D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #3 The Inevitable Fate of a Crow

Episode Date: February 24, 2024

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At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands. Friday. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. No water anywhere. Still, we are marooned. Stranded in Barovia. Mists around us like prison bars. Strahd our jailer.

We must escape. We must kill. Strahd must die. What the devil is happening? I put my hand on his face. Mondo Defender, I say. It's like a wheat defender, but way worse. The Mondo

Defender, the greater scarecrow, leans down so that you can see in the vestibule its face. And then, you hear the screams of the damned. One of its arms slams

down onto Tarpos. It hits Tarpos. Cool. Tarpos takes 11 points of damage. Fuck. Okay. It's a whiff.

And needs to make a strength saving throw. I don't know. She's getting grappled. And needs to make a strength saving throw. I don't know. She's getting grappled. Tapos passes her strength saving throw. It brings another on. Yeah, okay. That's another hit. Tapos takes another eight points

of damage. Okay. She needs to make another strength saving throw. The greater scarecrow drags both of its giant straw and corpse arms, slams them down onto Tarpos. Good. And then as it lifts them back up, Tarpos is not there. You see a struggling figure in one of its mitts.

No! No! Gorub and Lushen call out. Heys or lows? Heysel lies. Heys. Oh, come on, dude. Lightning strikes the greater scarecrow. It could have been prone for this, you son of a bitch.

Fuck, you're funny, dude. The scarecrow recovers Nine hit points Okay He's got hit by lightning Yeah What Okay Tarpos takes

Nine points of damage Yeah Struck by lightning Alright Heck it's your turn Alright I will Attack

Twice You move out into the razor hail Yeah You take one point of cold damage I will attack twice. You move out into the razor hail? Yeah. You take one point of cold damage, one point of bludgeoning damage. Excellent news. And I will play extra walloping. Nice.

If I hit, it's critical. And how much damage are you doing this con again? Well, here we go. I'm going to need the breakdown of the different damage times as well. Okay. Okay. Okay. First hit. One D6.

Plus six. Plus six. Now, I will burn a spell slot because it's a critical. Oh, I was going to do the regular one first, if that's okay with you. I will do the regular one first. Don't worry then. Do you want to put any spice on this? No. All right.

So it's a D6 plus six. Plus four to damage roll, which is from the hex blade. Okay, so it's a D6 plus 6? Plus 4 to damage roll which is from the hex blade. Okay. So that's 16. Nice. Now this is a magical weapon. Right, yep. It's fine. That's just regular damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the special sauce, baby. Alright, so this is the one

this is a critical hit. It's a critical hit. Alright, so it's 10 plus a D6 plus 3D8. Any other special sauce? I think that's it. All I can do. Between the shoulders, maximum damage. Oh, boy. So not actually rolling, you just get the max.

Oh, no. Wazza, wazza, wazza, wazza. So 40 points of damage. Oh, my God. You fucked it up. While it's bending down, screaming at you, you stab it in between its shoulders, wrenching the spear around and tearing it out. Pip. Alright, I'm gonna plug

it twice with the deforming arrows. And I'll make it a precise shot too, why not? Alright, that's a hit, and a hit. Nice. Your crossbow is not magical, is it? No. Tragically not. I'm really trying to deform it, you know what I mean?

Oh, right, yes. That damage. I'm hoping that compensates. You do do damage, but it's only, you can see your alchemical ability is the only thing allowing you to do damage. You deal 14 points of damage. All right, I'll take it.

That'll do me. That's something. And it's bloodied. Hey, you can see it's beginning to lose cohesion. It's Tapos' turn. Oh. She tries to extract herself and fails. It's Piran's turn.

He katwang fires another arrow. This one's going to hit. Piran deals 10,25 points of damage. Nice. Okay. Okay. What did we want that crow to do, if anything? The crow is meant to distract it.

I don't know where the crow is. Crow's been left inside. God damn it. All right. And, oh, Tapos takes... Oh, no, Tapos is undercover. It's Gorobin Lushen's turn. Gorobin Lushen, take one point of bludgeoning and one point of cold.

My lady, let us save you! Two hits. Nice. The power of love. The power of love. It compels them. It is the greater scarecrow's turn. What's it going to do?

Oh, it's clever. Odds or evens? Odds. The greater scarecrow. What's it going to do? It's clever. Odds or evens? Odds. Greater Scarecrow, you hear Tarpos' screams begin to get faint. Uh-oh. What the fuck? It's consuming her. Oh, no.

Shit. Turn into a bear. Turn into a fucking, yeah. Come on, man. Become a snake. You see as Tarpos is added to the corpses in the greater scarecrow. Does she look dead? She's struggling.

She doesn't look dead, but she's clearly in pain. She takes 10 points of damage. Okay. Every turn she's going to take another 10 points of damage, and the scarecrow gets to do that for free now. Oh, God. She is visible, though. You can try and help her out.

Then the scarecrow attacks Gorub and Lushen. No! It attacks you. Yes. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Voided warranty. What does that do?

A magic item in your possession explodes. Oh my god. Lucky Voided warranty What does that do? A magic item in your possession explodes Oh my god What magic item? Oh, the breastplate A piece of razor hail, Hector, strikes the breastplate It flares and then explodes Okay You take four points of damage

Is that destroyed now? It's not destroyed. It continues to work normally. It was just a magical flare. Okay. Okay. I was like, wow. Cool.

