D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #13 Temple to the Nameless God of Secrets

Episode Date: May 4, 2024

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At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands. Friday. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Numb nuts! Get your head in the game before I bounce it off a wall! You're trapped! Trapped in Barovia, you damned idiot! The first thing you should have done is never come here.

But the second thing now is to remember what I taught you. Third, kill the devil, Strahd. Because he's sure as shite coming to kill you. Two sets of doors to your left. One is double, one is single. One set of double doors to your right, and then stairs that lead down into the darkness. You can just make out a hood of some giant statue out of the darkness. I guess downwards.

Downwards we go. Downwards we go. Keep your eye out for notches and bog, man. At the bottom of the stairs, you see another tally. There's an obsidian pillar also encased in amber. You can see in that pillar would be five at this point. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Yep, yep. Okay.

Does the stonework look like it was made from the same stuff at the temple or outside? And Van Richten was mentioning in his notes is his his notes that um the stone of the statue was different to everything else the stone here looks like it might be the same work as the statue outside yes okay okay okay cool cool cool cool can we this is maybe a weird question but do we get a sense of like a growing evil as we descend? And also I guess people would be looking at Hector and being like, is Hector looking more and more powerful the deeper we descend? Like a canary in a coal mine. That detonation that happened to him is not just slipped past Pip's mind.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of things going on set. It's nice. Yeah. It's good. I mean, that's this party. We're a nest of snakes. You know, you don't sense,

you can't tell that anything is, you can't tell any difference with Hector looking him over, but he's so covered in furs, as all of you. Any physical changes would be undetectable to you right now. Aside from that, the general atmosphere of this

place, you do have a feeling of secrets uncovered. Yeah, okay. Some evil, but some secret evil hidden. Old secret evil lies here. Something that is not meant to be known. Is there anything by the notches or is it just notches? Yeah, these would just be notches. Okay.

So what else is down in this area? Four black marble columns surrounded by amber support the high vaulted ceiling of this temple. At the north end, far from you, is a 40 foot tall statue of a cowled figure in flowing robes, the same figure as outside. You can see as you cast your light at it, its face is shrouded

in darkness, magical darkness you can tell. The features of the statue are now on purpose obscured. Its stony hands are outstretched as if it was in the midst of casting a spell, and the ominous statue has two

black marble balconies on either side of it up above. So you can see the balcony at about the same height as the balcony that you just walked down from. There's two behind this statue. One has completely collapsed and is now on the floor. The other one stands as it ever has. There are arched hallways to your left and right. So more of this bottom floor

that you can explore. Past the statue, you can see that there were once two sets of double doors. Now one of them has been broken away entirely. There's just a giant hole where those doors used to be.

The other ones are still there. From that open hole, you can hear... Okay. Cool beans. All right. There's something going on. Something in there. There's the...

Does it sound like something eating? It sounds like eating. Something sucking. Sounds like eating. Okay. There's something eating in the far north past the statues like the one up above. The one up above, did it have its face shrouded? It didn't.

No, there was no magical darkness obscuring its face. Interesting. So we've got those. I'll get both of you at this point to make a religion check. Hector, you possibly should know this. You could not name this god. You do not know this god. But this robed figure is a god.

You can tell you are in a temple. You know this is a place of religious worship. This entity is a god of secrets. You do not know their name. You have never heard any texts referring to this god, but you have enough pieces to put this together. It is a god of secrets. Of course, you have not heard of them.

Yeah. So there's, if I'm reading in some texts, when you go back into the old, when religion was splintering, and you certainly get like death gods in different religions, and how certain, like the Elven pantheon, have the Elven pantheon believe in a certain way, and then you have the Dwarven pantheon.

There's a lot of commonalities between a lot of different religions. There's a lot of commonalities between a lot of different religions. And when you realize there's things that often are left out, this is one of those. This is a god of secrets. Okay. Oh, also, I'm so sorry I forgot to mention this. Look, I guess there's a lot.

You've got the big statue. You've got the eating thing in that hole in the wall. So you may not have noticed this, but behind you, you spot that there is underneath the balcony you were just on, there is another set of double doors. Once again, the steel encased in amber. These ones are close enough that you can make out on them, carved into them, are the words consume flesh. The fuck? Also, there is, you can see just next to the door, there's a 18 tally mark.

Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Any words next to it? Or any notes or page numbers or anything? There would be a cipher, yeah. Okay. I'll, yeah, I'll try and read it. It appears to be a jumble.

You try to decipher it and it doesn't decipher. It just becomes meaningless jumble. That's weird. It starts as a meaningless jumble and it becomes a meaningless jumble. Huh. What does it say? I don't know. It's like a new cipher or something.

The old code doesn't work. Does it make a new cipher? Maybe. I mean, it's been a long time since I've't know. It's like a new cipher or something. The old code doesn't work. Does he make a new cipher? Maybe. I mean, it's been a long time since I've seen him. Maybe in that time he's... Is that really him? It's like in that time from, what was it? Number four or three to 18.

At the Hardcastle, there is a gallery of portraits of Hardcastle over the years and then going into his family history as well. You cannot tell which. There's no difference between any of those portraits and any past portraits. Hardcastles don't change. That is the family motto. Hardcastles don't change.

I'm going to write all of this down. Okay. I don't know. I mean, you know what? He wouldn't change it. He don't change Gotta write all of this down Okay I don't know I mean You know what He wouldn't change it He doesn't change That's the whole thing

About Hardcastles What was I guess Is a cipher Not very A cipher isn't very easy To explain on the fly To get like

An extra Extra pair of eyes On this is there Well it wouldn't Help anyway I mean He can explain it to you And you you try to

understand it you do not understand it okay but you think even if you had been able to work out the initial cipher whether or not there's a second cipher or something else entirely is happening is impossible to tell just from text i don't know i don't know what it could mean because i i i don't want to voice this but is it maybe like hardcastle has, you know, losing his mind a bit and is just kind of going through like what he believes is right out of being like, make this make the cipher, make it whatever makes sense. But he's not really all fully there. It's impossible to know. Okay. Okay.

Well, that's my prevailing theory. I'm going to keep that to my little lonesome. That is certainly a valid theory. There will be some part of Pip's brain suggesting that, but all the other bits are. Shutting it up. So the consumed flesh that was carved in the, was that written in Durak's handwriting? It was not written in Durak's handwriting. No, it looks like it's part of the door itself, originally meant to be there.

Okay. What, do you know, I mean, there's probably lots of things that feed on the undead. I mean, she's by and large just me. What's the question? Is he hearing that as well? Both of you are hearing it, yeah. Okay, cool, cool, cool.

So are you hearing the whispers of the consumed thing? I am. Nobody listened to it. Where's it coming from? It just seems to be all around. So can we back away? I want to take a step back away from that door. Okay.

Yeah. Does the whisper stop? It stops. Okay. All right. Okay. What consumes the flesh of the dead? I mean, it's just meat, right?

But in the day. I mean, very little will touch the dead. It's considered poisonous to most. Esmeralda nods. And a female. Not much. I mean, there are some creatures, carrion crawlers.

That's true, carrion crawlers. Good point. But very little... Can you corrupt a carrion crawler? You can corrupt anything. I would imagine that consume, that's some kind of spell. That or that there itself is corruption.

And that the adventurers we saw before perhaps didn't begin life as bog men. Or they didn't, somehow this had something to do with it. The sucking eating sound. Is it possible to angle myself so I can get a look in at what might be doing that? You are casting light. Does it seem like it's interested in us? It doesn't seem like it's. It's not stopped when we're talking or anything like that?

It's impossible. No, it's not stopped. So it seems content in whatever it's doing now. Yeah. I would say that you have been here long enough that you can detect that, and it gets stronger if you angle yourself a little bit in that direction. So you know it's coming from that direction. You don't know if it's that room precisely,

but that sucking eating noise you can detect that there is a sickly sweet stench of dying flowers mixed with rotting corpse can you smell that like okay yeah that's uh it like, I'd like to step back and maybe put my hands, like, to kind of move everybody else back as well. Garst. That's a garst. That's, that's a, that's a fucking garst. I want to start rubbing my snout. What is it?

What is a garst? Maybe I'll, like, squat down, get everybody gathering me, and I'll read the entry. Which one's the garst again? I have to learn so much about ghoul, ghast. Yes, right. The ghast ghoul, heretofore and before, tofore and since, always for, referred to simply as, but nevereth ghastly, ghast, is a superior version of the ghoul, having in its possession and perception much more versatility in disposal of its foes. having in its possession and perception much more versatility in disposal of its foes. The ghast can be identified as being that which the ghoul is in almost every respect excepting two key differences which are here noted.

