D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia I #6 Bride of the Abbot

Episode Date: October 22, 2022

Hearing screaming from the shed, the party come to the conclusion that this isn't their problem. Hecktor reluctantly fights an angel while Pip is more concerned about the monster comma Frankenstein.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Though you see no water for miles around you, you are, like me, nonetheless maroon. We are castaways in this terrible bad dream somebody decided to name Barovia. To switch up the metaphor, we are imprisoned, and the fog is the bars of our cell, and our jailer is Baron von Strahd. As far as I can tell, there's no way to escape other than possibly by dying. Maybe by being eaten by a wolf, let's say.

It is a go-gash's turn. A go-gash seems to have considered your words and then says, No, I think hit him again. God damn it. Yeah, brilliant. Genius, even. No, I think hit him again. God damn it. Yeah, brilliant.

Genius, even. A go-gash hits him twice, and something miraculous happens. Huh? It hurts him. Oh, wow, yeah, no. I mean, I know that happened. I'm just trying to find it in my fucking... Maybe as Pip's scrambling, you know,

being attacked by the undead, I'm scrambling through my book as well, like I am in real life, trying to figure where the fuck this one was. Alright, Ogogash's attacks still don't seem to have the full effect that they should, but they actually do hurt it a little bit this time.

And then it is the creature's turn. The creature, you can see that the fire that you have bathed it in is now in its eyes, and whatever has caused its weakness is also now causing its strength. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Oh, boy. All right, a critical hit. A critical hit. Triple damage, and you're going to need to make a constitution saving throw. Awesome. Good stuff.

That's a big old fail. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What triple damage? Uh-oh. Wait, fuck. Body blow. Only receive half damage. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What Drupal damage? Uh-oh. Wait, fuck.

Body blow. Only receive half damage. Okay. Phew. So we'll halve this. Did I make the right move? Ten, twenty. I made the right move.

Thirty-two. So you take, instead of thirty-two, you take sixteen damage, and that is reduced from your maximum as well. Oh. Jesus Christ. It's second attack which also hits deals a further 11 points of damage so that's

27 total which also comes from your maximum. Oh my god. You are on 20 hit points. Cool. Cool cool cool cool. Cool. Uh huh. Oh and your maximum is 30 hit points. Cool. Uh okayhuh. Oh, and your maximum is 30 hit points. Cool.

Okay. I am going to start stepping back and maybe hit it with an innovating breath. Okay. Which should incapacitate it. Oh, you would know what to be into this. Okay. That innovating breath is like hitting it with nerve gas, basically. Okay, yeah, sure.

All right, well, then I'll flame breath it again. It fails this time. All right, that's good, that's good. You once again can see that the fire is burning in its eyes, but you can see that whatever weakness and strength is happening, both are still occurring to it. You hear gong, gong, g-Gong! Go-Gong! Its heartbeat

is going at an increasing pace. How does it look? How does it, how's it looking? You can see from the front, it looks very burnt, but otherwise fine.

But anytime it turns to try and fend off a Go-Gash, a Go-Gash is fucking its backside. Yeah, alright. Alright, I'm gonna action surge.

Yeah, Go-Gash hits two more times. Oh, okay. Oh, no, sorry. I was gonna action surge and burn him again. Alright, Yeah, alright. Alright, I'm gonna Yeah, Gagash hits two more times. Oh, okay. Oh, no, sorry. I was gonna action surge and burn him again. Alright, yeah, absolutely. He makes another Clamp my jaw down on his head.

Passes this one and so takes only five points of damage from your second fire. That's a shame. It's a Gagash's turn. He swings his mighty axe and hits twice. It's nearing its last legs, but it is still fighting.

And it's its turn. Now it has decided that you are an inferior target, and it's going to target you only once. Hey, I'll take you. Swings at you and misses, and then it swings weakly at a gogash. A gogash grabs its arm and holds it in place. It is, Pip, your turn.

Okay, it's hearts. Okay, I'll double tap it with the crossbow. First attack's a miss, but your second attack, straight in its head. You destroy Brother Valen's head it explodes from the back outwards towards the front and then the corpse slumps up against a go gash and slides to the ground how am i looking adam you're how did i pull up at the end of that you are as i said on 20 hit points out of 30 though so you've got still two-thirds of your

your usual maximum is 72 you could try to create an alchemical ingredient to remove this effect from you if you have any healing alchemical ingredients yeah maybe i'll uh i'll like just slump down in the uh in the graveyard against Brother Valon's tombstone. Sure. And I'll start trying to concoct something to fix me up. Oh, from here, by the way, you acquire some more materials. Yes, I was going to say. You do a pretty good job of harvesting,

so you find growing upon him Death Knight's Woe. Let's say three amounts of Death Knight's Woe. Nice, that's good. That's good. That's useful. Some Flump Spores. All right. Any Zanding Agents? If one was to ask, fella needs some Zanding Agents.

You find three doses of Lichen Hide. Okay. Four of Shambling Moss. Oh. All right. And then finally, two doses of Ghoul, Garst, or Gravedancer Innards. All right, yeah, I'm just going to take some time to see if I can heal myself, but I actually don't think I have that possibility.

But I'm just going to rest. Well, Hector, what would you do after the gatehouse? I would head back to the graveyard. All right, well, you'd find the aftermath of the confrontation. Oh, um, are you okay? I have seen better days. I kept thinking it was a specter, but that's a soft ghost. What is it?

