D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia II #9 Instructions in Poetry

Episode Date: July 1, 2023

The party learns of a dark ritual involving stolen seeds and a very big tree. Pip becomes exasperated with Emmanuel’s methods of imparting wisdom while Hecktor starts unconsciously mimicking Pip’s mannerisms.Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out the Imagination Adventures show page on Apple podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. of this prison, you ask? None other than the wonderful, the terrible, the powerful Baron Strahd von Zarovich. And the only way to leave this place is to kill him or die. He looks back at the house. They took something from us. It was a gem.

We had three such things. One they have taken, one we still have, and another was stolen about a year ago. Without all three such things. One they have taken, one we still have, and another was stolen about a year ago. Without all three of them, the wine that we create is just inferior, not as good. We are running out of

the good stuff, shall we say. Spirits shall soon fall a little more. Yes, we'll head to Yesterhill and try to break up this ritual. We'll do our best to find you this gem. I would offer to help find the one that got stolen last year, but I don't know anything about who or what could have done that.

I would also say that if you find a... You can see he's kind of torn. He doesn't want to tell you too much, but he does want to tell you something. You can see he's kind of torn. He doesn't want to tell you too much, but he does want to tell you something. If you find a woman or a raven by the name of Muriel, please help her. I think she is in trouble. That could be it. That'll be one of them.

That could be the outcast. I do not know what you mean by outcast, but she is not outcast from our family. Who is she? She is a friend of mine not family but close enough to be family another time limit on this shall we yes and they are went to the druids she we were expecting to see her before now she has not come in and she should be here from where look i know you're from to. Okay, well, let's go. Let's.

All right. Thank you very much. He nods. Do I know anything about the kinds of ritual, knowing what I do about blights? I know I don't know much about druids necessarily, but the two are pretty inexorably linked. So do I know the kind of.

If you knew more about what that gem did. No, but I mean just Pip. Like what does he know about druids and the kinds of things that they could be doing get a good boy card yeah so you did quite well on this role so if it is if going by his description yeah you assume that these are something called what you've heard of life seeds which are just very powerful items, very powerful gems charged with a type of life magic that grows plants, which wouldn't be shocking to discover

that a winery has such a thing. Yeah, it is growing. And you might also know as part of that that any plants that grow or bear any fruits or berries that are created through these life seeds often taste a lot better. Yeah, cool. So once again, not shocking.

If it is one of these life seeds, then it could be used in a ritual called the Heart of Sorrow. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Which creates a powerful creature called a tree blight. Okay.

So powerful, in fact, that you know of only three tree blights that have ever existed. Oh, fuck. And all of them had names. Like, that's sort of important. Jesus Christ. The only ones that have ever existed had names. Okay. Okay.

Maybe as we're leaving, I mean, obviously I'm a dragonborn, so I can't sweat. But as I'm, like, mulling it over, I'm looking more and more stressed and reading through a manual. Yeah, rubbing my snout. Yeah, cool. As we leave, was there anything you wanted us to mention or tell Muriel so she knows that we're looking for her? Tell her to fly home, little bird. Your family awaits. Fly home, little bird. Your family awaits. Fly home, little bird. Your family awaits.

She will probably run when you do that, letting you know. Okay. Oh, God, that's right. This is one of those Emanuels that comes with a poem. My favorite ones come with poems. Okay. And then we'll head back to the diverging path.

Are you rubbing your snout yet? Yeah. What is wrong? Well, you know, we fought a needle blight and a poison blight. The worst kind of blight is something known as a tree blight. I've known of three tree blights historically, not personally, in my life. Each was named.

That gives you an idea of what we're dealing with because the gem that they've been using to make delicious wine, and it is delicious. It's the brightest spot in this shithole of a country. It's like a five minute soliloquy of how crap a rover is. And then another thing. This shit full of wolves

and teeth and it's never warm and no matter where you lie down, it's damp and even when it's not raining it's icy. You get nothing sweet. And then you have a tiny sip of wine, no matter how small, and you ration it if you get a bottle. I had a bottle.

It lasted me four months, I'll tell you what. A little thimble. A thimble each night was enough to stave off a powerful depression. You have no idea how much you need that wine to live in this honey-filled slough of a place. Everything tastes like ash in your mouth. filled, slop of a place. Not a sink. Everything tastes like ash in your mouth.

The point is, you can also use that, that seed, that life gem to create a tree blight because it contains within it a powerful life energy.

So put in a powerful enough tree, I suppose, you can bring it to life. And it's a, no small feat. Can't be harmed by mortal weapons

be they magical or mundane I look a crib so your little music box is not going to help at all magic can't even do anything yeah in fact

they'll become stronger if you use a magical weapon or a regular weapon or a regular weapon yeah you need a poisoned weapon that's the best you've got there

we really should have got a piran so we need a poisoned weapon yeah there's the best you've got there. We really should have got a Purin. So we need a poisoned weapon. Yeah, there's a whole... Give me five minutes. Okay. To read what Emmanuel... To decipher Emmanuel.

And then maybe I'll... There's a whole poem in here. It's like four stanzas. So Emmanuel gives you information in poems? Yeah, multiple times. Multiple poems in multiple times. It's the main way of giving you information. You know when we see a fucking...

When we see a dire wolf and I say, If I hears, then there is. But is, I-S is spelt apostrophe E-R-E-S. That's one of the many poems. That's a shortening of hereist or here's it's truly one of the cruelest tricks

but the most valuable resource for fighting monsters maybe I start reading it as we walk because it's probably useful for everyone you need some context okay so obviously a poisoned weapon is one way of dispatching it as we walk because it's probably useful for everyone. You need some context. Okay, so obviously a poisoned weapon is one way of dispatching it, but we can

also... There are bad trees called tree blights. And there are good trees called treants which are sort of a flip of the tree blights. And they are a flip of the tree blight.

