D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #20 How Do You Solve A Problem Like Gorub and Lushun?

Episode Date: September 16, 2023

The party go through their options concerning a certain problematic conjoined wizard/barbarian while they prepare to fight a big goat. Hecktor makes some religious observations while Pip doesn’t notice what’s right in front of him.Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. No water anywhere. Still, we are marooned. Stranded in Barovia. Mists around us like prison bars. Strahd our jailer. We must

escape. We must kill. Strahd must die. You start rifling through all the papers there again, this time with a little bit more care. Ludmilla was testing to see what

the limits, basically, that a werewolf can endure before death. You can see Ludmilla was testing to see what the limits, basically, that a werewolf can endure before death. You can see Ludmilla is very, shall we say, scientific about it all. As I'm reading through this, because I scrapped this in my pack, I guess the tarot cards that I got. And the one which was about the engineer, the cruel person, the no sympathy person. Yes. And I'm like. Looking at that. Looking at the notes.

Looking at that. Looking at the notes. And I'm just. Oh, no. Thinking about. Oh, dear. Is this the first general we say no thank you to? Maybe.

Well, Madam Eva, you have an interesting way of dealing cards. Anything of worth from, like, say, my layman arcane brain about werewolves that perhaps Pip doesn't know, as he's told me, with his monster hunting? Well, she makes a bunch of notes that you have heard Pip reiterate to you about things. You probably wouldn't be coming away with any new information. It's not the realm of knowledge that Pip has is not what are the limits of a werewolf's endurance. They're more focused on how does one kill a werewolf. So Pip's knowledge isn't about like, oh, what's the most I can push a werewolf okay so pip isn't yeah pip's knowledge isn't about like oh what's the most

i can push a werewolf it's more how can i push the werewolf past that yeah yeah yeah yeah i just wonder if there's anything there to help us you know before we ever come across more werewolves oh this is an easy way to take one down like i said all of this is with i mean if you were keen on making an army of werewolves and you already had a method of controlling them because there's no... Obviously, she has some other plans for how she might control a werewolf army or anything like that. Those aren't mentioned here.

Just like what the limits of a werewolf are and how she could repurpose them in another creature or create her own version of a werewolf or something. Oh, no. Yeah. That's bad. And that creature that we fought, create your own werewolf, you say. Oh, yeah.

Interesting. That creature, yeah, that definitely is not in your book. Oh, yeah. Bludmilla, like I said, that town, she talks about zombies that she made, a strain of zombie that she herself created and perfected. She refers to that previous experiment as being useful but ultimately flawed. Oh, okay. Useful to what end?

Is there anything like that of what they're trying to have? Okay, okay, okay. No. All right. Anything else in the drawers and whatnot? Searching the drawers, you find either implements for making notes and taking notes or you find some more of those notes but nothing new presents itself okay i head back down to the gang uh i'd like to make some magic arrows if i could okay

uh i'm gonna combine some a fire skull flame for fire damage with Hag Eye for accuracy and some Shambling Moss for gripping. You're able to get five low-powered ones. You can tell that the mixture isn't particularly strong on this one. Fair enough. Then I'd like to get some Direst Wolfheart

for lightning damage, Shambling Moss for gripping, and Poltergeist Screams to up that lightning damage. Can you make a note that those were not particularly powerful? Bad. Fire. These ones are average. The next ones you make are fine.

Awesome. Fine lightning. Well, just if you roll really well, they can do extra damage and shit like that. You just get the damage that you would normally get. That's all I'll make for the moment. Well, that takes you a little while.

By the time that you're done, Hector, you come down the stairs. And I've got some good news, bad news. Oh, yeah? So, good news. I think I found the next general. Oh! Yeah, well, that's great. Who are they? How annoying will they be? I believe it is the next general. Oh, yeah. Well, that's great. Who are they? How annoying will they be?

I believe it is Ludmilla. Well, obviously, we can't have that. So, who else was there in Glutry? I said the princess. I think it says royalty rounds, so just a or a and a. Disgrace Knight. Disgrace Knight. Yeah.

That said. I would pursue them before Ludmilla. Of course. Of course. Madame Eva did say that. Look, I've read her notes. That person is not a, very scientific. Right.

No emotions at all. Madame Eva did say it was a difficult path to teach someone to reason and justify. They seem to know a lot about Strahd's inner workings. Right. Do you explain about the zombies that she made? Yep. So, yeah, most of her study was

about the anatomy of the werewolf, what the limits were, how far she pushed him. The zombies that are found in Emmanuel the Monster are native to Barovia. Yeah, okay.

And they have anywhere that you experience them outside of Barovia is they have traveled outside of Barovia. To discover that a monster in Emmanuel the Monster was made by Ludmilla is quite a shock. It's kind of a big deal. It's like meeting the person who made werewolves. So she made the... Bog men. Bog men? Yeah, that's the...

So a town... Pip wasn't with us when we went to town, was he? No. So there was a town when you went off the waterfall. Right. When I fell off the mountain. Yes. So there was a town we ended up staying in.

It was decimated, basically. That was the town I believe she experimented on. And yes, they said successful but not useful. So I don't know what that means. Regarding the bog men. That town would be like the equivalent, this may be silly to say, but the equivalent of ground zero for goblins. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I am awestruck. I don't know if that town is... I mean... Imagine you met the inventor of the dog, Hector. That's what I'm dealing with right now. I can't believe... I mean, I've encountered far more of the bog men here in Barovia,

but this is not the first time I've come across them hunting monsters. While I agree that we should definitely look not to them, if they are fated to be a general, even if she is a terrifying monster in the true sense, I guess perhaps her goals don't align with Strahd. True.

