D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #11 Hello Markov, Goodbye Cartmichael

Episode Date: September 20, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes set off down a cold road, barely ahead of a monster blizzard. We meet a Nordic messenger with a swimmer’s build named Markov, establish how much everyone weighs and a beloved friend ends up in a watery grave. Krif coins the term paunchy little wizard belly, Princess Ansley finds some pine nuts in a desolate wasteland and Leo doesn't hunt for an imaginary wizard hard enough. So establish your alibi and join our party as they pretend the magic isn't coming from them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pans Radio. It's like a story you heard once when you were a child. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table rolling dice to steal imaginary treasure. But that's exactly what we're doing today. And welcome to episode 11 of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Ellie Kathleen, and I'll be playing the role of Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. And over here is Joel Zammett playing the role of Leo Shadow. Hello. And Jackson B. Bailey playing the role of Griff Pum Pum Griff. Yeah.

And never forget our amazing DM, Adam Kitchen Knife. That's not my name. Shut up, Adam. Previously on D&D is for Neds. Busting our balls, Dustin. Priest, man. Didn't like you at all. My daughter is dead.

Well, this is going to be an awkward cut right back. I'm going to ride up next to him and be like, hey, hey buddy. You want to hug me out, Dustin? Oh my god. Alright, different strategy. I'm going to pinch him on the bum. The moose hat! Cover me in goo. I have a plan.

Shackle! He's just panting really heavily and then finally he just lets go of the sword Throws it at you Ainsley And he remounts his horse The sneaky nap strikes again How many moose heads Can Criff Pum Pum Criff

Conceivably hold Tackle and shackle Pack up Cart Michael and follow the messenger Assembled in the morning You meet the messenger. Assembled in the morning, you meet the messenger. All right. Messenger. The messenger that you're traveling with, his name is Markov.

He's a young man, looks a little earnest. He's got like a greatsword that he carries on his back. He's very big but not very muscular. Like he's, you know, that tall, like sort of a little bit wide in the shoulders but not like his arms are a bit spindly and his legs are a bit weak. He looks like he can't wield that great sword on his back. Like a swimmer's body. Yeah, like a swimmer's body.

Yeah, that's it. Markov. He seems like a sweetie. It seems like he's got a girl back home. Yeah. I'll ask him. He doesn't... What languages do you speak?

Chronic and shit. He does not speak any language you know. What language does he speak? He speaks the language of his people. What's his people? Hasgra. Ah, I did not know that. Although the language is often referred to as Nordic.

It's a very like Germanic type language. Is it an awkward ride because we can't communicate? I want to talk slowly. He doesn't talk much, period. I'm loudly at him, like, as if one would talk to a foreigner. Pull an American? Pull an American? Yeah, but badly.

So, hi, how are you? Well, if you're pleasant to him, he's pleasant to you. Oh, cool, I'm, like, smiling and shit. He, like, he imitates what you're doing, but he's doing it in his language. This is the best. Oos, aat n doing it in his language. This is the best. Us. At.

Naka. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I like point to myself. Leo. Leo.

Markov. The guards introduced you guys. Markov like, idiots, these guys don't remember my name. You don't really know. You don't know what he's doing. He can't even tell. I'm liking him. Maybe he's just like a little simple and happy to know you.

Yeah, he's... Oh, I'm loving Markov. Oh, Markov, you little simple man. The town you're heading to is called Old Ashton. It's the capital city, essentially. Oh, no. The seat of power. Oh, jeez.

Do you reckon there's like a new Ashton where we could go for... Old Ashton sits on the ruins of Ashton. What happened to Ashton? Wait, how does an old Ashton sit on the ruins of Ashton? It's not important. It's a bit important. When I was drawing the map, I meant to be new, but I accidentally wrote old.

So now it's old Ashton on top of Ashton. That's the best. That's the story. Makes sense. Don't cut that out. I want the listeners to know. Okay. They will be informed.

Anyway. Yes. You're heading with him. Like I said, there was a blizzard coming in last time. You're just in front of the blizzard. If you look behind you as you're travelling, you can see the dark storm clouds and you know the swirling winds

the snow is so thick you can actually see it from this distance Dustin is getting some pneumonia he's probably going to lose his second kid he can't feed him. He's lost his livelihood.

Plus we stole his rake. Or someone's rake. Someone's rake. Dustin's going to think of that priest and he's like, I like that priest. But he thought I was a bad parent. It's going to be the best. Dustin's got to rethink some things.