White? What is a white? I want to inspect, give old Pip a once over to see what's happened, and also, what is a white? You can see that Pip has had his life force drained from him. Undead, white. When the living and doing heart of a mortal creature is slowed to stopping by the evil thoughts of man, it is possible for such a personage to appeal to the violent villainous

gods of the undead for reprieve and unholy life. When said requests are granted, it is said that a wight is created. While no longer alive, these beings are also far from death and sit somewhere if

betwixt the two. As the wight is not truly dead. I'll lay on hands and heal him for like ten hit points, basically. You'd be like,

uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Pip, you're on full health. Of course, yes. That should have done more than that. Yes. A victim should find oh, no, no, that's, well, lucky I didn full health. Of course, yes. That should have done more than that. Yes. A victim should find... Oh, no.

Lucky I didn't die. In combat, the white is capable of draining the force of life from a victim to continue the beating of its own heart. Okay. So it's a necrotic affliction. Yes. Can I do anything? If I had, say, a lesser restoration, would that work here?

A lesser restoration would, yes. Okay. I can cure you tomorrow, but at the moment, not right now. I'm sorry. That's fine. I can concoct something that will provide me protection whilst we're in the Abbey, but yes, I don't want to be like this forever i point to the uh brother velen i think so yes perhaps he appealed to the angel i say in the abbey esmeralda

says the timeline is wrong for that the abbot came here recently they said but uh markovia was long before then perhaps whatever corrupted him went to the corpse. Well, one of these stories was about the experiment that they conducted here to try and save the life of a criminal. She nudges the foot of the corpse. They stopped his heart, yes? Yes. Something along those lines?

Yes. Can I reach into the chest cavity and see the heart? If you want to tear him open, sure. It's pretty gruesome work, but you can do it. I'll suggest it first. We'll be looking to see his heart. But we read the two sleeping figures. Actually, no, sorry.

His chest cavity is already opened because Pip has already harvested any useful remains. So, yeah, the chest cavity would already be open. And you can see within, Pip has maybe cut, Pip maybe turned him over so that you didn't have to see it. But you turn him back over. Imagine if someone's, imagine, well, this person is emaciated. So imagine a very, like, you can see bone through skin. like you can see bone through skin. But imagine such a person,

and you open their chest cavity to reveal that all of their innards are as they would normally be, with the exception of everything is charcoal black within. Heart, lungs, guts, stomach, charcoal black. Right, and that's got nothing to do with him being on fire. No, that, well, Pip would know that that was the case beforehand. It's a look at the, examine the heart, the charcoal heart. It looks like it was beating recently. Yeah.

Okay. And so there's nothing to be like, oh, we can deduce an experiment of sorts from this particular blackened heart. I think, look, it probably was him, the person they experimented on. Of course. What experiments cause the inner organs to go black? The blackening would be a result of being a white.

Oh, right. Okay. Well, we ran into some of the Bellevue children. Yes, they'd been experimented on or, Yes, they'd been experimented on or they said cured. By who? But the abbot.

Of what? They just when asked about that, they seemed shocked that I would ask. The affliction of affecting their family. But one of them had scales and human flesh and something else. Another one had a dog ear and I described what they look like. As you flip through Emmanuel the Monster, Esmeralda looks at you, Pip,

and pulls out from a little chain a pocket-sized version of Emmanuel the Monster Dark Places. She shakes her head and says, these creatures do not feature within. They didn't sound terribly familiar. These creatures do not feature within. They didn't sound terribly familiar. I think these are an entirely unique horror that perhaps exists only here at the Abbey. But they did say to get on. Maybe.

I don't know. They didn't seem exactly with it. Together. So they definitely wanted their shovels. But I did ask if to get on the Abbot's good side. And they said we needed something borrowed, something blue, something old and something new. Is that similar customs for a wedding? And the face. And I also suggested a good face.

A good face. Esmeralda has got a really expressive mmm. So it could just be a face of perhaps the people that are digging up from the grave, or maybe a face of a clock, or something else. From within the belfry, or rather from within the abbey, all of you hear, bum, bum, ba-bum. It is a wedding. Bum, bum, ba-bum.

It's got to be bad news. No way. No way in all the hells this is going to be pleasant. Shall we go crash a wedding? I suppose so. Really quickly, I want to concoct something so that I don't fucking die straight away. Maybe I'll be doing this on the fly as we're running. Oh, actually, a go-gash rummages around in his pack,

and he produces a pre-made, it's got like a little stamp on it, that you do not recognize, but the lettering around it says Emmanuel de Monster Official Ointment. What? This is some accoutrement, some extra item to the Emmanuel

the Monster series that you have never heard of. He opens the jar and a noxious scent assails your nostrils. Hold your arms out. Let me smooth this across your skin. I roll up one of my sleeves or

unbuckle a bracer and reveal my scaly gold arms. You can see that the flesh where the white touched you was black and shriveled. He smooths the ointment across your wounds and you recover a further

nine hit points, but your hit point maximum is restored to full. You're just on full hit points, though. You're only on 39, but the ointment does cure whatever affliction you have. Thank you, Gogesh. I appreciate

that. Thank you for helping me take down the white as well. Sorry I didn't identify it quickly. Sorry I incorrectly identified it. It is understandable. You are not the first who has been confounded by those books. What did Emmanuel the Monster do to his dimension? All right, so you go crash a wedding?

