D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia I #5 The Abbey of Saint Markovia

Episode Date: October 15, 2022

The party finally enters Krezk and discovers the strange occurrences coming from the Abbey of Saint Markovia. Pip reads many headstones in the graveyard while Hecktor acquires the best weapon in the game: a shovel.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, we are nevertheless marooned, trapped in this nightmare of my homelands, a place called Barovia. While my people may come and go as we please, for you these mists are as voles

and the vampire Strahd Von Zarovich, your warden. As you move out, Hiran grabs Hector, grabs you by the arm, looks you dead in the eyes, and he says this just to you, so the rest of the group aren't really privy to this conversation. He says this just to you so the rest of the group aren't really privy to this conversation. He says this just to you. There is a possibility, a not-zero possibility, that these seven

children, there will be no hope for them. I am aware. I need to know that in that circumstance you will pick the party and not the children. Okay. He lets go of your hand. He accepts that.

Whether or not you were honest just then is irrelevant. How do you think Kresge want proof of... They just said physical evidence. Basically, I'm just going to try and bank on the fact that we've saved kids and hope that's enough to get us entry into Kresge.

Was there anything... as we leave, can we search their bodies? You turn over the woman who you killed in this room just now. You find like a little medallion on her which is of the same figure, it's obviously

you can tell it is the same figure of the wooden statue. It's a wolf headed woman draped in garlands of vines and nightflowers. That'll do. Right. Well, I'll take that medallion. I will check the others. Look, my intention is to go to Krezic, tell them what happened with the children,

and then I want to come back out here. Sure. As you leave, though, the cave, as you leave the cave, you can see on a tree nearby a raven watches you leaving. The raven turns so that they've got one good eye following you, tracking you. Do any of you do anything? Nope. It's like maybe nod my head.

The raven does not respond. But as you move towards Krezik, you see the raven takes flight. And every now and then through the treetops, you can see that the raven is tracking you. Once you arrive at Krezik, it banks and flies away. Did the other werewolves at the front have the same medallions, by the way? No, just her. Just her?

If you turn them, the three other werewolves, well, you can assume that they're werewolves. Only one of them actually turned, but you were werewolves. Yeah, we gotta assume. Where were the children bitten? Different parts of the body. Mostly arms or legs, but one or two of them have, maybe literally one of them has like a torso bite.

How visible. Yeah. It's a pretty ferocious bite, so it is quite obvious. The children, a lot of them will be holding the limb as the bite is still somewhat fresh sorry it looks fresh but you know that is a function of werewolf bites they will continue to bleed until you change and they are uh they're all from krezik or we assume they're from krezik have they any of them started talking at all no they they seem to be just in shock none of them if you they can answer yes or no, but that's really it. Okay. At some

point I would have asked, are you from Kresik? Is that where you're from? A few of them meekly nod, but not all of them. Because I'm not that afraid of being turned around with Will. I assume I'm very optimistic that they would want to try to save their own,

but I think Pipi would not. Pip's certainly hoping that that's what they'll do. Pip would like it if they came in and also cured the kids and nobody had to pay anything. That would be nice. He doesn't really expect that to happen. You reach Krezik and the two guards, it looks like the same two guards that you spoke to yesterday

are on the walls. One of them calls out to you, Hey, are you the returning adventurers? Yes. I'm Pip. We spoke a couple of weeks ago. We know of you, Pip Mandarin. Mandarin? Yes, we have the...

Open the gates! The gates open. We'll step inside. Are you the General Mandarin? No, I am a chicken farmer. Inside the gates, you see approaching from a nearby building, probably the closest, no, not probably,

the closest building to the gates, the Burgermaster Dmitry Kreskov is approaching you. There are more than a few guards around here. The two guards that were up on the gate wall both come down down and you can see that trailing behind dimitri there are four more guards the guards form kind of like a semi-circle such that you could see that they're obviously they mean to defend the city if you try to bull rush them yes of course and dimitri approaches you um yeah i want to be also holding holding maybe two of the kids. Dimitri stops when he

spots that some of them are either cradling limbs, or maybe he actually also just spots that some of them are bitten. He stops and says, What happened? We went into the cave, the werewolf den that is north of here. We went into the werewolf

den that is north. We've sl went into the uh the the werewolf den that is north we've slain four of their kind and we found eight of your children we thought it pertinent to bring the children back before carrying on into the the werewolves den despite the fact that as you can obviously tell they have been bitten hopefully it it's within recent enough time that it won't be too hard to cure them. You can see that behind the guards, some of the townsfolk have noticed what is happening and are coming out to look. A few, as they approach, a few townspeople rush forwards and several of the children, not all of them, several of the children react. The children move forwards. not all of them, several of the children react.

The children move forwards. Dimitri, you can see, puts a pained hand up and the guards bar the children's entrance. Then a couple of them turn around and grab several of presumably the parents of said children and hold them back as well. Where's the abbey? Take us to the abbey. Dimitri gives you a dark look. Why would you want to go to the Abbey. Dimitri gives you a dark look.

Why would you want to go to the Abbey? We need powerful divine magic to fix the children, to stop the curse from spreading. All of this conversation is, the background noise to this conversation is sobbing parents and children. Dimitri looks to each of the guards, and all of the guards share kind of like dark looks when you mention the abbey a bunch of the regular townsfolk who aren't the parents of these children

also you can see that their faces darkened they look they look upset by this news something wrong with the abbey you have a cleric here a woman steps forth out of the crowd you could see that she's wearing finery like she she's quite well-dressed. She stands next to the burgomaster, and you immediately get the impression that they are husband and wife. She speaks up and says, The Abbey is a cursed place. Then do you have a cleric?

