D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #18 Onwards to the Flayed God

Episode Date: September 2, 2023

The party communicates by rock before getting buffeted by a surprise snowstorm. Pip tears up his Emmanuel de Monster for his convenience and one of Hecktor’s chickens comes home to roost.Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, you are, like us, marooned. You're stranded in this sad and lonely place called Barovia. To mix metaphors, we are incarcerated. The fog that surrounds us are the bars of our dungeon, and Baron von Strahd is out jailer. The fog that surrounds us are the bars of our dungeon, and Baron von Strahd is out jailer.

As far as I can tell, there is only one way out, and that is to kill the devil Strahd. As you approach, you're getting a much better view of this gatehouse or whatever it is. You can see on your left, Mount Gakas goes pretty much almost vertical. You would need climbing equipment to go up. And to your right, it goes basically the same but down. The shelf of rock on which the mountain road clings to grows narrow.

Ahead of you, through the wind, there's no snow, thankfully, but the wind simply refuses to obey. Still buffets us. All of you are clutching close your clothing, trying to keep any surface of your skin covered. Anything exposed has become red and painful to the touch. You can see that there is a high wall. The gate is made of a black stone lined with spikes, and up atop, where the battle battlements would be you can see that there were once statues of dragons okay no longer the statues have been pushed over you can see they're on the floor in front of the gate now smashed riddled to a dozen pieces in their stead are these weird

demonic awful looking monsters they're all of them are different. There are no two alike. They look like they were carved to be intimidating and or ugly. Set in the center of the wall is a closed iron portcullis. You know what a portcullis is? Yeah, yeah. Brother, do I. Behind which is a curtain of green flame. Standing in front of the portcullis you see two

people in armor do they just look human yeah regular folk they're just humanoid from this distance all you can make out is that their armor does not cover where their mouths and chins are it's a helm that kind of goes down to the nose but apart from that you can't really make anything you're still quite a ways away i think while we're on this precarious walk i'm going to put pop in my that kind of goes down to the nose. But apart from that, you can't really make anything. You're still quite a ways away. I think while we're on this precarious walk, I'm going to put Pop in my backpack. Sure.

Which I know is dangerous, but... Oh, yeah. Hector, before you continue your approach, you spot a large rock next to the pathway, which is tumbled down from somewhere up way higher. Carved into the rock, you can see a constellation, which you recognize as being one very prominent on Orion's flank. It would be probably the horse and rider, which is a famous constellation in Ognod. Okay. And so it's carved onto the rock.

Yes. Orion? Is it coming towards us? It's a rock. Yeah, I don't know if it was like maybe tumbling. Oh, I see what you mean. It's already tumbled. Okay.

Okay. That would be so funny. No, so sorry. All right. I see where the problems are. I'm worried that a goat is flinging shit at us, okay? No, no, no. So there is a rock has already tumbled.

It fell from high above. It is now on the side of the road. You can see carved into the rock is a very prominent constellation from Ognoth. It would be called the Rider and Horse. It was very prominent on Orion's flank.

Would I think that this would be a message from... Barovia doesn't have constellations. Barovia doesn't have stars. I would assume this would be probably a message from Pyrrhon or Esmeralda. It's very possible. Okay. Are we close to that rock?

Yeah, you're walking past it. Hang on. Yeah, turn to investigate the rock. All right. It's a large boulder about the size of a family dog. Does that make sense? A medium-sized dog. Like a golden retriever.

What's so special about this rock? You recognize the constellation. Oh, actually, do you? No, you see a constellation, but you don't recognize it. This is a constellation. It's not native. To be fair, once again, this is the first time you've seen stars.

Yeah, I haven't seen stars in a long time. It was on, I guess, Orion's... Which one is it? It's the rider and the... Oh, yes. The horse and rider. Yes. Yes, horse and rider.

I sort of remember it. Look around the rock. Can the rock be moved? The rock can be moved, sure enough, yeah. It's not without some effort, but you do pick it up and look underneath the rock. You can see more has been carved into the bottom part of the rock. P27 and P82. I flip out a manual and go to those pages just to check if they're trying to give me advice.

So both of those pages are one of them would be rock creature and the other one would be cultist. Okay. I already have. I think as you like, what's this rock? I'm eyeballing the creatures on top of the battlement. So I already have the thing open to rock creature. Sure. Sure.

Sure. One step ahead of you, Piran. But nice to have that confirmed. I turn around. Does anybody have scissors? Tarpos, of all people, running around in her backpack produces a pair of metal and stone scissors. Excellent. Now, writing on these is going to be the hard part.

The metal part is the handle. The stone part is the blades. Oh, I see. I can kind of imagine that. Okay. How do you make it? Well, I'm going to figure this out. You keep investigating the rock.

All right. I'm assuming it was just the P27, P28. You figuratively and literally turn the rock over and produce nothing else of interest i think they were just um probably esmeralda telling you yes so what do we need to do well uh rock creatures i.e gargoyles uh well presumably that's what those monsters on top of the um battlements are thing about rock creatures or gargoyles, thank God they confirmed that for us or we'd be looking for fluids.

That's always hard to do. But these are creatures from the elemental plane. The best way to take care of them, to eliminate them, is with special enchanted scissors to sever their connection to this material plane. But they need to be enchanted with the proper inscription, which is, cut, cut the fabric of the dimensions, strings of reality shall fade.

Indraconic. Thank God I know draconic. Do you need to write it down or can you enchant? What do you need to do? Well, here's the awesome thing. Manual's not clear. Enchanted with the proper inscription is all we have. I dart

my eyes to Lushen and Ogura. Well, let's check this first. Topos. Topos. Do you have any means of enchanting something or inscribing something upon an object?

Before we turn to louder methods? Magic writing rock. How's that work? She rummages around in her backpack again and produces a piece of chalk. It's rather than, you know, you would imagine when you think chalk, you might think of the little sticks that you get in a classroom. Yeah. This is like a hunk of chalk with a pointed tip.

