D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #14 Little Treats for the Gang

Episode Date: August 5, 2023

The party unwittingly heads back to Vallaki for a brief visit as they all get little treats for being good boys and girls. Hecktor plays political gnomeball with the Heart of Sap while Pip is lost for words.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Alright, here's the score. We're trapped here in Barovia, right? Because even though there ain't a drop of water around, it's like an ocean in here. These bloody mists surrounding us are like walls. And, bloody is right,

because our jailer? None other than Strahd Von Zarovich himself. But, don't go concerning yourself with that just yet, because if we don't kill him, things are going to get even more pear-shaped. You hear Kribbit calling out from where Hector is. Oh dear, there it is. All of you look around and you can see, you didn't realize it, but the tree blade's been moving this entire time. It hasn't stopped and you can see you didn't realize it but the tree blight's been moving

this entire time it hasn't stopped you can see Valakai uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh the tree blight

steps over the boundary wall of Valakai the tree blight is in Valakai. Both of you turn around outside of the bloody holes that you've made in the tree blight. You can see the blue water in. The tree blight is making a beeline for it. Oh, fuck, dude.

They are not expecting this. No one's expecting this. The poison blights get up to the hole. Oh, fuck. You're in luck. They can really only attack you one at a time. Okay, that's good. You cop it from behind.

That's going to be a hit. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. You take two points of damage. It's so funny. It's such a tiny amount of damage. And then you need to make a saving throw. Oh, we're near each other now.

What's the bonus again? Five. Okay. Plus five. Baby, baby, need help? Yeah, baby just barely makes it. Baby literally gets what he needs. My heart is pumping so quick

The blood's just The vine blight is ensnared The two needle blights attack Kribbit A critical miss And then Kribbit The other one hits Dealing Kribbit 11 points of damage Why fight when you can dance

I can dance if I want to. I can leave my friends behind. Kribbit knows a lot of songs. He knows every song. Holy crap. So who is currently having a heart attack? Oh, Kribbit as well. Me.

Wait, is Kribbit? I can't remember. Yeah, I think he is. Yeah, Kribbit. It's me. You. It's me and Kribbit. No, guess who else?

Yenda. Yenda. Agogash. I don't think Agogash counts anymore. And that might be it. I don't think Agogash can have a heart attack. Somewhere distantly, Agogash scratches his chest. Yeah, that's weird.

The needle blade tries to fire, But its hand explodes before it leaves The needle blight Is stuck up against the tree blight That's awesome That was the blights Hector Okay, I will try You're only going to get one poisoned attack now

Because you can only interact once a turn Yep, that's fair I will... You're so close. Yep. I will attack twice. Well, the second attack's not going to do anything. Not do anything? Alright.

Oh, yeah, no, it's not going to do anything. In that case, then I will attack once with it poisoned and I will cast Booming Blade. Oh, that's funny. You swing. You do minimum damage. The tree blade begins falling.

Oh, fuck. Now, highs or lows? Highs, I'm saying. Now, it's a much better chance because that's the direction it was sprinting, basically, that the tree blade's going to fall forwards. But there is a chance that it falls backwards.

That's just a chance. So are we, and I want a joint consensus here, are we saying highs or lows? We always tend to go highs because we always tend to. And it's never stood us wrong before, highs. Now, I'm not going to help you at all, so are you going highs? because we always tend to. Yeah, and it's never stood us wrong before. Highs. Highs. Now, I'm not going to help you at all, so are you going highs?

Yeah. All right. It falls forwards into the city square, missing the blue water in by mere not at all, hitting it partially. The tree blight collapses as you, Hector, stuck in that tiny little cavity that you made, have clutched to your chest the heart of sap. That's great for everybody involved here. I need to grab that, Pip, and Hector.

No, I'm Hector. That, Pip, and Cribbit, and we need to leg it near our gate. Goonk! Goonk! Good, you've got the heart of... Shut the fuck up. Let's go. Let's go. Pip, you and Kribbit take eight points of damage.

Okay. Uh-oh. Are you passing out? Yeah, I think I can't be doing that well. You're on seven hit points. Okay. Uh-oh. Are you passing out? Yeah, I think I can't be doing that well. You're on seven hit points. Okay. You start sprinting towards the exit. The town of Valakai had just fallen asleep for the night.

You can hear, though, the bell being rung in alarm. You sprint straight past it, heading for the gates. I'm going to lay on hands like 10 hit points for Pip as we're running. All right. Pip, you take another three points of damage. And so does Kribbit. Kribbit also takes three.

How's Kribbit looking? He's on 23. Kribbit's tough. He's alive. Kribbit also takes three. That's Kribbit, look at him. He's on 23. Kribbit's tough. He's alive. Kribbit's still dancing. K-Krunk! K-Krunk! You feel that shard of ice that felt like it slipped into your heart.

It is becoming physical. I'm tired. It is knitting itself into existence. A jagged knife in your very center. I'm going. I'm going. K-Krunk! K-Krunk! You take another ten points of damage. Uh-oh. I'm going. I'm going. Goonk. Goonk.

Goonk. You take another 10 points of damage. Uh-oh. I'm gone. You're on four hit points. How close are we to the... The gates are closed currently for the night, as they always are. What's your plan?

Slam into them. Can I just climb over them? Am I going to climb speed? Sure. Okay. You begin climbing. There are guards at the... Give me Kribbit!