It is possible that there is a cure within the Abbey. We will not go there ourselves, but perhaps you can speak with the Abbot. Cursed how, I ask? Yes, what do you mean? Maybe to perfectly punctuate this conversation, from the Abbey, you hear a howling noise. It does not sound like a werewolf,

but it does not exactly sound pleasant either the woman's face which is just as fearful and apprehensive as everyone else's her twisted smile turns to you pip and she says bad things happen within the abbey. Cursed things. Sure. But it is said that people's wishes will be granted. Has anybody been in the abbey within recent memories since it's been cursed?

The abbey is inhabited by the abbot and by the Bellevue family. And nobody's seen them presumably since the since things went south? The Bellevue family does not wish to be seen, but they can be sighted around the town at night, grave robbing. Oh. Right.

And there's no other clerics in this town? None. Turn to Pip. How far is Valakai? If you were unimpeded Valakai would be Maybe a five day trip You'd be pushing it Hector

If you decided to go to Valakai And also you've got no guarantee that they'll even help you Are we close now To the Burgermaster So no one else can really Hear the conversation You could have close now to the burgomaster that no one else can really like hear the conversation. You could have a private word with him, yes.

Okay. We'll go to the sabbath. You can take the kids but if you harm them I will take your head. I will not harm children. Good. Take us to the abbey. The burgomaster gestures and a few more guards assemble from around town.

You can see that some of them are hastily still donning armor and you imagine the town militia has been called forth. Is there anybody... I'm sorry. Typically in a situation like this, I don't like to just leap into... Somebody described somewhere as a cursed place, just stepping through the front door. I've found historically is not the best move so is there anybody who can tell me any details about why the place is cursed beyond just

vague you know saying oh it's a cursed place it's no good there's bad things inside that's not useful information the abbey was once a shrine a place of worship for the morning lord You, Pip, know of the Mourning Lord. The Mourning Lord is, well, you don't think they're an actual deity. It seems more like a superstition among Barovians. Do I know that, like, the divine beings are basically cut off? The divine has no access to Barovia. Clerics and paladins are typically cut off. With the exception of Hector, paladins and clerics have, in your experience, been completely isolated from their magic.

Hector is the first instance you've seen of this not being the case. But you have heard of other clerics and paladins somehow maintaining their magical connection. And any time that happens, these people have been connected to this morning lord, but you've not really seen any. You've just heard stories. Yeah, I've never seen it happen. Yeah, you've never seen it happen. The abbey of St. Markovia was once run by the name of the same, St. Markovia, a devout worshiper of the Morning Lord. It was a convent and a hospital, a place of healing and magical wisdom.

But Markovia, she opposed Strahd and Strahd struck her down for it and then cursed the lands. There are spirits that dwell within the Abbey now, evil haunted spirits. You mean like ghosts? I do not know. Once Markovia was struck down, we sealed

the abbey shut. Oh, well, okay. After this time, though, another man, a strange man, came to this land. Like yourselves. He claimed to be of the gods as well, a cleric or paladin perhaps.

He seemed kind at first, and pleasant, and a nice, good person. And he asked about the Abbey. We told him what we knew, and he went to investigate. At about this time, the Bellevue family, who had been active within the town, there was a sickness, a malady that struck them, and they went to the Abbot there to see if he could help them. And we have heard the howling and hollering and shouting ever since.

This was, though, quite some time ago. Lifetimes? Not lifetimes. Within my memory, but I was not the Burgermaster at the time. It was under my father's tenure. What do you wish to know about the Abbey? The Burgermaster turns, and him plus several guards are leading you through the town. Nobody's been to the Abbey since?

Nobody's seen anything? The family that people see at night, do they resemble just human beings or humanoids? I'll get a little note. Maybe some of the notes in the back of Emmanuel the Monster. It varies. Sometimes they are mostly human with strange features, perhaps elongated face or a pig-like nose or cat-like eyes. Like a devil or a demon situation? Sometimes they move about on all fours and have tail and ears like a dog.

Sometimes they bray like a donkey. Sometimes they roar like a dog. Sometimes they bray like a donkey. Sometimes they roar like a lion. Magical means or surgical or? I do not know. All we know is that those few who still look human enough, we recognize as members of the Bellevue family.

What do they do in the town? Do they attack? Do they? They only come out at night and only to steal from the graves around the town. Like I said, you're walking around said town. Krezik is a mist-shrouded village. Beyond the wall, there is nothing more than a scattering of humble wooden cottages, along with dirt roads that stretch between stands of now snow-dusted pine trees. So many trees, in fact, as to constitute a forest.

It is, within the walls, thick with trees, like you were back within the forest to the north of here. You can see the grey cliffs rising sharply in the eastern part of town, and then the imposing presence of the abbey atop it. You begin walking up a switchback path slowly to get to the top markovia the incident where she was struck down this happened a long long time ago well before my father's father's father's tenure as burgomaster this was so long ago that all we have to know about the spirits that dwell within is conjecture, hearsay, the tellings of old men in taverns. Yes, of course.