I just would suggest... You might be able to get information from her. Yes, but don't get yourself killed in the pursuit of destiny because then no one defeats Strahd. Anyway, I've got to sit with the fact that bog men are not naturally occurring. I'm going to go upstairs and have a, with the, up the ladder to look at what is ahead of us.

That's a good idea. Okay. You do so. Carefully. Watching you climb out the trapdoor, they just slip off and fall off the mountain. Oh right, carefully. Watching you climb out the trapdoor they just slip off and fall off the mountain.

Oh, never mind. I want someone to fall off this damn mountain. I should nearly did. Yeah. Yeah.

That was so wistful. Yeah. It would have been great. Yeah, it would have been. Actually, maybe, yeah,

as I'm actually climbing. You will jump off the side. One, like, a bit of ladder, I'm like, Pip? Yeah? Actually, can you come with me just in case the car goes?

Right, yeah. That is the thing I'd do to you. All right, yeah, yeah. I'll follow behind. You climb up, you open the trapdoor to the roof, climb out onto it. There are no gargoyles in sight whatsoever. It's a very well, it's overcast, but

it's clear by Barovian standards. You get a view down onto the gate that you passed through. You can see the spaces where the gargoyles were sitting there as well. By your count, you reckon, looking over the side, there's still a covering of snow over

everything. You would guesstimate that there were eight gargoyles in total, and you see four gargoyle corpses. So you reckon there's still four out there somewhere. Okay. In addition to that, gazing around. Gazing northwards, I guess. Is that north? No, it's eastwards for you, right? Yes.

Is that north? No, it's eastwards for you, right? Gazing eastwards, you see that dip that I was talking about actually ends in a river or it bottoms out in a river. You can see a massive river going down the side of the Gacchus Mountain. Okay. And you see that there is a bridge spanning that river. On either end of the bridge, there is statues which kind of sit overlookinglooking the bridge so two on one end and two on the other or there would normally be four in total but actually you can only see one still standing the other three are destroyed demolished they also similarly to all of these other ones

used to be dragon statues rearing silver dragons. Okay. The one that is still standing is indeed still, it's not a gargoyle. It's an original statue. These ones are, unlike the other ones that you've been seeing, these ones are life-sized. So it is a big statue of a dragon. I have a question about those dragon statues. So we've seen sort of, I guess, imagery of dragons without their head, the headless dragon that was one of the many names of the flayed god or whatever.

Sure. Were these statues, does it look like they were built with the head on and the head's been knocked off, cut off, or have they been built without the head? There are banners that have a headless dragon on it, but there are no statues of headless dragons. So these statues have a head? Yeah, these statues have a head.

They look very similar to the pedantry of them. Marks them as very similar to the shield and to the little statuettes that you got, which looks like this, you would say, anything with a dragon with its head looks like it's original. It's from when this place was first constructed. Anything with a headless dragon or any of the gargoyles look like they have been added since. And so I guess the dragon knights, because we were told about the dragon knights that had a war against Strahd.

I'm assuming, I can make the assumption here here that the original was these dragons. Very possibly, yes. So this silver shield is quite old. Those statues are quite old. Yeah. I guess when they fell, this has now been overtaken by a new god. Yeah. A new religion worshipping a new god.

Sure. Possibly, yeah. It's not an unreasonable assumption. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. As we're looking, do we see any potential hostiles? Yeah.

On the other side of the bridge, are there guards? Oh, did you also come up? Yes, yes, yeah. Okay, cool. So both of you gaze past the bridge to the path ahead of you, and you didn't see it because something so big to be standing so still and then also the coloration of it obviously it it creatures such as this must have must have evolved to kind of blend in with the mountainside behind them it's the goat it is truly enormous. I cannot explain to you. You cannot understand the size of this creature.

You would not come up to its knees. Wow. It's big. The goat has been staring at you this entire time. But when you finally spot it, it sees that you recognize it. It turns around and starts scrambling its way up the cliff. Okay. Until it's out of sight.

At the very least, the goat is not defending Kuchuri, which would be a very strange turn of events. Yeah. So. If the goat was to say, come next to us in this tower and ram us, where would it come up to? It could probably, with its horns, maybe not with its head, but with its horns it could sweep you off the top.

Okay. That's big. Large, large, large. Can we see much beyond the bridge? Can we see what the path from the bridge toward Kuchari looks like? The path, it, as I stated previously, it's switchback, so it slowly climbs this side of the Gakus Mountain. As we explore that switchback, there are goats coming for us, guaranteed. Oh, yeah.

Okay, well, so we have up there to Kuchiri, we have a giant goat in the middle. Good. Emmanuel is mum on the subject of giant goats, so I don't know any specific way to fight it other than how you'd fight a normal goat, but I imagine we will have to if we

start climbing that switchback. I guess we should... Well, yeah, but there's four missing, so there's no gargoyles around at the moment. Just as a reminder, if you needed Sangzor, Well, yeah, but there's four missing. So there's no gargoyles around at the moment. I meant right now. Oh, right. Well, yes. No, you're correct on that.

Just as a reminder, if you needed Sangzor is its name. Yes, the goat. That's right. The goat. Just if you needed to remember. So you should probably check on Gorob Lush and see how they're doing. If they're not up for the journey, I mean, let's go look at them. We'll climb back down the ladder and go investigate Gorob and Lushen.

Was there anything around this area? So there was just like this guardhouse. There was the gate that you just came through. The bridge gate on the other side. Just path going all the way up to Kutrin. So there's literally just this guardhouse. Pretty much, yeah. Cool.

Nice little base of operations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the moment. Yeah, how, yeah. For the moment. Yeah, how's Gorob and Lushen looking? When you get back down to the bottom floor, you can see Gorob and Lushen have propped themselves up. They're conscious. They're lucid. When you get back down, you can see they want to yell, but they're still a bit puffed. Okay, that's good.