Kribbit can climb too, never mind. I also gotta get out of here, dude. Yeah, he also has to leave. Give me you, then. Oh, yeah. Kribbit... We just start scrambling. We just start scrambling.

Kribbit casts Og's Radiant Darts. What does that do? What's he doing? What's he doing? He creates a bunch of daggers, magical daggers in his hand. He creates a total of nine

of these darts. The darts can either deal damage or heal a little bit. Hey, that's something. That's cool. Kribbit stabs himself twice with the darts. Kribbit recovers eight hit points. Great job, Kribbit stabs himself twice With the darts Kribbit recovers 8 hit points Great job Kribbit

That's good He throws 3 at you Pip Pip you recover 9 hit points This is like so much healing You begin climbing up Your side of the You begin climbing up the inside of Valakai's walls.

Hector... Can I help Hector at all? Well, there is a staircase. It's just a little bit further along. You could try, but it feels like it'd be slower. Yeah, right. I will sprint, I guess, up the stairs. There are guards on the city gates who look like...

There's a bit of a disarray because the tree blight just stepped over them. One of the guards looking at you as you climb up says are you allowed to be here no and i'll basically fall off the other side you take 10 points of damage i keep rolling so high fuck you're on three hit points. Kribbit's on 11. Okay. Both you and Kribbit get up your side and you throw yourselves off. Oh, actually, no, wait. Kribbit's a little bit delayed because he casts again Og's Radiant Darts.

Kribbit creates 10. He creates 11 more darts. He stabs himself five times. That's good. Kribbit heals six, 10, seven, no, 15 hit points. That's good. That's great. And then Kribbit throws six at you.

You heal seven, 10, 14, 18 hit points. You're on 21. Okay. Kribbit begins trying to climb. Hector, you and Kribbit, because you had to take the extra detour, you're kind of in line with each other. So Kribbit kind of made a quick mental judgment, and he's like, we're going to keep taking damage anyway,

so I might as well do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Pip, you land outside Valakai's walls. The fall deals six points of damage. Whatever, it's worth it in the long run. You and Kribbit both take another five points of damage. Oh, God damn. You're on 10 hit points.

Kribbit's on 21. Kribbit and you, Hector, are both standing on the city walls. Kribbit looks at you withribbit and you Hector are both standing on the city walls Kribbit looks at you with wild eyes and says jump I'm jumping both of you land heavily on the other side of Valakai's walls

both of you take 6 points of damage I just want to lay there are you stopped? my heart's fine yeah? I just want to lay there Are you Are you Stopped? I give like My heart's fine yeah? Yeah

I give like a shaky thumbs up Lying on the ground as well Look I did not think I would come back to bite us so So immediately Yeah How do we get rid of that one? That was so cool

Yeah maybe I can Put my hand over Maybe just like Like just touch And like your pips, shoulder, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good work. Yeah. Kribbit casts Cure Wounds three times.

He thinks the three of you have earned it. Okay. Fair enough, Kribbit. Okay. This is a treat. We're spoiling ourselves Pip, you recover 21 hit points I suppose you could say You're on 25

I suppose we are, Kribbit That's sort of a little treat Hector, it feels like Kribbit's running out of steam by the time he gets to you You recover 13 hit points, you're on 23 by my count I'll stand up Help anyone that needs it steam by the time he gets to you. You recover 13 hit points. You're on 23 by my count. I'll stand up. Help anyone that needs it to get up. Look at... One of the guards of Valakai

looking down at you with quite obviously shock on his face says, Stay out! Look, there may be some further blights, little tree. Pip, can you fight? You need to fight them with frost and fire. You want to hit them with frost and then fire,

but probably they'll scatter because the tree's dead. But just pay attention to it. Yeah, they might like... Do they actually dark? Where do they like to go? Yeah, they might scurry into the basements and the dark places in town. But I imagine they'll all flee. Yes.

Try not to get hit by the poison ones. They look slightly more green. Yeah. There's a lot to explain to you, fella. We've really got to go. Yes. Good luck. Yeah.

The two guards look at each other and just kind of shrug. Yeah, yeah yeah how much damage would they do to the civilians I can't imagine that much I think that they'll probably

it's a hierarchy with blights maybe I'm saying this as we're moving away it's a hierarchy with blights and that was basically the king

so with that dead all of the rest of them were just scattered to the four winds I think I saw during the fight when the druids were there it it sort of stops the others. Yeah, it trickles down.

Oh, that blight died, right? Ah, it's seven health. All right. Good job. That was my curse, though. Oh, yeah. My count has you on 30? Correct.

Nice. Okay. So, well, where to now? A break would be nice, I say. I don't think we've had a single real rest. These ones deserve three, Krivit says. Well, we've got, I guess we could rest in the Madame Eva's camp. Madame Eva's camp is probably the safest place and the closest.

I'm assuming you would like to check up on Keening Yeah, I'd like to make sure he's okay So yes, let's call it Madame Eva's camp Much to my chagrin, but let's call it Madame Eva's camp Look at the distance How far away is Elaniel and everybody? You can't see them, it's night time

Even with double sight, that only gives you 60 feet You're definitely Sorry? 120, baby. Oh, well, even with 120, you're much further than that. Should we wait here or try and... They don't know where we've gone. They'll find us at Metamethas.

