D&D is For Nerds - Vampire Infested Barovia III #8 Hunk on the Line

Episode Date: March 30, 2024

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At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands. Friday. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Let this one tell that one a tale. The story of great heroes marooned without a sea, stranded in a place of nightmares called Barovia. The antagonist, a creature known as Strahd Von Zarovich. As all great epics, someone must die.

Either Strahd or our heroes. Well, perhaps I should check on the rest of the gang. We've been asleep this whole time. Yes. Yeah, cool. I think you would still be, yeah, you definitely haven't had enough sleep yet. So you weren't awake for that. Yeah, curious to see any kind of information there. But I think I'm curious to see any kind of information there with it would have garnered, but I think I'm

coming to your dreams. Too exhausted because in your dreams a frog being like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Hank. Dreams of a little kobold slowly eating its way

through a dragon. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Not making that noise as it's eating. I haven't thought about kobolds in years. Why now? I'll go knock on the little kind of smuggler's hole that Hector it's eating. I haven't thought about cobwebs in years. Why now? I'll go knock on the little kind of smuggler's hole

that Hector's sleeping in. Hector, you wake up. I made omelettes. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. That's right. I don't think they're going to taste very good, but I mean, it's something.

It's what that counts. I look down. It's Iona and I guess Iris and Esme? Yes. Oh, yeah. Iris would be down there with you. Yeah. And Esme as well?

Esme, you can see, when you look over to her, even in the dim light down here, there's enough light that you can see Esmeralda is lying on her back, staring straight up. It doesn't look like she slept. Okay. It's not real. Everybody, it's time to figure out the next move.

Help wake them up and help pick up Iris to get out of the hovel. As per usual, this is unavoidable. Anytime you touch her arms or legs, she makes a shuddered sigh. I try and make as much of like a nonchalant, like it is nothing, like I try to avoid the fact that

it is what it is. Yeah. I try and make it as normal as possible. Yeah. That noise is kind of assuming you're doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to make extra careful to make sure that it's like I'm not trying to treat you differently. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I'll, uh, yeah, gather everyone and serve some omelets.

All right. Bitter. Bitter, yeah, that's the cheese, no salt. Oh, yes. Yeah, I understood the no sugar thing. Salt, though, I just, I guess I took everything for granted. How did the, you went to see the Josh, right? Yeah, I don't know, the John, Yeah,

I don't know. I mean, maybe, but, um, it is okay. Sometimes a, um, a broken man

stays broken. Yeah, I think you might be right. Right. Well, without, um, Tarpo's or our,

um, Wizard Supreme or First Barbarian, we seem a bit, um, I guess light on people. Yeah. So is this,

is everyone gathered at a table? Well, yes. Everyone's in this room. Mathilde has found something else for her to do, so she's not really privy properly to this conversation, which I'm assuming is fine for you. Yeah. You look around the table.

So, all right, just very quickly. So technically your answer the answer to your question is yes everyone is physically present emotionally Pyrrhon has a thousand yard stare and you can see Esmeralda anytime someone talks to her

they need to repeat everything twice and she goes hmm and you can see she's positioned herself so that she has a view through a window up to the town up to the top sorry of Mount Gacchus she seems very focused so that she has a view through a window up to the top of Mount Gacchus. She seems very focused on that task right now.

She hasn't been doing the rock and ball to ball thing, but she's getting antsy. It's almost more worrying. She's very still. You've never seen her this still. Like a spring that's been pushed all the way down? Yeah.

Oh boy. Esme. You've never seen her this still. Like a spring that's been pushed all the way down? Yeah. Okay. Oh, boy. Okay. Right. So, Esme. Esme. Esme. Hmm?

Yes? Your mentor, Van Richten? Rudolf Van Richten. So, he knows of a way to perhaps reverse the hags. Yes. It is... The process is called... Dysanguine? Yes. It's called dysang... the process is called the yes

it's called the well for you it would be well yes yes yes it has many names she says with a gesture of her arm she hasn't stopped looking through the window but she is responding now she's listening

that's something yeah so i initially i was hoping to leave perhaps iris with the um dwarves iona um i will look after her thank you i would appreciate it consider it um my quest for you is to to look after her the burgomaster that we're assaulting. Yes. What have they done? What did they do? You're asking Iona? I'm asking the table, I guess. Well,

Piran would probably know a little bit, but he's not responding just yet. Or you can see he's slowly dragging himself into the conversation. Iona responds first. The burgomaster is... I'm sure this has been explained to you already, but there are into the conversation. Iona responds first. The Burj Al-Masr is, I'm sure this has been explained to you already, but there are three powers that play within the city.