Not that Krezik has a tavern, he says. You described this stranger, the adventurer, the previous adventurer, as a very strange man. What about him was strange? Then he spoke to people. They listened. Krezik is not a stranger to hope and happiness, but wherever the man went, he spread it with him.

Did he have perhaps his words magically infused? No, this was not that. It felt like he had a connection to the divine that one could feel. Does that strike any chord with me? I don't know what that means. Likewise. Hector, you... Pip, this does not sound like anything of a dark place.

Yeah. Hector, you are aware of the idea of either someone so connected to the divine that they do spread, like they have an aura of good or an aura that surrounds and follows them that brings calmness and peace to those who they interact with. And you are also aware of the idea of angels as well. So this could be a type of angel or it could be a particularly holy person.

And if they went into the abbey, is it possible that they got corrupted? Fallen angels happen unfortunately often. I bring it up that it is probably potentially someone that was very connected to the holy light, perhaps an angel even. Esmeralda steps forward and says something. Then we get into

the abbey. There is a library there. The burgomaster, he spoke of that it was a place of magical learning. I have heard that it was actually quite famous, just as much for its

hospital nature as also its library. I wish to see this library because it is my understanding that perhaps there might be some documentation of what St. Markovia did to try to combat Strahd. Yes, I'm not going to stop you looking in a library. You can do what you like. I'm not the police. Perhaps there is some things in the library that might help us in our current situation.

You're all welcome to look in the library. I will mint you your own library card if it helps. Hooray. Hooray, hurrah. If you need my stamp of approval, you have it. What do you want to know of the spirits that dwell within? Are they ever seen as tangible? Have they ever been known

to possess anybody? Are they ethereal? Is there a physical form? Do they make specific noises? Tales tell of spirits that are hard to touch. I would describe them, I suppose, as intangible.

That they come from the man, from the mind, and that they attack at whoever they launch from. What do you mean they come from the mind? Well, like I said, these stories, they get distorted and changed through time. But it is said that you conjure your own spirit when you are on the grounds and the spirit turns to attack you. It launches perhaps from one's mind or one's shadow. It is

unclear, the stories. Is that perhaps why they are taking the dead? Could the dead still have their I do not know why the Bellevue family does what they do. The spirits look shadowy. In some descriptions they are described

as shrinking from light. Okay, well, I've got a couple of options of what it might be. Possibly demonic shadows. But there's many kinds of soft undead that this could be. The quizzical look. Undead could be categorized into basically soft and hard.

Like an ethereal or... No, really just what it says on the tin, Hector. Soft undead are soft and hard undead are not. One of the gods turns around and pipes up. I heard a different story about the graveyard within the abbey. Oh, yes. The burgomaster turns

and says, what stories have you heard? The guard says, I heard tale that the graveyard is haunted as well, but I did not hear stories about this creature

of the mind or whatever. I heard stories of hard physical corpses i done did okay exploding from beneath the ground one of the experiments one of the the studies conducted within went awry and the heart of a criminal a man who did not deserve to be saved but who the saint tried to save nonetheless this man's heart was brought to a complete stop in an attempt to to save his life from a poison running through his veins and they say that he dwells underneath the graveyard and launches out to strike at people okay could also be a monster, comma, Frankensteins. As you keep walking, a bunch of the guards start, like, a bit spooked.

They start kind of almost, it's got an air of telling each other ghost stories. But they tell each other several different stories about what they've heard goes on in the Abbey. And it varies from things like, yeah, a monster, comma, Frankenstein. Yeah, sure, sure. Otherwise known as a flesh golem. on in the abbey and it varies from things like yeah a monster comma frankenstein yeah sure sure otherwise known as a flesh golem uh there's some some of them chat more about those shadows like one of them talks about as a boy on a dare coming up to the abbey and then feeling a presence kind of behind them where their shadow was and some of them talk about seeing or hearing something rattling and walking around the graveyard at night.

It sounds like a lot of different disparate stories. Can I ascertain what is just like tall tales and a bit of embellishing of the truth or what could be maybe as a mundane explanation and kind of like filter that through to see if there's any connections. Get a good boycott. Yes. Oh, nicely done.

It is genuinely impossible to tell. Sometimes it seems like in one of the tales, it seems like something seems quite practical. You're like, oh, that makes sense. I understand what that is. But then when another one of them tells a tale of something similar happening, they embellish it and change it and alter it. And you're like, well, which one was the, what is real and what is not real?

You slowly work out that these collected tales could not possibly be referring to one entity. That seems insane. There is either a lot of just tall tales going on, or there are several awful entities within the Abbey. Cool. All right. So several awful entities. Yay. Now, I just drew a good boy card of Polygot, so I magically learn a new language.

Whoa. Nice. Now, Adam, I guess, is there anything in Barovia, like a language of, like, say, the Barovian, the Valakai, or even something that might even help with undead or whatever this might be? Is there anything thematically appropriate as we're walking towards the abbey that I get struck by some weird magic light or weird divine power. Oh, I can speak something now. You finish your dwarver lingo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I've just been listening to this podcast. Let me take my AirPods out. Maybe whoever is providing you with your divine magic could give you a little, hey, fucker, while we're here, take this i guess so barovians speak a dialect of common but it's close enough to uh the more broad common

that you know that there's not gonna ever be really any translating issues okay but you if i were to pick a language that might come up within this adventure, you might pick Infernal. Okay. No guarantees. That's all right. But if there were a language to come up, it would be Infernal. I already speak Infernal. Okay.

