D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #20 The Quick Way Down

Episode Date: June 22, 2024

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Please, for you these mists are as voles and the vampire Strahd Von Zarovich, your warden. But fear not, for Strahd's heart may no longer beat, but it is still a good place to stab him. You place one hand on a suit of armor being worn by a skeleton. And at first you think you're about to fight an undead as the armor begins shifting. and at first you think you're about to fight an undead as the armor begins shifting but then throwing out little tendrils

to keep itself secured in place the mimic launches itself at you then the jaws lock around you ever since resurrecting van worked and nothing has gone right for Pip you take a further 3 points of piercing damage

sorry 8 points of piercing damage and, sorry, eight points of piercing damage and three points of acid damage as the movie begins trying to dissolve you. Jesus Christ. So that's another 11 damage total, which by my count puts you on 53. Yeah, it's awesome to lose that. It's all going to go. Straight away.

I mean, it would have happened in the first combat anyway. But still. Still. We're not even, this is like a side quest. This is like you walk 10 meters. Yeah, that's true. Welcome to Barovia, you walk 10 meters and die. The whole fucking day.

All right. Then it is, so that was the surprise round and Hex's little side thing that he's got going on. It is Van Richten's turn, technically first. Van Richten moves to you, Pip, and he said, it's not actually an attack. He just puts, he plants his little staff

right in the center of the mimic and starts pushing it back a bit. Then with his free hand, he takes the stopper out of a potion, pours it on you. Wherever it pours, it smells like nail polish remover. Wherever it touches, those pseudopods come off you.

That's good. For Van Richten's turn, he detaches you and the mimic. Okay, cool. Thanks, Van Richten. Before Esme takes a couple steps forward, and then Van Richten turns to her and says, Mimic, what do we do? No time for a lesson, old man.

Esmeralda thinks for a second, immune to acid and cannot be knocked over. Very good, very good. Esmeralda attacks with her hand axe and with her rapier. She deals 15 points of damage. And then it is the mimic's turn. Oh, god damn it. Now, odds or evens? Odds.

Odds? Did I mean evens? Do you know? I don't know. No, I meant odds. Odds? Yeah. Okay, it attacks you again, then.

That's what I wanted. Hit! I'm a glutton for punishment. Hit! Critical. Fuck. Hit! I'm a glutton for punishment. Hit! Critical. Fuck. Fuck! Okay!

That's fine. That's actually fine. This is so fucked up. You did it. My brother in Christ, you take 18 points of bludgeoning damage damage We're not even started It's critical hits So that's

40 That's 35 You're on 35 I'm on 35 I didn't take 35 Okay You're on 35

Well in total Yeah Fuck This is like an extra two steps you're like okay yeah we'll dispatch the mimic I'll take another 10 meters and get

plain and simple this attack deals maximum damage okay yay great hey lucky it wasn't even a fun one

he's gonna get plain and simple yeah he's gonna get decapitated by the most boring of all crits yeah exactly awesome good

you take 19 points of damage, which is maximum. So... Jesus. 35 minus 19, quickly. I don't know, dude. You're a little math boy. You're a little math boy.

Not us. That'd be... It's 16. 16, yes. 16. Gosh, Dan. Wow. I don't know why those two specific numbers were just giving me a run.

Two attacks from the mimic. Two rounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You haven't moved yet. You haven't moved yet. Oh,. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're stuck to it again. Pip, it's your turn. Oh my god. I'm stuck to it? Yeah. Okay. Stuck on you. It's stuck on me.

Um, where are my... I'm gonna get ya, it says. He can talk. Yeah, sure, why not? Okay, trying to just find out where I have the rules for... Yum, yum, yum, delicious adventure. I hate this guy. I would like to pull out Durak's crossbow.

And as a bonus action, I'll switch it to the cold setting. And I'll just fire into it twice. Jamming it into its... somewhere on its carapace. Dullet. Yeah. Okay, I'm just quickly checking to see if jamming it into its somewhere on its carapace. Dullet. Yeah. Dunk, dunk. Okay. I'm just quickly checking to see if you can attack it with a ranged weapon.

I think you are currently grappled, but I think you actually can still do this grappled. I'm a crossbow expert. Yeah. That means that if you're next to someone. Yeah, yeah. But you're not just next to it. You're being grappled by it. But I think you're fine.

Okay. Anyway, you fire. Sorry, you're turning it to the cold mode? All right. And then you fire twice. Boing, boing. Two hits. Do you crit on a 19?