How are you going? Don't push yourselves. Okay, that's good. How are you going? Don't push yourselves. No, we're fine. They slowly start trying to get up. Put a hand on him and just put him back down. Don't get up. Don't tell Tarpos we're like this.

They say. Tarpos in the room. Tarpos is still standing outside watching. I'll give him a once over. As in like a bit of a medical check. Their lungs collapsed. Yep, that's bad for a person. Yeah, you don't come out of that

well. You would, obviously you wouldn't describe it as they have three levels of exhaustion, but they have three levels of exhaustion. You think it's going to take about a month for this to fully recover? Awesome. So currently, just obviously, once again, you wouldn't describe it. You wouldn't think of it in rules like this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But their speed is halved. They have disadvantage on attack rolls and saving throws, and they have disadvantage on ability checks. So basically, they have disadvantage on every D20 roll that you can make. Okay, and the next level is... Death? No.

Nah, you got a few more levels for death. The next level, their hit point maximum is halved. The level after that, their speed becomes zero and then death. So we got two whole exhaustion levels. Lucky us. Hmm. But by five levels of exhaustion, when your speed is zero,

you're kind of effectively not fighting. They're useless to you at that point. I mean, they're pretty useless to us now, really. Sidebar? Yes, okay, sidebar. Look, I love Garb and L lush and just as much as the next guy i'm nodding and a hundred percent where are you having this conversation maybe we're going back up to the first the second floor the roof yeah sure sure okay all right well um you just rest

for a second we need to uh scatter ahead to see where we need to go but maybe at the moment there'll be a hindrance, more of a hindrance than usual to us so I guess my issue is fighting the goat without their help is going to be hard, oh yes

I don't think we should leave them on their own no, no, no, that's not what I was suggesting in Tar Poster's care now we're just down to their own. No, no, no, no. That's not what I was suggesting. We left them in Tarpos' care. Now we're just down to me and you. Yes, just the two of us. And then possibly a wonderful new ally, Ludmilla, when we find her. He's also the only one.

Well, no, the message he sent was sent by him. So presumably he will receive the correspondence when it returns meaning that if we're not yeah but carrying him them up the mountain seems like a risk yeah so either we carry him up the mountain with and then we're together and we have tapas and whatever hopefully that they are clever enough to not directly engage with whatever comes our way. That sounds like them. Or we send, say, Tapos down the mountain with Groban Lushen and send them where? Yeah, we don't have any. The tower is lost?

Yeah, the tower is lost. Valakai. They can go. Valakai, I wouldn't say. They can go to Valakai. Yeah. That's true. That is true. Yeah, but who knows what's happening in Valakai right now. Distantly.

Yeah. Something not good. Something's rotten in Valakai. Can we see Valakai from where we're looking? Yeah, from where you're standing you can see Valakai. Look over? Yeah. There's still the smoke curling up into the sky. Nothing new? Yeah, nothing new. Okay. can we see from where we're like yeah from where you're standing look over yeah there's still the

smoke curling up into the sky nothing new yeah nothing okay so they they can go there

or they could go and and to yonder in the in the dusk elves yeah

that's true that is a long journey for for both of them and the yeah I mean the the dangers between here and K. I mean, the dangers between

here and Kuturi are known. The dangers between here and anywhere else, less so. They could also go to the Wizards of Wine, which is a bit closer. That's true. But then again, you're right. That just leaves the two of us to face

Kuturi alone. I mean, hopefully we'll be meeting up with Esmeralda and Piran, but you know, that's a big hopefully. God damn it. Perhaps we carry the dwarves up the mountain. For God's sakes. Yes. I love this.

I think it is the best option we have. Okay. We'll climb down. Is there anything we can make like an improvised? Well, Tarpos was saying that she could carry him. She could figure something out, yeah. Carry them quickly, yeah. Okay.

Tarpos, what was it that you could do to help us carry? Tarpos can get animal to help. Upside. Leaves Tarpos can get animal to help. Upside leaves Tarpos free. Downside, animal is friend to Tarpos, but animal. Right. Animal won't attack us, but skittish probably.

Or Tarpos can... The idea of us seeing the goat like landing on us. Gorob tied to a mule. The mule freaking out. Don't think tapos is going to be able

to get a mule out. Mules don't tend to as far as I'm aware hang out much in the wild. Wild mules in the wild? Yeah.

But yeah. And then tapos continues. A tapas could carry by itself. Tapas probably strong enough to win like a papus. Or tapas could be animal. All right. Interesting.

Downside, tapas encumbered. Upside, tapasos encumbered. Upside, Tarpos probably won't run. You can drop the dwarves at the first side of combat. Yes. Sangzor, up mountain. Yeah, we saw.

Sangzor like a deity to my people, but like a Good deity? No. Okay, thank god. No, no, no. It's like a evil god but Tapos... Like a good god?

No, Tapos is balance. Sangzor is bad to kill even though Sangzor is malevolent. So if we up the switch back ahead encounter Sangsor is malevolent. So if we up the switch back ahead encounter Sangsor Tarpos will help defend

but Tarpos will not kill and Tarpos does not want to kill. So if we kill it Tarpos not friend of you. Right. Let's start robbing my snout again. Right. Send them both down the mountain.

I was just about to say that. Just send them both. Yeah, send them both down the mountain. I mean, if you two could go to... Tarpos not stupid. Tarpos not going to fall for that. Tarpos not that dumb. Tarpos come with, if Sangzor fights, we fight back. But we come with if sangzor fights we fight back

but we do not kill sangzor so we alright so we'll try to subdue it not kill him yes sangzor

if we stop sangzor one time sangzor will not fight again alright what how do you stop sangzor sangzor has magic powers but when Sangzor? Sangzor has magic powers, but when Sangzor shows themself, it's just a goat.

