D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #2 Screams in the Rain

Episode Date: February 17, 2024

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At your side. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. I've known many evil places in my time, but this realm called Barov, is among the most dangerous. A man could drown here, though he wouldn't need any water to do so. This place is ruled by a man, no, more a creature actually, known as Strahd Von Zarovich. It is said that anyone who can slay him will be set free. If they don't die in the attempt, of course.

Gorb and Lushen are covered in bites. Right, right, right. You can see they're turning green. Grab both of their, either side of either head, and I cast Lesser Restoration. You cast Lesser Restoration. Peniel, please protect these two idiots. You drag out of them black, awful-looking ichor and bile,

and then you throw it into the ground. Gorub, Lushen, when you're fighting these again, do it from a distance. It's from a distance until we have, until we don't need to do what you did. We don't need to do that. Gorub and Lushen have nothing to say. Fair enough.

I also go and check on Iris and maybe the horse. Fuck, how far has she made it? She's kind of legged it. The horses that bolted are gone. You're not recovering them.

Which was all of them? Yes, I think so. You've lost your horses. You've lost your horses. Alright, so you can track down Iris, however, but that's going to be some time. You follow her.

Even after the fight, she's not looking behind her. She just keeps running through the snow, so you need to run after her. When I can, in earshot, I'll call after her. It's going to take you a minute, but you can go do that. All right, Pip, you begin exchanging heads and hearts. Okay. You getting anyone else to help?

I don't know if I trust anyone else. There's a lot. There are a lot. I'll get Tarpos and Pirin to help. Garb and Lushen are the ones I trust the least anyway, and they need to sit down and rest. All right. Each of you needs to make nine checks.

God. You get a plus three. Plus one, sorry. Okay. Took it down a little bit, I noticed. Well, that's what it is. Yeah, no, no. Fair enough.

Sorry. All successes. We nail it every time. Gotta be. Goddamn bog men. Fucking bog men. Tarpos's modifier is

nine. Okay. Maybe they're the best at this. What check is it? Medicine. That makes sense. And Piran. What's Piran's modifier? Two.

All right. Takes you a while, but you do it. Okay. How many do they know they whiffed? You know you whiffed? You know you whiffed a few But you kept going until you fixed it Okay, that's good Then I'll just drag them into a pile

And uh Just wait I guess for Hector to come back Yeah, Hector you come back Not long after this Okay Actually you come back part way through this To be honest What state is she in

Do I need to hold her Do I need to hold her hand At a certain point chasing down Iris She trips and stumbles in the snow Hitting the ground She begins to start crawling away She's unable to get back up onto her feet It's not so much crawling as it is

Well it is crawling But one of her arms is fucked. She is half crawling, dragging herself with her good arm. You can hear her sobbing and crying into the snow. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Best to calm her down. You manage to calm her down

and you're able to pick her up, and she's just comatose almost in your arms. Because I can hold her, right? I know she's got very long arms and legs. She's very light. But I can pick her. I'll pick her up and make sure that she's not seeing what we're seeing. She's shivering into your arms.

If I can, just put her into my shoulder and just be like, it's going to be all be alright It starts snowing again It's going to be okay By the time you get back to the group The snow is mixed with rain It looks like two different levels of cloud cover Have commingled To cause an awful

It creates a lot of ice Because the snow falls down Or the water falls down, or the water, sorry, falls down, becomes liquid water. The snow chills it so that your footsteps become incredibly treacherous. Every time you step down, it's snow, snow, snow, snow, ice. How far are we from? Salenka Pass. No, I was going to say the wagon. Oh, right.

The wagon, you're quite close to it. You could trudge over to it. You can deal with, just to, like, with one hand still holding, you gesture with all of, whatever you need. I'm just to the, like, a little bit of shelter. You head over to the wagon, and you put her in there.

She looks around the wagon, tears streaming down her face. I am very sorry this has happened to you, but at least you're out of the snow now, and hopefully we'll be somewhere safer. She crawls away from you into the wagon, and there's a little table in the wagon, a food preparation area.

She crawls underneath the table. Okay, yes. I do my best to... Does it look like we'm going to be able to move in this sort of rain and snow, or are we hunkering down for a bit? It's going to be treacherous. Probably hunker down. I start maybe clearing a little bit of things

so I can start putting together a fire for warmth. Okay. Once we're done with the zombies, I'll put them in a big old pile. Put them in a pile. You're going through them? Yeah, I've checked them apparently it's apparently all good I meant for like your monster parts

I'll have gutted them while I was going through them checking them oh no you might get some monster parts just it's always worth doing you absolutely could get some monster parts it'd probably be a lot less cause they they're not inherently bog men don't pay out, dude.

I know. Well, you'll get treasure at the very least. Yeah, that's true. You get two doses of Death Knight's Woe. Despite the fact that it is undead bane. They always have it. While it grows on them.

It's an alchemical process that inverts its properties. I see. You get two doses of, let's say, formianite. Oh, awesome. Formianite is so useful. Deforms magic. Hmm.

And looting them, you find a jeweled quiver of 40 arrows. Do they seem magical at all? Yes, actually. There seems to be quite a lot of workmanship put into them. Someone would not do this if they did not also plan on enchanting them. So you think there's either a basic enchantment upon the arrows

or they're arrows, not bolts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I not use them? No. Yeah, that's yeah. Can I not use them? No. Yeah, that's okay. No, you need a... They'll break in your crossbow, basically. But yeah, they... Someone would not do this if they did not plan on enchanting the ammunition.