That would have been fucked if it destroyed the magic. No more armor costs. Yeah. Cool. Good stuff. And then highs or lows? Let's go with lows. Lows?

Yeah. Do you mean highs? No, I meant lows You are so close to killing it Are you sure you mean lows, Samit? Yeah, I guess I am He said lows Fuck I'll make this better

No, it's fine no lightning your turn fixed his rule yeah you did I was trying to trick you ah if I would did you really only just get that

I was the most when you were like so certain you were when you were so certain that it was no I was like can they see the dice if I

if we fell say this scarecrow sorry this mondo defender, while Tarpos is being consumed. You don't. We did.

Do I grab her or do I hit it? I don't know either, yeah? Yeah, you're not really sure. I don't know. If you can grab her easy, do that. If you can hit it easy, do that. Can I get in range of her to pull her out? Yeah. You're basically in range now her to pull her out? Yeah.

You're basically in range now. All right. Yep. I grab her and yank her out. Oh, dang. Nothing? Yeah. Unfortunately, she won't budge.

It makes it sound like it's her fault. Come on, top boss. Get out of there. Comfortable. Then it is Pip, your turn. I'll fire two more arrows. You get a crit. Nice.

And a miss, unfortunately. Oh, hey, I'll take a crit. Oh, poke in the belly. Double damage. Fuck yeah. While your second shot goes awry, your first shot hits it straight in its face. And you can see the deforming magic is curling its face inwards. A few corpses fall out and hit the ground.

Like it just ate a big sour lemon. Yeah. It is Tarpos's turn. She fails to extract herself. It's Piran's turn. An arrow flying from the tent hits right where you've struck it with the deformian eye, hitting that deforming magic aura. You see the aura flare,

and then the scarecrow, as if it were just made of straw and corpses, falls apart. Oh, thank God. I am grabbing Tarpos. You drag her out. She scurries to her feet. And Hector, you take

unfortunately another point of cold and another point of bashing. But I also gain eight health from it dying. That's pretty good. Just like, suck up them fumes. Suck up its soul as it goes to scarecrow heaven. Tapos takes another point of cold and bashing.

Gorb and Lushen take another point of cold and bashing. But then you're inside the tent Is the crow inside the tent? Yeah, the crow never left We didn't need you, I guess Does Pop the chicken, I mean Pop the Cockatrice like the crow? They bird friends? She hadn't thought of that

You come back and the crow is dead Pop the chicken has grabbed it by the neck, shook it, and killed it. Is it eating it? Yeah. At least it's eating it. Oh, that was something. What do you usually feed that one?

He normally fends for himself. Starting to make a lot of sense. Yeah. Sorry, Tapos. Tapos shrugs. Cy lot of sense. Yeah. Sorry, Tapos. Tapos shrugs. Cycle of life. Okay. Crow lives, eat by cockatrice. There seems to be an on-purpose bit of humor to that, perhaps.

Crow fly, crow live, crow land, eat by cockatrice. Tapos get crow say say, need help, crow left alone with pop, pop, pop, kill crow. Sort of inevitable, yeah. Old things sequel. Add inevitable, I just look at Pip. Anyway. I'll start stepping down toward the scarecrow.

Because of the results of your formian eye ah damn the unfortunately there is no magical or alchemical

ingredients to collect it's just a bunch of cloth is it still like raining hard with razor hail ah yes maybe we don't

harvest maybe I'll step back and say on the bright side yeah one of the one of the many corpses that makes up the giant scarecrow shifts. And when it does so, like a slot machine. Like a slot machine paying out 100 gold pieces,

900 silver pieces, and 1,000 copper pieces fall out of the Scarecrow. The Scarecrow's baying out. I'm on a hot streak. Yeah, give me another one. Let it ride. Let it ride. That's funny as well,

because if we're all too scared to go out in the razor hail, we're just watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just razor hail hitting there, like, damn, that's a lot of dead bodies. One just, like, flops out and just spears of gold. That one was full of gold. like, damn, that's a lot of dead bodies. One just like flops out and just spews gold.

That one was full of gold. Okay, well, I guess point to that gold and Pyrrhon, I guess there's more gold for the destabilization in the morning. We'll collect that tomorrow.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Let's head back inside and we'll just wait out the rest of the razor hail, I guess. Yeah, wait out the rest of the razor hail. I'll try and do my best to keep comforting Iris as much as one can.

As much as one can for a girl who's half a hag? Yeah, she's hagged up, certainly. Partially hagged. How's everyone looking? Awesome? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Gorub and Lushen are at a hot

31 out of 107. Pyrrhon is 53 out of 57. So, he's doing pretty well. Tarpos has hit an all-time low of 17 out of 75. So, yeah, not doing well. Yeah, let's just have a... has hit an all-time low of 17 out of 75. Woof. Yeah, not doing well. Yeah, let's just have a... Yeah, a short rest.