Big? Yes. Strong? Yes. But no special anything needed. How do you stop a goat? Upside, if we defeat Sangzor is a big thing

for druids so if we can beat Sangzor then druid I mean a lot of conflict with druids but if we beat Sangzor or if I can beat Sangzor with help go a long way to making druids

friends tapos Sang Zor, with help, go a long way to making druids friends. Okay. Tapos. I point to the blood spear that they have. I have held that. Can you stop yourself from killing? A blood spear is inhabited by spirit of Kavan. Kavan wants to kill, but Kavan does not want to kill Sang Zor.

Tapos and Kavan will not kill Sang Zor. Of course. Sure. All right. Okay. All right. Well, then I guess we just don't land the killing. With Spear of Kavan and Sangzor, Tarpos can do good job with druids, maybe fix.

You see, Tarpos is quite obviously making an argument for like if you help me then this will help you but tapos definitely like is not like oh and then tapos isn't excited to help you tapos is just like a result will be that it helps you yeah yeah yeah okay okay yeah look i'm picking up what what they're putting down. Let us... So I know that I've gestured the two in the tower. They can still fight. They will want to fight. You need to tell them to not kill the goat then.

To not kill Sansa. Okay. Yeah, I wouldn't put it past them to be like, oh, this will make Tarpos fall in love with you, you know, that kind of thing this is the most like confident you've seen tarposs outside of combat excellent i would like to open up my little uh sort of alchemy pouch on my human body you know no i'd like to open up my little alchemy pouch and i'd like to pull out some beholder dreams, a little vial of that, and then a vial of dragon blood,

and be like, Beholder Dreams cause sleep in whoever they affect. If we sent the goat to sleep, I've only got two doses of it, so I could put it on some arrows and maybe put it on the blood spear, I don't know. But if we put the goat to sleep, we could pass by it without having to engage in a full fight that might accidentally, you know, you don't know how much damage an arrow is going to do when you fire

it, so to avoid the accidental death of Sangzor, perhaps we attempt instead to put it to sleep The dragon blood is just for extra power, I suppose Tapos, she doesn't talk like that. I am

okay with not fighting Zangzor at all, if you want. So putting it to sleep, will that go away? Okay, so you need to fight them in honorable combat. Well, no, not honorable. Oh, I thought you say we put to sleep, then just walk past. We can put to sleep and fight. That counts. Okay, we'll do that then.

All right, yes. I think so. If you put them to sleep and you take them to wake up? I mean, it's... It depends how well you mix the potion. Yeah, if I do a good job, no. If I do a bad job, no. The average result is that they'll be asleep until they take damage.

A good result is they'll need to make saving throws to wake up. That's kind of what I'm hoping the legendary power of the dragon blood will do. Make it a decent option. It would be good to have anyway. I'll sit down and I'll make two doses using Beholder Dreams, dragon blood, and then I'll use up the rest of my shambling moss so we can attach it to whatever we're using it for. I'm going to give you advantage to making

a, oh I'm just going to give you advantage to the roll. Okay. Because you're using the dragon blood to boost the power. Unfortunately you're doing it twice Are you? Is there a double your proficiency bonus? Is that going to help? That will help, yeah. Or is it a constitution or a strength base? If you rolled a six, what's the highest on advantage?

Are you doing it twice? Are you making two doses? So I'll get a second roll. Okay. If you're still using dragon blood, it'll still be at advantage. But yeah, you want to re-roll rather than... I mean, you might want to up your proficiency bonus now. Yeah, all right.

Surely you rolled higher than a six. On advantage? What are the chances? Yes? What if I upped my proficiency bonus? Is it double or triple? Double. Double? What's your proficiency bonus? It is four, so that'd be eight

plus three. No, unfortunately that wouldn't still, still would not constitute the superpowered one. What about the supersize me goober card? A potion in your inventory is potent enough to confer its full benefit twice. still would not constitute the super-powered one. What about the super-sized mead, Gulbacar? A potion your inventory is potent enough to confer its full benefit twice. Well, that'll just give you extra doses of sleepiness. I mean, I guess if you did that,

so many attacks would be also possible of causing it to fall asleep again. I mean, why not, to be honest? All right, if you use that, then you get... Then I get, what, 10 doses? Sorry, 15 total. 15 total? Yeah, because it's only one of the two things that you made. Well, I can hand out one to each of the three of us then, I suppose. Sure.

Yeah. Okay, so I'll take five Shithouse Sleep Arrows. No, they're just regular. Oh, they're just regular? They just don't give the... The legendary power did nothing. Yeah, yeah the unfortunately well it gave you advantage what about beholder dreams also have legendary power as an attribute i didn't know that do they have double legendary power oh yeah with both they actually sorry they do i just wasn't sure

if it's like well because i'm using sleep i don't get the access to the legendary power the then i would say i'd give you rather than triple advantage i'd give you a plus five to the roll okay which yeah for the first one it's still just regular yeah no worries but for the second one you got a supercharged one okay nice okay who's it best to give the supercharged well that's two well if you use the confer double benefit two people can receive it okay good point all right well i'll... You're fucking... We're burning through the good boy cards. Well, no, not even burning through the good boy cards. We're like

fucking... You're... All of you are gonna have five attacks that cause sleep. Sangzor's gonna have trouble staying awake. That's awesome. Okay, so I will take the regular sleep ones. Sure. And I'll to the people that are going to be

in close combat, I'll give the beef sleep ones So five beef sleep attacks to Hector and five to Topos Is there anything else that you'd like to do to prepare? Uh, no Not for me, I think

I've got a bunch of stuff I will look over... Does Gora Blushen need some more help? We are having a bit of a short rest. We have been having... Is he going to spend some of those... Short rest doesn't do anything. It's an hour.