The princess, the Burj Al-Masr, and the sheriff. The sheriff and the princess are in cahoots, you should say. They are not... Ludmilla and... What do we get their names?

If we had to sheriff victor stroika right yes i think i so i think pierre and you mentioned stroika yes yes uh victor stroika um he's a a bit of a kind of like the princess's uh whatever her name um her right-hand man, if you will, when she needs, so she prefers to stay to the abattoir, doesn't leave whenever, if she can help it, and the sheriff goes out into town and does her dirty business. I think Hector is looking for the ends in order to justify the means. Sure, sure, sure. Well, if you want to, here no no it's fine i'm great at

convincing good people to do bad things it's not it's not really good when you say that first yeah if you're trying to manipulate me you usually say that in your head he's playing on hard mode no no it's okay very easy so you you've been staying here in Pavel's house for a while now Correct, yes And you've been enjoying the fruits of Pavel's hard work Yes, in a way, sure And you're sad, sorry for Mathilde Pyrrhon gestures to her like she's not in the room

You're sorry for Mathilde and their children I'm just like, gotta give him just like the look of like Where is this going, you sumbath? Would you like me to tell you what the Burgermaster did to Pavel when he found out he was head of, when he found out, quotation marks, that he was head of the spy ring? I don't need specifics, Pyrrhon. I just need to know what they have done in broad strokes. In broad strokes. Well, go to any part of town, maybe vagabond accepted, but any part of town, you'll see people avert their gaze.

They're averting their gaze because they're under instructions that should people make eye contact, they'll be volunteered to work at the abattoir. People who volunteer to work at the abattoir don't come back. There are corpses, living corpses roaming around the abattoir. Plus that new little experiment that she has going on, which presumably requires human corpses. Plus that witch or whatever, the hag, got her women and little girls somewhere. Yes, right. So the sherv, so the burgomaster is the one that is providing the citizens. Oh, yes.

So, yeah, citizens. Citizens, people. Yes. To Ludmilla and the sherv. Yes. That'll do it. That'll. Yes. That'll do it. That'll do it. That'll do it.

Okay, we take out the burgeon master. We get arrested. While we're doing that, you've gathered our arms and our equipment. You meet us on the path. Give us that. You take us. We go up there trying to find Jesse to Esme and Richten. We come back.

While we're up there, you're going to try to take out the sheriff, yes? Mm-hmm. Well, and we come back. While we're up there, you're going to try to take out the sheriff, yes? Mm-hmm. Well, I won't try. I know how I'm going to do it. What happens when the sheriff and the purger master are gone? We create a vacuum, right? Yes. What happens in the vacuum?

Well, someone will attempt to seize power, but as we established previously, if you're back within, I reckon, about two days, if you can keep your little sojourn to that length of time, I think there'll still be enough chaos going on that no one will have assumed power, and we'll only need to take out

the princess to decapitate the leadership element in Kuturi, and then we can install whoever we want, or let the people. Piran's eyes glance from you, Hector, to you, Pip. Pip, you've been maybe giving him the, like, come on the entire time. Or we can install, or we can have the people choose someone.

I hear Bigfoot Paul is popular. I'm chopping my neck. And to be honest, my plan will involve Bigfoot Paul lopping the sheriff's head off anyway. That is something. He has a bone to pick with the sheriff. You know how he gets when he has a bone to pick with someone. I sure do. In two days. Well, that's...

Esme, how long has... That's not a hard thing. Could be more, could be less. Right. Esme, how long has Van Richten been missing for? Esmeralda, once again again drags herself from the window but van richten's name you know she doesn't need any further prodding she's just once again has drifted away but she comes snaps back to the table looks at you when i got the letter it was at least a month and a half ago so at least he has been gone for a month and a half.

Okay. And how many people have, that we know of, I guess, Iona, that you know of, who have been sent to the Amber Temple and have come back? It is a death sentence.

