D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #23 Many and Varied Sins

Episode Date: October 7, 2023

The party is sent on a simple rescue quest. Pip tries to deescalate a run in with a past lover while Hector rushes to save an acquaintance he’d trust with his life. Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. I am told that the sea is a massive thing, that one could die just wandering its vastness. While we have no such thing in my homeland of Barovia, I am well aware of the feelings of isolation that a place without walls can conjure. For we are the prisoners of one Strahd Von Zarovich. I will slay this vampire so that my people may once more breathe free in the sunshine. Pip, as you're making your way across the bar, a big meaty hand gets put on your shoulder. You get spun around.

You are face to face with the scarred, gnarled expression of Bigfoot Paul. Pip, I owe you this one. You get cold-clocked in the fucking face. Let me get Bigfoot Paul's stats up. Let me just quickly Google Bigfoot Paul's stats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just open the monster manual, dude. Page one. Entry Bigfoot Paul.. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just open the monster manual, dude. Page one.

Entry Bigfoot Paul. Oh, fucking hell. My chickens. Coming home to roost. Right. Just a funny thing to say. Bigfoot Paul. Huh?

Huh? Coming home to roost. Coming home to roost. Oh. Alright, I like this. Oh my god. I'm giving him Yeti stats. Don't worry about it.

Is he a Yeti? No, but he's got all the powers of a Yeti. Well, we call him Bigfoot Paul. Yeah. That makes sense. Is he a Bigfoot? Oh, he's got a... They call him Bigfoot Paul because he got hit by an enlarged spell and it fucked up.

And he's got one foot twice as large as the other foot. I loved him despite his flaws. Oh, no. Hit, hit. You take. There's going to be a lot. Oh, how many points do you have? I'm not...

22. Okay. We didn't heal overnight, did we? Nope. Oh, you could have taken a short rest, actually. Well, here we are. Here we are. Okay, well, it's your fault and not mine.

16 points of damage. Pip. Bigfoot Paul, it's been so long. Pip, you're on 8th hit point. How are you, Paul? It's blood coming from your snout. I'm gonna do what I should've done

the first time. I'm gonna kill you. Oh, please don't. Let's go to initiative. Paul, there's a lot going on in my life now. Paul, I'm a changed man. I'm different, Paul. I will never abandon you a third

time. Join our cause, Paul. This one is a good one, I swear. Oh, my fucking God. This time we'll take him down. Yeah, I think so. This time we'll be meeting you. I'm I think so. This time we'll be meeting you.

Arm it up. Arm it up. Brother and brother. It's ball and pimp to the end. Oh, my God. Never forget your big foot. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Arm it up. Never tell your handsome your big foot was. Both of you get a good one. That's very funny. Getting knocked to the floor and swiveling around in a proposal. No, please. No, please bring me out. You can't bring me.

Oh my god. Jack, Jack, Jack, look at this beautiful big foot. What'd you get? Okay. Hold my beer. I impress an NPC with a party trick. Doing it now. Yeah, I'm going to try and impress Paul.

All right, it's an impressive trick, but is it impressive enough to stop him from fighting? So what's the trick? Is there like a little jar of peanuts on the counter? All right, I'd like to pick up a peanut and fire my crossbow at it to try and shoot the peanut out of the sky.

You do it. Give me a sec, Paul. Wait a second. Remember this? Remember my peanut trick, Paul? I'm gonna... This is gonna be a persuasion check.

Remember the old peanut trick, Paul? I'm gonna make this persuasion check a disadvantage because you betrayed him twice. We used to do this over the campfire.

Remember the old peanut trick? You get a plus one to this. Do you have anything to help you? Triple proficiency. I can triple my proficiency bonus. You're not proficient in this. No, I don't think so. Constitution, maybe?

I can reroll an attack I missed. This is kind of an attack. Okay, so I get a bad boy. and re-roll an attack I missed. This is kind of an attack. Okay, so I get a bad boy. He's impressed by it. He is impressed, but it's just not enough. Bigfoot Paul, it's you again.

No. I can't kill him. I can't draw the attention. Fuck. Oh, my Jesus Christ. You've got eight hit points dude Well His modifier

Puts you at zero So I said I need to roll Pip Everything goes dark Remember this Big Big football

Come on And it's gonna take you So This would then Alright Were this a TV show Or a movie Or some Beautiful cinematic universe,

at this point, Hector, you would walk in to see Bigfoot Paul with a shirt-fronting Pip about to deliver another punch to his unconscious body. Unfortunately, realistically speaking, you're not getting here within the next 10, 15 minutes. Maybe longer. So what is he doing with you, Pip? Well, I don't know. Maybe he's going to tie me up somewhere. Hector, you get back.

You get it. Hector, you walk into the fucking, what's it called again? The fine end. The fine end, yeah. God damn it. Hector, you walk into the fucking what's it called again? The fine end? The fine end, yeah. God damn it. Oh my god. You can see that the bartender has come out from behind the bar. It's exactly

like what I was describing to Pip, except the bartender has come out from behind the bar and is mopping up some blood from the floor. Oh no. Just like I wish it was closer to the door so I could step over it without thinking. It's not far from the door, to be fair. I didn't get that. He didn't get far in. Bigfoot Paul intercepted him almost immediately.

Then I guess, yes. Yes. Maybe having a chat to Iona like, oh, and yes, almost tripping over the mop and just skipping over it. Careful there. God damn it. You go sit down.