You need 24 hours. You need an overnight sleep to get a short rest now. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah. Um, well, I think for the upcoming engagement with Sanzor, perhaps summoning an animal to put Garab and Lushen on is the best move. Summon.

Well, then you're present for the fight. Yes. Yeah. I thought they fight with us. So, yes. How often can you turn into an animal? Most of day can be animal. Do you think they'll be useful in a fight?

Gorub and Lushen. Yeah. They swing swords strong. Okay, sure. What worst case scenario? They die. She shrugs. A bit callous

alright well any of us can die that's true it's just that Gorob and Lushen have fucked up lungs

seems like they're more likely to but if you've got confidence in them oh you think they're weakest fighter here it's almost like

a gogash is back with us a gogash is back with us. A gogash? Is that you? If you can... Fighting the goat, is there a particular animal that you can become? No animal is better. I mean, changing into animal might help. Well, if there's an animal that you prefer to go up against,

Sansa, that can also carry those two, perhaps. She thinks, probably not. Then you also wouldn't be able to use the sleep. Animal that carry them, four legs. Four legs, not as good as fighting as two legs. All right. Well, I guess, yes. Whatever you need to be, we'll put them on you.

And the moment the goat raises its head, drop them, turn into you. We'll do what we can. She, we leave? I think so, yeah. It's clear. Weather's good. Gorob, Lashen. She seems a little, like I said, this is the most confident you've seen her outside of combat.

Gorob, when she calls out, We're coming, my lady! Don't push yourself. They drag what is left of them out of the tower. Tapos explains to them, We fight big goat, don't kill. Of course, of course, they fall to their

knees. Of course, my lady, we are your humble knight. So we need my lady, we are your humble knight. Defeat, not kill. Defeat, not kill. It's funny that you need to, like you might forget. Defeat, not kill. Is it kill, not defeat?

That was more for them. Yeah, try and drum it into that. Just to really reiterate to them. Tarpos turns herself into, funnily enough, a giant goat. A goat not as big as a horse, but bigger than a mule. Yeah, sure, sure. And Goroblush and are able to, of course, my lady, but only with your permission.

The goat nods slowly. Purposely, the goat has begun not looking at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, they suck. They get up onto her back What do they even look like Riding a goat When they're sewn together in the middle Incredible

Are they sort of balanced on the seam? They've got two legs Oh, that's true, that's true Yeah, it's one One body That's true, that's true that's true that's true yeah yeah it's one one body one body yeah two heads that's true

that's true that's true for a brief second I was imagining them like conjoined at the side and I was then on that seam that's nasty

yes on a rocky mountain you're you were imagining them liable to split Matt Damon and Greg Kinear

yeah Greg Kinear stuck on you oh my goduck on you all over. Oh my god. Stuck on you, stuck together. One of the two. Awesome. Alright, well, we'll head up the mountain. We'll pass through the second gate, then up the switchback. As you pass over the bridge, you can see that the current

caretakers quite clearly either don't know or don't care to look after this bridge as much as it once was the railing on the left and right side has fallen away a little bit the bridge still looks very sturdy but you and you can see carts do sometimes come up and down this mountain but you can see the condition of this bridge would make you uncomfortable to be on such a cart. Yeah, right.

As I said, the first two sets of statues are just completely broken away. You can see what is left of one of the dragon's heads is lying on the side as you step out onto the bridge. You look into its dull now. Well, it was always lifeless, but it's dull. its dull now, well, it was always lifeless, but its dull kind of like dull eyes that have seemingly lost a lot of their luster now that the statue

has been destroyed. The one that is still intact has even though the years have not been kind to it, it still has a lot of grandeur that kind of takes your breath away. It's very obviously very lovingly created. There is a plaque still remaining at its base,

which you can read if you want. Sure. Yeah, give it a read. You read the words, As a bulwark against all evil I stand, Till death and destruction I guard this land. Those with evil hearts beware, Those who leave I will not spare.

I think nothing of it, really. What did the Revenant say to us before you plugged him a few times? I don't recall. Yeah. Something about trying to defeat the allies of Strahd.ad yeah that's all i can recall it was so long ago it's like two days you make your way up the final part of the to the woods the summit of mount gakis it is so tantalizingly close you're making i'm not gonna roll encounters

this far up the mountain there's really only one creature that could possibly get in your way right now. Slowly making your way up the switchback parts, left and right. Who is leading your procession? Definitely not Tarpos. You're one of us. And you're the

better survivalist with better eyes. I also am thinking it would be smart not to be so close together in case a boulder goes from up top and hits us so ideally if we could be a boulder's width yeah yeah yeah

a boulder's width apart you're right, trying not to bunch up I'll be in front would you have liked any healing from Tarpos by the way?, you're right, trying not to bunch up, I'll be in front. Oh, Pip, would you have liked any healing from Tarpos, by the way? Because you're on nine. Yes, actually. Oh, you're that? Yeah, that probably would have been good.

Do you want to give some healing as well, Hector? Yeah. Okay. Do you want to do it first or do you want to, because I think your primary method of healing is the Lay on Hands ability, right? It is. I use a bit of lay on hands ability, right? It is. I use a bit of that on, what's his name? I use a bit of that on Gorob and Lushen.

So I've got 10 on lay on hands. Yeah, I'll give you the full 10. Thank you. An extra 10, so you're on 19. Unfortunately. And then, look, it's going to be healing, but it's not going to be nice healing. Oh, no.

Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. What are we doing? It's a second level cure wounds, baby. Pip, you recover another 14 hit points. It doesn't feel like healing energy is being channeled into you. It feels like harm energy is being channeled out of you.

It feels like you're losing something, not like you're gaining something. Making a Marge Simpson noise as it happens. Okay. What do you keep telling me? Lesser of two evils? Yeah. So that puts you on 33 in total by my count. Yeah.

Now, do you want Tarpos to use some of her magic to heal you as well? She unfortunately doesn't have Cure Wounds prepared. She has Healing Word, which is a much weaker version of the spell. No, no, it's fine. It's fine. We're definitely going to need it further down the track. I'll make something. Okay.

I'll make something at home. Are you going to make it before the encounter? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Maybe we're doing this on the other side of the bridge or something. I'm going to use an angel feather for healing. And let's chuck in... in some lichen hide

for resistance to damage. Okay. What sort of damage? Bludgeoning. Bludgeoning, yeah, because I don't want to get butted by the and then I'll also chuck on some devil's horn resistance to magic.

Okay. Big resistance to you, baby. Oh, are you chugging it? How long does the resistance last? Yeah, I just realized actually. So that resistance effect will last you probably like five turns. Okay, then I won't chug it now. No worries.

I'll wait to worry about it. I'm going to roll now to see how many hit points it will give you back. Oh, that's a lot of ones. It truly is. That's awesome. It's worth in total 4, 10, 11 hit points. That's not nothing.

That's not nothing. It's not great either. Okay. Close up my little satchel. Slot the potion into my backpack. Around Pop. And then, don't break this. It's real dangerous having him in my

backpack. Maybe I should take him out. Well, your shit's also getting covered in chicken poo. Yeah, okay. Don't swear. That's right, I forgot. I'll leave him in there for the moment. Or else I'll put him. So, was there anything else you wanted to do to prepare

Either one of you? No I'm good now So you're leading the way Pip What's up? What's funny dude? Pip? Yeah Fuck dude

A boulder falls on you You hear a crunching sound Above you and you look up to see A boulder falls on you. You hear a crunching sound above you and you look up to see the light. It's like the light's gone out for a sec. You look up and you realize that there's a boulder blocking the sun in addition to the clouds. Oh, fuck. Fuck, dude. Fuck. I don't know how to help you here

is this massive damage is it I hadn't even thought of that but it is yeah I'm pretty sure it is roll duck dodge can I get out of the way. Might be worse than that.

What's your max HP? It's currently 76. All right, you're just in the threshold where this is only a setback injury. So that's 18. What a cartoonish way to go. Oh, no, is it even a setback? No, actually, sorry, it's not a massive a cartoonish way to go. Oh, no. Is it even a setback?

No, actually, sorry. It's not a massive injury. Okay, thank God. You take 22 points of damage. You're on 11 hit points. Okay. Hey, dude. That's awesome.

Everyone looks up to see Sang Zor having pushed the boulder. There it is. Let's go to initiative. Jesus Christ. That was fucked up. I was just squashed by a boulder. That was wild. It just happened. I just hadn't even assumed.

You rolled so low on your perception check. I was thinking, I was like, all right, he'll see the boulder coming. I'll give him a dexterity saving throw. And I just genuinely hadn't even considered what would happen if you hadn't spotted them. I guess you just get hit by the boulder coming i'll give him a dexterity saving throw yeah and i just genuinely hadn't even considered what would happen if you hadn't spotted yeah yeah yeah i guess you just get hit by the boulder yeah yeah i got no no alternative i gotta drink that potion real quick pip you're first i'm gonna drink the potion-dokey. You recover 11 hit points.

Then I'll stand. Oh, yeah. You were definitely knocked. Yeah, I assumed I was prone. You were definitely knocked. I was under a boulder. Of course I was prone. You were definitely knocked prone. That is correct.

Yes. What would you like to do? Okay. So drinking the potion, that was a free action? That was an action, unfortunately. Yes. Okay. I figured.

You have a bonus action if you want to do anything with that. No, I've got nothing I can do. That's okay. Yep. Yes, okay, I figured. You have a bonus action if you want to do anything with that. No, I've got nothing I can do. That's okay. Yep. Well, you, all right, so you are, as I said before, it's kind of a vertical up, a vertical down. The vertical up now is on your right-hand side because of the switchback nature.

Sure, yeah, yeah. The vertical down is now on your left-hand side. Obviously, Sangzor is above you. Presumably, if you had continued the path up you would have eventually reached sangsor but yeah sangsor is also partially covered by the side of the mountain yeah what would you like to do um oh i've used my action i've got bonus and you've got your movement. I will try and can I get around the side of the boulder so that basically Sangzo can't see me? So Sangzo could assume

that I'd been crushed and I'm basically out of the... I would say the path is not very wide. It's literally just wide enough for a go- not a go, sorry, for a cart. Yeah. So the boulder after hitting you probably keeps going down. But it is a lot of craggy rock here. I'll try.

I'll just try and hide, basically. You could find Adam. It's not my fault. You're blaming me. Alright, you're good at investigation. Yeah, you're fine. You managed to find a little overhang where you can hide yourself so Sangzor can't do that again. Okay, cool.

That is your turn. It is Tarpos' turn. Tarpos, was the plan that Tarpos would immediately dump Goro and Lushen? Yes, I think so. All right, cool. Well, Tarpos rears. Goro and Lushen, sorry! They fall off her.

Awesome. Is Tarpos going to stay a goat? Yes. Tarpos, actually, absolutely, Tarpos is staying a goat. Tarpos starts making their way up the side of the mountain. That's going to be their turn, though. Hector. Could I have tried to act when Tarpos acted so I can get on Tarpos to also get up the mountain?