So it either has a base level enchantment or it is an item that is open to being enchanted. So someone could infuse them with magic. Yeah, yeah. You find a supple suit of metal armor oh yeah and an elegant folding fan this one is charged that the workmanship on this you pull it out of a fancy a noble woman's pocket you open it up and you immediately can tell it's humming with magical energy you know it's an enchanted item of some kind.

What's the suit of armor? If I unfold it, is there like an image on it? Like, you know, like sometimes you'd spread them out. Oh, okay, cool. The armor is one of the corpses just happened to be wearing it. When you were kneeling down next to him, you put a hand over on his breastplate and wiped across it, and you could see that the metal underneath is a dull green color,

and it has the sigil of a tree growing on it. Does that mean anything to me? No. Okay. But the armor, quite obviously, you know this metal. It's mithril. Oh. This is a nice suit of armor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, uh. Heyselos. Heys. Heys? Yeah. You're not sure if it's tarpos or gorobolushin, but someone grabs you by the shoulder

yeah you are about to turn around oh no oh come on adam you turn around to tell whoever it is to fuck off whatever you're about to say and then a zombie lunges for your cheek oh come on come on that's full-on snake eyes they got advantage and they rolled two ones oh fuck thank god thank god oh my god for a second i thought it was me doing a saving throw and i was like i'm done no it's them they snake eyes did delayed recovery you don't add your damage bonus to your attacks for a d4 plus one rounds oh for a for a D4, for five rounds, they don't get a D4 plus one damage. It's just a D4 damage. Oh, right out. Oh, no.

Four of the corpses are standing back up. Fucking hell. Hector, you hear Pip scream. You look away from the wagon and you can see Pip is surrounded on all sides. God. God's damn it. You're quite far away. Like, in terms of outside of combat, the wagon isn't far away.

But in terms of in combat, the wagon isn't close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be, I think, 160 feet from them. Okay. All right. Perfect. That's good to hear. Cool, cool, cool.

Yep, yep, yep. What would you like to do? Well, I'll guess I will try to get 120. I guess I'll get 30 feet closer, 60 feet closer. Okay. Good job. Then I'll be- Then next turn you'll nearly be in range.

Is it hard to move, though, with the- Oh, shit. No, good point. Okay. Okay. Yeah, good stuff. Good stuff. You're fine. Okay. Sorry for reminding you. No, though, with the... Oh, shit. No, good point. Okay. Okay. Yeah, good stuff. Good stuff. You're fine.

Okay. Sorry for reminding you. No, no, no. It's got to be done. Gorub and Lushen's turn. Highs or lows? Highs. Gorub and Lushen aren't very close, but they're close enough to help.

Okay, that's good. You see them stand up, consider charging over towards you, and then silently they come to a very quick consensus and instead Lushen casts a spell that's crazy to see that's insane are they well? Lushen blasts

a chilly ray of energy at one of the four zombies it is buffeted by cold and freezes in place a hand reaching out to grab you, Pip. You're down to three. Okay. Then it is the zombie's turn.

Pip, you are attacked three times. Oh, fucking hell. Miss. Thank God. Hit. Fuck. Miss. Okay, okay.

Pip, you take two points of damage. Uh-huh. And you can make a dexterity or a constitution saving throw. Let's make that dexterity, I reckon. You pass. Oh, thank God. You are, the zombie grabs your arm and tries to bite down. You pull your arm along and you have greaves on your arms.

The zombie bites down into the greaves instead. You feel your bone, one of your two bones in your forearm move. Compress. Yeah, compress awfully. But you thankfully do not feel skin piercing. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. It's Piran's turn.

Highs or lows? Highs. Piran, who was standing right next to you in this pile, quickly draws his dagger and stabs that zombie in the head. He hits. That zombie falls slumps forward. So there's two left. Pip, it's your turn. I'll spin around. Twang, twang. Hit, hit. Okay. You're done.

Let's keep an eye on them, I say. Obviously, you know, we can think we did a good job, but it's so hard to tell if we've done it right. No one's fault, that's just Emmanuel. Tarpos walks over, looks down at them, with her

blood spear, stabs down four times, no, sorry, eight times, once neatly, like she's gutting a fish, she stabs down, twists, pulls upwards and comes away neatly with the person's brain. You don't want to know if she could do that to a living person. Yeah, that's scary.

And then she stabs it down into the heart and replaces it. She does it four times, neatly and evenly replacing. There's not even a chance of doubt. She very easily swaps the hearts and brains four times. That's good, and I guess if there were any others they'd have risen by now yeah okay thank you I say god damn

next time must make sure she says of course everybody okay? give me a thumbs up found some mithril armor here I kick it with my shoe I found some mithril armor here. What? I kick it with my shoe.

I found some mithril! I'll come to you. Yeah, you come to me. Yeah, right. You'll come to us. You found a mithril armor? I just showed the zombie in the mithril armor on the ground. It's pretty banged up, but at the very least

the leggings look like they would be useful. You can see there's the big front breastplate part, but when you flip the zombie over, the back part is torn open by something that attacked this person. Who's to say? You don't even want to know what sort of a zombie could tear open armor like that. Yeah, don't even think about it. But the leggings look intact and complete.

You could, if you wanted to, don them. Oh, right. Well, that's... That'll be pretty chilly, but... Let's just drag them back to the wagon. I'm trying to set up a fire. All right. I take the fan and the jeweled arrows,

and I help drag the armor back to the caravan. I'll keep trying to light this fire. Are you going to put the pants on? I'm kidding. I want to, like... Make a fire. Are you going to put the pants on? I'm kidding. Make a fire. I'm joking. Yeah, look at what the fan, the arrows and these armor does.

