D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #17 Philosophy in Practice

Episode Date: June 1, 2024

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At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands. Friday. You're listening to the SansPants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, we are nevertheless marooned, trapped in this nightmare of my homelands, a place called Barovia. While my people may come and go as we please, for you these mists are as voles and the vampire Strahd Von Zarovich, your warden.

But fear not, for Strahd's heart may no longer beat, but it is still a good place to stab him. There is also the matter of, um... What would you like to do with your mentor, Esme? What are the odds in the evil sarcophagus temple here in the mountains

that Van Richten is brought back with no complication? And if you try to bring him back, I will try and stop you. Esme, she turns and she just starts sprinting. Fuck! Do I stop you. Esme, she turns and she just starts sprinting. Fuck. Oh, like, do I stop you? Dude.

Because I'm like. The Amber Temple's making us fight. Because I'm like. Pip's getting upset. Because there's only. Yeah, I just I want to intercept Pip. Fuck. But not tackle him.

Just sort of like a stand up. Would he have to run past me? No, he does not need to run past you. He just needs to shuffle out of the seats. What? I was like, Pip, wait, wait, wait. You can stop if you want. It's obvious what's about to happen.

Yeah. Where do we think this is going? We stop her, what? Get her out of the temple. She slits her throats in her sleep. Where do we think this is going? We stop her, what? She slits her throats in her sleep.

You stop her and then you're like, and now we're going to bed. Esme, first watch. You stop her. Do you think she's not going to kill us? So what's the alternative? The alternative is she brings Van Richten back and you've got another Father Limmick on your plate. Yeah. Exactly what we need.

Well, what? We kill her? I don't know. If we have to. She is a monster hunter like you, right. Yeah. Exactly what we need. Well, what? We kill her? I don't know. If we have to. She is a monster hunter like you, right? Yeah. If he comes back and he is a monster, surely she will do what needs must.

Do you ever have anybody, Hector, that you would consider a mentor in your life? I just look at Pip. Oh, no. Can I tell from that stare that he thinks of me as a mentor? Oh, no. I think that's up to you. No, just staring at you. Not in a way.

In a way. All right. And that person, would you consider them family? I know you, like me, didn't know your parents. I knew them. Sorry, I did know them. Oh, you knew your parents. Oh,, didn't know your parents. I knew them, just... Sorry, I didn't know them. Oh, you knew your parents.

Oh, I didn't know that. Well, then, I don't think you understand the relationship that... Excuse me, I'm just setting a timer. You don't understand, Hector. When you have nothing, and somebody comes into your life, and they give you a purpose, you would do almost anything for that person. So why aren't you

racing to grab Durak? Because for me, Durak died years and years and years ago. And then when we found him, he was amber dust. And so you would rob her of this?

Yes. And it's been five rounds. Yep. The temple sighs. You need to think this through. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's...

I'm sorry. It's fine, Hector. It's fine. I don't really want to kill her. Right. I'll push past Hector. And let's go see the consequences of our actions. Our consequences of our

inactions, thank you. I was trying to do something. Get a good boy card. It is the consequences of your inactions. Thanks. And you get a bad boy card because it takes two to tango. You did none as well. I was

trying. No, that's the thing. You weren't. Hector got in the was trying. No, that's the thing. You weren't. Hector got in the fucking way. No, that's the thing. He didn't. He specifically said he's not grabbing you. Yeah, that's true. I should have run past.

You walk out from the auditorium down to that balcony where you first saw all the zombies in the darkness. Oh, yeah. And you can see kind of half staggering into vision is Esmeralda. She's coming from the east wing. You can see that there's something a bit off about the way

that she's walking. And you can also see that there is a haze that's leaving her. I've got my crossbow in my hands. I've got my mace in my hand. I'll call my mace in my hand. I'll call out. What was the deal?

She turns to look up at you, and you can see her eyes are now a sickly yellow. One solid sickly yellow color, and a soft glow emanates from them. While in the glow glow you can see that there is also a yellow mist roiling off her eyes i see death she leans forwards and then for a moment you think she's about to puke but she straightens herself back up and then her eyes still glowing faintly yellow, she turns and walks towards where Van Richten's corpse is. Okay, so she's not brought him back yet. Yeah, no. She has the power to bring him back now. Fuck, dude.

I can... She stops before she retreats into the dark. You're not going down, are you? Not yet. I'm not. Before you go down into the darkness, she turns to you. Yeah.

I can bring Hardcastle back, too. Don't. For a price. Don't you dare. She nods slowly. I bring this out of relief. Yeah, you don't think she's going to do it. Is that Esme?

