D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #4 Green Reunion

Episode Date: March 2, 2024

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Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, we are nevertheless marooned, trapped in this nightmare of my homelands, a place called Barovia.

While my people may come and go as we please, for you these mists are as voles and the vampire Strahd Von Zarovich, your warden. But fear not, for Strahd's heart may no longer beat, but it is still a good place to stab him. Hector, you approach the two guards. One of them stands forward. Business! We're here to worship the flayed dragon.

You proceed through the Selenka Pass and pass the gateway. There's no encounters. so you get safely to Kutcheri. Fantastic. Okay. What's the state? Well, it's good news, kind of, after a fashion. The princess, she's created a lot of little undead minions running around.

Well, it appears yesterday she lost control of them. Oh, for good? Not for good. She has reestablished control. A lot of people died, but a lot of them were destroyed. And also it's caused a bit of chaos, so people are a little disquiet. Also, we have a friend to meet in the commotion Esmeralda escaped. Oh, that is great news. She's in the cabin

waiting for us. That's a wonderful story. Let's go, let's go. You see the little trapper's cabin. There's a column of smoke coming out of the chimney, and when you get inside you see Esmeralda leaning back. Half of her face is covered in bruises, and the other half

is a bit pink and swollen. She's leaning back in a chair. She's got her good leg on the table and her bad leg no longer has the metal prosthetic. She has instead no prosthetic and she's just in one hand has a makeshift crutch made out of a broom. It's so good to see you. It's so good to see a friendly face. It is a welcome sight to see the two of you as well.

Glad to see you're alive. Glad to be alive. I was not certain it was going to go that way for some time. So much has happened. I sit down and try to... She gives you a broken smile. She's missing a tooth.

Right. I still have a pussed iris. She's missing a tooth. Right. I still have Papoose-ed Iris. Yeah, yeah. That's true. Oh, as soon as you get into the cabin, the Papoose falls apart. If you read the whole thing, the Papoose breaks when it's done. That's funny.

I pick up Iris and is there like a bed in the cabin or something like that? Yeah, there's a bed, yeah. I just lay her in the cabin or something like that? Yeah, there's a bed, yeah. I just like lay. You lay her in the bed. She curls away from everyone and just turns into like a ball, a shivering ball. You get a, what is that? When Esmeralda says, what is that? She begins sobbing. Her name is Iris.

Her name is Iris. That's Iris. Okay. Esmeralda says. Her name is Iris. Her name is Iris. That's Iris. Okay.

Esmeralda says. You could, I mean, she's not shown a lot of courtesy towards monstrous beings. At this, maybe I'm a lot more curt, like very much forceful and almost like just, it's just like, don't be a shit as Esmeralda at this point. It's just very poignant. No room for that, okay? I've been dealing with this over here. I don't need it from you as well. I don't need this in fucking stereo. Oh, I'm sorry.

Iris. Her name is Iris. Iris. She is Iris, yes. All right, then. I just sit down. You seem upset, she says. She turns to look at you with her now good eye.

Have you had a hard time? I think we've all had a hard time. It's not been easy, is there? What has happened to you? She says it very curtly, but it's, you know, she is asking. Say what you want to me. Just spare the child. What has happened?

Please. I've been in prison for some time. I know that at least. After we sent you to Kutcheri, we went our way to Valakai. Valakai was a time. The place is overrun by a couple of demons, as far as I can tell. We tried to stop them, but I don't think it... I don't know if it worked. These demons, what are

their names? You can't say them. One is the King of Tongues. That's like a million different demons. King of Tongues? King of Tongues, yes. The deal maker. Yes, they were trying to... We uncovered a ritual that they were murdering a lot of

people. They make with the tongues. They paint on the wall. We stopped them when we left. And there's a few other. So Akinin, the wizard who was part of the uprising several years ago, he's alive. He is alive. He's alive and him and we met a halfling

by the name of Yenda from our world. They were there dealing with the King of Tongues. They were trying to bargain with him or summon him to make a deal.

This is the other demon that you can't name? Yes. Can you write the name down? No, no. Can't even do that. One of those ones, yes. Many of these as well.

It rhymes with limerick, if that helps. Or sounds like limerick. Father. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Think of it as a daddy limerick. Don't do that. Don't give it another different name. You give another face, right?

Like another aspect to it. Pretty much, yes. I would know that, right? You actually might not know that. That's kind of more of a hunter thing rather than a cleric thing. You give it a different name, the name takes on the same power.

You get two guys sometimes. That one sucks. I've fought that one before. Yeah, me too. All right. Well, yes. So they were trying to make a deal with the King of Tongues to summon that, to free that, because that is currently sleeping underneath Valakai or in Barovia somewhere.

And if they can free that then it can go out. Right. It is this thing that we talk of is one of the dark powers, the dark entities of these dark places. Yes, we are. Emmanuel calls

the dark places. We uncovered a ritualistic knife. Yes, I am aware of the ritual. The amber handle and we thought maybe the amber temple, there might be a tenuous link as much as could be. Perhaps there's answers there. Yes, this creature absolutely is linked. As I said, one of the dark entities.

Did you purge the town of any electrum? No. Before we could do that, Valakai was then attacked by a lot of bats.

Oh my god. Yeah, there was sort of an assault on the town. We met another one of the guards volume two of dark places mentions uh esmeralda rolls her eyes bat nado yeah we uh there was a lot of bats that decimated the town. So we did that, unfortunately. As a sort of side effect of it, we made a geese. Well, I did not.