Well, perhaps then. What's the language of the other one? Abyssal? Yeah, Abyssal. Abyssal, yeah, perhaps. A bit less likely likely but still possible draconic draconic is always useful it's the language of magic oh yes what would my this new light of mine that i've connected to what would they just uh just throw down the corridor i'm

gonna say they're gonna give you either celestial or abyssal okay well i know celestial so abyssal it is okay it's good we had a canon explanation for you getting it. If I get it, it's just. Wait, that's right. I can speak fucking. The madness that one gets from reading Emmanuel the monster. Yeah. Now I know infernal.

He's the devil. Yeah. That makes sense. All right. Okay. Okay. I assume we've arrived there. We've asked enough questions as we can.

Yeah, I've got a bunch of pages in a manual, a dog-eared, basically, of possibilities. Can I start sizing? I'm assuming the guards are escorting us, yeah? Yeah. Can I size any of them up to be my size? How tall are you? Like six something.

He's big. Highs or lows? Let's got lows. Lows? Yeah, one of the guards is about your size and shape. Right. You there. Can I borrow your armor?

The guard looks at the other guards and then at the burj master. The burj master shakes his head and says, I do not wish to give you anything. I do not think we will not get back. I'm giving Hector an expression like this. But if I am surely if we're going in there it's now everyone's best interest that we're protected.

Why ask for his armor? Why not ask them if they have some armor in your size? Do you have any armor in my size? I don't think they're going to give it to you but he's wearing, I don't know if you've noticed this Hector, he's wearing his armor right now. I am very sorry but i do not believe we will i wish you the best i wish that you will succeed for the sake of the children and for the sake of my town but i do not expect you

to succeed got to think about it like this if you you die in there, Joe here is without his armor. And they're not going into the Abbey to get it. I mean, it's unfortunate, but maybe there'll be some armor in the Abbey. Right, let us go. He nods solemnly to each of you and he says, I wish you genuinely, I wish you luck.

Can I heal myself? Just some lay on hand as we go in. Speaking of preparation, let's make a potion. All right. Wait a second. Don't open that door. I need to concoct. Okay, so I'm thinking...

Esmeralda actually also stops. You can tell she's been listening to these descriptions as well, and she starts fumbling with her pre-made potions. Okay. What do we need? What will do any damage? I think there is many. If it's ghosts, you'll want something magical at the bare minimum

because your physical attacks will do nothing against them. Will silver help? It could, but silver by and large against spirits is kind of a crapshoot. Yeah, it's a bit of a crapshoot. Okay. So your spirit's a bit of a crapshoot. Okay. Spirits, magical, right? If it's incorporeal or soft, undead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Silver,

it doesn't matter what you've coded your weapon with. It's still physical, a physical weapon. Soft dead, we need magic. Yeah, magic or magical items, and then, I mean like, it's, again, it's a bit of a crapshoot depending on what kind of creature it is. Does anyone have chalk, Esmeralda? Esmeralda pats herself down, has a Lowe's.

Lowe's. She used the last of her chalk drawing... A lovely picture. Yeah, a lovely picture. All right, what am I going to use? Ectobloom for Ghost Touch. Ghost Touch will allow me to... Yeah, Ghost Touch allows you a mundane item to affect ghosts.

Ghost Touch. I'm nearly out of sending agents. to affect ghosts. Ghost touch, well, I'm nearly out of sending agents, mamma mia. Ghost touch, ooze sweat, so I'll pull out a little flower, I'll crumble that into a little beaker, I'll get some little ooze sponge and squeeze it over it. It's a portion of ooze. It hurts my hand a little bit.

You use gloves. And then I will use probably maybe another raven feather. I'll strip it of the actual feathers from the stalk and put them in there. It just seems like a safe bet. That's a kind of adhesive and then I'll just dip. I can only make

one of them, but I'll dip my arrows in it. I'm very sorry. You botched the roll. You dropped the beaker. Fuck. Shit. That's okay. That's fine.

It happens. I just raised my eyebrow. Don't look at me. I was basically going to give this to you on anything except a one. I'm very sorry. That's okay. I had two ecto blooms. I'm very embarrassed.

Maybe I even like, I imagine I'm doing like a squat over it and i kind of crab shuffle away so no one's seeing what i'm doing and then i'm gonna use my last ecto bloom okay i'm gonna use i don't have any ooze sweat anymore i'm gonna use another raven's feather and i'm gonna use one of the aquamarines. I'll make a ghost grenade. All right. Let's see if I fuck this up too. You do not. Okay. You infuse the raven feather and the ectobloom into the aquamarine.

And as you do it, it starts glowing a little bit, vibrating, and you can hear a mmm coming from it. You know, if you hold it, like just transferring it from one hand to another, it'll be fine. But if it strikes a surface, you know it's gonna blow. I very gently place it into a satchel I have on, maybe a bandolier of sorts I have on my front, and I'm like,

nobody nudge me. I wouldn't dream of it. And I guess fighting the hard-on dead, is it this... Do you want pure bludgeoning damage if you can if you've got a club perfect well that'll do you wonderfully radiant damage

again is always useful they will have regenerative powers whilst exposed to your radiant damage will weaken their regenerative powers which is always useful as well and then you can kind of attack as as you please but again i i mean it is the undead are crept you did a whole

it's most of the book if i'm honest with you of course so let's just hope it's all folk superstition i say not very convincing yeah step inside joel zamet here from either the podcast you're currently listening to or some other Step inside. Joel Zammett here from either the podcast you're currently listening to or some other podcast like, let's say, I don't know, Baseless Speculation, rudely interrupting your good times to tell you about another podcast I do called Baseless Speculation. Do you often find yourself looking at a new Spider-Man trailer and thinking to yourself,