You clear some space, you get some dry wood from wherever you can, and you make a little fire. Nice. The armor, I guess the pants, do they have the tree on it? It's just the breastplate the armor I guess the pants do they have the tree on it or was it just the

it's just the breastplate itself when we dragged it did I see the tree yeah you would have seen it you know what it means go on you seem to know you're so confident no hang on I need to it's the knights of the forest of course

it's fucking probably some shit that's me It's very weird. It's Knights of the Forest. Of course. It fucking probably is some shit. That's me. That's me to work. Let's be honest. I would make up that sort of shit. It's made from mithril. It's very strange. It's more for elves in design.

Oh, right. I believe it's druids. I thought druids couldn't wear metal. That is what I thought as well but I think it's because it's mithril it might be perhaps special

or is there was an offshoot of perhaps there was I think there was a joining of forces of the druids and the elves I believe

it is the armor of a knight of the grotto god armor of the knight of the grotto god which is they worship Lupricus

who is the cat god ah not at all that's right no it's not to do worship Lupricus, who is the cat god. Oh, not at all. That's right. No, it's not to do with the tree. Lupricus, a cat god, because, of course, as you can see, you look closely, it's a cat climbing the tree. Oh, right. Sure enough, he points it out and you can see this little cat climbing the tree.

Will they fit your legs? Well, it's a human being who is wearing a tabaxi. Right. So the armor, the legs seem fine. I'll put them on next opportunity we get. I haven't seen a tabaxi in a long time.

There would have been a few at Vagabond. Yeah, yeah. Literally two, let's say. Faxi don't seem to be trapped in barovia much i feel like they get out yeah they just get out there's like a hole in the fucking mist somewhere that's a vaccine just know how to find it's like strides like ah brand new adventure where'd he go welcome to my land no no he's fine we got it all yeah i just, no, it's fine. We've got it all. Yeah, just go out the hole.

It's actually, in my culture, we talk about this. We have a story. There's a little rhyming thing. It teaches you how to find the hole. The hole? What? Yeah, there's a hole. I don't want you to know where I'm at.

You agree with me or not? I'll be gone. See you later. See you later. Have a good day. I'm hungry. Yeah, I lay out the fan and the emerald arrows too.

Or the bejeweled arrows as well. Sure. It's for people to take a gaze. Good to leave that hanging. The quiver and arrows, no one's able to determine exactly what magical properties they have. But once again,

it feels very basic or low level. So it's either a very simple enchantment or they have just been opened to magical energies. The fan, however, Piran holds it up perhaps and says, oh, a wind fan. Oh, that makes sense. Yes, I know. All fans are wind fans. But no, it's a specific.

I know the maker. He says tapping the crane. Once a day, I think, it can recreate the effects of a gust of wind. It just creates a strong wind, basically. Good to have. But every time it's used, there is a chance that it breaks and stops working. Tell you what, you wouldn't want to get it confused with your regular fan. On a hot day, accidentally blow yourself over.

It's a, there'll be a word to, he shows you on the handle, there's a word that you say to activate the magical effect. It might be useful for anyone who wants it. Yeah, yeah. And the other, the quiver, I mean, you don't use it. No, I use bolts. For Eleniel or yourself, Pyrrhon, if you want to. Yes, actually, that might be useful for me.

Make my ranged attacks interesting, he says. He'll take the quiver of arrows. What, I guess, do the leggings, the knight of the grotto leggings do? You will need to take some time attuning to them. Oh. All right, well, next opportunity. Yeah. How long does take some time attuning to them. Oh. Alright, well, next opportunity. Yeah. How long does it take to attune to something? An hour. Okay.

I don't know if the storm is going to lay up anytime soon. I check in on Iris to see how she's going. She's still hiding underneath the table. You can see hugging herself and shivering slightly. She's not saying anything. She seems, as I said previously, she seems kind of, well, not kind of, sorry. She straight up is disassociating.

I try and either, I grab like either there's like a pebble or something like that that's around and I just cast light on it. I'm like, I know this is not much, but this here is imbued with try and make up a nice story. It's the holy energies of Pena. It won't do a lot, but it will protect you as long as you hold

on tight to it. Unfortunately, you're not a psychiatrist, and so your ability to help her right now is limited. You're not making anything worse but you don't think you've made anything better. If we're near the fire I can take

off my either like cloak and whatever, wrap it around her or like drape it across her shoulders. Those kind of things. Just try and keep her warm and just kind of keep her like safe basically as much as I can. Yeah, she's got like a thousand yard stare, kind of isn. I just try and keep her warm and just kind of keep her safe, basically, as much as I can. Yeah, she's got like a thousand-yard stare,

kind of isn't really paying attention. Then I will, I guess, return out of the wagon to the fire. Okay, you do so. I'll just be sitting near the fire plugging, noodling on my fiddle. Boing, boing, boing. Discordantly.

Good news, bad news? Which would you like first? Get that bad news. Yeah, let's get out of there. Discordantly. Good news, bad news? Which would you like first? Get that bad news. Actually, the good news and the bad news are the same thing. The weather changes, but not for the better. It starts raining properly. Not just the little pitter-patter it was before. It starts

raining properly, but also the wind starts howling and the snow starts getting heavier. Both somehow somehow. It getting heavier. Both, somehow, somehow, it was inevitable, both levels of cloud cover have gotten worse. Hector, not Hector, Piyap, you know this is a

precursor to razor hail. We need to get inside. Yeah, you need to get inside. Alright, I say, are we, like, under, like, an awning of sorts out the front of the caravan to keep the snow off? The caravan itself would have an awning of sorts out the front of the caravan to keep the snow off? The caravan itself would have an awning, but that awning would have been destroyed by the So we were just copying the snow. Yeah, no worries. Well, you could have been inside.