Yes, I am Esme. I am still here, I think. Yeah, that's comforting. She looks down at her hands. We could have Yender back too. Oh, fuck. And of course, what is the price? I hate this fucking temple, dude.

She looks up at you and she says, a thousand gold. That's it? Yes. I just look at Piff like, look at the state of her, dude. I'm like, a thousand gold? It's costing more than a thousand gold. Whatever this is, is costing more than a thousand gold. Yeah, of course.

Can I see the exit of this place? Yeah, it's right behind you. I'm just keeping an eye on it because I don't think I can fight her in whatever state she's in right now with mastery over life and death. But if I've got to hightail it out of there with Hector and lock this place up for good, I'm ready to do that. Do you have the money now, she says? No, no, no.

When you have the money, let me know, and I will bring her back. It's not what Yen'do would want. It's not what anybody would want. She retreats off into the darkness where Van Richten's corpse is. I'm just waiting by the exit ready to run basically and uh yeah so do you want to attack them or are we running i don't know what has happened to esme

i don't know what's in her right now and what's about to be in van richten i think if we tried to fight them they'd squash us like a bug i think if it south, we run and we try and bar the door. I think that's our point of recourse. I think that's our only option. If everything goes south, we run. Today is not the day you die. Yeah. What an odd

thing to say. Another sigh. There's a few moments of silence, and then, Foolish girl! What did you do this for? You hear it ringing out in the Amber Temple. That's a good sign. Sort of. There's half-hushed, half-yelling coming from down below, and then bursting through, wearing basically just pants,

the tattered remains of a shirt, and using his walking cane with a pretty heavy limp, you see a half-elf. He has teeny tiny little spectacles, which are pretty badly damaged. It looks like he picked them up off the ground after something stepped on them. His hair is pure alabaster white

and slicked back to give him a very natural widow's peak. You can see his face is furrowed with wrinkled brows. You can see he has, because he's not wearing a shirt right now, he has the body of a man who was once quite fit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now he is old. Probably, even for a half-elf, quite wizened, you would say. He's maybe very easily pushing 500.

Whoa. Very old, even for a half-elf. Whoa. He staggers into view, and then seeing the two of you up there, he, with his cane, gestures in your direction. You there! What are you doing? What state are you in?

What state am I in? I mean, I know you've been brought back, but in what capacity? I believe Barovia. Is this not the name of the state we are currently in? No, I mean, are you possessed by some manner of darkness? Is there some evil brewing within you?

Possessed by some manner of darkness? Are you a villager here? I want to make a point. If he was possessed by Manner of darkness. Are you a villager here? I was just like, point. If he was possessed by a manner of darkness and you asked him if he was possessed by a manner of darkness,

what do you think he would say? Should I beware of black cats and ladders, perhaps? I don't like Van Ricken. Get down here at once. I start walking

to, like, yeah, I walk down the stairs. Double time. Quick smart. I'm staying where I am. I start walking. I walk down. Double time. Quick smart. I'm staying where I am. I'm staying where I am. He slams his cane a few times on the ground. Van Richten.

What is your name? Hector. Hector. Hector what? You have a fancy name or a normal name? Hector Alabaster. Alabaster. Or Dragon's Bane.

Alabaster has a whiff of a given name about it. Are you perhaps not a man who knows his origins? No, my family name is Alabaster. The name that I was given was... How strange a name that is. Well, it wasn't your name. Well, if it's your name, it is your name, though. Yes, it was named after the...

It doesn't matter. You're an Azimir, yes? Yes. Good, Excellent. Straight up a back. I get better, yeah. Just better posture. Straighten your posture.

Improve your posture. Yeah, like, again, flashbacks to not the same level of monastery that people are raised in, but of a similar kind of pen here. Yep. Are you strapping on your ladder? You're not? Yes, sir. A hero here in Barovia?

Why? To kill the devil? He does the little gesture where he kisses his lips and then throws it up to the heavens. Yes, we have to kill the devil. I do the same gesture. We know how and we know the means. Do you have a tabard? Where's your holy symbol of Penia?

It would be... You've got a necklace. Necklace, just the necklace. Do you have the necklace visible on top of your armor? We've been pretty battle-worn, so I reckon it probably is just flopped out, dangling somewhere. Using his cane, he lifts the holy symbol up to get a better look at it. He's not, like, choking you out or anything.

He's just, like, moving it so that he can see it better. A sun. What god of the sun do you worship? Pannier. Pannier. I think I know the name. Wife of gnomes, something like that? That's the one.

Yes, right. Good, good. He taps you once on the chest, on the breastplate, lightly. You'll do well. Thank you. Where's Esme? Esme, back there. He gestures back to the darkness.

