D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #3 Unlikely Bedfellows

Episode Date: May 20, 2023

In a desperate attempt to save Vallaki, some of the party strike a deal with Baron Vargas Vallakovich. Hecktor makes a regretful decision in asking for help opening a door while Pip’s good deed immediately gets punished.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, you are nonetheless marooned, stranded in a nightmare your people call Barovia. While I am able to travel easily between the plains, you cannot, and as such, you find Baron von Strahd your jailer. There is no escape unless I, a Gogash the Mighty, can defeat him.

The Baron and the Baroness stare at you with a steely cold gaze. I will let you leave here, and I will tell you how to stop this invasion. But I ask for one more thing. What is the one thing? Lady Watcher must die. How about this, Baron? We saved some of your people. Why don't you give us one of our people,

and then you tell us how to do your job of saving your town? And we will do that and then we will leave. You see the Baron consider that for a moment and he says, I find this deal dissatisfactory. Perhaps instead then, if you will not kill Lady Watcher, if you will not end Strahd's influence within my town. I just don't think we have the time and what town will be left if you keep bargaining with us. I don't think he means kill Lady Watcher right now. You know, it's just some point in the future.

Whatever. How do we save this town? He seems to think about it. He looks at one of the draped windows. There's no screaming anymore. You can't hear screaming in Valachar anymore. But you can hear the distant sound of fire and bats. And he says finally, very well.

and bats. And he says, finally, very well. You will not kill Lady Watcher, but you will not return to Valakai. That's fine. I hated you.

Then Adil is struck. He reaches out with his hand. I don't shake it. I'm just like, good, Adil is struck. Give us the ender. How do we save the town? Pip shakes the hand.

You shake his cold, clammy hand. After, immediately, as that happens, you feel a cold, like a cold shard of ice

slip into your heart. It is metaphorical now, but, Pip, you are under a geese, a quest,

if you will. If you do not keep your word in this bargain, that metaphorical shard will become very real. It's funny that Pip, once he leaves Valakai, if he ever goes back, will die. All right.

Oh, this, I should say, the geese works for you and everyone who made this deal. If Hector or if anyone else comes back, it hits you just the same. Okay. All right. Cool. Cool. The burden of the entire party is now upon you all right well i would say actually a go uh yeah gogash doesn't care and

he doesn't think of it a gogash yender and crib it all will shake hands as well crib it's maybe the only person who's clearly knows what's happening but he still shakes the hand and when you can see like it's happening to him, he nods with satisfaction. What did he do? It's sort of a geese. It's a magical promise has been made. It's a dirty trick, but he's a dirty man. I come back in Valakai after leaving, I assume.

If any of you break your word, you will suffer consequences. in exchange you have my word of the same he says putting his hand over his heart i will not track you i will not follow you you have nothing to fear from me now the origins of this plague comes from the coffin maker shop he says. He shows you on the map. The Coffin Maker's shop is in the far east of the city. I have reason to believe that the Coffin Maker has made a deal with Strahd.

It is no longer important. He is dead. But nonetheless, the origin must be sealed. Within the Coffin Maker's shop, there will be some method of magical transposal. Destroy this method however you see fit, and this plague will end. All right.

All right. Well, let us go. Yep. Stand up. Free Yender. Unchain Yender. He gestures, and. Free Yender. Unchain Yender. He gestures and one of the city watch unchains Yender. She stands up, gives you both Pip and Hector, gives you both a curt nod, and you leave.

Never liked you, I say to the Burgermaster as I leave. He waves a hand like he doesn't care. Hasn't changed. But secretly he cares. Pip's the most popular guy in school. As you step out onto the Berger master's porch, a go-gash looks at the two of you and says, we have much to discuss.

You're telling me. Yeah. Yender nods looking for about all of you and says, yeah, we, uh, what? Are you are you are you are you a lot all right what the fuck happened here i mean there's really no time yanda all right no you're right you're right you're right we got to get to the coffin makers shop yeah yeah all right and then we will happily tell you what has happened if we ever get a break here not around people that can talk to strad i just don't point at the bats

in the distance anywhere near us. God, imagine having an afternoon to just chat idly, I say. It's been like three days of this shit. I would never believe, I would never, if you a week ago, if you had told me that I would see my

time in the city of Barovia as like a holiday from my time in Valachai. I would not, I came here on kind of a fucking holiday, she says. Quick question, Yenda, do you have any source of magic left? She looks at you very meaningfully and she says, I know what you're talking about. I got a little magic. Good.

Thankfully. Good. I wouldn't say I'm particularly gifted at the moment, but I ain't got none. I think myself and I think you and probably more me have been draining Barovia's resources to the point where we have caused potentially some irreparable damage. She nods. Ain't that the understatement of the year? All right. So she has some cure wounds.

Would we like to distribute that? I don't know. I don't think so. I'm good. I'm a bit fucked up, but I think I can make a concoction. All right. As you're moving, you would like to make a concoction? Yes.

Oh, one thing. Pip, this, I don't want to, the feather that Jackson gave me so long ago when, as a nicety, I was given this feather as a gift. Is this any sort of alchemical reagent? Is it a raven's feather? How's a loz? Let's say it's a seagull feather. There's no function to that.

Is this anything? It's exotic. It's exotic? There's no seagulls around here. Nothing kind of magically charged? I'll take it. I might be able to do something with it. But not from my training. If it was a raven feather, I'd be tucking do something with it, but not from my training. If it was a raven feather, I'd say tucking it into my little equipment.

