D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #5 Easy Retirement

Episode Date: March 9, 2024

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At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands. Friday. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Far from the beautiful beaches of blue sand of my homeland is a place called Barovia, the place we now find ourselves. While they may look very different, one thing is the same, the sensation of being surrounded.

We cannot leave this place, this disgusting barony of one Strahd Von Zarovich, at least not until we usurp him and take the throne for ourselves. Careful, though, Friesen carries a heavy price in these parts. You don't bump into Iona, but you stumble upon the man, the member of the Roy Clonge Guard. Cavendish was your name, yes? John, please.

Hector the Beautiful. Hector the Beautiful, as in of Fairburn Point. So you've heard of me? Oh, no, I'm just saying So, this is Barovia Though you This explains so much, really So time works differently here Right, yes

You understand Yeah, of course You're from my past Anyway, please, buy me a drink Yes yeah of course you're from my past anyway please buy me a drink yes of course you get back to a fine end yep

I don't think I spoke to anyone I just stayed by the fire maybe when you come in it's like you've sprung me not doing my job and I'm like uh hey to the person next to me

have you seen oh uh never mind you found him yes it's um it's John to the person next to me. Have you seen... Oh, uh, never mind. You found him. Yes, it's, um, yes, John. John, this is my... How do you do?

I was going to approach you the other day, but I got punched in the back of the head. I'm Pip Mandarin. Oh, I saw that. Oh, did nothing. Bigfoot Paul. Yeah. Well...

No, no, I get it. I don't know how well you know Bigfoot Paul, but he's one to hold a grudge. Pretty well. I know him pretty well Hence the random beating I guess it wasn't so random That doesn't strike me as Paul

He's not a random violent sort of person You need to deserve it Big old softy Anyway Drinks? Capital Like a table table like a booth we can take

yeah sure can we order some drinks and you get a round of overpriced drinks of course we do I'm assuming we grabbed a couple of like

handful of gold or whatever before we left Purin yeah well no one mentioned that but

sure I think I still have some gold just to make things how much gold would you have taken probably at the very least I need think I still have some gold. Just to make things a little... How much gold would you have taken? Probably... At the very least, I need a number.

I have 125 gold on me. I would have said 20. 20? All right. Well, just add 20 gold to your character sheet. I've got 125 gold in my socks. Minus? It'd be, I'd say, like, eight silver, which is quite overpriced.

Oh, yeah. It'd be quite overpriced for average beer, but you're not getting average beer. I'll slide in and place them down. Yes, we'll start paying that off. Yes, it's John's expensive

swill. Very much so. Oh, don't I know it. At least you're able to pay in gold and silver. I'm paying in company coins. Do you have any idea how long it takes to earn them and how little they're fucking worth? I've heard about that. So you're, yeah, he's from Candle.

Oh, fantastic. Got another one for the pile. That's good. He's from Candle in the future. Right, so this is Barovia. No, I get it. You're displaced. Nowhere around you.

I've been here four years, so I get it. Oh my god. Have you been outside Kuchery? Yes, I spent the first two years running around. Got cards, I say. He rummages around in a pocket

and pulls out three cards. Sets them down in front of you. The picture is long since faded into nothing. It's just a white square where the picture once was. You see the jester, the horseman, and then the third one is

the sword. Jester, horseman, sword. Yes, what I've got, I just pull out his. You. Oh, cool. Yeah. A bit plop into. Oh, God.

Then I'll take a drink. So what happens in the future? How is it? Everything going good? Well, I'm like from very well in the future. I don't think there's much I could tell you. No, it's just idle curiosity. Well, this is apparently news for you.

The king is no longer an absolute monarch. We have a republic. I see. That would be a word. You're a bit more traveled, so you might know that word. The gnomes have a republic. Like the gnomes. Yeah.

That's an interesting culture to take from. But, yeah, fair enough. Well, yeah. At the mention of the gnomes, you both spot that John seems to get very kind of cagey. Like there's something uncomfortable about that for him. Is something... No, don't ask. Well, it's good to finally meet you, I guess.

Sure. Look, I guess I want to get out. Good luck. I spent two years trying that myself. I hope I do not spend that long. Well, I know it's hard to believe, and I was skeptical at first as well but uh whereas destiny seemed to fail for the rest of us it's working for him so oh make of that what you will yes i was the horseman i found my horse i got the sword um

didn't do the third one and uh eight years went by yeah i didn't do any of one and eight years went by. Yeah, I didn't do any of mine. I thought Bigfoot Paul was one of them, but I don't think so. Why didn't you do the third? I don't know. I kept trying. Two of his literally fell into his lap.

Most of them have. How many do you have? Like, what, eight at this point? Eight? My word. Flaming suns. Nine. Yes.

That's obscene. I got three things to do. You've got nine. Good luck. He's actually got more than nine, I say. Well, you and I think an engineer are the only ones I haven't gotten. You've got this one. You put his one down on the table.