Iona walks you over to one of the tables and a bunch of the people there, as they see Iona approaching, they scoot around and some people give up their chairs for you. Only kids that seem to like you, right? I would say that I am popular among several groups of people, but it is not. I mean, children are definitely the ones that like me the most. Have you heard my jokes? I have. They're very, very funny.

Yeah, I would have said that they're probably young at heart. Anyway, what are you drinking? Oh, only wine for me. Only wine? No worries. Right, I'll be right back. I go and try and get two glasses of wine.

Sure. You would be charged how much? I have silver on me. Do you have... It would be... What are you getting, wine and? There's two wines. Two wines. It'd be 12 silver.

Right, I hand over 12 silver. You would recognize that as quite an exorbitant rate. Mm-hmm. Right. It's kind of theme park prices. You come back with two glasses of wine. Yes, I would have, presumably, asked red or white or sweet or dry or whatever. You would not with two glasses of wine. Presumably if I asked red or white or sweet or dry or whatever.

You would not have been given the option. I would have asked Iona that, but then never mind. If you ask Iona, she says, they only have one type. I come back with two glasses of wine. This is the first time in Barovia you've not

had Wizards of Wine's wine. Is it cloudy? Wizards of Wine, it set them down. This is the first time in Barovia you've not had Wizards of Wine's wine. Ew. Is it cloudy? Wizards of Wine, it is, yes. But Wizards of Wine wines taste nice. Like a wine you might have outside of Barovia. The wine you are having currently tastes like wine you'd have in Barovia. Okay.

Cheers. Tastes like they cut it with mud. Clay, actually. Which, I mean, yes, they do. Yeah. They do cut it with clay. An acquired taste, I see. It's nicer than the beer, she says.

I hate to think what's in that one. Just more clay, she says. Fair enough. Not what I was thinking. Oh, and fish oil. Oh, and fish oil. Fish oil. Yes, I am given to believe that fish oil is good for people who do not see sunlight very often. And as much as one does not see sunlight in Barovia,

if you spend every hour that the sun is up in the abattoir, you will never see Zisan. I guess that makes a level of sense. So how did you end up back at Kuchari? I can't imagine you would have spent all your time here. What do you mean back at Kuchari? I assumed you were... She looks at you very suspiciously. I think you've met one of my acquaintances.

Her eyes narrow and she gives you the first unpleasant look she's given. No, no, no. Pip Mandarin? That is the one. Don't say my name in this bar. I, yes, have met Pip Mandarin. This is very unfortunate. Several of the people at the table lean over.

Did you say Pip Mandarin? Yes, why? You're a friend of him? I wouldn't call him a friend. Why? Well, wait, wait. How are they asking? They're asking like I just said.

Are they concerned? Or are they like, if you're a friend, we're going to fuck you up. All right. This is the... You get this. Did you say Pip Mandarin? I said Pip Mandarin. You're a friend of his? I know him. You know him? Do you say Pip Mandarin? Yes, I said Pip Mandarin. You a friend of his?

I know him. You know him? Do you care about him? I suppose, yes. What? Bigfoot just took him. A Bigfoot just took him? No, Bigfoot.

Iona finishes. Ah, Bigfoot Paul. So Pip was in here earlier? The person nods ah ok Bigfoot Paul has just as much hatred for Pip as many other people but um that is a lot of hate

it's not unjustified she stands up and says which way did they go the person points out the back door I think your friend is in danger Acquaintance and yes We can argue how well you love each other later For now I think that Bigfoot is going to kill Pip

What did he do to Bigfoot? What did he do to Bigfoot? Yes As a rushing She gestures around Kind of the same thing that he did to all of us But then he did it twice to Bigfoot? Yes. As we're rushing. She gestures around. Kind of the same thing that he did to all of us, but then he did it twice to Bigfoot. You're rushing out the back door. Twice?

There is a place far from here called Old Bone Grandale. There are some hags that inhabit the place. It is dangerous. It is especially dangerous for children who are often lured there by the hags Pip and Bigfoot were going there to save a child and I am given to believe that Pip

Bigfoot may have exaggerated this but the way Bigfoot tells it the hags had them on the ropes and they decided to try to bargain for the child's life and Pip gave up Paul to bargain for the child's life. And Pip gave up Paul in exchange for the child. That might not be correct. Bigfoot gets rowdy when he is drunk.

At least he saved a child. Hey! Pip Mandarin, colon, a good guy. It might not have happened like that. I leave it up to you to decide. All right. You rush back out the northwestern gate, the way you came, back towards Pavel's house. Iona takes you up a gently rising hill around the back, shall we say, of Kutry,

and straight towards the river. You can see from here the river is nearly completely frozen over as it comes from higher up Mount Gakas and then flows its way down. As you approach the frozen river, you can see that there is an absolute mountain of a man with a huge fucking foot. And he is carrying a figure over his shoulder he oh no actually he would be by at the lake by now definitely you can see with that massive foot

he is slamming it onto the lake to try and create a hole slamming it on my face okay okay how far away are we from him? You're maybe five minutes sprinting. Okay, let me know when we're at least 60 feet. Okay. Meanwhile, Pip, I'm going to say you're on zero hit points. You cannot move. You cannot take actions or reactions or bonus actions, but I will allow you to talk.