Yeah, we're going to do it. I'm going to crash this wedding. You approach the abbey entrance, or you could smash in a window if you wanted to, just letting you know that's an option. But you approach the abbey entrance, or you could smash in a window if you wanted to, just letting you know that's an option. But you approach the entrance, a 15-foot-high curtain wall joins the abbey's two wings. So imagine the abbey has two solid, like, proper buildings, and then in between them there is a walled section which doesn't actually have a roof. It could be described as further part of the building, but you could imagine it as having more of a beer garden

sort of vibe. An outdoor space which is walled, basically. Behind the battlements, two guards stand at attention, their features obscured by fog. Below them, set into the wall, is a pair of ten foot tall

wooden doors reinforced with bands of steel. To the right of these doors, mounted on the wall, is a tarn 10-foot-tall wooden doors reinforced with bands of steel. To the right of these doors, mounted on the wall, is a tarnished copper plaque. So, doors, two guards on the battlements, copper plaque. Are we obvious to the guards? Yeah, you would have... Actually, you realize, having approached now, that the mist obscured them from you.

But not us from them. Yeah, they should have seen you by now. So they've quite clearly sighted you and not done anything. Alright, I'll approach the plaque then. I'd like to have a geese. Written upon it is May her light cure all illness. Okay.

I haven't taken my eyes off the guards as we approach. Are they saying or doing anything? They do not react. They stand motionless. Are they breathing? Are they flesh and approach. Are they saying or doing anything? They do not react. They stand motionless. Are they breathing? Are they flesh and blood? Are they... You can't tell. The mist is too heavy. I turn

to the rest of the party. Are we just going through the front door? I don't see why not. Esmeralda nods. I do not see a better way to introduce ourselves, she says, with the air of someone who is definitely planning on violence. We could try to sneak our way in through a window, but I assume that's not

everybody's first choice. I am not the tiefling. But I can sneak when the situation calls for it. If you wanted to have a look through the window to see what is on the other side, I... Well, there's no windows here.

Well, no then. I here. Well, no. I don't see why not. We just open the door. The thick fog fills this courtyard and swirls as if eager to escape. The courtyard is surrounded by 15-foot-high curtain walls all around you. Wooden doors are to your left and right, to your north and south. Okay. And in addition to that, can see oh no that's

it yeah sorry that's it just doors to your north and south but also in addition to that i'm sorry when i say there's nothing in addition to that and then i say there isn't something what i mean is there's no other doors yeah but there are other features of this area. There's a north door and a south door. And both of these doors are wooden. In the center of this courtyard is a stone well with a fitted iron winch to which a rope and bucket are attached. Along the perimeter, tucked under the overhanging wall, are several stone sheds with padlocked wooden doors, as well as three shallow alcoves that contain wooden troughs where you would keep horses or animals and whatnot. Two wooden posts pounded into the rocky earth have iron rings bolted to them, and chained to one of them is a short humanoid with bat wings and spider mandibles. The quiet is shattered by horrible screams coming from the sheds.

As soon as you open the doors, they creak loudly open, and then the screaming begins. From the sheds? Yeah. The figure staked or attached to the ground turns to look at you with their, you can see when they turn, in addition to spider mandibles and. Bat wings? Yeah, bat wings.

You can see they have spider eyes. Gross. That is kind of, I'm guessing, another Bellevue family member. I point to the well. There's probably something down there, yes? Yes. I wouldn't drink from it. No.

I meant a kind of curse or corruption. It's always wells. Yeah, yeah, maybe. I go to the- Oh, I'm so sorry. She doesn't have- You know it's a she. Yeah.

She doesn't have all spider eyes. She has half spider eyes and then a human eye. That's good shit. I- I'm so sorry. I go over to her. I'm so sorry I go over to her She stands up as you approach

and points to the points to the thing the stake, her connection to the stake in the ground and then to her collar She moves her spider mandibles and says Can you write in the ground?

Do you know how to write? She crouches down and then starts drawing shapes and patterns in the ground. She clearly is not literate. Okay, I look at the shapes and patterns. Are they anything? It looks like a child's drawing. Poor creature. I'd like to go over to the sheds.

If anyone has any objections. When you do that, she turns to you and starts gesturing like no. No? Something dangerous in the sheds. She nods. You chained up because you went against the rest of the Bellevue family? She shakes her head. Okay.

Chained up for another reason. She nods. Okay, fantastic. More like you in the sheds or further monsters? That's a good question. Is that too complicated a question? She kind of gives you like a shrug.

Are there undead in the sheds? She shakes her head. More like you. She shrugs. It's hard to say. More people cured perhaps. She nods. Okay, now we're getting somewhere. And cured by the well I point to the well

she shakes her head okay just a well she points to the south door that's where the cure comes from she nods abbot

I point to the south door she nods okay cure bad she seems to be thinking about what you're saying

a complicated question fear no she seems to be thinking about what you're saying and then she looks at you and the spider eyes are in, you cannot read, the spider

parts of her face. But the human eye you can see there's intelligence within her. Yeah, of course. And then instead of answering your question, she points to the stake in the ground and points to her collar. I'm going over to the stake in the ground. Is there anything bad in the well? She to her collar. I'm going over to the stake in the ground. Is there anything bad in the well?

She shakes her head. It's a lie? You don't know. Or is there anything bad in the well? No, I'm sure it's just an innocent well. Of course. If we free you, where are you going? You can point.

She just points to the stake and to her. I probably wouldn't free her Hector if I were you. If at the end of this She shakes her head. She gets really aggressive when you suggest that. She seems like she's a child. Well yes, none of these are

everyone here is innocent. They've just been corrupted but once they're corrupted Hector unfortunately there's not a lot of time the werewolves were in the same position. Sometimes people become too far gone. You got to send them to heaven. A go-gash. That's his name.

A go-a-gash. No, it is. Yeah, no, it's a go-gash. Don't fuck with us. Adam, buddy. It is. No, sorry. I'm sorry.

