D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #7 To Fade Away

Episode Date: March 23, 2024

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At your side. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. I've known many evil places in my time, but this realm called Barov, is among the most dangerous. A man could drown here, though he wouldn't need any water to do so. This place is ruled by a man, no, more a creature actually, known as Strahd Von Zarovich. It is said that anyone who can slay him will be set free. If they don't die in the attempt, of course.

Well, who wants to go to the Amber Temple and who would like to stay here? I think you should sleep. I'm perfectly fine. You've literally been up all night. None of us are in the best condition. I also gesture to Iona who is drunk. Let's take the day. Good point.

I'll lead Hector to i guess the bed the halls sure and and help him into it you stand up you turn around and you see iona still sitting at the table i'll sit at the table across from her i didn't know you and eleniel were an item. I rather thought you and Keening had something. Look, I want to be honest. Right? There was not nothing between Keening

and I. Oh, poor little Pippi. It was just, as I said, I, for most people, they are, who are clever, their heart is a guarded thing. Not necessarily something that you might put in a locked box

and throw into the sea, but certainly something that you might consider before giving to someone. I don't have that impulse. Keening and I, it was nothing more than a kiss. Pips, just very still.

For like a little too long. And then, if your heart is entirely without lock and key i know mine is um sort of like a vault so i understand why he i i understand why he would have. So all of Branch accepted. You see Iona is like rapidly running through things that she's trying, both thinking about saying and then trying not to say,

and then a million other different types of thing as well. And she finally lands on, I am glad to hear that Keening is alive. He is a good, kind man. Yeah, he's the best of us. She nods slowly. Well, I put both hands on the table. I might go for a walk.

She nods. I'll get up and just do a little hot lap of the area. I gotta walk out the you know, get it all out of my system. Okay. As you're doing that, you see emerging from the nearby forests, you see Esmeralda hobbling back with Iris and no one else. I believe you were meant to get Gorob and Lushen.

Esmeralda puts up both hands and says, this would not be my fault for once. What happened? Well, Iris very, very kindly was left. She says that with a little bit more irony than I just gave it. She probably says it with a little bit more irony than I just gave it. She probably says it with actually quite some heavy irony. She was given,

do not worry, and literally in Lushen's words, I assume Lushen, because I'm pretty confident Gorob is illiterate. Enough food to last, whatever that means. They have gone,

they left a message they have gone to something about a ritual at the bottom of the mountain. Did we know that that was something they were I mean you knew about the ritual but it wasn't like a plan that we've had

that we've forgotten about. I go back inside I go to the floorboard. I'm like, bang, bang, bang. Hector? What? You come in, as you can hear Esmeralda reentering with Iris.

You hear Esmeralda introduce, so her name is Iris, and then you hear a whisper, do not act shocked. And then you hear Mathilde stifle a bit of a noise. Gorob and Lushen have gone. And Tapos.

They're doing the ritual. I mean, it's not a problem now I suppose if you want to keep sleeping. It's just... No, but Tapos was like... She said we should... I know. She's...

Right. Oh, shit. Valakai. Fuck. What's happening in Valakai? Sorry. It's been a long night. Iona also stands up at that.

Look at her hair. In all this excitement, you've forgotten the apocalypse is happening. In all the fighting of each other, looking at Iris and being like, ah, Matilda. I'm like, ah, do they need to hear this? This is not great. The thing that the group was meant to stop, they did not stop it. Valakai is now shrouded in snow and darkness. Esmeralda gives a very knowing noise.

Not ironically or anything like that. She has insight that the two of you do not. Is Esme? Val, they have summoned... Yes, the king of... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I assume because you did not know to purge the town of Electrum. No, we didn't. We were told to... Outside of the Dark Realms, there is but one way to summon him. But within the Dark Realms, as this is their home, dark entities are more easily summoned. There is another ritual that one can perform with the electrum. After the fact, once it's... Yeah.

Once he is evoken, he is evoken. Because we were on the lookout for, yes, a coin. We asked the... That's right. The coin, the dagger to make the other dagger. Yes. Right. That is how Von Normale does it. Oh, so the dagger to make the other dagger. Yes. Right. That is how Von Normale does it.

