D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #6 A Hard Earned Thirst

Episode Date: March 16, 2024

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Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Friday.

You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. I am told that the sea is a massive thing, that one could die just wandering its vastness. While we have no such thing in my homeland of Barovia, I am well aware of the feelings of isolation that a place without walls can conjure.

For we are the prisoners of one Strahd Von Zarovich. I will slay this vampire so that my people may once more breathe free in the sunshine. Where's the abattoir from here? You can see there's a line out the front of the building. The doors, the heavy oaken doors are slightly ajar. Ajar enough that a person can comfortably walk through. The people in the line look to be a mix of local people from Kuchery and also adventurers. Just anyone desperate enough for a job.

The jester is doing her own thing. The drunk is a drunk. And then we have a sociopath who's in there. You hear some commotion happening from the line. I'm going to sidestep into and see to join the line of the abattoir.

You keep moving forward, forward, forward. You'd be in line for like I'd say an hour, quite a while until you get to the front of the queue. You get to the front or near enough to the front of the queue that one of the guards stops you and

they're stopping everyone at this point. And you, oh no wait, you don't have a spear but do you have any other weapons on you? Yeah, I would actually. I have like the mace and all that kind of thing, yeah. The guard holds a box out to you. There would not be anything as big as a mace. Very few people, even adventurers, are walking around fully armed, not in Kuchuri. But there are a handful of daggers and other weapons and whatnot.

The guard gestures to the box and says, weapons. I put the mace in. Did I also put my shield as well or just the mace? They'll probably ask for your shield as well, actually, yeah. Mason shield in there. Sure. You get to the front of the line and there's a guard at a little table and he's got a big stack of papers or a lot of stacks of papers some pen

and inkwell sort of stuff he has in front of him it looks like a pre-generated sort of piece of paper actually no you would see this happening there is a separate seat next to him that no one's sitting in but a piece of paper will pick itself up off a stack, put itself down, and then an ink pen will automatically on its own write out a little contract thing. The guard looks at you and says, name? Jacob Mason. Jacob Mason. Shift will be for eight hours. He picks up a stamp, bang, hits the stamp on the piece of paper, flips it around to you, and just seems to expect you to know what to do.

You would have seen other people just signing. Okay. I sign with an X. Nice. Alright, that's fine. He takes the piece of paper back and says, you will be paid one credit per hour worked. Acceptable? Acceptable, yes. Just in there for the bracelet, he says.

You take another step in. They have these. They look like regular iron bracelets that would go around your neck with a little locking mechanism attached to them. But you see every time they get clasped and sealed, there's a flare of blue light and you assume some magic to it. You notice only adventurers have to wear them. It's like an anti-magic shield, I can only assume. It's an easy assumption to make,

but there's no guarantee. You don't know arcane. This is arcane magic and you don't know arcane magic. The guard standing there just kind of expects you to know what to do so you go and grab one sure yep and you closing around you closing it around your neck it it like it's you're not expecting this it's like a magnets in it or something like that it slams

itself shut after you just do it a little bit and then then you hear the little click, and it flares with magic. When that happens, Penny's light and love and sorrow disappears from you. You no longer feel her. In addition, you realize this is, it's, you know how there's that famous experiment or whatever where frogs were put in water and it slowly became boiling and they didn't notice so you didn't realize that welling deep inside of you was a pit of despair and hatred that you realized

was Eileen that also disappears kind of nice you I mean it kind of balances it out itself out a little bit, to be honest. Why am I... Right.

Okay. Is there everyone milling towards a certain area? Yeah, the line keeps moving, and now the chug of machinery becomes a lot, lot louder. Imagine a large cathedral space, except it's been it's kind of i would describe it as looking a little bit apocalyptic like mad max-esque you can see extra bits have been welded and drilled and hammered into place to accommodate this place as an abattoir it's quite large like imagine proper cathedral sized and where the altar once was there is still an altar but it it was once a giant statue of a dragon the dragon's head has

been neatly lopped off the top of course and there is instead a man there with a heavy black hood and a drum sitting on where the dragon's head would be. Boom, boom, boom. He hammers and everything in this production house happens to that rhythm. As you're being moved through, you can see people are being assigned different jobs. There's a guard with like a checklist going around, dragging people off the line, putting people on the line. So the line starts. It meets where that conveyor belt takes the produce into this cathedral. Pigs, chickens, I keep wanting to say bears, cows.

Bears are not one of the lines. That would be fucked up. Pigs, chickens, and cows are just mixed together. there doesn't seem to be any consideration yeah they don't seem to care all right they come into the conveyor belt they get dragged along they are the conveyor belt at this point has high railings where they can't escape and there are a few people standing on little platforms keeping them stuffed into the conveyor belt it looks like a very unpleasant job people do not seem to be enjoying that part. Well, none of it's really fucking pleasant.