I forget where the A is. A go-gash steps forward and says, We should let her go. It is cruel to tie a beast or human or anything within such settings. She should have the freedom to choose. And if she chooses violence, he thumbs his axe. We will handle it. Of course, that's a go-gash's opinion.

Esmeralda steps forward and says, I'm with Pip. I think we should leave her tied here. She causes less trouble like this. Why start a fight we don't have to do? Unfortunately, I am also with a go-gash, but that is stalemate, so we can always come back.

That is quo. As Broder looks at you, Biff. Yes, that is quo. All right, what would you like to do? I apologize to this spider lady. She lets out an awful howling noise and then kind of collapses down in defeat. Apparently they're going to let you go later, I say to her. She doesn't seem to take that as...

She's got to be a little patient. We going through the door she pointed to? I look at the well, and I start heading towards the well. You peer down into the well? Very cautiously. But you look down into the well? Yeah, of course. But before I go to the well, it'll be, well, the abb into the well. Yeah, of course. But before I go to the well,

it'll be, well, the abbot is south. I don't know what is north. Possibly the wedding, maybe. Maybe the abbot's conducting a wedding of some kind. You look down into the well and you see a face looking back up at you. The well is dry but someone's in the well.

Hello there, little fellow. So she, the person you were talking to, has spider eyes on one half of her face. He has spider eyes on the other half of his face, but apart from that, he has a frog head. Cool. He looks up at you. Ribbit!

I'm assuming you're a brother or cousin of the... Ribbit! They're all family. He points in the direction of the woman. Yes, what of her? I think all he can say is ribbit. And then he points down here. What?

Oh, are you trapped there as well? He shakes his head. Emmett! I'd like to start tapping my foot. Esmeralda is also going from one foot to the other. Let us go south. Emmett! He cries out as you leave. What is going on here?

Alright, so you're going to the southern door? Yeah. You open the doors? Yeah. Gentle sounding music, which is the bridal waltz, trickles from down above. It's being played by there's a floor, there's several floors. Like a mezzanine. Oh, no, no mezzanine, sorry.

There is several floors up to the belfry above you, and it sounds like the music is being played from above you, but then the noise, it's obviously this place is designed such that the noise travels down into this space here. Oh, yeah. This ground floor is one large 50-foot square room with arched leaded glass windows. There would normally be a great table with several chairs here

and then a fireplace on the opposite wall. That has all been pushed aside, and all of the chairs have been arranged vaguely to form pews up to the fireplace itself. And in addition to that, as you step in, you can see to your left and right are a set of stairs, one going up to where the music's coming from, one going down into darkness. Walking through the pews is a woman wearing a white bridal gown. It is tattered and mangy.

It looks awful. You can see that quite clearly someone has been walking through mud with this dress and the edges of the hems are like soaked in dirt and dried mud the figure walks towards a well at first you think he's a man yeah but then you realize he's not a man he stands next to the fireplace in a position implying that he would be the priest in this ceremony. No one else is here. It's just the two of them. She walks towards him.

He has human-like features, but he is impossibly handsome. You blink once, and as you blink, he's got like a brief aura, a halo around him. And then you realize that he has two angelic wings stretching out behind him. You realize, Pip, you're not 100% sure what this is. It's just an angel of sorts. The entry on angels in a manual to monster is brief. Yes.

Hector, it's a daver, the same as your patron. Hmm. Yeah. Oh. When you open the doors The music Stops suddenly Like that And the daver looks across the room To the two of you, well to the four of you

To your group and says Oh, guests Yes Do I recognise The kind of daver it is Like I would assume I'd be familiar with some of the pantheon that I am familiar with. Yeah. So is it kind of like, you know, similar to, you know, Galadia, that they have similar features?

Or is it more like, oh, they're a Daver, but of a different religion? Every Daver is unique. No two are the same. Every Daver bears some symbols or some features of the gods that they serve or God, depending. Some Davers serve a pantheon like yours serves the entire human pantheon rather than a specific Daver. You can tell that upon his chest, he has the symbology of the gods that he serves. Though he wears clothes, you just can sense or see them as if he was standing there bare before

you. And they are wholly unfamiliar to you. This Daever comes from a pantheon or worships a god or gods that you are very unfamiliar with. There is, as you gaze upon him, Hector, you were the only one. Pip, you get

angelic aura, but aside from that nothing. Hector, you were the only one. Pip, you get angelic aura, but aside from that nothing. Hector, you are aware that something is wrong. That's all you can tell. Something is not right. Can I cast Divine Sense as we enter or just before we open the door or something like that so I can kind of get a bit of

more of a like, okay, yeah, you should just kind of check what's going on if it's um because the divine sense can i can i know if it is like a celestial a fiend and undead or do i just know that something of that uh is around you sense the presence of an angel but apart from that your divine sense unfortunately could not tell you anything. Okay. Nothing from the woman. Oh, from the woman. Oh, no. She does not detect as an undead, a devil, a demon, or an angel. She's not one of those four things.

Interesting. Do I get any vibes from her? It's impossible to tell without viewing her. She finishes the bridal waltz as if nothing had happened and then stands and turns such that she would be in the place where a bride would stand in such a ceremony. You can see when she turns she has a veil over her face that hides, you cannot see anything about her. Please, come in. Are you adventurers? Petitioners? Perhaps you are sick

or ill? We are petitioners petitioning on behalf of someone else or someone's else. Please enter. You are safe here. Tell me what troubles you. We have seven children bitten by a werewolf. In the next ten days they will turn, and I am asking for a great boon from you to prevent that from happening. He nods. Bring them to me, and I will save them. I don't know that he will, Hector. I am aware.