I do. You do crit on a 19. You get a critical hit. Nice. First attack. Deals. Nine points of regular damage. Eight points of cold.

Fuck yeah. Oh, it's nice to have a crossbow that's got some fucking juice to it dude that is alright oh yeah you're fucking it's guckin that's nasty dude that's some nasty shit

shoving the crossbow in its in the nickel mouth oh this one's messed up. Pierced ear, which doesn't make sense, but the effect would work. Max other damage and roll the damage dice again. So it would be 12. 12 is the cold damage.

Then 13 would be the piercing damage, plus a further 7 points of cold and a further 7 points of cold and a further 7 points of piercing damage so in total you deal 39 points of damage hell yes getting some licks back baby

um you haven't killed it but you've torn it in two the two sections continue to fight, but they've lost a lot of cohesion. Am I still grappled by it? Yeah, you're still grappled by it. They start arguing with each other. No, you go for

that one. I'm going for that one. You damn idiot. We've got the same fucking brain. I reckon I got two thirds of it. It's so annoying to get a comedy duo mimic. Get a fucking Abbott and Costello mimic. Hector, you're going to have to make a athletics check to keep flying in the weather.

You're fine. You get to the other side and you can see the mechanism to lower the bridge. There's no one here. Is it a very simple mechanism? It's a... Yeah, yeah, well, it's a little... It's a crank.

Yeah, there's no, like, a combination. No, no, no. Oh, I see what you mean. Oh, sorry, I thought you were asking if it's, like, one motion or... It's a sustained motion, but it's, yeah, you're just winding a crank. Is it a winding a crank,

or is it a rope thing that I can just break the rope and it's like clonk? You can break the rope if you want. Hell yeah. Yeah, can I just? Yeah, sure, absolutely. That works.

Yeah, no, I will roll for this. Critical hit, never mind. You break the rope. Nice. Pip, you spot as the

bang, the bridge slams on the other side where you are. That's good, he survived. And then it is Van Richten's turn. Van Richten says, ah! Cold damage! Capital!

He hurls a ball of pure cold energy at the mimic. It strikes the mimic. Oh wait, no. He does a quick spell, and the air around the mimic becomes even colder than it was just moments ago. The mimic will take...

It doesn't matter. The mimic had one hit point left. It's dead. Fabulous. You killed the mimic. Congratulations. Yes. God. That one gave you quite a mimic. Congratulations. Yes. God.

That one gave you quite a number. It was not. Yes, it did. I was not expecting. I'm not. Let me have a look at you. Dark places. Yeah.

Van Richten looks you up and down, and he casts a spell. That's nice of him. Power word kill. It's less nice of him. You heal 16 hit points. Nice. Do I have time, do I think, to harvest the mimic? You can.

You do have time, but you'll have to roll for exposure. I think it's worth doing. Okay. 16 hit points to you. What? What the fuck? One of the guys was wearing a mimic. Are you okay?

Yeah, barely. I've got bites through my chest now. But mimics are rare in Barov. I mean, I've not seen one, you know, the whole time I've been here. So let's see what I can get from this guy. We've not encountered a mimic before, have we? No, I don't think so, yeah. While you're doing that, Van Richten, because he doesn't think you look great still,

he's going to heal you for another 14 hit points. I've got like one hand in the Mimic, I give him a thumbs up from behind. You're on 46 hit points. Oh, you're a healer. Well, yes, of course. Gregory Bones, he shows you the amulet. Right, yes, it's good to have another healer in me. You feel a little bit more polite than when he began.

So I will make your survival check, and then everyone's going to need to make a check versus exposure. I guess the wings, like hovering until they don't. What are we doing now? I'm just checking them. I'm looking through the mimic. Everyone's fine exposure wise

that's good as for stuff that you get obviously you get one thing of mimic guts nice yes

it's not even that useful but I'll take it it's identical to ooze what so it's like couldn't we just grab the thing

and run it you get one elemental spirits. Oh. Something it ate, presumably. And what else? Let's say, let's give you some stones. Oh, yeah.

A sapphire. Oh, nice. Does the mimic have anything for the non-monster hunters in the party? A little gift for Hector? I don't know? A little gift for... A gift for a hacktop? A little treasure for a hackpack? Like an apple? Nice. You find one gold and six silver

scattered in its course, unfortunately. It's not worth grabbing. Okay. What are we doing with one gold, six silver? Most of that gold is not even good here. More than what you have with what you... One gold, six silver more than what you have currently. Yes, sir.