Now, that's radiant damage, a raven feather. But seagull feather may be good against crabs. One of the Vistanis gave it to me. I don't know if it can help us now, but if it can, great. I'll see. Maybe down the track we'll find something to do with it. Maybe we'll come across some chips that need to be eaten. Wow, Pip.

Wow. I thought, well, at this point anything could have helped. Yeah, no, of course. You're not wrong. I'd like to go buy some dragon blood. Maybe under my breath. Still a cunt. Some angel feathers.

So dragon blood for immunity to energy. Angel feathers for healing. Now, here's a question for you. What energy are you picking? Necrotic, let's say. Okay. Now, here's a question. I have something that can poison me.

Can I make it a good poison? What do you mean? So what are you combining and what's your intention? Healing from angel feathers. Whatever was giving me energy. Dragon's blood from unity to energy. You're using the legendary power of the dragon's blood. That's all you care about, right?

Yeah. No, I just want to make a healing bomb or something to heal up myself. But I'm thinking if I make it poisonous, can I give myself temporary hit points as I'm poisoned by healing? Oh, yeah yeah so like every as it would normally make me weaker it's actually making me stronger um i'll give you i'll make you that deal sure it gives you temporary hit points but it gives you a consistent temporary hit points for some amount of time all right all right i'll add some flump spoils which is gonna make it taste

terrible but i mean it tastes good but all right for right. For a D6 rounds, you will get, let's say, five temporary hit points. All right. I will just... I'm not going to drink it now, but I'll just slot it onto my little bandolier. Okay. Maybe I'll take a little marker, write H for healing on it. Well, you still kind of need some healing, though, because you're still kind of fucked up. So Yender is going to cast...

Yeah, she's going to burn a bit of magic just to get you a little bit in a better place. Thanks, Yender. 10. You regain 20 hit points. Nice. You're on 33. 33 out of 80. Is the Coffin Maker shop, I asked the...

Maybe Pip? Yeah. Is that near where the Blacksmith and the leatherworker were? Is it? It's like from where you are, it's on the way. Yeah, no, it is near, yeah. Yeah, they're pretty close. I mean, I know that the blacksmith had some weapons. They had arms and arms.

And we could make sure that the leather working is on fire. Those buildings are... Well and truly gone? Yeah. Excellent. Yeah. That's good. That's good to hear then.

Yeah. Well, if we make sure that... Well, we'll check it out. I mean, that was our intention for coming here in the first place, I say. And then arms and arms are not to... Anyway, let's start marching. You make your way towards the coffin maker's shop. Was there anything salvageable in the blacksmith slash leather worker area?

Well, do you want to take the time to check? Is it on fire? Is it actively on fire or is it smoldering? Highs or lows? Go highs. It's partially on fire, partially collapsed. Okay. Well, then it's just nice to know that it is fallen. Yeah. To be honest. Yeah. Small blessings. It's partially on fire, partially collapsed Okay, well then

It's just nice to know that it is fallen To be honest Small blessings This uninviting shop is two stories tall And has a sign shaped like a coffin Above the front door All windowed shutters are closed up tight And a deathly silence

Surrounds the establishment Outside, actually from that sign, is a man. He has been hung. Oh. This guy. Oh, the coffin maker himself, I have to assume. He's probably also been disemboweled as well, and his guts are lying in a heap on the floor.

This looks like the work... Pip, you've seen this before. This looks like the work of Izek, the Burgermaster's right-hand man. That's a shame. It looks like this guy was killed for working with Strahd. Yeah. Okay.

All right. I'd like to quickly make one more concoction. I'm sorry. I feel like I'm always making concoctions. I'd like to combine some Death Knight's woe for undead bane with some blight skin for poison and then with some shambling fungi for gripping just to make some more undead bane arrows you succeed you get five undead bane arrows sick i'm burning through ingredients it's getting low i'm getting low baby what would you like to do like i said the the

place looks boarded up tight. You can see that that second floor, a lot of the windows are open and it looks like a steady stream of bats is flying out of the second floor. I will... We know it... Not worth putting on divine sense. Me and Krivit can probably get up to those windows,

I say. Krivit and I. Krivit and I Kribbit and I could probably get up to those windows Kribbit nods appreciatively Did Berger

might I say what it was exactly? It was very unclear Some kind of transposing portal He didn't He just knows that there's some

portal in there If you two could head up there the three of us will go through the front door Is it wise for you to stray so far from me in such a place as a Kogash?

Oh, I missed this. He's actually got a good point. Maybe you're right. Maybe if we all go in together, you know, we'll have a... Somebody once said adventure is together strong. My brother Hank is always saying that. Your brother Hank sounds like a clever fella, says Yender. You kick in the door

successfully. When you do that... Oh, I thought of a go-gash too. Oh, man. It's so emasculated. You kick in the door, and when you do that, you see a little flare appears, and you have tripped some sort of magical incantation or something.

Okay. Figured as much. Can I identify it at all? You don't know much arcana. No. Or you don't know this sort of magic. Yeah. I guess if I've noticed that, what the hell was that?