But I must ask for your assistance in a matter. I do not know the gods you serve, but I see you are a man of the church. Am I correct? Yes, I am a man of the church. Correct. I seek to redeem a great evil in this land. And that great evil would be? The greatest evil of them all, I'm afraid. Count Strahd von Zarovich. I feel that the beauty,

the majesty of the greatest power for good, love itself, can fix him. I need, I need to save him, and all I need to save him. He all I need to save him. He turns and grabs the edges of the veil and slowly lifts it up. Is a face. When he pulls the face back, you see two piercing, beautiful blue eyes in inner head with no face. You see muscle and sinew sitting open and exposed. Oh, no. This is the undead comma Frankenstein?

I don't know what this is, Hector. Pip, you can see stitching along the neck. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't know what. I don't know. Yes, yes, yes. I don't know what... Yes, yes, yes. The villagers of Krezik have been so kind to donate for me such parts

that I was to get this far. Of course. But I have yet to find a convincing final piece. He gestures. Please, I wish you to find a convincing final piece. He gestures. Please, I wish you to meet Vasilka. Vasilka, show them what you know.

She stands ramrod straight, brings both of her hands out as if she were holding an imaginary partner for a dance. And then the abbot calls out. He looks up to where the music was coming from cloven begin and you hear a bridal waltz not sorry the bridal waltz but like a like a song begins a different one this time but kind of a slow melodic somewhat beautiful song punctuated by Vasilka dancing with an imaginary partner. Of course.

While we're here having this chat, can I rack my brain or maybe even take in what is around here of what could cause perhaps a good angel or Daiva to kinda go insane?

You have a little look around as you're doing so. Maybe you hear the abbot cluck, like tut or whatever, and you can see that he thinks you're being a little impolite, but he doesn't say anything. Okay. Esmeralda, as you step in, maybe Pip, you hear this more clearly than Hector, but you hear Esmeralda say, what the fuck?

Ogogash steps next to Esmeralda and says, is this normal? No. Not in the slightest. You search around, Hector, and you see no obvious source of an evil-possessing being, but you're not really sure what you would be looking for. Yeah.

Do I know anything that would be looking for. Yeah. Like, do I know anything like that would perhaps, yeah, like what would corrupt an angel, I guess. As you walk into this room, the abbot spies Esmeralda and says, my lady, you are beautiful. Esmeralda, can you just run? Esmeralda is immediately on the same step as you. She puts a hand on each of her weapons and says, Oh, like, fuck, that's happening. Esmeralda, perhaps I need to run.

Please do not be selfish. You do not need a face. I think we're going to go to an interview. Yeah, yeah, yeah. need a face. I think we're going to go to an end. I was just going to say, the piano playing seems to correlate with the movement of the monster comma Frankenstein. Correct. Yeah, okay. Cool, cool, cool. I know where I gotta go.

The abbot moves with lightning speed. He lashes out at Esmeralda, I guess. Okay. And he grabs her and then slowly lifts up into the air. The first attack.

Oh, Esmeralda, what are your hit points? Hmm. Yeah, he's going to hit twice. Okay. Yeah. He begins crushing Esmeralda's body, and he says, I do not want to harm your form, but all I need is your face. Does he want a perfect face? Because, like, Esmeralda, scar yourself.

Oh, yeah. More than scar yourself. Like, presumably he wants at least half the face. Like, worst case scenario, he wants at least half the face. Like, worst case scenario, he wants half a face, right? I just was thinking if he wants a perfect face. Yeah, if she's scarred her face, it's going to be no good to her. Like, if he has a cut, it's like, oh, no, you've ruined my... You've sullied the face.

You can make that argument with Esmeralda on your turn. I'm not. And that's 41. Uh-oh. Shit. Uh-oh. 52. 60 points of damage.

Cool. Cool stuff. Mmm. Mmm. In a blinding flash, Esmeralda screams. Pip, it's your turn. Okay. Sweet.

I don't know any fucking shit about angels. What's the Frankenstein, what's the monster comma Frankenstein doing? Dancing. Okay, well that's not so bad at the moment. Alright, I will fire two bolts at the, I've only got one special bolt left. That sucks.

Defensive shot only works for me, doesn't it? Only gives it them disadvantage. In that case, I'll fire a precise shot at it to just guarantee a hit. Just regular. At the angel. At the angel? Okay. I don't know if it's going to work at all. You hit?

I don't know what hurts an angel, really. You can tell that your attack did not do as much damage as it should have. Yeah, good. Classic. Is Esmeralda still conscious, by the by? Esmeralda is still conscious, yeah. It's your turn, Hector. That's something. Now, okay.

What do I know about Dava's slash fighting them? You know they're not immune. Immortal, sorry. You know that this isn't going to be an easy fight, but apart from that, Daevir are more creatures of spreading light and good than really actually combat.

So you know that he doesn't have a lot of options other than just physically attacking. Okay, okay. Do I know what causes harm to Daevir? They don't have any special weaknesses that you know of. Okay. Okay. Do I know what causes harm to a Daever? They don't have any special weaknesses that you know of. Okay. Do they have any sort of immunity? So if I cast a Radiant damage, is that going to

be like, oh, that's nothing, because we are Radiant beings? Or is it more of a, like, try to go against Radiant? You wouldn't know, to be honest. I guess I've never had to fight my... Yeah, you've never actually had to hurt your patron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm.

I would like to cash in one of my good boy cards of whoa, how'd I do that? I can cast a cantrip that I do not know. Sure. And I think I'm going to try and cast Necromancy's Necromantic's Bell. Uh-huh. I think To'm going to try and cast Necromancy's Necromantics.