But Pip and a couple others. We met a frog who could play a dog. Long story. Don't worry. I'm going to just trust you on that one. We made a geese. And some of us, not Hector, but some of us aren't capable of going back into Valakai as a result of it. Shouldn't have done that.

Yeah, well. So I, you know, do you know the Dusk Elves? I know of. So we met one of the Dusk Elves, Eleniel. Eleniel? Yeah. Like, Eleniel. Eleniel? Yeah. Like, can... Okay.

Yes, currently she is pregnant. As Meralda leans back, whoa. So she has joined our cause after a bit of... Have strides? We don't know. Okay. Yeah. Whoa.

Jesus. we don't know okay I did punch the leader of the Dusk Elves Esmeralda laughs not my strongest moment it's my fault when we were parting ways I should have said not to do anything I would do

I chuckle at that so we left Alakai then we went to the do anything I would do. I chuckle at that. So we left Valakai, then we went to the... to deal with the ravens. I don't know if you know this, but there's were-ravens.

They're the ones... We fought a giant tree. We fought a giant tree that made its way to Valakai. Tree blight thing, yeah. Yeah. It, we had to see. You had to go talk to the tree and. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sing a song. Sing the horrible song. Yeah. I think you only need to say the last line. Don't quote me on that, though. It's not worth the risk. Well. It fell on Valakai as well.

Valakai's really gone through it, huh? Yeah, it's, yeah. So the tree, we defeated the blight. It fell on Valakai as well. Valakai has really gone through it, huh? Yeah. So we defeated the Blight. It fell on the town. And then we came here to Kuchuri. I felt, what happened to Orion? I felt something. It went. So I had a plan.

Pyrrhon laughs. Pyrrhon stops laughing when she says I had a plan. I had the plan. I had a plan. It nearly worked. So Van Richten, my old teacher, and a master hunter who would be invaluable use to us and also I care about him, I guess. Anyway, he… It's okay to… As much as his party disagrees, it's okay sometimes to have emotions, to share them. It's guess. Anyway, he... It's okay to... As much as his party disagrees,

it's okay sometimes to have emotions, to share them. It's fine. Anyway. That's what people say. Anyway, Van Richten, he was here in Kuchuri

and the last thing anyone saw of him, he went to the Amber Temple. But the Amber Temple is verboten, not allowed to go. Unless you get arrested or you make fun of the things. Yes, yes, yes.

My plan was to take Orion because if I was arrested, I was afraid they would take my items. And then I would not stand a chance without Emmanuel, without my weapons, yada, yada. So I would take Orion. And my plan was to, Pyrrhon finishes for her, ride just through town and then charge up the steps with a horse. Up steps with a horse. Shouldn't have done that, I say. I probably should have said don't do anything that I would do. Well, I was captured.

Yes, almost immediately I was captured and Orion was taken with me. Piran whispers under his breath. It was pretty cool. So you were taken to the abattoir, correct? Yes, I was taken to the abattoir, to the

upper levels. So you do not know what is in the basement? No, I know nothing. I saw very littleattoir, to the upper levels. So you do not know what is in the basement? No, I know nothing of the... I saw very little of anything, to be honest. I have my suspicions that it might be a... What, a fled dragon? Under there. Fucked up, as Merelda says. I hope it isn't.

Yeah. I think it is, though. Are they worshipping something? No, I mean yeah you okay well we've met another

like pull out the the tarot cards well we've we've met the jester I know of the king's guard don't know about this one I just

the jester Iona? yes Iona love her she's great yes fond of her as well

yeah you would wouldn't you? We went and dealt with some hags. What sort? Well, it was kind of a combination. I explained, you know, that there was a sort of coven. Morrow and Dusk? Dusk, yeah.

They work well together. One of them, you already know know this but the Dusk Hag has a curse that gives you insatiable desire and then the Morrow Hag can grant wishes after a fashion. They work well. She had a bunch of puppets.

Esmeralda gives you a look like she's been through it as well. We both got puppet trauma there are a lot of puppets now in the woods oh there's puppets fucking everywhere Esmeralda says any tiny nook or cranny a puppet

can get into anywhere a rat can get a puppet can get and a rat can get everywhere sorry it's a rat did I ever tell you i found sorry no no yes one fucking time yeah i had uh as a little girl i had a doll right and i saw a puppet one time that could change its shape to a childhood toy oh that's no good it took the shape of the dolly at first i did not know what was happening.

Next second, I'm a fucking puppet. Wait, did it know? Has it seen your dolly before, or did it just know the one? It just knows. It knew the one that... Oh, I don't know. To be fair, I killed it. It's that shape.

It's like, oh, these are a lot worse than I imagined. She says, four months. It's no good. Too long. Yes. The world is different when you're a puppet. So much puppet drama.

I don't know. There was a group of Vistani that Iris was traveling with. One of them turned against the others and made a deal, I guess, with the hag. She was taken. They tried. I guess, with the hag. She was taken. They tried.

I guess we've stopped them mid-transformation. Do you know anything that might be able to turn her back? Turn her back? No. That is a shame. Esmeralda, Hector, you look away for a brief moment, and Esmeralda looks at you, Pip, and there's a very – Well, I think, Jackson, you know the look Esmeralda's giving you. Yeah.

Is it a look kind of like there's nothing we can do and this is only going to get worse? Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a look like there's only one way this is going to end. Pip, like, kind of, I don't even know what the expression back is but Pip gives you an expression of like, we gotta try kind of like a, well... Yeah, Esmeralda... Oh, get a good boy card, nice

Esmeralda rolls her eyes Pip, there's like a bond between the two of you that she doesn't have with any other... Well, actually, something about the energy you're reading between Piran and Esmeralda is charged with, like, there's something there. You don't think it's anything romantic, but you think they're like...