Yeah, yeah. It was a glyph of alarm, Hector. Someone has just been made aware that you've noticed that. What the hell was that? Yeah, yeah. It was a glyph of alarm, Hector. Someone has just been made aware that you've done this. I guess it gets them away from the church. Yeah, that's true. All right, let's start making our way through the coffin shop. All right. The ground floor appears to be uninhabited,

but there are many coffins. Oh, no. Scary. Adam, I want to stop playing. Adam, you didn't say there were coffins. coffins, coffins you know they're frightened of miles Dead guys go in them The first room is a workshop It contains everything a carpenter might need

To make coffins or furniture Three sturdy work tables Stretch the length of the west wall You can see there are two doors On your right hand side Which would you like to take? The first or the second? They get no, obviously, markings or anything above them. Also, obviously, searching the room is, turning the room over for anything is obviously always an

option. I'm just not always saying that. I feel like, presumably, the bat portal. Yeah, is where we want to go. First, I want to ask. Yeah. Yeah, so let's... First, I want to ask a question about how does vampire invitation works. If I'm in a building that's not mine, can I say, go away? You're not invited. Can... Anyone can invite a vampire in.

It doesn't matter. And then if they've already been invited, can they... I don't know if you can de-invite a vampire. You don't think... I don't think you can do that. You can say, no, sir, if they ask if they want to come in. But if they've already been invited in, that's pretty much game over. Could we all make some sort of home rule where it's like they have an hour to leave if you invite them?

That'd be funny. They're going to take care of their affairs. Fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so we can't... Okay, good. Right, well, what are the options? There's two doors.

Two doors on the right-hand side. Yeah. One is immediately as you come in. The other is about halfway into the room. That probably doesn't help you much. Just set the scene. I was going to be like, I'm thinking of house design.

Where would you put an entry to upstairs? Yeah. Well, I just tried both doors. Let's just give it away. First one? Yeah. I just tried both doors. Let's just give it a whack. First one? Yeah. You fools! A table with four chairs in one

corner of the room, a lantern hanging from a chain directly above, two well-made cabinets stand against the east wall. It's kind of an L-shaped room. If you stick your head in and look around properly, you can see there is a door here as well to the north. Okay.

The way this building is designed, it's just like two stories. It's not like a two-story and then like a one-story kind of extension or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, no. It's one floor directly above that. Well, we'll try the other door then. The other door? And if this one doesn't work out, we'll go in here and then up to the north.

Arranged haphazardly about the floor of this musty L-shaped room are 13 wooden coffins. You can see there is a back, presumably entrance. Yeah, from the design of the door, you can tell it leads outside. And then there is two doors immediately

to your right-hand side. It looks like one of these doors leads to that junk room that you saw before, but the other door here, kind of in the middle of the house, if you will, is unknown. I'm just gonna just chuck on Divine Sense, Adam. Alright, you sense an undead

presence all around. Undead have been in the area recently. Maybe still. So that doesn't give me like this coffin over there? There's going to be a spooky vampire going to pop out? There's been a lot of undead here

for a while recently, so no unfortunately. You can tell that there's none in this room. There's one door left that you haven't explored in that coffin room. Okay, we'll try that. It is locked. Okay.

Cool. How sturdy is the door? It's made out of wood. You're not 100% sure. It is locked. I want a quick cursory around looking for where would a key be? Put it back on the body. Just bash through. I was about to be like, yeah.

Bash through. Oh, good job. Yes. Good boycott. Yes! You break down a set of stairs leading up. Nice. You make your way up. As you do so, who would be the what's the marching order? This stairway is only

Cool, this is the first time we've had to do a marching order. How crazy. This set of stairs is only wide enough for one person at a time. So who's first? I would say myself. Yep. Next. Then a go-gash.

Then probably Yender. Yeah, yeah. Then you and Kribbit. Okay, yeah. All right, so Kribbit brings up the rear. Kribbit pulls once again, Pip, at your sleeve, and he says, Story approaches.

And then he points out the open front door, and you can see as Escher steps into the building. Okay. Uh-oh. Okay. We're going to go to initiative. He's quick enough to catch up to you. Yeah, all right.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Shit. Shit. It's Esha's turn first. No shock. Esha reaches out to you, Pip, being the closest person who is not Kribbit, and Esha would never harm Kribbit. Kribbit's also

too low. It doesn't look menacing if you go down to pick someone up. Fair enough. He reaches out with a hand that becomes claw like when it wraps around your throat he squeezes and crushes your windpipe you take oh instead of damaging all right oh no that's fine all right you just no saving throw i grappled he begins to pull you in oh no there is Sorry there is a saving throw Sorry It's just really hot Fuck

You fail What is the It's a Athletics check Nevermind Alright He pulls you in With an

Awful Awful Wrenching feeling He twists your head To expose your neck Oh shit Oh fuck Oh god Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Critical failure. Oh, thank God. Oh, my fucking God. Hey, guess what? Just guess how much damage this could do. Like 80. Maybe 50. Like 50? I want to say 50. Not even close. 20? No, it's actually quite

low. Okay. It's a D6 plus 4 piercing damage. Yeah. Plus 3D6 necrotic damage, which is I want to say 50 not even close 20? no it's actually quite it's quite low okay it's a d6 plus 4 piercing damage yeah plus 3d6 necrotic damage which is reduced from your maximum hit points he gets that back uh-huh and if he reduces you to zero

you become a vampire spawn oh no cool pray for a high number oh that's a decently high number hmm uh all right you grab Escher oh this is pretty good for you actually you grab Escher and you throw him off you Pray for a high number. Oh, that's a decently high number. All right.