With the fire? No, the fire's outside. Yeah, that's what I mean. I thought we were around the fire. But no, I see what you mean. Oh, okay. Well, you could have been around the fire if you wanted to. Yeah, no, no, no.

Well, the moment the razor hail starts, I'll be like, all, everybody, chop chop, inside. Alright, it's cramped. It's not meant for this many people. This isn't, the family of eight were obviously not sleeping inside here. This was kind of just transport. Yeah. Although, while they would have had tents, which you could salvage what's left of their tents and maybe set those up if you want. Do I think that razor hail would break through tents? It might if they're not reinforced, which these ones look like they are. Okay, do I think we'd have enough time before the rain hit?

You don't know. You're not that confident on when it's going to happen. You just know Razor Hail's coming. Well, yeah, I let everyone know. Well, we've got... If we rummage around and we find the tent, it might be a bit cramped. If we've got time, either set it up so it's where the opening is of the wagon.

Oh, yeah, so we can attach the tent to the front just so we can spread out. Well, we could do that because that'll be easier. Actually, you know what? In fact, I'm sure the tent is probably designed to be able to do that. So, yes, you absolutely could. All right. In fact, I'm sure the tent is probably designed to be able to do that. So, yes, you absolutely could.

All right. We'll do it as soon as we feel like the tiniest bit of a raise. Okay, back in the wagon. Stop. We didn't get it in time. Hopefully we did. Beautiful. Great job.

Get a good boy card. You do it. Nice. You set up a large tent big enough for eight people to be sleeping comfortably, so there's plenty of room for you. Fantastic. A bunch of the camping equipment probably has been lost, but between your equipment and what equipment

they have, you actually have quite a comfortable night. The tent has an incorporated flue as part of it, so the fire actually can still, you can still have the fire. Beautiful. That's great. Well, I guess we're not, even though it's probably just the middle of the day when we start setting it up,

we're just in these tents for the rest of the day while the razor hail, razor rain happens. At a certain point, the sunlight is snuffed out and it's as dark at 3 p.m. It is as dark as nighttime. And you, Pip, know what that means is about to happen. Razor hail? Yeah. Razor rain? Would you like to make a little comment?

I would love. Maybe I'll i just point up here it comes and then it's lots of little impacts on the roof above the wagon itself the wooden wagon begins sagging a little bit but the tent is designed to be able to handle razor hail so you're safe and sound in here i'm just comforted imagining maybe i'm saying this is a pop a little strawberry in my mouth that i imagine they're getting a bit sloppy at this point i'm just comforted imagining all those little puppets out there in the woods destroyed by all of this razor hail would we all be so lucky? Like a bit of water or whatever those strawberries, mushing them up, trying to make a nice strawberry tea slash jam.

Anyway, Piran has a knife in one hand and a sharpener in the other hand that he's procured from the wagon. What part of the rat would you like? I'm good with the strawberries for the time being. Probably good to have the protein.

Give me a drumstick. I'd say. Perrin cuts off a bit of rat for everyone. I'll take the horn. I put a little bit of some of the spices that I got to try and make it palatable. Get some nice, delicious, slow-cooked rat ribs. I mean, anything's good, you know.

Yes. Yeah, and at any time, I'll keep checking on Iris to see if they're either hopefully calming down or if they're flinching from the thing. Just try and make them as at ease as humanly possible. You should just supply them with some food. Just put a plate next to them. They'll eat when they're ready, pure and simple. I'd make like a terrible plate of rat meat and strawberries.

Sure. Serve them a little bit of rat meat and a little bit of strawberries. It, at a certain point in the night, is eaten. Maybe like- Hopefully by her. Yeah. Just because this is one of the few times we've had that's like true down time in such a long time i'll just try and make polite

conversation with period all right you you knew hector we had interacted previously where we we didn't know each other but we were on opposite sides of a war that's right before falling into Barovia we met once had a little darlingance not a darlingance that implies the wrong thing we had a more of a caper I suppose together and this

related to when you first arrived in Barovia you said something about Sir Grace. You know of Sir Grace, right? Yes, he killed those people in the fight with the Necro Wizard. But I must admit, Hector, when you first brought it up, I sort of thought you would get eaten by a wolf within the next couple of hours. So I didn't listen perhaps as much as I should have, and there's just not really been a time to bring.

What? So I was asked by the head of my church. Right. It was a joint operation. Yes, Peña. I was asked by my order as a joint operation to work with the Knights of the Crown to go and rescue or go and seek out actually a Farseer by the name of Ahelm. Okay.

All right. And I was paired with Sir Grace and his adoptive daughter. She was there as a frog. Is that the kind of thing that I would have heard of with my minimal knowledge of Sir Grace? You know about Sir Grace. You definitely don't know about her. Those stories were suppressed. You do not know about Tiffany.

His adoptive daughter, a tiefling, actually. Oh, right. Tief Tiffany. Stupid name, I say. Yes. Not entirely true. I agree. Because so many people. I entirely true. I agree.

So many people. I thought she was there as perhaps like a squire or something. But Sir Grace did not seem to really want her around a lot. Is she a tiefling? Yes, she's a tiefling. Oh, my God. Yes. I thought tiefling at the start. But no, Sir Grace was very quick to correct me. Right my God. Yeah, yeah. I thought tiefling but no,

no, no, Sir Grace was very quick to correct me. Right. And was like, no, no,

no, it's tiefling. I have heard that he's a bit of a cut. I don't know where you would have heard that from because that is definitely not the tales

told about Sir Grace. I mean, it's true. Yeah, so would it be the kind of thing where there are these tales told about Sir Grace as a great hero, but there are some people who are like, I've actually worked with her, but it wasn't as awesome as people said. There might be some people.