But anyway, they continue along the conveyor belt and get to the next section where there is dangling from high above. This all looks quite new, actually. The metal to this is quite shiny. It looks like it very recently installed. There are dangling from the roof, little black,

long, rectangular boxes and a button where people, sorry, handles where people grab it and then a button in between those handles. When pressed, a metal rod shoots out of the box and back in, and that is how the animals are killed. Okay, it's a bolt gun. All right. The animals definitely know that it's coming, and they definitely are panicked when it happens. It's horrific to watch.

These people look like they're also having a really upset. Well, people here either look like they're having a very upsetting time, or they kind of just look dead to the world. All right. look like they're having a very upsetting time or they kind of just look dead to the world. Alright. Then it progresses beyond that and then the meat gets sorted. Sorry, when I say sorted, I actually mean

the meat gets sorted into the different bits. So intestines go one way, livers go another way, but they still, all of it's still mixed. Yep. And then the carcass goes another way. You can see above you

there are boxes there's a metal gantries running over the top of all of this and there are boxes where offices would kind of be or that's what it might look like you can see there are guards walking around on the gantries

and you can see there are people guards for the guards and probably higher level not just the entry people like you working doing other things in those sorts of offices in one of them the biggest one you can see ludmilla standing and surveying everything happening beneath her. As you're moved through the conveyor area, highs or lows? Let's go with lows. You can see there are periodically, when the meat is finally finished, it looks like it's completely done for, it's ready to be in a normal abattoir, it looks like it's ready to be packed and shipped. Instead, the conveyor belt angles downwards and goes into the ground.

There are these giant metal doors. These also look quite new. The metal is very clean, and it looks like it was installed maybe only months ago, if that. These giant metal doors open and close very rapidly. And every time they open, you see flames and flesh beyond. But it is so quick that you are never able to properly make out what is beyond. Is it opening up enough so the meat falls in and then gets squished? Well, no.

Meat just tumbles through and then the thing closes again. It does get squished, but only because there's just so much stuff going through. Okay. Okay. Okay. Highs or lows for what job you're assigned? Let's go with highs. Highs.

Okie dokie. I'm saying if I was to jump into that pit, I would be squished. There's a chance, not a guarantee. Not a guarantee. All right. You get something. Look, it's all soul-crushing manual labor, but you get a job that is not killing, screaming, struggling animals. You get put on, I'd say, where livers and lungs get split up.

You get put there, and you have to make sure that the livers go one way, the lungs go the other way. You work, you are worked to the fucking bone. It is not an easy job. Okay. I was going to,

how much of, are they just always observing? Is there any kind of way to kind of like duck out? Is there any kind of way to be... You aren't, well,

the trick is you're not being constantly observed, but if you stop working for like a second, your shit starts backing up and that is noticeable. Okay. Okay. Okay. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. I'm not going to imitate the squeals of animals. Thank you, Adam. But yeah, you get the idea of the vibe. I'm there. Okay. I'm just, yeah, the squeals of animals. Thank you, Adam. But, yeah, you get the idea of the vibe. I'm there.

Okay. I'm just, yeah, I want to try and I guess my goal here is to observe as much as I can the layout, who is here. Is it like it's Ludmilla in the office? Is there any like any sign of that engineer? I'm assuming the engineer is making a lot of all these like brand new shiny things. Yeah. Which I can kind of figure out. That's pretty easy.

I am tempted to jump into the big hole. That seems fun, but also very bad. That seems scary to confirm what's down there alone, but I'm just kind of on one at the moment. Sorry. You're good. So, yeah, I'm just trying to see if there's any way down apart from just that big opening of the shunk, shunk, shunk. To get down, you don't get to see all of the cathedral.

There's a lot of nooks and crannies to this place that are just inaccessible to you. You can see that there is one. It's like there's a tower inside this cathedral. can see that there is one it's like there's a tower inside this cathedral you can really only see the edges of it but this is big black obelisk type thing that it looks like either the either was built inside the cathedral or the cathedral was built around one or the other either way they don't look like they properly match the stone is slightly different and also all of the motifs in this cathedral are dragon but corrupted except for the obelisk which has no motifs on it whatsoever you notice to get up is not going to be an easy process so there are arcane sigils slammed around the place beneath

what is obviously where stairs would come off the gantries. And guards will walk to those sigils, say an arcane word, which unfortunately you're never close enough to hear, and then a blue aura will lift them up onto the gantry, and then they do the same thing to get down. So unfortunately getting up and down is not going to be an easy task. Okay. That's the opposite to the officers. Yeah.

You see, as well, some of those creatures that you fought at the Salenka Pass, just one or two of them, but they're also intermingled with the guards. You also see, down here on the factory floor, supplementing the human staff are, or should I say the living staff, supplementing the living staff are, or should I say the living staff, supplementing the living staff are also zombies with chains and you can see all of their jaws have been removed. They're just shuffling around

doing very basic manual labor. Okay. So everything is just, basically this is a whole giant workshop to get meat underground into a thing. Yeah. That's great.

