, perhaps I'll leave you

to it then. He nods. Okay. You are flipping through a manual of the monster? Seeing some notes about were-ravens, I'm like, silver makes them strong. You flipping through Emmanuel the Monster feels like it's going to deal you psychic damage. Yeah, it feels like it's dealing me, Zammett, psychic damage. I did write it on purpose bad, and it was fun.

I'm like, he said there was some non-werewolves but all it is is wolves diarists and wolves regular. Perhaps it's further on in the book. There's multiple wolf pages. Undead, undead. There's a lot of undead. The beginning of the bistro

says that the entries are ordered in list of when you are going to encounter them and you're not sure what that means. How could they know? How would they possibly know? That just can't be right. Oh, I found Lycan. Okay, okay, okay.

I'll read the Lycan one. Lycan is near the beginning of the book. What do they think I'm doing? But they're also not completely wrong. That's the most frustrating wrong. That's the most oh that's the most frustrating part.

That's the most frustrating part of the entire tone. Yeah I think I get stuck on this this particular line at one point. Yeah. As it is their very nature

they are susceptible to things based mostly on what they weareth and what they changeth into weareth what they weareth what they

maybe as I come back maybe if you're reading what they weareth oh what they weareth you're reading this, what they were-eth. Oh, what they were-eth. Oh, right. It's not like what they were. Okay. Okay.

Thank you. Yes. But also that's not the most useful information anyway. It's kind of… Oh. Sometimes you'll have to… I see. Maybe it is a two-thing.

Well, academia minds. Oh, so healing magic. Yeah. Healing magic. And then, yeah. It's a book, but incredibly vital. One of the most useful and frustrating books you'll ever encounter in your life. Yes, of course.

I guess it's the lure. Yes, that's why we've got the meat and Gokesh is skinning it right now. And we'll get plenty of meat out of that. Then we could probably eat as well, which is probably a good idea too. It's good to get iron. Do you just... Yes, yes. Of course, yes.

Would you like me to cook up something? Yeah. No, it's fine. I don't mind doing the cooking. What time is it now? It's probably like... 8 a.m. 8 a.m.?

Nothing like deer steak for breakfast. Deer steak and eggs. Oh, my a.m 8 a.m nothing like uh deer steak for breakfast deer steak and eggs oh my lord tell you what if you want to if you don't mind eating only meat barovia actually isn't that inhospitable a place so do i uh could i have perhaps uh uh at some point as well try to get to uh some eggs good luck oh yeah all right heisel. I know I have two eggs in the shack that I took yesterday and haven't eaten yet, I don't think. Pop has somehow a clutch of six eggs. Oh, my Lord. Okay. And you catch, actually, you did so well that you catch while Pop is at the other end of the cage,

pecking at, you're not sure what, maybe drinking blood, and that's concerning. But nonetheless, you can get all six eggs without Pop even fucking noticing oh my lord that rules oh yes I'll collect the eggs you collect six eggs eggs and venison as you return like maybe I'm chopping up the venison

if you put six eggs down on the table next to me from the tooth from yesterday I look over at Pop. Is he dead? Did you kill him? No, I just got them. He's quite distracted for a little bit. I took the opportunity.

Has Pop been holding out on you? He had two yesterday. I'm sure enough, you like confer quickly and you realize Popsman hiding eggs. This is a revelation. I'll see the good side in this. I don't have to go back and interact with him for eight eggs. Here you go.

I'll keep reading this. Yeah. Enjoy. I'll start cooking up some steak and eggs steak and eggs look at us go you have a delicious breakfast of steak and eggs are you just hanging out here until midday yeah probably

that's what I'm going to do I'm going to prepare what I can basically and then maybe I'll just spend the time polishing my crossbow by the way Pip we're killing the werewolves because

Krezik they've contracted you as well yes it's sort of if you want to be in Kresik, if you want to enter the town, and I do, they won't allow it unless you've done some great deed for them, or if you know somebody inside, which I don't.

So the request they gave me was to kill the werewolves, and I thought that seemed largely doable. Yes, we spoke to them. Yes, they gave us was to kill the werewolves, and I thought that seemed largely doable. Ah, yes. We spoke to them. Yes, they gave us the same request. I guess the werewolves have been plaguing Constantine in their side? That's what I hear. That's basically

what I hear. Yeah, like the werewolves are attacking people from Krezlik when they leave. Yeah, yeah. The werewolves are attacking villagers and whatnot. Well, you would know from your conversation, because you might have inquired a little bit further to learn some more information. You know that they're kidnapping kids.

Kidnapping children, which is obviously despicable. Possibly to turn them into werewolves or to eat them. So either way. I'm kind of disgusted by like that and also maybe it's the flippant nature. Pip, probably he does not sound like he cares too much Obviously I'm not happy about it but it certainly qualifies as a monster

so yes I will feel no guilt about killing these werewolves however many there might be Do I have some gauge of how many werewolves we're about to encounter? I'm not sure if I already rolled this. Taking kids. Maybe, yeah, with your description.