You can try. Tarpos is not making allowances for having a rider. That's why they got rid of Gorob Lushen. True, but how am I climbing the mountain is my question. You follow the path. I would allow you to grab Tarpos and try and ride them up, but there's the risk that you

or both of you could tumble. What kind of risk are we talking? While it'd be a roll, I would call it an athletics check. Okay. You have a plus seven, too. Plus we've got reroll it with advantage, so. All right, all right.

Look, yeah, I need to get up there. I don't want to burn my wings. Yeah, fair. All right, you do pretty good. Okay. You are going to need to make one more roll because Tarpos isn't at the top yet. But as I said, Tarpos is not making allowances.

At times, you're not sitting. You are holding onto Tarpos' neck as they make their way up. That is fun. Your legs and body dangling in nothing. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah. That is you and Tarpos' turn. It, cool, cool, cool. That is you and Tarpos' turn. It is Sangzor's turn.

Sangzor bowls down the mountain at the two of you. Excellent. Fuck, dude. This is a scary fight. Guess I'm burning my wings. Oh, fuck.

Okay. Jesus Christ. Yeah? Okay. Sang-Zor slams into Tarpos and you. Good. Good, good, good. Fortunately, due to some weird quirk of how D&D works, because this is a targeted attack, Sang-Zor can't somehow, even though they're big enough to hit both of you,

only hits Tarpos. Okay. Tarpos takes the brunt of the damage. You're on the other side, I guess. The downside is if Tarpos takes enough damage, they're no longer a goat. That's true. And you both fall. Well, we'll see.

Uh-oh. That's 16 plus. Goats are healthy. Yeah. 19 points of damage. A goat does not have 19 hit points. What? I'm shocked.

I am. I am deeply shocked. Tarpos is no longer a goat, and Tarpos will take six points of damage. And then you have a decision to make. Do you continue to hold on to Tarpos? Well, how close is Sanzor? Sanzor hits you and keeps going. Could I have grabbed onto Sanzor?

You can try. Sanzor is not letting you hold on. Yeah, I have a spear. Yeah, all right. Okay. Well, no, you could use the spear, sure. All right. All right, all right, all right.

This roll is at disadvantage. Okay, okay, okay. Oh, no, it'd be contested, actually. Sorry, you roll an athletics check. Sangzor rolls an athletics or acrobatics. Oh, how athletics can it go big? Yeah, exactly, dude. On a mountain.

That's a two. For him. For you. Okay. Sangzor got a three Okay Sangzor is however stronger than you So you still are going to fail

Unless If I rolled a strength based check with advantage Yeah Okay What the fuck is happening You'd make it But holy shit Barely

I was like Alright with the advantage roll You pretty much got this one in the bag You make it by You and Sangzor actually have the same bonus Shit, barely. I was like, all right, with the advantage roll, you pretty much got this one in the bag. You make it by, you and Sang-Zo actually have the same bonus. Sang-Zo rolled a three. You rolled a five with advantage. That's enough.

That's enough. That's enough. Anyway, you latch onto Sang-Zo as they ride down. What is Tarpos going to do? Tarpos, oh, shit. Tarpos going to do? Tarpos, oh shit. Tarpos just falls. Oh, God damn it. No, willingly. Tarpos lets go and is falling.

Okay, then it is, they haven't hit the turn, they haven't hit the ground yet because they could go up faster than they fall. Oh, yeah. So that was Tarpos, no, that was Sangzor. It's Goroblushin's turn. Sangzor lands on the path next to you and Gorob Lushen, Pip. Gorob Lushen

get up and Gorob, no, Lushen, sorry, is going to cast Magic Missile, I guess. Fair enough. Is that the best spell they could cast? A non-lethal. Yeah, it's just a Magic Missile, but it just

doofs you up. Yeah. It's a doof-up spell. They're just going to cast Booming Blade. So, Gorob holds out their greatsword. Lushen runs their hand along the greatsword, and you see static electricity crackling along it. Disadvantage.

Miss. Hit. Oh, thank god. Oh, it's 2d8 I've been doing Man I've been doing Their damage Fucked They deal

What is that Oh they're raging Of course they're raging It's for her Yeah That rolls They deal 5 10 20 points of damage To Sangsul That rolls Big deal 5, 10

20 points of damage to Sangzor Okay They swing And slam The sword doesn't so much cut through Sangzor As it does slam into Sangzor And there's a terrific Sort of explosion

Hell yeah Heis Heis Terrific sort of explosion. Hell yeah. Highs or lows? Highs. Highs? These fucking guys. Some rocks. Yeah, of course they do. Tumbling down.

No one is hit or harmed. Just some rocks fall down. Cool. All right, that was Goroblush and Pip. Okay, I would like to fire two of the sleep arrows into Sangzor. And I'll make them a pinning shot, too. I'll make one of them a pinning shot. The first shot hits.

The second shot does. Oh, no, actually, the second shot might hit because the first one hits and it's a pinning shot. Does the pinning shot do any extra damage? I don't think so. I think it just pins them in place, but I'll double chickity check for you. No. No?

All right. Sorry, no saving throw, so their movement speed becomes zero? Reduced to zero, yeah. Okay, cool. That's fine, and then they need to make a saving throw versus the sleep effect.

They fail. Zhang Zuo hits the ground fast asleep. So that's 14 points of damage. You did max damage, by the way. Then, oh, you've got the weakened version, don weakened version don't you This is going to wake them up Yeah, I just realised Unless they fail the saving throw I just realised my second shot

Actually, how far away Alright, actually, how about this Because they're sleeping, they are considered helpless Rather than rolling your second shot You can just walk right up to Sangzor And get an immediate critical hit. Done. All right.

