D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #27 Bogmen All the Way Down

Episode Date: November 4, 2023

A very important episode where the party must finally answer the question ‘What is a road?’. Showcasing the very first time Pip genuinely cares about his job while Hecktor gets bullied for being a curious fella.Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. I've known many evil places in my time, but this realm, called Barovia, is among the most dangerous. A man could drown here, though he wouldn't need any water to do so. This place is ruled by a man, no, more a creature actually, known as Strahd Von Zarovich. It is said that anyone who can slay him will be set free. If they don't die in the attempt, of course. Do you see some figures staggering in the darkness towards you?

It's a horde of zombies. Well, I don't think that had anything to do with the hags. That's just Barovia being Barovia. Oh, and I also get to work, and maybe I instruct everyone else. So it's actually not over, because they'll just come back if we're not careful, so there's a grisly job ahead of us.

It's okay, it's okay. Excuse you? It's very simple. It's a very simple process. You need to get the brain of the bog man and the heart of the bog man and swap them. It's actually exceptionally difficult. You can do it in your sleep. There were 20 in total, so we're going to need

20 checks. What would you like to do first? Would we like to go through looting or would we like to roll to see if they're all permanently gone? Let's go with the permanently gone first. Yeah, that's step one. Alright, so such a funny thing. If they're all permanently gone. Let's go with the permanently gone first. Yeah, that's step one. All right. So.

Such a funny thing. I'll do some, but I'll also be instructing everyone on the proper way to do it. There's five of you, so everyone does four. Okay. All right. So. This is a lot of this. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. I hate that it's a check. I know. You can fuck it up somehow. That's not the hard one. Bad boy card for me. Oh, no. All right.

Not only do I get a bad boy card, but Hector, of your four, you're pretty confident you only messed up one I think I got hang on I gotta make a note I'm fairly that one I I didn't do

quite hang on let me do that again okay no you can only try once if you fucked it up there's no second try

oh um I you've gotta go to the backup plan do you see point that out to me I think I definitely I die I'm go to the backup plan. Did you point that out to me? I think I definitely, I died. And A, I'm pretty sure I got those ones. Right.

That one, I don't think that one I didn't do quite right. That's okay, it's your first try. Okay, what are we going to do? Do you want to find out how many have been whiffed before? Yeah, well, maybe, that's okay. Just keep going and I'll figure out what we're going to do with the others. That's not a bad idea. You set us out and then you double check.

Yeah, I'll double check. I'll go through and I'll check all the bog man, Adam. You check our work. I'll check everyone's work to make sure they've done it right. I don't like this gaming of the system. This is something Pip would do. He's so paranoid. He's so paranoid, dude.

Pip's probably, if he didn't double check, would wake up later in the night and just do it himself. Just because he knows. He knows he can do it right. God damn it. The other options are so annoying. You said eyes in the heart or heart in the face? Heart in the brain and the heart. Brain in the heart.

The brain and the heart. I didn't even mention the eyes. Didn't you? No, I didn't say the eyes at all. The brain goes where the heart is. The heart goes where the brain is. It's not coming back. Otherwise, we're going to have to find a dead-end road

or a very, very big rock. Get two good boy cards, Pip. I know what I'm doing. I wouldn't go bad with cards. Pip fucking cares. It's important to Pip. Pip's having flashbacks to the sharp-shot companions running around at camp because he did it improperly

as a child. No one is proficient in the Czech required. Wow, Piran. No, sorry, that wasn't Piran. That was Tarpos. Actually, Piran's already done their roles. Oh, thank God, Tarpos. Good job, Tarpos.

Fuck. Alright. Tarpos is the only person who didn't get at least one fuck up. All right, I go over and check the work. How many bog men are we dealing with? Pip, you find the one that Hector fucked up but thought they did okay. See, this is why you have to... This is in the jaw of the bog man. It needs to be in the brain.

All right, I'll pull that bog man onto the road you've got six bog men who you now need to stick to the backup plan okay god damn it Pyrrhon you know it's a matter of hours you know the area Pyrrhon right not too well around here

you know if I said where's a dead end road would you have an answer for me this road just goes out of Barovia does said where's a dead end road, would you have an answer for me? This road just goes out of Barovia. Does that count as a dead end road? I don't know. It's dead end for us. If it doesn't count enough. Alright,

I'm going to start looking around for really heavy rocks out of them. Do we need to make a road? I mean, that's our backup option. You are able to dig up some moderately heavy rocks. So the third backup option, let's say, is we just bury them under a very, very heavy rock. Because when they try to return, they'll hit the rock and then we get out of there. Perrin looks like he's about to cry.

You should have done it better. How long do they have to get? It's a matter of hours. Can we sever the heads? Oh, then you've just got a biting little head on the ground hopping after you, which is very frightening. Can we burn him? Then you've got horrible charred bog men coming after you.

If you cut them off, the bits will just come after you. Would I know, does making a road that ends at a dead end work? Is that something I've ever encountered before? That is something that is only been theorized. So if you put them on the road, the dead end road, what happens? You put them on the dead end road. Well, spirits hate dead ends. So if capable, find a road that ends and bury them there.

The evil spirits fear dead end roads. And then if one is not available, bury them under a heavy rock. The bogman will return, but it may take them a while. Lie and tell any local villagers the problem has been dealt with, but that they should leave this cursed land, then leave thyself. That is not a good advice. Well, that's why it's the third backup option. Here in Shrugs, well, at least you tell the locals to leave. I mean, honestly, you've had a go at me for less.