As Bigfoot Paul throws you down onto the frozen lake, and you can see he's slamming his giant foot into the lake, creating cracks. You've got every right to be angry, Paul. Obviously, you've got every right to be angry, but I don't think throwing me in the lake is going to do anything, right? That's not going to make you feel better. I'm not going to throw you in the lake. I want to feel you die. I'm going to do anything, right? This is not going to make you feel better. I'm not going to throw you in the lake. I want to feel you die.

I'm going to stuff your head in. Oh, my God, Paul. What happened to you? What happened to me? He turns around to look at you. He gestures to his left ear. You can see it's just been torn away, and there's scar marks there.

You know what did that? The hags? Damn morrow hag did that. Oh, God. You gotta understand, Paul. I mean, it was you or the child. Emmanuel the Monster says this. Emmanuel the Monster says that.

He picks up Emmanuel the Monster. Show me in the book where it says leave your damn friend to die. Manuel doesn't really cover tactics. Pip, you could just barely see two figures sprinting from Kutry towards you. As they get a little bit bigger, you recognize both of them, actually. This is so embarrassing. Bigfoot Paul picks you up. He obviously hasn't spotted them.

He's grabbed you by the back of your shirt with one hand, and with the other hand he's grabbed you. You don't have hair for him to grab onto, but as best as he can, he's shoving his pinky and thumb into your ears. Oh, no.

Cool. He's picked you up, using that as leverage, and he quite obviously intends on shoving your face into the water. I'm sorry, Paul. I wasn't the guy. I thought I was the guy. I wasn't the guy. I've met the guy.

Oh, you want that to be your last words? No, no, no, no, no, no. Paul, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. No, you're not sorry, but you're about to be. He dunks your

head into the water. Hector, you see as his head gets you see as Pip's head gets shoved into the water. It takes a couple of I would say it takes about 30 seconds but you're within 60 feet. I cast command

halt. Bigfoot Paul lets go of you but your head is still in the water. Bigfoot Paul stands straight up. How long does that spell last? One round.

All right. He lets go, nonetheless, of Pip, and then wheels around on you and Iona. Stay out of this! No, because you are killing a friend of mine. Paul looks down at Pip and looks up at you and says, He ain't no friend of yours. He'll stab you in the back the first chance he gets. He already has.

Let him go. Bigfoot Paul puts up his hands like, well, yeah. You think he won't do it again? To be honest, I don't know at this point. But I would bet my life that he won't kill me. Bigfoot Paul takes a big, deep breath.

He looks at you and tightens his hands. You're afraid for a second that he's going to charge you. Then he looks at Iona as well, and he immediately thinks better of it. He looks down at Pip, still face down in the water. Fine.

But if I cross either of your paths again, you better hope I let him drown right now. You will hope. I'll make you both drown. Bigfoot Paul stomps. He was not the cleverest of my boyfriends. You're there for his body. It's a small town.

We're going to cry. Iona just gestures and says, I think that this is perhaps the best outcomes that there was going to be. Yes. They're not worried too much about him. We avoid the right tavern and we won't see him much. He just doesn't seem very clever. Anyway. He's not a very... He just doesn't seem very clever. Anyway. He's just a very

mad man, yes. Iona says. Justifiably. You gonna save him? Yes. Let's just make sure... It's so funny. While he's drowning me, you just wait. Let's just make sure it is Pip that he's drowning.

Just give it some time. You go pick up Pip? Because Ion is not. Yeah, yeah. I didn't realize that he was still face down. Yes, I'll run over and wrap. All right, you pick up Pip. Am I unconscious?

No, I'll say that you're still conscious. I'll say, now that it's no longer really important whether or not you can act in combat or anything like that, I'll say that you can stagger around, but if you want to move at full speed you need someone else to lean on. I think I just roll onto my back. It's going to...

Oh, hi, Iona. Cure wounds. Second level. The bad kind. I deserve this. You have 14 hit points, Pip. Only rancid healing for Pip. I found the guy.

The Bigfoot? No, he found me. Are you cold? Oh, yeah. Freezing. You've been dunked in... Oh, it's only your face. Icicles are probably growing off.

Yeah, you probably want to dry your face because you will get frostbite on your cheeks or something like that. But you're actually not as cold as you might think you are. I was going to give you the cloak, but rather gently, with my cloak, I will kind of rub your face. Thank you. Dry you off.

What were you saying? In the tavern, in the fine end, I saw a gentleman with a Cantonese crown monogrammed on his silk shirt. Surely that's the guy. Are you okay? Oh, I'm peachy. What was that one about? My sins are many and varied.

Get a good boy card. Fucking hell, Jack. That's some great character work. I'll stand up. Is there any town that we're going to go to where you have not pissed somebody off? Kresok. No one's pissed somebody off? Kresok. No one's mad at you in Kresok. Velikai.

Barovia. Oh, yeah. Barovia, you will be attacked. If I'm honest, Hector, it's really just getting started. I didn't expect to see him here, though. Poor Paul. As we turn around to leave I'll be like it was really With his foot and the hags closing in

He couldn't take the child So it was Him with a kid Poor Paul I'm just dropping you off You will probably get to town before Paul does

yeah he's slow you you can either choose to keep a respectful distance or walk past him and then get the awkward it'll be very awkward

but you get it over with yeah which would you rather uh I we'll walk past him alright it gets real awkward

but then it's done yeah yeah just thanks for thanks for coming for me We'll walk past him. All right. It gets real awkward, but then it's done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for coming for me. It's all right. And thanks for the strawberries. You're welcome.