Yeah, gold ain't really, you know, useful anywhere. No one's accepting it. Pyrrha would be like, hey, bribe people, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, you think we're going to go back to Kutry and give Pyrrha one gold, six silver? Hey, Pyrrha, here's one gold, six silver. He's laughing our faces, dude.

Treat me like a joke. All right, speaking of kuturi. What's going on there? Wow, let me tell you what's going on there. Pirin and Iona are motionless, still as statues, as they watch through the slitted doors of a linen cupboard while the hag slowly drifts from room to room. Stifled screams and sobbing coming from

every doorway. Worse than that, behind the hag trails a line of puppets marching in time No! Adam! Marching in time like soldiers in formation and each one of them carrying one of their cursed

needles That bitch! The hag screams Formation. And each one of them carrying one of their cursed needles. Fuck. That bitch! The hag screams. Oh, yeah. Cock fucking, ass shitting, gangrenous pussy bitch! Jesus Christ. She wants to renegotiate.

We shall see. We shall fucking see. Iona looks at Pyrrhon, searching his face for an explanation. Instead of speaking, Pyrrhon nods, and through the slats, Iona sees Sheriff Stryker, or what is left of him. His soul clearly vacated, and a puppet now pulling the strings. Oh, no.

We have a puppet, Sheriff. Get over here, you shitting little pissant! The hag calls Sheriff Stryker. Moving awkwardly, like the puppet is still getting used to its new limbs, he stumbles forward. Round up some of the other

fucking crap eaters and let that fucking bitch know the job is done. Iona's attention is momentarily divided as Iris begins struggling in her arms. Pierron gives them both a terrified and furious look, but ignoring him, Iona tries to calm Iris down. At first, what looks like panic in the poor girl's face reveals itself to be something much worse.

Iona sees as one of Iris' arms begins bulging at the seams and joints. It grows before her eyes. Iris continues to struggle in Iona's grasp, and then the girl calls out, not in her usual voice, but something much deeper, something much darker. Mother! Oh, full of angel blood, come on, just, just, just. Outside, the hag pauses. Sweetie?

Are you near? Where are you? Piran doesn't wait. He explodes out of the linen cupboard and into the hag. Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! The hag screams in Piran's face over and over

again as he plunges his dagger into her heart again and again and again and again. With each desperate blow, her voice becomes fainter and fainter. Oh, jeez and crackless. That's how she senses us. The hag's voice bubbles one last time as her mouth fills with blood.

Piran. God damn it. Breathes heavily. Yeah, I know. Get out of there. Straddling the hag and covered in her blood. He looks around, his eyes wide and filled with panic. Pupils, pinpricks. Every puppet and the staff they have possessed

stare in disbelief at Piran, frozen in shock, and then Kill these fucking bastards! Iris screams. Oh no. Our friends are going to become puppets. God damn it, Adam. Friends are puppets and Iris is a hag.

God damn it. There's still time. Maybe. All right, you get to the other side. Yeah, Brovia fucking stinks, dude. No stars. Trip advisor. Trip, Brovia fucking stinks, dude. No stars. Trip advisor. Trip advisor, Brovia,

don't go. Zero stars. Found myself trapped. Found myself trapped. Okay, we'll start going down the mountain as quickly as we can to try and get to a lower elevation. No, taking some care so we don't slip at them.

Yeah. Because we don't know things are fucking bad. Yeah, that's true. You can move at half speed, and if you move at half speed, you don't take disadvantage on your checks to stay standing. Obviously, Hector. Oh, wait, no. Your minute's probably up.

Yeah, definitely. You have to wait for this boy to harvest a mimic. That's gold, six, silver. Wasn't even worth it really for what I got either, to be honest. So you can move at half speed back down the mountain. Yeah. And then if you do that, then you just won't take disadvantage. All right.

We'll do that. We don't have to worry about lookouts, I guess, and all that. No, there's no one barring your trip down. Okay. Well, I don't think time is of that much of an essence. No. Because we can't even say that it's kicked off. No, no.

It's just blizzard. Great, Adam. Yeah, that's sick. I'm having fun. All right. At one point. Adventure of imagination. At one point behind you, Pip, you hear,

and you turn around to see Van Richten. He's taking, he was sliding down these stairs. You or Esme need to make a very important dexterity check. Oh, no. Do either of you have anything for an athletics check? I have a dexterity check. You have a dexterity. Also, I think Pip would probably hesitate.

I'll take you out of the running then. Very briefly, Pip probably would, after the hesitation, go and grab him, but he's not. Van Richten falls. He's such an old man. Van Richten falls. Fuck. Okay. So.