You grab Escher. Oh, this is pretty good for you, actually. You grab Escher and you throw him off you. He falls over one of the coffins, lands onto the floor, looks up at you. His face contorts and twists. No longer attractive. It takes on like an angular, a predator-like appearance. Like it becomes part, I don't even know, like part savage animal,

like a bear for a brief moment. Then it reverts back to its normal handsome appearance. When he tries to get up, he finds that the hem of his clothes has gotten skewered by one of the broken wooden coffins. That rules.

And it takes him a moment to get back up. That's great, that's great. Hector. Alright, um, Esh is there. Uh, coffins and it takes him a moment to get back up. That's great. Hector. Esh is there. Do I know enough about Esh's goals? What's in front of me? In front of you is the door to the second

story. Alright, I will kick it open. I will start to run and burst through. I assume it is locked and I don't care I will kick it open. I will start to run and burst through. I assume it is locked and I don't care. You kick it down and oh, actually, I'm so sorry. There's two doors. One to your left, one to your right. Okay.

Knowing the layout of the house, when we walked in, what would be the one with the windows that we would be like? It was all of the rooms, it appeared. Okay, okay, okay. No, actually, I was all of the rooms. It appeared. Okay. Not actually. I'm so sorry. I tell a lie. No, it would be it's a precious situation.

How well can you remember in a precious situation? Not very. No, one side of the house absolutely was not producing bats, but like you can remember, alright, as I came in, it was the left-hand side of the house. Now, theoretically, you have heard everything.

Zamet has heard everything he needs to know to know which way to go. But you, I'm not giving you any hints. You and Hector are, you didn't roll well enough. You and Hector are the same. So you theoretically could figure it out, but it's not going to be easy. Left-hand side is where the bats were coming out of or not coming out of. As you were facing the building? Sorry, it was the right-hand side as you were facing the building.

The right-hand side is where the bats were coming out of. And then there was two doors that we entered. So we entered the thing and then there was two doors. And did you tell us which way they were? I did, yes. Do you remember? Okay. I'm not going to repeat it.

All right. You're right. You're right. You kick the door down. This kitchen contains a square table surrounded by chairs and shelves of provisions. Okay. All right. That sucks.

Unfortunately, that's your action. So you actually still have an interaction. If the door is unlocked, you could get into the other room. Well, then I will go to the other one and probably try to unlock this locked door. Highs or lows. Highs. The door is locked. If it is much, you will unfortunately need another action.

You still have some movement if you want to do that. That is okay. Use your movement to just walk into the door and try and glitch through. You could jump out the kitchen window and get Escher from behind. I guess, was there anything in the kitchen? In terms of, like, that might...

Anything that you could find in a normal kitchen. If you could name it and it's reasonable, I would say it's in this kitchen Gas powered stove Turn on the gas Vampire gun It shoots vampires, you don't want that Is there a barrel of water for washing?

They hate running water It needs to be A barrel of water is not going to be enough But if you tip it over, it's running It really needs to be the volume of water is not going to be enough. But if you tip it over, it's running. It really needs to be the volume of a river. Something like a tap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

So if I got my water screen and just squeezed it together and jetted the water out of it. Unfortunately, it's a vampire fighting, not the Wicked Witch of the West. Rats. Yeah, I'm so sorry. That's witches. A few pages further along in Do vampires hate their reflection

Or just can't see their reflection I think it's just can't see Hate their reflection is funny That's why they can't see it That's what I look like That's yucky In the passage that's kind of what they use Oh you also have a bonus action

If you can do anything with a bonus action. I mean, paladin king of the bonus action, but you've also used a lot of magic. Yeah, well, I don't have any spells, Adam. So, no. Yeah. And with that, it becomes a Gorgash's turn.

Okay. A Gorgash, there's a lot of people in the way. Yeah. All right, a Gorgash is going to use his action to plant a hand on each. Oh, actually, you know what? Agagash knows what he's going to do. Agagash looks up at you, Hector, and looks at the door and says, would you like me to open that for you?

Yes, now. He makes his way up, shoves in, pushes in next to you, plants a hand firmly on the door, pushes, and then the door and part of the wall collapses in. He's so strong. Thank you so much. This large, the room is called Vampire Nest. This large, it's just funny to imagine.

This large drafty room is strung with cobwebs and takes up the most of the upper floor. Stacks of wooden planks lie amid several crates marked junk. On the floor, you can see in the, it's a large, like it really takes up most of this level. On the floor, on the far side, you can see there is a large

etching on the ground, which glows faintly. Every now and then, you can still see the wooden floor, but every now and then the wooden floor shimmers and bats begin flying out of it. I guess that's summoning bats, but it's so funny to imagine someone's feeding them into the other end of the portal somewhere. A gogash charges towards it, which is both good and bad because he's going to trigger the trap. Oh, a gogash, no.

What, Adam? What has got you so sad? A gogash, as he approaches it, does not realize how big it is. It has, so it's one circle, but then actually there's strings stretching off in different directions to other smaller circles. A Gorgash steps on one of them,

looks back at you, Hector, and says, oh, and then he's gone. Pardon, Adam? Deep within Castle Ravenloft. Oh, no. Dark in its bowels, a teleportation glyph slowly fades into being. A gogash stands in his prison cell. Okay.