You're welcome. Jack. That's fucked. Iona stops to chat briefly with Bigfoot before she catches up with you. Iona. I try and straighten myself up so that I don't seem so pathetic and miserable. How have you been? Better than you, it seems.

Yeah, that's not a high bar, but it seems so. Rovia has not been kind to you. But, you know, it's kind of reciprocal. Is it kind to anybody? Okay, I deserve that. Probably worthwhile getting all your barbs out now if you want. No, no, no, no. I would never. It's good to, like a

thorn bush that one keeps stumbling into at night. Right. You know who you would like? We met a lovely little frog fellow. His name's Kribbit. He would give you the best backing music for this. I've heard of this man. Yes. He would, you two would get along.

Little frog man plays the dog? Anything. He plays anything. Oh, but I've heard about, look, I understand that he plays anything, but I have heard that his rendition of the dog. Yes. Mwah. Ah.

I saw it firsthand. It was incredible. first hand it was incredible yeah it was hard to believe brought me to tears almost I am excited to meet this man

is he coming we will if you he's not coming here no have you told we were about to no I haven't

really mentioned anything I think I mentioned your name and suddenly we didn't have a lot of time before we found out since you were in trouble.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Iona, as you... I am Sir Hector Dragonsbane, and I believe you know my associate here. Yes. Pip Mandarin, which means you know Keening. She nods slowly.

So you don't... So you think he's still dead? Keening is not dead? No. She nods slowly. So you think he's still dead. Keening is not dead? No. She stops. You can see it's a very similar reaction to when Pip found out in some ways. You see Iona stops and she looks back as if she can see down the mountain. My God.

He was alive the entire time. Yes, he was. I could have helped him. I don't think he was. He's in Valakai. He's safe? Last time we checked, he was healing. She puts her hand over her heart.

He's healing from wounds. My poor heart cannot take this. He was recovering from a. He almost caught Bogman's frenzy. That is disquieting to have heard. Pip saved him. Yes, I bit his hand off. Just stop the infection spreading.

I just would have left it at you saved him. This is going to be such weird tension for Hector. There's so much unsaid. I am very glad to hear that he is okay. Then not all is lost. No. So I received a card reading from Madame Eva. I am aware of reading from Madam Eva. I suppose you would be familiar.

I am aware of Madam Eva, yes. You're a kind of fumble in my pack. You're the jester. I have been called a jester, yes. I do not know if I put much stock in the fortune tellings of the Vistani, but I would admit that several things that Madame Eva has said have rung eerily true

in the future. I agree. I would have once been as skeptical as you, Iona, but the boys rank with destiny. Well, then, there is but a simple matter to prove this she from within a pocket produces a card her card it's the identical it's a different card but it's an identical make

to your card quite obviously also dealt by madam eva the text above says the paladin Paladin. And then the picture is of an angelic holy warrior. There's no specific god depicted on their shield or their armor or anything like that. But the picture just reeks of a paladin or a knight or a holy knight, sorry, or a cleric or something like that. You can see that they have wings and they are slowly with a sword in one hand and with a cup of water in the other they are slowly descending down onto the person looking at the picture you can see that they are in the picture they are singing and while there is no sound you can almost hear the song it is such a vivid picture. I was given a reading not too long ago by Madame Eva as well. Huh. Spitting image. I'd, um...

I was told that you would be able to help me with a problem. Yes, yes. I'd show you my wings, but I can only do that once a week. She puts the card back into her top pocket. There is troubling news from Ferseha along the road down in uh down mount

gakis uh there is a um a wagon that sometimes comes from uh hits it's a vistani wagon it hits several of the towns traders who come here sometimes to trade with those few people here who have money to trade with. These people are kind, nice people. These Vistani are the only connection that we really have to the outside world. And the last time they came, I heard them speak of dangers along the road, nightmarish creatures that they were afraid might attack. I have not seen them in several days and they

should have been here by now. Any description of the creatures? Lanky, tall things that would hunt them at the corners of the vision at night. Right. Long, clawed hands. Oh no.

We only really encountered the goat. right long clawed hands oh no we only really encountered the goat Sangzor yes I am aware of the goat did they talk about the shape of the skull at all did they use the words overloid not to my memory

no worries they said that they clanked as they moved as if they clanked as they moved well that's interesting as if they were wearing ameo in any case she madam eva said that my paladin would help me with this quest and i'm happy to be your paladin shall we go i unfortunately cannot leave town not for too long it is dangerous

for those people who rely on me if you can accomplish this task without me I will be in your debt

and I will follow you wherever you wish to go once I have made arrangements to the people when were they meant to have arrived? There is a two or three day leeway, as you might say.

It has been four days. So if they were supposed to, it is potential that they are only a day out. But they could be a few days out. Okay. Okay. I will be your paladin and head back down the mountain. Thank you. No worries.

Anytime. The parts of the mountain that extend from here to the Selenka Gate, these are all regularly patrolled. You should not encounter much in the way of trouble between here and there. Past the gate, though. That is where the trouble is. Yes. I've been given to understandings that there was an incident at the gate yesterday. Yes, that is true.

What have you heard? All I know is that she gives you a very meaningful look, like she knows. All I am understanding is that the gate will once again be manned, or as close as one can. Okay, that's good to know. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Okay.

Do you have any idea what it might be yet? Well, I was thinking some kind of hag. Possibly a dusk hag. But the clanking throws me off. I'll have to read through and see if I can discern what it is while we travel. Is there any way we can buy anything? The adventurers, the ex-adventurers, the retired adventurers, the healers, as it were.