In song. This sounds so fucking stupid. I don't have... Go on, sing the first line. I don't have any musical or TV day backing. That's fine. Honestly, rather not. It's best not.

Okay. Oh, ghoul, you are so cool, but you were mean at school. And ghast, you are delight, but alas, you have not sight. Whilst ghoul's eyes, they are white, ghast, you tore them out last night. And for ghast, ring the bell. No sight, but, and here we go, lots are white. Garst you tore them out last night and for Garst ring the bell. No sight but, and here we go, lots of smell. The smell can linger for a day or be detected

a mile away. That's the song. Sorry, I was getting into it. Getting into the beat. So it's a smell for a day. It's a manual. I don't know why I ask questions. How accurate is it

in terms of timelines and scales? If it says it's for a day, does it mean literally 24 hours? Or is it days, what they needed to rhyme with? I imagine it was the rhyme. I mean, I can hear it in there. It's here.

It's going to hit harder than your average ghoul, which also hits pretty hard. And its attacks are paralytic, so don't get hit by it. Of course, I'll do my best. Yes. How can we go around it?

What is it to want, friends? I don't know. The flesh of the dead? A guy like the jester to the undead, the bog men, can we just... I mean, it's similar to a... Throw it. Distracted with this Similarly to the ghoul

One should quickly detoxify thyself If thyself finds thyself poisoned By thou ghoul or thyself will become Like thou ghoul given only a brief time But also if thou is slain Before thou is ghoul Then thou could become aghast If, here we go

As thou ghast has been observed to put upon a corpse or nearly dead creature the foul mimicry of life that all dead share and that will turn thy into another of its in liketh kind. So ghouls are doubled in thy body and any other

savvy hunters shall have even more difficulty of a time slaying thou ghasts. They make more of themselves. Do I think that's what's happening nowaying thou ghasts. They make more of themselves? Do I think that's what's happening now? Could be. So they make more of them. So there's two. Okay.

Hector, quick question. Shoot. Well, I suppose not down here. Never mind. To prevent their self from this fate, thou should consume not less than one metric quart of holy water or similar. This, in effect, will prevent coolification

or ghastification for at least a period of six castings of the spell Mirage Arcane. I'm not going to read all that. In addition to all, thy book has said so far, thy savvy hunter should make thyself aware that any creature fighting a ghast shalleth be subjected

to thy ghast's horrifying stench. Though said stench can be detected, which shall cause creatures between 30 and 60 paces to eject thy guts onto the pavement. Thou ghast shall resist the divine turning, well, not a problem here, and magical effects, a problem, as well as the energies of lightning, necrotic, thunder,

and weapon damages not made by a bronze weapon. Fuck. Thou ghast is extra resistant to poisoning, poison, or piercing damages, non-magical weapons, charmation, and the common magical physical restrictions, exhaustion, paralyzed, petrified, and poisoned. The best method to fight the ghast

are fire, which is good, and radiance, less good. That'll stop it regenerating. And to blind the ghast by overwhelming its olfactory processes thus rendering the creature blinded in the true sense as opposed to the fake sense since they have no eyes but can still see so they hunt by smell manual right so they hunt by smell and um they can cause us to paralyze and then making more of them. Yes. And very possibly right now it is making another one.

Can I ears out, I guess, or like really, is it the sound of one thing chewing or you just can't tell? Yeah, it's really loud and obnoxious, so it is hard to tell. Esmeralda produces a couple vials of holy water, passes them out. Thank God. Chin chin, she says. Yes.

You all drink some holy water. Okay. Now we cannot be turned into further. Yeah. That is something. Do we have any method of creating an intense smell right now? Esmeralda pats herself down, checks the equipment she has. Highs or lows?

Highs. Not a smell strong enough for this. Okay. Now, the ghoul seems unconcerned with us at the moment. The way I see it, we have two options. Like you said earlier, Hector, we can just walk right past, but it is making a second ghoul, so that might be stupid. Yes, but it's also 60.

It smells us. I mean, it's probably smelling whatever it's doing right now. I mean, we haven't even walked close enough to... The snacking ends. Okay, well, there you go. It made the decision for us. You hear... You hear from where the ghoul is...