No one has come back. So the odds of us coming back in two days, it seems slim. Perrin shrugs and says, I can buy you as much time as I can. If we are gone longer than we need, is it possible to, well, setting up Bigfoot Paul or,

I mean, Iona, the people seem to like you. Iona nods slowly. I could, but I am not designed for leadership. I am more of a, I would describe myself as more advisor. I would be confident enough to say, at least my skills do not lie in leadership. But Bigfoot Paul is somewhat popular around town and is, I have seen him, I have seen that he has a good heart and maybe bad taste in men.

But a somewhat of a good judge of character, I guess. Okay. That's fair enough. I'll cop it. I'll cop it. Made your omelettes. I'll cop it. That's good. That's enough? Is that your apology? It's a start. It is a start.

Baby steps. Little tiny baby steps. He's giving back to the community. I think baby step is a... Sure, I'll cop it as like a movement in the right direction, but I think baby step is a bit far. Okay, fair enough. It's like a baby wiggle.

Maybe like a cough up. A baby's cough up on someone's back. Yeah, that, I reckon. Okay. Yeah. Once the two are taken care of, what happens? What will Ludmilla do?

Will she care? Or will she kind of keep everything into the abattoir? Well, that's why taking out the Burgermaster is the best plan. So taking out the Burgermaster, she won't give a shit about that. The Burgermaster is normally technically an ally, but they actually hate each other. nominally technically an ally but they actually hate each other so killing the burgeon master means that ludmilla and the sheriff will feel somewhat safe maybe even in their position they nothing will change with them i'm pretty confident of that as confident confident enough here let me give you this confident enough not just to risk your lives i know you know i know you know i don't care but my life is also

on the line so there you go okay all right we can do that right okay okay and and in the interim if you could find any information up about that um that little tinkerer would be very useful i'll try well once the sheriff's dead maybe I can rifle through his shit. Or get Bigfoot Paul. Yes. Anything really that you can do, arms or information, anything at this point would be useful. Sure.

If we're assaulting the Burj Master, what's the best move and when? So your options are kind of today would be really good, but I know that's pretty last minute. Oh, by the way, everyone gets the benefit of a long rest. Oh, my God. Guess who's no longer exhausted? That's amazing, dude. Long rests feel so fucking good. I suddenly no longer feel as exhausted as I was.

Almost kicking in. Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah, I guess physically I'm feeling a little better. That is nice. Yes, today would be a good day to do it. But in another two days, every three or so days, the Burj Master collects kickbacks

from local big shots or whatever. That's the best chance to get them. They'll be pretty exposed in Vagabond provided you can keep a handle on any adventurers. I kind of assumed, since the

two of you are nominally in a way adventurers, they're your people. I'm insulted by that, but I don't say anything. It's not the time. I consider myself a step above an adventurer. When an adventurer kills a monster, that's messy. They stick around. I'm in.

I'm out. You're a professional. I'm a professional. You don't pay the mercenary to kill the monster. You pay the mercenary to lead. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. I'm'm like i'm not an adventure i'm on a holy journey divine quest if you will whatever every adventurer has their thing um yes anyway uh they're your people in a way. So what would you like? Yes, the Vagabond. Well, anyway, the Birgitmasse will be in Vagabond,

and adventurers are a chaotic bunch, but I feel confident enough that the two of you will have enough cachet, or at least Iona can keep people from interfering. There will certainly be the thinnest amount of security there. Vagabond is typically just the smallest policed place. Okay. Okay. When was I meant to have another chat with Eleniel? That would be this morning.

This morning? Yeah. What time is it? Have I missed that chat? Am I doing it now? Am I doing it in five minutes from now? You have maybe 10-15 minutes to go have a chat. You have the plans for the, if we were to do an assault today, I am assuming you have got everything figured out? Oh, yes, yes.

So outside the fine end, just inside Vagabond, the tavern there, the innkeeper, he is one of the people who gives the kickbacks or whatever, the burgomaster will enter the tavern as they're coming out. Not to interrupt. Look, Pip, you're the tactician. You've led an army. If you wouldn't explain to him.

I've done assassinations. Yes, you've done assassinations, but you're not going to be there. All right. Okay. So can you explain it to Pip? Sure, sure, sure. I need to have a tree call. Go have your tree call then.

Give Eleniel my best. Will do. Iona, anything to say? Pass on a message. Yes, I suppose. Could you ask if... Could you ask her if... Could you ask if the needle is still mine? The needle is still yours, right?