Fair enough. For not doing less, sorry. Well, this may sound like a stupid question, and I'm sorry for having to ask. What is a road? Well, isn't that the eternal question? We could try to make a new dead-end road. That's definitely something that hunters like myself have theorized is possible, but none of us have ever been game enough to try it.

The rocks that I got, I don't think they'll be heavy enough really, do I? Doesn't look like it. What if we made the road? Tapos move rock. How big? How big want? As big as you got. Must bring rock to Tapos,

but Tapos can make rock do anything. That's good. Could you encase their bodies in the rock? That's even better. Make rock coffin if want. Yes, yes. You can't make rock from nothing, though. Must get rock first.

All right, yeah. How long will that take? Maybe a minute. Oh, that's fine. With rocks. Yes, that's fine. That's fine. Go get some rocks.

Why don't we make a road? All right. And you bury them in the rock coffin at the end of the road. Yes, yeah, all right. We'll cover our bases. We'll make a road. Are you making the road first? No, well, Tapos summons the rock.

Tapos can't summon the rock. Tapos can move, make... Tapos shows you. She moves rock as if it were Play-Doh. Okay. So how many rocks do they need? Wouldn't Gorob and Lushen be running on little legs to go and find the biggest rocks they could? As many rocks as they can.

Do you trust them to do that? They want to do it for Tar Boss. How hard is finding a rock? Do you trust them? Look, hey, you can leave it in their hands while you do the road. Is that your plan? Well, we do kind of division of labor. Who's, again, I think I'm going to be a bit stronger than yourself.

Yes, yeah, yeah, I imagine so. So I can go looking for rocks. You go, you're in rock duty. Me and Pierron will make the road. Yeah. Garvin, Lushen, and Talpos, you join Hector. All right. All right.

The three of us will go looking for rock. Sure. While the two of you go build road We make a road Wow Pip ended up getting more rocks than anyone else did Pip? Yeah Pip went looking for rocks

No you were scrambling about to look for rocks I was making a road No no no but before Yeah yeah yeah No before the division of labour Pip had dug up some rocks. That is more rocks than you, Tarpos, or Gorobin Lushen are able to acquire. Gorobin Lushen, sorry, Tarpos manages to acquire the second most by a little bit. But yeah, you and Gorobin Lushen, you see Gorob and Lushen are tearing the fucking nails

off their fingers scrambling in the dirt but they just can't the the dirt here is frozen solid yeah your shovel is like fucking liquid gold right now when they return with the amount of rock do i think it's enough rock that we could encase the bog men's arms and legs in it? If not their entire bodies. You might not have enough to encase all of their arms. Oh my god. And then you and

Pierron get to work on a road. Describe to me how you make a road. So we we've got the road that's already there. Right. Okay. We try to make a little turn off of that road. Right. By moving away snow as much as possible. And then moving away the like dirt and grass or whatever is underneath the snow to try to make a dirt path.

And we like kick the dirt sort of like away to make a real divot. So that it's like theoretically this could look like an animal track or something like that. Like, you know, like with cows, like a cow run, that kind of thing. That's what we try to do. You do, once again, get a good boycott. Because this is quite good.

Pip wants this to work. So badly. Piran next to you. It's not like Piran isn't trying, but Piran has never seemed more like a townie than they have today. Piran has never seemed more like a southern belle than they have right now. Piran's kicking at the dirt. Put your back into it.

I'm trying. I'm trying. He's sweating. There's steam coming off him. He quite clearly is panicking, and he's not really able to get much done. You're there, like, your hand, just clawing it away. He's like, I don't want to get the dirt under my nails. I just, that, it's got to get a little dirty if you don't want to die from bog man's fury.

I'll just, fury? I'll just... Fury? Tarpos has put, as experimentally, Tarpos has started encasing one of the bog man's arms in stone when the bog man's start getting up. Let's go to initiative. God damn it. Will we get another go when we kill them?

I don't think you will. I don't know. I'll have the combat to think it over. Ruminate on it. I'm just going to go to the previous initiative order that we had. It's not worth rolling another one. All right. Tarpos goes first.

Is daylight still active? Does this bug man have one hand engaged in rock? Yes. Well, one of them does. Daylight lasts for one hour. No, sorry. The daylight is sadly done at this point.

Damn. It's been two hours. Okay. Tapos goes first. Tapos grabs the blood spear in both hands and drives it down into that zombie, stabbing them. And deal, yeah, one out of six down. All right, great.

Good stuff. And Pip, it's your turn. God damn it. I will plug two zombies in the head with arrows, and I'm going to use precise shot so they have advantage, the attacks. Good. The first one hits. And it's a 19. It's a critical. Yes. And the second one

is a really whiffed roll, but you nonetheless hit. Okay, thank god. So the first one, let's see what critical you got. That is find an opening, maximum damage, and you have advantage on attacks against that target for two rounds. you kill them.

The second attack also kills. You down another two, so we're down to three. Okay, all right. Good stuff. It's Piran's turn. Piran starts screaming. Maybe I've spent the entire time we were making the road describing the horrors of Bogman's fury.

This is very funny. Piran just, maybe Piran isn't even, it's instinctual. Piran just stabs downwards with a dagger, but he catches a Bogman in the head. Unfortunately, Piran is absolutely not taking enough care to get sneak attack on this. He's screaming. He's in a tizzy. Piran kills one of the

bog men. They're quite flimsy. Two bog men left. They attack. Oh, no. Hector, one attacks you. Miss. Oh, thank God. Actually, let me check. Shield up. Shield up. Miss. And then, Actually, let me check. Shield up. Shield up. Fuck. Yeah, miss.