How far, Adam? So, what color are my shoes? No looking. I'm, let me, does he have white shoes? They're not any fancy color. It'll be white or black or maybe brown. If he's wearing boots, it'll be brown. Don't look.

I'm not looking. I'm looking at what else you're wearing. Black shirt. He's wearing, he's wearing shorts? I'm wearing shorts, yeah. You're wearing shorts. Okay. I reckon, okay. Black shirt, brown shorts. I'll let you have that? I'm wearing shorts, yeah. You're wearing shorts. Okay. Black shirt, brown shorts.

I'll let you have that much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was wearing a sort of beige hat. Yeah, okay. Maybe like, could he be in boots? They're runners. I wear them pretty much every day. You see me in these really often, actually.

I want to say white. Yeah, white feels like a safe bet. Most runners are white. White? Is this what we're going with? Answer's black. Black shoes, baby! Basically, the shoes that I always wear to the office.

Clearly, we're not paying enough attention. You just lose Van Richten. Fuck, okay. He's just... After my brief moment of... Clearly we're not paying enough attention. All right. Van Richten has fallen off the map. You just lose Van Richten. Fuck. Okay. He's just... After my brief moment of... People will be like, oh, God, I should have saved him. How far is the drop?

You don't know. You can't see. Do we have rope on us? Probably. Cool. Esmeralda has a look of just shock and horror on her face. Can I... We have rope with us. I assume we do. I want to her face. Can I... We have rope with us.

I assume we do. I want to, Adam, can I grab the rope, grab one hand, throw it at Pip, assume he has grabbed it, and leap. I can figure out that's what he's planning. I'll grab the rope. I mean, I guess you can actually make yourself go faster, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I grab the rope and plant my feet as much as i can in a moment of panic because it takes you know i gotta in seconds figure out what hector's plan is but could be worse all right so fuck i wasn't expecting to have to do this specifically so i'm just gonna roll how much dice Both of you are taking Oh how far is the rope? I was like it's like a 50 foot rope Alright well I'll quickly roll for Van Richten and then I'll roll for you Alright Van Richten takes

It's very funny to do a 50 foot Expecting like a keep free fall As like 20 foot It might be It might be Funny if That's like 20 foot. Oof. Oof. It might be. It might be. Funny if it's like five. Yeah. Oof.

And you just can stand up and we just see your head over the top of the cliff. I got it from my belly. And Rock hit it. All right. Heck. Oh, fuck. You take 10. Oh, my God.

15, 16 points of damage. When the rope tightens around you, you hit the end of what the rope allows. There's just swirling air around you. That happens, but then Pip. I need to make a check. You need to make a check. You feel the jerk. I can't see anything, right? No, you can't see anything right

No you can't see anything I think I just cut the rope You don't get the chance Pip you take one point of fire damage As the rope burns Oh god And heck you fall the rest of the way Yeah

I was like okay gotta cut the rope Nevermind Okay okay okay What have I got Heck, you fall the rest of the way. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I was like, okay, got to cut the, never mind. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

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Fido. At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here.

This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Friday. What do I have? You take 32 points of damage. Will alchemy help me here? I was going to say, could I cast heroism on myself as I fall? What?

If I cast a sanctuary, that's getting attacked by a creature, not the world. Sanctuary doesn't help with rocks, no. Evil world. Sanctuary doesn't help with rocks, no. Evil world. No. Heroism, I think, gives you some temporary hit points. Okay. So it will, and you'll have enough time to cast it. You will take

a little less damage, but it'll be like... Five. Yeah, it'll be like five hit points. Oh, Misty Step. You don't know where you're teleporting. Can I use... I just see it. Alright, Misty Step.

Start of my next turn, I just see it. Misty Step will only take the last 30 feet off this fall. You are falling 100 feet. Okay. Well, technically you fell 50 feet, then you fell a second 50 feet. Yeah, okay. No, sorry you fell 50 feet, then you fell a second 50 feet. Yeah. Okay. No, sorry. I'm sorry.

You fell 50 feet, then you fell 100 feet. Sorry. Okay. Okay. So by misty stepping. You reduce it by 30. That's pretty good, right? Oh, yeah.

That's not nothing, I suppose. So the first amount was 16. God damn it And then I will roll for You Mr. Hesitating Son of Bastard I couldn't have helped him even if I'd wanted to I know Oh fuck

So you take only 22 more points of damage Hey, could be worse So it's 38 damage total So you go from 73. Healthy boy, full of life and vigor to a hot, I want to say 35? You might be right there.