They're kind of like friends, almost. Yeah, you think there's like a... Definitely when Pyrrhon stepped into the cabin, you saw, you spotted that both of them looked at each other and were like, oh, thank God you're here. Okay, interesting. But yeah, there's like the same sort of professional respect yeah she has with pyrrha and she has with you and vice versa anyway you're giving her the good hunter to her bad

hunter yeah yeah being like we we gotta try yeah you see she rolls her eyes as best as she can and then she takes her boot off the table, looks at you Hector and says there may be a way to reverse what has happened it is not easy though no, nothing ever is it will be perhaps the most strained

alchemical concoction I have ever created. What do you need? I need angel blood ok now I've ever created. What do you need? I need angel blood. Okay. Now, we don't have angel blood, she says, but we do have an eczema. Great thing about blood, Hector, is it comes right back.

Oh, there's like, yeah, no hesitation. It's like, okay, and just kind of like... We're not going to need a drop. We're going to need a lot of blood. Her blood needs to be only angel blood. How long will it take? A day, a week. I'm going to give it 80% chance never. Do we need to.

What are blood transfusions like in your world, Adam? Do I know if I can... It's a very experimental technology. It does exist. Vein into me, like a little tube into her, kind of that. If you are the sort of person who might go to really macabre medical shows, you might have seen a trick that some types of gnomes perform where they will transfer

the blood from one creature to another creature and then show you how either some properties can transfer like that or just how they survive. Survive the process. It might be something that you've seen before but only very

under very strict circumstances. Would that have made it down to candle at all? It definitely would not have made it down to candle. You would have had to travel to see it.

So I don't think I would know about it. Well, then you've never heard of a blood transfusion. So it would be very much like, okay, well, do you need to take a little raise?

I will need tubes. I will need a few rubber tubes. I will need some needles. I will need… So it's not a spell. No. No. But I…

Do you need to collect it over a period of time? What will happen is I will take her blood. I will… It is called a process called exsanguination. I will take all blood I will it is called a process called exsanguination I will take all of her blood out

and I will put your blood in her there's a lot of steps though when I take her blood out obviously she might die what we will need to do

is chill her body down almost completely to to the point where her heart stops beating. Fitch will make the process of exsanguination difficult. All right, yes. There will need to be a lot of holes in her to get the blood out.

If there is but a drop left, the process will fail. If she dies, the process will fail. Then we take your blood and put it in her. We will need to fill her with your blood, and we will need to stop it from coming out the holes that we just made. We magically will... No, if magic touches this at any point, her symptoms will progress. Have you cast any magic upon her so far?

No. Any magic that touches her will progress her symptoms. Then, once your blood is in her, over the course of perhaps a day, a week, or 80% chance never, she may get better. The hag's little laboratory. Would that be a good place to do this?

Before it burnt down, maybe. But it wasn't the basement where the lab was still okay? Oh, true. Yes. No, that would be a good place, yeah. Okay. Is there a time limit? You still know the bet, though. The hag, I say, had a sort of basement where she was performing ookie-dookie experiments.

If you're going to do it anywhere. She might even have some tubing. Did I see any? I mean, like, I wasn't really looking for that at the time. You can't remember. There's the Salinka Pass where they had the werewolf. That's true. It's just sort of more, you know,

we don't want to be interrupted is all I'm thinking. But then at the Haig's house, we'll be interrupted by puppets, which is a way less enticing prospect. They're still going to Kuchari, see the chaos that has happened, see if we can find the king's guard, see if we can find Aeona, see if we can find this mechanic. Right.

Deal with the abattoir, deal with the Amber Temple. And when we leave, you head off to Valakai. I will go down to the... If we cannot do it anywhere here, I will do it in the... Hag's Basement. You go up to Valakai. You do that. If it is successful, I still need to help Tarpos with what she needs to get done.

Right. Valakai is a decent survey. Okay. May I suggest instead of doing that immediately still the split up plan but myself and pip will take the girl you oh and that's right you need to come yeah well fuck i guess yeah i think it might be the only no you're probably right if especially if it's how long will

we don't this exsanguination exsanguination and re-sanguination how long will that is it how long will it take

depends how good I am at making the holes at least an hour yeah okay okay all right well within maybe we can then

all go to Valakai together if all of this i point out kutcheri is successful nobody casts spells on her in the meantime and hopefully we'll be okay do we intend to go to uh wait what's the order of events dealing in kutcheri but and then uh going to the amber temple is so kutri, Amber Temple, the little girl? Little girl Velika, yeah. Okay.

All I'm saying is Van Richten might know better than I how to do this. So if we go Amber Temple first, Van Richten potentially can help us. That's a bad idea. How do we get to the Amber Temple then? What do you propose? Perrin steps in. I've given it a bit of thought after her failed attempt, and I think I know an easier way. As I said previously, getting arrested would be a very good, quick way of getting in.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Now, I can have a, one of the, I can ensure, basically, that we're given our equipment when we arrive. It's just the getting arrested part. And currently the town is in a little bit of chaos, so. What would you recommend for getting arrested? Well, we're going to need to do something big. If we get arrested and if we still need to speak to the king guard. Yeah.