Someone's getting the meat. Yeah. So Piran tried to get people into the- He tried to get people up and below, couldn't do it. Okay. Or he could, but no one came back. Okay. Only absolute fanatics are-

You see, every god here is flayed. Only absolute fanatics are... You see, every god here is flayed. Only absolute fanatics are allowed to be gods here. Is there any, I guess, through observation, I mean, I guess Perrin would probably already work this out, that there really is no kind of, like, I guess, yeah. No staircase. No, no, but no, just kind of like any kind of fault in their armor, as it were, to kind of any kind of little thing

that we can kind of niggle at and infiltrate. How fast is the jaws slamming? Quite fast. Blink and you'll miss it sort of stuff. So I will get crushed. I wouldn't say it's a guarantee, but I'd

say there is a decent chance. Shame you haven't retained your powers. Turning undead would be very funny here. Yes, yeah, I will try and, yeah, while still working the shift, either try and gather any kind of intel information that I can, either layout, the guards, any kind of, if I can pick up the words that they're using,

if I can try and spy the gnome or the halfling, the tinkerer, that would be great. But ultimately it's just trying to see where do even they come and go from because clearly they're not coming through the front door. Highs or lows? Highs. Unfortunately, you're unable to make much about the layout or any of the guards' habits or anything like that.

You're really, like I said, you're being worked really, really hard. So it's not easy to steal many looks at patrols or at hidden doors or access that they might not want the regular workers to see. workers to see. However, at one point, you do spot, you hear a set of footfalls up on the gantry that are way too light to be any of the guards, and you look up to see a very fancifully dressed halfling.

Okay. He has deep green pants and a matching deep green leather jacket and a shirt of red with white flourishes on it. He has these two deep

blood red boots as well and he's got this massive so big that it's kind of sagging over his head this massive beret with a set of red feathers in it. As he walks you can see as well

one of his hands is gloved and the other one is not. Okay. He walks around and he's just inspecting, just looking around. At one point, one of the bolt gun things stops firing and you see he leans over to a guard, says something and points at the

bolt gun and then people are dispatched to fix it. There's the engineer. Does production stop when the bolt gun, and then people are dispatched to fix it. There's the engineer. Does production stop when the bolt gun stops? No, it slows down a little bit, but there's quite a few. Yeah. There's multiple people working the bolt guns. Yeah, okay.

And do I see them? I'm trying to see how they get into or out of the abattoir, or if they even just remain in the abattoir. Yeah, like I said, unfortunately you can't see any other exits, but you also can't see a lot of this place. You would actually, at a certain point as well, you see this guy, this halfling, has come out to inspect two things in particular, those two creatures.

He walks over to one of them. He walks over to both of them and gives them a look up and down. But on one of them, he takes out a, no, he doesn't take out, he takes off his black glove. And you see underneath his hand is made out of gears and metal. And then it swings around and a wrench comes out of it. He tightens some lugs on the creature. Cool. And then in the other one, he gestures again

and instead a little spout comes out and he puts oil in the other one. Right, they're not just undead. They're a mechanical creature. Okay, so we're fighting undead, mechanical, some kind of golem. Okay. That is unfortunately the only thing.

That happens maybe three hours in, and then the rest of your eight hours goes by pretty uneventfully, but exhaustingly. Oh, I can't imagine it being very exhausting. As you leave, you are given back your items, the collar is taken off you, and you're given eight wooden bits. Cool. Is there still a line coming in, right? Yeah. Cool. I just grab the eight wooden bits. Cool. Is there still a line coming in, right?

Yeah. Cool. I just grab the eight wooden bits as I'm walking down, maybe not as a... Because giving to the first person would be, I guess, suspicious from the guards. Sure. But whoever is just like, to walk down somewhere near the back of the line, I'm just like, eight wooden coins, and then I just

keep walking. The first person you try to give it to is too suspicious. You see an act of kindness is a such an oddity in this place that they assume you've got some angle and they don't want to take the coins. The elf takes a couple steps

back and looks at you in fear. Oh, right. No, I was just trying to I didn't even want to offer it to them. I'm just going to basically like. Reverse pickpocket them. Yeah, or not even reverse. Just like dump them and not even stop them. Just like bang, off I go.

Oh, okay. I see. I see. Yeah. A similar thing happens. No one picks them up. They're too scared there's something going on. That's not my problem.

Yeah. All right. Well, that's your night. I was so sure you were about to get back in the line I was like Sam it's gone crazy Do it till you're worked to death Speaking of being worked to death you have a level of exhaustion

Of course Pip Yeah You're in Matilda's house till the next morning Yeah I would become Very worried when Hector didn't come back At a certain point Pyrrhon leaves would become very worried when Hector didn't come back. At a certain point, Pyrrhon leaves to go searching

for Hector. Hector, you'd get back before Pyrrhon does. Yeah, I'll get into the... Where's somewhere where I can have a... Just wash this. It's snowing, right? No, not currently. It's

just bitterly cold. There's no snow. There's no rain. It's just bitterly cold. There's no snow. There's no rain. It's just, you know that chill that comes with a stillness as well? There's no wind blowing, no rain, no snow. It's just, it feels like the air itself is soon to become ice. I guess I'll head to the cabin that we're staying. Esmeralda, Mathilde, obviously, and Pip are there.