I put his one down on the table. He reaches across and grabs it. This one? Yeah, that's you. He picks it up and tears it in half. Best that you forget about this one. He sets it down on the table and gives a little tap. What would it take for you to accompany? What have you done in Barovia so far?

Well, we cured a group of children of werewolfism. We defeated a tree blight. We defended the city of Valakai from a batnado is what she called it. Apparently. A batnado. I've never heard of it. I wouldn't know either. We've rescued a great wizard.

We've defeated a mass comma watery. Yeah. And every kind of hag. We went up against Esha, I believe his name was. Survived. Sure. Well, it sounds like you've got this under control. I don't think you need me.

I've done not nearly as many things. I've only done the... I did the noble thing. I was a little... I did a little knighting here and there. Obviously, the Roy Clonge guard. Then I was a murderer and a thief for a little while, a bit of a scallywag. Silversmith, mercenary, pirate, crusader, farmer,

and now I'm here. And I think this one is the worst one, but it's also the easiest. it's also the easiest. And I think, for my retirement, that's what I want. Something easy. This is easy? I just just like the bar, the saddest bar in town.

The only bar in town, but the saddest one, nevertheless. Hector, living is hard. Doesn't need to be. Sure. Outside of Barovia. Fading away, there's nothing wrong with that. You were one of the Republic guards. Where I was from, that symbol meant something.

Where I was from, that symbol, you made an oath, you had a pledge. It wasn't just given away, it was the best of the best. It was to see them in action, to see their formations was an impressive sight to behold. And now I am sitting across from one that I would have heard stories of you if I was a younger man. And that's what it comes down to, just the wish to fade away. Well, that's the thing about stories, Hector. They always end. Yes, but you could have a good ending. He shrugs.

You want to hear a good ending? This one will make you laugh, he says. But he looks at you, Pip, not at you, Hector. to hear a good ending this one will make you laugh he says but he looks at you pip not at you hector he stands up and turns to the bar and calls out the gentleman over here is paying drinks for fate cards as john cavendish leaves you are inundated card after card after card. We're not going to be able to pay for all of this. No, no, no, no. We don't have the gold.

No, no, no. It's not that. It's trying to placate everyone giving me cards. The crowd's a bit mad. Oh, yeah. So let's give this a red hot go. You got anything for a persuasion check? No. A skill? No a persuasion check? No.

A skill? No, we do not. No, he was lying. He's lying. I'm not doing that at all. The crowd's getting mad. There's a tab, I say. We've started a tab.

Get a good boy card. Hell yeah. You are no longer welcome at this bar, but you get out. I was like, yes, there is a tab. And I gave her 20 gold and just put it on the table. Oh, I'm sure that'll cover it. That's all I have. I'll put down 20 gold as well of my 125 that I forgot about.

All right. And the two of you leave. We'll slip out of the bar. You can, just in the darkness, make out. Because it took you a little bit to force your way out and alsoip out of the bar. You can, just in the darkness, make out, because it took you a little bit to force your way out and also to placate the crowd. You can see the slinking form of

John Cavendish in the darkness. You could choose to chase after him if you wanted. Even if you try, I might put a hand on your chest and be like, maybe we whiffed this one. You know, you can keep trying and you can keep trying,

but you might just push him further away. Let it simmer. Madame Eva said I needed to put a fire in his belly. Need to find out more information about that man. What makes him tick, I don't know. Why he would, I guess, want to come out of retirement. Yeah, well, you know, fading away at a certain point, Hector, is pretty appealing.

I know that. I understand that. Yeah, just so you do. Let's head back to Pavel's. I mean, Matilda's. Now you're doing it. Or are you going to go find Iona? You go back. I'll keep and look at Iona. Oh, split up. I'll head back to Matild's.

I was so scared when you bumped into John that Iona was going to come in the bar. I was going to be like, no, that's not what I wanted. I'm trying to avoid you. Highs or lows? Let's go with highs again. And knowing I got 101, highs or lows? Let's go with highs again And Knowing I got 101

Highs or lows? Lows Highs Highs? No, lows Lows Lows Lows

Lows Lows Okay So the two of you split up And Hector, without too much trouble You find this time Iona Ah, great Meanwhile Oh, goddammit So without too much trouble, you find this time Iona. Ah, great.

Meanwhile. Oh, goddammit. Well, well, well. I'll whip around. Out of the darkness like they were fucking thugs. The gods materialize. It looks like they were in an ambush position. God damn it. I thought we told you that you should not be out that night.

I'm just trying to find my way home, okay? The second infraction is worth way more than the first. What's around me? There's buildings to your left and right. There's the path going in front of you and behind you. Okay. There is...

There is a stack of crates of unknown contents on your left hand side. And on your right there is a wagon without horse. Okay. The wagon has a taut canvas over the top of it.

There could be something inside. Could not. Okay. The second time around, the fee is much more expensive. How much more are we talking? They look at each other and you hear a laugh from one of them. How much do you have? How easy is it to quietly make a concoction, Adam?