Yes. Pip, would you like to? For Keening? If you can find out what he's... You're a bitch. Yeah. It's a catty, one giving me sass if you can just find out how he is that's all I want to know

I was going to anyway well that's that's good maybe just like put like a hand on Pip's shoulder of course

this is so rude that is genuine that is not being rude there's no cattiness there is there's no cattiness there

that is so I own a cattiness to Pip what might appear as cattiness, that would have to have been genuine. Yeah. It means very genuine. I don't think Pip is like cattiness to Iona cattiness to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, thanks.

Of course. Of course. I'll go have a tree call. All right, you go have a tree call. Piran explains the basic principles to you. Well, as a ranged combatant, Right. call all right you have a tree call pyrrhon explains the basic principles to you well um as a ranged combatant right we'll catch so the guards will be probably the first people you'll want to take out if you can take them out quietly there'll be there'll be two uh uh guards nothing's

better i don't anticipate much problems there sure the burj master after the guards if you could take them out quietly, after the Burgermaster steps back out, obviously they'll immediately notice the corpses. Right. And that's when you'll want to make your move, I suppose. Is there a benefit to doing it within the tavern?

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, what do you mean? Killing the Burgermaster. Killing him whilst he's in the tavern. Well, in the tavern would be more public than outside the tavern. Okay, fair enough. There'll be more people in than out. Understood, understood.

But, I mean, you want a little bit of publicity anyway. Okay, yeah. Because you want to get caught. Yes, yes. You're right, sorry. So there'll be two guards immediately there. If you can kill them very quickly, I can send you a message as the burjah masters coming out right

if you're if you think you could be that quick once again these are they're schmucks they're they weren't they wouldn't put up much of a fight sure yeah you probably i guess don't even need to kill them but once they're down make the burjah masters death loud enough that the guards of the market can come get to you, arrest you. I suppose put, if you make it a bit of an act, put up as good a fight as you can. Oh yes, of course. But yeah, that should basically be it.

Oh, sorry, I don't think I specifically mentioned this, but I can, you can get on top of the tavern very easily. I would start there. Yes, I was going to say being on the rooftops is probably the move. Okay, well, I'll be on top of the tavern. And I suppose Hector and Esme stay in the shadows or somewhere nearby amongst the people of Agabond.

And then when shit hits the fan, we put up a fight. And then we, well, when the time comes, we stop. The Burj Master and her guards will be they uh will be on won't be on guard they're not expecting trouble because as far as they're aware there are no uh there are not there's not been a sudden influx of new adventurers to kuchari which i have been very carefully cultivating they're aware obviously of the of the U-Lock. Yes, yes. But they're not aware that there are a bunch of other new adventurers

that have slowly been trickling in. I've been hiding their presence because the more... When there are a surplus of new adventurers, people get a little bit antsy around here. Yeah, that makes sense. I've been hiding that so that they're kind of assuming that everyone here has been browbeaten into submission. Okay, so they won't be expecting it.

Yes. You're saying. Yes. They should be lax. Alright. Well, I think they should be I mean, it's dangerous to say this, but pretty cut and dry. Oh, yes. Look, I'm superstitious and even I'm saying it's kind of in the back. Okay. Hector, you put your hand

up against the tree. You feel, as always, you feel like a hand on the other side of the bark, and you are in communion with Eleniel. Eleniel? Are you there? Yes. We have made it to Valakai. Yeah, what is the situation? Is it as dire as we think?

It is very dire. Keening has a plan, but it won't be easy. Is he doing okay? He's... there's something I must tell you. What is it? Yenda, she's dead. I suspected as much. I'm very sorry to hear that.

Is any of her possessions... does Keening still have them? We recovered everything on her body, save for one thing. Her chest. Yes, of course. Uh-oh. We believe a gogash killed her himself. He probably has the chest. It would explain many things.

Okay. Fuck. Fuck. I'm sorry i understand that this is pretty devastating for your faith she says she you can tell she's trying to be as delicate as possible because yenda's dead and she had nothing against yenda she's a little sad that yenda's dead yeah but it's like but she's like oh you're cute little religion. The god you believe in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you can tell she's genuinely trying to be respectful. There was a very powerful artifact in that chest. Did you recover a key? To the chest? Yeah, on her body, or was that also gone? No, there was no key on her body. So they can... Oh, if they open it up, that is good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might solve a lot of our problems. Okay. What is his plan? What is his plan? Keening believes that he can...