The door to the kids' room is locked. Barred. Where'd you go? To look into the abattoir. Oh. Fun times, Esmeralda says. Very. What's going on in there?

You never truly forget the squeals of animals. Their horsehair is slaughtering so many animals, and they're just dumping them into underground. Underground? Okay. In, um, could they be... You said perhaps there was a dragon under there. That is my suspicion.

Are they feeding it? That is my suspicion. How much does a dragon eat? Well, a lot. Or is it just busy work? That's a great way to break a spirit. Yes, but there's also so much waste going

for, I mean, they're not even feeding their own guards. They're not even feeding themselves. Have we seen any of the guards eating? Probably not at the tavern. Oh, no, actually, there's only the one tavern in town. So, yeah, no, you would have seen guards eating. Same thing, thin gruel.

Yeah, none of the flayed ones, they probably wouldn't eat there. Regular town guards. Regular town guards, they'd be able to afford something a little nicer than the thin gruel. Sometimes meat. Can I think of anything, like, with my knowledge of monster hunting that would need so much food? I would say that, you know, this is not anything in Emmanuel. Not certainly Dark Places edition.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the thing. With everything else that's happened, it's entirely possible that this, if there is some sort of entity it is a unique yeah it's brand new yeah fair so here are the things that i am i saw the

the the engineer the mechanic oh right he seems to be working for ludmilla either through his own yes he seems to be working with for ludmilla the the creatures that we

saw the the half hag half werewolf half undead are also mechanical oh in what way uh he tightened bolts and oiled them up okay yeah curious i'm not sure if it's to do with either the construction of them the body we saw it the hag matild serves you some tea hector oh thank you thank you very much would you like breakfast she, staring at the floor. No, I'm alright. She nods. There is a knock at the door. Mathilde wanders over

to get it, if both of you stay seated. Yeah, it's funny because it's like not our house. It's like we're at a friend of a friend's house. Do we need to like hide? Mathilde probably actually, Mathilde first checks this little

spy hole she on the way to the door maybe opens that secret hatch that you stayed in and you would have

Pip stayed in overnight she checks the peep hole first and says it's Iona let her in she opens the door

and Iona visibly disheveled steps in I'm just still covered in and Iona, visibly disheveled, steps in. I'm just still covered in blood. Iona, nice to meet you again. I thought I would find you here, she slurs. Take a seat. She sits down.

Kind of plonks herself down. You can see her hair is stuck up partially where she's quite clearly fallen asleep on a table. You need some coffee. Is there coffee here? a table you need some coffee is there coffee here can i make us some coffee yeah there would be coffee barovian coffee whatever that is tastes like a boot yeah i barovian coffee always tastes burnt yeah yeah yeah you start making the coffee and then matilda kind of snatches it away from you okay i sit back down rough night iona yes he says in in her seat she's swaying a little bit i you should have a sleep i you need a rest you're fucked i can see i am not the only one she says looking at you hector i actually should give her also a level of exhaustion.

Yes, after our very brief conversation, I went to look into the abattoir. Did you find anything there that you liked? Not a single thing. It is truly a soul-crushing place. Do you know what they're feeding? Some of the meat goes to the people, but the majority they keep. Underground.

I know not what they do as it's there, all I can assume is they are having raucous parties every night. Some is sold. There is, of all the towns in Barovia, Kuchery actually experiences the most tread with the outside. But I would say that there is definitely not enough tread to accommodate the amount of meat that is. I start describing

the conveyor belt that I have no idea what it is. And the opening, the slamming and it just going in and in and in. As you describe. Not much falling. Not much being salvaged to package. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you describe that, Iona gets up and wanders outside.

You hear her retching. Whatever they're feeding, it won't stop. Do they just feed it the meat? Or does it get awful too? Yeah. They use every part of the animals. We have to, they sort it. They sort it into different categories of awful, right?

I had to separate the livers from the lungs, and then they just kept going. I do not know why. Unless. Sorry, I realize I'm only just mentioning this now. So this is something you would have noticed. It gets sorted apart and then put back together at the end. When it gets put at the end part, where it's going in through the jaws,

just now, maybe only just now because of the horror of it, you're realizing, but you're like, it all goes back together. Yeah. No, it doesn't. We have to separate it from like the lungs, the liver, and then the offal on one side and the muscles. And then it goes past us and then it all just goes to the same hole. Well, then I guess that's the spirit crushing, isn't it?

They crush your spirit with that, but then there's some ulterior motive for the rest of the meat. Sons of bitches. They had me sorting guts for no fucking reason. It's a wasting of time. Yes, yes. Did you see any way down there to see where the meat's going?