Oh, so the lectrum is the second ritual. Yes, there is a second ritual that requires a sword made of a... It's not important at this point. It's kind of done. Can we get in, I say, to the dome? If it is still only but a dome, yes, there is time to solve this crisis. There is a barrier around Valakai. It might look like a barrier, but it is possible.

It just is not pleasant. That is what Eleniel said. Do we kill the King of Tongues? The King of Tongues made the deal. King of Tongues is done at this point. The other him. Well, I don't know if there is a way to kill a Dark Lord. I would say that if anyone were to know, it would be perhaps another Dark Lord.

Can somebody get out? If you can get in, you can get out, right? Of the barrier yes if at this point it is what it sounds like yes okay it is possible to pass in and out

all right but that will not last forever all the more reason we should go to the amber temple as marauder says I'm like nodding maybe I like I don't know if we've said this to Iona

but maybe I catch Iona's eye Keening is in Valakai Iona I think she does know that so she just nods slowly yeah I think we need to head to the temple probably sooner rather than later did you get

enough sleep? yes you've had about an hour or so of sleep at this point If you keep pushing You probably will earn yourself another level of fatigue Just letting you know Not a lot of it Does it matter?

No, I mean Look, like I said It still stands We have to be practical about this We could head off right now And assault the Burggomaster's house but you're likely to collapse and so are you i point to my owner and so am i i point to myself somebody hit me in the head with a stick i own a nod slowly and she i own a nod slowly and she says it is

too risky to do i wish to have Kuchari liberated as soon as possible but even I see the wisdom in taking things as we can Esmeralda on the other hand says it would be prudent to perhaps

push further what if me and Ion here rest up as well as we can? It's still only morning. Pyrrhon, you can scope out the Burgomasters and when we, in eight hours from now, assault the Burgomaster. All right.

What do we think? A day of rest is better than none, so... Well, I would say that the perfect time to attack is at night anyway, so... Why don't we take it to the day? You can do the scoping. You can do the... That will help myself.

I need to sleep. Iona needs to sober up. John Cavendish might be a lost cause. I don't think he'll come from the Amphitempo. I could talk to him. Perhaps you can. You and Piran. I know what it's like to want to fade away,

so maybe I can find the right words. I don't know. You both see at I know what it's like to want to fade away. Both of you see Iona with all of her capable composure hold herself. Perhaps if you two can... Esmeralda, at the decision to not do

anything right now, Esmeralda makes a little, hmm, noise, but doesn't push the issue. Well, so, Esme, do you need anything, regent-wise, that we can, ingredients-wise for the assault? Maybe we can just spend these next eight hours just preparing for... I will go out and prepare what I can.

I unfortunately was able to escape with my axe, my rapier and nothing else. All that is in the abattoir, right? It is. Along with my leg. She seems more incensed about the missing leg than she does about her entire medical kit. Do you remember the layout of much as you can about the abattoir?

I remember as well as I can. If you are looking for a way to get up or down, I can tell you there is nothing that I saw except for the magic. Certainly to get down, I had to do it the hard way, she says. Luckily, I only have one leg to break. It is a form of luck. Did you interact with the halfling?

No, he did not come in to speak to me. It was a separate room that I was kept in. Ludmilla came in a few times. She never asked questions. She just hurt me. Okay. Well, let's get a little bit of rest, and then you do what you need to do,

and go back in the hall. All right. Esmeralda goes off to collect ingredients. Iona and Hector are going to sleep off their various maladies. And Piran and Pip,

you head into Kutri. Yeah. As you're heading in, Piran takes out, he has a little makeup kit. He takes that out and he dabs makeup all over your face and hands

until you look exactly like yourself, but now you have a blue luster instead of your normal gold. Thank you, Beren. Well, it's just going to make things easier. You're right. For any gods we run into. I've worked with many dragonborn in the past

and I can tell you one thing. If you need gods to ignore a dragonborn or think they're speaking to a different dragonborn, literally, just a color change. Well, it's the most striking thing about us. I get it. Well, no, it's not. I guess the most striking thing about us is we look like a dragon. Yes.