Should not be hard for those ones to find us, Kribbitz, as gesturing at the footprints the tree flight left. I point to the giant holes in the ground. We could wait here. Yeah, that'll work too. Let's just, why don't we head down the path? As in like the path that the blights made. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So heading further west, back the way you came? Yeah, following the footprints. You head back that way and eventually in the darkness you find each other. I would say Tarpos, Eleniel and, is that it? Oh, and Goroblushan. No, Goroblushan are walking next to. Tarpos and Eleniel are riding on Slar, and Goroblushan

are walking next to it. Actually, before you see each other, you would definitely hear Goroblushan. Oh, yeah, they are not quiet, are they? No, they're not. You, wah, wah! You just distantly, before you see them, wah, wah, wah!

Pip doesn't even hear it anymore. Yeah. Tuning them out. Yeah, sure. I'm understanding how we keep getting hit by werewolves. Yeah, well, because we're not quiet. We're very annoying. As you approach them,

Solar bows deeply, which allows Tarpos and Eleniel to very easily hop off his back. Thank you so much, Solar. Solar gives you a deep bow. Is everybody okay? They look at each other. Tarpos is kind of fucked up. Eleniel's largely fine.

That's very funny. Gorob Lushen's a bit hurt as well. Tarpos, I suppose, is the most badly damaged. But she, conversely, seems the happiest with the current situation. As she hops off as well, you can hear... Has she bound his mouth? Yeah, she blindfolded and gagged him. His head is tied to her belt.

That's awesome. Well, congratulations on achieving your goal. Tapos just has a big ear-to-ear grin. She's very happy. I look to Eleniel. Body, keep going. Head here. She says.

I reach into the backpack and I produce the heart of Zap. We've got the tree blight. Tree blight. Just a tree blight. How are the other treants? Eleniel speaks. She says, the treants have returned

to the forests in which they came. If you give that to me, though, I will return it to them. Of course. Was this meant to go to them or the Wizards of Vines? I think the Wizards of Vines wanted it. Eleniel looks unhappily at the idea of giving it to the Wizards

of the Vines. They did have it once, yes. Did they, um, did the Treants perhaps know where the third one was? Is there another missing one? Yes, it is in a dark place.

This is all I know. The forest will not tell me further. What is the... If the Treants get it, what will they do with it? They will return it to where it belongs. Where's that? In the heart of the forest, with the spirit of the forest. It is... Checks out.

Where it belongs, and out where it belongs and perhaps where it should return eleniel says i'm like tapos shakes her head she says take back strad get make strad stronger eleniel glances at tapos and you can see there is trouble brewing right now. Eleniel says, Strahd taps into the forest, but it still belongs to the forest. I understand what you're saying. With this guy, I like gesture to the head on Tarpos' belt. Yeah. With this guy out of commission, does that mean the druids are going to be scattered as well?

Druids disorganized for time, but will return. How about this, Eleniel? Why don't we hold on to this, the heart, for the time being? I understand that it does belong to the forest, and I believe... Please believe me when I say that I would like to return it to the heart of the forest. But if Strahd is tapping into it right now, perhaps it is wiser for us to err on this side of caution. If we can try and get the other one, perhaps we can help the forest another way. All of them, Eleniel says, belong to the forest, actually. Yes, and that is what I am saying.

If we could try to get the other one, perhaps we can try to strike a deal. All right. Eleniel's not going to keep bringing this up, but like a big message appears on your screen. Eleniel will remember that. Oh, I'm no. Additionally, though, you not giving it to the forest, you get a second little message that says,

Tarpos will remember that. Tarpos seems happy to not give Strahd back this thing. Eleniel seems unhappy. Eleniel will remember that frowny face. Tarpos will remember that smiley face. I'm not saying that we're not going to. Sorry, I'm just independently keeping track of NPC attitudes towards you. Pip will remember that.

No good wine. Frowny face. Well, yeah, I didn't hear that, actually. Actually, is anyone else here who might care about? No, not really. Pip was the only one excited. Oh, no, one more thing. Krippet will remember that positive.

He was actually in the negative So this is good Kripp was upset with you because you didn't do a big thing I forget what it was Kripp was upset with Pip Yeah he was upset with me really Well this is kind of a measure of the two of you Oh no his actions influence their opinion of me Yeah it's been

Mama mia Damn we're hitched at the hip But yeah Kripp is happy that You've caused a bit of a ruckus, I suppose. Yeah, it is. Maybe seeing the face of Eleniel, I'm not trying to say that we are never going to return this to the heart of the forest. I'm saying that right now, perhaps this is a little bit of a political... What's the equivalent of football right now?

It's a political numball, dude. Oh, of course. This is a political... Get a the equivalent of football right now? It's a political gnome ball, dude. Oh, of course! This is a political... Get a good boy card. This is a political gnome ball. Also get a good boy card for trying to deftly... I mean, you couldn't have succeeded. You were going to piss off someone no matter what. But trying to deftly navigate this situation.

So right now this is a political gnome ball and there are things at play right now this is a political gnome ball and um there are things at play right now that i any decision that we make should not be one given hastily there is literally no excuse or no reason i know eleniel is still upset oh yeah she's just not gonna bring it up right now though i'm maybe so if we can they say that the other the other heart is in a dark place. Do you know north, south, east, west? Eleniel shakes her head and she says,

The forest is disconnected, disjointed. Strahd has torn at it. The forest might know, but it will not tell me. Thank you very much. Tarpos shrugs. Who care? All right, Tarpos. Interesting druid. Tapos shrugs. Who care? All right, Tapos. Interesting druid.