Okay. Yeah, 35. Cool. Awesome, dude. You land. No. I see it. I see it. Come on. You do. You do. You told me the last bit. I see it. I see it. Come on. You do.

You do. You see. You told what at the last bit. That's right. That's right. You don't land on Van Richten. Dude. You can see Van Richten.

Hello there, he says. I'm just like, it's crouching. This far down, it's no longer snowing. You fell so far that you're out of the weather. You okay? You instead see Couturier in flames. It's like I'm looking... Where's Couturier?

Where's Van Richten? Is it over his shoulder? Yeah. He's like, are you okay? I want to do the... Just slowly just cock my head. Now, it's going to take literal hours for them to get to the bottom of the mountain oh not the bottom sorry to where you are it's gonna take literal hours do you have any way

of contacting them i have nothing jack he might look on over the edge i'm sure they're fine hands on file i would i wouldn't worry, Esme. This wouldn't be how they go. No, I cannot contact them. I worry for Esmeralda's reaction to this. Sure enough, Esmeralda starts sprinting. Esme, god damn it. Sprinting and not climbing the mountain? Hey, that's...

Yeah, but she's going to slip and fall. We're all going to fall. What do you do, Pip? If I sprint after her, I will also be opening myself up to the possibility of falling. But... And also, if she does fall, there's nothing I can do, right?

Like, if I catch up to her... You could try catching her. Yeah, okay. Didn't work last time, but you were trying last time. Okay, I'll run after her. So you're both sprinting? Yeah, goddammit. Slow down, slow down.

You're going to fall like the two of them. You both fall. You're going to fall like the man? You're going to fall like this? On the bright side, you'll land near them. Do you have anything to send us? Never mind Oh, there they are The one where everyone falls off the mountain

You need more fucking dice Jesus Christ I'm not gonna roll this twice You both just take this damage Oh my god This is the second time I've fallen off a mountain in this game at least last time i landed on boris 40 what it is 150 feet yeah i may need to use one of these yeah you both take 51 points of damage okay okay is that saving throws or dead that's

there's no saving throws oh you are in saving okay. Okay, that's fine. You will be in saving throws, but you're not outright dead. So you want to do the one hit point. If you want to, you could, if you are unconscious and need to roll, you could have a short rest. I could have a short rest as I fell. Or you could just stabilize and hope that

things are good. Yeah. Which one could keep the pips to light? You ignore damage from one attack. Hey. I was attacked by Barovia. You were all attacked by Barovia.

If I gain the benefit of a short rest, do we heal? No, we don't heal. You heal because you've got some... I get stuff back, but I don't think I...

You can use some of your dice to heal. Let's use this. Do you do it on the way down? No, it's if I'm unconscious and need to roll death saving throws, I gain the benefits of a short rest.

Alright, well you're on zero hit points. Okay. So you use one of your short rests. You have nine hit dice to spend. Each of them is a d10. Yeah. How much do you want? This is for the rest of the week. Five days. Five days. I'll use four.

You can use them all, buddy. Yeah, but I may need them again. Why? We're about to go into an on-fire country. Yeah. All right, I'll use all of them. On Dammit's advice, I'll use all my hit dice. I don't think that's a bad idea.

Yeah. What's the average in terms of your max health? Oh, average. bad idea. Yeah. Like, what's the average in terms of, like, your max health? Five. Oh, average. Well, if I roll all full dice, I think he'll go basically back to more or less. Yeah, if I roll

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ideally, you just don't want him to overheal. Yeah. Ideally. It's possible with all dice he could overheal. Yeah. But it seems unlikely. I think my odds are still pretty good. Yeah, yeah. You need to roll pretty well to do that. And we've been rolling like dog shit. No.

Some of the dice came up really high, but a lot came up really low. Dog shit. Cool. Good stuff. Good stuff. Oh, that. Oh, I fall sort of out, dude. Just what I needed.

38 hit points. I landed in such a way that my chakras aligned. You're on 38 hit points. Okay. Was that healthy when you fell? Huh? That is healthy when you fell? I'll say for what happened, Esmeralda fell foul, but Pip, you kind of slid down.

And fell on her. Yeah. Cool. Open mouth on a broken bottle of healing potion. Heck. Look, look, look, look, look, cool. Open mouth on a broken bottle of healing potion. Heck. Van Richten says, I fear for what Esmeralda might rashly do, and then they're next to you.