Can they help? Or are they all promises that are empty? They have only but the weakest spells. The gods have abandoned us Could be Iona glances over at you with a look that says

shut up I'm just pouring through Emmanuel the monster I'll just summon some holy energy in my actually no the spear the holy energy in my... Actually, no, I'll get a little of the spear. No, the holy energy in the palm of my hand. I have not been abandoned yet, but some help would be nice.

I would not consider any of the adventurers you speak to in Vagamond to necessarily be reliable. No, I was just thinking of a healing spell would be nice. Yes, I think I've... But you said you found out Guy? I think so. Like I said, he had a monogram.

What did he look like? He was... I was interrupted. He was sitting in the corner of the fine end. You've re-entered Kutry at this point.

Oh, yeah. I was like, Iona, do you know... I described the guy I saw. Yes, I am aware of this person wearing a silk shirt. There is such few silk shirts left. But to have it monogrammed, it is a man by the name of John Cavendish.

He was an adventurer, I'm given to understand, who fell into Barovia, as they all do. Before that, so I know nothing. I know only of his time here in Barovia, as they all do. Before that, though, I know nothing. I know only of his time here in Barovia. I just have to assume somebody with the Cantonese crown on their silk shirt. He has been here for, I would say, about perhaps eight years. Eight years. A rarity among the adventurers that come to Kuchuri. He started here.

I think he was hopeless when he arrived. Oh. He appeared in Kuchuri. Yes. Well, he appeared nearby to Kuchuri. Never left. Gave up yes almost immediately. She says, again, looking at you.

I dive right back into Emmanuel. The name Cavendish Is that a name that was like Associated with the royal court No Cavendish does not sound like You know enough about the royal court To know all the fancy names and what not Cavendish is not a fancy name

It's a commoner's name Cavendish yeah I guess they rose up From the small folk And became a knight. He might still be there, to be honest. Maybe they can help us. Right, well, before the day has ended, we'll be back down the mountains.

I would not advise you leaving today. Tonight? Perhaps wait until tomorrow. This is the kind of situation it's there is not enough daylight left it would be dangerous thank you for the advice

it would be nice to I guess stock up as best we can yeah give me some time to figure out what the hell we're dealing with I think it could be one of

Ludmilla's creations I regret to ask this I regret to say this but as much as I detest them it would be perhaps safe if you were able to stay the night at the solanka pass and the guards well none of the guards would recognize whoever caused the ruckus yesterday but if one wanted an ally to get you in with cigars, that's the pass.

There is a tiefling that you could talk to. He is friendly, she says. Like she's trying to spit the word out. Yes, I'm aware of the man. Pip's head like turning on. Like on a swivel to be like, how are you going to phrase this, pal? spit the word out. Ah, yes, I'm aware of the man. He's, uh... Um... Pibb's head, like, turning on. How are you going to phrase this, pal? We fought in, um, opposite

sides of a war. Ah. Alright. If Iona registers anything deeper than that, she doesn't say anything. Well, uh, yes. This man, he has contacts within the guard. Thank you.

Well, I'll still owe you that wine. Hopefully we'll... You can buy it for me when you are done. Yes. Thank you. Anyway, I must go. There are children to entertain, and I highly doubt that guard

has any experience juggling. She turns and leaves. You never know. So long. It's going to be a... Everyone needs a favor. Yep. Everyone does.

Yeah. I push open the door to the bar. It's just as busy as it was when you left. Can I see the guy? Can I see the blood? The blood's still there, yeah. I get a bad boy card. Pip, you can't see the guy.

He's not here. Doesn't look like. I look down. That was you? Yeah, that's me. Better get it back. The blood is probably cleaned at this point. Actually, I scan for Bigfoot Paul.

No, he left him behind. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. We left him behind again. Once again, Bigfoot Paul sees the back of your head. Once again, Pip. God damn. Gotta stop turning your back to Bigfoot Ball sees the back of your head. Once again, Pip. God damn. Got to stop turning your back to Bigfoot Ball. Yeah, you stand around the room.

You can't see him anymore. John Cavendish, you don't think he's here? He was right there. I just should have aware he was sitting. It's an empty chair now. I go to the barkeep. Yeah. The man that was drinking over there,

John, do you know which way he went? The bartender looks around sheepishly like he's kind of scared to respond. You think, yeah, you get a pretty good impression of this man. This man, quite obviously, he is sitting in a very

comfortable position where, as barkeep, he is not in the common rabble. And so he has a comfortable place to sleep. He gets regular hot meals. But because he's a barkeep, he doesn't have any real power. So you get the distinct impression that he's the sort of person who keeps his position because he doesn't meddle in other people's affairs. For example, rather than stopping Bigfoot Paul, he just let Bigfoot Paul drag Pip out of the building. So when you talk to him, have you seen this person?

He looks around sheepishly and then just shakes his head without saying anything. If I was to buy something of you, would that loosen your tongue? The bartender really does not like or does not want to do this, but he says very well then.

He puts a beer up on him. He pours you a beer. How about I could pay you for the beer and you don't give me the beer? Just pick it up. Whatever about I could pay you for the beer and you don't give me the beer? Just pick it up. Whatever. I don't care. It will cost you, he thinks to himself, it will cost you 10 gold.

10 gold. He nods. I've got 10 gold. This is a bribe. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm aware, but I'm just asking where the guy went. I'm like, 10 gold. They could believe the guy went. I'm like, ten, ten, who's he at? Take it or leave it.