Look, sometimes being very obvious makes one stand out, but sometimes it can really help one hide in a crowd. Are there many dragonborn in Kootree? I mean, I know there's a mix of all, but... Sure. Enough that you will not be noticed. I'm pretty confident he says. And if I'm wrong, you don't know me.

Yeah, well, I figured. You get into Kootree, no trouble whatsoever. Cool. Piran, you see, as you're walking through, Piran leans over to... There's another dragonborn. He looks like just a vendor, a clerk of some sort.

He's selling odds and ends, just kind of anything that he can get his hands on. Piran leans in and whispers something to him. He whispers back. Piran turns to you and says, I'm going to very quickly get a list of anyone currently working in the abattoir, so we'll know at the very least if

Cavendish is currently on the floor. You keep making your way through the city. It looks like Piran's just kind of doing his day-to-day. It's like bringing your kid to work. Exactly. I get to see what Piran does. That's exciting. It feels very much like you are watching a spider in the center of its web pulling at little threads here and there.

Piran looks really in his element. It's like a fish through water. It looks like he was born to do this. Hell yeah. People come to him and he makes decisions, sends them off. to do this. People come to him and he makes decisions, sends them off. At one point, you walk down an alley and you can see

that someone that he needs to intimidate has been captured and dragged back there. He doesn't, thankfully, hurt them this time, but he quite clearly implies that some very bad things are going to happen to some people he cares about. And then, at a certain point,

Pierron is presented with a scroll of paper, which he opens up and looks back at you and says, well, we can confirm he's not on the floor of the abattoir. That's good. Then I assume he must be in the fine end. Tavern or at his home. I don't know where he lives, so let's try the tavern first. Well, we can check the tavern. If he's not there, we'll find his house.

All right. We'll head for the tavern. In the fine end, you have a little look around and you don't find him. But on the way, Pyrrhon has already learnt the shaft that he's staying at. That's good. That's good. So you head from the fine end. Oh, well, Pyrrhon has to go in because you're not walking.

Yeah, I know. I was going to say. I was waiting for that moment where I had to be like, oh, Pyrrhon, actually. Oh, wait, no. You're blue. I'm blue. You're blue. Hey. You're blue. I'm blue. You're blue. Hey.

You're all back in a fine end. Hey. Walking in like I own the place. Another time. And then just get Pyrrhon to make you green. All right. You head through Vagabond and you find this ramshackle. This is what a lot of the shanty areas look like.

It's like someone with Lego blocks got shacks and stacked them. Just like it was a child doing it. There's no rhyme or reason to it. It looks very precarious. But you make your way through that as well. There's a walkway that gives access to all the different shacks. as well. There's a walkway that gives access to all the different shacks. You walk to one in particular,

Pyrrhon knocks on the sheet metal door, and then John Cavendish answers. He looks a little drunk. Okay. Does he recognize me? I know I've changed color since we last spoke. I think he'd probably recognize you. Yeah, he's looking more directly.

I know when we last spoke, you pretty much sort of brushed us off, but I was wondering if we could have another chat. I can buy you a drink if you'd like. I don't know if you need any more. No, I was trying to get to sleep, but now that I'm not going to be able to go to sleep, do you have tea?

Yes, I think I have some strawberry tea left. John Cavendish, his hand comes away from his face. He was like rubbing his eye just previously. his hand comes away from his face. He was like rubbing his eye just previously. His hand comes away from his face. Have you ever been kissed full on the lips before? Yes. Would you like

to again? Um. No. He lets you in. You have strawberry tea? Oh, my God. It is so rare to find sweetness in Barovia, I say. Most of the tea I have nowadays is water tea.

Oh, yeah, well, of course. I mean, you don't want to drink the Barovian stuff. It tastes like arsehole. Oh, my God. Have you ever had a tea made in Praelera? I don't believe I have, no. My word. I don't know what it's like in your time, but in my time, I mean, like, I'd kill

for this tea, and back when I was in Kandor, I'd kill for that tea, if that makes sense. No, of course. I mean, killing for... Yeah, no, I get it. I had garlic for a little bit, but I had to give it away. Garlic! My word! You forget the things that you miss, you know?