And they are natural and on the side of good. I don't know how many there are in Barovia, but if we find one, that can offer us some assistance. I look around. Maybe to like... It's like elenial to... Elenial shakes our head. I have heard of... To Gorban Lushen.

Did you read anything while you were in the tower? And considering that if there is a treant, that 99% of this shithole is forest, the chances of us finding it, I don't know. Can you make it like how they are making it? No, it's not the same thing. See, the thing is, and this is where the poem becomes important, that treant will know the appropriate becomes important that treant will know the

appropriate way uh the treant will know what we follow the poem we find read the poem don't give us right just give us the poem right now then you can give us context three and high or three and low searching which way to go for a treant ear to hear, I must find water near. So we've got to find some water or river or lake. Once the water I do acquire, ground begone, I will get higher. In the air or up a tree, a robin with red chest I see. I think the most frustrating part is he could have written this out in non-poem form. And it goes on.

Robin, Robin. Robin, Robin, yes. Or other bird. So it just needs to be a bird. Help my cries be heard. I need a creature made of wood. Are there any in this neighborhood? Then finally. so we need to

ask a bird we need to go to a river or some source of water in that source of water we need to find a bird I'm so happy I'm getting dizzy find a bird and then we need to maybe I'm rubbing my the color of my snout, my nose

in the same, just two fingers, just okay. And then if the treant wishes to sight, the robin or whatever will take flight. Follow the bird and there you are. The treant can't be far. So we find a river. We look for a bird. We ask the bird where the tree it is.

I mean, we know people that can turn into a bird. Yes. I don't say much now. Maybe. All I have is a manual to go off. I mean... We have maybe mentioned it to... How far down the road are we? Should we maybe mention it to... I suspect

a manual means a real bird, not a lichen, raven. That would be my guess. So we need to head to a body of water and then… A body of water within the same forest as the tree blight. But the same forest is, I guess, the Svelich Woods, which is the… Entire woods. It's Barovia.

It's Barovia. So should we head to the river first? Is that what you're saying? Or should we head to the Yestich Hill first? you're saying? Or should we head to the Esti Hill first? I think if we head to... Where is the water? Well, there's water up back toward Krezok. My camp is kind of close to a river.

That's the one that comes out of Lake Baratok. Or we could head... Perhaps if we're just quick enough, we can get there before they even finish. And then Gorob Lushen start running. I mean, he raises a very good point. Yeah, look, I guess we keep that in our back pocket in case they do it.

And I'll run after them too. Yeah, like, we would know by now, right? It's gigantic. Fucking ginormous. You would imagine we'd know about it. Alright, depart from the poem. You're saying that magical weapons, so it's poison.

And what else? You've ended the list. How do you make poison to quote a weapon? What do you have? What do you need? I have this one. Yes. This one.

What about you, Kribbit? This one. Yes. This one. What about you, Kribbit? This one. Kribbit scrunches his hands and scrunches his eyes. And as he does that, all of his pores begin to excrete a purple liquid. This one does poison. Can we bottle that? Does not last in bottle. Can we cut our weapons with that?

Yes. It does not last for long. How long? Like seconds. Okay. I go from hopeful to just like neutral face. Not hard to coat though. I guess we just brush an arrow across

you. It's something. It is something, yes. I'm going to just make some concoction while I go. What happens if you have a magical weapon and you coat it in poison? Does it enhance it and also damage it? In the text it says that anything poisoned will hurt it

because it can't grow through the poison, basically. I think it doesn't matter the nature of the weapon. The poison is the important thing. I don't want to say, for example, he has a magical weapon. He coats his thing and it's magical. So many things like the hag will be accidentally supercharged if you do the wrong thing. So it is important to be clear about it. All right.

Well, as much as you hurry, night falls before you reach Gaster Hill. Korob, Lushen, wait. Stop. Stop. Please slow down. Stop. We're nearly there. They could not possibly know that.

We are not nearly there. And if we are, it is... Can you see in the dark? Yes! We are mighty dwarves! But he cannot see in the dark. I'm blind as fuck. I'm blind as fuck. That really sounds like a yule problem, but all right. Do you think maybe if we go at night, the druids will have a

advantage? A tactical advantage there? Alright! Alright. We know that we're... They sit down. Do we know, like, that this is the end, like, the week that we're gonna get better the next, like, we're gonna wake up fully refreshed? You've been feeling steadily better over the course of

the week. Okay. Just because, like, you know, that means they'll also. Yeah. The enemy will feel. That's true. Barovia will have been recharged for another week. So, look, we could press on, but I would highly recommend we do not. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's better to sit down. I'll concoct some potions or whatever you you. Might make the upcoming battle a little easier. We can all recuperate and be fresh in the morning, fresh as daisies. Can you make any other poisons that, so we're not just relying on one source? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my plan. I'll try and make some for everyone. Yes, good.

Perfect. Set up camp. Yep. I'm going to make a, I'm going to combine treant poison. I'm going to combine hounding killer hands. And I'm going to combine some shambling moss. This is just to make a plant damaging cold potion. Or yeah, something I can attach to a weapon.

You succeed. I'll make two of them, actually. You succeed twice. You get ten doses total. I will dip five of my arrows in one, and then I will offer the other one to anyone who wants it. Eleniel. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah, Eleniel will take five. Okay. So that's me. I get one treant poison left. Then I'll combine treant poison, screeching mist, and more shambling moss to make another, it's just cold damage and plant damage poison.