The only way down is through the mechanical door and I didn't feel like losing my legs. Fair enough. There are arcane symbols that they were using to go up an obelisk that looked like it wasn't part of the cathedral originally okay Iona comes back

in and sits down here's your coffee I say push it over to her thank you thank you I needed this yeah

that's all good she's forgetting her grudge against you she just with a teary eye she takes the coffee from you

yeah um um an assault on the abattoir seems insane yeah there is um so many of the flayed guards that are just around everywhere in amongst all the people that are working there you have the undead yeah it'd be a full you're talking small-scale war really if we try to engage the avatar head on ludmilla is there. I don't know if that is where she often stays but her office

is there. I have no idea how we are going to get to the halfling. Esmeralda speaks. If Viva to assault during the daytime Ludmilla would be in her coffin. It would be the smartest time to

attack. We could go today if we wanted. Is she looking at me? This isn't really a shot at you. This is her impatience. I think about how little hit points I have and how fucked up I am. Oh, it's been another night.

Five days in! Five days in! Oh, we're so close. To be honest right now I'm I'm exhausted maybe we need a bit more intel I've been hit by so many billy clubs perhaps

it's great yeah a few of us could go in to scout it out to get more information I don't know where's Piran Piran might know a bit more

about the actual layout of it if there's any more entrances. Oh, Iona stops. Pyrrhon is to be here? Yeah, he is. Well, not he is. Right, right, of course. This is why I came here.

She seems scattered. Well, we have Iona now. I don't know. Do we have you, Iona? Yes. You have proven yourself, Iona? Yes. You have proven yourself to be a kind man. That is all I care about. And you have proven yourself to be manipulative.

What? What are you speaking? I love to go and put my life on the line for a six of plums. Oh, right. Sorry. to go and put my life on the line for a six of plums oh right um sorry i uh you are not the first person to um uh to need assistance in barovia there are many people who want to do things for the wrong reasons i um wanted to check that you were a good man first. I... She stops. You see there's something deep going on.

I love too easily, she says. My eyes go wide at that. I don't like her saying that. I assure you I gave Keening the same trial or a similar one. Obviously, there is not Vistani going missing on the roads every other day. But I would not follow you if I did not.

I do not want to follow you unless I believe you to be a good man. But I need to know before I give my heart away. Simply just asked instead of using pilot tricks. I find this gives the best results, she says. This will be how many rebellions? One. One?

She looks at Esmeralda. Esmeralda shrugs. One. She looks at you. None. This will be my 15th. In Barovia? In Borovia, yes. Only five of them were for a worthy cause.

Ten I was tricked into myself. Okay, well, cards on the table. I want to get the hell out of here. I am beginning to loathe this place. Everyone has their own agenda. Everyone is duplicitous. Everyone can't trust anybody. So Eleniel is alive. She is heading off to Valakai because we've lost contact with all the people

that were left in Valakai, including Keening, who is also alive. But I believe I've already told you that. By the way, Eleniel is also pregnant. So I'm sorry that you loved and lost her. I do not know your relationship with her. She knows that we've made contact with you. I need to go speak to her at dawn. I get up. Are you looking forward to being the intermediary between that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's also so funny to just leave me esme and iona at the same table after you've had to oh yeah guess what because she's been meaning she this has been chewing in the back of her brain yeah you uh as soon as she found out that eleniel is alive yeah you leave hector and then iona turns to you pip and says you are the reason my love's entire way of life is coming to an end. I mean, I couldn't be more sorry. She stands up. Iona, please. I've changed.

I'm making better. We're going to combat. I'm not even kidding, man. Oh, fuck, man. And if you think Esmeralda's coming on your side. Pip's about to fucking die. Hi, it's Fido.

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Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, Friday. Yeah, you wander out, there's, it's pretty, well, actually, no, it's not dense with trees, but it's not too far a walk

to get to a tree. You put your hand on the tree. Have you spoken with her? Hot dog. Yes. Would you like me to go get her? Where are you right now? Are you near Valakai? We're nearly at Valakai now, yes. Have you seen anything? There hasn't

any time, though. Would you like me to go get Iona? No, no. Why would you like me to? It should be in person, she says. Why would you like me to tell her? I didn't realize the two of you knew each other. Don't tell her we spoke of her at all.

She already knows that I'm talking to you right now. She's near like ten meters away. That's fine. No, no, no, no, no. It should be in person. It should be in person. It should be in person. Okay, right. Whatever.

Just getting so frustrated. Fuck this place and fuck these people. Is there anything else to report? I see something has happened to Valak. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. Yes. Something has happened to Valak.

What has happened to Valak? It's consumed by snow. I can see something has warped the very fabric of weather around it. I'm knowing that this is perhaps a certain… Oh, that's a Father Limmick. That's a Father Limmick. Yeah, so Father Limmick, so his type of apocalypse is the world is consumed by snow and ice so cold that nothing but Father Limmick can survive. Gotcha.

All right. So I guess they awoke him. The fact that it is localized on one location, that's strange. This is new. I mean, the entire thing is new to you. Okay. This has actually never happened before. This is only, this is like people are like, this is what's going to happen?

Mm-hmm. Here's the theory. Yeah. Well, like, okay, so I guess they woke him. So it's surrounded by snow? Yes. There is a, it looks almost as a barrier. Hard to describe, really.