We're not spending it on anything else. I'll just, like, put it on the, take it out of my pouch and put it on the table. I'm just going to ask somebody else, to be honest. It probably costs us ten gold as well. I mean, it's just a question of where a man is. This isn't like I'm asking for a secret information. I put the gold in it. I can't take it back.

He takes the gold. I'm aware you can't take it back I'm just saying he's fosters He He got the job I turned him to the He's working in the abattoir today

Thank you Well Friendly word of advice You can get a job in the abattoir if you want but otherwise wait for him to leave tonight

Probably for the best, eh? Absent-mindedly take a sip of beer. No, no, no! Do I regret it? Highs or lows, dude? Let's go with lows. I hope you don't enjoy it. Just about how much...

You get a taste. Just about if the clay has settled to the top yet. Okay. I'm like that. Highs, did you say? Lows. Lows?

All right. You basically only get clay. Chunky. Water drink. Vorta. Where are we getting vorta from? Water drink. Water drink.

Yeah. Fair. Oh, yeah. Fair. Well, I suppose we'll do... The bartender moves away. He doesn't want to keep talking to you. Well, yes, I think I just turned away anyway. Yeah, we started ignoring him. I suppose we'll deal with Iona's creatures alone then.

Or with Tarpos, perhaps. The back door, which is... You would be, because you walked up to where John was sitting previously. You're right up near the back of this building. The back door opens and Pyrrhon steps in, almost like he knew Iona had left. He closes the door behind him and walks over. So what's the verdict on this? We need to go back down the mountain to deal with some clanking creatures for Iona.

Eerie. She gave you a quest, did she, to save some people? Mission critical, I'm sure. Piran's awesome. I thought you were Piran with the one that believed in fate. I thought you were appearing with the one that believed in fate. Well, I mean, I believe that if Madame Eva is a seer, and it seems like she is, if she is a seer, then Iona is probably going to help us. But that doesn't make me like her.

That is fair enough. But no, she had a card of me. Oh, and your destiny is to help her with this. Yes. That's the word on the street. That's what they say. Yeah. Destiny is stupid, but you should her with this. Yes. That's the word on the street. That's what they say. Yeah. Destiny is stupid, but you should do it then.

Yes. So, well, I was, and then the knight, John Cavendish. Cavendish, yeah. Do you ever heard of the Cavendish? I don't know him. Oh, no, I don't know the Cavendish family. It doesn't sound like anything fancy to me. No, it's not one of the roles.

How did you know he was a knight? He had the crest. Silk shirt. The Cantonese crown was on top. And the initials, I give the initials just in case anyone recognizes it. What? R-K-G. You and Perrin look at each other,

and you both say it at the exact same time. With me now. The Roy Conj Guard. The Roy Conj Guard. The King's Guard. He's a King's Guard. I don't know. They're a cavalry unit within Kandor.

Obviously, medieval... There are special forces in the medieval land, within Kandor like obviously medieval there is no such thing as special forces in the medieval land but they are basically the closest that you get if he

he is Roy Korn those are the initials on his shirt that's what that's what that would mean yes but that is what that would mean

I am a knight of the cloth there are other people who are knights of the crown he is above the knights of the crown he is well there you go that's great if he is a the knights of the crown. Well, there you go. That's great.

If he is a member of the Roy Conj Guard, he is indeed a formidable fighter. Well, he is currently in the abattoir working, not captured. Oh, good. Gave me a little bit of a heart attack there. Well, I mean, honestly, he'll probably be. Look, obviously, crazy things happen. But people who go to work in the abattoir typically do come back at the end of the day. So it might be safest to just wait until he's done today.

Yeah, I think that was the plan. That was the plan. The idea was to head down to the gatehouse and stay there the night and then keep going down in the morning. But when does the shift end? Well, new guards have been sent out. No, as in the abattoir. Oh, the abattoir. The night shift will begin.

He doesn't have a watch, I guess, actually. Oh, no, actually, yeah, pulls out like a little pocket watch. Not dissimilar to Escher's, actually. Pulls out a little pocket watch, consults it, closes it, I guess, actually. Oh, no, actually, yeah, pulls out like a little pocket watch. Not dissimilar to Escher's, actually. Pulls out a little pocket watch, consults it, closes it, and puts it back. It's a very rare item, but you would have seen a watch or a clock at least before.

Yes, it begins at around 6pm, so another five hours, I suppose, and then his shift is done. Okay, I guess we would not be heading down to the gatehouse tonight, that's for sure. I can approach him if you want, but, I mean, or I guess I could come with you as well, whatever you'd prefer for me to do. I don't mind either way.

We could also wait till his shift's over, and, well, he'll probably want to sleep. Well, he... Madame Eva did say that getting to... He's a very difficult person to set fire to their heart. It might take a bit of convincing, and if this is time-sensitive, I just should... Just in general. Well, he's got to have some friends around town.

I'll find them, and I'll talk to them. If you could do that, we'll head down with... Speaking of, actually, Piran takes out a satchel and hands it to you, Pip. Oh, fantastic. Thank you. How many do I get? You get...

Oh, man, you'd get tons, actually. Fuck yeah. The little statuette. I mean, a bolt has to be the entire thing is metal. Yeah. So you're not making just tips, but even then, you had so much silver. So I would say 60.