You succeed. All right, I'll give that to Hector to put on your sword. Thank you. This is a... This is a poison of cold. Cold poison. Yeah, cold and then fire

is really the way to fuck them up but that's a cooking over your little stove that's really that's the way to fuck them up cold and then fire

cold and then fire but it's also a poison of plant bane it'll give you five hits I reckon five good whacks before it kind of dissipates on your sword

five good hits alright thank you in terms of protection do we need to be protected against what poison I assume good to be protected against being poisoned yeah because that's probably going to happen but i wonder if the best way there the most economical way is for me to make a grenade of some kind that i can just fire at the the five of us before we hit a grenade is probably not going to give you an immunity it's probably just not

potent enough I can if someone if someone is poisoned I can try to I can magically make them neutralize it okay well that I just don't think we'll just burn through everything otherwise alright and then

I'm going to use a poltergeist scream and more shambling moss to stick to my arrows. And what else? What else? What else? What else? Flump spores for poison. Unfortunately, you whiff that one.

Oh, fuck. You maybe over add the, or you miss time. I've been doing a lot of these tonight. You miss out the flumps for us. It's getting, yeah, it's maybe you're burning the midnight oil, as it were. You're getting really, really tired. Your eyes are strained. You're not paying attention properly.

And the potion explodes in your face. All right. Everybody else can go to bed. I'm just making fire arrows for myself so that when they're cold, I can then set them on fire once I've used up all of my fiery breath. You make what you need to make. Make sure that you rest. We will stand guard.

All right. I'm going to try one more time. Shambling moss, poltergeist screams, and let's call it Uh Ooze sweat You do it Alright Thank god Alright that's all I'm gonna do for tonight I'm knackered

And then I'm gonna go to bed Alright Who's got first watch? Um I guess kind of Pip Yeah kind of me Can you roll the incantadive? I'd love to

Four Four? Alright And then I'll take Again I'll take the last Sure The last watch. Two.

Two? All right. For some reason, nothing within the forest stirs all night. Yeah, almost more concerning, to be honest. And does that mean we have a long rest, Adam? You have had. Oh, my God. A long rest.

Oh, my fucking God. That's crazy, dude. All your spells. I mean, it's not such a big... Not just that, my health is bad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you were on seven. That's right.

Oh, my God. My, my, my... The modifier. The negative that I was taking. Fucking hell. I can speak again. Oh, my God. We were struggling, dude.

Elaniel, she's no longer kneecapped. Fuck. Our windpipe is unbruised. Full health. How sweet it is. Alright, roll in the wild magic table, Adam. I'm sick of the safety. Really?

No. What am I, an idiot? I'm saving that for the as I'll always use, yeah, that's for like when I'm under the pump, everyone's dead, and I'm like, wild magic will save the day, and you're like, your feet are extra stinky now. I'm like, ah, man.

Damn. Oh, God. I don't Oh god I always think it'll be helpful It really might It feels like, well sometimes it'll be like Oh, everyone in your party are dogs Or something Or like, you're all transported somewhere else Or you switch place

With the villain or the target And they explode The target ages a thousand years. Yeah, there's always a chance something's going to work out. There's also a chance it's going to go really, really, really, really, really wrong. At about midday,

finally, you arrive. The trail through the thick woods leads to a hill covered with dead grass and cans of black rock. Dark, ominous clouds gather high above and a single You can see you are so incredibly close to the edges of Barovia. This is probably the, definitely the westernmost part of Barovia that anyone can get to possibly also the Southern most part of Barovia. Yeah.

This is very close to the edge. You see the hill stretching before you. It's shaped in such a way and there are lumps and bumps upon it in such a way that you can't see over the hill. You can't see really on top of the hill. But just poking above the ridgeline, you can see some sort of tree or something like that. No leaves, just wood at the top of the hill.

Does it look big enough to be a tree blight? It looks like it could be, obviously, it's not a head head, but it could be like the head of, I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. It looks like the top of a tree. It's like the peak, the top? Yeah, it's like the top of the... The crest, if you will. All right, well, I'm going to...

The crown, head, the head of a tree. Oh, my God. I'm going to load a cold bolt into my crossbow and have it primed. Is there like a path through the pans and up the... There's a little path that runs up the side of the hill, and you can see that the path branches out at several points to possibly circle around the train. I want to scan around, maybe ask Elaniel to scan around if we see anything.

Ears pricked, is there chanting, is there anything going on that we're like, what are we familiar with as you arrive actually it's funny you should say that as you arrive it begins to rain lightly and the rain is if there is chanting it's so far away and the rain is enough that it it would cover any noise that you pull up if i have i think i have a hood on my clothes pull up a hood yeah elenia also pulls her her hood up as well all everybody, I guess be prepared for the worst. Cold and then fire. Unless it's the tree blight, then run away.

Cold and then fire. Yeah. She nods, Eleniel nods with determination and a set nature to her being. Hold in there. Charge! Fucking hell. Morven laughing are off. I miss when they were at the tower.

Gorob and Leshen start sprinting up the side of that fucking hill. I never thought I would say this, but I really miss a Gokash. Oh, me too. Oh, my God. I really miss him. You know, he was sort of a cunt, but like... At least he knew... Significantly less annoying than Gorob and Lushan.

He knew deep down he was a good person. I know, I mean... Very similar to yourself there, people. Oh, okay. Saying the quiet part loud. If you follow after Gorob and Lushan... I think we got... Yeah, we got off.

Yeah, we have to. Dirt trails run along two concentric rings of carns that encircle the entire hillside. It's like some sort of massive burial mound of some sort. Each carn is a 10-foot high mound of slimy black rocks. Do you bury a big tree? Do you summon a big tree? You can bury a big tree if you want. Do you summon a dead big tree?

Undead tree. Wait, undead. Oh, hang on. So it is a grave. You said grave. Is it like a burial mound? They're definitely graves. Is the big mountain?