And then, Pip, you get bit. Where? All right. Well, first things first. Fuck. Do I have anything? First things first. A character hit by the zombie's claw or bite attack must either make a DC-12 dexterity saving throw.

Yeah. Or a DC-12 constitution saving throw. Their choice. On a failed save constitution saving throw. Their choice. On a failed save, the character contracts flesh rot. I.e. bog man's fury. Yes. Let's make that dexterity.

Dexterity? Alright. So that is a dexterity saving throw which you are proficient in. Yes. It's a plus 7. So you need to get at least 5. I can do that.

That's a 1 in four chance of failing. Less than, actually. Less than, less than. I saw the first number I saw was the two round here, but you got 18. You got 18. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God.

You're fine. So as the bog man grabs you and bites down on your arm, you jerk your arm upwards, and the zombie bites down into your greaves. You feel it breaking skin, but you don't feel- I'm protected by the greave. The zombie's mouth doesn't actually touch your wound. Oh, thank God.

So you will only take- That is terrifying. Bogman's Fury is fucked. I was so willing in this fight. I was like, at the end, I'm just going to have to chop off people's limbs. That's good. You take a measly, a paltry two points of damage. Okay, that's fine.

This is not why they're scary. Oh, boy. Then, dude, get rid of them. Before they start. Because they start moving. They're going to call more. I'm aware. They're going to call more.

They'll come out of the darkness. Here's the truly terrifying thing about them. Role- wise Who knows But gameplay wise there's always a few of them around Yeah exactly Brovia I imagine under the fine layer of snow Yeah It's just Bogman all the way down

The Bogman scrambling on you Pip is dragged off you by Gorob and Lushen Gorob and Lushen drags the last Two remaining zombies And slams them into each other. They collapse. Okay.

All right. I will allow you a second attempt on the rolls. Okay. After having beaten them twice, I'll say the magic allows you

to go again. I will individually do each one, Adam. Would you like us to help? No! Uh-oh. Bad boy card for me. We'll individually do each one, Adam. Would you like us to help? No. Uh-oh.

Bad boy card for me. Okey-dokey. Don't worry too much. Okay. What's your modifier on this? 8 plus 3, 11. So you really only fail on a 1. Yeah.

Yeah, get a good boy card. Okay. That you lose. That was a good one, Yeah, get a good boy card. Okay. That, uh, you lose. Ah, that was a good one, too. Spied good boy card. It was one of those nice vague ones. Something good happens. Something good happens, the DM decides.

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Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. All right. Yeah. So, highs or lows? Highs. All right.

You get all six of them. All right. So, we need to bury them? No I mean Now that their Brains and hearts Are swapped And that's how you do it

By the way Now that their brains And hearts are swapped We should be safe Oh yeah Get real shitty about it Yeah yeah yeah Oh yeah

Get real shitty about it Now's the time For Pip to be a dick Yep Not hard I just I Piran sits down Piran needs to be a dick. It's not hard. Perrin sits down. Perrin needs to have a sit. Even in the snow, the wet snow, Perrin sits down.

You hear, makes like a little, as his bum touches snow. But then he's just huddled in the snow, rocking backwards and forwards. Okay, well, so you just hearts and then... You take wherever the heart is. Then you look wherever the brain is. I know, I was trying

to follow along. I don't know how we... It's a little red thing in their chest. A little beating, a little red thing and then a squishy, wrinkly and then you just...

You know brains, you've got some, right? No, you wouldn't know because your head's full of rocks. I just, I was just trying. It's fine. Now you know. Now you know.

You can harvest them for what you need. Yes, now I'll get harvested. I'll, I'll, I'll. You search their bodies, shall we say. Yes, I'll look through there, see what they've got. Oh, my goodness. Bones are buff. Pip.

You find one dose of, where is it? Poltergeist screams. Nice. Two Ectobloom. Four Rubies, let's say, of all things all right undead bane maybe the rubies had been pressed into some of their tongues quite clearly as a superstitious way of killing a zombie that you will you're like well that won't work idiots and finally two mimic guts oh cool in guts. I'm not sure how that happened.

You don't want to know who got bit for that. Yeah. Then, patting down their pockets and whatnot. You all happy to steal from the dead? Yeah. Yeah. You need it more. These dead attacked us.

Yeah. Dead attacked us. This is reparations. They would have wanted this. Yeah. All right. You additionally find... Not a lot. head attack. This is reparations. They would have wanted this. Alright, you additionally find

not a lot. You find a leather worked backpack containing 110 gold pieces. That's it. The rest of them were just wearing the clothes they had, which are not particularly pleasant right now. So were these the undead that

Ludmilla made? I have no idea. They're dressed in a way not super current with Barovian high fashion. And she's been doing it for, I guess, she created them, right? Yes, apparently. Could these be one of the first

generations? These could be the first generation. Yeah, I guess so. They're frozen. Does it look like, you said they were wet. Does it look like they've come out of like a lake or something? Not out of a lake. More like they've been in the rain. That's weird. They're just very drenched, but drenched more consistent with being in the rain.