Even though you guys have escaped the blizzard, like I said, it's the cold season, so you guys are still really freezing. Markov ahead of you. You're not sure how he, maybe just a natural resistance or something like that, but he's wearing a fur vest.

Fur pants. That's about it. Is he just constantly smiling? He's a pretty happy chap. Yes. Is he jacked? What? Like is he full on ripped? No, I told you.

He's like not very muscular. He's like big but not like, you know. Swimmer's body. Yeah, swimmer's body. Okay. He's like really tall. He like pulls over and he gestures for you guys to stop. Okay.

Stop. He looks like he's struggling with something. He obviously wants to communicate something. He's like umming and ahhing and he's gesturing ahead, but he's not sure how to communicate what he wants. Okay. Eventually, he hops off his horse, bends down, and he starts like scrabbling in among the snow.

It looks like he's looking for something. I'm going to copy him because I think that's what he wants. Charades. He doesn't pay you much notice when you start joining him. Guys, guys. I join in. Yeah. Eventually he –

We're all copying him. You hear this snapping sound and he comes up and he's like broken some ice off the ground And he's like He makes like a motion with his fingers Like someone walking over that ice Yeah? Okay

And he does that And then he snaps the ice Oh Oh I like Yeah, I scream as well He like He gestures with the ice

And then makes like a I'm frightened Like a thin gesture with his hand, like pinching two fingers together, finger and thumb. Like pointing to where we're going to go to the road? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm guessing it's perfect to walk across. All good.

In fact, run and jump. So I guess if we – I kind of draw like the road in the snow and then sort of maybe draw a circle around the road and then just sort of look at him like a question. Like, aye? Some of this. Hang on. Aye?

Aye? He nods. He smiles and nods. Okay. Is that good? Are we good? Yeah. Well, maybe we should just give him the cart reins.

I gestured him to lead the way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So let's put Jiggle Lump in front. He's very fat. He's a cat. If the ice breaks, we'll know.

He's a cat. He doesn't weigh nearly as much as you Jiggalump, hey Jiggalump knows what's happening Jiggalump is not down for this Jiggalump curls up Finds some fucking Some warm What do you got, like the cart?

Jiggalump finds anything warm In the cart? Yeah. Jiggle Lump finds anything warm in the cart and just digs into it. Yeah, the wizard robes. Okay. Just digs into those. I like how we finally convinced Jackson, okay, this is how you use your cat. It won't just do things by itself. And you're like, I'm going to ask the cat to walk in front.

And the cat's like, nah. I hate this cat so much. Jiggle Lump is intelligent and not stupid. It's Jiggle Lump is intelligent and not stupid Jiggle Lump's intelligence is 6 He's a clever cat Higher than Markov's Markov is simple folk Okay, so yeah

Give Markov the reins and hop in the cart No, like Markov makes no no no, no gesture. He gestures for you to get out. I point to the moose heads and then shrug. Markov starts leading his horse forward on foot. And he gestures to imitate him. So we grab cart Michael and also lead it on foot?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Cool. Do that. So you keep trudging along. Did you guys establish your weight? No.

How would I know? But I imagined myself as being quite gangly and like... I should have done this. I can't believe I forgot. The first thing I like to do with D&D games is I establish how much everyone weighs. Not for

situations like this, but because at some point one of you dumb motherfuckers is going to pick up and throw another one of you dumb motherfuckers, and I want your weight established now. Halflings weigh about 30 pounds.

I'm frankly surprised we haven't thrown in that. Yeah, what's that in kilos? Probably listed in pounds, because that's what D&D is. Our whole world has just opened up. Humans are 125 to 200. I'm a half elf. Oh, you're a half elf. Slightly less than that.

125 to 250. So let's say 110. You're a fat elf? I got a belly, but I imagine myself tall and gay. At 110, you do not have a belly. 130. Just like a little bloop. Yeah, kill it a little poor.

Like what I have in reality. Better arms and legs. Jackson is flabbing his belly. If only you could see. Was your cat named after your tummy? Yeah, Jigglelump. How heavy is my cat? Don't answer that.

He'll throw it. You said Jigglelump was fat? Yes. Like 50? 100. 50? 100 pounds. 50?

He is not way more than me. Way more than fucking Leo. 30 then? Oh my god, no. Maybe like 10, 15. 15. Let's say 15. He's a fat cat. No, he's 15.