I wonder how Sony are going to shit the bed on this one. Or perhaps you're a big fan of X-Men and will ponder how they would even show the Krakoan era of mutants on the silver screen. Or maybe there's some news that some fucking guy is going to play Mario Mario in the upcoming film Mario about that plumber Mario and his brother Luigi. And you think to yourself, I wonder what they're going to do there. Why do these plumbers keep jumping on turtles? Us too. So we made a show about it where we baselessly speculate on upcoming films,

TV shows and more. So join me and my beautiful co-hosts, Jackson Bailey and Joel Dusha, who you might know from either this very podcast or anothery on Baseless Speculation. Available on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon are doing a podcast thing now. You can find us there if you'd like. Google? They have Google Podcasts now.

Really, there's never been a better time to search for podcasts, especially ones called Baseless Speculation. The road from the village climbs above the mist to the wide ledge on which the abbey is perched a light dusting of snow covers the trees and the rocky earth the gravel road passes between two small stone out buildings to either side of which stretches a five foot high three foot thick wall of jumbled stones held together with mortar. So it's another wall about similar width, but a bit shorter than the town wall and also made a bit more haphazardly. You know, that type of wall that is kind of just different sizes and shapes of stones that just get piled together.

And then there's, there's mortar here to keep it all together. But it kind of is more just like a pile of flat rocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blocking the road are iron gates attached to the outbuildings with rusty hinges. They appear to be unlocked. You can see no obvious locking mechanism. You think you could just push them open? Mm-hmm.

Viewed through the gates, the stone abbey stands quiet. Its two wings are joined by a 15-foot-high curtain wall. A belfry protrudes from the rooftop to the part of the abbey closest to you, which also sports a chimney billowing grey smoke. So someone's got a fire going. That's nice. Yes. You can see that there is, I don't know if I mentioned this,

that the belfry has a bell within it, but the bell is silent, as is the rest of the abbey. The guards stop well before you get to the gatehouse, gatehouses, and so does Piran. Oh, right. Well, no, actually, no, what? Not joining us for this one? I think I will ensure the safety of the children he says you do not believe him

I'm just going to assume for whatever reason you don't think he's going to kill them you don't think he means to kill them you think he's finding an excuse to not go in here right this is either haunted or there's an angel in there.

Either way, I don't, I'm not the sort of person who should be in there. That is a very good point. Well, if you can, scout out the town of Krezik, see what there is to know. Piran looks briefly at the guards and you see, like, a confident

smile and he says, I think I can give them the slip. The Burgermaster, they're like quite a bit away, the guards and the Burgermaster, yeah? I like maybe look around to the party I'm with. Give me a moment. And I'd like to go over to the Burgermaster but away from the rest of the party. Okay. Obviously, I say to the Burgermaster, entry to Krezak I'm assuming is assured now that I've brought the children back. The Virgemaster thinks for a moment and says,

You may stay within the town for a short time. My next point was, if I manage to clear out the Abbey, a great boon to you and Krezak, perhaps a more permanent residence? Dimitri looks back to his guards and then turns back to look at you. residence dimitri looks back to his guards and then turns back to look at you if you wish to stay within the town i must insist that you deal with the werewolves not with the abbey the abbey is a menace that looms above us but it is not as pressing as the werewolf. Okay. Sure. Fine. I'll put it.

Maybe I put a hand on the Birgitmaster's shoulder. You're busting my balls here. And then I'll turn around and rejoin the party. Okay. And I've got a sour, I've got a sourpuss expression on my face. Maybe I'll just push past and open the door. There is two gatehouses on either side of you. There's a door to each gatehouse.

Do you want to investigate those or do you want to approach the abbey? Or you see off to your right-hand side along the wall, there is stunted pine trees growing out of the rocky earth in the graveyard near the foundation of the abbey's north wing. So the graveyard is immediately to your right-hand side. Yeah, it might be worth investigating the graveyard. Okay. Yeah. So the gatehouse, we'd have to go past the gatehouses to get to the abbey?

You are walking through the gate, past the gatehouses now, yeah. Okay. Is it worth, and I just gesture to the gatehouses? I mean, yeah, no harm in doing it. You open the doors to one of them, and you see that it is empty. Then you open the doors to the other, and you see two figures with cloaks and hoods sleeping back to back. Both of them are, well, when I say armed, I mean with shovels, but they hold them as if they mean to wield them as clubs. That's cool.

They snore. Do they appear corporeal? Would you like to get a closer look? Are they the Bellevue family? They could be. They certainly look like they've been grave digging. Can we tie them up? We could try.

I imagine any... Yes, of course. I imagine any stepping into this house will waken them, and then we'd be tackling them to the ground. There's a possibility we just leave them sleeping here, and then we don't have to deal with it. I step back out. All right.

So you're just not going to interact with them? Yeah, I don't think we have to. Okay. Well, let's hope they don't attack from behind. Yes. All right, let's investigate that graveyard. You walk in among... There are many mounds with simple grave markers,

just most of them have a stone lying on the ground at the head of the little mound, just with a name and date. A lot of them are worn away. Okay. How many seem disturbed? None of them seem to be disturbed. There is quite a lot of them, though.