Okay. Oh. A gogash stands in his prison cell. Okay. Okay. Oh. A gogash says, Okay. Oh, no. Uh, it's Krippet's turn. Okay. Fuck.

Goodbye, gogash. Krippet looks at you, Pip, and says, This one can't wait to see a go-gash tear him apart. With a little bit of my characteristic humor. Kribbit strums a hop that you didn't realize he had. Pip, you feel yourself bolstered. You have bardic inspiration. Hell yeah.

You had it. And then I guess the best thing he can do is he unlumbers his light crusper and fires at Escher. And he misses. Then it is, Pip, your turn. Okay. I am going to... I'm just going to fire two of my undead bane bolts into Asher.

First attack, hit. I'll also probably at the same time be just saying the things that they're weak to. Running water, sunlight, wooden or metallic stake to the heart. You deal 10 points of damage. The first bolt fired straight down into Asher's chest. He hisses and looks down in it. He maybe tears open some of his clothes, and you can see the bolt sticking in his cold, clammy flesh.

All around it, the flesh begins necrotizing as your undead bane begins eating away at him like a disease. That rolls. The second bolt, however, Escher looking up at you, slams your crossbow bolt aside and the bolt fires next to his head instead Okay, cool That was... is there anything else?

Oh, yes I don't know if this... look Emmanuel has never been clear on this but I take out some of the garlic that I got earlier chuck it in my mouth, just start chewing Emmanuel's never been clear about whether or not garlic really works, but I might as well pull out all the stops here. And then Yender barrels in behind you, Pip,

using you kind of as cover. She fires a bolt of energy. You can hear her muttering under her breath, garden bolt, garden bolt garden bolt garden bolt garden bolt it begins to grow bigger and bigger in her hands and then boom it shoots out of them and strikes escher oh wow hopefully it does yes it does oh great this is good it was yeah yeah 66 damage and he's not gonna have oh 66 60 yeah 66 and i was like geez whoa uh but es He's not going to have... Oh, 6d6. 6d6. Did you also hear 6d6? I was like, jeez.

Whoa. But Escher's not going to be able to heal this turn. That's good. That's something. 10, 20, 22 points of damage to Escher. His regenerative powers are not going to activate, and next attack has advantage on him. Oh, sweet.

It's his turn. Okay. Yay. That's sweet. It's his turn. Okay. Yay. Less sweet. Escher's standing. With both hands, he slams the floor behind him and uses that momentum to come to a stand in front of you. Oh, he says, is this how you want to play?

Shut up. He looks you dead in the eyes, Pip. And he says, you would much prefer to play on the winning team, would you not? Oh, no. The words echo in the back of your mind. A terror rips at your heart. Holy shit. Maybe it would be smarter to play on the fucking winning team.

And then from behind you, No, don't do that. Oh, fuck. Thank God for Cribbit man Kribbit's song fills your heart He uses his reaction to counter Escher's ability Escher looks past you to see Kribbit And both of them in unison take out Kribbit takes out his book Escher takes out his ledger

And they scribble something about each other. That was his turn. Alright, fuck, okay. And then it is Hector, your turn. You're the only person who's seen what's happened to a Gagash. Where did he go? You might hear that, but you don't. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all background noise for me at the moment. I look around the room. Can I see the glyph? Yeah, you see the trap, basically. Cool, cool. Yeah. Okay, so now that I can see, I guess, the glyph and then the further traps and all of that,

how do I think the best way to destroy this would be? Is it even possible? Like, would I have to... To destroy it? I mean, what's your arcana? Oh, wow. Good job. You are briefly transported back in time to traveling to Fairburn Point with Sir Grace.

Sir Grace, you're, like, obviously, you were quite enamored with Sir Grace. I was. He was a hero. And you wanted, like, so were quite enamored with Sir Grace. I was. He was a hero. And you wanted, like so many of his fans before, you wanted a blow-by-blow of every single adventure he ever went on. And you remember with vivid detail... Sir Grace presumably relishing the opportunity to not have to talk to his daughter. Sir Grace, you remember asking Sir Grace a question about something,

something with like the Necro Wizard Norton, perhaps, how he was to summon some sort of demonic or evil creature. And you asked him, but Sir Grace, the stories don't tell. How did you break the summoning circle? And Sir Grace said. Generally, what you want to do is just mess up the circle any way you can if you can get your your dagger in there or whatever and just carve it into kind of a new circle uh kind of distort whatever the picture is

that's uh yeah tiffany yeah yeah that's basically the way to do it i'm watching yeah yeah nice flip it's a good horse. It's a really good horse. Yeah, that's typically the way you want to do it. Just do whatever the picture is. Alright. Knowing that, I run to the kitchen, grab a knife, come back, and I just start...

Is it reasonable for a kitchen to have a knife? Yeah, you want a vampire killing knives, and I stab! You get a knife, yeah. Grab a knife, and I stab. You get a knife. Yeah, no, that's fine. Grab a knife. And I just start from the entryway, just slashing any kind of carving I can see to fuck up the markings. Oh, molto bene.

You slash and destroy the summoning circle. When that happens, the bats turn into like a black dust that lingers for a moment and then begins to settle on the floor. You didn't even realize, you know how a noise can kind of fade into the background? The noise of millions of bats slowly turns into a noise of

and then it takes maybe a solid it's over the course of the next turns into a noise of poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, po But the bats have stopped coming. Something. That's good. With maybe a knife in hand, I will now look down the stairs. You won't be able to see what's happening downstairs until your next turn. But good job. Get a good boy card. Nice. It's Kribbit's turn.