I think Toll the Dead. He fails his saving throw and takes 12 points of damage. Good job. All right. Nice. That's something. I like that you've gotten Abyssal and then Necrotic powers, presumably, from the deity here in Barovia. Oh, yeah.

Look, when in Rome. Went to cast like a guiding light. Oh. Oh, that came out wrong. That is an interesting predicament. And then I can try and rush on next to Esmeralda. All right. They're slowly floating into the air.

Yeah. And then it is Esmeralda's turn. She, you can see, even through the blinding light, you could see she drags one of her legs up. And then her arms are kind of pinned to her sides. But she reaches down. She manipulates her boot in such a way that she can reach her boot. She grabs and draws out another one of those vials. And she tries to inject the abbot.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. She gets and she tries to inject the abbot. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. She gets him. She injects the abbot. There's a little bit of a flare, and then a sputtering of the light, and then both of them collapse to the ground. The abbot calls out, my gods, what have you done? The angelic aura turns off. Whatever Esmeralda has done, she has severed the abbot's connection to magic fuck that rolls a go gash charges forwards but unfortunately he wasn't expecting

that he was expecting to have to jump and swing but instead they've crashed to the ground and a go gash stumbles a little bit trips on on both of them, and hits the ground. That's his turn, unfortunately. Well, he gets back up, but that's his turn. It is the abbot's turn. The abbot snarls at Esmeralda and swings his mace. He misses. Then it is Pip, your turn.

Okay, I'm going to create something. I squat down, and I would like to combine a bit of Shambling Moss, a bit of Ghoul Garst slash Gravedancer Innards, and a Formian Eye to make like a little sticky ball that will stick to him when I throw it at him. And what are the other effects of this ball? So the effects are necrotic damage from the Ghoul Innards and a deformation of magic of some variety. from the ghoul innards and a deformation of magic of some variety. I'm hoping to effectively cripple any spells he has, whilst at the same time causing some kind of minor lasting necrotic damage

because it'll stick to him when I throw it. Because of the gripping moss. That is unfortunately in action, but is there anything else you'd like to do? Hunter's Bane him as well. I mean, Hunter's Mark him. It is Hector, your turn. So there's a connection where he's gone away from magic.

So if I was to cast a protection of good and evil on Esmeralda, is that going to take effect? Or has he lost his- If he's evil or good, depending on what version of the spell you cast. It's just, well, hey, Adam, it's fifth ed. It's both. It's cool to watch Adam go to heaven.

Yeah. Close his eyes and ascend. Yes. So the disconnection from his magic doesn't really affect that? Doesn't affect what? The protection. Oh, the protection? It shouldn't, no.

Oh, sweet. Well, in that case, I'll touch Esmeralda and I'll cast Protection from Good and Evil. That was Hector, your turn. It's Esmeralda's turn. She draws both of her weapons, now that her arms are free, and says,

time for the drum solo. She's going to swing. She hits with both of her weapons, dealing a non-ins non insignificant amount of damage Oh wow that's funny Just a coincidental She rolled the same that she gets bonuses It's just a

She gets a plus five and a plus three And she rolled a five and a three I just think that's cool A gogash stands up and swings his axe He gets a critical hit Poor angel A gogash is A gogash is going to remove one of the wings Stands up and swings his axe. He gets a critical hit. Poor angel. Agogash is going to remove one of the wings.

That rolls. That makes sense. He deals 38 points of damage and cuts off a wing. That's sick. The abbot screams. He is quite obviously in a lot of pain. And it's the abbot's turn. The abbot, the angelic aura begins to flicker

back into life as he's getting his connection to magic or connection to the divine back. That's not good. I think he, does he really only get one attack? Oh no, he gets two. Good stuff. He misses twice. Pip, it's your turn

I'd like to lob my goo ball at him It strikes him dead center of his chest He takes He screams As the necrotizing damage takes effect And the angelic As the formian eye Melts into him

He loses his Connection again Hector How's Esmeralda looking health wise She's less than half melts into him. Zit, zit, zut. Hell yeah. He loses his connection again. Hector. How's Esmeralda looking health-wise? She's less than half. She's protected currently, so she's got negatives to attack. He's pretty fucked up, this angel.

Yeah, I just feel... I'm just going to grab spear, both hands, try and drive it into him. All right. It's silvered. Maybe that's good. Can't hurt. You hit him.

It does not feel like it did as much damage as it should have, and it's a very, your heart's really not in this. You really don't want to kill a daver. So. Dude, this is very. You deal, like, two points of damage, unfortunately, all things said and done. I guess I'll attack him again.

Actually, I'll make them non-lethal. No. He's insane. Attack again? Yeah. I'll attack him again. Actually, I'll make them non-lethal. No. He's insane. Attack again? Yeah. Attack again. Is it... Can I think of anything to be...

Is there any way of bringing a fallen angel back? Once they're fallen, is there anything? That really depends. Okay. It really depends on the angel, to be honest. Okay. I mean beyond just like every angel is unique. Of course.

to be honest okay i mean i don't mean beyond just like every angel is unique of course i mean also like the the abbot needs to believe that he is fallen first and you're not getting that impression can i try and instead of attacking then can i try and persuade you could try sure yeah i'll just try and persuasion to be like you have fallen so far from your god's grace. You don't know how far you've fallen. The abbot looks at you and says, to save all of Barovia, you would not harm a single person? No.

You would not harm but one person to save everyone, not even kill. One does not need a face. You are the villain. Not an innocent. And try and convince him that way.