Whoa! Wazza, wazza. I'm never going to run out of silver bolts. Not feasibly in this game, no. That's crazy. That means in total I currently have 80 silver bolts. My God. Okay.

Give me the sack. It would be heavy. But I mean, like the statues would have been just as heavy. That's true. Well, if you could ask around town. Also, you probably would have heard a bit of a ruckus at the gates from yesterday. Oh, at the Salenka Pass. Yes.

I had heard about your little incident. I assume it was the two of you. Yes. Yes. Yes. If we could grease some palms there so we could stay there the night. Well, if I come with you

it would be a simple matter. If you go without me I can figure something out. Do you want to sink your blades into something that goes clink in the night? Piran has a brief thousand-yard stare, then comes back and says,

well, I mean, it could be just a guy, right? Could be. Could be a dusk hag. Well, a hag's fine. It's not a ghost, right? Could be a ghost. Could very well be a ghost. Though I don't know if it's soft Dundead or hard Dundead yet. I don't think it is a ghost right could be a ghost could very well be a ghost though I don't know

if it's a soft Dundead or hard Dundead yet I don't think it is a ghost still unclear it lopes around in the night

long have you ever heard of a looping ghost oh no I think I've heard some people talking about it he's like shut the fuck up shut the

read the room no I don't think it's a ghost. No, nor I. You said that you had more information, Pyrrhon, because that would be useful. No, I just had heard about this creepy crawly. There's a Vistani carriage that comes and goes. Right, that's the one, yeah.

That's the one that seems to be under attack. Oh, good. Well, you're welcome to join us if you'd like to, but obviously it's more pressing stuff. It would be great. No, this thing can... Right now, it can run itself for the next few days at least, if you need assistance. That would be a good issue.

We can go grab tarp horses as well. Gorob and Lushen can just find two quarters. We'll come with, I suppose. I can rustle up some horses if you want. Horses would be

making the journey quicker. I can't ride a horse. Interesting. So we need one less horse. Well, yes, I can rustle up some horses for us.

Makes it easier. Perhaps Gorob and Lushen should stay. Yeah. If for our own sanity. I don't like them either. But.

Then at least we're watching them. They're not wrecking your shack, which I would be concerned about if I was you. Who knows what they're getting up to in there. Yes, actually. I don't care too much about the shack, but there is a lot of information there I don't want found. All right. Yeah. I think we kind of.

Fuck. of information there I don't want found. Alright. Yeah, I think we kind of... Someone either needs to stay and I vote not it to look after them. I guess Torpos can stay. Poor Torpos. Poor Torpos. Too slow.

Well, I mean, we could all then just go together. Safety in numbers and whatnot. Who knows what this is we're fighting. Yes, let's just organize one, two, four horses. Four horses? I can work that out, sure. All right. Cool.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. All right. I'll get on the horses. Is this a tomorrow sort of job? I think we will leave now to the gatehouse. Now? All right. That's fine.

Oh, that's good then, actually. I know someone on duty today. All right. Russell Upson. Something health potion-wise for. He ran into an old acquaintance. I gestured a bit. I've probably got a black eye and frost on my face and a bruised nose.

Oh, right. Is that Bigfoot Paul? Yeah, that's Bigfoot Paul. He was saying he was going to dunk you in the river. Well, he did. Bigfoot Paul? Yeah, that's Bigfoot Paul. He was saying he was going to dunk you in the river. Well, Bigfoot Paul got his wish. He loved saying that he was going to dunk you in the river. I should have mentioned that. What's he going to say now that he's done it?

Oh, I guarantee you he'll say he's dunking you in the river again. Anyway, all right. I'll get some horses and we'll set off immediately. Is there anything else that needs taking care of before we leave I don't think so no

beautiful alright I'll see you it'll take me like an hour yes we'll see you in an hour meet you at Pavel's house meet you at Pavel's

I oh I need to have that chat with Elenio there's like you need woods and you need to do it at sunset

okay to find woods and you need to do it at sunset. Okay. Woods are down the mountain. To find woods. Yeah. You're not exactly sure what constitutes woods, but there are trees on the trip down the mountain.

Trees is woods. Trees is woods. Sure. Okay. Well, you go wait by Pavel's house. You realize that, uh,

uh, you realize that his wife asked you not to go inside. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just hanging out in the front. Yeah, so you just hang out. Not even hanging out. I reckon we'll keep our distance or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. At certain points, you see the face of a small child looking at you through one of the windows. You don't think too much about that. And then Piran shows up with four horses. Perfect. Do you mean a child that's not a teenager? Yeah, there's two kids.

Okay, cool. I'll get on the horse behind someone. Alright, come on, people, let's go. You can pick either Piran or Hector. I'll pick Hector. Piran leads the other two horses. You head to the trapper's cabin. You collect... Both of them.

Yeah, you collect Goroblushin and tapos and then you make your way back down the mountain yes explain to i guess them very briefly what we're doing with the horses you move it a bit of a faster clip okay you're able to travel travel faster so you will probably make it to the uh to the yeah the selenka Pass before nighttime or about at nighttime. Okay. So at sunset, did we get a tree? Yeah. So you pause a bit before the pass.