Kribbit. Fuck. The little guy. He's running out of shit. He's really got nothing but the crossbow right now. He fires the crossbow. At least that's like the lovely sound of the

is the sound of the bolt being fired. Oh yeah. Alright, he misses. Pip, it's your turn. Okay, got your bats, pretty boy, I say. And then fire twice again. That's good. Get a good boy card.

Yes. Are they both undead, Bane? Yep. Ah, that sucks, because one of them missed. I'm funny. The other one hits, though. And you see, the second one hits in his torn open shirt. He genuinely looks like he's from the cover of a fucking trashy romance novel.

If this were different circumstances, this would be so fucking erotic. Oh, yeah, absolutely. He takes another 12 points of damage. All right, that's good. And then it is Yender's turn. Oh, actually, the first attack should have been made with advantage. You hit. Your first attack's hit.

Thank you, Yender. Thank you, Yender. That's an extra 14, 17 points of damage. She, behind you, calls out to you, Pip. That was good, yeah? Do another one? Yeah. Guiding bolt, guiding bolt, guiding bolt, guiding bolt. She fires another one. That was good, yeah? Do another one? Yeah. Gaiden bolt, gaiden bolt, gaiden bolt,

gaiden bolt. She fires another one. That's a hit. And unfortunately it's not as powerful as the last one though, because she's run out of third level spells. 16 points of damage. He won't regenerate and he, advantage

on the next attack. Fuck yeah. Let me quickly check if he is. I think now, just barely bloodied. All right. I mean, like, literally that damage bloodied him. I mean, it's fucked up it took this long and that many tries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's nice that it's here.

It's nice that we're, like, yeah, all right. Okay. It's Esha's turn. Uh-oh. Okay. It's nice that it's here. It's nice that we're like, yeah, all right. It's Esha's turn.

Uh-oh. He, knowing that Kribbit can counterspell his charm attack, he grabs you again, Pip. Yep, you're going to get bit this time. Oh, fuck. All right, so good news, bad news. You have those eight temporary hit points. Okay.

And you lose, what's that, five of them, so you've got three temporary hit points left. Then, it sounds like your own heartbeat. You can hear your heart in your ears. You lose the rest of your temporary hit points. You're down three regular hit points. Okay.

So you're on 30 now. Is my shirt also kind of blown open? Yeah. points. Okay. So you're on 30 now. Has my shirt also kind of blown open? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you said he could be erotic. He is a little erotic still. Can I, Adam, play a good boy? Which is get behind me.

Which is that I take all incoming damage for Pip to barrel my way through and push him out the way, lovingly expose my neck. Well, yeah, all right. Wish you'd done that before I'd started rolling attacks. All right, Pip, you've still got 33 hit points and 8 temporary hit points. Okay, thank God.

Hector, you have lost your 8 temporary hit points and another three hit points, so you're on 53. And then Asher almost shrugs, like, whatever, I'll take this. Oh, my God! That's all right. What? That's all right. What, Adam? You take...

I have, remember, resistance to necrotic damage. All right. Oh, good, good. Yeah. That's alright, Adam. I have, remember, resistance to necrotic damage. Alright. Oh, good. Good. Yeah. That's why. Good. You take only nine points of damage.

Okay. Could have been double that. But your maximum hit points are also reduced by nine. Okay. So your maximum hit points are now 67 instead of 80. Four. Yeah. And that's 67 instead of 80. Four. Yeah. And that's until a long rest.

Okay. Good. I love that. Cool, cool, cool. Love to hear that. Love to hear. And then it is Hector, your turn. In a week.

Oh. Imagine how good we're going to feel in a week, dude. A week is so far. Well, it's actually six days. Yeah. Yes. It's actually six days i've got a note in my yeah so it's not too far away but yeah i got it in my book yeah all right um okay so what to do you know what the fucked up thing is yeah you know you can't kill him now like he can't die here he'll just go back to his coffin yeah i know yeah yeah this is this is not this is just for you you're fucking you're playing by You know you can't kill him now. Like, he can't die here. He'll just go back to his coffin. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, this is just to get it.

For you, you're playing by Superman rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to win every single fucking fight. Yeah, I know. He only needs to win once. Like, I am going to swing twice with my mace. All right. First attack, hit. Second attack,

miss. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, good. Your first attack strikes him, and then you maybe, kind of like a back slam, you hit into his chin, knocking him back, and then with your second attack, you think you're going to knock his chin in the other way,

but his hand comes out with unnatural speed, grabs the mace, but his hand comes out with unnatural speed, grabs the mace, stopping it dead in its tracks. But the first attack does cause him damage. Is it a D6 plus anything? D6 plus three. Oh, yeah, for your strength, obviously. But I mean, like, what?

You got any holy shit going on? No, we're drained, dude. That sucks, my dude. You do eight points of damage. Okay. Okay. We're drained dude That sucks my dude You do 8 points of damage Okay Okay Kribbit's turn Kribbit really just has the crossbow right now That's a miss Every single time he reloads it

It gets a little faster It's your turn Alright I'm going to fire my last undead bane arrow. Hit! Critical hit! That's good. That's very good. Pray for a high number. Pray for a high number.