Chalk for right magic. Right. Okay. May I? She hands it to you. I take the rock and then I'm going to try and inscribe. There's going to need to be a dexterity check because it is a lot of text to get on a small space with a thick writing implement.

You goof it. Fuck. You fail. You could try again. It's chalk, so it is wipe-offable. But when you wipe it off, you see that, sure enough, like with a blackboard, a little bit of chalk remains. You don't know how many chances you have on this.

Do we have any paper or anything? Or any fabric or anything like that? Tapos, yeah, I mean, I'll check, but tapos definitely doesn't have that. Oh, to have a needle and thread. I could just sort of... Does it need to be scissors? Could it be two knives?

It needs to be scissors. I mean, unless you can make scissors. What defines scissors? Gorob Lushen. Gorob Lushen have ink and an ink pen. Okay. But that's do they really not have paper?

oh they have the spell book Lushen's spell book do you have any blank pieces of Immanuel? are there any? highs or lows? highs time to make some Immanuel war I guess

highs did you say? yeah the first page of Immanuel the monster Guys, time to make some Emanuel war, I guess. Guys, did you say? Yeah. All right. The first page of Emanuel the Monster just has a little piece of text that says, this page is left intentionally blank for your convenience. Awesome. All right. I would like to, with the ink and pen, I'll write it down on a piece of that paper.

Oh, I see what you're doing. Then I'll tear it out and maybe I'll tear a bit of my clothes off to make a ribbon. Yeah, yeah. And I'll tie the ribbon with the enchanted words on it to the scissors. That's very clever. I like that. I'm going to pay that off. You get a good boycott.

So, which reminds me, actually, since last time, we goofed it. We've been busy. There's been a lot of shit on the table. I don't remember what bad boy cards I have because they got mixed back into the pile, and I don't think you remember what good boy cards you have. No, I don't, Adam. So I don't even remember how many each of us had. Me neither.

So I'm going to give the two of you, well, Jackson, you get one free good boy card now for what you just did. I took two. And then I will let you both draw as free good boy card now for what you just did. I took two. And then I will let you both draw as many good boy cards as you want. Hey, Adam. Roll. Roll a what? I don't know.

It's up to you. Up to you. I'll do 100. I will let you draw as many good boy cards as you want, but I get as many bad boy cards as you get good. I'm going to roll a d12 for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can roll a d12. That could be like it.

One. One good boy card for you, Zalit. You fucked this. That's fair. Okay. And one bad boy card for me. Do I get to roll? You may also roll. Well, you could pick. You just say a number. I don't mind. Okay. No, roll. Let's roll. Let's roll.

What do you want to roll? Do you mind? Yeah, the same thing. Same thing? Alright. Nine. Nine good... No, roll. Let's roll, let's roll. What do you want to roll? Do you mind? Yeah, the same thing, same thing. Same thing? All right. Nine. Nine good boy cards, buddy. Oh, I may have regretted this. I may have regretted this. I may regret this.

I like that we were like, oh, we had so much shit on the table. Yeah. We lost track of it all. Nine. Yeah. Nine good boy cards. Nine bad boy cards. The perfect amount. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, hey. Do you want anything that I'm using immediately? Do you want to maybe have. The perfect amount. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, hey, hey. Do you want to maybe have a pool? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just chuck them together. Whatever. Let's pool our goods. Oh, we have so many now.

I'm not going to be able to pay attention to this. This one is very funny. Does that rock look familiar? Players become lost. You're on a one. You're on a rail, basically. Fuck. We got a lot of cards.

Mm-hmm. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, hell yeah. Blood and cards. Mm-hmm. All right. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh, hell yeah. Blood and sand.

What's that, dude? A sandstorm suddenly rolls in. Exposed creatures must make a constitution-saving throw each round or take one point of slashing damage and be blinded until the storm stops. Oh, my God. Obviously, a sandstorm would be weird, so I'm going to make it a snowstorm instead but other than that everything stays the same snowstorm hits mount garcus very suddenly okay you're gonna how's that long rest both of you take one point i'm gonna say not of slashing of cold damage each turn until you are sheltered or the storm stops awesome dude i dude. I love that, actually. Okay.

Make your con saving throws. I'll call it a con saving throw of 12. So both of you pass. Do you give everyone a plus 5? Who's around me? Despite that, despite the plus 5, Goroblush and take one point of cold damage.

Good. Okay. Yeah, I don't care about them. I hope they die. They've pissed me off this morning. Alright, so what do you do? Okay, what's, I guess, what is around us that could be, now that

a snowstorm is coming, what is around us that basically could be shelter? Is there anything except for what is ahead? No. Well, we're going to start scurrying. You there anything except for what is ahead? No. Okay. Well, we're going to start scurrying. You couldn't even go back the way you came. You made a lean to.

Yeah, yeah. No, sorry. You didn't have shelter last night. No, no, no. It was, yeah, yeah. All right. We'll start scurrying with the scissors. I'll just like put them in my pocket or something.

We'll start hurrying toward. What's it called where there's a type of weather event where it's like a thunderstorm, but it only goes one direction. It's like an aerosol can. Yeah, yeah. I forget what it it called where there's a type of weather event where it's like a thunderstorm, but it only goes one direction. It's like an aerosol can. Yeah, yeah. I forget what it's called. I think it's called like a, this is Australian slang. Yeah.

Or this word is Australian slang, but it sounds like Darrow. It's not Darrow, but it sounds like Darrow. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. You, yeah, you're making your way as quickly as you can towards the gateway. I'm going to say that there are five more rolls in your future. Oh, fuck.

Okay, okay. So you give everyone next to you how close? I think it's ten feet. Ten feet? All right. That's good. Plus five. So I'll roll your five.