You pull off the trail slightly. There's not a lot of room anywhere, really. But there are trees growing in the side of the mountain. You put a hand on one of the trees and you wait for the sun to begin setting. Yes. I was like, I need to, hang on, I need to do something very quickly. Put my hand on a tree. You feel, as the sun begins setting, you feel that on the other side of the tree,

so imagine bark, a line of bark, your hand on the outside, and then you feel, you don't know how you feel this, but you feel Eleniel's hand on the other side of the bark. I try not to take my hand off the bark because I'm spooked. You hear Eleniel's voice in your mind. Hector, I just changed. voice in your mind. Hector, what just changed? I think yes and I wait and do I have to say it out loud if no response?

You must speak out loud, Hector. Oh, sorry. Yes, what's happened? Two things important. The first one is Strahd. I saw him. In Kresik?

He was in the graveyard. In the graveyard? Yes, next to the abbey. What was he doing in the graveyard? I don't know. He visited a grave. A grave? Yes.

Did you see what was on the grave? Yes. A woman, I believe, by the name of Tasha Petrovna. Tasha Petrovna. I do not know who she is. Neither does Kribbit. And speaking of, he's been researching

in the Abbey. Oh, yes, yes. The, the, you didn't properly explain to me what was in the Abbey. She says. That's on us.

Fair enough. It's the Bellevue family. Yes. They seem nice enough. They really like Cribbett. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? It's not important.

One of them is part dog. Anyway. Cribbett can play him partially yeah well he picked it up quite quickly actually said it was riding a bike or something I don't recall anyway yes

Strahd visited the grave okay and did he did you overhear him did he say anything did you I didn't hear him saying anything. I barely even realized he was there until he was upon me.

Did he see you? Are you okay? I don't know. I don't think so. Okay. Tasha. Patronova. And the second thing? Yes. Kribbit. He found some information here about how to defeat Strahd. Yes. Saint Markovia. She discovered something

about the land here. I understood the edges of this information, but I did not realize how deep the rot had spread. But the land here has been corrupted, twisted to Strahd's ends.

This I had already known. We understand that he sees and acts through the animals and the very landscape itself favors him. But in addition to that, or sorry, yes, in addition to that, it is some of the fae here have been corrupted too. And as such, four holy sites to faae and Druid alike have been twisted such that they serve him. They are locations known as lodestones. Lodestones. Yes.

They have powerful natural energies where the magic of the world seeps through. where the magic of the world seeps through. In normal times, these places would simply be the centers of druidic power, but now their energies are funneled into Strahd. Each of them gives him, grants him different terrible powers. It would be folly to try and take him on without stopping or destroying the lodestones first does it does it tell us how to uh i guess sever the link or to stop this um i believe i know how to break his connection with the lodestones but saint markovia did not... It is not hidden information,

but St. Markovia does not mention it. I do not know if that is because it will not work or if because her research was just incomplete. So what would you have to do? Each of these lodestones will have a fae guardian, also twisted towards Strahd's control. We must slay the fey guardian and then split the lodestone in half

with a blade forged in the blood of that fey. It is a vile act, almost heresy by my religion, but I will engage in it these four times if we decide it is necessary to break Strahd's grip on the land. That's just telling me this. I'm just going to look over to Tarpos and be like, I wonder what they are thinking.

I wonder what their opinion would be of this. I wonder if where they're going to go ride the goat Is possibly one of these lodestone locations Is the goat one of the fae guardians? Oh no Is there a way to uncorrupt the guardians? There might be a way to cleanse the sites, but St. Markovia was not able to deduce it. That might be something worth investigating. Cribbit, Eleniel pauses.

Cribbit is pleasant, but he says that there is still more to read here. to read here and while he is pleasant i don't know if there is more to read here or if potentially there is some story angle that he's currently working here okay well because i have suggested or i suggested that we follow after you once he found that information and that is when suddenly there might be more to read well uh i guess a couple of things from us is um i witnessed an explosion or a fire or something in Valakai. I have been in contact with my people near Valakai. They have yet to get back to me, though. Okay, well, hopefully we'll have more information about that soon. And another thing, if you are following after us,

you might encounter a werewolf. Name is Emil. I'll give a description. I have dealt with werewolves before, she says. Yes. So either you're more than welcome to come up. It is a fairly

unpleasant place. Pretty bad. I have heard this in passing. Do we have a safe place yet not really not really the closest we have

is St. Macovia's Abbey but Strahd's there Strahd just comes in and out as he wants I don't know how safe it really is I miss my shack

got turned over by the diarist oh no so sad there's no point you coming up here I think just I guess yes believe Kribbeter at his word there might be more to read

and even if he's coming at it at an angle there might be some information there so just I guess maintain you just get impatience from Eleniel but she information there. So just maintain. You just get impatience from Eleniel, but she... We'll be here for the next at least a few more days.

Very well. A few threads we have to follow. So you're in Kutry? Yes. Have you spoken with many people there? We've spoken to a few here and there. Have you found any of the people you're looking for? We found a couple. A few others are in a place where we can't get to yet.

Which ones? Our companion we met before she was captured, before we got here, and I've met Iona Mirthsong. Iona Mirthsong? You hear Eleniel say with like almost a hunger in her voice, a longing. Yes. Oh, my God. She was here.

She's here. She's safe? Yes. I'm very doing surprising. I must go. Eleniel quickly withdraws her hand from the tree, and Hector, in a split second before the magic ends, you feel an extra entity,

another creature with their hand up against the tree. Oh, no. But then it fades. And then you're just standing on the side of Mount Gakas. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Someone's listening in to our tree talks.

The tree was tapped. The tree was tapped. The tree was tapped, baby. Oh. Hey there, fellas. To be continued... not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favorite podcast app of choice, and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.