Hang on a second. Can I listen out to see if someone is listening in? That would be paying less attention to this conversation. Is that okay?

I was going to say, hang on, can you just hang on a minute to her so she doesn't... Oh, you're saying that to her. I thought you were saying that to me. You can give it a red hot go.

Who's this Alabasta motherfucker? Let's catch him while it's happening. All right. Eleniel, you sense annoyance on her end. She doesn't really understand what you're doing. But you, nonetheless, withdraw from her a little bit and reach out for something else, if you will, on the vine.

And you detect it. You detect another presence that was wiretapping, listening into your conversation. You get a brief glimpse of, not a glimpse, sorry, you get the brief impression of a strong, powerful, muscular body you get the brief impression of a strong, powerful, muscular body. What the fuck?

There's a hunk on the other line. Beautiful flowing golden hair and deep blue eyes, like regular sort of eyes, but like with a deep blue color to them. You are for a second lost

in the eyes. For a a brief second which maybe feels like it feels like a second but maybe it was actually a minute you're staring into those eyes and you're the breath leaves you you are captivated by this thing it's beauty and then it withdraws what the fuck huh so it was a hunk golden hair hair, deep blue eyes, alabaster skin. Mm-hmm. Is that ringing any bells to Hector? Because they're infants. No, me neither.

I got no idea. Well, like I said, you're not, it's difficult to explain this to you because you're not actually seeing a figure. It's like an impression, right? Yeah, you're getting, yeah, it feels like you're, it feels like you've seen the creature and then it's gone and you're recalling you're making a list of its attributes that's what's happened to you do i get like humanoid figure or is it like a human you don't think it's human something okay you don't know if humanoid but you don't think it's human so the best you rack in your brain for this description, I mean

obviously angels, Deva, Azamar, those are all options. Whatever it is it's something, it feels celestial. It feels a powerful good entity. Oh, so it feels good. Yeah. Oh, that's weird. I've always been assuming it's

very evil. I assumed as well, like it may be something bad here. I think literally this occasion, when you were staring into its eyes, captivated by its beauty, you got a feeling of literally Celestia, the plane, the good aligned plane. Okay. So it's not fae,

because I was thinking maybe it's a fae thing. Maybe it's something to do with like, you know, tarpon. You wouldn't necessarily count out fae, and some fae are from Celestia. okay okay okay okay weird uh uh and they've gone they have now they when when you looked at them once again it you probably got a long time to look at each other like maybe a full minute and then it withdrew but for you it went like a second yep okay, cool. Sorry. Eleniel also seems a bit stunned. So did you see that?

Yes. You did see that? Yes. So I was getting... Okay, I've been getting that every time we've been... Yes, you mentioned that someone was listening. Do you know what that is? No.

Okay. Whatever it is, I think it might be an angel, she says. I'm so biting my tongue. Because I'm like, oh, now you believe. Oh, now it's an angel. Oh, now it's an angel. That's not one of her angels. But

yes, I thought it might but yes, some sort of angel would match that. You said Keening had a plan. Yes. He, she shakes she shakes like the fog out of her head. He is planning to

break the spell the Burj Master Valakai there is a spell keeping father she's about to say it and then she stops herself once again you get the impression she's stopping herself because she knows you're going to stop her

not because she believes that anything bad is going to happen the Burj Master has some spell keeping it here you're going to stop her not because she believes that anything bad's going to happen she uh uh the burgomaster has some spell keeping it here uh keening thinks he might have a way of burning the spell away um but if he burns his spell away then it doesn't keep it there he believes that it might fall or it might loosen it enough that he can then also reseal it. But he's still working on that part of the plan. There's not a lot of library research we can do here, so we're limited. Yes, maybe I'll ask people, Esme, about something they might know.

I think Esme knows a little bit more. If nothing else, Keening did say that if you're able to figure something out at the Amber Temple, you should notify us immediately. Of course. That is where it broke out of. She sounds like she's repeating something someone else said. Do you know when? I think it was literally when the Burgermaster cast his spell.

Did that coincide with anything when we were in Kuchuri or when we were near the Amber Temple, if anything happened weirdly? No, you didn't notice anything happen. Interesting. Well, also, no one knows exactly when it happened. You don't have watches to be able to check. Well, of course.