All right. I guess rush to the your people. I will speak with my people. They will know more. And how far away are you from your people? I will reach them today. I can send a message to you but it

might take some time to get to you. Okay. Okay. Send a message or we can communicate like this in eight hours? Ten hours? Sunset. Sunset.

No, Eleniel seems, you get emotionally very turbulent at the beginning of this. Became a calm, cooled, but still something very serious. Kind of focused, actually, I would describe it. She became, when she started talking about Valakai, she became very focused on the task at hand. You feel a distraction. What? Kribbit has a question.

Yes, Kribbit, what? Krib... Do you have pen and paper? Yes. I lie. I'm just going to try and remember this. Kribbit has a series of questions he needs you to answer. Right, shoot.

The first one is, he needs the seasonal feel of Kuchuri for his book. Despair, depression. No, he doesn't want it now. He needs you to think on it. No, no, no. I can give it to him now it is sad it is very sad it is like a spirit is broken the spirit is broken of this place the second one is

he needs you to write down any romances going on I'm pretty sure you could fill him in on that one let's leave that one out. Okay. Anything else there?

Yes. Eleniel transcribes for you. There's a whole list of things Krippet wants. You're so patient with him. Well, sure, yes. Question after question after question to help him set the scene of his book. He seems very – you're getting it through Eleniel, he seems very stressed

that he's not there to document something that is quite clearly important. Then you could describe there was like a deep dark obelisk that would suck all the light out of the room. You start talking about the abattoir, you're there for an hour. Oh yeah, then he doesn't have to go inside.

It's so funny to think about how nice Kribbit must be compared to the rest of these motherfuckers. Okay. She goes first. Okay. Cool. Punch in the face. Oh, dude, I'm gonna have this shit beat out of me. Esme's gonna take the opportunity too.

Fair enough. Iona, this entire time, she has in her hands, she'll often, or strapped to her back, she has a quarter staff that has, at one end, it has a gnarled-looking claw holding a glass globe, and at the other end, it has a foot standing on a glass, like balanced on a glass globe.

The glass globe hits you in the side of the head. Yeah, everything goes dark. An hour later, an hour later, you finish your communion. As Eleniel takes her hand off the tree, alabaster

skin, golden hair, and a powerful muscular body. Hubba hubba. Heck, he's got a tree boyfriend. That's what I'm learning. Uh-huh. All right. Okay. You turn around and you see Mathilde is quite clearly torn between not wanting to go into her house and not wanting to disturb whatever you're doing.

Yes, Mathilde? I think there is something you want to deal with inside the house. Okay. Walk in? You walk in. You see Esmeralda and Iona sharing a pot of tea. Pip is unconscious on one of the chairs, his head at an awful-looking angle.

He doesn't look dead, but it looks like it's going to give him a crick in the neck. He's heavily bleeding from his nose. My nose takes such a bounding. Speaking of, I rub my nose. You have zero points, Pip. Cool. As you step in

Iona turns to you she seems a little bit more herself how was the no she doesn't seem more herself she seems incredibly stressed actually

when you step in she says how was your conversation touch my companion again I will give you nothing

I can do that she says that's very good to hear. Can anybody bandage him up? He will be fine, she says. Am I like zero, like kind of semi-conscious? No, not to talk, but to be stuff like Pop, fuck off.

Yeah, sure, yeah. Pop's outside in the garden. Stop him. Iona puts a hand on your shoulder, Pip, and she whispers something into your ear. Your bad dreams immediately stop. Oh, that's nice. You feel a welling sensation of calm and peace.

Was that Pops going away forever? He's joined the army, you say. Fantastic news. You're on 18 hit points. I was having the most wonderful dream. Oh, right. Back in the land of the living. Damn.

Can we all just get along? I look to the table. I will never act against this party's interests, but I will never be a friend to that man. That's fair enough. That's acceptable to me. She puts out a hand to shake. Me? Yeah.

I shake. Yeah. We don't have to be friends to work together. Are we all okay? Okay. Good. Right. Piran steps in and he steps in.

You see, when he first sees you, Hector, he's like, ah, to do a bit of a jovial introduction. He immediately reads the room and then stops. And just staring basically now at Piran. And Iona, is it fine for him? Iona and Piran look at each other, and you, Pip, see Iona's hand curls or tightens on the staff, which was what happened right before she hit you with it. Can I, maybe, like a teacher of kindergarten-level children, be like, okay, everybody, sit down.

Now cross-legged on the floor. I sit. Sit down. Now cross-legged on the floor. I sit. People will sit down at the table. That's embarrassing. They're probably not going to sit on the floor.

Iona, as I said, her hand curled around the staff, and you can see that she's considering it, but she looks at you Hector and then she says I can work with him so long as you can keep him under control I will do my best to remember everybody we have a common enemy

here so why don't we work together against the common enemy as opposed to constantly fighting each other. Iona puts up her hands like, I'm doing my thing. Pyrrhon does the same thing. Yeah, I do the same thing. Esmeralda's just kind of there.

Yeah. Okay. Next step is either somehow get the halfling out of the abattoir or we just forget Kutcherian and head to the Amber Temple. We have two potential allies that are remaining in this town. We have John Cavendish, who is a Republican god? That was the word? I think that's what he said.