And we still need to get into the abattoir. Do that afterward. Will that not be a giant target on our back if we've made a ruckus? It will, yeah. Yeah, wow. Make that more difficult. So the idea, I'm just brainstorming in the back of my head. But if we were to.

So the sheriff, as I said previously, works with Princess Ludmilla. And they're kind of their own little thing. Quite untouchable in their own little ways. But the burgomaster is still a big name okay bit of a mover and shaker and it would be disruptive enough if we killed them that we could get what we wanted uh is there a i don't want to be just like executed. So is it like an ensured sort of exile to the Amber Temple? We're not going to do something so extreme that they just go straight to a hanging. Killing the Burgermaster is big enough that they can't let it slide.

But because we'll basically have done them a favor, they just can't say that, they probably won't just outright kill us. They'll at least think it over and in thinking it over, they'll probably send us into the Amber Temple. Not a big fan of the word probably there. Well, the alternative is, as Beralda says, we charge.

Well, let's go with the original plan first. Go down to the Kuchuri, see what is there. Seek out Iona, seek out this Kingsguard. All right. Seek out this engineer. Now, I think I'm best served staying in Kuchuri. I think I'm best served staying in Kuchuri, where I can continue to work all these different angles that I've got going. You coward.

Yes, I suppose so. And I guess while we're doing this, you can at least scope out the Burja Master. Wait, what do you mean scope out the Burgermaster? No, no, no. When you kill him, just assault the manor. You need to be captured anyway. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, let's head to town. Alright, we'll head into town. It's probably night time by now.

Are we heading to Perrin's safe house? I know we didn't say we were. You could if you wanted to. Go straight to Pavel, but now Mathilde's house. Yeah, I guess what's the game plan? I guess we need to kind of, because I figure we need to. You have a conversation on the road.

Yeah. No worries. Yeah, like, got to seek out Iona. We got to get the Kings, like, see what the Kingsguard is up to, and then see how, like. Get my leg back. Yeah, that's on the list. It is on the Kings, like, see what the Kingsguard is up to, and then see how, like... Get my leg back? Yeah, that's on the list. It is on the list, yes.

Well, look, you and Iona seem to have a rapport. Iona and I don't. So if you want to take Iona, I can try and track down the member of the Kingsguard again. I know what he looks like, and the rest of us don't. Esmeralda, are you going to be noticed around town? Oh, almost. Almost definitely, Perrin says.

Should we digest you for a cowl up? Or should you stay actually perhaps back at the cottage? Is that cleverer? There's a moment of silence. Esmeralda doesn't say anything. And then Pyrrhon cuts it.

Yes, she should. Yeah, just because if you're going to draw attention, we're going to, at least for now, try and fly under the radar, Esmeralda. If that's not a problem. Esmeralda as well. The last time Pip and Esmeralda spoke, it wasn't friendly. No, it was not. Esmeralda rocks from her leg onto her crutch and then back onto her leg and then back onto her crutch.

You can see she's antsy. She doesn't want to go back to the cabin. I think it would be best if I were nearby should something happen. Yes, could you, I guess, is there any way you could lay low around town, but also to not be seen? I can lay low, she says. Pyrrhon laughs. Pyrrhon grabs his own mouth and laughs into his hand.

If you could lay low, Pyrrhon, perhaps find out what is happening if you need to. Esmeralda and I can go in one direction. Perhaps even look around, see if we could get into the abattoir. A little bit of controlled chaos. He doesn't seem to be listening to you.

Yeah, it's good. It does feel at times like this party gets well out of our control. We've got too many people. We've got too many playing. Yes, sure. We can go investigate the abattoir with some of Esmeralda's knowledge. I'm sure we might be able to probe some defenses a little bit better than I might otherwise. Investigate the Tinkerer, find out who the hell that is. God, I hope it's not Ludmilla, but, you know, do some investigating there. And yeah, I'll head to Vagabond.

Yes, we will investigate Ludmilla. Piran seems excited. Pyrrhon seems excited if we were to I guess cause a ruckus and say assault on the abattoir is that enough to get us sent to the temple? I mean

I would call it likely but I feel like the Burgomaster is a better guarantee. I know I know I know but if we needed to both we'll be back tonight is a better guarantee. I know, I know, I know. But if we need to do both... Right, sure. We'll meet back tonight.

It's night time now. Midnight? Okay. Would you know it's midnight? Great question, Adam. When the moon's in the middle of the sky. How about we just meet... How about we just reconvene

at a certain point back at Pavel's, I mean, Mathilde's house. All right, we'll do that. Vagabond's probably still popping off, right? What happened to Pavel? Esmeralda looks over at Pyrrhon. I'll furnish you on the way. Turn around and look at Gorub and Lushen and Tarpos, who are still with us. Gorub and Lushen are having a hushed conversation with each other.

Yeah, I know. It's unusual. But, I'm not Esmeralda. Sorry, Tarpos is just standing around awkward, looking at this new person. You can see Tarpos is making a point to stay as far away from Esmeralda as possible. Okay.

Would someone have stayed with Iris? Looks like no one has Well I know I wouldn't have just left them there You're all standing outside Oh no We forgot about Iris It's home alone

Well maybe we would have left Tarpos with Iris then Alright Well Tarpos seems glad to not have to talk to anyone That's what I'm thinking Yeah yeah yeah Keep her out of the city You're literally standing outside the cabin You look over at Tarpos You tell her not have to talk to anyone. That's what I'm thinking. Keep her out of the city. You're literally standing outside the cabin. You look over at Tarpos.