Okay. Yeah, I don't, you might be right. I mean, makes me wonder how many more there are. Just sort of like gesture around to the woods no it doesn't it doesn't make you want to think of anything except perhaps a long sleep do we need to pile them in getting them away from the camp or not that i'll be doing much sleeping tonight i mean maybe for just the smell i say maybe i'll pile them into a pile and set them on fire just with my breath just to sure get them off the use of your breath

yeah you set them all alight you give them the best funeral funeral you give them the best funeral pyre that one can beautiful all right um say a quick prayer to to penia and um okay back to um back to whoever's taking next watch that was so hector you were on the current watch who that was the second watch pip, you were on the current watch. That was the second watch. Pip, would you have taken the first watch? I think so, yeah, yeah. All right, cool. It's up to the NPCs.

Piran stands up and says, I'll take next watch. I don't think I'm going to be sleeping much anyway. Yes, I guess we can look out for hedge. Yes, more zombies. Bog, men. Yes. Oh, don't worry. Bog, men, dry, actually.

I don't think I'll ever be able to not know what that sound is and when it's coming again. Is there a bog men comma wet? Let's find out, Perrin, if your words are correct. There is no bog men wet. Bog men comma wet. Yeah, yeah. Not in this edition. Perhaps a separate book.

Yeah. All right. At a later point in the night. Wake up! Everyone wake the fuck up! All right, let's return to our previous initiative. What? Let's do this one again.

Is it on fire? Everyone bolt upright. Yes, you see one of the bog men is crawling from the pyre towards you, moaning hungrily as it does. Its legs are non-existent. It's just a torso, arms, and half a head at this point. The rest of it is either ash or destroyed completely. I know it's not really what Hector would do,

but I would love to give Pip the smuggest look, but I don't. I think Pip's about to be like, which one of you messed this up? Tarpos, it's her turn first. Blood spear in hand and then throws it mightily at the bog man. Sticks it straight through the head. The bog man is dead. Can I try and swap its brain in this? Was that what I thought you got them on?

You get it this time. Who can say? There were so many bog men in there. I mean, we don't know where this one came from. If that had gotten pure. All right. Well, it's definitely, you know what? Just for safety

I'm gonna just chop it up a bit Maybe I borrow your shovel And I sever It's like Hand Fingers You know, wrist Every joint

This is kind of You know Obviously there's the three methods As outlined in Emmanuel the Monster But You might actually Especially something with the fingers You might consider that

Probably even more dangerous Than just leaving an arm. Because any part of the bog man can give you bog man frenzy. And if a finger so much as scratches you, that's it. All right. Well, I'll do the arms then on their own. Make sure that the bits are big enough to be seen easily. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will thoroughly wash that shovel whenever I can

next yeah well apart from that the night goes uneventfully go back to sleep hey remember the hags remember that problem remember like 20 minutes ago god

I guess we have a short yeah we get we enjoy Peruvia sucks maybe that's what Piran says as you go back to sleep yes you get a short rest

not wrong Piran yeah you're not wrong at all oh Tarpos she's already used so many of her

of her dice oh my god Tarpos well might as well use all of them why not so She's already used so many of her dice. Oh, my God. Tapas. Well, might as well use all of them. Why not? So, the next day comes. All of you heal a little bit, but never enough. Oh, yeah.

She'll probably heal as well. Nah, don't heal. All right. For you, Adam, I won't. No, I'd like to heal. Please. All right. Pip.

Yeah. You have nine hit dice that you can re-roll for this short rest. I'd like to heal. Please. All right. Pip. Yeah. You have nine hit dice that you can re-roll for this short rest. Would you like to spend some of them? This is day two, right? Until our next long rest. I'll use three. I'll use three of my hit dice. Three.

Okay. So you're on 15. You have nine. Would you like to use more than three? Yeah. Maybe let's use six. Six? I just want to save some, Adam. I just want to- more than 3? Yeah, maybe let's use 6. 6? I just want to save some, Adam. No, no, no, I know, I know, yeah, but

I mean, you might as well use a bit of... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to be economical. You recover 48 hit points. Good sleep. Hey! Yeah, putting you on 50... 63. Great sleep. One of the best.

63 out of 76. That's enough to kill 12 men. That's true. 12 regular men. A sleep good enough to kill 12 men. I'll also roll three dice. I'm at 60 out of 73. That ain't bad.

That's not bad. We've been in far more dire situations. This is honestly a good day. You feel great. Never felt better. All right. So what's the plan? Okay.

Iona just wanted us to investigate the wagon, right? No. No. I'm sorry, Pip, but we need to take care of the hag situation. That includes whatever it was down in that town. Pyrrhon says, no, I think she did just want us to investigate. So it is. I point to like where we chased.

I can't believe the fucking effort we're going through for that bitch. Okay. It's that way. It's daylight. So the Dusk Elves, while they will attack during the day they prefer not to attack unless it's dusk is that dusk elves sorry the dusk hags they while is day the dusk hags do they attack during the day or is it only when they probably can but they definitely prefer dusk it Yeah, the time listed on them is their time, that they're most active, their hunting time. It doesn't mean that they are harmless any time other than dusk.