It stretches around in between the abbey and the walls. You can follow it and walk all the way around if you want to. I think I will because I'm just trying to. I'm investigating the monster comma Frankenstein angle at this point. So I'm going to just investigate. I just want to look for disturbed graves. Did we get the name of the criminal that Hart stopped? Or at least how long ago that might have been?

Good idea. Yes, you did. Brother Valon. Okay. I want to be investigating. Disgraced Brother Valon. Okay. I want to be investigating. Disgraced Brother Valon. I'd like to be checking the tombstones for a Brother Valon, comma, disgraced. You have a look around, and eventually, it's near the back end.

You can see that the walls come and then meet with the abbey itself, and there's kind of a dead end. But as you explore into that dead end, you find almost the last grave you check, it does indeed say Brother Valon, and then it has a date, but because Barovia uses... Because, yeah, you don't know what the date is today in Barovia. So the date doesn't really mean much to you.

Brother Valon, a date, and then the quotation, may you find in the afterlife the peace you never had in life. Can I, while I'm searching, have cast a divine sense to see if there's any sort of undead around? You find the presence of undead. They're not here currently, but they have been here. Okay, so that's within 60 feet. Yeah. Okay. Undead are around, but not present. Yeah. So does that mean undead have come by to this place?

Is it like if they passed through here? It could be the one Or are they sleeping? Some might say. It could be the one came by this place, or it could be that one is currently here and underground. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it... It focuses, it does seem to be centered on Brother Valon's grave. Yeah, if I cast it while I'm standing on top of Brother Valon's grave,

I'll cast that again. Is it a bit more concentrated? Oh, yeah, you have it on and you're walking around. Yeah, it definitely seems to be sourced from Brother Valon's grave so I'll cast that again is it a bit more concentrated? Oh yeah you have it on and you're walking around yeah it definitely seems to be sourced from Brother Valon's grave but

that could just mean that an undead spent a lot of time here Yeah yeah Fair I know where there's some shovels anyway

Do you voice that? Actually sorry one sec as well no never mind Okay Sorry Yeah I just noticed I'm waiting for Actually, sorry. One sec as well. No, never mind. Okay. Sorry. Yeah, I just noticed.

I'm waiting for Pip to do. Yeah. Have I found many disturbed graves at all? Yeah. Some of them have been dug up, and you can see that they- Bodies removed? You can't tell because they were reburied. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.

Esmeralda is also checking around, but a go-gash is just standing probably next to Hector. Okay. He's just been standing next to Hector, not really saying or doing much, just looking around. You can see that he's got kind of a peaceful expression on his face, and he seems to think this place looks pretty. That's nice. But Esmeralda, searching around around nudges one of the graves and says Well that is curious This grave is different to the others

How so? She gestures you to come over Some of the grave sites have a little bit more than just the marker Some of them have a proper headstone but they're not very common This one has the headstone She gestures towards it and says How is this different to the other ones

you have a look at it pip and i get a bad boy card you shrug you tell me have a look around the edges carved engraved into the headstone is twisting roses like a a vine with roses going all the way around the edges of the headstone and then coming down and then forming the lettering on itself. It's very figuratively and literally flowery. It's

the prettiest gravestone here. And then Esmeralda says, this is the nicest gravestone here by quite a lot. How fresh does it look? It looks to be perhaps the oldest gravestone here by quite a lot. How new, how fresh does it look? It looks to be perhaps the oldest gravestone here, but you can see that it is the only one that has been cared for. Is there a name on it? Sorry, did you say?

The name engraved upon it is Petrovna. Petrovna. Any surname? Nope. Just Petrovna. And a date. Any surname? Nope. Just Petrovna. And a date. This one doesn't seem disturbed at all? It is not in any way touched.

It is definitely, Esmeralda points out the date. There is a date written on it as well. And she points out, this is the oldest grave here. And you can see that in addition to being the oldest grave here, like I said before, it is one of the nicest graves. It is the only one that is free of moss or any markings or anything like that.

It looks like it has been cared for. So a couple of possibilities. I suppose the family here, the Bellew family, coming out into the graveyard at night to tend to this grave and also possibly to dig up the other graves. I think it'd be worthwhile looking at the disturbed graves, digging down, opening those coffins, seeing if anybody's missing limbs,

just to see if it's monster comma Frankenstein. This grave, I don't know who this Petrovna is. Hmm. Still not really much of a lead as to the... Hector, what are you doing? At some point, I'd like to converge with the other Esme and

Pip. Alright, are you done with your search? Yeah, we found the Brother Valon. We found Brother Valon. There is definitely a presence of undead, but it is either they have come and gone or they are, and I just point down. What time is it?

Oh, good question. About 5.30. Okay. Well, if it is an undead underneath asleep, as it were, then I assume nighttime is their morning time. It's his morning. It's his morning. Oh, my God.

Holy shit. Remember a season others than this? it's his morning oh my god holy shit remember a season others than this well well if we don't want to be here for that we can further into the abbey or we could try the gatehouses

and perhaps deal with those two shoveled armed do I get the impression you would like to deal with those shovel armed folk like Hector would? I just want some shovels if we're going to be some digging. Esmeralda, you can see, is bouncing from one foot to the other, which you recognize. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Wave them off. Go, go, go. I'm going to stay in the graveyard. Keep looking. A go gash stays with you. No worries. stay in the graveyard keep looking a go gash stays with you no worries he walks over to you and he says it is despite everything peaceful here i suppose i can see that i like quiet moments he says uh me too we'll begin with esmeralda and Hector going back to the gatehouse.