Oh, how nice. An eight-hour short rest. So, as you bed down in the tent for the night, trying your darndest to attune to magical items pants pants yeah attune to those pants

yeah yeah yeah really start vibing with them yeah god damn trying to enjoy what meager food you

do you have any strawberries left no we I think they've become sort of a mush but we turned some into tea so maybe I'll maybe I'll make strawberry tea for everybody

so everybody can be warm while they sleep. Tea, jam, that kind of stuff. Whatever kind of way. Yeah, just tea. We're getting a bread. Far from you, but also close to you. Somehow, both at the same time, intermingled with all of reality, the grand machine of fate continues to turn. of fate continues to turn.

Three threads tonight begin to become taut. One thread, Marquillot's, another, Woken Keening's, and the third, Yender Brightmoon's. Far from you in the town of

Valakai. Yender, Marquillot, Keening, and Kazimir Velikov, the leader of the Dusk Elves, if you'll recall, sit around a table. The air between them is filled with pipe smoke and foul language. Keening's name still carries

some weight with the Dusk Elves, and Yender has been a kind face around the encampment. These two things are the only reasons that Kazimir is even entertaining the notions currently being given to him. The Order of the Feather, who's only ever been an enemy to Strahd. Keening implores, Erwin has been, despite the danger, a friend to your people, and if the Burja Master breaks him, the Ravens will be crushed. The order of the feather does little but sit and watch.

Yender speaks kindly. They watch and do all they can. All they can? Casimir continues. Where was our warning when the devil and his minions descended upon us? Where were the ravens as my people's future? Casimir's voice breaks. Where were the ravens as my people's future? Kazmir's voice breaks. Where were the ravens as my people lost their future?

Kazmir stares at Yenda as if trying to bore a hole right through her. My people will die out. I think it only fair we have company. The strands of fate become taut, so very tight, ready to spring or snap. Keening explodes out of the hovel. What are you thinking, Woken? Yender trails behind, ever the voice of caution. Keening wheels around to her and sees Marquillet following behind, a set expression on his face. I'm fixing to do the only thing left for old desperate man. Yender looks at the two men, worry furrowing her brow. The last time you followed me into battle, I didn't regret it. Marquillet finishes. Yender looks at the two men, worry furrowing her brow.

I don't think I'm going to be able to trick another gate open. Not with, she gestures at Valakai, not with him awake. Penya isn't strong enough. It's all right, Keening says with a wiry smile. I've got a plan. Better be a good one. Mark Quillett speaks with grim determination. Because if I disobey Kazmir and get myself killed, he'll be furious.

Oh, it's a good one, all right. I plan we're going to blast our way in and we're going to blast our way out. God, he's cool. God, he's cool. relaxes, but Yender's remains razor tight. Yender lies low to the ground, barely daring to breathe. The east gate is the most direct exit from the Burgermaster's manor. Yender cannot help while they're in there, but she can at least heal them from whatever state they leave in. Slowly, the gates creak open. Not enough for normal business and not enough for an escape, but just enough for a shadow to slip through. At first, Yender's heart skips a beat,

and she thinks it's the party, perhaps, or maybe just Erwin on his own. But instead, the shadow resolves into Lady Watcher and a few guards. Looking over her shoulder cautiously, they move, trying to be unnoticed. Gnomes and Pannier, Yender curses under her breath. Does she wait for the others or pursue this new lead? Flaming suns! Yender curses again and moves to follow Lady Watcher. Yender's strand of fate stretches to the breaking point,

and the little strands that make it up begin breaking yender's fate is soon to be sealed staying as close as she dares she pushes through the brambles and trees until she sees lady watcher stop this the place, whatever this place is. A quiet stretch of road in between Valakai and Castle Ravenloft. Yender tries and fails not to notice the looming presence of the castle. The silence is so thick it could be cut with a knife, but as it turns out, a galloping horse will also do. Yender crouches even lower to the dirt, willing herself into the earth as far as it will let her,

and she sees it. They pull up short of Lady Watcher and the rider dismounts. The rider has strong, orcish hands. And they pull back a hood to reveal a go-gash. His face as it was in life, yet somehow completely different. Cruelty has twisted his features and no light or spark plays behind his eyes. Yender did not

know this. This is news to her. Oh no. She nearly screams. Unfortunately the noise she does make is loud enough to be heard by the conspirators. They look in her direction. Yender runs as fast as her feet will carry her.

She can hear them behind her, also on foot and closing. Chest heaving, lungs on fire, she can see the walls of Valakai, then thwack! Yender is knocked off her feet. It feels as if she has been struck by a boulder, but smaller, hand-sized. Dizzy from the blow, Yender stares up into the emotionless face of a gogash.

Yender's strand of fate, twang, snaps. Her fate is sealed. Why run? You are not faster than me, a gogash explains simply. You aren't even faster than them., a gogash explains simply. You aren't even faster than them. Still a gogash. He gestures to Lady Watcher and her guard.

Yender is in trouble. No, she is beyond trouble at this point. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest as if trying to tear its way out. Yender looks to the guards. She's surrounded, surrounded and alone. No one, Yenda thinks. Not alone, though. Not yet, actually.

As quickly as she can, Yenda's hand darts for her holy symbol. An aura begins, but a go-gash is quicker. Yenda screams in pain as a go-gash's hand wraps around her hand, which is in turn wrapped around her holy symbol. Agogash squeezes, and Yenda feels the sun medallion pierce her skin, tearing through flesh and bone.