I would say actually impossible. What if I'm like, let me just open my wallet and then I bend down and like squat between my legs, unclasp my little alchemy satchel, and then start rummaging around, but inside I'm making something. I would call that sleight of hand at disadvantage and also negative two. Okay. Do I have anything to help me with that? No. Okay, second question, Adam. Uh-huh.

The common stones I have, right? What? That's part of my alchemy set. I have a bunch of common stones. Oh, right? What? That's part of my alchemy set. I have a bunch of common stones. Oh, right, right, right. Now, on their own, are they just a gem? Yeah, on their own, they're just a gem. Damn it.

A quick alchemy requires at least three items. Yeah, that is fair. I don't think I'm going to be able to make a potion on the fly. So I'll do the same thing, though. I'll run down, I'll reach in, I'll pull out. Fuck. Is it worth just trying to bribe them again? I don't want to become public enemy number one.

How much is an amethyst worth? So much. It's worth a bit. And they took that and still punched you in the back of the head. I know, but I could try and flee, but then the next time they find me, it's gonna be even worse. Uh, alright, well, maybe I reach

into my alchemist pouch and I pull out another amethyst and I'm like, well, this is the last one I have. I'm sorry. And you have nothing else? I have, I'd like to, like, reach in and pull out some hounding killer hands. I have 33. I've got some hands.

Upend the backpack. You don't want me to upend the backpack. He means not the alchemy pouch. Yeah. I don't know what would happen if I upended them all. Would I make a big fucking combination? One thing would happen. All right.

I'll upend my backpack. All right. Do you have any other precious stones? Not in my backpack. They're all in my alchemy kit. Okay. But I would have some gold, I guess. I'd like those silver arrows.

Yeah, I got some silver arrows. They'll take the silver bolts. They'll take the money. All of them? Yeah. They'll take the money, and they'll take that amethyst. The silver bolts are so useful. God damn it.

Fine. Maybe I can get Piran to get them back for me. Whatever. Although he did go to a lot of effort to get them for me in the first place. As they're sorting through your stuff and taking your valuables, while you're kind of crouched on the floor, maybe you're on your hands and knees, that lead guard with a heavy boot puts it on your hand

and just starts slowly applying pressure. I've got more bolts, I say. Would you like more bolts? I've got far more valuable bolts than the silver ones. The boot relaxes a little bit. Okay, fuck. I would like to reach into my... I think they're probably going to beat the shit out of me.

It's not worth it. I would like to reach into my pack, Adam, and pull out my five fine lightning arrows. Uh-huh. Then I'd like to just hurl them at the ground. I could get out of here in that, whatever explosion that causes.

Okay, highs or lows? Highs. Highs? Do I mean lows potentially? I don't know. Highs then, yeah. Highs? Alright, this is not what they were designed for electricity reverberates back down your arm

and then you spew forth out of your nose, ears and mouth electrical energy you're gonna hurt people in an area, but it's centered on you. Yeah, I am the core of that radius. Damn it.

Damn it. You make your saving throw. The rest do not. Or the other two do not. You only catch two others in the aura. You deal 13 points of damage total, so you take half, so you take 6 points of damage. And they both take 13.

You're on 2 hit points. Okay. Fuck. How come this keeps happening to me? Why do guards come for me all the time? Oh, I know. I'm generally unlikable. Let's go to initiative. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. They would have just shook me down.

I just would have had nothing left. All right. Pip, that lead guard, standing over you with his baton, he brings it down onto your head twice. Okay. That'll be a miss and a hit. Well, that's me, I assume. Pip, everything goes black. Okay. Well, that's me, I assume. Pip, everything goes black.

Okay. Well, wait. I regain hit points equal to 1d10 plus my level. Maybe as I careen into the ground, my alchemy pouch opens slightly. A little bit of angel feather just slips into your mouth. Oh, God. You accidentally inhale angel feathers. You recover 14 hit points, and you just took four,

so you're on 12 hit points. All right. Good stuff. It's your turn. Okay, I would like to... There are buildings on either side of me, yeah? Yep. I'm getting out of there. I'm going to climb a drain pipe.

Let's get on the roof. So you can either get to the building, start climbing next turn, or you can get to the building, start climbing, but take attacks of op. Two attacks of op? Yeah. Ten hit points. They're wielding batons.

Yeah, let's risk it. Okie dokie. First attack, a miss. Second attack, a hit, but you're almost guaranteed not to be downed by this Oh, unless You take three points of damage Okay Alright, I'll scamper up a drainpipe

Do you have a climb speed? Yes Alright, well, yeah, you find the nearest building And because of the drainpipe You're immediately able to start climbing your way up You can get up onto a building this turn, I'd say. All right, fantastic. The guards down below you, highs or lows?