The abbot is unconvinced, unfortunately. An innocent dies every moment. Every second is suffering for innocence here. But not at my hand, I say, as maybe I hit him with a spear. All right. Once again, your heart just really isn't in it, though. You're like, you try to convince him,

and even though he's doing an awful thing, it's a glancing blow to his neck, because you're just really, it's a really upsetting thing for you. I don't want to do this. This is bad. It's Esmeralda's turn. And Esmeralda says, I'm not convinced him all you want.

He's dead. She hits two more times. Esmeralda jams her short sword down into the abbot's collarbone. He screams in pain and then she drags him back so that

because Esmeralda had gone kind of gotten behind him as you were fighting him Hector. Esmeralda drags him back so that his head bumps into her chest and then with her axe she brings it down into his belly works it in deep

and when she drags it out she eviscerates the abbot he falls to the ground, dead. How's Frankenstein's monster looking? Continuing to dance. Only dancing? Yep. It's making me stressed. What if we told you

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Head on over to sandspansradio.com forward slash podcasts and search for our Beyond the Map series to join us on this journey as we explore our deepest fears. Though, be warned, sometimes shining a light into darkness only makes it mad. all the frankincense monster whoever huron alton whoever's playing the piano is probably the one who's controlling it or frankincense monster is obeying the last order it was given yeah that's true i just know that often it can go panic mode if something oh yeah often it goes fucking panic mode yeah okay even though everything's calmed down pip's eyes are still just directly on the

dancing lady maybe even i've got an arrow lobbed at. Esmeralda doesn't leave much time to breathe. As she drags her short sword out of the abbot and his body fully collapses to the ground, she turns around, starts walking towards the Frankenstein's monster, and you see she swings, like twiddles through her fingers and swings around the axe once, quite clearly intending on destroying this thing i

think the person playing the piano is in control of this monster comma frankenstein so i think if we kill them we've got the piano they're no longer a threat to us she stops and i feel bad because i've stopped you doing attacking things like three times in the past and i understand that's probably pissing you off but just for the safety of everyone right now, let's... That might be an easier fight. I point up to where the piano's coming from. Esmeralda looks up, looks down at you, and says, you deal with the

song, I will deal with the dancer. Okay. I'll chuck the crossbow, but I'd like... Again, no time to breathe. This fight's still going for us. I'll put the crossbow on my back, and i'll start this are the stairs in this room did you say yeah the stairs going up i'll head up the stairs all right what are you doing um hector maybe looking over the abbot inspecting them to see if even there's like a physical ailment of maybe that was what

caused the corruption just yeah looking through is all right kind of doing that Agagash puts a hand on your shoulder and says I am sorry that this had to happen to you oh yeah go through his thing does he have anything that maybe I'm like maybe he has things that could help the children I don't know

you find a mace well his mace he had warm clothes if you want. I'm not wearing them, Adam. Probably feels pretty sacrilegious to put on an angel's pants. Yeah. You find no evidence as to why the abbot did this. Physiologically speaking, appears to be a regular daver.

I look around. Does he have like a vest? Not a vestments. Like a chamber where he would go to for his things. There's no such room here. The only paths that you can take right now are the door back the way you came, stairs down, stairs up. And the mace is just a regular mace. Yeah, the mace is a regular mace. He is not like a holy relic that I'm like,

ah, fuck, it hurts me now. Or, ah, I'm insane. Ooh, a face. Oh. It's a mace of face. Okay, okay, okay. Maybe I need this mace to have, hmm. The best weapon for getting a face is a mace.

Does Esme have, Esmeralda, does she have any blunt weapons? Esmeralda. She's twiddling a dagger here to stab the Frankenstein. No, she has a sorry, I see what you're saying, sorry, she has a short sword and an axe. I could be like, Esmeralda, I think that you needed a

blunt weapon. Esmeralda stops and says, no, I do not need, it's not a, it's a construct, it's not undead. Never mind. No, this is good. She, as the bride dances past her, she's very casually talking to you. She jams her sword into the center of its mass and says,

no, it is a very common mistake made by even veteran hunters. I see. Well, next time I don't have to attack. I just watch. This is too sad. Yeah. You get up one floor. The wooden stairs climb 20 feet to a loft with a pitched roof and a door in the center of the south wall.

roof and a door in the center of the south wall. Unlit lanterns hang from the rafters and a rope dangles from a bronze bell lodged in the belfry 30 feet overhead. The room is filled with the sound of beautiful music, a melody so enchanting that it adds a bit of much-needed warmth to the otherwise freezing room. A black shroud covers a humanoid shape lying on a wooden table. The music does nothing to stir it. Don't know why the book mentions that. Okay, good to know.

A cot heaped with furs rests in the northeast corner surrounded by empty wine bottles. An oil lamp burns atop a table nearby, silhouetting a squat creature that has two heads. It sits on the edge of the cot with a vial between its legs. With a crustacean claw-like appendage, it grasps the neck of the instrument while running a bow gently across its strings with a human hand. As you get up to the top here, the creature stops. You all hear that the music stops,

and the creature turns to you. Both heads turn to you. I could have sworn I heard a piano. It is the music I have. Yes. You're controlling the Frankenstein downstairs. Both heads shake. No, that is the Abbot's creation.

Oh. So, okay. Well, maybe I was mistaken. This guy's like a fucking ghoul man. Yeah. Yeah, when he stands up, you see that... I can show you.

I believe there is a picture of him. Oh, my God. There you go. He rolls. I like that the second head's like a sleeping baby. Please, would you like to describe? Imagine like a satyr and a dwarf

had a child, a misshapen child. One head is kind of satyr-like with little horns and a little goatee. And the other head is like a sleeping baby but it kind of looks like, you ever see those fucked up online where someone will make a super realistic baby? Yeah. Yeah, it kind of looks like that. It doesn't really look like a sleeping baby, but it kind of looks like, you ever see those fucked up online where someone will make a super realistic baby? Yeah.

