D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #25 Rotten to the Core

Episode Date: October 21, 2023

The party once more complains about Barovia as they lay in wait for an ambush. For his first trick, Hecktor gets upstaged by Gorub and Lushun while Pip awakes to a frightful proposition.Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, fool! They've heard this before! Quiet, you dolt! A Wizard Supreme has many things to tell about this nightmare Barovia! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Wizard Supreme!

In this place, your pointless titles mean nothing! For the only way to escape is to slay Strahd in the manner of a true warrior, or die in the attempt. Tarpos gets low in the snow, so she's difficult to see. Mm-hmm. Nice. She just holds that position. Gorub, Lushen are going to join you on the side of the wagon. Yeah.

Or they try to, but when they do that, Pirin says, Gorub, Lushen, would you like to take the horse and just be in the middle of the road? Just be quiet. Perfect. That's perfect. I was honestly just going to ask them how their day had been. Say their names once.

Gorub and Lushen just waitade out into the middle of the path and are standing there. Gorub turns around and yells, What are we meant to be doing here? I really feel like we should, of course, be hiding with you lot. Then Lushen turns around. You idiot. You fool.

Can't you see the strategy that's going on? Oh, strategy! Tell me more! Mason head. Looking around. It's like a dull white noise. Oh, absolutely. A few minutes pass.

Yeah. Pip, you hear the snapping of a branch from behind you. Whip around, absolutely. A few minutes pass. Yeah. Pip, you hear the snapping of a branch from behind you. You whip around. Yeah. Whip around, looking in that direction, but nothing moves. Hector, you hear some birds rustling through trees,

like a massive wing of them have taken flight. You turn around in your direction and see no movement. Mm-hmm. Okay. Pip, you hear another snapping, a little bit You turn around in your direction and see no movement. Pip, you hear another snapping, a little bit closer this time. You turn around and you see something galloping between the woods. You think it was maybe just a deer. Hector, it's a moment of quiet, stillness, too perfect.

No animals are moving. You look over and you see a tree stop moving. Can I, quick as a flash, cast Sacred Flame? At that tree? At that tree. Dexterity saving throw? Yep. The tree passes.

It's dexterity saving throw. You smite with holy light in the direction of the tree. The tree sways, but not with the wind. And then a tree behind it is struck. Let's go to initiative. Dust cags are scary. I hate that they gallop, dude. That might have just been a deer.

Yeah, but also in Barovia, deer are just the scariest dust tag. Remember that deer you saw in the woods that stood up? No, I don't remember. I don't want to remember. What the fuck was that? It wasn't anything. Doesn't look like anything to me. Barovia's a rotten country, Adam.

Rotten to the core. Rotten to the goddamn core. Okay, so the dust tags Hags catch you by surprise, or catch everyone except Hector by surprise. So there is a surprise round where just you, Hector, and the Hags will act, and then everyone... Oh, actually, sorry. I completely forgot to roll for the three NPCs who get a chance to engage.

Well, unfortunately, Piran is not engaging in this surprise round. Neither is Tarpos. Gorob and Lushen are. So there is a surprise round where the hags, Gorob, Lushen, and you, Hector, will act. Only you three. Okay. Piran's turn is first.

He's surprised. The hags turn. Six hags explode. Six? You said four. I underestimated. A low baldus in the hags. Six hags hit you in a pincer maneuver with four

by Hector and two by Pip. Hector, you're on the other side of the road from the wagon. It is, to give you guys an idea of space, imagine it's the road. There's the wagon on the south side of the road,

tipped over on the south side of the road. On top of the wagon is Pip. Next to the wagon is Piran. Then low in the snow on the other side is Tarpos. Standing near, but not next to Tarpos on the other side of the road is Juhector. Gorb Lushen are in the center. Coming from the north in where the trees are, four hags.

Coming from the south, two hags. Make sense? Yep. Hey, Pip, you're on 14 hit points. Did you know that? I should have healed up. Well. Do you want as part of your little

potion making escapade to have taken a short rest? Yes. Oh no. That doesn't grant anything. That doesn't do shit dude. Doesn't do shit. Never mind. Yep. Okay. Would you have liked some healing from Tarpos? If you had a bit more.

I can also make some healing. So maybe I would have done that. All right, would you have liked to have done that? Maybe during that conversation with some far travelers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Planes travelers. We were like, hey, okay, that's expensive. And you're like, I can make this.

I can make potions. I'll make one right now. I'm bleeding. Potions, we have it. We've got potions at home. Angel feathers. I'll make one right now. I'm bleeding. Potions, we have it. We've got potions at home. Angel feathers. I'm running out of stuff. It's scary.

Water can be an ingredient for potions. Yeah, water. I use water. And... One more thing. Essence of piercer to seek use of. Okay. So it gets me right in the guts, you know?

It heals you a little bit better because of the piercer essence. It's seeking where it needs to go. It's seeking the damage of my body. You did pretty good on the roll. Okay. So you heal 10, 20 hit points. Okay. Hey, that's pretty good.

That's something. I'll take it, dude. I'll absolutely. You're on 34. That's great. It's really not. Okay. So it's four hags coming.

There's like the road, and then between the hags and Gorob and Lushen, it's me. Going from, imagine lines of infantry going from north to south, four hags, Tarpos, Hector not standing next to each other. Yep. hags, Tarpos, Hector not standing next to each other. Yep. Then Goroblushen on the road, then on the wagon, Pip, next to him

Pyrrhon. Off the wagon. Make sense? Oh, and then, sorry, two hags past them. Yep. Make sense? Yep. Yep. Yep. Alright. So, hags act first. Ooh. What's your armour class, Hector? Currently, it's a, ooh, great question, class, Hector? Currently, it's a great question.