That's definitely a failure. That'll be a success. You only take two points of call damage. All right. That's definitely a failure That'll be, no sorry That'll be a success, you only take 2 points of call damage Alright, that's not so bad As we're running I'd be like So that rock monster stuff page What was the other page? The other page was cultists Which Emmanuel, I don't even know why

They list cultists because it doesn't tell you They're just people, they're just, they are cultists It's a worthless entry But for rock creatures I mean I don't think we have any adamantine metals. That's the only thing that can penetrate their rocky hide. They don't feel necrotic, radiant, poison, exhaustion, or petrification damage. But they are damaged by the Ignoble Three.

Cold fire bludgeoning. Cold fire bludgeoning. Right. The Ignoble Three? The Ignoble 3. Cold fire bludgeoning. Cold fire bludgeoning, right. The Ignoble 3. The Ignoble 3. Yeah. Okay. As you're sprinting, I assume just going as quickly as you can towards shelter, I'm also going to make you roll to not separate

because you have different movement speeds. And if, say, for example, someone with a slower movement speed, a hem hem or a blusher, falls behind, you're probably just not going to notice. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. All right. Thankfully, you're able to stay together. Okay, that's good.

And you arrive at that first gatehouse. You can see, just past the portcullis and that green curtain of flames. Yeah. You can see beyond is a bridge. So you know more than just the sheer cliffside up and the sheer cliffside down. You know this gateway is quite the funnel point. Yeah. There is this gateway and the bridge and no other options to cross.

Cool. When you get close enough, you can see there are banners here. They would have been large enough to spot as you were getting closer but then the storm kicked in. You can see the banner is a black background with a very medieval, classic

medieval depiction of a dragon. You know how they'll sometimes have them side on or whatever? The dragon is rearing backwards with its wings spread behind it, but it is completely red, and you can see marks and indentations that quite obviously mean that the dragon has no skin, and also the dragon has no head. You can tell it is a dragon only by other features,

like its wings, its tail uh yeah just a basic understanding of of heraldry now that you're close enough like a butchered dragon uh-oh now that you're ah butchery butchery yeah now that you're close enough you can see that that exposed part of their their mouth and chin yeah you can see both of these people, they're definitely they definitely look like humans. A lot of their features are hidden by the armor. But you can see that the exposed part is the skin has

been peeled back and away and you see only muscle and the muscle and sinew that lives beneath. Okay, they didn't move when the blizzard happened, right? They both would have stepped a little bit into the water. Okay, I was wondering about that too. Okay, they're not move when the blizzard happened, right? They both would have stepped a little bit into where the portals were. I was wondering about that too. Okay, they're not undead, they're just people.

You can see that the cold definitely hits them just like it hits you, and they are taking shelter from it. Even more if they've got no skin. As you approach, one of them says, What is your business? Getting out of the cold. Turn and leave.

Not an option. You may not come through without business in Kutcheri. Seeing an old friend. That's a deception check. Yeah. Not a lot. The bell. They look at each other and then look at you.

They lower their spears. Both of them are wielding spears. Or halberds, actually. That's more appropriate. They lower their halberds in a manner, obviously, intending that if you charged them, you would impale yourselves. And the one that you're speaking to says, No one passes without permission.

From whom? From whom? The Burgermaster, the Sheriff, or the Princess. Well, I guess our business is to go and see the Burgermaster, the Princess, or the Sheriff to get permission to enter. The guard says nothing. They just continue to level their halberds at you. All of you need to make saving throws

A plus five you said? Yeah Fuck that's incredible Well all of you continue to pass But you're still being buffeted by that stone They're not letting you pass Where are they? In Kutari

Can we at least have this conversation out of the wind? You can see there's not a lot of room to be standing in where the portcullis is. They're quite obviously worried about you as a security risk, so they shake their heads. I don't really want to just straight up attack a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As ghoulish as they might be. Could I try to persuade them? just let us in out of the cold? I will make this.

Tell you what. I'm going to make this a major skill check. So I need – they are really opposed to you getting past them. I need five successful skill checks before you accrue three failed skill checks. Now, you can do the same skill check as each other, but you can't do the same skill check twice. Okay. Okay. Okay. You need to justify why you're making this skill check.

Okay. I would like to investigation. I'm trying to investigate their appearance, who they are and what is perhaps even why they might be flayed and if there's anything

around them, either the herald or anything like that, that I can try and look at that and be like I'm going to investigate that to be... One success. Yes. All right, you get a little bit about who these people are, just looking them over, investigating them, kind of working within yourself,

trying to assess maybe which one of them is in charge, which one of them is subordinate, that sort of stuff. I'll make an insight check. To do a similar thing, but I suppose on a more personal level. I want to be like, which one of these guys is more likely to fold under pressure? Which one of these guys is going to stand stalwart against our aggression or whatever? That's another success. So you've got two successes, no fails so far.

Okay. I would like to roll a athletics check. Go on. I'm trying to size them up to see what kind, I guess, if they were to attack us,

who might be perhaps the more stronger one. Okay. That's a success. Okay. I guess let's make it it's a guarantee and I'm sure I can justify it let's make it a survival check

I just want to check how safe they are within this building you know what I mean were this building to disappear were we to bring them out into the should a fight happen how much safer are they going to be than we will Were this building to disappear? Were we to bring them out into the wind or whatever? Should a fight happen? Yeah, should a fight happen?

Yeah. How much safer are they going to be than we will? You know what I mean? You'll do pretty well on this. Yeah, I got a beefed survival, baby. Plus 12. No, that's plenty. Oh, I thought that was a one.

That's a success. So you've got four successes, no failures. Okay. You're doing pretty well. Yeah, we're getting there. One more success. Yeah, because it's a check, right? It's a check, yeah. got four successes No failures Okay You're doing pretty well Yeah we're getting there One more success Yeah Because it's a check right

Not It's a check yeah Okay Not a saving throw Alright Because like they say Persuasion is not I would allow persuasion

Okay Okay I feel like persuasion Is probably the most Straight up one Yeah I was thinking Persuasion or religion Oh

Religion Bold I would allow religion as well yeah i'm gonna go with the religion and i want to be because of the imagery with the cut off dragon the fact that they are also flayed the fact that there is clearly some kind of connection between what is like an icon and maybe how they are before their performance as it were. I'm yeah.