You tell her to go back inside. She nods. Okay. And she goes back in. Do we want to leave Gorob and Lushen? Oh, never mind. Bad boy card for Adam. Oh, cool.

Do we want to leave Gorob and Lushen with? Always. Yeah, Tarpos as well. They're too loud in town. We can do this solo. All right, you turn around to Gorob and Lushen, and you see they look over at you, and they say,

We'll stay with Tarpos. That's an excellent idea. Great idea. Yeah, really smart. Just like a moment of pause, look at each other, eyes lighting up. Yes!

Great! Yes! Yes, yes. The two of you at the same time realize you missed something. Gorb and Lushen in their hushed conversation, something very important happened and you missed it. I don't care. It's of no concern to Pip.

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all semester long. Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. All right, well, we'll head inside Couturey and then reconvene at Mathilde's, you know, once we've either succeeded or failed. All right, see you all later.

Grabs Esmeralda by the wrist and drags her towards Kuturi. A couple of moments. Now let's part. Alright, I'll head off to Vagabond. Okay. Wait, are you both? I guess we'll also head to Vagabond because I'm assuming

that it might be where Iona is. Yeah, alright, cool. I wasn't sure why you were... I thought he was going to go to Iona and I was going to go to V right, cool. Okay, yeah, cool, cool. I wasn't sure why you were- Well, I thought he was going to go to Iona and I was going to go to Vagabond and look for that. Well, yeah, I was saying- But if Iona's in Vagabond too- Well, you don't know where Iona is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Anyway, you arrive in Kuturi. You, what- I know this might not seem like a big deal, but there is a north Gate and a South Gate. Which would you enter through? Whatever we're closest to. Which would be the closest?

The North Gate is closer to... Oh, you'd be closer to the South Gate. Well, then the South Gate. Well, then the South Gate, yeah. All right. So be it. The gears of fate tighten. Oh, no.

I hate those guys. You're heading up the road towards Vagabond, and you pass by, just on the way There is the Burgermaster and the Sheriff's house You pass in between them They're literally two large manors Almost facing each other You pass in between them

And as you do so, highs or lows? Highs You hear A sharp whistling noise. You look around and wandering down from the Burgermaster's house are several of the town guard. You can see they are flayed, all of them. Okay, cool. Can I just flip my hood up to kind of provide myself some anonymity and try and not be noticed?

Are they walking? They're walking towards you. Towards us? With intent? Yes. Ah. That's not good. Also, like, how close is Vagabond from where we currently are?

Vagabond? It's a straight shot north. You'd be going through the markets, though, which actually, no, they'd be quite empty and open right now. But would we have to pass by the flayed guards to do so? No, they're coming at you. So imagine they're coming at you from the east. No, sorry, from the west.

You are facing northwards, heading northwards. Are they? As they're walking, like, pulling up the hood. No one else is around, right? It's just us. The streets would be quiet at this point, yes. How would they know? Why would they be coming? Yeah, it's just the two of us. Yeah. So no one else is around, right? It's just us. The streets would be quiet at this point, yes. How would they know? Why would they be coming?

Yeah, it's just the two of us. Yeah. So no one else in the street. No one else. Not that you could see. They wouldn't. I mean, they're coming from the Burgermaster's house? Yeah.

So I want to establish as well, the Burgermaster and the Sheriff's house, while there's no one else on this street, you can see lights on in both of those houses, and any sort of commotion would attract attention pretty quickly. I don't know if you were trying to think about, if you were, if the gears were turning in a motion of let's fight our way out of this. No, it was more of can we get lost in a crowd or be like, let's pretend we don't listen to them. Like keep walking. Is that the plan to keep walking them. Like, keep walking. Is that the plan, to keep walking? Yeah, to keep walking initially,

so we can have a quick little conversation of... And at least get into the marketplace where there might be stalls we can hide behind or whatever. Yeah, it's like... We didn't do anything last time we were here. With the Burger Master? Crack! Like a flashbang grenade,

a loud pop and a flash of light occurs right in front of you. The split second before that happened, you heard from the direction of those guards, you looked away for a moment or whatever, or you were purposely ignoring them, I should say, actually. You heard a thwang, like something being launched out of a slingshot or something like that. And then the explosion happened in front of the two of you. Both of you need to make constitution saving throws. Uh-oh. You both pass.

Okay. That's good. And then you hear the whistle a second time. Halt! There you are! I stop. I maybe like spring to go. You can go if you want.

I stay where I am. I am surprised. There are six in total guards. They begin slowly fanning out. It starts to semicircle, but they're slowly surrounding you. The gears of fate. Something about our offices. Thoughts are semicircled, but they're slowly surrounding you. The gears of fate. Something of matter, officers? The lead one speaks.

As he speaks, because he has no lips, drool cascades down his chin. Is anything the matter? What is your name? They all of them have batons. One of them, the lead one, sorry, I should say, he does something with the baton and you hear... Oh, no. It's making some sort of electrical noise.

Durack Hardcastle. How's all those? How's? Okay. And Hector, what name do you give? Jacob. Get a good boy card. Nice.

The lead guard puts his baton underneath your... Oh, do you also have a hood? I have put it up, so yeah. So you've got a hood kind of obscuring. The lead guard puts his baton underneath your chin and tilts it upwards so that your hood falls back. Jacob what? Do you have a surname?