Yeah. Very interesting. Well, she's very unhappy with the forest right now. It's kind of taken a side against her and her father. Yeah. Yeah. The forest does seem a little bit corrupted at the moment. Regardless of what we do with the magic seed, can we find someone to rest, please?

We're heading back to, I guess, the Vistani camp. Eleniel, perhaps take Pip to see Yender. I would like to see Keening and Yender. Okay. Well, in that case, Eleniel and Pip head off in one direction. Well,

Tarpos, at the end of this conversation, Tarpos shifts awkwardly. Quite obviously, she doesn't seem to know what to do with herself right now. And she feels awkward in your group. Maybe before I head off with Eleniel, I like nudge Hector. And I'm like, you've got to give her the... She doesn't know she's part of your destiny yet. And then I'll go to catch up with Eleniel.

Oh yeah, Eleniel's not waiting. I turn around and walk into the woods yeah, Elaniel's not waiting. I don't know, they're walking in the woods, see Elaniel, he doesn't move, shift back, uh-oh, awkward. I was about to offer you Salah, but I'm like, that maybe draws more attention. I don't know how to ride a horse. Yeah, but Elaniel does. Elaniel does not get...

This has been established. You can't leave the horse, Elaniel, and Pip on this side of the river because Elaniel will kill Pip. Someone's getting a horse kicked to the head. It's mostly Pip. The horse will kill Pip. But if you leave the horse and Elaniel,

I guess it's fine, actually. Pip gets lost in the woods. There's so many little bits of quick math I'm like well first off oh Solari's like bright gold

so that's going to draw attention to like maybe some of the we don't want also Pip can't ride a horse but that's fine

because Eleniel can ride the Eleniel doesn't want to be with her I say nothing but I'm paralyzed for maybe 20 seconds yes of course

um Tapos uh I don't know how much you believe in in fate or in destiny or in prophecies but um uh cribbit i gave you can you give me the cards cribbit shuffles through his backpack a bunch of things fall out he he drops like a he drops like a couple of eggs which he swears when they crack. No, no, no. No! Damn, that sucks for Kroger. A roll of lipstick falls out and then finally he gets the cards and hands them to you.

Thank you. So during my time at Barovia, are you from Barovia or were you trapped here like a lot of us? She tapas shrugs and she says brovia what you call it I from here she says oh that's a bummer oh right so before it was brovia okay well during my time I

come from a different place I've been I guess a seer one of the Vistani seers Madame Eva I know she says every time I see her she says. Her name. Every time I see her, she rattles off a list of interesting

people that I will meet who she claims will not only help me looking towards the Castle Ravenloft, defeat the... I start looking down at their head. Oh, she's also plugged his ears.

Is there a way to gouge his ears? You see massive wads of cotton balls stuffed into his ears. Right, yes, good. That some of these individuals... Actually, no, you don't see massive wads of cotton balls shoved into his ears. You see two bloody stumps. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was going to say.

That seems more like her speed. Two railroad spikes hitting the side, basically. Cutting off your ears doesn't make you unable to hear. Is there blood coming out of the holes? That's kind of really what I'm looking for. She's just mutilated the ears.

So you don't know, maybe he is a spy. It's tricky. He is. She doesn't seem worried by it. You don't know, maybe he is a spy It's tricky She doesn't seem worried by it You don't know how worried you should be by it I'm very, actually Okay Tapos, I understand Can we maybe get a

Like a barrel of water Or something that we can put The head in? Tapos shrugs, why? I don't want them hearing anything we have to say. Oh, okay. She puts up her hand. She grabs the head.

Whack, whack, whack. Eventually, he stops screaming. As limp as a head only can go, he goes, unconscious. Both of you see Gorob Lushen's jaw nearly hit the ground. They're so smitten. What a woman! Yeah, look, I get it. Yeah, fair enough.

Do I think that that would have destroyed the eardrums? Or do I think it's just unconscious now, but in the future it would be able to hear us? Well, if you'd like, you can make a medicine check. Yeah, I'll make a quick medicine, just idly while I'm watching. Are you still here? Yeah, I'm hanging around. Elendriel didn't go, so... Eleniel is? No, Eleniel's not waiting.

Oh, I thought you said Eleniel was sticking around. No. I'm sorry, I misunderstood. And I'm not here, yeah. Okay, okay. Make a mental note that we need to address that at some point Because that's not good Just fire an arrow through the ear holes

That's what I was going to do Yeah, that's kind of what I'm Yeah Well, if you want to do that as well, she's not going to object You want as well? I might leave that to Pip Like stress ball It basically is

oh wow okay right so Madame Eva I need to be I need to leave this place there is I've made a promise to a friend

to help her get her father back and Madame Eva said that what I need is generals is people to help and every time I see her she gives me these cards and one of them is well it is you

I give her the outcast she said that you had been outcast from your community and that we were to hurry and that a raven would bring me to you. And, well, we got to you through the ravens. They directed Muriel, if you recall. Tapos puts up a hand. Destiny, general, Ravens, whatever. You want to kill?

And she gestures towards Castle Ravenloft. Fine. I help. Good. That was easy. Welcome to the team. We, she looks at you, we will die. One of us already has.

But, she pats the head, we'll die first. I suppose there is worse ways to go. Well, thank you. Are you okay being around, like, I just jested to, civilization? Like, near the, like, near Valakai and all this? Never been in, but nothing against. We're not allowed in. It is a whole thing.