He's a fat cat. I'm happy with that. So yes, 130. Cool. I'm happy with that. So, yes, 130. Cool. I completely forgot. Oh, that's right. Yeah, cool. We got two into our weights.

How much did you say you were, Ainsley? 135. So you don't encounter many problems for the next couple hours, and then finally Markov gestures once more to get off track as the sun's going down and you see him start making, he doesn't tell you that he is, but he starts making camp

so you know what's happening we'll make camp as well sit down, make camp, try and engage in conversation with Markov be like you, I just point just like point at him. Point at him, yeah. Uh, hmm.

I'm very glad I gave you guys someone you can't talk to. Yeah. No, no, never mind that, Markov. Me, I point to myself, wizard. I do like weird little wiggly things with my hands. Dancing lights. Dancing lights. I make dancing lights.

Oh, wait. Oh, go away. Markov freaks the fuck out. I freak out as well as though it wasn't me. Oh, my God, Markov. Where did these dancing lights come from? Oh, my God. Markov starts saying this one word over and over and over again,

and he's just pointing at the lights, freaking out. He backs up, trips over, like, a box or something like that, and he's on the snow, like, scrabbling away from the lights. Take them away. I take them away. I take them away, but sneakily. Now Markov is, like, looking around the camp. He looks like he's trying to find

them, he starts swatting at the air where they were Where's that wizard at? We start pantomiming pull out my daggers start stabbing the air We all pretend to hunt for a wizard that isn't there

or hunt for the lights Oh my god Leo One for the life. Oh my god. Leo. Markov looks at you and he looks mad at you. He starts gesturing and he's like, gestures with his eyes and then gestures around. Yeah, you get the distinct impression that he doesn't think you're looking hard enough. I double down and start peering into the distance.

He's still not satisfied. He, like, grabs you by the, like, you know, scruff of your collar and, like, starts dragging you around with him to help him look. He, like, pokes at one of the tents and like gestures for you to go in. I go in. He seems satisfied with you now. Oh, that was crazy. Hey, Marco. After a little while, he like calms down and he like

you see he's like starting to make a fire but as he does it, every now and then he like glances over his shoulder. I set up sentry for him, just so he can see that I'm setting up sentry. He looks at you and just shakes his head. What do you want from me, Markov? Piece of shit.

Oh, God. That was a scary time. Way to cover. Hey, it worked out. I'm going to hunt for food The best part is The reason Markov didn't just immediately be like That guy's a wizard When you were doing the arcane chanting

He didn't realise you were speaking in a magical language He thought you were just talking in your own language Oh boy I want to go and hunt for food Berries Nuts Deer Oh, boy. I want to go and hunt for food. Berries. Nuts? Deer.

Oh, didn't think of that. It is a desolate wasteland out there. Berries. Try berries. It remains a desolate wasteland out there. Can you find pine nuts? Yes! You're welcome, guys. Is it like ice we're on? What? Are we find pine nuts? Yes! You're welcome, guys. Is it like ice we're on?

What? Are we on ice? The pine nuts don't look like they're properly mature, though. It's winter. Sorry? Are we on ice? You don't know. In the snow.

I was going to say like ice fishing. We got rations, though. I thought you were going to say snow cones, and I'm like, I'm down for that. I don't have syrup. I just did some Markov. Ainsley and Leo, when you get back to camp snow cones, and I'm like, I'm down for that. I don't have syrup. I just did some Markov. Ainsley and Leo, when you get back to camp, you smell like meat cooking. Markov has brought food with him, and he's roasting it over the fire.

Smart Markov. He's pretty good. You're like, throw the pine nuts away. Yeah, I kind of gestured. Ainsley's just fucking dropping the ground. He's dropping the ground. We don't need him anymore. It looks like rabbits for dinner, guys.

Yes! Oh, delicious. I do not feed Jigglem. I refuse. I'll have none of that, Jigglem. If you die soon, I'll be happy. You know what I'm going to do when we get into this town? I'm going to look for a new familiar.

Even if somebody's just got a dog, I'll take them. You, like, got some food in your hand, and as you, like, reach up to put it into your mouth, nothing goes into your mouth. Jiggalump, you Scooby-Doo motherfucker. He, like, loops off the back of your fucking shoulder and runs off with your food. I hate that cat, Markov.

Markov chuckles. He doesn't understand what's happening. This is not funny. You get mad at him? I might point. You point. Well, if you just point, Markov still laughs. He doesn't realize this isn't a joke.