We're on a big burial ground, Adam. Adam. You're about to fight a giant or some shit. Adam, I'm going to cast Divine Sense, Adam. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. You detect no undead. Yep. or some shit. Adam, I'm going to cast Divine Sense, Adam. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. You detect no undead, celestials, or fiends within 60 feet, blocked by who knows how much dirt.

I'm good. We'll just switch that on, and we'll just switch that on, and if any undead, celestial, fiend, demon, corpse, the old king of Barovia buried under this burial mound. We'll know. We'll know. We'll know by our eyes. But I'll know maybe a split second.

I've never thought about how, you know the classic zombie reaching its hand. That bit of giant is so scary. I am concerned. I am concerned. I am also. You reach the peak, the top of this mound. Atop it is a wide ring of black boulders and smaller rocks that collectively form a makeshift wall enclosing a field of dead grass. Lightning strikes the edge of the ring from time to time, illuminating a ghastly sight.

Firstly, a 50 foot tall statue made of tightly woven twigs and packed with black earth. The statue resembles a towering, cloaked man with fangs. Also, you can see at its feet

at the man's feet, are two figures. One kneeling, one standing. They are tightly clutched together. The standing one is a man. The kneeling one is a woman. They are both impossibly large. Not large-sized,

but for a human, they are big. They might have, I don't know who the tallest member of the party is. Probably Hector. But they are easily, both of them, about eight feet tall. Oh, fuck. The kneeling one, the woman, seems to not be willingly in this position. She struggles and bucks a little bit, but the man holds her firm, keeping her, forcing her down on the ground.

And you can see there are vines wrapped around her arms and limbs, forcing her down into the ground and you can see there are vines wrapped around her arms and limbs forcing her down into the ground the man though you cannot see either of their faces the man you can see from behind he is covered in gore the intestines the innards the blood of who knows how many creatures cover him from head to toe and it looks like the more and more you look upon him the more and more it looks like he is his clothing is made out of intestines and lungs and hearts strung and woven together with sinew he from behind you can hear him with a curled smile in his voice this is your doing your fault. Watch. He gestures to the effigy and then past the effigy as well. And you can see that there is a giant, blossoming, awful, evil-looking tree

past this ring on the other side. People dance and chant around it, holding hands and singing some sort of awful fell song upon this tree you see shaped like apples but definitely not apples black awful viscous looking fruits this tree moves it's slowly grinding and you can see you can hear screaming coming from the tree but what is in front of you obscures what is happening. As you approach

the man turns to face you. You can see a big scraggly beard. Once again the man is drenched in blood. As he turns to face you, he turns quickly. He turns quickly enough for you to realize that blood pours from his tears, his nose, his mouth, and his ears constantly. It's not ending.

He leans forwards, and because of that leaning forwards, all of the liquid, all of the blood cascades down his face, mixes into his beard, and dribbles out of it. Okay. I say. Maybe I point behind, like, I guess that is the outcast Nothing good's happening here He sprints towards you as you sprint towards him Twang, twang, twang, twang, twang Yeah, yeah, yeah

Eldritch blast As you sprint towards each other Those rocky mounds that you pass on your way up Explode open And figures begin to climb out Rock mounds that you pass on your way up explode open and figures begin to climb out. Rock! Oh god, is this Rock Elementals? Uh, fuck.

Of course this is gonna fucking... Just put Rock Elementals, Jackson. That's in the fucking book. Ah, fuck. They have to start. When did Emmanuel think we'll fight these? No way later which is even scarier

every fucking entry of Emmanuel the monster I think I found it I read the line and then I wish I was dead elementals are resistant to the two maybe I'm reading this

as I'm running in there elementals are resistant to the two planes that border them and outright immune to their own. In explanation, an elemental of fire is resistant to wind and earth and immune to thou self. Most elementals have been summoned to the material

through magics which, if undone, will force the creature back to their home, solving the problem that they present. What is adjacent to earth? I don't know! Elementals. Lushent? They're weak to the opposite energies. What's the adjacent to the elementals? I don't know! Lashent! They're weak to the opposite

energies. What's the opposite of a rock? Air! God damn it. That's so useless to me. Pip, you're first. Okay, I am going to, obviously I got nothing that can create wind,

and there's really no other way to defeat a rock elemental, so I'm going to focus my fire on the druid, and I'm just going to fire two bolts at this awful king of a man. Regular bolts? Yeah, well, I just don't... You know what? Let's hedge our bets. I'll fire two silver bolts. Silver's a good baseline.

Your first attack will miss, but your second one hits. Right. You deal a silver bolt, right? Yeah. You deal five points of damage. Okay. That was a funny way of doing that. Five's not many.

Anything else? No, that's it. Locked, loaded. It's good to know that this person takes damage. Yeah, yeah? No, that's it. Locked, loaded. It's good to know that this person takes damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's his turn. Presumably his name is Keshgar because he says, Keshgar, crush!

Okay. He slams two feet firmly into the ground, plants his hands down on the ground, and twists into the black rock beneath him. Oh, shit. Shards of rock explode outwards. As they explode outwards, they are tipped, tinged, with a red, ichor-like substance,

which, as it gets closer, you have enough time to register, is congealed old blood. It runs down your line. Every single one of you needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. All right. Hector, you will fail. Even with a plus five.

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Tip, you pass. Okay. Half damage. Elaniel passes. Half damage. Kaniel passes. Half damage. Kribitz probably passes. Yep, passes.

Half damage. Gorub and Lushen. Lean in. Lean in. They love it. I love it. No, they fail. Full damage.

So full damage to Hector and Gorub Lushen. Half damage to everyone else. Hurrah. Okay. How many rock men are there? Can we see? Thus far, there are three. Then like the thus far, that's really bad.