I'll tell you about it. Where? She's just like including herself. You're fine. Okay. I'll fill you in on some of the details while we head to Madame Evas. You head off to Madame Eva's. Meanwhile,

in the forest, Eleniel has... Maybe this is I think the third time now you're coming this path? Yeah. So it's a little bit more familiar to you at this point. You can see that Eleniel has... At this point, you've done it enough times to see... To note that you're

going in the same direction, but Eleniel is never taking exactly the same path. At a certain direction but eleniel is never taking exactly the same path at a certain point eleniel grabs you and both of you crouch low and she waits and you see a hooded figure pass by they look around and you genuinely you're not sure how any of stras agents could have possibly known that you were coming this way it feels like almost like they must just be patrolling this fucking forest but anyway they look around for you they can't find either of you and they keep moving and then eleniel keeps taking you along cool and eventually you reach that clearing with eleniel's hidden little campsite when you arrive you can see that there is a fire going

along merrily and maybe you hear from the other edge of the clearing oh you're bloody back you see yeah yender bright moon coming into the clearing with a bundle of sticks and wood for the fire yeah it's been a a whole thing yender but yeah we wanted to check on keening i uh guess something happened with the town. Just my ticker, you know? Right, yeah. I just felt a sudden, like someone was stabbing me in the heart. Yeah, well, it was a big tree.

A very big tree. And a bunch of smaller trees that were still quite big. Anyway, yes, we ended up in town accidentally, was fighting the tree. But we got out in the end. Okay, good, good, good. Yeah. I'm glad to hear. We're heading on to, well, I don't know what the next step is.

Kuturi, perhaps? That's where you were going originally, wasn't it? Yeah. Everyone else is at Madame Eva's camp, but I wanted to make sure that nothing had happened. All right, all right all right uh well it's interesting you're here yeah she looks a little awkward for the first time ever normally she's quite the people person is everything okay or well yeah yeah everything's fine going swimming swimmingly actually okay uh yeah she says I've just been, he's awake.

Uh, oh, that's unexpected. Yeah, he was helping me get some wood. He'll be here in a minute, she says. Oh, fuck. Pip, like, just sort of flumped down by the fire. the fire except yeah you realize yender now is obviously awkward because quite obviously she knows at least a little bit about your your backstory now i'm i'm glad he's okay yeah yeah you hear some rustling at the edges of the clearing oh kenan you're back uh you won't believe it awesome they've come back eleniel's here you remember i was telling you about eleniel the wolf

the the elf and then uh your your friend as well she says uh like maybe i like go up to run basically but then the moment he steps into the clearing i just sit back down on like the log or whatever you hear he doesn't say anything you just hear the slow crunching and then jingling of his spurs. Crunch, crunch, crunch. And then with, obviously, because he only has the one arm, just some sticks and twigs and whatnot bundled underneath that

arm with his good hand. Keening walks around. Hi. You look into his face, he looks into yours. He's a little pale, he doesn't look like he's at full health yet, but he's up and walking. I'm sorry about the hand, Keening. Keening looks down at the stump. So much fucking history.

Keening looks down at the stump, looks up at you, and says, I understand. looks down at the stump looks up at you and says uh i understand um uh it had had to be done he drops his sticks and twigs and whatnot into the pile that yender has made i'll uh well i'll be right back he turns and walks away. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, Adam. Maybe, like, for the first time, Pip remembers that Yander and Elaniel are here and just like, oh, yeah. Well, I'm glad he's okay.

Elaniel, perhaps we should reconvene with the others. Elaniel looks at you, and she knows at least a little bit of your history. She probably knows more than yenders yeah you can see well she just has a stony eyed expression maybe a little bit of that old venom has come back out as well because well it's all brought up yeah yeah yeah it's all been it's kind of been relitigated what happened eleniel with yeah, with like a cold, icy venom that you didn't realize had left her voice in the last few days, with that, yeah, with it returned, she says, yes, let us head back.

Okay, I'm just in silence, sort of shocked. Pip was not expecting to see Keening alive. It was safe when Keening was unconscious. Keening alive. It was safe when Keening was unconscious. It was safe, but now he's confronted with it all again, and everything, so many things I was going to say to Yanda and

Eleniel, I was like, this is what Pip was thinking. Pip was like, is it safe for Hector, who currently is possessed by a dark god, to have the Heart of Sap? Is that something we should be concerned about to like look at everyone's allegiances but all of that has just completely gone out of Pip

and I just walk behind Eleniel in like silence basically alright Eleniel and Pip return back to Valakai and I assume you're heading in the direction of Madam Eva's wagon meanwhile you just walk around the edges of Valakai.

You can see that there are some guards on the walls who shadow your group, obviously just keeping an eye on you. And then this piece of shit Burgomaster is like, you need to kill this woman for us. And I didn't really want to do his dirty work. So I say, no, I don't want to do this. And then Pip, for some fucking reason, agrees to it all and, of course, shakes his hand. And that is when apparently something called a geese? A geist? I don't know.

At least I thought it was a bird. But apparently it's called a geist. You know when you get trapped in a conversation? That is what has happened to Tarpos. Even with her massive muscle-bound frame, she is terrified of being socially awkward. So she simply just nods and doesn't really say anything, even though this conversation does not really make sense to her. That's fair.