Honey. Honey. Honey. Wow. Because the bees here... No good. They have... One of the types of bees here uses meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Savory honey is not,

well, it doesn't even really taste like meat, it sort of tastes like rotten meat. Yeah. Well, I guess that's what they're making the honey from, really. Well, yeah. Anyway, you brew a kettle of, a pot, sorry, of tea in John Cavendish's very, very sparse abode. There is a cot.

Yeah. There is a chest, like a locked chest. This chest is the nicest object in this place. It's oak wood with metal reinforcements and then a leather-pressed inlay of horses riding through grasslands. It's very incredible workmanship. It looks amazing. Kind of like beyond anything that I could see in my time, really. There is a very elaborate and complicated-looking lock keeping it shut.

And then there's some other sparse things, some shelves with what few food items he has. There's a ton of empty tankards here as well. All of them are stamped with a fine end on it. I didn't know they let you bring them home. They don't. Okay, fair enough. But, you know, what are they going to do?

There's so many people. Yeah, well, of course, they're not going to notice it, for sure. You can see, leaning up against the wall, there's a broom that looks like it's never been used. Leaning up against the wall, there's a broom that looks like it's never been used. And yeah, just a few, maybe half or most, nearly all of a set of dragon chests. Fair. Are you missing a couple of pieces, I say, pointing to it?

You miss a piece and... No, you're not getting it back here, for sure. The only time you can get replacement pieces is when someone with another set dies. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. I pretty much gave up on games, I think, when I sort of... Well, I gave up, you know. Right, right.

It's not really something you can... There's no traders or whatever. And fun seems... I have a... When I'm not, you know, sleeping or whatever, I have... He, underneath the set of dragon chests, produces a little book. It's a series of kind of, in a way, pre-programmed moves.

Oh, right. So you play a move, and then the book tells you what move it's going to play. It's kind of like playing against someone, but you don't need someone, he says. We could play a game if you'd like. He shrugs. He moves the set of chess over.

Piran is standing awkwardly in the door. John Cavendish glances over like he's spotting Piran for the first time. Please, I don't like it when someone stands... Piran? Huh? Piran makes the same noise. Piran.

Piran. I look at Piran like Do you know this guy? Did you Did you work for me at some point? No, no, no, no, no Piran, we sailed together Piran doesn't know what to make of that

Is this true, Piran? Did you sail with Mr. John Cavendish? I don't think I know this. No, we have never met before. Yes, yes, we have. We... Sorry. This is a long time from now. Well, there you go. We, um... This makes sense now. The last time we met, you told me something,

and I didn't understand at the time. A few days ago, you said the words, or you used the expression, that ain't cricket. You liked it, and you've been thinking about it ever since. You want to start adding it to your regular repertoire. Piran's face stops. He turns around and leaves. I'm sorry about him. I don't know. That's fine.

He's like that when I knew him as well. He hasn't changed in 2,000 years. Not much. Oh, well. You know, you give somebody plenty of time, no emotional growth. Anyway. You play a round of dragon chess with...

John Cavendish. Yeah, John. Do you have proficiency in dragon chess? No. That's fine. You win, nonetheless. I'm going to guess John Cavendish kind of underestimates you. So he plays a few moves,

assuming he's going to absolutely steamroll you. And then you don't know, you're not well-versed with Dragon Chess, but you know how to move the pieces and stuff. Yeah, yeah. So you're able to kind of

just trounce him in the first game. John Cavendish laughs. He thinks it's quite funny. Well, I guess that's what I get for underestimating you. Yeah, well, I didn't... Perrin stands in the doorway again.

That's what I get for underestimating you. Yeah, well, I didn't have to. Kieran stands in the doorway again. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over.

Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. What? What?

Did I tell him? Did I say anything else? Do you want to come in and sit down, Piran? Piran sits down nervously. Jon offers him a cup of tea and Piran declines. Well, yes, there was another thing. You told me there was an apology. Piran stiffens a little bit.