Adventurer, he says, looking you up and down. Do I think he's saying adventurer, like, ironically? Or does he genuinely think Hector is an adventurer? The two of you are dressed like adventurers. It's not a hard guess. That's okay. Yeah, that's good, honestly. My father was a stonemason, so I guess a stonemason So I guess a stonemason Or mason

What is your business in town, Jacob Mason? We heard this is where adventurers go to rest And you, hard castle? Yeah What is your purpose? Same thing We're just looking for somewhere to rest our feet He steps over, pushes the baton

underneath your chin and does the same thing. Pushes it up so your hood falls back. Is that a crime? No, but there is an ordinance. People are not allowed to be out at night. Well, we were unaware. I'm so sorry.

Clearly you are unaware. But the other night, the dead crawled from the graves and attacked people. It is dangerous. Oh. Is that so? Oh, yes. Are they still out there? Who knows, the guard says.

We best get inside as quickly as we can. Wait, wait, wait, wait. There is so much more to discuss first. Don't worry You're safe now The guards all laugh I don't think that's true Maybe just patch or miming

Thank you so much for looking after us We appreciate it Are either of you obviously armed? I mean, it's hard to hide a heavy crossbow Yeah, it's hard to hide a spear crossbow. Yeah, you've got a heavy crossbow. Yeah, it's hard to hide a spear, I guess. Well, you don't need to. It's not easy. You summon it.

That's true. The guard taps your heavy crossbow, Pip. I want to see this. Okay. It is unstrung? Would it be? No, not really. Well, Pip, not Pip, sorry, you're Pip.

Yeah. Pyrrha never mentioned anything. There is, this is a, you would have experienced this sometimes. Some cities have like a local ordinance where if you have a sword, it must be tied into its scabbard. I assume that when I was in Vagabond, I saw enough like old adventurers with. No one. You've not encountered anyone having their sword tied or their bows unstrung. That's what I mean.

There would have been enough people with weapons that I would be like, nobody gives a fucking cootery. Yeah. Well, actually, hang on, let me quickly roll for the two of you. Both of you, when he says about this local ordinance, you realize you're just being given a hard time. Okay. I take

the crossbow off my back, and at the same time, I'm like, if there's a fine we need to pay for being out so late, given the ordinance, of course we'd happily pay it. And I hand him the crossbow. I'm trying to bribe him, Adam. Sure. I want that to be heavy with meaning. I'll give you advantage on that, actually.

Oop. It is five silver per offense. He is five silver per offense. Unfortunately, I say, and I'd like to reach into my alchemy pouch and pull out an amethyst. I don't have any gold on me. I hope this will do. He takes the amethyst. How nice is your heavy crossbow?

What a loaded question. I think, honestly, it would probably be pretty bad. Because I've had it since I was a little kid, basically. It'd be like one of those, it's like, oh, it's like a 13th century violin. That has been used to shit. Yeah, exactly. It's probably, you can tell, has had like some of the wooden elements of it have been replaced over the years. The brass or whatever connecting things is worn down. The guard takes the amethyst and then throws you back the crossbow.

Thank you. You should unstring it now. I'll do so. I'll deftly unstring it. As soon as the string is off, the guard, the lead guard that you've been talking to, nods slowly. And Pip, you feel incredible pain in the back of your head. Uh-oh. You get hit in the back of your head. Uh-oh. You get hit in the back of the head.

You take five points of damage. Fuck. And a bold forwards. Oof. See to it that we do not catch you out and alone again. Certainly not with a strong weapon. We'll make sure of it. Have a good night.

We apologize profusely. They walk away. Ow! Yeah, well, I got hit in the back of the head. I'm not awesome. Maybe we wait till morning. This perhaps makes things better in the light of day. I don't even know if the supply store or whatever the hell it's called is open at this hour.

We need to go somewhere. If we backtrack, we're just going to get hit again. That's true. I guess, yeah, best move. Look, let's continue on our way. And if we're stopped again, we can say we're going to the inn. That makes sense. You head into the fine end. Can I string my crossbow again?

Yeah, sure. Of course. Because I think they were just hustling me. Absolutely. There's, of course, no law like that. What I find rude is that, you know, we give them what they want. Yeah, I gave them a whole amethyst. And then they still hit you?

Why? I don't know. I mean, to prove a whole amethyst. And then they still get to, why? I don't know. I mean, to prove a point, I guess. Highs or lows? Root. Highs. Highs? Yeah.

Lows? Lows? Lows. Lows? Yeah. All right. You step into the fine end. Okay.

Is it, oh, good. I'm glad it's open. Yeah. Oh, it never closes. Ooh, it's Bigfoot Paul in here. Well, I can reveal, at this point, I can reveal you shouldn't have changed. I tricked you into changing. Both of you look around and neither of you can see that knight.

Okay. The member of the Roy Clunge. The Roy Clunge Guard. The Roy, now I can't fucking say it. The Kingj Guard. The Roy Conj Guard. Now I can't fucking say it. Roy Conj. Roy Conj Guard. The Roy Conj Guard.

Roy Conj Guard. Well, have we already asked at the bar about the guy? I believe you have. We're not doing that again. I know. I just don't want to. How many times do you want to get hustled? Look, is Aeon around anywhere?

Unfortunately, you really shouldn't have changed. Aeon isn't here either. I mean, they have to live somewhere. Luckily, though, Bigfoot Paul isn't here. No one you know is here. Aeon isn known around town. Is anyone looking friendly enough in this?

Regretfully. Everyone looks mean. Everyone looks mean now. I'm going to buy a boy card. That's a shame. What good boy cards do you have? An author they can't refuse. Trade a bad boy card of your choice for a good boy card of your choice. Okay. We got a bunch, dude.