I believe it's this one. I hope it doesn't kill them. Target practice. Maximum damage and... And Goroblushen can get an opportunity attack. Sure. So you deal another 14 points of damage. And then Goroblush can get another attack.

It's a critical failure. Quite the riposte. Oh, no. Sangzora is not taking their weapon. No. No. No. Ave fucking Maria.

No, I hate your pleasure. Butterfingers, you lose your grip mid-swing. Your weapon goes flying. Okay, okay. A D4 plus one times five feet away. Okay. In the direction of your target, make a ranged attack roll against the nearest creature

other than the target in that direction. I'm about to cop a sword to the head. There are many things that could happen. Two beautiful I'm about to cop a sword to the head. There are many things that could happen. Two beautiful things are you copping a sword to the head, or their sword goes over the side of the mountain. Yes. Look, to be honest, I thought when he picked it up,

they were going to be exhausted again. Me too. I thought they were going to get another level, so thank God. That would be... What's your AC again? 15. They do have a fucked bonus, but I don't think it's fucked enough. No. Yeah, they miss you, thankfully. But does that mean their sword goes off the mountain?

Wow, we'll find that out in a second. First off, I want to see if Sangzor wakes up. Yeah, you unfortunately, so your first, both of your attacks were poisoned. Yeah. But the second attack woke them up and they made the saving throw. Yeah, okay. So, let me work out how far it goes. were poisoned but the second attack woke them up and they made the saving throw yeah okay so let me work out

how far it goes it's a d4 plus 1 so it's 15 feet would that be far enough no that wouldn't be far enough their sword just lands

past you okay that was that was your turn I guess Zang Zor slowly gets back up

but they're still pinned in place so they can't move then it is Tarpos' turn Tarpos I guess. Sangzor slowly gets back up, but they're still pinned in place. Awesome. So they can't move. Then it is Tarpos' turn. Tarpos, on the fall down, turns into a hawk. Badass. And then slams into Sangzor from above.

Cool. They swoop at their eyes, dealing, oh, God, 10 points of damage. Fuck, that was a really good hit. It's a powerful hawk. Or eagle, I forget which one's bigger. I know the stats of the bigger one. Eagle, I think. Anyway. Depends on the type. Hector? Cool. Sangzor fell down, got up.

Fell down, got up. Still, okay, on its flank. Alright, so, I would like to cast Hexblade. Sangsaur is bloodied, by the way. Okay. And then I will, with the spear, try and hit him twice with the sleepy agent. And non-lethally, I guess.

Sure. So if you stab down into Sang-Zo, you can do it with one hand and get a D6 damage, or you can do it with two hands and get a D8 damage. Doing it two-handed, though, means that you're just standing on Sang-Zo. If they fall asleep, it's probably not going to be a big deal. If they don't fall asleep, they will very easily

throw you off. One hand. That's the move. If I fall off, I'm hitting the ground. Or the sheer cliff. First attack, a miss. Second attack, a hit. You deal a d6. Any extra damage?

Putting any spice on this one? No. That's fine you deal 10 points of damage and Sangzor must make a saving throw they fuck it up they fall asleep

nice alright that was your turn Hector it is Sangzor's turn they are asleep they rolled a wake up they wake up

but that's at the end of their turn Sangzor's turn, they are asleep. They rolled a wake up. They wake up. But that's at the end of their turn. So they do nothing this turn. Sangzor is freaking the fuck out. It is Gorub Lushen's turn. Gorub puts out his fist. Lushen runs his hand over the fist It starts sparkling with electricity Without the sword

They just start punching That rolls Hit Fuck They're doing good for being absolutely fucked Gorob Lushen DL57 14

14 points of damage plus 16 points of damage total Pip it's your turn I would like to yell out to Tarpos Is that enough? Like have we defeated Sangzor? Sangzor is still standing

Okay so we need to completely I wasn't sure if it was we needed Sangzor to Turntail and run Or if we needed Sangzor well you don't know Tarpos is currently a bird look if I see Tarpos still pecking out the eyes of Sangzor I can't fire

an arrow non-lethally is the problem and Sangzor is looking fucked I will just start moving down the mountain towards Sangzor I'm at Sangzor the last thing you did was shoot point blank they spent most of the rest of the time

sleeping I'm probably going to hold my action until Sangzor wakes up again Sangzor is awake I'll just fire one arrow I just don't want to kill Sangzor I'm just scared oh sorry you don't take to kill Sangzor. I'm just scared.

Oh, sorry. Oh, no, you don't take disadvantage of firing at point blank. No. You hit. You deal 11 points of damage. And Sangzor needs to make a saving throw. They pass. Okay.

Then no second shot? No, no, no. I'm scared at this point of accidentally. Because I can't fire non-lethally. Sure, sure, sure. I can't be like, this arrow is just going to bruiseise them so i'm just trying not to push it over the line i'll give you a good boy card for forgoing your second attack because you probably could have done some you probably could have done some gamey sort of shit but you're choosing the role play instead and I appreciate that. Thank you. Alright. Then it is... That was Pip. It's Tarpos' turn. Tarpos reverts

to their regular form, lands next to Sangzor and with the blood spear, screaming, launches an attack, hits Sangzor, dealing... Oh no, they'll use two hands. They're not afraid. Dealing seven points of

damage. Sangzor hits the dirt. All right. Not from sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Still holding on. Good? Are we good?

Tarpos is ignoring everyone else. Gorob and Lushen are really excited and want to join in the excitement as soon as they see that Tarpos is celebrating, but Tarpos is not. Tarpos throws the spear into the dirt, throws her hands up into the air, and starts screaming into the mountains in exultation. She's very excited. She jumps up and down.

You can see that there are tears streaming down her face. She's like ugly crying in happiness. To be continued... D&D is for nerds, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for nerds on your favorite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.