16. 16. So one hit from the first hag, it lunges at you and slashes. Hags, imagine a creature that could be mistaken for a pine tree, a dead pine tree. Would I know that I'm getting hit by a hack? Don't get hit by a hack. Yeah, I told you they had a paralytic touch. Yeah, yeah, so

would I, if I was to cast maybe a shield as reaction? You would, yeah, if you cast shield, this attack misses you. They have elongated, sloped heads, kind of like grey aliens. Yeah. And then imagine a grey alien with a riffraff a long curtain of hair going all the way around but not touching the tops of their heads all of

them have two sets of noses but they they don't look monstrous they They look like human noses, but not the same. So all six of them have two different noses. Okay. All of the noses look human, but they don't look the same. So mismatching noses. Do they move on all fours? They will, yes, scamper on all fours as they're sprinting. But when they get right up to you, they'll slash at you with their just hands.

I kind of imagine them as like a human being stretched over a mandrill shape, kind of. Yeah. Not perfectly accurate. They've got a lot of height to them. You're underestimating. Imagine something as tall as fucking Siren Head. Okay, okay.

And they didn't go for my horse. They went for me. They're going for you right didn't go for my horse. They went for me. They're going for you right now. Or at least these three are going for you. So that attack, that's two misses. The second one. Ah, that's a critical hit. Oh, shit.

Does shield help with that? Unfortunately, a 20 is a 20. It's a hit regardless. That's a shame. So that is this one. Let's see. Maybe instead. Well, this isn't too bad.

I mean, it could be worse. Disarmed. Double damage and make a DC 12 dexterity saving throw on a failed save. Drop your weapon. Oh, that's great to hear. You can summon it back pretty easily. Yeah, it's the mace, though. Yeah, that's the mace, though. Yeah,

that's the one thing you need. You take 15 points of damage, and you need to make a dexterity saving throw. You fail the dexterity. Hang on, let me double check. What's your dex save? It is 2 plus 5. Yeah, you

fail the dexterity save. Wait, no, 2 plus... 5. Yeah, you fail. 7 plus. Wait, no. 2 plus. No, actually, you do pass. Hey. You just fucking pass. Thanks to your fucking charisma bonus shit. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

15 damage. I can body 15 damage. You can body 15 damage, dude. You're tough as guts. You do embody 15 damage. dude. You're tough as guts. You do embody 15 damage. And their second attack misses, but you need to make an athletics check. As soon as, it's like being hit by a sharp rope. As soon as its hand hits you, it begins wrapping around you.

You need to make an athletics check or you are grappled. Okay, but I'm good at athletics checks. You get an 90-20 and get a good boy card. Yes. Champion. That was two of them. The third one attacks. Miss.

With a shield, you have plus five AC, so your AC is 21, right? Yep. Hit. Four. Oh, no. Four. Oh, no, dude. They are powerful.

Oh, sorry. You should have taken an extra 10 points of damage from the critical hit. Sorry. So you're on 46. Things are getting... Maybe I will only take half damage, Adam, from that. That also would have triggered fucking grievous injury as well. So, yeah, best do that.

Best do that. Best do that, dude. Best do that. All right, so that would have halved down to, instead of 25, you would have taken, what's that, 12 points of damage? Yeah. So you would have taken 12 points of damage.

Okay. So what are you on currently? 59. 59? Good to know. 59 is great. And then another attack hits you. Oh, yeah.

You take a further nine points of damage. Okay. So you're on 15. Wow, good opening, Salvo. Yeah. Hags. Yeah, yeah. Well done, hags.

Got to give it to the hags. You got me half of them. And you need to make another athletics check. Oh, now you're grappled, buddy. You got something for this? If I was to roll it with advantage. Yeah, spend it. Yeah, yeah.

Burn it, dude. You pass. I just feel I don't want to be grappled by a hag. Oh, you don't. You don't, dude. You don't. Oh, let me. I'm letting you know the ability they have when they're grappling you.

So that's just claws. That's a claw attack. Yeah. They have an ability when they're grappling you called rip, tear, and kiss. You don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. You don't want that eggs kiss, dude. It's no good.

You're very lucky as well that they don't do Insatiable Desire with every attack. It's just a special ability they have. Cool. And then Tarpos gets attacked. That is a... No, two hits. Oh, Tarpos. Oh, Tarpos. Oh, Tarpos, your armor class.

Tarpos, no. That's what she gets for wearing summer clothes in winter, dude. Tarpos, not the chainmail bikini, no. All right, so 10, 24, 33 points of damage. I was so health. And Tarpos needs to make a athletics check. Pass. And a second one. Pass.

All right, good. Tarpos is not grappled. Pip, you get slammed into from behind. Oh, dude. Do I get knocked off the wagon? We'll find out in a sec. That is hit, miss. All right.

You take... Hey, dude, how much? 17 points of damage. that is hit miss alright you take hey dude how much 17 points of damage oh my god come on which had you not healed you would have

been down like instantly yep that would put you on 20 17 hit points oh hell yeah

alright and you need to make an athletics check okay you I think are going to fail 17 hit points. Oh, hell yeah. Alright. And you need to make an athletics check. Okay. You I think are going to fail. Yep, that's a fail, buddy. You're grappled. The Dusk Hag picks you up and

looks at you. Oh god. Oh god. Sweet, sweet lips. The other one runs past Piran because it hasn't seen Piran and attacks Goroblushan. Regular hit critical. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuckity-duckity.

They don't even have like a, you know, Ah, singeth them this song of old to incapacitate them. Here's things that will work. Yeah, exactly. So, 10, 20... Taking another massive injury. 10, 20... Oh my god.

Should you have taken a massive injury? How much damage did you just take? 17. You're fine. You're basic. Oh. 10, 20... 38 points of damage

Holy shit That would have been all my health And then some Carnivale You can't be pulling this Who do you think you are? Surprise round This is round one

We basically need to kill them in the next round Alright Hector it's your turn. Okay. Okay. Excellent news. Okay. For my first trick. Yes.