Agogash lifts Yenda, still screaming, into the air. This was how it was always going to go, Yenda. You simply aren't strong enough. Agagash's other hand finds Yender's throat, and her screaming stops to be replaced by the sounds of gagging. But this is kinder, no? The flame snuffed out before its time is less sad than the flame left to slowly burn out on its own. The edges of Yender's

vision begin to fade, and all she can see is a Gorgash's cruel face. She chooses this to not be the last thing she sees, and instead she closes her eyes and imagines. She thinks of her reliquary and prays that Hector will keep it safe. She thinks of Valakai and prays for the safety of all the innocent souls who dwell within. Finally, Yenda Brightmoon thinks of the family she left behind and imagines the life that could have been.

Agogash jerks her neck once, forcefully. And with a snap, Yenda dies. That'll Uh Oh, okay. And with a snap, Yender dies. I don't... Ah. Ah. Okay.

Hector, you awake the next morning, tears streaming down your face. You don't know why, but something awful has happened. Still look outside. Is it still, like, just razor hail? Or is it, like, can I see anything? Are we at a point where, like, you point where in the distance we can see Valakai in a bubble flaming on fire? You consider this omen. Today the day that the sun refused to shine.

Even through the heavy cloud cover you can tell that the sun is dimmer today. Rain is coming down, but it's not razor hail and it's not snow. The water is cold, but it's warm enough to wash away the ice. You will be wet, but it is safe to travel again. Well, as safe as it ever

is in the Caribbean. But looking out, Hector, it doesn't feel like rain. It feels like tears from above. Something's wrong. Maybe I'm getting, Hector, it doesn't feel like rain. It feels like tears from above. Something's wrong. Wrong. Maybe I'm getting, you know, putting my pack on. Sure.

Wrong how? I don't know. It's like hope is gone. I bite my tongue. I swallow a dur. No, no no no not the it's like if if there was

the shred the well the when there is a little a sliver there's no more sliver of hope

of something can I go up to Hector and like check him like magically like Pip's like it's so possible

for someone to get possessed or anything like that I'm just checking that this is not what's going on there's like, it's so possible for someone to get possessed or anything like that. I'm just checking that this is not what's going on. There's like a million hopelessness diseases that run around. Sort of slightly concerned

about, like, spreading your eye, looking in, looking for anything, any milkiness or any problems. Medically, there does not seem

to be anything wrong with Hector. Do I know it's, like, so what, I understand, I'm upset. There's this feeling of loss. What does, like, I, Hector, know right now that this either could be, like, So I understand I'm upset. There's this feeling of loss.

What does I, Hector, know right now that this either could be? I know there was that connection to Orion that just went away, and that was a thing that I felt. There's this, which is because usually it's either a dream or a vision or something along those lines. This is just a feeling of emptiness, sadness, loss, a tragedy. Yeah, you feel profound sadness and loss. All you know is that you have like a gut feeling something awful has happened. Is there a feeling of redistribution of Pannier's powers?

Oh, I see what you mean. Probably, that wouldn't be how you would perceive it. That's not really how the magic, you feel it. That's not how you feel it. Something awful has happened. Do you know where? Is this a prophetic, do you have a dream?

It's more of a feeling. It's like when, you know when you enter a room and you just know that there is something off yeah that's okay i like i have a brief moment looking around our party and being like we're just the worst emotional support team right now somehow you got all of the fucked up emotionally people in this team nobody's really prepared to help you with this tapas is probably has left for the morning she does something not every morning but some mornings she just leaves and comes back eventually she's gone this morning gorob and

lushen are still asleep pyrrhon is awake and looking at you hector but he's got kind of maybe the expression that you started with, Pip, where you can see that Piran is thinking that you are sick. Yeah, yeah. Rat, he says to you, Pip. Yeah, I'll take a drumstick. Any tiny

little drumstick? Yeah, grabbing the spear, like, can I try and channel it to even, like, just to feel, like, the magic of that if it's still there, if it's still present. You're channeling Penia right now, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I mean, it's the pack magic, but it's light and love, but perhaps the feeling of sadness increases, I would say. You definitely notice that there is now mixed in with the light and love, there is a depth of sadness.

And perhaps, in addition to your own crying you feel an internal crying okay it's maybe like i'll start yeah it's like muttering a prayer to penny and like with like just include under my breath so i don't know if you will hear this yeah but there's something on the lines of like uh you've you've saved me so often and where where are you? I want to save you. How can I save you? Can I help you? You and Piero and I are sleeping looking at each other. We're like, do you want to?

It's like, do I want to? Yeah, just holding like this. Do you know if I touch him, it makes me feel uncomfortable? Me too. Holy energy. No, like a burning. Mine's not quite like that. Maybe I'll put a really awkward hand on your back.

There, there, there, Hector. Pyrrhon, looking at you, trying to assist, does like how you, gestures in the air, rubbing someone's back. I do the same. I'm sure it's going to be alright. Everything. I mean, what could possibly... Is it a problem

with perineal? Do you feel like, does it feel like a cold or like you might vomit? I don't think he's sick. He's sad. Oh, okay. You got the worst team for this, dude. What did you eat last night? He's not sick.