Purin cringes at the word Republican. Yes, Republic. I don't know. He's from the future. Yes, he's from Candle, but thousands of years. A thousand years in the future. A thousand, multiple thousands, he said. Yes, so there's that.

Candle becomes a Republic? A hundred years of Goldcrest reign and he couldn't ruin them. Then they ruined themselves in the end. Perhaps. Majority rule, he says. I didn't even mention that we need to put a fire in his heart to get him to even join this cause. I don't know anything about John Cavendish. Piran, can you find information about him?

Yes, I can certainly look into him, yes. It might take a little while, though. He isn't a terribly sociable person. But things I know is he came here with a group of other adventurers, correct, Iona?

Iona clarifies, saying he came here with several other adventurers. He came to Barovia with several other adventurers, but they are long since dead, my understanding. That is all we know of. That is a place to start, I guess. Well, it's not square one. Yeah, it's not.

It's square two at least. Exactly. So that's information of him. We also have, I described the halfling. So that is who is the engineer. I think I have a way of perhaps trying to get him on our side, but we need to be able to sit down

and talk to him. Not an easy feat. Does he live in the abattoir? As far as I can tell, yes. Damn. He is a tinkerer of sorts. He seems to be an inventor. I'd start describing some of the stuff in the abattoir of like they were clearly invented or at least designed by him. He seems to have a lot of control there.

If we were to – getting out of Barovia is a challenge. Perhaps one that we could try to make it appeal to his problem-solving nature. Oh, now that's an idea. Those are my ideas for those two. That, point to where the Amber Temple would be. Mm-hmm. Amber Temple. I mean, we could lay the groundwork for Cavendish and the Tinkerer,

head to the Amber Temple, then by the time we're back here, maybe we'll have a better handle on what's going on. Or we speak to Cavendish again see if we can find out more information from him I mean I don't know the tinkerer seems outside our wheelhouse right now but I understand I wish to

I wish to say that I heard this group Piran certainly making bold claims of this place eventually becoming free of the yoke of the princess the sheriff and the burgomaster

I would see that done as soon as possible every day that these people sit under this yoke is a day too much Esmeralda immediately counters saying, I would say that we should go to the Amber Temple.

That is where Van Richten is. Van Richten will have a wealth of expertise, not just on what to do in the town, but also how to disconnect our two friends, Gaurab and Lushen, which might make them, who knows, quiet. Would that not be nice? That would be nice.

I feel like I can hear them from here, she says. This is, um, also he could help with Iris. And with Iris. Right. Esmeralda adds as like an after, acknowledging, not fighting you on it, but quite clearly. That wasn't of her concern. Yeah, she was like, oh yeah, and that I guess.

So the way to get to the Amber Temple is if we take out the Burgomaster, correct? Yes. If we take out the Burgomaster, I think that would be the perfect amount of punishment needs to be meted out. But also it was a favor to those who were still around. So we wouldn't be just outright executed. Okay. And that would leave the townsfolk overseen by Ludmilla and the sheriff. Now, what does that mean, Iona?

Without the Berger-Mastel, the sheriff and Ludmilla, my understanding is that they are friendly with the charcel. So it would mean that they were able to consolidate their power. It would make things much more difficult in the long run pyrrhon interjects with in the long run if you're able to do the amber temple say in maybe a couple of days by the time you come back there'll still be a lot of chaos around which we will still be able to capitalize on does two days sound doable i say to as me esmeralda shrugs no one here knows what the amber temple is like what it is in i don't know no one knows what's in there yeah could could be

weeks oh yeah it could be just a cave is unlikely but it could just be a cave? Sheriff. They're just human. Who are you asking? Just the table. I'm not Esmeralda, sorry. No, Esmeralda's actually also met the sheriff. So all three of them nod. The sheriff's just a man. So if you take down, say we take down the burgomaster, we take down the sheriff, then we're just left with Ludmilla, right? Iona nods.

That would be correct. It would become, the balance of power would become more even, which would make things a bit more chaotic. We could take out the sheriff in private and the burgomaster in public. Burgomaster is taken out in public. We're sent to the Amber Temple, but we're not blamed for what happened to the sheriff and summarily executed. Piran, you can see cogs have been turning for him.

He says, there might be a way to do that. So my little birds have told me, given me hints that there is a meeting to go on between the Burja master and the sheriff. They are currently negotiating something, something not important, whatever. I'm given to understand that it's something that both of them dearly want, but it's finance or something related, whatever. Anyway, they're going to be in the same location at the same time. It will be double the guard, but it's only one location.

Okay. I don't know what this location is. All I know but it's only one location. Okay. Okay. I can find, I don't remember what this location is. All I know is it's somewhere secure. It could be one of their houses, could be a third intermediate place. All right.