Your first trick? I would like to cast on the one nearest of me is a hexblade curse. Uh-huh. Which one? There's three. The one I'm about to hit. The one you're about to hit. Okay,huh. Which one? There's three. The one I'm about to hit. The one you're about to hit. Okay, cool.

So it's critical on a 19, 20, and it's a plus four to damage rolls. Okay. Then I'm going to hit them twice. Nice. With my mace. Critical and regular. Nice. With my mace. Critical and regular. Okay, with a critical, I'm going to burn a second level spell to smite.

So, get back, maximum damage, and the target must make a DC 16 constitution saving throw. On a failed save, they are pushed 15 feet back. Excellent. Hell yeah. Okay. They fail the con saving throw, so they'll take three times eight is 24? 24. Then six is 30 plus nine.

You deal 39 points of damage. Hell yes. You match the hags. And you knock that hag 15 feet back. Excellent. Okay. Does that perform both attacks? Oh, that was one attack.

Sorry. One attack. Okay. Well, your second attack. It's 15 feet away. I'm going to allow you to do the regular hit first. Do you want to put any special sauce on the regular hit? No.

I think I need to save my spell slots. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Minimum damage. Oh, that sucks. Ten. Still, I mean, ten's pretty good. So you deal 49 points of damage in total.

Okay. And that hag is great. That hag is knocked back 15 feet. Oh, they're not bloodied yet. Fuck. Okay. Shit. Fuck.

That was Hector. Your turn. Gorob and Lushen get to act, and there's a hag right next to them. Okay. Shit. Fuck. That was Hector, your turn. Gorub and Lushen get to act, and there's a hag right next to them. Gorub and Lushen have been known to just blow up guys occasionally. Maybe we'll get one of them. Now, this is one of those

instances where Lushen is more powerful if he doesn't buff Gorub. So, does he have anything? Hmm. Unfortunately, he spent a lot of third-level spells sending messages, which is unfortunate. You see a few bursts of flames.

And that hag gets lit up like a Christmas tree. Hell yeah. Hit hit miss. Oh wait you told them they're resistant to fire. Yes. Actually unfortunately then Lushen really only can help Gaurav.

Lushen has nothing that they're not resistant to oh my god did you see look at this shit oh my god 220s hey

what the fuck that's good that's really fucked up because wow alright they are gonna blow up the heck they might

fuck yes this sounds so fake I know but it's there I'm looking at it up the hatch. They might. Fuck yes. This sounds so fake. I know, but it's there. I'm looking at it. One brown dice, one blue dice, two 20s on each face. What's up, dude? Okay, it's going to be fucked. You beautiful, annoying dwarf.

Pierced thigh, quadruple damage. Hey. That's going to really fucking kill. Awesome. And then find an opening, maximum damage, and you have advantage on attacks against the target for 2d4 plus 2 rounds. That's not gonna last. I'm letting you know

that's not gonna last very long. So the maximum damage one, that is 8 plus 8 plus 6 plus 6 plus 10. So 16 plus 12 is 28. six plus ten. So twenty Whoa! So sixteen plus twelve is twenty-eight

plus ten is thirty-eight points of damage for their first attack. Jesus Christ. And then the second attack quadruple? That is so much damage. Adam's picking up so many fucking dice

right now you have just big chunky hands it's like a cartoonish amount of dice you have it literally looks like you picked up a bunch of dice at random I did count I know I believe you but just because of the differing dice types

going on here that's awesome. 10. There's too many 6s. 10. 20. I'm not even joking, there is too many 6s. 30.

I can't group them by 10s. 30. 60. What the fuck, dude? Is this allowed? 60. What the fuck, dude? Is this allowed? 60, 84. And that's quadrupled, right? Yeah, this is quadrupled.

Okay, thank God. Well, I'm not done yet. Hang on. 84, 86, 106. That hide is fucking demolished. Okay. We're one hag down. Oh, my God.

That's good. That's awesome. That's great news. That's fantastic stuff. That's why we keep them around, baby. Wow. Wazzle, wazzle. What the fuck?

Wow. Okay. Wow Wazzle wazzle What the fuck Wow Okay Fuck Was someone else going? It was just the three of you Is it necessary? Alright Back to the beginning It's Piran's turn

Yeah You hear Piran You hear Piran mutter What the fuck As Gaurav and Lushen Demish flat side down, they go from the top and push the hag into the ground. The hag is not nailed in. The hag is just flattened. Oh, my God.

The force of the explosion of that hag's body rupturing. Yeah. It kicks snow up in all directions. You can see the road. Hell yeah. All right. Then it is Piran's turn. Jesus Christ.

He knows of Christ. He knows of the Christian God. He does. He's been around, so I get it. He lunges at the other hag that is attacking you, Pip. The one that has me grappled? Yes. He attacks with rapier.

Oh, actually, no. This would be an advantage. He attacks with rapier. Doesn't critical hit, but fucking nearly does. This is a great critical heavy fight. Wow. Yeah. He hits, but neither of them are critical hits, but only by fucking one. Oh, I forgot

he's... sneak attacks fucked. This might not be so bad, this fight. Yeah. You know? You have five people with you. Yeah, that's true. There are six hags, but five people. There's five hags. Well, now there are. Numbers are even now.

Unfortunately, all of this damage is halved. 43 points of damage halved. Still, that's are. Numbers are even now. Unfortunately, all of this damage is halved. 43 points of damage halved. Still, that's good. Wow. Hey, Piran's tough as nails. And then Piran dashes off in the snow, dives behind a tree,

and before you or the hag are able to look, you've lost him. Hell yeah. It's the hag's turn again. Let's start with Pip. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Someone's going to get smooched. The hag brings you in close, Pip.