That's very funny. Yeah, I guess also just deculating with one hand, but maybe holding Pop the chicken with the other one. Tapos maybe mirrors your actions. Oh, this is great. I think I'm getting her on site. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's literally just mirroring your actions,

but if you spend even a moment looking at her face, you realize she's kind of in fight or flight right now perfect awesome and now i will head up to um madam either's in a camp it's you can see yeah you can see it looks like they are maybe slowly in the process of packing up it's certainly not as established as it was the last time you were here. Not that it was that established. They'd only just moved. But you can see that they are kind of no longer living in tents or anything like that. All of that has been packed up and they're kind

of living in their wagons. It looks like they're getting ready to leave any day now, maybe. As you approach, you see the welcome face of Jackson Bailey. Jackson, it is so nice to see you again. A pleasure to meet you as well. Please come.

We have a fire. You should share it with us. Ah, yes, I would appreciate that. We are unexpectedly back in the beautiful shadow of Valakai. I can see this. I can see this. Yes, we heard. Yes.

We heard your arrival. Everyone did. heard yes i would never expect to put a lumberjack on a skill sheet of mine but here we are i i heard it was a big a big three yes crazy a tree blight all right i i do the gesture of like If that means anything to you Well it sounds like a good story Please come come tell it by the fire It's concerning to imagine the citizens of Valakai Chopping up that tree blight to make houses

Yeah Fuck I mean like It's in their town Like what you're not gonna get rid of it The tree blight bleeds That's awful It's gonna be like firewood.

You light it in the fire and yeah. The smell of iron. Burning iron. Yeah. Oh my God. What's blood smell like when it burns? That ain't good. Black pudding?

Tree black pudding. What if they eat it? I don't know what we've done. We've done. Well, it's not our problem. Not our problem. We're not allowed in town. Not your problem. We can't do anything to problem. Not our problem. We're not allowed in town. Not your problem.

We can't do anything to help. We told. Wish I could. You sit around the fire, have a short tale. Yeah, so we had to, with Madame Eva's, I guess, advice, warning, prophecy, we rushed to the Wizards of Wine because we were so distraught that something was there. to the Wizards of Wine because we were so distraught that something was there

and we stumbled upon a place called Yesterhill where the Druids were summoning a tree blight. That's what they summoned. You hear a soft jingling, while you're telling the story, you hear a soft jingling noise and you look over to Madame Eva's cabin to see for the first time ever

her outside of her cabin her wispy frail frame slowly makes itself over towards the fire. The other Vistani here are similarly just as shocked as you are that Madame Eva is here. None of them say anything but she slowly makes her way and then

joins you in the circle around the fire You can continue your story Looking around is anyone addressing this? No, none of the Vistani say anything. And so, yes, we were there to try and stop them from summoning this tree, but we failed. And then it was in Pip's, if you've ever spoken to him, he'll talk at length about the Emanuel de Monster.

And to stop this thing, we had to go and – so you love Rittles, yes? Everyone here loves Rittles. It was treant high or treant low. Searching for it, for a treant here I hear I must find a body of water close by as you're saying this they start playing instruments it kind of slowly turns into a song

it was to find a what was it that's right it was a robin if you were to once the water I do get near, ground come close, I have to go near in the air or up a tree. A robin with a red chest. I see.

And this is the best part. This is the best part. Robin, Robin or other bird. Kribbit starts playing as well. He joins in. Please help my cries be heard. I need a creature made of wood. Are there any in this neighborhood?

If the treant wishes to be known, the Robin or whatever was to go in. So, yes, if you understand what that could possibly be, that is what we did. Pip did it. Does anyone want to guess what kind of bird he saw? As you ask that question, Pip, you and Eleni will join everyone else at the fire as well. I overhear them singing the riddle. What the fuck? Does anyone want to guess?

Anyone? It was not a robin. Oh, Kribbit puts up his hand. Yes, Kribbit, what was it? It was a raven. Incorrect. It was not a raven. Oh, fuck.

Anybody want to... A robin, robin, or whatever. Anyone want to guess what the whatever was? A bunch of the Vistani guess. Was it a robin? Was it this? Was it that? One of them eventually says, was it a vulture?

You are correct. A vulture. Not a robin. Doesn't even look like the same size of a robin. Apparently it had a beautiful bird. He recognized it by the bird song of a vulture. One of the Vistani leans over to another one of the Vistani and says, Did you know that the vultures are the most common bird in Borovia?

The other one thinks for a second, that can't be true. Vultures are just such the wrong bird as well. They're such a desert bird. Yeah, they are. What are those? Wooded vultures, I guess. Oh, Pip, you're back. Yeah.

How is everybody? Everyone's good. Everyone's good. It's good to hear. Yeah. You doing all right? Elaniel looks a bit more upset than she is normally, and she's normally kind of always upset.

Yeah, I'm fine. Why is Madame Eva out of her house? I saw within the stars that tonight I would sit by this fire. Well, that explains it. fire. Well, that explains it. Yes, it's nice to see you out of your wagon, Madam Mipha. We did not expect to be back so soon.

It is fate, she simply says. Yes, it is. She has in her hands, you can see she's slowly shuffling them, the Tarokka deck. Time for another reading, I say to you, Hector. I look at Madam Ava. I've not even finished with the last one.

Maybe you're getting them all at once. That would be simple. She shakes her head slowly and says, Your futures have been exhausted for now. I cannot read them. Not for a little while longer okay but if you wish she gestures to the entire party i could tell you the futures of anyone else here oh maybe i like put my hand on the small of kribbit's back. I have the energies for four. Sounds like Borelli, right? Kribbit? Kribbit kind of shrugs a little bit

and he says, this one does not want spoilers. Fair enough. I guess, well, not Kribbit. Well, to be honest, I've always wanted to ask you, everybody I've seen to have met, the majority anyway, you've told me I would meet them and they would help me.