She has much to think on. In what state is she? Don't you say Barofia again, back there. He gestures back to the darkness. She has much to think on. In what state is she? Don't you say Barovia again, old man. Seems a bit distraught, I would say. Yes. I'm sure this reunion is not what she expected. Probably not. Damn fool of a girl.

I thought I taught her better. You there, get down here, he says. The dragonborn, now. Try to warn her of... That is Pip. Pip what? Mandarin. What?

That's a fruit. Yeah. That's a man. I'll cautiously approach. I'm still completely on edge. We found your nuts. And a pendant, of course. Jackal something.

Oh, yes. That's for the... There's a beast roaming around. And a pendant of yours. Jackal something. Oh, yes. That's for the... There's a beast roaming around. Not a beast. A machination. A machine. It controls the machine. It's a machine?

Yes. Have you not seen it? Big, made of amber. A jackal head. Literally impossible to miss. Have we passed that? You have not seen that. Because that does not sound familiar. I don't remember that? You have not seen that. Because that does not

sound familiar. I don't remember that. You have not seen any such creature or entity. No, we have not. Well, we should go find it then.

It would make a handy ally in a fight against he kisses his lips and I, yeah, sorry, he kisses his fingers. Can't kiss your lips.

You can kiss your own lips. He kisses his fingers, throws it to the heavens And he says Fighting Strahd A machine which neither feels pain Nor feels fear Would be quite useful I would imagine

You're aware under what circumstances I am aware of a deal My fool of an apprentice made Right and so Esme your your apprentice, will be suffering some consequence, yes? Yes. Hopefully we can straighten it all out.

But I don't know. It's hard when you offer a dark entity into yourself. Yeah. Anyway, I'm having a right lines now. You're having a what? Right lines. What does that mean? Come with me, he says.

He gestures back and you walk back to the room where he was killed. Esme has a big piece of chalk in her hand. Right is in W-R-E-F-E. I will not offer a dark entity safe passage

in my soul. She has written it at least five times now. How long has she... Till I tell her to stop. Okay. Van Richten, Esme told us we have a girl... Stand up straight, girl. I instinctively stood up straight the moment he yelled.

Piff too, probably. But Piff too would be like straight and they need a hunch on purpose. I haven't any idea. I'm sure you've got the natural question. Whenever you move, you see that he definitely, the cane is, he needs it. I haven't any awareness. If a dark entity is possessed of me as well, I think I'm ever the same. But obviously these things are hard to detect.

I will give you at least this piece of evidence. When one is resurrected, they are given the entity resurrecting them and through which means they are being resurrected. I am aware of the dark entity that resurrected me, the dark entity that gave Esme the power to resurrect me, and I do not believe that any consequences should fall on my side. Right.

Okay. Do you know what the entity, do you know who the entity is? Not by name, but by feeling, shall we say. Esme mentioned, we have a need of your assistance. There's a girl who is back in Kuchuri. She's being turned into, experimented on, turned into a hag. She said, Esme said, you could perhaps help. I don't like doing this.

I am not helping the girl. Of course, I'll help you help the girl. I don't like doing this, he says, gesturing to himself a bit. It is unnatural. I should not be alive. Esme turns, and you can see she's about to say something. But Van Richten, who has not even looked at her, whips the cane around. And you see, when he strikes her, it's not like hard, hard.

But it's more like a rap, like on the knuckles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Return to the lines, girl. I guess flinch on the knuckles yeah yeah yeah return to the lines girl I guess flinching like knuckles once again bit of flashbacks

yeah a pip too squeezing my hand just like yeah yes you remind me I should be dead you remind me of the brothers I agree

yes you should be dead a firm hand is important yes yes Esme wanted to bring you back so badly. What would you like to know at the moment?

How long have I been dead, do you know? It's probably been weeks. Yeah, it depends. It's kind of like filling me in on maybe what happened with Quitch. When we got here, it was this. Esme said, we found your notes in the wizard tower. And kind of explain, maybe kind of vaguely giving him an idea of what time that might be. I think I've been dead for perhaps a week, not more than two, I think.

Yeah, your body was not in a complete... Is he reacting to, like, no, he would be fine. Your body is not in a massive amount of decay. to, like... No, he would be fine. Your body is not in a massive amount of decay. Yeah, no putrefaction. He starts, like, listing off... He's just talking medical terms. Hector, it all goes above you.