No, no, no, no, no. Fuck off. Fuck off. That's a lot of dice out of my pal. Ease up there, cowboy. Pip, you take 10 20 You take 25 points of damage Okay

You're down Yep Okay that's something Pip the world goes dark Is that enough damage for a big boy It is too Thanks for reminding me Get a good boy card for reminding me

You're gonna take a deadly Still good Taking some deadly damage baby I can't wait for you to take levels of exhaustion Me neither I love levels of exhaustion It's good for everybody Then three hags Two hags attack you Hector

Attack my horse I bless my horse They know the horse isn't gonna fight them Attack my horse. I bless my horse. Yeah, God. They know the horse isn't going to fight them. That is next attack. Took it out of you. So the next attack that hits you is going to deal minimum damage. That's good.

As one of the hags royally fucks up their bag. Then miss hit. Oh, bag. Then miss hit. Oh, no. Hit, hit. You want to cast shield again, or what do you want to do? Nah. Nah? Nah.

So you're not going to cast shield? Nah. All right. Let's cop it. Let's just cop it. First one deals minimum damage, which is seven. Yeah, seven points of damage. The second one deals 11 points of damage. And one deals 6 11 points of damage

and you need to make 2 athletics checks oh yeah that's right don't get sucked off dude I'm trying not to pass you've not been grappled then to attack Tarpos oh Tarpos you're AC

oh yeah that's right Tarpos hit miss wow that was a pretty fucking shit display Oh, Tarpos, you're AC. Oh, yeah, that's right. Tarpos. Hit miss. Miss, miss. Wow, that was a pretty fucking shit display. Tarpos takes 14 points of damage. All right. Okay.

Okay. And needs to make a athletics check. They pass. All right. That's it. That's the hags. Thank God. It's over. It's over. Hector, what would you like to do? Okay, so the one that I hit, they're Alright, that's it, that's the hags Thank god, it's over

Hector, what would you like to do? Okay, so the one that I hit, they're now attacking Tarpos They're attacking Tarpos now If I was to direct my horse To try to Run that hag that I attacked What? If I direct my horse

To go for that particular hag Like I can spin my horse around. Oh, not to make your horse attack, to turn your horse around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and aim at that hag. Do I get attacked? Do they swipe at me and the horse? No, because the hags are big enough that you can move around them without taking attacks of opportunity.

You only get an attack of opportunity if you leave someone's area of control, but their area of control is so big that you can get to them on the inside track. Well, I will maneuver it so that I can attack the hag that I've already hit a bit. Sure. Maybe I try and get my... Can I get my horse to stampede?

Yeah. That would be an action. Trample him. Yeah, unfortunately, you have... Trample with pound. Blessed pound. Blessed horse. It's very funny.

The protection from good and evil spell used to create a little barrier around you where they couldn't actually physically touch you. Yeah. Which is very... It doesn't do that anymore, but it was a very funny effect. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I'll spin around on horse,

and I will try and hit the one that I've already hit. Okay. Two attacks, right? Yes, two attacks. Hits, but only regular. And what's their armor class? I think they have a shit armor class. I think they've got tarposs levels of armor class.

They do. Yeah, that's a hit. Two hits. Nice. Anything special? Any special sauce you want on these? They're not blooded at all, are they? Not the one that you're fighting. I don't think so, no. Okay. So you deal

it's 9 plus 9 18 plus another 8 so you deal 27 points of damage. Good job. That's good. It's bloodied. Nice. The hags, oh by the way, the hags make no noise as they fight. Oh dude, that's horrible stuff. That's really nasty shit. That's bloodied. Hey, it's something. The hags, oh, by the way, the hags make no noise as they fight.

Oh, dude, that's horrible stuff. That's really nasty shit. That's not good. That's some fucked up shit from Adam Cannavale Industries right there. All right. Then it is Gorob and Lushen's turn. Gorob and Lushen look at you, Hector, and call out, Help you!

Help the dragon man! Dragon man. Have they forgotten my name? Did they ever know it? That is... Save roll's so shit, but fuck, their armor class sucks so much.

I think it's still a hit. It is. Two hits. The one grappling you, Pip, takes... Some of this will be halved. Oh, fuck. 10, 20, 39. Some of that is halved.

It gets royally fucked nonetheless. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Drinking a potion's a action here. Did Tarpos drink hers before the fight? I don't know. It's Tarpos's turn now.

She, fuck, she's low on hit points, but drinking the potion is an action. Yeah, I know. She drinks the potion. It's kind of do or die, to be honest. Yeah. Is that her reaction to the potion? That's me.

Fair enough. Does she have any bonus action spells? Oh, she does, actually. Yeah, she can. Oh, shit, yeah. She casts Healing Word. Hell yeah. Pip, you wake up.

You're still being grappled, but you wake up. Oh god, this. How much sauce can she put on this? The fact that she was grappling your dead body is not good. Oh, it's scary, dude. What was she gonna do with it? I don't know. Drop it, I'm dead. There you go.

Alright, Tapos. Oh no, that was her last fifth. Oh, her only fifth. Whoops. Okay. Oh well, whatever. Pip, that was her last fifth. Oh, her only fifth. Whoops. Okay. Oh, well, whatever. Pip, you have 18 hit points. Waking up with the hag, like, inches from my face. Making out with you. Put me back. Put me back.

More like, put me back. Put me back. As you say in between the hag's breaths as it continues to kiss you. Do I, and I hate to do this, but do I now know what my deadly... No, I... You'll save that for the end? It's too much management. It's at the end of combat now.

Cool, cool, cool. Bite of tongue. Bite of tongue. Oh, now there's an idea. It's Pip, your turn. Okay, I'm going to fire a defensive shot into the guts of this hag. Okay, cool. And then I'll just fire another shot into the guts of this hag. Okay, cool. And then I'll just fire another shot into her. Okay.