If we are walking towards them, they will be up and about. Yes, they won't be asleep or anything like that. They might be acting defensively or what have you. I suspect, though I have no, I mean, it might not be. It might be something else. There are many kinds of hags, more than just listed in Emmanuel. But I suspect we might be dealing with a morrow hag. If that's the case, my main piece of advice to everyone is don't let her baleful eye look at you when you say her baleful does that mean her

actual eyes good eye nestled within her forehead it'll fuck your magic right up i point to you hector and i point to garb and lushen and then i point to tapas tapas makes no reaction okay and that those are the ones you said have a deal, make a deal? Yes, they were sort of the buyer's remorse, Hag, if you will. They'll make a deal with you. That deal will always work out for the Hag and never really work out for you. So, I mean, I assume I don't need to say this, but if the Hag tries to make a deal, say no. to say this, but if the hag tries to make a deal,

say no. I guess my question is, do we need to try and figure out what the deal that they've possibly made with Kutcheri, or is that not part of our job description? If the hag's dead, deal's off. Additionally, getting rid of the baleful eye

is worth doing because of aforementioned magic fucking up, but any weapon that does that according to emmanuel will become cursed now what that means i don't know but knowing emmanuel it's either really bad or means nothing okay so if we are to remove the bale fly, which again, I think we should, if it is a morrow hag we are fighting, then we will need a weapon we don't care about to do it with. Use a sharp stick?

Yes, if we can get close enough and pry it out with a sharp stick. So do we need to get it when she's dead or before she's... Well, before she's dead, because while she's alive, she'll be using it. Okay, sorry. There's so much with the manual. I don't know if it's... No, before she's dead, because while she's alive, she'll be using it. Okay, sorry. There's so much with the manual. I don't know if it's... No, once they're dead, then you remove the eye. Fair enough. There are a lot of rules. Well, I assume I point to Tarpos'

spear. We're not using that. No. Any weapon you like, I wouldn't use. Tarpos holds the blood spear protectively. What if you punched it out? Needs to be pierced out, I'm afraid. Then you'd have a cursed hand. Very dumb, says Tarpos.

He say, use weapon, don't care about. You say hand? No, I said, what if you used? I was just, I'm curious. Is this, where does the magic? He is an idiot does the magic he is an idiot isn't he I was

it was not Norabin Lushen look at Tarpos you want us to beat him up for you rub my snout rub my snout it might not even be

a morrow hag I can cut through I was just making just in case an idle conversation what do I know about like because Pip obviously has been trained on the monsters of the dark places.

Yes. Okay, that was our bread and butter. Sure, sure, sure. But hags exist in many forms. What do I know about the base hag? Hags 101, Adam. I mean, we've been over quite a bit of it, actually. So there's nothing extra, really.

Yeah, hags are not born, they are created. They sometimes, but not always, will be in a coven. If they are in a coven, it's typically three, the maiden, mother, crone. If a coven is larger than that, they will still have maiden, mother, crone, but

they will probably have a few of each role. Typically, mostly maiden to mother to crone. they will probably have a few of each role yeah typically mostly maiden to mother to crone crone very sort of most uh authoritative they can never really be more than one crone that just isn't done because there's a it's like a leadership struggle it's a crisis of faith for them you know hags are a type of fey. You know that the forest works typically towards them, either out of fear or out of respect or because they've tamed the forest in some way. They are creatures of the forest. You know that they enjoy or delight in the corruption of good things or even just neutral things. They love turning things towards evil.

And you know that they are not the sort of creature that would just... They wouldn't attack without cause. They would much rather... More insidious than that. Like even the dusk hags, which are kind of a... I wouldn't describe them as a base hag. No, no. But I would describe them as being more bestial thank hags, which are kind of a, I wouldn't describe them as a base hag.

No, no. But I would describe them as being more bestial than regular hags. Even they prefer to infect someone with insatiable desire rather than just kill them. Sure, absolutely. Okay. So, yeah, that's hag 101. That's hag 101. All right.

And, okay. And when we're fighting or if we're attacking this moral hag, what is, apart from going for its eye with a weapon we hate. In terms of weaknesses and defenses, bludgeoning, slashing, cold fire, none of that's going to do shit unless it's magical. And then, obviously, cold iron. So magical works. Yes.

A piercing weapon is good. A cold iron piercing weapon. That's the special sauce. But otherwise... The morrow hag is immune to frightening and poisoning attacks and it is resistant to bludgeoning, slashing, cold and fire from non-magical sources. Okay, so morrow wind we can pierce,

but the dusk ones we have to use bludgeoning. Yes. That's the trick. Fun. Fun, fun, fun. Alright, okay. Okay. Can I? It's so hard to pick up a small bludgeoning weapon. A rock?

Yeah. With, I guess, the mace in hand, I'm like, I will go, when push comes to shove, like, brandish the'm like I will go When push comes to shove Like brandish the spear I will go for the morrow hag I held up the mace Yeah Long ago

Yeah From a dead angel Would anyone like this one? Pip? I've never I'm not much for hand to hand combat But it would be useful against the dusk hags Gorob puts up a hand and says

I can break the brittle! That's your guy. Gorub takes the mace. Idiot, says Lushen. You're not sure if he's talking about you still or if he's talking about Gorub. Hard to tell. Who can say?

Inscrutable as always. He washes over me like water off a duck's back. There is a terrifying creaking noise behind your group. You all turn around. The wagon rights itself. It's on its wheels now. The fuck? The wagon starts trundling down the road back in the direction you came.

Is it an enchantment? I don't know. I fire an arrow into it. Is anyone in the wagon? No. You hit the wagon with an arrow. No one that you can see at least. There are obviously a lot of holes. As you watch

those holes begin healing over themselves like it was flesh that was healing. The wood knits back together, and then before the wagon begins rounding the bend, it's brand new. Does my arrow hit it? Your arrow hits it, and then as the healing happens, the arrow falls out the back.

I don't know what the fuck that was, I say. Perhaps a shrug. I thought it might have been a mimic. Oh, imagine sleeping been a mimic. Oh, imagine sleeping in a mimic. There's an idea. I suppose it would have eaten us if that had been the case. Maybe it's gone back to a Vistani camp, I say.