That's why I assumed Pip would have picked it up. Yeah, you know what? Actually, I thought it would have been great. So yeah, I was, you know the phrase, never meet your heroes? Yeah. Yeah, Sir Grace really is the epitome of that. A true bastard through and through. So Grace the boss doesn't ring a door.

So Grace, true boss. Yeah. It's awesome. It wasn't that he wouldn't do what we needed. It's just more, the way he goes about it. Right. Looking at Pip. So he's become corrupt.

He's taking bribes. So what happened is we found a helm, but the helm was possessed by something. Right. Whatever it did, it possessed a beholder. So we managed to free a helm, and it got control of myself and Tiffany and Sir Grace I was able to draw on Penny's light and I could only

save one of them and I chose his daughter I don't know if he'd turned yet or not but look he gave me like I'd done the wrong thing I don't know if he'd turned yet or not, but the look he gave me,

like I'd done the wrong thing. I say nothing. I just have a look like, oh, boy. Yes. So then we went back, and last I heard, saw, Sir Grace has become possessed by whatever it was that Helm did. I made a promise. I said to Tiffany that I'll do everything I can in my power to try and help. Kill Sir Grace.

Well, break free him from the corruption. Right, right. Look, yes, he's not the most nicest of people, he's still a nice he's still a very great knight he's a very great Pyrrhon gives you a little bit of a shrug and says he kills a lot of people okay the right people um

yes Pyrrhon says well once again I fought on the other side I know it. You would have heard of his... Oh, yeah, I've heard of the exploits of Sir Grace, for sure. What of Unky Dick?

I say. Purin shudders. Last I saw of Unky... Fought very directly opposite him. Last I saw of Unky Dick, he got his neck snapped. Oh, that's a shame. Quite saw of Unky Dick, he got his neck snapped. Oh, that's a shame. Quite liked the Unky Dick stories.

Yes, there's a lot of bloodshed. Yeah. And, yes, we spoke to Helm, and he, I guess, put us on this. She was going to Anki Dick, his wife, to acquire, I guess, gold because we need to do something. I'm sorry. I don't understand. Is he in charge of something or is he just a possessed knight? We fought a bunch of possessed knights already, Hector. To be honest, I do not know.

Okay. From what I can gather, it is, is yes he's leading them in a way it's him it's uh sir like a silver moon do i know sir like a silver moon he's semi-famous uh yeah i think you don't know much about him you know i'm probably by name mostly you might know an elf and kind of like a a personality opposite to unky dick but his stories were never as interesting as unky dick's ones were he was uh is a great tactician oh right very sounds about right the opposite of unky dick yeah very um i like that everyone's is calling a monkey dick. His name is Richard Ware. A very powerful, intelligent and smart general.

To have him on the opposition would be... Yes, he knows that... His leader is possessed. Yeah, I managed to... Before I was trapped in Barovia, I was traveling across all of Kandor to try to drum up some interest, but my order is already predisposed with other things, and I am one knight.

I'm not even really a senior knight. I was going to say, you are a bit young to be leading a revolution. We've gotten correspondence from Sir Grace that all is well in Fairburn Point. So he knows you're coming for him? I don't know if he – no, he knows that I am – no, he knows I'm coming for him. Lucky you're here. That's a joke. It's obviously incredibly unlucky any of us are here.

Yes, yes. It is... I went to somebody for help and I got her killed. Oh. Lady Eidemann. I don't know if you know. I looked at Piran.

Yes, Lady Eidemann in charge of North Hallow. Yes. She's dead? They killed her. Interesting. Princess. Well, they framed me for it.

Wow. I see. So, as you can imagine, trying to drum up support. Yeah, difficult. You're a wanted man. It's going to be even harder. It wasn't actually that long ago and I'm here.

Well, time works differently in Barovia, I've heard. So maybe... I feel like, because Piran, you were... Piran came to Barovia basically moments after the two of you

stopped seeing each other. Yeah, well, I feel like Piran in on a bitia basically moments after the two of you stopped seeing each other. I feel like Piran in on a bit more of the minutiae of the politics of what's happening that I'm aware of. Going up against, it seems, we don't know the extent anyone that we've sent into Fairburn can't hear from. Yes, Fairburn Point was always a bit of a tough nut to crack. There wasn't a lot of, back when I was working for King Goldcrest, there wasn't a lot of purpose to taking Fairburn Point other than disrupting supply lines and whatnot. And a lot of people, well, for the longest time we assumed

that there was a very well-placed counter-spy network. A lot of people that we sent over just disappeared. Yes. If whatever it was was taking over Sir Grace, it felt ancient. It's always been there there and perhaps it always has so things have always been a bit tense with Fairbairn but we just never knew the extent

to Sunsen apparently was wiped off the map what happened to Sunsen? we don't know Sunsen's wiped off the map it doesn't exist anymore yes

we don't I don't know that's very vague give me specifics we just came across the refugees my god didn't even get a chance to

some sort of magical explosion find out what happened but that was you know a city that big vanishing and

Fairburn never reached out to Candle information is dark there. Yeah, well. So, I was... Apparently I had access to my old room, he says, back in Goldcrest. The king

knew some things, apparently. Really? Yes. Well, King Goldcrest loved playing people off each other, never allowing one other person to amass enough power or whatnot. So anyway, after we found out independently that whatever fuckled shit is going on in Fairburn Point is going on, from reactions that I got from King Goldcrest,

kind of came to the conclusion that he understood a little bit of what was happening. That would have been, I guess, useful to know. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Not just for you. I lost a lot of people there. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. So, yes, Tiffany was charged with finding the monetary support, and I was trying to find an army. I came here, and Madame Eva said I would find generals. Oh. Yeah. Well, they're not so bad. Like maybe push Garvin Lushen a little punch on the shoulder.