Wally, Wally, give me a... Ah, fuck. That's not great. Shot in the arm double damage and they he has disadvantage on strength based attacks for d4 rounds

that's good that's all of his attacks that's great that's such good news double damage and it's already undead bane this is gonna

fuck him 36 plus 6 42 points of damage oh my god yeah good job. Okay.

Great job. Okay, well, yeah. That was one attack? Yes, your second attack. Well, no, can I bite him? Because I also have a good boy card that says I have the right tool for the job. Maybe it's the garlic in my mouth. Oh, I see what you're saying.

I'll allow that. Yeah, all right, okay. I'm sorry. You try to bite him, but you're this. It's a shame. Oh, well, never mind. Escher leans his head back like he frankly fucking should have the day

Strahd turned. You like that one, Simon? And then it is Yender's turn. Yender's down to first levels. Fuck, dude. That's something. Garden bolt, garden bolt, garden bolt, garden bolt, garden bolt. She casts it again.

Critical hit. All right. Hell yeah. Great job, Yender. Holy smokes. Magic critical hits are always so much fun, too. Yeah. Oh, they are.

Ravioli, Ravioli, give me a high number-oly. That's the prey you gotta use. Remember that for next time. Lingering Energy, make a DC 16 constitution saving throw on a failed save. Take a D8 as the same type at the beginning of your... Oh, yeah, this will

fuck him then. Oh, this is good. This is good. If he fails this fucking saving throw, that's guaranteed radiant damage to fuck his regeneration. He uses legendary resistance. I'm sorry. I forgot he had that. Damn it. Well, he still takes some damage.

Yeah. It's never enough, though, is it? Never is. Never is. It really isn't. And 18 points of damage and advantage on the next attack. Okay. All right. With that blast, Escher staggers backwards, looks at all of you, clutching at his chest, trying to, like, stare daggers at all of you.

He says, no, actually, he doesn't say anything. He just silently seething, staring at you, becomes mist. The mist with speed beyond what he had when he was just running and speed beyond vampire spawn. It escapes eastward towards Castle Ravenloft. Nobody breathe in. What was that? There is a, in 3.5, there's an enemy called Vampire Mist. Yeah, Pip's not taking any chances.

Hold my breath. What was that? That was, that was Esha leaving. That was him. We couldn't have killed him here, I say. He needs to be killed in his coffin, staked in the heart. Did he drop his ledger? No, it all comes with him.

Yeah, no. with him. Yeah. Bullshit. Yeah. Here's the Curse of Strahd campaign book. I'm just curious where his ledger was. What kind of a... I find just a chair to sit down on because it's been a long couple of days.

So I have good news, bad news. Okay. What would you like first? The good news. The bad summoning is ended. It is gone. I can hear the kind of eking dying down. The bad news is that Gokesh is also gone.

Deceased? I don't think so. What do you mean gone? When he went into the room of the bats, he stepped into something and then it gone. There was a glyph. Can I remember what it was, the glyph that lit up? You rolled pretty well to know about Arcana. So I would say that you were able to deduce that it is a two-way teleporter.

So he got sent to wherever the bats were coming from. So Grace, like, back in that memory with his copy of Emanuel the Monster covering up Tiffany's face as she tries to say something, describing all of the different glyphs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I was to hazard a guess, he is where the bats came from.

That would probably be Castle Ravenloft. Yes, Castle Ravenloft. I would assume that he is there. What do I know about people that get sent to Castle Ravenloft? No one's ever come back that you know of. As far as I know, no one. No, that's not completely accurate, actually. So sometimes if Strahd is particularly interested in people, he might, you have seen, you wouldn't have seen this until after the uprising or heard about this until after the uprising.

But sometimes if Strahd thinks someone is particularly promising, what that means, you have no idea. But he will invite them to Castle Ravenloft. These people sometimes come back. Otherwise, no one has ever come back from Castle Ravenloft. These people sometimes come back. Otherwise, no one has ever come back from Castle Ravenloft. I give you like a meaningful look and I'm like, look. Okay. As long as he doesn't do anything to piss Strahd off, then there's a chance Strahd will think him entertaining enough to let live.

Perhaps we'll be lucky and he'll find a go-gashers je ne sais quoi. Amusing. Yeah. I'll go upstairs and just look at the glyph just to see if I can gather any more information from it. It's kind of been pretty thoroughly destroyed, but you rolled pretty well. So, yeah, you think that's what's happened. He's been sent to Castle Ravenloft. Well, um...

Is the fire still raging? The fire's... Well, actually, you know what could happen now? I... For the first time ever, you bless the rains in Barovia. The clouds break, and then all at once rain begins pouring into valakai and the flames just naturally die down that is small blessings

yeah i maybe gesture to gunk pip you clutch at your heart gesture to my heart I think I need to leave I think Krivit and Yender also similarly like double over gunk gunk I have to go

I'm gonna I'm just gonna start rushing down the stairs alright say goodbye to Danica and Erwin for me and then I'm gonna yeah

I'm gonna make my way out of town do I know that no I you are aware if Hector stays as well, it still hits you. Okay, let us head off. Let us head off.

Maybe we can. Let's go, go, go. The nearest gate is the eastern one, if you wanted to head out of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever's closest. Yeah. Heading out of the eastern gate, you are immediately greeted by Madam Eva's troop, who have made an identical camp.