In a huff, I go to bed. A hungry huff. In a hungry huff, I go to bed. As you huff. In a hungry huff, I go to bed. As you're getting up, Mark offers you some more food. I'll study to get sit down. But I'm mad. Injigalum tries the same thing again, but you catch him this time. Hey!

I'm going to hurl him into the forest. It's the forest. It's like a desolate, white, barren wasteland. There's a couple trees in the distance where fucking Ainsley found pine needles or whatever. Pine nuts. Pine nuts. I'm going to hurl him into the darkness.

Okay. With like a meow sort of sound. You imagine he's all right. I don't even think about it. The snow's pretty deep. Jiggle Lump has to like leap up through the snow. It's kind of funny to watch. Jiggle Lump's got it.

I can kind of imagine that when it comes to bedtime, you get in your tent and like Jiggle Lump comes in and like curls up around your stomach. You're like, I hate you, cat, but you're warm. Yeah, I've got to. You're not giving him a cuddle. A half-elf, a, like, gigolum comes in and, like, curls up around your stomach. You're like, I hate you, cat, but you're warm. Yeah, I've got to. You're a half-elf, right, Chris? Yeah. Yeah.

While you're, like, sitting around the fire, Markov starts talking in his language. You imagine he's talking to you. Oh, no. Like, no, it doesn't seem like he's trying to make you understand. He's just, like, it's kind of, have you ever done a thing where you've like talked to yourself, but at people? Yeah. Yeah.

I kind of know what you mean. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's doing that. He's just looking in the fire and it looks like he might be telling a tale or something like that. And part of the way through, he like chuckles to himself, leans over and like flicks your pointy ear, Kripp.

Just laugh. Just laugh a little bit. I'm going to give these guys a look like the fuck. I laugh. He, like, nods and smiles. I flick his ear. He laughs at that. He thinks that's funny.

I guess I'll have to shove him back, but harder. He is, like, you didn't realize it until right now, but he is like corded steel underneath that fence. Oh, boy. He's got a strong chest. I am puzzled by tonight. Anyway, he finishes up his story, and he like smiles and nods to himself, and he gets up, and he's going into his tent.

All right. Okay. Let's go into our tent. All right. Okay. Let's go into our tent and or wagon. Yeah. And have a little lap. You probably have tents for the lot of you. Okay.

That's nice of him. If you didn't bring them, then someone supplied you with them. Markov did. Markov, we didn't bring them. Dustin was like, take all of my tents, get out. As Markov is getting into his tent, you see him take his greatsword off and just like wedge it just at the entrance and it looks like, you know, it's like if he needs it quickly as he's getting out.

Smart. Yeah, wise. Can I have like a gander at the greatsword? It looks well made. Looks old though. There's lots of rune carvings in it. They don't look particularly magical. It looks like it's something in his language.

Yeah, cool. Super. All right, do we have a game plan? Like, just sitting around the fire, do we have a game plan for the city? Go sleep. Just go sleep. Go find that dude and be like,

hey, your mage escaped. Pius. That's about it. Your mage escaped. You're looking for a reward. Yeah, Pius. Good job. We killed it

How about you give us some cash We're notorious wizard killers We're notorious wizard killers We've killed two for two Two for bloody two That's us We are the wizard killers That's good branding

On that cheery note We'll go to bed We don't set up any sentries by the way No It's good That's what I expect The night passes uneventfully And in the morning

You wake up And Markov is the first one up He's already like Started packing up What time did you guys wake up and Markov is the first one up. He's already like started packing up. What time did you guys wake up? He doesn't sleep, but I like that Markov beat him. Oh, that's right. You're a half elf, I forget.

Can I sleep? No, you can't actually. I will lie there in their warmth. Wait, are we sharing a tent? You notice when Markov gets up, he seems surprised when you're the first one up. I flick my ears. Like, hey, remember those times?

He gives you a critical look. He doesn't seem to understand. But he like... He offers you some meat from last night. Yeah, I'll eat it. I'll have a tasty breakfast. It's cold, but it's food. Is Jiggleump around?

Not that you know of. Mm. I'll poke my head in the tent and be like, wake up! We get up. Is Jiggle Lump around? Not that you know of. I'll poke my head in the tent and be like, wake up! We get up. This is like five in the morning. The sun hasn't properly come up yet. I grumpily get up.