Sorry, the ghast. You hear a voice calling out, I smell freshness. Delicious new meat. It smells as dragon, as godling, and as sweet pistani. How wonderful. Health is such disgusting foods. You hear something stalking its way towards you.

Okay. Okay. Okay. You have a moment. Spread out. All right. Spread out a little bit so at least we are not all centered around where it can eat us. In one fell bite. There's so many things in here that can turn us into them.

to them you hear as stalks something being dragged and then into the light steps a walking corpse thin and emaciated like you might imagine not a vampire not a dracula but the word nosferatu conjures to mind better the appearance of this creature. Thin and weedly. You can see it once in life wore a set of armor, and that armor just barely is connected to its right leg, being dragged behind it. What rotting remains of the armor still exist. Okay. You can see a holy symbol once blazoned this armor, but it has since long ago been tarnished and destroyed.

This armor is now fell and evil. Okay. The corpse. I'm sorry. What's above where as in like on the ceiling? Is there anything on the ceiling? That ceiling has collapsed. I believe I said the two balconies.

One of them is collapsed and it's walking underneath the collapsed balcony. Okay. Damn. Damn. The corpse has a leathery, bold head hollowed out and bloody eye holes and bloated purple lips. As it moves, the sickly stench of dying flowers mixed with rotting corpse becomes more intense. Let's go to combat. Okay.

That's fine. Yep. It's 3 against 1. We got him. You can see see incidentally don't know how much you care it is recently fed okay

is it stomach bloated is that yeah gross what does that mean that means it might make another one that means there is potentially another one

yeah common well it's going first awesome dude I actually love that I love that about it I'm sure ready to action anyway here we are cool cool cool cool sick first. Awesome, dude. I actually love that. I love that about it. Anyway, here we are. Cool, cool, cool.

Well, you would have had a turn. What would you like to have done with that turn? But you wouldn't have been able to see it. It would have been darkness. And then as it comes into the light, you're coming back against. Because it's speaking, there's like a level of sentience or sapience there that would be, I just, and we're so fucked up. I'm like, do you want to bargain with us?

I'll just be like, we're here to see Aileen. I imagine me and Esme on either side of you making preparations to both look up at the same time. Yeah, Esmeralda looks at you like, are you crazy? But then, out of the darkness, Ha ha ha ha, Eileen! Ha ha ha ha! You wish to speak to the goddess of death! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yes.

It's still in the darkness. You actually, at this point, you still haven't seen it, I guess. Oh, okay. Can I still, look, Hector's doing whatever he's doing. That's fine. Maybe it'll work. Probably not. I'd like to get a Fire Skull Flame for fire and overcoming resistance to magic doesn't do anything really. You do already have those bolts for...

Mark them down. Write this down. I do. I've got my bolts here. You've got five undead killing bolts. I don't think I've used it all, but I'm like fire specifically is good for this guy. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

I'm going to do this anyway. Yeah, Fire Skull Flame, Rope of T tentacle for seeking, and I'll use a ruby for undead bane. And you're making ammunition? I'm just making like a grenade out of the ruby. Oh, okay, yeah. You make an undead bane grenade.

Sure. Undead and fire. The path you seek is to your right. Thank you. Do you trust it? I don't really want to fight it. If it knows, I mean, it feeds off death, right? She's under God. Right.

God of death. I could be leading this. Hey. Esmeralda calls out. We are also looking for an adventurer who came here. His name is Van Richten. Have you seen him? She gives a description. He

wears clothes that mark him as perhaps a circus performer. He has a cane. His hair comes into a widow's peak. She doesn't say it like that. She yells it as a command. The entity does not respond.

On that, another adventurer would have passed through here. Small guy, dwarf, angry, notching the walls. I would say, Pip, you don't say it, but you nudge Hector to ask the question, and the entity responds to Hector. Have you seen a dwarf? He would have been small in stature, would have been marking the walls. You say that while Pip mimes what Hardcastle looks like.

Very aggressive. His journey ended in the doors behind. All right, 18. And another adventure man, I described Van Richten. Disgusting elf flesh. Me hates. Esmeralda launches into the darkness. Okay.

Well, okay. We're going to combat now. Okay. Okay. Fuck you we're going to combat now. Okay. Okay. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. She sprints into the darkness.

All right. I'm sorry. Durak, I'm going into the other direction, Adam. Sorry. Yes. Yes. Yes.