It's like, surely we could just leave a man. Yeah, well, I guess she did what I did. Esmeralda gets up. She does not care. She runs over to Van Richten and starts patting him down. Get off me, you woman! I ran after her. She ran away. Sorry, I didn't realize.

I thought... We should have swapped, I think. I think you're stronger than me. Esmeralda... Just nod him. Yeah. Esmeralda... Put your hands up.

Burned, but otherwise I'm shockingly okay. Misty's stare for them, just like the rest of the rope dunk. Ow. Coils on top of your head. Both of you look over, after your little conversation, both of you look over

and you see Van Richten has stopped trying to force Esmeralda off. Instead, he's allowing her, Esmeralda has embraced him and you can allowing her, Esmeralda has embraced him, and you can see Van, you see a very new side of Van Richten. He has dropped the cane, he has his hands on her back,

and you can hear just faintly him saying, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. That's nice. And you hear, she's quite clearly crying heavily into his shoulder. To avoid this intense display of emotion, I'll make a little potion. I was watching this. I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder as you're being ducked down.

Squatting. She'll probably heal up a little bit. Yeah. It has Van Richten's body. I can just see blood coming out of most orifices. You can see Van Richten is pretty, blood coming out of most oracles. You can see Van Richten is pretty, yeah, Van Richten is quite clearly badly bruised and harmed by this. But after he's able to calm Esmeralda down and she sits and she's kind of, well, as we all know, rock elementals are able to, in many ways, in many aspects,

move through the stone as if it were water. I was able to use a little bit of what I know about alchemy to give myself a similar property, so the fall was not lethal. If you look at me while he's explaining this, I shrug like I don't know what he's talking about. So the amber golem, that's just going to keep walking down the mountain. We'll have to go fetch it later, I think. I fear ordering it down without seeing what it's doing. Yeah, right.

Sit up straight! I was standing? I was standing. Or was that to me, Zab? I also just went straight up. If he doesn't tell you to sit up straight, he tells you to stand up straight. Okay, I straighten my back.

Maybe this is good for me. Yeah, it's good for your posture. Can I combine some Codal Eggshells for healing with Malachite for healing and some Blightskin for, sorry, some Essence of

Piercer for seeking to make a little healing grenade for everybody. While you're doing that, Van Richten heals everyone for 30 hit points. I've thrown it at my own feet, I guess. Do you need to? Yeah, I guess if I'm fully healed by this, I just put it in my pocket.

Yeah, you still have. Yeah, exactly. It's still worthwhile. It'll come handy in a pinch. Esmeralda's out on 87 out of 108. Van Richten's fully healed. 87 out of 108? Damn, I'm on 73 of my backs.

Hector, speaking of full hit points, you are on 66. And Pip, you are on 68. I'll still... You need a little bit of healing. I'll throw it down. Why not? Okay. It's going to be a pathetic comparison.

I'm watching Adam roll a d4. Everyone heals one hit point. Hey, that might be the difference. It's not nothing. What's the difference between dead and alive is one hit point. Exactly. All you need is one hit point. You only ever really have one hit point.

You know, the eggshells do more if you use all of them. Is that so? You look at your little alchemy set, and in such a rush, you can see, sure enough, there's little crumbs all around. Yeah, my bad. Oh, so you just use the dust and everything. Thanks for the advice, Van Richten.

You should really get a proper... Never mind. Okay, like a proper alchemy? Is that the hard castle? The battle one? That's my kit. Is there a difference between, I guess, the field kits?

Well, some are... Yeah. Anyway. He taps his cane, but there's no force to it. It's just a very gentle tap. Honestly, I don't think we'd be this bitchy. Kuchuri's on fire. Yeah, Kuchuri.

Great point. Kuchuri is a fighter. Yeah, probably not much. We don't have a little... We're just happy to get healed. It's not part of... We just run for Kuchuri. Iris and Iona are grappling on the ground.

Iris, slowly gaining strength as her arms... and her legs continue to crack and grow. Her face contorting and changing while Iona's eyes become blurry from tears. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Um, if you're going to kill her, can you work a bit faster? Piran's voice has a clear edge of panic. The three of them are trapped in the study, and the puppets and the puppeted alike are slamming themselves against the other side of the door. Piran is

desperately keeping shut, his back up against it. I can't kill her, she's just a child. I hate you, Piran says, simply, almost matter-of-factly, but the stress of the situation clear in his

voice. An infinite, an infinite number of people in an infinite number of planes and I'm stuck with the only creatures without a single drop of self-preservation. I'm not dying here! I have things to do!