Their western camp has just moved over here to the east. It looks like they were perhaps unaffected by what happened. You're not 100% sure. Classic. The moment I step out of the city... The moment you step out, you feel instant relief. I look back with some

mourning at Valakai that I'll never return. Is there anything that gets rid of that? I don't know. Nothing I know of. A geese is kind of like a, well, ones like this can be considered curses, and a curse is breakable, but it takes some doing. Not going back into Valakai isn't the worst thing in the world.

Well, correct. Honestly, it could be worse. I understand that, but there is a few things that we still need to do in Valakai isn't the worst thing in the world. Well, correct. Honestly, it could be worse. I understand that, but there is a few things that we still need to do in Valakai. One of them being making sure that the Bergmaster does not summon a certain thing. Yeah.

Yender, sitting down, crosses her legs and takes a deep breath. At the end of it she says, let's put it on the pile, I suppose. And then I guess we'll head into the Vistani camp. The mood within the Vistani camp, within Madame Eva's camp, I should specify,

is somber. There's no, for the first time, there is no music. There is no merriment. The Vistani are standing basically at the doors, the thresholds to many of their homes, looking at you with very serious expressions on their faces. They understand the hell that you've been through. And you can see an apologetic, or not apologetic, sorry. You can see a sympathy from them.

You can see a sympathy from them. Jackson meets you by the campfire, and he gestures behind him to the one cart which no one is standing by, Madame Ava's cart. I am sorry for what has happened to you. Oh, yeah, well, you did nothing, I say. Not as in you did nothing to help, but, well, which you didn't. But I just mean it's not your fault. I'm going to flomp down by the fire. I don't think I'm going into Mattam.

Sure. The four of you with Jackson sit down around the fire. Hector and Pip, presumably the two of you are sitting next to Kribbit and Yender. Pip, you'd be sitting next to Kribbit and Hector, you'd be sitting next to Yender.

There's maybe a pot of stew cooking, or cooked, and Jackson serves you up a plate of stew. So when did you move? We moved when Madame Eva tells us to. We moved maybe a day or two ago. No, not a day or two. No, less than a day ago.

I sit down next to Pip. Okay. And Stu? Yes, that would be nice. He plates you up as well. And then he sits down with also a plate and the three of you quietly, somberly eat at the fire. and the three of you quietly, somberly eat at the fire.

I would like to check in on Woken. Right. Where's Adam? Right. Maybe it is best if we just send Yender. To Woken? I do not know how to get to Eleniel. I will have to. Yender does?

Well, no. I don't think Yender knows where it is, but we'll have to get led by Marquillet, and I don't think either of us are welcome into the Dusk Elf encampment. I know why I'm not welcome. What did you do? I... What, they liked you? I punched their leader in the face.

Well, yeah, I suppose that would do it. Yender makes like a tutting noise. They, um... Not really the most diplomatic move, I suppose that would do it. Yender makes like a tutting noise. Not really the most diplomatic move, I'd say. They would not help. They, in fact, were happy to watch Valakite burn. Yeah. Did punching them make them

more receptive to your request? Looking at Pip, you see Kribbit looking past at the two of you, writing down like he's genuinely curious what the answer to that question was. I suppose not, but in the moment I felt a bit better. Yeah, well, hey,

that's something, at least. Oh, my God! Sassy Pip! He's a sass queen! Alright, well, look, I need to to there is a um and also there's the vistani that is there and i described the leader he's like and there he's definitely working with strad yeah they're they're some of the bad vista well let's look around i don't

really like any of look i i have to i have to see woken so i I'm going to go speak to the Dusk Elves. You don't have to come with me. They might hate me somewhat less than they hate you now, which is pretty funny. If I go with you, maybe I can either keep him off your back or maybe I could just speak to him instead of you. I'm probably neutral toward you. I don't even know who you are. All right.

Yes, let's just go. Let's go to Woken. You're not going to speak to she gestures towards Madame Eva's wagon? She knew. I gestured a valid guy, like the smoldering, like the plumes and everything.

I'm predicting the future is no certain thing. I've known many diviners in my time. Even the best of them can't predict with 100% certainty. I suppose you're right. Okay, I will go have a chat, see what she says. And then we will go see Woken.

Say hi to the old bag for me. Would you like to come? No. No, I'm good. I'll stay with for me. Would you like to come? No. No, I'm good. I'll stay with my stew. Thank you. I get up and head into Madame Evil.

Kribbit may be. Yen is going to stay here, but Kribbit also gets up to follow with you. Jackson puts out an arm and says, I'm sorry, my little friend, but it is a one at a time. Kribbit says, but this one is little there will be room is it okay if he comes in he will just observe I look at cribbit cribbit looks pleadingly at Jackson and Jackson shakes his head and says I am sorry my little friend but

though you may not take up much space, it is simply not done. I pat the, like, I'm assuming I'm sitting in like a log or something. I pat the log next to me and I'm like, prophecy's about you, not for you, Kribbit. Kribbit looks at you, Hector, and says, write down. Yes. He tears a page out of his book and hands it to you. All right. I grabbed that. Yes, of course. Thank you. Yes. He tears a page out of his book and hands it to you. All right. I grab that.

Yes, of course. Thank you. Yes. Krippet sits down. He's got like an impatient air about him. I shrug like, hey, that's the way the cookie crumbles, buddy. I'll walk into Madame Eva's caravan. you To be continued... plus the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members,

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