We're going off to the city, eh? Off to Old Baelish. I forget the name. Old Ashton. I'll leave the tent. Old Ashton. I forget the name Old Ashton I'll help Markov pack up and set the wagon and shit

Yep And you're off again Yay I'm dying I've got a bubble in my throat And Kriff can I get a high or low? Low

High Hi, Fransley Oh no, I didn't know that was you And Leo, high or low? High Seven And anyone, just one more Low

Seven, no High or low? High or low? Not high or low or seven You're trudging You're still on foot And Markov is leading his horse Who's closest to the cart

Alright this one Ainsley Ainsley you hear a crack And then you and the cart Are underwater Oh god Everyone else crack and then you and the cart are underwater. Oh god, I don't know how Moose hits. And also Ainsley.

Everyone else just didn't really hear the crack. They just hear a jiggle-ump with a meow suddenly and the cat's like paddling. The only thing that made it. The cart is completely submerged. Ainsley, can I get you to make a fortitude Oh, no, sorry, what am I getting?

I don't know I forget I've got all of your stats here Yeah, and I wouldn't know what to do anyway That's okay Oh, God What did I buy recently? Bells Nothing that hell

Rope, use our rope Ainsley, you are underwater And you cannot, like, get up. You are going to start taking cold damage. Hold this rope! Two points of cold damage to Ainsley. I don't want that. We grab our ropes together.

I'll tie a rope around your waist and leap in. Oh, no. I do that. I grab a hold of Markov. Markov is just like a flurry of motion. He's getting out a rope as well and he looks like he has a grappling hook just attached to the end of it.

I dive in with the rope around my waist attached. As you dive in, you just hear Markov. Yeah. No is no in their language. No! I'm assuming I get yanked with you. Oh my god, that's right, you're a halfling. Oh, you fucking idiot, Jack.

You'll be fine, Zammett. And we're all in the water. Ainsley, you're still going under. I gotcha. I'm coming, don't worry. I feel bad for this. A halfling body. One point of cold damage.

It's so cold. It's cold, Liam. Just take on a lot of water. What are you trying to do? Can I see down there? Yeah. I'm just trying to swim for her. Okay.

You can also see the cart. It's sinking at a rapid rate. Ainsley's at least making an effort. Ainsley and... Is him the cart snot? You and Ainsley

get to each other. You're holding on to Ainsley now in the water. I tug on the rope. I'm trying to pull it up with all my little half-hour strength.

You've got to take another point of cold damage. This is hurting my little frail body. Your little tiny arms. God damn. Why didn't I jump? I'm lighter. Yeah, so Leo, you tug a little bit at the rope.

You don't know if that helped. And then Markov reaches around you, picks you up, and starts dragging you back with the rope. So, Kriff and Ainsley, at first you just feel this little tug, and then you're moving at speed through the water. You surface almost immediately, and you're moving at speed through the water. You surface almost immediately and you're dragged out. Markov drags you like

ten feet away from the fucking edge before he stops dragging. Oh, we had so much stuff in there, Markov. You don't even know. Markov lets go of you and then he dives into the water. What happens to our mule? What?

Your mule went under. Oh, no. Not cart, Michael. It was attached to the cart. I'm now more panicky and invested. When it was just these guys. When it was just the cart. Whatever.

Poor mule. Oh, no, not cart, Michael. And by the way, Ainsley and Kr Griff, you take another four points of cold damage. Oh, my God. You're shivering. You've got to get dry. Do I have wizard robes that are warm in my backpack? Or in someone's backpack?

Jackson, did you? Griff, did you? They were on the cart, if I recall. Oh. Fuck. Fuck, they were too. Why would we pack things so well? Hey, guys, you know what's really good?

What? Alchemist fire. Would have been great if I had... We should have bought stuff! It's okay, alchemist fire would have hurt you more. Hang on, I gotta do some quick rolls for Markov. How's he looking? What did you have on the cart?

All of our stuff. Potions of Curelight Wounds, three Mooseheads, Priest's Robes, Wizard Robes, my Spellbook, a Rake, Disguise Kit, Shackles, the Mule, Potion of Mage Armor,

a Dead Snake, Potion of hide from animal, and I'm assuming we're wearing our three noble outfits. It's all listed here, is it? Yes. Okay, so Markov surfaces again, and he swims over to the edge, climbs out. He's got a big set of robes with him,

and it looks like he was using that to carry something. He empties it out onto the surface. He managed to recover. Also my thieves tools. Oh, yeah. Really? I want to think they're on me. Yeah, you keep them on you.