I have! Pyrrhon is interrupted as a silvery needle works its way through the door, right next to his ear. I have to see him one last time. The words aren't directed to Iona anymore.

I can save her. Iona similarly isn't talking to Piran. She starts fumbling at her belt and realizes that the vials of blood have come loose in the struggle. They roll around the ground next to Iris. When I kill you,

you fucking girl, I'm going to crack your skull and piss on your brains. Iris? Hacks are crazy. I'm going to crack your skull and piss on your brains. Iris. Hacks are crazy. Hotty mouth. Iris's new claws grab Iona's wrist and twist painfully. I'll boil your minging brain in piss and drink it for supper.

Using her good hand, Iona plunges the exsanguinator Esme gave her into Iris' neck. The girl's eyes start popping out of her head, and her mouth tries to form words, but she can't. Crack! The door explodes inwards, and Piran falls to the ground.

Sheriff Stroyka lies on top of him. With a twisted smile, the puppet Stroyka smirks down at Piran. Wee, Stroyka's face explodes as a ball of flames from Iona launches into it. Okay. Oh, good. That's nice. That's something.

Please, please, just buy me time. Iona starts dragging Iris's body to the window, not checking to see if Pyrrhon obeyed the order. Looking at the puppets staggering their way through, Pyrrhon briefly considers fleeing past the two women and out the window to safety. Then he briefly considers what life he might lead as the hero, saving these two women, turning his life around.

Good luck! Passing the unconscious girl and the infuriated Iona, Piran deftly slips out the window and down to the street below. Hey, classic Piran! It's gonna be a problem for us later, but that's what isn't.

Yeah, yeah, true. It's so funny them having like a badass battle scene and we fall off a mountain. So snippy. It's so slow as I see up there. Okay. You make your way to Kuchery presumably.

If you want to, because you'll be going really close by Pavel's house, if you want, you can stop there. I think it is. It is kind of a meeting place that you've been using, so maybe someone you know will be there. I guess as we're running down the mountain, or at least gingerly, in a bit of a hurry.

Yeah, what is the game plan here? Well, what was our game plan upon returning originally? The game plan was while we were gone, it was, so there was going to be, yeah, they were going to take out the sheriff. Looks like it's gone slightly astray. Yeah. And so I guess they're probably dealing with that. We go past Pavel or would that be doing a bit of a dog leg? Let me have a look.

So there's two entrances to the north. One is very direct and very close. The other one you'd have to divert a little bit and that is the one that Pavel's house is at. I think if we're walking down the mountain and everything's on fire, it's just kind of that like, well, they were about to

assassinate the sheriff while we were gone. It seems that things have got a little bit south. So again, if have gone a little bit south, so again, if anyone's at Pavel's, they probably shouldn't be. Yeah, for sure. I think we just beeline it. Just take in the sitrep and see what's going on.

Kind of beeline for the centre of town to try and figure out just what the hell exactly happened. Yeah, maybe the sheriff's house or something. The sheriff's, yeah. As you approach, there's the entrance that you're going through has, well, all of the entrances have this. It's a guardhouse, a big tower that can bar entry and exit to Kutri. You can see that those gates are very firmly, it appears, closed.

And there are guards on the, no, there's no one on the walls right now. You hear screaming and the sounds of combat on the other side of the wall. Okay. Um, can, we can't push the doors. We've got to scale them, right? You could try pushing them, but they're very big and heavy. Is there like a. They're designed for sieges.

Is there like a winch kind of thing at the top? Oh, to open and close the doors? Yeah, there is. Can I climb up and try and do that? Sure. I got a climb speed. Yep. You scale the side of the wall.

You get up to the... The winch is you'll have to climb over the rampart. Yeah, sure. So you'll be able to see everything but you'll also be

maybe a little bit exposed as well. You climb to the other side and you can see down below there are a few of the town guard. All of them skinless abominations fighting in hand-to-hand combat with a bunch of just randoms basically okay some of them are

adventurers some of them are locals but cutting a swathe through them all very visible is bigfoot paul is he just just fighting amongst yeah he's he he's wearing the armor that you remember him wearing. He's got his big, massive... I was about to do something. No, yeah, all right. He's got his big, massive mallet in the shape of a foot and he's bringing it down on people's heads. He really embraced it. He led them.

Something was happening and he's like, you know what, I'll give you a gimmick. All right, I'll be the foot guy. I've got a big foot from a hag, I'll be the fucking foot guy. Alright, I'd like to lean back to the rest of the party

and be like, get ready for a fight and then grab the winch and start turning it. Alright, as you start turning it, we're going to go to initiative because something

creeps up behind you. God damn it. You're not surprised? When I say creep, that's incorrect. It's actually incorrect. It drops off the roof of the guardhouse and lands on the rampart. Yeah, it lands on the rampart behind you.