Maybe like the fire in my eyes, the literal radiant fire in my eyes. I'll take a stab at it. Just kind of like burns a bit. Yeah. And I did not realize the, I guess, the pressing nature of this. Sorry. Look, that's fine. I mean, it's no need to apologize.

You reckon you're dealing with maybe roughly a dozen werewolves in addition to, well, you know, the werewolves are not all there at the same time. They move in. They kind of travel around. Yeah, travel around in packs. But you are also aware that they are roaming with regular wolves and dire wolves and direst wolves. There's kind of a mix. Yeah, yeah.

Yes. But do I have any understanding, and I don't think they talk about this in Emmanuel the Monster, of like if I kill the alpha of the pack or something like that then it'll make it easier to eliminate the rest of them or anything like that or is this a basically you gotta wholesale kill them all Emmanuel the Monster would absolutely have a section on how you can very easily deal with an entire pack by causing infighting via decapitation of the leadership there is almost always fights

yeah or leadership happening within a werewolf pack it's just about figuring out who to kill before they start killing you yeah cool cool cool uh yes maybe i explained that the aim basically here uh depend i don't know how many uh lichens lupine there will be. I can't imagine that many. But the aim will be to create a sort of power vacuum by killing the leader, the alpha. And how will they identify the alpha? You'll be able to tell. It'll be bigger or white or have a scar, something like that.

Emanuel the Monster is probably a bit vague on this part. Maybe there's a line something like, the bestest way that one might inform thyself upon thy pack alpha leader would be to discover it thus through conversation with thine werewolves themselves. So what do I maybe know about werewolves in regards to, are they cognizant of like their former past selves or is it they like,

are they corrupted? Is there saving them or is it more just a like, we just got to get rid of them? Uh, you know, you've never encountered werewolves. So, you know,

mostly what you've heard about werewolves. The first thing being that there is no known cure, so it is unlikely you'll be able to save these creatures. You also know that lycanthropy, specifically werewolfism, is a curse by several villainous evil gods. Part of the nature of that curse is that it corrupts and twists the mind. These people, if they were once good, that goodness has been twisted and turned into evil. All I need to hear.

No redemption, baby. No redemption to justify this whole slail murder of goddamn werewolves. Pip, you might know a little bit, something slightly different. You would know the same thing. That is not necessarily incorrect, what I just said, but you are aware that werewolves, especially when they're human, you can talk to a werewolf, but you should always be on guard. Yeah, for sure.

They're not the person they once were, basically. Yeah, okay. Maybe it's filled with a bit of burning anger at these wolves. Yeah, maybe start going outside, looking for Piran in terms of on the horizon, just to get an edge of impatience now. At almost midday exactly, you see Piran approaching you from Krezik. Then on the horizon, you see... And then Piran climbs back up onto the horizon.

And begins limping back to camp. That's not on us. We couldn't. How are we going to warn him? Didn't even know where he was. Pyrrhon arrives with a pretty badly mangled leg. Oh, I heal him. He requires 10 hit points.

If you're using the Lay on Hands ability or are you using a healing spell? I usually Lay on Hands. All right, 10 hit points brings him back to normal. Thank you, he says. That was quite the ordeal. Was that your pit trap? No, that was the wolves, would you believe it? Piran needs a second for that.

I think they are the ones we mentioned yesterday, the diarist walls. Okay, then. Cool. Or then I look at a gogash. Boris, was it? The name of the leader. Boris, yes. All right.

We also, we've met a companion, a gogash. A gogash steps up, looks down. Piran is the slightest of all of you. And you can see a gogash, when he reaches out, he, Agogash, once again, he's not meaning to insult anyone. But when he shakes Piran's hand, he shakes his Piran's hand as if Piran is a child and he does not want to break Piran's hand. Piran notices this and you can see Piran was already a pot about to boil over. Piran's anger, you can see, he's already red. He goes even redder in the face, and one of you might need to stop him before he says something that might cause a fight.

So what did you notice? What did you find out in Krezic? We should probably head to the... Do we need to grab anything from your... I've got everything I need. Well, let's make a beeline there. And perhaps, Pyrrhon, you can tell us what you found in Krezic. Pyrrhon stops for a moment, swallows,

and you can almost see him mentally count down from 10. Then he turns to you, Hector, and says, I was able to acquire this, he says. And he swings around. He had like a pack, essentially, with him. And you'd seen as he was approaching there's a spear with a silver at the tip. This was all

I was able to acquire. They have their silver wear locked down tight. Very well done. It was the only thing that wasn't currently being worn. Very well done, and very impressed. I commend you for meaning you'd get anything out of Griswold. Well, yeah, who would be wielding the spear, I guess?