That was a bit... I know I can do like a very big just like one and done. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, opening salvo. I could just like with enough bit of prep time just really do so much damage. Then I'm a piece of shit for a week. Yeah, I could just like, with enough bit of prep time, just really do so much damage. Then I'm a piece of shit for a week. Yeah, I know.

I keep thinking that about you. 35 points of damage for full? Oh my god. 17 is half. Adam? 30 what? 35? So briefly in the sun. I'm like, I have a reroll a saving throw, and I'm like, well, if I fail, I get only 17.

Yeah. Might be worth it. But then what happens when I get poisoned and I fail that one? Yeah. You want to use it? No, Adam! Okay. All right.

Fair enough. Yeah, good stuff. So 35! You're a bloodied! And our opening salvo was? Five. Yeah, good stuff So 35 And our opening You're a bloodied And our opening salvo was 5 Yeah, yeah

Adam Adam Adam Excuse me, Adam And Pip, you're down to 51 Yep Cool So, that was Keshgar's turn

And then it is Gorub and Leshgar's turn, and then it is Gorob and Lushen's turn. Gorob and Lushen, you see they're excited. Okay, good for them. Lushen casts that spell onto the greatsword, and you see it hums with magical energy.

Lushen and Gorob manage to get two good hits. There's a terrific crashing explosive noise, Martian and Gorob manage to get two good hits. Boom! There's a terrific crashing explosive noise. And they're going to rage, of course. Yeah, of course. 38 points of damage. All right.

Man, those two together. A powerhouse. An absolute team. We fail every stealth check, but they are powerhouse. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's the coin flip. It's the Earth Elementals turn. Three of them fall in behind you. One attacks Kribbit, one attacks

Hector, and one attacks Pip. They draw swords made out of rock. Oh no. Kribbit gets hit. Kribbit's gonna take eight points of damage. A glancing blow. Yeah, Kribbit gets hit Cribbit's gonna take 8 points of damage A glancing blow Yeah Cribbit'll be right

For the most part Shear off some of his frog skin Ah critical hit I'm sorry Hector Pray for a low number That doesn't seem low dude I get the feeling you're about to like lose a hand or something

Adam seemed so upset Make a DC 18 strength saving throw on a failed save. You are permanently unable to grasp with one of your hands. So, odds or evens? Go with evens. Evens? All right. It'll be your shield hand.

Okay. So the bright side is you don't need to hold on. You can strap the shield on. Yeah. You will still, if you fail the check. I'm assuming losing fingers is... It doesn't say you... It's smash hands. So I'm assuming

just every single bone in that hand is broken. That's it. Alright. Okay. Okay, Adam. Fucking hell. Okay, that definitely, you definitely make it. It's a saving throw, right? Yeah. I got one in my sleeve. You definitely would make it. Okay. It's a saving throw, right? Yeah. Okay. I got one in my sleeve.

You definitely would make that. Yeah. I had to check. You nonetheless still take... Of course. I've got the damage. Yeah, yeah. Six.

Nine points of damage. Only nine. That's nothing compared... You could have lost a fucking hair. Hey, I'm at 20. Oh my god. I'm at 22. From full 22.

Full to 22 in... Two weeks. It's not my turn, I guess. No, yeah. You... No, you at 22. From full 22. Full to 22 in two weeks. That's not my turn, I guess. No, you dodged. Yeah, okay, thank god. You dodged out of the way as just a swing and a miss. Fucking rock out. So, I've got good news. No, it's good news.

Alright, sweet. These people, these are people. They're wearing rocks. Okay, alright. You can't see how the rocks attach to them. It's like they're fused into their skin. They are literally part of their skin. Like they're growing out of them.

But they definitely look like people. Maybe as the guy swings his sword at me, I lock eyes with his terribly human eyes amidst all the rock terror they're not rock elementals but i don't know what they are and that was the earth elementals turn it's eleniel eleniel takes a little jump back and she says i don't care what they are. They're dead now. Hit. Hit. Ah. Pray for a low number. Fucking.

How's. Come on now, man. Eleniel, the first arrow blasts into its chest. Rock and gut go flying everywhere. The second one takes its head clean off. One goes down and there are two left. Okay. Then Eleniel's third attack. Bad form.

If this attack was made with a bow, and it was, the bow strike strikes you in the forearm. Take a D6 penalty to your next two attacks. Eleniel hisses in shock and in her haste, her bow has come unstrung. She quickly reattaches it. That sucks.

And Hector, thank you for waiting patiently. It's your turn. Right. How far away is the person that's being tied up? They're on the other side of this person. You'd need to run past. They would be at the very least 60 feet away 60 feet away and i have to run past you have to run past the big boy yeah he's so there's a i guess you do have the flight ability but there's a like a wall of rocks that you it

would not be easy to scramble up and over but you could scramble up and over if you wanted to avoid him. It just would slow you down as well. Unless you flew. Unless I flew, which is, this seems like, uh, one a week,

my one a week. And although this person might be useful, you can heal yourself. Could do. Um, I'm going to take flight. All right. Fuck.

All right. You lock your legs down, angelic wings spread out behind you, and you feel as Penny's hands come beneath you and lift you up into the air. Yeah, fly over the druid and go next to the person that was tied up. What's your fly speed? 60 feet? It's 30 feet. 30 feet?

All right. Well, you need to double move to get there. Yep. But you get there as Keshkar watches you fly over him. He glances up at you, but he doesn't seem to care too much. You land next to this person. She, like I said, is huge, simply enormous. When you land here, you realize if they are the same sort of person they are definitely not human okay she has instead of like a normal human tone skin her skin is ash white naturally ash white she has a assortment of different battle scars she looks like she's

been through the fucking ringer both through life but also fucking recently her face is very heavily bruised when you land next to her she looks up at you and you can see there is like war paint scattered across her face in presumably some sort of arcane marking you would recognize it as similar to some of the druids that you have fought oh that's intriguing are they bound? She's bound, and you can see she tries to talk, but when she does so, her jaw doesn't move properly. It's broken. She can't talk. Okay.