Lows. Two of them take out crossbows and fire at you. Oh, come on. Missed. Hit. Oh, they keep doing that. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

You cop a crossbow bolt to the back of the thigh. You take seven points of damage. You're on two hit points. Not dead yet. Not dead yet. What would you like to do? How far away

can I get along the rooftops? Can I jump onto another rooftop from here and then another rooftop? Or are they kind of houses in a line where it'd be really obvious where I went? How's Lowe's? Lowe's.

Lowe's? All right, you're in a particularly dense section of Kutry. So yes, you could hop from building to building and pretty quickly lose them. Being up where you are, you're afforded a much better view, a much better lay of the land.

And also, you very luckily have picked a house where the fence connects to the buildings on either side. So to follow you, they don't need to just go around this house. They need to go around the next house as well. Okay. All right. Well, yeah, I'll try and get myself as far away from the guards as possible. If there's like a big chimney I could hide in even, you know, once I'm far enough away.

You can certainly try. Yeah, yeah. Would you like to? Yeah, why not? Got anything for a stealth check? No. Alright, you climb into what you think is a big enough chimney. Oh, no.

I hate that what you think is a big enough chimney. Oh, no. I hate that what you think is. That's the worst. And you instead become stuck halfway down the chimney. As in, you are half in the chimney, half out of the chimney. No, like a failed Santa Claus. You can hear the of heavy bootfalls of people running around searching for you. You see you're on a first story or you're one story up basically. The house next to you is two stories up and there's a little balcony on it.

Standing on the balcony, just having just spotted you, is a woman quite clearly trying to beat a carpet. She locks eyes with you and then looks away and keeps beating the carpet. Thank God. Thank God. That's what I was hoping for. Oh, thank God.

Thank God nobody wants to draw attention to themselves in Kooturi, you know? Is it my turn? Yeah, what would you like to do? Can I just try and pull myself down deeper into the chimney? Okay. You manage to. you hear the, so this chimney would have a, at the top of it, at the lip of it, there is a ceramic little accentuated piece.

Okay. You break that neatly in two, but that was what was stopping you from getting into the chimney. Perfect. You're now in the chimney proper. I mean, there just would be fire at the bottom, which is not a big deal. Not a huge deal for me. But the smoke is kind of an issue.

Also, if I'm plugging the chimney, does that mean the smoke's hitting me and then going back out the grate into the house? Yeah. Whoops. Okay. You can hear, still, you can hear in the night, people running around, and then the beep, beep of the whistle. Oh, no. All right, I'm going to slide down the chimney into the fire. All right, get a good boycott.

You land neatly with your feet on either side of the fire so that you take no damage, and then you roll into the building. Highs or lows? Highs. There is a... This is some locals, or it's not part of Vagabond, so they're not adventurers here.

It looks like two family units living in the same house together. You can see that there is a man and a woman in the kitchen area preparing a dinner of sorts for both families combined. There's a bunch of kids with some very... You've seen most of the toys in Barovia are made by a man named Blitzy. I know about the toys. The toys look absolutely abhorrent. It's the most awful-looking little dolly.

It looks like Bloody Mary. And a boy playing with soldiers that are corpses. Good stuff. There's a few older kids as well. One of whom is reading a book. All of them stop what they're doing when you land in the room. Merry gnomesmas.

It's me. It's me, Father Gnomesmas. What do I have to give these kids? I pull out some of the garlic I have And I'd like to hand them each I have five garlic cloves I'd like to hand them each a garlic clove Alright, there would be five kids in total

Thank God Nobody's going without I get a bad boy card As you're doing that, you hear the sound of shh-ching. And looking around, the man has moved from the kitchen to the fireplace behind you. And he's taken out. He doesn't have a weapon, but he does have a fire poker. God.

He swings at you with the fire poker. Okay. Fortunately, he's not a fighter by any stretch of the mark. So you are able to neatly duck underneath the blow. What would you like to do? We're not really in an issue. No, I know. I feel like you're bound by what you can do in a turn.

I'm going to pull out another amethyst and be like, you never saw me and hand it over to him. Buy something nice from the store. Hand it over to him. Buy something nice from the store. He takes the amethyst, lowers the fire poker, and gestures in a direction where there are exits to this room, but they don't look like they're exits outside. Just into, like, internal corridors.

Yeah, other internal parts of this house. He gestures to one of them, and you take that to mean that's the way out. Okay, I take the door. All right. I've imposed on this family long enough. You move into a hallway, and you take that to mean that's the way out. Okay, I take the door. All right. I've been posed on this family long enough. You move into a hallway and you immediately see the front door. Okay, great. I will wait in here because there's still guards outside.

That just seems clever, you know? The man, you see he moves to the doorway and he's just regarding you very cautiously. I'll be ten minutes, I'd say. guarding you very cautiously. I'll be ten minutes, I'd say. You can't hear, you can hear the whistling in the night, but you can't hear it coming from this street. Okay. Well, do I know how close I would be to Matilde's?

To Matilde's, you wouldn't be terribly far. Yeah. You reckon, well, you know that you're really close to a wooded area, which is right before the gate. And then Matilda's just outside. I could probably hide in the wooded area. I'll thank the man. Thank you. And then I'll duck out the door and head to the woods.