Gogash takes the spear, hefts it for a second, and then passes it to you, Hector. I gesture to Piran. Piran takes out, he has a silver dagger already. Can I wield it with one hand or is it a two-handed spear? Yeah, a spear can be wielded with one hand, it just does less damage, that's all. Okay, cool. Thank you very much. Well, let's to the den. As we go on, I'll explain basically what I was saying to Hector before.

Fighting all of the werewolves head on, probably foolhardy, really. But if we can take out the alpha, the person in charge, the wolf in charge, then that'll cause enough infighting that, well, job done, basically. They'll be harmless to Krezak for a long time. They'll be just attacking one another. So basically my plan is we're going to dig a, well, I guess following Boris's footsteps somewhat, dig a trap, bait it with some meat, which they cannot resist. Once they are in the trap, we will scare them away with fire and then attack those trapped in the trap.

Alright, so you're going near the den to do this? Yeah. If you go near the den and you cause enough of a noise, you might alert the den to your presence. Do I know the basic, like, radius that they would hunt within? Well, you know they're going as far as Krezic. You have not

encountered them, so it doesn't seem like they're going south enough to reach your plains area. They might be staying within the forest itself. You know a lot of the worst creatures dwell only within the forests. But if I set up a meat trap in the forest, the chances of me getting any from anyone else

is pretty high, really. A lot of things like meat. Some kind of rat, a koala, a dire koala. Anything. A dire koala. A bunch of ants.

Don't step on them. You don't want any of that. They're just ants. Now they are. To your eyes. Wait till they coalesce. That's a guy you know that

you know from Emmanuel the monster that they will fall for this trap raw meat is pretty irresistible to them but

it's about managing how many you attract basically yeah you don't know if you want to deal with like I said not all 12 of them

are going to be in the den at any one time. But dealing with six werewolves is still a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, there are four of us. I don't know if you two want to, you and Piran can perhaps try and set up some traps while me and Agogash kind of perhaps provide the distraction, as it were. It's more of a head-on. I've never dealt with

werewolves, so I don't know your strategy. Do werewolves tend to have like a patrol of any kind? More like hunting packs. Yeah, but do they hunt? I guess they probably won't hunt in the same area twice. Trying to look for consistency. They'll hunt in the same area

if there's more prey yeah okay okay if they think that like obviously like i said crescent if they know that they can go back and get more they will yeah yeah is there like an easy pathway through the woods not like a literal path but like an area where you know like a like a like an animal trail or whatever that they might follow between you could search for such a thing. Yeah, maybe I'll search for that. Well, you start moving. You get into the forest. I imagine a gogash has the deer meat strung over his shoulders or whatever.

Yeah. He's a beefy boy. As you're wandering the forest, you see that there is, you're leading, I assume, as well. Yeah. You see that upon a rock, there is a small, worn-looking book. Do I know what this means? No, not unless you think of anything.

I wouldn't open it. I'd turn back to everybody else. You've not had a look at it. I'm just saying that you see the book. I'm not saying you even approached to look at the cover. Seems like bad news. But it also could just be a book. I look to the other two compatriots, and I just shrug, and then just look back at Pip.

I shrug again. I go gash, and Piran don't know the significance of a book on a rock. Neither do I. Agogash defers, though, to you, Pip. Yeah. If the local says, or the closest thing one has to a local, says that this is not to be approached, then perhaps we should not approach.

Probably a trap. I would wager. Yeah, I'm taking a Gagash's approach as well. You're the local. You know what's going on. You have embellished a few things before. But I don't. You also, yeah, you've survived this long.

That's true. So you must know some things. It's either a trap or a book. I have enough books. Piran, you see, is turning around and he's kind of like scanning the trees, as if imagining maybe also an ambush, and he's searching for said ambush. Yeah, I might do the same. You don't see anything in ambush.

Pip, I assume you don't even care enough to look. Maybe you just... No, I might glance around. No, neither of you spot anything that could be an ambush. Okay. Well, you push on. Whip's ignoring the book. No worries. of you spot anything that could be an ambush. Yeah. Well, you push on with ignoring the book. No worries. I feel like we took the safest route.

Yeah. Yeah. Here at D&D is for Nerds, we play so much goddamn D&D that we can't contain it all to one RSS feed, or even two, now that we've got the new adventures of the Greyhill Free Company. There are actually a whole bunch of adventures you've probably never heard of that are available to download at santspantsradio.com forward slash shop right this second,

ranging from multiple gnomesmas specials, i.e. Christmas specials, Merchant of Great Births, and even a bunch of Beyond the Maps stories from our other podcast. So head to santspantsradio.com forward slash shop right now and you can download them today. Hey there, fellow adventurer.

If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests,

and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.