When the time comes he you told me when the time comes he wants to let you know that you're both sorry but you found it easier to kill a man than love him

Pyrrhon gets up and leaves again that is a lot to process i understand him getting up to go you know that that's fair enough yeah yeah the the future uh it must be interesting and frustrating to know what is going to happen and but to be trapped here you know what i mean i I mean, kind of whatever. That's fair. It's already happened.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is sort of your end, I guess, is where the story of John Cavendish comes to a close. Look, I don't think I can convince you really to join us. I think that... And yet, here you are. That's true. Partially, I suppose, i had eight hours to kill but also on some level i thought i should you know try at least you know you got to give me that sure go on then sell me one of the first things when i first met hector um the azmir that spoke to you before uh i was in a pretty

similar position to yourself you know i suppose in a way i kind of thought i was dead like walking around and and yelling at my chicken but at the same time sort of dead um and he came with a destiny and like you maybe i i don't know what i've done with my taraka cards but i similarly had had a set and they didn't do me any good. So, you know, when he first arrived in the camp, my camp, my shack, I sort of was just as disparaging. But, you know, like we said, nine of the cards have worked. It's all come true so far. And Kuchery is proving a little difficult, but still, I don't know. Sometimes you meet somebody who's just awash with it.

The fates seem to favor them where perhaps they left you behind. But anyway, that's sort of neither here nor there. The first thing he really did is he left. He went to a Vistani camp and he came back with some strawberries. And I think that was sort of the moment you know that i knew this was something else uh so yeah i don't think i can convince you really to join us but i think i i would like to be able to convince you that you're not dead i don't think anybody here is dead i I think there's got to be some glimmer of possibility, of escape, or of hope.

And I think to deny that's sort of sad. Maybe a little pathetic. I don't know. Get a good boy card. It was good. Should we play another round? John Cavendish nods, and you start setting up the pieces again.

As you set up the pieces again, Pierron appears in the doorway. Have I been to hell? Yes. You told me that pretty soon after you got back from hell, actually. Piran walks away again. Just stay in the house. Oh, my God.

Look, whatever happened in hell, I didn't go with him on that one, but whatever happened in hell, I can tell you it was pretty fucked up for him. It was pretty fucked up for the entire bunch of people. Man, you don't want to know what happened to my old captain. Well, look, it's, you know, thousands of years in the future for me. As you finish setting up the pieces and as you play a second game,

John Cavendish says, can I tell you a story? Of course. Now, it's a joke almost, John Cavendish says, can I tell you a story? Of course. Now, it's a joke, almost, actually, I suppose. So, a dwarf and a gnome are watching one of those

elven epics. You know, the sorts that always has the tragic sort of ending. Yes, of course. And it's a play about a man and a woman who fall in love star-crossed lovers sort of thing though their families don't approve

yada yada and obviously it's going to end with the characters that you love dying in each other's arms and as the play is going on the dwarf looks at the gnome and he says I'll wager you ten gold coins that they die in the end and the gnome and he says, I'll wager you 10 gold coins that they die in the end. And the gnome

nods and says, I'll take that bet. And then, sure enough, at the end, the lovers die in each other's arms. It's an absolute tearjerker. Everyone in the house is standing, clapping, but crying heavily, including the dwarf and the gnome and then the dwarf turns to the gnome again and tears in his eyes says I'm sorry my friend but I've tricked you I've actually already seen this play and the gnome looks at him

tears streaming down his eyes and he says yes I've seen it too I just hoped it would end differently this time it's not very funny, I say. But I take your meaning. Now, I've actually spoken this joke to people before. And people understand or think they understand.