You slink out the front door, and in the darkness and in this wooded area, you can make it to the gate. The gate is guarded. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I will just hide in the woods it to the gate. The gate is guarded. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I will just hide in the woods and watch the gate and just wait to see if there's any, like, changing of the guards or any moment where I might be able to

slip out. If not, if it takes, like, I'll give that, like, an hour. If that doesn't work out, I'll just, uh, do you reckon with my climb speed I could climb over the wall? The wall would be very easy to climb from the inside, but from the outside you might need to just jump. It's too smooth for a climb. Hmm.

Hmm. Running out of amethysts to give away. Meanwhile. What happened? You find Iona. Iona. Iona. how are you? I am well, how are you?

I'm okay, I heard there was an attack on the vagabond while we were out There was an attack on all of Kuchari Dead, springing forth from all sorts of places The church was overrun It's a... Chapel is not much of a church. Well, we found the Vistani that were waylaid. I have some good news and bad news, and then I guess worse news.

What would you like first? I will take them as they come. Best first, worst last. Good news is there is a survivor, a little girl. But the bad news is she was experimented on by whatever attacked her family, which were hags. It was hags. So she's alive. Iona takes a deep breath and lets it go. Hi, it's Fido. breath and lets it go. include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over don't wait our back to

school offers are only available for a limited time go to fido.ca or a final store near you and save all semester long fido at your side she's alive she's um at a cabin uh we know of a way to maybe help but it is risky but we'll do our best but the hags are dead it was a coven it was tall branch ones and one that dealt with deals

I believe that Ludmilla was dealing with the main matriarch of them all she was experimenting on I think we've fought it once, the monster of kinds that was

part werewolf, part undead and also part hag. I think she'd been working with that particular hag for some experiments and whatnot. Sorry I couldn't do more.

We tried to bring back their bodies, but we were attacked by, I guess, yes, bog men. Bog men? Zombies. Zombies, yes, these are the words that we use in Kuchari. It seems that one of the Vastani was kissed by the hags that cause wanting or desire attacks to the others. I am aware of this, the insatiable desire curse. Yes.

I'm sorry. I tried to do as much as we could. But hopefully the hags won't bother anyone again but um yeah there are things here uh do you know much about uh john john cavendish i know the name um he's a local around town well i suppose he's only been here for maybe coming on a decade at this point but so i guess this does not make him local, but he's worked his way into the foundations of this place as well as any adventurer ever can.

Okay. I think he'd be a worthy individual to join our ragtag group, but he seems not to care. Very few people here wish to care. Wondering if you might have known anything about him that might help in any way, shape, or form? I am aware that

he was once a man of means. I know this. I am aware that before he came to Kuchery, as most adventurers, he railed against the bars of this place. But as most adventurers, he was unsuccessful. I know that he came here with some other people. There was a group of them.

Oh, really? I know little of these other people. They did not survive to make it to Kuchari. All I would know is that their bones lie somewhere within the boundaries of Barovia. That is something. I'm sorry I couldn't save all the help of the Vistani, but maybe we can help this...

Her name's Iris. Her name's Iris. Her name's Iris. Her name's Iris. So, I guess if you still would like to join my cause, I would be very welcome to have you. I find myself as the celestial bodies, drawn to anything with enough gravitational pull.

That is good. A quick question, actually. Do you know someone by the name of Eleniel? She stops for a second. I knew of this person. How did you know them? We met about a year ago. There was an uprising. I'm sure Pip refuses to tell you about it. Shockingly, no. He's told me a lot about it. Oh, really? Very lucid

about it. He doesn't mind, does he? Oh, after a while, I came out. I think I learned a lot more from other people. Yes. Well, if I was in his position, I would not have said much at all. Of course, I would not be in his position simply because

the pain of other people affects me I think it affects him too just in a different way in a way that doesn't stop him from stopping it unfortunately no he's a weird guy

I do believe there is good in everyone Unfortunately, no. He's a weird guy. I do believe there is good in everyone. And I hope that he's learned from his mistakes. I hope the same, she says. In a very measured way. That sounds very convincing, dear Iona. So you served with Eleniel. We fought alongside one another, yes. And we became close.

I would even say, I would go so far as to say, things between us became romantic. Right, how did it end? Iona stops. Well, this is all water under the bridge. They are no longer with us. Right, because you don't know. You!

No, they are. Sorry. They are alive. Iona stops. I'm... Would you like to go somewhere private? I don't know if I'm... No, I think I would like to go somewhere public right now.

I need a drink. I am going to the fine end. I don't know if I'm technically welcome there. Do you have alcohol on you? Not right now. I'm sure we do. I will see you later, she says. Here, take this.

And she hands you the… If you recall, she had the card that was you. She hands you that card, and as she walks away, the magic on it stops, and it turns into a regular playing card. You have heard of this game before. It's called Fruits and Suits. It's not like an Ace of Spades sort of thing. It's the Six of Pairs.