Rat. Oh, rats. We're all eating rats. Yes, yes. You feel fine? Wait, did you have the tea last night? Yes. I didn't have the tea.

I had the tea. You had the tea, but you're a dragonborn. It might be a different... No, something has changed. With Pannier? With everything. Well, I have to admit, Hector, I don't feel it. Maybe I'll go for a beer and do a little shrug.

I don't think I've ever felt Pannier's light, so I'm not really... Or to me, it doesn't feel like anything extra is amiss. It doesn't, right? You don't feel anything, yeah. I just feel the same dog shit I always feel. Maybe I step outside? I can maybe sort of draw some conclusions that due to, say, Valakai being on the fireballs that I saw the other couple nights back,

that the geese going off, and now this. Some fucked up shit definitely has recently been happening in Valor. I safely assume it's Yender. Or at least make that assumption. If you want to. I am not the arbiter of what does and doesn't make sense to Hector. So if you think Hector

would draw that conclusion, that's valid. I just think, yeah, with the flames, with the geese. She's the only other penny of connection you have in Borrowfield too. I with the she's the only other penny connection you have in Borovia too and that's what I'm thinking it's the only other penny connection

so I think we need to get to Valakai soon is something wrong if not yeah something is very wrong there was an explosion

yeah in Valakai it was on something happened Keening he's a fire mage right

he uses he's a fire he does, right? He uses his fire. He does a lot of different. It could have been him. He does do a lot of fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keening does like fire. It could have been him. Do you think?

Who else do you know in that town that can produce a fireball that I could see from here? And then you had a. Yeah, the geese went off. I nearly had a heart attack. And who else is there? Yenda. And now Penya is devastated. I gesture to, I guess, the rain that is forming,

but then no sun. She's the only other one here that is as close to her as I. How quickly can we get to Velikai? You would know that better than anyone here. It would take, well, because you don't have horses. Oh, no, you lost the horses. We've lost the horses. Yeah, it would take probably a week.

On foot, it'd be a week before we got there. Honestly, it might be faster to get back to Kuchari. Get horses? Yeah, get back to Kuchuri. Get horses? Yeah, get horses and then go on. Maybe I'll ask Piran. If we got back to Kuchuri, you could get us horses. It becomes increasingly difficult because not only have I already borrowed some horses,

but we're not returning with those horses. That's fair. But considering we recently came into a bit of money, I'm sure I could wrangle it. We still have... Yeah, we went up to Kutcheri. All of that. Yeah.

Just like leaving all that like a pregnant pause. We still have all of... You heard... You did something to Kutcheri. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We heard these screams yesterday. Well, I just point to the scarecrow, I guess. And he's like, I guess grab what you can.

Yeah. I head to Kuturi. Where's Tapos? Tapos returns after breakfast. We could split up. Like nod. Like some of us could head back to Valakai, see what's going on, and the rest could figure out what.

Meet up with Eleniel and Kribbit. Find out what's going on in Kootree. Speak, Eleniel. Tapos says, morning. Yes, yes, yes. I, um... Go find a tree, put your hand up against it, yep. You immediately feel Eleniel there, on the other side of the tree.

Do I feel anyone else there? Now that I'm aware... How busy is the tree? How busy is the tree? How busy is the line? I mean, yeah, you can be trying to pay attention, but it's not really something you know. This is not a magic you're very familiar with. Yeah, right.

So, unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do. Yeah, I can't understand. It took you a while, says yes something has dawned wow she's in a mood i've something else is in my mind how are things where are you we're on our way to valakai good maybe a bit over halfway at this point i've been trying to ride as fast and as hard as we can, but we've encountered a few people on the road and they wanted to hear

Kribbit play the dog. Did they bring a dog for that purpose? That's up to Hector. Fair enough. His reputation precedes him. Hmm. I think something is

dreadfully wrong in Valakai. We need to head to Kuchiri, and then we will send a few of us that way. Okay. Who's coming? Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over.

Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. I don't know. I'll let you know tomorrow morning. Okay.

She says. Okay. There's like a lot. It's very pregnant. She is also very pregnant. Yeah, that's true. But no, I mean, the silence is very, very pregnant. It's a telepathic communication and it's mostly just words,

but there is just a very, like the aftershocks of emotion as well. You rapidly experience a lot. Elenio just had a massive flurry of emotion. It began as just a little quibble of like, not gore of lush and place. But then there was, you briefly see Iona Murthsong's face, and then there's like, like a big, a lot of conflicted emotion. And then Elaniel, all right. And then she pulls out. When you do that, you have just a millisecond to comprehend what was going on with Elaniel.

And then alabaster. Alabaster skin and golden hair and then the extra hand withdraws. Alabaster skin. So it's Alabaster. Okay. They're on their way to Valakai. That's good. Somebody's going. Do you still think it's worthwhile

sending some of us? I mean, if anyone was to go, I mean, it's like I'm aware that we kind of left the father tongue situation. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Father tongue. Maybe I say as such.