You could be like, oh, it happened roughly this night, but there's no big event. When that old man died. Oh, he was the vessel. He was keeping it all together. this night, but there's no big event. When that old man died. He was the vessel. He was keeping it all together. That time that Piran winked at you and said, I'm Father Lannik.

I knew it was him all along. That makes sense. That makes sense now. All the puzzles are all coming to pieces. Right. Yes. Okay. Right.

We will do our best. We're hoping to get to the Amber Temple tomorrow. I might be able to commune with you then tomorrow morning, but perhaps the morning after, depending on how things go. Right. One last thing. I have a message from Iona. She would like to know if the needle is still hers. A massive explosion of emotions emotions eleniel feels in rapid order she feels terror she feels joy she feels a deep burning love and then it flashes

between terror and love a bunch of times until she's able to control herself. Tell her the needle is still hers if the needle is still hers if she doesn't mind its sting. Of course. Poor Hector. Just a fucking go-between

of everybody's drama. I know, but it's his. Last time, fair enough, that was on them. This time you've brought it on yourself. That's true, I did ask. But now I'm in between this and I'm like, what a mess.

I can't ever just be, just speak. No one can be direct, dude. Of course, I will pass that on. Oh, Keening has something he wishes to pass on to, yes, Kribbit, and I'll get to you. Keening has something he wishes to pass on to... Yes, Kribbit, and I'll get to you. Keening has something he wishes to pass on to Pip. Uh-oh. Well, just a question, I suppose.

You might be able to answer it. Keening's just asking, is Pip okay? Yes, he's okay. All right. I think that's enough. I don't know. He's not here right now. Kribbit? Kribbit wants to know what the weather

mood has been like. He wants the vibe check. The mood, the weather, I guess, has been matching the mood in that it has been very dreary and miserable and that I believe the horizon is a

deep reflection of what is happening within the people of Kuchuri and that the lightning that is striking is splintering the sky like how there is a splintering between the party. Will this suffice? I'll give him the spark notes. I think he'd probably like the spark notes, she says. I think he'd probably like the... All right. Well, you know what? Hang on.

You feel her retract and then a wet little... Feel the wet. Let's always love the... Hello. Hello, Cribbit. Nice. Right. Well, I...

You repeat it again for him. Exact same thing. You get the impression that Cribbit has his book pressed up against his chest, and he's using his arm to pin it there and writing down with one hand while he's got the other hand up against the tree. This is good. Now, please tell this one what that one would say Bigfoot Paul's eyes are like. Bigfoot Paul's eyes are like? Bigfoot Paul's eyes.

Do they burn with the love of a spurned man? Bigfoot eyes are kind eyes but have been scarred by the hurt of a former

lover. And is there any description for Pip and Bigfoot Paul's relationship? Any word that rhymes with marred? As you are well aware, their relationship is extremely complicated. Rhymes with marred. Let us see here. Marred, scarred, hard. Starred. Hard, hard. Let us see here. Mard. Hard. Start. Hard, hard.

Yes, start. Could be start, cross. Can that one put pip on? Probably not right now. Okay. But anything you would like to ask, clarify, I will happily tell you the truth here. I want to embellish anything and just really give him the drama that he wants.

Kribbit asks questions until the spell ends. Does it just cut out? Anything where there's like the action between, the fight between, I'm like, oh, it was tense. You would not believe this whole idea. It's soliloquy by...

He doesn't ask much about the fights actually he asks more about the interpersonal relationship he's trying to describe the fight as this kind of dramatic thing and then smash cut to big football drowning me

yeah yeah yeah yeah and so just yeah really embellish the I'm really giving what Kribbit wants a performance

yeah you know what I'll make that a performance giving what Kribbit wants. That's so nice of you. A performance if you want. You know what? I'll make that a performance check. Sure. Kribbit keeps asking you the same question again and again and again. Not literally one question

until the spell ends but you feel like... He's driving at something? He's not getting what I want. Yeah, he's not getting what he wants. Okay, okay, okay. Eventually the spell ends

and Kribbit will have to make do with what he's got. I'll reflect on my answers and have a think about what it is that maybe Kribbit wants. Sure. Hector's out there for a while. Anything to distract myself. I do the dishes.