Pip, you are... You have, like... If he has a PhD, you have a bachelor's. So you understand... But when it gets to the upper echelons, it's above my head. He's basically just counting the different things that happen to a corpse

and, like, you know, list out rigor mortis, cell death, that sort of stuff. He's listing those things and then from your description inferring how long he's been dead. Yes. No more than two weeks, I should believe. I know you want Esme to continue writing lines,

but I think we should get out of here before anyone else. And I'd like to look at Esme and then Hector makes a deal with an old dark god. Yes. Good idea. Capital. Well, he says, you, Hector, he looks at you.

Lead the way way I shall follow Pip, is that... He, with the cane He nudges you a little bit to turn you around Do you turn around? Yeah, probably, but it's instinct This is like flashbacks to being checked for dirt He turns you a little bit so that he can see behind you

That, your crossbow I clutch it protectively Backs to being checked for dirt. Yeah. Yeah. He turns you a little bit so that he can see behind you. Yeah. That, your crossbow. I clutch it protectively. Yes. That's a hardcastle, isn't it? It is. Yes. Where did you get that?

From his body. Hardcastle's here? Not anymore. His body is here. It's amber dust on the floor. A pity. He was a good one. Couldn't agree more

One of the best We disagreed on many points But he was a good man You, wait, Pip Mandarin No, I know you, he says Hardcastle spoke highly of you Yeah, well, he was, yeah He taught me a lot of things

Good, well He was a good mentor You should be taking up his position, I assume. In what capacity? Well, forgive me. I forget myself sometimes. We are equals. You are heir to his legacy, no?

I suppose, though I haven't really thought of taking an apprentice. Well, you should get yourself situated first at the Hardcastle. I intend to go back when I'm out, yes. It is yours by right. There is that, yeah. Some might disagree, but yeah. Who would disagree? His family. The thing is... Hardcastle's family. Pish posh.

The Hardcastle is an institution within the Hunters. It belongs to a Hunter. You are his apprentice. It is yours by right. Well, when we get out of Barovia, I'll go to the Hardcastle and figure it out then. He starts patting himself down. He's barely wearing pants. He starts patting himself down. I need pen and paper. I shall write you a letter. A letter of introduction and a letter of breeding.

Thank you. Shall we? Shall we? Yes, yes. Let's A letter of introduction and a letter of breeding. Thank you. Shall we? Shall we? Yes, yes. Let's figure that out when we're out of here. Alabaster, lead the way. Good man. Thank you.

Do you have the, you said the jackal thing, the pendant? Oh, yes. Is that what you needed? Should we pick that up now? He looks at you, Pip. Why can't he? Wanting your input. I don't really plan to.

What does it do? It stops the jackal. It is a golem. It is the control for a golem. All right. All right. Well, we shall scour the area then. Beware, it will attack if you do not have the amulet.

Right. It is either... Does Esme still have it or is it back in the... Esme, I guess, probably has it. Yeah. Esme I guess probably has it Esme has it and I think all your effects, the maps and everything is back where

in the amphitheatre Esme, she stands to attention, you've never seen her so still the jackal amulet she puts her hand in her pocket and brings it out he is about to grab it and you see for a brief moment she actually you know what, and you see for a brief moment she... Actually, you know what? No. You gotta roll. You gotta roll to spot this. Alright, Pip, you don't see shit.

You're still reeling. Heck, what's your insight? Not good. Yeah, not great. Alright, neither of you pick up on this. There's a hesitating moment where Esmeralda looks like she's not about to give the amulet, but then she just gives it over. The significance of that is lost. All right, then. Wait, no, of course.

You lead the way. Esme, I need assistance. I'm stiff from the resurrection. Assist me, please. Can I just give him a bit of a once-over, like medically-wise, to be like, what's going on there? And if I don't get that, I might use... Oh, I have the Knights of the Grotto leggings,

which gives me advantage on a medicine check, so I'll use it with advantage. Sure. Nice. Use your magic pants. Use your magic pants. Use your magic pants. You succeed on the medicine check. There is a residual weakness

from recently resurrected creatures. It's something that'll go over time. He's a bit more frail than he might be normally, but that'll, over the next couple of days, that'll kind of sort itself out. You can see,

like I said, he's nearly 500. He's got all the things that come with being very old. You can see physically, if anyone was wondering if this is a Willy Wonka situation, it ain't. His strength score is in the negative. He is not a very strong man. Okay, cool. I guess I want to be like, is he breathing? He is breathing.

Cool. It's kind of what I really wanted to know. Physically, he is alive, and he is doing about as well as you can expect a 500-year-old elf to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy resurrecting someone who is on death's door anyway. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He might die like two years later. Just from old age.

Yeah. Okay. All right. You say that the amulet stops us from getting attacked by the, what are the three of us who aren't holding the amulet? Well, the person holding the amulet, myself, will obviously instruct the golem

not to attack. Controlling amulet. Yes. It's not a, it's not a, all right. Okay, cool. Do we need, is need Exothander stranger? Do we need his assistance in... The lich.