All right. Heck, where are you going? Oh, no. Oh, no. All right. Heck, where are you going? Oh, no. Oh, no. I follow Pip. Oh. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet.

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The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Friday. Okay. That's spicy.

That's spicy shit, dude. That is rough. Alright. I can't see the ghast. No, you can't see it. It was in the darkness, yeah. I can't even lob and then run behind you. Alright, I'll... Pip, wait. And I'll run after...

How are you sprinting, son of a bitch? Both of them are sprinting in separate directions. Yeah, I'm chasing Pip. Pip, you arrive at the door. It says consume flesh. Slam it open. You push, and you... Well, roll. You make a strength check.

No, the doors do not give. Consume, consume, consume. Shut up, strength check. No, the doors do not give. Consume, consume, consume. Shut up, shut up. I'm not going to do it. Can I tell in what manner the door is locked? Does it seem like an internal mechanism or magic in some way? You can see there is an enchantment upon the doors. They will open when a condition is met.

Okay, am I there yet? Yeah, you're there. Cool, I want to just maybe just grab you by the shoulder. To get in the door, you need to consume flesh. Do you really want to do that? Right now, we need to save Esme. And I'm just going to drag you.

All you know, the magical doors require a condition to be met. You don't know what the specific condition is. Okay, I'll let myself be dragged. Okay. That's fine.

Fuck. Okay. Well, you're going to arrive a couple rounds late. Yep. You hear the sounds of combat. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then the ringing of steel upon flesh.

And the sounds of flesh upon flesh. Can I, as I'm maybe grabbing Pip, I just want to grab him by, like, the side of the face and just start, like, slam, like, tap his forehead, like, get your head in the game. Bang. Flashbacks. Briefly, as you're tapping, you become Durak for a second and then you become yourself.

Right. Get your head in the game. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My head's in the game. My head's in the game. That's a lot of dice, Adam. A lot of d20s. What's going on? Fuck. She

is actually... She's actually rinsing this guy right now. Sorry. I gotta roll for two criticals. Oh my god. Alright. Okay. Well, I guess we were holding you back. Yeah, exactly. Fair enough. We were slowing you down.

Okay, our bad. Don't lose your head. Quadruple damage. And if the target takes... Well, that's not going to happen. Oh, it might. She might straight up cut its head off. Ten.

We didn't need to come back. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, it's powerful. Oh, boy. No, it's powerful. Oh, boy. It's powerful.

And the second one is brow slash double damage, and it's blinded. Well, it can't be blinded, so. Okay. All right. Then, very quickly, I need to do its attack against her. Oh, yeah. It's just all happening kind of offscreen for us, and that's pretty funny.

You arrive to the ghast picking up Esmeralda, holding it over her head and pulling one arm on each of her arms, pulling in both direction as strong as she can. You hear her scream and you hear as one of her shoulders dislocates. Oh, no. Then it tries to bring her down and bite her. But she oh, I don't know if I've explained this properly. It's also, it feels like it's been, the corpse has been stretched. So it's very thin, but very tall.

It brings Esmeralda down and is trying to bite at her, but Esmeralda has gotten both of her boots, planted them on its shoulders, and is forcing herself to stay standing. Oh, God. I can hold on forever! Forever is a very long fucking time, she says. It deals... Oh boy, it does deal too much.

6d8 plus 8 points of damage to her. Fucking hell. And then she needs to make two saving throws or be paralyzed. Oh, that's right. Fuck. Cool.

Esmeralda's cries of pain are cut short. Oh, Jesus Christ. Cool. That's such a bad expression. If she hadn't drunk the holy water, she would currently be a ghoul. Okay. That was its turn. Pip, it's your turn. Okay, I'd like to run in after Hector's grabbed my face and said,

get your head on straight or whatever. Run in, get down on one knee, thunk, thunk, with the undead arrows. Bolt, sorry. The radiant damage ones? Yep. All right. You deal 19 points of damage total. Thunk, Thunk! You see

both of the bolts begin sizzling and melting the ghast's flesh. Oh! Oh! I like them when they fight! And was there anything else, Pip? Nah, that's it. Fresh meat!

Esmeralda makes a saving throw. She is still paralyzed. Hector, it's your turn. Can I getda makes a saving throw. She is still paralyzed. Hector, it's your turn. Can I get to melee range? Yeah. Excellent. I'm going to grab my packed weapon and slam it into its face. All right.