That's my kind of like, is this a religious thing? And if that is, is this a ritual of some kind that made them take off their skin? Just by the hairs of your chinny chin chin. That's one final pass. Okay. All right.

The two of you size up the situation. And then after a long moment of thinking, Hector, you lean in and you say, I wish to meet the Flayed God. All right. They look at each other and stand back. One of them slams their gauntleted fist into the side of the building, looks up and calls out, open the gates. into the side of the building, looks up and calls out, open the gates! The portcullis opens and the curtain of green flame behind it is drawn aside and you are allowed to walk out onto the bridge.

Is the green flame warm? Thank you. As you approach, no. It gives no warmth, unfortunately. Okay. As we are walking through, what is the flayed god, Adam? Was that a good guess or do I know about a Flayed God? It was a good guess.

Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. You're like, just a random fucking dart into the darkness. You're like, maybe it's called the Flayed God, or maybe they call it the Flayed God. As we're walking through, I'm giving you this look. I don't know. It's a look of like wide eyes. Like, what's that, Hector? What?

Who? I want to give back a look like just a shrug with my eyes. Okay. Okay. Yeah. My eyes, my brow furrows and will step inside. Okay. All right.

You walk past. There is immediately to your right a tower of sorts. It looks to be about maybe three or four stories tall, depending on how you count. And there is a door, a closed door in front of it made out of a heavy wood, heavy enough to keep the weather out. There are no guards immediately past this way, and turning around, the snow is so heavy, you can no longer see the top of the gateway itself, so you don't know if anyone's really observing you.

But once you're past the gate, you really only see blinding snow ahead of you. You have no idea how long it's going to take you to get to Kuchuri. Is it worth stepping into this tower and just waiting out the storm? I mean, we're in. We are not going to. Yes, if we can just... Alright, let's barrel into this tower. You

need to kind of force the door. It's not locked, but it is kind of stuck a little bit. Kind of frozen a bit. Yeah. So you need to give it a good shove, but you are able to force it in. The room beyond, there is a cold hearth, no fire currently lit in

it, across from the door. Wind howls down its chimney, and you can see snow is... You don't think you could light a fire right now, because it's wet at this point from what's been happening. There is a stone staircase on a southern wall leading upwards, and then three windows which

none of them have anything blocking the wind is getting in through them but you can still this is definitely shelter yeah it's better than being outside being outside is it better to be upstairs and away from the hearth like is the hearth kind of making a funnel that it's like actually it probably be worth getting out of the way of you You can see as you cross the room, the hearth has dragons. Sorry, there are statuettes of a silver dragon set on the mantle. They are the statues themselves. The statuettes are made out of silver. They look quite obviously like holy relics, important to someone,

but they are kind of quite disused at this point. It looks like no one's interacted with them. Are the dragons also beheaded? No, these ones are not. Right. There is also above the hearth. So imagine on top of the hearth where you would have a little mantle, those little statuettes. Then above the hearth, there is a shield also made out of silver emblazoned, it's the exact same picture of a dragon, but

it's not flayed. It's a silver dragon and it has its head. That's concerning. Yeah. How big are the silver dragon statuettes? They're about as long as a forearm. So they're quite large. I would like to take one.

Silver is useful. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, both. Yeah, I'll take both. The shield's probably too big. There's one more thing in the room.

Sorry. Big group of guards. No, there is one more thing in the room. On the northern wall opposite the staircase, there are a few rotting crates have been stacked. You can see equipment is stored inside of them. One has been cracked open, and you can see there's just some survival equipment Obviously for the people who live here It's been stored in here

Sorry, the shield You were pilfering, yeah I was just curious, looking at the shield Does it look like this is a place that people live? Yeah How used does it look? Oh, the shield and the statuettes don't look like they've been touched In years Do they look like they've been touched in years.

Do they look like they are not touched out of reverence or neglect? Neglect. Okay. I don't feel bad if I take it. I wouldn't feel bad either way. You can add silver dragonette statue to your... No worries. I'll take both.

Unless that's going to be too heavy. They are heavy, but probably not heavier than a lot of other shit you're carrying. Okay. No worries. I'm going to grab them. A lot of other shit you're needlessly carrying, no worries. I'm going to grab them. A lot of other shit you're needlessly carrying, like this Gorub and Lushard fellow. I do have a platinum sensor just hanging around in my backpack.

Probably turf that at some point. At some point, find like a hearth. So I can forge these down. The shield, is it a ceremonial shield or is it a functioning shield? You pick it up. Yep. You take it off the wall. It requires a little finicking because it's not been moved in so long.

The bracket holding it there is rusted closed. I look at my shitty half-broken crap family crest that I hate. Yeah, true. The shield appears to be entirely made out of silver. You can tell because it's got a different weight to steel. When you put it on, it feels I would say lighter. Silver is, I believe, lighter than steel. And you're

worried about the structural integrity of it. I mean, it is currently in one piece which you can't say for your shield. But it is made out of a softer metal. Maybe as I'm putting the statues away, I'm like, hey, if it's not cursed or anything, I say take it.

What about, yeah, so a silver shield... You could bash a werewolf in the head. It is made from silver. I guess you could use it as a... And then if it gets damaged or destroyed, we just melt it down and, you know, silver other stuff.

I am worried that the people who or destroyed, we just melt it down and, you know, silver other stuff. Sure. Yeah, right. I am worried that the people who live here we haven't seen yet is all I'm worried about. Maybe. Maybe. So these items have been not really looked at, but is there remnants of people who live here?

You can see the floor is dusty, but there are quite obviously footprints in it going up and down the staircase and in and out of the room and to the crates. Yeah, I want to maybe not be wielding the shield, but holding it. I would take a look at the... We're in an occupied house. I think they might still be here. I don't want to take it if we are going to be accused of theft. Well, I'll go look.

I'll go upstairs. All right. You take the stairs up. It's just these items that we're grabbing. Yeah. They're not exactly subtle. No, no, no. They will notice them gone.