I'm not saying that I think you're the gnome. I'm saying I'm tired of being the gnome. As is dragon chess? Coming along. You beat John Cavendish again. This is so fucking funny. You trounce him a second time. John Cavendish looking at the board this time

with a little less humor than he had last time. He says, I really must practice more, I guess. When I was a boy, I grew up in a monastery. And one of my, I guess you could call them brothers, was a sort of a, well, he considered himself sort of a military strategist. And this is the only thing we did together that, you know, it was the only time we ever got along. So I've played a lot of

dragon chess in my time. That might be it. Wow. Purin appears in the doorway. He looks like he's going to say something and then he leaves. Well, John Cavendish,

I hope you enjoyed the strawberry tea. I don't know if there's much else for me to say to you. It was nice. It was a lovely conversation. Yeah. You seem seem like a wonderful person i hope the world for you but wow yeah well you might be the only person in the world who feels that way

where i tell him of our plans we intend to go to to the Amber Temple. That's our next step. He looks at you like you're crazy. Yeah, I know. You understand what's up there, right? Dark lords? Death. Darkness? Yeah. I don't know.

I'm refusing to fade away, I guess. And I'll stand up. See you around, John Cavendish. Wait. Yeah? He turns around. He stands up. And he walks over to the chest.

He produces from underneath that shirt a set of keys, and using the keys, he unlocks the chest. He opens it up, and looking inside, you can't see what's inside the chest, he's just looking in. Looking into the chest, he says, Do you ever feel like you died and no one told you? Once. He looks over at you, and you can see something's bubbling behind him.

Look, think about what I said. I'll see you around. Ash, thank you for the strawberries. Don't mention it. I'll step outside and see if I can see Piran. Piran was at the door. You step outside. He literally gets out of. Okay. Yeah. You step outside. He literally gets out of the way so that you can step outside.

You can see he's picking up from Esmeralda, maybe. He's going from ball of foot to ball of foot. You can see he's quite obviously agitated from the things. Everything that he... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of that shit. Look, whatever. He can deal with that himself.

I'm not... I'll just head back to the safe house. Piran walks with you. As you're making your way back through Kuchere, you see people keep approaching him. As happens every time... Like on the way here. Yeah, people keep approaching him,

trying to either pass off information, getting information, doing all the different things that his spy network does. Every single time someone approaches, he just puts up a finger and goes, they turn around and leave him. That's good stuff. All right.

You return to the little cottage. Yeah. And it's not nighttime or it's, well, they have not had a good sleep yet. So you're waiting. I don't want to wake them up. I'll just go into the kitchen. Is there any chores that need doing?

Yeah, sure. There's always chores that need doing around the house. You can find something to do. Yeah, yeah. I'll sweep or something. They have a little chicken hutch. You collect eggs. And for once, I'm not afraid that you can.

How easy it could be. Actually, I'd say Pop has just wandered off and has made a little... Friends with those chickens? Not friends. Actually, they seem quite terrified of... Actually, you see a dead chicken, and the rest seem quite clearly terrified of Pop. But Pop has settled down in one of the little nests there. He stole the nest. He killed the chicken to steal the nest.

Did he even eat the chicken? I don't know. It seems like it was just fully combat. It was like an act of violence. I obviously do not try and get an egg from Pop, but maybe I try and get some eggs from the other chickens. Is the house basically just empty except for me, Pyrrhon, and then everybody who's asleep? Yeah, the two kids don't seem to be around.

You're not sure what they're up to. And their mom, Mathilde, is also not here. So, yeah, they're all away doing something. How long, this is a weird question, but how long until I think everyone will be awake? You'd give it maybe another couple hours and then at the very least if they've not woken up you feel comfortable waking them up okay cool cool cool well i'll just i'll do a couple of chores here and there keep the house nice and tidy and about the time i think they'll start to wake up i'll like maybe cook on omelet with

the eggs i collected okay no worries it's not gonna good omelette. We're talking a Barovia omelette. You crack a Barovia egg, it's just like black ooze. Every Barovian egg has both a yolk and dead chicken. How? You've got to pick the blood and corpse out of it.

Gross. That is insane. They just don't taste as nice. That was That is insane They just don't taste as nice That was a joke They just don't taste as nice I'm just thinking Every morning I tend to have a smoothie

I crack an egg in Just doing that with Barovia You know how Oh dude You know how a colour can be muted You can describe something As having a muted colour You would describe

Every flavour in Barovia As having a muted flavour Except sweet Which doesn't exist. Everything's a little matte, you know? Yeah, exactly. What, um... Yeah?