In walking these tombs? I would not accept the assistance of a lich. As a fickle friend at best. I know, yes. At any moment he could turn upon us. He didn't really seem all that was there. I had, yes. At any moment he could turn upon us. He didn't really seem all that was there. I had a conversation with

him. I feel like I got anything that was useful to get out of him. Yes, so did we. I think he knew Strahd before he became Strahd. Perhaps, yes. Where was the last time you saw this golem? Where did I leave it last? I had it searching the upper floor, so I should imagine it will be

somewhere up there. The upper floor? We won't. Which one's the upper floor, so I should imagine it will be somewhere up there. The upper floor? We won't. Which one's the upper floor? The upper floor is where the amphitheater was. Okay, alright. Well, um, okay. We'll head there. Perhaps... Actually, I know we literally just said not to, but perhaps the lich knows where. Okay, well, we'll

head back to the amphitheater, grab some of your effects that you left there, and find the lich. That's taking us away from the doors full of dark gods, yeah? Yeah. That's just relieving. But also, Pip's pretty sure anybody who's going to make a deal has

made their deal, so he's not so concerned anymore. Esmeralda, looking pretty chuffed with herself, to be honest, puts an arm around Van Richten and assists him in walking up the stairs. He has trouble with stairs. How's she looking? Her eyes are still pure yellow.

Like I said, she looks pretty happy with herself. But aside from that. Yeah, I was asking, how are you going, Esme? I have no complaints, she says. I would, however, wish to have a conversation with you about our dealings once we have left the Amber Temple. Of course. What do you mean by dealings? It is not conversation to have in such dangerous environments.

Okay, no worries. We'll have a conversation when we are... An extended conversation about why we are here together. Okay. I like to get out of here. Look at Pip. Like, what the fuck? I shrug.

I don't know. Okay. That's a conversation for later. Let's find this jackal and let's get out of here. On your way up, the entire time you're moving, well, except when he's going up the stairs because it gets puffed pretty quickly, Van Richten the entire

time is calling out, Jackal Gollum! Jackal Gollum! Where the devil is you? You can't sense it with the control gem? No, I can't sense it. I am aware that it's nearby, simply because I have a telepathic ability to communicate with it,

but it requires very specific instructions. I don't tell it to come to me. I tell it to walk north, basically. Right, because it's a column, so it would try and walk through a wall. Well, yes, in a manner of speaking. It is a villainous construct. From Emmanuel, he says to you, Pip, as if you would know what a villainous construct is. Pip doesn't trust anybody that speaks that positively about it,

even though he didn't say anything nice, but he didn't say Emmanuel with like a kind of sneer. There's no contempt. Yeah, there wasn't enough contempt in his voice. It has a solistic entity within it that many would call malicious compliance. If I were to give it an instruction to come directly to me, it would come directly to me, but it might kill as many people on the way as it can.

I understand why you need to be very specific. Okay. Incredibly specific. Okay, we'll leave that to you. Okay, we'll head to the amphitheater. Grab, if we don't On your way to the amphitheater You can hear Van Richten keep making little micro-adjustments To the golem's movements or positions

Until as you're walking, as you're about to step into the amphitheater A giant amber arm at the other end of the corridor becomes visible Ah, there it is! Two steps to the right, it steps into view. I have a picture if you want. Oh, I'd love to see it. Absolutely. It looks like that.

Oh, he's bald. But it's got an amber, sorry, a jackal head, not a, this picture has an eagle head, yeah. Okay, yeah, sick. All right, so just a big amber, what you were, well, it says on the tin. Yeah, what you were describing. Okay.

It's a great color. It says on the tin. Yeah, what you were describing. It's a great colour. It steps into view. Literally ordering each step, Van Richten gets it to come over to you guys. Hey, how tall is it? It's large-sized, so if a horse was standing. Right. You and your horse measurements.

I love using horses as a measure. Well, everyone knows what a horse looks like, so I get it. It makes sense to me. I don't horses as a measure. Well, everyone knows what a horse looks like, so I get it. It makes sense to me. I don't understand how we missed it. Right. It was literally, it's so funny,

it was literally around the corner. It's very big. Right. Okay, well, we'll gather your effects from the amphitheater and then we can...

Ah, yes, I should need a new shirt, he says. It is terribly cold. Right. Very, very. It's colder cold. Right. Very, very. It's colder upstairs. Yeah.