Now, I will say, first off, that when you fell unconscious, you obviously let go of your crossbow, but I will also say, because I think this is cool lore, that a part of your training drilled into your fucking brain from day one was get a leather thong and have it attached to your weapon

and wrap around your wrist. Because when you fall unconscious, son, you're going to want the weapon still on your hand. Maybe like a brief flashback to a tiny skinny pip a huge heavy crossbow like weighing him down you get used to it lad all right uh yeah like if it's like it's dangling off my the leather thing i like yank it up into my arm slam it into the stomach of the hag twang twang you hit twice. You deal 10 quotation marks of damage. But one of them was a defensive shot,

so now the hag is going to have disadvantage to hit you. Yeah. I wasn't even trying for damage. I was just to make it harder for her to get me in the next turn. Well, back up to Piran then. You pip here. And then the hag jolts as you can hear someone at Piran

sort of character stabbing it a bunch he keeps rolling 19s this battle in general wants to crit so badly it's hungry for crits it's thirsty for them the hag holding you

Pip is now bloodied Awesome It Mouthlessly Sorry Not mouthlessly It wordlessly Opens its mouth

And screams in pain Awesome That's great Yeah I love that shit Then Piran's gone again Thank you

Both you and the hag Are looking where Piran went You hear The hag just continues to mutter to itself, Repetagis, Repetagis. But it's like those three words are a language, as if it's talking to itself. Okay. All right.

That is Piran. It is the hag's turn. Yay. Awesome. Okay, okay, okay, okay's turn. Yay. Awesome. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Uh-huh. Oh, natty one. Oh, thank God. Natty one, baby. Oh, thank God. Baby. Thank you, defensive shot.

Momentary confusion. You don't add your proficiency bonus to your attacks for 1d4 plus one round. So, for five rounds, it's gonna have an even shitter time trying to hit you. Okay, that's awesome. Alright, that was that hag. Then we have... I mean, there are many others.

Hector, you get attacked by 2 hags again. Yay! Oh, another 1 and a miss. Oh my god. Huh. Yeah. Okay, this is good. They're fumbling. This is good. They're fumbling the bag.

Cut to the quick. If this attack was made with a claw, your damage is reduced by a d4 for one minute. All right. Rock and roll. Could have been better. Ow. I don't like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. We'll see a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. Miss, miss. Wow, they're fucking, yeah, these hags are fucking struggling.

And then they're fumbling. Yeah, absolutely. The other hag hit hit on Tarpos, and then the other hag hit miss on Tarpos. Tarpos is about to take three attacks. She drank the potion. She drank the potion. All of these are halved. Yeah, that's good.

That's good. Tarpos takes... What's up, dude? 29, 22. Tapos takes 15 points of damage. Okay, that's not so bad. It's not so bad. And she needs to make three athletics checks.

Pass. Pass. Okay, come on. Come on, Tapos. Pass. Oh, thank God. She's dodging and tumbling. Yeah. Tapos attacks from all sides. She's dodging and tumbling. Yeah.

Tapos attacks from all sides. She's being torn to shreds. Tapos is fucked up. She's on three hit points. Oh, God. Oh, God. Great to hear. That was...

You survived another hag round. Oh, thank God. Hector, it's your turn. Okay. Okay. Keep swinging? Let's swing at the one that I've injured. Let's re-roll that attack. Yeah injured. Let's re-roll that attack.

Yeah, how about you re-roll that? Because I don't like the face that you just did. Adam, let's re-roll an attack I missed. Yep. Track that at the bottom of the deck, please. That's a hit. And how fucked are there? Oh, my God.

You just barely. You only miss on a one. All right. Any special sauce to this? No. No? No. I'm trying to save my, like, again, I'm already burning through so many spells.

So it's still like day two. Oh, no. It's day two of working. Oh, my fucking god you deal 26 points of damage gotta do something to kind of I don't know just like get spells back or something we need to even the odds somehow

it's Gorob Lushen's turn Gorob Lushen continue to attack the one attacking you pip trying to free you that's hit hit yes nothing's been as good as their first one And you, Pip, trying to free you. That's hit. Hit, yes. All right, great. Nothing's been as good as their first one, you know?

No, I mean, nothing quite compares. Yeah. The hag holding you goes down. Oh, awesome. Oh, that's good news. Even with quotation marks points of damage, that hag is down. You're down two hags to four. All right, awesome.

Good stuff. Gorub and Lushen. We did it. Then they look over at Tarpos. Yeah. And you hear for the first time ever, you hear Gorub and Lushen in unison. Yeah. Together, they say, no.

Oh, no. They say it at that volume. Oh, my God. And then they sprint towards Tarpos. It is Tarpos' turn. She's breathing heavily, bleeding from a dozen or so wounds. Tarpos puts a hand on the ground, and then everywhere in a, I want to say, maybe a 120-foot range all around her, the trees die. Oh, what?

Okay. What dis move? Who dis? Who dis? New move, who dis? One of the hags needs to make a constitution save. That's a fail. That hag takes 88 points of necrotic damage

as its life force is sapped from it. Unfortunately not into Tarpos. Another hag goes down. Down to three hags. That's good stuff. Tarpos

breathes heavily and then rounds on the other hag attacking her. Pip, it's your turn. Okay. You're free. I would like, cannot, so how many, where's the biggest cluster of hags at the moment?

The biggest cluster of hags is around Hector. Can I use this spell Conjure Barrage and not hit Hector? So it's a 60 foot cone. Every creature within it takes 3d8 damage. You unfortunately cannot Yeah, you Hector's like in the middle of the three

of them, yeah. That's fine. I'll fire two shots at one of the hags around Hector and I'll try and make one a pinning shot to try and at least give Hector he can back up and get away from it. The pinning shot hits. Nice.

Your regular shot hits as well. The fact that my bolts are silver doesn't do nothing? No, silver. I didn't think it did, but just yeah. Cold iron or nothing. I've got to get some cold iron. Well, it's maybe useless after this fight. I don't even know how to do it, yeah.