Except for you, Pip. Yeah, I don't really feature in your destiny. I'm just here, I suppose. Madam Eva smiles to herself. If he is here before you, how is he not already featured in your destiny? No card. I guess you were right. Pip, perhaps? Oh, I...

Madame Eva holds out the deck and says, would you like to draw? I'd like to put my hand over her head to, like, close it over the deck. I've had my fair share of destiny. Thank you, Madame Eva. Madame Eva retracts the deck and shrugs. What about you, Talpos?

Talpos shrugs. Don't believe, she says, but not too scared to draw. Oh. Gorob and Lushen start... Gorob and Lushen look at you, Pip Pip and they do this

it's weird because they're both pointing a finger at you oh shut the fuck up I'll take a card you draw a card and do you show it to the rest of the people or do you look at it first I'll look at it myself first it's a blank card then I show it to the rest of the people or do you look at it first? I'll look at it myself first. It's a blank card.

Then I show it to everyone else. All of the Vistani, including Madam Eva, grow very still and silent. Is this meant to have the rules on it or something? There is no blank card in the Turaga deck. Then what do I have? Your future is either unreadable or it does not exist.

I hand Madam Eva back the card. Maybe I look to you, Hector. I'm like, this is why I don't like doing this. He's like staring like, why? Madame Eva does not accept the card. She says, the card is yours. I don't want it. Do with it what you will.

Cribbit? Cribbit nods and opens his backpack. I'll put it in. But I kind of like throw it in like it's almost like it's dirty for me. Sure. Well, Cribbit does not have an organizational system. Your card lands on top. Your card lands on top of every napkin Cribbit has ever used.

Imagine as I throw it in and it glides past the open lipstick. It just gets a line on it. Yeah, your card lands on top of every napkin Kribbit has ever used, a presumably love letter, but definitely not Kribbit's

and not one that he has sent, and then what is left of his eggs. He's wrapped them in some padding. Yeah, Kribbit card just loose in his bag. Oh, boy. Loose eggs. Kribbit eggs he closes his backpack and

puts it back on his most used spell is press the digitation get the egg off everything why get the

egg off everything oh sorry tongue his most used spell is tongue suck the egg out of his backpack

yuck Madame Eva looks at you Hector and says that was one His most used spell is down. Suck the egg out of his backpack. Yuck. Madame Eva looks at you, Hector, and says, That was one. I guess I'd point over to Gorob and Lushen. Do they count for two? They are but one. Look, who else?

Gorob, Lushen, Eleniel? Well, who are you picking first? Oh, you're asking them If anyone is objecting Gorob and Lushen shrug and say We would like to know our future And then both of their eyes quickly glance at Tarpos And glance back That's awesome

Gorob and Lushen They grab a card bring it to their two faces Both hands fighting over the card Nearly tearing it in half, but then they flip it around to show everyone else, Torturer! That doesn't seem like a very good card to get. The card depicts, you can see in the background of the card,

there is quite obviously some sort of dungeon space. The foreground of the card shows a person with obviously cruel intentions on their face and holding many dark implements in front of them. As the card moves, they pick up implements, look at them, and then put them back down. Madame Eva speaks. Torturer, you inflict pain on those around you, but more so on those closest to you. Your reasons for this are your own, but know that you can stop at any time. Just maybe like, maybe just like nodding along. That's not even cryptic.

That's easy to figure that out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not get them. Yeah's easy to figure that out. It's just a description about companions. Yeah, not get them.

Yeah, no. Gorob and Lushen begin an argument over how Gorob clearly says, this is inscrutable. No one could understand. Lushen slaps him in the face and says, how are you this daft? Of course, one day when I return as Wizard Supreme, Of course, one day when I return as Wizard Supreme, I will be given Court Torturer, the most prestigious of all positions. That's an interesting thing to learn about, Lushen.

I guess the dwarves have a Court Torturer. That is nice to know. These dwarves do. Well, who knows what they're saying is true. Right, well, that's two. Well, Eleniel or Tarpos? Eleniel shrugs. She seems just as disinterested in this as several other people. Well, as Pip, specifically. She draws a card, looks at it, scoffs to herself like she thinks it's funny, and then shows it to

everyone else. It says, Executioner. Oh. The picture is, in the background, a hangman's noose, and in the foreground is a very unpleasant-looking man with a hood and then stitches closing one of their eyes taut. Executioner, you will kill many people in your travels. Some will deserve it, and some will not. My advice, keep your hands from vengeance.

Hands free of vengeance. Keep a mind free of regret. Elaniel does not look like she's going to put much stock in that. Maybe Pip's giving her a glance as the card's being read out. Yeah. I might be giving... I thought you didn't believe in this. Well, I might be giving Pip a glance of worry of like...

A little looking down the line. Yeah. All right. It's Kribbit or Tarpos. Tarpos does not seem to care. Kribbit didn't seem interested. Kribbit didn't want to. Kribbit doesn't want spoilers.

Exactly. So, well, Tarpos... But I'm letting you know Kribbit didn't seem interested. Kribbit didn't want to. Kribbit doesn't want spoilers. Exactly. So, well, Tapos. But I'm letting you know Kribbit's card is incredible. Kribbit doesn't want spoilers. Kribbit will remember this. Kribbit will remember this. Yeah, all right. And I guess we have one more.