Good. I feel like most of this might be in my backpack. None of mine was. You lost two potions of Cure Light Wounds. You lost the potion of Jump. Oh, no. You lost Hide from Animals. You kept one Noble Outfit.

Two Noble Outfits. We're wearing them. Oh, you're wearing them all. Sorry, it's listed. Never mind then. It's my bad. I fucked you. You've got the Mage Armor still.

Not the snake. No, not the dead snake! I'm really sorry, guys. Cart Michael's gone. No! Cart Michael was there from the beginning. For some reason, a moose head. Yes!

A big Markov up and a big old bear. The priest robes. The wizard robes. The spell book. Shackles and the disguise kit. The priest diary you lost. Damn. That's full of juicy gossip.

That's pretty good, though. I mean, Cartmichael's dead. So that's sad. Cartmichael's dead, so that's sad. Cartmichael, Cart, two potions of cure. The potion of jump, I believe, as well. Can we at least try and get Cartmichael so he could feed us one last time? How are you explaining that? Unless you're jumping in yourself.

Oh, by the way, Ainsley and Chris. yourself. Oh, by the way. Yeah. Ainsley and Kriff. Yeah. Oh, no. Another point of damage. I'm just weeping for Karp. Can I huddle up to him to get warm? Yeah.

Let's huddle up against the half elf who's huge. The halfling. The 50 pound. 30 pound, thank you. Out of his pack, Markov produces some blankets. Oh, Markov, you're a delight. So lucky to have you, Markov. Do we start a fight?

It's probably not a bad idea. On the ice. Yeah. Start a fight on the ice. I point at Markov. I make like a donkey motion. I point into the lake and then do like an eating motion. I'm sorry, can you please describe for me a donkey motion? So like my hands up above, on top of my head like ears, into the lake and then do like an eating motion. I'm sorry, can you please describe for me a donkey motion?

So like my hands up above, on top of my head like ears and then I might make a donkey noise. I'll be like... Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Markov like nods sadly and points to the hole. Yeah. You don't think he understands. God damn it, Markov. As much as I'm sad about Cartmichael,

that's like fucking eight kilos of prime donkey meat down there. I am sad. Markov produces like another little flask from his pack and he hands it to all three of you. Oh, he takes a big swig of it and then hands it to you. I drink it. He is a good man. We all take a swig.

We take. It's some of the most vile, vile fucking brandy. You poisoned me. No, it's brandy, but it's like strong, way too strong. I act like it doesn't hurt me, but it does. I try to save face. Fuck art, Michael. Fuck art, Michael.

All of you except Griff cough it up a little bit. That's right. You're a real man. Did we get the rake? No. Rake's gone. Our last thing we can remember Dustin by. Your DVD collection of rank is gone.

No! I'm actually the saddest about the dead snake. That seemed like such a Chekhov's gun. Like Chekhov's snake. Chekhov's broadsword, I think you'll find, is the D&D version. All righty. Have a silent vigil for Carl Michael. A little bit.

Like a little sad time for losing our Carl Michael. Okay. You're there for maybe ten more minutes after drinking when Markov, like, gestures with his horse, like, as if to keep going. All right, we keep going. He points somewhere in the distance and says some stuff, but you don't know what he means. I'll just nod.

Sure. Sure. I'm a little bit too depressed now. Okay, we'll just have to soldier on. She loved Cart Michael. Yeah, I got attached. I think he was, yeah, that's sad. I clearly didn't. I wanted

to eat him, but... Hey, why waste good meat? It's what Cart Michael would have wanted. It is what he would have wanted, so I'm doubly sad. He couldn't even serve us in death. But you know what, guys? The important thing is that Jiggleump is still around. You don't fucking know where Jiggleump is.

Jiggleump got wet. Oh, no. What? No, don't become sympathetic towards Jiggleump now. I've always loved Jigglelup now. I've always loved Jigglelup. I like how you're really concerned. Jackson has the biggest shitting dream. Oh, I'm so pleased only fucking Griff made this check.

Okay, so Griff, as you're walking, you're like huddled over with the blanket still around you. You look up and like I said, Markov has saddlebags on his horse. One of the saddlebags opens up a little bit. You see Jigglelup like poke his head out and of the saddlebags opens up a little bit. You see Chigalump poke his head out. And it just gives you this shitty little fucking face. Like, oh, yeah. And he goes back into the pack.

I'm throwing you in a well, Chigalump. First chance I get. First well I fucking see is your new home. Ah, magnificent. We follow Markov onward. And so the search for the well continues. Tune in next time

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