And then we will figure out what to do with that bridge. Yeah. Colder than a Mauritius devil in halfway through winter, he says, looking at you, Pip. I don't know what you're talking about. What the devil did hardcore? Oh, right. Right. Another one of the sticking points. You wouldn't learn about such a devil until you had to facele? Oh, right. Right. Another one of the sticking points.

You wouldn't learn about such a devil until you had to face it. Yeah, right. That does sound like Hardcastle. Shall we? Yes. You make your way into the Amphitheater. Van Richten puts a shirt on, then a nice coat, kind of, you know, reacquaints himself with some of his equipment.

And then you leave. Yeah. Pip wants to get out of here. I don't think there's anything else in the Amber Temple. Oh, sorry. One other thing that your medicine check, I guess, would have detected. He's possessed by it.

No. One other thing that your medicine check would have determined is that if... So imagine Van Richten's character sheet. Imagine your character sheet. Now imagine you've expended everything. You're on one hit point point and everything is expended. That is his current status.

Oh, boy. Okay. So, Van Richten, you've clearly spent some time here and also upstairs. Yes. If we were to... Look, it's been a long day. If we were to rest, is it better to rest here or up there? Well, the Amber Temple has a...

Well, it's kind of damned if one does, killed if one doesn't. But to rest outside of the Amber Temple, I don't know if you've encountered it, but I have a campsite out there. Anytime he's talking, by the way, he kind of... Even if you ask the question, Hector, he kind of starts turning to Pip and starts addressing Pip instead.

He doesn't cut you out of the conversation. Yeah, but it's just very clear that he... It's very clear that he sees a pecking order and you're not at the top of the pecking order. Hey, that's nice. Sometimes it's nice not to make decisions. I have a camp outside of the Amber Temple. I don't know if you passed it at the top of the pecking order, heck. Hey, that's nice. Sometimes it's nice not to make decisions. Yeah. I have a camp outside of the Amber Temple.

I don't know if you passed it on the way in. Yeah, we did. Yes. Well, we can stay there the night, but there is a wraith. Do you know what a wraith is? I thought he respected me. I'm nodding. Yes.

I do. Right. Well, anyway, it wanders, especially at night, and I would not put it past an encounter with the wraith. On my own, I might have been able to secret myself, but as a group, we would be much harder to hide from the wraith. A fight with a wraith is no small thing. It would be almost certain death, especially in my current state. Alternatively, we may stay here the night, but the entities here become even more influential when one is closed to their mind to the waking world.

Imagine the state of our dreams here. What is best for Esme? closed their mind to the waking world. Imagine the state of our dreams here. Yes. All right. What is best for Esme? Esme has already experienced some corruption. I fear he speaks as if she's not there right now, as if she's not currently propping him up. Esme, I fear, her corruption may further worsen, so perhaps the wraith is the lesser of two evils.

Though, I mean, well, it's hard to say. One option offers an almost certain death and the other one offers an almost certain desire that we should have died. So I leave it, I suppose, you know, between us, obviously. I'm not sure where I should vote just yet, Pip. All right. I guess, yes.

I want to like maybe enjoying this a little too much. I don't know. Just kind of like, you know, just Pip having to make decisions. This is kind of not. You relax a little too much and then straighten up. Sorry. I will, like, again, averting eye contact. A stiff posture is a godly thing.

Very sorry. Yes, well, I will, of course... Lock those legs. Lock those legs. I will, of course, default to the two most experienced monster hunters here. Pip, are you sitting or standing right now? I'll probably be standing. Standing?

Are you sitting? Or were you sitting, He right now? I'll probably be standing. Standing? Are you sitting? Or were you sitting, heck? What did we do? No. You were not sitting? No. All right, good. I should just let you know from this point forwards,

if Pip is standing, heck, you should also be standing. All right, well, I don't know that just yet. You don't know that just yet. But I was, yeah, I don't think we were sitting down. I think we were standing. Well, what say you? We can ward against a wraith. We can't ward against the things that dwell here in the upper temple.

He taps his staff twice. Well said. All right. We shall make our way out now while the light is still here. Well, not here, but whatever. You know what I mean. While there is still light out and we may make our preparations for the wraith. Yeah.

Okay. Let's lead the way. After you, Alabaster. I haven't heard that in so long. I'm going to get my licks back. On your way out. Eleven. On your way out Eleven On your way out

Van Richten addresses you, Pip Yeah That one there The Azimar Right Would make a good apprentice I would say

Like as though This is the I would never have considered it In a million years Hector Yes Do I hear this? Yeah

Can I stumble? Sure Just a little stumble of walking up. Hector would make a good apprentice. Well, don't speak like that. He's a steady hand, I can tell, used to wielding a sword or a mace or a weapon. That's a good platform from which to build a monster hunter. I want to turn my head, looking at you, but almost with, like, pity and, like, defeat from me.