I mean, we left the father tongue situation in Valakai sort of unaddressed. And that's sort of, mean there's more of your wheelhouse i yeah i guess if if we are to split up i could stay here and we still need to go to the the amber temple right yeah that sort of needs to be you too still need to yeah you can't really be in two places at once i mean i could go there but i don't know what i'm going to do when i come up against the father of old man tongue king king of tongues i mean that's you could tell me i guess but i've shrugged or we rely on but yender's the expert in this i we rely on eleniel and cribbit i say which you know we need to it's just a week's travel.

What would it be by horse? By horse, probably half that. So three or four days, depending on distractions. Yeah. Weeks travel on foot, half that on horseback. There is so much to get done in Kutru. We still have this. We do not know what's happened to Esmeralda.

There is still a tinkerer or something like that the gnome or the halfling that is being persuaded to work in the a shrug the abattoir there is the the king's god yeah there is iona yeah yeah there's a lot going on in both places and al alabaster, it wasn't a name. I thought it was a name. It's not a name. Sorry? The, whatever the entity that is listening in on the conversations. Alabaster. Alabaster.

I thought it was a name. It's a name I have not heard for a long, long time. It was my family name. But I thought it was a connection there somehow. But I have not gone by that since it was given to the church. But it wasn't that. It was skin. It was gold.

White skin. White skin and gold. Gold hair. White skin, gold hair. Does that ring a bell for me? Alabaster skin and golden hair does not sound like a Dark Places creature. No. Unless it's some sort of subterranean one you've not heard of.

Doesn't ring any bells. Does it, like, ring any bells for myself? Or is it, because I'm thinking, like, you know, is that, like, golden hair could potentially be, like, holy, right? Or is it very much, like, a feeling of not necessarily, I guess, like, evil or positive? Not actually really necessarily. There are a lot of sort of angels and deva that just most actually just don't follow that sort of guideline, if you will.

But there are also, sorry, devils and demons, which do follow that guideline. Tricky. So, yeah, it really doesn't actually mean anything. Okay. So, yeah, pale skin. Golden hair. Tricky. So it, yeah, it really doesn't actually mean anything. Okay. So yeah, pale skin. Golden hair. Golden hair. Either way, let's.

I don't know. How's everybody feeling at the moment? Oh yeah, everyone had a short rest. That is true. Did anyone have hit points from that short

rest? I don't think I did. I think I've used up all mine. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't. Let me check. Tarpos.

How are you going there? Oh, Tarpos has got a bit. She's going to use them all because she needs them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tarpos recovers 28 hit points. Nice. Nice. She's on half hit points.

Yeah. Damn. And Gorob Lushen have used all of theirs. Sweet. So what day are we? Yeah what are we at? I've used up all my hit dice Day 4

Hey we're getting there Adam I'd like to combine some angel feathers A malachite And some Roper tentacles The angel feathers and malachite for healing To double heal or whatever And then the roper tentacles, the angel feathers and malachite for healing, to double heal or whatever, and then the ropa tentacles for seeking, so that it

seeks everybody's specific wounds That is a strained version of the definition of seeking, so that's going to increase the difficulty, just letting you know. I just don't think I have anything else really that I could add to it that's going to make it stronger for everyone, so I'll just do that. Well, you can always add

water and then not use up that ingredient. Okay, yeah, well let's do that. Unless you, I mean, seeking will be a bonus, but it will increase the difficulty. Yeah, no, no, no, let's just use water. Let's play it safe. You succeed. You craft a basic healing. Grenade. Yeah, grenade. Everyone heals four hit points. Oh, well. Yeah, a basic healing. Grenade. Yeah, grenade. Everyone heals four hit points. Oh, well. Hey, that's something it'll do. I throw it at the ground in the wagon.

Pierron finally healed. Oh. I needed those. Yes, do you want to collect the, adjust it to the coins of Adam skewing out of the, what the hell's going on here? Do you want to collect the coins of Adam skewing out of the... What the hell's going on here? Giant scarecrow?

Yeah. See if there's anything else of value. Oh, yeah, can I inspect my pants? What do you do? So did I tell you what... No, I didn't tell you what they do? No. All right, so they have three charges, which are renewed at dawn,

and each charge gives you advantage on either a medicine or a nature check. Cool. I'll search the scarecrow in the rain just to see, you know, for loot. No, I know I can't get alchemical ingredients from it. Oh, and one more thing. Sorry. Also, with the leggings now, the effective armor you are getting from this is going up. So right now we're using hide armor as like a basic idea of how much armor it's giving you.

And you can now increase that to breastplate. So you get an extra two. That's awesome. Lucky duck. Lucky duck indeed. Obviously, you're not. Well, you are wearing a breastplate, but you're not literally wearing the breastplate armor. You're just getting the equivalent AC.

Prior, when somebody would whack you in the legs with a sword, it would hurt. Yeah. Now it dinks off the armor. Pretty much. Yeah, is there anything in the Mondo Defender? In the Mondo Defender, you unfortunately- No alchemical ingredients.

Yeah, between the razor hail and the fucking... Deforming hour, yeah. So, you recover, as I said, 100 gold pieces, 900 silver. Is someone writing this down? We're giving it to Piran, I believe. Okay, well... Piran can take care of it. I'll write it down, though, Adam.