Right. Seems everybody wants something, eh? Tuck that into my pocket. Right. Seems everybody wants something, eh? Tuck that into my pocket. Okay. Do I do something reckless? Yeah! Go on. Where's the abattoir from here? Oh my god, that is reckless. It's quite close. You are probably on the main road right now, so you looking eastward along that road, you can see the imposing presence of it up close now.

In the darkness, there's lights illuminating it enough that you can make out its form. You see, now that you're studying it closely, it doesn't look so much like an abattoir. It looks, well, I think you maybe already knew this. It's a cathedral, or it was once a cathedral. You can see the noticeable the bell tower or the belfry you can see the obvious structure of it resembles any sort of large cathedral you might have ever seen you can see from this distance the lighting illuminates what was once regular dragon motifs carved into the front of this building but which have now been

perverted into some sort of other fell thing. The regular dragon visages have been changed or smeared with blood and grizzle in such a way, either from the natural works of the abattoir or

perhaps by some people who an enterprising citizen. Some certain enterprising citizens have reinterpreted this motif to be that of skin, flesh, and headless dragons. Okay. Okay. I'll start meandering towards it, just observing, like, who's around, what's going on. You can see there's a line out the front of the building.

The doors, the heavy oaken doors are slightly ajar, ajar enough that a person can comfortably walk through. And there's a line of people coming out. And then the building is on a hill. The hill has two distinct natural, not natural, sorry sorry unnatural rises to it this hill the cathedral or abattoir now sits upon is quite obviously man-made made on purpose to place the cathedral now abattoir in a position of prominence perhaps defensiveness as well it might have been part of some sort of defensive uh structure like Anyway, there are two natural rises,

both of which look like they would make it very difficult for a bunch of people riding horses to charge the building, basically. Interesting. Okay. Yeah, that line of people goes down those two rises and then into the city proper. You can see there are a bunch of guards around here as well walking up and down the line all of them have batons you see every now and then they'll drag someone out of line question them and then put them back in the line or sometimes often worse

they'll drag them out of the line give them a beating for some unknown reason and then they get put back in the line. No one resists. The people in the line look to be a mix of local people from Kuchery and also adventurers, just anyone desperate enough for a job. And you can hear from inside the abattoir, you can hear the sounds of various different machinery operating, and also the constant squealing and agony of animals dying. Seeing the number of people that are going in and sort of seeing the abattoir itself and maybe the constant sounds and I'm like, I'm trying to figure out production.

And I'm like, have I seen people eat a lot of food around Kuturi? Nope. Thought not. When people are eating or if people are to eat, what are they eating? Because there was the thin soup. That's true. That we've seen. So have I seen anyone eating a lot of meat is my question.

You have not seen an abnormal amount of meat consumption in Kuturi. The abattoir doesn't stop, right? Not that you've seen. Certainly during the daytime it is always belching smoke. Yep, and it's currently very much almost like, you know, middle of the night as it were and it's still going. Okay, cool. Okay. Now,

making, I guess, a religious check or like maybe adding some things up. I guess religious math. Whatever they're slaughtering, does it seem to be able to go or like maybe adding some things up. I guess a religious math. Okay. Whatever they're slaughtering, does it seem to be able to go out of the abattoir? You don't see any production.

You can see that at the base of the hill where the line sort of begins, there are big pens where lots of livestock are currently being kept. The livestock are kept under lock and key as well. There's a lot of security at this part of the facility. And you can see there is a, if you're looking around, you spot this, there is a conveyor belt, which is probably technology you've never seen before,

but so that you know what you're looking at. It is a conveyor belt where animals are led onto it and then tracked up and into the building, but you see nothing coming out of the building. If you do this, which is kind of like a lap around the abattoir, as you're doing that, every now and then, under your feet, you squelch, squelch, and you look down, you're standing in guts or gizzards or stomachs or just piles of muscle.

And the dirt here is so soaked with blood, so saturated that it is red. All right. So things I know is there's something underneath the abattoir that is potentially, I think it is a dragon. They are harvesting a lot of meat, a lot of blood, a lot of sinew, a lot of everything. Animals, as it were. They're not necessarily keeping it all as there are now lots of offcuts and littering the ground. Does it look like it's coming like it's like laid on the ground or it's like from the ground up almost? Or is it just all mushed in?

Yeah, it's been so sodden and so many people have walked through this area. It almost looks like these are the mud's intestines. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Okay. In any sort of, I guess, religious indoctrination that I've had when it comes to dealing with – Don't call it indoctrination. God, he is.