Do you have any short rest ones? Yeah. Adam, please. Benefit of a long rest on a short rest. We got a bunch, though. Learn if an NPC is lying to you. Learn if an NPC is lying to me. Regain hit points.

A couple of death saving throw ones as well. These are pretty useful. We might move an extra five feet during your turn. This I would say is less useful. But it could come in handy. We get these two which are pretty cool where we can change the damage of a weapon we attack from, it could be Infernal or Holy with this card

or Fire or Cold with that one. I'm gonna give you complete reversal. Turn a critical miss into a critical hit. Oh, nice. And I'm gonna take that short complete reversal. Turn a critical miss into a critical hit. Oh, nice. And I'm going to take that short rest one. Oh, well. There we are.

Yeah. Goddamn. That sucks. We always save that for a rainy day. We should have used it. Should have used it straight away. We should have used it the moment we got it. We're dumb as fuck.

We should have used it just when we arrived in town. You know what? Yeah. Oh, well. Yeah. There we are. If there's nobody friendly in Yeah. Oh, wow. Now, here we are. If there's nobody friendly in the tavern, maybe it's a wash.

I just go up to maybe like anyone who is drinking and just be like, hello, I'm new in town. I'm just wondering, do you know where Iona is? The person looks over at you. First off, two things. No, one thing that you notice. Then you hear a second thing as he tells you something.

Oh, nice. But the first thing you, Hector, notice that typically in a tavern, there's a bit of merriment, a lot of talk that goes on with the drinking. Very quiet. Oh, yeah. It's a very depressing situation. Oh, yeah, everyone just got got, huh? Yeah.

Okay. Well, no, actually, it's always like that. It's always like that. Oh, never mind. The got, huh? Yeah. Well, no, actually it's always It's always like this. Kuchuri is where adventurers come to die. These people have been drowned into a fine fucking paste by Kuchuri. Yeah, so like, excuse me, sorry to bother you. I was wondering, do you know where I own

a... The person seems upset to have to talk to you. You quite clearly have picked someone who, as probably a lot of people are here, you've picked someone who is quite clearly trying to drink themselves into oblivion. Fortunately for you, this also happens to be a person who knows where Iona is. That's good to know. Civil linings.

Iona is somewhere in the eastern part of town. You'll find her going from house to house thank you very much i appreciate that do you know where i'll butt in while you're giving out information there was a fellow at the end of the bar wearing a cantonese uh he was a member of the kong jong ji i forget the name of it it's a french word sorry it's a Cantonese word. I do not know. Conjonji. He's a king's god. King's god.

It is. I just like describe. You give a description of the sigil, yeah. Well, which Pip quickly adds that there was also a laurel wreath underneath it, which is not part of the sigil that you know of. That's slightly different. Yeah. Anyway, the guy shakes his head and says, I don't know this person.

Thank you very much. Yeah, well, thanks for your help. Let's head over to... Well, I'll head over to... Maybe I'll stay here because he'll be getting out of the abattoir, right? Like, we... Probably not.

Anyone who... Any... The shift is already passed over. Okay. So he's either currently working on the abattoir or probably maybe at home. Maybe at home, okay. Well, I don't want to talk to Iona.

So I'll say, well, I'll post up here. He might arrive at some point during the night. We'll see what you can find. And it's warm in here. So, yeah. And maybe I'll ask around. I'll head out east. Okay.

See you around. I'll go, is there a fire? Yes. A fireplace. Yeah, yeah. Is this place on. Is there a fire? Yes, a fireplace. Is this place on fire, Adam? There's a fireplace. I'll go stand over by the fireplace. There's a bunch of other people huddled here, quite clearly just trying to capture whatever warmth they can.

The fire does not have a lot of logs upon it. Hector, you head eastward in search of Iona. Highs or lows? Highs Highs Yeah Yeah Lows Nah

Alright, well, you spend an hour searching But you don't bump into anyone else That's good Highs or lows? Highs Which one? Knowing I got a hundred or one Oof Oof, dude Highs. Which one? Knowing I got a hundred or one. Oof.

Oof, dude. Highs. You don't bump, you unfortunately don't bump into Iona, but you coincidentally did get highs. So rather than finding Iona, you stumble upon the man, the member of the Roy Clonge Guard. I wouldn't describe him as an adventurer gone to seed. I would describe him more as a very handsome nobleman who has stopped caring about his appearance. He's wearing a, you can see the shirt,

the little insignia on his left breast pocket. You can see, other than that really nice shirt, his clothing is pretty classic to Barovia and Couturier in specific. It looks bedraggled and awful, but the shirt, something about its luster remains. What are they doing? He's just walking. It doesn't look like, well, he's walking with purpose,

but you couldn't tell where or from where. Cavendish. Cavendish. He stops, turns around to you, and tries to focus on you in the darkness. You can tell he's a little inebriated. Who's there? It is Hector, one of the Knights of the Cloth. Knight of the Cloth.

A what? Paladin. You're one of the Kingsguard, yes? He stops. Not that he was moving much. Well, he stops swaying as much as he was before. You see that he's becoming very quickly sober. Who told you that?

I just pointed at a sigil. And it's not what I've got a wreath underneath it, but that is the Roy Conj Gerd. He straightens up a little bit and shifts his jacket to cover that sigil. I'm sorry, friend, but you must be mistaken. You recognize his accent as well. His accent marks him as a noble from Blue Beach. Someone probably connected to a very wealthy family. But you're from Blue Beach.