You make two attacks. And they are both hits. Do you have any spice for these? I don't know. These little spice guys are juiceless, dude. I got nothing but no juice. You're juiceless. They are a pack weapon, so I guess it's magical in nature.

Well, that means these attacks are magical, which just means you hurt it. Otherwise, it would be immune. Take it. That's something. Yeah. It's still resistant, so it's going to take half damage. You deal some damage. You're wailing upon it.

Does not seem to have hurt it terribly much. But because of the radiant damage that it's taken, it is not going to heal. Hey, we'll take it. If I have a torch in my offhand, what does that mean? You can make, as a bonus action, an extra'll take it. If I have a torch in my offhand, what does that mean? You can make, as a bonus action, an extra attack with it.

You don't have any two-weapon fighting abilities, right? Correct. If you don't have any two-weapon fighting abilities, that means that you just do the weapon's damage. Okay. You don't get any bonuses. All right, sweet. Well, then I'll just shove the torch in its face area if I can.

You unfortunately miss. It's an improvised weapon, so you roll with disadvantage. Oh, no, you don't roll with. Yes, you do roll with disadvantage with an improvised weapon. I'm thinking about arm strikes. Thank God. You don't care. That was, Hector, your turn.

It is the ghast's turn. Oh, fuck. Esmeralda is not an idiot, so it knows that Esmeralda is not really a threat to it anymore. It drops Esmeralda, and Hector, you're right there. Fuck, dude. Delicious, godling. It slashes at you with one of its claws

Picks you up and then tears into your neck Hector Oh god You take 18 points of damage from the claw attack Oh no That sounds like there's a follow up there Oh yeah then it bites you

Currently on 7 You need to make a saving throw or be paralyzed. Fuck. Fuck. You pass the saving throw, thankfully. Yeah. Good. And then the bite attack hits you.

You might be cactus, my dude. I think you are. Is it... Looking at our good boy cards. Non-magical attacks? If we get resistance to damage from non-magical, would that help? This is a non-magical attack? Do it.

If we have resistance to damage from non-magical attacks until the start of my next turn. Okay. I wish you... You are intending on playing this for the first attack and this one, right? Oh, yeah. If I... Yeah. If we can.

How much damage did I just deal to you? 20 something. 25? No. something. 25? No. Was it 25? No. Maybe not. I think I was on 25.

18. 18. All right. So you took, that was 18 from the previous. This one was about to deal 12 points of damage. So that's 30 total. So you only took 15 points of damage. You had 25.

You're on 10. Okay. Hey, hey. Still standing. Still standing. Still standing. That good boy card kept you standing had 25. You're on 10. Okay. Hey, hey. Still standing. Still standing. Still standing. That good boy card kept you standing. Yes.

Saved your life. 100%. Hey, it doesn't heal because it took radiant damage. I hate that it can heal. Yeah, me too. But thank God it took that radiant damage. But unfortunately, it's its turn. Bullshit.

You both need to make constitution saving throws or be poisoned by its stench. The smell is overwhelming. Hector, you are okay. Pip, you puke. You start puking, you can't stop puking. And when you attack, you will be attacking while throwing up.

Is it a con saving? It is. With advantage? You pass. I mean, we have it. Yeah, I mean, let's use it. With advantage? Yeah. You pass, Pip. Thankfully. Okay, okay. You won.

You're not puking. Yeah, maybe I was, and I just... Just swallow it back. That's fine. Well, you've immediately... You didn't eat much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you...

I puked everything up. There's still burps now. They didn't feed you on the stockades. So you're fine. You don't want to vomit up that holy water. You want to keep that down. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

That was... Oh, I forgot. Oh, I've been going kind somehow. Kind? Yeah, it's got legendary actions. Jesus Christ. It's your turn, Pip. Except before it's your turn. Okay.

Fuck it. Okay. What's up, dude? Something bad happening? The ghast Vomits on both of you In a line 60 feet long Fuck dude

You both need to make constitution saving throws Okay well I've used up my Which is awesome Heck You pass so you take half damage And you have resistance to this as well I've used up my Which is awesome Okay Heck You pass So you take half damage And you have resistance

To this as well So you're gonna take A quarter damage Resistance Yeah Yeah you have It's not magical damage What is this

Oh okay I thought it was something else It pukes on you Yeah okay Yeah yeah Like what Necrotic or something Yeah

No it's poison Neither of you have Like immunity It's not disease, it's poison. Neither of you have immunity to poison. It's not disease. No, it's not disease. Well, no, that's from a paladin, so no, I guess I don't. I guess I don't have it. That's 24 points of damage.