I don't think I can heal as a bonus action. I guess wait until next turn to do something. One more thing I forgot to mention. Sorry. As you land next to her, her eyes, when she looks at you, she doesn't have regular eyes either. It looks more like being on the moon and looking down at a planet. Whoa. You can see they even kind of swirl and move and turn.

What the fuck? It's like looking at the horizon and then a planet. I don't know how to describe it. Do I know much about druidic circles? You might know a little bit. What do you know about nature? No. You don't know much.

I think Zamet knows what kind of druid it is, but Hector might know shit. Oh, I see. So imagine this is an eye. Imagine most of it is kind of just a black void, and then imagine you can see like a planet down the bottom with little continents and water masses. That's crazy. Moving and shifting.

Okay. All right. Fucking hell. If that makes sense. Yeah. All right. So looking into her eyes is like looking into the stars above. More like looking down on the planet from the stars.

From the stars. Yeah. I will get you free in a moment. I try to reassure her. She just kind of gives you a grunt of affirmation. She quite clearly wants that you see her

strain at the bindings. And that was Hector's turn. It's Kribbit's turn. Kribbit, he's full power again. What's your plan, Kribbit? Kribbit, he's full power again. What's your plan, Kribbit? Kribbit, what's the skinny? Kribbit looks at you, Pip, all saltiness forgotten,

and he says, the group or that one? The group. The group. He nods. Kribbit casts Og's Radiant Darts. Oh, my God. It's so cool. Does he ever on Jazzed Up again?

In his hand, he fans out and he creates two magical darts, which he then throws at the two remaining bad guys. Hell yeah. Mishit.

One of them takes... That sucks. One of them takes... That sucks. One of them takes two points of damage. Unfortunately, the dice did not favor him on that one. Pip, it's your turn. That's a whole spell. That sucks. Alright, I'd like to fire

two more silver bolts at the druid and I would like to make one of them a pinning shot. Okay, that just sticks him in place? Yeah, reduces his movement. Um... Yeah, dude? Are they two criticals again? Remember when that happened?

Uh... Oh, okay. Just by the hizzy of your chinny-chin-chin. Okay, thank you. Your pinning shot, your first attack hits. Oh, nice. You deal 13 points of damage, and then how does the pinning shot work so the target must make a strength saving throw with the dc is equal to eight plus

my proficiency bonus plus my dexterity modifier the speed is reduced to zero until the end of their next turn and then it is keshgar's turn how lovely lovely. Hey, perfect. Your crossbow bolt pins Keshgar in place so he can't move, but he steps down where he is and turns the earth a little bit more. Those spikes well out a little bit more. And everyone except Eleniel, who is now out of range.

Well, Pip, Gorobloshen, and Krivit. The three of you, not realizing that the spikes could come out further I'm going to need to make dexterity Having moved away That's a fail from you Pip Fail from Kribbit

Hey Is this the word of vice from Previous victim to the other This one sucks This is painful Gorob and Lushen pass Good for them This isn't even his action This is painful. Yeah, I'm really... Gorob and Lushen pass. Good for them.

Yeah. This isn't even his action. This is just something he can now do. What? Oh, that's a lot of ones. Okay, that's good. This is just something he can do. 20 points of damage, 10 half.

Okay. Gorob and Lushen take 10 points of damage. Kribbit and you take 20 points of damage. I'm going to... Yeah. Good boy card. Let me take half damage. Same problem I had. No, I'm not. I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't do it. I'm going to use... Good boy card, let me take half damage. Same problem I had. No, I'm not.

I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't do it. I'll take the 20. I'll be fine. Okay. Kribbit. Wow!

Makes a pained noise behind you. He keeps getting poisoned. Oh, no, he's not being poisoned. Oh, okay. He's just in pain. And then Keshgar enters a rage. Not dissimilar to Gorob and Lushen, but

so incredibly dissimilar, actually. Oh, no. Keshgar loses five hit points. Okay. But so does everyone else from that attack that he just hit. What? It supercharges Keshgar's attacks this turn.

Fuck yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. Crippet is on one. Fucking hell, things have gone... Gorob would have only lost an extra two from that because they made the saving throw. And then, sorry, then Keshgar attacks. Keshgar slams his feet down in an arrhythmic pattern,

and the rain above begins to get heavier until a bolt of lightning hits Gorob and Lushen. God damn it. Gorob and Lushen pass. Half damage. All right. Gorob and Lushen only take... I like when you pass

You No damage Yeah that's my favourite Yeah 28 Gorob and Lushen Take 14 points of damage Okay

Like you know Some of my spells I go to attack And they're like Oh they pass Yeah yeah No damage No damage

Yeah when it's Working against us It's like Oh that sucks No damage It's Gorob and Lushen's turn Okay Lushen Supercharges Gorob's sword.

Hit but miss. Okay. Boom! That loud explosive noise. And then Lushen screams at Gorob, Get us out of the way! Get us out of those damn fucking rocks! And they deal 21 points of damage.

Okay. Keshgar is bloodied. Alright, hey, that's good. Hey, hey, hey. That means no more lightning and no more stabby rocks. What's wrong, dude? Eight more. Eight more cons explode. There's ten

total now. Rock man. Eight, you say? Yeah. That's fine. Only two can attack this turn. I have a rock, man. Eight, you say? Yeah. That's fine. Only two can attack this turn. One attacks Pip. Miss. Okay.

One attacks Kribbit. Miss. Okay. Fuck it up. Kribbit's on one hit point. Kribbit need to heal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kribbit does need to heal.