Look out the window, see Hector with his hand on a tree, just like... Gesturing a lot. He's like, is he miming Bigfoot Paul? Is he? Like a big stomping. What the fuck? You definitely see at one point he's miming you having your head dunked in the river.

I'm embarrassed. And he yelled to the skies, please, Bigfoot Paul, I love you. I don't think I said that. Please forgive me. I'm trying to be a better man. I don't think I said that either He forgave him and they made out

No he didn't While that's happening Iona gathers Iris up picks her up she whimpers softly but as Iona picks her up she begins singing a calming tune and Iris she still seems a bit upset

but she's now listening to the song rather than thinking about what's really happening the two of them and pyrrhon make their way into town pyrrhon before he leaves says um so uh at about just past midday pointing up where the sun is just past midday if you could make your way do you want We're doing it today? I think that's the plan. All right. So just past midday, meet me at a fine end. Okay. Before I leave, I'd like to tell Iona that the needle is hers. If you do not mind this thing.

Well, first off, you would need to take your hand off the tree. As you're taking your hand off the tree, you hear Krivit, no, no, no, no, no. And then the connection's gone. Sorry, Krippet. You go over to Iona and you tell her that. She said, the needle is still yours if you do not mind

this thing. I'm sure this means something to you both. Iona nods slowly. She has a bit of a smile. She seems pretty satisfied with that answer. Okay. Is Esme with them as well? Esmeralda? No, she's still inside. I see you're taking a look. Hopefully we will be back.

Have you heard of this desanguination before? From the lack of a description, I think I know there is a song, a tale, an old fable about this process. If we are gone longer than, I don't know.

Two days, she says. I was going to say a week. Longer than a week? Perhaps whatever you need. Maybe it's best to grab Esme here for a second. Hang on. You go get Esmeralda. You maybe just call inside. The door's open. Esme, do you mind? Theyme here for a second. Hang on. You go get Esmeralda. You maybe just call inside.

The door's open. Esme, do you mind? They were born in a barn. Esme, do you mind humming out here for one minute? Esmeralda steps out. She's in the, once again, I don't know if you remember, but her leg is still in the abattoir, so she's got crutches that she's using.

If we aren't back in a week, say, and they need to do anything with the ritual, can they do it without me? I would say that it would be possible, but at the very least, we should take some blood from you now. Okay. So when is it all?

I'm in the doorway. I don't know so when is it all? Some blood. I'm in the doorway. Some blood. I don't know why everybody's outside. Some blood is not the amount you want, but some blood at least might be better than none. Okay. Okay. Would you be comfortable taking enough blood that you would become dizzy? Yes.

Yes, of course. It is, she puts up a hand. Yes, yes, of course. It is, she puts up a hand. Many people do not know or do not understand how blood science works. So I will explain to you, the dizziness will be temporary. But you will be dizzy for some time, at least a day. Like this spell dizziness. That I understand.

Maybe there's like a child spell, like my first hex dizziness. Yeah. That I understand. Maybe there's, yeah, like a child spell, like a My First Hex Dizziness. Yeah, like a lighter version of confusion? Something like this, yes. Okay, weird. A lot of this is just bouncing off Hector, like skipping off that brain of his. Esmeralda, well, no, Esmeralda's describing something basically akin to our type of modern medicine. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So that would be like you, Zamit,

trying to understand how the spell magic missile works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, yes. It's like you get a smooth barrel or you core it around and you put like a bullet in there. Yes, yes, yes. Esmeralda's nodding. And that's how you get a magic missile. Pip, you don't know exactly how this process works,

but you know enough to know that Esmeralda is just nodding along. Because Hector's as close as he's going to get to understanding. Of course, like very much like, okay, and so the spell that you cast, I'm getting a needle and I'm into your vein, and veins are... You know the blue lines on your arm? Where the magic is. ASMR don't have that. They got one tube that goes to every limb.

And it just pumps the blood in and it fills up their hands and feet. Like a balloon. I'm aware of balloons. Okay, cool. Right. Okay. And what time is it now

it's morning roughly yeah so we need to do the midday you say yes midday that's when he's going to be there

do you need to explain it to Iona at all explain what sorry to Iona what if we're not here what the process is

Esmeralda turns to Iona and says I could write it out for you and she shakes her head and says no I I am aware out for you. And she shakes her head and says, no, I am aware of the, I know the song.