Two horses trot out of the woods and make their way after the wagon. Is this it? Is this like anything I've ever come across knowing what I know about the Vistani? It's obviously magic. Oh, yeah. But aside from that...

It's the Vistani's wagon, so I guess it will keep going until it reaches Kuchini? Maybe they're calling it back. Maybe that's something they can do.

Maybe. This feels like true old-timey, like, like well whatever's possible okay this is the god of the gap right now that's what this is it's not our problem i say at the very least i mean that's where we were sleeping so that's unfortunate but that would have been a free trip back up to kuturi if we'd been quick enough though it seems as though it was waiting until we were out, perhaps, before. No, you'd been standing out for a little bit. It doesn't seem like it had anything to do with you.

Either the time of day or perhaps its owners have called it back. Yeah. Let us hope it is that time. Okay. That is thoroughly not our problem. I point to Piran. Once more into the woods, I guess. You remount on horses and you

make for the Salencaposs? Hags. Oh, hags. You're going back after the hags? Yeah. That's what we gotta do, isn't it? I don't know why I thought you'd be leaving, I guess, because it's unpleasant. Yeah. That I own a person, maybe Pyrrhon's right.

Maybe we don't need him. Let's back into the forest. Yeah. That I own a person, maybe Perrin's right. Maybe we don't need him. Maybe we're a model. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's back into the first. I think I put some marks here. We try to follow. It's very apparent, Pip, very quickly that Hector did a bad job. What the hell is this?

You've got a left and right on the same tree. No, because it was left to where? No, because I was... Left to where? No, because I was putting... Was I doing what I shouldn't do? Well, that's never a good idea. That's my advice for you. No, I put what you should do. No, I put it...

Should we... No, hang on. Oh, wait, this isn't even me. This is just Mark. Oh, that's not my writing. Someone else has gotten lost here. Okay. See, I drew...

I didn't do arrow points, did I? What would you... Numbers? Why would you do numbers? No, I did numbers and then a little hat of an arrow, but pointing where to... You gave the numbers a hat. Well, you've gotten us lost, so congratulations.

You, at a certain point, find, I wouldn't describe it as a clearing, but it's a space, as I said previously last time you were going through, you are lost, but you are going in that direction again where the trees begin becoming hostile towards you and their needles start stabbing at you as you pass by. This is normal. You've not dismounted yet, but there, well,

yeah, you've not dismounted yet because the trees aren't that thick together yet, and there is, it's not a clearing, it's just a little space where there's abnormally fewer trees, but it's not big enough to put a building or anything like that. In fact, it's only really big enough for you to just make out, Pip, that there is under

the snow, oh, by the way, it's a clear day. The snow has not left, but it's a clear. Well, once again, it's overcast. It's overcast, but it's not snow. There is under the snow a figure, a prone body, probably a corpse. Okay. Would you like to investigate? Do we need to bog man that?

Are they wearing the... They're covered in snow. You'd have to go touch them, unfortunately, to find out. We could. I'll slide off the horse into the snow, and then I, with my crossbow ready, just in case we need to bog man them. Wait, can I...

I'll just divine sense. Yeah, that's a good idea. You sense no presence of undead, fae, celestial, or fiend. It's not undead. Well, that's great, I say. Maybe kick off the snow and then try and turn it over with my foot. You turn over a Vistani. Is it the one we...

I mean, it can be hard to tell these sorts of things. You are unable to discern how recent this corpse is but you do see that there is a bloody rock nearby and their head has been caved in oh i think we're where we were last night hector no it's definitely not oh well i guess you didn't see that vistani but it's definitely not the same one not the same one i'll skip the thing of hector you get down and also investigate it's not the same one. Not the same one. I'll skip the thing of, heck, do you get down and also investigate. It's not the same one. Okay.

It's a third Vistani. Head caved in? Head caved in, yep. I'm guessing if the Vistani that we saw was perhaps the Kirster the Hag. Does it make them attack their friends? If their friends are in the way of their greatest desire, then it could. So if they try to stop him, for example. Yes, then that's a bashed head.

Okay. That's a recipe for a bashed head. Okay. Well, at least we know we're in the right area, I guess. All right. Keep searching. Because of their – Iona was mentioning these people are good people, they're our friends.

Would it be more like, well, if we find... Would it be like, well, here are their... To give them a proper burial? Iona might appreciate that. Iona cared enough to ask you to help these people or search for them. Cool. Well, if you could help me, I'll just...

We need to... Yeah, all right. Put on the back of the horse. All right, you collect the corpse. Piran looks at the body and says, lovely. All right. You collect the corpse. Pip, herein, looks at the body and says, lovely. All right. Keep moving. Yep.

Yeah. Pip, you wish you hadn't even followed Hec's instructions. It's not helping. Thankfully, you're a good enough woodsman that you're able to sort of take a very roundabout way. But it's not the same path that you took previously. But you feel like you're going to sort of take a very roundabout way but it's it's not the same path that you took previously but you are you feel like you're going in the right direction again all of you have to dismount you see in the quotation marks light yeah much as it can be in the light of day that coat again it's you see now that it's this light out it is indeed a coat

no one talks about a trait i say one touched that coat, I say. In fact, that's probably how you know you're going in the right direction. Leave the coat alone. We don't know what it is. Don't have to tell me twice. Tapos looks at it curiously, but doesn't say anything. Gorob and Lushen are having an argument.