It's Elaniel's turn. Elaniel calls out, Ah, good. Yes, I love this. This is great. Why would I not want to leave my little grove for this? Yeah, yeah. Hit, miss, hit.

We're doing it for the wine. That's why we're doing it. Elaniel just like, as they're getting up, she's firing at them to keep them down. Elaniel is basically trying to suppress these Earthmen. She kills one of them. You're down to nine. Okay. And it's Hector, your turn.

I will... I free them. Maybe just break open their chains. It's vines. Or is it just vines? As you do so, when you break these vines, they begin bleeding chains. They're not. It's vines. Or is it just vines? Yeah. As you do so, when you break these vines, they begin bleeding blood. Oh, no.

The vines do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The vines begin bleeding blood. She tears herself at like the last few ones. She just breaks her way out of them. She grabs her jaw, which you realize is slack. She has no control over it. Pushes it up into her face and forces it into position.

You hear cracking and munching of... She's like forcing it to stay put, to stay closed. She gives you a thankful nod and then she begins climbing the statue. Okay. I would say Hector and Pip, everyone, hears as she begins climbing, you hear, yes. That's not good.

What did you do, man? What did I do, Adam? That's a great question. What would you like to do with the rest of your time? Can't be good. What's about to happen? That's a great question. What would you like to do with the rest of your turn? Can't be good. What's about to happen? Did they say?

They can't talk. Their jaw is broken pretty thoroughly. Did you? I mean, like, what was Kesha or whatever his name was saying when we first got here this is your fault this is your fault this is your sin yeah

this is your doing that's like an outcast he's attacking us what I don't know dude she's climbing into the fucking wicker man that's

I want to fly like I'll fly up next to it what do you what are you planning to do she looks back at you and points up.

You can see shoved deep into the chest of this effigy is a spear. Where the spear is shoved in, you can see that blood is coming out of the effigy. You couldn't notice it before because compared to the effigy, it's so small. It's like a toothpick stuck in the side of this thing. She's climbing up to reach it. You need your spear? She nods. She has a determined look on her face.

All right. I'll fly up to grab the spear for her. All right. You grab it? Yeah. As soon as your hand wraps around it, you hear a voice in your mind. Yes. Wield me. Kill. Kill Keshka. hand wraps around it you hear a voice in your mind yes wield me kill kill keshkar you gotta you gotta be more cautious dude um hector yep you hear the woman down below you call out in

in not like you see that she's shaking her, but your hand is already wrapped around the spear. Hector, you feel a compulsion, a very strong, powerful compulsion. The spear wants blood, and so do you. You want to take this spear, and you want to ram it so deep into Keshgar that he stops talking. He stops breathing. he stops breathing, he stops living. Like, like, that's, with every, oh no.

I hate this. Alright, alright, cool, I pull at it, I try to grab it, I do, I, I do. How many voices does... I know, just think of that. Well, one left me, so he's like, like a hermit crab. Like a hermit crab, I'm always saying this! You pull it out, and then you remember. You are not K'Vaarn the Bloody.

You are Hector Dragon's Bane. I'm not the K'Vaarn. Who is K'Vaarn? It's the spear. Something with the spear. What's happening to you out there, dude? I look down to the person. She gestures with her hand. She wants it. K'Vaarn?

I just dropped the spear. She gestures with her hand. She wants it. Come on. I just dropped the spear. She grabs it. Not like... Oh, shit. Was it safe to drop it, Adam? She stumbles it. She fumbles it. Drops it. It hits the ground. She lets go.

Lands heavily. She wanted to get it bad. She takes three points of damage. But she's got it bad. She takes three points of damage. But she's got it now. She picks it up. And then you see set determination on her face. That was your turn. She charges Keshgar from behind.

She drives the spear into Keshgar's back. He cries out in pain and turns around. How many times must we do this? Tarpus! That's her, presumably. She deals 12 points of damage. Yes!

Blood. Who's saying that? It's just a voice in the back of your mind. Okay. Am I connected to the spear, Nick? All of you are hearing it. Oh, that's tight. After that, it's time. All right. After that, yes, blood.

Cribbit kind of bouncing along. Yes, blood. Cribbit seems excited. Something bad's happening. Something real bad's happening. Cribbit casts Dissonant Whispers at one of the... Adam can always make himself... No, that's the wrong spell.

That's the wrong spell. Fuck. No, I'm going to make myself insecure with this. Adam can always make himself insecure. Insecure? One of the rock men, if you will, collapses as his fears become so physical that his heart stops. All right, great. Okay, down to eight, I think. Yeah, his heart stops. Alright, great. Okay, down to eight, I think? Yeah, down to eight.

A mere eight. Pip! Okay, is Kashka kind of harder to hit now that this giant lady is wrestling him? No, they're both so large that it's kind of like two bosses were fighting. You don't think you're going to miss one.

If I look behind me, how's everybody doing fighting the rock men? Can I see Kribbit's not doing so well? Kribbit does seem to be struggling. Oh, he should have healed himself. God, Kribbit, you beautiful idiot. I'm going to then do a spray shot

back behind me. You could hit four. Yeah, yeah, I'm going for it. First attack. Critical hit. Second attack, hit. Third attack, miss. Fourth attack, hit. Oh, yeah.

All right, let's resolve the two normal ones. You wound one gravely, bloodily, and the other one is just kind of like a light wound. So both of them are wounded, but they're still going. That critical hit, pray for a high number. High, high, high, high, high, high, high, high. Oh, good job. That's a really good job, actually.

Well done, Jackson. Oh, my God. Hey, thank you, everyone. Give yourself a pat on the back. Okay. Shot through the heart. Quadruple damage, and the target loses a quarter of their maximum hit points at the beginning of their turn for three rounds.