Absolutely. While you do that, I will probably come with you. I'll go through those the survival crates but that's just more thievery yeah that's just more stealing but it might be really useful yeah

I'm aware I'm aware nothing wrong with you know if they're the terrifying flayed men if there's more of them I don't feel

I don't know what hmm I'll go look you're a flayed god this level is a bit warmer than the one below. There's no fire here, but there's also no windows. So there's just not any cross breeze or anything like that.

Inside the room, there are four, depending how you count, there are two to four things. Okay. There is a desk with lots of papers and notes piled upon it, an almost comical amount. Like it looks like the desk should be crumbling underneath the weight of these files and notes. There is a ladder going up to the presumably the roof. Standing next to the ladder is another one of those guards.

He appears to be in silent prayer. He is facing away from you as you enter. You can hear him just muttering underneath his breath. And he's quite obviously, he's on his knees with his hands kind of spread out to either side of him, quite obviously praying to some god. And, yeah, like I said, not paying attention to you. Then, finally, there is a cage. Oh, no. And a man, a very emaciated, sick-looking man in the cage.

He is not just in the cage, but also shackled in the cage. He looks, as you approach, through like a wild—his hair is all matted and scraggly. He's got this big, thick beard that you can see his own blood has stained. He looks at you from inside the cage and tries to mouth the words, but just ragged breathing. I don't feel so bad about stealing from this guy. Yeah, that is... Okay.

I'm going to turn around and head back downstairs. I don't need any of this, dude. I walk over to the guy in the cage. He tries to reach his hand through the bars of the cage, but the shackles prevent him from doing so. Maybe as I go downstairs, I'll say to Gorub and Lushen and Tarpos, I think Hector's about to get ready for a fight. Tarpos looks at you very concerned and does nothing.

Gorub draws his sword and yells, Charge! That's not what I meant! And streams up the steps. Shouldn't have said that. God damn it. You hear, you are interrupted, Hector, as Gorub gets to the top of the stairs. Can I grab my spear out?

Uh-huh. Like wooden, or like the shaft side, and just kind of like block the door? There's no door, unfortunately. Oh, I block the entrance of... Sure, I know what you mean. To stop, to be like, what are you doing? Gorob and Lushen...

Gorob is an incredible athlete. He handily jumps your spear like a hurdle. Attack! He brings the sword down onto the praying man. What do you... Okay. He gets a surprise round, and then combat begins. Well, at least it'll only be this one guy.

Look, to be honest, he could have gone for the guy in the cage. Yeah, honestly, yeah, we've got to count our blessings. And this was inevitable anyway. I think once you tried to free the guy in the cage, we'd have been experiencing this. I was just going to see why he was in there. Combat is quite short. The man dies in one hit.

The man's head is caved clear in half as Gorub accidentally uses the flat side, not the sharp side, to crumple in and then split this man's head in half. Ew. He collapses forwards dead. What are you doing? Oh, that was quick. What are you doing? Huh? that was quick. What are you doing? Huh?

What? Why did you do that? I don't know! Can you... For once in your... Can you please think, both of you, before you do anything? Okay. I don't think he's going to do it.

Washington is scratching Gorub's beard. I look around to see if he's preparing myself for it i like i look at his scratching gorob's beard i like i look around to see if any like just preparing myself for any other gods or something so far all you hear is the howling wind i don't think they would have heard us there's quite a distance between us and the other you know battlements or whatever okay um i go to the the cage right um what do you what what are you what are you in here for what What is going on? Who are you? I try and, like, as I'm asking, look at the case. Emil. You're Emil.

Emil. Emil. Emil. Emil. He nods. Hey. He gestures to the desk where the papers are. Your house?

No. I might need a glass of water or something. Do you need a drink? Are you injured? What? He nods Okay Yeah, I probably got a can

I assume everyone's at the second level Actually, Tarpos takes one look at this man One look at the dead body Looks at the two of you and says I look out And then she walks back down Actually, you look out Pip, can you

Yeah, I'll check the roof We'll look out with you, tar boss They go down the stairs I'll climb the Did you say it was like a ladder? Yeah, there's a ladder to go up I'll climb the ladder and peek out It's a 10 foot tall ladder

As you pop your head out the top You see that there are statues all around you Once again Oh, sorry There are the remnants, I should say Of statues all around you You can again, oh sorry, there are the remnants I should say of statues all around you. You can see they were once statues of dragons, but they've been broken,

knocked away, and instead there are more of those, presumably, gargoyles. You can see four in total. They don't react to you. Can I see, I mean, obviously... Oh, sorry, actually. I'm so sorry. There are three gargoyles, and you can see a space where a fourth should have been.

Oh, that's concerning. Obviously, Emmanuel is mum on this object, but can I see their connection to the material plane? No, you would need to be able to detect magic. I have detect magic. Oh, well, you could cast that if you want. Yeah. It'll be too loud.

I'm going to climb back down. They don't seem to have noticed us, except maybe one has. I'll go into my pack and grab a water skin. Can they reach through the bars? No, the shackles prevent their hands from passing through the bars. You would need to reach your hand in.

All right, I put my hand in. All right, Pip, you get back down to the bottom of the water. Are you injured? What? I was just going to say that there's one gargoyle missing. There's four gargoyles on the top of this roof. They didn't notice me. And one's missing.

But it's not in here, at least. Can I look around? I don't It's not in here at least Kind of like Look around Like Shift my eyes around I don't think it's in here Can I get There's no There's no space

There's no obvious gargoyle There's the cage There's the corpse Yeah There's the Desk with papers on it Okay Are you

Emil has begun drinking Yeah Greedily from the water You think Emil is about to finish Your water skim? That is fine. I'll clamber down the ladder.

I got a pip. Yeah. Maybe like a hushed whisper because I'm, Zammett remembers something. Yes. I think. Okay. I don't know. A pip?