And if we take them both out at the same time, we're left with Ludmilla, which would mean that we would then get... So if we take them both at the same time, would Ludmilla spare us and send us to the Amber Temple? I'm not 100% sure on that. Ludmilla spare us and send us to the Amber Temple? I'm not 100% sure on that. Ludmilla isn't very directly involved or concerned with what happens in the town. Iona nods, actually, and says,

I know this, that Ludmilla, so long as her experiments and the cathedral remain untouched, she does not care of the affairs of town. In that case, we could always take out the, publicly, take out the Burgomaster as much as we can. And then while we're being, I guess, sentenced by the sheriff to head up to the Amber Temple, while we're there, Piran, you do what you do best and you take out the sheriff. I can do that, Piran says.

Almost as if he knew, almost as if he's already got, as if he could do it right now. As if he's got the plan somewhere in his mind. If we take out them both at the same time, I just feel that would be too much chaos too quickly. Yeah, that's what I'd be worried about as well. Sure.

Okay. Seems like a good plan. Well, who wants to go to the Amber Temple and who would like to stay here? Pyrrhon puts a finger on her nose and says, not yet for the temple. I'll come to the temple. You're already full of who knows what, and that's a very dangerous place for a man who's already made some questionable deals. I'll come with.

I'll come with. Esmeralda leans forward and says I will go to the temple Iona says It is almost certain death to go to the Amber Temple but 16 I hear is a lucky number

That will leave I guess Tapos and the two dwarves In town? Yesves in town? Yes, in town. They don't need the amputant. For them. Korrib and Lushen might want to come to see them. Oh, fuck.

I say as much as I did then. I grab my snout and I start rubbing it. They are exceptionally powerful, though I think their titles are fake. Here in Leesbeth, he looks like he could cry. Not going to the temple and they're your problem. And if we need them to make a commotion and... They're also terribly unhelpful in an assassination.

They are not quiet considerably. Oh, I'm so sorry. I would have loved to have taken them. I think we've got to take Gorob and Lushen. I adore you. Pip. I'm not joining in on this. Pip, you know me.

Every day I wake up. I'm not part of this bit. First thing I say, Gorob and Lashen, where's that screaming noise I love ever so much? Very funny. Very funny. With Gorob and Lashen, do we need to take, would they separate themselves from Tapos? We could always ask Tapos to meet us up there. It might also be worthwhile having somebody looking after the Vistani

girl. Of course, of course. So maybe we leave her behind. Yes. Okay. Where is she currently? She's at the cabin. Yeah, top boss Corbin Lushen. Who wants to go grab Corbin Lushen? Not if I touch my nose. Maybe we can get our own back

against Pyrrhon here. Iona, well, Iona just doesn't know the way It's Esmeralda or Pyrrhon Pyrrhon is just at the same time as you Esmeralda didn't realize what was happening Until everyone's finger was in their nose She looks around Oh, crap She gets up

she stands up gets her crutch and then starts hobbling out the door that's so rude of us that is so very rude oh it is so rude no one's saying anything

I know oh no whatever it'll be fine she gets to be reunited with Gorob and Lushen. Yeah, exactly. They haven't spoken in a long time.

They have so much catching up to do. Okay, when they get back are we doing the assault now? I think you should sleep, I say. I'm perfectly fine. You've literally

been up all night. Lie down for at least a couple of hours. Okay, well then what is... Okay, fine. Let's do it tomorrow going right now Ian after you've spent a day at the abattoir

and a night and I've run away from police all night I ran away from police all night it's fine now what? Pyrrhon probably chuckles at that he thinks this is quite funny I got stopped by the guards again

they tried to hustle me and things went south and then I was on a roof and in a chimney and I pretended to be Father Gnomes and now I'm here by the guards again They tried to hustle me And things went south And then I was on a roof And in a chimney And I pretended to be Father Gnomes And now I'm here But the point is None of us are in the best condition

I also gesture to Iona Who is drunk Let's take the day Good point I need to lie down The Amber Temple's not going anywhere Pyrrhon, if you could Yeah, fine

Is much information about Cavendish and the halfling, that'd be ideal. Sure thing, he says. I'll lead Hector to, I guess, the halls. And help him into it.

Matilde, similarly, she probably holds it open and helps you, Pip, as you're climbing in. Oh, I'm not climbing in the hall. I'm just helping Hector in. Oh, okay. I'll stay up. I'm okay. It's like the day. It's the morning.

You help Hector in, and then you stand up. Matilde closes the thing. You turn around, and you see Iona still sitting at the table. I'll sit at the table across from her. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Maybe I sit across from her I'll let like 5 minutes go by

and then I'm like I didn't know you and Eleniel were an item I rather thought you and Keening had something

her eyes go a little wide? And I would like to again say how deeply sorry I am, genuinely. What did you think Setser was between me and Keening? Well, from my perspective, Keening came to Kuchery and he returned. Ah, she says. You were just very familiar. Look, I want to be honest, I suppose. It's hard to describe what I am about to say as an olive branch.

Right. But perhaps this can be the beginning of... hard to describe what I am about to say as an olive branch. Right. But perhaps this can be the beginning of a painful but ultimately healing process. So there was not nothing between Keening

and I. Oh, poor little Pippi. To be continued... We have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.