I know this is so unnecessarily in-depth for the omelette, but what's the cheese situation in Barovia? Cheese probably is... It'd be like a hard... Like a hardy cheese? Yeah, yeah. It'd probably be a... They wouldn't have soft cheeses around these parts,

but you could get a cheese. Okay. Are there bitter cheeses? They'd have bitter cheeses. There shouldn't be. I'm going to Google. Is there a bitter cheese? I'm just trying to think like what we would call it,

that government cheese. Yes, yeah, yeah. This big block. 100%. Sorry, go on. The most basic cheese you could imagine. Yes, actually, all cheese would be bitter here because bitter cheese can be the result of one of two things.

It wasn't drained enough, which is probably not the reason, but not salted enough. There is no salt water in Barovia. It's hard to get salt. Yeah, so... Only tears. Yeah. It's the only way to get salt in Brovia.

Tears and some minerals. So all cheese would be a little bitter just simply because there's not enough salt for it. I do the best with the ingredients I have. I understood no sugar. Like, I could understand that on a weird, like, I get it, no sugar, there's no sweetness there. No salt.

Where else are you getting salt from? I know, it's just fucking me up. It doesn't grow on trees. Rock salt? Yeah, I know, I just made a great joke because it is in rocks. But no, none of the rocks here, they're bad for salt. You get what's called full salt in Georgia. Okay, well, yeah.

It looks like salt, but it ain't salt. It's not salt and don't lick it Right Okay Yeah The idea of no salt McPepper like fair enough

Even in our history it was a kind of Absolutely Something that was rare and we fought wars over Salt I'm like So basic So basic

Couldn't you get it out of ham? Alright Well like make a Sad Salt farm just being like getting pigs just like poking them making them cry Yeah Making them cry You're stinky Alright, well I make a Sad Salt farm Just being like Getting pigs

Just like Poking them Making them cry Yeah, making them cry Pig, you're stinky Stupid stinky pig Mmm, pig tears Yeah, I make a

Fucking sad bitter omelette For my sleeping friends Okay That stinks Trying to do something nice The entire time you're at this Both cleaning and food prep Piran is in the living room

He's just sitting at the table Silently staring ahead When you go out and then come back in That's the most movement you see from him You see he's hurriedly Tucking something back into his jerkin And looking over his shoulder Like he was doing it because you came back in. I know I should say something, but I don't want to.

Then don't. Fun fact, then don't. No, I will. Awkwardly, while I'm making the omelette, I'll be like, so how are you feeling, Pierron? You doing okay there, champ? I simply don't know if there's

a way to answer that question. Okay, well I don't I've heard that certain traumatic events can cause you to have all manner of responses, going into shock,

disassociating, that sort of stuff. But I don't know how a traumatic event that hasn't happened yet truly can or cannot affect me. Well, yeah, I mean, if it's not happened yet, why worry about it? Well, because it's going to happen. Well, yeah, but it's not happening now.

But it's going to happen. Well, that is true. It's destiny, he says. Can't fight destiny. Yeah, can't fight destiny, I suppose. Would you like an omelette? Sure, he says. I think they're going to suck. Where were you born?

You've engaged in conversation. I shouldn't have done this. I'm guessing Dragon's Peak, but I was an orphan. Because of the dragons. Yes, because of the dragons. conversation i shouldn't have done this yeah um i'm i'm guessing dragon's peak but i i uh i was an orphan because of the dragons yes because of the dragons right you asked me yeah yeah so i was raised in an orphanage somewhere near the union by um well the the union that area is a trade route right and people come from various parts of the union, that area, is a trade route, right? And people come from various parts of the world through that area, and they would occasionally stop in the town where the orphanage I grew up in was situated.