It's so uncomfortable right now. You return to the gatehouse, the occupied one, and you and Esmeralda open it up. She whispers to you, how do you want to play this? You can see she's got weapons drawn. I look down to the weapons, if possibly non-violent and if possibly non-lethal. I can do that, she says. She switches both her axe and sword to the blunt end. I guess focus fire on...

Let's also have a chat with them first. All right. Esmeralda seems genuinely annoyed, but just goes with it. So what do you do to wake them up? They're back to back, yeah? Yep. All right. Esmeralda seems genuinely annoyed, but just goes with it. So what do you do to wake them up? They're back to back, yeah? Yep. All right. Can you, Esme, for Esme or Esmeralda?

Esmeralda. Esmeralda. What if you go around them so when I wake them up, they don't see you? And if perhaps they get a bit violent violent try to take down one she gives you like an affirmative nod good i'm gonna see if i can take their shovels before uh waking them up if i can do it quietly all right so good news bad news okay like first i'd like to give me that good news good news is you get both shovels excellent Bad news is you now have your shield and your regular weapon are now stowed with two shovels, one in each hand, as both of them stand bolt upright.

And you realize maybe it would have been better to begin with a real weapon in your hand. But look, hey, here you are. Here we are. You got the shovels. That's good to hear. What are they going to do? Yeah, exactly. A shovel's basically a club.

They remain back to back, and one of them faces each of you. You got Esmeralda to walk behind, right? The other side. Yeah, yeah. You've got them surrounded. They remain then back to back. The one that is facing you, you can see he looks like a beardless dwarf with patches of donkey flesh

covering his face and body. He has one human ear and one wolf's ear and a protruding wolf's snout and fangs. His arms and hands are human, but his legs are leonine, and he has a donkey's tail.

He splutters out to you. Whenever he talks, his voice just feels like a tick, like he can't control it. He just goes, at some point. Who are you? What do you want? I hate this guy.

My name is Hector. I am here to investigate the Abbey Who are you and what are you doing here? They slowly turn around and switch So that you're now facing the other one You see he is Slightly shorter than the other one And the left side of her face

And body is covered with Lizard scales The right side is tufts of Grey wolf fur Between these tufts of gray wolf fur. Between these tufts is pale human skin. So like a line, like a Neapolitana of different animals on her face. One of her eyes is that of a feline.

Her fingers and hands resemble cat paws with opposable thumbs. She has a gruff voice and wears a grey cloak with black fur trim. When she speaks she does not have any obvious tick, so it's a bit more pleasant to speak to her. What do you want? You're from one of the Bellevue's, I suspect? She puts one of her paws on her chest

and says, I am Ziegfrack, Ziegfrack Bellevue. What has happened to happened? This is my brother, Otto. Nice to meet you, Otto. And what was the name again, sorry? Ziegfreck. Nice to meet you, Otto and Ziegfreck.

What has happened to you? We were cured, she says. Ah, from? The maladies, the illnesses within our family. What were the maladies? She shakes her head as if she doesn't understand our family. What were the maladies? She shakes her head as if she doesn't understand the question. What were your maladies? Are you here to speak to the abbot? Ideally, yes.

He's inside, she says. Give us our shovels back. What are you doing? We're guards. We need the shovels. Do you mind if I borrow them? They're getting a bit angry. You feel like this is taking a bit of a turn for the worse.

Okay. The shovels, the shovels, the shovels. Do you mind if I just borrow one? The shovels, the shovels. She does not stop. She starts walking towards you. I give her a shovel. She grabs it, snatches it, and crawls backwards.

Shovel. And then Otto turns around and he gestures for his shovel. Give him the shovel. This is a very strange turn of events. Okay. Esmeralda is gripping both of her weapons with a white knuckle grip. You can see that at the drop of a hat if one of these two Bellevues

makes the wrong move, you can see she has forgotten that you talked about non-violence she is about to cave one of their fucking skulls i just i just like start like shaking my head and i'm like please don't please don't escalate please don't it went with the escalate with the escalate she glances at you sees you shaking your head and then with just expressions she gives you the response, well, if you insist. So he's just inside, is he? Shovels, shovels, shovels.

Yes, he's inside. He's inside. I asked them about the. He'll cure us. He'll cure us. He'll cure you. Oh, well, that is good to hear. The abbot.

Sorry. The abbot. He's different than the adventure that came in, the fallen angel, perhaps, or the angel, perhaps. Are there two different people? No, the abbot is perhaps the fallen angel. Well, I guess, yeah, you don't technically know that, but it literally happened at the same time, so one really seems to follow the other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what was the abbot's name? Otto does not respond, mercifully. Yeah. Yeah. But Zigfrick, she just shakes her head and says, The abbot! The abbot! The abbot! Okay, of course.

Can you tell me anything about him? Because I want to get on his good side, as it were, if I could perhaps do a favor for him. Something old, something borrowed, something blue, something new. Something old, something borrowed, something blue, something new. Something old, something borrowed, something blue, something new. Okay. Find them, find them. And that is what the abbot likes.

And a face. Find a face. Find a face. Something old, something borrowed, something blue, something new. And a face. And a face. And that is what you give to the abbot. A good face, she says.