Yeah. I'm buff, you know. Yeah, yeah. Like with any sort of, yeah, religious indoctrination that I've had, which is kind of like, you're a smear, you need to go and fight demons, devils, et cetera, et cetera. Any sort of like dark rituals, I'm like, there's a lot. They need a lot of this. Combine that with, I know, like, you know, the king of tongues

and father Limmick and anything like that. I'm like, does this seem like in theory if you've got a lot of animal parts or a lot of death in one particular, like concentrated in one thing, what does that do? That's a very big question. The idea of a lot of suffering and pain happening in one place causing evil to occur or allowing evil entities into the world, that is a known quantity. That's already something well established. The idea that it could happen that anon, there is a lot of debate and questioning over the existence of souls for non-sapient, I think the word is, for non-sapient creatures. Do they have a soul?

It's not really something easily measured or understood so could the deaths of lots of cows pigs chickens and stuff like that also do this sort of stuff it is some some scholars would say yes some would say no as for any sort of entities that require the sacrifice of livestock i mean a lot, to be honest. A lot of entities want sacrifices of any sort. To this scale, though, I'm guessing, is what I'm understanding.

It's like, oh yeah, you sacrifice a goat, you sacrifice a chicken, you get to talk to some little imp who's gonna be like, yeah, don't worry, I'll fucking kill your mother-in-law, it's going to be great. Is this like an industrial scale version of that? Yeah.

There's no entity that you know of that requires sacrifice on this sort of an industrial scale, but if it were being done for a specific entity, that entity must be getting quite powerful at this point. Yes. Yes.

So you don't know of anyone specifically, but whoever it is, if they are getting sacrifices to this level, that's a lot. That's a lot of energy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then it's also a former church, which is also why I'm like, yeah, that's true.

It's just kind of a you know industrial scale desecration too yeah yeah there is definitely a lot of this this place is definitely charged with energy yeah yep yep yep in the fucking shadow of the amber temple as well it's there's a lot going on here okay speaking of the amber temple where's that at from where i'm at i think i described this when you first came to kuturi you looking up you can't see it in the nighttime but at daytime you would know that kuturi sits on a for lack of a better term kind of like a k2 sort of platform so imagineacchus has two separate peaks. One is significantly lower and flat.

That is where Kuchuri is. Then if you look to your, it would be south. If you look to the south, you can see there is a much higher peak. In the darkness, it's almost impossible to make out, but you can't see what's on that peak but what is on that peak has been described to you to be the entrance to the amber temple okay there is you have seen this as well there is a long winding switchback path single file not big enough for a horse you would need to traverse it on foot but there is a single switchback path that would go the entire way up thinking about that now actually not big enough for a horse you would need to traverse it on foot but there is a single switchback

path that would go the entire way up thinking about that now actually not big enough for a horse man esmeralda did not think about it no okay uh and i guess yeah okay uh looking towards that switchback path um how guarded is it how like could you sneak up that way? Could you... Yeah. You can see there are flames marking its path about halfway up, but then they stop. You don't know how well guarded they are. It's too far

away, and in nighttime, it's impossible to see. All you can see is the fires that illuminate the way. Right. Is that about to go rogue? Solo the dungeon, baby. The rules. Yeah, do it.

No one else wants to do anything. I mean, Iona had some other reasons for this, but all right. We're taking this as Iona was using you. Well, in a way. I mean, so it was like an illusion spell, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hector is definitely like, fuck a way. I mean, so it was like an illusion spell, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hector is definitely like, fuck this town. If she wasn't busy with her own shit, she would have explained why she did it. Everyone just is like, you just had to ask. He would have done it. Anyway. The jester is doing her own thing. The drunk is a drunk. And then we have a sociopath who's in there.

You hear some commotion happening from the line. It's slightly out of your sight. It just sounds like there's a bit of some sort of argument or problem is happening there. You don't have to contend with it or deal with it if you don't want to. I'm just letting you know it's something you would hear. The Amber Temple, I mean, we don't know what is there. I'm going to sidestep into and see to join the line of the abattoir. Okay.

You add yourself to the line of the abattoir. You see, I don't think you'd be able, I don't think you'd have even a chance to to work out the logic on this one but there is a dragonborn who resembles pip a little bit but not exactly who's being dragged by two guards out of the line you see he's struggling and he's he keeps saying what What did I do? What did I do? The guards, he's got this massive bloody eye. You can tell that the guards have just recently given him a beating. They are dragging him to parts unknown.

I guess I don't figure it out. Well, I mean, he does look a bit like Pip. Not exactly. You can tell he's not Pip. But I don't think you... I don't know if... Look, if you think you could,

if you think you could figure out what that one is, I'll let you do it. I don't think you could. Look, in my head, I'm like, okay, well, first off, Ludmilla came down and saw our faces, so she knows what we look like. We know we're a dragonborn and Esmere. I don't think I've seen any Esmere yet in Vagabond. No, you have.

In Vagabond, there would have been a handful. Then I'm okay. I'm like, okay. I think you literally would have seen... I think Pyrrhon said there's at least one other, and you would have at least seen two, I would say. Okay. Esmere tend to be a lot harder to quit, but they do still sometimes.