Just being like, you do have a lot to teach, Pip. Yeah, I wouldn't think that. I mean, you've already taught me so much about soft undead. Do you want to be my apprentice? Is that what this is? I mean, I would never say no to direction. Is that what this is? Um I mean I would never say no to direction

That wasn't a clear answer You could do a lot worse Have you ever seen a hunter from the rabbit style? He laughs I laugh at that too That's a known problem Yeah It's a known problem

Because the rabbit style There's just hundreds of them Yeah, it's swarm. It's a known problem. Because the Ravage style, there's just hundreds of them. Yeah, it's swarm tactics. It's swarm tactics, and also I like to imagine that it's like the period between being an apprentice and graduating is like a week.

You take another apprentice and you're just... Mass-manufactured monsters. When they're in training, they call them weekers because that's how long training takes. And when they're graduated, they call them theers because that's how long training takes and when they're graduated

they call them the 22 because that's how many days of life expectancy they have it's a goblin pretty exclusively

school exclusive monster they accept all commas but just like goblins are the only ones

that's like 22 days alright that's a long long time. In every fight we end up going into, I always find myself defaulting to you anyway. Would it really change much if you were to take me on?

Maybe that's a discussion we can have once we're out of Barovia. Hey? I imagine Pippa's become very tense and spiky. Of course, you need to do the ceremonies and whatnot at the Hardcastle. Right, yeah. Anyway, that's, yeah, you're not looking for another. I mean, if he's eager to learn. What are you talking about? I have my apprentice.

Right, yeah, so you do. And a fine one she is at that, he looks over at her, if somewhat overeager. Right, yeah. Esmeralda smiles through both the compliment and the backhanded compliment. You can see, like I said, she's very happy to have Van Richten back. Well, hey, there's no point in fighting destiny. I've just... No point in fighting destiny.

Better words rarely said. I don't say anything. Clever too, Eadlin. Just for you, Pip. He's got a good head on his shoulders. A disciple of the gentlemen's school could hope for nothing less. Strong hand and a keen mind for learning. Yes, yes.

You'll need both because, well, the gentleman's style in some ways is, one might say, the school of hard knocks. One learns every lesson the hard way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You learn by doing. You really, it's an on-the-job sort of style

of teaching and monster hunting. But like I said, that's something for when we get out of here. It's not, you know. Sure, whatever.

You think it over. It's your school. Right. You're running it. Guess that makes you a principal. Right. Yeah. Falsely unnamed, right?

Falsely named? Pull out a manual and start reading. Meanwhile, Pyrrhon is bent over while a tiefling child whispers into his ear. Behind Pyrrhon, Iona grimaces with disgust. The girl has clearly been running for her life. While she bears no indication she was caught, there is a wild look in her eyes that Iona knows all too well from the children of Kuturi,

a place where almost any punishment on the books could be said to be considered worse than death. Iona silently curses Pyrrhon and Iris stirs. Too sick to be left alone, she is taken to carrying Iris swaddled around her in blankets

and with Hector's blood on hand, just in case. The tiefling child scarpers and Piran straightens up with his back to Iona. Bigfoot Paul is in position. Iona feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up straight. Then let us escape this bitter cold. But there's a complication Pirin shoves an unseen item into his breast pocket A journal, perhaps

At the last hour, what is it? Stroyka has company Who? I don't know A woman, but not Ludmilla, some old crone For the second time in the last few days An explosion and the sounds of combat ring across kutcheri locals scream and run for cover fearing another unshackling of the undead but iona and pyrrhon know better bigfoot paul has begun the distraction it's now or never

as town guard run towards the commotion and in the opposite direction, Piran and Iona sprint up the steps to Sheriff Stroyka's house. Stroyka's butler is the first to greet them. Confusion turns to terror as Piran launches the last few steps bodily and stabs the poor man in the chest. Iona feels bile and disgust roiling in the back of her throat, but Piran is already through the doors. You leave the Amber Temple, and you are now in that ancient monastery

that sits on top of the mountain. That corpse lies next to you. The one with hammer and chisel. Can we make our way to Van Richten's camp? Sure, yeah. Cautiously, in case the wraith is about. Actually, you know what? You roll the encounter die. Okay. Ten. Ten? yeah. Cautiously, in case the wraith is about. Actually, you know what? You roll the encounter die.