All right, and is that what you give to the abbot? She looks past you and sees that the sun is nearly setting Fuck She says We must go We must go Otto She nudges Otto

Come come come Both of them Do you let them pass? Um yeah Both of them run on all fours Holding the shovels as best they can Run past you and into the night You lose them almost immediately

Both of them move with a uncomfortable speed as best they can, run past you and into the night. You lose them almost immediately. Both of them move with an uncomfortable speed. Are they heading towards the graveyard or out into the town? One of them is heading towards the abbey. The other one sprints out the gates and towards the town. Okay. So something borrowed, something blue, something... Old, something new. Something old, new, and a face.

And a face. And a face. And a face. Easy to acquire. Well, they were very peculiar. I look around the guards room. Is there anything of note here? On the walls of the gate house, you find several hung up musty animal furs.

You find a made out of twigs and woven pine needles. You find several nets and a shovel, an extra shovel. Hey. Hey. Well, I grabbed a shovel. It's cold in this part of Krezik, isn't it? And I'm still quite in like. It's snowing outside.

So the furs, they're to wear, yeah. They're moth eaten and not necessarily very good furs, but they provide warmth. Well, I guess shake it out a little bit. Esmeralda, do you need a… No, I am fine, thank you. But if you are cold enough to wear that, she unbuttons her cloak and hands it to you. I am Vistana. We are used to the cold.

Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you. You put on her infinitely better. Comes down to my middle back. That's cool. Like a half cape. Meanwhile, Pip, what are you doing?

I'm waiting in the graveyard basically to see what happens. I just need a better gauge of what specific kind of undead we're fighting here. And given Hector talking about sensing an undead in the criminal's grave, I like to think I'm just standing over it with my crossbow held at it, waiting for someone to come out. As the sun sets, its shadow or the shadow it leaves behind slowly stretches across the abbey and across the top of this hill. Once the light reaches the base of the Abbey

and starts dragging itself across the graveyard, you can sense that there is something moving within the grave. You can see like a scrambling and like a shifting. And then as the light slowly moves past the grave and over you, at exactly the same moment as the grave is bathed in darkness, one hand explodes from beneath the dirt. Then another and something dead starts scrambling its way out of the grave. Can I hold my action till its head out and then shoot a bolt into it?

Absolutely. Oh, man. Waking up just to get hit in the head by a crossbow bolt? Good morning. Its head explodes out from under the dirt. You fire your crossbow bolt. Good morning. And I'll make it a defensive shot.

The crossbow bolt strikes the creature and you see it has no effect. Does the effective defensive shot still work? I would say no. I would say you need to hit and deal damage. Yeah, no worries. All right. Let's go to initiative cool go gash who was in maybe silent meditation ah all right it's the creature's turn first it drags itself out of the grave and as it's dragging itself out it looks you dead in in the eyes Pip and says I'm to be killed

little hunter okay it swipes at you it swings but you just take a step back and because it's not out of the grave properly yet it misses you it is your turn Pip it looks like humanoid yeah

we can cross ghoul off the list it's a process of elimination yeah absolutely that's what i'm this is all i'm doing this is science right now what i'm doing um all right all right i'll uh back up and i will fire another crossbow bolt at it this one i will use my last radiant bolt uh this is me checking if it's a bog man, i.e. a zombie, because if it dies in this one hit, then I know that's what it is, and that's sorted out there. So I use my radiant

damage, and I'll make it a defensive shot again. You miss on the first one, which is unfortunately the radiant bolt. Load again, and your second shot does... It strikes, but it does nothing. It bounces off it.

Okay. Cool. Good stuff. It's a go-gash's turn. Womp! A go-gash teleports behind the creature. Mm-hmm. He rages as one might, and then he swings his axe.

Raging in somewhere so peaceful. Yeah, true. He strikes twice, and his axe does nothing A go-gash takes a step back And he is himself A gash What? He says

I have never met such a creature Perhaps if I keep hitting No no no no Magic or a magic item or something And also don't get hit by it, for the love of God. It's its turn. It staggers towards you, Pip. Okay.

Oh, Dragonborn. Join me. No. And your AC is not enough. Oh, no. I will. No, I don't think I'll be doing it. It grabs you, and when it grabs you, you feel yourself become awfully sick.

What the fuck am I fighting? It's not like attacking, like tearing at you. Just its touch is enough to do this. You take 15 points of damage, and you lose that much from your maximum hit points. Oh, cool beans. I don't think this is a bog, man. from your maximum hit points. Oh, cool beans. Hmm. I don't think this is a bog man.

This is a bog man. Well, no, none of us have hit it, though. Fuck. This is very annoying, because if I know it's a bog man, basically it better not be a bog man, is all I'm thinking. If it is a bog man, why?

Because if it's a bog man and it's hurt me anywhere, then it's pretty much game over unless I cut off the damaged limb. So I don't want it to be a bog man, basically. Well, if it is a bog man, it actually shouldn't have hurt you just then. You're right. Yeah, I don't think it's a bog man. I'm currently thinking maybe Undead, Revenge Seeking? Its attack seems to have drained your life force,

your essence. It's your turn, Pip. Alright, I'm gonna breathe fire onto it. Flame Breath. That's a fair... Oh no, successful Dexterity saving throw, but I think that's only half damage. That hurts him. Not only does it hurt him, but you are so close that when you do that, you hear gunk, gunk.

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