That's fine. If you two could please not have an argument, you know what that attracts. What? They maybe genuinely don't know what it attracts. But Tarpos turns around and explains, Hag come to yelling. Oh, of course. Well, we would never want to endanger you.

Oh, I'm sure this one would love to endanger. You're yelling right now. I don't know if you know. They quite, Gorob turns and gives Lushen a smug smile because he was also arguing, but Lushen was just the last one to talk. Gorob gives Lushen a very smug look, and Lushen goes very red in the face, which transfers to Gorob a little bit,

but then they continue. Sorry, they quite... You're both yelling. Shut up. Well, who cares? It doesn't matter, people. It doesn't matter. They've stopped.

All right. You reach that clearing now in the daylight. Yeah, now you can very clearly see it's a ring of headstones around the small cottage. You can see there's a little bit of steam coming out of the cottage. And apart from that, once again, apart from the obvious, there's nothing wrong with this scene. So what is the plan of attack? Do we simply knock on the door and brandish a weapon?

Or is it wait until they come out? Or do you want us to hide? I've been thinking about the cabin, and I've been thinking about how flammable it is. Right. I don't see why, if we're quiet enough, we can't just set the whole damn thing ablaze. Is there anybody passing there, though? Oh.

That is a possibility, yes. Sam, it's been in this situation before Let me quickly cast Shatter I should say as well, actually, this is something you would absolutely notice And even if you hadn't seen this last night, you would have noted this as being unusual Hector, the graves look very freshly disturbed, all of them. This was last night. It looked like someone had been buried here maybe a little while ago.

Today, it looks like the dirt was disturbed maybe after you left last night. Now, the hag corpses, I guess, that we destroyed or we fought and killed, were they there this morning? Yes. Okay. They didn't come back, drag them off, and bury them? No, bury them. So they there this morning? Yes. Okay. So they didn't come back, drag them off and bury them? No, bury them. So they've been disturbed. Okay.

All right. Well, the graves are nearly disturbed. Okay, okay, okay. Is it the kind of thing where to make... I will let you know, you're just looking at this from a distance. You can just see dirt piled up there, and you can tell that someone's been digging very recently, but you've not gone up, you've not had a proper look at this. I'm just saying what you can see.

Is it the kind of thing where, theoretically, to make a dust keg, you might need to bury somebody? Okay. This is absolutely nothing you've heard of. It's outside my wheelhouse. Yeah. And there's no cover? I would say, actually, you know enough to know

that that is not part of making a hag. Something else is going on here. Okay. Does it ring any bells for anything else? I guess so many things. No, not really, actually. Whatever this is, this doesn't feel like a Dark Places thing. This feels like you're watching a new Dark Place thing happen.

Oh, no. Something that you might need to add to the novel. Pip, so the Morrow hag, it makes a deal? Right, yes. It makes a bargain of some kind. With somebody. Often moral hack, it makes a deal? Right, yes. It makes a bargain of some kind. With somebody. Often with a mortal.

With a mortal. What if it made a deal with, say, I guess an immortal or close enough to an immortal? What if it made a deal with Ludmilla? Get a good boy car!

Oh, no. So if it made a deal with Ludmilla, she was the one creating a lot of undead there i guess it's the ones like the freshly dug graves yeah like perhaps um you know whatever the hag gets the hag gets but ludmilla gets more people to experiment on well i mean i understand that people just go to the abattoir and go missing but this one gives her enough

leeway to or or she can at least co-opt the magic of the morrow hag to do stuff she couldn't otherwise. She could be studying the hag itself. That's very concerning. Uh, right. Well, I think... If you are to

investigate the cottage and those graves, I'll stay here with the horses. Make sure they're safe. Oh, okay, yeah. Piran, I know we may need your abilities. To keep horses safe, yes. I will be the utmost horse defender. I just want to totally lock eyes with Piran.

Piran, if we die, the prophecies die with us. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. He starts rubbing his snout. Gets to you all. In the end, he gets to us all. Well, we can't very well just go and knock on the front door. Or can we? It's morning.

The Morrowhag would love to make a deal right now. Make a deal. If we could try to... Is there any way for, say, Piran to hide? Piran can hide, yeah. I mean, if you could try and scout around, hide while we get the hag's attention, and then strike out when we strike out. All right.

So the intention is to kill the hag. Unless you really want to make a deal with it. Why would I want to do that? Don't do that. No. I don't fancy the idea. No. I don't really want to go in.

Gorub and Lushen, without any prompting, say, any sort of deal? Hey, Gorub and Lushen, look at me. Oh, no. Don't do it. Gorub and Lushen kind of shrug together, shrug, and then you see, both of you see, as they involuntarily kind of look at the scene that connects them and then just face forwards again,

having thought better of it. Oh, God. connects them and then just face forwards again having thought better of it oh god uh okay i would like to make some i have i have a plan and maybe i explain the plan so the moral hag is not weak to a lot but if i use some frankenhart i could make her weak to fire now she's inside obviously drawing her out was just going to be... What I'm thinking is if I can climb the roof, I could throw this down the chimney. Hit her before she even

comes out. Weaken her to fire. Then we have some advantage. And when she comes out? Well, everybody's ready to attack her and she's already suffering. Okay. I would like... Seems like a very good plan. I'd like to combine some frankenhut

some dragon blood for the legendary power sure and let's make it an emerald for accuracy

squat down you succeed great the emerald begins vibrating with energy okay alright cause if we can that won't destroy the cabin will it? You succeed. Great. The emerald begins vibrating with energy. All right. Because if we can, that won't destroy the cabin, will it?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Imagine. The only downside is if your Vistani friend is still inside, they might become weak to fire. It's okay. But here's the trick. They probably already are. Most of us are. That's very funny.