Will I remember where I wrote it down? No, only one person writes it down, and it's Piran who's getting it now. Okay. Piran's welcome to it. 100 silver, only one person writes it down, and it's Perrin who's getting it now. Okay. Perrin's welcome to it. 100 silver. Oh, 900. Sorry. 100 gold, 900 silver.

That's so much silver. And 1,000 copper. Yeah, it's quite a lot. Gorub, Lushen, can you do me a favor? Yes, of course. You puny idiot. All right, all right, all right. Calm down.

I'm not Lushen. Carry this for me. Of course, a chance for a Wizard Supreme to show up the first barbarian. Well, wouldn't that be the first time that ever happened? Lushen gives a big eye roll and looks at you, Pip, as if like, check out this idiot.

Thinks he's stronger? Stronger than a wizard supreme? Don't look at me. I'm not on either of your sides. Gorub looks at you, Hector, and says, Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Look at him. He thinks he could be stronger than a barbarian, a first barbarian. I want to give like just no emotions, a very stone face. I'm just looking pointedly at the two dwarves being like, I'm going to go check on Iris. Turn and just go back into the upturned wagon. Oh, my God.

You encounter Iris sobbing softly to herself. She's rocking backwards and forwards and looking at her hands. Come on, little one. We're heading up north now. It's going to be okay. If I have a cloak or kind of just like wrap wrap them around her shoulders if i haven't already and just kind of try and get them to to move have they eaten anything like they've not eaten anything if you can um uh was there like some warm rat soup or something that

we've had over for breakfast do we have any strawberry tea left some strawberry tea left something i'm thinking something just hot. Yeah. Just to be like, I understand you probably don't want to have anything right now, but if you could please just have a sip. You are not going to be able to get Iris to eat anything. Okay. It's kind of a battle to actually,

no, you've unfortunately didn't roll very well. So this was a persuasion check if you would like to do something. She's not eating and she's not moving. How about a medicine check?

And I'll use one of my charges of my pants. What are you trying to do with the medicine check? Basically trying to figure out what is going on, if there's anything I can do that can persuade them or that I can do to try and get it. What a very...

Bad roll? Bad roll, yeah. This does not bode well for these pants. You got a one and a three, buddy. And your medicine is plus one. So this will be quite the fail. Do you have anything else? Could I do two charges?

Unfortunately not, no. That's a shame. That's a real bummer. I'm going to cash in this good boy card of right tool for the job, Adam. Oh, great opportunity. I have the right tool for the job. Realizing there's no way you're going to be able to get her to eat or move on her own, in the wagon you do a big, and you stand up,

and the back of your head brushes against a bit of fabric. It surprises you, so you turn around, and you see that there is a papoose. Okay, well, sure. Put on the papoose, and with as much care and as gentle as I can, I will try to get Iris into the papoose. She is very despondent, so you're able to quite easily get her into the papoose. She doesn't struggle or fight it really at all. And then you, yeah, probably tuck her legs and arms because they're longer than yours.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then you stand up and you step out into the rain. There's nothing else in the scarecrow, I say. We looked. Shall we gesture up the road? Yes. That's nifty, I say, gesturing to the papoose. Yes, found it in the wagon.

Yeah, that's good stuff. You make your way onwards. Encounter check! No encounters. You get to the Salenka Pass without any trouble. That's great. As you saw previously, it's the gate with the gargoyles atop it. As you approach, one of the guards steps forward. Highs or lows?

Highs. Yeah. Highs? Yeah. Highs? Yeah. Yes. The two guards, you can see, are both very, very flayed.

Yuck. Their chin and lips are completely removed of all skin, and you can see the muscle and sinew beneath. As you approach, Piran looks at the two of you. Or Piran takes a couple. Piran, no. Piran would have been in front to go talk to them. But he now lags back a little bit so that he's in between the two of you.

I don't know these two, and they look like fanatics. Does that mean they won't let us pass? They're probably not going to, no. But we pray to the flail god, the dragon. Are you saying we convince them? Yes. Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah yeah like last time

all right we had worked once before sure all right you well well then would you like then hector to take the lead i know you're the only one here who cares about gods but you're also the one who knows about gods yeah i know i just i took a step forward, and I'm now leading the party. Tough day for him. Yeah, dude. Tough week. Tough life. Yeah, well.

Anyway. Kieran whistles a merry tune. Hector, you approach the two gods. One of them stands forward And says Business Is it the Flayed God, the Flayed Dragon Or the Flayed It's many different names, Flayed God and the Flayed Dragon

Are both acceptable We're here to worship the Flayed Dragon Supplicants Yes I just sort of wait expectantly. They also seem to be waiting expectantly. What do I think that means? Both myself as Zamet and Hector are asking.

So does Zamet not know what the word supplicants means? Yeah, in this situation, what? So a supplicant is in a religious context the supplicant would be someone who's kind of like a pilgrim almost. But it implies a lot more deference to the God I suppose. Yes.

Yeah. The... We are that. Hector, they seem to be waiting for you to do something. Oh, my God. They want me to flame myself. You're going to have to flame yourself.

Oh. Press the digitation. Yes. Is that a cantrip? That is a cantrip. I would like to. Whoa, how'd I do that? Yeah.