All right. That's, that, do you know what that means? What? So they, every, they lose a quarter for three rounds? Because it's fucking. That's a fucking insane one. It doesn't matter. You straight up would have, you straight up killed them.

Every, at the start of every round, you lose a quarter of your health? Yeah. No, no, no, no. You, from your current hit points, you lose a quarter of your maximum hit points. Yeah, for three rounds. For three rounds. So it's a quarter, a quarter, a quarter. So by the end of those three rounds, you have a quarter

of whatever your maximum used to be. Minus quadruple damage. Oh my god, I wasted that critical on his rock, man. You really did, yeah. So, that was Pip, your turn. It's Keshka's turn. Everyone, that was... Pip, your turn. It's Keshka's turn.

Everyone's favorite character. I love this guy. Oh, that's fucked up. What happens now, Adam? Keshka recovers. Well, on the bright side, this is his turn. Actually, what's this clever of him? Whatever, he's done it at this point.

Keshka recovers 34 hit points. Fucking hell. He's no longer bloodied? That rules. Okay. Okay. Cool. And then Keshka begins healing rapidly.

Oh. Eh? Every turn he's going to recover some hit points now. That is so good to hear. Oh, and then he continues doing the little rock thing. Yeah. Yeah. Thankfully, Gorub and Lushen have moved around, but Pip

and Kribbit have not heard anything. We're still in the same spot. Kribbit is on... Kribbit passes. I mean, that's half damage. Pip, you fail. Uh-oh. Really, Kribbit wasted that pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, 10,

20, 29. What? 31, 34. Would you like to re-roll it or would you like to halve that? I'll just halve that, Adam. Alright, so you both take 15, 17 points of damage. Fucking hell.

That puts you on 9 hit points, Pip. Jesus Christ. And Kribbit is not dead. That's really good. Kribbit collapses. Poor little guy. That was Keshkar's turn. It's Gorub and Lushen's turn.

Gorub calls out, Charge my sword, sword charger! And Lushen replies, No, I have a much better idea! It's time to fight fire with lightning! A bolt of lightning, Gorob vomits, as Lushen punches him in the gut, catches some of the spew, and throws it up into the air.

Isn't that disgusting? To know, to hear about. Every element of him is loathsome. A bolt of lightning strikes Keshgar. Unfortunately, Keshgar makes his saving throw, so he's only going to take half damage. That's good. Is that good?

Oh, you're being sarcastic. No, it's nice that he just doesn't outright take no damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any damage is good at this point, Adam. 21, 22, 23, 24. Half that is 12 points of damage. Could have done so much better. Well, yeah.

And then Gorob whammies on him. Hit, hit. Gorob does 33 points of damage. Hey. Fucking hell. He's bloodied again Hell yeah, hell yeah Still a rock man to deal with But getting rid of him is paramount Speaking of rock men

Two of them attack you Pip Three of them attack you Pip So relentless Hit, hit, hit Pip, Pip everything goes dark Oh no And then that was three So the other four attack Eleniel Who is now on her own Hit, hit. Fuck. Pip. Pip, everything goes dark. Oh, no. And then that was three.

So the other four attack Eleniel, who is now on her own. Okay. Nothing wrong with that. Miss, miss, hit, miss. All right. Eleniel takes five points of damage. Wow, no one can really see what's happening with Eleniel anymore. They're all on her now.

Fuck me. It's on you, Hector. It with Elaniel anymore. They're all on her now. Fuck me. It's on you, Hector. It's Elaniel's turn. You and Elaniel. Pray for a high number. Oh, God. High, high, high, high, high. Fuck you.

Jackson. Jackson. You're on prayer duty. I'm sorry. I know I'm on prayer duty and I'm so bad at it. Did you say I know I'm a patriot? I know I'm a patriot. I love this country. I'm a patriot and I'm so bad at it Did you say I know I'm a patriot? I know I'm a patriot I love this country I'm a patriot

I'm a patriot I love Solid Snake Okay well She downs one of them then Okay we're down to seven Seven to go Two of our guys are in saving throws Hector you can see You're up saving throws. Hector, you can see.

You're up high. You can see down, and you can see the fucking problem that you're having right now. Oh, my God. It begins, the rain begins to get noticeably heavier. Okay, I... Do you realize? Yep. It's not water.

I do. It's black. You put a palm out, and you can see... Is it blood? It's not blood. It's black. The water is black. You put her palm out and you can see Is it blood? It's not blood. It's black. The water is black. Okay. And it's sticky. Okay. Probably smells

a little bit like sulfur. Like oily? Maybe it's flammable? No. Okay, that's good. That's a bonus. You actually, now as well, you can turn around and you can see what's happening. I forgot you're high up. You can see what's happening with the tree.

There is a tree the size of a double-decker bus is sprouting out of the ground here. Oh, fuck. There are three concentric rings of these crazy rock people,ids crazy rock people again the druids stand still but the rock people move in circles as they dance around the tree performing some sort of ritual the druids are just chanting the tree in its side has a mouth the mouth opens and closes opens and closes and it's chewing every time that opens you can see a bloodied broken, awful sad looking creature within. You could know it as nothing else

but a were-raven. It is a were-raven in were-raven form, hybrid form. They struggle every time it opens up. They struggle to get out. You can see that their wings are broken and bloodied. They are badly wounded. And then the tree forces them back in

and closes once more, chewing, eating them. I'm always on... Okay, at least I could go in. I could maybe heal a couple. You and old mate and all that. But look, I'm... I am an optimist by nature.

I think you've got this. Hector, it's your turn. Hi. Can I get to the were-aven in time? How far away if I zoom down and try and grab? How far can I get? You could get to them

and start pulling now if you wanted to on this turn. Ah, yeah. Yeah. To be continued... D&D is for nerds, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for nerds on your favorite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.