Okay. Well, if it stands to reason that the vistani has made a deal with the hag and the wagon that magically just stood itself up and trundled away this morning was that vistani's wagon perhaps the vistani has made the deal and is no longer here. Do I know if killing the Morohag will renege the deal? Very possibly. It depends on you. This is more a magical theory sort of thing rather than something that would be addressed in Emmanuel. Mulling over, I'm like,

this person, they have dealings with Ludmilla. They would know about Ludmilla. They would have information about Ludmilla. That might be very useful, but then I'm dealing with a hag, and a hag is inherently evil and wants to corrupt good things or neutral things. I am a good

thing. It's a tricky one. Can I also make... I'm going to get... I have five poltergeist screams okay i'm gonna combine them with water just because i'm running out of materials here and then diarist wolf hearts because they're the thing i have the most of i just want to give all of my allies the ability to do fire damage okay so sorry it's poltergeist scream for fire damage yeah diarist wolf hearts

just for special sauce. And let's say psychic damage because she's not necessarily immune or resistant to that. And then water just as my doing agent. Do you want to make that instead of water, oil so that you can apply it to a weapon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do that. Cool. Yeah.

Great. You get, I'd say, yeah, enough oil for five attacks. You can spread that over weapons however you want. All right. I will give that to, how many people have we got here? Piran. Piran, Goroblashan. Tarpos.

Tarpos, yourself, and Hector. And Hector. All right. I'll give everybody one then. Okay. All right. So you can all apply, you can apply it to a weapon now, and just the next time you hit, it's going to deal some fire damage.

Great. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, hit, it's going to deal some fire damage. Great. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. It actually probably wouldn't combust. It would stick to the sword, and when the sword strikes something, it'll be like tinder. It'll be like a steel and, what do you call it? Flint and steel. Yeah.

All right, well, I explained that to everybody. And then, is everybody prepared? Everyone nods slowly. As slow as we can be. All right, I'd like to get down low, and I'd like to climb the cottage up to the chimney. So, well, you first have to get into the clearing. Yes.

And then you're going to sneak your way up to the cottage? All right. Wood, before you do this. Yes? Perhaps Perrin could throw it in? Maybe that's a better idea. While we... You're for the range, so you could probably... Can you hit the door from here?

Could I? It'll be at disadvantage because it's further than 100 feet, but you can hit from here. Yeah, I probably could. Do you want to come from here or point to one of the trees? Climb? Or would you like to get closer? I will be at disadvantage.

I'll climb one of the trees. I'll try and do it from high. Climbing a tree won't put you in range. No, it won't give me advantage, but it'll give me... Well, actually, you'd be attacking down from height. I'd give you... If you climb high enough, I'll give you advantage. Okay, yeah, I'll do that then.

You start climbing off. I have a climb speed as well. Oh, you have a climb speed? Well, I mean, getting towards the branches. When you get to the branches, I'll say your climb speed takes over. But just getting up to it. But yeah, there's not really much handholds at the base. So you get to the base.

So you get from the base to lower branches, and then you start climbing your way up high. You reckon you're high enough now that the plung it will kind of, the plunging shot will counteract the range on the shot. And before I do that, I'll give Piran the... So, from this height, several things. Oh no. First thing, you can now, you get a much better view of the clearing. The graves have not

been disturbed, they're open. You can see each one of them has the corpse of a dusk hag inside. And you see well enough to spot that they have neatly, their arms have been removed. It's kicked off though, hasn't it? What does that even mean? I don't know.

I guess Lid Miller's getting dusk hag arms? Yeah, I suppose so. What can they do? Paralytic touch, maybe? To add to some creature she's making? Uh. Yeah. Ah, that makes

sense. Okay. Come on, we're working it out, we're working it out, we're putting two and two together here? Yeah, yeah. Give me two and two, Zammett! She's using. Give me two and two, Zamit. He's using bits of, I would say, werewolf, as well as bits of the hag. Yeah. To make. To make that creature we fought. Yay!

Trombo. Okay, okay, okay. Good stuff. All right, you are all surprised. The dusk hag that you climbed, Pip. No. Attacks you. Oh, no.

All right, let's go to initiative. Things have gone wrong instantly. Instantly things have gone wrong. Hey, but you learned something very important just now. Yeah. Will I survive long enough to impart it? All right, bright side. Yeah. The morrow hag is also surprised, but the dusk hags are not.

So it's just the dusk hags acting. Okay, great, great, great, great, great, great. Okay, good. Now the dusk hags, they didn't nearly destroy us the last time we fought them, right? There's only two. There's only two. Maybe two. I've been led to believe there's only two. There's a big forest.

There could be trees. They can't all be dusk hags. Only two. This is a big forest. It could be trees. They can't all be Dusk Hags. The Dusk Hag attacks. Okay. Why have they removed their arms? That's... Alright, it makes two attacks at advantage. Awesome. Because you're... I'm on it. Yeah. Well, no, because you're surprised. Oh, right. Alright, it makes two attacks at advantage Awesome

I'm on it Well no, because you're surprised You get hit twice So Hey, remember this? Fuck, this is good We're back, baby Like we never left

Fuck, I own a better be fucking worth it. 20. 30 damage. Excuse me? I said 30 damage. Did you not hear me? Oh, my God. Cool.

Awesome, dude. I love to hear that. Hey there, fellas. To be continued... not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice, and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.