Yeah. His name was Emil. Is that? I've heard that name before. I don't know how long it would have been physically possible for me to hide the name from you, Pip, but I wish I could have done it for longer. Pip, you absolutely would have. This is the other werewolf leader, right? This is the one that was deposed.

Yeah. The one, I guess, who survived because they weren't around when you went on your little massacre. Oh, yeah. That's the other werewolf leader. I don't know what the hell he's doing here. The cage is keeping him from escaping, which is good. You would probably now clock this. The manacles that he is shackled with, they are made of silver. He finishes the water skin and then drops it at his feet

and leans back against the cage. He puts his hands over it. He's wearing just threadbare nothing. Even though there's no howling wind here, it's freezing. He's probably freezing, yeah. You can actually, you know what? You've had enough time to observe him. Why is he not in a different form?

I don't know. Well, the silver shackles are probably stopping him from transforming. He's incredibly, you can see he's incredibly pale. He looks, well, yeah, like I said, malnourished, but he also looks like he's freezing. How did you get here? Kirill. Do I recognize the name?

Probably not. Yeah. I don't think you were paying that much attention. No, the name? Probably not. Yeah. I don't think you were paying that much attention. No, the name is not familiar to me. I just shrugged. Give you a look at me. I don't know. Are they the burgomaster, the sheriff, or the princess?

No. Usurper. The werewolf, perhaps. The werewolf. Werewolf? The werewolf who is now in charge of the werewolves. the werewolf werewolf? the werewolf who is now

in charge of the werewolves he Emil looks Emil looks from one of you to the other one and slowly sizing you up

he he knows that you know he's a werewolf so there's not much he can do he doesn't bother trying to hide it at all or anything he just says yes

yeah well he will overthrow me I was given to Strahd. Too bad. Right, and I guess you've just been kept in this cage ever since? Yes.

One of Strahd's brides, Ludmilla, I think, has been experimenting on me. Why do they keep you so far away from the town? It is cold. Oh, right, right, of course. I believe the current experiment is to see how long a werewolf can survive in the cold. I think he's been here for a while, I guess. Months, maybe. Hmm.

I, uh, uh, uh, fuck. it's another moral quandary that pip will be of no help with maybe i ever told you and i shrug and go downstairs or well and it's warmer up here i'll stay up here uh is there a... A Mrs. Werewolf? No, is there a Mrs. Werewolf? Mr. Werewolf? Do you want to see a picture of him? There is a picture of him. I would love to. Is there like a key to the cage or what's going on? There is a big heavy

iron lock on the cage and you can see similar smaller locks keeping his manacles in place. You see no obvious key anywhere. That's a picture of him. He probably, in the picture

he looks significantly more sweaty than he would be. He's quite dehydrated. You, if you wanted to, could turn over the papers on the desk. There's drawers and stuff like that. You could give it a good search if you wanted to. When turn over the papers on the desk. There's drawers and stuff like that. You could give it a good search if you wanted to. When was the last time, what was her name, Ludmilla?

Ludmilla. Ludmilla. When was the last time she came? A few days, I think. Does she check on you regularly or? Periodically, yes. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Look at him. Look at the dead guy okay alright I mean you can let him go if you want Hector

but I mean I don't know if I want to add to our adversaries a bride of Strahd that checks on them periodically

and say for example they come and they adjust it to Gorob and Lushen's work well they're there they're there we'll just throw Lushen's work. Well, they're that. We'll just throw it off the bridge. I suppose you can do that. Do you want me to do that now?

Wasn't there any other? Well, first off, the snowstorm. Tarpos comes from below. The storm, that's true. Tarpos comes from below, and she, awkwardly looking at the two of you, says, Guards from both directions come yes uh weapons think they know how's the storm i ask uh still yeah cool perhaps then an uneasy alliance i say can you fight emil can't stand in this little cage,

but you see he shifts to show you that he can move. And he says, It's been a while since I've stood, but I can do something. I go to the desk and have a look to see what is there. I've got bad news. I've got even worse. Oh, no. You start rooting around. you take up the papers

I'm assuming you're not really paying attention to what the papers are or anything like that. That would be a lot longer an investigation. I would like to but I figure time is of the essence. So probably not as, unless there is something real fucking like

glaringly obvious. All you'd really, because it's a lot of dense. Any of the text is very dense, thick, mechanical sort of workings. So no text is going to stand out to you. You see a lot of pictures, sketches of, it looks like Emil specifically. You see a lot of, he's been mistreated pretty badly. A lot of it looks like torture of different sorts

you're not sure to exactly what purpose but throwing away the papers nothing of interest appears on the top of the desk but there are some drawers the first drawer you open when you open it you hear just like a little noise a little musical sting

and you detected that you have tripped some sort of magical trap nothing other than that immediately happens pip you spot an arcane sigil in the center of the room begins to glow emil looks at it looks at you pip and says she's coming oh god damn itdammit. Goddammit. Does it look like, it's not like the arcane symbol is going to, like, there's no need to push Hector out of the way or anything, is there? It's, no, Hector is, the desk is positioned in a way where Hector can't even see the sigil. Okay.

It's in the middle of the room. The desk is up against the wall. Can we stop it, I ask? He shrugs. Okay, I'm going to do a cordon of arrows around the sigil. All right. If I have the wall. Can we stop it, I ask? He shrugs. Okay, I'm going to do a cordon of arrows around the sigil. All right. If I have the time.

Yeah, you have the time. Okay. Tarpos sticks her head up again while this is happening and says, not much time. Hector, would you like to continue searching the desk?

How? You've opened that one drawer. You've heard the noise. The sigil, presumably in reaction to that, has started glowing. I guess so. The locks are probably too strong to break, considering they're holding a werewolf. You're not sure. That's my assumption.

The sigil, I haven't seen it. If I turn around, can I look at it? Or can I see it? I guess you heard Pip talking, and you heard Emil say she's coming. So you look over. No, you don't spot the sigil. It's just blocked by the desk. Okay.

All right. That's funny. So I was like, oh, it was similar to the bat summoning sigil. Oh, yeah. It's kind of like a raise it out. I'm going to say, because there's actually a...