Tapos. Tapos draws her card, looks at it, thinks about it for a second. You can see she's mulling it over in her head. And then she shows it to everyone else. It says, Healer. Depicted on the card, you can see someone quite clearly laid out on some sort of gurney or table or something like that, and it looks, there is a person standing behind them. It looks like they are channeling magic into them. As the card slowly moves, you can see, for the first time ever, the weave of magic being

sent into someone from someone else. Healer, your destiny is to bring good health to the world. But a healer's task is never done. So how you measure your success is up to you. Tapos nods slowly. Destiny. Bullshit. Advice may be good.

I nod. I like Tapos. She's a straightforward lady and I appreciate that in a place like Borovia where everyone talks and riddles. You know? It's nice. So is the plan to stay the night here? I assume so because otherwise you'd be spending the night on the road you know? Yeah. It's nice. Yeah. So is the plan to stay the night here? I assume so,

because otherwise you'd be spending the night on the road, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess if... I guess we'll have to probably sit around as we're sitting around the campfire. Is Madame Eva just also just sort of sitting there? She, yeah. Chilling?

She sits, she chills, she talks with the other Vistani and any member of your party who engages her in conversation. Yes. Okay, so... She puts her pants on one leg at a time, just like any other one of us. Even though she knows every day whether or not she's going to.

Wow. Deep. Okay, so there's, I guess, taking stock of the situation. So we need to head to Kuchery to see what is going on with Perrin and Esmeralda. It has been a while, yeah. I didn't bring it up. Also must visit Wizards of Wines.

Complete the narrative arc, he says. Oh, right. Actually, yes, perhaps Jackson. Yeah, he's here yeah if you don't mind could you perhaps get a

go into Valakai or get someone to go into Valakai to Danny yes Danny

or one of the Matakov families appreciative we would not be able to do this until tomorrow morning and unfortunately we plan on leaving

by before light tomorrow morning. I would not be able to do this for you. I would recommend if you needed to get a message to them to perhaps beseech the town guard or alternatively people come and go during the morning

hours. You should be able to find someone else Eleniel, you can send a message Eleniel not she wasn't part of the group, was she? no, yeah if she enters in, it doesn't affect you, does it? she didn't make a deal, did she?

no, I wasn't part of that group yeah, she didn't make a deal she can go in I mean, you've also got someone else who can go in But you don't know that right now But then again also does she want to go in and talk to them Yeah you're kind of asking her to go against them Yeah

Look I won't ask a lady I mean you could She quite clearly If the need arises Or if she wants to badly enough she can quite clearly get in and out that's true Elenio you can send a message

or Gorob and Lush could go in yeah Gorob and Lush as well actually yeah absolutely both of them you could send either one of them yeah I'll actually stay quiet. Pip's been raffled this night,

so he's going to leave the decision-making up to everyone else. Well, yes, we need to get a message in the morning to them, or now, whatever. What else do we have? So, plus we need to get to Kuchuri. It's the Amber Temple there, dealing with whatever that is. I should have mentioned, I didn't really think it was time to mention it,

but before when I was trying to summon a steed, when Solar came, I initially tried for Orion, but Orion could not come, which is dealing with the divine magics. It means there was a problem there. Does it mean they're dead? That is one option, yes. Either they died or they're trapped.

But I'm assuming Esmeralda or… They'll know what happened at the very least. Is it not the situation where if your horse dies here, it just returns to wherever it came from? Potentially. But you remember when we were in the tower? There was that anti-magic zone. Oh, yeah.

Okay. If anything were to have happened to Orion then, well, they're trapped, so they couldn't. Yeah. Well, yeah. So there's that. There's also, well, I mean, I hope Woken is okay. Yeah, he's doing really well.

Oh. Not well enough to join us, though. Is he conscious? Yeah, he's up and about. Right. Well, I don't think he's well enough. Kribbitz staring at you. I would not say he's well enough to join us.

Probably not, but I would like to have a conversation. Does this one detect a complicated love situation? Kribbitz doesn't even. A complicated love situation. Pip doesn't even... Kribbit's face sort of sliding in past Pip's head. Kribbit, you can hear the sound of like pen on paper. Hang on. Let me give you some lovely foley work. Thank you.

Thank you. Of course, he was going to rest, but perhaps in his travels, did he ever go to the Amber Temple? Did he, as far as I know, Adam? And Keening at no point went to the Amber Temple, but he did know of it as a thing and a possibility. Kuturi and the Amber Temple were kind of largely off your radar. They're quite remote, and anyone that you, or anyone Keening certainly spoke to, said it wasn't worth the investment.

There's not much. I mean, we never went that far south. You know, Keening knew a lot of things you didn't because the Way of the Fe feather were a lot friendlier with Keening than they ever were with you. Perhaps they knew. Either way, it'd be

very important to talk to him. Yeah, well, perhaps you're right. Perhaps before we head off, a brief rendezvous. Yeah. Yep.

And then Kutri, that's where your destiny lies. Yes. There's three gods you've yet to cash in. I nod. Yeah. Yep. I might head to bed. All right.

I'll find a tent somewhere and just crash. Yeah. It's been a big day. Killed a tree in the morning. Fell off a cliff last night. It's been a huge day for Pips. Oh, yeah, you're exhausted. Pips, fuck.

I always forget how exhausted you are. Yeah, I'm fucking knackered. Yeah. Well, when he goes to bed, Eleniel, do you mind taking me to Woken? To be continued... down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is

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