And Esmeralda and Iona have a moment where Esmeralda's like, it's not a song. And Iona's like, but I know it in a song. And then Esmeralda's like, say it to me. And Iona sings the song, and Esmeralda begrudgingly is forced to admit that the song does tell you how to do the procedure. Oh, okay, right.

Has Iris, is like, they still a bit catatonic, so sort of coming back into speaking. No, because the song has ended. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, she is just quietly listening you you can see that what is your insight uh why didn't you put points into that she she's just quietly listening right um what i think it is of of purview of like to be like to comfort them to be like all right we're to go away and we're going to try and help

you out and we're going to try and do this but in case it doesn't happen we're having this thing here and then like basically in case of an emergency break glass and this is the glass to break is that worth explaining to this person to be like look everything we're trying to do here you're in good hands like have they formed a

connection or an attachment to any of us or are they formed like is it very any of us or are they formed like is it very catatonic or are they just kind of like is it worth being like hey it's going to be okay or hey it's going to be okay because we're doing this

she seems very calm around Iona so it might be enough just that Iona's there you also know that like I said she's been listening to this conversation so she's kind of aware of the plan all right

so it might be... But no one has spoken directly to her, so she might appreciate that. Okay, cool. If that's the case, then I would kneel down. Oh no, she's pretty tall, huh? Yeah. I don't think she's as tall as you, Hector, but

she's not that shorter. Oh, you're way taller than I thought you were. She's a bit shorter than you, but she's like an average, almost an average human's height. Yeah, right. Okay. Well, yeah, we kind of trying to get down to her level, but if that's like awkwardly squatting, then no. Just like Iris, I don't know if you are aware or not. So what we're planning on doing is heading, me and Esme and Pip here, we're heading up to a temple of sorts to find Esme's friend.

And he hopefully, I don't say hopefully, and he will know how to reverse what has been done to you. And we will hopefully return very soon. If we have not returned within a week, we're going to do something now that a little, a vial of, apparently, they need my blood and they're going to...

Esmeralda says this mostly under her breath, but she says, we will need more than a vial. Yes, a vial of my blood. She's not really interjecting into the conversation, just kind of saying almost to herself. Just, once again, bouncing off my head. A vial is a vial of my blood she's not really interjecting into the conversation she's kind of saying almost to herself

I just once again bouncing off my head a vial is a vial yeah and so if we're

gone longer than a week I only hear you and she will she will perform this

spell to help cure you. I hope to see you very shortly, but in case I don't, good luck. Iona will look after you. Iris gives a little,

like, kind of sniffling through some tears, and then very gingerly, with the back of her long, kind of gross arms, she rubs a tear from her eye. Would it be too forward to wipe the tear off her own, like me doing that? Well, she's already going for it when you might think to do it. Okay, no worries.

Right. Well, if I go to put a hand on her shoulder, like a comforting hand on her shoulder. That'll be fine, yeah. She's not going to recoil or whatever like that. Her shoulders are normal. Yeah, that's good to hear. So yes, good luck. And this is Iona,

and she's going to be looking after you. As you put your hand on Iris's shoulder, the sleeve of her shirt pinches up a little bit underneath your hand, and you see, you can make out clearly, the effect, the strange effect that is on her arms. You can see that it has progressed a little bit further up her arm. That's unfortunate. I don't make a change in my face. Or I try to.

Good luck, and see you soon. She nods slowly. Iona, you're taking her to... You're on your way to... I was just going to take her to... There are places around the town where one can be somewhat private, but they are pleasant. Good.

I think a garden with a little pond and some ducks would be nice. I think that would be great. Is Iris in earshot? She's in Iona's arms. Oh, yeah, fair enough. Right. Will we be seeing you before we leave? That's to Iona?

Yes. I had no plans after you you as you were planning to attack the Burjamaster. I had no plans to see you, but I could arrange it if you wanted. No, I'm sure if I need anything, Piran can get a message to you. She looks over at Piran. Piran has been kind of standing here,

just patiently waiting, not really engaged in the conversation. And Piran looks over at her. They exchange a glance and everyone can see that they still don't like each other but there's a truce

oh that's good, great to hear well um, enjoy the pond, enjoy the ducks we'll see you in a couple of days. We'll see you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long.

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