Right? Garb and Lushen, half asleep. You realize you're a mistake immediately. Oh, no. Oh, no. What's going on? Nothing. Go back to bed.

Go back to bed. Okay. Go back to bed. That somehow works. Perfect. Thank God. Because of what is happening in Fairburn. Because it is so under wraps.

Well, to be fair, a spy master is not a bad get. What do you bring to the table? I'm not part of the destiny, I say. There's no card for me. Oh, well. So nothing is the answer. He's a good example of what not to do. He may potentially someday lead a bunch of druids.

Getting hostile in the tent. You started it. So, yes, in Back Home, asking anyone from Kandor to take up arms against Fairbairn Point is, well, it's akin to asking for a plea for a civil war. Anyway, in crossing the line to Goldcrest is, well, it's inviting war as it is in other states. And then I came, I guess, closest I came was, I guess,

Jaron's outpost, speaking to the Sabres there. Oh, yeah. I had to convert to their religion, which before I could even say no, I had a blinding migraine for four days. If you know what you're doing, you can trick them, he says. Piran reaches into

his shirt and produces a holy symbol for the sabers. Perhaps I could trick them. I've been baptized three times, he says. Perhaps, yes, I could have tricked them, but I don't think I could trick them, but... I've been baptized three times, he says. Perhaps, yes, I could have tricked them, but I don't think I could have tricked what was in here. Oh, yeah, the gods get mad when you do that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, she did. That was probably the closest I got. Any further, I could have gone to the gnomes in Zemjata, but once again, it is this problem of you're declaring war on Kandor. You don't want help from the gnomes in Zemjata, but once again it is this problem of you're declaring war on Kandor. You don't want help from the gnomes. They'll show up

with some damn foolish giant man creature thing. Oh my god. The amount of times I had to steal secrets from them and the secrets turned out to be how to make a beer golem.

That might be useful. It's not. Either way. Turns out if you operate a frat house, maybe. So being a knight of the cloth gives me some leeway in certain areas, but going up against a principality of Kandor, an ally, it is

an uphill battle. And now you're trapped here, I say. Yes. Now who knows what's happening out there. Yes. It's a real stinker. On that topic, though, I had been thinking about it, and I've come up with a short list of potential allies in

the region but i did have a question uh pip yeah what's your current relationship with the sharp shot companions just because i know they have an offices in the region oh we haven't spoken in a while that's good huh pyrrhon takes out a little notebook and a pencil, and you see he scribbles something in it. More of the same. Yeah, more of the same. I'm not good at making friends. Well.

So Brovy didn't really change you, huh? Fuck, dude. Get a good boy card. That's great. Suppose not. Even he's getting dings off you now, and he wasn't there for the betrayal. Right. Well, I wish I'd never brought this up.

What happened with them? Another time, perhaps? I sip my strawberry tea. Yeah, let's save that for another time Would you like a first watch or second? I'll take first watch, I say I'll go outside Okay Stepping onto the haze of razor hail

Destroy One piece of razor hail goes straight through your head Into your neck, into your chest, out your gooch Dead Split in half Perfect That's exactly how you want it to go into your neck, into your chest, out your gooch. Dead. Split in half. Perfect. That's exactly how you want it to go. Whoa!

This can't go well. Oh, come on. Okay. What's up, dude? What terrible things have happened, Adam? Yeah. Pip, it takes you a while. It takes you too long.

Oh, no. I'm pissed. You're thinking of other shit. The tent the this massive tent has a vestibule area so you can be sitting in that there's cover over you and you can just look out into the wet the snow while it is currently snowing it is mostly dissipated on the floor there's what's happening is the snow hits the ground, the snow and ice hits the ground, water and hail packs it in,

and it becomes a layer of ice over everything. So you can see a thin, clear layer of ice covering everything, making travel of any sort hazardous, probably for the best that you stopped when you did. Going uphill in this is a recipe for, at best, a twisted ankle. You hear once again, way,

way, way, way, way too late screaming. Oh, no. What kind of screaming? It sounds like the wailing of masses of people. Oh, no. Can i identify that as anything just like from that um bog man bog man does it sound like oh yeah does it like is it a bog man

scream does it sound like it doesn't sound like a whale it sounds like people in pain and agony can i see any light you once you've started listening out for it you realize you've been hearing it for a while it was dull a little bit over the rain but then also you were somewhere else entirely those two things combined meaning that it's actually quite loud now and you realize you should have heard this a long time ago Oh I know what that is

I'd like to bang on the canvas of the tent and get people outside. Everyone? No, just whoever's awake, just to let them hear the screaming. Oh, okay. So wait, are you trying to rustle up everyone or just the awake people? Well, do I think that the Mondo Defender, because I can hear it screams, it's coming for us? Are the screams getting louder? They are getting louder.

You don't know if it's coming for you. Well, yeah, it probably would be worthwhile having everybody up and about, actually. So I'll get everybody. I'll rouse everybody. Okay. Maybe I stick my head back. What the devil is happening? I put my hand on his face.

Mondo Defender, I say. It's like a wheat defender, but way worse. Imagine a gigantic scarecrow full of screams. I know this creature, says Tapos. Well, it's coming. You can hear it. Those screams, that's the Mondo Defender. Couple of things.

Don't you ever think about using lightning damage to attack this. You electrocute this thing, it'll get supercharged and we'll all be in trouble. Tapos. Hmm? Can you summon a crow? Tapos can make a crow? Make a crow. Okay. Second question. And I don't think that anybody's going to...