You have a limited amount of time yeah you have spent one round now so i'll yeah i'll go through the uh is there another going through the drawers yeah all right you continue to search you pulling out the other drawers there's lots it's stuffed full this desk is comically full of things you are pulling out pens and pencils and all different bibs and bobs. You have not even begun really to search but all you know so far is that there are no keys immediately visible.

I guess maybe in a hurried panic I will call out to Emil. Do you know where the keys were? Sorry, the keys. Is there keys? You look over at Mil in the cage. He shakes his head slowly. It's been a long time. And Pip, what would you like to do?

I would like to... You can hear Gorob and Lushen downstairs. I would like to give... Can I head downstairs and give the scissors to Gorob and Lushen? Okay. Because presumably we're going to have to engage with the gargoyles on the roof. That's going to be two turns in total moving downstairs and then getting to Gorob Lushen. Well, you don't even know that, actually.

You get down to the bottom of the stairs. You see Gorob Lushen is not standing inside the building. They are standing just outside the building in the doorway. You can see they quite obviously are looking back and forth at the... No, they're looking in both directions. The guards coming towards them from two different angles. Tarpos is just inside the building. She looks over at you

as you get to the bottom. I'll hand the scissors to her. Alright. Okay, so it's a spiral staircase? It's... Yeah, well, no. it doesn't actually properly spiral. It just hugs the wall, and the wall is circular. Yeah, I'm just thinking in terms of a defensive position, if it is better to funnel them in so that they're coming upstairs

so that we're not fighting in open ground gore or blushing. I know that this is upstairs. Yes, there's gargoyles, but at least we have a vantage point if someone with a bow and arrow can perhaps wail away. But we also have someone coming into the thing. So we're kind of fucked from both sides here. Yeah, three sides, really. Yeah.

From both sides and just in the middle. Yeah. So I'm just thinking, like, what's the best position for this? Okay. I like to think as well I have a manual out and I'm going through my flow chart for Dracula. Okay, cool. Yep, cool. Oh, I'll run over to the guy that was praying.

Uh-huh. Search him to see if he has keys. That's not a bad idea. Find a set of keys. Hey! The Arcane Citadel flares brightly and we're going to go to initiative. Uh-oh. Oh, God.

Now, here's the question, gang. Using my flowchart for Draculas. Okay. Does the Dracula live outside? Maybe. Yes, except this says no, so this is backwards, which is cool. Does the Dracula live near sea level? No.

Does the Dracula live above or below sea level? Well, it lives above. It lives in a mountain, presumably, if this is how Ludmilla works. Turns into a big bird, harmed by old metals, buff arms for hitting. Alternatively, does the Dracula live near sea level? Yes. Does the Dracula live somewhere green? No.

Does the Dracula live in a desert? Yes. Does the Dracula stand in sand often? No. Ignore all of them. Chili places, because that is where we are, turns into a big tiger, fears fire, but is also immune to it. My two guesses is either a chili places vampire or a tall places vampire, depending on whether

or not the mountain is its native environment. The chili places vampire, they're scared by fire. But they are immune to it. And the tall one can turn into a tiger, you say? It can turn into a bird. The chilly one can turn into a tiger. Well, I guess, look. Look, either have old metals and fire at the ready, I guess.

You say old metals? Yeah, old metals. What does old metals mean? I guess like an old sword sword like a rusted sword maybe it's uh yeah well as with everything emmanuel it's frustratingly vague and also ludmilla might be neither of these vampires because who knows where she is quote unquote from also is she even a vampire i don't know it's gonna be it go so wrong so quickly? We should never have gone into this tower.

We should have just let the blizzard kill us. God damn it. Standing before you in the conjuring circle is a woman with deep purple ropes that have a silvery trim to them. She's gorgeous, but incredibly, incredibly pale. You can see, quite prominently, there are two gentle bite marks on her

neck. An old, old wound. She has kind of coppery, curly hair that flows down and frames a what might have been once a very kind face but now has nothing but cruelty inside it she looks over at you and standing next to her as well is imagine one of the guards that you saw before in that armor except the armor is mismatched it's not fitting properly it looks like armor sized for a human, but this creature is so much larger than a human.

It's about, how tall are you, Hector? Like six foot something. Quite tall. Quite tall, I think, yeah. It's about maybe a foot taller than you. Oh my God. And as it looks down at you, you see in place of eyes eyes just tiny little pinpricks in flesh its mouth is longer and distended somewhat than a human's but you can still see that it's got like this thing was once

perhaps human it has fangs though not like a vampire but like like a piranha. Oh, okay. Its hands are long, or its fingers, sorry, are long and sharp, like claws. Well, not like claws, sorry. More like many tiny little daggers. Okay, all right. Okay, little monster boy, look up, do the little monster paper and have a monster book.

I'm telling you, it's either we attack her with old mad horse. What the hell is that thing? Or fire. That's. Little monster boy, look at you, little monster book. I don't know if she's in my little monster book. Ludmilla turns to look at you, Hector, and you can see a smile plays across her face.

But there's no, like I said, she has a cruel face. There's no warmth to the smile. So she will assumedly just be seeing me crouching in front of a guard who has been split in two, holding up a set of keys. It's San Tendres. What? Uh-oh. Hector, you need to make a saving throw. A what? You feel iron bars wrap, not physical, but psychic iron bars wrap around your entire body.

You are frozen in place. Oh. Pip, it's your turn. Cool. Did my cord of arrows go off? Oh, shit. I forgot about that. The greatest trick in the book, baby.

Oh, God. Is there commonalities between chilly vampires and up high vampires? The greatest trick in the book, baby. Oh, God. Is there commonalities between chilly vampires and up high vampires? Well, it's so hard to tell these days. You know? It's so hard to tell. As the summoning circle flared, yes, two of your arrows would have flown at this creature and at the woman. Is there a saving throw?

Yes. She will what's your save? It is you don't know do you? Don't bother looking it up.