Yes. And the fact that we are giving fake names and that they looked at us and asked us our names, I'm like, okay, they are going after Dragonborns and probably Azamir. All right. Cool, cool, cool. And that's about as much connection as I will make as I stand in line. You keep moving forward, forward, forward. You'd be in line for like, I'd say an hour, quite a while, until

you get to the front of the queue. There is... Oh, highs or lows first off, actually. A few times you see guards moving up and down the line, and as I said previously, sometimes they'll take people for whatever fucking reasons they decide. They'll take someone out of the line,'ll question them and you notice no one ever gives them any

some people not some people sorry everyone takes their beating quietly as quietly as possible and then they get thrown back in line you see people moving back out of the abattoir as well obviously having finished a shift you can see they are clutching in their hands tiny small amounts of wooden coins, which you would know is the company currency in town. All of them have very desperate looks on their faces. Okay. Pip.

Yeah. Highs or lows? Highs. Always go highs, baby. Lows. Always go lows, baby. Lows. Always go lows, baby. Lows? Uh, yes.

Okay. Well, good thing you changed. What are we waiting for? You turn around, Pyrrhon and Esmeralda are there. I found myself in a spot of bother. Did you give them the name? Whose name? The name I gave you.

I don't think I gave them any name. Well, at least you've still got that one up your sleeve. Yeah. Hang on, let me remind you of the name. Rostov. Rostov? Rost remind you of the name. Rostov. Huh? Rostov? Rostov, yeah.

Oh, Rostov, that's true. If the guards are giving you any hassle, especially if you get arrested, ask for Rostov. Rostov, that's right. To be fair, though, once you've used him, he's kind of gone. Yeah, right, right. As a resource. I just didn't even think. They hustled me once, then they were going to hustle me again,

and they stole my silver arrows. Do you want them back? Yes. I will need them in the future. All right, I'll see what I can do. No guarantees. I understand. Anyway.

I was trying to head back to Mathilde's residence, but the guards, I assume they'll recognize me. I was waiting for my moment. Yes, it'd be much better to get you out the southern gate. I can arrange that. Esmeralda, wait here. I'll be right back. Okay.

Oh, no. Esmeralda leans up against the tree, slides down to make herself difficult to spot, and then is just mercifully quiet. Oh, thank God. I do the same. I do the same. For maybe five minutes. Oh, thank God. I do the same. I do the same. For maybe five minutes.

Okay, damn it. What were you thinking? With which thing that I've done. Let's start with the first one that comes to mind and we'll move from there. Okay. I don't know the first one that's come to mind for you you'll have to elucidate me on that when we were at uh the abbey ah and you found information that

would assist us yeah and you didn't tell us obviously um that wasn't my intent wasn't to harm anyone it's just that it's well you know i've seen what happened over you know it's dangerous though right so staying in barovia you know it's dangerous yes but far less dangerous than taking the fight to strad or at least that's what i thought at the time and you thought we would not take the fight to strad i i thought if you didn't have the necessary information perhaps you like everyone else might give up but you didn't because i hector won't um yeah but but i i mean i apologize you know it won't happen again i've done my best to be helpful ever since you haven't seen a lot of it i've known many unreliable people in my life and i'll tell you this you are correct you and they have never betrayed me more than once yeah uh look like i said i'm i'm in it now hector destiny didn't work for me why are you

here because it's working my cards bupkis everybody in the fine end their cards bupkis. Everybody in the fine end, their God's bupkis. But Hector's, you and Pirin fell into his lap. So did a go-gash. I don't think that happened for anyone else. Surely, though, last time things were aligning. Why did you give up that time? I, uh, it's complicated, Esmeralda. You know, on the one hand, I saw the writing on the wall, so to speak. It's complicated, Esmeralda. You know, on the one hand, I saw the writing on the wall, so to speak.

It didn't seem like we had a very good chance. And on the other hand, well, I suppose cowardice. I didn't want to see that happen to the people I cared about. So I took the coward's way out. You know, I've been upfront about that. i don't think you're a coward pip i've seen you fight too many times i think you're pathetic and then you have silence for the rest of the for the rest of the time yeah i scrunched down against the tree and trying to look at anyone eventually pierron, but he returns with a Vistani. The Vistani crouches low.

You can see he's dressed in a manner of, you would assume him to be a merchant. And sure enough, he's very quiet. He doesn't seem to be particularly, you should roll to be fair. Yeah. He doesn't seem particularly interested in helping Piran out. But you get the impression that he's one of Pyrrhon's special projects and he maybe doesn't have a choice right now. He has a wagon with wares nearby.

There are a few other people here as well. It looks like maybe a bunch of merchants all together for safety's sake. Pyrrhon raises the top on the wagon and gestures for you and Esmeralda to get underneath. I gesture for Esmeralda to go first. Esmeralda goes first. Grace before beauty. Beauty before grace. I forget which one

is the most polite. And then I'll climb in. You and Esmeralda due to the cramped confines must must spoon. Oh my god. Until you are out of Kutri. Oh my god, that's horrible. That's the worst shit. Hi, it's Fido. We'll see you next time. for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over.

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