And they would bring, you know, spices, trade goods, fruit, mandarins specifically, and sometimes little boys. But they didn't want children children not not only little boys but your surname's mandarin yes they pronounced it wrong i should be pip mandarin uh anyway um so occasionally they'd have a you know a child from a far off place whatever didn't want to keep it and uh well if you've got a child or anything you don't want, you know Gregory Bones. I was raised in an orphanage to Gregory Bones because they can't say no because it would be impolite. So you drop off the orphan with the orphanage.

So I grew up there. And it wasn't great. So there you go. What about yourself? Oh, no, hell, I knew that. Yes, I also didn't know my parents. Also by design, the way where I grew up, the way it's a communal space. I wouldn't call it like Krezik because, well, I wouldn't.

I mean, like, no, it wouldn't call it like Krezik, I suppose. It's a lot harsher where I grew up, obviously, in hell. But the way parentage works is that when two people come together to have a child, the child, after being born, becomes part of a communal stock. I see, yeah. So, normally, it's to ensure that there's no nepotism within the part of hell I'm from. Obviously, nepotism happens. Yeah, well. It just, they like to say that it doesn't, I suppose. It's more a fostered child or an adopted child type nepotism instead of the regular kind, I suppose. So yes, didn't know my parents either.

I'm assuming you have no desire to seek them out? No, I care not for them. They gave me up. I don't care. I gave them up as well. Nor I. I have no strong connection to someone like that. Some of the other children in the orphanage were more concerned about it. Wanted to find out where they

came from. I can't imagine caring. But, you know, that's that. You had brothers? Yeah, and a sister. Well, I mean, what do you define siblings? There were other children in the orphanage. The chicken, or cockatrice, whatever it is, Pop, is named after a sibling of yours?

Like another dragonborn? No. He was a tortle. Right. And a cunt. Piran laughs at that. He thinks that's funny. Just suppose that's why I named a chicken after him. He's stupid, like Pop was.

So just the dumbest man you've ever met in your life. Absolute thick-skulled moron. You can't imagine how stupid he is. Piran, actually, I won't make you roll for this. Piran doesn't chuckle, but he's still smiling. But, Pip, you can immediately tell that the smile has turned from a genuine mirth to kind of like a bittersweet. Piran is thinking a lot about something very specific the conversation he's having with you is like you're having two different

conversations yeah yeah absolutely for sure you can see there is it's funny that pyrrhon's going into that hole yeah going into the pop hole i'm just heading into the pop hole. I'm in a pop hole. I'm in a pee hole. Yeah, Piran is quite clearly miles away right now. Me too. Sure. Yes, I... He's a disaster war, thank God. How many siblings did you have?

Four. Named hilariously, Pop, Pup, Pep, and Hank. Yeah. Growing up where I was, it was kind of a free-for-all. There wasn't a lot of opportunities to make friends. I did make one, though. I wouldn't describe him as a brother, though. Right.

I wouldn't describe any of my brothers as friends. Hmm. Yes. Anyway, he's still there. Where's Pop? Last time I saw him, he needed money. Said he was going to figure out where he came from or something. Haven't gotten it back.

Did get trapped here, so obviously hard for him to make recompense, but I don't think he would have anyway. The rest of them I haven't seen in a very very very very long time it did not foster um you know a good relationship i mean i left with uh durak hard castle to become a monster hunter right so i i mean yeah i i i left some of them there at the time yeah so i haven't seen them in a long time. And I mean, I'm not seeking them out. Why haven't you gone back? Well, I know I made a promise.

I promised that my friend, when I got back, I'd get us both out. Ah, I see. When Piran says friend, once again, I'm not going to roll for you. When Piran says friend, you think he means more than friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, there's still time. Yeah. I mean, evidently yeah well perhaps i should check on the rest of the gang this has been too much uh emotional conversation for people when uh when that happens or as this conversation is naturally winding down, the door opens and Mathilde and her two children walk in. Mathilde reflexively puts an arm over the two kids like she's protecting them from you.

And then immediately, her head was tilted upwards. Immediately, when she notices the two of you in the room, she tilts her head downwards. I've made omelettes. Thank you. Then I swept the floor a bit too. She turns around and hurriedly ushers the children into their bedroom. I'm going to wake up Hector and the rest. To be continued... Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content,

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