Wait, you would say? I don't know how to even get cold iron. Cold iron, purchase or make? Make myself, yeah. Make? It's't know how to even get cold iron. Cold iron. Oh, purchase or make? Make myself. Make? It's just iron that has been forged without heat. Okay. Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

Maybe we can get that from the company guy in town. It's a specialty item, but possible. Let's see what happens. Pip. Piran runs past you and launches himself at the hag. That's you hit. Nice. Hit, hit. Nice. Hit, hit.

Fuck. That hag takes 62 points of quotation marks. Yeah, okay, okay. Still. That's something. That hag is bloodied. All right. Rock and roll, baby.

Rock and roll. All right. That is, yeah, so you've got three hags left. One of them is bloodied. The other two are basically untouched, though. That is, yeah, so you've got three hags left. One of them is bloodied. The other two are basically untouched, though. That was Pyrrhon. It's the hags' turn. Everyone can hear a rattling sound from somewhere deep in the forest.

All three remaining hags look up and then sprint off into the forest. One of them obviously can't escape, but the other two disengage and just run at full pelt into the forest. They have a movement speed of roughly human speed. They don't basically, because they're

ambush predators, their height doesn't allow them to move very quickly. They're very lanky height. So you could try to track them down if you wanted to, or you could say, hey, we killed four hags. Let's fly down. Yeah, let's take a sit. Anyway, one hag can't escape, but obviously it's trying to,

but it's trying to tear itself out of the ground from Pip's pinning shot. That is the hags' turn. Hector, it's your turn. So the hag that I hit, the one that I cursed and whatnot, they're dead, right? Oh, they're dead. Oh, cool, cool, cool. I heal for eight. Okay.

Well, the sound and then the fact that the hags are running. Although the enemy of my enemy, that's good. Hey, I just want to wail away at this hag that's pinned. Absolutely. Critical miss. Even better. You got anything for that? Nothing worth it, surely.

Here, look. You're going to kill this hag regardless. Yeah. Check this shit out. Check this shit out. Check this shit out. Don't say I never do anything for you. Okay. Complete reversal.

Turn a critical miss into a critical hit. Oh, my God, Adam. Check that shit out. You're a sweetheart. You're so nice. Only because I know worse things are coming. Low blow, double damage. Nice.

And then a regular hit So You deal 28 points of damage, that hag is dead Two hags in the bush Two hags in the bush And whatever this is Mysterious rattling, can we still hear the rattling?

No, the rattling has stopped I'll say we're out of combat We can discuss the awful effects that are happening to you and to Gorobludgeon again. We all suddenly notice them on our bodies. This new system, I never really thought about it, but this new system really fucks you. You never thought about it? No, no, I mean, sorry. It really fucks melee characters because you're more likely...

I guess actually non-melee characters have lower hit points, so the thresholds are different. Never mind, you know what? It fucks everyone. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as it fucks everyone equally, dude. Pip, Staggering Blow. The character takes a negative one penalty to attack rolls, ability saving throws, and AC until they

end a turn while conscious. Oh, well, that's fine. Okay, that's fine. I've already done that. Yeah, you're already Yeah, well, I won't re-roll. Oh, that's fine. Okay, that's fine. I've already done that. Yeah, you're already... Okay. Well, I won't re-roll. Oh, that's kind of you. I instead will, because that's basically nothing, I will instead just allow you to walk that one off. That's very kind of you. It is kind of what happened.

I'm going to blush and got the same one. All right. Beautiful. All right. You're coming out of this one. I'll allow this. It feels like it's going to be worse the next time. I feel like we've been blessed.

However, we heard something. Yes. The hags were scary. Do you want to? I was rereading the, sometimes I just like to refresh myself on the rules every now and then. I was rereading the books the other day. And you know how the long rest thing fucks you? Yes.

I'm not not gonna do this i'm gonna keep it as we've been doing it so far but i found i was rules is written it fucks you what have we not been doing a long rest is interrupted by one hour of more one hour or more of moderate to physical activity which combat is one yeah so if you have combat in a week, you don't get a long rest in that week. Rules as written. That's no good. I'm not going to do that. That seems fucked.

I'll keep it to just... We would never have a long rest. Yeah. Unless we hunkered down and didn't do anything for a whole week. Yeah. It would take a lot longer to get out of Barovia. I get it. It is gritty realism.

That's the name of those rules. Anyway, so you're standing there, exhausted. The dust cags have just escaped. The sun is setting. It's going to be getting very dangerous very soon. I guess while everything is happening, I guess while we are waiting for Pip and Goroblastin to have the effects and realize it. We're okay.

I guess a sit rep of everybody. I know going to Tapos because they were very wounded. Yeah, Tapos was pretty badly hurt. Let me check. I think Tapos is in single digits hit points. Yeah, they suffered. They suffered like no one has. Going over to them, are you or I'm?

Oh, yes. Tarpos is on three hit points. We need to get out of the snow, dude. Tarpos, yeah, is pretty fucked up, for lack of a better term. Excellent news. She's holding what is left of one of her arms and just sitting in the snow. Alrighty. Gorob and Lushen have also waded over to her and are,

My lady, please, let us help you up. And they slowly try to get her to her feet. It looks like Gorob Lushen have Tarpos covered. You look over at Piran. Piran is untouched. Has not been hurt at all. And just has, he's shivering. He's quite obviously freezing.

Yep, cool. Can I, I will give Tarpos a level 1 cure wounds. Okie dokie. You heal Tarpos of a hot No, that can't be right. Right, paladins use charisma. You

heal them of 12 hit points. That's pretty good And I will immediately use my armor to get a spell slot back for the week because now I'm one Oh yeah One spell left now

Okay, it's like day two Cool Huh? Huh? Well actually, tomorrow will be day two Yeah, yeah, yeah Day two? Cool. It's hmm? Huh? Hmm? Huh? Well, actually, tomorrow will be day two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Adam, that's really cool.

Cool. It's a cool thing you've done to us. Pip, you okay? I've been better. How am I doing, Adam? You? I think I'm pretty fucked, but I did get a healing word. I've been better, but I mean.