Yeah, it kind of looks like that. Like, it doesn't really look like a real baby. It looks like a realistic baby made out of wax. It is, seems to be, not in any kind of proportion. The abbot's dead, I say. What? Yeah, he's been killed.

Do you know what the Frankenstein, the lady, the woman, she'll just keep dancing, I suppose. Vasilka. Yes, he's been killed. Do you know what? The Frankenstein, the lady, the woman, she'll just keep dancing, I suppose. Vasilka. Yes, that's right. Vasilka. She'll just keep dancing. Until told otherwise by...

Yes. Yeah. You hear sounds of chairs being disturbed downstairs and you can tell that Esmeralda is dismantling the silica. Maybe I'll resheath my crossbow. What will you do, and the rest of the family, now that the abbot is dead? Live our lives as best as we can. There's a young girl chained up down by the well.

She wants to be released, but I didn't think that best. Do you know why? It was the abbot's order. I should let her go. Okay, sure. Cloven stands up. Thank you. Look, it's no problem.

Put in a good word with the burgomaster for me. That's it. That's how you can thank me. How would the burgomaster take us in, he says, gesturing to himself. We came here to be helped. Yeah, well. We come. My sister, she could not move her arm.

Gives her a bare arm. Yeah, it's kind of one of those ideas that seems like a good one at the time. I had a disease of the mind. He gives me, he gestures to the other head, another. Yes, right. Probably, yes, you're correct. Kresek's not going to take you in, but maybe the winery? Perhaps.

We will live here as best we can for now until a decision can be made. Are you here? He gestures to the figure underneath on the table. Oh, yeah. For them. Who are they? He walks over, grabs at the black cloth, pulls it, and you can see that beneath it is a strange sight indeed.

A dwarf or two dwarves, it's hard to say. Nude, completely naked. And you can see that it is two dwarves stitched together with two separate heads. Their chest slowly rises and falls, and you can tell that they are alive. They were harmed, hurt by the werewolves. To be turned, they came here to the abbot for help, and he took the infected flesh but they could not survive alone so he did this

are they okay now I mean obviously they're not okay but are they okay now like the surgery was a success I wasn't here for them specifically but I I assume they don't want to spend any more time here so I can I wasn't here for them specifically,

but I assume they don't want to spend any more time here, so I can... Can I wake them up? You don't know. There's some operating equipment and whatnot around, and he comes back with smelling salts, which he puts underneath their noses. Both of them... I put a hand on their shoulder as they sit up.

Steal yourself because a very fucked up thing. You've been sewn together by an angel. I know. Intense. The two heads turn to look at each other, and both of them simultaneously say, You! Great. What the devil have you done to me?

You did this. You did this. You. Each of them quite clearly control one half of the body and both hands reach up and they try to strangle each other. I'd like to like put my hands up, back away, head downstairs, just like poke my head out into the kind of church and be like, I'm afraid my interpersonal skills are lacking in this department.

Could I have a hand? Sure. What else could be the problem? You, yeah, what could be up here? What could be happening up here? What could be happening, yeah. You get upstairs, Hector, and you see Cloven. Obviously, you don't know his name is Cloven.

Well, you can assume this is Cloven. Well, actually, there are two figures, and both of them are pretty fucked up. Who knows? You see one of the two-headed figures trying to stop the other two-headed figure from strangling itself. Pip, what the fuck is this? What do you think I know? What the fuck is this? Why is there everybody has more heads than they have legs?

What is going on? I thought this guy... Maybe point with an arrow. I thought this guy was playing the musical instrument to make the Frankenstein. I was wrong. He's just some guy. This is some dwarf that got experimented on now has two heads and he's

nude is the day he was born. The dwarves or dwarf hops off the table. And then you see both figures instinctively try to walk away from the other one. And so instead they just you see the stitching in between them strains a little bit and both of them call out in pain

Rah! You! You idiot! You fool! They punch themselves in the gut Can I try and grab one of their hands? Before they punch each other can I just grab their hands? Both heads look at you and say, what?

Right. I need you to remain non-violent. Esmeralda, from behind you, you just hear she's clearly followed you. What the fuck? It's a whole thing, Esmeralda. Do you two know each other?

Think about it. Do we know each other? Once again, they take it easy. I don't know who you are, so yes, that is a question that I am asking. Well, this one right here, the left head gestures to the right head, why, he's a son of a bitch. And the other head, the right head gestures to the left head and says, oh, I knew this one quite well.

He's a motherfucker! Well, unfortunately, the two of you will have to get along from now on unless you both want to die, considering I don't think you can live apart. I guess the deva had a sense of humor. I can't imagine any other reason you'd sew these two together. One of the heads turns to the two of you and tries to force the entire body to bow,

but the other head is not having it. So it's kind of like more of a tilt rather than a bow and says, I am Lushan, powerful sorcerer supreme of the dwarven colonies. The other head waits until Lushan is finished and then tries to bow himself

but is forced to instead kind of just turn the head as well and he says I am Gorob strongest of the dwarven warriors mighty first sword right well I think one of you is probably going to Strongest of the Dwarven warriors, mighty First Sword. Right. Well, I think one of you is probably going to, um, take a backseat.

Can I take a stab at what happened to you? Your recent, your tourist symborovia, yes? Arrived here within the last week, something like that? They both nod. Well, this is your department, Hector. Enjoy your prophecy. I'm going downstairs. Well, this is your department, Hector. Enjoy your prophecy. I'm going downstairs.

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