Okay. Ten. Ten? Okay. You are not distracted by encountering the wraith. Okay. It's a slow, it's like sand through an hourglass. You feel, both of you feel a weight lifting off you. You feel as if something had been slowly pressing down on your shoulders

but now the weight has come off slowly and then all at once. As you step out into what passes for sunshine in Barovia, Hector, you feel a different, a new sensation

come over you. It's not something that you can see, it's just something that you can feel. It's not something that you can see. It's just something that you can feel. It's the sunlight on you now. The sunlight feels as if you were a child and a mother were coming to embrace you. You can feel waves of sorrow, incredible deep sadness, an emotion so rich and all-encompassing that no human being could feel this emotion. An awful, dreadful, painful sadness. The sadness of a mother finding their broken or harmed child.

Penia's light engulfs you and you feel as if you are about to be embraced. engulfs you and you feel as if you are about to be embraced. Penny knows what happened while you were down there, and she feels so sad. Can I hesitate, I guess? Just a moment of hesitation before, I guess, embrace? Yeah, like a definite hesitation before embrace. Okay. Is it kind of like in a meditative state,

in like a liminal state, those moments between seconds? Is it in Hector's head or is it like? This manifests itself. However, Hector chooses to see it manifesting itself, I suppose. The implication is a parent comforting a child after they have become hurt. But however that, whatever form that takes is for Hector to decide, I suppose. Okay, because I can imagine that. He's had many, I guess, visions or interactions with gods.

Various deities. I can imagine a little bit of a hesitation before going for that embrace and being the first one to pull off. Is there a sense of anything there? What is this entity feeling um there is no change i would say the entity the presence that you feel um accepts you how you are and if you feel hesitancy the presence stays firm where it is does does not pursue you, but does not withdraw from you. If you are Peniel, I understand that you want to comfort me. I understand that you want to be here for me. But the thing is, you want to be here for everybody.

When given the option to save the one or the many, you choose the third option and you try to save them all. Spread yourself too thin and because of that we're all just limping towards a slow death. The goal here is to get out. We, you and I, cannot do this and we need her help and I'm sorry that you don't approve of it. and I'm sorry that you don't approve of it. So if you are Penya and you can help me, why don't we just mask the awful, foul powers that Eileen has given me? Give it a holy sheen, if you must.

Corrupt her as much as she has tried to corrupt me. Because we need to sell this to the people if we are ever to be free. I never chose you. You chose me through a voice screaming in my head. I was given to your church. And if you are not Peniel and you are one of the other lords of light, help me sell this to the people. If you want me to be a leader of an army to try to defeat Strahd, to defeat Vampyr. We need all the help we can get.

And of course, if you are Eileen, well, this is all for show. So why not make it a show? The presence wavers and then slowly dissipates. I'm assuming that took place in like, we just keep moving. It's not like Hector stops. Yeah, it's maybe like enough time to take a breath. Yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, between steps, I guess.

Yeah, yeah. Has anything changed? Do I feel anything? I'm not going to just like suddenly cast another bar to see what happens. Does anything like, did it make any kind of... It feels a little bit like your organs have been rearranged. They're all still there, but just in new places. Can I cast Divine Sense?

You can see that somewhere to the northeast, the entity stirs. It's shifting, moving. The Wraith is on the move. I can sense it. Oh, God, how quick. Can I make a sprinting? No. That's scary. Following it with my eye, like pointing and sense it. Oh, God, how quick. Kind of like, yeah, make a... Sprinting. No. That's scary.

Following it with my eye, you know, like pointing and following it. It drifts. If you're imagining a ghost. Yeah. Like, imagine a ghost. Imagine how a ghost moves in like a Scooby-Doo. Okay, yeah, yeah. That speed.

Sort of glide. Yeah. It's just kind of tracing it in the air the direction it is and kind of like pointing well let's get to that camp and set up perimeter then god

yes you can see the sun is going down okay it's soon to be night can we head to Van Richten's camp and then kind of set up like a

like I'll set up at a basic level a cordon of arrows but then like is there like a it is immune to that no but that'll let us know where it is if it comes nearby I'm not trying to that. No, but that'll let us know where it is.

I'm not trying to damage it. I'm just trying to warn us of its approach. Okay. Yeah, you can do that. And then, I want to make something that can act as like something to... Yeah, like an alarm, but also like a deterrent. Like the equivalent of leaving a ring of salt around to keep slugs out.

Is it... It is undead, yes? Yeah, very undead. Right, okay. More undead than a regular soft undead. God, Emmanuel,

you motherfucker. Be clear. Don't forget to check undead, comma, soft for rules about soft undead in general. And I assume that's Undead, comma, soft for rules about soft undead in general. God. And I assume that's different from undead, comma, specter, bracket, soft. That's a good assumption to make. Hi, it's Fido. We'll see you next time. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over.

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The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Friday. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content,

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