We're doing it out of courtesy. She passes the arrow narrow loom misses her the creature it takes two points of damage.

Yes. Wow, it takes two points of quotation marks damage. Yeah, I figured. All right, I would like to, can I move up the stairs and flame breath the two of them? Sure, yeah. Let's see if she's scared of fire. Process of elimination.

Both her and the creature must make saving throws. Ludmilla will take half of this damage and the creature will take full. That's cocked, but I'll give you the eight. You'll allow it. Ludmilla takes no points of damage. Oh.

They're immune. Okay, but are they scared of it? That's what I'm wondering. Well, Ludmilla takes no points of damage, but she issues an involuntary scream. Yes. The creature takes 18 points of damage. Chili places, motherfucker.

All right, good. All right. Can I talk as a frozen person or what? Am I just like absolutely frozen in place or am I like I can't comment to that? You could make one word basically. Uh-huh. All right.

Pip, that was your turn because that's your action, right? Yeah, I could do it again as a second because I get two attacks. As an attack, yes, yes. I might as well. Sure. All right. I'll try and kind of get her in a corner. That's what they say, right?

You want to corner your enemies? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back into a corner Don't have anywhere else to go She takes 0 points of damage, it takes 3 points of damage Oh okay Well she continues to scream Ludmilla turns to look at you Pip

And you can see there's A mixture of fear and also hatred In her face Her face previously had been haughty and cruel But now it's... And there was... Like I said, there was, you can tell, a beauty that was once there.

No longer. When she turns to look at you, it's like a feral animal ready to tear your heart out. Uh-oh. Yep. And it is Gorub Lushen's turn. Okie dokie. They're doing what they're doing downstairs.

You hear screaming. They're having fun. Good screaming? You hear Gorub and Lushen's turn. Okie dokie. They're doing what they're doing downstairs. You hear screaming. They're having fun. Good screaming? You hear Gaurab and Lushen screaming. It sounds like a barbarian rage. Okay, that's good. That's good. Or an equivalent.

Okay, the guards are not doing well. The gargoyles, on the other hand. Okay, Gaurab and Lushen are going to fall a long way. Hector! Oh, no! Well, there's no windows here. But you hear it. Oh, you hear it. Let go of me!

Let go! You hear it from below you, and then it slowly transitions to above you. What the fuck? They can fly. Can they? Gargoyles can fly. Oh, gargoyles can fly. Yes.

I should have given them the scissors. Hector, it's your turn. You spend your turn doing nothing. You're right. And then at the end of your turn, you are still restrained, unfortunately. Is it a concentration thing or is it a... You make a wisdom saving throw at the end of your turn.

Yeah. If you have anything for a wisdom saving throw. I wish I did, Adam. It's okay. anything for a wisdom saving throw. I wish I did, Adam. It's okay, I could have fucked you anyway. And then it is the creature's turn, that creature with Ludmilla. It turns to look at you and Ludmilla screams, Kill him! Kill him!

Uh-oh. The creature pounces on you. Uh-oh. Uh-huh. Just in case. What is your armor class, Pip? 15 It's not bad

Come on It's only 3 hits I'll ignore damage from one of those attacks using this good boy card Let's find out which one you'd like to ignore the most This one Oh yeah, wow

That would have been 13 points of damage Wow, 13 plus this this one. Oh yeah, wow. That would have been 13 points of damage. Wow, 13 plus this. Instead you take 6 10 17 points of damage. Fuck.

You take a total of 17 points of damage. Okay, okay, okay. Alright, cool beans. Then the creature screeches into your face. Huh. You are covered in spittle and saliva. That is good news. Okay.

It wasn't an attack or anything. It's just yelling. It's Ludmilla's turn. She reaches into a pocket and you can see, Pip, that she at first considers lashing out at you, but she can still see little motes of flames from where your breath was, little bits of fire that have been kicked up or laid down on the floor. She, staring at that instead, reaches into a different pocket, and you hear her mutter,

Estas nos! She disappears. Okay. And Pip, your turn. I'm just going to plug this guy twice. All right. Close range. You have something for that, right?

Yeah, yeah. I'm a good crossbow expert. I'm just trying to figure out what... I don't know what this is. You are fairly confident this is not a creature in Emmanuel. I've got to try out fucking everything to see what... You hit it twice? Are these just regular attacks? Yeah, they're just regular attacks.

Okay. The first attack deals 7. The second attack deals also 7. For a total of 14 points of damage. Okay. And then it is Gorb and Lushen's turn. They're in the sky. Are they...

Alright, alright. But... Well, is it better to kill the in the sky. Are they? Alright. Alright. There's but well is it better to kill the gargoyle now and fall or let the gargoyle

Yeah. That's a real thinker. I think Gorob and Lushen are probably thinking that it's better to kill the gargoyle now.

They can tank a tumble. Here's the problem. They kill the gargoyle now. They can take a tumble. Here's the problem. They're not over the bridge right now. Don't do it, girlfriend. Don't do it. But they could maybe grab the edge on the way down. All right.

Surely the wizard one has some spells You'd hope Yeah No, yeah Yeah, they're fine What's Topos doing? Probably fighting the gods downstairs You gotta get out of your shackles, brother

Maybe now that she's gone Yeah, true, true, true, true, true If I do get out of my shackles If I am out of my shackles Do I just straight up try and attack this thing She's gone. Yeah, true, true, true, true, true. Yeah. If I do get out of my shackles, if I am out of my shackles, do I just straight up try and attack this thing that's attacking you, or do I try and free old mate? Yeah, it's a freaky conundrum. Do you free the werewolf whose alliance or whose allegiance is,

I mean, I guess they'll hate Strahd at the very least. That is true. He doesn't have a pact. Then, oh, no, Tarpos. Tarp no tarpon your guardian is gone uh-oh oh yeah shit uh-oh tarpon must deal with the guards ah fuck all right that was the guard's turn it's the gargoyle's turn does garbant lefshin die this day off screen what a fucking way to go To be continued... Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content,

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