I know you went down during the fight. Are you okay? Yeah, then I came right back up again. I've been better, but I mean. I know you went down during the fight. Are you okay? Yeah, then I came right back up again. I've never felt better. I'm sure there are other people who could do with more healing than me. I say I scan the tree line and just, okay. Probably should have bought those healing potions, I suppose, says Pierron. I mean, even failing the healing properties, a bit of warmth wouldn't go amiss right now. Yes, you have all my coin.

Well, I have it here, but I could have said something. Pierron, do you want to see if you can harvest anything from the hags? Do you know anything that would scare them? I have... Did I whiff it? Oh, you whiffed it. You got anything for a whiffed roll? Yeah, unwhiff one roll. I get no unwhiffers, dude.

All right, so you didn't roll a a 1 So it's not an outright failure What is your survival again? You've got pretty decent survival So while you whiff the roll Your ability Is nonetheless pretty good So you Maybe the state

Especially because of what Gorob and Lush did to their one The state that you were getting these dust cags in Is not great So it's difficult to The state that you are getting these Dusk Hags in is not great. So it's difficult to harvest much, but you are able to get some. Three doses of Blightskin. Nice. One dose of Hounding Killer Hands. Oh, yeah.

And four Hag Eyes. Oh, well, that makes sense. That only makes sense. Yeah, sure. Oh, well, that makes sense. That only makes sense. Yeah, sure. Oh, and then also they had treasure. Oh. Oh. I don't know.

Yeah. All right. Wow. Okay, haven't been here for a while. Yeah, how do you do this anymore? I don't even remember. I guess, yeah, we searched their treasure pouches. Yeah.

They don't have treasure pouches. They just had, they weren't naked. They came at you with clothes. And in those clothes, you find stuff that they have presumably pilfered from people who preceded you. So with the hag, the touch that makes you your desire. Yeah. How long does that last until you… Forever, until you cure it, basically.

And eating a snail in an hour is fine. Well, eating a snail in an hour, that's step one. Then let me find the other steps because I have them up in here. So, within a day, consume a snail, remove all clothes and wade into a cold body of water. So, within an hour, you can eat a snail. But if a day has gone by, you're going to need to get naked in a lake. Within a week, consume a snail, remove all clothes, wade into a cold body of water, declare your intentions to become a hermit with no possessions and or aspirations. It is unknown how committed they must be, but experimentation says at least somewhat.

And then within a month, the only known cure is to remove the desire from the victim's memory via magic. This expungement must be total. No trace can remain. Within a year, unknown. Death and resurrection might help. But after a year and a day, you're shit out of luck. Okay. You find among the hags, you find a spear crafted from a spiraling piece of ivory.

Ivory. the hags you find a spear crafted from a spiraling piece of ivory sorry a spear crafted from a spiraling piece of ivory yeah bound with gold as soon as you i'll say hector maybe you pick that up and inspect it as you're inspecting it you hear 500 gold you look over at pierron and he says that it probably fetched 500 gold on an open market. He says, it feels like he's got kind of some experience with this sort of stuff. Yeah, not his first rodeo. Yeah. You find a bag of 40 platinum pieces stamped with a fishing net. Okay.

You find a ring of blue glass whose slowly shifting design resembles a calm sea. It's a very well-made ring with a lot of care and attention, and it hums with energy. It might be magical. I think this one is a magical ring. I kind of give it a cursory glance, but I'm kind of giving it to them. Yeah, they can figure it out.

Oh, because Lushen is a wizard. You're like, might be cursed. I'll give you an Arcana check at disadvantage. Actually, it shouldn't be at disadvantage. You have some magic. You've got some idea of, oh, good boy card. Oh, my God. You've seen this ring before, not this exact ring,

but you've certainly, many magical items come from, it wouldn't be a factory. That's too industrial. But there are like fine craftsmen and makers, that sort of thing. You recognize who made this ring and you know what it is. It's a ring of water walking. Is it also the kind of thing where like to make,

say, a ring of water walking, there's only so many ways you can what it is. It's a ring of water walking. Is it also the kind of thing where to make, say, a ring of water walking there's only so many ways you can really do it? So they're all going to kind of look... Well, no, actually I'd say there's a lot that can... Yes and no. I'd say that there is a lot of variation but yes, there are some things that you need to stick to.

Like with healing potions, healing potions can have a specific taste or they can have a taste that is unique to stick to but like with healing potions healing potions can have a specific taste or they can have a taste that is unique to whoever's drinking it sure sure it can if there's a wide variety but a healing potion can never taste like nothing yes yeah okay yeah cool um so yeah it's like um larsen could you have it wait no no oh it's a ring of water walking we've got a ring of water walking i'm sure that'll come in handy down the track. While you wear this ring, you can stand on and move across any liquid surface as if it was solid ground. Would have been useful during the fight against the watery mass.

So, yeah, let's. Yes. Does that include snow? I would say no. Oh, snow's just cold water. I would say the magic of the ring it's it's the wording within the spell does not count yeah sure sure uh does anybody what's in particular i don't think i i can't i am it'd be just as useful to me as it would anyone else i offer it to like if anyone

wants it basically um if not i'll put put it on. Yeah, you take it. Yeah, Pyrrhon looks at it and says, I might be able to accomplish some things with it. No, actually not Pyrrhon. Tarpos. Tarpos says, cannot swim. I hand over the ring of water walking to Tarpos. I'll add it to her inventory.

Can I think back to the rattling sound and see if I can identify anything about it? Maybe I'm just scanning the tree line. Sure. Brow furrowed being like, what the fuck was that? And can I scan the tree line while looking perhaps where that Bastani ran off to? See if they made any sort of, like, trails? Hang on. Two things first.