Has anybody's weapon never touched blood? Anybody got a brand new sword that they've been hiding? Brand new dagger? Pyrrhon pats himself down. May I use the spear on the... Does it need to be alive? No, I got the hag. It has been known that a bladed weapon, which has never seen blood or known blood

or ever worked with blood in the past, would make a sufficient weapon and overcometh any defenses that a Mondo defender should have to defend itself with defensively. I mean, I could... I can dismiss the pack weapon that I have

and then re-summon it. Would that work? It doesn't feel like it would work. It feels like you're getting the same weapon back. No, I cannot. Otherwise, we're talking immunities too. Poison, cold, necrotic, lightning, thunder, and psychic damage,

and everything else is only going to hurt it a little bit. Not radiant. No, it doesn't mention radiant. Regular magic weapons is fine? Yes, regular magic weapons is fine, but it's not going to do much. It's not anywhere near as much as a weapon that's never touched known blood or worked with blood in the past

your bolts your bolts have not touched but your crossbow has so yeah unfortunately I wish we could get it on a technicality how does this magic work what about a sharpened stick if the sharpened stick?

If the sharpened sticks never touched blood before, you'd be in the money. If you can make a weapon right now, again, look around like the wagon. Is there anything I could use? There's a bunch of cutlery knives. Like is it bits of wood that we can just quickly sharpen? You rustle up a sharp stick. A sharp stick. Letting you know, I will probably count this,

or I think it's fair enough to count this. If you're using it as a weapon, I think it's fair enough that it should count. It's a weapon that has never tasted blood before. However, the rules for improvised weapons mean you will be attacking with disadvantage. Yeah. Look, it'll work, but, I mean, it is still just a pointy stick.

Did, Pyrrhon interjects, did you say that magical weapons are also good? Yes. Well, Hector, is your weapon magical? Yes. Yes, did you want to give him a stick? Well, I have the arrows now. Right. Gorobin Lushen's sword is magical. How did you know? And

Tarpos's spear is magical. Right. And oh, well, Pip, I guess. I'll just suffer. It's fine. Well, it's just good to know you're here for more support. Pip, here's the stick. Oh, thank you. I give Pip the stick. Oh, thank you. Thank you very

much. Only warning everybody about the Mondo Defender. And it was very useful that you did. Shut up. Anything else? Yes. Are the screams getting louder?

Oh, yeah. The noises it's making It's not doing it right now But they can instill A kind of fear response In you So be wary of that And don't let them

Grab you as well Because they're Grappling Is there anything around Like the like Cotton-y thing That I can plug my ears Sure

I'm sure you could find Some Yeah bedding Or something like that And plug your ears with that Okay I'm sure you could find some bedding or something like that and plug your ears with that. I tear some up and hand it around. Everyone plugs their ears. I guess before, keep talking and then when you're finished we'll plug.

Alright. Anything else? No, nothing else. Well, it'll go for the crow. The crow that Tarpos is summoning, it's going to focus its fire on that. Tarpos, you realise, has left the tent? Yeah. Is Tarpos is summoning it's going to focus its fire on that Tarpos you realise has left the tent? yeah

is Tarpos okay? not what I asked I think Tarpos is going to transform into a crow so Tarpos is going to be suffering most of the fire I just poked my head out is Tarpos there? you see Tarpos in the tree line

what are you doing? towards the whales? Well, it's hard to tell exactly where the whales are. It's because you're on a mountainside. It echoes. They haven't turned into a crow yet. Well, maybe they are. You can see they're climbing a tree. They're climbing a tree. Maybe they are just going to summon a crow.

We've got no way of knowing and it's not worth it to run over there and ask. Highs or lows? Highs. The screams are getting louder and louder, but they're still not here. Tarpos climbs back down and you see they're cradling something in their hands. Tarpos, shielding the thing from the rain, comes back into the tent and you see they're holding a crow. She's got a crow.

So the Mondo Defender is going to focus its attack on the crow. They'll always go for a crow before us. Tapos has a brief like, oh, if the crow's quick enough, you know, it should be fine. I just, do we want to, Tapos whispers something to the crow. Will it chase the crow? Yes. If the crow flies down the mountain, will it chase the crow? Otherwise it would be wise to have a crow or similar, but not different, bird handy,

as the Mondo Defender will still target them before known others. So will it just chase the crow down? It should. I've never fought a Mondo Defender before. I've just heard about it. Don't do anything and bunker down and be quiet while the crow leads it down the mountain? We could give it a try, I say, but be ready for it to not work. Crow distraction.

Crow start fly. Razor hail kill pretty quick. Right. The razor hail. I guess the razor hail isn't doing anything for you. Do we have to? Highs or lows? Highs.

Oh. You hear something that stops your heart. A sliver of ice runs stops your heart. A sliver of ice runs down your back. Oh, no. Is that thunder? Oh, yeah. Is that lightning?

Very, very frightening. How tall is it? It's gigantic. It's huge. So it's probably the tallest thing If Look, it's lightning close Oh god, that's the sound of it coming What if we

What if we make it not the tallest thing in the forest What if we fell it like a tree Let's go to initiative You don't know it yet yet but you're in initiative oh my god this is so bad this is at the end of emmanuel they did not think we would be encountering this strad comes before the mondo defender i guess though technically you're gonna encounter for the Mondo Defender. I guess, though, technically... No, that makes sense. You're going to encounter Strahd before you encounter this. What I'm thinking is, though,

like, if you're counting Eleniel's encounter, you did encounter Strahd first. Emmanuel was right. All right, everyone needs to make a... Oh, no. Wisdom saving throw. The screaming becomes very intense. Does the bedding help?

Well, you were still talking. He's right. You give a plus five, which is fucked. So that's plus eight for you. Pass. You also pass. Goroblushan pass. Tapos passes.