So, Pip, you take 24 points of damage. You're on 26. Fucking hell, dude. They go quick. Oh, yeah, okay, and a quarter of that, were you saying? Yeah, is 12, halved 12 is 6, so you're on 4. Okay. Okay, so yeah, 4 health.

4 beautiful, beautiful, beautiful health points. Cool beans. Cool bananas. It's day one. Always fucking like this, dude. Oh, God. Oh, my word. Lordy, lordy,

lordy. And that was its turn. Oh, wow, that was its legendary action. Pip, it's your turn. Don't worry, I can't do that again for like a turn. Cool, cool, cool. I guess I'll just fire two more of those undead arrows. And can I make them a

defensive shot? Hit, hit. Oh, fuck yeah. You deal... Oh, well, your crossbow... I forgot this last time. Your crossbow isn't magical, so the crossbow does nothing, but the radiant damage hurts it. Okay. And because you do hit,

the effect still goes off, so it still has disadvantage. You're like pinning it up against the wall, making it struggle to move, but the damage is superfluous, well, apart from the radiant damage, which is a big deal because it also does heal on its turn otherwise. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm thinking. I'm trying to stop it from healing so that, you know. You can actually slowly fucking kill it.

Yeah. Well, that was Pip, your action. Do you have a bonus movement, anything else? No, nothing really. It's Esmeralda's turn. Oh, wait, you know what? Sorry. I think this is a bonus action.

Yeah, I'll cast Hunter's Mark on it. Okay. Get an extra 2d6 damage whenever I hit it. Why not? Easy. Well, why don't you cast that at the beginning of your turn? Okay. Hey, let's do it.

Hey, smart. You deal an extra 13 points of damage. Hey. Useful. That's really good. Should have been doing that the whole time. Always forget to do it. Yeah. Oh, smart. You deal an extra 13 points of damage. Hey, useful. That's really good. Should have been doing that the whole time. Always forget to do it. Yeah.

Oh, well. Esmeralda passes her saving throw, but it's at the end of her turn. She looks around. She's got a wild fucking expression. Esmeralda has entered a blood raid. There's no explanation other than she has dipped a level into barbarians somehow That is her turn, Hector it's yours Can I take...

Okay, so... Legending seems to be not doing the best Your Eldritch Blast does a lot more Yeah, so can I take a step back? Or am I just going to straight up get... Okay, cool You can incur an attack of opportunity and your attacks don't have disadvantage.

Oh, well, actually no, because you're supercharged, you can do it in melee. You just don't get advantage or disadvantage. You're just fine. Sweet. Well, I will then blast it twice with Eldrick Blast. I don't know if you're going to pick up on this just yet, but Eldrick Blast is going to be the best thing you can do

in any scenario here. But the cost, Adam, the cost. Both blasts hit. Sweet. Nice. That is nine. Oh, what am I rolling? It's juiced up, dude. Yeah, it's super juicy.

You score two incredible hits. The ghast staggers backwards. You're like fucking blasting into it with a Tommy gun, riddling it with holes. It's its turn again. It can't heal, but everyone needs to make the con saving throw.

Heck, you're the only one who passes. Okay, good stuff. Miss Merelda spew dribbling out of the corners of her mouth, passes. Okay, good stuff. Esmeralda spew dribbling out of the corners of her mouth, launches herself at the creature again, and anything gives her advantage. Yeah, exactly. It's helping.

It's keeping her focused. Hit, hit, critical. See? You're right. The vomiting was good. Between the shoulders, maximum damage. Nice. Oh, she downs it. Stabbing it through the heart, she drags the blade back. The creature falls to its knees. And then she lobs its fucking head off.

Okay. I'm like, just there. Maybe the casting Eldritch and enhanced holding it. Yeah, do we need to... I'm going to go into the darkness to grab the corpse it was eating. Esmeralda turns and moves ahead of you. You rush into the room after her, and your light illuminates. The amber doors that once sealed this great stone room have been smashed.