Whoa, how'd I do that? Another good boy card with Prestation somehow being like in my mind. Uh-huh. Not under my breath. Uh-huh.

Reaching out to Penia anyway, and I'm like, Penia, I need your guidance and help in these trying times. And with that, mechanically, I'd like to cast either –

what's minor illusion? Is that a first? Yeah, I think that would be a first level spell. Is there any cantrip that's illusion? Or can I use preceded agitation? Don't know if – well, what's your goal here? Basically, I'd like to make it look like I'm flaying my fingers. Or a hand, or just one little tiny pinky.

Okay, I'll allow it. Okay. Four. You attempt to use prestidigitation to, you because prestidigitation can soil clothing. Yeah. You are wearing gloves. Definitely. So you reach out and make it look

like the gloves are stained with blood. Perfect. Okay. The two guards look at each other, look back at you and say yes, pilgrim. And then they gesture. Uh-oh.

Clearly this is what they wanted you to do. Uh-oh. To the seal of the flayed god. Uh-huh. Okay. Kneel. I kneel. If you don't remember, there is a portcullis or a curtain robber of green flames.

When you do that, the green flames part. Have we picked up any kind of like basically like, you know, and peace be with you. But for the flayed guard, while we've been around in Kutcher in any way, shape or form? Yeah, there is an expression. He is flaying to you. And also to Flay.

Flays to meet you. I'm so scared you're gonna get flayed, dude. It seems so oh my god. At least you kind of gave Penny a bit of forewarning. You're like, hey, I'm doing this. I'm not accidentally crossing your fingers behind your back.

I'm not suddenly worshipping the flayed god. Don't worry. We just got to get through this bullshit. Skin removed. Horrible. Kneel down, and as I stand up, skin removed. They look down at you. Or the one standing next to you, the one that stepped forward looks down at you and says, Skin removed.

And they let you through. Excellent. Skin removed to you too. Sliding back. Skin removed. Skin removed! Skin removed! Remove skin.

Okay. You proceed through the Salinka Pass. And past the gateway, there's no encounters. So you get safely to Kutcheri. Fantastic. Okay. What's the state? Honestly, it doesn't look changed from the outside.

All right. That's good. Excellent news. All right. Well, then I guess nothing major happened. You see on the road in, there is almost in the identical spot that you saw last time, there is a beggar. It's obviously not the same beggar. That person is dead.

But there is a beggar with a little cup for alms. And as you approach, Piran says, oh, this is a contact of mine. Hang on. Do we need to be not seen together, Piran? Or what do you need to do? It's okay. Well, it should be safe. Pyrrhon looks around.

He's made him a little suspicious. Okay. No, I think I'd rather you close to me if this is a trap. Pyrrhon, as you approach, you can see there's a piece of paper in the cup. Pyrrhon puts a coin in the cup and takes the piece of paper. And he unrolls it and reads it as you continue. He says, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Everything all good? Well, it's good news kind of after a fashion. Good news for me or good news for you? Well, it's good news for both of us. For all of us. But you're not going to like how it happened, basically.

It's like rubbing my snout. What now? The princess, she has a... I already knew this. She has a lot of... Well, we already obviously knew this. She has a lot of experiments going on, yada, yada, yada. A lot of them are with undead.

She's created a lot of little undead minions running around. She created the bog of experiments going on, yada yada yada. A lot of them are with undead. She's created a lot of little undead minions running around. She created the bogman, yes, yes, yes. Well, it appears yesterday she lost control of them. Oh, for good? Not for good. She has re-established control. Took a little while. A lot of people

died, but a lot of them were destroyed. And also it's caused a bit of chaos. So people are a little disquiet. But yeah but a lot of them were destroyed. And also it's caused a bit of chaos. So people are a little disquiet. But yeah, a lot of… What are we talking? How many died? Well, Kutry has a population of about…

A standing population of about 20,000, 25,000. Hard to say. There's not a lot of… Census. Yeah, census going on. I mean, I think I've probably done the first one Kutry's ever seen but anyway neither here nor there

anyway it would appear that about a tenth of the population died with more wounded but another good news is that a lot of it was centered on places that we already kind of needed to disrupt. The abattoir, where, holy crap, if numbers are to be believed, a lot of people died.

The abattoir, the general store, where there's a delightful, I was going to tell you about this, but there's a delightful little chap named Tiny tiny who is kind of like a god in the general store is some undead of some fashion i don't really know but anyway he went crazy and killed a bunch of people in the general store but now the owner of the general store uh the supply store sorry um lod yeah um uh well people aren't happy with him how does that benefit us well The supply store, sorry. Lod. Yeah. Well, people aren't happy with him. How does that benefit us? Well, because he works for the sheriff.

Sure. Okay. And any of them, did they survive? Oh, yeah. All of the power players are still around, unfortunately. It couldn't have been that. And I imagine the town guard would have been well sort of armed to deal with. Oh, yeah, the town guard for the most part are fine. But a few of, I mean, they did take a bit of a knocking.

But not many people that I was associated with died. So my power base has been largely unaffected. Also, we have a friend to meet. Yes. In the commotion as Merelda escaped. Oh, that is great news. She's in the cabin waiting for us. That's a wonderful story.

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