I'm sorry, friend, I've never heard of that place. He turns and keeps walking. I kind of jog after him. No, no, no. But you are from Kandle, yes? Briefly. Why? I too am from Kandle.

Uh-huh. Well, it's always a pleasure to meet someone from the old home country. He turns around and shakes your hand very quickly and violently. Anyway, I simply must be off. I have taxes. What do I know about the Kingsguard in that basically what I want to try

and do is do something that he will basically, like, disarm me to kind of – I want his training to kick in. That's awesome. All right, all right. You know the Roy Clonge Guard are horsemen, first and foremost. They are expert mounted combatants, and part of that is one of the most scary things that a mounted combatant can experience is being de-horsed,

to be knocked down. So if you attempt to push him to the ground, that is probably the closest thing that's going to happen here. Okay. So while he's shaking my hand, I'm like, oh, well, it's so nice. I've only ever come close to someone who I think is from the Roy Klondz guard, and I want to grab him, put my leg behind his leg, and try and trip him up. Hell yeah.

You successfully trip him. He hits the ground. He hits the ground. Tunk! Well, I was honestly expecting your training to kick in. I don't know who you think I am, but I promise you I'm not him. I get down, and I'm like... Hector, you promise you I'm not him. I get down and I'm like, Hector, you see

he let you trip him. Ah, I don't know why. Would you like a drink? I thought you'd never ask. He says. I put my hand out to help him up. He accepts your hand and gets up. Cavendish was your name, yes?

John, please. Like, you don't, just John. Nice to meet you, John. I've, around the courts, I've never heard of the Cavendish name. Anyway, Hector the Beautiful. He stops for a second her to the beautiful as in of Fairburn Point yeah I mean that's what

yes we went to the we went to Fairburn Point for the helm you know a helm no I don't know the seal no the what myself with Sir Grace Helm? You know a helm? No, I don't know that name. The seal? No, the what?

The word myself with Sir Grace. Do you know of Sir Grace? Yes, I've heard of that name. Sir Grace the Terrible. No, he was... The tyrant of Fairburn Point. Tyrant of... No, no, no, no. No, he was... The tyrant of Fairburn Point. Tyrant of... No, no, no, no, no. No, he was... With the...

Whatever you call it. The far thing. Far thing? Whatever. I don't know. He turns and starts walking in the direction of the tavern. Right. No, I'm... So you've heard of me? Well, no, I've not heard of you,

but I know of your family. Hector the Beautiful. Yeah. My family, as in my parents. Oh, my... Oh, no, I'm just kidding. So this is Barovia. Though you...

This explains so much, really. So time works differently here. Right, yes. You understand. Yeah, of course. You're from my past. So you know my... how I get out. I don't remember exactly.

I mean, how old? Do you have a family now? I mean, I've got parents, but I don't have. You have parents? Do they have any other children? I've got a sister, yes, but they didn't take the alabasters. I don't have the dockets of lineage here exactly. So I don't know, but you have a family, yeah.

They were stonemasons. Uh-huh. Maybe. I don't have the docket of lineage. I understand that, but they're stonemasons. I mean, as much as my father kept going on that their work was important, I've never really known of a stonemason to go down in history. Well, I mean, it's not like it was a sudden thing.

I don't have the dockets of lineage here. I just know that you are a little famous, I suppose. You know, your family does quite well. I mean, I've been to the summer home. Briefly, you understand. Fairburn Point is not, I mean,

it's a, I don't know what it's like in your time, but in my time, it's not nice. You're saying, sorry, I don't mean to,

I mean, it's your people's home or whatever. But my people are not, my parents are not from Fairburn Point. Aren't they? He says.

Who's your king? King? Aren't you the king's guard? No, I'm a republican guard. You don't know the word republic. What does that mean? What is a republic? It's a... Right right because you're old so uh i i mean there is a queen currently but um she's not like in charge Oh. It's a group of people who make decisions based on the needs and wants of the people and things.

And the queen, I mean, she's involved in the process, sure. And you're not from Blue Beach? No, I am from Blue Beach. Okay. I was just wondering if names had changed. No, no, no. It's still a thing. Okay. He sounds disappointed.

He does sound disappointed. Oh, right. You're not a fan of Blue Beach, I take it. I'm not a fan of Kandor. What's happened to Kandor? What's happened? What's happened? I mean, it's been like thousands of years.

A lot has changed, actor. Sorry, did you like thousands of years. A lot has changed. Sorry, did you say thousands? Yes. So in my time, your family is like multiple thousands of years old, generations and generations and generations. And over time, your family becomes – I don't know if I should be saying this. Your family becomes like a noble house. Right. House beautiful.

Because I'm I've been going by Dragonsbane, Hector Dragonsbane. Well, I mean that's one of the names, you know, all these people, they get famous names and what not. Your family name is Mason though. Yes, yes.

Yes, it's the Mason line, lineage. Right. You worked with White Stone. My father was Graham Alabaster. But very few anyway. It's not important. So the tyrant, Grace. Yes.

What happened to him? what happened to him? Just be such a historical footnote at that point. It's been a long time. There's a lot. I mean honestly I could tell you more about the Necro Wizard than I could about how he

ended. Did his daughter, Tiffany... She shrugs. I'm sorry, the historians failed to mention Tiffany. Did you say Tiefling?

Did you mean to say Tiefling? That's what we call them in our time. No, um... Yes, she is a Tiefling. Anyway, please, buy me a drink. That's what we call them in our time. Yes, she is a tiefling. Anyway, please, buy me a drink. Yes, of course. Yes. We'll see you next time. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget.

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