First, I need to make a quick note of who has the ring and why. Okay. And then, Jackson, you want to know about that rattling noise. That would be an arcana check. No, you whiffed it. Yeah, you whiffed it. And then basically the same

but more it was like the same but really I'm looking for where that Vistani ran off to. So you are trying to track the Vistani? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So it's not No, it's like I want to have a feel like, you know, like, do I could I recognize that

but ultimately my attention is focused on the Vistani. And a good boy card. Killing it, dude. Yeah, you find tracks. It's snow. It's snowing. So it's really, you didn't need that 20.

You find the tracks almost immediately. Okay. Would I, thinking of how long he was running for, would it take long to find that person? It's probably been, I would say, because you're doing this after harvesting from the hags, it's been 15 minutes. All right. So they could have gotten quite far, depending if they kept sprinting. You would be on horseback, but they went into the woods and the sun is setting.

The sun is set, actually. So it is incredibly dangerous. They might already be dead. Yeah, I know, but I'm holding on hope. Sure. Okay. All right, so he went that way. I could probably look around.

Where did the rattling come from, by the by? It came from somewhere probably to the south of you. So towards the – you can see you're quite close to, even in the darkness, the mist wall that surrounds Barovia. It came from somewhere in that direction, and that's where the hags went. Okay, and the Vistani ran the opposite way. The Vistani ran in a north direction, which is also not –

both of those directions are off the road, just different ways. I'll wheel the horse, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's correct. A horse can wheel. You can turn the horse around to everybody. The sun is set. It is getting colder by the minute.

Yeah, we need to get out of here. What was that rattling sound? What scared them? I have no idea. Nothing I can think of should scare a hag really like that. Was there anything in the wagon? Nothing. Talpos had a look. Talpos had a brief look. She says, did not see much lots of stuff thrown around. It's coming from, it came from

the mists, right? Yeah, it came Yeah, which means that whatever was making the rattling could have gone back into the mists, in which case we can't follow it, whatever was making the noise. Okay. How far away? We're not going to really be able to get back to anywhere safe by nightfall, are we? Probably not, no.

I mean, if you really rode hard, well, no, actually, even if you rode hard, the nearest safe quotation mark safe place would be the Salinka Pass. That would be the closest protocol right now. Do I think that spending the night outside is just going to it's kind of you like I know it's always dangerous at night, but specifically here. Here is probably as safe as anywhere else. You've got a nice clear area where you're getting in the cabin, to be honest, getting in. It's always dangerous at night, but specifically here. Here is probably as safe as anywhere else. You've got a nice clear area where- I was thinking getting in the cabin, to be honest. Getting in the wagon, yeah. Walls wouldn't go amiss right now.

And a roof, honestly. What's left of a roof, yeah. I mean, you could try to rotate the wagon so that the massive gash isn't on top anymore, so you get a little bit more shelter. But having it on the side maybe exposes you to wind. It might be literally best to turn it entirely onto the gash side. If you felt your group had the strength to do that. I think we're not getting back to the past tonight.

Did you want to see what you can do with the wagon? Yeah, alright. I'll see if we can turn it over. I'm going to do a cursory check and scout these woods. Very brief. Give me a snail. Are you leaving everyone else to

flip the wagon, or do you want someone to come with you? Well, Goroblush and I aren't going to leave Tarpos. Tarpos is in no position to help. And Tarpos will eat Piran if you leave them unattended. And Pip and Piran would probably want no part in this. Piran does look pretty thoroughly spooked. Yeah.

So I won't even ask. Okay. You going out on your own? This isn't really... I'm either going to get chastised and I don't have the time for it, nor do I really want that. Okay. I put my hands on my hips

and then I'm like, I'll come with. I'll come with. And I'll walk over and climb on the back of the horse. If you die out there, I'm not getting home. So. All right, then.

Thank you very much. Well, I'll lead these two, and we'll flip the wagon, take shelter in for the night, and. We'll be back shortly. Right. Fingers crossed. Yeah, well. Fingers crossed we'll be back. Fingers, toes, crossed. Yeah. Fingers crossed we'll be back. Fingers, toes, everything.

Fingers, toes, everything crossed. Yeah. I'm mostly paying attention to the snow tracks at the moment. And as soon as Pip is like, I guess, in front of me. Awkwardly clambering up. Well, I'm in Pip in front rather than behind is so funny. I'll fall off otherwise. Are you hugging me or do you want me in front? Am I big

spooning you or are you... Whatever's safest. Like a child? Well, I don't know. Pip is quite big. I don't know if Pip is bigger than you, Hector. I don't think so, no. I think even with Pip... Pip's size might make it difficult to ride with Pip in front. I'll go behind and I'll just

hook myself around your waist. Let's go. All right. Yeah. Begin tracking those tracks. I'd like to use primeval awareness, Adam, and to check the area for Fae. I can't learn where they are specifically, but I can if they're in the area. Use your action to expand one ranger spell slot.

That's fine. Don't use them anyway. Yeah. All right. Well, I know as well fine i don't use them anyway yeah all right well i i know as well we don't have you canonically you're not using magic yeah so we'll say i think we had a conversation about this so we'll say anytime that you're using a spell it's actually an extension of your alchemy abilities absolutely and you have we'll say just like a constant access to some basic ingredients that let you do the things that you do for spells.

So perhaps you know that there is a method of detecting if creatures are in a certain area because of the auras that they give off. You create a quick little potion, rub it onto a tree nearby, and it will glow if such the creature is nearby. So you pick Fae. I'm just checking for hags. Right, right, right, right. It's within six miles.

All right. Oh, yeah, six miles of its favorite terrain. Yeah. All right. Yeah, close. Within six miles? Oh, yeah. Okay.

Wish that was a little more focused in, but at Alas. At least we know they're around. That means they haven't gone in the mist. So that's something. Like, maybe I start rubbing my snout as well as we ride. And I can't imagine they'll have been chasing the Vistani because to them, he's already dead. So that works in our favor, too. You're correct.

And again, I guess they were running from something, so I don't know if they'll be on the hunt. Yeah. Let's hope. God, let's hope. To be continued... If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests,

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