Piran, no. What happens with the screaming? They become stiff and unable to move and in perfect grabbing location for the Mondo Defender. Piran, you see two lines appear as strikethroughs on Piran's eyes. Some magical effect has consumed him. He stops moving. God.

Oh, God. And, Hec, it's your turn. Oh, no. Can I wad up those bits? What did you just say? Wad up. Wad up, dude. Wad up.

Can I just wad up? Can I just wad up? Wad up, dude. Wad up. Can I just wad up? Can I wad up those bits of bending and quickly put them into Piran's ears? Oh, Piran's ears. Okay. It might be too late. God damn it. Yeah, I mean, you can. I'm like,

will this help? Too late, too late. Do it to someone else. Okay, do it to myself. I don't know if it says there, Perrin needs magical healing or for the Scarecrow to be reduced to zero hit points. Those are the only two ways of fixing this. Magical healing or kill the big Scarecrow. That's going to suck for him.

Put a hand on him and cure wounds level two. The gross kind. Nasty cure wounds level 2. The gross kind. Nasty cure wounds. Piran recovers 14 hit points and doesn't seem too bothered by where it came from. That was good for him. That was your action,

Hector. What else would you like to do? Can I look outside without stepping into razor hail? You see two legs. There it's, you see a, it's not really properly pants. It's more like sheet cloth, like sails from a boat that have been fashioned into pants. There are two giant appendages made out of straw and corpses sprouting from out under those two legs. You look slowly up and the vestibule eventually cuts off around the creature's, I would say, maybe like their midsection.

Okay. I just mutter Oh, Eileen. Which will be a curse. And I hexblade curse him. Hell yeah. And then I will, I guess, just grab my spear and shield and ready

myself for what will inevitably happen. Pip, I'm going to squat down and make a concoction. I'm going to combine a hag eye for accuracy, some treant poison for plant's bane, and a formian eye to

deform magic, and I'm gonna try and make something I can stick my arrows in that when it embeds in the plant parts of the Mondo Defender, it starts to disrupt the magic that keeps it, like, animate. It's like being made of sticks and moss and shit. Yes. So...

You successfully get five doses for your weapon. Your, yeah, your next five attacks will deal extra damage as it deforms and warps the magic and kills the... It's already dead, but decays at the straw of this creature. Sweet.

That's your action. You've got a bonus action and movement. Maybe it's a bonus action. I'll just Hunter's Mark it. Why not? It's a bonus action. So you move into the vestibule so you can see it? Yeah, I guess so.

All right. Put the... Yeah, and oh, wait. Is putting the cotton in my ears an action? I would mark that as an interaction. All right, so I'll do that too. Yeah, okay. As you move out into the vestibule, you produce from in your backpack,

or maybe at your belt or whatever, you produce a little pouch of garlic powder, a little pouch, sorry, of garlic powder, of crushed up, ground up beetle parts, and like flowers. You throw that at the creature. It's also covered in tar. The thing hits the Mondo Defender, the greater scarecrow, and explodes open,

creating a very vibrant and easy-to-see target for you to fire at. Perfect, perfect. Tarpos runs out into the razor hail, taking one point of damage. Well, sorry, two points of damage, one point of bludgeoning, one point of cold. God damn it.

Wait, she feels cold now? She takes cold damage. Yeah, she just doesn't get chilly, I guess. Yeah, it's not the same. It's like, oh, you don't mind the hot weather. You're standing on the sun now. I thought you were like, cold damage because it's cold. You told people not to do lightning, right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You just prevented. Because Tarpos is like, lightning spells strong now. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tarpos charges in with her spear, with the blood spear, and attacks with that. That's a hit. And Piran from the vestibule fires with his shortbow.

Piran. That's a big Piran. Piran. Piran. Piran. The arrow embeds itself in the greater scarecrow but it doesn't look like it looks like a lolling corpse sagging out of the creature that isn't actually properly like the equivalent the magical equivalent of a toenail or something like that yeah he strikes that and you can see it's done

no damage nasty then it is a corb Lushen get into the vestibule. They look at you, Pip, and they say, Can we charge? I think so. They charge. Okay. Taking one point of cold and one point of bludgeoning. And then they're going to attack twice.

Great. First attack, miss. Second attack, critical hit. All right's happening okay okay okay okey dokey sweep the legs maximum damage and the target must make a dc16 dexterity saving throw on a failed save the target is prone oh my god good timber well that is that's great that means when the lightning hits hopefully it'll go for the trees and not the Mondo Defender. Oh, you know what? Actually, instead of that, half a compliment sandwich.

Jackson, Zaman, both of you are dressed impeccably today. Thank you so much. You both have incredible outfits. I love the look that you have today. It's not a critical hit. Adam! Still a hit. I guess. Adam! Still hit.

I guess. He nearly fell over. And then plot armor. Player rolls damage twice and takes lower results. Adam! Dirt bag. The Mondo Defender,

the greater scarecrow, leans down so that you can see in the vestibule its face. And then you hear the screams of the damned. It is obviously it's not like a plaid shirt and fucking jeans. The clothes are just made out of whatever fabric was big enough. Does it have more of like a Wicker Man vibe rather than a Scarecrow vibe? Yeah, it's got a distinct Wicker Man vibe, yeah.

It's a lot of straw, but there's also sticks, twigs, even like a tree it looks like, mixed in there. But there is corpses throughout the entire creature, like they were just another building material. It looks like a giant bird's nest has been stuffed into canvas clothing. Oh, my God. And then it attacks. Oh, good. Oh, awesome. We're all together.

Oh, that's cool. The crow? The crow, though. The famous crow. Go back to school with Rogers We'll be. Rogers. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

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