Pip, you're first. Okay. It's right behind you. And I've not really winched up the door at all, have I? No, you put your hands on the winch. Okay, and I notice it's behind me? All right, can I whip around and see what it is? Yeah, it's one of those ab And I notice it's behind me. All right. Can I whip around and see what it is?

Yeah. It's, it's one of the, it's a creature. Okay. I'll immediately plug it with my crossbow. And you know what? Let's, uh,

what do I think is going to do the most damage to them? Probably cold wood. Fuck them up. So I'll keep it on cold. Okay. And I'll plug it twice and I'll make one of them a pinning shot to try and buy me some time. You successfully pin it. Nice. It's

stuck in place. It tries to free itself. It cannot. Okay. Fabulous. Fabulous. It's clockwork mouth opens and then trying to lunge at you, it can't get close enough and you just hear the clang of the spring trap

snapping shut. Like a mouse trap. I hate that. Yeah, that's awful. It is the rebels and the guards. They combat at each other. Oh, wow. Okay. Under a corpse sails clean

over the wall, and the skinless body of a guard lands in among your formation, Hector. I'll call that a win. Yeah. Bigfoot Pole looks up at you, Pip, and you see there's like a moment of hesitation, and then he just gives you a big thumbs up. I give a sort of shaky. Yeah.

So he looks at you, takes off his boot, gives a big toe up. That's the greatest seal of approval Bigfoot Paul can give. It's Esme's turn. She's going to wait until the doors are open. It's Hec, your turn. Can we see the creature? Yeah, can I see the creature? Yeah, you would have seen it drop down, yeah.

Just a second. Right. Hang on. Can I Aldric Blast the creature? It has cover, so it'll be a tough shot. That's all right. I'll Aldric Blast and see what happens. Let's go for it.

See what happens. Your... Yeah, let's see what happens indeed. Well, Peniel, now's the time. Good news, bad news. Okay, good news. Good news? Nothing happens.

Interesting. Bad news, nothing happens. Your Eldrick Blast slams into the ramparts, and then some of the rocks come down. Yep. Just a little bit. You're not properly destroying anything, but, yeah, you miss. Okay.

What does it look like yeah great question is it still a screaming skeleton oh that's what I mean nothing happens oh okay so it's not hidden

it's like you got home brand eldrick blast oh is it like it's not skeletons it's not holy it's just it's home brand

okay neutral yeah interesting that is interesting that's something that's hey yeah exactly take it as a Interesting. That is interesting. That's something. That's, hey, yeah, exactly.

Take it as a win. Then it is Van Richten's turn. Van Richten. Can you, he leans over to you, Hector, and he says, can you perform any psychic damage to it? No, I cannot, unfortunately. The corpse, it's in a state in between living and death. Right. If you're able to harm it psychically, you'll breathe a little bit of...

The corpse is being animated by the ligature, the neurons firing, the pain neurons. If you're able to reactivate it psychically, its every movement will be agony. Okay. I call that out to Pip. Psychic will fuck it up. Okay. Your turn, Pip. It's pinned.

I'm going to open the door. Okay. You continue opening the door. There's a crack now large enough that if you wanted to, you could make an acrobatics check to slip through. Or if you were small-sized. I'll do an acrobatics check. Well, on your turn.

Then it is its turn. It still can't free itself. Okay, thank God. Thank God. Thank God. It's the rebels and the gods. Yeah, this place is, aside from that creature, this place is clear. Okay.

Bigfoot Paul starts charging his way up onto the ramparts to help you fight the monster. Cool. Great. All right. That was Rubble's turn. It's Esme's turn. She's going to try and slip through. She passes.

Then, heck, it's your turn. I'll do the same. You also pass. And then it is Van Richten your turn. I'll do the same. You also pass. And then it is Van Richten's turn. He is thin enough. I'm just going to say he can slug his product off. Gingerly. Yeah.

Excuse me. Pip, your turn again. Everyone's through. Everyone's through. I'm probably going to let go of it. Sure. And then turn around and plug the thing again. All right.

Nothing else? No, no special source. No special source? Alright. Hit, miss. It attacks Bigfoot Paul. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Didn't realize he was close enough. Paul, what are you doing? Not Bigfoot Paul. His pin. My power more. All the takes. Just a little uprising? Yeah, a little uprising.

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