There are pieces lying amid crushed bones, armor, and weapons. Additionally, you see a corpse is lying roughly in the center of this room. You can see that there are clear scuff marks from maybe a recent fight, but by recent I mean a day ago at most. You can see scorch marks from magical attacks. You can see claw marks. You can see scuff marks from magical attacks, you can see claw marks, you can see scuff marks

from a mundane weapon, perhaps the cane that this corpse once carried you see what is left of the clothing that a circus performer might wear, a destroyed torso, one arm lies

10 feet away from the corpse. The other arm still just barely attached. There is not much of its face left, save for a widow's peak. Esmeralda drops her rapier, drops her hand axe, falls to her knees, and starts...

Okay. My immediate thought is, does it look like it's going to come back? I'm trying to do this in a respectful way. I'm not getting down there and sticking my fingers in it. The corpse is so destroyed that it wouldn't be able to come back. There's nothing, not even a bog man could be made from what is left of this. It appears Van Richten, perhaps, in his last moments, you see,en perhaps in his last moments you see actually in his last moments in the hand that he still has he drank a vial of holy water his final action to prevent himself

from coming back okay oh no esmeralda falls onto her hands now on her knees as well Falls onto her hands, now on her knees as well. Tears start hitting the cold stone floor. Also, I guess, follow suit and see this and then just mutter and... Oh, fuck. I'll squat down next to her. I'll put an arm around her. I'll put an arm around her. She shrugs you off. She doesn't want to be touched right now.

Okay. Would you like to be alone? She nods slowly. Okay, come on. Right, right, right. Can we have a cursory... I don't want to leave her to a lug. She's not in a great way.

Not the most rational person. You know what I mean? So what else is in this environment? Is there in this room, is it leading on? There's no other doorways or exits to this room. You can see it was once some sort of treasury or armory, but the fight here was so intense, so vicious, that nothing is recoverable in this space. It looks like Van Richten was thrown up against swords so hard

to snap them clean in half, and Van Richten's magic blasted the ghast into a cart so hard that it now just splinters. And you said there's amber. That was from the fight? Nothing has broken out? No, no, no, no. There's no sarcophagi. This isn't like something got loose here and then kicked it all off?

It's ships off the walls and door. This is a dead end, Nick. The only sound that fills the Amber Temple is soft sobbing. In the other room. Well, that was, um... Yeah, that's sort of... I don't mean to be rude, Pip, but I think Hardcastle might have done

the same thing. Or something similar. He would eat the flesh. He ate the flesh, right. Yeah. I'm going to try something else to get in there, though. I don't think we... We went there. We said... That was the 18th tour, right? We saw what, 7 up top?

Yeah. Is there a mark near where the ghoul room was? Or the ghast room was? That's the room you're currently in. No, there's no notch here. Not that you can eat the flesh door. On the eat the flesh door there was an 18.

Yeah, that's right. So we have um where are you two currently which is in the middle of the room i guess the other room away from the big vault yeah yeah where you thought the guy is is that do we need to move i adjusted like head heart is that a thing not with a ghost it's useless now i mean you know what i'm gonna just crush its head with my foot sure just. Just, you know, to be safe. Can you get anything off him? That's a good idea. I'll

squat down and start rooting around. Okay. You collect some stuff, but you destroy it. Looking at the destroyed head, you're like, ghoul brains. A very sought- after alchemical ingredient

there is actually a ghast yeah yeah specifically a ghast thing I think yeah but ghast innards you get

let's say two doses of ghast innards nice and nothing else unfortunately that's fair enough what does the, they do?

Fire, cold, necrotic damage and they're an adhesive. Oh. Which is good. They're very sticky. Useful. I would like to, Adam, get my formian eye,

my last formian eye and, hmm, what else can I use here? Maybe I'll use my last rope tentacle for seeking. I don't know. And then,

hmm, anything useful here? Not really. Undead bane. Accuracy. Maybe accuracy would help. I'm basically going to try and deform the magic on the enchantment that makes you eat flesh. Okay. Yeah, because that's what the formie and I does.

Yeah, no, absolutely. You know what? I'll use some devil's horn, which is resistant to resistant to magic okay try and make something like effectively like a magic skeleton key you yeah i'd say you make kind of basically a potion of dispel magic yeah and i'll on the wall on the door the words consume flesh fade and change instead into that script that is in completely indecipherable to you. It doesn't look like the doors maybe ever said consume flesh. Hardcastle's note changes

as well to be readable. It says don't consume flesh. The doors swing slowly open. We'll see you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over.

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